#I was so nervous for uni because I'd be alone with no family in a student dorm

[crabussy]

remembered I'm moving to my favourite place in the world for uni and got so excited I squeaked and accidentally bashed my toe because I kicked my leg out without meaning to

[masonmyluv]

Part 7

A/N: Finally! I don’t really like writing slow burns 😅

Warnings: fluffy, a bit angsty at the end

Read the rest of the story HERE

"So... did she forgive you?" Gavi asked. "Who's she?" Lamine asked. "Fermin's girlfriend" Gavi smirked. "Ooooo". "Yeah she did" Fermin narrowed his eyes at the Sevillan. "That means we'll meet her at the next game?" Lamine asked. "I already met her. She's pretty" Gavi teased his best friend. "I have to meet her to sign her t-shirt. Maybe she'll wear it at the next game" he grinned. Fermin felt something close to jealousy, but he brushed it off, focusing on training.

—

"Hey" Fermin said when you climbed into his car. He texted you earlier if he could pick you up from University. "Hey. Training done?" You asked. "Yeah. Uni done?" He smirked. "No. I have to write a 10 page essay in 4 days" you pouted and Fermin swore he could've kiss you in that moment. "You're smart, I don't worry about it" he said, driving to your place. Unlike the night at the club, you took your time to admire the way he was driving, which was very hot, of course.

"Well thank you, Fermin" you said. "Wait, I actually have something for you" he said, picking up a bag after he opened the door for you. "Okay... you can give it to me" you said. "I'd rather give it to you when we're alone" he said, already on his way to your apartment. "Not like that" he said when he saw you scared and confused face. "So, what do you have for me, Mr. Mysterious?" You asked after taking your shoes off. "This. Look inside" he said, giving you the bag with the Barça logo.

"Tickets? For tomorrow's game? Are you serious?" You asked, jumping up and down and hugging him. "Yeah. In the family box" he said. "And you have a little something to wear too" he said. "Your t-shirt?" You smirked. "I wanted to wear Gavi's. Maybe get him to sign it" you said teasingly. "Not funny" he said, wrapping an arm around your waist. "Thank you, Fermin. I'll be there" you said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He immediately turned red, trying to hide it from you, which made you giggle. "I hope you score" you whispered. "I hope I score for you" he said, pulling away from the hug. "I guess you can't stay over. You gotta be fresh tomorrow" you said, picking at your nails. "Yeah... but I'll see you tomorrow okay? Text me when you're there, maybe we can see each other before the game" he said. "Meet all the boys" he said quietly. "So you told them" you stated. "I had no choice. They started bombarding me with questions and—". "It's okay. I'm okay with it. Can't wait to meet them" you said, reassuring him. "Should I bring Gavi's t-shirt? Maybe he can sign it" you teased and he gave you a look saying Are you serious right now?. "Okay, I won't. Pinkie promise" you said and locked your pinkie with his. "I better go. Goodnight, Y/N" he said, hugging you one last time. "Night Fermin. Sleep well" you smiled. With you. I would sleep well with you in my arms, Fermin wanted to say, but he thought better of it. He didn't even know what status you two had right now. Guess he'll find out tomorrow.

—— day of the game ——

"Shit, she's here" Fermin said, feeling more nervous because you were here. It should've been the other way around.

"Who's here?" Half the boys asked. "Fermin's girlfriend" Gavi grinned.

"Fermin's got a girl?"

"I didn't know!"

"So... who wants to come with me and meet her?" Fermin asked. "Me duh" Gavi said. "You already did, cabron" Lamine said. "So? I want to say hi to my friend" Gavi replied. "Friend? You're friends?" Fermin asked incredulously. "Yeah cabron. Now let's go" Gavi said.

"So this is Lamine, Pedri, Alejandro and Gavi, your friend" Fermin made the introductions. "Nice to meet you" you smiled kindly. "I didn't know Fermin's got a girlfriend. I was so shocked" Ale said. "But in a good way" Pedri butted in. After you exchanged some info on the game, Fermin "stole" you from the group. "Hey. I hope you're not nervous because I'm here" you said when you noticed him playing with his fingers. "No, I'm not, just... I was nervous for the boys to meet you" he said. "They're so nice, don't worry about it" you said, taking his hand in yours. "I'm still waiting for that goal" you tried to cheer him up, make him think of the game. "Yeah, I promised, didn't I?" He said. "I know, I know" you said, hugging him. "Come on, Fermin, we gotta go" Gavi said. "Good luck" you whispered, kissing his cheek.

