#I won't stop using instagram but I needed to protect my art more

[ellenent]

super radiant peach! ✨

[boardbysara]

If this is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

I was doing so good, but today was one of those days where I randomly got sad about the handyman and shed a few tears.

This whole time since we stopped seeing each other, I've been hastily trying to shorten and eliminate the time that I've spent sad about him, because we women get kudo points for not "wasting" any time being sad over a man. Screw him, right? He wasn't worth it anyway. Or so they say.

There is a pervasive cultural movement happening that says you should not want love.

It's all about self-love. You should not need another person in order to be fulfilled.

There's an author on Instagram with 1.1M followers who is publishing an entire book on how you should not be seeking to make your "home" with anyone else but instead inside yourself. That trying to find or make your "home" in someone else is what leads to pain.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, love will always cause you pain. But I do not care how much self-love you have, you will never find any way around that.

If you do, you are not actually loving at all.

And remaining unto yourself such that you never venture bravely into love is death for the soul. COVID-19 has taught us that.

That aforementioned author's forthcoming book is about how to build your home within yourself.

I have built a home within myself. It's where I derive personal fulfillment and contentment, and it's filled with art. It's my visual art, it's my writing, it's my singing, it's my cute outfits, it's my cooking, it's my interior decorating, it's my appreciation for wildlife and nature, it's the way I smile when I go outside to feel the fresh air on my skin. There's so much inside my personal internal home - which is really just my heart.

And I understand this concept of "building your home within yourself' from that point of view - of cultivating fulfillment and contentment on a personal level that doesn't require anyone else, so that when other people let you down, you still have something solid to rely on and turn to. You're not losing yourself.

I get it.

But there is such a danger in this self-love rhetoric that this author and others touting the self-love message don't recognize they are sending which is the message "Don't need anyone. Needing people is bad. Needing people will hurt you. Do not give your heart to others. Protect yourself at all costs."

This underlying message is so incredibly damaging.

This message keeps relationships of any kind at an arm's length and we need intimacy to survive.

You can cultivate personal fulfillment and contentment all you want. You can genuinely appreciate and love yourself and all of your amazing qualities until the cows come home.

But we need people, and we need them close.

PSA: You can have close intimate relationships without massive amounts of pain or co-dependence or losing yourself and your "home" - by using and maintaining BOUNDARIES, people! Boundaries! The concept has been around for decades and yet some people have never heard of them, with MOST people never learning how to use them (sadly.) And that's probably why these incredibly hurtful messages exist.

Because these people who didn't have boundaries got hurt. They retreated, they felt better, and now they are preaching that retreating is the best.

Retreating after emerging from situations in which you got really hurt because you didn't have boundaries will help you feel better. It will help you heal. It can help you cultivate fulfillment within yourself, and it can help you discover the magic of boundaries.

But if you never venture back out into the world of close and intimate relationships you will NEVER heal completely and be 100%.

Want to know why?

Because relationships are how our value is reflected back to us.

We can estimate our own value in our heads and our hearts through cultivating self-fulfillment and contentment all we want, but it will never be enough on it's own because humans inherently need two things to survive and feel true joy:

We need to share all of that love, value, and worth that we've cultivated and appreciated inside of ourselves, and

We need to have our the value that we've personally estimated reflected back to us by other people. Because if it's not, then deep down it always only feels like just a guess. An estimate. An approximation. And you're never really sure.

It's the way you feel when someone greets you with a really big smile and enthusiastic hello - you immediately feel like you hold value.

HUMANS NEED THAT, and COVID has proven it.

Because we've all been going out of our minds with this never-before-experienced deprivation of it.

And P.S., mental health and suicide rates have skyrocketed as a result ESPECIALLY in places where talking about how you're struggling is frowned upon (Japan) - where's it's frowned upon to admit that you need people.

Just like the "self-love" preachers frown upon it.

I have built a beautiful "home" of fulfillment and contentment and self-love and appreciation within myself. But I live alone and now work from home and I realized today (before finding the IG profile of little miss "build your house inside yourself") that even though I have done much better in terms of sustained mental health and functioning than many other people in my situation, I really haven't been feeling like myself - and the reason I don't feel like myself is because I haven't had as much social interaction and therefore have not had the usual intake of my worth being reflected back to myself.

Interacting with people makes me feel better about myself. It boosts my confidence.

