#I think y'all would be surprised to find out how much of the dialog gets changed minutes before publishing

[ferronickel]

It wouldn't be a page of Looking Glasses if I didn't have to re-export it two or three times after noticing small changes I forgot to make until hours before publishing.

[kunderdogs]

Making Out With VAV

Let me start off by saying I've been into VAV since June 2018 and they're coming to my city in a few months. I will fucking die when I see them okay. On an unrelated note the photos with them are like $40 each and if you want one with each member its $250 (which is more expensive than the vvip tickets!) Ugh should I get them all or do 1? I'd feel terrible if one member's line for pics was shorter than another ya know UGH I'M GOING THRU IT PLS HELP ME

I got carried away with some of the members but tried to keep it short so I'm sorry others are longer than some. ^^' I’m not even Baron biased but why does he hurt me so...I’m so sorry Lou.

Thank you to the anon who requested this. As you all can tell, I have a weakness for VAV so I love writing them. - Cookie

St. Van:

I've deadass dreamed about making out with St. Van (who hasn't? you're lying if you said you didn't). He's such a fucking tease LIKE WHY SIR? 

Anyway, I can imagine making out with him is ALWAYS hot and heavy, no matter where you are. 

He'd much rather make out in his room or your place, where no one can interrupt because 11/10 times it's going to escalate to new heights. 

Honestly, he has no preference when it comes to a "make out style". If you want it short and sweet, he's down. Rough with lots of tongue? Sign him up! 

Doesn't like much dialog when he's in the mood, he'll catch your face in his hands and open mouth kiss you so you didn't get any mixed signals. 

Likes to be dominate no matter what but he likes when you're sitting on his lap. 

His hands, without fail, will always be in your hair - stroking, pulling, pushing it from your face. 

If it's up, NOT FOR LONG 'cause he'll take it out the ponytail

That's on hair pulling kinks

Be prepared for lots of noise. 

He's a moaner and WILL moan in your mouth if you nibble his lip or try to take over the dominate role. 

He'll find it so so so hot when you're rough with him - his unoccupied hand will grip your thigh and force you to connect your bodies fully and he'll definitely grind up into you, pushing your hips down into him. 

There's absolutely nothing gentle about making out with St. Van. 

He won't bruise you but ALMOST.

He'll give you bedroom eyes when you pull away and smirk when he notice how turned on you are. 

Leaning back into the couch with his head tilted to the side and breathing just a bit hard, he'll lick his lips disrespectfully. "I like when you're on top, baby girl, but I think we should take this to the bed, hm?"

(FUCK I GTG HOW AM I GONNA LOOK THIS MAN IN THE EYES WHEN I MEET HIM? IDK LORD HELP ME)

Baron:

Ok my sweet baby Baron. 

I feel like he's a low key freak. 

BUT A GENTLEMAN. 

The first couple of make outs are sweet and precious. 

He's very loving and kind so he won't be rough with you, like never. 

Is so shy the first time, but will initiate it about maybe 3 weeks in the relationship - sooner if you're flirty. 

Doesn't know what the hell you're comfortable with in this new step of your relationship. Picture this:

It's been a few weeks since you two made it official, even though you went through a month of the talking phase. You were flirty, but Chungheop was still shy with you on certain things. Today, the two of you had a fun-filled day at the amusement park. He had been eyeing you with heart eyes all day and you to him as well. It was hard not to, especially when you have a boyfriend as cute as him! As you were driving back to Seoul, the rain came down in buckets but Baron didn't want to go back to the dorms just yet. With cute puppy-eyes he asked you if he could come over to hang out for a few hours. There was absolutely no way for you to resist that.

So here you were, walking back into the living room after changing out of those ridiculously tight skinny jeans and into your pajama shorts. You traded your cute blouse for one of Baron's large shirts. He was lounging on the couch, scrolling through Netflix for something to kill the time with. Nothing was particularly catching his eye though. He didn't have to wait long until you flopped directly next to him and snuggled into his side.

As he took in your attire, his heart was pounding a thousand times a minute. You were too cute! When you two mutually decided on a Rom-Com, he got bored pretty quickly and shyly kissed your cheek.

With a smile, you turned to see him gazing at you. He leaned closer to your lips and hesitated only for a second before closing the distance. Softly, slowly would mold his lips to yours. Chungheop tilted his head to the side, softly exhaling while the arm on the back of the couch comes to the back of your neck.

Won't introduce tongue but will groan when you do it first. 

Heavy breathing and a whole lot of gentle caressing. 

His fingers slide down your cheek to cup your jaw before trailing to your cleavage only to settle on your hip. 

He won't have a tight grip, it's always light but never in the same place for very long - boy has wondering hands. 

