#I usually talk about myself via fiction

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @clairegregoryau 💕

Everytime the topic of fandom kindness and community comes up, of helping each other out and fostering a quiet corner where people can be themselves, most people in our little fandom think of Claire. She's written over a million words of OFMD fic and read even more, and you can always see so so many recs over on her twitter. Incredible good vibes, and an author who truly lives to lift other authors up. She also does SO SO much for fic authors over on the OFMD Fic Club server <3 And she was incredibly kind and shared her entire writing process with me:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you?

I’m a huge advance planner, which is a process that has developed for me over more than 25 years of writing original fiction. I’ll get whacked with a story idea, then I’ll sit down and set out the central kernel of that idea, and where it needs to start, where it needs to end, and what the turning points need to be to get there.

A lot of the time I use a three-act structure, largely because Jenkins has talked about OFMD using that structure (one example here). So that makes it easy for me to hold to the canon beats when I’m writing AU stories, or to mirror them in canon-era stories, which is also something I try to do most of the time. With long experience (and now 1.7 million words of OFMD fic written (!)), I find this part of the process really easy. I’ll usually do that plotting by hand-writing out my notes, because it really fires up a different part of your brain.

Because I am such an advance planner, I do tend to write in a completely linear way from start to finish (I also pretty commonly post my long-fics as I write- each chapter goes up as soon as it’s finished and has a final editing pass). Punching through it in a linear way, knowing the ending that I’m working towards and being enthusiastic to get there, really keeps me motivated.

I do all of my writing in 30-minute sprints at the OFMD Fic Club Discord, where we’ve built a lovely and LOUDLY enthusiastic writing community that anyone is welcome to hop into 24/7. For those who find the constant chat a bit overwhelming, we also have a Quiet Focus Sprints channel. Again via long practice, I’m a very fast writer, but that’s accelerated a lot more over the last couple of years, paradoxically because I couldn’t write the way I used to anymore.

I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that includes some fun brain impacts at times, and it’s really hit my working memory especially. I used to be able to hold all the strands of a complicated story together in my head as I wrote, but now I can’t do that as easily. So that’s why the outline is important for me, so I never lose track of the idea- I’ll also do a quick outline at the start of each chapter I’m writing that notes what needs to happen, and then I’ll write in what I call layers, getting down whatever I can first, and then doing sweeps back through it to add internals, narrative detail, sensory details and so on. I make a LOT of notes and square brackets as I go to remind myself of things to look at later.

I also use a plot matrix [Twitter thread, Example Matrix] that you may have seen floating around- I mostly use it to keep track of plot details that have already happened within a story, so that I can check it out at a glance, but I will sometimes plan certain elements in advance (as in the case of Tree Change, which covered 87 of the 93 Kinktober prompts last year across 12 carefully planned chapters). There’s always space when I’m writing for the characters to surprise me within that plot framework- as a final plotting thing, once I’m at the halfway mark I’ll often plot backwards from the planned end to make sure that I’m on course, and to see what I need to adjust.

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing?

I really like to dig into the friends-to-lovers trope that sits at the heart of the show. The Ed and Stede relationship reminds me immensely of my own- like Rhys and Taika as friends, we’ve been yes-anding each other for over 25 years (all of my least hinged fic ideas come from bouncing thoughts back and forth with my husband), and it’s been a steady mix of constant silliness, curiosity, and care. We’re best friends first and that’s one of my favourite things about Ed and Stede, that they are, too.

What I really love about it is the vulnerability of these two people who’ve been hurt so much by others in the past, who’ve never been fully appreciated for all the things that they are, and in each other they find the one absolutely perfect person who just gets them, and it makes all the difference. It’s always fun to play with that and variations on it in fics, and it’s usually the beating heart of my stories.

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why?

I want to say that I find them both equally easy depending on the story. Ed as a character speaks very much the way I think- he has that ADHD buzz, the high swear level, and a very AoNZ turn of phrase that’s also very familiar to Australians (like me). Writing Ed is like turning the inside of my head out and it always flows easily.

But I have always said that I see myself in both characters in equal parts, so I find Stede pretty easy to write as well. I feel like I pretty solidly understand him as a person, with his history of rejection and his commitment to trying anyway, and trying to be kind, and letting himself be fascinated by things, from piracy to books to moths to Ed (that one’s not hard).

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read

This is a near-impossible question with 69 OFMD fics up on AO3 😅 I really do love them all, and I have a lot of smaller one-shots that haven’t been read as much, but overall I’m incredibly lucky with readership and so so grateful for everyone who enjoys my work.

But my recent Reverse Bang fic The Broken Lines is hugely important to me and I think it’s probably one of the best things I’ve ever written anywhere. It’s set in the aftermath of the First World War (my professional zone of expertise), and features a Stede who’s lost his voice, his memory, and as far as he knows, his Ed. He gradually remembers what happened with the help of the crew and another Ed, who appears in his mirror from 1719, searching for his own Stede. It was a beautiful collaboration with artist Gerlinde to begin with, but I also got to work with one of my longest-term writing friends Jill @followedmystar as my beta, and then with Boy, who made a truly transcendent podfic that I can’t yell about enough.

What is the one word that you think you use a lot?

I think the word I have to zap more than any other is “actually”, and there are still a million of them in there when I’m done. The main reason is that to stick close to canon voice, I try to incorporate a lot of the less iconic/ more ordinary turns of phrase that the characters use a lot in their speech (I’ve watched every episode of the show… way too many times), and both Ed and Stede actually use “actually” a surprising amount. I just use it an even more surprising amount 😂

(This just sent me on a QUEST to find a specific number because I am that kind of nerd- Stede says it 15 times in S1 and 12 in S2, and Ed says it 8 times in each, for totals of 27 and 16, many of them in distinctive moments; it just gives that little buzz of recognition for me. I started out screenwriting before I moved to prose, so my writing tends to lean pretty strongly on having a recognisable, almost audible voice to the dialogue, as well as a cinematic visual style for the big adventures especially).

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer?

I quite deliberately don’t use a beta reader for most of my OFMD fics, because being in this space is an exercise in recovering from lifelong paralysing perfectionism around writing especially. I’ve spent so many years not finishing original work because it never feels like it passes the invisible bar for perfection that exists in my own head. So when I started writing OFMD fic, I set out to accept good enough as good enough, and to get back to enjoying writing as fully as I can.

Obviously this means that my work could be better, but I’m actively working on letting that thought go and loving everything I’ve made just as it is. When I have worked with beta readers on projects that require them, like the Reverse Bang, it’s been with friends who I trust and adore, who I know will listen to what I need (cheerleading, mostly), and will do their best to work with me on improving the story without letting me spiral into hating it all because it wakes the perfectionist beast back up.

That doesn’t mean I’m without regular support, or that I’m not trying to improve my writing! I read an absolutely insane amount of fic, and I’m always in awe of the talent we have on this ship, and always learning from what other people do well. In lieu of beta readers, we share snippets of work all the time in our sprints team, so I get feedback there; I also get it from readers in progress, who often give me a sense of what’s hitting the way I hoped and what needs a bit of tweaking. I also have lovely group chats and individual friends like Kerry @communionnimrod and Lis @ghostalservice and Jill who I can run to if I need an opinion on whether an idea feels right or not, which I will often ask.

I’m very very careful with my writing, but in a couple of rare instances readers have also DMd me to note spots where I’ve inadvertently included something that doesn’t reach the sensitivity standard I’m aiming for. I’m always grateful for that gentleness and bravery in reaching out and I’m always happy to change something or to add tags or notes as needed.

Why OFMD 🥹

I watched the whole show in one hit a week after the final episode aired, and I loved it immediately, but I thought I was going to be normal about it. The unravelling into complete, unrelenting obsession happened gradually as I rewatched it with my husband and teen, then again, and again, then started to read fics and hunt up art, then started joining fan spaces, and then dived into writing my first fic in two and a half decades (all original writing between The X-Files and here), thinking it would also be my last.

I’m still here, still writing constantly, and a major portion of it is the show and how distinctly it reflected all the many parts of me, some of which I’d never seen so clearly before. I had a tough childhood in a few different family respects. I didn’t understand that I was neurodivergent until I turned 40 and my own kids were heading for diagnosis, and I’d been rejected constantly throughout my life for being too much. I was a high achiever who was in the process of crumpling under pressure right when I watched it, and while I’d been figuring out my sense of my own queerness for a few years, I’d never had a community that helped me feel at home with that.

And in the end it’s the community that’s been the reason I’ve been fully sucked into fandom for the first time since my teens- the writing in this space is top-tier wonderful, and the community is such a found family, just like the Revenge. Being able to write and have people actually want to read that writing, being able to cheer others on and hype their work, being able to help set up the OFMD Fic Club Discord and make it a safe spaceship for so many people, has been incredibly fulfilling and lovely. 