(And remember ladies, men love confidence!)

So I've decided two things:

I'm going to wait to date again until my life has returned a little bit more "back to normal" - or, i.e., until I've had time to start living in my new normal - meaning, I've resume in-person interactions (some scheduled to start soon, and others not scheduled to start until June.) I need time to regain that confidence boost and to feel normal again. And this has nothing to do with not loving myself enough!!!

Wanting love and being in intimate relationships in which we give of ourselves is NOT WRONG, IT IS ESSENTIAL!!!!!!!!! I officially rebuke the underlying messages of self-love that tell us that we are wrong for wanting someone else to love us! It does NOT mean that you don't love yourself (as I am 100% certain that I do and 100% capable of being fulfilled by myself and my own magic) and you should too! Just do it with healthy boundaries! And mine have gotten a lot stronger since the handyman, mind you. If nothing else, he was a really strong lesson in healthy boundaries.

Stop feeling bad for wanting love. Stop hiding from people. Stop being a recluse. Stop retreating. Heal, build your personal fulfillment, build your boundaries, and then go back out into the world because you won't survive and TRULY heal until you do.

I've checked all the "self-love" boxes, and I still want love from another human in a romantic context.

Stop believing that it's wrong to need affirmation of your value from other human beings. WE ALL DO. And the only people writing all of that self-love crap pretending that they DON'T are people who are not realizing that the only reason they think they don't is because they are already getting it.

You cannot live without people. You cannot live without love. You cannot live without other people telling you they love you.

None of this is wrong - it is absolutely normal.

Please stop believing that you're doing something wrong by being normal.

You do you. Not what misguided IG preachers tell you to.

(P.S. The best way to do you is to spend quiet time meditating and reflecting on what YOU like/want/need/etc. - which requires turning off all the noise including IG.)

[dippedanddripped]

Currently, brands around the world are reckoning not only with the reality of police brutality, but with inequality, injustice, and racism at large (often in terms of how they relate to their own business practices). But for Tremaine Emory and his label Denim Tears, justice and social change have always been front and center, and a part of the brand’s DNA. In fact, Emory has spent the last few years further proving that education and social justice are not independent of “hype.” In 2017, following the death of his mother, he released T-shirts to benefit Every Mother Counts, an organization dedicated to providing health care to mothers around the world.

In 2018, he collaborated with artist Brendan Fowler on up-cycled T-shirts given away to kids who proved they voted. Earlier this year, for the brand’s first big collaboration, he released a capsule with Levi’s that referenced the cotton African Americans were forced to pick under slavery. In short, they became an instant classic. (If you want a pair of the jeans today, they’ll run you $3,000 on eBay.)

So in this moment of immense unrest, in which arguably more Americans than ever are discussing police brutality and thinking of ways to create a truly equitable society for all, Emory’s first move was to drop a T-shirt, the proceeds of which will benefit Know Your Rights Camp. But, as you might expect from his previous work, he’s not stopping there. On Friday, he took to Instagram to announce his latest collaboration—a take on the classic Converse Chuck Taylor—that is inspired by David Hammons’ iconic “African-American Flag,” an artwork first released in 1990 that depicts a red, black, and green version of the U.S.A.’s stars and stripes.

The announcement came with a major caveat: Emory will not allow Nike (Converse’s parent company) to release the shoes until he feels the Swoosh has done more to help—and more to bring about lasting change—than its $40 million donation to black community organizations, which he dubs a “very expensive band-aid.”

Here’s what Emory is looking for before giving the green light on the shoes: 1) Nike must stop supporting the Republican Party as long as Donald Trump is the party’s leader 2) Report how many people of color and women work for the brand versus how many they sponsor 3) Report how many people of color and women have leadership roles at Nike and 4) Nike must aid in helping defund police departments across the country.

Below, we spoke to Emory about the sneakers, what inspired this line-in-the-sand moment, and his vision for the future of black creatives in America.

Was this a project that you had been working on with Nike before this? Like, are they aware of this project or is this just something that you decided to take on now and just like put it out in the universe before they even knew about it?

No, no, they paid me a design fee. So it’s been in the works for like a year, six months.

Was the project always going to look like this, or has it changed over time? Just tell me a little bit more about it.

