#I wish I could tell my mom I write fanfic and that I write good fanfic on top of it

[mirkwoodshewolf]

No following; Planet of the Apes fanfic Chap. 1

*Author's note*

Okay so we're gonna try something new here tumblr. Ever since I saw the new Planet of the apes film a month ago I got interested in the fandom once again but never thought anyone wrote fics for the fandom. After reading some on FF.net as well as here, it got me wanting to write a series while I'm on a writer's block for my current series. And thus this series was born.

This entire series will encompass the Andy Serkis trilogy and will be a Caesar fic. But it is STRICTLY PLATONIC so if that's not your cup of tea, no hate and just move on. This is my story and I'll write it the way I want to.

Now to those who wish to give this series a chance as you read, leave a comment down below if you wish to be tagged for updates (rn I'll be binge posting cause I've already got 10 chapters ready to go and be read).

WARNINGS: Fluff, angst, swearing, violence. So this won't be for the light of heart (at least until I get to Dawn and then War).

Taglist:

@queen-paladin

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@waddles03

______________________________________________________

Some say that the bonds between human and animal are a unique thing.  That there’s an unbreakable trust between the two and that they are fated to always be together.  Others say that like soulmates, there’s always an animal for a person who needs them the most.  For me, I would end up having the most unique of all bonds with an animal that is closest to my own species of animal.

This is the story of such a bond, this is the story of Lin and Caesar.

It was nightfall and pouring down rain as I rode home with my best friend Gabriella and her mother.  Gabi and I had known each other since Pre-K after we both had a love for the Disney movie Lilo and Stitch.  From that moment on we’ve been inseparable.  Currently I was getting a ride home with her mom after our strings class.

She and I after school go over to the rec center every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights and perform with the San Fransisco Strings and Orchestra for minors.  Gabi plays the cello and I play the violin.  We’re both pretty good if I do say so myself, our teacher tells us that we could eventually go far into the world of music if we set our mind to it.  But I think I’m good cause of my genetics, after all my grandpa was a former music professor and conductor.  But he doesn’t really play anymore, or at least he tries to.

We soon stopped at my house and I said grabbing my things and readied my umbrella.

“Thanks for the ride Mrs. Montez.”

“Anytime Lin sweetie. Watch out crossing the dark, wet sidewalk.”

“I will, see you tomorrow in class Gabi.”

“See yah Lin.” I quickly opened the door and opened up my umbrella before quickly racing across the sidewalk and up the stairs to my front door.  I took my key and unlocked the door but not before waving one final time and soon Mrs. Montez drove off down the road.

I entered inside and shook off my umbrella before hanging it to dry.  I also took off my raincoat and hung it up beside it before walking further into the house proclaiming.

“Hello? Grandpa? Uncle Will?” that’s when I heard the sound of cooing, like a baby cooing but it wasn’t human.  I set my violin case down to the banister by the front door and walked into the study room where I found a large box with holes sitting on the table.  As I got closer to it, I heard my uncle say.

“Oh perfect timing, guess that means I can show you both.” I turned and saw both my uncle and grandpa coming around from the kitchen entry.

“Show me what?” uncle Will walked passed me, ruffled my hair and stood over the box.

“Hey grandpa.”

“Hey sweetheart. Get another gold star from Ms. Honey for good behavior?” I smiled solemnly.  Ms. Honey was my kindergarten teacher, my current teacher is Mr. Simmons. 

My grandpa for the past couple of years has been dealing with Alzheimer’s disease.  Uncle Will told me that it’s a disease that slowly eats away at the brain’s cells, affecting memory and sometimes body function.  You see, my parents died in a plane crash when I was just 3 years old and in their will they had the next guardianship be my grandpa.  But two years ago, that’s when the disease started to take its effect on him.

So my uncle Will had to move in with us to help not only take care of me but of grandpa too.  And when he’s at work and I’m at school, a nice nurse comes in and helps take care of grandpa.

“Grandpa, I’m in the 4th grade. My teacher is Mr. Simmons. You know the nice man you and uncle Will met last month at the school picnic.” He looked dazed for a second but then said.

“Oh right, yeah I knew that.”

“Dad, Lin, come check this out.” Uncle Will said trying to redirect the conversation.  We came over and the second we looked inside, there lay a baby monkey.

“Is that a monkey?” I asked with a head tilt.

“He’s actually a chimpanzee, an ape.” Uncle Will corrected me.  Grandpa was in pure awe as he slowly reached in and touched the baby chimp.

“What is that? Is he injured?” he asked as I took notice of a mark right around the right side of his chest.  It was a prominent balding mark in a unique shape, a long oval shape with an additional stripe at the top.  Kinda reminded me of an incomplete cross or an unfinished F.

“No, I think that’s a birthmark.” Uncle Will said as he crossed into the kitchen and started putting some things into the fridge.  All the while grandpa picked up the baby chimp and lifted him high into the air like he was Simba.  The little guy was just small enough to fit between both of grandpa’s hands.

“Listen Lin,” he told me before he began quoting, “‘But as for Caesar, kneel down, kneel down and wonder.’”

“He’s so cute.” I awed as I reached out and touched his little toes.

“Yeah don’t get too attached, either of you.” Uncle Will told us.

“So why bring him here then if we can’t keep him?” I sassed.

“He’s not a dog or a cat, not even a bunny rabbit. He’s a wild animal. My coworker promised he’d try to find an animal sanctuary for him in a couple of days.” I let out a exasperated groan.

“Animal sanctuaries are still prisons.”

“Don’t get smart young lady.” My uncle playfully reprimanded as he pointed at me.

“It’s not polite to point.” I sassed back.

“Polite? Okay, I’ll show you polite.” My uncle said as he shut the fridge and giving me that narrowed but playful look in his eyes.  I took off running as he raced after me.  I got only up four stairs before I felt two arms wrap around me and he swung me away from the staircase and the next thing I felt was a wet finger in my ear.

“GAHH EWW UNCLE WILL!!!”

“Yeah your mom did this to me all the time when we were kids, now it’s payback.” He laughed.

“I’m innocent in this vile act!” I proclaimed dramatically.

“But you must pay for the sins of thy mother young youth!”

“Will, Maria, you two better stop horsing around in there.” At hearing my mom’s name we both settled down and a somber feeling was in the air.

“He’s been calling me that on and off for the past week.”

“Honestly who can blame him. You look so much like her when she was your age.” He said with a soft smile and he ruffled my hair again.

“Really?”

“Yeah. And when have I ever lied about anything in regards to my big sister?”

“Never.”

“Exactly.” He then playfully nudged my side with his before changing the subject.  “Now please tell me you managed to eat dinner cause I’ve had a long day of work and I don’t feel like cooking anything.”

“Lucky for you, the rec center was hosting a pizza party after the past few months prepping for Districts last week. Maestro Fiyero said we earned a little break after working us so hard.”

“Good. Now why don’t you brush your teeth and get ready for bed.”

“Why does my curfew have to be 9 o’clock? I’m 10 years old, not five.”

“Growing girls needs sleep too you know.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell grandpa I said goodnight will yah?”

“Will do kid. Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

“You too.” I grabbed my violin and raced on upstairs and did my nighttime routine before getting into bed and turning off the light.

As the night progressed, I soon heard the sounds of shrieks coming from the hallway.  I opened my eyes and looked at my clock to see that it was 2:30am.  I got up and let out a cough and muttered to myself.

“Need some juice.” Quietly I walked down the hallway towards the stairs but as I came to the bathroom I could hear the shower running as well as the bathroom sink.  Did grandpa accidentally leave the water running again after taking his shower?  No, Uncle Will would’ve turned it off by now.

I knocked softly on the door and I heard my uncle’s voice say.

“It’s just me dad.”

“I’m not grandpa.” I heard footsteps and the door cracked open and when he saw me, he brought me into the bathroom before closing it.  Immediately I was hit with the heat that had been trapped by the hot water that was coming from both the shower and the sink.

“What are you doing up so late Lin?”

“I heard shrieking and then I got thirsty.”

“Ohh sorry, guess this little guy woke you up too huh?” it was then I took notice of the baby chimp swaddled up in my uncle’s arms.  I looked down at him and he looked up at me, moving his grip from my uncle’s finger to mine as he cooed.

“He looks like he has a cold.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, his nose is kinda runny.”

“Well that’s normal for babies sometimes. He’s barely a day old. You definitely had a runny nose when you were born.”

“No I didn’t!”

“Oh yeah you were quite the little snot monster. The original boogeyman, or boogeygirl.” He said taking his free hand that was on top of the baby chimp and playfully gripped my nose.

“Uncle Will!” I whined softly which made him laugh.  Our moment was stopped as the baby chimp let out a few more coos before snuggling up to uncle Will, all the while the grip on my finger got a bit tighter.  I smiled down at him and said as I stroked my thumb over his tiny fingers.  “Are you sure we can’t keep him?”

“I’ll—think about it. Holding him like this….makes me think back to the day you were born. Boy your mom wouldn’t let me near you at first. Feared I was gonna drop you, she always had that fierce mama bear instinct right from the get-go. Even when we were growing up and as she tormented me at times. When I needed it, she was there with her hot-headed attitude.”

“I miss her uncle Will.”

“Me too kid. Me too.” I leaned up against him and he rested his head on top of mine giving it a soft kiss.  “Go on back to bed, I’ll stay up with him.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m used to all-nighters, one day you might get there when you’re composing your first symphony. But for now, head back to bed.”

“Can I still get my juice first? I’m thirsty.”

“Just this once. Just be quiet when passing Charles’ room.” I nodded before leaning down and gave the baby chimp a kiss to which he let out a cute yawn and quiet hoot.

“Goodnight little chimp. Night uncle Will.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and he said goodnight to me as I quietly left the bathroom shutting the door immediately as I got out.  I went downstairs, got my drink and went back to bed.

The next morning I was finishing my breakfast and packing my school books into my backpack as uncle Will was coming down with the baby chimp and set him up in my old high-stool chair that grandpa had kept.

“Where’s my car keys?” grandpa asked as he was patting through his robe and pj pockets.  “My car keys where’d you put them? I need to get Lin to school!” he said urgently.

“Dad.” Uncle Will calmly spoke to him. “You-you don’t drive anymore. And Lin takes the bus.” Grandpa looked at him with a blank stare before turning away and telling him.

“I know that.” It really does make me sad to see grandpa this way.  He always looks so dazed and lost, like he’s here with us but at the same time he’s not.  Sometimes he’ll just sit there and stare off into space, frozen in his spot and not say anything for a really long time.

“Here, why don’t you feed him? Can you do that?” uncle Will suggested holding up a baby bottle filled with milk.

“Of course I can.” Said grandpa coming over.  As uncle Will went to get his coffee (blech!) grandpa came over and grabbed the bottle which made the baby chimp go crazy with hunger as he reached out for it.  As soon as it was in reach, he grabbed the bottle from grandpa’s hand and immediately began drinking it as fast as he could.

I dropped my fork and stared at him in awe.  I was told that babies always needed help being fed for at least several months and yet after just being born yesterday, he was feeding himself.

“Will, look at this.” Grandpa said as uncle Will came back into the kitchen and saw what we saw.  “How old is he? Like a day old, two days old?” Uncle Will sat down as he examined the baby chimp confused.

“Yeah.” Uncle Will said lowly as he kept his eyes on the baby chimp.

“Oh he’s a smart one isn’t he?” said grandpa as he came around and sat on the other side of the baby and gently placed his hand on top of his head.  “What are you gonna name him?”