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)

[swearingcactus]

Obscure Far Cry Promos and Content

I'm a big far cry fan, which means I have to make my own food in this economy. But sometimes I just want some ACTUAL canon or canon-ish or even just canon-adjacent content, y'know? It has gotten to the point I go into youtube rabbit holes or watch a remarkably below average hallmark movies for 5 minutes of an actor's screentime to hopefully hear Jason or Ajay or whoever talk. And so in these quests, I've found a couple obscure promos. Gonna compile them here for myself mostly :)

Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3 - The Voices of Insanity: Doctor Earnhardt //a live action video with Alec Earnhardt's VA

Far Cry 3 - The Voices of Insanity: Vaas //same thing but with Michael Mando

Hoyt Audition Far Cry 3 //the last part of "The Voices of Insanity" videos, couldn't find the one from Ubisoft's own account but someone else had posted it on youtube

Far Cry 3 for PS3: TV Spot

Far Cry 3 -- Island Survival Guide: Psychopaths, Drugs & Other Dangers // video narrated by Willis Huntley

Far Cry 3 -- The Savages: Vaas & Buck // this video shows a rare render of vaas with tataus on his arm!

Far Cry 3 | The Tribe: Citra & Dennis //this video has a deleted scene where Jason hallucinates the tatau snaking up his arm

Far Cry 3 -- The Tyrant: Hoyt

Far Cry 3 - Insane Edition // this is a promo done for a special edition for the game, Michael Mando probably couldn't shoot the promo himself and just voice acted, and so they used another actor and made it so the camera never sees Vaas's face.

^ There is also a survival guide titled Face Your Insanity written by post-Rook events Jason Brody as part of the Insane Edition.

Far Cry 3 | E3 2012 Step Into Insanity Trailer [NORTH AMERICA] // this has a few close-ups of Jason and Vaas switching places with each other

Far Cry 3 Interviews (via @lulu2992)

Far Cry 3 Tweets by Jeffrey Yohalem, the lead writer. (also compiled by @/lulu2992! Thanks again!)

Far Cry 4

Divya Kandala's Blog (archived on the Wayback Machine) // Divya Kandala is a fictional journalist who wrote a blog about her travels to Kyrat, her blog's basically world-building promo for FC4. You could also find the house she stayed at in Kyrat!

Far Cry 4 TV Commercial

Far Cry 4 | Kyrat Tuk Tuk Stories //this is the MOST we see ajay in third person in promo content

Far Cry 4 - CGI Trailer // this isn't exactly RARE but it took forever for me to find that clip of ajay's eyes reflecting from the kukri. plus he looks EXTREMELY caucasian which really doesn't help the rumors I've heard that they originally wanted Jason again as FC4's protag

Comedy Central Far Cry 4 Commercial feat Danny Pudi & Donald Glover

Far Cry 4 and Childish Gambino: The Collaboration | PS4, PS3 // a music video for Crawl by Childish Gambino done as a collab

Old Archive.Org link to the Far Cry 4 webpage that had a choose your own adventure campaign

^ and the youtube video to promote it

Far Cry 4 | Behind the Scene Trailer 1/3 [Europe] // developer vlogs when they visited Nepal and interviewed the ghurka that became base for Golden Path, you can see the village that resembles Banapur a lot!

Far Cry 4 Performance Capture Interview // you can see Janina Gavankar, Amita's actress doing some mocap in this

Janina Gavankar Talks Far Cry 4 - ^ and the interview with her after

World Gameplay Premiere - Walkthrough E3 2014 - Far Cry 4 // this was to showcase gameplay but they eventually took out this entire mission where you have to wingsuit to Ratu Gadhi (Yuma's fortress), which is a shame because it looked very nice.

Far Cry 5

i'll be honest, im not a fc5 girlie, so i dont usually do a lot of digging, and im pretty sure these are actually not obscure at all. but these are trailers i found that really blew it out of the park. the marketing team for 5 really went HAM

Far Cry 5: Teaser Trailer | Ubisoft //this has a peggie banging someone's head to a church bell rhythmically with the gorgeous view of Montana mountains as backdrop and i for one, find it hilarious

Far Cry 5 | The Sermon - Live Action Trailer

Far Cry 5 | The Baptism - Live Action Trailer //somebody once mentioned this one has Joseph looking like Trevor GTA and i have never quite known peace ever since. it really also shows the reality of how Joseph is actually just really Unwell, and lore that Joseph killed Pastor Jerome's daughter that never showed up in-game.

Far Cry 5: Anything Can Happen, Everything Will - Live Action TV Spot | Trailer // mixes live action and game CGI renders, pretty cool actually!

The Making of Far Cry 5 | Behind the Scenes of Ubisoft [Documentary]

Far Cry 6 Comics

not gonna put in FC6 stuff because they're actually very easy to find! lots of trailers and mocaps and interviews on youtube :) Far Cry 6 actually has a more obscure lore in their comics

Far Cry: Esperanza's Tears comic // this is a Juan-centric prequel comic that features a completely new country, lore about Far Cry universe's political landscape, and lots of cameos from 3-6's characters! very interesting read especially if you're a sucker for backstories like me

Far Cry: Rite of Passage comic // this is more popular as it features Anton telling Diego the backstories for 3-5's villains.

There is also a book titled The Official Far Cry Survival Guide written by a fictional character called Hunter Nash, who supposedly grew up with Hope County-level of a doomsday prepper dad and winds up as a journalist who travels to the locations of 3-6 and wrote how to survive each location accordingly. It's adorned with official artwork of the games and plenty of survival tips. Not much lore-wise, but cool nonetheless! it also fuels my co-workers au ideas but that's personal.

i have actually found stuff like a really old MTV show called Undressed with Gianpaolo Venuta where he uses his Jason voice for his character, and how Patrick Kwok-Choon, the new voice actor for Ajay does voice acting in Thomas the Train Engine and Paw Patrol, and an indie movie with Greg Bryk where he wears fun sunglasses like Joseph, but that's neither here nor there to the franchise, so eh. // i'll edit this post if i find more, so maybe check back sometimes!

[karespocketboyfriends]

𝙳𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚍

𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 2024 𝙳𝚊𝚢 𝚂𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

Sylus X Evie (OC)

Warnings -> 18+ NSFW (Orgasm denial, penetration via fingers, use of ‘sir’/‘kitten), situationship dynamic

An original fan-fiction for Love and Deepspace. I appreciate reblogs but reposting to Tumblr or any other site is not okay with me.

I’m close.

So fucking close it’s madness.

I moan into Sylus’ mouth, our tongues battling it out as he kisses me. It feels like he’s trying to devour me, taking out his frustration on my poor lips. My core, too, given the relentless pumping of his fingers in my heat. My arousal drips onto the desk below me, my desk, the door to my office having been locked the second he entered.

“Fuck.” I squeak, only for it to be swallowed by his next kiss. My nails bite into the back of his neck, holding him close. His other hand is tangled in my hair, keeping my head at an angle for him to reach my mouth with ease. “Please.”

“Please’ what, kitten?” He asks, adding another finger to the equation, stretching me further. His breath tickles my cheek as my head attempts to tilt back, only to be stopped by his grip on my scalp. “Use your words.”

It takes me several tries to form a sentence around my erratic breathing. “P-Please, Sir, I want to come.”

Sylus grazes his teeth along my jaw, making goosebumps rise on my arms. My eyelids are too heavy to keep open for long, but I can feel his smirk. “Is that a request, or a demand?”

I groan in annoyance, but rephrase. “Can I come, Sir?”

Sylus hums as though thinking about it, and pressed a featherlight kiss to the corner of my lips. “No.”

The pressure between my thighs vanishes, the warmth of his presence next to me suddenly gone. Eyes snapping open, I slam my hands on the desk to catch myself from falling. Not that I was really at a risk of slipping, but the shock of his sudden disappearance made me feel as though I was going to.

“S-Sylus?!” I exclaim in utter disbelief.

The man brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks them clean. The rush of need that caused was just cruel, the words he gives me next the other sharp edge of the sword. “I don’t think you deserve to come today.”

I blink at him. “Why the fuck not?”

“Because.” His eyes narrow as he steps forward, gently tapping me beneath the chin. “Someone acted on her own without my permission.”

I think long and hard, trying to recall what I could have possibly done to warrant this as a fitting punishment. “Are you talking about that meeting I attended by myself?”

Earlier in the night, Sylus took off to deal with something unexpected happening within Onychinus’ territory. Luke and Kieran said it was a spat about the border, but that’s all they would give me. It’s not the kind of thing Sylus would usually go and handle himself, but clearly, I’m not privy to whatever information is hidden there.

Anyway, it was really shitty timing, because he was set to attend a meeting with a client that could benefit the organization. So, as Sylus’ personal assistant, I went myself. It went well and I got what I needed without much issue. All that’s left is for Sylus to go over my notes and make a decision.

