#I was thinking of 'week' and 'like real people do' by hozier while writting this

[toomanywordsnllines]

Ghost's love is... Morbid. Melancholic in the way that he explains it and expresses it. It's extreme and revolting.

Disgusting.

No sane person would look at the object of their desire, love and affection and think half the things he does. Try and do half the things he does.

It's the way he wants to tear and be torn apart, inch by inch of his skin, have his muscles ripped apart, his bones broken and shattered. It's how he wants his organs to stop working the moment his love dies.

He wants to decompose and be eaten by the earth, he was almost once, and it brought him a sick sense of peace. To know that after all the pain he went through. There would be peace and he would just go back to the earth.

It's probably because of his fucked up psych and all the torture his mind as been through since the day he was born. Simon is a cursed name, he's known this for a while. That's why he destroyed it and buried it. Hoping, wishing, that it would have the piece it desired.

It didn't. He got restless under the skin of Ghost and little horrid pieces started revealing themselves slowly. Like ants coursing through his veins, it burned like poison. Made him itch. It scratched his insides painfully. Made him want to tear his viscera out. Gore displayed over his fingers.

But when he looks at the person he loves. Johnny. His person.

His Johnny.

It's like a part of his brain is both satiated and starving for more.

He cannot help but want to die for him.

Kill for him.

But also, live another day to see his smile, his laugh. Watch the sun melt into the beauty of his blue eyes, reflecting back the beauty of the sky like crystal water.

Like a cat bringing his owner a gift of appreciation-

Wishes to decapitate the ones who did Johnny wrong and bring their heads on a silver platter. Hoping for praise and satisfaction.

But he controls himself, because Johnny can take care of himself. Because Johnny, strong and resilient Johnny is not a man of pitiful revenge. Not when it's about himself.

And he gives him what he seeks anyway. In the way of gentle hands and soft touches, encouraging words. Time. Touch. Talking.

Still, most days, every day he wants to taste his blood on his tongue. Drink it like the sweet tasting wine he knows it would be.

But most of all-

Wants to be killed by his love's hands when his time finally comes.

When he commits a mistake he cannot undo. When he has overstepped his stay. He wants Johnny to put his hands on Simon and to break him. Slit his throat. Quick and gentle. Lay him down gently to the dirty. Flowers heavy on his chest.

Because love for Simon is devotion.

The moment he saw John. He swore to devote his life to him.

However, John's love is caring.

Taking care, his own form of devotion. Construct Simon back to be whole, not trying to make him perfect, never. Paint his cracks gold, always trying his best, plaster on his wounds, chipping his skin, bleeding over him. White glue, duct tape. 

It's messy, it's terrible, disgusting, disfigurating.

He has never felt so understood (He's not looked at like a freak. His concerning sentences aren't brushed off as odd or concerning but listened. Observed. Johnny understands that his words, words that would leave anyone queasy, green with sickness, are the only way Simon was taught to love. Learned to love.)

It 's peaceful.

It's the way of Johnny loving him and that's enough to quell the morbid thirst in Simon's heart.

A little 'study'(?) on how I think Ghost loves... Some notes I wrote after:

My favorite type of Simon is the one who's love is just revolting. Out ,of what's called, the ordinary and extreme.

It's the love of a man who does not let others in, not because he's scared of being seen. But because he knows if they knew how much he loves them they would run away. Disappear. Question his fucked up mind. Lock him away. Treat him like the freak that he is.

That's why he loves Johnny.

Because the man is not scared of him and he himself admits he's not normal. Too clingy, too obsessive. Explosive. Weird. Too much.

They're both freaks, in their own way.

That's why they love each other.