Nike first reached out and was like, we want to do a shoe with you and Denim Tears, with some other designers of color, for Black History Month. It was supposed to be like last year and then, I think it got pushed, but, I’m not sure about the timing, it was like me and a couple of other designers. And then, things are happening, things are happening then they’re like, “Oh, we’re going to put it out”. It was supposed to come out this summer, and then due to COVID, it got pushed to 2021, which was fine.

Did they have an issues with the design?

They didn’t like my box. They didn’t want to use the coffin [as the shoe box]. I told them the coffin represents every black person’s plight, that’s died since the beginning of slavery to now. And they felt it was offensive to the US military, even had a problem with me using the flag in general. Then they were finally cool with that, but they felt the flag on the coffin was offensive to the military, which I’m like, it’s the pan-African flag and no disrespect to the US military. It’s based on David Hammons’ flag and Marcus Garvey’s flag. To all the blacks, blacks, people of color that have suffered since the beginning, the dawn of this nation.

And now that we’re in this moment, are you hopeful that they’ll change their opinion on all things you just mentioned?

The sneakers are on roll to come out. I have a marketing budget and everything. My thing is like the $40 million [donation] isn’t enough. Think about it. Kanye gave two million and he’s one person he’s worth $1.3 billion. How many billions per quarter does Nike make? 40 million isn’t enough. And also even if they gave a billion dollars, if they don’t position that money to change the institutionalized white supremacy and racism in America, the money’s a waste. It needs to help defund the police that brutalized people of color, women, gays, everyone across America. Help defund the police. Help make it so the police do not have immunity.

And it’s not enough for LeBron to be safe because he slipped through the cracks of white supremacy through his hard work, talent and some luck. And through his mother raising him. Every kid needs to be protected. You know?

Absolutely.

Nike cannot support and donate money to the Republican party whilst Donald Trump is running for president. It’s fine. I don’t have no problem with people choosing to be Republican or Democrat. It’s a choice. But Donald Trump has vitriol that he spits. He didn’t mention George Floyd once until the protest started. Not once. “Looting means shooting.” Nike’s going to give money to that man’s campaign? To his party while he’s their front runner?

So you’re looking for a lot more transparency there in terms of who Nike actually is supporting both politically and with their products at the local level.

It’s what Ben & Jerry’s said, that level of white supremacy is institutionalized and keeps the foot on us. Anything less than what Ben & Jerry did [is not enough]. And anything less than them, not just putting money, but helping change policies in America, for people of color, the LGBT community, and women. Anything less than that, there’s nothing. And me personally, I can’t control any of my peers, what they do, but I can control what I do. And the third thing is I need to see the percentage of people of color, LGBTs and women comparatively to the percentage of people of color, who Nike sponsors. I’m not just talking about LeBron and Travis Scott. I’m talking about the little kid who lives in Jamaica, Queens that plays on a CYO team, that has a jersey, that has a Nike check on it.

When did you learn that Nike is such a big supporter of the Republican Party?

It’s easy to look into the donations. Just look for yourselves, see if I’m right or wrong and look where they donate most of their money.

Is that as a company or are those individuals who work for the company? I’m worried about the company. That’s as a company.

Let’s talk about the design of the shoes. Can you talk a little bit about David Hammons and what he means to you and why you decided to reference that in the sneakers?

David Hammons is an artist who I’ve been seeing his art for a long time floating around. And then, I got formally put onto him by my friends, Virgil [Abloh] and Acyde. And we’ve been talking about and sharing his artwork for years, you know, longer than I’ve known those guys.

He’s just one of my favorite artists. When I first found out about him, I was a bit upset because why did I only know about Basquiat? I felt I hadn’t been searching enough. And then also the art world had not shown me him the same way they show me Basquiat, who’s incredible in his own right. But they just gave us that one token. And there’s so many great artists of color, of both genders that don’t get exposed, He’s become one of my biggest inspirations.

What does Hammons’ flag mean to you? We don’t have a flag as my OG says. The Africans that were taken as slaves from Africa, we’re no longer Africans. We’re mutated. We’re mutated from our ancestors into black Americans. And David made our flag in 1990 based on Marcus Garvey’s flags. Marcus Garvey’s thing was about us going back, but you know what? We built this country and I want what we deserve. What do Native Americans deserve? The Asians, Chinese deserve that built the railroads, that sat in internment camps. The Japanese. Everyone, the Jews, all the minorities based on their skin color, the gender and the economic status to get what we deserve. And the power needs to be equally distributed. America is run by corporate, Fortune 500 companies and they lobby the politicians.

