#I tried by best to slash out character and ship names I list in my disliked sections since I don't want people to see them through search

[feminetomboy]

C! SFW BEEDUO SLASH FIC MASTERPOST

Have you ever wished to read some /r beeduo, but fear what the Ranboo/Tubbo tag on ao3 holds? Have you ever wished you could somehow magically filter the tag, so you'd see only the character works, with no explicit content in sight? Well, lucky reader, I might just have what you were searching for all along.

I went through the entire goddamn tag, and I manually filtered out all the sfw c! fics so you don't have to. And then I compiled everything into a spreadsheet. That's right, I am just that incredibly cool and sexy and amazing.

Things I tagged each fic with: word count, completion, angst/fluff, au/dsmp canon, "Do they kiss?"*, pet names** and additional notes if I felt anything else was worth mentioning (and there are also stars for fics that we especially liked)

*Only if Ranboo and Tubbo kissed explicitly on the lips, didn't count forehead/cheek/hand kisses or anything else of the sort

**Didn't count Boo, 'Bo and Beloved, since those are extremely common in the canon.

This took me and my discord pals many many hours, so I would be extremely grateful if you shared this as much as you could!! ♥

For what is and isn't on the list, as well as a disclaimer, keep reading.

What may be included on the list:

works by authors that also occasionally write RPF (I try to let you know of this in additional notes so you can avoid them if you wish! Check disclaimer for more info about this particular topic tho.)

violence, gore, there's also some cannibalism I think. I didn't tag any CW, but there are reminders to check the warning whenever I felt the fic warranted that.

What isn't on the list:

fics centered around sexual content and or involving explicit sexual content (past or present) (there is one about pregnancy, I noted so in the additional tags) (I also cut instances where the characters were making out...heavily.)

fics about CCs or works that were too ambiguous to be able to make a clear distinction between c! or cc!

works from authors that otherwise extremely frequently write RPF nsfw

unfinished works that were +- below 3K and seemed abandoned or just not properly built out yet (though I did this step very subjectively)

as I went on, I also started cutting out fics that didn't seem to have beeduo as their main focus, or if there were so many relationship tags I felt like you could find them from there as well (<- read as: I got frustrated and left out a lot of SBI centric fics)

shipping fics that included relationships not canon to the DSMP (for example, I cut out TNTduo but kept Puffychu. There's also some light background DNF in some of them I'm pretty sure, though I literally do not think there exists a fic involving both Dream and George without it being DNF, so hey, that's my reasoning. But if you want me to cut those ones out as well, let me know).

Disclaimer: I hadn't actually read all of the fics. Unfortunately, I am not the deity of free time. I've tried to skim almost every single one to find out whether or not it truly is sfw and about c! (but only if it wasn't made abundantly clear by the tags or author's notes, or if I got general weird vibes), and tried to add any warnings and additional notes I could come up with when there were some.

I also hadn't checked each author and whether or not they had written RPF in the past - again, I simply don't have the means for that (and also because most of them are anon or orphaned anyway), though I DID check some, and anything iffy I found about the author I included into additional notes.

I tried to sort everything to the best of my abilities, but I am only human - which is to say, if you DO find some fic that you thing doesn't belong there PLEASE dm me and I'll look into it! We are a community, helping each other is the key 🧡

If you are the author of any of the fics on the list and for some reason want them taken out, dm me and I'll delete them!

If you've got your own fic on the slash tag and wish to have it on the list (if it wasn't there already), dm me and I'll look into adding it!

As for the final note, I'd like to thank everyone who supported me the entire week this took, the Hellen Hellenite discord that had to listen to me bitch about fics, and most importantly, once again thank you @likecarillonbells @uyun @deminjackets for helping me tag the fics and for the philosophic discussions over whether or not certain works are c or cc ♥♥

[healing-hanyou]

Ace Attorney, Danganronpa, Love Live for the ask meme

STRAP YOURSELVES IN, KIDDOS. THIS IS A FUCKING ESSAY RIGHT HERE.

Ace Attorney:

Favorite Male Character: Miles Edgeworth. Shi-Long Lang is great as well. I also have a soft spot for Klavier, Sebastian and Apollo. And, naturally, my space son, Clay Terran.

Favorite Female Character: Kay Faraday!! Props also go to Mia Fey and Trucy Wright, as well as Athena and Jinxie.

Favorite Het Ship: Farabeste (Sebastian/Kay). Cykesquill as well, but I’m very specific about how and when I like it...like, ridiculously specific. Diego/Mia is good as well. For something more ridiculous that I think would be fun, Clay and Athena could have had a great dynamic. Maybe even Clay and Jinxie, if we go out and be totally wild.

Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Klapollo, Langworth, Nahyuta/Simon. Vera/Trucy, lady Cykesquill, Robin/Myriam and Athena/Juniper for the ladies. 

Least Favorite Male Character: how to I condense the list of the bastards? Kristoph is evil, but I cannot deny he had charm as a character - he’s terrifying, but fascinating, so I cannot name him as my least favourite. I think I’ll go with either von Karma or Blaze Debeste. They’re responsible for so much misery, and they don’t have any tragic reasons for being the way they are.

Least Favorite Female Character: Ma//ya Fe//y. I know the reasons people have for liking her, and I can forgive some flaws in writing, but she simply has too many of them. I know she is a courageous girl who ultimately wishes to do good, but the way she acts, especially in the first two games... just make me go ‘hmmmm’. Honestly, my favourite games in the series are those where I don’t get to see her. Young Pearl is also very low down on the list, and she was my least favourite for a long while, but her teenage years made me soften up to her, she’s pretty great in DD.

Least Favorite Het Ship: anything that encourages abuse, like Grant/Lana? Why would you do this? Also, I’m not fond of Athena/Apollo or Juniper/Apollo. Apollo is far too gay in my eyes to ever be together with a girl. Phoenix/Maya is another one I dislike.

Least Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): same rule as above applies. Aside from those, I... don’t have many slash ships I actively dislike, surprisingly? My main one would be Wri//ght//wor//th, since, in my opinion, it’s very overhyped, and I cannot turn around in this fandom without seeing it, but even that is mostly just...annoyance.

Dirty Little Secret: I haven’t forgotten about my dumbass theory. I’m just...really fucking slow.

Headcanon(s): this will need to be answered in its own separate asks. I have headcanons for everyone. For now, though - Jinxie Tenma is a Fey.

Unpopular Opinion(s): I like Gyakuten Kenji far more than the original games. In general, games with a protag that’s not Phoenix and newer games in the series I tend to like more. Not to imply that the original trilogy was bad or anything, but... Edgeworth is far more solid as a protagonist, not only because his side was relatively unexplored, but because his investigation methods were so much more sensible. Phoenix has this ‘wing it’ approach, which works fine, until you see past it. When you see past it, the tension build-up it tries to pull fails massively, and you just get annoyed by Phoenix never thinking ahead for anything, or being oblivious. With Edgeworth, when there are moments of tension, they appear because of something genuinely unexpected, or because Edgeworth made a miscalculation (which allows character growth). Even when Edgeworth has to pull dumb or crazy shit, it feels like it makes sense, because he thinks, even when he panics. Also, Phoenix is tied down by the worst accompanying duo of Maya and Pearl all the time, while Edgeworth acquires an absolutely amazing set of sidekicks (and he not only gets fun new ones, like Kay and Lang, but there’s so much detail in his interactions with Gumshoe, Franziska and Larry as well? It was great to see the Edgeworth/Larry dynamic of the friendship). Plus, I like the Logic Chess things, the soundtrack is my favourite (how exactly COULD you even attempt to top Shi-Long Lang’s theme???), at least if we’re not counting PLvsAA as a part of this universe, and I like the visuals of it much better. In short, everybody should play these fucking games right fucking now, and storm Capcom offices so they actually port GK2 for the Western market.

A lot of the same criteria apply for the newer games, too. While DD was a comeback for Phoenix, it was a game with mixed protagonists, and it was a new Phoenix as well. Apollo probably has my second favourite supporting character crew after Edgeworth, and, at the time, his Perceive mechanic was refreshing to see after being stuck to the same gimmick for 3 games. Same with Athena. She differs dractically from both Phoenix and Apollo, and brings a new mechanic and a new set of associated people. In other words? I’m happy this series is trying new things, and exploring extra protagonists where it can. It has improved a whole bunch as a result.

Danganronpa:

Favorite Male Character: Byakuya Togami, Kiyotaka Ishimaru. Nagisa Shingetsu. Gundham Tanaka, Hajime Hinata, Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko, Nagito Komaeda. Shuuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi, Rantarou Amami.

Favorite Female Character: Aoi Asahina, Celes, Touko Fukawa. Sonia Nevermind, Peko Pekoyama, Akane Owari, Ibuki Mioda. Angie Yonaga, Kirumi Toujou, Maki Harukawa, Tenko Chabashira. 

Favorite Het Ship: Togami/Asahina, Ishimaru/Asahina, Hinata/Ibuki, Tanaka/Pekoyama (I’m especially fond of this one, also titled Soft Animals Edge Duo). Sonia/Kuzuryuu is also great, though that is a platonic ship, as I headcanon Sonia as aro.

Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Naegi/Ishimaru, Naegi/Togami. KomaNaegi is quite pure, but a friend also got me into KomaSouda as a complimentary ship to TanaPeko. A crackship, but still a favourite is Izuru/Ryouta. And, of course, the ultimate fave - Saiouma. (A nice shoutout also goes to Oumota and Amamota). As for the ladies, Kirizono and Celesgiri, and all gay Asahina ships are good, SoniAkane & Pekobuki. In V3, Tenko is mega gay, so there’s a chance for every gay ship, however, my favourite one is Tenko/Maki. If we’re talking non-Tenko ships, Angie/Maki sounds fun.

Least Favorite Male Character: in DR1, surprisingly, none. Well, Hagakure can get on my nerves, but I like just alright all of them. In SDR2, Nidai, in my opinion, didn’t have that great of a development, so I guess him. Though I also have plenty of issues with Souda. In V3, Gon//ta Go//ku//ha//ra.

Least Favorite Female Character: All DR1 girls are good, and even if they aren’t, they’re at least interesting or entertaining. But if I have to pick, Junko, if we’re judging morality. In SDR2, Mi//kan Tsu//mi//ki and Hi//yo//ko Sai//onji,in terms of morality and/or being dicks. In terms of rather poor writing (despite having a good idea), Chi//a//ki Na//na//mi. In V3, H//i//m//i//k//o Y//u//m//e//n//o and K//a//e//d//e A//k//a//m//a//t//s//u. The final one is also my least favourite in the entirety of the series as a whole.

Least Favorite Het Ship: Jun//ko//ma//e//da. In general, any Junko ship is not very good for plenty of reasons. Na//e//gi//ri. In SDR2, Souda/Sonia (she’s clearly not comfortable with him), Nidai/Akane, Hi//na//na//mi.. Not sure if should be mentioned here, but romantic Kuzupeko? Mostly because I cannot picture it as a thing. I do, however, like them platonically, they do care about each other a whole bunch. In V3, Sa//i//ma//tsu (never make me look at it). 

Least Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Chi//hi//mon//do. Even if I do like Mondo okay, it’s not healthy. Ka//mu//ko//ma. Son//dam. Jun//ko//mi//kan? Mahiru/Peko for sure. Kiib//ou//ma, too.

And the one I guarantee I’ll receive anon hate over - Te//n//hi//mi.

Dirty Little Secret: this series somehow manages to combine the good with the ridiculous in such a way that I can accept.

Unpopular Opinion(s): I am the literal embodiment of unpopular opinions in this franchise. I think V3 is the best game of the series, and it had a brilliant twist (both the start one and the final one). I don’t really ship the most popular ships, the obvious exception being Saiouma (and, to an extent, SoniAkane? It’s a popular Akane ship, at least). I think Saihara is a far better protag choice than the other option that was presented, since the story and its structure was made to fit him. I’m the unpopular opinion and rarepair central in this fucking thing. (Please help me.)

Love Live!:

Favorite Male Character: yay for not having prominent males, which means I get to skip 2 more questions here.

Favorite Female Character: In Muse’s, my top 3 is Hanayo, Eli and Maki. In Aquors, my top 3 is You, Kanan and Dia (though Mari and Chika are also very lovable).

Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Makipana! It’s very very cute. I also quite like HonoEli. HonoMaki is also quite nice. In Aquors, YouKanan or DiaKanan. 

Least Favorite Female Character: Not unpopular by any means, but Ni//co Ya//za//wa. In terms of singing voice, Kotori. In Aquors, R//i//k//o S//a//k//u//r//a//u//c//h//i. 

Least Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Ni//co//ma//ki??? I will never understand why people like it. In Aquors, Chi//ka//ri//ko and You//ri//ko. 

Dirty Little Secret: I quite like A-RISE. Every song they’ve ever done is an absolute banger, as the youth says.

Unpopular Opinion(s): would you look at that. Another fandom where I’m the monarch of rarepairs.

[madjazzed]

Homestuck Rare Pair Fic Recs

yall, i read a LOT of fic, and ive been reading a lot of specifically homestuck fic for the past, oh, seven years or so. my tastes in fiction are wide-ranging and i am happily unafflicted by any impulse toward ship exclusivity, so when i heard about rarepair hell weekend over on dreamwidth, i knew exactly what to do. the fics listed here vary considerably in style, length, rating, quadrant (where applicable), and degree of canon compliance, but they have two things in common: they feature ships with fewer than 50 works on ao3, and i think they’re great.

Scarlet and Bible Black by paraTactician rose is possessed by a grimdark horror of the furthest ring. sollux knows a few things about psychic warfare. this fic is a classic for a reason, the reason being that it’s absolutely fucking brilliant. perfect voices and characterization. Rarepair: Rose/Sollux. Rating: Mature. 12k.

goodnight moon by attentionmerrymakers upd8 fic following this page. terezi takes brain ghost dirk on a tour of her memories, and keeps visiting him in the dream bubbles. sweet and sad and lovely. Rarepair: Terezi/Dirk. Rating: General. 2k.

Gumshoe Tango by Azzandra snapshots of a professional-rivalry-slash-developing-caliginous-relationship between a private investigator and a police detective-inspector. clever, funny, delightful. Rarepair: Jane/Terezi. Rating: Explicit. 4k.

Hold the Line by dashery one of my very favorite fics sneaks in on a technicality—davejade isnt at all rare, but this wonderful story is about dr. jade english and dave strider, alpha universe edition, and its 2 of just 7 works in the tag (this one, and a podfic recorded by the author). canon compliant, funny and sweet and heartbreaking in the best way. Rarepair: Grandma English/Alpha Dave. Rating: Teen. 12k.

Caffeine High by mtjester this fic can be briefly and misleadingly described as a coffee shop au… in space! a janiterrorist in the alternian imperial fleet befriends a human slave whos value to the empire—and survival—depends on his ability to make coffee for highbloods. high stakes shenanigans ensue. fantastic character voices, drama, action, romance. Rarepair: Dirk/Tavros. Rating: Teen. 59K.

