#I usually draw Osamu when I'm sad

[areioshq]

Kita 🌾

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Hello!! This is my first time requesting something so I'm sorry if I did it wrong or something, so I was wondering if you could do one with preferably Dazai where the reader is suicidal and mostly copes with humor. Oh and could the reader also be a teen like 13 years old?

Circus Hop

Self-Aware! Platonic! Dazai Osamu x GN! Teen! Suicidal! Reader

Description: You were two years younger then him, when he tried to end his life for the first time. You resemble him in more, then one way.

Warning: Mentions of Suicide, Suicide attempt. Parental Neglect. Emotional abuse. Terrible parents. Self-harm. Breakdown. English is my second language

Inspired by the song Circus Hop by YonKaGor.

List of Suicide hotline numbers can be found here and here.

____

Your father brought you to this small building. Someone from school insisted on that.

The room she asked you to stay was quiet. Her voice and your father's voices were muffled, because of the door.

Few minutes ago you were talking to the woman. She asked you about your life, your plans for the future, your friends.

Your answers were simple.

Nothing interesting. Don't have any plans for future. Don't want to meet my friends... Just don't want to.

Then she asked you about pictures you have drawn. And asking about your parents about death. And when the thoughts appeared.

Another set of answers.

I feel like drawing it. I feel like talking about it. After Granny's death.

You... think, that you feel like it. You still can feel, right?

Then she asked you to do some tests. First, you must answer, if some sentences can describe you¹, than you must finish some sentences², then group other sentences together ³.

After you finished, she asked you to wait here, while she talks to your father.

You were left alone.

You looked around.

There were nothing interesting for you. Yet, you continue sitting on the sofa and dangling your feet.

You didn't flinch, when your father opened the door, shouting at the woman, who was talking to him.

"Don't you have anything, that will fix them? They are creeping out everyone!"

Woman's voice was firm.

"I already told you, that your child need professional help. You should..."

Your father's gaze became colder.

"I will take them home. They aren't suicidal. They just a little brat who want some attention and who are angry at their mother and I for working too much and not playing in their stupid games. Come, [Y/N], we are leaving!"

He took your hand in his and start to drag you behind him. You simply follow after him.

Before completely leaving the small building, your father stopped.

"Where's your jacket?"

You point at the door, that leads to woman's office.

"There. I forgot it there "

Your father grumble something and, after slapping you on the back of the neck, he walked towards the door and enter the office again.

"Idiotic brat."

Nothing new. As usual.

Then you heard, how the secretary and one of the janitors were talking.

"Another one of these parents. At first, they refuse to treat their children, because they don't have time for that..." Janitor said, glaring at the office door.

"And then, they must find time to bury their kid..." The secretary's gaze was full of sympathy, when she looked at you.

Your father returns with your jacket. You put if on and follow your father again.

He was mumbling under his breath.

"The nerve of this woman... [Y/N]! Just stop being sad. Be happy!"

You mindlessly nodded. You didn't pay much attention to your father's words. One thought were circling in your head.

"Is it important... to attend someone's funeral?"

_______

It was important. At least, The Internet said so.

Your parents... Work hard. If you die, they won't be able to go to your funeral.

You shouldn't die. At lest, for now.

But... You were so tired. You were so afraid. Future was scary. Life was scary.

and you were a failure

You remembered, your father's advice.

"Just stop being sad. Be happy."

Maybe... you could...

________

For a year, you followed your father's advice.

For one year, you manage to keep up a happy façade.

You became interested in life again.

probably... you do become interested in your hobbies again... at least...you don't even scratch your legs or pull out your hair that much.

Dad's advice works.

kind of... your jokes freaked people out... but the school therapist insisted on helping you in secret from your parents.

when dad found out, he enrolled you in a different school.

he yelled at you for being a brat

mom yelled at you for being a difficult child

You must stay happy. Just be happy.

Pretend to be happy.

you just want to be truly happy again

________

You liked BSD even before these thoughts appeared in your head. Your Granny bought you BSD Manga as a birthday present. It is special to you.