“I—I don’t know.” Uncle Will said unsure.  That’s when I saw it.  Now I’m no monkey or ape expert but from pictures I’ve seen in books they normally have dark eyes, mostly brown but this little guy.  His eyes were green.

A green eyed baby chimpanzee.  One look into his eyes and I knew that he was something very special.

[fand0mswithbunny]

this is so different from the other posts i do but fuck it. descendants 4: rise of red review, spoilers ofc, we still boycott disney's ass, pirate this movie like uma and her crew ate the intro of this movie instead of watching this from disney+

keep reading if youve seen it or dont care about spoilers but tldr: if you havent seen it and see this as a spin off movie instead of a 4th installment, i say go watch it. its basically how i feel about the 2024 mean girls movie, im just here for certain characters, dynamics and songs, and a bit of the actual plot, its fun but definitely not for everyone, i liked parts of the movie/plots tho

okay honestly overall, despite the fucking terrible rushed ass ending, i still honestly enjoyed a lot of aspects of this movie.

songs, generally i liked. yeah its all pop-y but yk, none of them were unbearable, i loop red, whats my name (red vers.) and love aint it what about it

the editing was. a choice at times. like it will cut at the most random moments and when red was being transported and fell from that. pipe. thing in the castle it was so. disney channel editing core LIKE OKAY I KNOWW OFC IT IS but grahhhhhHH

the cg was good, direction was. also a choice at times. idk how to explain it but it felt like every scene was being directed like a music video and not like a MOVIE esp the lighting oh my god idk what it is but its so GLOWY AND WEIRDD

the characters themselves, i love the main cast, red, chloe, ella, bridget, etc. were all cool. IM A FIRM RED/CHLOE SHIPPER THEY ARE GIRLFRIENDS IDC and i also liked the dynamic they have with their past moms it was nice

oh yeah i dont mind how they wrote mal, evie, jay, and ben outta the story, i mean they gotta explain their absence yk. and i loved the carlos tribute, you can tell china was genuinely not acting in that tribute scene.

the vks were. okay. i dont mind that literally every villain/princess/disney protag goes to high school. this whole series basically feature length fanfiction anyway, idc personally about that. its weird URSULAS SISTER was the main antagonist. like i get having a completely new villain aside from the vks parents or something but. ursulas. sister??? besides you could tell me shes ursula and ill believe you.

its nice seeing filipino prince charming thats it thats all i gotta say RAHHH PHILIPPINES BABYYY 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 MY MANS GOT THAT 'PINO RIZZ OKAYYY

the plot was actually fun, but yeah I WISH WE COULDVE SEEN CASTLECOMING WE WERE ROBBED OF THAT i knew when red and chloe got the book there was like 10 minutes left in the film but cmonn we couldve had Morgie, I DONT KNOW somehow freeing the rest of the vks and them STEALING THE POCKETWATCH AND RED AND CHLOE HAVING TO GET IT BACK, GET ANOTHER 30 MINUTES IN THE FILM MAYBE, ANOTHER ACTION SEQUENCE, CASTLECOMING. but its finee im sure theres a fanfiction in the works somewhere that has that exact premise because thats what fanfic is for babyyyy

imagine. during the dance chloe and red are scrambling to find the watch, they see the vks, they find bridget crying because her best friend isnt there, she thinks ella bailed on her, they have to find the watch but, they gotta make her feel better right? red comforts her while chloe chases after them to find the watch, ella comes to the dance late after deciding, fuck my stepmom, get your hands dirty parallels, something something, the four of them all stopping the vks together, THEN they travel back.

i should just write a fix it fic for this movie at this point damnn i impressed myself

but yeah the ending does leave a lot of plot holes, if bridget didnt change from the past WHO DID, if Red even CONSIDERED a VK in this timeline? if not then WHO IS IT?? IS IT CHLOE?? its hella rushed, its ass, but i guess we'll find out in the 5th movie ig

also i thought they were totally setting it up for Ella to be the one that humiliated Bridget in the past, like the "I saw through her" in Love Ain't It we NEVER GOT ANY CLOSURE FROM THAT WHAT HAPPENED?? sighhh its okay its fine

i see this movie as a spin off movie rather than a 4th installment of the universe because it pretty much is, like its basically its OWN universe with the lack of the og cast and new characters. i unofficially coin it as the "Descendants: Redverse" because it just makes more sense

so many questions, mainly WHY, but yeah, still liked it, would rewatch. certain. parts of it. but honestly? a 7/10. leaning towards a 7.5

is this a recommendation? not sure, depending on who you are you could totally love this film or hate it, i say give it a chance and completely ignore the busted ass ending <3

anyways KENDRICKKK FANFIC WRITERSSSSSS- DROP SOME MORE CHARMINGHEARTS FANFICS/D4 FIX IT FICSSS. AND MY LIFE, IS YOURRSSSS

[mr-walkingrainbow]

TORALEI ANGST LORE DROP???

TORALEIS FINALLY IN FUCKING THERAPY WAHOOOOOO!

NOOOOO ITS FAMILY THERAPY MEANING SHE HAS TO SEE HER FUCKING NIGHTMARE OF AN ABUSIVE ASS MOTHER. IT ALSO PROBABLY MEANS SHES GETTING RETRAUMATIZED NEARLY EVERY FUCKING TIME

COME ON CLAWDEEN WHY ARENT YOU LOVING YOUR GIRLFRIEND?!?!

THE REFORM CENTER FOR BEASTIE BADDIES?!! THE FUCK DID THEY JUST COMBINE JAIL. A MENTAL HOSPITAL. ALCOHOL ANONYMOUS AND CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES ALL INTO ONE ?!

ALSO? CATARINAS ALIVE? THATS UH? Not bad I guess? This is literally the first confirmation we’ve gotten that she survived the finale. So uh. That’s good I guess. Somewhat. HAHA ALOWS ME TO TORTURE TORALEI MORE IN FANFICS HAHAHAHAHAH!

I’m literally in love with this so fucking much. But really. Come on. The society could do better. Get toralei in individualized therapy. Catarina should be in rehab WAY longer then she’s been before they even initiate such type of conjoined therapy. Operating under basic guidelines. They can allow supervised visits between mother and daughter but they shouldn’t be in something like therapy till the mom’s somewhat proven/served time that allows them to see she’s headed on the right path. Not to mention they’d BOTH be in individualized therapy as well. It wouldn’t just be family therapy like this. Also. I love that Toralei got to stay at the Wolfs house. But??? What the fuck was CPS thinking? They’d never put a child with a random family who has no foster care license when she has ALIVE AND WELCOMING NEXT OF KIN. Toralei literally could have stayed with the weretwins and her aunt/Uncle. Like??? The cousins ADORE her! (Too a concerning agree. Don’t get me wrong I love their relationship. But Persephones treating dissapointing toralei like it’s life or death. I could somewhat understand that panic for a parent. But it’s somewhat unhealthy for a cousin. Although it’s not completely odd. I know I’d be destroyed if I ever dissapointed my older cousin who I look up too. I feel like it’s somewhat like that?)

Anywho. I LOVE how supportive Meowlody and Pursephony are with toralei and family therapy. They don’t judge her. And they don’t judge their aunt. Just tell her to say hi for them. They offer unwavering support and with how much Toraleis currently getting I’d say it’s dearly needed.

also. Not related but I LOVE Meowlody having adhd. I have adhd and I connected with her SO FUCKING MUCH in this episode. Jsut in this clip. Her volume control and excitement about the ‘wrong things’ just is so relatable. Her being confident but also somewhat not confident about a list of tasks. Practically begging her sister to realize she really did listen but it’s so hard to remember and things get confused and to show that we DO have good memory! We just see it in different ways! God. Amazing. My only thing is I wish she would have audibly confirmed it. Like we know they had Twyla verbally say she’s autistic. Why couldn’t they do that for adhd? It’s odd but I’ve never actually seen it verbally stated in tv before.

anywho uh- I’m gonna be writing so much fucking toralei angst so yall should be on the lookout!

AND YO THAT OPERETTA GENERATION ONE REFERENCE WAS UNHINGED I LOVE IT

And yo was that a hint of FUCKING YARN SALT AKA MEOWLODY X BARKIMEDES I SAW???

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Hiii can I ask for some fluffy (headcannons or fic your wish) with fuegoleon and nozel comforting an s/o who feels insecure about her body after giving birth?

Oh this is the kind of fluff I needed today, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I liked writing it! ^^

Pairing: Fuegoleon x f!reader, Nozel x f!reader Genre: hurt-comfort/fluff (?) Fanfic type: Headcanons Total length: ~1.4k Warnings: theme of self-esteem and body image issues, mentions of pregnancy and giving birth, the guys comfort the reader

Fuegoleon

All throughout your pregnancy, your body had been changing, and it was self-evident to him. And never did the changes mean that he would have grown to think that you were any less beautiful or desirable to him.

You were, always were, his beautiful wife.

And… you had given the gift of life to your kids.

Honestly, he was amazed about how… how could you do it. Of course because you’re strong, there was no doubt about that but it was just… so amazing that he couldn’t believe it.

He had no words, for how beautiful it was; you giving birth to your child.

The next few weeks went in a haze, because the baby required all your attention. And your stomach would grow smaller little by little, closer to the size that it was originally.

But… as the weeks went by, it became evident that some of the changes in your body were here to stay. Stretchmarks, saggy boobs… The mum tum.

Of course you weren’t supposed to ‘just look sexy for your husband’, or feel ashamed that you weren’t, in your own opinion, looking sexy for him. But it was a confidence thing. If you didn’t think that you looked good, or desirable, why would he think that you looked like either of those things.

He noticed that something was wrong. Of course he did. Because you spent a while longer next to the mirror regularly while getting dressed, but your weren’t smiling. It wasn’t the same kind of look you had in your eyes as before. But the moment you heard the baby cry you’d awake from the daze as if nothing had happened.

So, when the moment was good, he sat down and asked you about it. He asked you about the look, the way you looked at yourself, the way you held your head a little less high than before.

And you told him. Of course you told him. After all, he was your husband, your rock, and he had seen it. There was no point in lying and telling him that you were alright.

He held his arm around your shoulder and let you speak, let out all the emotions that you had born inside of you as his thumb rubbed up and down against your skin.

When the tears started rolling down, he pulled you into his embrace with both arms and pressed your head against his chest.

“You are beautiful”, was the first thing he said to you to assure your feelings of insecurity. “And I love you, my beloved.” He continued, feeling like it was the next thing he needed to tell you. “We knew that changes would happen in your body, which are only natural. And I promise to be there for you and assure you about how lovely and gorgeous you are with those changes.”

You loved the fact that he said ‘we’. Because you were in it together. But never did he forget to say that he’d be there to love and support you no matter what.

You supposed it was along the ‘grow old together’, which would also include changes in the both of you.

Throughout the moment he continued to hold you; embrace you. He placed a kiss onto your temple and told you that it’d be alright.

He really did love you. And that was what you wished for, to be cherished, desirable on all aspects, but mostly as who you really were.

And he did.

Nozel

Nozel had know that there would be different changed into your body as your pregnancy would progress. Afterall, he still remembered to an extent how it was with his mom when she was expecting Noelle.

But still there was something quite unexpected to how much your body changed. It wasn’t a bad change by any means, and for the most part, he both did and didn’t notice them. Of course he noticed your belly growing and your body becoming more plump so that it could nurture the baby growing inside of you, but he was too immersed in the actual idea of you two having a child soon.

When you went into labour, and were in the middle of the delivery, all he could think about was you being alright and well after the delivery. It worried him to the point of nausea, because he didn’t want to lose either of you.