Typically they're gripping and stroking. 

Will quietly groan if you deepen the kiss or start touching his skin (neck, stomach). 

His lips aren't ever rough with you 

He'll like to take his time tasting you. 

He's a nibbler/biter so expect him to bite gently on your lips a few times. 

Also he'll pull some freaky moves out of nowhere like sucking on your tongue and smile cheekily when you moan into him. 

Likes to keep you on your toes so some times, just to hear you gasp in surprise, he'll throw you on the bed/couch with a playful smirk.

Overall, he’s very sweet to you. “You look so cute like that, baby.”

Ace:

A whole tease. That's it. That's the post.

Jk. But Wooyoung is a big fan of a foreplay, like this is where he thrives! 

He knows how to fuck with you too, so he'll initiate the kisses and will make them so fluttering and lingering that you'll be on the verge of trying to smash his lips to yours. 

He'll pull away and be like "Uh-uh don't be so impatient, baby. We got all night~" 

Might even laugh a little bit if you were getting frustrated with all his teasing. 

He's the type to dominate everything about making out but it's in a sensual way (?) 

like not rough or aggressive at all. 

Will sneak his tongue in to spice it up after a few minutes just to catch you off guard.

Tongue

LOTS AND LOTS OF IT

French kissing

With a lot of moans from him - he’s pretty vocal but he’s not nearly as loud as you

Likes to suck - on any part of skin on your body. He’s not picky

Sloppy kisses since he has less self control than you think he does

He'll pick up the pace only to slow it down again and smile when you make noises into his mouth. 

Lives for the moment that you finally break under all the teasing and yank his hair.

Ace likes to catch you off guard a lot so he'll sneak up on you when you're distracted and spin you around just to give you kisses. 

He's a romantic at heart so back hugs that turn into making out on the kitchen counter are very common for you two. 

Wooyoung wouldn't want to make-out in public spaces but a hello and goodbye peck when he's in disguise is alright. 

He'll be mortified if you were in the middle of a heated make out session, his hands slowly creeping up your shirt only for the members to burst in. 

He would be soooooo red in the face lol so yeah y'all would have to be ALONE ALONE to have any real freaky time.

Ayno:

(first off, how dare I use this gif)

Has zero self control when it comes to his s/o

As mentioned previously, Ayno is an ass man

So if you want him to jump your bones, just wear a flattering pair of skinny jeans or a tight skirt

He’ll literally follow you around like a puppy

Lots of gulping, narrowed eyes stuck to your hips and ass as you walked in front of him

When it comes to making out, he’s the same way

A kiss is never just one and done

NO MA’AM, he wants all the smoke

He knows you like how his lips are so he goes in for the kill immediately

No build up

He’ll catch your wrist and spin you to face him

As soon as you notice his body pressed into you, his lips are pushing and pulling you to fold into him

Who are you to deny him that?

Doesn’t waste any time with teasing - his tongue is already putting in work

Likes to cradle your head and tilt it up to him

Wants to hear you whimper and moan breathlessly into him

Always likes to break the kiss to stare at you with an intensity that has your blood boiling

But is soooo playful

Might smirk and leave you hanging

Some times he’ll purposefully attack your mouth when you two really shouldn’t be kissing like when you went to his parent’s house

Enjoys the thrill of getting touchy when you guys could be caught any moment

A little bit of an exhibitionist 

He’ll tickle you or nuzzle you to cut some of the sexual tension or say something to make you giggle as he’s pressing kisses on your cheeks

Looooves to handle you if you’d let him

REALLY loves when you handle him too!!!

That one time when you pushed him on the couch, straddled him and yanked his hair, he swore that he was in heaven.

He’ll easily submit to you if you want him too

But he’ll make you work for it

Licking your lips, neck

Yoonho will beg you to let him put hickeys on you and when you agree, he’ll jump on you that second

Jacob:

HOt, heavy, messy, passionate all the time with no build up or warning for you at all. 

Jacob likes to keep you guessing so he'll initiate a make-out just about damn near everywhere and at any given time. 

He honestly doesn't care whose in the room, unless it was like yours or his family. 

The members and other staff? 

Yeah, doesn't matter - if he wants to kiss you then he will. 

If they don't wanna see it, they better leave because he won't stop unless you want him to ;)

Making out isn’t just kissing for him - it’s a prelude to the nasty-ness that’s about to come

So if you try to break the kiss to go answer your phone, he’s thoroughly offended and will drag you back to his lips

The type to walk in, no words, and catch the back of your neck with his large hand

Likes to make out with you against surfaces with him standing up

He’ll tell you he thinks it’s really hot when you wrap your legs around his waist

A bit of a size kink because he loves to corner you and pin you to the wall/bed and hover over you

You...have absolutely no complaints so...

