#I told myself I’d cross that bridge when I got there and now that I’m here idk what to do

[veronicaphoenix]

Chapter tags & trigger warnings: blind best friends, angst, alcohol intake, Japanese folklore. | Word count: 3.3k | Cross posted on AO3. | Series masterpost. ✧.*

General trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction and violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised. +18

I had been sick for the past three days, with fevers coming and going and coughing up flowers that had me not just confused, but considering the idea that I was definitely going mad. I had only told someone about it, and that was obviously Lia. However, I hadn’t been able to let her know until she stopped by for longer than thirty minutes.

She had officialy started dating Mitch and I was barely able to see her.

When she sat down on the kitchen isle and started researching my symptoms on her phone, she didn’t find anything that wasn’t just speculation. She suggested on calling my doctor or taking me to the hospital, but I dismissed the options, asserting that I was starting to feel a bit better.

And it was true. The time she spent with me that day made my health improve. She’d busied herself preparing me herbal teas and soothing down my fever with whatever we had in the house.

Aside from her care, things were different. She was in a relationship now, and for some reason, I felt there was a bridge growing between us. She avoided getting as close to me as she did before, and the way we used to hold each other’s gazes became null, for she would drop her eyes every time I caught her staring at me.

We had said that whatever we did, whatever relationship we got into, it wouldn’t affect our friendship, but there we were, drifting apart even while her hand was on my forehead, checking my temperature.

The day after her last visit, I felt pissed.

I went to the studio we had rented downtown to continue working on the new record. Lia wouldn’t be there that day. She was busy in a meeting a few hours from Los Angeles. Lia and I had had dinner and she had left right after, but that morning, I checked my phone expecting a message from her, letting me know that she was on her way to the meeting or that she had reached. There was nothing. Her absence and the fact that Mitch probably knew more about her whereabouts than I did put me on a foul mood.

I slumped in a chair, and my fingers immediately started tapping on the armrest as I listened to Matt talk. After ten minutes, I was sure the guys could feel the tension I have brought with me permeating the air in the studio. When Matt said something that I didn’t agree with, I replied to him in a tone that was not typical of me. Jolly and Folio exchanged uneasy glances, but I ignored them by moving to the next room.

Nicholas was the one to follow. When I crossed looks with him, there was concern etched across his face. I couldn’t avoid the inevitable question just the same I couldn’t avoid feeling like this.

“Noah, you okay?” He inquired, placing his coffee on the desk.

“Yeah,” I lied.

“Is this about the coughing? Has it wors—?”

“No, nothing to do with that,” I replied, pulling my phone from my pocket, checking once again for a message from Lia. Nothing. I returned the phone to my pocket. Nicholas still studied me intently. “I mean, I’m okay. If my voice doesn’t work, then fuck it. We’ll wait another week.”

“That’s not very typical of you,” he murmured, eyeing me suspiciously. No, it wasn’t. Breaking the planned schedule wasn’t my style, but I was also not known for being someone impatient. “But yeah, if you’re not feeling well, you should rest and let your voice get back to normal. We’re in no rush.”

“I am,” I responded, determined and frustrated. I was in a rush.  

“You know things won’t work out if you force them to happen.”

I needed to distract myself, to escape my thoughts. It was the reason I’d dragged myself out of bed and driven to the studio that day instead of calling Matt to say I was sick.  

“Oh, yeah, thanks for the great advice, man.”

I couldn’t handle it. I was irritable.

“What’s wrong with you, Noah?” Nicholas asked, irritation creeping up to him and into his voice, too. “Why are you so pissed?”

“Well, I think I have an idea why that is.” Jolly retorted, entering the room. He had overheard everything. Not that I’d done any effort to keep my voice down. He adjusted his guitar, ignoring the volatile energy around me.

I scowled; my jaw clenched as I glared at him.

Matt attempted to lighten the mood, sending only a sideways look my way as he joined us. “Come on. We’re all feeling the pressure here. Why don’t we just channel that into the music, yeah?”

I sighed, running a hand through my disheveled hair. I wasn’t sure I could give my best, given that I had spent the last two days coughing, but I was there for a reason, and I planned on making the most of it. “Fine,” I mumbled. I set my phone facing down next to Nicholas’ coffee. “Let’s get to it.”

Mitch was the first guy that Lia ever called “her boyfriend”, and the name nagged at me. Every other guy that had come across her way had been a flirt, a one-night stand, or a two-week fling. She never really felt anything too special for them, and she had always prioritized me before them.

With Mitch, it was different.

It had been two months. She was overly ecstatic. The first few weeks I had a feeling that Lia might enlighten Mitch with all the things that had happened in her life, maybe including the fact that I had been her first kiss. What little I knew about Mitch was that he could be very persuasive when it came to getting what he wanted, and I had never seen anyone so fixated on Lia as he was. Lia wasn’t one to open that easily, but it was the first time she was like this, so entranced with a guy, and I had my doubts at how much she would retain. She was always very careful about what information she would give away. Sharing with people facts about her childhood and her mother was something that she didn’t find comfort in, and every time someone asked how the two of us met, it was a common understanding that we would give a simple answer and diverge the topic. I didn’t know now if Mitch had any idea about her past, about where she came from and the things that her mother did —or didn’t do— to her.  

Maybe I was being too overprotective. Lia had already told me a few times that I was, but so was she, always disliking the girls I went out with and playing pranks to get them to leave the house the next morning in a rush, as if they had learnt something scary about me, whatever it was. Lia was getting really good at making shit up. We had actually had an argument a month before she met Mitch because she introduced herself as my fucking wife to the girl I had just slept with, mentioning the tattoo of her name I had in my neck. Lia pretended to be super angry at finding another woman in my bed. The poor girl thought I had cheated on Lia and left with her heels on her hands, screaming.

When Saturday came, I was expecting Nicholas to come over after lunch so that we could spend the evening playing videogames, but I received an unexpected visit in the middle of the afternoon which caused me a mix of happiness and unease.  

Lia threw her arms around my neck, exclaiming a very elated “hi” in my ear. It felt nice to have her in my arms again, but my tight grip loosened as soon as I spotted Mitch coming from behind. His car was parked in the driveway, next to mine. I could tell he was not very pleased with Lia’s affection toward me. I understood his perspective, though. His girlfriend had a best friend, another male, and she had a history with him, a life, if you’d call it. We had grown together, lived together, and slept together in the same bed countless of times. I wasn’t sure how much Mitch knew about our friendship, but it was enough to send him over the edge sometimes. He had already made a couple of comments about people mistaking her for my girlfriend instead of his, and he’d made it clear that he didn’t like it.

All I could think of was fuck you, dude. 

In a matter of thirty minutes, the house was full of people.

Jolly had a delivery coming up, new furniture for his room, and he had called some guy from IKEA to set it up because for the love of God he was awful at it and didn’t want us to help. Last time we set up his bed, he found two screws on the floor after a month and he was so scared that the bed would crumble at some point during the night that he unmounted everything and had a specialist come in. We thought we could entertain ourselves with videogames while the job was getting done on the other room, but with Lia and Mitch in the house, and Mike who came later with his girlfriend, the evening turned into an unexpected small event.

Beers were served, food was taken out. Before we realized it, we found ourselves sharing drinks with the folks from IKEA. Despite not lingering for long, they managed to enjoy a free beer and indulge in a plethora of snacks, enough to satiate their hunger well into the next day.

Jolly was just farewelling them from the door when my gaze diverted to the sofa, where Nicholas was playing videogames, and I spotted Lia in the corner, in the furthest area of the sofa, sat on Mitch’s lap, her mouth on his, his hand on her ass.

“Noah.”

“What?”

I turned around. I was standing by the kitchen isle, my hands gripping the edge of the counter. My knuckles had gone white. Mike’s girlfriend was looking at me with a friendly smile.

“I said ‘do you want another beer?’” She offered nicely.  

“Yes, sure,” I gave her a smile and accepted the beer she handed me.

Taking the first sip, I casually turned away from the group of guys gathered in the kitchen. Just as Mike, his girlfriend, and Jolly delved into what appeared to be an intriguing conversation, I made my escape.

Securing myself in the studio, I powered up the monitor, launching X and reviewing the latest piece I had been working on. Less than ten minutes later, a knock echoed on the door, and I knew it was Lia, evident from the gentle taps and the intervals between each.

She peeked through the door and smiled widely when she saw me.

“Hey, I noticed you slipping away from there,” she said.

She did? She had looked pretty busy to me.

She made her way in, leaving the door slightly ajar. The studio bathed in a soft, comforting light. Despite the noise coming from the living room, this was my sanctuary. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m not really in the mood for a party,” I admitted. “But I’m glad you came by,” I reassured her after I saw her features fall. Turning the chair, I faced her until I had her at arm’s reach. “How was the trip?”

She had been gone all weekend. Mitch had surprised her with some getaway weekend in Las Vegas, and I didn’t hear from her since the day before she left.

“Good. A bit rushed, though,” she replied, her attention shifting to a new book I had bought recently and that sitting atop a pile of other that I had pending to read. It felt to me that she wasn’t much eager to talk about the trip. “We did some sightseeing and I managed to drag Mitch out of the casinos and go visit the Neon Museum, it was super interesting. You would have loved it.”

Her smile could’ve lighted up the whole room if it wasn’t for the tinge of melancholy I saw in her eyes.

“I’ll make sure to check it out next time we’re in Las Vegas for a show,” I promised. “Did you do get time to go see the Antelope Canyon?”

“I wish! But Mitch isn’t much into walking.”

Too bad. Lia loved hiking. Two years ago, we had gone trekking to Yellowstone and had spent the night in the campsite, playing guitar and singing songs under the moonlight. I couldn’t imagine what fun she had found in Las Vegas if most of their time had been spent in the casinos.

“What does he like, anyway?” The question slipped out involuntarily from my lips.  

Lia narrowed her eyes and pointed a finger at me.

“I’m serious,” I quickly interjected, refusing to let guilt take over me. “I know he’s cool and he’s into music and all that, but what did you see in him?”

“Noah, let’s not go there again,” she said, weariness evident in her tone. She allowed herself to sink into she sofa, her eyes pleading and a faint smile on her lips. “I don't know what you have suddenly got against him. I’m happy, isn’t that enough?”

I sighed.

“Yeah, it is.”

I guess, I thought.

“But if it makes you feel any better,” she continued, straightening herself, “he takes good care of me, he makes me laugh and he makes me feel important.”

“He better do that, otherwise I will kick his ass.”

“I do not want to see that happening,” she affirmed.

A laugh escaped me, releasing some of the tension. After a moment of quiet, another question slipped from my lips.

“Does he know about your relationship with your mother?”

Lia’s demeanor shifted, a familiar guardedness that used to settle in whenever her mother was mentioned.

“He knows she didn’t care much about me. I didn’t go into detail because I don’t find it necessary.” She stood up. Her expression changed and I knew she was about to shift the topic. She approached me and grabbed a strand of my hair. “Your hair has grown so much. It’s longer than mine now.”

Good way to steer the conversation, Lia. 

“I’m thinking of cutting it.”

“Why?”

“I’m just tired of it. It gets so inconvenient sometimes.”

“I can braid it, if you want,” she offered, tilting her head a bit.

“No, thanks,” I replied, my words accompanied by a dismissive pff sound and a displeased look.

“Okay, Mr. Grumpy,” she teased, letting go of my hair. “How’s the coughing?”

“Coming and going,” I replied, not giving it too much importance. I was sick of it, of not understanding it. I had called grandma a few weeks ago and she told me something related to fairytales and love stories. I didn’t need any of it. I needed a cure before it got worse. “I was pretty fucked up a couple of days ago. But today, alas, I woke up just fine.”

“I’m tired of telling you to go see a doctor,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“This has nothing to do with doctors, Lia. If I tell them what’s happening, they’ll either lock me up in the psych ward or treat me like a test specimen.”

“I know, but there must be a solution. What if it gets worse?”

I shrugged.

“Grandma said the solution is that you stay by my side, and everything will be fine.”

“Oh, how convenient for you.”

Despite what she thought, I wasn’t joking. I said that casually, but I was still grappling with whatever grandma had meant when she involved Lia in this strange sickness.

“Not interested in playing nurse for a while?”

“I had my fill of looking after you, Jolly, and Jesse when all three of you caught the flu three Christmases ago.”

That had been a crazy Christmas. All three of us laying in bed and Lia going from one room to another checking our temperature and making sure we were eating properly, and in the meantime, she’d kept on working, designing stuff for the merch drop we had planned for the beginning of the new year while trying not to get sick all at the same time.  She was unbelievable.

“Oh, by the way. I wrote something while I was away,” she suddenly remembered. She took out a sheet of notebook from the back pocket of her jeans and handed it to me. “Will you check it out and let me know what you think?”

It was a song. She had written a song while out on a road trip with her boyfriend.

“Of course.”

“Not now, though. Maybe when there’s less chaos in the house.”

I nodded, a little smile playing at my lips, eager for everyone to leave and night to come so that I could lock retreat to my room, MacBook at myside, and Lia’s handwritten lyrics in my hands.

I saved the paper in the pocket of my sweatpants.

 When my phone buzzed, I glanced at it briefly before deciding to ignore it.

“Are you not gonna reply?” She asked, curiosity evident in her tone.  

“Nope.”

“What if it’s someone important?” She inquired, moving some hair away from her face.

There was a hint of something in her voice, as if she wanted me to answer that there wasn’t anybody.

I made a clicking sound with my tongue, swaying in the chair.  

“It’s not.”

“Come on,” she oddly insisted. “Are you not gonna tell me? Are you seeing someone?”

“Lia, last time I brought a girl home, she ran away before I could get her naked because someone told her I had herpes while I was in Jolly’s room looking for condoms, and because of you I was left with a boner that I had to tend by myself.”

She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her giggles.

The sound didn’t last long, though. The door opened promptly, and Mitch appeared from the well-lit hallway, his smile growing wider as he caught sight of Lia.  

“There you are. I’ve been looking for you for twenty minutes.”

The house is not that fucking big, I thought.

“Hey,” Lia greeted him, reaching out to touch his arm affectionately.

“What’s so funny?” He queried.

“Nothing,” Lia replied, shaking her head and trying to compose herself.

“Well,” Mitch draped an arm around her, “I think we should go. It’s getting late, and I have to be up early tomorrow.”

“Sure,” she agreed, her words being swallowed by Mitch, who leaned in until his mouth met hers.

My eyes lingered on the scene for a moment before I looked away, but not soon enough to miss Lia’s hand pressing against his chest and her nervous, uncomfortable laughter.

“Let’s get out of here,” she mumbled. “Can you grab my jacket and bag from the entry? I’ll meet you there in a minute?” She playfully slapped his ass, urging him out.

I pretended to be busy again with the computer during their interaction, but the truth was that I couldn’t focus my eyes on anything on the screen.

“In a minute,” he repeated, his voice demanding and stern. It was a good thing I didn’t see how he looked at Lia and how he pointed a finger at her; otherwise, I’d have told him to shove his demands up his ass.

With him gone, Lia turned to me, her hand briefly resting on my hair as she bid me farewell. She leaned in to peck my cheek and requested to text her whenever I finished checking her song.

“And don’t work too hard!” She shouted from the hallway, her voice fading away.

“Yes, ma’am!” I called back.

[clothyume]

Forgotten Homework Episode 9

(One hour later)

Kuro: …M-Mmh? 

This place… Oh yeah. I got so carsick that I passed out

This handkerchief…It’s Itsuki’s 

Haha, he put it there as a blanket huh? It’s too small so there’s no point 

( ...Looking at my watch I’ve been asleep for about an hour)

(It’s not like I’m as stressed as I was during the SS trials, but it’s still taken a toll on my body)

(I’ve probably conditioned myself to hate vehicles)

(Now I have a habit of getting sick when I ride a vehicle. That’s a lethal weak point for an idol)

(I’ve gotta overcome that weak point if I wanna keep being an idol…)

(No. Right now I’m more concerned about what to do with our situation) 

(Speaking of which, where is Itsuki? Even if he’s gone to the toilet I don’t know where that is)

…Hm? Ah, filming staff. Sorry, for causing you so much trouble  

Itsuki asked you to look after me? “I’m going to search the area to see if there is someone reliable nearby” or something? 

He went off on his own… How long ago was that? 

Nearly an hour ago? And he hasn’t come back once since he left? 

Where the hell did he go? I’m worried that he’s not been back for an hour 

Anyway, we’d better look for Itsuki… Oof!?

Shit, my legs are still shaking. When’s this motion sickness gonna go away…)

That Itsuki, he left the smartphone here too. I’d better answer it

Phew… Hi. What’s up? 

Chiaki: Ooh, Kiryu! Are you in better shape now? 

Kuro: “It’s hard to say it's perfect. For now I’ve recovered enough to move”

“Anyway, what is it? You’re going out of your way to call so something must’ve happened right?”

Chiaki: Yup. For now ES is our goal, and we’ve just discussed Tenma-kun’s proposal with the programme’s producer and we were given permission 

Kuro: “You said Tenma’s proposal creates a new challenge for us, right”

Mitsuru: Yup! We have spare time so my submission was added! 

The destination is now where Kiryu~senpai is! We’re headed there right now so don’t move from there, Kiryu~senpai! 

Kuro: “Oh, that’s a big help. How long will it take for you to get here?” 

Kaoru: We can’t say for sure yet. Since it’s part of the programme, we have to figure out where you are

But because of the remaining time and your current location, we we’re allowed to use an atlas and rent a car

Chiaki: Wait there, Kiryu. We’ll come save you ASAP! We’ll drive safely though…♪

Kuro: “Ah,  speaking of which, you finally got your driving license, Morisawa”

Chiaki: Before we drive there, we have to figure out where you are 

Fortunately, thanks to a hint from the programme's producer, we were able to reach your starting point. We aren’t allowed anymore hints though

Are there any landmarks where you are right now? 

Kuro: “It’s not really a landmark. But I’m in front of a moving river”

Mitsuru: There’s a river? That’s a great hint! 

Kaoru: H~mm. If that’s all then I can’t narrow it down. Is there anything else? 

Kuro: “…Yeah. There’s a pretty big bridge that crosses the river”

Nagisa: …Great. With that hint we might just be able to figure out where you guys are

Mitsuru: Eh. You figured it out from just a river and a bridge!?

Nagisa: …Not just that. Kuro-kun got lost after getting on the bus 

…And the phone call with Shu-kun earlier revealed that there’s an abandoned station. Therefore there must be a village nearby

…All of that considered, Kuro-kun should probably be around here on the map

Chiaki: Hmm. That’s definitely a place with a big river and a bridge. Plus, it looks like we can get there sooner than expected

Mitsuru: Amazing, Nagisa-senpai. You’re so smart because of all those books you read!

Kaoru: I don’t know if that’s really where Kiryu-kun is though  

For now, I’ll just try driving to the place that Ran-kun told us. If we’re wrong I’ll call you back, sit tight until then

Kuro: …For the time being Morisawa and the others don’t seem to be having any problems 

I don’t really want to be picked up by a car because I’ll get motion sickness again but… I can’t keep complaining about it 

More importantly, I still don’t know where Itsuki is 

(Itsuki is an admirable adult now, and I don’t think he’d do anything dangerous by himself, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s got the temperament of a ‘young master’)

(The good thing is that ‘young master isn’t used to walking on country roads like this, and if he’s not good at it he might end up going the wrong way

(...I’m not in a position to arrogantly say I’m going to protect him anymore)

(Even so, I won’t just leave Itsuki to die… And break my oath to protect him again)

If I get Itsuki involved in this nonsense and get him hurt…I’d never forgive myself 

We’d better go look for him…

Hm? What the, that sound…? 

Sounds like a bike falling over? I can hear it from the other direction, it can’t be…

Shu: Ngh… How do bicycles fall over so easily!? The design could have been made to make it easier to balance the thing! 

Kuro: …What the hell are you doing, Itsuki?

Previous | Next

[changetenacity]

Continued

@okayhookedonphonics

Choices in life follow us. Erin had always done what she felt was right for her. She had always wanted to protect herself; it was the survivial insticts in her. She didn’t have the best upbringing thanks to Bunny who had brought drugs into the house, she was addicted to drinking; all the triggers were present. I thought I was going to end up behind bars if it wasn’t for Voight who took me in. He helped make me the women I was today so taking on this burden the case I didn’t care lightly. I felt a heavy heart because I knew Voight and his tenacities, I knew what he was capable of; I watched him burry the guy that killed his son. I know the lengths he was willing to go to betray the rules, to go against the system. Did I know what i’d do if I found all the accusassions were true? No Because I had rebuilt my life when I left Chicago. I had a job I loved most days; working my way up the ladder. 

But when this case fell into my hands; I wasn’t on the case but I saw the names “ Roy,” Intelligence investigate, I was intriged, I felt that itch to get involved. I had used my knowledge, my history in chicago to get ahead, and now I was required to hand over answers, but did that go against my own morals? It might have me drawing a line but I pegged I’d cross that bridge when it came to it. As for Jay; he was the one I thought about. The repuercussion if he got caught in the crosshair, he was probably Voight’s right hand man, but I did doubt the chance Jay would be open with me. I wasn’t even gonna attempt to seek him out. Not after I ghosted him. After I had taken a job and left. He was someone I cared about; not only my partner but a man I loved. Jay made me feel safe, he was home to me. But I couldn’t ask him to sacerfice his career his home in Chicago for me. Not with how strained our relationship already felt at the time. 

But seeing him, how angry he was still. How hurt he was because of me, it made me feel sick to my stomach. I took each word like a gain of salt, I took each glance as if it didn’t affect me. But I was hurting myself because of how I treated him. I had regrets ones that surrounded him. But I had no right to reopen that wound, so when he left me at the bar I concerned our interaction done. I wasn’t going push; if we had to cross paths at the station we would, but I was going to give Jay the space he needed. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore, I wanted to talk, I wanted to fight it out but I kept my tongue shut. 