You made your way to the family boxes, after asking some security guards about the way there, and you were relieved that there weren't many families. "Hi! You must be Fermin's girlfriend" a girl seated with her boyfriend said. "Yes erm..." you replied, you didn't really establish this boyfriend-girlfriend thing yet. "I'm Aurora, Gavi's sister and this is my boyfriend, Javi. You can sit with us" she said. "Nice to meet you" you said, sitting near her. The players started to come out on the pitch, your eyes following a certain number 32. "So, how long have you been with Fermin?" Aurora jumped straight in. "I... uhh... we..." you shuttered. "Leave the poor girl alone. It's their business" Javi said, saving you. "Okay I was just curious" Aurora shrugged. "Because Gavi told me Fermin got jealous when he mentioned signing a t-shirt for you" Aurora explained. "He what?" You asked, blinking twice. "You heard me". "Fermin? Jealous? No way. We're not even—" you didn't get to finish because the whole stadium erupted in cheers. Gavi had scored a goal. "Yeah that's my bro" Aurora said grinning. Then Gavi again being an angry bird and Fermin keeping him away from trouble.

"Oh my God!! Fermin scored" you jumped straight up when you saw the goal. "He's dedicating it to you" Aurora said, jabbing you. "Yeah he is" you said, as he pointed to the family boxes and made a heart with his fingers. What did you do to deserve him?

You waited anxiously for the boys to come off the pitch, after they won 3-0. You wanted to congratulate him in your own way. "Told y'a" you heard them talking in the tunnel. "Oh Y/N..." Gavi smirked. "Hey... Congrats for the goal" you said, hugging him. "Thanks. But there's somebody else you need to congratulate" he smirked, pulling away from the hug as Fermin came from around the corner. You didn't hesitate to run straight to him, engulfing him in a big hug. "Congrats" you said and he thanked you. After pulling away a bit to get a better look of him — rosy cheeks, sweaty hair — you tiptoed and pressed your lips to his. You took him by surprise because he froze for a few seconds. You panicked, pulling away, and a millions thoughts ran though your head. Maybe you overstepped with the kiss. But all of these vanished when he pulled you back, reconnecting your lips as he kissed you with passion. His lips were soft just like you imagined, perfectly fitting with yours and his hair, in which you tangled your fingers, was soft and silky. "Get a room" someone said, probably Gavi. "Y/N..." he whispered as he pulled away, lips still touching. "Congrats for the goal" you said smiling. "Fuck the goal. This is even better" he said, picking you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist. "So... this means you're my girlfriend?" He asked. "Maybe..." you teased him, but pressing your lips to his again. You couldn't get enough of him. He put your down because he had to (Xavi was calling him for 2 minutes already), not because he wanted to, but promised he will give you a ride home.

You again waited for him, already thinking if he would take you home or to his place, and not for doing things. You weren't there yet. "I hope you didn't wait that much" Fermin said, taking your hand in his as you started walking to his car. "Hope you don't mind driving Gavi home" he said. "No, but doesn't he have a driving license?" You asked. "He does but he asked me to drive him today" Fermin smirked. You really were up to date with the Barça players. "Okay, it's not a problem" you said, climbing in the back.

"So, Y/N, did you enjoy the game? I hope you'll come more" Gavi asked as Fermin started the engine. "Yeah, it was amazing" you replied. "And if Fermin wants me here, I'm happy to attend every home game" you added, catching Fermin's eyes in the rear view mirror. He had a strange spark in his eyes and you preferred to look away, not in a good way. "Well, I hope you celebrate tonight" Gavi smirked. "Bye guys" he said. "Bye. See you tomorrow" Fermin replied.

"You driving me home?" You asked. "Yeah why?" Fermin asked confused. "I just remembered I have to do something for tomorrow's course". "At this hour?" He asked. "Yeah duh. I literally forgot about it" you chuckled nervously. Fermin shrugged, not understanding how your mood changed that fast.

"Did something happen?" He asked as he accompanied you to your flat. "No, it was an amazing night. Thank you, Fermin" you smiled. "Something happened, but I won't force you to tell me. I'll see you tomorrow in class" he said, hugging you. He felt kissing wasn't the best when something was up with you. "Goodnight, Fermin" you said. "Night, love".