Dazai was one of your favorite character before. Now, he truly became your most favorite. You two are similar. He laughs and jokes. You laugh and joke.

both of you need help

You shake your head, chasing away the thoughts.

You open BSD Mayoi app, humming that song again.

________

Dazai felt nervous.

Two weeks ago, he and the rest of BSD Cast finally got into your world. And, he didn't like what he saw.

First, your parents left the country for a business trip. Leaving you under the care of a complete stranger. Who checked on you two times a day. For the rest of the day, they were doing their own business. And don't pick up the phone.

Your parents left a thirteen-year-old you on your own!

Thankfully, with a few bucks from Fitzgerald and a death glare from Fukuzawa, your 'babysitter' left. You were under BSD Cast care now.

Second, your jokes are concerning. Dazai isn't a hypocrite, he admits, that he jokes about ending his own life! When he and others heard your jokes, back in their world, Dazai was sure that it was his bad influence. But, it turns out, the truth was much darker.

Dazai stopped joking about suicide. He didn't want to worsen your condition even more.

Third, the scratches on your legs.

You scraped your knee a few days ago, and Yosano bandaged it. And she saw this strange marks on your legs. Scratches. Deep. Dazai had a feeling, that you were the one, who made them.

Dazai was worried about you. He wanted to help you.

_______

With each day, it became harder and harder for you to pretend to be happy.

BSD Cast makes sure of that.

They weren't rude. They didn't yell. They... were there.

Asking if you need help. Telling you, that you are allowed to cry. That they will always be there for you.

You wanted to tell them everything. To tell the truth.

But, the call from your father happened.

_____

"Why your voice shaking, [Y/N]? Are you being a brat again?"

"I...I..."

"You're a little ungrateful... You want to make our lives hard?! Did you like it?! You know what, fine! If you didn't want to be there so badly, then d[|||||||||||||||]! See, if your mother and I will cry."

The call ended.

And you were broken.

______

It was dinner time. And you were uncharacteristically silent. No laughter. No jokes. No questions. No talking about your day. Nothing.

Then in the middle of the dinner, you start humming the song. Song, that they heard you humming all the time.

But your eyes were empty.

Dazai carefully touch your shoulder.

"[Y/N], kiddo? Are you alright?"

You slowly nodded. An empty grin appears on your face.

"I am! I am fine... I am happy! I...I can even sing a song!"

BSD Cast looked at each other. Dazai carefully spoke.

"A song?"

You nodded, taking your phone. You quickly found an instrumental.

"Yes! Want to hear it?"

You didn't wait for his, or anyone's response, you pressed play button. The song started playing from the middle.

A cheerful melody start playing.

Soon you sang.

"I shall now accept the fact that I'm a failure (You're a failure). 'Cause I'm still afraid the future might be scarier (It is scarier). I'll slip while having fun and cut off my own tongue. They'll think I was dumb!"

The grin on your face and empty gaze was frightening. Everyone slowly stand up from the table. Fukuzawa took a step towards you.

"[Y/N], if something is wrong, please..."

You ignored him.

"Up from the sky, I won't want you to cry. So here's an act for everyone to sneer at"

Suddenly, you stand up and star jumping up and down.

"So sing along, it's such a silly song. The cackling carousel, it spins and never stops. The acrobat who's waiting at the top. Should do a circus hop!"

You let out a hysterical laughter.

Mom and dad won't cry. No one would care. You can't be happy. You didn't feel anything. No one would care.

"I've said goodbye, I don't want you to cry. So have a laugh with everyone but me"

You were now standing in the middle of the room. You didn't pay attention to BSD Cast. To their pleas to talk to them.

The only thing that matters to you was the open window.

Quick.

You made a dash towards the window. For some reason, you still sang.

You forced yourself to sing. Like this song gave you strength.

"So sing along, it's such a silly song. The cackling carousel, it spins and never stops. The acrobat who fell off from the top. They did a little drop!"

Right before you grab the window's handle, something heavy crushed against you.

You fall down on the floor.

Dazai was pinning you to the floor, making sure, that you can't move.

Something wet fall on your face. You looked up.