The female intended to walk back to the hotel, one drink wouldn’t harm her. She wasn’t expected the ride she ended up taking, Jay’s truck his pride and joy of a truck, I didn’t know what more there was to say. I was here working on a case; attempting to help my old team in case they did end up involved in this mess, but I also wanted to see Jay; so yeah being in Chicago against all the rules I told myself when I left was thrown out the window. But I knew Jay wasn’t going to take my word of it; but honestly I didn’t blame in. Sitting in that seat eyes staring out the window, I didn’t know how I felt right now. 

“ I know, Okay.” Two words I uttered because what could I say? Jay wasn’t wrong he had no reason to trust me, and if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t be so trusting either to someone that had hurt me. So I just sat back until we inched closer to the curb where I could pull myself out of the car. Voight; now that was one conversation I could work myself through no fear. “ The thing is Voight even if he tries to bullshit me he can’t, so I’m sure it’ll be an interesting one.” There was a reason why I was staying at a hotel and not with Voight; we barely spoke, just the simple exchanges of calls to check in every few months. The tough of my hand on his knee I felt it that spark, a hidden smile pulled at my features as I reached for the handle slowly stepping out onto the pavement. Tilting my head back to give Jay one last look as if it was the last time. 

‘ Thanks for the ride, and It was good to see you Jay.” A real smile before the door closed. Ducking her head down to the pavements; Erin had walked the street to the sliding doors that allowed her inside, A bed; a nice place to stay; almost hidden from the rest of the world.

[ohwynne]

TIMING: Current PARTIES: Elias @eliaskahtri and Wynne @ohwynne LOCATION: Portland International Airport SUMMARY: Elias and Wynne catch a plane. CONTENT WARNINGS: None.

Flying for a typical reason could be stressful. But flying for an international mission to rescue his best friend? There was a lot on the line. When he’d told Marcus he was going to Ireland with Wynne to rescue Regan, Elias was surprised by the lack of resistance on his part and was even more thankful. After thanking Marcus and pulling out his and Wynne’s suitcases, they went through the airport security monotony. Thankfully, they’d gotten through with little resistance, and Elias was grateful that Wynne could get a passport with such short notice. Thank god for emergency passport services. Portland International Jetport was large. Not LAX large, but still considerably large. 

They had been sitting at their gate for two hours before the call was made to board the plane. With his suitcase in hand, Elias took a deep breath before looking at Wynne. “Guess we’re doing this,” he told them with tamped-down anxiety. He was trying to keep himself together for Wynne’s sake, he kept telling himself. They called group B to board, and the two headed toward the line to board the plane. “You want the window seat or the aisle?” He asked them as he pulled the tickets out that he’d printed from the kiosk when they’d first entered the airport. 

Elias checked his phone. It was only 6 in the morning. It was about an eleven-hour flight, and Elias always got antsy on flights. Now that there was a quest on the line? It made it worse. He handed the second ticket to Wynne and took a deep breath before handing his own to the flight attendant. It scanned, and he was let onto the loading bridge. No going back now.

Back at home, Wynne had looked at the planes sometimes. There weren’t a lot of them, but when the chemtrails did appear they’d stare at them from the roof, wondering where those planes were going. It wasn’t something you asked or talked of — planes were a part of the ruinous society that they’d all evaded under the blessing of Corwyn Prothero and his deals. (How their people had crossed the ocean to get to America wasn’t addressed. Hypocrisy was best ignored.)

But now here they were, in an airport. They’d made it through security without panicking too much (even if being touched like that by a stranger made them feel deeply uncomfortable) and now they saw the planes up close. They drove like cars on the roads that were called a ‘tarmac’ and flew off in the distance. Wynne couldn’t stop staring. All these people! They were all flying somewhere, just stepping into one of those large things and taking off. Some seemed even bored about it, falling asleep in stead of watching the planes ride around.

They looked up at Elias when he spoke, following him with wide eyes. They were sure there had been a signal that alerted them to get up, but they’d missed it. They gripped their suitcase handle tightly. “Can I get the window? I would like to see the clouds. I saw some pictures and …” They sighed. “I can’t believe that planes work.” Maybe they were magic too. That would make sense. They looked at the ticket as they followed the line, let a woman scan it and started trailing behind Elias. Fear clutched their stomach tightly. Planes were part of a bad world, one that abandoned nature, one that was selfish and ugly – that’s what they’d said at home. But they were going to help someone, weren’t they? Wasn’t that selfless and maybe even good? They clutched the suitcase tighter and piped up with a strained voice: “Does it hurt?” 

Elias nodded his head and gave Wynne the window seat ticket. “I’m too tall for the window seat anyway,” he responded with a smile. “The problems of being too tall for airplanes.” He muttered in an annoyed tone. He chuckled at Wynne’s amazement. “Yeah, I’ve not let myself think too hard about how airplanes work. I think I’d freak myself out, honestly.” He replied with a shrug of his shoulder. “All I know is that plane engineers are on another level.”

He looked over to Wynne, noticing their nervous disposition, and frowned. “You alright?” He asked in a soft voice. “Maybe just try to get some sleep once we’re on the plane. I know a lot of people are nervous about flying.” Then, they asked if it hurt. Did what hurt? “Do planes hurt? No, being in a plane doesn’t hurt. Sometimes, your ears can pop, but that’s normal. Air pressure and stuff.” Elias waved a hand, not thinking too deeply into it himself. 

Then, they were boarding the plane. The flight attendants greeted every person as they boarded the plane with friendly smiles, and Elias nodded politely in return before looking at his ticket one last time for assurance and then going to the seats. He put his suitcase up above their seats, then held a hand out to take Wynne’s and help them put it beside his own.

They beamed at Elias, eyes wide with excitement and fear at the same time. It was a confusing thing, this excitement over seeing clouds combined with the fear of flying and then, of course, all the emotions that came with this rescue mission. Wynne hoped they could sleep. “But can always see everything, at least,” they offered. “I tried to Google it but I didn’t really understand it. Maybe I will just think about it like a big stomach.”

As Elias asked if they were okay, they nodded. Okay was a relative term, they knew that now. But they weren’t hyperventilating or crying, they didn’t see red from anger or felt a despair so deep that they thought they might vomit — so they were okay. In spite of fear, dread and excitement. “I’m alright. Just nervous.” The plane was so big. “I want to look at the clouds first.” Wynne gave a small smile, that vanished quickly when they got their answer. “My ears are going to pop?” They looked disturbed. “Like .. like when you’re swimming and you go very deep?” A way to relate it to past experiences always helped.

They were wide-eyed as they looked at the flight attendant, saying, “Thank you,” as if they weren’t going to look for a bunch of dangerous fae in another country. They offered Elias their suitcase and looked for their seat, sitting down. They understood now, why Elias had said something about being tall. Even Wynne had little space for their legs. They craned their neck. “Where are the in-flight entertainers?”

Elias blinked at Wynne, trying to follow how they concluded that they should view it as a stomach. “Yeah, sure.” He said instead, not wanting to go deeper into that line of thinking. “I just thank the engineers who make it happen and go about my day.” He spoke with a shrug. They watched the nerves flit across Wynne’s expression and listened as they voiced their nervousness to him. “It’s perfectly normal to be nervous. Things that are hard to understand… it can be nerve-wracking.” He frowned and looked down at his hands, realizing how true that statement was.

“Yeah, it’s air pressure, right,” Elias replied with a nod. “It does the same thing going up as it does when you dive far into the water. Shouldn’t be painful, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened, considering how long the flight is.” He sighed, knowing how restless he got on such long fights. “The last time I was on a plane was to visit my sister. She does research out in London. Way smarter than me.” He waved a hand, thinking back to his sister. It had been a while since he’d seen his family, though he made a point to visit them as often as possible. 

Then, Wynne asked him something strange. “In-flight entertainers?” He echoed with a raised brow. “What kind of flights are you taking? There are no in-flight entertainers.” He shook his head. “Though there are these.” He tapped the monitor on the back of the chair in front of Wynne. “You can watch movies and stuff on here with headphones.” He explained. “I’ve never, nor do I ever want to experience a flight with live singing and dancing. That’s a hell I can’t escape.”

They were glad that Elias didn’t think of them less for being nervous and confused. Though they hadn’t told him where they’d come from, they figured it was obvious by now that they were a stranger to most things the world had to offer. Wynne wasn’t as embarrassed about it as they used to be a year or so ago, but still. It was sometimes hard, to be confronted with how little they knew. “That’s smart, maybe we don’t have to know everything,” they said, wondering still if planes were fueled by magic, “Yeah. A lot of things I don’t understand.”

Air pressure sounded about right. They wished they were at a lake shore right now and that they could just dive very deep and come up in Ireland — but that wasn’t how these things went. “It’s very long,” they confirmed, dreading the stretch of time. They hoped they could sleep, but without Ariadne it would be hard. “Really? That’s very cool. What kind of things does she research?” They sounded eager, but they would like to hear about these things as they were distracting. “What is London like?” 

A flush crept up their cheeks as they were caught in another misunderstanding. Wynne had researched plenty about planes, but they hadn’t thought that ‘in flight entertainment’ warranted any deep-diving. They’d assumed there’d be a play or maybe musicians or that they’d sing together. “Oh.” They looked disappointed. “So it’s … that’s the entertainment?” Movies were nice, they supposed. “It would be nice, if we all sang a song. Like around a campfire, but here. For social cohesion..” It sounded silly. They flushed a little more, settling deeper in their seat as if they could be swallowed whole. “This is my first flight ever.”

Elias looked over to Wynne for a moment, observing their nervous demeanor and faraway eyes. “It’s okay not to understand, you know. Makes you something of a scientist by asking questions, you know?” He shrugged his shoulders, a bright smile lighting up his face. “And besides, no one knows everything. If they’ve told you they know everything, they’re lying to you.” He tacked on with a nod. “Planes are weird, and I haven’t even begun to understand how they work, but I trust that the scientists know what they’re doing. I have faith.” He thought for a moment. “And google, in case curiosity trumps faith.” He decided aloud with a thoughtful expression.

“She’s a doctor,” Elias responded, looking out the plane window for a moment. “She’s a neurologist, leading many research studies she can’t talk about.” He rolled his eyes. “She’s always been super secretive about stuff, so I’m sure that she could talk about it if she wanted to. The problem is, our dad’s a retired neurosurgeon, so he’d ask a bunch of questions that she probably doesn’t want to answer.” He rolled his eyes fondly, clear that he loved his family. “London is big. Grey. Busy.” They were small buzzwords, but Elias found that he wasn’t there long enough to really take it all in. Sure, his sister had shown him around, but that didn’t mean he really absorbed what he was seeing. 

Wynne suggested a group sing-along, and Elias felt his life flash before his eyes. He would never, and he means never, sing. Let alone sing with a group of people. He had vehemently refused choir as a child in school, much to his mother’s chagrin. He tried not to show the clear distaste for the idea on his face for Wynne’s sake, however. “First ever, huh? Well, it’s not so bad. Just long and kind of boring after a while.” He patted his backpack. “Brought my switch in case you want to play a game on it. I feel like you’d be into Animal Crossing.”

“Oh.” They were quiet for a moment before smiling. “Cool. Scientists are cool. I like being curious, you know? And I like it when people are supportive of it.” Wynne stopped themself from explaining why curiosity was so important to them, why it mattered that they had the room and freedom to figure things out by themself by asking questions. “I will also have faith in the scientists, then.” And the magic. Maybe the scientists were magic, like Van. “I love Google. It’s way better than Bing.”

Wynne wasn’t sure what a neurologist was. The world was filled with more jobs than they could begin to understand and terms like these baffled them. The term ‘doctor’ was easy enough, though. “Ah, that makes sense,” they said, even if it made no sense. They were just a bit tired of asking questions, even if it was supposed to be good. “Sometimes parents are hard like that, huh?” But Elias hadn’t said it with bitterness. That made them glad. “Sounds very bad. I don’t want to go there.” 

The chair was uncomfortable, but they knew better than to complain. Wynne had been in more uncomfortable positions and locations, after all. They sometimes still felt that basement floor under them. “That makes sense. Like bus rides?” They had never been very boring to them, as they’d always been on edge and alert, if not looking out the window with awe. But the long sit was definitely something they could imagine was boring. “I’m excited for the clouds,” they said. They smiled at Elias. “Cool. I don’t know how to cross animals, but maybe you can show me? Is it like you combine two animals and make another?”

“Curiosity is essential to furthering scientific discovery,” Elias responded with a knowing nod, tapping his nose. “Especially when you’re getting paid for it.” He thought about his own job and how when he returned from Ireland, he’d be unemployed. He was finally giving himself a chance to figure out what made him happy in life, whatever that could be. “That being said, I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have for me. I just can’t promise I’ll have an answer every time.” He wasn’t sure all that Wynne had been through in their life, but they knew that it was enough to leave them rather sheltered from the world. They would never owe him an explanation, but he was happy to listen to whatever they decided to tell him. “Bing is a disaster.” Elias replied automatically, breaking him out of his own thoughts. 

“Parents just want the best for their children. At least, good parents do.” He muttered, not knowing Wynne’s personal situation and not wanting to bring up anything bad on their end. “London isn’t for everyone, and it doesn’t really seem that interesting to me.” He shrugged his shoulders, eyes going wide for a split second. “Seems to be enough for her, though. And as long as she’s happy, I’m happy.” Elias might not talk to his siblings and parents every day, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want the best for them.

Elias’s legs were bent in strange angles to keep himself in the seat, clearly too tall for the space his legs were given. “Yeah, a bus ride in the sky.” He gave an amused smile over to Wynne. “Except there’s only the predetermined stops, not many stops along the way.” Elias watched as the flight attendants did their pre-flight checks, knowing they would be taking off soon. “Animal Crossing is amazing!” He spoke, suddenly delighted. He pulled out his switch and quickly made a new profile for Wynne. “Here, just follow along with the prompts,” he insisted once the game had booted up, asking them to create a character with Timmy and Tommy greeting them to start their game. “Basically, you live on a new island and you’re in charge of taking care of it. Villagers move in, and it’s just a cozy game.” He explained, scratching at his face as he explained the further intricacies of Animal Crossing. 

After several minutes of explaining what animal crossing was, they left Wynne to experience the joys for themselves. “I think you’ll like it,” he further commented after watching them create their own character. “If you do like it, I’ll have to set you up with your own switch and the game.” 

Wynne could not imagine getting paid for asking questions and discovering things. They mostly discovered things that other people had already discovered a long time ago and took as the most normal thing in the world. Like planes and video games and phones. Even their discoveries about the demon had been found by others before, even if they’d helped put it to light. “That’s nice. I am also here for any questions you have for me! I am knowledgeable about nature and other stuff.” They felt embarrassed, tacking that on. 

They were quiet for a moment. “I agree.” What did Regan’s parents want for her? She’d only ever spoken of her grandma, which was kind of similar but not the same. Wynne didn’t want to think about her own parents. To want your child was hardly the best. “I want to go to New York one time. That seems better. A little closer to home! And Dublin is also big.” Portland had already seemed like a gigantic place to them, just as Wicked’s Rest did. “It’s nice that she’s happy.”

Wynne tried to relax once more, but the tense knot in their chest wasn’t quite leaving, not even with the help of Elias’ chatty and casual conversation. They were eyeing the attendants, wondering if they would be able to keep the plane from dropping or if maybe they were the magic ones. “Yeah,” they said, following the other into the conversation of another video game they were bound to discover. “Oh, okay, okay! Thanks.” They shouldn’t be thanking people, but they didn’t think Elias was a fae. They held the switch a little awkwardly, the wide array of buttons overwhelming but the things happening on the screen engaging enough. “I like the idea of taking care of an island.” 

And so they made a tiny version of themself and talked to two weird-looking raccoons on the screen, looking up at Elias every now and then to check if they were doing it right. They shook their head then, “Oh no! No you don’t have to. I can just experience it now.” Maybe they’d save for their own — but for Elias to buy something like this would be such a grand gesture. They had no idea how much it cost, but they were sure it was at least a thousand dollars. 

A sudden seriousness washed over Elias as the flight attendants began to give their safety speech. Wynne’s words got lost as he slowly realized what they were about to walk into. There was no coming back from this feat that Wynne and Elias set out to accomplish. Either Regan was coming back with them, or the two of them, well… he didn’t want to think about it. From what he’d learned from Regan, he knew that they could very well be walking into a death trap (if they could find this place she was at all). His usual demeanor of positivity and happy-go-lucky energy was getting harder and harder to keep up. 

He looked over to Wynne, noticing their nervous energy as they became invested in the Switch in front of them, and Elias was glad that he could at least help them ignore the panic that came from being a first-time flyer. “No going back now,” he muttered to himself as he leaned back in the seat, listening as the plane began to jet down the runway, the feeling of being lifted off of the ground at high speeds giving way to all the fears that Elias had inside of him. There was no going back. And either they were all coming back from Ireland, or something would go wrong. Either way, Elias was ready to face it. He put his hood up from his sweater and buckled his seatbelt, looking over to Wynne to make sure they had done the same, then shut his eyes. Time to go to Ireland. 

Elias popped open an eye one more time, watching the screen of his switch as Wynne began their adventure in whatever they would call their island, and smiled to himself. Even if Wynne said it was too much to spend on someone, he decided that if they survived this together, they’d earned it. “Listen.” He muttered over to Wynne with a crooked smile. “I’ve been looking for a reason to get the new switch model. If you want that one, it’s yours.” He told them with a nod of their head. “And if you can’t accept it, give me twenty bucks, and we’ll call it square.” Elias closed his eyes again, hoping that Wynne would at least mull over the idea as they flew to Ireland. There was an uneasy feeling that he felt in the pit of his stomach, something he was desperate to push down and out of the way. He was about to start a very important quest, he’d need all the energy he could get.

[gale-heart]

My departure all those years ago had worse ramifications than I realized.

Things came to a head between us three weeks in. Three weeks of barely communicating enough to function in the field, then failing even that as we unraveled into fights that made a dragon want to be anywhere else. (As large and deadly as Serendigos is now, he looked for all the world like he was doing his best to become a very small and uninvolved boulder.) Then, after the last and worst Primalist scuffle, we just…stopped. Ran out of steam, I think, after the adrenaline died down and we made sure Seren wouldn’t lose his wing. I was exhausted from pouring everything I had into the mending (crude, clumsy work—it did the job, but barely) when Kerrius surprised me by breaking the ice first. Calmly, even.

He wanted to know where I’ve been all this time, and why I didn’t try to write when I was back in Feralas.

Everything ran cold for me. It had never occurred to me back then that others would know about the small group effort to rehabilitate Eldre’thalas, or that I was there however briefly. It makes sense word of the slaughter would have rushed back to Darnassus—and the old bird made sure to specifically implicate me in his “witness” statement, after all. Kerrius’ mentor, it turns out, was one of the investigating Sentinels into that mess. It took more than ten years for it to occur to me that I never bothered telling my brother anything after I left, even to seek comfort or let him know when I was safe. Nor did I once ask what he was up to, until just months ago.

I told him everything. About the old man and his insidious dismantling of my autonomy, the attempts to make a new arcan’dor, the morrowgrain, the addiction, Mythandos, the disastrous last portal and how I ended up a part of the Fence. I’m sick by now of recounting the details, but he deserved honesty from me. To my (selfish) relief, he at least looked properly horrified by the time I got to the end of our time in Dire Maul. He’d earnestly assumed I’d found myself a cushy job somewhere as a scholar or portal mage and went on to live a comfortable, safe life without concern for aught but myself. He hadn’t known that my current stability and wealth were only very recent acquisitions perched atop a precarious pile of actual traumas. No wonder he’s been bitter—it very much would appear from his perspective that I’ve been flaunting my apparent good fortunes in the face of his loss. It’s good that we’ve cleared the air in that regard, then.

I’m afraid it was still too little, too late.

He’s not sure now what he thinks, or whether he still wants to have contact with me. I may have tried mending this bridge out of genuine remorse and a desire to reconnect with my brother, but we both know now that I treated him rather poorly towards the end of our time together (regardless that it wasn’t outright malicious intent on my part), and I failed to realize just how badly I hurt him when I abandoned him. As of yet I haven’t given him enough in the way of reason to believe my sincerity or that it’ll last. After all, it was made clear before how little I thought of leaving him by the wayside—how can he trust that I won’t do it again? He likes the Fence enough now that he doesn’t mind helping with mercenary jobs once in a while, but he’s asked that I continue to leave him alone for the time being, at least until he sees enough proof of my own change to want to try and be siblings again. There’s a non-zero chance he may decide he still doesn’t want anything more to do with me.

I’ve only arrived home a couple hours ago. I briefly considered crossing the street to wake Charlotte, but the hour is far too early for diurnal folk, and in any case I’m still too raw to want to unload any of this onto anyone else. When I couldn’t get to sleep, I found myself digging through my satchel; now I have all my old journals gathered around me, and tea for clarity of mind.

I won’t be able to rest until I have a better understanding of what other times I’ve been so thoughtless, and who else I’ve inadvertently hurt. If I’m going to become better, I need to first identify where I consistently fail.