He’s the dominate role even in making out

But just so gentle and loving that it makes you swoon

Rarely makes a sound other than breathing heavily, humming or growling

Face grabbing!!!!!

100% of the time will grind into you

Since his body is always smashed against yours, he doesn’t need to move much for you two to feel the friction

Has a habit of biting his lip and looking to the sky to grab his composure 

Likes your attention on him so he’ll grab your jaw

Playful but not as Ayno

Chuckles when he accidentally tickles you but easily refocuses your attention to the matter at hand:

His tongue in your mouth

Lou:

Shy baby won’t initiate any make-outs until later in the relationship

Probably like 3-4 months into it

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t like making out

Exactly the opposite actually

Hosung loves the intimacy of making out with his partner and finds it really romantic

Is very soft about the entire thing

Nearly melts into a puddle when you kiss him out of nowhere, literal hearts in his eyes 

Light pecks - just lips pressed against each other the first few seconds then he’ll slowly move and close his eyes

Hardly any freaky shit until he’s more comfortable with you

When he is comfortable, he’s still very sweet and loving but will be a bit of a tease

Likes to pull away from you and watch you chase his lips

Will play innocent when you get upset that he won’t move against you

Makes you work for it ‘cause he’s a bit of a brat

His hand kink will show during make outs

As soon as your hands touch him under his shirt, he’s a mess

Loud, deep groans and sucking his breath

Wants to watch you so he’ll love it when you’re in his lap

Lots of slow, teasing kisses until he can feel you grind into him

“Do that again.”

Knows how deep his voice can get so when he figures out it’s a turn on for you, he won’t shut up

“If you keep kissing me like that, I’ll have to take you in the room.”

“Unless you want me to strip you right here on the couch?”

“Princess, you’re eager hm? Mhm, I like that~”

You try your best to shut him up but the more you do, the more he’ll do also

He doesn’t prefer boobs over ass or vice versa but he tends to find his hands are constantly caressing your ass and waist a lot

Is hardly ever rough with you but will appreciate a few bites and sharp grips from your hands

Ziu:

Playful then turns hot and heavy. 

Heejun likes to goof off so making out will start off very innocent. 

You two could be just talking and laughing and he'll strike- tickling you and tackling you onto the couch. 

Eventually, it'll die down and as you were giggling and telling him he was crushing you under his weight, he'd be too busy staring at you to hear you. 

In a split second, he leaned down and gave you a soft kiss - something to convey what he was thinking at the moment. 

He had no intentions of going past that but when he felt your arms wrap around his shoulders, thin fingers stroking the back of his neck and down his back, it sends shivers down his spine. 

Ziu knows how big he is, and he is very cautious of you as well so he won't be rough with you unless there's a special reason. 

Usually, his hands stay on your body, running patterns down your sides but they'll always settle on the swell of your hips or your ass. 

He'll definitely man-handle you a bit - pulling you on to him, pushing you into the couch/bed. 

Some times he forgets how strong he is so his kisses suddenly turn very passionate, and in turn kind of sloppy. 

Open mouth kisses with lots of tongue clashing.

Likes a little bit of pain

Your nails scratching his back, yanking on his hair - as long as there’s no blood

He's pretty vocal, groaning and whispering sweet words in your ear. 

Dirty talk is only for rough sex so most times he'll be just a big ball of love and sensual, lingering kisses.

Then, when you want to deepen the kiss, he'll leave you hanging out of literally nowhere and look at you like you're crazy for trying to get freaky in the dorm living room when any of his members could walk in. 

"We're not doing any of what you're thinking on this couch, little lady." 

Finds it hilarious how sexually frustrated he can get you though, so he'll leave you hanging a lot more than you want lol.

Will probably laugh in your face when you pout and curse him for turning you on with no intention to finish

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.15: “Peace of Mind”

THEN: Snakes. Michael. Donatello’s soul, or lack thereof. Samwitch. Jack’s soul spell. All the other hunters are dead. I am a Winchester!

NOW: A young man runs down a street (past a movie theater showing Scooby Doo, hee!) and into what seems to be a malt shop. He embraces the young woman working there and says he doesn’t want to leave without her, but she says she made a promise, and sends him on his way. He doesn’t get very far. He runs past the sign welcoming you to Charming Acres (“Where everybody’s happy!”) and into a convenience store, where his head explodes. Title card!