Shadowbound AU by CurlicueCal & LaughingStones in a world where most people bind their souls to extraplanar shadow entities, gamzee and dirk both have unusually strong and strange shadows, with a curious resonance between them… (and they were roommates). marvelous urban fantasy au, wonderful worldbuilding, superb character voices. not sure if youre up for a whole series? read the fic where they meet (4k) and let it convince you to keep going. Rarepair: Dirk/Gamzee. Rating: Teen for the first five fics, Mature and Explicit later in the series. 155k.

scream my name by Psythe meenah’s kismesis interrupts the grand opening of her latest moneymaking venture. beautifully choreographed knock down drag out fight sex, excellent banter (especially if you apperchiate a good fish pun), and a hilarious closing pesterlog. Rarepair: Meenah/Roxy. Not rated. 8k.

Forces Between Us by Laurasauras humanstuck soulmate au. bro teaches self defense to juvenile delinquents as court ordered community service. vriska is in his class. they are both terrible. a very fun fic. Rarepair: Bro/Vriska. Rating: Teen. 5k.

She May Be A ‘Girlboss’, but I Ain’t Her Malewife by semusepsu jane turns the tables on a sleazy asshole who tries to manipulate her into sex work. bro underestimates her business savvy, people skills, and ruthlessness, and has to face the consequences of his actions when she takes control of his business, and his person, in short order. delightful. Rarepair: Jane/Bro. Rating: Explicit. 3k.

an incommodiously situated bro by Caracalliope hal has a wealth of relevant information at his metaphorical fingertips, but still doesnt know what to expect after overstepping his bounds with his ‘kinky, justice-obsessed girlfriend.’ a fun character study with a depth of feeling that might surprise you. Rarepair: Terezi/Hal. Rating: Mature. 1k.

[cf8wrk4u-us]

By accident, team Prime discovers that Miko makes Fanfiction about themselves in questionable situations... I am talking about crack ships, smooth, and AU's!

How does the bots react to the fact that Miko ships OP/Megs?

It's a complete coincidence that Raf found the fanfiction Miko wrote online, one of his elder sister needed her laptop unfrozen and he happen upon a written page titled "My Life with Mechs" written by someone called C_Me_Rock!

Nothing to unusual until he spotted a certain phrase by a character named Gadget shouting "I NEEDED THAT"!

That had the 12 year old rubbing his eyes.

The top of the frozen screen only talked about several characters named Bulldozer, Cee-Cee, Gadget. Who were robots who lived in a abandon bunker in a coal mine.

He would have read more but as soon as the problem was fixed his sister was quick to snatch up her laptop, he tried to sneakily ask what she was reading. Only for her to turn red and run to her room.

Knowing he at least had a clue he looked and oh boy what he found.

Stories and stories about a girl named Mari and her life helping a bunch of robot titans save the world from another race or robots with her two best friends Josh and Sam.

The stories that mirrored there adventures, but not only that but alternative versions of the same story. If Mari, Josh, and Raul were the robots, if they had super powers, if they were werewolves....

A lot of interesting stories, written really well which was pretty unexpected from the Miko they knew. And pretty popular if the number of comments and subscribers she has.

But then he found...other writing...writing that had him cringing so hard.

He couldn't under it, couldn't unread it.

And he needed to tell someone.

Unfortunately the person he told was Jack and when the older teen blew up he did it big time. Didn't help that he did it at the base.

" Josh"?! Yelled Jack storming up to Miko "Seriously, Josh"?!

Jack was mad at Miko for one bluntly writhing there secrets for the internet to see, which could potentially put the bots in danger.

Unapologetically Miko rolled her eyes and said it was just fanfiction and everyone does it.

"But these were real people, real things that happen" said Jack "Why would you write fake stuff about actual people"

Jack demands she erases everything right this second but of course Miko refuses.

The bots ask what's all the fighting about and Jack grabs Raf laptop.

"Look"!

The bots are quite shocked at first and Ratchet is especially scolding of Miko, but the girl was quick to explain that she changed enough or left enough out that no one could recognize. Optimus does warn her the dangers of exposing herself and potentially exposing them through her writing, he understands in a way being a former Archivist himself.

That would have been the end of it if-

"Um, Miko" asked Bulkhead "If I'm Bulldozer and Jackie is Curve-Wheel, why are our names put together"?

Miko blushed while Raf put his hands over his face, Jack figured it out and was the first to voice his thought

"Please tell me you didn't Miko"

After clicking on the link it was quick to find out what the slash and x between two different names meant.

"What the-! Miko! Wheeljack and I never kissed! We aren't even together"!

With fascinated horror the Autobots read the list of ship names.

Most of it was Boulder/Curve-Wheel but also Smokebomb/Yellow-Jacket, Cee-Cee/Boulder, and even Gadget/Orion.

"You didn't even try with that name, did you" Jack said dryly.

Ratchets optic was twitching when he read that line.

"What in the All-Spark possessed you to write this"

Smokescreen who was visibly cringing at the list noticed some more names.

"Whose Buckle-Down"? He asked

"Um" Miko mumbled.

"Buckle-Down/Bulldozer...Ah Miko No"! Yelled Bulkhead.

"I'm sorry"! Miko said

"You put me and that dirty Con together"!

" Not you! Bulldozer"! Insisted the girl "There fake! And you know...I thought it make a great story, two rivals who try take out one another actual having feeling for each other"

"The slagger tried to cave my helm in" growled the Wrecker

Arcee crossed her arms "You better not have written anyone else with those Cons"

"Not that I can see" whistled Smokscreen "But Con with Con"

Arcee snorted a laugh "Red-Out and Star-Skimmer"?

"They look good together" said Miko

"Buckle-Down and Red-Out"? Asked Bulkhead

"Oh you cannot tell me there's nothing there"!

Ratchet scrolled further before coming to a set of names that left him aghast.

"Megalo and ORION"!

The group gasped.

Bumblebee whirled confused.

"Hello Megalo-Megatron" growled Smokescreen before glaring at Miko " Okay you've written a lot a lot of weird stuff but this-this is just sacrilege"!

Miko threw her arms up "No, I'm sinking with that ship"! She yelled "That's the one that's actually factual"!

"How"?! Said Jack

"Um, friends turned enemies, thousand year war, fixation on one's said mortal enemy"? Said Miko "How is there not a deeper connection there"?

Smokescreen rolled his optics "Oh please, that's like saying Primus is conjuxed with Unicron" he looks to his leader "Right Optimus"?

But to his surprise his leader was looking visibly uncomfortable and staring away.

"Optimus..."?

Ratchet sighed miserably "How did she know"?

"Wait it's true"?! Jack squawked eyes nearly bugging out. The bots equally horrified

"It's canon"? Miko said her face spreading into a grin "Woah! It's canon"!

Bulkhead only shook his head "Sweet Solus Prime"

[somexofusxarexhuman-archive]

My side blog is @ourwrittenstories <--- Multi Muse! (probably why a random Stiles blog followed you)

Rules and Muse info for Mobile~~

Under the read more you will find rules as well as info on my particular Stiles, AU’s, and Tags to look up!

Rules

Rule one

Please be patient with me. I’m either stupid fast at replying or I take a few days. If it seems I’ve forgotten you, though, send me an IM

Rule Two

That being said I will reply when I feel like. I will always tell you if I need to drop a thread, if I take long it doesn’t mean I’ve dropped it. If you need to drop it because I’m taking too long, let me know. I promise not to be mad.

Rule Three

I will not RP with anyone under the age of 18, even if the thread has no smut. I’m sorry, but no. This is an adult oriented blog. Heavy themes, along with smut, will be regularly posted in rp formal and/or in images.

Rule Four

I will not RP with anime/cartoon/game FC’s (There are exceptions like RE8 chars). I will also not RP with any deceased FC’s

Rule Five

As awesome as it would be to be bilingual, I only speak and know English.  Anything you see me post that is not English was brought to you by Google Translate.

Rule Six

I do not have a verse page, but that doesn’t mean I’m not open to AU’s. I LOVE AU’s. I’m a multi-ship multi-post blog and am trash for any and all AU’s. Just ask!

Rule Seven

I can write a lot in my replies (And a lot of it can be unnecessary detail) but don't feel pressured to match my length! Just, please, try to give me something more than two sentences to work with. I don't typically enjoy writing short replies, but I understand muses can be fickle things.

Rule Eight

I don't enjoy pregnancy threads or writing children so I, typically, will steer clear of those types of threads. If our muses have been in a long relationship (and we have been writing partners for a while as well) I may make an exception, but don't come in expecting babies. My girls all have IUD's unless stated otherwise. That being said I am 100% down with the breeding kink.

Rule Nine

If a muse has (unknown) somewhere in their age it means they are old old. Like 100+, so age can be changed if you are uncomfortable with age gap.

Rule Ten

I have a handful of chronic issues that effect my sleep and my mood so I'm up all hours of the day. I live in EST time zone, but I'm often up at 4AM so.....it's a gamble lol!

Rule Eleven

I have SEVERE ANXIETY and struggle messaging new people. IF I FOLLOWED YOU I WANT TO RP WITH YOU! I'm probably just figuring out how to message you without puking lol. I would appreciate the help, if you want, or you can wait until I gather the enrve.

Rule Twelve

My grammar isn't the best in the galaxy, ok? I over use comma's and never really figured out the semi-colon. If something is horribly wrong or you can't understand what I've written, just ask please.

Rule Thirteen

I will tag major triggers (ie; Snakes, Spiders etc) but I won't tag smut or NSFW unless it really needs it.

Rule Fourteen

If I have ever posted a meme please feel free to send one in even if it was a year ago! With that in mind, I do prefer introduction threads with new muns/characters if I am not familiar with them.

Rule Fifteen

Don't like my starters

Rule Sixteen

Don't God-Mod blah blah and Follow TOS k I love you <3 <3

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Stiles

Age: 19

Height: 5'10"

Sexuality: Pansexual (? Testing)

Residence: Beacon Hills

Parents: Sherriff John Stilinski

Siblings: None

Abilities: Superior Sarcasm, awesome baseball bat skills

Occupation: Part Time Barrista when he’s not out kicking ass

Personality: Sarcastic, Hyper active, Loyal to a fault, Paranoid

Background: To keep it simple my Stiles is canon up until the last episode of the last season. He lives in beacon hills with his father, his best friends are all weird supernatural creatures, and he was once a murderous void. Now, while the pack is at play, Stiles has taken a job as a Barrista in some mom and pops cafe slash bookstore. The old woman who runs it can barely get down the stairs anymore so Stilinskerino is basically the one who runs the joint. Until the bills and taxes come rolling around, then the old lady practically runs down stairs to do whatever it is she does to keep the shop running. Stiles doesn’t come into work those days.

Kinks: Biting, D/s , Daddykink, spanking, just be rough with him okay? DIRTY TALK. TALK ALL THE DIRTY TO HIM. CALL HIM NAMES AND JUST UGH DIRTY TALK

Banned Kinks: Childplay, Scat, waterbording, Incest (Step is ok) MPreg

D/s Preference: Sub/Brat for men and Top/verse for Women

SafeWord: Red or Kanima.

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AU’s

Canon Verse: This verse is the typical one. Stiles caught up completely to the end of the most recent Season Finale.

Void Verse: In this verse Stiles gave into the wills of Void and is now a dark entity that enjoys the pleasure of torture, murder, and all around chaos.

Emissary/Spark Verse: Same as the canon verse but he’s more in tuned with his magic.

Grunge Verse: Set back in the early 90’s Stiles is a drummer for the band The Pack along with band mates Scott, Erica, and Derek.

Spidey Verse: Okay this one I’m still working on/playing with in my mind But basically Stiles gets an Internship at Oz Corp and is bitten by a Radio Active Spider. When he comes back to Beacon Hills he tries to hide it from the pack but also uses it to help them in secret.

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Tags

#somexfusarehuman;; - Tracked Tag

#Selfie;; - Photo’s

#Wishlist;; - Wanted plots 

#Wanted Opposite;; - Wanted FC or Characters to RP with

#Cassette;; - Song lists

#Aesthetic;; - Shit Stiles likes

More TBA

[forestwater87]

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole. 

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that). 

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84​ calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak. 

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y. 

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here. 

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit. 

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call! 

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do. 

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode. 

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic. 

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff! 

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise. 

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it. 

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation. 

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . . 

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere. 

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great. 

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual. 

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one. 

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy. 

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously. 

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season. 

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen. 

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful. 

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale). 

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family. 

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much. 

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised. 

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results. 

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny. 

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been. 

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[eidetictelekinetic]

Fic Interview Meme

Thanks for the tag, @rubickk7 !

How many works do you have on AO3? 

I have 115 fics.

What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

1,553,954

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On AO3:

The Magicians (TV) (28)

A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin (21)

Inception (2010) (20)

Suits (US TV) (17)

Game of Thrones (TV) (12)

Black Sails (7)

Supernatural (6)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (5)

A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms (5)

The Tudors (TV) (3)

The Hobbit - All Media Types (2)

X-Men (Movieverse) (2)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (2)

The Hobbit (Jackson Movies) (2)

Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies) (2)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (2)

American Gods - Neil Gaiman (1)

Conviction (TV 2006) (1)

16th Century CE RPF (1)

Star Wars Legends - All Media Types (1)

Star Wars - All Media Types (1)

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (1)

Whitechapel (TV) (1)

Chronicles of Narnia (Movies) (1)

Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett (1)

Here’s the list from my fanfiction.net days (some overlap here):

Song of the Lioness

Star Wars

Stargate: SG-1

Harry Potter

In The Forests of the Night

X-Men: The Movie

Circle of Magic

Doctor Who

House, M.D.

Wicked

Law and Order: SVU

Torchwood

Charmed

Primeval

NCIS

Tudors

Inception

Supernatural

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Lady of Rivers and Storms [ASOIAF]: When Lysa miscarries Petyr's child before anyone learns of her pregnancy, her father negotiates a different marriage for her instead. Married to the second Baratheon son, will the future be any easier for either of them?

In the Middle (Before I Knew I Had Begun) [Suits]: It's an accident, when Mike touches Lyla. But everything follows from there. (Or maybe everything follows from the moment Rhi saw the golden tiger and all she could think was how beautiful she was.)

Skyfall Is Where We Start [ASOIAF]: 'At least Stannis won't laugh at Renly if the boy tries to follow him around when he's a bit older and takes a tumble on the flagstones. It's not much, not much at all, but perhaps it's enough to be going on with.'

Robert never loved his brothers, but this is not a story about Robert. This is about Stannis, and Renly, and glimpses of how they might have been different, had they let themselves love each other as brothers usually do.

Breakin’ Out the Institution [Suits]: “OK, so, before we start, a few things you should know about me. My name’s Mike Ross, not Rick Sorkin. I am a lawyer, I just didn’t go to Harvard. But you should hear me out anyway.”

Where Mike is actually a lawyer, a Brooklyn ADA looking for a change of pace, and gatecrashes Harvey's interviews entirely on purpose.

Lay Me Down (Pockets Full of Stones) [The Magicians]: The world spins, and Quentin doesn’t even feel his knees buckle, or how his head hits the wall on the way down. All he knows is the fall into the quiet dark.