 And… when the baby was born, it was one of the happiest days in his life. The happiest day in his life. He considered having been more happy the day he married you, because it made this day possible too, but he wasn’t sure.

His mind was everywhere else except on the changes in your body. Not even when your stomach started getting smaller and your body started settling down to what it’d be for the next period of your life, granted that breastfeeding would also have an impact. He didn’t bare mind to the changes.

But you did… Especially now that you were starting to get well enough to appear in public. The events that you were expected to attend because people wanted to see the royal baby.

The clothes you owned didn’t seem to fit anymore. Not as nicely at least. And it made you painfully aware again about the doubts you held in your mind for him, for Nozel, finding you attractive still.

Of course it was unreasonable to think that you’d have the same body as you did back in the day, but … you wanted to look nice. And not just look nice for your husband. The point was to feel confident and attractive for yourself. But also it’d be nice if your husband found you attractive too…

When the day came that you were supposed to attend an event as a new mother, you spent hours upon hours in front of the mirror trying on different outfits, but nothing did the part anymore. Nothing suited you anymore and all the self-doubt and frustration begun boiling up inside of you up to the point where you had just tossed all of the garments onto the floor and sat onto the bed, burying your face into your hands while fighting back tears.

And… when Nozel walked into the room, in the middle of the sea of fabric, his first thought was if he had failed to perform his part. If he had failed to do something, say something… be something…

But still, he sat onto the bed, next to you, and asked what was wrong. The question was clumsy and stiff, but it was genuine.

However, when you started talking your body image and how everything, even in your own body, seemed to change so quickly and how nothing seemed to fit you anymore and… quite frankly, how you didn’t feel attractive anymore, or that he’d desire you anymore.

Which… seemed … unbelievable to him. Surely there had been changes happening in your body, but he, if anyone, knew that a woman’s life doesn’t end when she has kids. Acier was more than fit for battle after 3 children, and would have been just as fit after 4 if not… the curse.

The issue of self-image was different from being battle ready though… but it… But to him, it was all tied to you not being any… ‘worse’ than before having children. You were just as wonderful and attractive to him.

“You’re not…” he begun but swallowed the words. “I don’t… know how you do it… Our child is… healthy and you brought them to us…and… You think you’re not… attractive, anymore?” You could hear the disbelief in his tone, in his very being.

You could only nod as a reply, and he pulled you closer. Wrapped his arms around you and swallowed again.

“I’m… sorry for… not making sure that you feel just as beautiful as you are,” he whispered against your ear. Because that was how he felt. “You are as beautiful as the day we married,” he continued. “And you will be, always.”

And the way he held you, full of adoration and affection, up until the baby started fussing.

Because he was a good father, and spouse, who wanted nothing but the best for his lovely, beautiful family.

[solarpunkani]

this is a personal vent but its a somewhat anti-capitalist/anti-grind culture vent so its going here but like

I wish I could have one (1) hobby that just stays a hobby and remains a fun lil heehee hobby without one or both parents desperately trying to get me to monetize it.

Like I am JUST learning crochet. I have been crocheting for less than a MONTH. I have ONE finished project. And my mom is ALREADY sending me lil instagram reels like 'heehee this is how much I made from my ~crocheting business~ in the month of October' and sending me a bunch of eyes emojis and dollarsign eyes emojis like, first off my beloved mother that woman has been crocheting for YEARS maybe even DECADES and I just picked it up three tuesdays ago, but second of all I don't necessarily wanna just make a buncha shit and then sell it online!!! I wanna make stuff for me and maybe friends and family if they ask really nicely, but nooooo now mom wants me to Perfect the Craft so I can sell on etsy and instagram and whatever.

This would be a Mild Annoyance if this wasn't simply the first in a long string of 'what if you monetized this hobby.' Which, granted, sometimes I do it to myself, but I'm really trying to stop.

Oh you like gardening? What if you monetized it! Sell vegetables at the farmers market! Sell cut flowers at the farmers market! Start your own small business! What do you mean, you mostly do it for personal enjoyment and environmental reasons? Just grow a bigass plot of zinnias, forget about your other stuff, and sell sell sell!!!

Oh, you like creative writing? You like writing novels and short stories and fanfics?? Go be a copywriter! Go be an adjunct professor, because you're totally qualified! What? You don't wanna write manuals and advertisements? But you're such a good writer, go make money off of it!

Oh you wanna learn sewing?! Learn sewing!! Quickly!! Not for your own personal enjoyment of the craft, I'm gonna start a business selling bags and YOU"RE gonna help me!!! I'm not asking permission btw this is me telling you--

Don't even get me started on the absolute slog that has been trying to become an animator and selling art commissions because I like drawing and animating and how that's been going for me, or the fact that my mom seems to think Masters Degree in Animation = Qualified Graphic Designer, which is not the same thing.

It's just exhausting. I would like to be allowed to have one hobby that doesn't immediately read as dollar signs in my parents eyes, yknow?

anyways capitalism grind culture is a hell scape thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[kathryn-writes]

So I completed a novel. It sits at 110k words and was a labor of love and felt so good to watch it come to fruition!

But then you find out how much the novel is just step one if you, like me, decide you want to give it a go and see if you can get yourself published.

I will say this off the bat, you can do all the research you want (and you should!) but that probably won't be enough to get you ready for the gauntlet that you are going to walk. First, I should say that I have an amazing support network. This includes a therapist, a supportive spouse, and my mom who is my biggest fan. To top it off, I've been in the same fandom since the onset of the pandemic, and have made some extremely close and supportive friends through that. Combine that with having a decent day job and it's a pretty good place to be to try.

I found some amazing resources (namely https://www.reddit.com/PubTips - it's so good. I highly recommend!) that explain where to go and what the process is. In the US, if you have a novel you want to publish traditionally, you can go to Query Tracker and look up literary agents that represent your genre who are also currently open to unsolicited queries. Then you write yourself a query (ie a short but enticing pitch, usually less than 350 words, about your book) to get an agent interested. They'll often also ask for a synopsis (breakdown of the whole plot), sometimes a pitch (a single sentence), the first many pages/chapters of the book, and finally what books that are comparable to yours.

Then you send these out to some number of agents, likely a large number of agents, because they're all getting inundated with over a hundred of these queries a week, and you cross your fingers and hope... and wait.

And then you brace for the rejections. Most of the time they're form letters but there are times that they give feedback.

I think all I want to say about this is build up your resilience. It doesn't matter who you are, you are going to get a whole bunch of "no's." If the agents are kind enough to leave you with feedback, take it. In my case, it has not even been a month yet since I submitted to agents. I got a bit of feedback which has indicated that I have not hooked people into the world I wrote early enough, so I turned to those magnificent fanfic friends to ask them for advice on how I could make the hook dig in faster. (Sometimes those things are hard for authors to see - we live in our worlds and can sometimes be tunnel visioned.)

I have a few regrets. Not about querying this work, not at all! But I wish I had asked people completely unconnected to the story if they could read the first chapter or two and tell me if they felt connected to the world. I wish I had sent my query to be critiqued by reddit (I'm telling you, /r/PubTips is incredible). I wish I had broken my queries into smaller batches, so if a few agents got back with the same criticism, I could hone that first before sending to more.

This is also a process that requires patience, a thing I do not have enough of! I'm grateful that financially, not getting a rapid book deal (or traditional deal at all) is not going to impact me. I want my writing out there and I still think about how amazing it would be to get to write all day! But this whole process takes time. And it takes luck. I could have the perfect query and still strike out, and I could have a mediocre query but an agent who connects with the story. It's subjective and it's a craps shoot.

So I guess that other than writing about my experience, I also wanted to give a few nuggets I'm picking up as I go.

Get critical beta readers especially for the first few chapters!

Use the non-agent resources available, like /r/PubTips for your query!

Send your query out to a LOT of agents, you never know who is going to connect with it. But, it's best to do it in smaller batches in case you get feedback that you can use to improve!

Be patient! It takes time. Find friends who will give it love if you need some whilst waiting (ps THANK YOU to my wonderful friends for giving it love whilst I am waiting!)

And you're going to get a lot of no's. That's okay! It's even okay to be salty and to grumble about it. But don't give up.

Rejection hurts, and it's okay for you to feel it! But you are resilient, you will bounce back, you will persist.

And if you want to beta read a story about a girl who meets a dragon and watches her whole world turn upside down, then please feel free to reach out!

[mah-t-wordblog]

It's Too Cold For You Here

Tanjiro journeys by himself in a snow storm to his old home, while Nezuko stays and sleeps at Butterfly Mansion. Giyu Tomioka catches sight of him near his home village and follows at a distance to see what he is up to. He watches Tanjiro grieving at his old home for his family, wandering around and sitting in his house like a lost soul. Unable to leave him, he steps in, and eventually convinces Tanjiro to leave the bloodstained place and follow him to a Wisteria House, where the boy finally opens up about his heartbreaking reunion with his family in the dream world and how he left them crying after him and how much he misses his parents, as well as how he had to take his own life so many times to escape. He admits that he hates himself and blames himself for not going home that night and relives the cruel words that his 'dream family' said to him. He admits he relives the whole thing every night and is so exhausted and emotionally beaten he barely eats or sleeps anymore.

The dream world for Tanjiro...I am so sure just about broke him mentally and emotionally. He has not told anyone because it was so painful, so Giyu is the first to learn and I am sure he is inwardly heart broken for the boy, even if he is so stoic and gruff. But he can see how much damage it has done to Tanjiro and because he cares for him, he is concerned.

Maybe during the conversation Tanjiro also opens up and shares things about his dad and mom and siblings so Giyu gets to learn more about his family as well as who Nezuko was as a human.

It would be cool to get a lot of Giyu's inward thoughts on the boy, past, present, and future, as well as what he is thinking while listening to the boy.

Angst comfort fic, with stoic Giyu comforting Tanjiro to the best of his abilities and getting him to eat some supper. Platonic cuddling and sleeping?

Hiii, I don’t know if this is exactly what you want me to write, maybe I made some changes, but I left the main focus as you wanted, I hope you like it anyway 💛💛

It’s too cold for you here

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡

This fanfic is originally in Portuguese, my English is translated using an automatic translator, if there are any big errors you can tell me so I can fix them

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡

Gyuu Tomioka was climbing the cold mountain, the air there gave him a headache

It wasn't the first time he visited that area, not really. He had already gone there the first time he met the Kamado twins

The town there seemed bustling, despite the intense cold of the winter that was beginning.

Some people wished him good morning as he passed by, but Gyuu didn't respond to them, because he wasn't interested in talking to other people at all, he had something to resolve.

Shinobu Kochou had informed him that Tanjiro Kamado had disappeared that night, leaving his sister sleeping peacefully in the rooms of the Boboleta Mansion.

Wasn't that common for Tanjiro to disappear like that overnight? Go out without him sister? Run away and abandon everyone?

These questions certainly didn't make sense in his head.

So Gyuu used reason to understand where Tanjiro had gone, and the answer was this mountain

He thought of all the possibilities of what could happen as he climbed through the deep snow.

He stopped in front of a small house, humble, cozy, on top of the mountain.

And he heard a very familiar sound

As he got closer, he realized that the sound was coming from someone crying.

Tomioka's heart accelerated and he ran into the place

Yes, Tanjiro was kneeling on the carpet on the floor. He cried, as if all the scenes he experienced there were happening now

The man felt a pang in his heart, how cruel life was for that little boy.

“Tanjiro-“ Gyuu said

The boy looked back scared, but calmed down when he saw who it was.

“What happened here, Tanjiro?”

The boy opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't say anything.