Hope you like it 🥰

[mrsdeliberatecreater]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Okay love. I need you to do something for me. Take 3 deeeeep breaths.

Okay?

I understand you completely. I understand what are going through completely. I'm Indian, so I know how it can be. I got yelled at by my sister for thinking that I might have ADHD. 👀 Its all good now though. I also used to deal with debilitating anxiety two years ago.. I barely left my room, let alone go to school for a master's degree that I chose and got into serious debt for.. I'm not making this about me, but I just want you know that change is possible.

Anytime you start to feel bad, a anxiety attack coming on, I want you to just keep taking calming deep breaths and focus on the now. Focus on the things you see, things you can hear, smell, etc. Its the feeling of "now". Come back to the "now" as many times as needed if you feel negative thoughts. I would affirm, "Everything is okay, everything will be okay", pick an affirmation that feels natural to you, and affirm.

If you like subliminals, I would recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX6BKBzVgfk&t=4s This has stopped so many of my anxiety attacks before I learned to let them go..

If not keep doing the breathing exercises. You will find that by repetition this will eventually release the reasons for feeling anxiety in the first place. Take things one day at a time. If it gets bad, ask someone you trust for help.

We alll have doubts. Doubts are fine. As long as you are just focused on the end/wish fulfilled/affirming, you are fine, even with doubts. You don't need to believe with 100% everything till you burst a blood vessel. If you feel like your doubts are overwhelming you, decide that nothing, not even you can stop your desires from manifesting. <3

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you". - Matthew 17:20

If you have the time, I would highly recommend IlluminatingJoy on youtube, especially her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT2xyCcoues&t=1727s

She has a really good grasp on manifestation and explains everything so well and accommodates it to fit our "logic", while completely validating human emotions. The exercise she does in this video is so so simple but seriously effective. I catch myself slipping at least once a day that would have spiraled if I hadn't done the exercise.

Also if you want to do this in a day, I want you to focus on your mental diet. Affirm affirm affirm.

If negative thoughts come up, you breathe and think "I can relax, I got all A's". Anything in the 3D reminds you think, "I can relax, I got what I wanted. Your family being mean to you? remember how in class after lunch, your teacher is talking but you're thinking about something else.

Also speaking of that, I know you said you can't your images clearly. That's fine. Visualizing is NOT imagination.

Visualizing is NOT imagination.

Visualizing is NOT imagination.

Visualizing is NOT imagination.

My visualizations are never clear and I manifest everything I imagine all the time. They all have that "vignette" effect lol..

Imagination can be a picture, it can be a smell, a touch, a voice, just how someone's clothes smell when they are standing really close to you like in an elevator. Like you can specifically smell it but you KNOW what I'm talking about right?

Your loved ones in your face? Use it YOUR ADVANTAGE. I used to hear my sister compliment me, it was easy to hear her voice. I primarily used her voice to fix our relationship. Cannot for the life of me picture her face properly but thats FINE.

You can use ANY of the senses, just one or two or all. Hear your family saying things you want in your mind. Hear them congratulating you, compliment you.

You can slowly work this into all the other aspects of your life...

By the way, you aren't lost and empty. You are a very caring person, you want to do things so that you don't let your family down, in spite of how they treat you. That to me is a genuinely caring person.

But you need to apply that same care to yourself. You don't need me to be harsh to you, YOU don't need to be harsh to you. You are working so hard to find answers but you ARE the answer. Its okay. Please just rest. Its all yours. Be more soft to yourself, be more kind to yourself, compliment yourself, you will start to see that kindness reflected in the 3D as well.

I have given you a lot of options here so you can pick and choose what makes YOU feel better so that YOU can focus on SELF because

Nothing to change but self

Reach out to me as many times as you would like, you could never bother me.

Nya 🌺

[pielplastica]

I'm happy he's actually listening to you. And also glad you're getting better at your work, maybe in another circumstances or in another life you could've teach me a thing or two.

It's not only you, she knows about every person I've ever loved and not necessarily in a romantic way. She was curious and asked, so I've always been honest with her. In the due time she'll know about this too, because I don't want this to be built around white lies.

