#I want to make gif but my laptop and phone couldn't keep up anymore

[nickfowlerrr]

After the last capital…

I’ve this scenario in my head :

Bucky and you are back to the old habit and arguing about something again… but you stand on the last step of the stairs and he is done with you (he wants to go upstairs to get his phone before he would leave) and pushes you beside but as clumsy as you are, you Trip and fell.

Bucky would be so mad at him self, because you’re hurt because of him again😩😩😩😩

hurt

pretty when you cry series masterlist

pairing: pwyc!bucky x curvy!reader

warnings: not really any? let me know if i need to add something pls! this fic is part of a series, and if you plan on reading it, please, please, please use caution and read all of the warnings!

words: 1.8k

notes: ten thousand years later lol thank you for sending this in! honestly i don't see pwyc!bucky even just lightly shoving reader especially after he made her fall last time lmao he's much more likely to just pick you up and move you out of his way instead but for the sake of the prompt, let's just go with it. <3 i'm on my laptop, so no emojis :(

"Where are you going?" you asked tensely, running around him to block his way to the stairs, the worry in your voice was evident, and even if it hadn't been, you knew he could sense the stress you were feeling. You stood on the last step, not letting him walk up the stairs. "You're not even trying to see things from my perspective," you accused, fully on the defensive.

He was fuming, blue eyes near scorching as he stared you down, jaw set and nostrils flaring. You knew you were edging too far, but you couldn't stop yourself, you couldn't let this go without being able to explain.

"How the fuck did you think I'd feel about this?"

You balked.

"I didn't- I, I don't," you fumbled for the right words, for an explanation but deep down you knew the truth. He had every right to be angry and you had no excuse. You knew how he'd feel about it, and that's why you tried to keep it from him.

"I'm not doing this with you right now," he bit out, moving to push past you. You were going to move to give him space to get past, not wanting to upset him anymore than you already had, but as you sidestepped, your socks slide on the wooden step and unsteadied you right when Bucky stepped up. His arm bumping into you when you were already off kilter and slipping on the step had you falling completely.

Your arm flailed out to grab onto the railing, trying to right yourself, but it did more harm than good as your feet slipped off the step. You had turned your body while trying to grab the rail and so instead of your ass hitting the stairs, your hip hit the edge of the step below you hard as you fell with a thud, and your elbow near simultaneously making contact with the step above you in the fall.

It happened in a second, and though he saw you wobbly, Bucky didn't help get you steady before you fell, assuming you'd get your balance. The instant he realized you weren't stopping yourself, it was too late to grab you.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he stormed, madder at himself for letting you fall now than he was about the argument.

"Ow," you huffed under your breath, grabbing your elbow and you sat up on the step, not bothering to look up at him. He was moving before you even registered him getting closer, pulling you up by your arm to stand. You were too embarrassed and maybe a little too scared to meet his eye, rubbing your elbow again when he let go of his hold on your arm.

You could feel his eyes dead set on you but still, you kept yours to the ground, swallowing thickly.

"Bucky, I'm sorry," you apologized, dejected. "My mom stopped asking about my love life a long time ago and I just- I don't know, I never thought to bring it up. It's not something I'm used to sharing-" you tried to explain before he cut you off.

"Stop," Bucky said harshly, your voice dying immediately.

You dared to peek up at him and were met with a torn look in his normally brighter blues. There was anger and hurt, and if you weren't reading into things, you'd say there might be regret, too.

"Are you okay?"

"I- yeah. I'm fine," you answered, uneasily.

He looked at you a moment longer before he continued up the stairs. You stood there not knowing what to do, considering following him or just leaving him be until he was willing to talk. You didn't come to a decision before he came back down not thirty seconds later. He'd shrugged his jacket on as he came down the steps and your breathing caught in your throat, heart rate picking up. Where was he going?

His narrowed eyes shot to you, and judging by the look you saw there, it was clear he was obviously still upset. "I'm going to the gym."

As he passed you, you grabbed his arm and he stopped on the bottom step you had previously been occupying. You were a step above him, allowing you to be about eye level with him as you meekly met his eye. You opened your mouth to say something but closed it when you accepted you shouldn't.

His glare eased up just the slightest as he considered you before he spoke again.

"I'm pissed off," he glowered as he said your name harshly, "I don't need your reasons why, I really don't want to fucking hear it.

I can't be around you right now. We're either going to end up fighting or fucking and either way you're gonna get hurt, because I am pissed the fuck off," he nearly snarled the reiteration. "So we're not doing this right now," he kept walking and you let go of his arm, watching solemnly as he grabbed his keys and headed for the front door.

"I love you," you quavered pathetically as he pulled open the door, stepping outside. He paused just a moment.

"Do you?" he shot you a heartbreaking look as you floundered at his response. Of course you did. He knew that. He felt it, undeniably. But, his words served their purpose. You fucked up and you hurt him. And he wasn't going to just let you off the hook this time and comfort you and tell you all was forgiven. It was the same thing time and time again. He needed you to deal with the fallout, alone, to get you to see that.

As soon as he shut the door behind him, he wanted to change his mind, go back inside, or at the very least tell you he loved you, too. But he couldn't.

He meant what he said earlier. He'd already let you get hurt on the stairs when he didn't help you the moment he saw you start to slip, something he never would've let happen if he wasn't so caught up in the anger and hurt swirling around in his head. If he stayed and you fought, he knew he'd say something without thinking and only make matters worse; and even if you didn't fight, he knew he'd be on you in an instant with the pent up emotions he was trying to keep at bay so he didn't go off on you completely. And he couldn't trust himself not to take things too far with you. You'd nearly passed out on him the last time you had anger fueled sex, he could still remember the nasty bruises he hadn't meant to leave you littered all over your skin and how sore you were for the few days after. The orgasms were incredible, but he didn't want to risk injury to you just to release some of the frustration he was feeling. That's what the boxing gym was for.

You'd talk when he got home and was a little more level headed, and hopefully you'd have come to a decision on what you were going to tell your family. He couldn't wrap his head around why you'd never so much as mentioned his name to them in the year since you'd been together. Like he was your dirty little secret, something you were ashamed of. The first few months he could understand, not even taking into consideration that you were soulmates and that should have prompted a quicker reveal to your family, but a whole year? He'd spoken to your sister multiple times when she'd facetime you and the entire time, she had no clue you and him were together. He wanted to know what lies you'd been telling her to avoid admitting the truth, but he knew that'd probably only piss him off more. He needed the time to cool off before he went back and had that conversation with you.

---------------------------------------------

The door to your room opened gently as you glanced at the time, wanting to gripe about him coming home so late, but knowing you had no right to be the one who was upset tonight. You sat up and turned the bedside lamp on to give him some light. You nibbled your lip as you watched him, his hair was damp and he was dressed in a new change of clothes. He had his gym bag with him as he dropped it heavily by the closet, certainly needing to pack it with a new post workout outfit for the next time he would decide to shower at the gym, like he obviously had tonight.

Probably killing time before he inevitably had to come home to see you. Another flood of guilt and regret rolling through you.

"I told them," you informed him softly, his eyes glancing over to you before he walked toward the bed, his face not betraying whatever it was he was feeling. "And I'm sorry-"

"Shhhh."

You obeyed his wordless request as he climbed into his side of the bed, your eyes intent on his every move.

"I'm exhausted, and I'm not ready to talk about this tonight," he said as he moved the blanket to lay down. "Just come here," he coaxed with a huff, pulling you closer. You were pouting without even realizing it. There was a lot you wanted to say, but you stayed quiet. If he still needed time before he wanted to talk, you had to be okay with that.

As he pulled you closer, you wrapped your arms around him, cuddling into him, having sorely needed his comfort from the second he'd left earlier.

He sighed heavily as he rested his hand on your hip, you winced almost imperceptibly, but of course he caught it. He rubbed at your hip carefully as you laxed into him, his touch soothing.

"I'm sorry I made you fall," he apologized, placing a tender kiss on your forehead.

"'S not your fault,"

"Me bumping into you is what made you slip,"

"My socks made me slip. Granted, the nudge certainly didn't help, but," you smiled soft and fleeting. "I'm fine. Not your fault."

There was a moment of silence between you then before Bucky broke it.

"I'm still upset at you."

You knew he was, but hearing him say it out loud somehow made your guilt ten times worse. You tried to pull away, wanting to give him space, but he held you tighter. "No, don't," he told you.

You stopped trying and instead buried your head in his chest as he held you. "We'll talk in the morning," he said, and you nodded against him in agreement. He turned the lamp out and when he settled down again, you tilted your head up so your lips were just against his ear.

"I do love you," you whispered before placing a soft kiss to his stubbled cheek. You settled against him once again, his arms holding you as your head laid on his chest.

"I know," he said, his hands running up and down your back. "And I love you. Now go to sleep," he rumbled as he fixed the blanket around your bodies, content to rest in your mutual embrace for the night.

You had a lot to discuss come morning.

[mochiepie]

Yandere Toji pt:2

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Mention of forced sex, drugging, choking, abuse, dom toji, yandere Toji, submissive reader, smut, ( little angst )

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Since that incident, you became toji's infamous Girlfriend. Everyone including the professors to gatekeepers knew who you were dating or more exactly, who you belonged to.

Toji was nothing but feeling proud, as if achieved the utmost success he was chasing by birth. You were his biggest, priceless achivement. He can't even imagine how miserable he'll become if he looses you by any chance.

2 weeks into the relationship and you have began to experience his clingy side as well his ruthless side. He keeps his eyes only On you, sleeps with you, eats with you, shower? Together! University? Together? If you're absent, he is absent and if he is absent, YOU MUST BE ABSENT! Going somewhere? He is with you, if he says no that means NO. Wanna buy something or make any purchase? He'll do it for you. He is the MAN of the house. You're not his girlfriend but his wife in his world. It's just the fake world demands a certificate which he'll make it later. You're his possesion. Only his!

And that's what was killing you. You couldn't live anymore like this. Suffocating and dying, despite he was charming, good looking, rich enough, maybe you could've accepted him only, if he wasn't blackmailing you, if he wasn't the one who knew your ugly secrets. Only if he was Normal!

But that's just an " if ". In reality your life belongs to him, he'll toy with it as long as he wants. You have already given up on saving yourself and escaping. You tried to erase the data he had collected about you and those pictures and videos of yours from his laptop and phone, but failed miserably! He caught you red handed. You didn't knew that your whole house is filled with cameras, every movement of yours is love telecasted to him. At first he let you do your thing, watching you feeling all relieved as you thought you erased all the proofs, and now were packing your suitcases to go to your mom's home to stay and make police complaint on him... But to your horror, toji was right standing at the main door. Smirking at you.. his hunter eyes stabbing at your body from inch to inch as he licks his lips and says. You really thought I would only capture your beautiful pictures and videos in some cheap phone and laptop only? Mama~ lemme show you my collection!

He grabbed you by your waist and picked up on his shoulders. You didn't even made any movement, you knew what happens if you do anything against.

You see him entering the forbidden room.. the room which always stays locked. You couldn't barge in as the keys always stayed with him, the room was filled with your pictures and posters pasted on the wall, all were naked pictures of yours.

Your eyes filled with shame, guilt, anger.. when suddenly he gripped your jaw and spoke there's no escaping babygirl

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2 months later

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You were making pancakes for you and toji as he was about to reach home from his gym session.

Your pancakes were done, and your served it in the plates. You started eating them.. slowly getting lost in your Memories.

Things started to go different with toji, you started to see a soft side too.. he was becoming quite a man with you, not just a psychopath. But a ... Lover

And somewhere in your heart was loving it, despite you still couldn't accept him for what he did to you. You wanted this thing to last, you were addicted to him sadly, he was your guilty pleasure!

You loved his body from head to his toes, especially that dick which stretched you at the right ways, made you remember your place, send you to heaven and hell both.. those eyes which rapes you every single second, those massive hands touching you in the most filthy yet with the most delicate angelic touches. Everything you loved and hated was all in that man. You couldn't find a way to unlove him, hate him completely. You tried your best to sabotage yourself, make yourself belief that you'll find a better one then him, he is a criminal a bad person a fukin monster -

Your thoughts were ruined when you heard the lock of your door open. Yes toji locks you from outside when he goes somewhere out. You saw the big giant man with that sweaty sexy look enter the house.

Hey mama~ ( kisses you on your cheek) made me some pancakes hah? Damn strawberries hmm- but i love your these 2 strawberries right here ( pinches your nipples)

Aah~~ you yelp as he chuckles. He sits beside you and munches down on the pancakes. Some times you wondered what If you poisoned this food, and he would still eat it like a fool, why does he trusts me like that? Wait- nah he doesn't trust me. If he did, he won't have locked me and kept these bloody cameras. You shrugged your thoughts and started to eat.

I bought you something mama~ I know you'll love this. Well, obviously it's because.. it's my choice.

You wondered what was he talking about, when you saw him taking out a necklace out of his pocket.. it was rose gold made necklace with his initials on it craved.. and diamonds in it. Must be Expensive as hell. You gulped as he stood up and made you wear it.

You felt that expensive jewel sit on your neck, as if it was only made for you.

I knew you would look the best with my initials craved, I guess I must get you a tattoo.. but heyy baby, it's fine ik you got a fear of needles, and on a glass like skin i don't want any Dirt on it.

He snuggles his face on the crook of your neck as he sniffs your scent and slowly starts licking on it.

Why? I mean why.. did you gift me this? For what?

Hah! My dumb mama. Obviously you need it. To show you're mine, to show that finally were official.

Official? What official? W-ait the hell?? What you talking about ?

He gets back and pulls towards his chest and cups your cheeks.. eye to eye contact as you froze when he said

I am marrying you babygirl, we're getting married. Now you'll stay with me forever. We're moving to Italy soon.

Your eyes widened. Tf? Who does he thinks himself to be? He played with my self respect and me, made me distant from my family, controlled my life, ruined my academic records and studies, raped me, took away my virginity and purity, my freedom, and now.. now marriage? The most auspicious part of someone's life... And to dedicate that.. to him? No wayyy. Every blood cell in me started to boil in loath. I pushed him with all the strength i had.

Toji lost his balance as he wasn't aware of what you were about to do, he didn't expected to see this side of you, or more like he didn't knew a form like this existed of yours. He fell as his head hit the cupboard, he was bleeding.. not alot but.. yea it did made a cut.

Wtf do you think am i? Your possesion? A toy? It was fine till sex, fine, fine fine fine but not ANYMORE! I FUCKIN WON'T TAKE THIS SHIT! YOU'RE NOBODY TO TAKE DECISIONS OF MY LIFE. YOU'RE JUST A DICK, DICK WHICH JUST NEEDS A CUNT, A FUKIN DOG IN HEAT! GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER'S LOOSE PUSSY! YOU SCUMBAG! I REMAINED SILENT ALL THIS TIME- ( tears brimmed down continuously as you totally lost control on yourself, eyes shit red) ALL THIS TIME, THINKING YOU WERE GROWING TIRED OF ME, AND SOON I'LL GAIN BACK MY FREEDOM! BUT- B-BUT ( hiccups) n-nnnghNOT ANYMORE! FUCKINN GET OUT OF MY LIFE TOJI FUSHIGURO!! I LOATH YOU, you digustin--

You were about to speak more but realised he stood and gripped your neck in a split of a second and now you were on the edge of death. Choking you with a slight hard grip, he still didn't give his 100%, when it comes to you, he is weak, miserably weak. If it was someone else, within 3 seconds the person would've been ded. But you- he was kind... He was gentle. But you didn't noticed it more like you didn't want to notice it. You were fixated on to hate him. Hate him as much as you could.

I did everything for you, and that's how you repay me bitch? Fucking whore. I knew it. You can't be good for nothing! Uugghh ( grip tightens around your neck)

Tears brimmed down, your hands traveled to your neck, but to his surprise you didn't tried to remove his hand which he wanted you to do.. but.. you- You broke that necklace! And tossed it away

He lost his grip on your neck, as he went to pick that necklace, it was divided into 2 parts.. you coughed as you looked at him. His back was facing you. You missed that heartbroken look on his face.

Kill me~ kill me~ i don't want to live. You already- already took away my purity. My family won't accept me anywa-

Before completing, you passed out. Toji heard the thud sound as he looked to see you lying on the floor. He panicked as he rushed to pick you up and took you to the bedroom. His panick was growing. How fucking stupid was he? He knew you couldn't bear much pain.. you're fragile.... Did he? Did he .. kill you? Did you really hated him that much? Did you.. really leave him? You really wanted to die? You really want him to leave?

All these questions were buzzing around his head. He saw you breathing... He sighed in relief..

Sorry..y/n! I guess, i really ain't the one for you. Goodbye~ mama

That's all he said as he went out of your apartment.

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Next episode coming soon

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 23

Joe Goldberg x female!reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you. Words: 867

Masterlist

We already see Joe killing Ron on the show. I figured I don't have to describe it again. Besides, things are getting interesting...

DISCLAIMER: the towns and situations described in this chapter are fictionalized. There is no Nehalenia College in Koewacht. IDEK what is in Koewacht. (Koe means cow, so maybe a lot of cows??)

I have been very busy these last three days, (Y/n).

Nobody will miss Ron, but I miss you and I have been neglecting you. I feel bad. We have only texted a few times, and you say you are busy and jetlagged. But I can tell you’re just giving me an excuse to be distant, because when I text you, you respond right away.

I have been a bad boyfriend, but I think if you knew why I was so busy these last few days, you’d forgive me. I hope you would, but I can’t exactly tell you, so instead I just lounge on your bed and I text you:

ME: Hey lovely.