Gyuu sighed

“Come here” he extended a hand to help Tanjiro up, but when he pulled the boy, he brought him into a big hug

Tanjiro was a little confused, but relief spread throughout his body, he stopped crying.

"You are hurt?" Gyuu asked, referring to the boy's bloody leg.

“Y-yes” he finally said “I got stuck in some bushes on the way here”

Tanjiro took a few steps back and Gyuu saw that he was limping.

“Come on” Tomioka signaled to Tanjiro “come up here”

The boy did as he was asked, he climbed onto Gyuu's back

And in that position the two descended the mountain

Gyuu really wanted to ask what was happening, why Tanjiro was like this. But would the boy want to tell it? Gyuu doesn't see any reason why someone would want to tell him a secret

But he should try, for the boy's sake

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gyuu left Tanjiro alone in a room in the Butterfly Mansion and went to look for help for a moment.

He was afraid of what sadness could do to him

The man ran until he found Shinobu

“Please, Kocho, some medicine” he panted after running so desperately

“Tomioka, what happened?”

“I found him, Tanjiro”

Shinobu opened her eyes wide and ran to her room.

In just a few minutes, Shinobu had prepared bandages and medicine for the boy.

"Are you well?" She asked. Tomioka could see that the fake smile wasn't even on her face, she was worried

“Yes” Tanjiro replied, but without smiling like he always did.

Shinobu looked at Tomioka, she got up and went towards the door

“Tomioka, please come here”

The man did as he was asked

“Please, I fear that Tanjiro is reaching the point of irreversible sadness, talk to him, you are still the one who helped him, the one who allowed him to become who he is today”

Tomioka sighed, he looked away from her, he wanted to help, he really wanted to

“You’re like a big brother” she asked “think of him as Sabito, okay?”

Tomioka was scared, he didn't remember telling Shinobu about his life, but... but...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh yes, it was on a day like that. Tomioka was found wandering in the mountains looking for the place where Sabito had been buried, he ended up slipping on the snow in the mountains and fell, all the way down the hill.

He remained on the ground, all broken, just waiting for death, when someone came close to him. They were two beautiful women, he remembers, they were Kanae and Shinobu Kochou

They carried him and took him to a beautiful, large house, in the room where they placed him there were several sick people, injured like him.

Then the woman with pink barrettes in her hair approached him.

“What’s your name, hunter?”

Gyuu looked at her, he wasn't a hashira yet, nor was Shinobu, just Kanae

“Gyuu Tomioka”

Kanae sighed

He could see that Shinobu was staring at him, but when he looked at her, she looked away.

“Why were you climbing the mountain, Tomioka?” Kanae asked.

Gyuu didn't respond

The woman seemed worried “it’s okay, if you need anything you can call me”

Then Kanae left the room, leaving Gyuu and Shinobu alone.

A long moment of silence was broken by Shinobu

“Did you know anyone from there?”

Gyuu felt a pang in his heart

"Yes"

The woman looked at him “who?”

Gyuu didn't know why he should tell Shinobu about this, but he felt like he should. Did she make you feel confident? What was that feeling? He barely knew her

"It's a long story…"

"I am interested"

Their gaze met

Gyuu felt hot

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The feeling that someone cares about you is very good, Gyuu wanted Tanjiro to feel it too

“I’ll take care of him” he said, placing a hand on the woman’s shoulder.

"Thanks"

Gyuu Tomioka entered the room again

Tanjiro was curled up on his bed, lying down, sad. Gyuu sat next to him

“Do you want to talk, Tanjiro?”

The boy sat down “talk about what, sir?” Even sad he was impressively polite

“About why you were on that mountain”

Tanjiro sighed, he covered his face with his hands, Gyuu heard the sound of crying

“No- there’s no need to talk, only if you want to” Gyuu said worriedly

The boy calmed down “I want to talk”

Gyuu looked at him, the more relieved and calm expression, different from the bored and sad one that was always on the hashira's face, made Tanjiro feel calmer and calmer.

“So get started, I’m here to listen.”

Tanjiro said, once he started talking he didn't stop. He told about when his father died, about what Nezuko was like when she was human, about his mother and his brothers, about the day he slept outside and never stopped blaming himself for it, when he discovered that they were dead...

Gyuu really didn't imagine Tanjiro's life was so difficult

Finally, the boy ended by telling about the dream he was subjected to by that inferior omnimoon, the terror he felt at having to take his own life so many times, having to abandon his family even though he knew none of it was real.

“It was torture! Psychological torture, that shitty oni, I hate it! I hate them!” Tanjiro started screaming, getting out of control, the boy never did that, he started hitting the bed hard

“Tanjiro!” Gyuu exclaimed

Tanjiro looked at him, his eyes swollen with tears.

“I know, Tanjiro” the man took one of the boy's hands “I know what it's like to lose everything you have, I've lost it twice myself, I lost my whole world, and it's all my fault”

Tanjiro wiped his eyes “and what did you do?”

“I didn’t let myself forget who I always loved. I haven’t forgotten the sister who protected me” he pointed to the red part of his clothes “and I haven’t forgotten the friend who saved me” he pointed to another part of the clothes, which had colorful patterns

“Do you visit the place of their death?”

“Every day I can, but I'm careful, so I don't fall and hurt myself, like you.”

Tanjiro chuckled, then Gyuu laughed too.

“Thank you, Mr. Tomioka” Tanjiro lowered his head smiling

“I'll always be here for you, boy” Gyuu rubbed a hand on the boy's head, ruffling his hair “it's okay to be sad sometimes, right?”

"Right"

Gyuu got up

“Sir, one last thing”

The man turned around “yes?”

“Could you see what Miss Aoi is cooking? It smells soooo good” Tanjiro smiled

Gyuu was surprised by the boy's good mood and started laughing. Tanjiro had never seen Gyuu laugh so much, and he thought it was one of the best sights he had ever seen.

Yes, Gyuu was like a teacher to Tanjiro, but they were great friends, because their lives were never that different, right?

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜❤️🧡

Thanks for reading 💛💛

[lorkonsghost]

I'm sad today for a few reasons work, and the soon to be three year anniversary of a friends death I will now tell you why I prefer bad mother Talia and why his favorite Robin was Damian Wayne. My friend was raised from birth to 14 years old not knowing who his dad was and mildly abusive mother I don't want talk about all thing she did because she's going to take up most of story and the sole reason my friend dead so fuck her. But when my friend was 14 because his mom got fired from her job and she didn't want to actually go looking for a job she dropped my friend off at his bio dads told him he was his son and left. Now like Damian he looked just like his dad and his dad had no clue he had a kid and unlike Damian he had no siblings and his mom 100% had no good relationship with his dad and definitely took advantage of drunk college kid who 16 years younger than her. So imagine your 35 year old man and the woman who he had sex with once almost 15 years ago tells you have kid and he looks like you but dose that even matter she just abandon her kid at his door step and like Bruce Wayne he doesn't kick the kid out or blame the kid but has DNA test done to prove he his well you know what happened he was his kid. So know he goes to court to get parental rights so he doesn't have to go back with his mom. Now some more Damian Wayne similarities he was angry who had undiagnosed autism who was neglected by his mother was desperately touched starved but his dad was a saint and tried to help him the best ways he could. Let me tell you I wish this story had happy ending but he got good few years after that we met up read comics together at my place since me and my family have decent comic collection I can't remember the run name on top of my head but we read the run Damian was introduced he was so happy a kid who had same shit hand dealt I remember my first time reading hating how Talia was depicted but now it my favorite Talia because everytime I read it I remember my friend and his shit hand and how his dad tried to help his son. Now I should explain why it's his mom fault my friend dead he was diagnosed with something I don't feel totally ok with sharing since you could find out who was with it but safe to say he was told he needed to be in assisted living situation shortly after his mom tried to force the court to put him under her care again since she would be given tax exemption from him just living their and she hired a really good lawyer and my friend saw his and his father's hand in the case and their was a good chance she could take him back so instead of even chance with living with her again he killed himself the trail never even made it to court. This is why I like bad mother Talia because every time I write something she deserves her getting her just deserts I feel a little better it's or anything bad happening to her I know it was the creator being islamophobic I don't care if can write legally distinct fanfic about a person who I hate and getting beaten up I'll take it.

I feel like you guys are owed some more facts about him he used to call his dad his Batman when he talked about him. He eventually had a step mother who actually tried to be a mom but sadly she only knew him for a few months I remember her crying the hardest at his funeral how it wasn't fair she couldn't hold him longer apparently she couldn't have children so when she learned her boyfriend at the time had a kid although he was adult she was happy. He liked Godzilla a lot he had some of black and white movies. He was the only person I ever met who liked the batman and Robin movie the one bat suit nipples and Mr freeze. He had hated when people ignored him he would start to hit your arm until you at least acknowledged his existence he tried this once with a teacher and he got detention so fast. He wanted to work in 3d animation. He owned but never read the homestuck epilogue books. I only got one thing from him sadly his 3d model folder I would show you guys his work but I can't look at his art without crying so I rather not.

Goodbye my friend my Damian Wayne from your Jon Kent

[ambalambs]

You mentioned Miko's mom. Tell me more. What is she like? How is their relationship? How did she come to adopt him? Tell me all about her!

Okie dokie lets try this again lol gonna cross my fingers and hope the readmore doesn't break this time too

Hmm what can I say about miko's adopted mom. She's a hyur, mother of two (three with miko), married to a farmer. She's the classic farmers wife lol excellent cook and home maker and pro at keeping her crazy kids in line. And her son may be the wol but she has a skillet and she's not afraid to use it lol she's definitely the one who had the final say in keeping miko. She's basically that meme of "I've only had miko for a day but if anything were to happen to him I would kill everyone in this room including myself" lol she just really loves her smol miqo'te son.

His family adopted him when he was very young (still not 100% on his exact age cuz what even are ages in xiv but he was at least younger than 10) it was right after his village had been razed and he had been alone wandering around in the woods at night in the cold cuz it was the dead of winter and snowing. He took refuge in their barn and they noticed him sneaking in there and just kinda kept him lol I could go into deeper detail on all that but I won't do that here or risk putting a whole fanfic in this answer lol but miko was immediately very loved by her and her husband and their kids. She reminded him a lot of his real mom with just how warm and caring she was that it helped sort of ease the pain and fill the void of losing his real mom so recently. She also has a family history in music so she had a lot of instruments miko had never even heard or seen before. Miko's real mom could sing but she never played instruments so that was something new and exciting for him that his new mom could teach him.

Which just a little snippet of info on his real mom since sometimes I mention her but don't specify which mom im talking about and this seems like a good spot to talk a little about her too lol. But basically miko was super close to his real mom. He was basically the only little boy in his village at the time and had the echo so the other kids thought he was wierd so he was lonely a lot. But his mom would bring him along when she'd gather herbs and theyd pick flowers and he'd always try to find some feathers so when theyd come back home to the village she could braid them into his hair. She was very good at singing so theyd sing together or she'd sing him lots of lullabies. She was just very strong and loving and beautiful and kept him from getting too disheartened by the other kids.

But as for miko's relationship with his adopted mom now its very good! She worries about him a lot with the whole being the wol thing but he writes to her and tells her all about his adventures when he can. Most of his letters he sends home are addressed to her, always assuming she'll read them to the rest of the family anyway lol but he does try to omit the more darker parts of his journey but a mother always knows. She misses him a lot tho and does sometimes wish he had stayed to work on the farm instead of running off to be an adventurer or that he was able to visit more often but she's very proud of him for all he's done regardless. She is just one tough lady tho for having raised her own kids AND a hyperactive teenaged miqo'te boy lol tbh she, and the family of course, are most likely the reason miko managed to grow up still being good, compassionate, and silly instead of becoming cold with revenge in his heart for what he had lost as a child. So honestly she did a pretty good job raising the boy I think 👍

[oatmealdaydreams]

The Owl Ornament

Oh boy, oh boy.