Huffing in annoyance, I fold my arms over my chest. My shirt is in a bit of disarray, but it’s still on. “I was gonna be attending that meeting with you, anyway, and I didn’t make any calls that’s outside my range of authority. I was doing my job. How is that any different from me getting to meetings on time when you’re running late? It’s never been an issue you’ve raised before.”

“The difference, Evie, is that the men trying to slip through our border were his men.”

My breath catches in my throat, the embers of defiance burning in me snuffed out. “What?”

Sylus shakes his head. “That meeting was nothing more than a distraction to keep me busy so his men could make a grab for territory. You fell right for it.”

My eyeballs felt as though were going to pop out of my skull. “And you didn’t think to tell me this?!”

His eyes narrow at my accusation. “I told Luke and Kieran to inform you that I wouldn’t be attending. I didn’t think I had to clarify that my not attending at all meant you were to stay behind.”

“Oh.” I sheepishly straighten out my blouse. “My bad.”

Sylus sighs, his eyes travelling over me. “I’m… glad you’re not hurt.”

“Yeah, you too.” I sink my teeth into my lower lip. “So, about that orgasm-”

“No.”

“But, Sir-!”

SFW Masterlist || NSFW Masterlist || Kinktober

[aurum-k-chatters]

Revisiting Reflectmon, a decade+ old OC.

Was talking to my friend about my TTRPG character, Mercutio, and we got to discussing fictional character digimon partners. The questions was odd for me because Mercutio was technically a spin off of a decade+ old digimon OC, Reflectmon.

We got to talking about how different the two characters ended up being, and I realized... I made that original design over 10 years ago with very few changes. I'm better at character design now, and should take another crack at it based on the original concept I was going for! So here is a redesigned Reflectmon!I don't think I'd change there name, but if I were to choose a name now "Flectiomon" would work too. (Like reflection, deflection, inflection, etc.)

I've very please with how it turned out. I know some people might prefer the original, But I think what was lost from the original is still mostly present in the spin-off/spiritual successor TTRPG character mentioned earlier.

I'll leave some rambling notes below the post for anyone curious! (Warning. I repeat myself a lot.)

So the original Reflectmon was designed around 2013. (It might have been even earlier, however a lot of my early art work is unfortunately lost to time.)

I have a better understanding of character design now, and I wanted to make the new design more conceptually cohesive.

Here's what worked: - Marionette + Ball jointed doll themes - The mirror mask that emotes in fun ways like a TV screen. - Eyeless face underneath that is a little creepy. - More humanoid appearance.

What Could Be Improved: - The devil tail was an x-men reference, because I really loved Nightcrawler when I designed this character, and the Mercuremon line were listed as "Mutant Type" digimon (haha). However, it is only vaguely related to the actual character concept (via shadow Seraphimon) and really didn't make that much sense by itself. I didn't want to removed it completely as it was good for the character silhouette. So I replaced it with a Marionette string that acts like a tail instead! We go more with the theme, AND we still have a sort of tail. - The hat, while a reference to AncientWisemon & Wizardmon, went too far in a different direction. Now it references AncientWisemon's hat and Mercuremon's helmet more closely. - Design was a bit busy over all and needed some toning down and streamlining. - Pushed the Marionette + Ball jointed doll themes further with more obvious ball-joints and puppet-like aspects. - Adjusted face and hair colors to have a more faux-porcelain-doll look that a lot of ball-jointed dolls have. They also now have a ball-jointed doll bowl cut. - I don't remember why I put X's on the eyelids under the mask? I think I just thought it looked cool? My best guess is I was going for a "see no evil" thing since Mercuremon had a bunch of church stuff in Digimon Frontier, but I have no idea. Anyway those are gone now since they didn't help the design read any better. - Other minor color adjustments to help with contrast.

Reflectmon, as the spirit of steel (a man made alloy), is supposed to be depicted as a toy made of synthetic material (as opposed to the wood spirit, who is made of natural material). This is why I wanted to really reference the look of ball jointed dolls, which are usually made of plastic, and can have a porcelain look. I'm over all happy with the new look!

[riemmetric]

For today's @creators-club prompt, I want to tell the story of how I wrote this flash fiction called Endings with You.

One year ago, I was on an expertise exchange program in The Netherlands. During my final weekend there, I took a day trip to Amsterdam by myself. My goals were: guided tour at the Rijksmuseum (pictured above), visit the American Book Center bookshop and Waterstones, and walk along some canals. I've succeeded in all there and it was a wonderful day, but I was alone, I had no one to talk to, and I decided I'll just narrate a story in my head, like I used to do as a child. At the time I was reading Cage of Souls by Adrian Tchaikovsky and I was so moved by his descriptions of a dying planet where the sun is expanding every day. Inspired by this book, I started thinking about the end of the world in a very romantic way. With whom would I want to spend the last day of the Earth's history, if I knew it will happen in my lifetime? If I knew the end was nigh, would I have the courage to speak my mind? If the world couldn't be saved, how would I pass the time until the end of it all? I hardly ever write romance and when I do, it's usually between a woman and a man. So I challenged myself to change it up, and wrote this scene between two young men in love, studying poetry in one of the last universities, because there is nothing else left to do. I wrote it all in my head while walking from the train station in Amsterdam to the Rijksmuseum (via the bookstores mentioned) and back, except for the last paragraph. I wasn't sure how to end it, I wasn't sure what to do with it. Then came the prompt from flashfictionfryday, and inspiration struck again. I typed up the story, I composed the last paragraph, and I sent it into the world.

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Okay, further rumination on the topic of ao3 comments and why they’re a less-than-satisfactory form of communication for me, because I have been rotating this topic in my mind and it is now smooth as a river stone (thanks @Hannibal watch buddy for that turn of phrase) -

I think part of what feels so foreign to me about ao3 comments is that I’ve just… very rarely felt the urge to talk to an author of a work of fiction that I’ve enjoyed. It’s not a natural impulse for me. When I have felt that urge, it’s usually been in response to theory and other such academic nonfiction, because part of the point of that stuff is to open a conversation. It’s a foundation that invites others to build upon it, in a way that includes the author. Fictional texts are also always open to more criticism, and when they’re really good they’re like a constant ever-expanding interpretive universe unto themselves. But with fiction, the author isn’t a part of that interpretive process, and in fact it’s detrimental for them to be.

So when I’m compelled to write up a reaction to a piece of media, it’s usually not an “author-friendly” form of engagement - either because it’s critical in some way (and it’s very rare that I have absolutely no quibbles with any piece of media, even if I like it and agree with what it’s doing interpretatively), or because it’s authoritative in such a way as to be overbearing and presumptuous when presented to the author themself. Or, to explain that second point more - most analytical points I might make would come together to form a “reading”, a claim on my part as to what a story is doing. And that doesn’t seem appropriate to me in author-reader interaction. So I often feel stifled when trying to share my thoughts on a story, particularly in a formal commenting context.

Another option for interaction with authors would be asking authors what their interpretation is, or what they were trying to get across, or whether they intended to evoke what I took away from the story. But the problem with that is that those feel more suited to a work that is still in progress, and ao3 isn’t a writers’ workshop. The fics are either already finished, or they’re ongoing, but readers aren’t a part of that writing and editing process.

And the other thing is that I’m just… very uncomfortable with intense displays of emotion. Even if I loved a story and was powerfully moved by it, it’s very difficult for me to express that enthusiasm in text form - it feels affected and stilted and unnatural. (And I also get uncomfortable seeing others’ unbridled enthusiasm in ao3 comments, when it’s presented in the form of “squeeing” - you know, with a lot of exclamation marks or keyboard smashes and whatnot. There’s nothing wrong with form of self-expression, but it’s not my thing and it’s not a cultural aspect of the site that I feel comfortable engaging in.)

So, my question to myself is: when and in what way does it feel natural to me to engage with fic writers on ao3 via comments, or to have readers engage with my fic?

And the answer to that, I think, is indicative of how academia shapes my approach to fandom. Because given the adaptational quality of fanfic, and the fact that it’s arising from shared contextual knowledge of the source material, my instinct and what I’m most comfortable with is to take the conference approach, and use the specific fic I’m reading or that I’ve written as a starting point to discuss the canon itself. And while some ao3 comment exchanges are centered on discussing and coming to a richer understanding of the source material, it’s far from guaranteed.

And on top of that, the comment culture on ao3 doesn’t have a lot of back-and-forth, or space or invitation to expand on your thoughts or build off each other. There’s no room for discussion to evolve. Everything you want to say has to be contained in one single comment - so if you don’t already know the author, it’s hard to gauge what kind of discussion they would even be open to. So frankly, I feel that the culture there incentivizes bland, form-letter comments and shallow discussion.