YOU: hey!

ME: What are you up to?

YOU: well it’s 8 pm

YOU: so nm

YOU: watching this dutch talk show w my grandpa

YOU: hes annoyed im on my phone lol

ME: Go watch the show, (Y/n). I don’t want to piss off your grandfather before I even get there.

YOU: yessir! love u

ME: I love you, too.

I am so tired. I was hoping we could call for a little bit, but if you're at your grandparents’ house, I don't want to push it. Instead I take a shower in your bathroom and use your soap so I smell like you. Then, in my own, clean clothes which I keep at your place, I get on your bed and take out your laptop.

As always, your WhatsApp texts are open. I haven't checked them much since we got together - we are good together and I don't need to know everything you talk about with everyone - but there are new texts from a name I don't recognize.

And you are texting this person right now. I thought you couldn't be on your phone?

The texts are in Dutch, but they started about an hour ago and there aren't that many yet, so I take the time to translate them.

MITCH: hey hey! heard you're in NL? wanna get together?

YOU: sorry man, kinda busy

MITCH: ouch. did you just blow me off?

YOU: uhhhh kinda?

YOU: it's nothing personal

YOU: my boyfriend’s coming in 2 days

I smile.

MITCH: since when do you have a boyfriend lol

YOU: a few months now

MITCH: and i guess it’s serious?

YOU: pretty serious

MITCH: wtf

YOU: ?

MITCH: i kinda thought we had a thing, you know?

YOU: mitch…

YOU: you gotta get over this

MITCH: and what is it you think i have to ‘get over’?

YOU: you know what

That last message, you sent while I was reading the other ones, and I have to translate it separately. Apparently Mitch does know what, because he doesn’t respond anymore. But I don’t know what, and I really wish you would specify.

You send a message to Nadia:

YOU: guess who just texted me…

NADIA: Who?

YOU: mitch

NADIA: Ew. Block him.

Thank you, Nadia!

YOU: i can’t just block him 😭 you know what happens when i block him

NADIA: You want to stay at my place tonight?

YOU: could i? i don’t wanna tell my grandparents about this…

NADIA: Hey, at least Joe will be here soon! Then you won’t be all alone in your big scary AirBNB.

YOU: lol

YOU: i can’t wait tho

YOU: 😁😊

I frown. Normally I’d be happy that you can’t wait for me to get there, but right now I just want to know who this Mitch guy is.

He is not on your Twitter and he is not on Nadia’s Instagram. All I have are his texts to you and looking for his number on Google does absolutely nothing.

But when I look up your high school, along with Mitch’s name and yours, I finally find something interesting: two news articles with your names in them.

I Google your name again. There’s your high school picture. You went to Het Nehalennia College but when I try to translate the rest of the text again, I still can’t make sense of it - it must be full of spelling errors, because some words just will not make sense.

I try to look Mitch up, using all sorts of combinations. Your school and his name, his name and yours... Nothing.

From: Omroep Zeeland, June 21st, 2017

KOEWACHT - YESTERDAY AT 3:00 in the afternoon, high school student at Nehalennia College, Mitch Wegganger, was arrested on suspicion of stalking and attempted assault against his classmate, (Y/n) (Y/l/n). The stalking allegedly started after (Y/l/n) stood up for Wegganger against a classmate in March. (Y/l/n) did not return our requests for comment.

From: Omroep Zeeland, June 23rd, 2017

KOEWACHT - HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT Mitch Wegganger - who was arrested early this week on suspicion of stalking his classmate (Y/n) (Y/l/n) - was released this morning after (Y/l/n) withdrew her report. Wegganger: “This is all a huge misunderstanding. I didn't stand outside (Y/n)'s house and hurt her. I just wanted to talk to her.”

(Y/l/n) is still unavailable for comment.

I can’t believe this.

You, (Y/n), have a stalker.

And you didn’t tell me about him.

[amoret32]

The Departure

A night before everything was in its place. Even the morning went eventful. The bad news came in the night. Not exactly bad news. Come on its not bad news at all. My Boyfriend was just going on a business trip. Not a big deal at all, Right?

"Why you though?" I whined. Of course, I was sad that my boyfriend would be away from me for an entire week. Clearly not good news for me. I hate to be away from him. Now you can call me attention needy, but this is a fact.

"Cause' office people believe that best employees should be chosen for business deals and partnership pitches." He sarcastically chuckled. And of course, he had to make fun of me.

While laying in bed I couldn't help but wonder how the whole week would be passed without him?

The next day when he started packing the bags claiming the flight will be departing tonight, everything became too real. While carefully folding every piece of cloth and putting it in the suitcase, I was pouting at him.

He would look at me and place the clothes in the suitcase. In the end, he came to me and hugged me. Going for my weaknesses, aren't you?

"Come on its only one week! There's no need to be pouting. I'll always call you and keep updating you."

Of course, you will!

"And I will get you from Paris whatever you want!"

Of course, you will.

"And after coming I will make up for the time I missed with you? We will visit our favorite restaurant, We will go to the fair that will be there on the outskirts of the city when I will come!"

I would rather not talk with him.

"And the silent treatment will work, wouldn't it?"

"How did you know that I was saying that in my mind?"

"You are my girlfriend!"

"And you are my boyfriend! You should not leave me like this."

"Baby you are not being any help here. I am also going to miss you there baby! Do you think it is easy for me to stay away from you?"

Fuck he is right? I am not being any help here. I just look at his beautiful which were looking at me already.

"Sorry!"

"I don't need your sorry. Pout all you want but don't stop talking with me. I would seriously hurt me. I can kiss your pout away but i cannot anything with your silent treatment. And you know if you don't say bye bye to me I will not be able-"

Without thinking I kiss him before he finishes. Oh how much I adore this man.

Firstly he gasps and grabs my waist. But then he takes the control and kisses rather hungrily. I don't even when i gave up the control and when he lifted me up before placing me on his lap sitting down on the bed.

But when he entered his tongue in my mouth, i lost my mind and moaned out loud. The wet sounds probably filling up the room now. Along with my moans.

"I told you to pout. Not to kiss me till I forget my flight and fuck you into next week!"

"Did you everything you needed? Every important file and document. Is you laptop charged? Is you phone charged? Did pack enough suits?"

After a long makeout session (Very long if I must highlight), we decided to not argue anymore. I decided to calm down and warned him he doesn't call me after every 12 hours I will personally visit Paris to murder him (not actually).

Helping him pack everything, I made lunch so that doesn't go hungry on the flight. What if the airplane food is too spicy or too tasteless for him. Don't wanna take that risk!

"Don't worry baby, I took everything with me. You are asking me like you didn't tell me these things 80 times before leaving the house."

I gonna miss him. I gonna miss nagging him! Even if it is for one week.

"I gonna miss you and your nagging too!"

"How in the world-"

Now this time he was the one who didn't let me finish and pecked my lips instead.

"Don't miss me too much. I love you! Bye!"

And by saying that he left for the immigration process!

bye :p

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

me after another episode (multiple meanings)

yes, another "keep reading" this is gonna be fun

guys :"0 I got cooked by my own stupidity (malnutrition, dehydration, inconsistent sleep schedule, adhd, bpd, lack of self awareness, lack of discipline, not doing breathing exercises when upset, trauma, broken phone I didn't have money to pick up today, stupid university applications I still need to do, red40 from last night and undiagnosed autism) again, look it me the fried.

dude I was not having it man. Idk if it was the red40 again or im just a genuinely horrible person. I must hate people, I must not give a single shit about anyones feelings, im super selfish and I only care about my own useless opinions and feelings.

I literally do property damage. I littered today. I am just the worst person. and yet I am not "that guy". how can I be this shitty of a person and not be "that guy" but noOoOo if I even TRY to be violent he threatens me with the police. (I unbuckled and opened the passenger side door to see if I could just die while he was driving and slapped him multiple times at a later point not while he was driving)

I screamed so much guys it hurts I don't want to be alive. this next story was from a month or two ago already but yeah basically one day I decided to steal my potential mother's in law alcohol and now she's hiding it from me :}}}}

I am so happy with myself! look at what a trustworthy and safe and loving person I am with her son! wow what a great way to introduce myself to this new family that welcomed me wow (she even took me to a pride parade when my bf couldn't because of work. they've both taken me at least once by now)

wow and I told his catholic grandma that I hope god sends me to hell (she wouldn't stop talking) (yes im a bad person for that, that's the whole point of this post, to talk about what a shitty and fake and ungrateful piece of shit I am) (im looking for excuses to throw myself away because I cant take it anymore) (its either live a life of isolation or live a life of constantly making mistakes and "learning" and disappointing everyone in my life and constantly hearing shit from other people about how I don't clean up enough or how violent I am) (id rather die alone) (but im too much of a coward to break up) (wow I cant believe my selfish incompetent ass could ever want kids) (how sadistic could you possibly have to be to look at my miserable useless genetics and think I should have offspring) (its so delusional to even think for a second I was ever capable of a happy and normal marriage or life) (I will never be a good mother) (I will never be anything to anyone except another mouth to feed and a danger) (if my only two options is complete isolation or learning by listening to other people criticize my actions (which I inevitably think is my character) without getting violent, then I would rather be in complete isolation) (well I want to choose complete isolation) (but im a fucking coward and im addicted to substances so I don't want to leave yet) (im such a horrible piece of shit) (yes im making my mindset as shitty as possible just like he says I always do on purpose) (idk either, I don't know why I do that but I think its a subconscious coping mechanism that worked at some point in my life (I think I realized early on that if I just overwhelm myself to a crazy amount, I won't be physically be able to think anymore, and then I don't have to process the yelling) (I think that might be what happened and why I always instantly try to make my problems as bad as possible so I don't have to think about them because ive already lived out the worst possible scenario by the time im too tired to process anything else)

e

the world is evolving too fast for primitive humans like me. I can barely start researching EVEN TOPICS I AM INTERESTED IN and I cant stick on the screen for more than 30 seconds before I have to close the laptop and there's too many things

I don't even answer my messages, not here, not on snap, not text, not email, not anything, not reddit or anything I just don't interact. I don't even go to Omegle because I cant find the "right time"

its such a stupid fucking lie the "right time"

I don't even talk to many people on pony town. im so fucking sad, like talking to people was my thing

and I always say I am gonna shut up and I never actually shut up because I forget, I hate my voice so much rn I cannot just shut up, im sure everyone that knows me wants me to just kill myself so (I was distracted by a conversation irl here)

I mean yeah idk

its just survival of the fittest at this point, it is just faulty systems dying out and making way for stronger organisms. (this isn't about poverty or classism, fuck all that)

I don't think realistically anyone is cool enough to picture my head on a platter, and I don't think even more realistically that anyone actually wants me to straight up die. I could be wrong tho. maybe some day I'll pull someone's last little straw, and my food will finally be poisoned and I can just die! :)

he almost finally broke up, but he took it back like a fucking retard. I hate love so much, it's all a lie. "love" is really just a retarded coping mechanism where these people cant live without each other, but trying to understand each other is fucking hell, and either way, both parties are fucking miserable.

I have so much privilege and im wasting it all

my life is so nice and I am ruining and wasting every second. I could be so happy right now and I am throwing it all away because the world and myself make me believe I am a useless piece of shit, and the sooner I throw myself away, the sooner these people can heal and move on with their lives.

JUST SAY IT SAY IM SELFISH

SAY IM A FUCKING SELFISH PUSSY

IM A SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT

I WILL NEVER SCREAM LOUD ENOUGH

have some fun gifs

11 year old me doing my 30 math questions and daydreaming about being a Pokemon character for 7 hours after another screaming match while my younger brother finishes his homework faster and plays video games all day (oooooh that's what happened...)

:))))))) help me help me im about to die but not really because I was never brave enough to finally go

I need to go

I ne hhhhhh what's the point of this. im just talking to myself again like I always have. I didn't even drink water today. really? just the red40 and more discipline IS THIS WHY IM SO SHITTY

I have so much privilege and things to be thankful for and people in my life who should've thrown me away a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time ago, but they still sticking around anyway because they're all FUCKING RETARDED

this kind of mindset is why grape culture is still a problem (for those confused, im afraid im not referring to actual grapes. I wish from the bottom of my heart I was), because it's always the victim's fault for staying with the abuser. but now no one cares except the boy's family because he's a boy and is less likely to get [hysically hurt. I've already lost his trust tho. I guess that's what makes me even more not want to try, ive already ruined it. im still here in denial I guess. I lie to myself, "oh maybe sensory overload wont be that big of an issue if we have kids" "ill become more mature by then" "I can just discipline myself"

I had three fucking years. to just do my fucking breathing exercise any time im upset. and I cant even do that. I don't think I should be a part of society because no one will benefit from me. does this mindset also endanger other disabled people? yes it does. does this make me a bad person that doesn't care about other people? yes it does. I realized nature is so perfect because disabled individuals DIE.

I wasn't potty trained until 4, and I read somewhere that people who have anger issues tended to be potty trained later in life. so I guess im a shithead. I also had pneumonia when I was 3. I should've been dead.

don't worry about me I am very unlikely to die. im really just writing out my negative thoughts so I can stop thinking about them because I know I can just go back and look at this later.

I was tripping so many balls and I screamed so so loud out the CAR WINDOW....

there is no career for me besides the circus. except im not even funny, im just weird and annoying and violent. he's going to lose his job because of me. they're gonna pay more money to the apartment complex because I keep slamming the doors and breaking shit. I break so much shit I need to die. fbi please assassinate me at this point, I am literally only going to cause damage if I am kept alive. I should not have children. passing my genes down would be a crime. no human should live with such a poor miserable mind. im not doing that to my kids. I couldnt hope to ever apologize enough if I have a kid and they suffer the same way I did.

I have every blessing in the world and I somehow manage to be the most miserable scumbag piece of shit abusive person

he says he hates himself and he could not possibly hate himself more than I hate myself

idk what im even saying. I think my episode is almost done, but man the red40 is weird. im kinda at the point where im too tired to be angry and now im just kinda really tired and lightheaded and I cant pay attention anymore. my arms are weaker fingers cold.

I guess it was the red40 because I was doing alright but then I ate that last night. I also had another huge episode about a week ago (I broke up and also told his mom im breaking up) (yes and then I took it back after eating protein) (how am I still alive, you ask???) (please tell me idk either) ( my stress tolerance must be WILD) (im lowkey waiting for a random obsessive person to figure out the lore and say something mysterious or something idk I hate it when im in a rush and something is too mysterious and then I cant figure it out and it angers my poor fragile little ego) (yes im one of those people that give up on learning if im not good at it within 3 tries)

I suck at cleaning up after myself (I didn't clean the stove after cooking) and I forgot to mention I mopped the floors (there was grease on the floor and I didn't clean it when it was a puddle and it spread so I mopped the floor) but it's not useful to mop the floors apparently. just not as important as the stove because more stuff is on there. and the mop fuck I just feel so unappreciated but I also am aware that it makes sense that the stove is more urgent. I just keep putting my effort in the wrong places.

my movements are not steady I should drink water and eat something for the first time today

wait I had at least two dreams where I was screaming really loud but I couldnt hear myself what do those mean?

idk man I get torn between self pity and shame. its always one extreme or the other. its either "oh my god im so sad look at how sad it was omg why are people so insensitive when im obviously struggling?" or "omfg I cant stand

"you don't care enough to solve a problem, you only care enough to cause a problem" - my loving boyfriend whose family probably cant fucking stand me and is probably praying day and night for something to happen to me so I can finally be out of their lives

this is what I get for talking about my feelings. this is what I get. and he says im not paying attention to the context. maybe I am. maybe the devil is smiling as he separates us, a supposedly perfect couple.

I need to clone myself so I can fuck but also so I can kill myself and mutilate my dead body and wear my skin over my face and squeeze the blood from my heart into a basin of soju so I can take a bath in it and drink it all. i would also investigate the lungs if I remember to smoke with the clone before I kill it. dude smoking with my clone would be so cool but it would also make killing myself a little more sad

I think part of my problem is that one of my trauma responses is

Mind: oh man there's a lot of loud noise and hostile energy going around, and negotiating is not making it stop, what do we do? Mind: hmmmm how about we also get extremely loud and wear ourselves out so we physically can't process or do anything for the next 5 hours? Mind: wait excuse me what?

I wanna live in a little wood box alone in some forest for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be happy but id certainly be more comfortable. no person to please, no expectation from any human or animal, no task or thing I have to work on. just me, my delusions, and my little box. occasionally I will go and get food and water and that's it. I don't ever want to interact with anything again. I'll just die one day in the forest

which is what I would say if I wasn't a fucking pussy. im too scared to leave the people in my life and I love my mother too much. maybe I'll run away forever after my parents pass away. and I can be happy with my mom again. like I always wanted.

stay safe baby birds much love <3

and remember!

There's no such thing as the "right time".

[staugustinesgrove]

Okay.

So I haven't been on here much (at all) in the past 2 weeks. Genuinely just having a fucking breakdown because isn't it the holiday season after all?

Let's give yall a rundown so I can get it over and done with, so there's no going "wtf happened Harl? I thought you were gonna make this tumblr all fancy and shit?"

Get comfy.

So in July (yes, let's go back this damn far!), it was my birthday!

Except of course, mother ruined it. My partner had organised for a dairy-free chocolate gateaux and mum said she'd take care of the delivery. €40 for a handmade cake. I'm lactose intolerant, so didn't she instead somehow get me a chocolate ice cream 👏 not the cake we'd requested, not the cake we had paid for. A poxy ice cream cake that might as well of being made of actual faeces because no one could eat it.