Warning: holidays & Christmas (?), vague religious themes, depression, themes of depersonalization & dissociation

Description: The mother gave her child an ornament; an owl made of faux white and grey feathers. Her child looked up at her, confused. They were a child. Children often got trains or turtles or pinecones. Not owls. Why would she give them an owl? 'You're smart,' she clarified, as if reading their thoughts. 'You're quite a wise child, darling. And pretty, of course, just like this little owl.' The owl was pretty, yes, but... how could a child be wise?

Extra: I'll post more fanfic soon, don't worry. A lil experimental with writing style. Please be kind with this one because it's based on a very personal experience of mine.

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[read under the cut]

Owls watch over the ground below, soaring silently in the mid of night. 

They search and scan for any little rustle in the bushes or any glimpse of tiny fur by the base of trees. They listen for the squeaks, the pitter-pattering of teensy paws, the snuffling of whiskers. When owls find what they're looking for, they strike. They hold on and pay attention. They wait. They strike, and they always notice things that help them See what they need to. 

Owls watch from above, no different from angels, and they See. 

~~~

Ezra was always an observant child. 

They were quiet. They would read instead of playing outside, listen to music instead of singing, draw small sketches instead of watching movies. The other kids thought they were weird. So did the adults, to be honest. 

'At least they're quiet,' everyone always reasoned and justified. 'At least they listen and do as told. I wish my children were like that.'

They didn't just listen, no, that's not what the adults meant. Ezra was obedient to a nearly mindless degree, and that is what everyone always praised. Obedience and silence was all that mattered to them. That's it. 

No one asked why they'd refuse to play with the other kids, or what they'd stay in their room for most hours of the day. That didn't matter to them. They didn't care enough to wonder why Ezra's eyes were always so grey. 

And it confused Ezra when a school counsellor mentioned the unbalanced ratio of friends to books in their bag. 

'You're very smart, Ezra,' she'd said, leaning forward slightly in her office chair. 'You read so much that I'm surprised you don't have more friends with all that knowledge to share.'

Ezra just stared at her. Why would people want to befriend the weird kid? People don't like weird; people don't like different. 

'I'm sure you have lots to say, don't you?'

Ezra said nothing. They knew silence was better, more acceptable. Who want to hear a child's thoughts? People didn't like it when children spoke. People like silence. 

The counsellor let them go back to class, a strangely worried look on her face as Ezra left. 

~~~

At home was no different. 

Ezra sat in silence, reading one of their beloved books. They liked sitting by their bedroom window and listen to the rain from outside. It was calming. It made everything feel... better, I suppose. Not best, mind you, but better. Sometimes, better is all we can afford. 

Their mom never asked why, but Ezra liked to think she wondered. If she wondered, then she cared. Moms were supposed to care. Their mom cared, right? Of course, she did! She'd praise them for being quiet and doing chores. She'd tell them how much she wished Ezra's siblings were like them. She didn't have to worry about Ezra, not like the other kids. They were the least problematic. They were an easy child.

But, that's the thing: no child is truly easy; they just pretend to be. 

Ezra wasn't easy. They were just good at faking being easy. That entailed not talking and reading books alone in their bedroom and doing as told as soon as they were told the instructions. These were acceptable conditions if it meant surviving- living. I meant living. 

And to do so, Ezra had to watch. They had to See, and they Saw a lot. They Saw the way their mom's forehead creased when she was upset. They Saw how their siblings watched certain shows when Mom was around versus when she wasn't. They Saw how the other kids were with their parents, and it confused them when they saw how few people kept silent. Wasn't silence better over speech? Isn't that how it was for everyone? Isn't that just... normal?

They learned others had different experiences, that everyone did. That all sorts of people were different and weird and outcasted. Most people didn't like the weird and odd, but a few people did. Ezra liked those people. They didn't make them feel so alone. A nice fantasy, it seemed, because Ezra never met such a person like that before. They just saw them on the streets, walking. They Saw them, but no one ever Saw Ezra. Maybe they were just a ghost.