In which Quentin survives the events of 4.13 by taking such bad care of himself he never actually makes it to the Mirror Realm. Also in which everyone loses him for a day, and Eliot is Not Happy about this.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yeah; I like getting responses to my comments so I do my best to reply to comments I get.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I had to go back to fanfiction.net for this because I never crossposted these to AO3, but Kiss My Eyes for The Tudors. It was Anne of Cleves/Cromwell, which was tragic mostly because it was historically compliant so a deathfic. Honorable mention, same fandom, was And In That Hour, Charles Brandon/Margaret Tudor and Charles Brandon/Henry VIII, unrequited love for the latter. 

Fun fact about the latter, it was the first m/m fic I ever wrote; the deal was I’d write a slash fic if one of my forum friends did a femslash one.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Ha. Hahahahahaha. So, back when I was 17-18 I was working on a verse titled A Moment To Be Real, and it was a crossover verse that, taking all the relevant fics into account, included Charmed, Primeval, the Whoniverse, and NCIS in major capacities. In more minor capacities, the plans for the verse also included Fringe, Supernatural, Stargate SG1/Atlantis, and Warehouse 13. Oh, and there were two main timelines and two minor ones the stories spent time in. Heh. Yeah, that was a thing, yes it was way too big a project and I didn’t finish it, but I truly think that working to juggle all that was very helpful to my later work. 

I don’t write a lot of major crossovers anymore, but I tend to just... live in the idea that certain canons can feasibly coexist so when I can do little crossover cameos I like to do them. One recent exception is return to the sunlit lands, which is a Magicians/Narnia crossover.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not recently; a long time ago back on ff.net, I left a comment that was misunderstood as hate (I said something was bad, meaning the characters’ situation, but the author thought I meant her writing) and the author of that fic responded in kind. Once I clarified, they were nicer in a subsequent review. I’ve been very lucky in that regard; I’ve had friends who have had to deal with a lot of drama in that sense.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I didn’t for a long time, but recently I’ve begun to! So far, it’s been m/m and f/f, though there was an intentionally-vague m/m/f scene and I’m... currently avoiding writing a more detailed one because I’m nervous as hell about it, lol.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. 

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, actually! Two of my older ASOIAF fics, All the Traveled Roads and I Will Not Fall, I Will Not Break have translations, which is just really neat to me.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

About ten years ago I was working on a joint project about modern day Tudors; never did get posted, alas. I’m not sure I’d be very well suited to co-writing a single story; co-writing a verse where different authors do different stories might work, though.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

God, I have no idea, but I still and always have strong feelings about Sam/Jack from Stargate SG1, so let’s go with that for longevity?

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Moment To Be Real, actually; it’s not so much that I want to finish it as that I know I won’t and I regret it. I have another verse that I probably won’t finish but one of these days I’ll at least post an outline of where I saw it going so that there will be some degree of closure. Pretty much every other fic has at least a faint chance I might go back to it, or I genuinely don’t want to.

What are your writing strengths?

Worldbuilding and handling the moving pieces of a canon divergent AU. I’ve also been told I’m pretty good with ensembles.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes, which is unfortunate when I find myself definitely needing to write a battle, and I suspect is part of my smut hang-ups too.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I have done it occasionally, but honestly I feel it’s usually easier to italicize English dialogue and put the other language in the narration - I think it’s probably easier to read, too.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Stargate SG1

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I couldn’t possibly pick one, really.

Tagging @theemightypen @cosmonauthill @jayneladybright @ofthedirewolves @portraitofemmy @nellie-elizabeth @mihrsuri

[belorage]

Wes for the full clear on the OC asks? 😘😘😘

— OC QUESTIONS

BASICS

What’s their full name? Wesley Daniel Brooks

What does their name mean? Why were they named that? Wesley means “western meadow,” Daniel means “God is my judge,” and Brooks means “stream.” You can find my real world reasoning for choosing his name here. As for the canon reasoning, Wesley is a family name on his father’s side and Daniel is a good Christian name. 

Do they have any nicknames? Lots. Wes is the big one (Hwes if you’re Hurk Jr.), Rook, Dep (Deputy if you're as extra as John Seed), Bright Eyes (Raf only), Sundance (Nick only), Darling (Lyra, when she’s being cheeky), and probably a handful more that I’m forgetting.

How old are they? 28, almost 29 as of the start of FC5.

When’s their birthday? November 11, 1989

What’s their zodiac sign/element/birthstone/etc.? Do they believe that holds any significance? Scorpio sun, Aries moon, Aquarius rising. Year of the snake. Birthstones are topaz and citrine. He isn’t aware enough of any of this to believe in it.

What’s their species/subspecies? Do they have any special/magical abilities? He is a natural disaster in human form. His special ability is that he somehow manages to survive that for as long as he does.

What “class” do they belong to (for fantasy characters)? If none, what weapon do they favor? A revolver (Steel & Ivory), a sawed-off shotgun (Sin Eater), or basic hand-to-hand. Close combat is preferable to range. He also uses homemade C4 in his tireless crusade against cult infrastructure.

APPEARANCE

What do they look like? He’s 6′3″, has brown-ish hair (specifically, a warm golden bronze color) and hazel eyes with long eyelashes. Fit, moderate-to-lean build. Sharp features, angular jaw, a pronounced Cupid’s bow. He has the facial hair of a man who has forgotten to shave for two weeks, because he is—you guessed it—a man who has forgotten to shave for two weeks.

Do they have a face claim? Tomas Skoloudik

What’s their style like? Clothes, hair, makeup? Casual clothing—flannels (often tied around the waist), t-shirts, henleys, jeans, boots, jewelry (gold, leather), leather jacket, cargo jacket. His hair is messy and soft, just like he is, because he doesn’t overload it with hair products unlike some people. He’s got an ouroboros tattooed around the lower part of his right forearm and (universe-dependent) John and Lyra’s names on the inside of his wrists.

How do they carry themselves? What’s their default expression? He attempts to project swagger and indifference, but to anyone who knows him and is paying attention, he’s an open book. In a comfortable environment, he’s loose and casual. His default expression is fixated if he has something to occupy his mind and distant if he doesn’t.

Do they have any physical ailments or disabilities? No, but he’s got bruises and flesh wounds aplenty! He’s got bite marks and scratches galore! You want knife-slashing scars? He’s got twenty. But who cares? No big deal. Wes wants mooooore! 🎵

PERSONALITY

What’s their alignment? Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral

Which one of the 16 Personality Types do they fit into? ISFP

What are their hobbies and interests? Do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)? I answered for his favorite films and TV here, and his favorite book is Watership Down. He likes the Beatles and bar snacks and black coffee. His favorite cultists are Lyra, John, and Shaggy—please don’t judge him.

What are they bad at? Dancing!

What kind of things do they dislike/hate? Hates being controlled, dislikes very sweet things.

Do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses? Impulsiveness, reactive behaviors. He smokes and drinks, although neither of those are done with a shocking amount of excess. Previously, harder drugs. 

What are their goals and motivations? Freedom and acceptance.

What are their manners like? Any habits? He’s not a jerk; he has passable manners when the situation calls for them, but Emily Post would like him not. His habits are covered in much more detail here, but the big one is that he tends to busy his hands and/or mouth with things wherever possible.

What are they most afraid of? Rejection, abandonment, enclosed spaces, death (specifically, the possibility of an afterlife). 

BACKGROUND

Where were they born? What was their childhood like? Born in Hope County. He was an only child and his home life was suspect, but made moderately more bearable by his best friend. Once he realized trying to please his father was a losing battle, he said hell yeah to a downward spiral of rebelliousness and troublemaking.

What’s their family like? His dad was a jerk of the sort that would never be satisfied. Big on toxic masculinity, short on acceptance. His mother loved him, but she fell in line more often than not.

What factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold? Hope County Sheriff’s Office (probationary sheriff’s deputy), Hope County Resistance (figurehead, pot stirrer, problem magnet). 

How do they fit into their “story”? Barely. Next question. I hate to use this word yet again, but it’s the only one that fits: his story is mostly about acceptance—self, fate, fault, sorrow, joy—because as much as he desired acceptance from others, he denied a lot of it for himself.

Where do they currently live? What’s their place like? He grew up in the Silver Lake trailer park, way up on the northeastern end of Holland Valley, near the Whitetails. For the duration of the game timeline, I picture him spending more time crashing where he can—with the Ryes, in the woods, wherever—but his own place would be sparse and fairly untidy, with clothes tossed everywhere. 

How do they eventually die? Wesley intends to live forever. How dare you insinuate—

RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend? Within the timeline of the game, he has quite a few. Raf is his best friend (and has been since they were kids), but Nick (and Kim) are both up there. He has a soft spot for Mary May; that seems to be reciprocal. He appreciates Grace because she doesn’t ask unnecessary questions. Sharky and Hurk offer unconditional friendship, which he appreciates and sorely needs. Adelaide is the vodka aunt who thirsts after his ex. She tries to rile him up sometimes (in a myriad of ways), but he likes her. And if you account for other universes, his friend count goes way up thanks to the various and sundry brat squad kids.

What’s their friend group like? What role do they play in it? When he was younger, he was the introvert-adopted-by-an-extrovert. He was a bit too withdrawn to have friends outside of that, though he wasn’t unfriendly. For a bulk of the current timeline, his friend group is “ragtag misfits” status and he basically gets ping-ponged between them as they try—with varying amounts of success—to fight a cult.  

What’s their love life like? (See also: ship question meme.) Do they have any kids? Depends on the universe. In canon, it’s messy but becomes significantly healthier later on. His previous relationship was promising and likely would have been ideal, except that they were young and unable (or unready) to deal with the realities of their situation. In AU, he is enemies-with-benefits but also grossly in love with the Judge of Eden’s Gate and her husband (who was a fun surprise, but it’s fine, because Wes got Lyra back by giving her a gracious two-for-one deal on children)!

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust? Whitehorse is something of a father figure, though Wes would never say that out loud. For the record, neither would Whitehorse (at least not directly to Wes)—mostly for Wes’s benefit. He trusts Raf, Pastor Jerome, and the rest of his friends listed above.

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies? Joseph, because Joseph is daddy issues incarnate. Jacob, because Jacob understands Wes well enough to yank him around like a dog on a leash. By the time the Collapse hits, everyone is his enemy to some extent (as evidenced by the adorable horns and pointy tails drawn all over his wanted posters). Notable exceptions are John, Sharky, Hurk, and Whitehorse; however, all but the first are functionally unknown to him.

Do they have any pets? Just Boomer, who is the best emotional support animal a disaster could ask for.

Are they good with kids? Animals? He’s naturally good with both children and animals, but he lacks practical experience, especially with the former (shout-out to the Ryes for finally adding that to his resume).

FUN FACTS

Which tropes do they fit? Which archetypes? Tropewise, he’s Troubled, but Cute and I can’t refute it; apart from the high school thing, it’s a full BINGO clear. He’s also Bruiser with a Soft Center, Inferiority Superiority Complex, Cosmic Plaything, Desperately Craves Affection, Hero with Bad Publicity, I Am Not My Father, and almost certainly a whole host of shameful others that I don’t dare brave the rest of TVTropes to find. Of the twelve classic archetypes, he’s some combination of The Hero and The Outlaw. Otherwise: fallen angel, antihero, byronic hero, prodigal son. 

Do they play any instruments? Sports? He can play guitar, but only at an intermediate level. He’s not big on sports, but he can ice skate and he likes to swim.

What are some items they always carry? Steel & Ivory and a lighter; later, Sin Eater. In New Dawn he carries John’s watch.

Do they collect anything? Bad decisions. Minicultists, apparently. Nothing in particular.

What position do they sleep in? His default position when he’s alone and in a comfortable place is on his belly. There are exceptions listed in greater detail here.

Which emoji would they use the most? Honestly, he’s not really the type to use emojis, but he will send his love interest pictures of things he likes or finds pretty with no context. Otherwise, his texts tend to be short, to-the-point, and lacking in punctuation or capitalization. Believe it or not, he’d much rather communicate in person. My most frequently used emojis for him are 🍰 and 🐍. (Awww, cake and snake... They rhyme. How precious!)

What languages do they speak? English. He knows a limited amount of Spanish, but he’s better at understanding it than he is at speaking it.

What’s their favorite expletive? Damn or fuck.

What’s their favorite candle scent? Pine.

What songs remind you of them? I have a playlist for him here, but it—much like him—is a bit of a mess. I also have a playlist based on his own taste in music here.

Which animal would you say represents them? Snakes, stags, swans, scorpions.

What stereotypical high school clique would they fit into? Loners or troublemakers, probably. Stoners on a technicality—he doesn’t fit the stereotype, but he does have a history. He has some of the soul of an art kid but, tragically, none of the talent.

What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be? At a real amusement park, probably the roller coasters. At something more lowkey like a carnival, he’d like the classic, aesthetically pleasing rides like the Ferris wheel or the carousel.

Do they believe in aliens? Ghosts? Reincarnation or something else? He’s not an “I Want to Believe” sort of guy, but he still can’t explain the Larry Parker debacle. He tries very hard not to believe (or at least not to think about) any sort of afterlife, because he fears it.

Do they follow any religions/gods? Do they celebrate holidays? His family was Catholic, but he endeavors not to be. He likely wouldn’t celebrate holidays as a bachelor overmuch, but he would take part in holiday activities with others.

Which Deadly Sin do they most correspond to? Which Heavenly Virtue? Pride and Fortitude.

If you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, which would it be? The Tower, The Devil, The Wheel of Fortune.

[helianthus21]

Heli’s Fix-It Rec List

So a while ago I was asking for some fix-its for the Casifer storyline and got some amazing recs. And because they were all so good for my bitter heart, I decided to compile a list of spn fix-it recs by the season. The hashtags give info about whether the fic is gen or has a ship (which would be Destiel bc. you know me) and what issue the fic is trying to resolve or fix, as well as other things that I thought should be mentioned.

Here we go:

Season 8

A Room Of One’s Own by NorthernSparrow All Dean wants is a little privacy. Cas doesn't understand.

#destiel #explicit #post-s6 guilt #closure for godstiel

Season 9

Human Perspective by skydark Post 8x23 AU.  After the fall Dean realizes he's not trying teach Castiel to be human for purely selfless reasons; he hopes to gain something from it, too.

#destiel #human!Cas #endgame angel!cas #trueforms #team free heaven

There Are Many Things by imogenbynight In which Dean and Castiel learn, through trial and error, how to be together.

#destiel #9x03 #human!cas

My heart is beating from me by Enochian Things (Salr323) After Rexford, Castiel tries to live a normal life and Dean tries to let him go...  But nothing’s ever that easy.(Canon divergent from s9e06 “Heaven Can’t Wait”)

#destiel #human!cas #Daphne Allen #suicidal thoughts

Forgotten by NorthernSparrow Sam and Dean are working a case in Wyoming, but are distracted by news of a dangerous angel called "Castiel" who they can't remember ever having heard of before. The name seems a little bit familiar, but neither of the boys is sure why.

#gen fic #team free will #amnesia #human!cas #you will cry ur eyes out #i’m not kidding

Flight by NorthernSparrow Sequel to Forgotten. A/U from mid season 9. Castiel is human and wounded, and Dean and Sam need to get his grace back - and his wings. Things do not go as intended and Cas faces a difficult road. 