I feel a lot of these points from the author side of things, too. Sometimes I’ll get comments where people are interpreting or emotionally responding to my stories in a manner pretty distinct from my intention - and that’s inevitable! That’s what fiction does! Everybody takes away something different, and stories gain new life when they’re liberated from their creators’ meddling. But it makes me faintly uncomfortable, because I just… don’t know what to do with comments like that. It feels against my principles to correct people about their interpretation of fiction, because of, well, pretty much the entire ideology re: fiction and interpretation that I’ve laid out here. It’s different from meta, where it feels not only appropriate but the entire point of the format to engage with people’s interpretations of what you’re saying, and to say, “I actually interpret that differently” or “that’s not quite what I meant there”. But with fic… if I can’t discuss my own ideas and interpretations, as the author, I’d honestly rather not know what people think and feel. Or at least, I’d be open to a conversation about that, between fellow fans who are using my fic as a starting off point for discussion about the source material. But I’d much rather do that on discord, or some other platform that feels like it engenders actual conversations, rather than the one-two punch of “[compliment][gratitude]”.

And honestly, the reason I started writing fic at all, back in 2020, was because I wanted to retreat into my own world. I was weary of meta, and having to explain and justify my responses to the text. I still love meta, and it’s still the primary point of doing fandom at all for me. But sometimes, I do need a break from that, and need to be able to ensconce myself in my feelings about the text in a format that people can’t as easily poke holes in. So that’s partly why I’m considering turning off comments on ao3, at least just as an experiment, and having conversations about my fic on other platforms.

That, and perhaps I just need to start posting more meta to ao3. :)

[phantomato]

Tom Riddle and the Circuitous Path

A friend recently wrote a wonderful reflection on The Charioteer and Pnin and the trope of a character taking a “circuitous path” through life in order to reach their desired endpoint: lifestyle, career, romance. To excerpt:

There is a trope that I love to read in fiction and especially in fanfiction: characters living the life they were meant to live… but via a completely new (and often more circuitous) route. This happy realization is accompanied by a profound grief over the more direct path not taken.

(“profound grief”! @mademoiselle-red you speak my language 💖)

And I was shocked on two counts when I read this:

(1) It made me excited to think about Voldemort again, because (2) This is the theme which underpins so much of my Voldemort fic!

I started thinking about these ideas earlier this year, when I stumbled across a few comments on the trope of reunions within romance. I love reunions—spot them in my fics across fandoms—and particularly the sense of finding someone again at a better time in life. It could not have worked out in the first go round because circumstances were against them. For Tom Riddle and Thoros Nott, this usually takes the form of Tom’s insecurity (financial, societal, emotional), and Thoros’ hesitance (shyness, shame, prejudice). When I make them reconnect, I try to show how they’ve individually overcome at least a few of these roadblocks during the intervening years, and how they’ve made progress on others. The reunion works because neither man is the other’s project, and they can make a relationship work given those improvements in their situation.

But I’ve also often considered myself a writer of grief, and that’s the element missing from the “reunion” trope as I’ve otherwise seen it defined. Because it is not purely a happy reunion which tickles my fancy—I want to see the sorrow of those lost years apart, of knowing that this happiness together was hard-won and wishing it might have come about more easily. If only, if only. Knowing that it could not have! That the time was necessary, even as it means less to spend together. But not so that the grief is thrust in a reader’s face, taking up space as the forefront of the story. I want the grief as a texture in the background of the entire piece, so that every bit of beauty is slightly colored by it, so that there isn’t anything straightforwardly and uncomplicatedly happy in the story.

Enter the profound grief of the circuitous path! And along with it, my awareness of this beyond a shipping context.

I’ve talked in the past about viewing my fic as in conversation with the wider fandom, and that remains true, where a fandom exists. For Voldemort, one of the earliest tropes I felt compelled to push against was that of the young, powerful Tom Riddle, Dark Lord: Tom at 20, fresh out of school, with a circle of devoted (and Marked, sometimes!) followers. The Knights of Walpurgis becoming the Death Eaters—hell, the Knights of Walpurgis existing. I hated all of this because it wasn’t how I saw Tom’s early life. Eventually, I sat down and worked out the timeline which we get from the series so as to explain why my middle-aged Voldemort wasn’t merely headcanon but rather textually-supported, but the bones of that intuition had been in place from the first time I tackled a fic about Tom Riddle.

But textual support only means so much (not much) in fandom, and rightly so. It’s not an argument for why certain types of stories are emotionally satisfying to me and why others are not. The emotions result from the journey, and what the journey of those Dark-Lord-at-twenty fics lacked was the set of obstacles and the time and the self-reflective grief of taking decades to begin working on your life’s goal. I titled that post “44, starting a war,” after all.

What middle-aged Voldemort offers is an opportunity to dig into the parts of his character that I love. If he doesn’t have success until later in life, if his campaign for personal power doesn’t begin until the 1970s, then we have so much to look at in the lead-up:

His childhood, of course, and the difficulties of being raised at Wool’s, of being a child raised without magical awareness before 11, of being an outsider at school for his name, his (presumed) heritage, his finances, his (lack of) social graces, and more, which ends in the ultimate embarrassment of not securing his dream job teaching at Hogwarts

His young adulthood working as a shop clerk at what might be the most respectable store on Knockturn Alley, but is still a secondhand shop—something between an antiques dealer and a pawn shop—in what is clearly an under-resourced and socioeconomically challenged district within magical London

His lost decade spent away from Britain, without known support from any friends or acquaintances, very probably including difficulties supporting himself as he had left his job in order to pursue it

His return to Britain and the efforts spent gathering his earliest followers, trying and failing a second time to achieve an appointment as a Hogwarts instructor, and whatever stresses marked the rising first war

These form canon Voldemort’s circuitous path to becoming the Dark Lord we know and fear. They’re what I most enjoy reproducing, reconstructing, and recontextualizing in fic. I’ve hit each of these periods at least once (Sieidi, my primary take on the lost decade, was the hardest—I find that era difficult to access in part for research reasons), and they each offer rich veins of possibility for examining the obstacles in Voldemort’s life and asking what it would take for him to reach some kind of happiness, contentedness, satisfaction. What would he grieve if he quit his pursuit of power partway into his travels abroad, or before murdering Hepzibah Smith, or after he’d gathered the initial core of his Death Eaters? What might trigger him to question his choice to kill his father? What might a growing romance, or a self-destructive sexual relationship, reveal to him about relationships past? What contrasts might he see between the spaces occupied by Tom Riddle and by Voldemort? Can these parts of himself be reconciled—does he want them to be?

I want the characters that I love to be content at the end of my stories, for the most part. I want Voldemort to find centeredness, to forgive himself some of his mistakes, to commit to not reproducing the worst of them, for his own sake. This is what defines a compelling character arc for me. So the language of the circuitous path allows me to access this desire in a new way, by asking myself about the endpoint someone has been striving towards, and what circumstances forced them to find this uneven road towards it, and what they will mourn when they reach their goal. For Voldemort, I will change my answers to these in every fic—it’s the joy of having a favorite character, getting to write them over and over again in new ways—but rarely have I wanted him to have a straightforward path to recognition. There is no teenaged gang leader or young-adult Dark Lord in my heart. Now I can put it into words: for me, the charm of Voldemort is that he fails, repeatedly, and readjusts, in response to many mundane challenges resulting from the context into which he is born; he is so often older when he reaches any sort of endpoint; I write to see his success tinged with grief, and his obstacles to lead him to unexpected forms of happiness.

[sarahfeliciam]

The Ultimatum Ch 16

Chapter Sixteen

Dad,

Thought I’d send Saffron out real quick to share the events of my first twenty-four hours here. 

Enjoy (does sarcasm translate via quill?)

Yesterday evening, we were informed that a bloody tournament is being hosted here. What sounded like fun and games is actually a death march, supposedly. Those are my own words, but trust me - it’s just as it sounds. And to my surprise, many a student are already lining up! (Myself included - kidding).

You’ll never guess this, though. One of our hosted schools is Beauxbatons. My old friend I mentioned is here: Calliope. I haven’t had the chance to talk to her yet, but I’m looking forward to it. It would be nice to have her back, even just for one year. 

As for my evening, I’m about to go watch George make a right fool of himself as him and Fred attempt to get their names in to be considered for the tournament. I assume this doesn’t make a better case for him. Nevertheless, he’s harmless, and I promised you this vitally important gossip, didn’t I? 

It is odd not having you here. Though I’ve never had you before, last year was an utter whirlwind. I went from no dad, to dad/teacher/always in your office and now.. well I don’t have no dad again, but you get that point.

My next point hinges on the Dark Arts - we’ve got a psychopath teaching it! Name’s Mad Eye and he’s actually terrifying. He had us perform all three Unforgivable Curses IN CLASS today. So much for no use of practical spells, as I could quickly torture and take out a Death Eater in one fell swoop now already!

Anyway, I hope you and our dog are doing well. I do miss you, but nothing seems amiss here. 

Same old, same old.

…Other than a death defying tournament that we get to witness, that is. Do you suppose this will be broadcast? 

Emeline 

As she folded the letter and sent Saffron off with a kiss to her feathery head, Emeline grabbed her bag and the novel she was currently reading and darted out of her common room in a hope to meet her friends around the Triwizard Cup and ‘bask in it’s glory’ as the twins said.