Maybe they were always a ghost.

~~~

Ezra liked the holidays and Christmas and everything- just like every other child did- but it always felt grey to them.

They saw the coloured lights and pretty animations, but it was through a grey lens. Maybe they should've gotten their eyes checked. Maybe something was wrong with them. It felt like they were a little storm cloud, hovering above the world and watching from far away. They watched as their hand flipped to the next page in their book. They watched as they blinked, lost in the trance of reading fiction and fantasy. It didn't really feel like reading; they didn't see any fairytale play out in their head. They just saw themself reading. 

However, a knock on their doorframe jolted them from their trace. They looked up from the book, feeling groggy as if waking from slumber, and looked over to see who it was. There stood one of their siblings.

'Mom needs you,' is all their sibling said before running off. 

Ezra closed their book, not before placing a handmade bookmark in it. Perhaps 'bookmark' is a strong word, since it was just a thinly folded piece of lined paper they took from one of their notebooks. Either way, after setting it down, they hopped off their bed and walked out to find their mom. 

After a short venture down the stairs, they found her standing in the living room- which was also the dining room- in front of the fake Christmas tree. It was already decorated with ornaments and lights, evident from the few open tubs of stored holiday decorations. The tubs were usually kept in the under-the-stairs closet, but were probably out because of the holiday season. Ezra idly wondered if their mom would ask for help moving them back, and they really didn't want to deal with that. But they shouldn't be so selfish and lazy. If their mom asks, they should obey like they always do. Their mom likes that. That's what good kids do, right? 

They stood behind their mom for a second before she turned around and slightly jumped, laughing it off as she put a hand on her chest. Where her heart was, or at least where Ezra assumed a heart would be in their mother. 

'Ezra, I didn't see you there! I wanted to give you something for the tree,' their mom smiles lightly as she spoke. 

She picks up an ornament from an almost-empty plastic bag, most likely from the local store. 

The mother gave her child an ornament; an owl made of faux white and grey feathers. Her child looked up at her, confused. They were a child. Children often got trains or turtles or pinecones. Not owls. Why would she give them an owl?

'You're smart,' she clarified, as if reading their thoughts. 'You're quite a wise child, darling. And pretty, of course, just like this little owl.'

The owl was pretty, yes, but... how could a child be wise? Ezra didn't understand, but they accepted the gift anyway. It would be rude not to. It's best not to disappoint their mom. They didn't like to disappoint people. Disappointed people were scary. 

'You should hang it on tree. I'm sure you'll find room for it somewhere, sunshine,' their mom smiled again. 

She smiled a lot. She was a smiley woman. That's one thing about their mother Ezra loved; they loved her bright mom-smiles. 

Ezra nodded, signing a quick 'thank you' before turning to the tallish tree. Fake, plastic pine needles were already shed on the floor underneath it. How can something fake seem so real? A lot of questions, huh Ezra?

They examined the tree with their eyes in a slow, methodical way. They couldn't seem to find a spot for their ornament. There were so many ornaments already, a crowded display of inside family jokes and places their mom used to travel to when she was a younger adult (she was so much freer than, according to her stories she often told her children). Ezra looked around on the sides of the tree, the front, the ups and downs of it, but still couldn't find room. They weren't looking for a good spot, just a spot. They decided to look around the back of it. It was surprising bare on the back of the tree, compared to everywhere else. After looking for a bit, a spot caught their eyes. They found a spot! It wasn't a really good spot; it was kind of hidden and in the middle of a weird place and in the lower areas where no one would really notice it. But hey, it was still a spot. 

For some reason, as Ezra hung their owl ornament in that little spot, it made them feel weird. It felt... strangely like them. Unnoticed, not Seen, away from everything else. Distant. Small. Not bothersome for everything else. It just... felt like something they'd understand. And as Ezra looked at their small hidden owl, they did understand. They understood a little too well. 

Ezra dismissed their thoughts and feelings about the spot. They walked back up the stairs quietly, their mom not even noticing them leaving. They went back to their room, back to their bed, and what to watching themself read from afar as if a ghost of a ghost. 

This ghost was always an observant child. 

[imliterallyjustablackgirl]

"About the Blogger" meme

Thank u sm for tag @happylikeasadsong

Star Sign(s): Virgo sun, Cancer rising and Aries Moon - * ratata, in the ghettooo*

Favorite Holidays: Christmas and New Years, I just love little lights and the snow in the trees and to be reminded that makeup is just make up by the Canadian wind, while I get bitch slapped like I owes it money, ahhh, canadian's winter. I loveeee Christmas songs, I get so excited when it'ssss timmmee ( Mariah is it you). I dream for the day were I get to put lil socks like in movies with name and everything. Might even stitch them myself uwu. We don't do it, but maybe one day, family on my own.

Last Meal: As like my last meal if I d i e or - I ate a burned sandwich, I did it to myself. Me and myself are not talking right now, the sandwich was the last straw for today. It had two large meatballs in a subway wanna be bread - could have been great- I'm getting emotional all over again.

Current Favorite Musician: Brown noise 10 hrs- no wait - Rap orchestra - that's like the current thing I'm listening to right now. Mostly Metro's concert rap Orchestra. But Tanarelle, forever my love. Sade, for sure.

Last Music Listened To: * sigh - go look at the last edit I watched** 1975- about you, the snippet of Holt singing. Last Movie Watched: Bottoms - Lmao- THEEE GAYYYZZZ

Last TV Show Watched: Craig of the Creek - Rick and Morty, Bob's burgers, I watch Bob's burgers alot.

Last Book/Fic Finished: Now why did you have to do me like dat.

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: W A W Abandoned? I Do Not Abandoned My Kids. They just live inside my head until one day a smell, a sound,or an idea reminds me that they exist, or I write them on a piece of paper and forget about it OR they live inside my notes pads. Let's not speak about myout-of-wedlockk Skyrock- Wattpat and Fanfiction.net, children, they are not mine, you cannot prove it. Where is the paternity test?

Currently Reading: Y'all posts, like it's bedtime stories. Curry's fanfictions - honestly I read most of y'all updated or not fanfiction, I was on A3O Sydcarmy tags when there was barely two pages, so ouf - thank you to y'all my loves :* truly. I would lie if I said now I have too much windows open I'm confusing the timelines and fanfic. - Seasons of Sydney by shewalksoverme I am waiting for them to update. I am not handling it well, sadly *sighs*

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: Canada's woods, slightly make me sounds like a serial killer but HOW would you write a werewolf Carmy,huh!? I lived there most of my life, thought it would help me get a better writing experience, yet I've been too busy to continue and now I'm alarmeling aware that we have coyotes. Great ;-;

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: I have alot but I watched the last episode of Stranger Things with my friends last year. S8 of TVD, feeling like a last survivor of some sort, trauma lol - The Howl House - the finality, it healed my inner child to see a queer neurodivergent kid being understood by her mom, kick ass and be happy lol.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: Amphibia- it's such a cute and layered cartoon. OMG - I ALMOST FORGOT - CENTAURWORLD. It deserves the praise. It deserves to be acknowledged, the bad guy changed my perception of so many things.

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: I wish (His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass) when I tell you, that this fantasy world has haunted me, because of how good it was for little girl me, argh! I would watch it all over again, I wish it had a bigger fanbase - if you love Christmas-

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For:

Listen - Projects are not the issue, it's the follow-through, I'm gonna try writing mini-stories to keep my mind engaged. I'll manipulate myself into work - Also I keep losing password to things so, yeah- My fic started: Under the moon- I will this week updated it- I want to write more one-shots, more smut for sure- I am interested in exploring differents fronts of any characters. Shit, I might even a Bob's Burgers fanfic. You can't stop me, you're not my mom- that I know of :O I would like @currymanganese to do it @angelica4equity You don't have to, but like... an ant somewhere might die cauz of it so, idk- do u wanna be an ant murdereww? Yeah, that's what i thought

[jareaulover]

If I Can't Have You (Hotchreid fanfic, Chapter 4)

Summary: They continue to work to find the unsub, Aaron visits Spencer, and in the past, Spencer is hopeful?

Warnings: General murder talk, drugs sort of mentioned

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JJ was shocked by what Spencer had just confided in her. He was in love with Hotch… She stared at him for a couple seconds, he looked nervous like what he just said was going to destroy everything. 

“I was so… I’ve never felt that way about anyone else and… I thought that it had been long enough that… I wouldn’t feel like this anymore but now…” Spencer sighed and closed his eyes, “Can we just… Not discuss it anymore?” JJ nodded.

“Yeah, yeah of course.” She said, setting her coffee on the coffee table. Spencer gave her a small smile.

“So, are, uh, are you seeing anyone?” Spencer asked. JJ blushed and a smile spread across her face.

“Actually… Emily and I are… we’ve been together for a few months.” JJ said. Spencer smiled

“I knew as soon as she joined the team that there was something there. Morgan and I actually had a bet going on when you two would realize it and get together.” Spencer said. JJ laughed.

“Morgan mentioned that when we finally told the team.” She said, Spencer smiled,

“I really… I really miss you guys.” Spencer said, “Sometimes I wish that I had stayed, but… My mom really needs me to be here.” JJ nodded

“How is she doing?” She asked,

“She’s doing great, she’s so glad that I became a professor, just like her.” He said, “She likes to give me ideas on what to teach.” JJ sipped her coffee 

“That’s good, I’m glad you’re able to have this time with her.” She said, Spencer nodded.

“Me too.” 

===

Wednesday morning, the team was at the station bright and early. Morgan had decided it was his turn to stay with Spencer, and the rest of the team was working the case. It was 9 am when they got the report about Arthur Skinner’s body being found. The team made their way to the crime scene.

“I thought he was just a homeless guy sleeping there… But then I realized he was dressed up and… well…” The man who had reported the body told Rossi and Hotch.

“What time did you get in this morning?” Rossi asked. The man was a librarian who worked in the library.

“I came in at 6 to do some shelving before we opened. He was there then… I came out for my break at 9 and realized…” 

“Okay, thank you. If you don’t mind, could you go with this officer and put your statement into writing?” Rossi asked. The man nodded and followed the officer.

“Well, he’s dressed the same as the other victims, although it looks like he’s in the same jeans that he was wearing when he was missing.” Emily said.

“Well, we know the unsub steals the clothes beforehand. My guess is that Arthur didn’t have the khakis with him, so the unsub took what he could get.” Rossi said, approaching the scene. Aaron looked over the scene,

“So he’s obviously speeding up his timeline, he could take another victim at any time.” Aaron said, “We need to do a press release. JJ, I want you to get on that.” he looked around at the others, “Dave, you and Emily will go to the ME’s office to see what they can tell you.” he continued, “Tara, I want you to go notify his wife.” Tara nodded and the team spread out to do what they were told. Aaron then pulled out his phone and called Morgan.

“This is Morgan.” The man said when he answered his phone. Spencer was still in bed when he got the call. He didn’t want to wake the young professor, since he had been through a lot the previous day and JJ had told him that he wasn’t able to fall asleep until about 2:30.

“Hey, Arthur Skinner’s body was found this morning.” Aaron informed him, Derek sighed,

“Okay, do you need me to come back?” He asked. Aaron sighed,

“No, no stay with Spencer. I’m gonna send some officers over to stay outside his apartment. I’m worried that the unsub might try and take Spencer next.” Aaron explained Morgan nodded,

“Got it, Hotch. Maybe you can send over the students of his that you’ve narrowed down and I can go over them with the kid.”

“Okay, We’ll have an officer bring over the hard copies.” Aaron said before ending the call. Morgan got up from the couch and went to put on a pot of coffee. Spencer came into the kitchen, dressed and with his bag slung over his shoulder.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Morgan asked, raising and eyebrow. Spencer gave him a slightly confused look

“I still have classes that I need to teach. I already had to cancel yesterday, I’m not doing the same today.” He said, grabbing one of his lidded coffee cups.

“One of those students could be our unsub.” He said, “Hotch wants you to stay here.” Spencer sighed,

“Come on, Derek, I need to work… I can’t just sit around and do nothing.” 

“I know that, and that’s why I asked Hotch to send over the files of the students that we narrowed it down to” He said. Spencer sighed,

“Okay, I’ll cancel my classes.” He said. Morgan gave him a smile,

“Okay, Pretty boy, I’m gonna order some breakfast for us and then we can get to work.” Spencer nodded and set his bag down on the counter.

===

Spencer was released from the hospital a few days later. The team was out on another case now and Spencer was going to be home alone. The young agent was nervous about it. He walked out of the hospital and hailed a taxi. 

When he pulled up to his apartment complex, he saw Aaron’s car in the parking lot. He felt himself relax a little, knowing he was there, but also slightly confused.

“Don’t you have a case?” Spencer asked when he entered his apartment. Aaron had cleaned the apartment. The dishes were done, all the books were put back in their places on his shelves and everything smelled of a lemon scented cleaner.

“The team went, I am consulting from here.” Aaron explained, “I didn’t think that it was a good idea for you to be alone right now.” Spencer felt shame rise in his gut, but he tried to ignore it.

“Do… do they know?” He asked, all of a sudden filled with even more shame accompanied by anxiety.

“They… No. I figured that if you wanted to tell them then you would,” Aaron said. Spencer nodded and let out a sigh of relief, “I, uh, I meant to be there when you were released but I lost track of time.” 

“It’s alright… I made it fine.” He said, “You really don’t need to be here, Aaron. I’ll be fine. You got rid of… everything.” Spencer said, Aaron looked at Spencer

“I know, but-”

“But I could seek it out if I really wanted to?” Spencer offered, a bit of venom to his words.

“It's not that I don’t trust you, Spencer…” Aaron said. Spencer just sighed and made his way to his bedroom. He shut the door behind him and went to gather some clothes so he could take a shower. He thought about everything that had gone on between the two of them. He thought about Aaron helping him through his addiction and thought of the times before when… He let his mind wander as he undressed and started the shower.