Bunker. Jack is cuddling with Felix, the snake he rescued from last week’s MotW. Cas comes to check on him, and he says he’s good, but Cas disagrees. Jack tells him the snake doesn’t feel well, and Cas thinks maybe he misses his monstery owner, and he’s been through a lot of change lately. Just like Jack! Cas asks Jack if he has his powers back, because enough time has passed that they’ve had funerals for all the hunters and yet no one has asked him that yet. He thinks so, and demonstrates by levitating a pencil.

(I guess if they’d asked him earlier, and he’d shown them the pencil trick, they might have said “cool, how about you bring all these dead hunters back to life?” Would that have been a good thing or a bad thing? Discuss.)

He says he feels different, and Cas asks about his soul. The pencil drops to the floor. Ha, that’s not symbolic at all. Jack doesn’t know how much of his soul he burned off when he killed Michael, and he tries not to think about it. Huh. I wish there was someone, anyone here in the bunker, maybe even someone in the room here with Jack, who knew how to see if he had any soul left. But apparently there isn’t. Okay then. {sigh}

In the kitchen, Dean’s eating a huge sandwich. Cas says he thought he was going to sleep “until the cows dragged you home,” and there’s a cute moment where Dean starts to explain and realizes it’s pointless. He says Rowena called and is “not great, but coping.” Cas tells him Jack claims he’s good and asks about Sam. “He says he’s good,” Dean replies. “I think they’re both full of crap.”

Sam arrives at the bunker during this conversation and stops to unload at the map table and reveals that Dean is right, he’s not good at all. He has flashbacks of the other hunters slumped dead at the table, and Maggie running toward him calling his name as she dies, and he’s just so beautifully upset (hi, I’m Caranfindel and I have a problem) and on the verge of tears, and can I just say how much I appreciate that Show is not ignoring how traumatic this would be for him? And not just because his trauma is so damn pretty.

Sam comes into the kitchen, brandishing his tablet, and tells Dean he found a case. Like, just now on his way home, apparently. Dean says they just did three hunts back-to-back and he needs a night off, and so does Sam. So, where was Sam coming from? Did he go on a hunt without Dean? Did they come home together, and Sam sat in the Impala looking at his tablet while Dean came in and made a sandwich?

Sam takes this in and completely ignores it and says “well, I’m leaving in ten.” Dammit, y'all. Traumatized, driven Sam. I love it. I also love that his attitude is “this is what I need, so this is what I’m doing.” Cas volunteers to go with him and tells Dean he should stay with Jack, because he looks up to him. “And his soul… you’ve seen this before.”

Oh. Well. Yes, Dean has seen this before. Sam has LIVED this before. I wonder who would be the best person to talk to Jack about being possibly soulless? (And I also still wonder if there’s ANYBODY in this bunker who is in a better position to detect Jack’s soul. ANYBODY AT ALL.)

No, no, see, I was not great with Sam when he was, uh…

But Jack’s soul isn’t completely gone. At least, I don’t think so. We just don’t know how much is left?

Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?

I don’t know! Just talk to him. Get him to open up.

Jesus. Okay. I do appreciate that Dean recognizes he didn’t necessarily handle the Soulless!Sam situation well. But I’m having a hard time getting past the fact that CAS KNOWS HOW TO CHECK FOR THE PRESENCE OF A SOUL. {sigh}

With the guys separated, I’m going to stick with Cas and Sam instead of going back and forth. Cas and Sam drive up to the convenience store where the guy’s head exploded. Cas is driving. I don’t know why. I don’t know why Sam doesn’t have a car of his own. I don’t know why Cas replaced the Pimpmobile, or why they’re not using any of those cars in the bunker’s garage. I don’t know a lot of things. (I know Sam’s in an overcoat and I like it.)

They think they’re looking for a witch or demon. Sam yawns but says he’s fine, because that’s what they do, and Cas lectures him on needing to rest. “Can’t,” Sam says. “Just because I’m tired doesn’t mean the monsters are gonna stop. Doesn’t mean anything. Plus, we don’t have as many hunters as we used to.” Oh Saaaaammmmmy.

They introduce themselves to the clerk as Agents Scholz and Delp, which I immediately recognize as members of Boston, but it’s not until halfway through the episode that I realize the title is a Boston song. Oh, you clever, clever show. They tell the clerk they’re investigating “the incident,” and he says “incident? that’s what we’re calling it?” and I have an out-of-body experience because I used almost that exact dialog in a fic (waves to Steve Yockey, who surely reads my LJ). The clerk tells them what happened and that the victim, Conrad, probably came from Charming Acres, a place he calls “weird.”