[amateurplanner]

ofhiddenastute

[She looked beautiful when she opened the door. I'm talking, take my breath away beautiful. I mean, a different kind of take my breath away, since I was out of breath swinging here, so I made it on time. Either way, she looked great. It brought me with a sense of relief because I know MJ rarely dressed up. Typically she only did if she was forced to, or if she was really excited about something. Given that she wasn't forced to go on this date with me tonight, I knew she must be dressed up because she was excited about it. At least I hoped that was the case, cause I knew I was. MJ and I had come so far with each other over the years. We went from being two people who got on each other's nerves, to eventually tolerable of each other, in time friends, and then more time after that, I realized I had a crush on her. Lucky for me, she liked me too, and well, our relationship just blossomed from there. Then this multiverse stuff happened, and Strange had to work up that spell that everyone would forget who I was, in order to save the world, and now here MJ and I were back to being strangers. Well, one-sided strangers, I should say, since I knew everything about her. It was me who was the stranger to her. I thought silently to myself as I ultimately held up the busted bouquet of flowers in front of her. Needless to say I was pretty embarrassed that our first date since her memories were wiped of me, and I brought her busted flowers. Beyond that though, I had to wonder why I even brought her flowers, cause I knew MJ didn't like them. She found things like flower bouquets to be lame and a waste of money. In my defense though, I didn't  technically pay for these since they were swiped from someone's garden on my way here] Got it, and don't worry, I'll always show up. [Okay, I promised that a little faster than I should have, since that wasn't a promise I'd always be able to uphold, given that I was Spider-man. You never know when crime might happen, and my plans might need to suddenly change, as a result. I'd just cross that bridge when the time comes though, I guess] You're right, some dogs really are no joke. [I muttered out awkwardly. Knowing MJ like I did though, I knew she didn't buy my dog excuse. Note to self, come up with better excuses going forward] Same. I'm starving too. I was really excited for today, so I haven't eaten anything but that doughnut. [I admitted] I think you'll like this place I'm taking you to. [Truthfully, I already knew she liked this place, since it's where I took her on our first date after we returned from our trip to Europe, and we had gone there a lot since then too. I considered optimistically as MJ joined me here on the porch. Out of instinct I nearly reached over to take her hand in my own, but knowing, from MJ's perspective that we just met, I knew that sort of gesture would probably scare her off... Well, either that or she'd slap me. Maybe both. I silently told myself as I waited until she was at my side, and we started toward the direction of the Italian restaurant I was taking her to] Thanks for agreeing to go out with me tonight. [I eventually said with a nervous smile as I peered over at her. I wasn't really sure what to walk about with her... You know, without sounding stupid or creepy, so I went with the first thing that came to mind] So, you excited for Christmas? [Lame, Peter. Seriously, get it together. I silently scolded myself. In my defense though, I had to be careful with my topic choices, or else I'd give away something I already know about her, and risk creeping her out, as a result]

[cyberthot666]

I do not like my life and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve exhausted all my efforts. I’ve tried to do the healthy eating, and waking up early, and get enough sleep, and don’t abuse substances, and go for a walk, journal, yoga. I tried accessing mental health resources on my campus when I was a college student and it actually was so traumatizing. I had a male psychologist ask me why I was on birth control & if it made my boobs bigger. another male counselor I was paired with got angry at me once for getting off topic during our session. a female counselor once immediately suggested I be put in a psych ward because I said I was experiencing symptoms that made me wonder if I had bpd. I went through probably at least 10 different counselors while I was in school and had access to them and in the end I realized none of them were equipped to help with the kind of problems I was experiencing and still experience to this day. I ended up failing so many classes and just dropping out of school because I was so depressed and overwhelmed. I feel as though the education system failed me. I believe I have some sort of learning disability like possibly adhd or autism that inhibits me from functioning in my daily life like a typical adult. this has caused me to carry such a weight of feeling broken, not good enough, “crazy”, incompetent and other horrible feelings about myself because it’s truly so difficult at times just to take care of myself and complete all the normal tasks that seem to come so easily to others. I moved states away from everyone I know. developed a drinking problem. have jumped around from unfulfilling minimum wage job to unfulfilling minimum wage job. have burned so many bridges and caused an embarrassing amount of public outbursts because of my impulsive nature. I’ve tried seeking medical help under my insurance that I just got this last year but I was only ever met with a robot on the other side of the calls and then when I finally did reach actual humans after multiple hours of struggling I was told the soonest available appointment is over a year from now. I recently found Open Path which is supposed to help connect you with affordable therapists in your area so I’m waiting for a response email and keeping my fingers crossed. but I can’t help but feel so hopeless. I have not had a good year. I feel so unstable and like things only get progressively worse. if I began to list everything that has happened to me this post would become extremely long no one would want to read it and just scroll past. I’d just like some support but I don’t know where to find it. I feel like I’ve ostracized myself from many of my friends when my symptoms begin to come out. and it hurts because I know there’s so much more to me than all the useless suffering I’ve endured.

[lilys42]

Bandmates (Josh Dun)- Chapter Three

Warnings: anxiety/anxiety attack

Later that evening, Rhea feels as though she’s given me plenty of time to stew in my own sadness and throws a black sequin dress at me where I lay on the couch watching SpongeBob reruns.

“Get dressed Dani. We’re going to the open mic.” She commands. I debate arguing that I want to stay here, but it’s no use. She’s as stubborn as can be and gives me a look like she knows exactly what I’m thinking.

“Fine. I assume this is what I’m wearing?” I inspect the dress and vaguely recognize it. It was one I used to wear all the time when Rhea and I would go bar hopping years ago. It since has drifted to the back of my closet, forgotten. I hadn’t worn it in so long because the band insisted I wear things that were more modest. It’s low-cut, short, and the sequins are loud. I’ll surely stand out in the bar, which is the last thing I want right now. Unfortunately, it’s the first thing Rhea wants.

“I’ll give you a smokey eye and some fishnets to go with it.” She smirks, clearly hell-bent on this mission to get me back on my feet.

“I don’t even know if this dress fits anymore, Rhea. I haven’t worn it in years, since I had to hold your hair back while you threw up in a bush on the side of the road after one too many tequila shots.”

“Yeah, that was a rough night. But think of it as your Princess Diana revenge dress. You’re gonna go out there, show all these assholes what you’re made of, and you’ll have a hundred bands lined up wanting you to be their lead singer.” I smile despite my sour mood. As always, her words are enough to persuade me, and I get dressed and let her do my makeup. With the spaghetti strap dress, the tattoo on my left arm is in full view. It’s a Twenty One Pilots tattoo I got when I turned eighteen. The lyrics read “The sun will rise and we will try again.” Lyrics from one of my favorite songs, Truce. Underneath it is their symbol. I got it after going through severe mental health struggles; those words always reminded me to stay alive, and that even if I’d had a bad day, I could try again tomorrow. I still get emotional whenever I hear that song.

I take my hair out of its half-hearted ponytail and decide to leave it down for the night. The one thing I put my foot down on is heels. I never, ever wear heels onstage. I tried it once, and I nearly fell over; by the end of our set, one of the heels was broken and my feet were aching. I put on a pair of worn Converse instead.

“Ready?” Rhea asks.

“I suppose.”

“What are you going to sing tonight?”

“I’m not sure yet. I definitely want to do something upbeat.” I say. I scroll through my playlists and try to pick a song.

“Something Twenty One Pilots I’m assuming.” Rhea smirks at me as we walk to her car.

“How ever could you have known?” I say sarcastically. Once we get to the bar, I go over to one of the employees and get them to put my name down to sing. I also tell them the song I chose so that they can have a backing track of the instrumentals for me. Rhea gets us both drinks, and I down half of mine in one gulp. I’ll definitely need the liquid courage, as I haven’t performed by myself in a long time.

“So, what did you pick?” Rhea asks me as she takes a few sips of her usual drink, a Redbull and vodka.

“Holding Onto You. It’s got a lot of interesting vocals in it, so I figured it’d show off my range pretty well, especially at the bridge.” I explain.

“Good choice.” Rhea and I talk for a few more minutes, then the employee calls my name. I also told them to make the audience aware that I’m looking for a band to play with, and I cross my fingers that there’s some interested musicians in the room.

“Go get ‘em, Diana.” Rhea pats me on the back encouragingly. I walk up to the uncomfortably empty stage and try not to think about how much my hands are sweating. My heart starts to beat faster, and it almost feels like the first time I performed. I was riddled with anxiety, but at least I had my bandmates to talk me through the panic attack backstage. This time, it’s just me and the microphone.

I step onto the stage, take a deep breath, and give a thumbs up to the sound guy. He starts the music, and once I hear those first few notes and drumbeats, a sense of calm washes over me. The sense of peace and control that I get when I sing anchors me, and I begin the song confidently. I ignore the crowd and look towards Rhea in the back of the room. She’s grinning from ear to ear, and her silent encouragement takes away the last shreds of my fear. I start to move around the stage like I always do, and I notice a couple people that know the song singing the lyrics back to me.

I make it through the first verse and chorus with ease, then I stumble. There’s a short instrumental break where I look behind me out of habit to smile at Lukas and Flynn. But they aren’t there. There’s only empty space and the curtain that marks the end of the stage. The second verse starts before I’m ready, and I fight to come back in. But I lose my place and I can’t remember which lyrics I’m supposed to be singing. I look to the back of the room for Rhea, but she isn’t there. I’m completely alone. Everyone’s eyes are on me, on the deer in headlights wearing a stupid sparkly dress that catches every single ray of light, and I am completely, utterly alone. I don’t have a band to back me up, only an instrumental track. That’s still playing. It’s in the second chorus now, and there’s no way in hell I can redeem myself at this point. I can’t seem to calm my breathing either, and I clutch my chest. My lungs can’t get enough air. My eyes dart around the room, at all the expectant people looking at me, and I falter. I can’t do it.

I put the mic back on the stand and rush behind the curtain. I find a dark corner backstage with no people in my way and collapse to the ground. From here, I can hear the backing track stop and the confused murmurs all around the bar. It’s too much. I clamp my hands over my ears and squeeze my eyes shut. Tears threaten to break through, but I fight them. I try to fight the panic attack that’s coming on too, but it’s no use. That’s when a pair of hands grabs my wrists and pulls them away from my ears, pushing my knees down so that my head is in view. I keep my eyes shut tightly so I don’t have to look at the stranger, who’s probably an employee trying to tell me I can’t be back here.

“Hey.” A familiar male voice speaks gently. I open my eyes and look down at a pair of scuffed vans that lead to black jeans and a black tank top. And very familiar looking tattoos. I drag my eyes up to his face, and my suspicions are confirmed. Tyler Joseph, the lead singer of Twenty One Pilots, is looking back at me.

“Tyler?” I ask weakly, still not fully convinced I’m not dreaming.

“Yeah. Are you okay?” He asks.

“Um, I—” I look behind him, and another familiar person is crouched on the floor as well. Josh Dun, Tyler’s best friend and drummer. He smiles at me, and I nearly melt. Oh God, this makes things so much worse. They saw me fuck up their song. I start to panic again, and my lungs constrict. I can barely breathe, and my hands are sweating, and my vision is going blurry, and I need to get out of here-

“Look at me.” Tyler says, gentle but commanding. I meet his gaze and feel tears run down my face.

“Breathe with me.” He takes a deep breath in through his nose, and I follow as he exhales through his mouth. He does it several more times, and I can feel my heart rate decreasing as my body leaves fight or flight mode. Josh comes closer to me and grabs one of my hands, wiping away my tears with the other. My eyes dart back and forth between them, not knowing who to focus on.

“Close your eyes.” Tyler suggests. “Feel the floor beneath you, feel Josh’s hand, feel your breathing. Listen to my voice and focus on it.” I do as he says and let the panic attack fade away, bringing me back to the present moment. Josh Dun, my celebrity crush since middle school, is holding my fucking hand. I open my eyes after a few moments and look at them.

“How do you feel?” Tyler asks.

“Better. Thank you.” I say.

“I’m going to go get you some water, okay? Stay right here.” I nod, and Tyler disappears into the dark.

“I’m sorry.” I look at Josh, and he furrows his brows.

“For what?”

“I freaked out and messed up your song. It’s just, I haven’t performed by myself in a long time.” I explain.

“You have nothing to apologize for. Honestly, Tyler and I were honored when you stepped up on that stage and started singing our music. Awesome tattoo by the way.” We smile at each other.

“Thanks. My band just broke up, so I came here in search of some new people to play with. But then I panicked, because I was alone on that stage, and my friends weren’t backing me up. I’m not used to being without them, so it really spooked me.” Tyler returned by the time I was done explaining the source of my panic attack and handed me a bottle of water. I accepted it gratefully and took a couple sips.

“I’ve had panic attacks in public before too, so I know how you feel. I know how dark it is, getting inside your own head and not being able to claw your way back out. I hope it’s okay that we came back here. I just couldn’t stand leaving you to fend for yourself during a moment like that. I find it’s always better to have someone there to ground you and talk you through it.” Tyler says. I catch him squinting in the darkness to read my tattoo, and he smiles to himself. He must like it too, then.

“I really appreciate it. But of all people, I didn’t expect it to be you two.” I laugh, then suddenly remember Rhea is probably searching for me. “Shit, I need to go find my friend.” I stand up, and the guys immediately stand with me. Josh lets go of my hand, and I try to ignore how empty it suddenly feels. “Um, do you guys mind coming with me? I don’t want to walk out there alone.” I look at the ground, but Josh tilts my chin up with his finger to make eye contact with me.

“Of course. What was your name again?”

“Dani.” They both nod, then lead me back out to the bar. Some people stare, but Tyler and Josh sandwich me in between them protectively.

“Oh, there she is. Rhea!” I point to my best friend, and they lead me over to her.

“Shit, there you are. I was worried sick, are you okay?” She hugs me immediately and eyes the two men behind me suspiciously.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’ll tell you about it later. By the way, this is Tyler and Josh. Guys, this is Rhea.” I introduce the three, and Rhea suddenly looks at me with wide eyes.

“This is them? No way! Nice to meet you guys.” She shakes both their hands and they each smirk at the fact that I’ve clearly talked about them enough for my best friend to recognize their names.

“I think maybe we should go. This revenge dress is really attracting unwanted attention.” I say, looking around at all the people eyeing the girl who freaked out onstage.

“Oh, yeah of course. Let’s head out the back door.” Rhea leads us outside, Tyler and Josh in tow. I explain everything that happened once I’m able to breathe in some fresh air.

“Fuck Dani, I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve helped you.” Rhea drags a hand down her face.

“It’s okay. I had these two.” I gesture to the guys, who each give me their signature smiles.

“You know, in a twisted way this actually works out pretty well. Josh and I have been looking for someone to tour with us for our new album and add something special to a couple of the songs on our set. Would you be interested?” Tyler asks me. I look at Rhea, and her jaw is on the floor.

“Oh, um. I, uh—” I stammer.

“You don’t have to give us an answer yet. I understand everything that happened tonight is a lot to process. I can give you my number, and you can communicate with me what you’re thinking. How about that?” His patience and understanding immediately made me want to say yes, but this would be a big step. It’s something I should definitely mull over for a few days.

“That sounds great. Thank you so much. For everything.” I look at both of them when I say that.

“I’ll give you mine too, just in case you need anything.” Josh offers. Both the guys put their numbers in my phone, and we say our goodbyes for the time being. I get in Rhea’s car and stare out the window, shell-shocked.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.” Rhea says, taking the words right out of my mouth.

“Yeah. Holy shit. Not only did I meet my favorite band, but they want me to tour with them.”

“You’re gonna say yes, right?” Rhea is grinning from ear to ear, and so am I.

“I want to. Obviously I want to. But going on tour with Twenty One Pilots would completely change my life. I’d be on the road for who knows how many months, and it would be a much bigger production than I’m used to. It would completely uproot me.”

“And that’s a bad thing because?”

“I’m just saying I really need to think about it. When the excitement and adrenaline has worn off and I can make a rational decision.” I say.

“I guess you’re right.” Rhea is silent for a moment, then says, “But wouldn’t it be so fucking cool to hang out with your celebrity crush every day? He’s single, right?”

“Oh, shut up.” I smile despite myself.

“What? I saw the way he was looking at you. That dress was the right choice for tonight.” My eyes jerk towards her.

“What are you talking about? How was he looking at me?” I mean, Josh did hold my hand and look at me sort of flirty, but I thought he was just being nice.

“Like he wanted to eat you up.” She enunciates the last word to make her point.

“No way. You’ve gotta be lying.”

“Are you kidding? Is Josh Dun having a crush on you really so far out of the realm of possibilities? After everything that’s happened tonight?” She has a point.

“I guess not.” I say quietly.

Once we get home, I shower off my smeared makeup and am finally glad to get out of that dress and into comfier clothes. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the opportunity I’ve been given. Touring with Twenty One Pilots would not only keep me afloat financially until I can find another band to work with long term, but it will open up my future as a musician so much more. Not to mention, I get to hang out with Tyler and Josh every day. I can’t stop thinking about Josh in particular. His hand in mine, callused from years of drumming. His kind eyes and that damn smile. And suddenly I stopped thinking about my career. I start thinking about how my life would change if Josh actually did like me back.

[pcttrailsidereader]

Seven Summers

In his forthcoming book about completing the PCT in the course of seven summers with his brother-in-law, Glenn, author Bob Welch recounts the ups and downs of their quest. It was not without serious challenges . . . from injury to fire to snow and family needs . . . but they did finish the trail.

I selected this excerpt not because it touched on one of those challenges but because it reflects on a very real part of life on the trail. When walking the trail becomes tedious, how do you spend those long hours of walking?

And the trail angel story is nice too.

I will review the book in a subsequent post.

THE MORNING broke damp and dreary. Though I’d fixed my broken trekking pole, my feet were blistered and hurting. And it felt as if we were trapped in a rain forest over which the sky no longer existed. The woods were dark, wet, and cold.

With nineteen miles to hike on this next-to-last day, one challenge was physical, the other mental; how could I find a “happy place” for my mind on a day that looked anything but that? Over the years, I’d prided myself in being able to do this—use my imagination to take me away from a pursuit that sometimes could be monotonous.

I credit that to two jobs I had as a teenager involving mindless work—raking beans onto a conveyor belt at a cannery and mowing lawns. They forced me to mentally detach. I would put together lists, add numbers, do anything to not think about bean-raking or mowing: Top 10 Crosby, Stills & Nash songs. Quarter-mile splits needed to run a sub-five-minute mile. Number of swaths my mower took to do the Sigma Alpha Epsilon lawn. Now, however, my cupboard of mental detachment was bare. Then, I found a morsel in the far corner of the top shelf.

“Glenny,” I said, “I’m going to interview you today about your entire life.”

“That’ll be good for five minutes. What then?”

“Hey, I’m a journalist. I got paid very average sums of money to draw out people’s innermost stories. I think I can get at least ten. So, what’s your earliest memory?”

He paused, then began. “A few: Reading comic books and playing football, our neighborhood guys against a bunch of kids down the street. My Uncle George lived next door and taught at South Eugene High and would come home with these castoff football helmets and pads, way too big, but we wore them anyway. We thought we were pretty cool.”

Hey, this was working.

“So, what was it like growing up with all your Lutheran cousins, aunts, and uncles on Royal Avenue?”

“Wonderful. I’d walk a block down to my grandmother’s house to have her read stories to me. I was probably five or six. Relatives all around the neighborhood.

We’d gather often, especially for Christmas. My uncles were always giving one another useless gifts. One year one of them put a couple of chickens in a box, wrapped them up and put them under the tree.”

“Like live chickens?”

“Of course! What kind of weirdo gives someone dead chickens for Christmas?”

I rocked the forest with laughter. Alas, all good things must come to an end and after a few hours of this exchange, Glenn’s life had pretty much been reviewed. We both returned to our regularly scheduled mindless hiking.

Click. Click. Click. My trekking poles tapped their way down the trail. Drip. Drip. Drip. The rain continued, my blister pain made worse by wet feet, which increased friction. Don’t think about them, I told myself, which, of course, made me think about them.

Every mile felt like five, every minute like an hour. We’d been on the trail for nearly 200 miles and nines day. As we crossed a Forest Service road at Tacoma Pass, a voice startled me to my left.

“Hey, mates, how about a hot dog?”

What? The words came from an Australian thru-hiker with a bushy red beard, a guy who seemed to pop out of nowhere like a bridge troll. He nodded to a royal blue canopy about 100 feet down the road, where half a dozen hikers were sitting on—oh, my gosh!—lawn chairs. Steam rose from a Coleman stove where a guy our vintage was joyfully grilling dogs and heating water for cocoa. Beyond him: tables of hot coffee, Oreos, chips, breakfast pastries, oranges, apples, pop, orange juice, a virtual PCT smorgasbord of fantasy foods.

“Are you kidding me?” I said, glancing back at Glenn.

“Trail Magic, Bobby!”

We’d encountered a few other people offering similar gestures, among them the Mount Adams Buddhists and a former PCT hiker trail-named Coppertone. But this was the most lavish Trail Magic spread I’d seen.

“Greetings,” said the man at the grill, white-haired and white-bearded.

“The name’s ‘Not Phil’s Dad.’ And you are?”

“The Oregon Boys, Bob and Glenn,” I said. “Thanks so much. This is awesome.”

“Happy to do it.”

Glenn stayed back, apparently not wanting to appear discourteous in accepting this random act of kindness. Me? Before his pack was off I had downed my first hot dog and was reaching for a second.

“So, what’s behind your trail name—‘Not Phil’s Dad?’” I asked.

“My son Brian completed the PCT in 2009. Because other hikers said he looked like Phil Collins and he had to keep telling them he wasn’t the musician, they dubbed him ‘Not Phil.’ So I decided to be ‘Not Phil’s Dad.’ I do this every year to honor him—to pay forward all the Trail Magic he got along the way.”

“That’s awesome. And where’s home?”

“Bellevue,” he said, referring to a city just east, across Lake Washington, from Seattle,.

“No kidding. I lived there the ’80s; I was a columnist at The Journal-American.”

“Small world. I’m retired now, but I was an administrator at Highland Middle School then.”

“On Bel-Red Road, right? My wife worked at Highland Christian Preschool across the street!”

“Sure! Saw it five days a week!”

Glenn soon joined the feast and the fun. Nothing enlivened PCT hikers more than Trail Magic, not only because of its spontaneity but because, deep down, it offered us “undeserved favor.” Grace. Goodness. The best of humanity, in this case wrapped in a hot dog bun and served by a heart-of-gold father in honor of his PCT son. What a cool gesture.

In the next half hour, I supplemented the dogs with a Pepsi, four Double-Stuffed Oreos, an orange, and a cup of hot chocolate. The stop energized me for the rest of the day.

[toxicwhitemale]

The day I came home!