It’s not just the politicians. We need the corporations to step up and squeeze the politicians to get it. Look at the NRA. All the school shootings that happen and the NRA still has guns. Don’t just say it will be solved. They lobby so that they are no matter how many kids will kill in school. So I need Nike and all these other corporations that make money off of people of color and women, the LGBTs, to lobby for us. So we are protected as the NRA is.

In terms of referencing David Hammons, are there any initiatives on your side to formally collaborate with the artist or the estate?

I would love to work with David Hammons, but his work just speaks for itself. So honestly, that’s why I didn’t want to reach out to him. I just wanted to interpret his flag because I wouldn’t want to take it. His vision is pure. His artistry’s pure. The way he, as far as I know is pure. So I wouldn’t want to taint it with…this is what I’m going through with Nike and everyone’s going through it.

What’s your assessment of the lengths that companies in general are going to at this moment or that they need to get to in the future? Particularly other brands in the fashion space.

Take Balenciaga, who said they’re donating annually to the NAACP. I need them to make it so a Black kid or a Mexican kid or Asian kid, or a trans kid, can intern at Balenciaga or anywhere in the fashion industry, because why is the fashion industry mainly upper class white people? Because when you get out of fashion school, if you can even afford it, get a scholarship to make it as a minority. Can you do the internship that you don’t get paid for? That’s systemic change. That’s changed the institution of white supremacy across the world, across the Western world. So I need them to dig deep, deep, not a fancy expensive band aid.

How do you feel about how all these other corporations tend to give people of color these sort of collaborations in certain moments, as opposed to all year round? You mentioned in the very beginning that the speaker was intended as a Black History Month collaboration.

I think it’s counterproductive to long term change. Bring people soup when they’re sick, not flowers to the funeral, literally.

White supremacy and capitalism have been working for 400 years just in America alone. So, it works every day. I need Nike and every other billion dollar company to work every day, to change it for women, for black people, Mexican people, for everybody. That’s what I need.

What do you mean when you say it’s counterproductive?

We have to song and dance and do a version of a minstrel show for these corporations to pay our bills. And you know what, I’m not dancing no more. Like I was able to pay my bills and have fun with my friends and live happily when I was a stock guy at Marc Jacobs. And I’ve been building up to this and I’ve had so much support from my friends and my ancestors and the books I read and the movies I’ve seen, and the conversations we have, I’m going to do my best. And I will not be perfect. People were finding flaws in my movement, but I don’t want to dance anymore in any major company that I work with and collaborate with. I have to see that they have women, LGBTs and people of color in positions throughout all levels of the company. And I need to see that these companies are fighting against white patriarchal supremacy that affects women of all colors, affects LBGT, poor people in general and people of color. In the Western world, North America specifically. And that’s what I’m, I’m going to try and hold it. Maybe it doesn’t cost me anything, maybe everything, maybe not, I don’t know.

We work in fashion, so when we criticize capitalism, some people tend to say, “Well, if there was no capitalism, then you wouldn’t have those fancy clothes and fancy sneakers that you like so much.” How do you respond to that kind of comment?

That’s called Stockholm syndrome. And people who make those comments are suffering from it. At the end of the day, I can only speak for myself. My ancestors were brought here as slaves. So I’m here and I’m fighting it out and I’m rumbling. I got family members that got Crohn’s disease that need help with insurance. I got a grandmother who’s 92 years old that needs financial help. I got another one that’s 93 year old that needs financial help. I got to pay my rent. So I still live in reality. Because you see what happens when we go full throttle, Black Panther— they wipe you out. So I’m in the system, building a system next to the system, but I will no longer do the Trojan Horse method, which I’ve done, where you creep in and then you try to bring in a couple with us.

You can’t try to outsmart racism. You cannot try to outsmart capitalism. People will say, like, “Oh you, but you, but you got a Rolex.” Martin Luther King had a Rolex too. And he also had a bullet in his head on the balcony of the Lorraine. You know what I mean?