Turns out Charming Acres is weird in a very retro way - it’s like a town straight out of the 50s. Well-dressed people wearing hats roam its perfectly clean streets. “It’s like we’re stepping into a Saturday Evening Post,” Cas says. He gets a funny look from Sam, and I don’t know why, because surely Sam remembers that Metatron crammed all of that cultural knowledge into Cas’s head. “I look at them after you fall asleep at night,” Cas explains, and if I were a Sastiel shipper I’d point out that he says after you fall asleep instead of after you go to bed, suggesting that he doesn’t just know when Sam goes to bed, he knows when he falls asleep. But I’m not, so I won’t.

There’s no cell service in Charming Acres, which is probably part of the reason why it’s so charming; none of these people walking around have their noses in a phone. Sam gets out of the car and bumps into a couple - Justin Smith and his “foxy wife” Cindy. They don’t know anything about a death, but they suggest the nice G-men ask around at Harrington’s, the malt shop we saw earlier. Justin asks what Sam is holding, and is mystified at the answer. “Cell phone. A cell phone?” he muses, as they walk away.

“What was that?” Sam wonders. Cas answers “Maybe they’re Mormon?” Hee!!!

Harrington’s, where your first milkshake is free. Uh oh. Guys, never trust that. Sure, the first one is free, but that’s how they hook you, and the next one will COST you. Sunny, the chick from the opening, is working behind the counter. Sam’s doctor from “The Born-Again Identity” comes out from the kitchen and tells her to make sure they have more root beer, and she says she already sent the order. She then puts a couple of shakes on the counter for Sam and Cas. It’s like she knew they were coming. Sam tells her they didn’t order, but she says the first one’s free. Don’t drink that shake, Sam! But he does, and is surprised at how good it is. Cas just takes a whiff and calls it “delicious.” Mmmm, smells like molecules.

(Sidebar: I’m not the only one who’s watched “The Born Again Identity” enough times to immediately recognize that guy and remember his name, am I?)

Dr. Kadinsky comes back out and starts to make a request, but Sunny already knew what the customer wanted. It’s almost like she’s psychic or something. He introduces himself to the guys as Chip Harrington and calls them “the G-men I keep hearing about,” even though they literally got out of the car three minutes ago. “It’s a small town,” he says. He’s also the mayor, and says they’re old-fashioned, but people here take care of each other. The guys ask about Conrad, who Chip thinks died of an aneurysm. “Oh, no,” Cas says. “His head exploded. Like a ripe melon on the sun.” The entire place goes silent, and y'all, I miss me some s4 BAMF Cas, but sometimes bumbling, socially awkward Cas is a delight. Flustered Sam is also a delight, as always.

Chip tells the guys where Conrad lived, so their next stop is Dowling’s charming Victorian boarding house, planning to check for sulfur and hex bags. Mrs. Dowling knows who they are and is expecting them. “Small town,” she explains. She shows them Conrad’s room and tells them he was a nice young man. She only rents to men. Women living alone isn’t proper. “Morals. Gotta have morals.” She turns to Cas. “You know.“ I… I don’t know what this means. Even on rewatch, I don’t. At first I thought maybe she detected Cas was an angel. But now I just have to admit, I don’t get it.

Sam asks for coffee as a way to get her out of the room so Cas can search it. He finds nothing of note except a few letters under the mattress. He tells Sam they’re "surprisingly passionate.” Passionate how, Sam asks, as he sips coffee from a teeny cup. “She spends quite a bit of time talking about shape and heft of his-” Sam interrupts just in time and says they should check that out tomorrow. Tomorrow, because he wants to spend the night here, and he probably needs some rest, and Mrs. Dowling is making pot roast. Cas is increasingly befuddled, and Sam is really getting into Charming Acres. And HE IS SO CUTE.

Meanwhile, over at the Smith’s, Foxy Cindy is putting dinner on the table, while Justin is still muttering about a cell phone. “I bought a cell phone. In Houston. For my daughter.” He suddenly remembers his daughter and asks Cindy who she is, and what he’s doing here. She doesn’t have a clue what’s going on. He runs outside and, just like Conrad earlier, gets weird bulges on his face and then suffers a head explosion.

Morning in the boarding house. Cas knocks on Sam’s door, but his room is empty. He goes downstairs and finds Mrs. Dowling vacuuming. She’s wearing earbuds, so Charming Acres might not have cell phones, but it looks like they have mp3 players. She seems annoyed that Cas is there, but offers him some breakfast. He tells her he doesn’t eat and says he’s looking for his partner. “The very nice, the very tall fella? He said he’s going for a walk. And a milkshake.” Dammit, Sam, I warned you. IT’S THE MILKSHAKES.

But when Cas gets to Harrington’s, they’re just opening, and Sam isn’t there. The music playing is the same thing Mrs. Dowling was listening to, and I don’t know if that means anything. He’s also got a huge bird crap on his car, and I don’t know if that means anything, either. Maybe it’s just supposed to be indicative of his day. He tells Sunny he’s looking for his partner, and she says “the tall man” left when he heard what happened to Mr. Smith.