"Seven Bridges Road" by The Eagles. And if I may. Crosby Stills Nash - Southern Cross. My story. I remember the good old times when my dad would have friends over and this music would be playing. I was an army brat. We lived in Germany until I was six. Then we were in DC and my dad worked at the Pentagon. Fast forward 40yrs. I'm home from Iraq. Early. With injuries. Didn’t tell anybody I was coming home. Found my wife sleeping with my best friend. I got disowned from my church of 10 years. And basically was told it was my fault. As the man of my household, I was not to providing something my wife needed. I walked out of the church with both my middle fingers flying in the air. I made a statement, I didn’t force her to open her legs. She made a decision on her own. Nothing you just told me is in the Bible. Thats a man’s law, that’s your words not gods,. 10yrs in the Army. 3 honorable discharges. I'm going through a divorce and going onto disability at the same time. Not a quick process!! No income. For almost a year! Everything I own has been re-pulled except my Harley.. I'm just getting over 30 days of bed-rest. By-myself. After a mayor surgery. No help. 12 Bags of garbage waiting to be taken out. Because I couldn't walk at the time. Been living on door-dash. I reached out to The American legion in my town. I'm taken in overnight. I have more friends than I know what to do with. My Harley has two flat tires. The Legion decided I needed to go on a veteran's run with my bike. That I needed to get out!! They put new tires on my bike. Gas, food! They paid for everything. Sent me with a sponsor. Who never left my side or left me wanting or thirsting for anything. And still today, I'm proud to call him my friend. I never felt judged or awkward. They put me upfront with the combat vets. All the bikes were jamming tunes. And we're riding in a formation and those 2 songs came on and I immediately got taken back to my childhood. I Started weeping and I couldn't stop. I'm not out of sorts or anything, I still have my shit together. The other men seen me. And made a circle around me with their bikes. So nobody could see me. Someone said "Welcome Home?" Not sure what he was talking about ,,He said I was coming home..and that it was okay to let it all out. I told them didn't understand. Someone said..Your "feeling again...your feelings are coming back. For Some soldiers it takes years. Some are home..but never really came back. Your homecoming is happening right now!! Welcome home..BROTHER!! I can't explain what happened there..that day..But if one thing would've changed in the past..It wouldn't have happened. And I can tell you...It was the music. And I'm happy it happened. Back in Ames I get introduced to the former Legion commander who is now my best friend. And he has his own band plays guitar and the harmonica. I never held a guitar before that day. And the sponsor I had was and still is in a band. They taught me the basics and I took off with it. And as it turns out, I’m a natural with the harmonica. As we were talking about my journey. We both start to fell a heavy burden about other vets out there like me. Denny and I started the Ames Music mission as a way to find people like me. That might have talent, but need a voice and need a connection. Then we started what is called the jam 552 . It’s an open jam that we host once a month. It’s just another way to reach out. There’s nothing like watching a lady who’s about 80 years old. Walk into an open gym with her own drum set ..lol. I was told that I’d never be able to play the guitar or sing. I lost my hearing in my right ear when I was overseas due to explosions. I have horrible neuropathy in my fingers. I can’t feel the guitar strings. I actually can shred my finger tips off if I’m not careful. I'm now in my own band. I have small undergound recording studio. I write, sing, and play music. And I help others put their words to song. Thanks for letting me share.

[volleychumps]

Heyy! Can you do one where Osamu, kuroo, akaashi and Tsukishima, say something mean to their s/o and their s/o avoids them for days? When they finally get ahold of their s/o, their s/o just sorta cries because it hit their insecure spot? Fluff in the end🥺

Listen, I can’t not write this. 

Irrevocable Words. 

- the one in which they accidentally make you give them the silent treatment because of their lashing out. -

~ Osamu Miya, Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji, and Tsukishima Kei~ 

TW: Cursing, angst to fluff, timeskip! for Osamu, 

------------------

Osamu Miya

“Those are important files, ya know?” 

“Samu, I’m sorry. You should’ve told me you needed last month’s earnings and I would’ve looked for them before we came this morning.” The hand you tried to settle onto Osamu’s bicep was shaken off as your movements faltered. 

Your voice wobbled at the sight of your stoic fiance, an annoyed glint in his eye as he rummages through his files. Osamu felt a flare in his stomach, a lack of sleep contributing to his impatient state. The day had been a busy one, Osamu deciding that he needed this particular file for his business call tomorrow before the two of you headed home for the night. 

“I told ya not to move anything back to the place.”

“I didn’t.” You bit the inside of your cheek. “Here, just let me help-” 

“Don’t touch a goddamn thing, I’ll do it myself.” There it was. The lashing out that was bound to happen occurred with a pointed tongue as he refused to look at you, rummaging through his file cabinets. “As I do everything else.” 

He closes the cabinet sharply. “The least ya could do is try your best not to be a nuisance-” 

Osamu flinches at the slam of one of the office desk drawers, chest sinking when he sees the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. The paper he needed is thrown on the desk carelessly as you shove your jacket on, wetness slipping down your cheeks.

“And I’m not your goddamn secretary. I’m heading home first.” 

“Y/N-” 

“And don’t worry, I promise I’ll manage to do this by myself somehow.” Your voice cracks bitterly, the bell by the door jingling mockingly in Osamu’s ears as you exit, the chef hanging his head with a sigh and regret tinging his chest.

He was wrong to pray this would blow over, not expecting to wake without your warmth by his side. You avoided him on the way to the restaurant, cleaning quietly while giving vague answers to his questions, shifting out of his attempts to embrace you with apologies. 

Deciding to give you space, he softly tells you to take the next few days off, unprepared for the tired look you had given him, simply nodding in response as you slipped into your side of the bed with your back turned to him.

“Where’s your pretty girlfriend?” 

“Fiance.” Osamu forces a smile at his two elderly regulars two days later, the wife’s smile widening at his correction. 

“Oho! Cherish each other while you youths still can, she really does brighten this place up, doesn’t she?” 

You do.

Osamu’s eyes feel hot as he does a messy job of cleaning up the restaurant, closing up shop early and stopping by your favorite bakery to pick up the ridiculously expensive cake he only ever buys for your birthday. 

Throwing the door open to your shared apartment hastily, you gasp at the gray-haired man’s sudden entry, dropping the spoon you were about to use to taste the dish you were making on the stove.

“Samu, y-you’re home early-” 

“What’s all this?” He tries to steady his breaths at the sight of a nicely prepared table, something you hardly ever got to share ever since the night shifts overtook your lives and caused a rift between the two of you. 

You’re silent for a second, looking away from his warm stare as you shift under his gaze. 

“...I miss you.” Dark eyes widen when you begin to hiccup over your words, tears threatening to spill down your cheeks. “But I didn’t wanna be a nusciance-”

“Oh god, darlin’ no.” You’re pulled tightly into his chest as you cry, whole body shaking with tremors as Osamu’s inner turmoil merely increases.

If Osamu could go back in time and punch himself he would, unknowing of the torment he caused you over the past few days, thinking you just needed space. 

“I want to marry ya Y/N, I’m so sorry.” 

“I love you so much Samu.” You sniffle into his chest, causing him to smile softly, a hand sifting through your hair to hold you tighter to him. 

“I brought cake.” 

You laugh through the onslaught of tears. 

“And I made dinner.” 

“Then what are we waitin’ for?” 

“Just hold me like this for awhile?”

“Y/N.” He kisses the top of your head, finally feeling at ease with your figure in his arms. Osamu whispers a confession he hardly shared with you, wanting those words in particular to be special as he bridged the gap between the two of you.

“I love ya so much more, don’t you go forgettin’ it.”

Kuroo Tetsurou

“I said I was sorry!” 

“Is sorry supposed to just fix everything, Tetsurou?” 

“Tetsurou? Are you seriously withholding me from my nickname privileges?” 

You cross your arms at his attempt to make you laugh, thoroughly angry with the mess your boyfriend made of things as his smile fades at your peeved stare. 

“Look, what was I supposed to do?” 

“How about not leaving my parents waiting for you at the restaurant that you invited them to for another one of your spontaneous volleyball practices?” 

“I texted you I had to cancel!” 

“That was a half hour before we were supposed to meet, Kuroo! They were so excited to meet you they got there early. God, why can’t you ever take things seriously?” 

“You’re right.” A bitter chuckle slips Kuroo’s lips as you falter at the sudden tone change, the volleyball gym seeming bigger than ever as his next sentence makes your lips tremble.

“Since I can’t ever take things seriously, then I must not need my serious girlfriend then, right?” Your eyes widen. “I can just find somebody else who won’t fucking hound me all the time.”

His cat-like eyes widen as the words slip his tongue, unintentionally coming out crueler than he intended. To make it worse, you simply stayed silent, your body physically backing down and away from him as you turned on your heel. 

“Wait, I didn’t-” 

“Do it then.” His chest just about shatters as your shoulders tremble, refusing to turn back around as your voice takes on an uncharasterically defeated tone. “I hope they make you fucking happy.” 

Kuroo runs a hand through his raven hair frustratedly at the way you rushed out of the gym, throwing a stray ball so hard at the wall before his vision becomes skewed with heat. 

He should have expected the next week to be utter hell. You left class before he could catch you by escaping to the bathroom with all your things, leaving school another way instead of the exit you always took together before he had to start club activities. 

“Kenma, what are you doing?” 

“You can’t come in here.” 

“I’m missing class for this. Let me through.” 

“She doesn’t want to see you.” Kenma shrugged, eyes on his handheld. “I told her I’d watch the door so you can’t surprise her during our breaktime.” 

“I’m her boyfriend. And you’re not her guarddog.” 

“No, I’m her friend.” Kenma’s eyes narrow at his childhood friend. “And last time I checked, you’re on the search for someone who isn’t her.” 

“So she told you.” 

“Dick move, by the way.” 

Kuroo’s calls go straight to voicemail, his emotions affecting his playing with each passing day. He leaves little notes in your shoe locker to meet him, heart sinking more and more with every time you stood him up. 

And it wasn’t until he saw you smiling again at a joke Yaku made that he truly felt like he was losing you. 

“Go home.” 

The sight wasn’t one you were expecting to see, Kuroo sitting on the steps to your house with his hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets, the dark bags under his eyes sparking worry within you. 

“It’s probably better if my parents don’t see you-” 

“I’m sorry.” His eyes seem to have lost a little of their glint, regret swimming in the tall boy’s pupils as your guard softens. “I’m so goddamn sorry I ran my mouth and said shit I didn’t even mean-” 

“Tetsurou-” 

“And I hurt you in the process. I hurt the one thing that matters to me the most, and I’m sitting here playing the creepy ex that stalks the girl he loves-” 

“You love me?”

“Doesn’t matter, does it? You’re done with me, and I deserve it-” 

He’s cut off with the sight of tears hitting the wood in front of him, lifting his head to see tears streaking down your cheeks. On instinct, he reaches out softly, rising to his feet to cup your cheek, astonished when you curl into his touch. 

“I’m so fucking mad at you right now.” 

“Noted.” Kuroo laughs somberly, a wave of emotion hitting him as you do something you hadn’t done in days. 

You look him in the eye, tugging him closer by the sides of his jacket. 

“But I love you too, you absolute idiot.” 

Kuroo grins into the kiss you press onto his lips, heart lifting in weight as he pulls you closer. 

“Does this mean we can go back to Tetsu?” 

“I’m going back to ignoring you-” 

“No.” Kuroo’s tone turns serious as he holds you a little tighter. “I can’t do that again.” 

You smile as he presses a kiss to your temple lovingly. 

“Being away from you was complete and utter hell, sweetheart.” 

Akaashi Keiji

“Tell me how to make this right.”

“Right, Y/N.” Akaashi refused to meet your eyes as he loosens his school tie, not slowing his pace for you to catch up with as he throws the doors open to the volleyball club. The usually put-together setter had an angry glint in his eye that silenced his awaiting teammates. “Let’s just go back in time before you agreed to be his partner.”

“Hey hey, what’s going on you two?” Bokuto jogs up, his worried tone making your lips tremble even more at the sight of Akaashi’s turned back.

“I came to you as soon as he made a move! I didn’t let him-”

“There shouldn’t have been an opportunity for him to make a move in the first place.” Akaashi’s jaw clenched as you shuffle in place.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, you think I wanted him to try to kiss me?!” You fight the waver in your voice, standing your ground. “It was a project for class. I didn’t know his intentions-“

“I told you what his intentions were, but you never listen.” Akaashi turns hastily, startling you and causing you to stumble slightly backwards into Bokuto.

“Akaashi-“

“Stop defending her. She never listens to me, and then comes crying to me when it turns out I’m right.” Akaashi snips at his best friend, ignoring the silent stares from his quiet teammates. “Why can’t you get it through your head, Y/N? I’m not your goddamn babysitter-“

“You’re right.” You interrupt, fingernails biting into your palms as you choke back a sob. “You’re not, you’re my boyfriend. I just wanted to respect you by coming to you with something like this, but it turns out I’m just a hinderance.”

Akaashi falters for a second, blue eyes widening a fraction at the angry heat that fills your eyes as regret begins to bubble in his stomach at his harsh words.

“Y/N-“

“Give me some space, Keiji.” You say softly, patting Bokuto’s arm to let you through as your shoulders sink in a defeated manner. “I promise I won’t come crying to you about anything else.”

Your steps echo as you walk out of the gym, Konoha breaking the silence first when the door shuts behind you.

“Hate to say it, but that was well-deserved, man.”

Akaashi closes his eyes, head falling back towards the ceiling as he tries to steady his breathing, pretending like he wasn’t scared of you slipping through his fingers. He willed himself to not allow himself to chase after you, his anger directed towards you fading as he forces himself to respect your wishes. 

It was obvious you were avoiding him. Akaashi had blinked when Bokuto had self-proclaimed that he needed you as his “study buddy” during breaks when you weren’t even in the same year as the owlish boy. It got worse when you seemed to panic when Akaashi willed you to talk to him, eyes refusing to meet his watery blue ones as you pushed him further away.

So he gave you your space, wilting with each passing day. It wasn’t until he accidentally bumped into you a week later, the setter turning hastily on his heel to walk in the opposite direction before a soft tug on the back of his school shirt wills him to stop. 

“Keiji.” Your wobbly voice makes him turn back around immediately, a soft palm already cupping your cheek gently. “I’m s-” 

“I’m sorry for being cruel.” The words are whispered against your forehead, Akaashi’s heartstrings tugging in the worst way possible. “I was angry at the situation, my love. And that sorry excuse you call a classmate. Please,” 

His grip tightens just a little more as he feels wet warmth drip into the palm that was cupping your face.

“Forgive me.” 

“I told you I wouldn’t come crying to you-” 

“I want it all, Y/N.” Akaashi pulls back slightly, voice cracking slightly as blue stares intensely into your irises. “I want all of you. Tears included.”

You swat his chest playfully as Akaashi manages a soft smile, hand threaded through your hair as he presses you against his chest.

“Do you still need space?” He murmurs, and you smile at the sound of his hearbeat picking up as he awaited your answer fearfully. 

“Nope. The exact opposite, please hold me?” 

His embrace relaxes immediately, and your heart skips a beat at the sound of his relieved sigh, his slight nod making the weight lift off your chest. 

“Good, now I can take care of your classmate-” 

“Keiji-”

“Nope, my love.” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, Akaashi’s eyes swirling with devotion. 

“No one gets to try anything with you so long as you’re safe with me.” 

Tsukishima Kei 

“So I’m the bad guy again.” 

“Do you want the honest answer, Kei?” You exhaustedly run a hand through your hair as Tsukishima’s scowl deepens, his long legs easily catching up with you in stride as he tugs on your wrist as the rambunctious court gets further and further away. 

“It’s not my fault you’re insecure.” 

You flinch. “Well maybe you shouldn’t let the girls in the stands cling to you after your matches. They were all over you, Tsukki! And you didn’t seem to mind it one bit.” 

“What?” Annoyance brims the blonde’s voice as he takes another step forward, clenching his jaw when he sees the quiver in your lip, distrust filling the atmosphere between the two of you. 

“Afraid that they’re prettier or better than you’ll ever be?” 

You feel as if the wind was knocked out of your lungs, breath catching in your throat at his insinuation. His guard slackens almost immediately, clicking his tongue before turning away, too proud to apologize for the words he regretted as soon as they slipped his tongue like venom. 

“Yeah.” You laugh humorlessly, making brown eyes dart over to your expression immediately. “You’re 100% correct. I am afraid you’ll find someone better than me in all aspects. Because I love you, you absolute asshole. Is that what you wanted to hear?” 

The silence that befalls the two of you in the deserted hall is broken when you flinch away when Tsukishima tries to take a step towards you. 

“I didn’t-” 

“You never mean to do anything, Kei.” You say in a hushed tone, turning your back on him in an attempt to shield the hot tears slipping down your cheeks. “But you somehow always manage to.” 

The win for Karasuno didn’t mean much to the blonde that night, hoping that this would just go away and things would be back to normal. However, it was anything but. You didn’t look his way once in class, disappearing when it was over. Your voice trembled as you had avoided his seemingly stoic eyes through his frames, simply stating that you wished for some time away from him. 

He was fine. Or at least pretending to be on the outside. In truth, he would never find better, because you were it for him, words that you would never catch slipping his mouth. So he put on a front, pretending that your absence had zero effect on him whatsoever. Pretending the brush of your body against him in the hall as you pass each other didn’t make the blonde want to cave. 

It was the smile you shot at Hinata during one of your breaks that caused him to. The first glint in your eye in awhile, and it had been caused by him of all people, prompting the tall middle blocker to tug you by the forearm into the corridor.

“Tsukishima-” 

“I hate this.” 

You falter for a second, guard back up in a flash as your back touches the wall. “What did I do?” 

“You didn’t do anything, and it’s pissing me off.” 

“I don’t follow-” 

“I was wrong.” His forehead touches your shoulder as you stiffen before relaxing against his familiar touch. “I don’t care how many times I have to apologize. You win, okay? I’m sorry.” 

“This is a rather aggressive apology-” 

“Y/N.” Tsukishima lifts his head so it’s level with your height, unprepared for the way tears brimmed your eyes at the proximity, your guard diminishing. 

“What if you do find someone better one day, Tsukki?” Your voice cracks, inner fears trickling to the surface. “Do I need to prepare myself to lose you-?” 

You gasp as Tsukishima’s jaw ticks before kissing you intensely, his hand touching your lower back to pull you closer. 

“No. You don’t need to do something stupid like that.” His eyes were slightly glaring at you, a flush across both his cheeks. “Because there is no one better than you, okay?” 

It was your turn for heat to flood your cheeks as your eyes widen a fraction, his breath tickling your ear as you stutter. “Kei-” 

“I love you too. I said it, are you satisfied now?”  

---------------------------------------------------------

General works: @takemetovalhalla  @faesbae  @savemesteeb @dreebbles @yams046   @let-me-have-my-own-name  @deadontheinsidebut @lifeisntjustblackandwhite   @curiouslilbeast  @aprettyfruit   @wisepandaslimeland   @h0ngh0ngh0ng   @lmkjimin   @orangegiraffe7   @dai-tsukki-desu   @kac-chowsballs   @spikertrash   @yamaguwuchi   @lord-suneater-explosion   @holaaaf  @babyybokutoakaashi   @lexysclubhouse   @disneyloving-muggle   @kuuuuroo   @theonep1ece  @that-chick212  @mjoork

[anashins]

The Right Kind of Wrong

Title: The Right Kind of Wrong

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: hate to love, cheating, college!au, friendship, romance, smut

Warnings: smut, cheating, cursing, toxicity

Word Count: 8.454

Summary: There are many reasons for you to hate Jung Jaehyun. Aside from being cocky and selfish, the fact that he is dating your best friend is another one of them. But his mesmerizing smile - to hell with it - just isn't.

____

There were at least a hundred things you hated about Jung Jaehyun.

The fact that he was dating your best friend was just one of them.

Not a single day had passed by in the last year in which she hadn’t complained about her boyfriend having flirted with another woman, having ditched her again, going to a party and ignoring her all night, or simply dragging her mood down by one of his unpredictable and hurtful actions.

Aside from being cocky, selfish, arrogant and reckless, Jung Jaehyun was absolutely incapable of being a decent human being for more than ten seconds, and you were wondering why he was so damn popular despite all his faults.

When you went out with your friend group, he mocked the boys trying to hit on you, telling you they were so desperate for that move. When you were attending the same class, he purposely sat down next to you to distract you from the lesson. When he was at your dorm, he kept moving your things onto high shelves, knowing you couldn’t reach them.

And his smirk everytime he did so… his smirk every time he mocked you was so annoying. But also so hot.

Fuck, you thought whenever his mischievious eyes met yours again, and you had to turn away, at a loss for words and afraid he’d caught you flushing. You were so ashamed, because you actually wanted to hate him.

There were many reasons for you to hate Jung Jaehyun, but his mesmerizing smile wasn't one of them.

You hadn’t hated him from the first moment that you two had officially met as you had gotten introduced to each other through your best friend who was also your dorm mate, though. She had found him on a dating app, and you had found him sitting in your class two days later, talking back to the professor.

Back then, you had started admiring his intelligence and courage. But those were the only two positive things you had spotted so far as you only tried to stay as far away from him as possible, emphasizing his negative character traits over and over again.

But the truth was that staying away from him was a very hard thing to do, and you fought every day for your sanity, trying to be a good friend and suppressing your controversial feelings for a man who was absolutely forbidden to you.

“He went drinking last night and I saw an instagram story of him grinding against another girl on the dancefloor!” your best friend complained in your arms, tears on the verge of flowing. “Who’s doing that even?!”

A few pairs of eyes turned into your direction, but when you threw fierce glances at the people staring at you, they passed by very quickly.

When you had been invited to your friend Johnny’s house party, you hadn’t expected to be spending the evening comforting your best friend, even though that had been your daily routine for the past three weeks.

It had grown toxicly usual for Jaehyun and her to fight in a two to three day rhythm over the smallest things, and although their wonky relationship or whatever it was hadn’t been very steady before with them breaking up nearly monthly, lately it had grown almost obnoxious.

“Why don’t you just break up with him?” you suggested again and immediately felt your heart sink.

It wasn’t like you wanted them to break up because you wanted Jaehyun for yourself. You’d never do that to her.

Your best friend was just constantly hurting, and it hurt you just as much when you saw her suffering so greatly. Jung Jaehyun wasn’t a good guy, and you both knew. Yet, she couldn’t let go of him. You knew exactly how that felt.