[gretareadsromance-blog]

Blog Tour Leave Me Breathless by Jodi Ellen Malpas

“Perfect for those who love a good alpha male and a damsel in distress who doesn't wait for someone else to rescue her." Publishers Weekly

Leave Me Breathless, an all-new standalone contemporary romance by #1 New York Times bestselling author, Jodi Ellen Malpas, is LIVE!

Ryan Willis has spent years in the protection business, a job that requires constant vigilance and quick thinking. His only chance to truly relax is at his secluded cabin in a small town where there are never any surprises. So when Ryan returns after an assignment and encounters a beautiful stranger, he isn't only surprised, he's also instantly intrigued.

Hannah Bright is a breath of fresh air, and Ryan is soon completely consumed, unable to stop from falling for her. As the two grow closer, his instinct tells him something is amiss. Yet nothing could prepare him for what he discovers when he starts digging into her past.

Hannah spends her days painting, running her arts and crafts store...and hiding too many secrets. It's why she won't let the ruggedly handsome bodyguard get too close. But their chemistry is undeniable, and Hannah quickly finds herself caught up in a whirlwind romance with Ryan. He is peace personified, a balm to her battered soul. Yet the gorgeous, captivating man who has swept Hannah off her feet doesn't even know who she really is. And the moment he finds out, both their lives are at risk.

Download your copy today!

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Excerpt:

His pace doesn’t falter, and he enters the store, leaving the door open behind him. He grabs me with a gentle but possessive force, one hand on my nape, the other on my hip. And he looks me straight in the eye, breathes deeply.

Then he drops his mouth to mine and gives me the tenderest of kisses. No tongue. No moans. No movement anywhere, except for his lips gently traveling across mine. My useless hands remain by my sides. I forget my name, who I am. The world as I know it ceases to exist, and it is so welcomed. So . . . unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s the smallest of gestures, yet it’s also colossal. Does Ryan know that? Does he realize what he’s doing? He’s making no attempt to deepen the kiss; his hands aren’t moving or exploring. He’s just dotting my lips with his, over and over, lazily and softly. It’s dizzying. And despite his apparent lack of desire to push it to the next level, there is passion pouring from him, the air surrounding us electric.

My mind blanks and I remain still in his hold, my eyes closed, my senses hijacked, as I savor the light pressure moving across my mouth. I can only ever remember my heart racing with fear and apprehension, yet since I’ve met Ryan it’s pounded with life and anticipation. Every near kiss we’ve had. Every moment of silence when we’re looking into each other’s eyes and the sexual tension between us ramps up another level.

Every time we’re in physical contact.

Every reason to avoid him is suddenly negated by my hunger for him. And then he breaks our kiss, breathing shallowly, as he keeps me in his hold. I stare at him, lost for words, and he drops one final, lingering peck on the corner of my mouth before he moves back. I quickly feel so very lost. His fingertip draws a delicate line down the bridge of my nose, slowing when he passes over the small bump. Then he turns on an inhale and leaves, pulling the door closed behind him. And I stare forward at nothing for a long time. I’ve been kissed into a trance. I move across my store to sit in the wicker chair in the corner, the pads of my fingers resting on my lips as I stare at the door. I hear his truck start. I hear it pull away. And then . . . silence.

He just kissed me, and then he just left. Seriously, what the fucking hell?

He said nothing.

But everything I needed to hear.

And now I’m left alone with just my screaming thoughts. Stay away from him. Run to him. I know what I want to do, but should I? Can I? I stand up and start to pace my shop, wringing my hands. I stop, feeling my lips, and then my nose. I look at the door. I hear his words.

I don’t ever want to scare you.

I’m not scared of him, not like that. I’m scared because he leaves me completely breathless

About Jodi Ellen:

Jodi Ellen Malpas was born and raised in the Midlands town of Northampton, England, where she lives with her husband, boys, and a beagle. She is a self-professed daydreamer, a Converse and mojito addict, and she has a terrible weak spot for alpha males. Writing powerful love stories and creating addictive characters has become her passion—a passion she now shares with her devoted readers.

Her novels have hit bestseller lists for the New York Times, USA Today, Sunday Times, and various other international publications and can be read in more than twenty-four languages around the world.

Connect with Jodi:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JodiEllenMalpas/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/JodiEllenMalpas

YouTube: https://goo.gl/2kGLbt

Instagram: http://www.jodiellenmalpas.co.uk/instagram/

Website: http://www.jodiellenmalpas.co.uk/home/