Smith house. Cas drives up and is greeted by a cheery, not-in-mourning, Foxy Cathy. She offers him a martini, which he declines. “I’m looking for my partner. The tall man.” She doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “Hair? He has beautiful hair.” (OH MY GOD.)

“This is complicated,” Cas says, and the poor guy is just more and more puzzled. I don’t usually appreciate a Cas-heavy episode, but I’ve gotta say, he’s killing it. He sits down and Foxy Cindy screams NO! He jumps up and she sweetly explains “that’s my husband’s chair.” Okay, so she is a little distraught over his death, but just handling it weirdly? Um, no.

I’m so sorry, but last night, his head… um… your husband, he died last night.

I think you’re confused. Have you already had your martini today?

Cas continues to try to convince her Justin is dead, and then a familiar voice from upstairs says “Honey, is something wrong” and then…

Agent?

Justin. Justin Smith.

IT’S SAM. SAM DRANK THE KOOLAID MILKSHAKE AND NOW HE’S ONE OF THEM. His hair is pulled back in a ponytail and he’s wearing glasses and a cardigan with a tie (the same cardigan from “American Nightmare?” maybe) and I AM DEAD.

Cas thinks Sam is doing this on purpose, and when Cindy goes to make a martini, he asks him “who does she think you are?” But Sam absolutely believes he’s Justin Smith. He requests three olives in his martini because “I’m feeling adventurous” and Cindy does a little mewl and he says “rawr!” and REALLY I CANNOT HANDLE IT. Neither can Cas.

Sam, I don’t know what’s happened, I don’t know if this is a spell, or a curse, or what’s happened, but you will SNAP THE HELL OUT OF IT.

Sir. You watch your mouth. If we cannot remain civil, then you can skedaddle.

Sam-

That’s not my name. Cindy, grab his hat.

I don’t wear a hat.

(Honey, I don’t think he wore a hat!)

Fine. Sir, using language like that. H E double hockey sticks. You should have your mouth washed out with soap.

OH MY GOD. Sam ushers him out the front door and lectures him with the Single Upraised Finger of Reasonableness and lord, I hope Jared had as much fun doing this as I’m having watching it. And I didn’t like the brothers being separated AGAIN, but now I understand. There’s no way Dean wouldn’t have sucked down a milkshake. But since Cas doesn’t eat, he’s safe. (Sidebar: Don’t you think Sam would have shaved? Discuss.)

It’s nighttime when Cas shows up back at Harrington’s. He accuses Sunny of being a witch who brainwashed Sam and the entire town. She denies it, but he shows her the letters he found, where she begged him to leave. She tries to run, but he grabs her and does the glowy eyes and says “tell me, or I’ll rip it from your mind” and hmmm, that’s a nice flash of angry, protective-of-Sam Cas. Terrified, she confesses that “it’s not me, it’s him, he’s out of control.” And “him” is Chip, who is standing behind them with a few friends. Including Sam. Duh duh duh!!!

So you did this.

What, did you think it was the milkshakes?

Dammit, I did. I completely and totally fell for that. It turns out Chip is just psychic or something. The mill shut down and his wife died and his town was going downhill and he started hearing voice and he screamed “just make things better!” and then, wow, things became better. He wished there were more people at his shop, and there were. “I made everybody happy.” And he murdered the rest. (Sidebar: Is this a political statement about people who wish we could go back to “the good old days?” Discuss.) He says his tricks never worked on Sunny, because she’s too much like him, which explains why she knew the root beer needed to be ordered and the G-men were coming in - she’s psychic too. He asks why his powers don’t work on Cas, and Cas says “because I’m not human,” and he has no problem accepting that.

Sunny runs outside and Chip follows. Sam and the other two guys stay to attack Cas. He tells Sam he won’t hurt him, and gives him the Single Raised Finger of Reasonableness again and says “golly, I told you my name is Justin!” Oh, golly Sam, you’re killing it. Cas takes the other two guys down pretty easy, but Sam knocks him to the floor, and he may have forgotten his own name but he knows where Cas keeps his angel blade. Cas, of course, is trying not to hurt him, and it’s hard to defend yourself against someone who’s trying to kill you when you don’t want to hurt them, so all he can do is try to talk Sam out of stabbing him.

Fight this.

Why? I’m happy in Charming Acres. We’re all happy.

Sam, I know you want to be happy. And I know what it’s like to lose your army. I know what it’s like to fail as a leader, Sam. But you can’t lose yourself. You have to keep fighting. You can’t lose yourself because if you do, you fail us, you fail all of those that we’ve lost. You fail Jack. Sam, you fail Dean!