#destiel #team free will #wing fic #suicidal thoughts #Sam/OFC #you will sob

Season 10

Playing With Fire by aini-nufire When Charlie unearths the Book of the Damned, she draws the attention of the notorious Styne family, who will stop at nothing to get it back. And even with the help of an angel and a phoenix, the Winchesters might have bitten off more than they can chew…

#gen fic #Charlie lives

The Forever Crown by whichstiel Charlie's back on earth after being dead for over a year. As she investigates her mysterious resurrection, something lurks near her old Michigan stomping grounds.

#Charlie lives #Charlie/Gilda

The Most Important Thing by NorthernSparrow Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

#destiel #amnesia #team free will #Cas & Claire

Season 11

What is Hidden, What is Seen by ExpatGirl The Darkness has descended, and Castiel must make a choice. What, in reality, is the nature of Free Will, and where does love end and self-effacement begin? And why didn't Castiel know about the Mark of Cain and its relation to The Darkness in the first place? This began as a one-shot called "The Hanged Man" and has turned into...something else.

#destiel #s11 rewrite #Charlie lives #Hannah lives #Cas deserved better #trueform

Pieces by Castiel_For_King Castiel switched places with the Devil to give the world one last chance.  Almost a year after taking his place in the cage, Sam and Dean finally manage to get him out.  Unfortunately, some pieces got left behind.

#post-casifer #trauma recovery #wing fic #team free will #temporary amnesia

There’s An Angel In These Woods by Castiel_For_King "It had hurt, Dean remembered.  It had hurt deeply whenever he would snap out of worry or raise his voice in frustration and Cas would shrink away from him with fear flashing in his eyes and move instinctively towards Sam – where he felt safe, away from the threat, away from Dean.  It was that – seeing Cas looking at him like he was the dangerous thing that made his wings tremble and spread – which had been the driving force behind Dean’s quest to temper his ingrained reflexes and make an effort to act less like…well, a hunter.  Because he’d only just recently learned that it made Cas feel like prey.  Even if the angel didn’t understand what it was that he was feeling."

#destiel #post-casifer #trauma recovery #wing fic #team free will #Jesse/Cesar

Favorite Son by aini-nufire Coda to 11x18: Amara's plan to get God's attention works.Now with follow-up chapter after 11x20

#post-casifer #gen fic #team free will #Chuck & Cas

We Band of Brothers by LadyWallace S11 AU—Amara must be defeated, but Sam and Dean can’t do it alone, thus some unexpected help arrives in the newly resurrected archangels. But figuring out how to save Cas and Lucifer from Amara and creating a trap that will hold her might be too much to handle. Will they survive the final fight, or will the world fall into Darkness? Gen-No Slash

#gen fic #casifer #team free will #angel brothers

Three Angels Walk Into A Bar by 29-pieces Lucifer can't take on Amara by himself. Michael is useless, but there's another archangel that he might turn to - one who is none too happy about his big brother parading around in Castiel's body. Oh, or that whole thing where Cas is being tortured instead of left alone. Even if they beat Amara, how are they supposed to rescue Cas when the Devil holds all the cards? S11 AU

#gen fic #casifer #team free will #angel brothers

Season 12

The Choice by aini-nufire Post 12x19 “The Future” - It takes them a year to find Cas.

#brain washing #gen fic #team free will

The Sum Of My Regrets by procasdeanating “A quick trip to the past, that’s all. Look Cas, I know we can’t do anything about all the innocent people getting into the crossfire of our battles, but this I can do. Let me rescue this child and give Lily Sunder back her life. What can possibly go wrong?” In which Dean Winchester travels through time, learns a thing or two about best laid plans and falls in love with an angel – all over again.

#destiel #minor character undeath #cas in a female vessel #Lily Sunder

[apprenticenerd]

"Anyone can send me an ask with one of the titles and I’ll post a snippet or talk about that WIP!" The Acropolis, Tacet, Checklist, A Tiny Galaxy, Hearsay, Going Back, Ella Disenchanted, Making Peace, The Slashed Circle, Wake Up, Tenno, Midnight, Heliotropism, Arrhythmia, the one about Among Us, the one about Library of Ruina, the one that’s a D&D world concept. Yes, all of them. I know you wanna talk about all of them. So go, go forth and do it!

Hoooo boy, this is gonna be a long post. Lots and lots of writing snippets under the cut to avoid dash stretch!

The Acropolis - original - length uncertain - 1.4k and counting

im not ready for this im not i thought it would be yrs i thought id at least get an english degree first

omg sal whats goin on

fuckin hell whyd it have to be now i have a chem lab tomorrow

sally-tate macpherson. u never swear. ever. wtf is goin on.

ok. jess. i need u to listen really really carefully. understand?

answer the goddamn question ur scarin me

shut up and listen and this will go a lot better

fine but u need to tell me wtf is happnenig

ok. im going to tell you a bunch of stuff. not giving u advice, thats not allowed, but im gonna tell u stuff it seems like itd be impossible for me to know.

?????????????

i said shut up this is really important dont question how i know it. just go with it and figure out what to do. and dont die. bc no matter how crazy stuff seems, if u die, ur dead. here and everywhere. ok?

This is an original story coming straight from a @/writing-prompt-s prompt about a crack in a kid’s hardwood floor that they fantasized was a portal actually being one. I originally intended to write the entire thing like this, as a conversation over text, but that may not be feasible given a certain world-building detail at the other end of the portal (and the limits of my creativity lmao).

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Tacet - The Blackout Club - one-shot - 3.2k and counting

She closed her eyes again, and there it was. Hallucination? Some new science trick with electromagnetic radiation off the visible spectrum? Evidence that she was actually going insane? Whatever it was, it burned behind her eyelids in bright, incontrovertible red - and was completely invisible when she opened her eyes again. There was just the usual mess of club posters and one big one about someone’s exceedingly dumb-looking lost cat.

Eyes open, there was only Sargent Snuggles. Eyes closed, there was the normal darkness and then three lines of text where the poster had been, wavering like scarlet fire:

JOIN TBC JOIN TBC JOIN TBC

TBC? What the fuck was that? She’d never heard of any group with that acronym before. Hardly aware of the flurry of weird looks from half the other people in the hallway, she crossed the hall to examine the lost cat poster more closely. It felt like perfectly normal paper when she touched it, and there wasn’t even a hint of red with her eyes open, unless you counted the cat’s tacky pink sweater. How the hell was this even possible?

“You’re finally cracking, Bri,” she groaned under her breath, then headed for her locker. She did have to get home. Add another big fat entry to the weird shit list.

A backstory one-shot for my Blackout Club OC Briar, telling the story of how she got into the club in the first place. I’ve been stuck in the same spot for a while now, after Briar’s friend Dani explains the club to her, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the scene’s over as is. Of course, writing the next one is the tough part.

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Checklist - The Blackout Club - one-shot - 1.7k and counting

8. You still have a headache. Shouldn’t you go back to sleep and try to do this in the morning?

9. (wake up)

10. Nah, you’ve always been a night owl, and school starts criminally early, too early to get much done beforehand. It’s quiet, except for Dad snoring. Your parents are asleep already. You can stay up until this is done, and they’ll be none the wiser.

11. Your head hurts worse. It’s getting harder to think. At only 9 pm? 9:30? Whatever. You should sleep.

12. (wake UP)

13. What are you thinking? You have to read at least a little of this chapter, or there’s no way you’ll be able to bullshit your way through class tomorrow. Besides, all of a sudden, the silence feels...strange. Heavier? You can’t describe it.

14. You need to sleep. You need a drink of water or something. You need to finish this damn homework. You need to sleep. You need to sleep.

15. Stare at The Great Gatsby. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense.

16. Realize what’s up with the silence. Dad’s not snoring anymore. You aren’t feeling like yourself. You need to sleep.

17. Something’s weird.

18. (WAKE UP) 

19. ...No. Something’s wrong.

Another Blackout Club story and another Interface Screw, as it were, this time in the form of a (very long) checklist. None of the characters have names (yet). It describes another way a kid could find themself running around at night with the Blackout Club, this time by fighting off the Song just enough to run into a club member who could wake them up the rest of the way. As with Tacet, I still need to write the suspenseful part.

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A Tiny Galaxy - Warframe - 4 chapters planned, 1 complete, 1 in progress - 7.8k and counting

Try it if you don’t believe me, the kid in the vent had said.

It was impossible. It was physically impossible. All of this was impossible. Had the Void...? Could the Void...?

The ship was at a standstill. Her mother had tried to kill her, and something had happened. She’d made something happen. There had been no holoprojector in that kid’s hand. Nothing was impossible anymore.

Jhia took a deep breath. How the heck was she supposed to do this? Was she supposed to feel something, some internal guide? Blue Hair hadn’t said. Feeling incredibly stupid, she did a quick mental checkup on herself. Nothing felt wrong, or different - but now that she thought about it…

Afterward, she would try many times to explain it, and fail every time. The best she could come up with was that once she found the Void, calling on it was as easy and as natural as breathing. She opened her hands in front of her, concentrated on that force like an extension of herself, reopened her eyes, and there it was: a riotous little ball of energy, wisps and motes of light and not-quite-light like a tiny galaxy, the Tau system in the palm of her hand, raging.

More OC backstory time! This one’s for my Tenno, a nerdy fourteen-year-old (at the time of this story, anyway) by the name of Jhia, going through the hell that is the Zariman Ten-Zero and what happened on it. This is possibly the first part of the story I actually wrote: the roll-credits moment when Jhia realizes the Void’s changed her more already than she thought.

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Hearsay - Lobotomy Corporation/Library of Ruina - one-shot - 1k and counting

"Oh? Did they investigate further?"

"They tried. Found a few fingerprints, but they didn't match anyone in the database."

"What's the update, then?"

"Reports from elsewhere in the district of someone not in uniform carrying a Zwei sword. They're slippery, good at avoiding us, which would suggest Syndicate operative to me and HQ. Except that in every one of the descriptions we managed to get, our sword thief is a child."

"What? How?!"

"You tell me, Iona. You're the one who went to the crime scene."

"Right... Jeez, if it's a kid, I guess that'd explain why Petrov thought they weren't a threat..."

"My thoughts exactly. HQ has a fair amount of hearsay to go on, but nobody can quite agree on how old the child is, or whether or not she's with a Syndicate. Most agree that she appears to be a girl, tall for a child, auburn hair, clothes and demeanor typical of a Backstreets native."

"We got a name?"

"They've heard Yeri, Kali, Redbird, Suma, Aelfin... No one knows which is her real one, or if it's even any of them at all."

"Damn. ...Say, are you going to drink that entire pot of coffee?"

"Help yourself."

This is one of those stories that turned into an accidental AU when more of canon came out. The idea behind it is that it’s Kali’s backstory told entirely in conversations in which she did not participate, showcasing the fact that a Fixer’s fame is their livelihood and Kali was about as famous as they come, before the whole L Corp thing happened. Of course, the vast majority of the headcanons here got invalidated with a certain Ruina update, so my motivation’s kinda down on this one.

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Going Back has already been talked about here!

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Ella Disenchanted - The Blackout Club - one-shot (maybe two-shot??) - 1.4k and counting

She woke. Her stomach went through a series of panicked flip-flops as she thought something strange had done it, Dad or a little-kid-nightmares shadow beast had made noise, but no - why had she fallen asleep in the first place? Her butt and shoulder were sore where they’d been leaning on the bottom and side of the windowsill, presumably all night, since the sun was full up over the trees on Old Growth Hill. 

All night. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t fall asleep, but she did anyway. God dammit.

As she unfolded herself from her cramped ball, though, she froze. Under the comforter she’d pulled around her shoulders for warmth, she was wearing her gray jacket, a T-shirt, jeans, sneakers getting dried mud all over the carpet. 

Last she remembered, she’d been in her pajamas.

In which a Blackout Club kid’s little sister wonders where he’s gone when he runs away to the boxcar, and tries to get to the bottom of the mystery herself. Usually she’d be too young for the club to recruit, but her investigations and an incident involving SAO are more than enough extenuating circumstance. Unlike most of my other WIPs, there’s a whole outline at the end of my doc for this one.

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Making Peace - Warframe - multi-chapter - 1.5k and counting

“I…” Iksoh finally said. “Sorna, I hope you realize. I’m not into this. I never - I’m not doing this. Whatever you’re doing, I can’t.”

“I know,” Sorna said softly. The decision tore at her heart again and she almost backed out of the vent, but no. She had to go. She wouldn’t see another innocent crumple in her rifle sights. “I hope you realize. I’m not coming back.”

Behind her, Iksoh let out a long, shaky breath. “It’s taking all I’ve got not to report you right now. Sorna… the Queens’ll have my head for this. Please, please, let it be worth it. Go. Don’t let them take yours.”

“I won’t,” Sorna promised, and meant it.

Later, after her last fight for her freedom was done, on the Steel Meridian ship headed for Kronia Relay, Sorna looked out at the planet retreating behind her and thought of Iksoh. She’d just learned a new word from a Meridian soldier: vaykor tal, the defector’s spirit. Iksoh had let her go, at risk of their own life. They’d had a bit of the vaykor tal themself, even if they hadn’t known it, even if they’d thought it was just some weakness that was bound to get them killed.

“Ranre treri, duf krun,” she whispered into space, a Grineer well-wishing passed down from sergeant to tube-fresh lancer since time immemorial. May your hands be steady, and may life be kind.

This is an AU born of me and some friends wondering why in the heck Perrin and the Meridian hate each other so much in game. It’s about a group of Kavor - Grineer defectors distinguished from other Meridian members by their pacifism - who get to a Relay and start wondering the same thing. Besides Sorna (and, later in the story, Iksoh as well), there would have been Chakh, Beket, and Sydon, plus at least four of the syndicate leaders and a bunch of side-character OCs, all caught up somehow in what turns out to be a surprisingly far-reaching web of intrigue.

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The Slashed Circle - Warframe - one-shot, probably - 429 and counting

In addition to their written and spoken language, the Grineer have a full language of hand signs. It has its quirks, as all languages do - be careful of confusing it with the Corpus sign language, in which the sign for “to pay” roughly approximates the Grineer sign for...a certain portion of the male anatomy. Among these is the common Grineer sentiment against those who defect from their ranks, baked into the sign just as much as their spoken words. 

The sign of the slashed circle, the sedashkur - a finger drawn in a circle on the chest, followed by a diagonal line - is the highest of taboos to any loyal Grineer. It shows support for such scum as the Kavor and Steel Meridian, enough so that it forms the basis for the Meridian’s battle standard. To sign the sedashkur is to betray your siblings, commit a grave insult to your superiors, paint a near-indelible target on your back. It is an object of hatred and fear throughout the ranks.

She fears it, yes, but she does not hate it, for all her life and into her death as well. It shouldn’t trouble her now, though. It is easy to hide a language, and she burned her journals before she was called to the fortress.

This is a fic about Jhia and her one (1) converted Kuva Lich, namely about the process of said Lich’s defeat and defection, that kinda never got off the ground. Contrary to this snippet, I think most of it would have been written in what are essentially space emails back and forth between Lich and Tenno? I definitely got as far as Jhia sending an audio recording of a bass-boosted dog fart, anyhow.

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Wake Up, Tenno - Warframe - one-shot - 950 and counting

“Wake up, Tenno.”