Even if they were to break up, he wouldn’t belong to you. Because a friend’s ex was a taboo. So having Jaehyun gone entirely from your lives would kill two birds with one stone.

“Not that again!” your friend whined and retreated from you, sinking into the couch with her arms crossed and no signs of tears anymore. “I can’t! I mean… look at him! He’s so hot, and don’t get me even started about his skills in bed. That’s where we usually make up, you know, so-”

“I’m going to get you something to drink!” you interrupted her and jumped up. “You totally need a cocktail now! To come to your senses!”

You loved your best friend dearly, but you didn’t want to hear about Jaehyun’s skills by all means. At some times, your friend didn’t have a filter, and then, it only spiraled downhill from there. You heard them often enough in the dorm, that was already pushing you to your limits.

When you entered the kitchen, you reached up to get a glass from the shelf, but like most of the times, you were too short for the remaining ones at the very top.

“Here, let me help you.”

A soft voice echoed from behind you, but before you could turn around to follow the tone, the guy had already heaved up his arm and reached over you to the very top of the shelf to get you a glass.

Shifting around, you faced the mischievous expression of the young man you had wanted to avoid and who your best friend was currently crying over.

Without a “thank you”, you reached out your hand to grab the glass from Jaehyun, but he immediately shot his arm up to bring the glass high over his head and far out of your reach.

“You think a simple ‘thank you’ is too much for you?”

“Fuck off, Jaehyun.” You crunched with your teeth and narrowed your eyes. “I’d rather die of thirst!”

“What did I do again?” He rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner as though his high spirits got ruined. “What did she tell you?”

“She told me everything she saw from last night!” you defended your friend. “That’s enough for me to get the picture!”

“Okay, and did the picture somehow include me pushing the girl away after she had grinded on me?”

You gulped.

“Just as I thought.”

He placed the glass on the counter, but somehow, this hadn’t got your both’s attention anymore.

“There are two sides of the same coin, yet all you've ever done was looking only at one.”

He approached you, and the rising hotness in your cheeks made you withdraw until your hips bumped into the kitchen counter.

Jaehyun leaned in and propped his arm against the same spot right next to your hip as he asked, “I know you’re her best friend, but being a friend doesn’t mean supporting your friends delusional, one sided thoughts into oblivion. Being a friend sure means to support, I’m not denying that. But being a true friend means to tell someone when they’re wrong. And I am not the one at fault here, y/n.”

“You were doing many stupid things to hurt her in the past!” you started blabbering just to bridge over the silence you’d get when you would stare at his mesmerizing eyes for a little longer. “How am I supposed to believe you?”

“You aren’t supposed to believe me.” He retreated, with the glass in his hand. “All I’m asking for is a chance to explain myself.”

Again, you were flabbergasted by the way he expressed his thoughts that stood in contrast to his questionable behavior. One of the main things that fascinated you. But you quickly turned this feeling into hate by recalling his wrongdoings from the night before.

Looking at the glass, Jaehyun continued, “Yes, there were many things I did wrong in the past. And I’m not going to pinpoint my finger at my girlfriend to tell that she was doing just as many questionable things as me. But people have reasons for doing the things they do. That’s probably why we’re such a good match.”

You didn’t understand a word. In your eyes, and you only knew about their relationship by what your friend told you and what you observed when you were hanging out, the two weren’t a good match at all.

He was the one constantly hurting her feelings, and she was the one to always get hurt.

Or... wasn’t it?

Jaehyun then thrusted the glass into your hand. “You’re lucky, y/n, you know that? It must be so great, living that freely, without any burdens… So oblivious to everything.”

With these words, he disappeared from the kitchen, leaving you behind all alone with the glass in your hand.

You looked at the item, your face getting reflected in the crystals to unrecognizability while Jaehyun’s words still kept you occupied. They had such an impact on you that you suddenly started to question whether your hate against him was actually valid.

When you stepped out of the kitchen yourself with a full glass of your best friend’s favorite cocktail in your hand, you found her in Jaehyun’s arms again, wildly kissing, his kind words suddenly vanished from your mind upon spotting them.

Instead, there was a little monster called jealousy sitting right inside your chest.

___

“8am in the morning! Who even places classes that early?!”

With a groan, Jaehyun flopped down in the seat next to you.

“Shut up, class is about to start.”

“Man, you must be really fun at parties,” he replied. “The professor is not even here yet.”

“You’re annoying, Jung Jaehyun, and if you weren’t dating my friend, I wouldn’t actually talk to you at all.”

“What are the odds we’re still connected to each other, huh! Tell me, y/n, what did I ever do to you? How did I ever hurt you? We’ve never even really spoken with each other ever since we’ve gotten introduced.”

“And I am grateful for this every single day.”

“What is it that you hate about me so much?” he questioned further, his eyes challenging.

But with your eyes straight ahead and no words on your lips, you ignored him as the professor entered the room only a short moment after, announcing the class’ start.

Your pen flew over the sheet, noting down the professor’s words when suddenly, goose bumps spread all over your arm.

When your eyes followed the trail to its source, your right elbow touched Jaehyun’s left one as a result of your hectic writing motions as you had moved too far to the side. The spot on your skin was so warm and so…

You withdrew your arm right away, placing it back to where it usually belonged, but Jaehyun’s own limb had moved so far to the left that you had no place to rest it next to your notes anymore without having his skin barely one inch apart from you. You weren’t touching anymore, but he was so close that you still felt him somehow.

Of course you could drop your arm and place it on your lap as the professor had stopped presenting the most important points of this lesson. Of course you could just move further away with your entire belongings, but the fact was that you didn’t. That you couldn’t.

Instead, you were fixating your eyes on the board right in front of you, listening to your professor’s words but not actually understanding a single syllable that he uttered as your heart beat fast against your chest.

You hoped that Jaehyun didn’t notice how desperate you were for him not to shift away right now. That you actually enjoyed it, but felt so much hatred at the same time. Not against him, but against you - for feeling this way.

“Can you answer my question, Miss y/n?”

Your eyes widened in shock as you got addressed by the professor by your surname. You were actually a good student who was always paying attention in class. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t have happened. But now you got caught red handed not listening to him, and he was a very strict lecturer.

“I… um…” you stuttered.

“The answer to my question, Miss.”

“Yes… the answer…” You gulped as you didn’t even know the question. “The answer is…”

From the corner of your eyes, you perceived how a sheet was slowly moving into your direction from Jaehyun’s place. His finger was pointed at a paragraph that you had also noted down only shortly before.

Suddenly, you knew what the question was about and answered formally to the professor’s task.

With your heart having calmed down after the shock, you let yourself sink down on your seat again. You had gotten distracted only once by something that shouldn’t bother you at all.

This wouldn’t happen again, you swore to yourself.

____

“No ‘thank you’ again from you?”

You turned around to Jaehyun who had rosen a brow at you. “Is this becoming your thing now? Asking for ‘thank yous’?”

“Is this becoming your thing now?” he returned. “Not saying ‘thank you’? I saved your ass in class.”

“Well, I haven’t asked for that, so go beg somewhere else for attention.”

You made your way through the crowded club, feelling the bass under your feet and the techno music in your ears. Jaehyun was following suit.

“Do you want some kind of reward from me? Because you’re not going to get it.”

“I don’t want a reward. Hey.”

He reached out and grabbed you by your arm, right there on the dancefloor. The feeling from this morning returned, but in a higher intensity as it spread all over your body.

“All I’m asking for is respect.”

You snorted. “Respect? Do you respect my friend when you destroy her weekend plans to go drinking with your friends instead? Do you respect my friend when you dance ass on ass with another girl? Do you respect my friend when you hurt her feelings with your rude words? I don’t like you, Jung Jaehyun, because you’re a bad person, and respect is the last thing you’ll ever get from me!”

You yanked yourself out from his grip and disappeared in the mass. What was up with him? Why was he bothering so much lately and evoking all these controversial feelings inside you by acting like this? He should just stay away.

With your eyes closed, you started to move with the music, all by yourself there on the dancefloor. You wanted to collect your thoughts, but as the music flooded through your body, you realized that thinking about nothing was probably the best way to cope with your inner struggles right now.

You opened your eyes widely when you suddenly felt a hand on your bum.

Turning around with much anger reflected in your mien, you stared at a boy around your age who grinned at you seductively. Your fierce gaze was probably mistaken for an invitation when he approached you further, grabbed you by your hips from the front and pressed you against him.

With his lips on your ear, he whispered, “I like what I see.”

And you wanted to scream. You probably did, but it got drowned out by the loud music, and his grip was way too hard for you to free yourself that easily as you shuffled in his arms.

“Let me go!”

Yet, his hands roamed around your private areas like they owned it.

“HEY!”

Before you could scream once more, the guy got dragged away from you by the last person you had expected it from.

“She said let go of her, you asshole!”

Jaehyun grabbed him by his collar, and his height and angry expression alone were probably enough for the other guy to nearly piss his pants as he hastily mouthed,

“I’m so sorry!”

When Jaehyun let go of him, he slipped off silently and wasn’t seen again.

You stood there awkwardly with your arms hugging your chest, still digesting the happenings.

“Did he hurt you?” Jaehyun asked when he leaned in for you to understand better.

You shook your head.

“Do you want to go outside?”

You nodded.

Jaehyun took you by your hand to lead you through the dancing crowd, and you didn’t protest.

This gesture was the total opposite to the disgusting one from the guy who had harassed you shortly before. This touch was raw and chaste. Nothing to be ashamed of and fight against, but something you wanted to accept wholeheartedly.

When you stood outside of the club, Jaehyun let go of your hand, and you finally whispered the words that he had been longing to hear for quite a time,

“Thank you.”

Against your expectations, he didn’t mock you or return witty words. With his eyes locked with yours, he sincerely told you,

“You’re welcome.”

That was the moment it dawned on you that Jung Jaehyun had more positive sides to him that you had always wanted to blend out. But perhaps, you had reached a point in which this wasn’t possible anymore.

You couldn’t continue keeping your eyes closed to all the kind sides of him. Because the more he showed you, the more you’d open your heart for him.

To you, Jung Jaehyun had to remain a bad person, otherwise you’d fall for him, and falling for your best friend’s boyfriend was a taboo.

“Hey, what are you two doing outside?!” Speaking of the devil, your best friend jumped out of the club’s door and into your direction. “Isn’t the music fun?”

Jaehyun looked at you, waiting for your reaction. You knew that if you wanted to go home, he’d follow. If you wanted to stay, he’d stay too, not letting you out of his sight. Because - and you couldn’t repeat this often enough - Jaehyun was actually a good person.

“I want to go home,” you decided. “You can stay, though! Please just let me be the party pooper all alone, I don’t want to spoil your night.”

“Oh, what a pity!” your friend said with a pout. “You always leave when the party is about to start!”

You shrugged with a weak smile, tired of fighting. “Yeah, I guess so. But I still have a lot of pages to revise.”

“Shall we take you back to the dorm?” Jaehyun offered in a caring voice that you apparently encountered for the first time, and your friend immediately shot a reproachful glare at him.

“Are you being serious right now?” she complained. “She’s a grown ass woman who can go home alone!”

His eyes hadn’t left yours. “I’m talking to her, not you.”

Had it always been like this? Her caring about herself more than about you? If it were the other way around, you wouldn’t let her go home alone in the middle of the night, no matter if you knew something had happened before or not.

Suddenly, you saw your best friend from a whole other perspective. Suddenly, she was the one having Jaehyun on a leash, and he was the one fighting back for his rights, not against her.

Two sides of the same coin… If you were to flip it, would your entire world view change?

For a moment, you hesitated. But not wanting to disturb your friend’s evening, you gave in with a, “It’s okay, I can go alone. Have a nice night!”

But Jaehyun held you back when he insisted on calling you an uber for which he even paid while your best friend continued pouting on the side.

____

“FUCK YOU, JAEHYUN!” you heard your best friend scream later that night from her room, every syllable of hers clearly to hear in your own room while you laid in bed later that night.

The hours before had passed by in a trance as you had only fallen onto your mattress face forward after having quickly changed into your pj’s, that was how much of a toll the day had taken on you.

You just wanted to forget what had happened in the club, but also the thoughts that had constantly been in your mind all the way home that only revolved around Jaehyun. So sleep was the best solution, and you would have gladly continued doing so if there weren’t your best friend and Jaehyun arguing loudly next to you for an hour already.

Then, Jaehyun seemed to return something to which she screamed again, “I DON’T FUCKING CARE!”

Stomping followed the brief silence, a door getting opened, then shut again, and footsteps moved into the direction of the entry door before it fell close behind Jaehyun.

This was a nearly weekly experience for you lately, and usually, you’d just miss hearing their arguments, but this time you couldn’t help but to wonder what they had been yelling about. You just hoped it wasn’t because of you and what had happened to you earlier, because in your eyes, Jaehyun had done nothing wrong.

He had been so incredibly nice and thoughtful that you started to doubt their relationship.

You turned in your bed, wanting to fight those thoughts so badly. Jaehyun was your best friend’s boyfriend, and hence, forbidden fruit for you. But you just couldn’t stop your imagination from running now.

What it would be like in your best friend’s place and get treated like this every day, and the worst part was that you didn’t even feel bad about betraying her in your mind.

Fuck, you only thought and sat straight up in bed, now surely not being able to grasp a light thought to accompaby you back to lseep anymore.

Feeling safe to leave your room ten minutes later as your roommate must have fallen asleep by now, you didn’t think about sleep anymore but wanted to get a glass of water from the kitchen to calm yourself down.

Perhaps, tomorrow, you’d have another look at the entire situation, you tried to convince yourself. After a few more hours of sleep, all these confusing thoughts and feelings might have already been forgotten.

“Cannot sleep yet?”

You turned around and found a half naked Jaehyun only dressed in boxers right in front of you. The empty glass of water in your hands got placed back on the counter with shaky fingers.

“What are you doing here?” you contered.

“Well… she suddenly left.” He shrugged. “We’ve been arguing. You sure haven’t missed that one.”

“I didn’t.”

Still, you were wondering what that was all about, but didn’t want to ask. He lifted the weight off your shoulders himself though.

“It was about you.”

“Oh…?” You gulped.

“When you were gone, I went back to that guy and didn’t let him go that easily. They threw me out of the club and your friend thought I'd ruined the night for her.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

You wanted to make your way around him, but he blocked your way as he didn’t move to make space for you to pass by the door.

“What’s making me a bad person, y/n?” Jaehyun suddenly asked. “ The way I saved you in class? In the club? Tell me.”

“You cannot be serious right now. It’s 5am, draw a number for another day.”

You wanted to slip under his stretched out arm, but he moved his body to block you again. “Number one. Now tell me.”

“Because those have been the only times you were nice to me, Jung Jaehyun!” You clenched your fists, breathing in deeply. “When we go out with our friend group, you mock the boys trying to hit on me, telling them they’re so desperate for that move!”

“Because I heard them speaking about you before,” he declared. “They were not looking for something serious but only fun, one had even placed a bet. I tried to spare you from this embarrassment and eventual lovesickness. Go on.”

“When we’re in the same class, you purposely sit down next to me to distract me from the lesson!”

This one let him smirk. “Because I always saw you sitting there alone. You have no friends in that class, and I thought you might need some company. Besides… I knew you couldn’t afford that book we needed, and I purposely always shoved it into your direction when the professor read from it. Have you never noticed?”

Now you have. And you were flabbergasted.

“Wh… when,” you stuttered, “you’re over here, you always move my stuff onto high shelves, knowing I cannot reach them!”

“Because I love to see the defeated look on your face and your cute pout when you have to ask me to get the things for you.”

You didn’t know what to say further as you stood there, frozen on the spot. You hadn’t seen this answer coming.

“Anything else?”

Yes, there were many things you hated him for, and you wanted to throw them all into his face, but as he was standing there in front of you, not even one more came into your mind.

“I just hate you to the core!” you hissed.

But with calmness in his voice, he only turned, “No, you don’t.”

And then, it was all only a blur.

You wanted to push him away, but instead, you found yourself nudging against his body. You wanted to free yourself from his grip, but instead, you wrapped your arms around him. You wanted to escape from his kiss, but instead, you kissed him back in the same passionate manner he kissed you.

Jaehyun’s hands roamed all over your lightly covered body while his lips moved against yours, touching every spot he had missed out on during the entire time he knew you, because you had always pushed him away.

But now that you had opened up to him, you were scared the time window was about to close very soon, so you had to work fast.

You jumped on him, hooking your thighs around his waist while his hands instantly clung around your buttocks to give you the support he needed to carry you to your bedroom. Your hands remained interlaced on the back of his neck when he placed you onto your bed and laid himself between your legs.

Thrown overboard were all your morals, priorities, and the friendship to the person that meant the world to you. You didn’t want to think about all that, but were longing for him so desperately that you wondered for how long you had been suppressing that desire already.

Jung Jaehyun was hot. But he was a bad person.

Or… wasn’t he?

You desperately ground upwards against him, feeling him growing between your legs, and you brought your hands down to massage his length. Jaehyun interrupted your kiss as he hadn’t expected this move to come, and groaned into your ear.

You smirked triumphantly, your hands kneading muscles until he was pressed hard against your palms. Tucking your fingers into the waistband of his boxers, you slid the garment from his hips, revealing his bum. Your hands glided along his curvy, soft mounds, grabbing into them like you were testing ripe peaches.

Jaehyun was pecking your lips as you slid your hands under his body again and closed around his entire girth. He stopped for a moment, but the second he continued on, you started moving your hands, top on top, along his length.

Not being able to concentrate on the feeling down there and kissing you simultaneously anymore, you perceived how Jaehyun got weak with supporting his body on his own arms that he had rested to the left and right of your head. So you decided to take the lead from here on.

Sitting up yourself, you put your palms on Jaehyun’s chest and pushed him backwards onto the mattress. He watched you with surprised eyes, but didn’t protest as you sat on his thighs, eyeing his member with much anticipation.

You slid further down his legs, nearly close to his ankles, and bowed down. With your fingers wrapped around the base of his dick, you led him to your mouth. First letting the tip pass by your lips, then his entire length up until the very middle.

You only heard him swearing, “fucking shit,” before Jaehyun covered his face with his arm placed over his eyes and his other clasping the sheet by his side. Your hair grazed over the area around his navel while you moved your head up and down, cautiously slow at first to give yourself time to adapt to his length.

Then, you started bobbing your head, increasing the speed with every time you came up and nearly let him slip out, your fingers that had closed around him sliding in the same rhythm, adding to the pleasure. The slurping noises that came along with this act filled the room until they got drowned out by Jaehyun’s moans.

He directed his hand towards your head and grabbed it by the back, ruffling your hair between his fingers while he started to thrust upwards, meeting you halfway in the fast motions. Like this, he was able to reach deep within you, but still not far enough so that he could hurt you.

When you witnessed him twitching his legs, you stopped, held him still by the base and decided to tease him further a bit before you allowed him to release himself. With the tip of your tongue, you touched his glans, trailed along the slip and then circled around the entire top part.

Jaehyun’s swearing words came in a never ending trail like a waterfall that you couldn’t really understand all syllables from, but you were sure you did a good job and rewarded him for being patient with the motions from before again, but this time with added pressure and passion.

Suddenly, he grabbed you by your arm, urging you to stop.

“Or else I’m gonna cum,” he said and sat himself up, flipping you around so that you laid under him again.

Hastily, you got rid of your top while Jaehyun worked on your sleeping shorts until shortly after, you were both lying naked on top of each other. You wanted him desperately inside you, because you just didn’t know when you’ve had had sex the last time, but instead of wanting to get through this fast, Jaehyun took his time.

That was when you realized that this entire joining was probably more to him than just sex to get it off. You had thought that because he hadn’t been able to get it tonight from your best friend, he’d take it from you. But the way he touched you insisted otherwise.

If it wasn’t more than just sex, he wouldn’t trail his fingers over your ribcage in feathery-light motions, admiring every inch of your body. If it wasn’t more than a body-focused act, he wouldn’t place soft kisses not only on your mouth, but also onto your forehead, your cheek, your neck… If it wasn’t more, Jaehyun wouldn’t be so damn thoughtful and tender.

He remained his tenderness and his gaze didn’t leave your eyes as well when he finally nudged between your thighs, pushing forward until he filled you up to the brim.

Restraining himself from starting to move right away, Jaehyun took his time to ask you whether you were okay at first when you let out a quiet “oh” that alarmed him. But you were eager to calm him down when you explained that it was only because you hadn’t been with a man in so long, and somehow, after speaking it out, it made you feel embarrassed.

As the boyfriend of your best friend, he’d surely know when you had been in contact with a man the last time, and you hated yourself for being so pressured by society to feel ashamed of who you were and how you lived your life.

But instead of judging you, Jaehyun only nodded and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, and suddenly, you were flooded with such a warm feeling towards him that you nearly cried. Rarely had you encountered a man so considerate and caring.

“Tell me when I can go on.”

You bit your lip and felt the uncomfortable pressure in your nether regions getting replaced by a feeling that you hadn’t encountered in so long. A feeling that made you want more, want him.

Holding onto his shoulders with both of your hands, you nodded back at him with a smile which he then returned. When Jaehyun started thrusting in and out of you, your eye contact didn’t break, and you were sure that right now, you were looking at the real Jaehyun at this very moment.

Not the guy you hated. Not the guy your best friend was dating. But instead the person who wanted to protect you from guys that only wanted to use you. A person who offered you company in class and shared his equipment with you. And a person whose cheekiness and affection he showed through childish acts because he didn’t know how to express his feelings otherwise.

This was not the person you were sure of knowing all along. Probably because you hadn’t even gotten to know him in the first place.

One arm now clung around his neck while with the other, you grabbed the pillow beside you. You threw your head back in excitement, his pushes coming in short intervals one after another, and he was hitting all the right spots with them.

Jaehyun propped his arms up to the left and right of him, lifting his upper body to gather all his strength in his groin area and stopped for a brief moment before he thrusted inside you with such force that it nearly knocked all air out of your lungs, and you couldn’t respond with anything else than moaning.