•

“It is quite dim-witted, I must agree.” Emeline divulged, laughing next to Hermione. Both girls, books in hand, couldn’t contain their giggling as the twins jumped over the age line and made it. It took only moments to backfire, as expected and they howled with laughter louder as they watched the twins wrestle on the ground, George’s facial color matching Emeline’s usual embarrassed flush for the first time ever as he glanced at her before they hurried out of the room.

“What a sight.” Emeline chuckled, rolling her eyes. “Age does not become him the way I thought it would.”

Hermione laughed as they both turned back to their books, but she quickly looked up as she felt she’s on her. 

Emeline’s head shot up in curiosity after Hermione’s and she saw the lingering look Victor Krum sent her way.

“Did you see that!” Emeline whispered.

Hermione nudged her side and shook her head. It was her turn to switch to a shade of pink now.

“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.”

Both back to their books, they passed the time between fiction and study before supper.

•

The starry night and candles flickered and lit up the ambiance of the room as the Headmaster extinguished the side lighting and allowed the blue glow of the cup to illuminate the Great Hall.

Everyone waited with bated breath for the names to be drawn and Emeline shot her Gryffindor friends an excited smile. Her eyes grazed right across Calliope’s again, the Beauxbatons seated separately. 

Why was she avoiding her? 

She redirected her attention as her table erupted in excitement. Cedric was their chosen champion for Hogwarts. Of all houses, hers! And someone shed spent some time at the Quidditch Cup with.

“Wicked, congrats!” She joined in with everyone else as he stood and took his place with Fleur and Victor. 

When all seemed to settle and they were ready to eat, the cup erupted and spewed out another slip of paper. Emeline could hardly believe her ears when Dumbledore composed himself enough to speak.

“Harry Potter!”

When the champions had left the hall, the rushed to her feet to see if another owl was free in the owlry. She simply had to get this to her father and Sirius right on the tail skirts of her letter sent with Saffron.

•

The next morning, Emeline was awoken to a pecking on her beside window and opened her sleepy eyes to see Saffron waiting patiently with a letter in her beak. She jumped out of bed now and let her in, quickly taking the letter and tearing it open.

Em,

It translated via quill quite well before I even read that line. The ��enjoy’ was quite enough. 

Sarcasm or not, I was happy to be greeted by Saffron last night. 

Another friend flew in behind her with your secondary news. 

Harry was chosen, but how? Our dog and I are extremely concerned for him and we need more information. Please ask Harry to take you to his common room tomorrow evening, alone, and meet us by the fire. You’ll understand. 

As for your defensive classes, as sick as you practicing those curses makes me and as uncomfortable a feeling as it may be, there is no law against learning them. Stay alert and stay safe. It certainly isn’t the ‘getting ahead’ I was aiming for, but I know you are safe at Hogwarts, especially with an auror like Alastor. He is gruff and eccentric.. I’d never peg him for a psychopath. 

Are you that uncomfortable around him, pup? 

I hope you get to speak with your friend soon. That’s a wonderful addition to your year and I’m happy for you. 

As for here, I miss you too, Emeline. More than you know. But I’m very proud of you and I will see you tomorrow evening. 

PS: the tournament is not broadcast despite the fact that were you of age, you competing in it would be broadcast worthy. (Does sarcasm translate via quill?) 

-Dad 

•

Down by the lake later that afternoon, Emeline found Harry and Neville, chatting jovially about sea creatures and various oceanic potions. Well, Neville was jovial, anyway.

“Hey Neville.” She greeted cheerfully. 

Was it just her, or did he tinge pink at her greeting? 

“Emeline, hey!” Harry interjected. 

“Harry, I was hoping to get a word. It’ll just take a moment.” 

He nodded and Neville smiled, turning back to his book and offering them privacy.

Harry walked over to her and she dropped her voice to a whisper.

“Harry, Padfoot and Moony would like to meet us fireside in the Gryffindor common room alone tomorrow night. They’re extremely concerned about your name being pulled and they have questions.”

Harry nodded and glanced back at Neville, who still wasn’t paying attention. 

“Padfoot will be there?”

“That’s what they say,” Emeline shrugged. “Think we can swing it?”

“Definitely. I’ll see you there.”

“See you there, Harry.”

They were interrupted swiftly by the other half of their friend circle in a sad yet hysterical display of back and forth telephone. Like a game, Hermione relayed information between the boys (whom Emeline had no clue were even arguing) before she finally got fed up and stormed off. Emeline figured she’d remove herself from a situation in which she didn’t belong and hurried off after Hermione and Ginny who’d followed suit. 

She caught the most important bit, though: That Hagrid was looking for Harry. 

Why? She hadn’t the slightest clue. 

[digidrakncreature]

Absolute shortest comprehensive summary of my altbeing stuff:

"digimorph" kardiatype

identity as a semi-digital shapeshifting goblin/gremlin/creature thing (default "in a vacuum" me) nicknamed it "drakncreature" for now.

draknkind (HTTYD-ish draconic creatures)¹

deltarune-esc monsterkind (via hearthome-turned-wishkin²)

canine-hearted (all canines and canine-shaped creatures) (might be partially archetropal idk)

questioning sitcom character archetrope³

Scavenger identity piece that's important but uncategorized (vaguetype?)⁴

This is partially theory about Before This Life and partially recounting stuff I know happened This Life.

— started as "digimorph", a fluid shape-shifting entity in a digital/videogamey LitRPG universe.

— instead of dying properly was flung outside the universes. enough awareness to decide on goal of: design a body that I could be comfortable in and consider "me" and find a place I could settle down and call home.

— Short reincarnation as drakn. No memories of that life, but strong imprint of species.

— Incarnated Here, possibly because this Earth has a LOT of fiction to scour through for ideas. Took like 25 years to figure out draknfeelings. Recently (within the last few years) realized Deltarune is almost perfect for a home (without all the Dark Worlds stuff and possibly other differences that we don't know about yet.) Adapted my bodydesign to that world, made myself Deltarune-esc Monsterkind half on purpose.

[footnotes in readmore]

¹ Either alternate canon to HTTYD/DreamWorks Dragons or unrelated but very similar. I don't really relate to dragons-as-a-concept/ dragons in general. (Usually don't mind being included with dragons or being called a dragon though.)

² Half-cheeky reclaiming of "wishkin". I call this kintype my "wishtype" for various reasons.

³ Nonliteral thing where I blame "the writers" for various odd occurrences and coincidences and shit that happens to me. Apparently it fits under archetropy.

⁴ "Scavenger" is the best word I have for it. Basically I feel fulfilled by finding things, saving them, holding on to them until I find a use or someone needs it. This includes physical objects, ideas, anything really. I particularly feel very happy when I find something useful and take it from something bad. It's also a big part of my intentional patchwork identity, the making of Me on purpose.

Other notes:

My definition of a kin(d)type is: I identify as a member of this group.

Quoiluntary monsterkindtype (it was literally half on purpose and half not). Felt drakn whole This life.

I'm not too fussed about labels, exactly, I just need words to think and talk about things. I tend to mash words together for my own use.

[dateamonster]

what’s your opinion on monstrous transformations (both fast and slow), and also more controversially what do you think about having monsters/nonhuman characters serve as minority allegory (as opposed to society’s hate for them being being an allegory)

ohhh hold on this is a rly good question i think abt a Lot actually.

ok getting the first bit out of the way, love a good monstrous transformation. fast, slow, its all good. i personally like gradual slow shifts the most but its a situational thing. transformation is one of those things that like just always has to be symbolic. even more than the degree to which Everything is symbolic ya know. so like context rly matters when it comes to how to invoke it most effectively.