She wakes. She is - she is Tenno, right? She is a Tenno? Her mind is confused, so full of fog and dead ends - how long was she asleep?

The voice that woke her seems familiar. She might have loved the speaker, in her scrambled past life, the woman in the purple helmet, the one called Lotus in her HUD vision. Her surroundings are a ruin of some sort. Her body is—

...what?

She can move just fine. Her fingers and arms and legs respond with suspicious ease, given how long she must have slept to be this scattered upon waking up, and yet there’s some fundamental disconnect. This is her Warframe, her body, but it’s not her body somehow.

...wait, where did the term “Warframe” come from?

A Tenno, unnamed but intended to be Jhia on my end, wakes up on Earth at the very beginning of the in-game storyline. Since the tutorial has gotten an overhaul in recent months, I may have to modify even what little I have on this a lot.

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Midnight - Iconoclasts - poem - 280 and counting

been anything smaller than been anything

never been anything smaller than

“good morning, how’s miss grump doing today? i heard about that last mission...if you didn’t sleep well i can call you in sick, it’s alright-” “oh, shut up, grey”

there has never been anything

“oh, shut up, grey” “love you too”

smaller

“love you too”

than

me

A very fragmented, stream-of-consciousness-y poem meant to represent Agent Black’s failing sanity near the end of the game. The words of her famous one-liner (“there has never been anything smaller than me”) are interspersed, out of order until the end, with poetic descriptions of other characters and bits and pieces of a flashback involving Agent Grey.

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Heliotropism - Iconoclasts - one-shot - 1.1k and counting

Lily, though she’s superstitious, will have none of these self-important truths, none of these semblances of certainty when really all it is is wishing on Ivory and hoping for the best. She calls for Miss Andress instead. 

A stout but severe woman with ten grandchildren and a great-grandchild on the way, Miss Andress is perhaps the quintessential matriarch: nurturing, selfless, brutally honest. She is the one the people of 17 trust when they feel they can trust no one else. Lily needs the kind of reassurance only she can give, with the authority of ninety-one years and the wisdom of two sons, one daughter, and some five dogs raised under her care.

When Miss Andress visits House 4, she asks Polro and Lily to each bring an object they cherish the most. For Polro it’s his largest wrench, pitted with use but still polished to a brassy shine; Lily surprises everyone by pulling out a tiny, unloaded stun-gun, and surprises them more by not explaining it at all. Miss Andress doesn’t question it. She just turns the two tools over and over in her hands, head bowed, squinting at them as if trying to read the secrets of the universe in the scratches carved into them by time.

Finally she straightens up and sighs, pushing a strand of silver hair behind her ear. Her forehead is slick with sweat, though the night is cool outside. “I don’t know what she’ll do,” the wise woman says, heavily, as if delivering bad news. “I just know she’ll change the world.”

Can you tell I like backstory fic? This one is for Robin, with one short anecdote for each year of her life, up to age 17 and the events of the game. It’s also an excuse to world-build a bunch, lol.

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Arrhythmia - Crypt of the NecroDancer - one-shot(?) - 4k and counting

The creature didn’t say anything, just beckoned to the shadows. Before I could move, two other creatures came for me, sending the other humans - former humans? - scrambling away in panic. One landed a hard blow on the back of my head that sent me to my hands and knees, seeing sparks; the other said “Freeze!” and I could only watch as ice sprouted from the leaf litter, cementing me to the ground.

The one who’d hit me produced a dagger from the inside of its cloak. I tried to pull myself up, to do anything at all to keep myself from getting shanked, but it was no good. There must have been a secondary effect on that spell; my limbs wouldn’t respond. I felt the dagger tear cloth in the region of my back, and prepared for the pain.

It didn’t come. The creature cut a slit in the back of my tunic, then another. Neither one touched the skin at all. I can’t really describe what happened next - my brain was having trouble computing how my arms were in front of me, visible, unable to move, but it felt like the creature was pulling them through the gashes in my tunic, but that was wrong, they didn’t feel like arms at all.

“Holy fuck,” I heard someone say.

The ice holding me down melted into nothing as the spell wore off. I jumped back up, head spinning a little, ready for another fight, only to spot two flicks of scarlet in my peripheral vision. I spun around, but they moved with me.

I think I already knew what they were. I just couldn’t admit it to myself.

You’ve already seen this one, Nick, though I’m pretty sure it was well over two years ago. It’s a pile of old headcanons, some of them now outdated I’m pretty sure, about how Nocturna ended up a vampire in the first place and a little bit about how vampire society works. According to Google Docs, I’ve been stuck on this one since March 2018. Whoops.

---

untitled (working title “adult citra meets an impostor bc what is self-control”) - Among Us - one-shot - 572 and counting

“I know. You’re stuck, aren’t you?” Having well and truly gotten their full attention, Citra continues, “God, I can barely imagine. Having to take a weird-ass host whose biology might even be toxic to you, I don’t know. Needing to get to a whole other galaxy, feeling like the only way to do that is by deception and death.” “How…?”

She sighs. “I told you, this isn’t my first rodeo. One of your kind saved my life when I was a kid. Since he’d killed Mom and Dad had been out of the picture long before, he stayed here and helped raise me afterward. It’s how I learned to pronounce...a few of your words, at least.”

“You missed the ‘H’ sound.”

“Isn’t that the one that’s literally impossible to do right with Terran anatomy?”

“Maybe. You think I know Terran anatomy all that well?”

Citra chuckles. “Fair point. You let us find your buddy and fix the ship, I’ll raise Xai when we get comms back and he can try and help you get home. Deal?”

I found an Among Us comic on Tumblr, absolutely ran into left field with it to make a couple of OCs, and then made AUs of those OCs because of course I did. This one is from a future scenario in which Citra (typically orange) meets someone rather familiar on a mission with the crew of the Skeld.

---

untitled (working title “library of ruina but they adopt half the guests”) - Library of Ruina - length uncertain - 1k and counting

“And what happened to not caring about others because it’s a waste of time and heartache?”

Now it’s Roland’s turn to sigh. “I don’t care about him. I just don’t want the guilt of killing - look at him, he can’t be older than eighteen or nineteen!”

Raised eyebrow. “Finn will be twenty years old in fifteen days’ time. He is a legal adult. I fail to see why this should matter to either of us.”

“He’s fresh off his first Fixer license! I have years of experience! He had no idea what he was getting into when he signed that invitation and you know it!”

Angela fixes him with a glare that turns his stomach, his freshly remade body reacting to the memory of its sudden, and extremely painful, dismemberment. “I could quite literally hold your soul in my hands if I wanted,” she reminds him in an undertone of steel. “I must do the same for him, following the invitation’s guidance, or my entire plan will be lost, my coworkers’ sacrifices all for naught. Do not disappoint me or ask any more impertinent questions. You know what to do, and what will happen if you do not.” 

Look, some of the people you fight in this game deserved so much better, okay? I came up with an AU concept where if a guest willingly concedes the fight and agrees to stick around, you can get their book without killing them. Finn doesn’t die; neither do Tomerry or Shi Association; all the former employees realize exactly what’s going on with Philip after the Wedge Office fight and manage to calm him down, avoiding the whole Crying Children situation. (And then Gebura makes him collect his jaw off the floor by revealing herself as the Red Mist.)

---

The one that’s a D&D world concept doesn’t have anything concrete written for it yet. (Don’t read this bit if you might want to play in my campaign at some point!) Instead of your typical Forgotten Realms planar setup, the world at large would be called the Seven Spheres, each of them different in terms of climate, geography, native species and magic, etc. The First Sphere would be the most “generic” one (to our way of thinking) and the main setting of the campaign; it would also be the smallest of the Seven, its primary continent home to a former empire of dragons that spanned most of the Sphere until its mysterious fall a thousand years ago.

Now, since the empire fell, the dragons and their children have slowly been dying out. Best estimates are that there’s only a thousand or two left in the entire First Sphere, with fewer eggs hatched every decade. The player characters enter a world with pretty typical low-level quests to start with, but every so often, especially if they engage with optional story stuff (this would be a more roleplay-focused than combat-focused campaign), they get wind of changes in the air - a failed harvest here, an unusually hot and stormy summer there, a trade war once they start hitting mid-levels.

It mimics real-world climate change in all but cause. As coastal cities struggle to contend with rising seas and, more alarmingly, wizards all over the Sphere start to notice their magic falter and wane, the PCs’ goal becomes getting to the bottom of this. And what’s at the bottom is...your typical Nerd fusion of science with fantasy settings.

The Seven Spheres are not planes of existence in the normal D&D sense, but seven planets in the same solar system, each with its own ancient god far more powerful than any god in any mortal pantheon; the First Sphere is so named because it’s closest to the sun. These planetary gods are incredibly large and incredibly alien, thinking in geologic time and concepts far too broad and slow for most sapient beings to comprehend. A thousand years ago, the fall of the dragon empire was caused by an ill-advised ritual meddling with the god of the First Sphere’s natural process of rebirth, causing said god to die without a replacement.

It’s taken this long for the First Sphere to feel the effects because, again, geologic time - a thousand years is a blink of an eye in this kind of time scale. But now the ancient earth-magic that had kept the Sphere’s climate temperate and its magicians in business is failing. The dragons, as beings of magic intrinsically, have been failing all along. And now it’s up to the PCs, up at level 17-20 if not higher by that point, to figure out how to fix the situation and find a new planetary god for the First Sphere before the whole Sphere burns to death.

[hogwarts-is-my-wonderland]

001 - Star Wars / 002 - Stelena / 003 - Wolverine (lol giving you random things. Have fun!! ^_^)

Hello! Thank you so much for the ask, @darknightfrombeyond! It really brightened up my morning. 

Now, let’s see...

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my: 

Star Wars

Favorite character: Mara Jade (from Legends canon)

Least Favorite character: Supreme Leader Snoke

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Sabé/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Siri Tachi, Anakin Skywalker/Padmé Amidala

Character I find most attractive: Han Solo

Character I would marry: it’s a tie between the twins, but I’d go for Luke.

Character I would be best friends with: Chewbacca. 

a random thought: I probably need to change my OC’s faceclaim for this fandom. I’m leaning towards Eliza Dushku or Amy Acker, though Sarah Michelle Gellar looks a lot like Leia (but that’s a can of worms I don’t want to open when the pairing is OC/Luke Skywalker).

An unpopular opinion: I LOVE the Phantom Menace. A general criticism of the movie is Jar-Jar Binks, but I never really focused on him because I knew from the get-go the story wasn’t about him. 

my canon OTP: Leia and Han (Disney messed up their relationship: in Legends canon, they actually become a couple that talk and grieve together and STAY TOGETHER WHEN THEIR SON TURNS TO THE DARK SIDE). 

Non-canon OTP: Sabé/Obi-Wan (these two had so much in common��how come they never had a meaningful interaction in canon? I mean, they had to deal with flightly dumbasses, that was a good conversation starter!)

most badass character: Leia Organa, hands down.

pairing I am not a fan of: Padmé Amidala/Rush Clovis (from what they have revealed of this character—the TV show and the Padmé book—he’s a tool).

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): PADMÉ AMIDALA, PEOPLE — THIS WOMAN IS SO UNDERATED! She unknowingly led the Republic to its fall but she was also part of the group that brought the Empire down; she was queen at fourteen and a senator in her twenties—and they decided to kill her because “she was heartbroken”? I mean, I understand that one can die of that, but I would’ve loved a deeper exploration from Padmé’s end, a serialized arch that led Padmé to the conclusion that everything that has happened so far is, in a way, her fault. That what she loved (the Republic and Anakin) had fallen because of her decisions. 

favourite friendship: Padmé Amidala & her handmaidens

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: None of them, the lives they lead will either lead me to an early death, kidnapping, or a probable fall to the dark side. 

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

Stelena

NOTE: I’m gonna be honest—I’ve never seen an episode of The Vampire Diaries. I swore off vampires after Twilight and this show never caught my attention. So what I write here is only of what I’ve investigated and technically biased (?). I accept corrections!

when of if I started shipping it. I don’t ship them.

my thoughts: From the little scenes I’ve seen, they just... grew apart. Like, on the first seasons they talked (relationship-wise) and as the show went on, they stopped. 

What makes me happy about them: a favorite trope of mine is reincarnated lovers, so I found this fascinating from their end. 

What makes me sad about them: Stefan’s end. The idea that after everything they went through (getting together, breaking off, then getting together again) and it just didn’t work saddens me.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Haven’t read any fanfiction about these, but I’d be really annoyed if anyone tried to make either of them the bad guy. 

things I look for in fanfic: If I ever get into this fandom, probably the previous point—I hate it when authors pit characters against characters without a good buildup. 

My kinks: the idea of eternal love maybe (?).

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Elena with Damon, Stefan with Caroline Forbes (again, I haven’t watched the show, this opinion is just on what I’ve read and seen in clips).

My happily ever after for them: That Stefan hadn’t died early and they’d stayed close friends until the end of their human lives. 

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you

Wolverine

How I feel about this character: I loved him as a kid and as an adult I respect and fear him a lot. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Logan/Itsu, Logan, Storm, Logan/Mariko Yashida, Logan/Melita Garner, Logan/Jean Grey (movie version)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Logan/Professor Xavier

My unpopular opinion about this character: Why remain fixated on Jean Grey for so long? Like, the woman is in a relationship half the time, so why?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That he got a happy ending for once. Have you seen the list of his deceased lovers?

my het ship: Logan/Itsu

my fem/slash ship: I heard there was a comic out there with Logan/Hercules, so maybe them? (I still have to read it)

my OTP: I’d go with Logan/Itsu

my OT3: the obvious one—Logan/Jean Grey/Cyclops. Not completely sure though, because they’d probably kill each other for some overexagerated reason. 

my cross over ship: None.

my kink: wild in bed.

a head cannon fact: The women Wolverine has had meaningful (and non-toxic) relationships with so far have been Japanese (excepting Melita Garner, who is of Mexican and African-American descent). 

my gender bend: There’s probably a female version of him out there, but in my head his/her name would be Jemima Logan and people still would refer to her as Logan. Also, probably pansexual (like, it’s been hinted he has been with Nightcrawler at some point and apparently loved Hercules, too) and less violent (because as a girl, she probably would’ve been taught to be a lady). 

Again, thank you so much! This was fun to answer (and a lot informative).

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 42

Things are starting to return to normal on the Ark, and that means taking some things off Tyche’s plate!

Head’s up, this chapter has not been beta’d.  I feel like I’ve been saying that entirely too much, recently, but between my work schedule changing drastically and some things going on with @parisconstantine, getting the stories to her in a timely manner and still being able to post on time hasn’t been the most feasible thing.  Even then, her wifi situation is a bit sketchy.  So, any errors, please feel free to let me know in the comments, and they are all my errors, none are her fault. She’s going to see this at the same time all of you do!

Nervously, I ran my fingers through my hair as I made my way to the Council Chamber.  A part of me was hesitant about taking on a new assistant, no matter how necessary I knew it was.  Conor and Maverick’s speculation the night before had helped me none whatsoever. Names had been tossed around, along with opinions if either had any knowledge of the person in question. This one was rude, but that one was a toady… Around and around.  They had gotten me worked into an anxious mess by the time they started naming people who weren’t even being considered.  I could barely sleep the night before, and now looked like a not-so-fresh zombie staggering quickly to my office.