It felt so good, so… right. But how could something so wrong still feel so right?

Right now, you didn’t hate Jaehyun or your best friend the most, but yourself and the fact that you continued on and on. That you brought your hips up to meet his thrusts with hazy thoughts and his lips all over yours when he slowed down with his movements to dedicate himself to caressing your breasts.

You felt Jaehyun’s hot tongue swirling over your buds, and you shook under him. Not because it felt cold, but because his tender caresses just felt so good. You didn’t have the feeling that he could do anything wrong with whatever he carried out, that was your impression about how well your bodies meshed together.

No, you didn’t hate Jaehyun. You had always only hated how he had presented himself to you. But there was so much more to him.

Sweat droplets showed on his forehead when he continued with the hard thrusts again, the sound of you both breathing heavily mixing together with the sloppy noises of your bodies moving against each other filling the room, but no matter how messy sex was, it was the most romantic thing you had experienced in a long time.

Your eye contact also didn’t break when Jaehyun arose above you, his sweaty chest glistening in the dim light that shone through your windows, and increased his pace even more. When he dropped his head and bit his lip in the process, you wrapped your arms around him and added pressure to your nether regions as you felt him approaching his heights.

It felt very good to you too, but you were by any means not as far as him yet, so you didn’t blame him when he came only a short moment after with a groan that sounded sexy as hell to you.

You held him tightly when he fell limply onto your chest, still breathing heavily from the orgasm that slowly faded. Staring at the ceiling, you smiled with him in your arms, just enjoying the moment when Jaehyun moved away from you.

“We’re not done here yet,” you saw him grin as he laid himself next to you, rolled onto the side and placed his head in his palms as he propped his elbow against the mattress.

You wondered what was to come when you felt his finger tips dragging from your thighs to your navel, then lower again and stopped right at your most sensitive spot.

“Oh!” you let out as he placed two fingers on your folds and started moving them up and down with your remaining juices as lube that made the intense feeling kick in almost immediately.

You screamed when he added pressure and now directed circling motions around the sensitive bundle of nerves. From your half-closed eyes, you witnessed him looking at you with such admiration but also cheekiness as you writhed and wreathed under him, yet spread your legs even wider as release was so close.

Jaehyun leaned in to you, his fingers not letting go of the continuity as he half covered your body with his and just kissed you passionately. Like this, he encountered first hand how the orgasm took over you, and you moaned into his mouth, riding it out against his hand.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world when he wrapped his arms around you right after and pulled you onto his chest, and you drifted off into a slumber shortly after.

Even though the first tendencies of your bad consciousness set in before you closed your eyes, you decided that this would be the problem of tomorrow.

No, you didn’t hate Jung Jaehyun.

If anything, you should probably hate yourself.

___

“YES… YES… YESYESYES, OHMYGOD!”

You heard your friend from the other side of the wall, having rudely awakened you in the early morning hours. At least you thought so. But a glimpse at your phone through sleepy eyes told you that it was past 11am already.

Within a second, you were wide awake.

You were still naked, but the clothes on your floor only belonged to you, and the spot next to you in the bed was empty.

“OH!MY!GOD!.... YES! OH… OH.... AAAAH… OHOHOH… YES!!”

Jaehyun was gone. At least from your room.

Your best friend’s headboard constantly bumped against the wall, and you grabbed your pillow to cover your ears with it. You didn’t want to hear the sounds. Not because they stole your sleep, but because somehow, for the first time, you didn’t feel disturbed by the noise, but actually hurt.

In your mind, you imagined Jaehyun’s mesmerizing smile, the witty expression he was constantly wearing and his deep voice that had showed you for the first time last night that there was a certain softness within it.

You felt hurt, because you knew all the things from last night had been real between you two, yet he was still fucking your best friend mere hours later. What you had shared and felt had been special, yet he was still with her.

And suddenly, you felt hate again. But towards yourself. For betraying your best friend with him. But first and foremost, for betraying yourself.

You had never hated Jung Jaehyun.

You had always felt some certain kind of attraction towards him, but kept telling yourself you hated him to push him as far away from you as possible. If this wouldn’t be so wrong under these circumstances, this attraction would feel right and could blossom. But like this, you could never come to enjoy this feeling entirely.

Your relationship had been doomed from the very start, because given the wicked circumstances, you would never be able to form a healthy relationship. It was like a stain that would never vanish on a white sheet.

So you just decided to continue as usual. To keep this a secret between the both of you and just to carry on with your life.

And to hate Jung Jaehyun just a little more.

You just didn’t know how to feel and act towards your best friend without feeling so much… regret.

“Good morning.”

But the young man stepping out of your best friend’s room wasn’t Jaehyun. But Johnny.

You sat there in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, your mouth agape. And then it started to rattle in your head.

Lately, there were times when your best friend had screamed the name “Jaehyun!” loudly during the act. Those were the times you had actually seen him the next morning. But the nights she hadn’t screamed a certain name, no one had ever come out. And those times, you had counted more than the ones with Jaehyun in the past weeks, just when their loud arguments started on a nearly daily basis.

“Where’s Jaehyun?” you asked without greeting her good morning as you walked into her room.

“Oh, we had a fight last night,” she explained to you while getting herself dressed casually. “And then we broke up. I went away to be with Johnny after throwing him out, and we’ve only gotten back this morning. I hope he left last night already and didn’t stay here.”

“What?” you wondered.

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “I’ll get over it.”

“You actually already got over it as I’ve seen!”

“Oh, Johnny?”

“You’ve been fucking him for weeks already?” you provoked.

She shrugged again. “Perhaps a month… So what?”

You stood there, totally lost for words. “You’ve been crying about Jaehyun to me ever since you got together! That he flirted with other women, ditched you, went to parties and ignored you! And now you’re telling me you’ve been cheating on him for quite a while?! And this instagram story drama from last week?”

She sighed and flopped down onto the bed. “Okay, admittedly, I’m not an angel in this story, but he is by far neither! He was not. There were many things he has done wrong in the past. But then he actually started… doing nothing wrong. Being the picture perfect boyfriend without all these flaws and drama. And perhaps, this is not something that I want, so I started to look around elsewhere.”

“So…” You paused, still processing the shock. “Was it all an act? All the times you’ve cried to me over him lately while cheating behind his back?”

“Not an act, precisely,” she said reluctantly. “Yes, he explained every situation to me. And I was being dramatic over it for nothing, perhaps. I don’t know… I still enjoyed being with him though, but it just didn’t feel right anymore. I want to have men just… telling me I’m right, always coming back to me… what’s a relationship without fire? But Jaehyun didn’t want to do this anymore.”

In your head, you recalled everything that Jaehyun had told you. About there being two sides of the same coin, about you being so oblivious. All this time, he knew that she had cheated on him. He knew what you thought of him, yet he had never made a move to ever explain it to you.

But why?

“As he should,” you then stated. “How you treated him was awful!”

“Only because I cheated on him a few times?” she chuckled. “Come on!”

“I’m your best friend, and yet you lied to me! You twisted and turned stories so that you’d always be the one at right! But the truth is, you’re the bad person here. Not him.”

“Now what? He’s gone from our lives. Don’t care about him.”

But the truth was, you did. Now more than about her.

That was why, an hour later, you found yourself in front of his dorm. When he opened shortly after you had knocked, you stared at him, still gasping for air as you had run the entire way here, with all the memories from last night coming back with each step.

“She’s been cheating on you,” were the only words you brought out.

“I know.”

“For how long?” you asked.

“I assume for just as long.”

You breathed in heavily, not understanding a word. “But why did you stay with her?”

Jaehyun smiled meekly. “Because I don’t think I deserve a good person like you are.”

It ran hot and cold down your back. “I… I don’t understand.”

He leaned against the door frame with crossed arms, and even though he seemed uncomfortable talking about his feelings, he still did.

“I haven’t been the best boyfriend for her most times in this relationship, I admit this openly. We weren’t really good for each other and it destroyed me to the point that I wanted to change. But when I started being the boyfriend she had wished for, it wasn’t right either and she started cheating. So I just settled with it. Because I thought I screwed up to that point where I won’t be able to make anyone happy anymore and also don’t deserve the same in return. Even though I only wanted you...”

“You douche!” You stomped with your feet on the ground.

“What?” he returned perplexed with furrowed brows.

“Everyone deserves love and to love! And you’re not different from anyone else!”

His confusion got replaced with a mild smile. “You’re so kind, y/n. That’s one of the things I like the most about you. But you’re also oblivious.”

Jaehyun pulled out his phone, scrolled through his messenger and started playing a voice message from a very familiar person.

“Why do you even care about this bitch, Jaehyun?!” In the background, you heard music and other people talking. “She’s a stupid nerd, and I’ve only befriended her because she helps me studying and listens to my complains since we’re dorm mates, so don’t even waste a single thought about this party pooper!”

You stood there as though you had been rendered motionless. Your heart had dropped to your feet.

“This is from last night when I quickly went outside again to check whether you rode away safely with your uber and she couldn’t find me directly. That’s why we argued and broke up. No, it’s not the first time she’s talked about you like this.” He put his phone away. “I thought letting you hate me would make it easier for a kind person like you to keep their distance from someone like me. Because, in the end, I will only hurt you too. But the more I started to genuinely like you, the more I felt protective towards you. I couldn’t see her speaking about you like this anymore.”

Your breathing came in hitches as your whole world suddenly crashed over you. Your best friend wasn’t your best friend. She had probably never been.

You stumbled backwards, and Jaehyun stepped forward to grab you by your arm, but you pulled it away.

“I…. I just…” you stuttered. “I have to… talk to her.”

“Sure.”

The whole way home, you only cried.

Not over Jaehyun, but over the betrayal of someone you had considered your best friend, yet had hurt you in the most painful way like no man ever could. And the fact that you had been an asshole to her to the same extent after having slept with her boyfriend the same night they had broken up was probably the final straw.

You were no saint here. You had added to your both’s downfall just as much. And it hurt much more than any heartbreak you had experienced so far.

You had to sort your life out and right now, and amongst this chaos there was no place for Jaehyun in your life.

____

You put the last vase with dried flowers on your shelf, stepped backwards to your room’s door and inspected the final set up.

“Finished!” you praised yourself.

It had taken you three months to move to a new dorm, but this was your last step to a new chapter in your life.

You hadn’t had contact with your former best friend ever since your final conversation in which you had handed the keys over to her. The many conversations before had only consisted of screams, accusations and tears.

She had admitted to saying all those things about you, but also to genuinely have come like you. You weren’t so sure whether that was real or one of her lies again. You had admitted to sleeping with Jaehyun, and she would have forgiven you for that as she hadn’t been really in love with him anymore at this point, but you were sure you didn’t want either in your life anymore.

Your best friend because she had hurt you deeply, and Jaehyun because of your burdensome history. All of you had done so many wrong things, and you were only a bundle of toxic people together, so chaotic that you were better off apart from each other.

But you didn’t want to be this toxic kind of person anymore. So you moved out and left your old life behind.

You didn’t go to that class with Jaehyun anymore, and although you missed him, the touches of your joint night still present on your skin sometimes, you wanted to move on from even the mere imaginations of him as well. You were sure that you’d find a guy just like him, but you missed him wherever you went and couldn’t help but ask yourself “what if?”

The fact that he hadn’t reached out to you either made it easier, and as summer break came and passed, and the new semester started, you had kissed two news guys already, made a new friend group and were just overall happy.

But you still missed Jaehyun dearly and all the possibilities of what could have happened if only your timing had been right in life. Even if he wasn’t the right one for you.

“Is this seat taken?”

And then, one day, there he was again. Taking the seat next to you as though no time had ever passed between the two of you, smiling that mesmerizing smile you didn’t hate.

You only stared at him, and his kind expression didn’t break. When you moved your head to the front again where the professor introduced himself, you couldn’t help but to smile too. Because this wasn’t the expression of a bad person.

People changed, and just like good traits could turn into bad traits, a bad person could turn into a good one also. And they all deserved a second chance.

You had only known the Jaehyun from your best friend’s perspective, and then also his body. But even though you had gotten a glimpse of the real Jaehyun here and there, you didn’t quite know him entirely yet.

But you wanted to. The good, the bad, the real. Jaehyun wasn’t the right one for you, but such a thing didn’t exist. What mattered were only your feelings.

Because in fact, you didn’t hate Jung Jaehyun. At all.

[soulmate-game]

Not related to the other two Bio!mom Harley AUs that I did. Just... similar. I wrote this instead of sleeping, as per the usual.

—*—*—*—*—*

“I need your help.”

No accent, no threats of violence, no beating around the bush (figurative or otherwise). No fighting or unconscious bodies.

Just Harley Quinn with her hair down, no makeup, and completely serious, in the center of the Bat Cave. Even though her usual exaggerated Brooklynn accent (circa 1950s) had become a pretty inseparable part of her personality over the years, every now and then she forcibly stuffed it down and used her mostly unaccented voice. The one reminiscent of days with less colors on her face, a high bun, and a pristine white lab coat.

Every single one of the Bats and Birds present, fresh from an interrupted patrol thanks to her, could count the number of times they had seen Harley like this on one hand. Bruce would have the most recollections, but everyone else would have plenty of fingers left on said hand. So they all knew, especially when Bruce willingly pulled down his cowl so he could look Harley in the eye, that this was the start of something they were not likely to forget. And maybe their chances of survival were slim too.

“Harley,” Bruce’s voice was still gruff, seeing as he was still mostly Batman at the moment, but his eyes were soft. “Maybe you should tell us what you need help with first. And sit down. You look exhausted.”

Sure enough, there were dark circles under Harley’s eyes. She let Bruce-man lead her over to one of their debriefing tables and sit her down. She let out a huge sigh, her fingers tangling in her loose blond locks.

“I have a confession, and it isn’t gonna leave this cave, capiche?” The slight return of her accent relieved a little of the tension, but not much. Taking this as their cue, the rest of the bats spread out into their usual seats at the table. Bruce stayed near Harley, keeping a hand on her shoulder in silent support. Harley didn’t continue talking until he gave her a solemn nod in agreement. She gulped— an action that immediately returned the tension.

“... fifteen years ago, back when I was still with Joker, I disappeared off the Gotham scene for a few months. I’m sure a few of you remember,” she looked up, and a couple of the older vigilantes nodded. Really, Jason has still been Robin back then. But the memory stuck out in his head now that he was thinking about it.

“Yeah, you were breaking away from him a little bit, which was weird at the time,” Red Hood mused aloud, arms crossed. “I think you helped us out a couple times and did some of your first team ups with Ivy before you vanished. Then a few months go by and you were back in action with Joker, so we mostly ignored it as you just being you.”

Harley nodded. “Ah, my Ivy’s a lifesaver, even back then. She helped cover up the timeline by keeping me in action for longer than I should’a been without putting me at too much risk.”

“Timeline…” Red Robin spoke up, eyes huge even behind his mask. “You don’t mean—“

“Harley,” Bruce breathed, having also caught on. “You were pregnant?”

The air went still. Harley sniffed, eyes watering even as she smiled.

“Oh yeah. Shouldn’t have been possible, ya know? Me ‘n Joker being dumped in that damn acid should have made us both more sterile than an operatin’ room. But I knew I couldn’t raise a kid, so after she was born—“

“You kept her?” Damian interrupted, earning a gentle cuff over the head from Dick. Harley just snorted.

“Yeah. Not gonna lie, I thought about abortion. But the baby didn’t do nothin’ wrong, and I was still in love with Joker back then so I was ecstatic that I was able to make something new with part ‘a him in it. Still, I knew a baby didn’t deserve to be raised in Gotham. Especially not my baby, not with my enemies and history. Not with who her father was. I knew he’d never want her, never let me keep her. So I spent the last five months of my pregnancy lookin’ around for the best possible family to take her in. And I found them in Paris, France. A sweet couple, both of them bakers. Sabine, she’s both adorably sweet and super kickass. Comes from a Chinese family that is crazy about teachin’ their women martial arts. But nothing shady about it, I triple checked. Just bonding through kicking people in the face. Which is perfect, I wanted my baby to know how to defend herself. I knew she’d need those skills eventually. And Tom, that’s Sabine’s wife, he’s a gentle giant. Same size as Bane, but as harmless as a puppy and makes the best croissants ever. Seriously, the best.”

“Harley,” Bruce gently prodded, but there was a tiny grin on his face. Seeing her behaving so… so normally, so proud and reminiscent, was a rare treat. Bruce would be lying if he said he wasn’t proud of how far the woman had come. How she had freed herself and become a better person, mostly on her own.

“Right, right. The point,” Harley took a breath, rubbing her forehead. “I came clean to Tom and Sabine, but apparently they knew who I was the whole time. They just didn’t care— did I mention they are perfect? Anyway, once I explained everything, they agreed immediately to adopting my baby. They’d been wanting kids, but it would’a been too risky for Sabine’s health. That’s how I found them anyway, they were in the market to adopt. We named her Marinette. She took Tom and Sabine’s last names, hyphenated. We decided Quinn would be her middle name. And after that, I came back to Gotham and told myself that she was in good hands and I needed to forget about her. Cuz I was no good for her. I knew that. I went back to my old tricks. And then…” Harley chuckled, but it was self-depreciating.

“Then a few years passed, and I started breaking away from Joker for real. Then we broke up, I blew up Ace Chemicals while you guys were outta town doing Justice League and Young Justice shit. I started dating Ivy. And—“ she smiled softly at the table, clearly seeing something the rest of them couldn’t. “Then Ivy convinced me to go see her. Visit my baby, see how she’s been. And I did. Marinette was seven years old, but damn it to hell she was gorgeous. And say whatever you want about me and Joker�� most of it will even be true— but neither of us are stupid. And she inherited all of our intelligence. All of it. She got my blue eyes. But she got his hair, which meant Sabine teased me relentlessly about ‘are you sure she isn’t that Wayne’s kid?’ And don’t make that face Bruce, you’d be lucky to have a kid half as beautiful as my Mari-pie. No offense, Damian. Anyway. Anyway, this is the important part. Or part of it.

“She sat there and listened to everything I had to say. Everything. A little seven year old, who could barely understand English at the time, and she listened without interrupting once. She never threw a fit, she wasn’t angry or confused. I told her about the things I’d done in the past— well, G rated versions— and she didn’t care. She called me Momma Harley right away, said she wanted to meet Aunt Ivy sometime soon, and started telling me everything about her that I’d missed. From that day on, she became my sunshine. The light of my life, and I still call her at least once a week every week. When I disappear for a few days out of the city? I’m visiting her—“

“You’re banned from international travel, Harley,” Dick scolded, but he sounded way too amused for it to work. He knew she had her ways, anyway. Nobody could actually stop Harley damn Quinn from doing whatever she wanted.

“—Ugh, she tells me the same thing every time! Disappointed glare and everything. I don’t know how I gave birth to such a goodie goodie, but somehow I did. Not important though! The important thing is, I’m always the first to hear when something new happens in her life. And we had decided that she wouldn’t visit me in Gotham until she was at least eighteen, but apparently she disobeyed me— which I should have expected honestly— and entered you guys’ WE international scholastic competition.”

“Oh no,” Bruce pinched the bridge of her nose. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng? The contest winner?” He finally pulled out a chair and sat down. “The winner gets an all-expense paid trip to Gotham for them and their whole class.”

“Exactly!” Harley threw up her hands. “Mari told me last week, and I’ve been trying to talk her out of coming ever since. But she’s inherited both of our stubbornness too, and she isn’t budgin’ a bit. ‘Momma Harley, I wanna see you and Auntie Ivy though!’ And ‘Momma, Gotham’s nothing I can’t handle,’ or my favorite, ‘Maybe you’ll finally get to see me dropkick someone three times my size then, and I’ll prove it.’”

“So that’s what you meant by you need our help,” Tim said as he leaned forward over the table. “Joker just broke out of Arkham yesterday. You want us to protect her.”

“I’d prefer if one of you was with her outside of the mask too, as often as possible,” Harley confirmed. “I can’t stop her from coming here anymore, but I also don’t trust Joker for a second. As soon as he sees her, I’m afraid he’ll make the connection.”

“She looks like him?” Damian asked, scrunching up his nose at the ugly mental image of Joker as a teenage girl. Harley shook her head, solemn.

“She looks like a dark-haired mini-me,” she corrected. “She even keeps her hair in pigtails as her way of showing support for me. And I know Marinette can kick ass, Sabine’s trained her well. But Marinette inherited more than I’d like from me,” Harley ran a hand through her hair. “I didn’t notice it until she was thirteen. She got a crush on a classmate, and it was almost like watching videos of me back during the early days of— well, of Harley Quinn. Just without the crime and insanity. She didn’t even realize that she was almost stalking the poor kid until I pointed it out, and luckily I was able to put my doctorate to good use and we nipped that right in the bud ASAP. She never meant it that way, anyway. As soon as I explained things to her, she was horrified and immediately asked me to help her learn how to have a healthy relationship. That was a fun discussion,” Harley grimaced. “But she still gets attached to people really, really easily. Once she grew out of her crush on that boy, she adopted him as her unofficial brother. She already calls Selina “Auntie,” even though I’ve barely mentioned her to Marinette. She gets attached fast, and deeply. And I’m afraid that even after all the warning I’ve done, all the stories I’ve told her—“

“You’re afraid she’ll get attached to Joker just like you did,” Bruce finished for her, closing his eyes. “Because she knows he’s her father.”

“Yes,” Tears were slowly dripping down her face already, her hands curled into fists so tightly that her knuckles were paper white. “You know how he is. If he finds out she’s his biological daughter, he’ll immediately try to take advantage of that. And he’s far too good with his words for people like me and Mari. I’m worried outta my mind. Please. Help keep my baby safe from him.”

“We will,” Jason no longer had his helmet on, or the domino mask that he usually wore underneath it. All of them knew masks were merely formality with Harley nowadays. And he needed to look her directly in the eye so she could see how serious he was. “I can sign up as a bodyguard for the class. It won’t be weird, seeing as they’re tourists and this is Gotham. They also have several rich kids in their group if I remember right.”