And that does it. Sam jams the angel blade into the floor next to Cas’s head (just like MoC Dean did) and takes of the glasses. Looks like he found himself.

Meanwhile, outside, Chip is telling Sunny that she’s just as responsible for Conrad’s death as he is, and she can’t stop him, because in this town, he’s God. Sam shows up to smack him upside the head. “No, you’re not, believe me. We’ve met God.” “God has a beard,” Cas adds. I’M DEAD AGAIN.

Chip uses his powers on Sam and he gets the bulges that mean his head is going to explode and no, not his head! That’s one of my favorite parts! Sunny finds her own power and stops him. “You want to be happy? Then be happy.” She whammies Chip and he gets a blank look on his face and I’m pretty sure I’ve referenced the Ren and Stimpy Happy Helmet at some point, but I’m thinking about it again. Cas puts a hand on his head and says “She made him happy. Your father is trapped inside his own mind. He’s in a world that - it’s a beautiful world, but it’s a place where he can never hurt anyone again.”

Which makes me think (1) it’s too bad this isn’t a solution for all those “good old days” people, and (b) WHY CAN’T CAS READ JACK???? WHY?????

Now let’s see what’s happening in the bunker. Jack is trying to feed Felix a variety of different foods, but he won’t eat. Maybe it’s because he’s on newspaper, which seems like it would be uncomfortable for a snake. Dean is adorably uncomfortable.

Have you tried bacon?

Do snakes like bacon?

I don’t… I like bacon.

He also opens a box that appears to be leftover Chinese food but actually contains white mice. Hee! He invites Jack on a drive. Not a hunt, “more like a field trip.” We see them driving through the night, with the snake riding in the back seat. Dean suggest Jack have a snack, but he says he’s not hungry, so Dean says he should try feeding the snake. He gives him two packaged snack cakes - one devil’s food, and one angel food. Oh, Dean, you are the least subtle person on earth and I adore you.

I don’t think you have a firm grasp on what snakes eat.

Yeah, no. I always thought they were kinda cool, though.

Most people think they’re dangerous.

Well, it’s not the snake that’s dangerous. It’s the… bite

Is that a saying?

It is now.

Oh, god. Dean wincing when he says snakes are cool, watching Jack decide which cake to open, I’m dead. Jack finally chooses the angel food cake, and Dean sighs with relief.

They pull up to a familiar-looking house - it’s Donatello’s house! Jack doesn’t understand why their field trip was to come here. “With this whole soul thing,” Dean says, “we’re worried about you. And when it comes to souls, or not having them, Donny here’s an expert.” Well, I guess that’s true. I mean, there’s another person who knows a lot about not having a soul, someone who lives a lot closer than Donatello does, but sure. Go ahead. Go see your expert. Donatello leads Jack inside, while Dean says he’ll stay outside and keep an eye on the snake. Which means slamming the roof of the car for some reason to see what it does, and then moving as far away from the open window as he can. (Sidebar: who else expected Felix to escape and be roaming around inside the Impala?)

How to casually stay as far away as possible from the snake in the back of your car.

Inside, Donatello pours a couple of MASSIVE cups of coffee (seriously these are soup bowls, aren’t they?) He swirls cream into his coffee and it looks like the milky way, which inspires him to say being soulless feels like a galaxy. “A very large, black hole… inside, empty. I feel nothing.” But he tells Jack “Losing your soul doesn’t make you bad, it doesn’t make you anything. It’s an absence. Of pity, and empathy. Or humanity.”

Jack says he doesn’t feel <i>nothing,</i> but he also doesn’t feel the same. “Maybe I just don’t know what nothing feels like. Mostly I just don’t want Sam and Dean and Cas to worry.” (Yes, I do love that he listed Sam first. Shut up.) But he also feels like he needs some time to deal with this on his own, and being on his own is never an option; there’s always someone watching over his shoulder.

When I need to blend, I ask myself “what would Mr. Rogers do?”

Who’s Mr. Rogers?

The best man I know.

Sam and Dean are the best men I know.

So, ergo, whenever you don’t want them to worry, just think WWWD. What would the Winchesters do?

I can do that.

OH JACK. YOU SWEET BABY. You probably don’t want to do what the Winchesters would do, though. It never works out well.

Meeting adjourned. Jack goes to sit in the car, and Dean asks Donatello if he has a soul. “I suppose the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a soul?” This gets the eyeroll it deserves. Donatello says he thinks Jack is okay, and Dean asks if he’s like him. “Oh, no. I’m a prophet of the Lord, but he’s… Jack’s probably the most powerful being in the universe. I mean, really, who knows what’s going on inside his head?”