Dazai was crying. With shaking hands, he hugged you.

BSD Cast surrounded you. You were in a group hug.

"[Y/N]! Never, never do it again! Kiddo..."

"[Y/N]! Are you hurt? Do you need medical help?"

"First thing tomorrow we are going to the therapist... No! I will find the therapist right now! There must be someone working right now!"

Tears. They were worried about you. They were crying for you.

For the first time since Granny's death, you cried.

"I... I am so scared! After Granny died, I was so alone! Mom and Dad weren't home! They didn't answer my questions about Granny! One day... I just stopped to care about the future. I was afraid of future! Live became so hard! I didn't feel anything... I just want it to end! I want to..."

You didn't finish your sentence and sobbed, hiding your face in Dazai's chest.

Dazai's words were warm. His voice was still shaky.

"You are not alone, [Y/N]... We will be there. I will be there."

_____

For the next few days, you were constantly under supervision. BSD Cast make sure, that you don't have any access to sharp things, medicine, windows.

You start attending therapy. What surprised you the most, that Dazai were attending it with you.

"I will be a bad big brother, if I don't act as an example."

Your parents were fired. Fitzgerald pressed charges about neglect and abuse.

You don't know how, but Fitzgerald adopted you almost instantly.

You had a long way ahead of you.

But you know, you will be better.

Because, one time, you finally thought about your future. And you were waiting for this future to come.

____

¹ Modifications of "Eysenck's Personality Test" for Teens is used to diagnose suicidal behavior.

²Modification of "Sacks Sentence Completion Test, SSCT" is used to diagnose suicidal behavior of teens and children.

³ One of the test, that is used by psychologists in Russia.

[maizumis]

hii idk if this is ok, but to the daughter request, the one where she doesn’t want to share him! could u do one where you feel a little distant from them and they make it up to you and make their daughter apologise?

— HAIKYUU BOYS AND DAUGHTER MAKING UP TO YOU

ft! timeskip!atsumu miya, osamu miya, iwaizumi hajime, kuroo tetsuro, suna rintaro

note: female reader ‼️luuuuv 🥺 I got some nonnies telling me they would feel sad so this is the comfort! thanks for requesting<3

❦ ATSUMU his not stupid, he noticed the decrease on your usual mood, your smile was still there but it was not as bright as before and he had a good idea to take his princess up again “yer doing so good darlin’, mommy is gonna love this drawing of yers” the little girl was a giggling mess while coloring “mommy is gonna love your breakfast too daddy!” sometimes he thinks to himself how he got so lucky with two blessings in the world “okay, we gonna wake mom up, we gonna apologize then eat breakfast” with that, both of them were tiptoeing to the bedroom, your daughter climbing to the bed and shaking the sleep out of your body “mommy, wakie wakie” opening your eyes, your pride and joy was on top of you, peppering kisses all over your face “ ‘m sorry! I love you mommy! so much!” this o what you needed, a good day with your family; with tears already slipping your eyes you took her in your arms, signaling tsumu to come with the both of you “love you too darling, love the both of you so much”

❦ OSAMU was on the middle of the kitchen with a bossy daughter in front of him “the cake has to be perfect dad! I need to tell mommy I'm sorry!” the younger twin was proud that his girl took responsibility of her own actions so he was more than glad to help her make a surprise “so ya want me to bake a cake and write ‘im sorry’ with a sad face on it?” the little girl nodded at his question “yes! I would do it myself but I don't know how to write... or cook” he took her on his big arms and for right into it “lucky ya have a dad that can do both”; afternoon came and with that you were home after work, your girl running to the door to lead your way to the kitchen, not even a hello since she was desesperate “im sorry mom! me and daddy made this for you! we love you!” you took a look of the cake and then to your husband, picking up your daughter before greeting osamu with a kiss “is okay darling, mommy is happy now”

❦ IWAIZUMI went for the classic way, he gave his daughter at talk about how much you love her and that she shouldn't be like that and she quickly took the lesson to heart, going to her room to make the prettiest letter to apologize “is it okay like this, daddy?” hajime took the piece of paper and examinate it, the poor letter of ‘im sorry’ and a little draw of you and her holding hands “its perfect, let's go baby” he extended his hands so she could grab it and leaded the way to your office; knocking the door softly, he went in after hearing your permission “little missy has something to say” she went running and situated herself on your lap, wrapping her tiny arms around your neck “im sorry Mommy, take this! I love you!”