Bruce nodded, agreeing with Jason. “That’s a good idea. I can lead the class on their tours of WE personally. That’ll serve the purpose of keeping an eye on her and shutting up the investors that keep begging me to make more public appearances for the sake of the company. Marinette’s name is already released to the news as the winner of the contest, so we can’t keep her out of the spotlight long. Tim, you’ll have to keep an eye on any and all pictures of the class. Try to erase or doctor the images with her in it well enough that connections between her and Harley can’t be easily made. Dick, you and Damian will be in charge of keeping an eye out for any activity from Joker. The slightest hint, and you notify all of us. We’ll decide on a case-by-case basis who is necessary to stick with the class and who goes after the clown.”

“She’s gonna sneak out of her hotel to stay with me and Ivy,” Harley admitted, bringing the (now slightly judgemental) attention back to her. She raised her hands up in surrender. “She didn’t tell me that, and I didn’t approve or suggest it! I just know my baby too well to not realize that that’s her plan. Could ya provide an escort?”

Bruce sighed. “This is gonna be an eventful month.”

[dreamwritesimagines]

Twisted 28 - Sunlight [Spencer Reid x Reader]

A.N.: Thank you so much for your wonderful support my loves! Here’s the next chapter, I hope you will like it as well, and please let me know what you think of it! ❤❤ Ily, kisses! ❤❤❤

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Murder, serial killers, violence, manipulation, mentions of sex, drinking, smoking, hospitals, medicine.

Word Count: 4400

Summary: Survival makes people stronger.

Everyone’s voices were so muffled that for a moment it felt as if you were under water. It came and went just like the warmth, just like the comfort—

One moment there, the other moment far away, and anytime you tried to reach through that haze, you were pushed back into the numbness.

You could swear at some point your father was there too. You were still at the cabin, in that dress, sitting across from him by the chessboard, and then back at the weekend house where your sister was chasing you around the piano, your mother calling out for you to stop running, then someone pushing you into the lake by the cabin before it changed again and your father handed you a knife.

If this is hell, I’d like to talk to the manager.

But eventually, it all came back to you. There was this heaviness on your hand, your chest and ribs hurt terribly and your forehead kept stinging as you tried to open your eyes to meet the bright lights of the hospital room.

Ah. You weren’t in the woods anymore.

You had made it after all.

The constant beeping of the machine caught your attention for a moment before you looked down to see Spencer’s head resting on your hand, his fingers entwined with yours. Your mother was by the couch, her eyes fixed on the ceiling with a crumpled tissue in her hand and Mina was resting her head on her shoulder.

“Mom?” you rasped out and your mother’s eyes whipped to yours, Mina sat up and Spencer’s head shot up.

“Oh thank God!” your mother jumped out of her seat to come to your beside and pressed a kiss on top of your head, making you wince. “Oh thank God you’re okay…”

“Hey,” Mina wiped at her eyes and cleared her throat, “Welcome back brat.”

You smiled and turned to Spencer who was still holding your hand tight, watching you with bloodshot eyes.

“I know,” you said, “No eyeliner right?”

A small sob mixed with laughter rose from his throat and he pressed your hand to his lips, swallowing thickly.

“Hi.”

“Hey professor,” you tried to smile but you were in too much pain to do so, “Is there like…a morphine button or-?”

“I’ll go get the doctor,” Mina rushed out of the room and closed the door behind her, and your mother pulled back.

“How do you feel honey?”

“Like I crawled out of hell,” you said, “Is- is everyone okay?”

“Everyone is fine.”

“Where’s Lily?”

“With Kenzie and Nolan, outside.”

You let out a breath and turned to Spencer.

“You figured it out?” you asked, “The note?”

“Ophelia, yeah,” he sniffled and nodded fervently, “Cabin by the lake, we were on our way there when—” he stopped talking as if remembering it was way too heavy on him and you squeezed his hand.

“How did I….” you looked between them, “Survive? Erica shot me.”

“The helicopter,” your mother said, “We sent it with a medic and a sniper just in case.”

“You sent a helicopter with a medic and a sniper?” you repeated, “Mom, that sounds like a joke.”

“Well I’m glad you find it funny,” your mother wiped at her eyes again, “Because you’re grounded for the rest of your life.”

“Okay,” you shot a look at Spencer, “Ignore this.”

“No, not even your boyfriend can help you right now.”

“They still like you, no worries,” you explained and he shook his head slightly, reaching out to touch your cheek as if trying to prove to himself that you were real.

“I thought—“ he started and blinked back the tears, gritting his teeth and you rubbed your thumb over his hand.

“I’m fine,” you said and lifted your head when the thought hit you, “Wait what happened to Lincoln?”

A shadow crossed Spencer’s eyes and your mother flexed her fingers as if she wanted to throttle someone upon hearing his name.

“That monster is currently handcuffed to a hospital bed,” she said, “But not to worry, we put ten guards in front of his door, and I will make sure to ruin his life myself.”

“He survived?”

“Barely,” Spencer said through his teeth but before he could say anything else, the door opened and a doctor stepped in. Even you could hear Lily’s very loud protests, Kenzie trying to shush her and you smiled slightly before turning to the doctor who was checking the file in her hand.

“Hello Y/N,” she said cheerfully “Nice to see you awake, for a moment you had me worried we wouldn’t get to meet. So, we have head trauma, a bullet wound, broken ribs and blood loss. Were you trying to fill out a bingo of dangerous injuries or…?”

“Go big or go home doc,” you nodded and she raised her brows.

“Should I put in a psychiatric evaluation in here as well then?”

“Yes please,” your mother pinched the bridge of her nose and you heaved a sigh, making a face.

“Pain?”

“A lot.”

“Let’s see what we can do about that,” she said and Spencer stood up.

“Can I see her chart please?” he asked and she took almost taken aback before showing him the chart.

“I’d like to change these two meds,” Spencer said and started listing off his suggestions while you watched him with a smile on your face.

“Spencer,” you said, “Please let the nice and smart lady do her job.”

The doctor grinned at you, “That’s alright. Is there anything you would like to ask me?”

“Two questions. One, when can I go home?”

“We’d like to keep you under observation for a couple of days, depending on how fast your body shows progress to heal.”

“Okay. Can I smoke here?”

“Oh Jesus Christ,” your mother threw her head back, Spencer just stared at you and the doctor blinked a couple of times.

“Since this job taught me never to take any question as hypothetical,” she said, “I’m just going to answer it. No, under absolutely no circumstances are you allowed to smoke here.”

You curled your lips, “It was worth a try.”

“We’ll give you some really good painkillers, don’t worry,” she winked, “I’ll let the rest of your family in and see you later.”  

She walked to the door and opened it, and soon enough Lily rushed inside but as soon as she leaped at you, Kenzie caught her mid-air like a troublesome cat.

“No, what did I say outside?”

“But mama—“

“It’s okay Kenz. Hi bug.”

Kenzie gave you a teary eyed smile and slowly set Lily down, and she hugged her teddy bear before taking a step towards you, nibbling on her lip.

“Does it hurt?” she pointed at the stitches on your forehead and you tilted your head.

“Just a little, sweetie.”

She carefully put the teddy bear beside your bed and grinned at you.

“Mr. Chocolate Chip Cookie will be your friend here,” she patted the teddy bear’s head and you let out a small laugh.

“I really appreciate it bug, thank you,” you said and held the teddy bear in your lap before you turned to Nolan. “Hey man, thanks for the helicopter.”

“Thanks for the almost heart attack,” he replied and fixed his bowtie, “You keep me young with all this panic and adrenaline. Honestly Y/N, never do that to us again, please.”

“I’ll try my best not to get kidnapped by a maniac again,” you stated, “Besides, mom already grounded me so…”

“Good! No jet for you for a while young lady.”

A nurse came in to inject the painkiller into your IV, and you smiled at the sight of your family fondly, then cleared your throat.

“Hey, not that I didn’t miss you guys,” you said, “But um…can I talk to Spencer for a moment?”

Kenzie and Mina exchanged looks and Kenzie lifted Lily up.

“We’ll be right outside,” she said and walked to the door. One by one they left the room and your jaw dropped when you saw Mina squeezing Spencer’s shoulder before she left as well.

“Well, something changed,” you commented and Spencer came to pull a chair next to the bed before he reached out to hold your hand.

“She was the first one to talk to me when we landed,” his voice still didn’t sound so strong and you frowned.

“What did she say?”

“Go there and bring my sister back.” Spencer said and ran a hand over his eyes, “Based on the profile, I thought he’d already—“ he couldn’t even finish that sentence before he kissed the back of your hand, “I thought I lost you.”

“Nah, cigarettes will kill me, not serial killers,” you reached out to push a curl out of his eyes, “I thought you knew that. All looks and no smarts, aren’t you?”

He scoffed a shaky laugh and you licked your lips.

“What happened there?” you asked, “I heard gunshots after Erica shot me, is she��“

“Dead,” Spencer nodded, “She was shot right there.”

You could feel the goosebumps on your skin, “And Lincoln?”

“I was going to kill him,” Spencer said, “If I got there first, I would’ve.”

“Spencer you don’t mean that.”

“I do,” he told you, a dangerous light gleaming in his eyes, “I do mean that.”

You heaved a sigh, now easier thanks to the painkillers, “Yeah well, I guess I know the feeling.”

“Um- the team is outside as well by the way,” he said, “Luke and Garcia has been here the whole night, and I’ve been instructed to tell you, word by word, no amount of pastries will excuse the worry you put them through.”

You grinned, the tired haze of sleep crashing on you, “Ouch, I’ll have to try harder I guess,” you said and yawned, making Spencer smile.

“Rest a little,” he said, “I’ll stay right here, okay?”

You nodded and leaned your head back to the pillows, then closed your eyes.

                                                 ***

You were given the permission to go home after a week because your mother insisted on keeping you there until she was convinced you wouldn’t drop dead all of a sudden. Surprisingly enough, she didn’t raise hell when you told her you would be staying at Spencer’s place for a while, and for once, Mina agreed with you.

You really needed to ask Spencer what had happened while you were gone, in detail.

It was strange, but your sleep was much less disturbed after you had returned from the hospital. When you were in hospital you had just assumed it was because of the meds they had given you, but now, sleeping with Spencer in his bed, there was still no sign of any nightmares.

With you, that was. Spencer was a completely different story.

You still had to be careful because of your ribs and the doctor had told you to be careful with how you slept, so the moment you moved a little in your sleep and felt the pain shooting through you, you made a face and reached for Spencer’s side of the bed only to meet an empty spot. You opened your eyes, and carefully sat up in bed, trying to hear whether there was any noise to signal he was coming back to bed but there was none, so you slipped out of the bed and walked to the living room.

Of course he was there. Cradling a cup with steam coming out of it in his hands, staring into the darkness as if he was lost in his own mind.

“Spencer?” you said softly and he turned his head, snapping out of his thoughts.

“Hey,” he said, trying to smile, “Why are you up?”

“I could ask you the same question,” you tilted your head before you went to sit beside him and he ran a hand through his curls.

“It’s not important.”

“Nightmares?” you asked and he nodded silently.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe later,” he murmured, “How about you? Any pain? Do you need an ice bag?”

You shook your head, “Nah it’s fine,” you said, “It doesn’t hurt that terribly.”

“And your nightmares?”

You shrugged, “No nightmares. I mean—at least not like the earlier ones. Not where I’m turning into him.”

“Trauma works differently in everyone.”

“I don’t think it’s the trauma though,” you said, “I think it’s because…because I know now.”

He raised his brows, his whole attention on you, “What do you mean?”

“It’s not in me,” you said, “It’s just—it’s just not. I don’t think it ever was. My father killed people because it made him feel powerful. It wasn’t like that with me, back at the cabin. It was survival. For me and people I care about, that’s all. It doesn’t make me evil.”

That seemed to pull him out of his thoughts and he smiled.

“No it doesn’t,” he said, “You’ve never been evil. Even when he tried to turn you into that.”

Even your heart felt light, despite the pain in your ribs and your smile widened.

“I know he’s not dead but…”

“He’s locked away. Same difference from now on.”

You paused for a moment, “Speaking of,” you said, “I was thinking I could go and see him for the last time.”

He frowned, “Why?”

“I don’t know. I think it’ll help me put this whole thing behind me.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I want to see the look on his face when he realizes his small project failed,” you said, “Trust me. There’s no way he can get to me, not anymore.”

He rubbed his thumb over your hand and you leaned back to the back of the couch, still keeping your gaze on his handsome face.

“You don’t have to come with me,” you said, “If it’s too much.”

“It’s not that,” he rasped out, “Officially, I might not be allowed in.”

“Why not?”

“I’m leaving the BAU.”

You blinked a couple of times, gawking at him, then sat up straighter.

“What?”

“I can’t anymore,” he averted his glances from you to look into space, nibbling on his lip, “Y/N, I was out of the city when they called me to tell me you were missing, that you were most probably taken by the copycat. And for the whole time until I found you…” his voice cracked, “Lincoln’s profile, before we even knew that he was Lincoln, it all suggested that he…killed his victims without spending any time with them. I thought—“ he sniffled and cleared his throat, “I can’t do that anymore. Imagining you like all those victims…”

“Spencer, I’m fine.”

“But you weren’t,” he said, barely moving his lips, “Back there.”

Ah. The woods.

“That’s what your nightmare was about?” you asked and he heaved a shaky sigh.

“I couldn’t save you,” he said, “You died there, and I couldn’t do anything, I was too late—“

“Spencer,” you reached out to touch his cheek, “Hey, look at me.”

He turned his head so that his eyes would meet yours and you dragged your fingertips over the slight stubble on his cheek.

“You weren’t too late,” you told him, “And I didn’t die. Okay? I’m right here. Don’t leave the BAU because of me, do it only if you want to. I’ll be with you either way.”

He blinked back the tears and nodded. “I want to,” he whispered, “I can’t anymore, and I want- I want to be here. I’ll just…I’ll focus on teaching, and the team can consult me whenever they need to, but I need to be here.”

“And you’re sure about that? It’s not some…heat of the moment decision?”

“It’s not,” he said, “I’m positive.”

“Alright,” you smiled at him softly, “Okay then. I guess instead of talking about gruesome murders and copycats who were after me, we can be one of those boring, cliché couples who bicker about…I don’t know, dirty dishes in the sink, or how you forgot to put down the toilet seat or-“

“Your hair in the drain.”

“I’m going to pretend like you weren’t waiting for the opportunity to bring that up.”

He let out a teary laugh and wiped at his eyes before he pulled you closer and carefully wrapped his arms around you so as not to hurt your ribs, burying his face into the crook of your neck. You brushed your fingers through his curls, as if trying to prove to him that you were there, that you were alright.

“I love you so much,” the confession left his lips in a whisper and you could feel the burning behind your eyes as you raked your nails over the nape of his neck gently.

“I love you too,” you murmured, “God, you have no idea how much.”

                                                      ***

The BAU, upon your request, fixed a meeting with your father for the next week.

And throughout that week, everyone tried to convince you to change your mind. Your mother had made a whole scene during brunch, telling you that it was as if you liked torturing yourself, but you knew deep down that you had to talk to him for the last time.

Seeing your father after what felt like a life time, especially after everything that you had been through was strange at the very least. You didn’t have any goosebumps, you didn’t have that nervousness messing with your head, you didn’t feel like you were under the threat of being attacked any time, and most of all—

You didn’t feel like he was stronger than you. At all.

You lit a cigarette in the interrogation room, then flipped the cap of the lighter and turned your head when the door opened and your father walked in, chains dangling from his handcuffs wrapped around his ankles. He stared at you for a couple of seconds as if he didn’t expect to see you there and let out a breath.

“Petal…”

“You should sit down,” you said, exhaling the smoke and a guard helped him sit down across from you.

“We’re right outside, miss.”

“Thank you,” you said and watched as he straightened his back, his gaze focused on you.

“You look…” he trailed off and you raised your brows,

“Hm?”

“What did they do to you?”

“Ah I guess your outside source ending up dead gets you a bit behind on the news,” you said, “Erica is dead, Lincoln is never gonna see the sunlight again, and your whole project to turn me into your legacy with the help of them failed terribly.”

“I’d never allow them to harm you like this.”

You rolled your eyes, exhaling the smoke.

“But you fought your way out, didn’t you?” he asked you, “Looks like my training helped you after all. Even if you refuse to see that.”

“Did you seriously think I’d become like you?” you asked back, “Did you think Lincoln would manage to turn me into you?”

“Honey, Lincoln was going to be your companion at best, your first kill at worst.” he said and you clicked your tongue.

“Oh, that was your plan all along?”

“Some part of it, at least. I knew they wouldn’t be able to handle you, but I thought you could decide what to do with them. Could you kill Erica at least?”

“Didn’t get the chance.”

“You should have,” he said, “You would see, Petal.”

You twirled the cigarette between your fingers, staring at him for a couple of seconds.

“I keep thinking,” you mused, “You know what I said to Mina and Kenzie when they first told me they wanted to have a baby?”

He tilted his head, “Hm? What?”

“I asked them if they lost their minds.”

Your father pulled back slightly and you shrugged your shoulders.

“Because I mean… Kenzie’s parents are assholes, and there’s you,” you motioned at him, “Not that anyone else could take the cake on being a messed up parent when you’re in the picture.”

“I take offense to that.”

“I don’t care,” you said, “But then it hit me, back at the hospital. I was looking at this whole mess from the wrong perspective.”

“Which is?”

“They had a point,” you said, “Back then- before all this I mean, I thought when someone decided to have kids, their first priority was to be the perfect parent. That’s stupid, it’s impossible to be the perfect parent, our own parents mess us up in one way or another. But I get it now.”

“You get what?”

“The first step is being better than your own parents, not starting out perfect,” you said, “That’s why every generation is different, we’re all trying to be better than our parents, and some of us actually succeed.”

“And you think you’d be a better parent than me, is that it?”

“Shouldn’t take that much of an effort to be honest.”

“Are you…?” he motioned at you and you scoffed.

“No,” you said, “No, but what happened back there made me think. I’ve been living my whole life so convinced that you messed me up beyond my own control, beyond saving, but that’s not completely true, is it? I mean, just because you’re in my past, doesn’t mean I’ll have to include you in my present.”

“But I am in your present Petal.”

You pursed your lips together, then gestured around you. “Debatable. Nolan is buying this whole place, did you know that?” you asked, “All your guards are on our paychecks, so it should be harder to…use them to contact outside. We control everything that’s happening here, and there’s nothing you can do about that.”

He blinked a couple of times, trying to catch up with your train of thought.

“And you think that will be enough to put me behind you?”

You shook your head, “No, I don’t think it’s that easy,” you confessed, “But it’s a start.”

He moved his hands on the table, the chain rattling.

“I raised you.” he said, “I’m inside your head, whether you like it or not. You’re my legacy—“

“I’m my own legacy, you fucking idiot,” you said with a small chuckle, “That’s who I am. Just because your expectations of me will not leave me, doesn’t mean I’ll let them haunt me.”

“And you think that will be enough.”

“I will never see you again,” you tilted your head, “Should make things easier, to be honest.”

He smiled, “But you already hurt people,” he said “You know how it feels now, don’t you? That fire? Now you know what you’re capable of.”

You thought for a moment.

“Yeah,” you said, “Yeah I do. Now I know that if it ever comes to that point, I’m capable of protecting myself and my family. It doesn’t make me a monster, it makes me a survivor. Me and mom have that in common, after the shit you’ve pulled.”

He stared at you and you took a last drag of your cigarette, then checked your wristwatch.

“Well I should go. You may have all the time in the world, but I actually have a life, so…”

You stubbed your cigarette and walked to the door but as soon as you opened it, he said your name, making you stop.

“You can’t escape from this,” he said, “Even if you never see me again, you still won’t escape, you know that, right? Why do you think I chose you and not your sister? Even when you were a child, you had…something in you. Something dark, something dangerous.”

The idea was very familiar to you. You had been saying the same thing to yourself for many years and hearing it from him for what felt like a hundredth time was supposed to make you feel bad, you knew that. If it were any other time before your kidnapping, before saving yourself in that cabin, before surviving everything your father and his followers had put you through, it would probably have more effect on you.

The last time he had done that, you had ended up in the stairs, shaking until Spencer had found you.

But it wasn’t that time.

It was as if something had clicked inside your head after everything, and your father’s words held no strength in them.

“Come on honey,” he told you, “Some people are just born twisted.”

A small smile pulled at your lips and you raised your brows, looking at him for a couple of seconds, etching the sight of him in chains into your memory.

“Maybe,” you said and took a step towards him, opening your cigarette case to pull out the small jasmine flower out of it, then put it on the table, eyes locked to his before you leaned in slightly.

“But I wasn’t.”

With that, you turned around and walked out of the interrogation room for the last time, ignoring the way he was yelling your name. Your smile widened as you made your way out of the building, your heels echoing in the halls before you stepped out, the fresh air filling your lungs.

“Hey,” Spencer greeted you, leaning back to your car and reached out so that you could step into his embrace as he pushed your hair out of your face, “How did it go?”

“As expected,” you stood on your tiptoes to press a kiss on his lips and he heaved a sigh.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you said “Yeah I feel like…he’s gone. He’s gone, I’m here and I’m free and I know myself now. I finally woke up from that nightmare, for good.”

He smiled and brushed his lips against yours, “That’s a good start,” he commented, “What do you want to do now?”

“I’m open to suggestions,” you said and he tilted his head before he held up your keys.

“What do you say we drive away and never return here?”

You let out a small giggle and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I like that idea,” you said, “Let’s drive away and never return.”

Chapter 29 

[helloalycia]

lose you [one] // leigh shaw

summary: after Leigh ignores your existence for a few days, you decide to force her out of her room and spend the afternoon with you, but it ends up leading to something more

warning/s: mentions of grief and implied death

author's note: this was requested and I finally got around to watching Sorry For Your Loss (which is so good by the way! i'm so mad it got cancelled), so here is a little Leigh Shaw imagine! It's a three-parter so stay tuned :)

part two | part three | masterlist | wattpad

"Where is she?"

Jules, her sister, pointed up at the ceiling, referring to upstairs, as she finished chewing on a grape. "What did she do now?"