When I finally got there, it was something of a reassurance that Simon looked almost as bad.  Since leaving the Council and dumping his position on me, he had practically isolated himself from everyone on the ship.  For the past three months, however, he had been filling in and helping me.  It was more social interaction than he was used to, and the signs showed clearly on his face.

“You said my new assistant has been decided?” I asked as I walked over to the food console. “Did you eat recently?”

“Yes, and no but I’m fine,” he groaned as he leaned back and stretched his back.

I rolled my eyes hard enough that I hoped he could feel it, even though I was standing off to the side. “Bullshit. You better tell me if you like sweet or savory for breakfast, or you get whatever I pick.” I looked over my shoulder to see his face.

He yawned hugely before shrugging. “Just give me one of whatever you’re going to eat. I don’t care either way.”

“Biscuits and sausage gravy, it is.”

Once we were both settled with our food, I tried again. “So, you specifically asked me to come in today because the Council decided on my new assistant.”

Mouth full, he nodded before swallowing. “Yep. And before I tell you who it is, remember – I had no say in this, whatsoever. You vetted the list, and that constituted ‘our’ vote.  Xiomara’s approval was her vote, so this was decided by Eino, Pranav, Grey, and Huynh essentially.  It took forever, by the way, to reach a unanimous decision. Seventeen applicants? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that there were nearly a hundred before Xiomara, Derek, Tyche, and I went through them.” I gave him a pointed look as I finished of my breakfast and took a long sip of tea.

“Fine, fine,” he waved off and paused briefly. “Before I tell you who it is, we need to discuss training and integration.  You can’t just toss someone in to the deep end with something like this, Sophia.”

“I’m not an idiot, I know that.  The plan is to have them shadow Tyche so they can get familiar with the routines, specifically mine, and gradually take over from there.”

“That won’t work,” he told me bluntly, before looking sheepish and trying a different approach. “There may be a… personality conflict?” Looking away, he scratched the back of his hand.

Simon was hiding something.

I pushed a little harder, eyes narrowed. “She already agreed to do it, for all the candidates.”

“All of them?”

“Well, yeah. She was there when I went through the files.  Tyche manages work assignments, so she needed to have a head’s up of where to allocate more people. Especially considering some of the applicants – several were in essential functions.”

He tilted his head for a moment. “Yeah, some were shot down just because of that,” he conceded with a sigh. “It wasn’t that the Council had a problem with the applicant, more so with the best candidates for replacing them in their current roles.” He raised both hands in front of his face to fend of my coming protest. “Don’t get me wrong, Tyche chose the absolute best replacements for them, it’s not her fault that the options she had available were garbage. The Council is working on planning some vocational training to fix that, give us a better selection to fill those positions in the future.  It was practically a miracle that I was available to fill in for you the past few months.”

I nodded. “That’s a good idea.  Tyche wasn’t too happy with the people she had to select from, honestly.” That was a gross understatement.  She had been fuming when it came to some of the positions she tried to find candidates to fill.  There had been three applicants we had to reject, just because they were indispensable where they were, unfortunately.  The only thing that mollified my conscience was the fact that everyone on board worked to fill time, gain skills, and pull our weight.  None of us were paid, so becoming my assistant wasn’t exactly a promotion. It was just a different way to keep busy and help out.

Simon flicked a few files to my data pad. “These candidates were eliminated almost immediately. Two of them have a tendency to gossip, which means the Council wouldn’t be able to work on any projects without word getting out to the Ark. Things get twisted and turned around entirely too easily, so either person would be a damage control nightmare.” I just nodded in understanding. Derek had pointed out the gossiping tendencies, too, but hadn’t thought it was a large enough concern to eliminate anyone.

With a deep breath, my co-Councillor continued. “The rest in that group were eliminated due to either personal or personality conflicts with the rest of the Councillors or their administrators.”  Glancing through the files, I was surprised at just how many there were – how did seven different people piss off the Council that badly?  Definitely curious, I told myself.

“The last eight were all people in essential positions,” he admitted. I noticed he paused, yet again. It was unusual to say the least – Simon never grasped at his words. “Like I said before, we had to exclude a few of those, just because there was no good way to back fill their current roles. Not the way I would want this decided, but here is the winner.”

I flicked away my datapad without looking at the file. “Simon.  Is something wrong?”

A pause. Ah-ha! There it was. “With the new administrator? Not at all, why?” He blinked at me innocently.

“I don’t mean that, I mean with you. You keep pausing before you say something, and it isn’t like you. It makes me feel like you are hiding something, and you know I don’t like that. I thought you were working on that.” I was pleading, and I knew it. But at the same time, I couldn’t take any more intrigue and secrets right now.

His fact showed clearly the conflict going on inside, before he finally slashed a hand in front of him as though cutting someone off. It was not a gesture he made, and was made even stranger by the fact that I hadn’t said anything in several minutes. With both hands, he gave his face a brisk rub before looking at me guiltily. “I know that, in the past, I was really bad about not watching what I said, and it upset or offended a lot of people. There were several situations I handled incredibly poorly, including when you first woke up. So I… may?... have been running everything I was going to say by Miys and having them advise me on more diplomatic ways to say it.” He covered his face again, this time in embarrassment.

“Simon.” I equal parts touched and horrified: touched that he was trying to hard, but horrified that he felt the need to do this, even as we approached a year after his resignation from the Council. “How long has this been going on?”

“Only since I started filling in for you on the Council,” he admitted. “I isolated myself – well, pretty much all the time, to be honest. After, you know?” He waved ambiguously, but I knew he was referring to the night he explained I would be replacing him. “And that didn’t really help in the end. The entire reason I was so rude to everyone is because I spent a year with no one but Miys, and they had no concept of Terran manners at the time. To a degree, I had to be blunt with them to accomplish anything, until there were more Terrans on the Ark. And even then, you know quite a bit of our cultural niceties aren’t exactly universal.”

I thought that over for a bit. “So, you convinced Noah to be your ad-hoc speech writer and feed you appropriate manners for certain situations?”

“Maybe? Yes.  That’s pretty much what I did.  And it’s been working, honestly!” He laughed, but it sounded a little bitter. “It’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing that someone so alien to what we know is better at being human than I am.”

“For what it’s worth, Noah is a living computer and not exactly Superman,” I advised, trying to be comforting. When Simon looked confused, I explained. “I used to study comic books. You know who Superman is, right?” He nodded, so I continued. “Believe it or not, he was a really divisive character.  Sure, he was a hero, he was good, so on, so forth. Superhero stuff, in the beginning. But he was so perfect – handsome and strong, bulletproof, x-ray or heat vision, flight, and an absolute moral compass. Sounds great, right? Except for one detail, a tiny detail and yet a huge detail at the same time: this pinnacle of humanity wasn’t human.  He wasn’t even one of our gods.  He was a flat-out alien, from another planet. Sound familiar?” Simon glanced up before nodding with embarrassment. “You’re not alone, not by a long shot. Even comic book writers who were on the cusp of being the next big name would refuse to write for Superman, even if it meant stalling their career for a while.”

“I don’t hate Miys,” Simon objected.

“Oh, I know you don’t.  But it’s very normal, very human to feel how you’re feeling about needing him to tell you what to say.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the desk. “Noah isn’t Superman.  They are brilliant, and have access to so much data at once that they have an advantage in this.  Add to that, Noah is sentient, not an actual computer, so they pass the Turing test every time without breaking a sweat.  But have you tried just, doing it on your own?  Pay attention to how people react, apologize if you upset them, and adjust your approach? You know, like every human ever has had to do?” I quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, dude.”

Simon glanced up at the ceiling again. “Hey, Miys.  I know you heard all that.”

“Correct,” came the flat buzz. Noah sounded a bit miffed.

“I’m sorry, dude. I’ve probably been bleeding resentment all over you for months, and you never even said anything. That’s horrible of me. You’ve been a super good friend, but I think Sophia may have a point on this one.”

A humming whine. “Simon, Wisdom is accurate in her explanation. Beyond works of entertainment, Terrans have shown the same reaction to deities in the past. There is significant historical precedent, so I was prepared for the possibility of this.  Also, I believe she is correct in regard to re-learning how to socialize with your people. Psychological studies indicate – “

“Thanks, Noah,” I interrupted.  This sounded like something they could ramble about for a while. Whether they admitted it or not, Noah did get excited about Terran psychology. “And thank you, for helping Simon for so long.  I know it couldn’t have been easy, on either of you.  You’re a good friend.”

“A pleasure, Wisdom,” they buzzed happily before turning off the communication system.

“So, try it the hard way?” I asked Simon, smiling gently.

He slid low in his chair, covering his face again. “If I have to, yes.  I can’t say I’ll do a great job, but I promise to try.” He peeked through his fingers. “Just… keep Tyche away from me for a bit? Until I get better at this?  I really don’t want her yelling at me again.”

I chuckled and nodded in agreement. “Now, let’s see who she’s going to be training.” One issue resolved, I flicked my datapad back in front of me. My eyebrows rose when I saw who my new administrator was, though I was only mildly surprised. “And this person somehow has no personal conflicts with the Council? None?”

He shook his head with a grin, relieved the topic was changed. “Being a pest doesn’t mean they can’t work with him. And honestly, it worked in his favor here. If nothing else, he showed dedication and determination.  Actually, the only person the Council was concerned he would have a conflict with is your sister.”

“And she included a letter of recommendation, if I remember right,” I muttered softly.  Clearing my throat, I spoke up a bit. “Believe it or not, she actually advocated for him when the file passed inspection.  So did Xiomara.”

“Better find those books, Sophia,” Simon leaned back and shook his head. “I think you have some crow to eat.  Hope you didn’t burn them yet.”

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[beccarooni-watch-later]

A brief summary of some ocs

Sidenote: i have a lot of ocs. like a lot. idk I just really enjoy making new characters for things, and adapting old ones into new formats, and yeah this list may have a part 2 who knows because a lot of other ocs exist as their own thing. But, since I’m more known for marvel stuff, here’s those guys under the cut ;)

(This mainly goes out to @best-slash-fic-pls, who asked to hear more about them. But, anyone, feel free to send me asks about any of these characters. If you like I’ll even try and answer them in character! Idk, it could be fun)

So, at present, I have 3 main MCU based ocs

1. Tekran Opindoor

She’s part of a specific division of the Nova Corps that does deep space rescue missions. Think like a mountain ranger or something but….space

Her aesthetic and costume is kind of space nautical, very Treasure Planet inspired. Typical nova corps uniform but also a long ass pirate coat and big ol’ pirate boots

Attitude wise Tekran’s a sweetheart, very stressed out 27 though, but she likes to act like she has her head on straight

Usually very optimistic, likes to plan things out in excruciating detail and prefers not to take risks

She’s not a fighter, she’s a rescuer. And she’ll fight you on that (well maybe not fight, possibly a sternly worded post it note)

Has a big ass spaceship called the Prime Bacon - which Quill tricked her into naming after Kevin Bacon. She was not pleased.

Pilot-wise, she’s less of a speedster and more of a ‘this ship is so god damn huge I can just crash into stuff’ style of attacking - the very few times she does need to attack. The cannons on her ship are supposed to be for blasting stray meteors, but can occasionally be used to shoot giant purple grapes in the face

Sidenote: Her ship is styled to look like a big fish. I have no idea why, it just is. I do have a drawing of it somewhere that I’d be happy to share if y’all want

Her place in the MCU is basically that she helped the Asgardians get back to earth post infinity war

Before that she was kind of just doing her own thing, occasionally bumped into the Guardians

She has a lot of complex feelings about the Guardians / Ravagers, as she’s very lawful good and feels uncomfortable breaking laws, but she knows a good person at heart when she sees one

2. ‘Baxter’

Baxter isn’t her real name. Not a lot of people know what her real name is, because she’s got so many aliases that it’s kind of hard to keep track.

She’s not exactly good with coming up with the names though. Her fake identities are always called something ridiculous

Notable examples include: Chiffon Vanderghast, Tennessee Tallahassee, Sunny Skye, and Boulevard Williams

Her deal is she was originally a freelance weapons dealer, got busted selling stuff to hydra, and then decided to give a bunch of hydras information to shield in exchange for leniency regarding her sentencing

But of course hydra was in shield, and so she got quietly killed before she could get round to it

Double but, she had previously signed up for a trial experiment to replicate the captain America serum, and the experiment was deemed a failure but had the unintended consequence of bringing her back from the dead

She’s not got regenerative powers though, there’s just something in her that keeps her walking around. Kind of like a zombie but without all the zombie….ness….idk

Personality wise she’s kind of a huckster, very used-car-salesman kinda vibes

Her heart isn’t really in….anything, she just kind of goes where the most money is

Still she’s usually quite a good humoured person, doesn’t tend to hold grudges, sort of a hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy style of nihilism where everything’s gone to hell so why not make the most of it?

Aesthetic wise, she’s kind of grungey. Maintaining dignity is difficult when you’re undead, so she kind of just takes what clothes she can get which results in lots of mismatched options.

3. Akrit Tsosie

Dropout of the magic school academy whatever that Strange went to

He got so far in the programme but wanted to go home to be closer to his family, specifically his grandma

But, he wanted to continue studying, so attempted to self teach himself the last few bits which had some….interesting results

Basically his magic is a bit more fluid and messy than Strange’s, and a lot of it relies on pre-drawn symbols that he has on various parts of his body - kind of like cheat codes for magic

Favours usage of portals, background as an actor in musical theatre so favours the dramatic (as well as this giving him some gymnastic abilities)

Doesn’t usually use his powers much, aside from the occasional bout of laziness that I think we’d all succumb to eventually

Plot wise I haven’t figured out as much, I think he’d be more involved in endgame because of his limited time travel abilities? (Something something magic)

I had a sort of idea wherein he tries to resurrect one of his dusted family members using magic, but it goes wrong and causes a bit of a disaster that prof hulk has to help stop, and that’s when he’d then get involved

Attitude wise he’s quite laid back, doesn’t have his aspirations set very high but still likes to achieve them

He’s just very easy on himself I think, big on self care and taking a step back when he needs to - but sometimes needs a push to get into potentially risky action

Turns into a bit of a pessimist after the snap, but doesn’t go down a super dark route - just kind of sticks with what he’s got and stays a bit closer to the ground

Aesthetic wise, he’s quite casual with how he looks normally, but does love a dramatic flare to his ‘battle costume’ or whatever the heck he’s got going on

And there we go! Let me know if you want to know about any more of my ocs, or if you want me to elaborate on any of the above 😊

[the-light-followed]

THE COLOUR OF MAGIC (1983) [DISC. #1; RINCEWIND #1]

Rating: 5/10

Standalone Okay: Yes

Read First: NO.

Discworld Books Masterpost: [x] 

* * * * * * * * * *

Ask any Discworld fan, and we’ll all pretty much universally agree that The Colour of Magic isn’t the pinnacle of the Discworld experience.  Nobody really recommends that new readers should start here, even if it is the first book in the series chronologically.  I’m pretty much a writing-order-equals-reading-order purist, for reasons best discussed elsewhere, and even I would absolutely never start people off with this one.  (I tend to go for Going Postal or Wee Free Men—again, for reasons best discussed elsewhere.)