He thought of Aaron pushing him into the wall in his bedroom. He thought of Aaron’s hands exploring his skin, his lips following soon after. Spencer got into the shower and let the warm water remind him of Aaron’s warm body on his. He felt the familiar feeling of his cock hardening. He bit his lip and took his hard member in his hand, giving it a few tugs. He moaned softly, leaning against the wall of the shower.

His thoughts continued, thinking about all the ways that Aaron had touched him, had kissed him. He thought about the marks that were left on the skin of his collarbone after one of their meetings. He thought about the bruises that covered his thighs when Aaron had gotten a little rougher than intended. He loved every second of it, though.

Aaron knocked softly on Spencer’s bedroom door, but there was no answer. He started feeling a little worried, after the events of the past couple days, so he opened the door slowly. He entered the room and called out for the younger man.

“Spencer?” That’s when he heard it. He heard the younger man say his name.

“Ah-Aaron…” He didn’t register that the sound was a moan, his first thought was that Spencer could be hurt or… He wasn’t sure, so he opened the door and froze.

“Spencer?” Spencer squeaked and jumped a little, nearly falling. Luckily, he caught himself before he could fall.

“Aaron, oh god… I’m sorry.” Spencer stammered, “Oh god…” Aaron chuckled a bit,

“It’s okay, Spencer, honestly. Um… You could… You could continue if you wanted.” Aaron said, biting his lip. He felt arousal seep into his own pants. Spencer rubbed the back of his neck and then peeked out of the shower at Aaron.

“You could, uh, join me…” He said, shyly. Aaron smiled.

“I’d like that.”

===

Aaron decided that he would bring the case files over himself. He wanted to check on Spencer. He greeted the officers who were standing outside of Spencer’s apartment and flashed his creds. They both nodded and Aaron knocked on the door. Morgan was the one to open the door, after looking through the peephole.

“Hotch, I thought the officers were going to bring the files.” Derek said. He figured that Hotch would have other things that he needed to be working on. He didn’t really understand why Hotch would be the one to bring them.

“Yeah, I just wanted to check up on Spencer.” Hotch said. Derek’s look of questioning turned to understanding. He thought back to when he and JJ witnessed each other in the conference room, he started thinking that maybe the two were closer than he first thought. Aaron handed the files to Derek and made his way into the apartment. He found Spencer sitting at the counter. He looked up at the man when he walked in.

“Aaron.” He breathed, “Hey.” Aaron suddenly felt a lot of familiar emotions flooding in. He was inside of Spencer’s apartment, it was the first time he’d been in this apartment but everything was so similar to the apartment back in DC. The shelves of books were the same, the colors of the walls were the same, the smell was the same. 

“Hey, Spencer.” He said, “How are you doing?” He asked. Spencer gave him a small smile,

“I’m doing okay. I’ll be doing a lot better when you catch this son of a bitch.” He said. Aaron nodded.

“Of course. We’re getting closer. I gave the files to Morgan.” Aaron said. Spencer nodded. 

“Thanks, Aaron.” Spencer said. He pushed his plate away, “I’m gonna go get started on those files.” he murmured, going to sit on the couch with Morgan.

“I’ll see you later, guys. I believe Emily is going to be here to relieve you later tonight.” Aaron said to Morgan, the agent nodded and Aaron left. Aaron still wanted so badly to be the one there with Spencer. What he really wanted was to be there with Spencer, but he didn’t think either of them could handle that. Aaron didn’t think he could handle being alone with the young professor. He knew that if he was alone with him, he would slip up and he would tell Spencer exactly how he felt.

===

The two men were now dry and had just finished round two. Aaron sat up in the bed and picked up his phone. He had a few texts from the team, updating him on the case. 

“So… Anything from the team?” Spencer asked from his spot on the bed. Aaron looked at him, the young agent was now covered in hickies, all down his chest. Aaron realized that he might have a little thing for marking Spencer. 

“Just some updates on the case. They have a few suspects but nothing solid yet.” Aaron said. He moved to lay back down and pulled Spencer close to him. He began tracing the path of the marks down Spencer’s chest. Spencer sighed, pleasure evident in his breath.

“Aaron…” He murmured. Aaron bit his lip,

“I… These look beautiful on you.” Aaron murmured. Spencer blushed, looking away from the older man. He loved the few minutes after they finished, perhaps more than the actual sex. He loved to feel like Aaron could love him, even though once Aaron was gone he found that thought to be ridiculous.

“Well you made them.” Spencer said. Aaron looked at Spencer’s face, he had a tired smile and his eyes were starting to fall closed.

“Why don’t we get some sleep?” Aaron asked, Spencer blinked a couple times,

“We…? You’re not going to leave?” Spencer asked, surprise clear in his voice. Aaron blushed and rubbed the back of his neck,

“If that’s alright with you.” Aaron said, Spencer smiled wide and nodded.

“Of course.” Maybe this time would be different, Spencer allowed himself to think about how this could go.

===

It was around 10 pm, everyone was exhausted from the day’s work of reading files, canvassing, and trying to catch this damn unsub. Spencer had indicated that none of the students that he and Morgan had gone over fit the profile. Although, he said he had so many students that he didn’t know most of them that well. 

“Okay, let's all go get some rest and we’ll start fresh in the morning.” Aaron said, “Emily, you’re on Spencer duty. Go relieve Morgan.” He instructed. Emily and JJ exchanged a look.

“Actually, Hotch, I think I’m coming down with something and, well, you know how he is about germs.” Emily said. Aaron narrowed his eyes a bit, she didn’t look sick, but he did, in fact, know how Spencer felt about germs, so if there was even a chance…

“Okay, um,” Aaron thought for a minute. JJ had stayed last night, and he knew she didn’t get any sleep. Spencer didn’t want someone who he didn’t know very well, so that took out Tara and Rossi… He thought, maybe, Morgan could just stay the night and then Reid could stay at the station for the day, but he also wanted Morgan to get some rest for the next day, “I’ll do it. And tomorrow he’ll have to come in with us. He’ll be safer here, anyway” he said. He didn’t see JJ and Emily sneakily fist bump.

Morgan and Spencer were eating takeout when there was a knock at the door. Morgan stood up, hand on his gun. When he saw that it was Aaron, he relaxed and allowed the agent access to the apartment. 

“I thought Emily was coming…” Morgan said, raising an eyebrow. Spencer looked up and he was shocked to see the Unit Chief as well.

“Yeah, I guess she’s getting sick and she knows how Spencer feels about germs so I’m here.” Aaron said. Spencer looked at him from his seat on the couch.

“Um, there’s some more takeout on the counter if you’re hungry.” Spencer said. Morgan could feel the tension between the two and he thought for a moment that maybe he should discuss it with JJ.

“Well, I’ll see you guys later.” Morgan said, leaving the apartment. Aaron shut the door behind him and locked it. The room was quiet and neither man was looking at the other. Aaron sat down in the armchair next to the couch.

“So… Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” Spencer finally said, Aaron sighed.

“We don’t have to.” Aaron started, “We… We didn’t end on bad terms… I don’t know why there’s so much tension between us.” Spencer bit his lip,

“I don’t know either, but… We never discussed it even when we were doing it.” Spencer said, “We never talked about how we felt or… If… If it was completely over.” Spencer finally looked at him.

“So then… Should we talk about it?” Aaron asked, Spencer studied Aaron’s face for a few seconds, looking for any sign that maybe Aaron felt the same way that he did. Spencer thought maybe, just maybe, Aaron was thinking about kissing him and pulling him close, closer than they’d been in a long time. Closer than when he held him back at the police station. But, Aaron was good at keeping everything in, he kept his normal stoic look and Spencer lost his confidence.

“Well, it's over now.” He said and stood up, “So I don’t think there is anything to talk about… I’m going to go get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” Spencer said, quickly retreating to his bedroom. Aaron sort of felt like he’d just received a punch to the gut. He thought, for a second, about going after the younger man and kissing him until neither could breathe. But he couldn’t do that, Spencer didn’t feel that way about him anymore.

===

Spencer woke up the next morning to an empty bed. He felt sadness wash over him. Had Aaron left in the middle of the night? Or even just before Spencer woke up. Spencer got out of the bed and wrapped a robe around himself. He exited his bedroom and made his way out of the bedroom. There was no sign of the other agent. The files were gone, his clothes were gone… Every bit of Aaron was gone. Spencer thought back to his thoughts from last night, his thought that maybe things would be different this time. His eyes welled up with tears, but he wiped them away before they could fall. He wouldn’t let himself cry, not over this. 

===

Next Chapter

[hide-in-imagination]

Hiiii <3 I love your fanfics, okay "love" is a very weak word, I'm literally obsessed with your ff. That's why I want to ask, I've been thinking for a long time about the fact that I'd also like to write a fanfic about Ámbar and Simón, because I'm not okay and in my free time I think about different situations that could have happened between them behind the scenes. I tried to write something, but either it was very short and by that I mean extra short, or I ended up thinking that it was horrible and decided to delete it, so to get to the whole question, how did you start writing fanfics and how do you do it in general that your stories are always soooo perfect? Do you have any advice for people like me who want to start writing? Aaaaanndddd one more time, I really adore your work, please keep doing what you're doing, every time I get a notification that you've released some update both here and on ao3, I'm like a little girl who was allowed by her mom to buy candy, I mean, it always makes my day 1000% better 💞🩷❤️💜

Hi!!! Oh my god, you're so sweet, thank you 🥹🥹 ❤️❤️

I'm so honored that you would ask me for advice. I'll do my best, but, honestly? I'm my number one critic! I don't feel like I have the right to be advising anyone kdsjs. You say my stories are perfect but I don't believe that. I'm constantly frustrated by my lack of ability and depressed when I compare myself to my favorite fanfic authors.

But this leads us to our first lesson: You will always find someone who likes what you do. So don't worry too much about your first fics being too short or not being good enough. They're your first creations! You'll grow from there! And someone will like it. I mean, look at my first drabbles! They were- what? 300 words long? That's very short, but people liked them!

How did I start writing fanfics? I just did. I got an idea and I started writing it just because I thought it was fun. That idea was 'What If'. Hell, the whole concept was in the title, I'm not that creative 😂 And it wasn't supposed to be more than a fun oneshot! But then I thought "What could happen after that?" and I got more fun ideas, and people were asking for more anyway, so I wrote them.

Now. While I don't regret it by any means, because, as I said, you gotta start from somewhere and it was fun at the time... I do wish I had taken more time to think things through. If anyone's ever wondered why I used to write fast and now it takes me months, it's because now I worry about a 100 different things I did not think about when I first started. I usually just wrote the first thing that came to my head. And again, it was fun! People loved it! But, there is sooo much that I learned later. So many things that could've helped me make a better narration. So many things that I wouldn't have to go back to and change years later if I had taken the time to consider them the first time around.

So. For the sake of helping you and any other person who might want some advice, here are some things I would encourage anyone to do or don't do when writing a fanfic.

No matter what anyone tells you, there is nothing wrong with using the verb "Say." "He said, she said, they said"-- It's fine. You don't need to use a different verb every time. Different verbs are a great help when you want to add an specific edge to it. For example, if you say "he spat" the words, that immediately implies he was angry. You could also say "He said angrily" and it would convey the same message, but "growled" or "hissed" or "snapped" add a different image to it. It's all about preference and nothing is right or wrong.

Having said that- Don't ever use the word 'orbs'. Never. Please just say 'eyes' sdkfs.

Don't use the phrase "their tongues battled for dominance" because it's a fanfic meme by this point 😂 (I didn't know this when I started and I wish I had! I'm sure I used it somewhere 😂)

Similar to the whole 'Say' debacle, there's nothing wrong with repeating words if the context calls for it! For example, if it's a hot scene, you can use 'moan' more than once, there's no need to look for 8 different synonyms. (Sorry for the example, it was the first that came to mind skdf)

(Actually, I might have a whole list of Dos and Don'ts specifically for smut scenes, but I won't go into that kjsn)

Try to keep all the five senses in mind: sight, smell, touch, hearing, and taste. This is something I personally struggle with a lot, I forget most of them knsf. This does not mean that you need to mention all of them in every single scene, jesus no, that would be too much 😂 Personally, it just helps me when I want to add more to an scene. I think of what sense I haven't mentioned yet and go with one that fits.

Sometimes less is more! Don't worry if your writing style isn't as detailed or flowery as others you've seen before. Some people thrive describing settings, for example, and they might write 3 full paragraphs about the exact shade of the leaves on the trees and what kind of trees they are and how the sky looked and what the wind tasted like. If that's not you? It's okay! Sometimes, just saying "they were at a park with lots of greenery" it's enough. Hell, you could just say "they were at a park" and let people imagine it! Don't force yourself and just write what makes sense to you <3

It's okay to repeat characters' names! This is also something I wish I knew right away. Don't say "the Italian and the mexican" just say "Matteo and Simón". Same thing with "the brunette" or "the blonde". Those are fine sometimes, but I try not to use them either. "Girl," "boy", "woman," and the like are fine too sometimes.

Play with subtlety and try to make it feel human. AKA: try to avoid the melodrama. I've unknowingly fallen into it before so I know that it's hard. Hell- some people like it! And if you do, by all means, go ahead, I can assure you you'll find readers who love it. But if you want to avoid it, like me, just... try to avoid anything that sounds like it could be on Wattpad?? LJDKSF I don't even know how to explain this😂 The only example I can come up with is that, if someone is sad, they don't need to fall to the floor sobbing. How many people do you know that do that? Reserve any big displays of emotions only for huge emotional blows (Someone died, someone is dying, huge betrayal, someone is or could be sent to jail and it's innocent, apocalypse AU, stuff like that).

Also, try to avoid anyone being 100% right or 100% wrong. Real life isn't like Disney. People usually have reasons why they think or act a certain way. A girl might start acting cold to her boyfriend because she thinks he doesn't love her anymore. The boy might be confused and hurt by this because he does love her. If they talk about it, it would be wrong of the guy to just say "Well, you're wrong, I do love you" and leave it at that. We should focus on why the girl thought that. The girl might be "wrong", but feelings are never wrong; they just are. (And she should've talked to him instead of acting cold, they were both wrong in this scenario. See? No one's 100% right)