I refrained from rolling my eyes at the reminder that Leigh had been ignoring my calls and texts for the past few days.

"Nothing," I mumbled before leaving her in the kitchen to eat her fruit.

I'd been friends with Leigh long enough to invite myself into her house and let myself head upstairs. When I reached her room, I knocked on the door and tried to hide my impatience with a sigh.

"Jules, I'm not in the mood," her voice grumbled from the other side.

Ever since losing her husband a year ago, Leigh's personality had become more... erratic, if you will. Understanding her mood changes and temper tantrums was a skill in itself, but I was determined to stick by her if it meant she'd be okay. Like now, for example.

"It's not Jules," I called back. She didn't reply, so I said, "You better have clothes on, I'm coming in."

Without wasting a second, I opened the door and found Leigh laying on her bed, thankfully dressed, and looking up at the ceiling. Her room was slightly messy and the curtains were half open, like she'd been in the same position for the past few days. I wouldn't have put it past her.

When I entered, her eyes glanced my way before she continued to stare a hole into the ceiling. I breathed out, unsure what to say.

"Don't look at me like that," she said quietly.

"I wouldn't have to if you'd replied to any of my texts," I retorted, though my tone was anything but harsh.

"I've been busy," she mumbled.

My eyes raked the room once again. "Yeah, I can see that... it's two in the afternoon."

Suddenly, she sat up and narrowed her eyes at me. "Look, if I wanted a lecture, I'd have let Jules in here. If you've not got anything nice to say, you know where the door is."

Rolling my eyes, I ignored her flippant attitude and went to the set of chest drawers pushed against her wall. I rifled through them, earning complaints from behind me, before pulling out some clothes and throwing them at her.

"We're going out," I told her sternly, crossing my arms.

She removed the clothes from her face and gave me a disapproving look. "No, we're not."

"I'm not leaving unless you come with me, so..."

She could be a bitch when she wanted to be, but she knew I could be, too. Our stubbornness was our weakness, since neither of us could back down in a fight. Nowadays, it usually ended with me giving in because I pitied her, but not today. Today I was adamant on cheering her up.

"Fine," she said through a sigh of defeat. "Just get out already."

I smiled victoriously. "See you downstairs."

After waiting for Leigh to get ready and out of the pyjamas I was sure she'd lived in for three days straight, we got in my car and I began to drive.

"Where are we going?" she asked, glancing over at me with mild annoyance, like she'd rather be anywhere but here.

"Not sure yet," I admitted, ignoring the disbelief on her face.

"Then why did you make me come?!" she asked, her attention fully on me now.

I shrugged. "Thought you could use the break." Shoulders relaxing, I added, "I also thought we could spend some time together since we haven't in a while."

I didn't want to say it was because of the fact that she'd been avoiding me, or at least been making no effort to talk to me. I also didn't want to make her feel bad because of those facts, but she seemed to take it personally anyway, resorting to a good old-fashioned Leigh-specialty eye roll.

"I'm not sorry for grieving," she said knowingly, getting comfortable in her seat and looking out the window.

I gripped the steering wheel harder and tried not to let her words make a difference. She had a bad habit of twisting my words or making things seem worse than they were and I knew it was a coping mechanism of hers. She only tried to cope when things got too much, which only confirmed my reason for taking her out today.

"You don't have to be," was all I said, before focusing back on my driving.

—

Halfway through our drive to nowhere, I pulled the roof of the car down so we could feel the wind in our hair and the sun on our backs, since it was a nice day. I also put the radio on, hoping it would ease the tension on Leigh's end of the car.

Pop songs blared through the speakers, some that I knew and some that I didn't. Of course, the ones that I knew I immediately sang along to. Leigh definitely didn't like that, opting to roll her eyes and pretend I wasn't there. But eventually, I knew she wouldn't be able to resist and she began to hum along, making me smile.

On the road that led to nowhere, I noticed a public footpath leading into the forest and decided to take a pit stop, utilising the car park nearby. When Leigh noticed what I was doing, she straightened up and looked around with confusion.

"What are you doing?" she asked, eyes falling to mine.

I tried not to laugh. "We, my friend, are going on a walk."

"You're kidding."

"I'm really not."

I felt her eyes on me as I parked up and turned the engine off. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I opened my car door and met her judgemental gaze, noticing she wasn’t making a move to leave.

"You coming?" I asked with a raised brow.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Of course," I said, not quite stepping out the car but hanging my feet out. "You can either come with me on a nice walk through the forest, or you can stay here and roast to death in the car because of the heat whilst you wait for me."

"Or I can steal your keys and drive home without you," she offered as a third option, smiling bitterly.

Grin on my lips, I hummed in agreement. "That's also an option, yes."

Letting out a sigh through gritted teeth, she wordlessly got out the car and I smiled with satisfaction, knowing she'd give in. Getting out the car, I stretched my arms before locking the doors and joining Leigh's side. She sulked like a child, but allowed me to lead her to the trail ahead.

It was a lovely day out, warm but with a slight breeze that cooled our skin as we walked. Sunlight peeked through the tall trees, reflecting off the greenery and filling me with a sense of awe as I appreciated mother nature up close and personal.

Glancing over at Leigh, I noticed how she fell into step with me but remained closed off. Hugging herself, she focused on the path ahead and stayed quiet, jaw clenched and lips pursed. Streams of light that shone through the trees shone onto her, spotlighting her and making her hair look golden, blinding but in the best way.

I'd never admit it aloud, but I always loved the way her green eyes sparkled in the light, and even when she turned to glare at me, I felt my heart rate speeding up at how beautiful she looked.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," she said dryly.

Not letting her mood get me down, I pulled out my phone and snapped a photo, making her smack my hand away. I laughed and, for her sake, pretended I didn't see the ghost of a smile on her lips.

"That's one for the books," I teased, putting my phone away.

"It's fine, I have plenty of you," she mumbled.

I smiled to myself but said nothing. We continued to walk through the woods, following the trail and myself remembering every turn we made so we could make it back the right way. There were a few other people out, but we passed them with a quick hello (from myself since Leigh was still sulking) and moved on.

Twenty minutes into our peaceful walk, I noticed a wooden footbridge up ahead, possibly built over a stream. Excited, I stopped and looked to Leigh who noticed I wasn't beside her and turned around to see what was up.

"Why d'you stop?" she asked, pulling her hair up into a ponytail impatiently.

I smiled eagerly. "I'll race you to the bridge."

"Y/N," she breathed out, raising her eyebrows. "We're not kids."

I walked forward slowly, smile fading into a frown. "Fine. Sorry for trying to liven things up."

She rolled her eyes and continued to walk beside me in silence. But my pace picked up, as did hers, and I exchanged glances with her, realising she was walking faster than usual. Before I knew it, we were breaking into a run, trying to reach the bridge before each other.

"Thought you didn't wanna race!" I said between heavy breaths.

"I don't!" she called back, her pace picking up as she managed to get ahead.

I sucked up a breath and pushed on, tailing her as she reached the bridge. When she got there, she began to cheer and point at me obnoxiously.

"Ha! I win!" she said with a grin, as I slowed down and bent over to catch my breath. "Sucks to be you."

Her laughter filled my ears as I straightened up, hands on my hips. She looked so happy, even if it was momentarily, and I watched her with adoration, not even caring that I'd lost. She was stunning when she was smiling and I could only hope she'd do it more as time went on.

"I let you win," I joked, waving my hand dismissively.

"Sure you did," she played along, leaning on the bridge's railing as she watched me with amusement.

"You literally exercise for a living," I told her with a shrug. "S'not fair."

"Whatever," she said with an eye roll, smile still dancing on her lips as she turned around to look over the bridge. A gasp escaped her lips as she said, "Wow."

I joined her side, holding the railing to see what had taken her breath away. Then I saw it. A stream ran beneath us and was framed by some beautiful flowers and tall, transcending trees whose branches curled outwards and were covered in green leaves. The sun's rays filtered down through the leaves and made the water look like it was sparkling, rippling with every rock it pushed past.

"Looks like something out of a children's book," I said with disbelief, smile of amazement on my lips.

Leigh hummed in agreement and I glanced at her, seeing a similar expression on her face. Glad she was in a better mood, I looked back to the picturesque view before us and leaned on the railing, merely appreciating the sight.

"This is nice," Leigh said quietly, after a moment.

I tilted my head to get a look at her. She was already looking my way, leaning on her arms and meeting my gaze.

"Thanks, I put it all together myself," I said playfully, making her nudge me with her elbow as I chuckled.

"I'm serious," she said, before looking ahead again. "It is."

Knowing that was her way of saying thank you without actually saying it, I nodded in agreement. "It is."

We admired the sight for a few more minutes before deciding to head back, taking our time as we followed the route I remembered. Leigh was a little less tense this time, seeming to relax into her surroundings a little more. She even had a smile on her face at times which was all I wanted.

"You hungry?" I asked when we reached the car park.

"I guess I could eat," she said with a shrug.

"Well, according to this sign," I said, pointing to a board beside the start of the footpath, "there's a café a little way down the road. Wanna go?"

She motioned for me to go first. "After you."

Green eyes shone bright with amusement as she looked to me with a suppressed smile. Losing my words, surprisingly startled by her gaze, I cleared my throat and took the lead, making her laugh.

I sometimes wondered if she knew the effect she had on me or if she just liked catching me off guard. Maybe it was both.

—

After having a late lunch, or early dinner depending on how you saw it, Leigh and I got back in my car and I began to drive us back to hers. It was quiet, just like our meal was and just like she'd been for most of the afternoon. I was fine with that, I guess, but I felt like she was holding something in.

Turning off the radio, I earned her attention.

"You should try screaming," I suggested casually.

"Excuse me?"

I felt her eyes boring into me with confusion as I got comfortable in my seat. Looking in the rear view mirror, I noticed there were no cars behind us or in front of us. The road was empty as I drove on the edge of one of the many beautiful cliff-sides in Los Angeles.

"Scream," I repeated to Leigh. "It'll feel good. Watch."

Wasting no time, I began to scream at the top of my lungs, being sure to stay focused on driving at the same time. My voice flew into the air as my car sped down the road, leaving me feeling liberated.

"Geez, a warning would be nice!" Leigh snapped, uncovering her ears when I was done.

I laughed. "I did say to scream." Giving her a sideways glance, I added, "Come on. Try it with me. On the count of three."

"This is stupid," she decided, leaning back into her seat and pushing her hair from her eyes as the wind blew it about.

"No, it's not," I said with certainty. "Three."

"Y/N."

"Two."

"Stop it."

"One."

"Y/N!"

I looked to her with a grin before screaming at the top of my lungs. When I didn't hear her join in, I stopped and pouted.

"You gonna leave me hanging?" I asked, looking between her and the road. "C'mon. Last chance."

"Y/N–"

"Three. Two. One."

This time, to my surprise, she joined in and we screamed together, our voices echoing into the hills around us. It was exciting, thrilling and freeing all at once. Once we were out of breath, we stopped and caught it back.

"Felt good, right?" I asked with a grin.

She began to laugh, quietly, slowly, then loudly and hysterically, making me join in. Though, when my laughter faded, I realised she was still laughing, and then I looked over to her and saw tears streaming down her cheeks. With concern, I reached over to comfort her, but stopped when I realised it was weird to do, even for a friend.

"Leigh, I'm sorry, I–"

"No, no, it's fine, I'm fine," she cut me off, wide smile still on her lips as she wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her jumper. "They're happy tears. Y/N. They're happy tears."

I furrowed my brows with confusion, eyes flickering between the road and Leigh. "Are you– are you sure? Because it's okay if–"

"I'm okay," she promised, resting a hand on my arm. "I am. And the screaming helped. You were right."

I almost made a joke about how I'm always right, but my concern for her, despite the smile she wore, was still present. Teary eyes watched me with reassurance and she squeezed my arm gently before getting comfortable in her seat.

"Okay, if you're sure," I said, still uncertain.

We continued driving when I noticed the sun setting and decided to stop the car off to the side of the road. The hills were the perfect place to watch the sunset since it had a perfect view of the city whilst leaving enough space to see the sky in all its glory.

"Now why are we stopping?" she asked, though her voice didn't carry the same venom it did earlier.

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked rhetorically, getting out the car and motioning to the view before us. "We're gonna watch the sun set!"

I thought she'd put up a fight or complain like she had with everything I'd been recommending today, but to my ease, she simply got out the car and joined me. The two of us leaned against the car door as we watched the sun dipping into the horizon, casting an orange-pink hue across the skyline and the few clouds in the sky. It always reminded me of a watercolour painting, like someone had dipped their paintbrush in water and dragged it across the sky.

"Thank you for today," Leigh said, pulling me from my admiration. "I actually had a really nice time. As in, the part I spent with you and not the part where I moped around in bed."

I gave her a half smile. "Anytime, Leigh."

She winced, shaking her head in disagreement. "No, I mean it, Y/N. For everything, not just this." She paused, and I tried to ignore the way the last of the sun's rays made her skin glow and eyes shine brighter than anything I'd ever seen. "You've been here for me, even a year later when other people would have left."

"That's what friends are for," I reminded her, and her eyes flickered to mine, holding a million questions that I couldn't decipher.

"I'm not the best company," she admitted.

"You're not that bad," I said dismissively.

"I wouldn't want to be around me," she continued.

"Who likes to be left alone with themselves anyway?" I said jokingly, making her sigh discontentedly. Smile fading, I lost my humour for the moment. "You're not as bad as you think. And even if you were, I'd still stick around."

She locked her jaw, looking down to her shoes silently. I crossed my arms and looked back to the sun, it lowering into the horizon further and further as each second passed.

"I didn't mean to force today onto you," I said hesitantly. "I just– you didn't reply to any of my messages and I was worried."

She scratched the back of her head awkwardly. "I haven't really checked my phone."

"I figured." Finger playing with my shirt mindlessly, I said, "I got a promotion at work. That's–" I cleared my throat. "That was why I called you the first time."

She looked up, eyes wide with apology. "Oh my God. Y/N, I'm so sorry! That's amazing! I should have–"

"It's okay," I reassured her with a small smile, dropping my arms to my side. "I just wanted to tell you because, well... I just wanted to tell you."

I wanted to tell her because that's what we did. We told each other everything. She was the first person that came to mind when anything good happened in my life. Of course, with everything going on, it was hard to tell her the good stuff when she was going through so much.

"I'm so proud of you," she said softly, and I looked her way when she grabbed my hand. "You worked really hard for this promotion and I knew you'd get it."

A smile crept onto my lips at her words. "Thank you, Leigh. You know that means a lot."

She nodded, mirroring my expression, before squeezing my hand gently. I wanted to look away after a few seconds, but she was still holding my gaze, eyes piercing mine as if conflicted. I suddenly became hyper-aware of her hand in mine, fingers gently tugging mine subconsciously, and the way her shoulder brushed against mine, the contact so natural I almost didn't realise it was there.

When I finally decided to break our staring contest, deciding I'd never know what was going on in her head, she took me by surprise and pulled me forward before kissing me. Her lips pressed to mine quickly, hand letting go and resting on the back of my neck dominantly.

It happened so quickly, my mind working overtime as it tried to decipher Leigh's soft lips against mine, the shiver that ran down my spine from her hand on my neck, the tenderness of her cheek as it came into contact with my nose. I didn't even get chance to react, to kiss her back like I wanted, as she pulled away in an instant.

Seemingly startled by her own actions, she let go of my neck and took a step back. I already missed the contact, my lips feeling cold as she pulled away. I, myself, was taken aback, still frozen with shock at the fact that she'd just kissed me.

"Th– that was a friendly kiss, obviously," she stuttered out, eyes avoiding mine.

I licked my lips awkwardly. "Yeah, obviously..."

"To say thanks," she added unconvincingly. "Y'know?"

"Mhm."

Neither of us looked up as we stood apart trying to understand what happened. Why did she do that? Did she actually want to? Was she caught up in the moment or was she just seeking comfort? I wasn't sure. But I knew I wished I had reacted quicker than I had.

"We should go home," she mumbled.

I nodded in agreement. "Right. Yeah. Home."

The two of us got back into my car, neither of us saying anything as I drove her back to her place. The radio played quietly in the background, filling the uncomfortable silence that formed between us, and I hated that a good day had ended on a bad note.

Pulling up outside her house, I chewed on the inside of my mouth with discomfort. She cleared her throat and still didn't look my way as she spoke.

"Thanks again for today," she said, before opening the door. "I'll, er, see you whenever."

I nodded, eyes focused on the steering wheel. "See you. I, erm–" I wanted to say something about the kiss, but she clearly didn't and I didn't want to piss her off. So, I said, "Tell Jules and your mum I said hi."

"Will do..."

With that, she got out the car and headed to her front door, leaving me sat there for a moment as I tried to comprehend the situation I was now in.

Why did Leigh have to be so confusing?

[alaina-berry]

Nimabasa City Warden - Part 17

Ingo and Elesa had been told to keep their voices down when they went to see Emmet. They vowed that it wouldn’t be an issue- Emmet’s head was probably swimming. When they walked into his room, he looked over at them- sleepy, but very much awake. “That sneasler is a hell of a pokemon.” he commented the moment he saw his brother. "The poor thing's abused, though…"

Ingo and Elesa stood by his bed, Ingo taking a seat in the nearby chair, "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Better than I was on the bridge, that's for damn sure." Emmet answered.

"You were poisoned." Elesa said.

Emmet scoffed, "Sounds about right." He said, "I knew she didn't want to do it though…" he said.

"She didn't." Ingo confirmed. "I ran into her and her so-called 'trainer' while I was looking for their hideout. Which I think is-"

"It's what used to be the Transfer Lab." Emmet finished for him. “The lab was bought out by some rich kid a few months ago and honestly- I thought it had gone out of business.” he explained, “Turns out it was converted. Any pokemon they have ‘transferred’ there are pokemon they’ve smuggled from other regions." Emmet explained, “Including Oliver.” he said, “His ear was cropped because they needed a base for that sneasler.”

Elesa gasped in horror. Ingo looked down, his fists clenching. Then he took a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m going to update the police.” He stated, “They know we found you, but they’re still investigating who did it and where they are…” Ingo said, “No more pokemon will be smuggled or… ‘cropped’.”

“And you know how to get there?” Elesa asked.

“It’s the transfer lab.” Ingo replied simply. “If there’s more to it, Irida will show me how to get there.”

“Irida?” Emmet and Elesa looked at Ingo, asking simultaneously.

“The sneasler. I named her after the leader of the Pearl Clan when they had taken me in.” he said, “It felt the most appropriate.”

Emmet smiled, “So you’re keeping her?”

Ingo nodded, “Jermy abandoned her because she lost against Axle.” he said, “It’s not her fault- he’s a poor trainer.”

“Poor is putting it nicely.” Emmet huffed and rolled his eyes, then winced, carefully moving a hand to the wound.

“Don’t touch it, Emmet- you’ll just agitate it.” Elesa said with a warning tone.

“It stings…” Emmet exhaled slowly.

Ingo sank, “I’m sorry this happened-”

“Bah.” Emmet cut him off, “If we knew people were gonna be after you when we switched places, I would have been better prepared for it. And I’d do it again, knowing this.” he explained, “You’ve been through a lot, already.”

“You’ve been through a lot, too.”

“Don’t give me that crap, you’ve traveled across time and space, dealt with wild pokemon before pokeballs were commonplace, and had amnesia on top of all of it, and then fought Arceus itself just to come home.” Emmet listed, “I didn’t deal with any of that.” he said, “I’d gladly do this-” he gestured to the bandaged wound, “All over again if it meant I wasn’t going to lose you again.”

Elesa had her arms crossed and took on a deadpan expression, “I think it’s worth noting that he took off on his own after he had a phone call and got that sneasler.” she said, “And that’s how he bruised his forehead.”

“I hit him first.” Ingo argued confidently, holding his hands behind his back. “If his nose wasn’t broken before from your headbutt, I’d be surprised if it wasn’t now.”

Emmet laughed, “You hit someone?” his grin spread from ear-to-ear, “I’m proud of you, brother, finally letting loose.”

“He hospitalized you and didn’t think whether you survived or not mattered.” Ingo said, “I’ve been stressed out through this whole ordeal, I lost control of myself.” he avoided eye contact.

Elesa chuckled, “Now I need to get a hit in.” she said.

“He hasn’t done anything to you.” Emmet noted.

“He did. He hurt you.” Elesa argued, “And if he thinks he’s going to get away with it without hearing from the local gym leader and your guys’ sister, he’s got another thing coming. I’ll make sure Ribbon and Silk get a shot, too.” she waved a finger, referring to her eelektross and galvantula respectively.

The twins chuckled, “You don’t have to do that.”

“You two aren’t dealing with this on your own, I refuse.” Elesa huffed, “I’ll even get Skyla and the other gym leaders involved in this. Alder, too, if I have to.” she said. “This guy seems like a huge problem. And I don’t even know what he’s actually doing.”

“Fabricating ‘perfect’ pokemon.” Ingo said, “Emmet, like how we went looking for powerful pokemon and trained them the way we did, but he’s genetically engineering them. Creating them artificially.” Ingo said, “They’re the ones that were responsible for the bouffalant that attacked Gear Station and that druddigon we had to fight last week.”

“That was them?” Elesa gasped.

Ingo nodded, “Jermy said it himself.”

Emmet chuckled, “Jermy… such a terrible name.”

Ingo smiled, Emmet seemed to be doing just fine. The antidote really did work. He took a deep breath, “I have to update the police. They’re still trying to figure out what exactly is going on and if you ask me, I think their stoutland have the worst senses of smell I have ever seen. I’ve seen samurott track better.” he straightened his coat. “I will be okay- I’m going to stick with the police.” he promised. “I’ll be back… in an hour or so. I need Irida to lead them to the lab.”

Emmet’s smile faded, “Be careful… please.”

“Call us if you need anything, okay?” Elesa nodded.

“I will.” Ingo tipped his hat, which he’d switched out when he and Elesa waited to hear how Emmet was handling the antidote. So now he wore his hat, but Emmet’s coat. He turned and stepped out of the room.

Master Post