I was annoyed. Very much so but I let it go. Screw her stupid crap. Next day, we went down to the nearby city and so I locked my work laptop & other work-related material in my room for safety because we have sketchy neighbours and mum said she might be heading out that evening. When we come home, mum isn't talking to us.

She does this silent treatment for 3 days before I break. I go in, asking what is her problem. She says because I locked the door, it means I don't trust her. Then she comes in later in the day, fires an itemised list of everything I need to start paying her for. This list included stuff I already paid for - electricity, my mobile phone bill which has been in my name and as a direct debit out of MY BANK since February, food despite the fact I have been buying my own groceries since 2015.

I march in, ask what the hell is happening because this is just ridiculous. Screaming match ensues. All out war. I'm disrespecting her, I'm taking advantage of her, I'm probably stealing from her, I need to move out ASAP because she is going to kick me out because "[I'm] not [her] daughter anymore."

There it is.

I'm non-binary.

I had top surgery in June and she helped organise me taking out a loan to pay for it but she wasn't happy about it.

Suddenly I realise she's been getting more aggressive since I got surgery. This is about me being trans. I call her out, and she admits it.

"I'd rather you be homeless on the streets than be trans under my roof" she said, fists balled into her duvet as she stares me down.

A lot more horrid stuff is said, I call her out on her not helping me as a child when I was abused by one of her exes, she then denies it ever happened and told me I should have gone to The police myself at 9 years old if it was true.

After this argument, resulting in me having panic attacks for the next few days, I doubled my rental search attempts and by the end of August, I was moving 20km away in an apartment costing half my monthly paycheck (excluding bills).

Well doesn't she take this as me abandoning her. She suddenly is calling me every other day, even when I'm in work, and if I refused to answer then it was more evidence.

In September, mere weeks after I left, I took a weekend to finish my cosplay for MCM London. I turned back on my phone to 5 missed calls and a voicemail demanding I call her back because it's an emergency.

Apparently me not answering her phone calls means I am

1) abandoning her

2) not respecting her

3) calling her a shit mother and that I might as well of grown up on the streets

I told her I wanted her to respect me, but she said that I'm not respecting her. I asked her how do I not respect her, she couldn't tell me how, and instead told me that she deserves respect because she is my mother. I said that respect is earned, not gotten, and thats what she taught me. She told me she can call me Harley if it meant I wasn't going to cut her out of my life, but then less than 2 mins after she called me my deadname again. I kept saying "no, no, no" and she cursed me out.

She asked me what she had ever done to hurt me, so I listed a few moments. She then laughed and said "keep dreaming those ones up."

I gave her one last chance, a phone call the week after. She denied arguing with me the week before, complete erasure of everything that happened so I said nope. No more. Cut her off.

Fast forward a month later. My aunt, her sister, suddenly finds my profile on LinkedIn and I'm like... she doesn't know I changed my name. How did she find out? Mum denied telling anyone. I get in contact with my aunt. We talk.

2 days ago, my aunt came up to visit.

My mum has told the entire family that I kept my top surgery a secret from her and she only found out when I came home after the fact. She also told them about my name change, despite having made it abundantly clear I could never or else it would make them shun me forever for being openly queer in every way. She has lied as well, saying I'm refusing her calls when she hasn't called me since I believe the 20th September.

My grandmother came up today. Mum is calling her multiple times a day, crying, being a general menace to the family. Nan gave me a present from my mum - hand towels with our new names on them. The card she gave us didn't have our names on it, just "love mum" and that was that.

They both want me to try and open communication, so I handmade a Christmas card and that's that. Sent that off.

If she calls me over the holiday, I will seriously not know what to do. I'll just have to give up at that point because if she tries to fight me again, I won't have any more empathy to give.

And that's what you missed on Glee

[fandoms-writings]

I posted 5,572 times in 2022

That's 3,117 more posts than 2021!

630 posts created (11%)

4,942 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@traitorjoelite

@foreverindreamlandd

@treatbuckywkisses

@sidepartskinnyjeans

@fandoms-writings

I tagged 2,645 of my posts in 2022

#fic rec - 362 posts

#comment reblog - 302 posts

#inbox - 158 posts

#ask game - 153 posts

#remi rambles - 123 posts

#col &lt;3 - 92 posts

#answered asks - 77 posts

#☠︎ - 76 posts

#fayth &lt;3 - 73 posts

#timezone reblog - 61 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#mainly my laptop or computer but if i have an idea while i’m not anywhere near one of those two i’ll write the plot points down on my phone

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Something Domestic - Four

Pairing: ex-military amputee!Bucky x fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.9K

Summary: While showing you something new, Bucky gets to know just a bit more about you. And while he does, he feels a change.

Warnings: mentions of character death, walls come down a bit, soft Bucky, fluff, kind of flirty Bucky

Series Masterlist || Bucky Masterlist

The cold season came a little earlier this year. That’s what you told Bucky when he found you out by the barn earlier than he’d ever seen you out there in the past couple months. You were wrapped in a thick sweater as the wind whipped across your face and through the two horses manes. You told him that the cold winds and the changing leaves weren't supposed to start for another few weeks, yet here it was. He looked out in the distance and noticed the trees had started changing their colors, bright oranges and reds starting to show. 

He helped you put the caparisons on the horses to protect them from the harsh winds before getting the daily chores out of the way. After everything was taken care of, you headed inside to shower and he found himself sunk into the couch with his book. The same spot he'd woken in with you on his chest just a week ago. 

You two hadn’t talked about how you’d fallen asleep together on the couch and he wasn't sure if he wanted to bring it up. You'd woken up that morning, not too long after he had muttered a soft and almost silent 'thank you' into your hair, and you'd been a little shy but nothing too out of the ordinary. 

You fumbled a bit when trying to get off of him and almost fell off the couch all together. He caught you by your arm, pulling you back to his chest before your face could meet the floor and an apology squeaked past your lips before you were able to pull your feet under you and stand. You rushed off to let the horses into the pasture and when you came back inside, you acted like nothing had happened. 

He knew he was probably just getting into his head about it, forming an attachment that he wasn't sure even existed. Sure, you two had been friendly and got along extremely well, but he didn't want to assume any of your feelings towards him. 

After that night though, he couldn't help stumbling over his words when you'd nudge him with your breathtakingly beautiful laugh filling his ears. He couldn't hold back his smile when he'd find you in the kitchen, dancing to your music while you cooked dinner or baked something sweet. He definitely couldn't keep his heart from jumping into his throat when you'd come downstairs after a shower, the floral scent of your soap filling his nose as you passed him on your way to your seat on the couch for movie night. And don't get him started on movie nights.

The snack bowl never separated you two anymore. Once it was empty, you'd move it to the coffee table and tuck your feet under you when you leaned back, bumping his own knee with yours or your toes would tuck themselves under his leg. 

Bucky wasn't sure what to make of it, but he settled on you two getting comfortable with each other and he left it at that. 

"I was thinking," Your voice pulling him out of the book in his hand, "We could go out tonight, if you want." He looked over his shoulder at you. You were leaning against the doorway, arms crossed over your chest with your shoulders hunched, like you were nervous to even ask. The thought of going out made his anxiety spike, but looking at you, knowing he would be with you, the anxiety damped down just a bit. It wasn't gone, but it wasn't pressing forward either. 

"Where to?" He closed the book and turned, throwing his arm over the back of the couch. Your eyes lit up, and your hunched shoulders fell back as you relaxed. 

"Oh, um. I was thinking about dinner and drinks, maybe?" You started fiddling with your fingers as you uncrossed your arms, "I just thought it might be nice to get out since we don't really go anywhere other than the store and I have a friend who bartends at the bar in town and they have pretty decent food, too -" You were rambling now, something he'd caught you doing when you would get nervous about bringing up certain topics or asked him to step out of his comfort zone. It didn't happen often, but it was enough for him to catch on and he thought it was the cutest thing in the world. The fact that you were so worried about his thoughts and how he felt that you threw yourself into a flustered mess as you tried to talk about whatever it was. 

"I'd love to," He cut you off, chuckling when your attention snapped up from the floor and your jaw went slack, "Don't act so shocked, darlin, I was bound to get out eventually." You snapped your mouth shut at his little jab and placed your hands on your hips. 

"We don't have to if you don't want to," You reminded him and he shot you a large smile. 