MOVING ON

i think from the phrasing of the ask ur looking for something more along the lines of like. for example shapeshifters as representation of nonbinary people or aliens as representation of different cultures rather than like monsters vs humans as allegory for racism. but im also not sure you can meaningfully separate the two! the latter i think is more overused so it like registers more as an immediate red flag, but its like. if the aliens from avatar werent being violently invaded by humans it wouldnt make like their reskinned stereotypical indigeneity anymore tolerable i dont think.

which isnt to say i think every story that draws connections between fantastical fictional species and real world people are inherently bad. i dont really think theres any trope that i believe cant be handled well by anyone under any circumstance. the super easy fix to bad rep via monster or fantasy creature characters is basically just have actual humans who also represent those same identities and communities and experiences so that the audience isnt drawn to connect the traits of any one group with your fictional species.

the harder fix is to like seriously analyze why you want this character to be a monster and what that says about them and what that says about you and your own experiences and biases and what you actually want to communicate with the inclusion of this character. and when applicable hire a sensitivity reader. its kinda crazy how many pieces of media seem to prefer half-assing the hard way over just doing the easy thing and not assigning the status of token minority to a literal monster.

of course once again all of this is ya know circumstantial. im speaking to like my own experiences and the things ive observed. and its weird too! bc im also speaking as someone who like is trans and nonbinary and thinks of myself and my gender expression as inherently intertwined with monstrosity. and as someone who is autistic and thinks of myself as a changeling. and as someone who is a fat person who represents themself with a pig themed sona. if i talk abt cringeass hollywood blockbusters engaging in High Fantasy Racism i feel like to be fair i kinda have to talk about independent own-voices creators who write stories and make art about their own identities in the lovely language of monstrosity. theres not rly a way to draw a hard line around the former without the risk of catching some of the latter.

so umm as usual i dont rly have a snappy all encompassing answer for how i feel abt this kind of characterization. im simply too much of a Nuance Enjoyer. i do i guess think this is something that generally turns out better when it is someone making art about their own experiences, but also unless i believe minority artists are a monolith, which i dont, i need to accept that artists will inevitably make stuff that is beautiful and resonant to some people and totally repugnant and offensive to others, and that both of those responses can be like totally justified and correct. thats art babey!

anyway slight digression but i think any case where a character feels more like an allegory than a fully fleshed u know Character is gonna flop for me no matter how relatable it is. tbqh, id rather more ppl try and fail to make beautiful grotesque frightening sensually moving monsters out of their lived experiences and their empathetic connections with others than succeed at creating bland toothless universally approachable Good Rep tm. if u know u know. if u feel me u feel me. that is all.

[meikuree]

3, 4, 5, 14, 34, 41, 42, 45? for the questions for fic writers meme 😘

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

already answered! but to this I'll add some other silly examples of micro-wordplay

like a fatal - fated - flaw

they have haunted-hunted-looks every time they visit the Taylors […]

4. What detail in a map of the broken world are you really proud of?

I like the lore I invented for how Callie from yellowjackets got her name:

Calliope: revered muse of poetry, and verse, and separately truth-telling, the one deity who had power over the shape of stories and fiction. Mom always had an appetite for Greek tragedies in her small inventory of literary references, next to Virginia Woolf and Thomas Pynchon, from the chthonic to The Bacchae, and Dad had let her choose Callie’s name at the hospital.

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now!

already answered!

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

off the top of my head, I don't usually seek out setting-change or mundane AUs myself, especially high school/college AUs (though gritty grad school AUs that spotlight structures of precarity in higher education are my jam 👍), or fic revolving around raising children, marriage (written as an uncomplicated phenomenon), and pregnancy -- the latter three form my trifecta of personal squicks around conventional romantic milestones -- so those! also not such a fan of (conventional) saccharine domestic fluff writing, despite my best efforts. but I'm also willing to read anything once!

the real answer i'm forgetting is that a lot of m/f tropes played straight would fall into this -- but I once read an m/f captivity trope subversion fic by a friend that would've ordinarily squicked me to hell and back and yet was well-written, and ENJOYED it, which is the one notable example I can remember!

34. What aspects of your writing are inspired by/taken from your real life?

THIS IS A QUESTION i'm curious about the answer for as well, if there is such a thing as ~a settled answer... I don't think of myself as the kind of person who tries to project anything onto characters or use them as conduits to work out psychological issues (not consciously, anyway, ignoring freudian slips of my subconscious that everyone can see through in 10s flat). though I heartily respect anyone who does it and think they should be proud of and own it. that makes sense to me; real life influences are often indirect and come through via your 'metaphorical constellation', as rebecca mcclanahan puts it in word painting: what metaphors haunt your writing?

to be a less coy, though, I think themes of grief/mourning, (the impossibility of) atonement, historical memory, and the costs of perfection (+ perfectionism, not as an individual problem -- I dislike most 'gifted child' discourse -- but related to wider environments and ecologies of society, class, biopolitical regimes, etc.) form the fretwork of interests that hang over my writing. very cheerful, I know!!

on a more literal level, in real life i have a casual interest in... makeup and fashion (osmosed from an ex-model sibling), geology, critical theory, ecology, and birds, so any time you see gratuitous details around that in fic, that's my self-indulgence talking.

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

oh, where do I begin. I feel this way about any fic from the MANY TALENTS I’ve had the good fortune of crossing paths with, whether as a reader or writer-I-admire-turned-friend. instead of linking fic i'm just going to throw their names out here. 100% non-exhaustive list: i read montparnasse’s fic at an impressionable age and her influence tracks a long subtle path over my writing — her ability to pack in metaphors that mix the beauty, cruelty, and raw pain that comes from a willingness to chafe yourself at the edges of human experience, risk and reward included, was formative for me. she's also refreshingly agnostic/indifferent to the usual constellation of "writing rules" that I see haunt new writers and which, in my grumpy opinion, sometimes hold back creativity

I’m an unabashed cordial (fka cordialcount) fan and I will forever rec her fic to anyone who shares fandoms/pairings with her. her prose has all the 3B’s: brutal, brilliant, and beautiful.

lionpyh

suitablyskippy

scioscribe

transversely

Senri

bloodmoney

rosedamask

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

i've been the lucky recipient of SO many great comments! I can't possibly pick, what a cruel heartless question!! on a serious note, I treasure everything I get, but I think the ones that stand out are the ones I get on undernoticed fic that otherwise would have 0 - 1 comments and 0.0001 kudos, like the fiercest calm. I got three separate comments praising how bleak and yet desperately emotional it was, which was exactly what I was aiming for.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

already answered!

(fic writer asks)

[chronicbeans]

Random Tales from the Iolite Hospital Info Dump (Aluminum and Dr. Cogsworth Edition)

because whenever I feel sucky I think about this story, mainly these two gremlins. Lol. This includes both info for in story stuff and kinda the creation of these characters, because I just found them interesting to talk about in general. Also this has turned out long as heck so I am writing most of this with my good, painless arm, in case anyone is concerned about me pushing myself. OwO

TW: Chronic Illness, Hospital Setting/Doctors, Mentions of Stalking, Depression/Anxiety, Trauma, Mentions of Possible PTSD, Age Regression Due to Trauma

Aluminum:

He's a little bean that's been with me a good long while before the story was conceived. He actually started out as a random character I would draw to cope with whatever came about in my life (mostly my chronic illness diagnosis, lol. Hence the fact we have the same illness). I usually drew him age regressing, in a sort of "I want to cope via this, but I have nothing to do so, so I shall cope through drawing this small man here doing those activities" sorta way. It actually tricked one of my friends into thinking he was like... 11 instead of 27 because I only drew him regressing. Once I realized I wanted to write a story with him to kinda bring awareness to what my experiences with chronic illness are like, I knew I had to work on his character outside of age regression more, so it has actually become a rather small part of his character at the moment.

In case some couldn't tell, he shares some of my own experiences with me, mostly the severity of his case of eosinophilic esophagitis and his experiences with it. I usually don't really like when authors put too many irl experiences into fictional works or main characters, not because I think they are like... being full of themselves or anything, since a lot of the times I have seen it done, it is to express their own feelings on a topic or because the book was entirely about their own life with a hint of fantasy in it. It just isn't my cup of tea to read, but I respect those who enjoy writing that way or consuming that content. However, due to my story dealing with a lot of sensitive topics like chronic illness and trauma, I kinda decided to have Aluminum share some of my experiences with chronic illness, due to me actually having experience with that specific illness so I can have the main focus being something I can more accurately write for than say... Epilepsy, which I don't have. A lot of his personality traits, though, are original. He is more prone to outbursts of extreme emotion, such as anger or sadness, as well as more open about everything he feels. He is also just more sociable in certain ways. While he won't approach people, the second you talk to him, he will be pretty open about the most random of things. He wanders around more often, be more prone to making assumptions, and can be a bit of a jerk at times, especially when he doesn't mean to be one.

Aluminum, due to being brought into the hospital at 16, never finished high school. He is pretty smart, though. He just doesn't have much info about your basic high school stuff. He has troubles when it comes to math, but when it comes to some random medical fact, he can tell you all about it. This is mostly due to the books in the recreation room mostly involving the conditions others on the C-Floor have, but even before getting put into Iolite Hospital, he researched medical facts so that he could properly take care of a wide variety of kids if he ever got his dream job at a daycare. He doesn't take much time to read about the conditions themselves, mostly hoping for another book on his own so he can keep updated on any news about it, but the most random of facts from them will stick in his mind. He can talk about how photosensitive epilepsy is actually only present in about 3% of epilepsy patients, despite being talked about more often than other types of triggers, like stress, scents, and others. However, if you ask him about say, an algebra problem, he will struggle, no matter how basic it might be.