It’s not Pratchett’s best work.  It’s not even his tenth best work.  If I have to rate it (and I do, because that’s kind of the point, here), compared to the rest of Discworld, it’s down at the bottom of my list.

It’s pretty damn good, though, for what it is.

For me, it’s a genuine joy to read the early Rincewind books. This is because, in my head at least, it makes total sense that everything involved in them is baffling and strange when compared to the settled absurdism you get from other Discworld novels.  Further into the series, it all feels a lot more comfortable and fleshed-out: yes, the things Pratchett writes about are often genuinely ridiculous, but usually the setting explains those things and packages them up neatly enough to make them acceptable. And the characters treat everything as perfectly normal, business as usual, so the reader is gently encouraged to do the same.  

Thinking about it, I would argue that a lot of the Discworld shenanigans aren’t all that different from a lot of the real-world nonsense that we all just accept as totally normal.  Discworld nonsense and our nonsense just come from different places. For us, it’s stuff like the fact that some cops still ride horses for absolutely no good reason, or that tipping is part of a server’s pay in an American restaurant, or that water is usually free but we all let movie theaters charge us like $5 for a bottle, and what’s that even about?  In the Discworld, the thieves and assassins have unionized, and if you slip up, it’s entirely possible to just fall right off the edge of the world.  It’s weird, and it’s not exactly fine, but it’s not about to kill us right this second, so we all just let it happen. We accept it.

This is not at all the case for our unwilling protagonist, the original Discworld hero-who-is-absolutely-not-a-hero, Rincewind. He’s scared of everything.  He is a genuine, bona fide coward.  Absolutely everything that happens leaves him baffled, terrified, and/or dismayed, and to tell the truth I unconditionally respect all of this about him, because most of the absolute bullshit nonsense going down around him is baffling, terrifying, and/or simply Not Good, and he and the reader have to learn to live with that together.

Over the course of this one novel, failed-wizard-slash-reluctant-guide Rincewind is:

Involved in burning down large parts of the city of Ankh-Morpork, because he left his friend unsupervised and the city really wasn’t ready for the invention of ‘insurance’ without the accompanying understanding of ‘insurance fraud.’

Chased, threatened, and variously menaced by a sentient suitcase known as the Luggage, which canonically has huge teeth, a mahogany tongue, hundreds of little legs, and an insatiable hunger for the flesh of its owner’s enemies.  Also, it does your laundry if you leave it inside. Isn’t that nice?

Forced into a duel by dragon riders, where he must fight upside-down while wearing boots that basically Velcro-attach their wearers to the ceiling.

Captured, imprisoned, and scheduled to be sacrificed to the anthropomorphic personification of Fate in exchange for success in a scientific endeavor—specifically, checking the biological sex of the giant turtle carrying the Discworld on its back through the universe.

Dropped over the Rimfall, the waterfall at the edge of the Disc, which in Roundworld terminology is something like tripping and falling off the surface of the Earth and flying into the abyss of space.

Repeatedly almost forced to speak one of the Eight Great Spells that created the universe, which will do…something, possibly catastrophic, when spoken.  No one knows exactly what it does.  Rincewind certainly doesn’t.  This spell attached itself parasitically to his brain years ago, and, in the meantime, has shoved all the other wizard-y type things he could have been doing right on out of there.

So, basically, he’s going through a lot.  And this list isn’t everything, just the bits I pulled out by opening my book at random spots and reading a couple of lines.  It kind of makes sense, in my opinion, that things feel a little topsy-turvy.  Shit’s wild.

On top of that, I’d also argue that Pratchett is playing pretty fast and loose with plot and story structure in this book.  It can feel sloppy at times, more like a bunch of little vignettes that have been strung together than a single, coherent storyline. The plot loosely wobbles along the tightrope strung between Rincewind’s uncanny luck, good and bad, and cheerfully-blockheaded-tourist Twoflower’s unstoppable ability to trample through the middle of every single situation that could possibly try to kill him.  Very bad things happen, but somehow, they miraculously fail to die, and so Rincewind is still stuck shepherding Twoflower along through the next incident of someone or something trying to brutally murder them both.  There’s no real greater plot or driving need, just Twoflower with his little camera, wanting to take pictures of every beautiful and dangerous part of the Disc.

If a rabid wolf the size of a bus came up and tried to eat him, Twoflower would take pictures of the inside of its mouth and say, “Oh, wow, I’ve never seen teeth that big before!  Rincewind, won’t you take a picture of me with this magnificent beast?”  And Rincewind wouldn’t answer, because he’d be half a mile away already and still moving fast, with nothing but a cartoon cloud of dust left behind to mark where he’d been.

[Here’s the boys, Rincewind and Twoflower, just doing their best.  From the BBC two-part miniseries called The Colour of Magic, which actually spans the plot of both The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic. Yes, that is Samwise Gamgee playing Twoflower, and yes, I did get distracted by that a lot while watching. Twoflower has all of Sam’s earnest faith and absolutely none of his common sense.]

Fun!

The whole thing actually is pretty fun, though.  It’s witty.  It’s got something to say, even if that something is just “hey, aren’t all these identical High Fantasy Adventure books all overdramatic and ridiculous in the exact same ways?”  Pratchett is writing this book as one massive joke he’s telling about the genre, the tropes, and the archetypes, and he does a pretty decent job even by today’s cultural standards, let alone the standards of 1983.  Chances are that any point he’s making here in The Colour of Magic is something he’s going to make again, better, in a later book, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the seeds of something here.

As a main example, I’ll point out Liessa Dragonlady, who has arguably the biggest role in one of the major conflicts of this book.  Liessa is initially presented as the quintessential High Fantasy barbarian warrior lady, which would typically be more about sex appeal than any actual skill—except that Liessa is actually highly intelligent, 110% more talented and qualified as a leader and warrior than her brothers or literally anyone on the protagonists’ team, and is aware the whole time that she’s struggling against the patriarchy and her society (and the tropes) in trying to take what should be her rightful place as leader of the Wyrmberg.  The sexism exists in the Discworld, not in the writing.

[Liessa from the BBC’s The Colour of Magic, wearing—no joke—a crop top armor chest piece.  Actually, I think it’s technically a bikini, based on the bottom half of the armor.  Or should I say the lack thereof?  Classic.]

Liessa is a decent example of Pratchett’s ability to look at the tropes and the reader’s expectations, and then go and take his writing somewhere else.  But even so, I’d absolutely point to Monstrous Regiment or even Equal Rites first for anyone wanting to read a really solid exploration of femininity and what it means to be a woman in a traditionally ‘masculine’ field.  Or I’d suggest just about any book starring the senior witches or Tiffany Aching for examples of well-rounded female characters that demand respect in a world specifically designed to not want to give it to them.

But that’s just one example.  The Colour of Magic has the seeds of quite a few really good ideas that Pratchett will explore in more depth later on.

I think those seeds are part of what makes The Colour of Magic worth a read at some point, even if it’s never going to be anyone’s favorite Discworld book.  I love seeing the foundations of Future-Discworld, that settled absurdism I was talking about earlier, in this.  We’ve got our proto-Vetinari, long before he had a name, being generically threatening and Machiavellian and as close to ‘cackling evil overlord’ as it’s possible to get without actually cackling, or at least without some sort of thunderstorm rumbling in the background.  Ankh-Morpork is a wonderfully scum-filled cesspit of depravity and immorality.  There’s no effective City Watch to kick things into a rickety and leaking approximation of ship-shape, so it’s probably a good thing that the river Ankh is so thick with pollution that you don’t need a ship to cross it—you can just walk.

There’s even some early conceptualization of Pratchett’s special brand of everyday magic, the kind that will show up over and over again in the Discworld: the idea that even with a reality full of gods and wizards and hyper-powerful, monstrous things, there’s still a lot of power in everyday, ordinary people.

Pratchett is all about belief.  He preaches the importance of the self, in terms of making reality into the place we think it should be.  In Pratchett’s world, the things we believe in matter, and not just in a philosophical sense.  Belief is a real, tangible form of magic—in this book, specifically, Twoflower manages to summon an entire dragon out of nothing, just because he believes strongly enough that dragons should exist the way he’s always dreamed them to be.  In later books, sheer belief and willpower are shown to create and fuel gods and spirits, to contain quasi-demonic entities of vengeance and darkness, and to form the backbone of every other more ‘traditional’ type of magic.  

It’s nice to see the early forms of it here.  I’m not going to get too into it, because it’s going to show up a lot in later books in more significant ways (I’m thinking Hogfather, Small Gods, and even Pyramids) and I don’t want to beat that horse to death just yet, but it’s one of the foundation stones of the Discworld.  It’s somehow comforting to know that it’s been here since the very beginning.

It’s also funny as hell to see the stuff that Pratchett will eventually change, soften, or drop entirely as he settles into the way the Discworld will work.  Did you know there are eight seasons on the Discworld?  And that in my 1985 edition of the book, the footnote where he explains these eight seasons takes up the bottom half of two entire pages?

That’s one single footnote there.  The first ever footnote, even, and it’s almost a full page long and utterly ridiculous.  It’s incredible, and I love it a lot.  I also love that almost none of the details here are ever mentioned again, and if they are, it’s never in a significant or memorable way—and Pratchett certainly doesn’t waste a whole page on any of them ever again.  Well, except for Hogswatch, because Pratchett knows when he’s got a real winner.  It might have taken him thirteen years, but he wrote a whole damn book about it, and we all can agree that Hogfather is a joy and a delight.

Not so much “Autumn Prime,” “Crueltide,” “Winter Secundus,” and blah blah blah etcetera whatever.  I’m not ashamed to admit that I forgot them while I was literally still in the middle of reading them.  And what the hell is “Reforgule of Krull”?  No clue. It’s total nonsense, never seen again, and I think we can all agree we are fine with this.  

On second thought, I think Pratchett does end up using Hubward and Rimward pretty regularly as directions.  But without this info-dump, when reading other books, I think that even I figured out how “Hubward” and “Rimward” work on a flat plate of a world with a Hub in the center and a Rim along the outside.  And I am so bad with maps and directions that I literally get confused trying to give people directions to the parking lot outside my work.

I’m no good at wrapping these things up, so I’m ending this post the same way that Pratchett ends the book: with Rincewind abruptly falling off the edge of the Disc.

[Originally, I was going to go hunt down some fanart or something, but I don’t have permission to use any of that, so instead you get my doodles off the scrap paper I steal from work.  Luckily for everyone, I’m an artistic genius.  The dot representing Rincewind obviously isn’t to scale, since one human person would be much smaller than that, but if it represents the size of his body and the size of his scream, then it’s basically accurate.]

* * * * * * * * * *

Side Notes:

Rincewind’s insane luck, good and bad, is because he’s a favorite of the goddess referred to only as ‘the Lady,’ since invoking her true name means she has to leave.  She’s the anthropomorphic personification of Luck itself, and she’s the reason Rincewind always survives whatever terrible situation he finds himself in—but also the reason he’s stuck in that situation in the first place.  

Everything that goes wrong, and the dramatic escape that inevitably follows, is because the Lady likes to play dice games with Fate, using normal people on the Disc as game pieces.  

Rincewind, it turns out, is the human equivalent of her favorite Monopoly token. (The iron, maybe?  It has the same sort of Looney Tunes cartoon-anvil vibe as Rincewind’s whole, well, everything.)

Death as a character makes his first appearance in The Colour of Magic.  However, here it’s implied he actually is involved somehow in the killing process, and his role can be filled in by apparently random low-level demons on their days off, whereas later books make it clear he just collects and shepherds the dead onward, and actually the issue of his replacement is a big deal, cosmically speaking.  

Pratchett sort of avoids this issue by claiming that Rincewind’s life timer is so complicated and convoluted (because of all the weird accidents and magical incidents) that Death just can’t tell when he’s actually supposed to die.  

I guess Death shows up every time it looks like Rincewind might kick the bucket, just in case?  And in that case, all the threatening stuff he says to Rincewind in these early books must be because he’s so irritated that he has to keep coming out for no reason, only to find that Rincewind has, once again, managed to survive.  And maybe the low-level demon showing up instead was just, uh, Death trying to scare him into actually beefing it, this time…?

Although the Unseen University Librarian exists and is human for the entirety of this book and only this book, he does not appear at any point.  He’s briefly referenced—or, at least, a librarian is referenced, but this is referring back when Rincewind was young and read the grimoire that left one of the Eight Great Spells parasitically attached to his mind.  There’s no guarantee it’s the same librarian, and based on the turnover (read: murder) rate of University wizards at the time, I don’t think it’s likely that anyone managed to hold onto their job that long.  On Google, I did find a thing where someone cut together some shots of him in human form from The Colour of Magic BBC show, so that’s pretty fun:

Once he’s changed into an orangutan in The Light Fantastic, he’s described as still looking a bit like the human Librarian: with that beard and hair combo, I think they nailed it.

* * * * * * * * * *

Favorite Quotes:

“Inn-sewer-ants-polly-sea.”

“She was the Goddess Who Must Not Be Named; those who sought her never found her, yet she was known to come to the aid of those in greatest need. And, then again, sometimes she didn’t. She was like that.”

“It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists’ houses and smashing their windows.”

“Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.”

“‘I’m sure you won’t dream of trying to escape from your obligations by fleeing the city…’ ‘I assure you the thought never even crossed my mind, lord.’  ‘Indeed? Then if I were you I’d sue my face for slander.’”

“It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself.  But Rincewind always thought it looked a sort of greenish-purple.”

[elysiumwaits]

Ely’s Atmospheric HL Rec List

Rec List Updated: 8-21-19

So Britt’s going on a long plane ride tomorrow and asked for atmospheric fic that she can “sink her teeth into”. “Atmospheric” is my middle name when it comes to reading fic, so here you go. As always, I’ve gone overboard and added my own thoughts. @thepeacering​ - take what you want, I’ve labeled any archive warnings that apply and their ratings for you!

Expect some angst, but always a happy ending - even if it takes a bit to get there. I also tried to keep the word count high since it’s a long flight, but my version of long fic and everyone else’s versions of long fic are probably drastically different because I have the attention span of a very smart goldfish.

could we be enough? (we can be enough) by amemorymaze - 13k, no significant warnings, Explicit

Summary: The dust in the air tickles at the back of his throat and it hits him at once just how long it’s been; three years to be precise. 

Three years is a lot of dust. Three years of mending a broken heart; stitching the pieces together that he himself shattered. Sleepless nights and long days, trying to pick up his life and carry on as if everything hadn’t fallen apart. Three years of staying away and never coming back, just letting the cottage sit still, unoccupied.

Three years is a lot of time. 

(or, harry comes home for the first time in three years and louis' there - he's always there.)

Ely’s Thoughts: I have been frantically searching for literally 4 months because I don’t have access to my private bookmarks on my old AO3 account and I wasn’t sure what to type in to get it. It’s based on the music video for Adele’s “Hello” and came out right after it - the phone booth is a prominent feature, and it’s just overall a deliciously angsty, break-up-reunion fic. It’s the reason “Hello” is on my HL playlist and makes me go full “gay yearning activated” when I hear it.

just call me inspiration by hereforlou - 51k, no significant warnings, Explicit

Summary: The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world.