"I know. Now when are we leaving?" The smile you gave him made up for the small amount of nerves in his stomach before you both went off to get ready. 

~~~~

The bar was smaller than the bars back in Brooklyn, but the food was way better. Small town perks Bucky supposed. It seemed every little hole in the wall joint you took him to - which wasn't many, if he thought about it, and that was his fault - had amazing food, or whatever they were selling, and this was no exception. After the two of you had finished your food, you left the little tucked away booth and went to sit at the bar, getting the attention of a brunette who smiled wide when she saw you. 

"Y/n! Oh it's been forever!" She leaned over the counter, enveloping you in a hug as Bucky watched from his stool. "And who's this?" She asked once she spotted him. 

His nerves started crawling up his neck before you laid a light hand on his forearm, "This is Bucky, he's been staying with me." He looked from you to your friend and held his hand out, "Bucky, this is Hope." 

"Nice to meet you," He said as Hope grabbed his hand, giving it a shake. She nodded with a smirk. 

"So, you're the one who's kept her hidden away," She said with a suggestive tone and a wiggle of her eyebrows. Bucky felt his face heat up as you leaned over and smacked her arm. 

"It's not like that, Hope. He needed some fresh air and he's a friend of Steve's so be nice." You scolded her, a small smile on your lips as you looked over at him, "Don't mind her, shoving her nose where it doesn't belong." He chuckled at that, trying to let the suggestive comment go, willing his face to cool down. Luckily it was dark in the bar, so you either didn't notice his embarrassment or you just didn't comment on it. 

"Oh whatever," Hope laughed, tossing her hand towel over her shoulder before grabbing two glasses, "So, what're you two having? It's on the house." Bucky noticed you trying to argue with her, but she cut you off with a point of her finger, "Don't fight me on this, it's the least I can do for you training Willow." Your mouth snapped shut as you sighed, accepting the free alcohol as you told her what you wanted. He asked for his drink and when Hope turned to make them, he turned to you. 

"Who's Willow?" He asked, instantly missing your touch when you pulled your hand from his arm to prop your chin on it. 

"Hope's horse. She adopted her last year, but the horse was practically wild. I train horses for people here sometimes, so I offered to help. Willow just needed time to adjust really, she wasn't too hard to tame and even easier to adjust to a saddle." You said with a smile, taking your drinks from Hope as she passed by on her way to another patron, "She likes to give me free drinks in exchange for it, but she's more than paid me back for it. She won't stop offering though." 

See the full post

309 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

#4

Forgotten Keys and Warm Tea

Pairing: Bartender!Neighbor!Bucky Barnes x female!college!Reader (no body descriptions though)

Summary: Your date was horrible, you’re locked out of your apartment, and the rain soaked through your dress. Luckily, the only other person awake at this hour is your neighbor, and he’s more than willing to help you. 

Word Count: 7.5K (sorryyy)

Warnings: smidge of angst, a date gone wrong(not with bucky), bucky being a gentlemen should be it’s own warning, some suggestive thoughts and language, cursing, making out. 

A/N: This is my submission for @buckysbirdie ‘s #birdiesicecreamshop writing challenge. happy birthday love, i hope you love what i’ve whipped up for you <3 I used 🍦 Waffle Cone: Bucky Barnes 🍬 “You don’t have to help me if you don’t want to.” and🍐 Person A saves Person B’s day <3

Also thank you to @treatbuckywkisses for beta reading this <3 all mistakes are my own though.

Bucky Masterlist || Main Masterpost

God, you should've listened to Ana and stayed home or even just gone out for dinner with her and Val. Now you were hiking your way home through the rain, your things clutched in your hand, and makeup running down your face. 

You'd tried calling her when John left you at the theater, but it ended up going to voicemail, and then your phone died before you could try again. 

If your roommate opened the message you left, you knew she was gonna have a hayday telling you she was right. That you shouldn't have trusted John or gone out with him, but that was the thing about you - you always tried to see the good in people, no matter what everyone else said. 

You knew that the way things had gone had been a possibility, you weren't blind and you weren't dumb. You knew the way people talked about John, how he never went on dates just to go on dates. He was almost always in someone's pants. You didn't even really want to go out with him. He'd just been so genuine when he asked you out after your lecture together - or so you thought - that you thought it would be nice to break up the monotony a bit. 

He'd taken you to dinner where he only talked about himself and any input you tried to give was quickly talked over so you stayed silent most the night. Then came the movie where he picked a pair of seats in the back corner and was way too touchy. You kept shoving his hand off your thighs and shrugging away from his arm when he tried to pull you in close. 

Then he tried to kiss you outside the theater and you dodged it, barely, but that seemed to be his final straw. He decided to spew some choice words at you before leaving you there to find your own way home even though it was pouring out. 

You were exhausted mentally and now physically from walking god knows how far to try and get back to yours and Ana’s apartment where you were sure your roommate would be waiting for you with a knowing look on her stupid face and a pint of ice cream in her hands. 

So lost in your head and partially blinded with the rain drops collecting in your lashes, you didn't see the broken pavement before it was too late and your heel snapped under you, causing you to stumble. You barely caught yourself on the light post next to you, your body falling into the steel pole and surely to have bruises in a few hours. 

You sighed, taking your shoes off, and carrying them in your other hand as you finally let the tears that had been building fall, mixing with the rain as you turned the corner and saw your building - finally. 

A miniscule breath of relief escaped your lungs as you all but ran to the door making a beeline for the stairs and to your apartment door, reaching for the handle when you froze. Your keys. 

You hadn’t been thinking when you’d left your keys in Johns car so you had no way of getting in unless Ana decided to stay in tonight 

You stood, barefoot and dripping water all over the welcome mat, and knocked, praying to whoever was listening that she would open the door. 

There was no answer, so you tried again, leaning in close to the frame. “Ana?” You called, your voice wobbling as you tried not to be loud in the hallway. 

After you were met with more silence, you let out a heavy sigh as your shoulders sagged and you hung your head. 

Of course she wasn’t home. She probably went to her girlfriends place to spend the night and wouldn’t be back until sometime tomorrow, just like every Friday. 

“Fuck,” you whispered as you turned around, taking a look around the hall to think of which neighbor might be nice enough to let you in at least to get warm. 

Mrs. Smith at the end of the hall would definitely be nice enough to let you stay the night on her couch, but you knew she’d be well asleep by now considering it was nearing 1 in the morning. 

The boy, Peter, who lived right next door had just moved in last week so you definitely didn’t know him well enough to even knock on his door at this hour. 

Steven Grant, the man who lived across the hall and a door down, would let you in. But you weren’t even sure if he was home. Sometimes he just disappeared for a few days before coming back and acting like he hadn’t left in the first place. 

That only left the person directly across the hall from you, Mr. Bucky Barnes. The beefy bartender who you’d been pining for since he moved in a few months ago. 

You’d only ever had conversations in passing. Him helping you carry up groceries when he caught you in the stairway. Or asking what you had planned for the day when he was coming back from his morning run and you were headed out. Sometimes he even told you stories of crazy patrons from his bar. 

It wouldn’t hurt to ask. Right? 

See the full post

323 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

#3

OOooh. Okay, I've got one. I wish you'd write a fic where Bucky gets basic care for something extremely minor (like burning his hand on the stove or something) and it makes him super emotional. Like just something as simple as basic first aid gives him feels. &lt;3

First Aid

Pairing: avenger!Bucky x avenger!Reader

Word Count: 1040

Warnings: little injury, mentions of a little blood, tiny tiny angst, mainly fluff

a/n: not beta'd, this was fun! I like doing little drabbles

tell me what you wish I'd write

"Oh shit, goddamnit," You heard the grumbling coming from the kitchen followed by a clatter of what sounded like several dishes clanking against each other. Your brows furrowed as you quickly stood from your reading spot and made your way to the source of the noise.

Bucky stood there, holding his flesh hand as the water in the sink continued to spray.

"Buck, you alright?" You asked, making your way to his side. He mumbled something about how he was fine, but the second you saw the red leak out between his fingers, you rushed to close the distance.

"Oh my god, what happened?" You asked, taking his hands in yours, prying his fingers open so you could take a look.

"I was just trying to clean up a bit, do the dishes for everyone. Wasn't paying attention and grabbed a knife by the blade," He looked to the sink at the knife that had drops of blood on it, "but I'll be alright."

"Come on," You reached and turned the sink off before grabbing his forearm and pulling him with you.

"Wait, where are we going?" He asked.

"To get you taken care of. Can't have you going around with a gash in your hand, even if you are a super soldier," You looked over your shoulder at him, giving him a small smile.

"I don't want to bother Cho with this, it'll heal on its own," He argued, but he didn't fight against the pull of your hand.

"We don't need Cho, I'll get you wrapped up, don't worry." You gave him a light laugh and it was then he paid attention to where you were taking him. It wasn't the direction of the med bay, it was the floor you two shared. You led him to your room, and then into your little bathroom where you made him sit on the edge of the tub.

"I keep one of these in here for the little things that aren't worth going to a professional for," You reached in the cabinet, pulling out a small white box. You opened it to grab gauze and alcohol wipes before closing it again.

You made your way back to his side, holding your hand out, "Let me see?" You asked, and he slowly reached his fist out until your fingers gently wrapped around his, pulling them open to inspect the damage.

"This is gonna sting a bit," You warned him before wiping the gash with the alcohol wipe. He felt the sting, but he didn't pay it any mind. He watched as you cleaned and wrapped his hand with so much care and he couldn't help the lump that formed in his throat.

No one ever really showed him this kind of care before, not since he'd become who he is now. He only ever experienced hands that intended harm. Grabs that were meant to bruise and mutilate. Sure, he'd been growing used to the team, and how thoughtful they were. But no one, other than Steve of course, had ever shown him this gentleness. He knew the team was nervous around him. He could feel it in the air.

But having you seated next to him, your knees bumping his as you cleaned and dressed the cut that would be nothing more than a red line of irritation in his palm by tomorrow morning, it was new. He knew you weren't that wary of him, he didn't know why, but he picked up on it immediately. You were always comfortable around him, and he grew to be relaxed around you. But this was different.

Your gentle touches across his fingers and his wrist as you moved his hand around, wrapping it in gauze, sent shivers up his arm and through his entire being. He was touch starved.

Your eyes shot up to his when he sniffled, and the look you gave him had his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. "Bucky. . ." Your voice was soft and your hands stilled over his own and he didn't dare take his hand out of your caring hold.

"Sorry," He sniffed again and ducked his head, reaching to cover his face with his metal hand, "I'm fine I promise."

You were silent for a moment before one of your hands left his wrapped one. It appeared on his metal wrist, pulling it away from his face. He let you guide it to rest in your lap with his other hand, your fingers wrapping around his palm.

"Hey," You muttered and he looked up to see your gaze free of judgment, "It's okay to not be okay," You gave him a small, crooked smile as understanding filled your eyes and you squeezed his hands, "It's okay."

He gave you a shaky smile back as the tears gathered in his lashes fell, one by one, down his cheeks. Taking a slow breath, he cleared his throat, "No one's ever. . ." He looked down at your hands encasing his, though his were twice the size of yours, "No one's ever cared for me like this, other than Steve. But even with him. . . it's different." He mumbled, too nervous to look back up at you.

You let out a breath through your nose and squeezed his hands once more, "Well," You started, leaning in closer, "I'll always care for you. In whatever way you need me to."

He blinked and looked up at you to see nothing but honesty and compassion in your gaze, "You don't have to do that, I don't wanna burden you-"

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338 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#2

Something Domestic - Three

Pairing: ex-military amputee!Bucky x fem!Reader

Word count: 4.1K

Summary: Bucky’s been getting better over time, but everyone has their set backs. Luckily, you and Bruno are there to help.

Warnings: ptsd, night terrors, emotional Bucky, anxiety

Series Masterlist || Bucky Masterlist

"Bucky! Steve's calling!" You called from the bottom of the stairs, laptop balanced in your hand. Steve had been shipped out a couple of weeks ago, headed to Kuwait. You could tell Bucky wanted to say something about it when he'd called before shipping out to let you both know, but he kept his lips in a tight grin and told his best friend to be careful and to come home in one piece. Don't be like me, he'd said, getting a nervous laugh from the blond on the other end. After that, he'd kept to himself for a few hours in his room, and you couldn't blame him. So, you let him be and called him down for dinner that night where he was a little tense, but he did agree to watching a movie with you before heading for bed. 

"Coming!" He shouted from the top of the stairs as you brought the laptop to the dining table, setting it up in front of the two chairs you had so you could both see Steve and he could see you. Bucky quickly stepped down the stairs and slid in next to you right as you clicked the green button, Steve's face taking over the screen. 

"It's about time you answered!" He laughed. He looked good, his smile reaching his eyes as the corners crinkled. He couldn't tell you what he was going out there for, government confidentiality and all, but you just hoped he wasn't getting hurt, and so far he looked okay - that was relief enough for the moment. 

"Sorry, I had to wait for slowpoke here to come down the stairs," You teased as you nudged Bucky with your shoulder, earning a small chuckle from him. 

"Hey, I was getting changed and you know it takes me a little longer than it used to," He laughed, a smile adorning his face at the sight of his friend unharmed. 

You listened as he filled Steve in on what was happening at the house, though it wasn't much. He mentioned how he had started helping you in the barn with the horses, how you were teaching him all that went into caring for them, and how he helped Peter figure out what to say to the girl he likes at school. You chimed in telling him about how he was gonna ask MJ if she wanted to come for a horse ride - you'd offered it to him to try and give him some courage to finally ask her out. Steve had met Peter when the kid was still a kid and not a teenager on his way to graduating highschool and you made it a point to make sure he was here the next time Steve called so he could say hello again. 

After a bit of back and forth, you excused yourself to start on dinner, the facetime call was more or less for Bucky anyways. You always loved talking to Steve, but you knew Bucky needed that one on one time with someone who wasn't you, someone he wasn't around 24/7. You threw in your headphones so that he had some privacy in his conversation and got started with a simple chili for dinner.

You were able to see him from where you stood at the counter, he was just on the other side of the island at the table, smiling as he listened to Steve. As you watched, you couldn't help but smile to yourself. 

Bucky had come pretty far in the two months he'd been with you. Sure, he had plenty more to go, many more obstacles to overcome, but everything takes time. You knew that too well. 

He'd been smiling more, even if it was only when someone cracked a joke or when Peter gushed about MJ, no doubt reminding Bucky of when he was younger. He'd told you about how he used to be a flirt and loved the attention from all the girls in school, though he grew out of that when he joined the Army. 

You watched as he laughed, his smile growing as his shoulders shook and he looked down at the table. His hair was getting longer than when he first showed up at your door. Back then, it still had the shape of his military cut, but had grown out a bit, the top being just a bit longer than the sides. Now, the top was getting to the point where it's length was weighing it down just a bit to lay over his forehead, the slight curl becoming more noticeable as the weeks went by, and the sides were starting to get more and more fluffy. 

His facial hair was getting longer, it had been a short stubble when he moved in, and he hadn't shaved it since. It suited him, though you could tell it bothered him. The way he would scratch at his chin under the hair, a scowl on his face as he did so gave him away. You wondered why he hadn't shaved it, but you didn't want to ask in case it made him self conscious. 

You tore your eyes away from him when you started cutting the onions and the chicken, still thinking about how far he'd come in such a short amount of time. Not only had he started joining you in the barn, helping you get all the daily chores done faster, but he also had gone with you to the grocery store a couple of times. 

He was nervous the first time, wearing a large sweater and a ball cap pulled over his eyes, and constantly looking around at your surroundings, the people and the exits and the children. You had taken Bruno with you, and his only hand was holding the leash in a death grip. But the second time he seemed a bit more relaxed, not constantly looking over his shoulder and flinching a little less at the screaming kids. It only got better the more you got him out of the house. Sure, he still flinched every once in a while or seemed more nervous than normal, but he was getting better. 

A balled up napkin landed in front of you and you looked up to see him waving to get your attention. Setting down the knife and wiping your hands on the towel, you pulled your headphones out of your ears. 

"Steve's gonna hang up," He said with a sad tone that his smile couldn't hide, "he wants to say bye." You smiled and walked over, waving at Steve as you leaned over Bucky's shoulder, wishing Steve good luck and that you hoped to hear from him soon. Bucky ended the call after that and joined you back in the kitchen. 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" You'd grown used to hearing that, him wanting to help out in any way he could. He'd mentioned something about feeling like he wasn't pitching in enough and didn't want to freeload off of you. You'd tried telling him that it was okay, that he indeed wasn't mooching, but he wouldn't accept that. So, the best thing to do was to just welcome the assistance. 

"Of course, if you could get out the chicken broth from the pantry and the bag of corn from the freezer, that'd be awesome," You smiled at him and he nodded, heading to the pantry and the freezer. When he came back, he switched your music from your headphones to the speaker, per his request, which took you by surprise. Usually, he either wanted to talk or just sit in silence - which you didn't mind. You grinned when he turned to the speaker and made a mental note of that being another change in him, another sign that he was getting better. 

After dinner was finished and you both ate your fill, he helped you clean up and load the dishwasher before joining you for a movie. Spending your nights watching a movie had become routine over the past few weeks. You'd take turns picking out what to watch while the other heated up some popcorn or got a bowl of chips. At first, you'd started on opposite ends of the couch, and you still did, but as the weeks went by, you'd end up next to each other with the only thing separating you being the bowl of whatever snack you had that night. And tonight was no different. But neither one of you would move the bowl once it was empty, it would keep it's place between your thighs and his, as if it was a wall you both refused to tear down. 

Once the movie was over, you both headed your separate ways. He went up to do his nightly routine before going to bed and you'd go out and double check the barn, making sure everything was locked properly and that the horses didn't need anything before coming back to the house and doing your own routine. Then you'd crawl into bed, leaving your door cracked enough for Bruno to slip through. He used to spend his nights with you, sleeping at your feet, but ever since he'd started forming a bond with Bucky, he'd switch between the two rooms throughout the night. And you were glad for it. 

You heard Bucky some nights, his muttering and his heavy breathing as his nightmares took a hold of him. You always wanted to help, but that was a boundary you weren't going to cross until you'd either talked about it or until it was absolutely necessary. Bruno crossed it for you. He'd hear Bucky first, getting down from your bed, his collar jingling would wake you and you'd see his tail slip out into the hall. From then on, you couldn't help but focus in on the noises from across the hall. You could always tell when Bucky would wake up, his soft voice in the air as he acknowledged Bruno and let the dog up into his bed. Silence would usually follow and you'd get back to sleep. Not tonight though. 

It started with Bruno's collar, just like most nights, the jingle of his name tag and rabies shot tag clinking together waking you as he jumped down from your bed and made his way out into the hall. You turned over, angling yourself so you could catch a glimpse of his tail as he left the room. Watching the hall, you listened as he tried to wake Bucky and you thought it worked when Bucky's murmurs went quiet, a stillness taking over the house. You closed your eyes to get back to sleep, but a series of thuds had your eyes snapping open and you sat up in bed. Stillness came again, but was broken by the faint noise of Bruno's whine. 