So, before answering your questions, there's a couple of things you should know about us too. I don't remember if I already wrote about somethings that I'm going to say here, but just so that you're aware. We met at this fast food place I worked at before doing my entrance exam for university, and it was when I decided to try and love again, and since I saw her I felt that it could be her, so I didn't shy away like before with other people. She's 6 years younger than me, at first that's why I wasn't sure if it was ever going to work out and felt so nervous when meeting my In-laws because of the age gap but there's people in her family who were in a similar situation, my in-laws included so they didn't minded that much about my age. So, that out of the way, we started by asking few things of each other before and after starting our relationship, and one of those things was if I ever had any girlfriends before, and I said yes. I told her about my first partner, then you, and then the person I wrote before meeting her.

She's not the jealous type, and I'm not the happy eye type, so we both know about our exes and about pretty much everything in our lives. She supports me, takes me out to dinner now that I'm not working or I used to see her every saturday at her uni before my in-laws knew we were dating.

She knows we met at the university, that it was a long time ago and that we broke up, that's it. She isn't the "tell me every little detail" type, and she almost always asks me things twice because she just forgets about it in like a couple of weeks or a month.

Now, the reason she knows about you is because of a situation I went through with the girl I spoke about. I guess you kind of get the idea of what happened but if not, I'd advise you to take a sit or be comfortable because I'm going to speak about a delicate subject for me and touch on some... trauma, I guess?

I met the other girl before trying to speak to you again. I thought I healed but I didn't. She was a nice girl, but I didn't loved her. I thought I liked her, but I just liked the attention she gave me. One day we were getting out of work and she kissed me, she was reeking of alcohol (she got off 2 hours earlier than me due to her shift) and proposed to me to go to a more private place, which I agreed to. I knew what we were going to do, but I was so angry, frustrated and sad about how my life was going so I thought to myself "why the fuck not", but as soon as we got alone, I started to panic. I tried to delay it as much as I could but couldn't, so I let her know that I was feeling nervous and that maybe we should just stop, at which she just told me that it was going to be ok and to let her take the lead. And she did, and I let her do it. After that, when I got home I headed directly to the shower, put on some music and cried like I had never did before. It felt horrible, everything. It left me with a horrible experience. I didn't enjoyed any of what happened, and asked her to stop because I was feeling dizzy but she didn't. Only she knows about it because back when it happened I didn't had anyone to talk about it, and its something I always want to say in therapy but it's so difficult to me because "you could've just stand up and stop her, you're a man, you should be able to tell her to stop, it wasn't rape because you agreed to it in the first place, you wanted it from the beginning, you could've just throw her aside and leave". I know she didn't raped me because I did agreed to it from the beginning, but when I didn't wanted it anymore I just couldn't find a way to tell her to stop. After that I just avoided her, didn't even looked her in the eyes and I guess she just knew. A month later I was fired from that job because of me not really wanting to go anymore.

She knows about you, about her, about my old friends, she listens and even though she might forget a thing or two, she always listens, and I'm grateful she didn't took it the wrong way. She's very comprehensive with me, gives me my time and space, and lends me her shoulder to lean on.

I want you to know that because I want to be more open about what I went through all these years, even about things I'd rather forget.

I know this may be a little awkward for you to read, I know you don't want to picture me in that situation, but she's been helping me a lot to deal with it. I still shiver a little when she hugs me from behind, I don't like when she speaks in my ears and still do a little "jump" whenever anyone else touches me in the slightest. I've learn to deal with those situations like, I would randomly go and hug mom, friends, and obviously having her by my side has been all that I could ask for. So, after that I just want to let you know that I'm ok. It maybe an awkward topic to bring, but yeah.

I... don't know how talking about you with her is taking two steps back? Yes, I want to move forward, but that doesn't mean I'm going to forget about you. I just want to see you, not the girl I left. I know she's not real anymore, but I still have a lot of grief, so if I look back I just want to see you, and finally let that ghost of you rest. I won't forget about you, I'm not going to. But I don't want to cry anymore about what could've been and what it is now. You left a big mark in my life, and a wound so deep that no one can heal, not even you, but that's ok because this is how I remember you. Some things I don't want them to heal. People say that "grief is love with nowhere to go" and I'd like to believe that too. I love her, but in her own way. But I still have a lot of love I couldn't give to you. So maybe in another life I could do one thing right in my life and finally give you all the love that I couldn't in this one. Maybe in another life, but not on this one. "In another life I would've really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you".