He's got some pretty strong trauma due to how difficult swallowing pills is for him. Needles have just always been horrifying for him, being made worse due to having to be around one for at least once a week. Pills, however, scare him due to past experiences with them. Nobody would really expect their kid to have a physical condition that causes difficulty swallowing, and since Aluminum always thought the pain of swallowing was a normal thing, he would try to swallow pills. In fact, a lot of the time, his parents would encourage him to try to swallow pills, believing he just had pill anxiety that caused him to swallow it improperly, with a large part of the assumption being that he was diagnosed with anxiety. He always, ALWAYS choked on it or got it lodged in his throat. By now, whenever he so much as thinks of pills, he thinks of all his horrible memories of those events regarding pills, so he avoids them whenever possible. It's not like he can swallow them, anyways, but even crushed pills are frightening, despite him not having to swallow it whole. A few of his doctors and nurses think he might have some mild form of PTSD from those experiences, but since none of them are licensed in the mental health field, they can't be sure. Especially since, either way, he obsessively thinks about a lot of things, and has diagnosed anxiety from before being brought in. So they can't tell if they should treat it like he has PTSD, or anxiety being fed by traumatic events and obsessive thinking.

Aluminum loves mice and deer. Sure, a bit of a strangely specific choice in favorite animals, but he just likes them. He likes mice due to how small they are, as well as the fact that they have been useful in testing related to his illness. He doesn't agree with animal testing, but he can't really stop people from doing it, so he might as well show his appreciation for the species. He likes deer because he finds them pretty. They are also so free out in the wild and one of the most common animals for him to see from the hospital windows. He does get a bit sad when he sees some of the sick deer around the area, which has been getting more and more common, lately. As disturbing as he finds it to think this way, he hopes the very sick deer die, so they don't suffer long. In those moments, he gets lost in a spiral of thoughts, wondering if some people think of him that way.

He has undiagnosed ADHD, with a big part of it being undiagnosed being due to how he got put into the hospital at a relatively young age, and the fact that his anxiety is so bad his therapist couldn't tell if he had ADHD alongside his anxiety, or if his anxiety was so bad it caused ADHD symptoms. Now that he is in the Iolite Hospital, however, he will probably never find out that he has it.

His eosinophilic esophagitis has practically become his identity, but he will always deny it. He knows that it is most likely causing him to just increase his own agony by focusing on it so much and making it a big part of his identity, but he can't help it at this point. He is so focused on the pain and misery it has been causing him, what it stops him from doing, how little people know about it, and anything involving it, that he cannot really see anything else in life. He will, most likely, talk about it to someone he just met, even if he doesn't even know that person's name or anything about them. He says it is because that person needs to know about what foods he can and cannot eat, what it prevents him from doing, etc., but in reality, it is just because he doesn't know how to talk about anything else at this point. Well, the only other thing he knows how to talk about is complaining about everything that has gone wrong in his life, with the main topic still being his chronic illness, but that doesn't really count. It still involves his illness. Any other topic of conversation will get a very short reply from him, as he tries to focus on the conversation, but fails to come up with any reply in response. It would probably go something like "Hey, Aluminum! [INSERT CONVERSATION TOPIC OTHER THAN EOE HERE]. What's your opinion?" "Oh... That's cool... Did you know that my doctor messed up my prescription of dupilumab, again? They freaking rescheduled the next refill again!!! Everything is going wrong!!!"

He knows how he feels, but sucks at explaining it to others verbally. He is pretty good at writing about them, though, but just uses very verbose words compared to most of the other patients, like "malady", "ascertain", or even "phantasmagorical". Due to this, some get confused. Due to Derek having to write down his words, though, he has a pretty large vocabulary, and can tell what Aluminum is trying to say.

Dr. Cogsworth:

First thing first: this man is like... completely contradictory in some ways by design. He runs on strict systems, like how the healthcare system in my country works. For many outsiders, if feels like healthcare providers think "If A is found out, B should be done first. The C factor in the patient's health chart, be it a predisposition to condition D or a bad reaction to B, then we still go with it, taking great care while doing so, despite all the bad that might happen. The patient's emotions only matter if they are causing problems with treatment." Although that is not entirely the case, it can still happen, and is mostly how the Iolite Hospital works. So, that is how Dr. Cogsworth works, due to being designed for it. He looks at things with less of an emotional point of view, seeing things more logically and objectively, despite that logic being broken from time to time.

The contradictory part comes in from him genuinely seeing flaws in both his own design and the design of the hospital's system. No two patients are the same, so not everyone will respond to the same treatments well. So they should treat each patient differently. He doesn't understand his own emotions, though, so it is so hard to understand the emotions of others. From simply knowing why a patient feels bad to trying to read body language, he is absolutely clueless. The most he knows is "frown is bad, smile is good. Why tf are none of my patients smiling?" His attempts at comfort usually always fail, with the few that do succeed only succeeding due to the person desiring a response based on cold logic rather than emotional comfort. When trying to copy others who can give an emotional sort of comfort, it still fails, because his gestures, actions, and words not feeling as though they are done with sincerity. He may be doing the right things, but it is not out of an understanding for the person's emotional state, but simply because he has seen those actions work before.

On the topic of him seeing others doing things... he is like... stalking Aluminum and his friends. Mostly Aluminum, but he does stalk his friends to try to understand what Aluminum wants out of a companion in terms of comfort. It is not necessarily being done out of any obsession with Aluminum or his friends as people, either, though that is a part of the reason. It is almost entirely out of a desire to comfort patients better, to understand how they feel being stuck in the Iolite Hospital, to just... Understand patients, in general. Aluminum just so happens to be the most outspoken one, but never to Dr. Cogsworth. To Dr. Cogsworth, he mostly spits out pure frustration, with next to no intelligible information. To his friends, however, he gives a lot of emotional details, complete thoughts, and more information that Dr. Cogsworth sees as "reliable and useful for research". Even in this situation, however, he fails to defeat the system. So, he will follow Aluminum or his friends around the hospital whenever he has free time, even trying to wriggle his way into his presence during moments when someone else should be present (such as how administering medication should be done by a nurse, and not the GI doctor themself). By relying on Aluminum as the only basis for a patient, he fails to see that not every patient will have the same thoughts, opinions, personality and experiences as Aluminum. Something that Aluminum seeks out for comfort may only worsen another's distress.

He doesn't know why his emotions are blocked. As mentioned a few other times, he has emotions, but just cannot properly express or recognize them. The most he is able to do is talk about how the emotions make him feel physically, which doesn't do much. A racing heart (or in his case, music box) can mean a wide variety of things, like love, anxiety, embarrassment, fear, anger... So everyone is still confused. Unknown to him, a large amount of the time he simply feels apathetic, which could be contributing to his lack of emotional recognition skills, alongside the fact that outside of appointments, he barely gets any true social interaction. The day to day life of going through the same motions involved in appointments hasn't given him much emotional stimulation and what little he did get, he has become entirely numbed from feeling it so often.

[maletfwitch]

About Requests/Asks

Hi as many of you may know I do take requests however I wanna make a pinned post about submitting them and how I handle them

First off I take requests via the Ask Function I noticed a lot of people try to message me their requests but I only like taking requests through Asks if you wanna talk about your request a bit before submitting it that’s fine.

The Ask function can also be used to ask me questions and Send me Tf-related games/questions such as #phtf game and #tf would you rather

When it comes to the requests themselves try to be a bit creative with them instead of just asking me to write about (insert celebrity here), on the other hand however don’t get too oddly specific with details in your request that I don’t have much to write myself.

Example of the type of requests I’ll take: “Could you write a story about ______ and _____ switching bodies” or if you want more examples you can check out some of the ones I did in the past in #Request Also Make sure to proof read your Asks before you send them.

I’m willing to write about celebrities and fictional characters (if I know the source material well enough)

I’m not gonna do every request sent and I may turn yours down, most of the time I’ll just publicly say no but sometimes I will just delete some anon ones after a while of them being in my inbox, if you’re ever curious about the state of your request feel free to message me or ask me.

I don’t do requests often and they’re just kinda a side thing for me so, there usually is a long wait for them, and quality wise they may not always be worth it (I try my best)

Thank you for reading this and checking out my blog hope you have fun sending in your requests.

Sincerely MaleTfWitch

[chigusaeyes]

was tagged back by @altairring for the fandom character meme

you know how to choose them 😘

putting things under a cut~

I'll go in Reverse Order & start with Clavis ~!

I haven't paid any attention to the cesspool of self-righteous idiocacy that makes up the majority of Otoge Fandoms on Tunglr dot com, only my dear moots & the few gems I have found along the way, but I am slamming my hand down right now & declaring with confidence that the fandom at large is Probably Most Definitely wrong about him.

About what exactly? Idk I just came out swinging bc Have you met him? Yeah. I mean, I did choose 'no.' for a reason and that reason is that I clocked him as someone who is going to give me Problems & I won't be able to stop myself from loving him anyways.

Clavis, Clavis, Clavis...we have a salad spinner that we call "Nikos's Boyfriend" bc Nikos is very attached to it? He likes to try laying atop it. Idk, cats, yanno? But were I able, I would throw Clavis into Nikos's Boyfriend and spin him in there with all the love in the world.