Throwing the covers off of you, you scrambled to get to your feet and swing your door open the rest of the way, revealing a dark hallway with the small light from downstairs flowing up the steps. You left it on every night, just in case one of you needed something from the lower level of your house, but instead of bringing comfort, it only made you uneasy. Slowly, you took the stairs one at a time, careful to be as quiet as you could. 

Bruno came into view as you peaked around the corner into the kitchen, he was sitting, watching something you couldn't see as he whined softly. 

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352 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Sticky Notes

Pairing: Avenger!Bucky x female!Reader (no physical descriptions though)

Word Count: 905 (it’s short I know)

Summary: Returning from a mission is Bucky’s favorite part of his day, because you’re there to welcome him home. But what happens when it’s in the middle of the night and you’re already asleep?

Warnings: mentions of blood (no description though), no other warnings really, just fluffiness

A/N: This is my submission for @pellucid-constellations love notes writing challenge. Also I know I sent you an ask about tags, but I couldn’t wait to post it so feel free to ignore that lol This is also my first submission for any writing challenge ever and I’m so excited to finally be a part of one! I hope you enjoy it! 💕

Bucky Masterlist

Coming home from an exhausting mission was always the highlight of Bucky's day or week, or sometimes even a month. However, this time, it was the middle of the night when he finally walked up those two steps to the front door or your home, fiddling with the key in the lock while trying to be as quiet as possible. 

Usually, you'd be there, sitting on the couch and waiting for him to walk through that door. You would wait for him to come to you, because sometimes, when things went wrong, he wouldn't want to be crowded with your love immediately. He'd need time to adjust back to domestic life. So you'd always wait for him to make the first move, to decide if he wanted to join you or if he needed a moment to himself before letting you place chaste kisses over the skin of his cheeks and his shoulders. Not tonight though. 

He swung the door open to reveal the living room, empty, the kitchen light gently pooling in through the doorway. Enough to light his way, though he probably didn't need it, it was the thought that counted. He softly sighed, missing you and planning to just fall into the blankets by your side. But the growling in his stomach quickly altered those plans. 

He stepped into the kitchen, dropping his bag off at the little table where you liked to have your coffee in the morning. Pulling the fridge open to see what food was there, a bright green sticky note stuck to a full tupperware caught his eye. Pulling the food out, he read the note, unable to stop the smile that crept up his face. I made your favorite x.

He quietly chuckled to himself as he plated some of the food and set it in the microwave, being sure to stop it before it beeped like an alarm. After having his fill, he thought he was finally ready to join you in bed, until he took his sweater off and got a whiff of himself. He would need to shower, he still smelled like Kevlar and blood and everything gross he'd come across over the past few days. 

He cleaned up his mess in the kitchen, heading to the bathroom and silently closing the door. Once he turned to the mirror, his smile was back again. Another note, the words scrawled in your delicate handwriting. You're so handsome x.

He laughed to himself at your little note of assurance. You knew he had self image issues, mainly due to his arm and his numerous scars that littered his shoulder, but you were determined to make him see what you did. Even if you were already passed out in the other room. 

He made his shower quick, the hot water washing away the tension in his muscles from traveling and the steam flooding out into the hall once he reopened the door. With the towel slung low on his hips, he walked to the bedroom door, finding yet another bright green note. Wake me please, I've missed you x. 

A soft smile spread across his lips as his eyes watered. He didn't know what he did before you came along, before you showed him the love he thought he didn't deserve. There were times where he still felt like he wasn't worthy of your affections, the blood in his history too horrific for someone like you - someone so full of light and love and just everything good. But you always put a stop to it, reminding him that you weren't going anywhere, no matter how bad his bad days got. 

He willed his eyes to dry as he wiped at them before taking a breath and quietly opening the door to see the bedside lamp still on. His eyes fell to the lump in the covers, you were snuggled under them on his side of the bed, and as he made his way around to sit on the edge, he saw your arms wrapped around his pillow and the sleeves of his missing Henley covering your skin. 

"Honey," He whispered, raising his hand to brush at your cheek, willing you to wake. You stirred under his touch, leaning into his hand as your eyes fluttered open. The dazed look disappeared once you noticed him and you sat up, throwing your arms around his neck. He wrapped himself around you, burying his nose into your shoulder as he breathed in everything that was you. 

The sweet subtle scent of your skin, the floral hints from your shampoo, and the slightest smell of him, from the shirt. The remaining tension the hot water couldn't wash away, melted at your touch as you pulled him under the covers, wrapping your limbs with his own. 

"Did you eat?" You asked, as you left a trail of kisses along his skin. 

"I did, and I got your notes, all three of them," He laughed, turning his head to place a kiss on the crown of your head, "Thank you." 

You hummed into his shoulder before propping yourself up on your elbow to lean over him, "Have I told you I love you today?" He reached up, cupping your cheek and his thumb smoothed over the skin there. 

"In more ways than one," He muttered, pulling you down to brush his lips against yours, "But in all the ways that mean the most."

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858 notes - Posted January 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[enhaheeseung]

At your service l. Heeseung

Pairing : live in maid heeseung x rich fem reader

Warnings : age gap, eventual smut, vulgar language, angst, heartbreak, dirty talk, an attempt at comedy, more to be added in later chapters.

Note : this was originally going to be an smau so there will be a lot of texting but it’s mainly written. I tried something different with the texting and writing style so bear with me.

Masterlist

WC 2,325

Chapter 2

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You were born into a rich family. You went to private schools with other rich kids. You got to spend as much money as you wanted. You were absolutely, utterly spoiled, but in the best way possible.

You always remained humble and never overstepped your boundaries when it came to the less fortunate.

A lot would say you're too giving, and that's why your generosity led you to a lot of heartbreak and fake friends.

Even being in your mid 30s, you still couldn't find the right one. And having friends just didn't seem like an option anymore.

The idea of falling in love with someone just to find out they only wanted you for your money was your biggest fear.

You lived alone thanks to your parents. They paid for all your expenses and even gave you an allowance. Whenever you tried to refuse, they'd insisted on giving you money, always reminding you that this was their goal in the first place to make enough money, so their kids never had to work.

Though you were grateful for them, you still wanted to be a bit more independent, but you decided to give in to their wishes and be an obedient daughter. after all, you weren't the brightest bulb in the room.

You got up extra early to get some cleaning done. But there was only so much you could do after cleaning. You tried to cook breakfast but failed miserably for the hundredth time, nearly burning down the whole mansion.

Luckily for you, there's a fire extinguisher and sprinklers in the kitchen.

You quickly put out the small fire sighing in defeat. Then it came to you.

A maid!

A live in maid!

Then you wouldn't have to cook or clean anymore, not to say you didn't want to but at least not the whole mansion every single day all by yourself, and you'd pay them a good amount.

You phoned your parents, and they instantly agreed upon hearing your story about breakfast, and they thought the company would be nice for you, seeing how they didn't get to visit you often.

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"What am I gonna do?" Heeseung sighed, thinking about his student loans,

"Get a job," his friend jay piped up.

"Please do enlighten me on what job pays 100k. In less than a year, I promised my parents I'd have it paid by now, and I haven't even made a dent," he rubbed at his temples.

"I told you not to do it."

"Some friend you are, maybe, you're right. I'll just get a job and pay back as much as I can. This is going to suck."

He opened his laptop, typing away at the keys, searching for a job.

"What are you searching for?" Jay inquired, looking at his elder friend's screen.

"A job? What do you think?" He said as if it was the stupidest question a person could ask.

"Well, excuse me" jay went back to eating his lunch.

"Ooh, what about a convenience store?"

"Too much labor for little pay, next"

"Okay, how about, let's see, a server?"

"Still no pay, and the tips you make will just average to minimum wage."

"Okay, know it all. I feel like giving up already" he leaned back in his chair.

"Come on, the heeseung I know never quits. Keep looking"

Right before he closed his laptop, his eyes scanned a listing that paid a hundred and fifty dollars an hour. He blinked, not believing his eyes.

"No way"

"What did you find?"

"A live in maid? It says it pays one hundred and fifty an hour."

"What?!" Jay nearly choked on his food, "what are you waiting for? apply before someone else does!"

"But what if it's a scam?"

"Just try it and see the worst that can happen is you get killed when you show up for an interview," jay said, completely unphased.

"Wow, thanks, I needed that"

He made an account and uploaded a picture, then typed in a few details about his situation and basic information like his date of birth and phone number. Once he finished, he pressed enter.

"I hope this is legitimate." A sigh left his lips.

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You got a notification a few minutes after putting up your listing. To your surprise, someone had already applied you unlock your phone reading through the application.

You were happy to see that they stated a bit about themselves and when you read that they really needed the job to pay off student loans, you really felt an obligation to help. You had more money than you knew what to do with, so why not help someone out.

You scrolled a bit further, and you were shocked to see his profile picture. He was in his early 20s, with brown hair and brown eyes, and extremely handsome.

Wait, he's like a lot of years younger than me. Get a grip.

You shook your head and accepted his application. Now you just had to contact him to meet him face to face.

You texted the number he entered in.

You : "Hi, this is y/n, I got your application, and I wanted to meet you in person to see if you meet the criteria. You can come anywhere in the afternoon. I'm free all week, so whatever works best for you.

You set your phone down, a small smile on your face anticipating your meeting.

You heard a ding and looked at your phone to see a notification from the same number.

Heeseung : "Actually, I just got out of school, so can I come over today?"

You : "Sure! I'll send the address now. What time are you thinking?"

Heeseung : "I'm about ten minutes out. Is that okay?"

You : "Yep, see you then!"

You shut off your phone, going to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. You tied your hair and sprayed a bit of perfume before going into the living room to wait.

Why am I so nervous? You held your chest, trying to calm down your racing heart.

You heard the doorbell ring, and it was exactly ten minutes later.

So he makes being on time a priority.

Noted.

You took one long breath and opened the door.

Wow, he's even more handsome in person. Oh, and how I wish I could shut off my stupid. Brain, for thinking of such things, he probably has a girlfriend anyway.

"Hi, you must be heeseung?" You offered your hand for him to shake.

"That's me, and you must be y/n?" He shook your much smaller hand.

"Yes," you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks from the slight contact of his warm hand on yours.

Have I always been down this bad?

"It's nice to meet you, y/n."

"You as well. Sorry I won't keep you standing out here any longer. Please make yourself at home."

He stepped in and took a quick look around before taking off his shoes at the door. Even though it was a mansion and he's never seen inside one before, somehow it still looked very homely, or maybe that was just normal.

"You like it?" You asked, noticing how intrigued he was by the mansion.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, are all mansions this, umm, modern?" He noted how everything looked very similar to his living space.

"Not all. But I try to keep it as simplistic as possible I'm not into all the fancy stuff."

"Well, I like it. It makes me feel like I'm at home."

"It could be your home soon. So, the listing I put up was pretty vague, so feel free to take a seat anywhere you'd like, and I'll get started with a few questions. I would have put the questions along with the posting, but I feel like face to face is more…

"Personal," he looked you in the eyes.

"Yeah, personal" your eyes immediately darted away from his.

You both sat down at your kitchen table.

"That makes sense, so y/n, what are your questions?"

"Right, so you'll just need to do a few very simple tasks. Seeing how I live alone, there's not that much. First on the list is laundry. The second is dishes, you looked at him, and he nodded his head for you to continue. "third is cooking, and fourth is yard maintenance like trimming the hedges and watering the lawn."

And then it hit you, how could I be so forgetful?

"I'm sorry, would you like something to drink?"

"It's okay. I'll just have water, please."

"One water coming up." You excused yourself from the table.

He watched you walk away and made sure to take a good look at your behind.

He pulled out his phone to text jay.

Real life Bambi🦌 : You're not going to believe this.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Tell me, and I will.

Real life Bambi🦌 : Okay, so the job is super simple. It's just like everyday housework like cooking and cleaning.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Okay, but you don't know how to cook.

Real life bambi🦌 : It can't be that hard. I'll practice when I get home.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Don't call me when you set the house on fire.

Real life bambi🦌 : I'll have you on speed dial, anyway. This is the part you're really not going to believe.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : I believed everything else, so I doubt it. But try me.

Real life bambi🦌 : My employer is female.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : You're fucking lying!

Real life bambi🦌 : told you! and guess what? She's literally so fucking hot, oh my god, like step all over me. Please, she could use me, throw me away, and I'd thank her.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Well, you know what that means? I have to pay you a little visit sometime😉

Real life bambi🦌 : No! Stay far away from here. I found her first.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have even gotten the job.

Real life bambi🦌 : Oh wait, that's true. I haven't even got the job yet :(

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Don't sweat it. I'm sure you'll get it.

Real life bambi🦌 : Fingers crossed, oh, she's coming back gotta run😍

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Simp

"Here's your water." You sat back down at the table.

"Thank you" you watched his adam's apple Bob up and down while he drank the water. You shook your head to focus back on the questions.

"Okay, those are basically the things you'll be doing on a daily basis, maybe shopping on the weekends, but it's all pretty straightforward. Any questions for me?"

"Why are you paying so much? I don't mean to be rude, but it just seems too good to be true."

"I have a lot of money to give, so a hundred for me is like a dollar, and when I saw that you're paying off student loans, I thought you'd be perfect for the job. I know just how pricey those loans can be, and I assumed it would be a less stressful job for a student."

"Are you an angel in disguise?" He chuckled.

"I'm whatever you want me to be" You wanted to cut your tongue out before you could say anything else stupid.

"I'll think on it" he took one last sip of his water, handing you the empty glass.

"I'll go and wash this and give you some time to think on it."

He gave you a smile.

Real life bambi🦌 : Okay, so I got the job.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Really?

Real life bambi🦌 : Well, she's given me a few minutes to think. she’s kinda doing the interview backwards, cause she’s giving me the final decision, but she’s honestly so nice.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Don't forget about me when you make it to the top.

Real life bambi🦌 : Yeah, yeah, She's like crazy hot and super beautiful, but I think she's a bit older than me :(

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Yeah, she's probably married too.

Real life bambi🦌 : I don't think so. She doesn't have a ring.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Well, then I'd say go for it, but wouldn't it be kinda weird living together?

Real life bambi🦌 : Yeah, that's true, but it's not like I'll need to work with her for long, so maybe I'll bone her on my last week😉

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : You're disgusting.

Real life bambi🦌 : What? I'm just looking at the bright side. Just think about it. I get to live in a mansion I'll make over a hundred a day, and I get to see her I'm living the life.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : You're still disgusting.

Real life bambi🦌 : Stay mad. You're just salty that it's not you.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : I'll stick to working a 9 to 5 and bang chicks that are actually my age.

Real life bambi🦌 : Boring. Not many people can say they got that ripe pussy at my age.

Jay park my car in your garage🐦 : Ooh, What a title to have

Real life bambi🦌 : gotta go. My sugar mama is coming 🥰

"So, have you made a decision yet?" you sat across from him at the table.

"You got yourself an employee." he gave you a wide smile.

"Great! When would you like to start?" I get a bit lonely around here, so the sooner, the better, but no pressure."

"Tomorrow is great for me."

✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩

Hi, I’m back with another series I’ll be updating by chapters Im not sure when the next update will be cause I haven’t finished all chapter’s yet, but if you have any ideas on when I should post the next chapter feel free to let me know.

Also tell me how you like it so far should I make any changes To the texting or writing style or is it fine the way it is?

I’m so nervous after posting this cause I feel like it’s so bad I haven’t wrote anything new since “taxi” and now I forgot how to write😭

🏷permanent taglist @hee-in @jayroseyy @axartia @bunhoons @hello-stranger24 @ashxsmoon @lhsggg @scarlet127 @kpopscruggles @badidealy @heeseungleeworld @duolingofanaccount @oceanyocean @heesgirl @yjwnoot if you want to be added or removed, just leave an ask or comment.

Thanks for reading likes and reblogs are always appreciated sorry for any typos or errors and enjoy your day/night🤎

[marvelous-harry]

Crumbling Down Harry/Ben/Oliver Words: 1.9K Summary: It's all crumbling down as their private photos are leaked online and the whole world gets a look into their relationship.

Saw my picture in the paper Read the news around my face And now some people Don't want to treat me the same

-

It comes out of nowhere. There's nothing to suggest the world is about to explode but it does. What should've been a normal call from Jeffrey is anything but. It brings the whole world crumbling down.

-

"There's been a leak. We're trying our best to shut it down but the photos are spreading fast," Jeffrey said over the phone.

Harry shook his head and gripped his phone tightly. "What do you mean?" he asked quietly. "W-what photos?"

"It looks like four photos so far. All of you, Oliver and Ben. There's one photo where you're shirtless but that's it. The rest are kissing and hugging photos. Are they there? Can you put me on speaker?" Jeff asked.

Harry licked his lips as he blinked slowly. "Make it go away," he said quietly, feeling a tear run down his cheek.

"Harry," Jeff sighed. "I'm trying my best to get it shut down but we know that once something is on the internet, it's there forever. I'm really sorry, we'll figure out how this happened,"

Harry closed his eyes. Jeff was still talking but Harry wasn't listening anymore. Hanging up, he silenced his phone and put it screen down on the bed before he walked over to the table where his laptop was.

Opening it, he went on to google and typed in his own name - watching in horror as all current news articles about him were about the photos. Clicking on one of the articles, he tried to read most of it but tears were blurring his eyes.

They had already researched both Ben and Oliver, posting everything about them.

Everyone knew.

And the realization of everyone knowing made his hands tingle and his head dizzy. His eyes glanced to the clock. 12.32pm on a Monday 29th of November. The moment everything changed.

Hearing his phone vibrating on the bed, Harry stood still for a few seconds as he tried to figure out what to do next.

He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to share them. He wasn't ready for everyone to know. To ask questions, dig into their pasts, for people to ruin them. He hadn't had enough time with them yet. He didn't want them to go.

Walking over to their suitcases, Harry started pulling out a few of his favourite clothing items and stuffed them into his own suitcase before zipping it shut and shoving it under the bed. Slamming the laptop shut, he opened the minibar and grabbed as many of the mini bottles as he could before walking over to the darkest corner and slid down the wall.

Opening a little bottle of vodka, Harry grimaced as he swallowed the liquid down. Coughing at the taste, he wiped his eyes and opened bottle after bottle.

He knew how this ended. It always went this way. Why couldn't people let him be? Let his friends be? Throwing back shot after shot, he couldn't be bothered to wipe his tears anymore. Once again he'd be the one staying alone while they replaced him with someone else.

He supposed he was grateful he'd even met them and had some time with them.

-

His phone was still vibrating nonstop on the bed. Empty mini bottles were strewn on the floor in front of him and Harry had moved on to drinking some of the wine they'd bought straight from the bottle.

The plan was to keep drinking until he passed out or died. Smiling dryly as he lifted up the bottle again, Harry swallowed the rest of the wine before putting the bottle off to the side.