❦ KUROO planned a movie date with your daughter for your after the noticed you were feeling a little down, so while you were out doing the groceries, they made a blanket fort in your shared bedroom, Netflix ready on the TV with your favorite movie on and when they he the sound of the front door opening, they were looking for a place in the bedroom to hide and surprise you “im home– what's this?” the little girl was the first one to get out, running with her arms opens for you to pick her up, kuroo following behind, wrapping his arms around you and pecking the back of your ear “me and daddy made this for you! we are so sorry and we love you, mom!” this type of things were the ones that made you think that your family is clearly not like other but you could be grateful for that, having both a husband and a daughter to come home everyday was a feeling you would change for nothing “mommy is so happy right now baby, so happy with both of you”

❦ SUNA really didn't knew what to do with a current mood, he sucks at apologies so how can he make his daughter do it? instead he booked a spa-day for you and your kid to have a little bonding time, alone. he asked the little girl if she could do any type of handmade “voucher” for that day and she got straight into work, taking out the prettiest colors and glitters she had in her collection “i finished daddy! mom is gonna love it, I'm excited!” she handed rintaro the decorated paper “okay, mom is in the living room, give her this and say sorry to her” both of them went to the couch to finally give you the surprise, rim sitting beside you and placing his head on your shoulders while you daughter came to your lap “mommy! ‘m sorry! daddy did this for us, I hope you like it” like it would be short words to describe how were you feeling, tears already rolling down your cheek when your husband looked up to you “oh gosh– this is lovely baby, thank you, thanks to the both of you”

[starryparkrr]

Hi! Can I have strawberry milk, please? 🍓✨

[preferred gender is male]

I'm Aquarius & INTP.

I can look distant and cold to strangers, but actually I'm really chaotic with my few friends. I love occasionally go for some adventure, but usually I prefer to stay home and chill while watching anime or gaming.

My friends call me intelligent and witty. Also I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions, especially if I feel myself sad or melancholic.

I love mysterious and psychological movies, books and games. And beside anime and gaming my hobbies are science and drawing.

𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘱 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵 ! 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 ! 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘶 𝘪 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩...

With Osamu this dude actually liked that you were all calm and distant when he first met you. It was reassuring to know he wasn't going to be adding another crackhead to his list of friends. Boy was he wrong though.

Once you fully opened up to him and his friends and became your usual chaotic self he was kinda shocked ngl. But for some reason he wasn't completely annoyed. He found it enduring. He looked at it as another part of you that he could love and cherish 🥺. He already had practice with handling Atsumu so it's like second nature at this point. Definitely expect teasing from him.

He's more layed back than you are so whatever you're in the mood for he is too. Whether it be going on an adventure at like 3am or just staying inside and pulling an all nighter he's right there with you. Osamu is a very competitive person even if he hides it well, so when you guys decide to play video games together??? Oh boy, when he loses he gets all pouty and tries to play it off as he "wasn't even trying" 🙄 ya ok.

You guys like to bicker a little bit back and forth. Usually he gets annoyed by things like that he thought, but he came to realize it's only when he does it with his brother. With you however he loves it :)

When it comes to hiding emotions you guys are both pros at it truly, but for some reason you guys can read eachother like a book. You'll both have a straight face on, but automatically know what the other is feeling from the small things they do. Like if you're sad Osamu won't point it out but he'll make sure to keep everyone that gets on your nerves away from you and be extra loving if needed.

Your preferred date nights consist of staying indoors and just putting on a unsolved mystery movie bcs he knows they're your favorite. You'll lay in eachothers arms and unlike other couples that get takeout you actually let Osamu cook for you. Lots of praise and he gets so happy when you hum in delight. You actually support him 100% when he decides to quit volleyball and start focusing on his cooking career and in exchange he's ready to support you in whatever career path you choose.