Personally, I see scenes in my head as if it were a movie or an episode and I describe in words what I see the actors do. That might help you or it might not-- Everyone is different! For thoughts, I just go with what I imagine they might be feeling based on what I know of the characters. Sometimes I have to reign myself in and not make them too self-aware though 😂 They haven't watched all the youtube videos on human psychology and couple's therapy that I have! 😂

That's another thing that might help you! Especially if you'll be writing romantic stories. I was first introduced to the concept of Couples Therapy because of this duo of therapists. They have some YouTube videos and a Podcast on Spotify if you wanna give it a listen. Recently, I've been watching a looot of Cinema Therapy. I totally recommend them! They're very fun and I always find something I can relate to Simbar bc I'm insane

Of course, I research so much because I don't have any personal experience, but if you do, draw from that! Whoever said that you shouldn't put your own stuff onto the characters is a liar! Simón talking about what he missed about México? I was thinking about what I missed while I was away from my own country. Ámbar not knowing that bowling balls have different weights? Literally happened to me- I wanted the blue one! The important thing is to keep in mind what the character is like and not just force your own beliefs on them. For example, I hate Luna with a burning passion, but I don't make the characters hate her too because I know that's not them. My friend Chiara has asked me multiple times why I haven't just killed Luna off in a fanfic. My answer is always the same: Simón would be so sad!!

You can also draw from experiences your friends told you about, or something that happened to your family, or you can read people's experiences on Reddit-- Anything works!

And since we're on the topic, I think one of the things that have helped me the most is just: Read. If you want to write, you have to read, that's just how it works. It helps you a lot to discover what kind of narration you like, what kind of narration you don't like, what phrases you like, what words you like. You can start analyzing what this specific author does so well that makes you love their stories. You can start realizing "Oh, I was liking this so much until they wrote that, I better not do the same thing." It's not about copying word for word, it's about trying to capture the essence and then shaping it onto your own style. (But C, what's my style? What is a style? I don't know! I don't even know what my own style is but I'm sure I have one. If you have your own brain, you have your own style, it's that simple. Everyone thinks differently after all!)

Lastly, but very important in my opinion, once you've written something: Check your spellings and grammar. There's this cool Chrome extension called "Grammarly" that I always use. I didn't know it when I first started and now it's a life saver!

This is all I can think at the moment. I'm sure there's more advice that could help, and I'm sure I'm not a paragon of wisdom, so, I invite you to google writing tips if you like, or you can search for that tag here on Tumblr too if you want some more profesional insights.

My main message to you is to just enjoy the love you have for these characters and let it inspire you. Fantasizing about your favorite ship is very fun! Let that fun be your guide ❤️

Lots of love, Anon. I hope you have a great week^^

[onlyonewoman]

I’ve been visiting my family for five days and I just love how my dearly beloved mother cannot grasp how her daughter, who got burnt out from her writing related job and then started writing fanfics, slowly regaining a love and happiness for writing again after more than 10 years of feeling dread from it, doesn’t want to write to earn money again. Mom: But you’re so GOOD at writing, why don’t you try and earn MONEY from it? Me: Because writing to make money turned me ill for years...? Mom: But you’re so gifted! There are magazines you could write short stories for! Me: You’ve said that for fifteen years at least, and I’ve tried to tell you that being an autistic, genderfluid nerd who literally can’t get through a modern heterosexual love story without feeling sick, doesn’t make a good story writer for old womens magazines... Mom: But your could make MONEY from it! Me: Yeah, no, it’s not that easy and you of all people should know that, as a former journalist. Mom: But you’re so goooood at writing!!! Me: You’re right. Your daughter is fairly good at writing, especially gay porn, explicit torture, angst and male pregnancies without a single female character. Mom: I don’t want to hear about this! Me: But that’s what I’m really successful with, you know... Mom: A mother doesn’t want to hear such things! Me: Well, this daughter doesn’t want to hear about writing heterosexual, romantic short stories aimed at women who think 50 shades of abuse is hot and maaaaybe earning a little bit of money from it. I have emotionally disturbed gay sorcerers and mobsters to fuck up, I don’t need more work. Mom: But... Me: Do you want to know what the most popular gay torture story I wrote contains? Mom: No! Me: THEN STOP NAGGING OR YOU’LL GET DETAILS! Just because I’m good at gay torture porn, doesn’t mean I’m good at “he looked at her and she looked at him” stories for boomers! I love my mom, but sweet Yiling Patriarch, sometimes I wish she would learn when to drop a subject. For 7 years now, we’ve had this kind of convo at least once a year and one day I might loose my shit and send her my xuexiao ABO series, my bigchan daddy kink story and the rape victim to rapist to lover story with juice and tully, damnit!

[asquinate]

update on the stranger things watch the show (Byler) Fanfic I'm writing:

I feel like i've been neglecting those of you that follow the fic, so here's a scene from the next chapter to hold you over. so sorry. :(

_______________________

spoiler below

The screen changes again to Hawkins high school. Barbara and Nancy are walking together.

Nancy sighed at the sight of her friend. She loved seeing her again but she couldn’t help wondering how much longer she would get to. Not to mention that the sight of Barb was usually paired with her past self acting like a bitch. Guiltily, she was beginning to be less thankful for the ability to see her friend.

Barb, reading from a flashcard: “When alpha particles go through gold foil, they become…”

Nancy: Unoccupied space.

Barb, picking up the next card: “A molecule that can–”

Steve comes from the side of them and steals her notecards, as Barb quietly says “hey!” in annoyance Tommy gives her a wet-willie.

Steve frowned. ‘Great, another thing of me being an ass…’ He hated these types of scenes. He felt selfish considering this was the only time Nancy could see her best friend again, but he hated seeing himself like this. 

Steve: I think you’ve studied enough, Nance.

Nancy: Steve-

Steve: I’m telling you, you know, you got this. Don’t worry. Now, on to more pressing matters. My dad has left town on a conference and my mom’s gone with him, ‘cause, you know, she doesn’t trust him.

Hopper frowned; he honestly couldn’t remember the last time the elder Harringtons were in town for more than the occasional weekend.

Tommy: Good call.

Steve: So are you in?

Nancy: In for what?

Carol: No parents, big house…

Nancy rolled her eyes.

Nancy: A... party?

Carol: ding, ding, ding.

Steve and Tommy laugh slightly.

Steve rolled his eyes at the screen. That wasn’t even funny.

Nancy: It’s tuesday?

Tommy, mocking: “It’s tuesday!”

Carol laughs with him.

Steve: Come on, It’ll be low key. It’ll just be us. What do you say? Are you in or are you out?

Nancy looks like she’s about to say no when Carol cuts her off.

Nancy sighed, she wished she just said no.

Carol: Oh, God. Look.

They turn towards the front of the school.

Steve: Oh god, that’s depressing.

Jonathan is shown putting up missing person posters for Will.

Jonathan was about to say something snarky, annoyed at Steve’s words when he looked over at the other teen and saw him looking regretful and angry. He decided to say nothing.

Nancy, softly: Should we say something?

Jonathan felt a smile threaten his face. He loves his girlfriend. Nancy often tried to hide it for some reason but she really cared about those around her. It was one of his favorite things about her.

Carol: I don’t think he speaks.

Will and Joyce glared at the screen. If looks could kill Carol would have been dust.

Tommy: How much you want to bet he killed him?

Several people gasped aloud while others glared even more at the two teens on the screen.

Steve wondered why he was ever friends with those two.

Joyce was considering murder. She hated how so many of the kids Jonathan's age were so mean. He was such a sweet kid.

Steve, pushes Tommy as he whispers: Shut up.

Murray rolls his eyes. 'little late for that kid.'

Nancy watches all this as she looks back over at Jonathan. Making a decision she walks away from the group over to Jonathan. 

Nancy: Hey…

Jonathan: Oh, hey.

He turns away from where he was putting up the sign to look at her.

Joyce smiled a small amount. Nancy Wheeler was such a sweet girl.

Nancy: I just… I wanted to say, you know, um… I’m sorry about everything.

Jonathan looks over at the group still waiting for her by the wall, she looks with him. Then turns back.

Nancy: Everyone’s thinking about you.

Jonathan looks down.

Nancy: -it sucks.

Jonathan: yeah.

Nancy: I’m sure he’s fine. He’s a smart kid.

Will didn't know what to think of this interaction. It was just so weird. He hated watching his brother trying to cope with his disappearance. Though, he couldn't help feeling awkward seeing people talk about him like this.

The bell rings.

She chuckles: I have to go. Chemistry test.

Jonathan smiles: yeah.

Nancy, walking away: Good luck. 

Jonathan: Thanks.

Jonathan watches the group leave, turning back to the poster as he’s the last one left in the hallway.

The intercom screeches as he leaves the school: "Attention everyone, tonight there will be an assembly on the football field in support of Will Byers and his family. All are encouraged to attend. Volunteer sign-ups for the search parties are still available in the office.”

Yeah, Will thought. This is weird.

Then Jonathan turns and walks out of the school.

Joyce frowned slightly. Where was he going? 

Jim got a bad feeling. He really hoped that kid wasn't doing what he thought he was.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hello hello, thank you for doing these match ups for us! Never done one of these before so I'm excited to see who I'll end up with. 💕

- What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

Great Wide Unknown by Pealeaf. Technically, I love the lyrics in their entirety but especially this: 'There are things we'll never know

Wish I could find a way to live like this forever

But there's a burning in my soul

And these days, it burns brighter than ever'.

As well as

'These stars were never mine to chase

I'll chase them anyway

Take me to a land far away

This path was never mine to take

Was my fate set in stone

Or just one thread in the great wide unknown'

Because after years of not getting anywhere in my life, I'm finally moving forward.

- Enneagram/Mbti:

The Loyalist, INFJ-T

- Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

Does currently watching Hardcore Singular Type Pokemon Nuzlockes count? If not, then I enjoy essay videos on revitalizing abandoned landscapes.

- What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Laying on my side. Sometimes, I put on a yt video.

- If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why?

If I had to, I'd choose Inga, cause that's what my mom would have named me (it was dad's turn for me :p ) and I think it's a cute name.

- What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

Torn between 'caught stealing your alpha werewolf boyfriend's hoodie' and 'your yandere friend wants to be closer to you'. For the former, I love the sweet vulnerability and the casual touches, the relaxation and bone deep love. For the latter, the way Blake helps the listener fall asleep works so well for me, him humming softly at the end... and I love manipulative/gaslighting characters. :')

- What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for.

Eeeh. Aaron, I suppose?

- Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

Lord of the Rings (Movie Edition). Especially Return of the King.

- Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Asher. Sorry, David, I hope you can share. Or Huxley. He's the actual sweetest dude who deserves the world and then some.

- Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it?

No, I just get grumpy when I'm tired.

- Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Eeh. Salty Pringles and a cola/orange fanta combo drink.

- Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

Freelancer season 1 and Fallen Empathy Daemon. Yes, I am unable to decide once more. Outside of that, my Favorite Video Game Music playlist featuring mostly calm bgms and the occasional boss theme.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Any type of dating game with yandere characters. I like the psychological horror aspects as well as the devotion. Is that kind of relationship toxic irl? Hell yeah it is. Do I still love games about the topic? You bet I do. Also, farming simulator games like Stardew Valley or Rune Factory.

Anything else?

Perfectionist (but slowly letting go of that), late-bloomer, creative. Whenever I have a moment, I get lost in my head, thinking up scenarios or plot for a new fanfic I'll never write. A cuddlebug but I feel more comfortable initiating and I prefer it if people ask before they touch me. I work with kids and I genuinely love my job despite the mental and physical exhaustion. I've got a very dry sense of humor and I actually love silly puns and humor.

Hope you have a good day!! ♥️

I know Fred and Bright, like, aren’t actual children (I imagine them as no older than twenty but still), but they’re basically Sam’s kids, and I just think he would more than appreciate a partner who likes kids and wouldn’t mind dating a single dad /hj

Something I think works well between Sixes and Eights (which is what I strongly hc Sam to be) is that both of you can be so… I don’t want to say guarded but careful with trust and intimacy. That shit has to be earned, and when you do get to know one another, you’ll learn how well-matched you are. Sixes are fueled by the desire to have security and stability, and Eights are fueled by the desire to lead and protect. Fundamentally, you are uniquely situated to be everything the other needs. 

I also think Sam would be the perfect cuddle partner for you. Ever since that second video where he politely asks permission to lay hands, even in an emergency, we’ve known for sure he’s so careful about consent and boundaries. I can easily imagine the two of you settling down for a LOTR movie and him waiting with open arms for you to reach out at your pace and comfort level. (Gosh, wouldn’t that be so cute, you showing him the trilogy for the first time and excitedly telling him about how Viggo Mortenson broke his ankle?)

Song:

But here's a map, here's a shovel/ Here's my Achilles' heel/ I'm all in, palms out/ I'm at your mercy now and I'm ready to begin/ I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough to let you in

Thank the lord for you, I have been waiting for someone I can match with Sam because this is my Sam song; I think of him every time I hear it. In my head, this is his internal monologue as he confesses. He’s lived such a long life of being hurt and protecting himself from more; trusting you enough to let you in, to not hurt him more, to acknowledge that risk is the greatest act of love of which he is capable. 

Runner-Ups: 

Milo’s a really cute possibility, because Sweetheart also strikes me as a recovering perfectionist, so I think he’d be a really supportive partner in that respect. “Who’s expectin ya to do all of that? It certainly ain’t me and damn sure shouldn’t be you.” is something I can hear him saying in his voice, if that makes sense. Also, I see your love of yanderes, hence Flyboi!Ivan. I ain’t pairing you with someone who got all them tendencies, because I love you, but we can have a little of that, the potential of the crazy as a treat /affectionate

Note: unrelated but bruh how you feelin after that Balance season finale because wowee Blake

Want a match-up of your own? Read this post, and tell me about yourself! 💌