He was going to miss them a lot. Nothing would ever be the same again. Searching through the bottles to find one that still had some alcohol in it, he froze as he heard someone by the door.

"It wasn't even that bad! At least it wasn't a stinky one, just a loud one," Oliver chuckled as he pushed the door open.

Ben glared at him. "Please, I just loudly farted in the lift and we were trapped with them for five floors. I'm never going outside again. What is that smell?" he huffed before looking around.

"Harry? Love?" Ben called out as he and Oliver stepped into the room, letting the door close behind them. "Harry?" he asked worried as he took in the state of him.

Harry lifted his head and rested it back against the wall as he looked at Ben. He frowned as he glanced over at Oliver. They were calm. Too calm.

They didn't know yet.

"Harry, what is going on?" Ben asked worried as he kneeled down in front of him, clearing away some of the bottles to make room. Oliver had put the bags of takeaway on the table and was moving over as well as he looked equally as worried.

"I love you two so much," Harry whispered as a tear ran down his cheek. "I never wanted it to happen this way. Why would they do this to me?" he let out a sob.

"Harry, baby, please, what's happened?" Ben asked as he cupped Harry's face.

"Can we just stay here forever? Just the three of us? We can forget everything else, just never answer the door or look at our phones or laptops. Just be us and no one else," Harry rambled as he closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face as he leaned into Ben's hands.

Ben pulled Harry into a tight hug as he looked over at Oliver worried. "Harry, did you just drink or did you take anything?" he asked quietly as Harry sobbed into the crook of his neck.

Oliver scanned the floor and the surrounding areas for anything else that wasn't alcohol bottles but didn't see anything. He did however see Harry's phone. Picking it up, he noticed all the unanswered phone calls from Jeff.

"Just drink, I'm sorry. So sorry," He cried.

"Harry, Jeffrey is calling you," Oliver spoke up as he held on to the phone now vibrating in his hand.

"No!" Harry shouted and pushed Ben away so he could snatch the phone. Denying the call, he turned his phone off and dropped it on the floor.

"Come up here on the bed," Oliver said and patted the spot next to him.

Harry whimpered and shook his head but didn't fight as Ben lifted him up and placed him on the bed. "It's all broken. It's ruined. It'll never be the as it was," he cried as he turned over and sobbed into the blankets on the bed.

Oliver and Ben both reached out to Harry and rubbed his back, his hair, and hands. "You need to tell us what has happened," Oliver said firmly.

Ben felt his phone vibrate in his pocket half a second before his ringtone echoed through the room. Reaching for it, he showed Oliver that it was Jeff that was calling him. "Jeff, what is going on?" he asked as soon as he picked up.

"Are you with Harry? He's not answering, he hung up after I told about the leak," Jeff said stressed. "I'm on my way to the hotel, I'll be there soon,"

Ben blinked and swallowed. "What leak?" he asked calmly.

Harry turned to look at him quickly. "No," he tried to grab for the phone but Ben leaned back and Oliver grabbed onto Harry and pulled him into his lap, holding him in place. "Hang up! Please, don't! No, no, no!" He whimpered as he tried to get free.

"Harry didn't tell you? Photos of you guys have been leaked. Just kissing and hugging. One where he's shirtless. There are articles popping up by the second everywhere," Jeff sighed. "There's no putting the lid on this,"

Harry stared at Ben and he knew that he knew now. He looked sad. This was all his fault. If it wasn't for him neither Oliver nor Ben would have to go through the shit storm that was coming their way. If he hadn't been so selfish, they could've been happy. "I'm gonna be sick," he mumbled and was thankful that Oliver let him go as he rushed into the bathroom before emptying his stomach down the toilet.

Ben finished his conversation with Jeff before looking at Oliver pissed off and upset. "Someone fucking outed him. Outed us. Leaked our pictures everywhere," he stood up. "Jeff said he'll be here soon. Grab a laptop and find out what's going on," Ben marched over to the bathroom and went to help Harry.

Oliver took a deep breath as he walked over to the laptop on the table and opened it - he didn't even have to search anything since the results from Harry's look earlier were still up. "Fuck," he whispered. Hearing Harry being sick up again, he closed it and went to help out when there was a knock on the door.

He opened the door just a smidge to confirm it was just Jeff before opening the door all the way.

"Where's Harry, we need to talk," Jeff said as Oliver let him inside.

"He's in no state to do any talking right now and he won't be for a while. Do you know who did all this? What can we do legally here?" Oliver crossed his arms over his chest as he tried to remain calm.

"We're looking into it and trying to track down where it all started. I'm not really sure but the legal team is researching it," Jeff sighed and shook his head. "Usually there isn't much to do. We can find out who it is, block them from every show and anything to do with Harry but it's complicated with the hacking and who's legally responsible in these situations," he rubbed his face.

"Look, his calendar is clear for almost a whole month. We don't have to do a statement immediately or at all," Jeff explained before he and Oliver looked towards the bathroom as they heard Harry being sick again.

"Text me or Ben. Not Harry. Keep us updated and we'll do the same. Lock shit down and get us home as soon as possible. I need to go," Oliver said short and gave Jeff a nod.

"Yeah, will do. Take care of him and I'll take care of the rest," Jeff replied and walked out of the room.

Oliver locked the door behind him before he quickly gathered all the empty bottles and got them sorted away. Heading into the bathroom, his heart broke as he saw Harry dry heaving into the toilet with Ben rubbing his back while Harry clutched onto one of his hands.

Getting down on his knees next to Harry, Oliver took Harry's free hand and squeezed it. "We'll be okay, bubs. Daddy and I aren't going anywhere," he told him softly. "Ben and I love you so much - nothing will ever change that," he added as Harry squeezed his hand back and fresh tears spilled from his eyes as he smiled sadly.

"Everything is going to change," Harry whispered and closed his eyes, his bottom lip quivering. "I just wanted this one thing for myself. That I didn't have to share and now everyone knows but it was supposed to be mine. Just mine!" he broke down crying again as Oliver and Ben quickly hugged him tightly - their hearts breaking all over again while they searched for words of comfort and reassurance. Instead, they just held him a little tighter.

[multistan-kpopwritings]

I'm Never Leaving

➟ pairing(s): Exboyfriend; Jae Beom and Reader

➟ genre(s): Angst... maybe? Cute Fluff

➟ word count: 2.2K

➟ warnings: Jerk ex boyfriend

You sat down at your kitchen table and set your laptop up to finish some work. As you looked over a sales report, your laptop began to signal someone was calling you on Skype. You would typically decline the call this late; however, the name caught your attention. It had been at least 2 years since you've heard from your ex. You battled with the decision to accept the call. Sadly, curiosity got the best of you and you did accept.

"Wow, hi Y/N," Luke, your ex said, "I have to admit I wasn't expecting you to accept." He smiled that old smile at you and ran his hands through his hair. You smiled and studied his face. In the last two years, he hasn't changed much. His hair was longer, but he still wore band t-shirts and a leather jacket. You'd be willing to bet he had those ripped jeans and biker boots too.

"That makes both of us," you admitted, "What's up?" You wanted to get straight to the point. He laughed and rested his arms on the surface in front of him.

"That's my Y/N," he grinned, "Always so serious."

His words made you mad. Was mad even the right word? Maybe angry, furious, infuriated, irate, or raging would have been more appropriate. How could he say you were 'his' after the way he threw you away like trash, with such little disregard.

You always had a rocky relationship with Luke. There were always kind words, then side glances with jealousy, fighting, and then make-up sex. You never knew where you stood in the relationship. Calling it a relationship was even a stretch. If you spent the night at his place, he was always careful to make sure he got you out before his roommates were up. He held all the power and loved to remind you. The last few months of the relationship seemed like a dream. Luke was kinder and more considerate. You craved something more from him, and it seemed like you were finally getting it.

The final straw was the morning after a party his friend threw. You spent the night so you didn't have to drive home so late. When you woke to leave in the early morning hours, Luke reached for you and asked you to stay. Your heart finally let go and you thought it was something special. Ha, right.

It was about 8:30 that morning when you woke again. Silently, you went to the kitchen for breakfast. His roommate, Josh, was already in there. He smiled at you after taking in your appearance.

"I wondered if one of you would be in here soon," he commented. He waved a spoon at you. "I'm glad this is becoming more of a regular thing. I like having you around." He returned to his cereal. "I didn't think he would settle down. You're good for him." You smiled to yourself and grabbed a bowl. The sound of Luke's bedroom door announced he was awake.

Luke dragged himself to the table and sat down. He was not a morning person. You instinctively grabbed a coffee mug and poured a cup. You knew he liked black coffee, so setting the mug in front of Luke, you kissed his cheek. There was no thank you, just a groan of annoyance.

You sat between the two men and took a few bites of your cereal. "Hey Luke," you began, "Do you think you could stop by my apartment today and help me move some furniture?" He glared at you over the mug and snorted.

"You don't think I could have just one day for me," he growled. The tone of his voice made you shrink back. He didn't remove his eyes from you.

"Sorry," you whispered, "I didn't think it would take so long." You got up and placed your bowl in the sink and walked back to the bedroom. You couldn't understand what you said to trigger that response.

"Dude," Josh scolded, "Harsh. You don't need to talk to her like that."

"I'll say what I want, how I want," Luke scoffed, "Not like she's my girlfriend." Those words sliced right through your chest. You leaned against the closed door and squeezed your eyes shut.

"You're such a dumbass," Josh hissed, "What if she hears you? Can't you give her a little respect?"

"Respect? Why? She doesn't respect herself," Luke reasoned, "Why should I? It's not like she'll leave me for someone else." That was all you needed to hear. He was right.

You quickly dressed and grabbed your keys. You tried and failed to fix your makeup that streaked your face from last night. Taking a steadying breath, you opened the door and made your way through the apartment with your head held high to the elevator; however, the sounds of Luke calling your name were hard to resist. It took all your energy to not turn and give in. He wanted to see respect, this was it. Until the elevator doors closed, then it was a mess. You barely made it home before you slid down the door, sobbing.

It took some time for you to realize you made the right decision, but you took new skill classes to keep you busy and dove headfirst into work. It was about a month before you were rewarded by fate. You were offered a new position in another country. Your supervisor had noticed how your work improved and felt you would be a valuable resource when opening this new branch.

For a few weeks, once a week Luke would stop by. He'd bang on the door and demand you answer, or call you repeatedly and leave messages with I miss you or I'm sorry. You don't know how long he tried to contact you. Once you moved, you changed your phone number and deleted your social media.

Now here you were again, looking at the reason for your pain and misery, but also success and happiness. You shook your head at the man on the screen and sighed. "Like I said Luke, what do you need?" You repeated your question, slightly annoyed. You studied his face while he searched for words. It looks like he hasn't slept in a while and a few deep lines frame his eyes.

"I ran into one of your friends last week," he started, "I asked about you and had to see if what they said was true." His eyes met yours and he took a deep breath. "How's work," he questioned?

"Work is great," you smiled, "They put me in charge of the sales analysis team." If he spoke to your friend, you knew what was coming. He wasn't calling for small talk about work. As if on cue, you heard a set of keys in your door. Luke must have heard them too, he sat straighter in his chair and tried to tame his unruly hair.

"Hey dove," a deep mellow voice called, "Where are you?" You turned your head to the sound and smiled. Jae Beom appeared in the kitchen with two bags in his hands. "I knew you would have your nose in some report. I picked up your favorite take-out." He placed the bags on the counter and started looking for plates and utensils.

"So it is true," Luke spoke up, "This is him?"

Jae Beom spun quickly, he was surprised by another man's voice. He made his way to your side and tilted his head to the computer. He leaned close to your ear and whispered in Korean. "Who is this? Is he a colleague?" You cupped his face with your hand and kissed his lips softly.

"This is Luke," you replied in Korean. Jae Beom raised his eyebrows and glared at the screen. He knew the stories and hated this man without even knowing him. You squeezed his arm and assured him that this would be quick. He excused himself from the room but didn't go more than two steps from the threshold. He leaned against the wall just outside, intent to make sure this didn't get out of hand.

"You could have at least stuck to English," Luke scoffed, "That was rude." You rolled your eyes and laughed. "So that's your boyfriend, huh?"

"Not boyfriend," you corrected, "He's my fiancé." You flashed your ring to the camera. "He proposed last month." Luke chewed the inside of his mouth. He narrowed his eyes on you.

"I know you hate me," he started, "But you can't marry him. I made a mistake. I need you." Jae Beom heard these words and he almost charged in to break your laptop. Your voice stopped him before he made a mistake.

"You're kidding me right," you asked Luke, "Have you lost your mind?" You took a deep breath "I don't hate you," you paused, unbeknownst to you, both men stiffened, "I did, but not anymore." You tucked some stray hair behind your ear. "You hurt me so much, and with such ease. You took from me my self-worth and importance. I felt like I was nothing. After I left you, I was so broken and afraid of everything." You paused trying to find the right words.

Jae Beom closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall again. He remembered when you were like that. He met you just a few months after you moved to Korea. You were so unsure of everything. It broke his heart to remember you like that.

"I had to pick myself back up and rebuild what you broke," you continued, "What I let you break. So, no, I don't hate you. I hate that I let you do it. That I wasn't strong enough to see that I was so much more." You looked in the direction Jae Beom left earlier. "You know," you smiled, "I should thank you. I thrived after you." You laughed again. "I can't even take all the credit for what I've become. Jae met me when I was broken and trying to piece it all back together." You smiled fondly, and little did you know so did Jae Beom. "He was patient, kind, thoughtful, and loving," you narrowed your eyes to the man on the screen, "Everything you weren't. He helped me without hesitation or expecting something in return. Because of you, I knew what love wasn't. Because of him, I know what it is."

Jae Beom's chest tightened. He wanted to run in and kiss you. You had become such a strong woman, and he loved you more each day.

"I was stupid," Luke admitted, "I should have been better with you. For you." He fiddled with his hands. "I just wanted to see if there was a chance for us again. I haven't found someone like you, ever. I miss you."

"I'm sorry, Luke," you said, "There is no us. There never was. It was only you and me. Never us. I'm going to marry Jae Beom, and there is nothing in this world that you can say to change my mind. I'm happier than I could ever imagine." Luke opened his mouth to object, but you cut him off. "Goodbye Luke," you said quickly, "I hope you find what you're looking for. With someone else, that is." You ended the call and closed the laptop. You crossed the room and finished grabbing the plates Jae Beom left behind.

"You can come back in," you called over your shoulder, "I know you're still there." You heard the soft footsteps approach you from behind, then the smell of sandalwood. You inhaled deeply and smiled. Jae Beom wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder, placing feather-soft kisses on your neck.

"Are you ok," he asked, "That must have been a surprise." You hummed as you set the plate on the counter. Spinning in his arms, you let him push you against the counter. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in closer for a kiss on the lips. Then another on his nose.

"That was nothing," you said, "Just a bump in the road." Jae Beom pulled you closed and rested his forehead against yours. "I love you," you whispered, "So, so much." You rubbed your nose against him, giving a small giggle. "Are you hungry?" Jae Beom chuckled.

"I love you too, Dove," he murmured against your lips. He had your body pressed flush against his. His hands firmly gripped your hips. "Jump," he said firmly. Effortlessly, he guided you to sit on the counter in front of him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer. He slipped his hands under your shirt and rubbed small circles on your back.

"The food is getting cold," you giggled. He hummed as he pulled you in for a kiss again. He bit your lip between his teeth and growled. Your fingers tugged his hair and pulled his lips from yours. He had a mischievous glint in his eyes as he pulled you off the counter. You squealed and held on to him tighter.

"It'll be ok," he laughed, "We can warm it up later." He peppered you with kisses. "I have a craving for something much sweeter." You groaned at his innuendo and faked a look of annoyance. He tsked at you as he kicked the bedroom door closed. He laid back on the bed, leaving you straggling his waist. "If you're not interested, I can let you go." He crossed his arms behind his head with a smug smile.

"Shut up," you slapped his chest, "I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

"Good," he smiled, "I wasn't letting go any way."

[sweetbuckybarnes]

Eve Song Survives

Pairings: Lara Jean Song-Covey + Peter Kavinsky

Summary: An alternative universe where Lara jean's mom survives, the letters still got out, Peter and Lara Jean got married - Dr Covey now has a very bad back problem and Lara Jean's mom currently is on bed rest after breaking some of her ribs. Lara Jean's POV.

I was finishing the drying up that Peter had washed, as my dad keeps an eye on our precious baby. I looked over my shoulder as the final glass was dried and put away - when Peter walked over to my dad and our little boy, who happily squealed up at his father.

Even though I couldn't make out what Peter was saying to our son, I knew it held a promise that he would never leave Jamie, like his dad left him and his brother. Daddy was scrolling through something on his laptop.

"Have you both tided up from dinner?" Daddy asks, looking over his shoulder to me, as I gently adjusted the soft blanket around his shoulders - also making sure that the hot water bottle helping his sore back was comfortable to deal with.

"Yes, daddy. You don't need to worry," I kissed the top of his grey and balding head - as my baby son reached out for the soft and loving comfort of his mama (rather than the overheated and muscled comfort of his father).

Daddy smiled up at me, as I happily cradled Jamie in my arms.

"Daniel!" Mama called for daddy. As he attempted to get up, his hand reaching for his back.

Peter looked at him and eased dad back into his seat. Jamie reached out for Peter, and my loving and caring husband gently snuggles our little miracle into his arms.

"I'll go check on mama," I say, kissing dad's cheek and walked to see what mama wanted.

"Love you, Covey," Peter calls, holding our son who is happily being warmed up in his arms.

I smile when I eventually reached the stairs. "You of all people should know I'm not a Covey, anymore Kavinsky," I gave him a happy smile, as Peter's face brightened.

Neither of us will forget the day that I walked down the aisle, on my dad's arm, to Peter and the rest of our lives together. 

"What's wrong, mama?" I asked, poking my head into my parents' bedroom, looking at my poor mama, having been sat in bed for the past 3 weeks.

Mama's face brightened, seeing me. "Lara Jean! Come here, my baby," she held her arms out as I hugged her warmly. I always loved getting hugs from mama, I would have missed her so much if 'The big C' had taken her away from us.

We were disturbed by the somewhat loud baby babbling of Jamie gently toddling in - after he learning how to walk last month. I still have the video on my phone, as little Jamie walked from my arms and into Peter's.

"Hello, you!" I cooed, as he gripped at my legs and smiled up at me. "Did you crawl up all those steps, by yourself?"

He said nothing but grinned gummily up at me. Mama looking over the edge of the bed and saw my gorgeous baby boy, who got most of his looks for his daddy.

"He looks so much like Peter," mom comments, saying out loud what I was thinking. I bounce my baby boy in my lap when my loving husband walked in.

"That's where you went to, buddy," Peter gently rests a hand on the back of our baby's head, who tipped back quickly (Peter reaching out to rest Jamie in his arms). "Hey," Peter plants a kiss on his forehead.

"Hi," with Jamie partially laying on my lap and Peter's arms, I reached over and kissed my husband on his lips.

[cottoncandyjester]

Hey guys im sorry I haven't been posting, honestly tumblr is making it hard to. every single story I write tumblr crashes then deletes it so it's been HIGHLY frustrating...guess I need to invest in a laptop or a better phone

Sorry this was so long I always want the boys' back stories to be only 2 parts

This story contains: death, torture, abuse, toxic relationships, murder, violent themes

"you're too soft! They are sinners theodore why are you being so damn sensitive"

Theo winced at the punch his father landed which caused him to stumble back his back hitting the table which held their latest victim, a young woman that theo cleaned up and dressed in his mother's clothes, he didn't like the sight of her all bloody and mangled it made his heart sting.

Theo never helped to Kill any of these women, only cleaned them up and made sure they looked beautiful in death it was his way if asking for forgiveness.