He's a poster child for Local Clown Actually Broken Inside. P clear him & all his brothers are traumatized on some level, it comes with the...everything. Refined for each of them.

Anyways, he's the most refined mess out there and I love him. And his beauty marks. Plus his color is purple and BINCH ME TOO.

And onto Saizo.

Saizo's a fuckin' binch and I love him, I do, but oh my god do I want to SQUEAK him. Playing his route is half me going AHHHH & half me going GDI Saizo Why Can't I Quit You (This is Why I Can't Quit You ).

The Cold Asshole trope isn't my preferrence honestly, as I'm not usually into beating my head against a wall. Talk about a man loaded with trauma. But the glimpses behind The Wall that Saizo has up before he finally opens up a bit to the MC always keep me hanging on. And then the side stories etc that are post-opening up etc make me forget how much of an ass he's been. Which is the point, I think.

I say this with wry affection bc imo, Saizo is like...the fave that doesn't need to be mentioned as your fave unless you gun for Saizo and Saizo alone. Bc just abt everyone has a soft spot for him, in my experience. Not always, but it's a thing yanno?

Also him & Yukkins will never not be one of my fave combos of all time. I deeply enjoy Saizo's commentary on any+everyone else. ESPECIALLY Nobuyuki.

And speaking of Nobuyuki...

Nobuyuki is probably definitely one of my favorite Genuinely Dangerous romance/love interests of all times in a game. The Gentle Yandere is probably definitely the most sinister & dangerous of the yandere archetype.

( Not to be mistaken for the yangire, who is the "if I can't have you, I will kill you" ( vs the Classique yandere tactic of imprisonment and/or isolation ), who is arguably the most dangerous any of the Obsessive (yan-) archetypes, if only bc you're Way more likely to just fuckin' die. )

Boy I really know how to choose them huh.

( In fairness to myself - tho this Really Needn't Be Said - Nobuyuki is my favorite LI who I would Never actually want to be with irl. )

Anyways.

The psychological power of the gentle yan is so dangerous bc it gives the illusion of free will & choice, without realizing your stage has been effectively set up around you. It takes an enormous amount of interpersonal skill via manipulation & tactics, etc, to do as such too. Especially without revealing his hand. He doesn't need to lock the one he decides he wants to be with up, bc she willingly walks into the cage and locks herself in there of her own fkn volition. Brilliant, I love him So Much, he's terrible and wonderful all at the same time.

There's always going to be a power differential between Buyan and his wife & it's not for everyone's fictional preference, but it certainly is for mine. Or at least my MC-OC, gdi. Plus there are ways in which the MC proves herself to be a capable wife that Buyan respects & actively adores.

Honestly, it's those positive feelings that make him so dangerous, bc this is a man used to sacrificing aspects of himself & his own desires for the sake of his clan. And the fact that he meets someone he actually develops feelings for & gets to keep her? Oh boy. She ends up being a cage for him to put his heart into while she locks herself into a cage of his making.

Ahhh, Nobuyuki let me count the ways...between the Gentle Yan aspects, his tender smile, willingness to sacrifice his personal honor & morals for the greater good of the family ( and skill in never revealing this ), and weight upon his heart in trying to keep Yukimura safe in whatever few ways he can...seriously I love him so much.

Is Nobuyuki good? Well, he's a dutiful son & a doting maternal brother figure & a very wise leader who values his people and hearing their input. And he'll use people as he needs in order to ensure the safety and longevity of his family and their land + the people under their rule. So like. Good by what definition? WHOSE definition?

If you asked Nobuyuki if he was "good", he'd probably laugh in that soft way of his and ask what makes someone Good, before likely saying that Yukkins is the pinnacle of Goodness by the Sanada standards or something. Just rip my heart out and stomp on it, huh?

All of this is to say that while thankfully many ppl have already spoken on Buyan & how wonderfully complex he is & helped spread recognition of that...I'm, as always, very confident that there are plenty of Wrong People out there - be it due to comprehensive or critical thinking issues.

I want to put him in a salad spinner until he finally lets some goddamn tears out. I've humored ( read: hurt ) myself thinking about Nobuyuki & his Wifey MC during Yukkins's funerary process etc and the sheer grief of it all for EVERYONE involved and I hate it SO MUCH. Hate hate hate HATE. But it's also an inevitably, so fuck it, have THAT be a part of a 2nd Season for Nobuyuki, Voltage, don't be cowards---

🥲

No seriously, Nobuyuki makes me think SO MUCH, too much really, and I just. Wanna eat my whole fist. When I think abt him. I haven't opened the app in literal ages ( on one hand, it's practical, on the other hand, I missed his bday stuff Again so fuck me right? ), but I still---I mean! *waves hands at my url* I still!!!

Also that sexy scene of his where he instructs MC to meet his eyes before he will Initiate Physical Consummation of their Relationship & then having her keep her eyes locked with his during, etc? Boy that still gets me a-flustered if only bc like. Just looking AT someone during sex can be difficult at times, but maintaining eye contact?

Actually did u kno that apparently, accordingly, staring your partner in the eyes while kissing them helps to build + strengthen intimacy? I'll fuckin' say. Buyan seems like the type who would enjoy that too, what a Gigacha--- 🤣

I could keep going but seriously I love Nobuyuki and people can pull him from my cold, dead hands.

[gascon-en-exil]

weird question i know, but in one of your ask you mentionned Hamlet and while i don't go as far as thinking you liked the play just because you talked about it, is there any classical/literary works you enjoyed or particularly liked ?

I read Hamlet in school (I believe it's standard for students to read some Shakespeare in Anglophone or Anglo-controlled regions?), but I wouldn't call it a personal favorite. There is an obvious joke to it, that the play often labeled the greatest is the English language is in fact about Danes.

There's quite a few literary works I enjoy, and many of the fictional characters that have resonated with me the most come not from video games but from novels and plays. At university I specialized in 19th and early 20th century French and British literature, and that in combination with elements of Louisiana's own literary tradition forms the core of my interest in that area although not the entirety of it. As a child my favorite conte was always Perrault's "Cendrillon," and I like adaptations of that story that preserve its French character. De Laclos's Les Liaisons dangereuses was introduced to me via adaptation, and especially after reading the novel for myself I can say that it's produced one of my favorite villains.

More in my usual wheelhouse, of course I read all the big 19th century French novelists; Balzac may be my favorite in general - I love his whole comédie humaine concept of interconnected stories - although I did actually spend some time in the fandom for Les Misérables about a decade ago in my early days on Tumblr. For the Irish and British I gravitate more toward the modernists: Joyce and Yeats and Woolf (whose work inspired one of the few 21st century novels I've really liked, Michael Cunningham's The Hours) and Forster.

Over in Louisiana, Chopin is most known for The Awakening although I enjoy some of her short stories about the Louisianais as well. Faulkner is famously inscrutable, but as you can probably tell from my own writing I can respect the ability to string together very long sentences. His Absalom, Absalom! is a particular favorite as it prominently features New Orleans, and much of its plot hinges on the - as it's sometimes called - transnational character of the city. Of course I can't forget playwright Tennessee Williams, who (perhaps unknowingly?) eulogized French Louisiana in the mid-20th century with A Streetcar Named Desire, possibly the best-known literary work set in this city that doesn't involve vampires. I'm not terribly fond of Anne Rice's writing, but growing up with the knowledge that she'd mythologized my culture as hedonistic, bloodsucking undead was admittedly kind of fun in a way. Tourists who come here for their occult fascinations are absurdly easy to impress.

[diantha]

2, 3, 4, and 8 for the tea and books :>c

2: Who is your favourite fictional character and why?: I have a lot of favorite fictional characters! I just finished my yearly reread of The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway so I'm going to say Lady Brett Ashley as one of them. She's a woman that coped with losing someone very important to her via hypersexuality and who constantly found herself in the center of very toxic relationships as a result. Also, the fact that she was idealized and constantly reimagined in the minds of men (literally described at one point as "an image to dance around"). She's also sort of a romantic but in such a disillusioned way...it was something that I related a lot to when I first read the book and something I still do even as an adult.

3: What do you order at a café?: Typically something sweet (hot cocoa or a mocha) or a london fog to drink. For food, usually a chocolate muffin, a croissant, or a bagel. At my favorite cafe in undergrad, my order was always a mocha (hot/cold depending on the season) and a toasted sesame seed bagel with cream cheese.

4: Libraries, botanical gardens, or art galleries?: Depends on what mood I'm in. Art galleries if I'm with friends because I honestly just love talking about art and it's not something I enjoy by myself. Botantical gardens are obviously a spring/summer event. I like going to the library but I don't frequent my local one as much as I'd like.

8: What are your top three films? Books?: I think doing "Top Three" anything is always hard so I'll just name some I like. I really love Marie Antoinette and I think Mamma Mia! should be up there too. Maybe Elizabeth Taylor's Cleopatra as well. In terms of books, Chocolat by Joanne Harris, We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson, and Good Omens by Sir Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.