(Or, the one where Louis is a writer, Harry is an art student, and they inspire each other in very different ways.)

Ely’s Thoughts: I love this fic, and I relate to Louis a lot as a writer here. Also, pining and coffee shop AU. The angst is pretty lowkey, if I remember correctly there’s some misunderstandings going on, but it has a happy ending because I don’t read things that don’t have a happy ending.

Paint the Sky With Stars by kiwikero - 62k, background character death, Mature

Summary: On 10 April 1912, Harry Styles boards the finest ship the world has ever seen. Still grieving the death of their mother, he and his sister are being sent to America to live with a callous uncle who cares more about his business connections than family. Harry prepares himself for a long, disappointing voyage alone in his stateroom.

Louis Tomlinson has borrowed and saved, and finally has enough to purchase a Third Class ticket to America. With all of his belongings in a single ruck sack, he boards the Titanic filled with hope for a brighter future. Never one to sit still, he can’t resist exploring the massive ship, and soon goes sneaking into First Class in a stolen steward’s uniform.

By a twist of fate, Louis finds himself in Harry’s stateroom, entranced by the most attractive man he’s ever laid eyes on. He keeps returning day after day, even if he doesn’t understand what it is about Harry that continues pulling him in. That’s all right; Louis has a week to figure it out, and Harry is plenty willing to help.

Except they don’t have a week. They have four days. Because on 15 April, their entire world will be turned upside down.

Or, the historically accurate Titanic AU with a happy ending.

Ely’s Thoughts: It’s been awhile since I’ve read it, but I vividly remember staying up all night one night in 2016 because I couldn’t put it down. Fair warnings, it’s historically accurate so there’s some religion and sexuality things. It’s just so good.

These Roads We Stumble Down by onewasturning, 18k, no significant warnings, Explicit

Summary: He’s completely drenched, not one millimetre of him not covered in rain, and the old sheepskin cover over the seat is probably going to stink afterwards from the damp. But even with what seems to be a constant tremor shaking his body, brown hair plastered to his forehead, and a blue tinge to his skin, he’s still probably the most gorgeous person that Harry has ever seen.

Or, Harry picks up a hitchhiker in Oxford, and it's a long ride to Glasgow.

Ely’s Thoughts: I’m pretty sure this is actually one of the big fandom classics and you’ve probably read it. Less atmospheric and more road trip aesthetic, which is heavy on the dialogue.

leave it to the breeze by hattalove, 80k, no significant, Explicit

Summary: Louis couldn’t be prouder of his bake, but there’s something—there’s something. Something about Harry Styles and the earnest way he measures, pours, mixes, scrapes. Something about the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth as he knocks the air out of his batter.

or a great british bake off au in which louis cares about winning and winning only, harry is made of sunshine and rainbow sprinkles, and niall sticks his nose into other people's business. also featuring liam as louis's best friend-slash-concerned mother, and zayn as a macaron connoisseur.

Ely’s Thoughts: May also be a classic - is absolutely my most favorite 1D fic because it’s GBB, which is a highkey addiction of mine. Also not that atmospheric to be honest, unless descriptions of baked goods count.

[sadbi-hours]

Made for @aosrecweek​ for Throwback Thursday

Oh, wow! Guys…it was like y’all read my mind! I’ve been wanting to make an AoS rec list for a bit now, but I just never had the self-motivation to put myself into gear and do it!

Well, I have now…and I really enjoyed putting this list together! I actually hunted across the internet for some of these fanfic recs, because while my tastes were different back in the day, I still love a good fanfic…and I think that still counts for something. 

Plus, I wasn’t really into saving stories that I really liked back in the day. So fair warning, I haven’t read some of these stories in a really long time and my mini reviews might be a bit off, but I still believe that a good fanfic will stick with ya through the ages. 

I hope you found these fanfics to be just as good as I do and I hope you’ll enjoy reading them too:)

P.S. I still plan to make a whole rec list of other stories I like too…with Ot3+, brotps, and all the het and slash fics that your heart desires! 

i had a secret meeting in the basement of my brain by owlvsdove

It takes Skye two seconds to realize they are seducing her, and another second to realize it is seriously working.

(In which Skye, to her absolute horror, falls in love with the science babies.)

Pairing: FSK/ Fitzskimmons

Why you should read it?: 

This story is very personal to me! Because, not only was it the first fanfic for the AoS fandom that I’d ever read..but it also introduced me to the world of ot3′s and the possibility that a poly relationship could actually work not only in fiction but in the real world too. That’s how real this relationship was for me…that’s how beautifully written it was… how completely true to how I’d believe that Fitz, Daisy (or Skye at the time of the story), and Jemma might have started their relationship back in the day, if you know, mainstream network had had the balls to explore that route.

I adore this fic! It still holds a special place for me. I do wish that the author had kept the FF.net version of the story up. There were a few things I loved that had existed in that version that are deleted out in the only existing  one…but that’s just a minor pet peeve of mine. I would still recommend this story if you love fluffy and sexy ot3 action with some minor angst, because Daisy always has to make things complicated for herself!   

Like A Stain Series by AgentSkyeMorse

Skye’s words appeared when she was 17. Trip’s words appeared when he decided to join S.H.I.E.L.D. Hunters heart is broken when finds his Soulmate. Bobbi doesn’t believe in Soulmates… That’s what she tells herself.

Pairing: Bobbi Morse/ Daisy Johnson/ Lance Hunter (aka I don’t know their ship name), and some past Daisy/Triplet 

Why you should read?:.

I don’t really remember much about this series, other than it’s a Canon-divergent post-2 and Soulmate AU. 

I do however remember it being really freaking good! I loved how the characters were not completely OCC like some AU ‘verse’s can make their main characters be. I believed that all these could have really happened if some of Canon’s events had happened differently…and there was such a things as Soulmate universes. 

There are some minor changes made to AoS’s canon, but that’s to be expected. However, I really liked how the writer still made me believe in Bobbi, Lance, and Daisy’s chemistry really well. And it had some really freaking hot sex scenes too, if I remember correctly. 

Mascot by Philote 

In which Skye adopts an orphaned dog, much to the varying delight and chagrin of her teammates.

Pairing: Gen/ No expressed Ships I believe

Why you should read?: 

It’s just a really cute story about the team’s varying reactions to Skye sneaking a little puppy on board the bus. It’s just pure s1 team fluff, and it actually has weary but protective Ward that I think is adorable…before you know, Ward became the evil asshole that he is. 

If you just want team fluff with very little angst, than this is the story for you! 

the heart is hard to translate (all my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling) by awkwardspiritanimals

Leopold Fitz is going to do whatever it takes to keep them safe. Even if it means turning their household items into deadly weapons.

The other three just want him to get some sleep.

(tripfitzskimmons polyamory)

Pairing: Tripfitzskimmons 

Why you should read?:

A post season 1 Ot4, where Fitz feels helpless because of his brain injury and tries to help in the only way he knows how and still can…by making everyday objects into deadly weapons…

Trip, Jemma, and Daisy try to be understanding, but would like it very much if Fitz would stopped turning their possessions into weapons. 

It’s very sweet little ficlet, but does have some Fitz angst. So beware of that.  

love letters to a ghost by arsonistlullabye 

Skye is haunted the ghost of a boy who wasn’t strong enough. Fitz is haunted by a girl who makes him want to be stronger.

Pairing: Fitzdaisy/ Fitzskye

Why you should read?: 

This story is set in an alternate AoS ‘verse, where Fitz couldn’t handle the pressure and loneliness of being one of the youngest to attend S.H.I.E.L.D. academy…and trigger warning, kills himself and begins to haunt the Academy as a ghost.  

Years later, Skye attends and seeing her go down the same path as him, does everything he can to help her become her best self..while also slowly falling in love with her. I don’t want to spoiler anymore, but it’s a really good…but i’ll be honest and say that depending on how you view it, it might not have the happiest ending, but I believe it fit perfectly with the story.   

Take me away to some place real by Florchis 

After the Framework, Fitz decides to go see his mother for a few days and takes Jemma and a reluctant Daisy with him. Things are not easy, but helped by three late-night conversations, Daisy learns that they can choose to not make them hard.

Pairing: FSK/ Fitzskimmons

Why you should read?:

I feel like I’m cheating a bit by rec-ing this fic, since it’s a prompt of mine gifted to me through a @aosficnet2 exchange a few years back, but where Florchis decided to take the idea far exceeded my expectations. This story…left me speechless.It made me cry. It was…just so beautiful and hopeful… yet bittersweet. 

Nothing’s sugar coated…or wrapped up neatly in a little box in this story. They’re all broken by what they experienced in the Framework. Daisy’s left with old and new insecurities to wade through, Fitz can’t always tell the difference between Reality and the Framework, and Jemma’s just trying to hold everybody and herself together…and a trip to see Fitz’s amazing Mom doesn’t automatically fix everything.

But it makes their traumas more manageable…It makes them want to try to be better, not only in their relationship but as people as well. Oh, man! You have to read this story…especially if you were left broken yourself by season 4. Seriously, go read this! 

I couldn’t in good conscious rec one of Florchis’s post-framework stories without rec-ing one of @theclaravoyant. You can go read it here if you like!  

six birthdays skye had by zauberer_sirin

Birthdays are the worst. And hers are not even real.

Pairing:  Skoulson

Why you should read?:

Alright! Hear me out! I, myself , as in me now, in no way ships Coulson and Daisy in a romantic relationship, but when I first started out reading AoS fanfics, I was experimenting…trying to figure out my tastes and what I shipped and liked romantically. 

And I can admit that I’ve read other Skoulson fics in my time, but this fanfic is the only one that I’ll willing recommended…because the romantic aspect of Skoulson’s relationship was left ambiguous, at least to me. It was more of a character study of how Skye has always views and copes with her birthdays through the years and the one time, she actually liked being born…and even though, I hate it, her relationship with Coulson has a lot to do with her acceptance of it. 

But I wouldn’t blame anybody for skipping over this one, I haven’t read it since I read it the first time just because I would have to stomach the romantic Skoulson in it…but I feel like it’s still worth recommending. It’s a pretty good Skye/Daisy character piece.   

Along the Way by theclaravoyant

When Shield’s two youngest prodigies shake hands for the very first time, their expressions are exactly as you might expect for two people who know they’ve just met their soul mates. But for this particular pair there’s something else as well.

Confusion.

-

Sometimes finding your soulmate(s) is not as simple as it seems. Then again, sometimes what we spend most of our time looking for, has been right under our noses all along.

Pairing: FSK/ Fitzskimmons

Why you should read?:

A FSK Soulmate AU that went a long way to redefining my outlook on the trope. Fitz and Simmons’ quest to discover who their other soulmate is and what the weird soul mark they have means is really well done and completely in character with how Fitzsimmons are as individuals and as a unit… 

It’s just a very well written AU that’s I’d recommended anytime of the day. You should read it.   

and when we burst, begin again by  owlvsdove

May gets hurt in the line of duty. Jemma tries to fill her shoes.

Pairing: FSK/ Fitzskimmons

Why you should read?:

If you haven’t noticed by now, there is a pretty consistent theme to my fanfic recs…and that’s the hurt/comfort or heavy angst trope and this one fits that bill to a tee.

Set in a post season 1 Canon-Divergence world I believe, where I think Ward really injures May and Jemma take it upon herself to become the team’s glue…and how it slowly chips away at her emotional sanity. It’s really well written and I think you guys will like it…if you don’t mind the heavy angst too. 

break my heart into pieces on the floor by hpfreakster

Months earlier she had stood there ready to give her life for them, now she stands there pointing a gun at Skye and Fitz.

Pairing:  BioSpecialist with a side order of Fitzskye

Why you should read?: 

An alternate end to season 1, a role reversal with Jemma being the Hydra agent who betrayed the team, A flawed but ultimately goodhearted Ward, and a possibly triple agent Simmons…? What more could you ask for in a fascinating, alternate plot twist and development? 

I know some can’t even read about Ward as a main character in any fashion, but I really loved this fic…how it was done…how Ward was portrayed. He wasn’t perfect…or really even likable…but he loved his team and would do anything for them, even haunting down the woman he loves to avenge Fitz and Skye. 

I think that’s a really cool story;)  

He’s Not A Monkey by  AgentMaryMargaretSkitz

“He’s Leo. Fitz. The dog is Fitz.”

When an 084 explodes, Skye sees that Fitz has turned into a puppy. Some Biospecialist and pre-Skitz.

Pairing:  Another Biospecialist with some minor Fitzskye

Why you should read?:

Wow! Another fluffy dog story rec! I really need to find my AoS fluff in other tropes! LOL! 

But who can resist Fitz being turned into a adorable freaking puppy…who adores Skye and Jemma…and keeps biting Ward in various places I think! I couldn’t! Haha! 

stretch your arms around me by  Conifer

With them, Skye learned to love.

She learned how to give it just as much as she learned to feel it. It was abstract and solid and all-consuming, a mess that left her feeling dizzy and weightless. It was impossible to put a finger on but easy enough to place; she knew the heart-pounding feeling when she had it.

Pairing: FSK/ Fitzskimmons

Why you should read?: 

A kind of a sad Fitzskimmon fic, where Skye knows that her relationship with Fitzsimmons will come to an end someday…because well, according to Skye, it has to. In her life, happiness never lasts for long…but she’s going learn from and enjoy her time together with them for as long as it lasts. 

It’s a bittersweet, but heartwarming fic that fits right in my alley. Go ahead and read it…but be prepared to have your heart broken.  

The zeroh law of thermodynamics by  Florchis

Fitz and Simmons are each other’s soulmates. Daisy isn’t. Fitz and Simmons don’t care. Daisy does. Sort of. Or: Jemma wants them to tell her their fantasies, Daisy wants a tattoo and Fitz wants to be a gentleman. (They all succeed.)

Pairing: FSK/ Fitzskimmons

Why you should read?: 

I couldn’t rec @theclaravoyant‘s Soulmate AU without recommending @florchis!

This story showed me that love comes in many forms and variations…and just because Daisy isn’t Fitzsimmons’ soulmate doesn’t stop them from pursuing a meaningful romantic triad with her. Of course, like any real relationship, there are trail and errors…misunderstanding and miscommunications…but they never let that keep them down because they love each other and will do anything to make their unconventional (in every sense of the word) relationship work. 

It’s a really good Soulmate AU story. You should read it…along with @florchis‘s FSK stories here and here. I just love the different and interesting ways she makes the FSK ship play out and begin. 

Apples and Dandelions by  theclaravoyant

After Fitz’ father sends a number of threatening messages and an ultimatum to Shield, Fitz decides it’s time to confront his father. As it turns out, the apple can fall as far from the tree as it likes, especially when there’s someone there to catch it.

Pairing: Fitzsimmons with Fitz & Daisy brotp 

Why you should read?: 

I know that I didn’t really rec manyGen or brotp stories on this list…and I’ll be fair with y’all, but I really do view the majority of my bromance’s in Television and Films as romantic relationships too..and most of the time, I’d rather read shipper fics than purely brotp ones. 

But this fic was so good that I could not share it on my list…but I won’t bore you with the details. It’s a theclaravoyant fic and I think that they’re all amazing.