When he was ten he idolized his father but it's been two years since he caught his father and been training under him to take his place and all that love vanished he found himself feeling nothing but hate and disgust for his father, what made matters worse was the fact that his mother had to take half the brunt of his father's anger.

"I won't do this anymore, you're wrong. Women aren't devils, mother is an angel and I wont hurt her"

Theo's harsh remark earned him yet another punch in the face this one knocking him down as he spat out blood the metallic taste making him sick to his stomach.

"you're a damn fool boy, I'll make you see her filth"

With that his father left him in the attic to starve for the night which was always a common occurrence. As he laid back on the floor the boy let out a dry chuckle.

"Just a little more...then you'll be the one burning in hell father"

Theodore felt everything go black and it wasn't long until he had passed out soon waking back up in bed with his mother caring for his wounds. He could smell her sweet perfume and hear her soft humming, something about those things made his heart flutter in the purest of ways.

"you should be careful theo, you know making him angrier will only result in pain"

"it's okay, we'll leave together one day..just me and you.."

There was silence after that and for a while things were okay, the family was quiet during dinner and once it got late theo figured his father would have went to bed forgiving him for his outburst in the morning.

Theo woke to the sound of two metal objects clashing together, the sound was enough to stir him awake though when he tried to move he realized he was tied up against a chair. That clashing noise he heard was his father sharpening a few knives, the sight made theo's blood run Cold.

"f-father?"

"god told abraham to kill his son, and abraham was about to do it like a loyal sheep. God will make you do awful things theodore and as a man we must do them"

Theo frantically struggled against the ropes binding him only feeling more and more stressed as his father stepped closer and closer thing soft steps of his shoes making theo feel like he had to puke.

What's going to happen to me?

Am I going to die?

Theo felt his father press the tip of the blade pressed softly against his forehead on the left side of his face, the cool metal only brought theo to reality more, his father was going to kill him cause god said so.

"i-i know we are nothing alike but please-"

"we are absolutely nothing alike! You are exactly like your mother a sissy little housewife! You were never going to be a good man or husband! When I asked God for a son I thought he would send me one I could be proud of!"

Rage fuelled theo, he wasnt sure why but something about what his father said made him want to scream, his father was wrong... absolutely wrong.

"I'll be a perfect husband, and a better Father than you"

As soon as he said those words theo felt the sharp pain of his father pushing the blade into his skin earning a sharp inhale of breath trying not to show too much weakness. Theo kept thinking about his mother and how in a way he was protecting her, their goal were to run away safely together.

"we might have one thing in common theodore, you have a devil in you just like me..it's time to show you just how tainted you are"

With that theo felt a harsh intense pain as his father dragged his blade along the boy's face earning screams coming from him as he thrashed and tried kicking but his father pressed his knee onto the boy's legs now carving his skin off in such a slow and unbearable way that it was driving theo crazy

"accept your sins theodore! This is your punishment for being unloyal!"

Theodore couldn't stop screaming as the knife raked down his face roughly cutting a large chunk of his skin clean off, the pain was so great he was close to fainting but his father came prepared and injected him with an adrenaline shot.

"p-please f-father please please please..."

Theodore at this point didnt know what he was begging for, maybe death? The overwhelming taste and smell of his own blood was making him sick and not to mention there was a lot of blood pouring down his face.

I'm dying.. god has forsaken me

"may you be reborn as a perfect child next time"

Theo kept his head down but felt a soft kiss on his head before hearing footsteps walk away from him before the door to the attic closed, his father left him to die!

Theo swayed side to side hoping to get free, if he could just get to his father's desk and grab a knife though without his glasses seeing things far away was near impossible though he could see the shape of the desk.

"mother needs me, I can't die.."

Theo grunted in pain as he fell forward which wasn't his plan but he'll take it, with every fiber of his being he crawled and scooted along the ground towards the desk before seeing a knife handle over the edge of the desk. Thankfully his legs were tied just his arms so with some embarrassing attempts to stand of even kneel before turning around to grab the knife with his hand.

Before he could cut himself free he heard banging on the attic door before a crash, the sound was enough to startle him into cutting the palm of his hand and dropping the knife

"argh! I-it hurts!"

Soon the attic door opened and rushing towards him was his loving mother, her frantic questions and worrying about him made him feel far better especially when she untied him from the chair.

"I'm leaving tonight theo, my fiancee is waiting for me outside"

"t-then let's go mother! Now is the perfect time to go!"

There was a tense silence after that as theo felt his mother bandage his wound up, his mother was hiding something and he didn't like it.

"w-we have a little girl and he's very protective of her and well with how your face looks now you'll scare her and I don't want to bring any baggage from my pa-"

Theodore felt as if his head was spinning, what was she saying? He did everything for her he almost died for this woman and she saw him as baggage to toss away before going to her new family.

"y-you're going to leave me here? J-just like that?! I protected you from him! I made sure he never hurt you! Were you ever going to bring me with you?!"

"keep your voice down theo, please calm down you're scaring me-"

"I'm scaring you?! I'm the one scaring you?! How could you?! I'm your child! I love you!"

He watched his mother look down shamefully and slowly back away clearly afraid of what will her next words do to him. Theodore was feeling a little unstable at the moment, his own mother just betrayed him can he truly trust no one in his life?

"your eyes just...look just like him. I can't theo I'm so sorry I can't it's too painful for me.. you're too much like him"

That was the thing that broke theo all together, it was like his brain just snapped and no clear thought came just pure anger and pain. How could she think that?! Theo thought he was nothing like his father absolutely nothing!

"no! I'm nothing like him! Nothing! He's abusive and a horrible man how could you say that!? I thought you loved me but you're just like him-yeah you're like him not me! I'm pure! A good person"

Theo couldn't stop himself, before he knew it he had grabbed the knife he dropped earlier, the large blade held tightly in his hand and scaring the one person he thought he can trust.

"w-why do you want to leave me? You're just embarrassed of me..you don't want me around cause you hate me"

"no no no baby I love you I just-"

Theo swung the knife slashing his mother's arm, hearing her cry out in pain made him only smile as he gazed at her fearful expression. His sense of reason was vanished and all he wanted now was to show everyone how much they hurt him

"maybe if you were a better mother I wouldn't have gotten hurt all the time, maybe if you weren't too busy being a good wife instead of a good mother I wouldn't be in such pain!"

"t-theo please I just-"

"why couldn't I just have a normal family?! I prayed for one! So why!?"

Theo slashed at his mother again and again over and over sloppily slashing at her without caring about where he aimed. He was far more focused on releasing all this pain and betrayal he felt

"why doesn't anyone want me?! Why don't you want me! I want you so what's wrong with me?! Why am I so broken?!"

Theo ignored the sobs and begging for her to stop, they were not processing clear enough to him he just wanted to hurt them to hurt them in ways they hurt him. Her thrashing soon stopped but it wasnt enough for theo, he moved ontop of her now raising the blade and slamming it down inside her chest his eyes glossed over as he did so.

"I'm not like him, I'm nothing like him! I'll be a good father! A good husband! I'll never abandon my family! Never! Never ! Never!"

The knife slipped I his hand and when he tried to catch it he grazed his hand before hearing the knife clatter onto the ground, theo panted heavily before looking at his hands seeing hands were lightly bruised from gripping the knife so hard, he then looked down at his mother and her horror stuck face.

"look at what father did, I told you we should have left before...it's okay I'll protect you"

Theo reached out taking the scarf his mother wore before putting it on himself before pressing it to his nose and taking a deep inhale, the sweet scent gave him shivers.

The sight of his dead mother made the boy tear up but he honestly didn't realize he was the one who had did such a thing, it was something he refused to accept. Now gripping the knife he once had before he creeped down the attic stairs each step more and more anxiety fuelling, from the quiet sounds it seemed like his father was asleep.

Theo had never acted out so violently than when he saw his father sleeping soundly in bed, once again much like before he had completely snapped now walking over and plunging the knife deep into his father's side earning a painted grunt along with his father's eyes to snap open

This caused theo to panic and he did the first thing he could think of which was to bite his victim's ear using that time to shove the blade into his father's chest before biting his ear off and spitting it onto the ground in a feral snarling mess.

"t-there's your demon... y-you're just like me"

"I'm nothing like you! Nothing!"

Theo gripped the knife blade shoving it deeper til it became stuck and his father stopped breathing, what struck theo as odd was the lack of struggling..didn't his father want to live? That escaped his mind as he tried wiggling the blade out of the corpse only to whine lightly at how stuck it was

"heavy, too heavy"

Theodore decided his next plan was to change out of his bloody clothes except for his scarf of course and to turn on the gas stove as high it can possibly go, he used his bedroom window to escape since his mother's boytoy was still waiting for her outside.

One match, it took one match to burn the place down starting the fire in his bedroom and letting it spread. A few minutes after theo jumped out the window the house roared to live now completely on fire.

Theodore only 12 years old had killed his parents and burned the place down, he had no one else to turn to no family or anything so he turned to his local church. They sent him to a boarding school where he grew up and found a passion for medicine as well as helping others.

His dark past always haunted him, he was known as the boy whose family died horrible deaths. There were always rumors about what happened that night some say that his father killed everyone before burning the place and stabbing himself others think that his mother's lover killed them all in an angry rage. Theo would always just shrug and laugh it off thanking God that he's alive

Those dark desires of having a family only grew as he grew older, it became a twisted obsession that festered stronger and stronger by the time he was 18 he was already waiting for marriage..after all a good husband waits for the perfect bride.

"theo? Hey theo? Hello earth to theo?"

Theodore snapped awake only to see his sweet darling staring at him worriedly, he must have fallen asleep in his office again. Theo simply smiled as he stood from his chair

"what's wrong?"

"well, dinner's ready have a good dream or something?"

Theo chuckled softly before running his fingers through his hair trying to come up with a suitable answer

"just dreaming about the past my angel, though I should focus on the future with you after all the past is the past..."

[tuancore]

Lost You (Part 11) :

Starring- Jinyoung x reader

Genre- Angst

Summary- It's your choices and actions which made you miserable.

Standing outside your apartment's door, you examined the door briefly, every single line and curve, remembering the time when you both first moved to this apartment after coming to Seoul, everything flashing before your eyes, rethinking your each and every decision in life. When you first came to Seoul, you felt like an outcast but with Jinyoung by your side, you had that hope of everything going to be alright, can't believe that same Jinyoung became so unfamiliar to you. Twisting the doorknob, you stepped in, just like the first time you entered with him.

Your eyes were covered with a velvety blindfold, you felt like stumbling every now and then in your heels, not knowing where he was actually taking you. He took you by surprise by picking you up in his arms, your hand naturally flying behind his shoulders. He chuckled seeing that terrified expression on your face, "Easy, angel I'm not going to drop you".

"Jinyoung, I swear if you're taking me to some horror house, you know how horrible they are" But he didn't reply you but kept on chuckling, making your stomach churn with anticipation. A ding sound, perked your ears, it was an elevator. He stepped out of it walking for awhile and then stopping again, "Angel,I found the best place for us, exactly what we were looking for", stepping in he gently placed you on your feet, slipping your blindfold.

"Welcome to our home" He grinned, seeing your shocked reaction. You gasped seeing all the showpieces and furnitures, all were exactly the same what you used to always discuss with him. You faced him with tears of joy in your eyes, smiling adoringly at him, "Everything....is exactly the same...". He nodded, hugging you gently while you melted in his arms,"You're such a crybaby..." Wiping your tears he cupped your face with both of his hands,staring into your eyes, he said,"I promise you angel, as long as I am with you I won't let you shed a single drop of tear. And that I'll keep you forever happy and safe in my arms".

The truth is promises are meant to be broken. You always heard that but never believed it until today. All of his words were nothing but sugar coated sweet talks, none of his promise were meant to keep. Dragging your feet to the middle of the living room, you stared at the large couch, it was Jinyoung's decision to keep it there so that you both could cuddle and watch movies on Sundays in each other's arms.

What was that for if he couldn't trust you enough?

Your gaze shifted towards the wall in the front, which at this point looked like some stalker's wall. Jinyoung out of many of his hobbies he was very much passionate for photography as well, and his all time favourite muse was you. You remember, how he used to budge you night and day to pose for him, most of the time you obliged which made him always run after you with a camera. After some time you got irritated, of his constant clicking, so you strictly ordered him to not to click your pics.

"Okay Okay! I won't ask you anymore to pose for me" He rose his hands in surrender, seeing a huge pout on your face.

He loved clicking your pics but it got irritating for you, since you wanted to enjoy moments with him without phones and cameras while he wanted to capture all the moments to reminisce about. So he found another way to keep on clicking your pics rather asking you to pose for him, he took your candid shots, whenever you fell asleep, or when you watered the plants, or when you cooked, when you jammed to your favorite songs, when you read books, or whenever you did some work on your laptop. He just loved you and only you. The wall was wall less and your face in frames more.

What was that for if he couldn't love you enough?

Out of so many pictures one was your favourite, subconsciously you walked closer to the frame taking out from the wall, caressing the image ever so lightly. It was a photo which was a candid shot clicked by JB, when you all went to the Disneyland in LA while visiting Mark's parents there.

"Why are you grinning like that?" Mark asked seeing your stupid grin, but failed to noticed two cones of ice cream in your hands. So you extended your hands showing him the cones, "My favourite ice cream!".

"Two cones? Each with five scoops?" Jackson commented not believing your childishness, "Ten scoops, are you even a girl?". Glaring at him you muttered 'idiot',"Of course I'm a girl that's why I love ice cream".

"More than Jinyoung?" Youngjae asked, teasing you on purpose. "Obviously!", You tilted the heads of both the cones forming a triangle as they the topmost scoops touched eachother, others mouthing an 'Ugh'. Your sparkly eyes became crescent happily biting on the scoops at once, when all of a sudden Jinyoung appeared out of nowhere back hugging you, his mouth on top of your head making it look as if he was about to bite you. Thats when JB clicked it. It was such an adorable picture and your favourite as well.

Someone really has said the truth, that only pictures last forever. Gripping the huge photogframe harshly in your hands, you threw it with a sudden force making it land at the corner of the room with a loud shattering noise. Everything was already over, so what was the need to keep reminiscing over such petty things.

___________

"Youngjae-ah.....Why?....." Jinyoung whispered in disbelief holding onto Youngjae's shoulder, he couldn't believe that Youngjae whom he thought of his smaller brother would hurt him in the most cruel way possible.

"It's not only Youngjae hyung but your so called friend Jisoo too" BamBam hissed, at the thought of Jisoo. Jinyoung snapped at BamBam with shock, another hard punch in his gut, "What are you saying?....".

"Yes, Youngjae and Jisoo were the ones playing you, noona and Jackson hyung like a puppet without any of your knowledge and if you think I'm lying then why don't you ask Youngjae hyung yourself" BamBam concluded with a stern face. Jinyoung turned around facing Youngjae with a furious eyes.

"Why the fuck would you do this to us?! Why Youngjae!?! Why!!" Jinyoung snarled gritting his teeth, his hands wrapped around Youngjae's throat almost cutting his oxygen, Mark and Jackson pulled him from Youngjae while he coughed his lungs out, his own tears spilling out.

"Because I love her....I always have....It hurt everytime I saw her in your arms smiling and giggling, I—.....I felt that it could've been me instead of you whom she loved more than her life.....and to protect my heart from bleeding anymore. I seperated you both" Youngjae's explanation made everyone beyond shocked. They all never thought the reason behind it was another complication.

"The fuck did you say Youngjae!!" Jinyoung growled breaking from Jackson's and Mark's grasp, landing a harsh punch on Youngjae's face which made him fall on the couch behind him, Jinyoung hovered over him punching him a few more times.

"Stop It Jinyoung! Stop it!!" Jaebeom and Mark shouted trying to get him to stop but he was too mad to pay attention to those words, when Youngjae pushed Jinyoung from him throwing a punch at his face, with blood gushing out of his own nose.

"STOP IT! JINYOUNG, STOP IT! CHOI YOUNGJAE!".

Youngjae got up on his feet, wiping the blood spurting out of his nose from his hoodie's sleeves, his cheeks also scraped from Jinyoung's hard punches.

"Since when?" Jackson asked sternly, glaring at him. Youngjae smiled at the mere thought of you, continuing, "Since University, she was my senior. I fell in love with her over time, she was not only gorgeous but kind as well. She saved me from getting bullied almost for an year and after that everyone stopped bullying me, how could I just not fall for her? I planned to confess her but Jinyoung hyung beat me to it! And my heart shattered when she accepted his love, I was broken......".

"Bullshit! You never told me that you were getting bullied back then!Plus she never told me" Jinyoung asserted. "I was! But whenever I was with you all I saw was you drowning in stress to get your master's degree and your father's constant ranting, so I kept quiet!".

"She never told you because I asked her to promise me to not to let you know about me getting bullied otherwise you'll get another reason to stress over and I didn't want you to!"Youngjae informed with his fists clenched in rage, "When she finally became your girlfriend, I thought of moving on so I tried dating but hell not a single girl I've been with could compare to her, I tried hard to convince myself that she belonged to you, she loves you but no my heart wouldn't listen.....it continued to ache for her, how could I just throw away the love which I had for her for past five years!".

With that Youngjae began to untangle all the strings, how he saw Jisoo working for Jinyoung, and from the way she looked at his with those heart eyes was enough to tell that she was in love with him, so he proposed the idea to Jisoo while as accepted it without any second thoughts. All they were waiting was for a right time and a perfect plan, and they got that exact opportunity when he saw you and Jackson meeting frequently without Jinyoung in range.

Coming to those photographs, he didn't had to do much at all, he simply clicked the pictures of Jackson's bedroom with every minor details, and technology gave him the exact environment Jackson's room had, but the real problem was in finding a boy who had same physique as that of Jackson and vice versa for the girl, so that your faces could be photoshoped accordingly, but that stupid girl forgot to hide her streaked hair.

"If you loved noona so much then why did you slut shame her like this?" Yugyeom snapped. "Jinyoung hyung was always insecure of the boys around her, so I kicked him on his weak spot. I couldn't believe when he believed in those fake photographs more than his own girl, I guess he really didn't deserve her".

"Youngjae......it's not love, it's obsession. Love is when you let the person you love just be happy, you completely shattered her! Jisoo and you both hurt the persons you loved! If you really loved her your heart would've ripped out everytime she suffered! It's not love Youngjae-ah, it's your obsession,it can't be love, it's not love........it's not......." JB croaked out choking on his own tears.

"After what you've done to her, Do you think she'll ever come to you? Do you?" Mark belted angrily. "She won't come to me but atleast she won't go to him either" Youngjae hollered with a sick grin, "And that's enough for me. If she can't be mine then she won't be his either".

"Youngjae fucking get out before we really do something to you which we'll regret for eternity!" JB yelled, motioning towards the door, shooting a last smirking gaze towards Jinyoung, he left without a protest.

Jinyoung dropped to his knees, feeling all the pain you felt through these days, all the tears you've shed for the pain he has given you. Small painful whimpers escaping his lips, everyone watched him crying.

"As much as I want to sympathise with you.....I can't, it's you who have brought this upon yourself" JB commented with a poker face eventhough his heart ached for Jinyoung. JB's remark send him further into the pit of guilt and remorse.

"Please..... forgive me......please....." Jinyoung stammered out sobbing hard, "I'm sorry.....I'm so so sorry", he just kept on pleading to the others, even when they were hurting seeing him before their eyes they were well aware that sooner or later this day will come, and Jinyoung will regret his each and every deed.