𝘪 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 :) 𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 :( 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 ! 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘮𝘬 !

[osamusriceballs]

Hello, can I request an Osamu scenario where s/o has trouble sleeping, working, drawing – doing anything really, because of anxiety+depression? Sorry it's a sad request, just I'm usually high functioning but now I can't focus or cope. I'm really sad I'm even scared to grab a pen to draw.

BBY! I'm so sorry that it took me so long- I hope you’re okay!! And if you ever need to talk: you know how to slide into my DM’s.

And I'm not that good at writing about depression and anxiety, basically cause I've never experienced them, so I'll do my very best, and hope it's kinda okay!!

LOVE YOU!

________________

Osamu x Reader

Warnings: Anxiety

Words: 750

________________

You were so tired.

You didn't sleep last night, and the three hours in the night before were not enough to keep you awake and functioning. You had no idea how you made it to work, but the second you arrived, you already regretted getting out of your bed.

“Y/n-san. You need to look over this again, there are some grave mistakes in the calculations.”

“I'm sorry.” you mumble, your heart beating way too fast- due to the sudden spotlight, and your sleep deprivation.

“I'll look over it again.”

“No. You'll go home. Get some rest, you can finish it tomorrow.” It seems like he finally noticed the bags under your eyes, and a concerned frown was on his face.

You weakly nod, too tired to fight back. All the attention got your cheeks burning red, and a part of you wanted to sink into the ground, while another part wanted to run away.

“Thank you.” the words were barely audible, when you quickly put your phone in your bag and grabbed your raincoat.

You barely realized your coworkers faces when you rushed out- your body using the last ounce of strength you had, to get in the elevator. Tears of embarrassment were pricking in your eyes when you finally reached it.

The way home was a hazy memory of getting into a train, and forcing your body to walk with the utmost willpower you had. But as soon as you were laying in bed, you knew that you couldn't fall asleep- not with all that thoughts in your head, and all the sudden sadness overwhelming you. It had been like that a lot lately. All those piled up feelings, the anxiety- making it almost impossible for you to sleep.

Maybe you could distract yourself by doing what you loved- what you used to love. But as soon as your fingers grabbed the pencil, you knew this wouldn't work. You couldn't get yourself to draw. You couldn't get yourself to even smile- it was all too much. The anxiety- the embarrassment, the stress. Even the things you loved didn't bring you joy. You felt like there was a void inside you.

A sigh left your lips- a helpless and frustrated sigh, when you rest your head on your arms. The tears were slowly running down your cheeks- not many, you didn't have many left after you cried so much the last few days, unable to deal with everything. But those last few tears leave your watery eyes, dripping down to the fabric of your shirt.

You don't know how long you've been laying there, quietly sobbing in your armpit, until two hands touched your shoulders.

“Y/n.” His soft voice on your ear. The voice you missed so much the last days. He was here. But you didn't want him to see you like this, so your only pressed your face closer to your body.

A moment of silence. He hesitated- not knowing how much you'd be comfortable with, just what would be the best for you.

But then his hands were quick to pull the chair back, to lift you up under your knees, and to carry you to the bed.

“Samu- please. I don't want you to see me like this.” your words were muffles when you whined into his shirt. He simply ignored you, and gently placed you on the bed, his arms still around you.

“Y/n. 'm sorry I wasn't here for ya the last few days.”

“I'm sorry for being so weak.” His grip around you tightened at your words- his large palms pressed against your back, and you felt him tense up- but at the same time, you felt the comfort of his touch, the comfort of his warmth.

“Y/n, yer not weak. Yer strong and amazing, and ya did so well. But ya need to rest too. Try to sleep. I'm here for ya.”

He was holding you- just holding you, but with utmost adoration, with all of his love- every emotion in the tenderness of his hug. Your body started to feel at ease, and even your mind could slowly relax, knowing he was here for you, that he would go through all of this together with you. 

And in his arms you finally found peace, you finally felt the sweet embrace of sleep.

He might not know what was going on inside you- but he could hold you until you felt better.