"You are sorry? You should be sorry. After whatever you've done to her, Do you think you deserve forgiveness?" Jackson crouched down beside him, his words hitting Jinyoung's heart like a dagger.

"Jackson.....I'm sorry......please forgive me. I was so wrong" He cried hugging Jackson, even if he wanted to hate Jinyoung, he couldn't Jinyoung was not only his friend but more of a brother. Unable to control his tears, Jackson sobbed hugging Jinyoung tightly letting him cry on his shoulder.

"Jinyoung hyung.....at some point we all can forgive you but the question is, Will Noona forgive you?" Yugyeom countered in a mere whisper. Jinyoung clutched onto Jackson's shirt, mumbling a quiet "No....".

"How am I supposed to apologise to her?" Jinyoung stared at Jackson for some assurance but found none, "I....I called my angel.....a slut.....how can I? I am such a monster, I even slapped her......when all she did was telling me the truth.....I hurt her, My angel begged me on her knees still I accused her of something so horrible. How can I be so heartless?....... Jackson, I—I made her feel so inferior......" Jinyoung gulped the knot forming in his throat as realisation hit him, facing BamBam he stammered, "BamBam....you said she is pregnant..... I—I despised my own child....our child.....How monstrous was I to hurt her this bad!!......".

By now everyone's eyes gleamed with tears, it was surely painful for him, but it wasn't anything compared to yours. Jinyoung has completely robbed you of your happiness, your everything, he tossed you away like you never meant anything to him while you continued to prove your innocence stepping on your self respect, self esteem. To be honest, he didn't deserve any forgiveness at all.

"Even if everything was set up by Youngjae and Jisoo, the way the things have degraded to, wouldn't have if you.....you" BamBam pointed out his finger at Jinyoung, "If you had faith on Noona, even a tiny bit, none of this would be happening right now. Instead of you crying here and she there, you both would be laughing and smiling in each other's arms........Loving eachother, accept it or not but you never trusted her enough. The way she was hurt, when you chose Jisoo over her......Gosh I can never forget the look in her eyes, She looked dead......so dead!".

Yugyeom patted BamBam's back with an attempt to calm him down, Yugyeom continued, "You can only pray for noona to forgive you. Everything is in her hands now".

The intense air subsided around everyone as BamBam's phone rang, answering the call immediately, he whispered, "Hello...".

The words from the other end broke BamBam to his soul, the phone slipped through his hands as he stared at Jinyoung completely emotionless.

"Noona had.....she had.....a miscarriage".

Part 10 // Part 11 // Part 12

Note: I'm not editing the drafts before posting them, so if you guys spot any errors, please let it slide, thank you so much ~~~

_______________________________________

[kassia-ortiz]

“Let me be clear -- I'm no politician. Like most of you, I come from nothing. And I know what it means to be powerless,” the sound of my father’s voice on the television caught my attention, forcing me to look up from my laptop. There he was; in the middle of some interview for one of the more popular San Juan news outlets, dripping in machismo and dressed in overpriced Brioni...lying his fucking ass off.

“My campaign for governor is about restoring the power to you, the people of Puerto Rico, and taking it out of the hands of the thugs that are destroying the very fabric of our society..” he droned on as I continued to watch his first on-air interview since announcing his intent to run. I glanced behind where I sat on the couch to throw Mateo, the man in charge of my protection while in the city, the deepest eye roll I could muster. “Can you believe him?” I questioned incredulously, though I knew there would be no response. He wasn’t allowed to speak to me unnecessarily. I continued to watch in silence, trying to ignore my internal anger at his blatant arrogance and quell it by keeping my retorts to myself. “...and robbing our children’s future. We all know who I’m talking about - the cartels.” You mean you. “If elected, my promise to you is this: I will track down every drug dealer, every gang banger, every smuggler. I will find every stash house and burn it to the ground." There's no way people are going to buy this shit.

"That's quite a promise," the interviewer cut in with a disbelieving tone, causing me to look up again, ready to see if he had it in him to call my father on his crap. "And I must admit your story is one for the books. Born the son of a farmer, starting his own local produce company and turning it into a thriving international export business." Here I couldn't stop the second eye roll. "In regards to your past though, I'm sure you're aware of the allegations of your direct involvement in the drug trade." There you go. Let's see him dance his way around that. 

"Nothing could be farther from the truth," my father replied without missing a beat, "My opponents have spread lies about me in an attempt to make me look just like them - dirty. Hiding behind the masks of politicians. But the voters know that these are just lies." You mean you pay them to believe the lies. "They are looking for a man of the people, to put an end to these corrupt politicians who for too long have turned a blind eye, in favor of these cartels. They want a man who doesn't just make promises, but a man of his word. Ortiz is a--" The sound of his voice cut out as soon as I shut down the television. I couldn't listen to anymore of the hypocrisy.

But almost as though he could read my mind all the way from San Juan, my phone began to ring with my father’s face filling the screen. As much shit as I was just talking about him in my head, I still answered before the third ring - a rule of his for me since I got my first cellphone. And if there's one thing my father is especially skilled at, it's demanding obedience. "Yes, I saw the interview," I immediately said as my way of a greeting, "And yes, I remember the meeting tonight. You don't need to call and remind me before every one."

"If I don’t call to remind you that your entire college tuition and fancy New York apartment can be easily stripped away," his tone dripped with condescension, knowing full well that I was on the other end, seething, "You won't perform your job to the best of your abilities. Don't fuck this up, Kassia. Our shipments have been coming in light and I fully expect you to deliver those responsible to me by tomorrow. Me entiendes?"

"Si, Papa, I understand," I agreed, wanting to get him off the phone, tired of biting my tongue, "Mateo is already fetching the car. I'll call with an update after." I hung up before he could say anything else. By that point, Mateo was looking at me with confusion but I still got up to get dressed. Forever obedient. We were out the door half an hour later, my face fully made up and my outfit carefully chosen to make me seem more like I knew what I was doing. As if the right blazer was going to make me feel more like the daughter of a cartel jefé or instill in me the hunger for violence these meetings seemed to require.

"The rest of the men are on standby at the warehouse," came Mateo's strong baritone once we were in the quiet, blacked out SUV. I gave him a nod of acknowledgement in the rearview mirror as he reached back to hand me my handgun of choice - a sleek SIG Sauer pistol given to me by my father when I was fifteen. You know, a normal gift for a girl of that age. I slipped it into the holster I wore under my jacket and sat back as the vehicle pulled into the road. "Don't forget we need to pick up my quality control," I directed him offhandedly, already sending the warning text. My eyes watched the people on the sidewalks as we drove through the city, envying the mundane lives they all led as I prepared myself mentally to play the role of the woman I was destined to be. The one controlling the entire east coast distribution of my father’s cocaina empire.

A destiny I never asked for.

[famousconfessions]

Did you miss me?

Title: Did you miss me? // Ed Sheeran Fanfiction, mature content

Author: @superkatesi & @famousconfessions

Rating: NC-17

Author's note: Sooo @superkatesi and I did a thing. We were just talking and daydreaming and ended up being like "Okay, let's just write something and have some fun with it". We hope you like it and please remember that English is not our first language but we tried our best :D Every kind of feedback is appreciated! So here it goes...

It was 11 a.m. Friday. I was sitting on the floor packing our suitcase for the upcoming trip. Ed’s family was throwing a huge party dedicated to his dad’s birthday. All of Ed’s cousins, aunts and uncles were going to Suffolk for this meaningful day. Ed was about to arrive home and I was buzzing. It had been a while since we seen each other. During the last three months I was completely absorbed into the thoughts of missing this ginger perfection. There were minutes when I was just starring at his guitar that always stands next to his favorite armchair. At those moments, I closed my eyes and tried to depict him sitting there with a cup of freshly – brewed tea, a laptop and a guitar humming a new ballad. But then I realized that it was just me working on a project. Different continents, countries, time zones – all these things couldn’t ruin our love. Love that was neatly wrapped in a blanket of our sleepy mornings, wild nights and all-consuming tenderness. All of a sudden, I heard that someone was knocking on the door. It was Ed.

I got up from the floor, almost stumbling over my own feet while I was trying to get to the door as fast as possible. I just couldn't handle being away from him any longer. My heart was racing in my chest and when I finally saw him, I was so overwhelmed, that tears pooled in my eyes. “Hey baby girl", these three words and him standing right in front of me was just too much. “You are here” was everything I could say, before he pulled me in for a hug and I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could. It kinda felt like a dream and I couldn't believe that he was actually here in my arms. I've had missed him so much, it was crazy. I didn't know it was possible to miss a person so much that it physically hurt but I learned that the hard way. “Yes, I am, love... and I'm not gonna leave anytime soon”, he said, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head. Smiling I looked up at him, biting my bottom lip. “Thank god, but I wouldn't let you go anyway”, I said, looking into his beautiful blue eyes, before I kissed his lips. It had just been too long... and missing him got harder every time he left for another leg of his never ending tour. But for now he was all mine... at least until we had to leave for that party. It was just so good to have him back, feeling his arms around me, his lips on mine, his amazing scent. God, it was almost too much for me.

I pouted, when he broke away from me to go to the bathroom to probably freshen up a bit.

He looked so casual and a bit tired after a long-distance flight, but all excited. He wore jeans and a black t-shirt that drew my attention to his colorful flexed biceps. He took off his spectacles and rubbed his eyes in this childish way that always melts my heart. I heard him screaming from the bathroom: “Did you miss me, love?”. Of course, he knew the answer but wanted to hear it one more time. I’d just wanted to tell him everything that I felt at the moment but there he was, standing next to the door-post. He left his T-shirt somewhere in the hamper. His bright tummy looked like a masterpiece and he had that promising, mischievous look in his eyes. I couldn’t help but come up to him: “Do you really want to know it? Did I miss you? Let me show you, baby boy”. I started trailing my fingers from his bare chest to the auburn scruff on his face that was deliciously tickling my fingers. He pulled me to his naked torso and I felt heat spreading all over my body. He left me speechless.

Actually, I couldn't even put into words how much I missed him so it was probably a better idea to show him. I was kinda nervous now, being so close to him and I was sure it was because I was so excited for him to be back. My whole body was tingling and I just wanted to feel him all over me. Like... he was so close but still too far away. “Go on, love, show me”, his raspy, whispering voice sent shivers down my spine, so I needed a moment, before I was able to put my lips on the rose tattoo on his left shoulder. My lips wandered from there to his neck, then down to the lion on his chest, while my hands rested on his stomach, slowly travelling down to his belt. Ed tilted his head back, anticipating my hands unbuckling it. He is a well-known tease-lover but this time was my turn. I didn’t want to let this little ready-to-go kitten get everything at once, even though I was dying to rip his pants off and admire this pleasurable view. I started giving him feather-light touches in the area where his trousers started visibly tenting. “Please, let me.. I can’t wait anymore...” he whispered under the breath in his full of desire voice. “Don’t be so mea..” he didn’t manage to finish his phrase ‘cause my naughty fingers got under his belt just right into the pants and gave him a short stroke that couldn’t go without noticing. He shut his eyes, exhaled loudly and then grabbed me, put on his shoulder and then down to the sofa. I started giggling and bit his earlobe.

Ed pinned me to the velvet pillows on the couch and frowned his gingerish eyebrows articulating in a mentor-like tone: “Do you think this is funny? I’ve been craving for you all these months...Going to sleep with one single thought - you, and waking up thinking about your body right next to mine. The only thing I want to do during these spare hours before our Suffolk trip...the only thing I want... is your legs wrapped around me and your sweet moans in my ears”. That was the second when I finally lost my mind. His angelic, freckled face with curls on the forehead was just an inch away from mine and... I gave up. My lips crashed on his and it seemed like I’d lived all this time without oxygen and finally started breathing Before I met him I didn't know what it was like to be in love. Well, I thought I knew but this whole thing with him was so different. My feelings for him were so strong that it scared me from time to time. What if someday he left me? What if it didn't work out because of his job? I tried to erase these thoughts from my mind but sometimes I couldn't help but think about that. I loved him so much and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't have a Plan B, so if this would go wrong in the future I wouldn't know how to keep going. Luckily, everything was fine now, he was back and he was all mine right in this second. “You're wearing way too many clothes, babe", he whispered after he broke the kiss and brought me back to reality. After all, reality was now better than dreaming. “Then help me get rid of it", I replied, biting my bottom lip, wiggling under him because I was so impatient. Just a second later I felt his warm, soft hands under my shirt and a small moan escaped my lips. I almost forgot how good his hands felt on me and I couldn't wait for more. I just hoped that he wouldn't play the teasing game with me tonight... but of fucking course he took his time, running his hands over my upper body and before I could complain I felt his lips on my neck, sucking and nibbling and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't get out of this without a hickey.

“I’m going to make you feel incredibly good, love”, he cooed while taking off my shirt. It was a bit chilly in the room but my nipples hardened not because of it but because of his skillful fingers that were dancing round them, twisting and squeezing. He was sitting on me with his eyes traveling from my face to my boobs. I lifted myself on the elbows and started unzipping his jeans. He helped me and threw his pants away standing there only wearing his black Calvin Klein’s. I felt these sparks of electricity and tension between us. He leaned towards me and without any hesitation took my shorts and a thong off. I wrapped my arms around his neck, inhaled this mind-blowing smell and wanted to capture this moment forever in memory. “Please don't ever leave for this long again", I mumbled between huffed breaths and chaste kisses, while I ran my hands through his soft ginger curls... but he just smiled, pressed a few kisses to my cheek, my neck, then travelled down my shoulder, my breasts and down my stomach. My eyes fell shut, I couldn't think anymore and the pure sensation of his lips on my skin was almost enough to send me over the edge. I was hungry for more... a lot more. Talking to him on the phone and texting just wasn't the same as actually feeling him on me.

“I'm here now, love”, I suddenly heard his voice again. “So don't worry”, ohh no, I didn't. He definitely erased every negative thought with what he was doing and he slowly made me lose my mind. His lips wandered even lower, but not where I wanted them the most. Instead he took his time to kiss every inch of my thighs, just letting me wait. Ohh, he would regret that later. He then made his way up again and just when I'd given up hope I suddenly felt his lips and his tongue right there! “Ohh fuck, Teddy”, I gasped, my hands finding his hair again to have something to hold onto. He used his long fingers to spread my folds and put his tongue deeper while rubbing his nose on the most sensual part of my dripping sex. His a bit calloused fingers kneaded every piece of this positively-singing area. My hips started spontaneously buckling straight into his face that was already covered with my juices. “Are u alright, sweet girl? Can’t wait for you to come all over my face?” he growled and started lapping me with a double zeal. Every time, these words, combined with the sexiest accent in the whole world, send me to the sky. I couldn’t keep my hands to myself and they travelled from his head to my nipples. Ed noticed my action and gave me the wildest look of his already darkened navy-blue eyes. “Fuck...” I grasped, this man was truly gifted. I saw my impatient boy freeing his well-sculptured cock with one hand and giving it a long slow stroke. He couldn’t wait anymore but didn’t forget about me. Ed started rubbing messy circles on my already intolerably aching clit. This spectacular sight and sensations sent stores of electricity down my lower belly wires. I would've loved to help him out but right now I wasn't able to do anything other than to feel and watch while he touched himself. Every little movement of his fingers brought me closer, I was panting, biting my lip, trying to keep my eyes open because I just wanted to look at him. God, he was the most beautiful human being on earth and he didn't even know.

“Teddy, I'm so close, oh god, I-”, I couldn't finish my sentence, because his lips crashed down on mine but at the same time he stopped touching me and I growled into the kiss. Why the fuck did he stop now? I pushed him away playfully and looked at him puzzled, but this fucking tease just grinned at me. “Don't be mad at me, baby girl, I just don't want to finish you off like that just now”, uggh! I growled at him again, but I couldn't be seriously angry at him... not at all. Funnily, his little game just made me want him even more. I got him to lie on his back and I crawled over him, kissing his lips hungrily, while I felt his throbbing cock twitching against my tummy. “Let's see who's the impatient one here, huh?”, I whispered into his ear, rubbing myself against him. I kissed him again, while my hands travelled over the colorful tattoos on his chest, his belly, further down... and then up again. I took my time, listening to his heavy breathing and soft moans which really, really turned me on... until I finally touched him where he needed me the most. Just fingertips to very sensitive, soft skin but I heard him take a sharp breath and that made me want to tease him some more.

“Do you want more?”, I asked, looking into his eyes while my fingertips kept stroking him. “Yes, please...I want more...”, he whispered, trying to concentrate his attention on my fingers rubbing a pink plush head of his tool. I spit on my palm and spread it all the way down his shaft. It was a long wet stroke that made him tense his belly muscles. Poor boy, he couldn’t last any longer and I decided to stop that sweet torture. I was literally dripping wet and my only wish at that moment was Ed’s cock stretching out my sensitive walls...I was dying to feel every vein on his shaft and his hands all over my buzzing body. I made myself comfortable and started lowering... his twitching head touched and entered my opening just for a sec. I saw Ed’s fists grabbed the blanket that was on the sofa but his eyes were wide-open and focused on that particular moment. I did the same thing one more time but let him feel it for a while. A long primal moan escaped his parted lips. “If you’re going to play with me like this, babe, I will explode in a minute”, he groaned in a begging tone. Okay, these words..this man... his desire.... Without any hesitation I sank all the way down his length... That feeling of him filling me out was just out of this world, especially after such a long time. His head fell back in pleasure and I heard a long, deep growl out of his mouth which turned me on even more. I stopped for a second, getting used to him, before I started moving.

My hands were on his chest for some support, while his grabbed my hips, his fingers digging deep into my skin, guiding me. We soon found the perfect rhythm, just like we always did and even if it sounded weird, I was always glad when that happened because every time he was gone I feared that something between us would change, he would find someone better, he would realize that he didn't want to have a relationship because his career was so engaging. But right now that wasn't the case. It was just us, our love and lust for each other and the perfect unity of our bodies. “Fuck, love... don't stop now”, he groaned and a second later our gazes met. We looked into each other’s eyes and the moment was so intense that I almost exploded right there and then. I definitely didn't think about stopping now, so I increased our pace, his hips meeting mine. I saw stars dancing in front of my eyes with every thrust and when he suddenly started kissing my neck and his fingers found my clit again I just lost it. Everything came crashing down on me and the high carried me away. A few seconds of absolute pleasure, no worries, no pain, nothing... just the pure thrill of ecstasy. My nails were digging deeper into his chest when I felt him twitch inside of me and my walls clenched around him again, what seemed to send him over the edge, too. His head fell to my chest and he was panting, while we both rode out or orgasms, trying to regain steady breaths. “I love you, baby girl”, I heard him whisper, as I ran my hands through his soft ginger curls. “I love you too... and I'm so happy to have you back”.

A perfect reunion.

We were lying on the couch. I was listening to his heartbeat and he was playing with my hair. I looked around: my table covered with papers, our photos on the wall, his armchair with the guitar next to it and a half-way-through packed suitcase...wait?!.. “Ed, Ed! We’re going to be late for your dad’s B-Day party!” I exclaimed grabbing my t-shirt and trying to put on my shorts at the same time. I heard Ed answering his phone: “Hi, mum...we are on our way...”