Um, I don’t know, Donatello, but I do remember that when you first met him, you could tell he wasn’t evil. You could detect evil. Did you lose that ability, just like Cas lost his ability to check for a missing soul? {sigh}

In the car, Jack grins and waves like a sweet little nougat cinnamon roll. But the music, ah, the music is pretty ominous. Aftermath! Dean says it looks like the snake enjoyed the trip and Jack says "It's hard to say; he's very guarded." I don't know if we're supposed to think he's being literal, or if he's making a joke. Either way, I applaud it. Dean asks Jack if he's okay and he says "it was... illuminating." He then heads into his room with Felix just as Sam and Cas come in.

Dean asks about their trip, and Sam's annoyed that Cas told him about the cardigan and Foxy Cindy. Like, Sam, you KNOW Cas doesn't keep secrets. "He said you were really happy," says Dean, and oh, now I get it. Cas was worried about him. {sniff} Cas goes off to see Jack, and Dean and Sam have this conversation.

Really happy, huh?

I mean, I guess I WAS happy, but it wasn't real, you know?

Well, not a lot of happy going on around here.

... I hate this place right now. I hate it. Everywhere I look I see them. I see Maggie. I guess that's why I, uh, was so desperate to get out of here. Why I kept running us ragged. But I gotta stop that. I can't keep running, I... this is my home. This is our home. Dean, I think I just need some time.

Okay.

OH GOD SAM'S FACE. When he breaks down and admits he hates it here, and when Dean pats him on the shoulder, and when he looks up, teary-eyed, and takes a deep breath, I CAN'T. I know this is the moment of angst we always expect at the end of a funny episode but this one is TOO MUCH. And how is it that we've had so much good emotional Sam this season? WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS??? I appreciate that they're making the death of the hunters Sam's trauma. It should upset Mary and Jack too, since they lived with them longer. But Sam feels responsible for them. He's the reason they're in our world. He told them they'd be safer here, and now they're dead.

Back in his room, Jack picks up his snake. "Cas says you miss your friend. You need help. Sam and Dean would help you, so I'll help you. I'll help you see your friend again. In Heaven." As Cas watches from the doorway, Jack does the glowy eyes and the SNAKE TURNS TO DUST AND NO, NO JACK, THIS IS NOT WHAT SAM AND DEAN WOULD DO, NOT AT ALL.

Well, that was a rollercoaster. The funny parts were wonderful, the sad parts were heartbreaking, the ominous parts were horrifying. Can we talk about Sam being so desperate to get out of the bunker, and so vulnerable to anything that feels like happiness, and Justin!Sam's frantic insistence that he is happy and wants to stay happy? About Dean's cake test? About Cas actually carrying much of a storyline and being not only watchable, but enjoyable? About what the ACTUAL FUCK is going on with Jack?

And yes, the stupid parts were stupid, and the unexplained parts were inexplicable. I've chosen to handwave them. What did you guys think?

Please help me stay unspoiled; thanks!

[hope-for-olicity]

Crushing the romance stigma once and for all Romance novel sales tally in the billions of dollars every year. (That's right: billions. With a "b".) And still, literary critics and other various bookish snobs continue to malign the genre, loudly and with great disdain. Why is that? If you ask these folks, they'll tell you romance novels are nothing but badly written trash. So, y'all have read a bunch of romance novels before forming that opinion, I assume? ​Oh, no, they'll say, noses tipped heavenward. They don't read romance (with all the contempt in the world placed on the word "romance"). Huh. Now I'm confused. Why would people be so openly hostile to a genre they've never read? I think I can tell you why.​The romance stigma and genre misconceptions are so deeply ingrained in us as a society that we have trouble overlooking them, even with glaring examples to the contrary. Heck, even bestselling romance authors like Nicholas Sparks hesitate to admit they write romance. Mr. Sparks insists that he writes “love stories”. On his website, Sparks lays out the difference between “love stories” and romance as follows: “It’s equivalent to the difference between a "legal thriller" and a "techno-thriller." In that instance, both novels include many of the same elements: suspense, good and bad forces pitted against each other, scenes that build to a major plot point, etc. But aside from the obvious, those novels are in different sub-genres and the sub-genres have different requirements. For instance, legal thrillers generally have a court room scene on center stage, techno-thrillers use the world or a city as their setting. Legal thrillers explore the nuances of law, techno-thrillers explore the nuances of scientific or military conflict. ​ The same situation applies with romance novels and love stories. Though both have romantic elements, the sub-genres have different requirements. Love stories must use universal characters and settings. Romance novels are not bound by this requirement and characters can be rich, famous, or people who lived centuries ago, and the settings can be exotic. Love stories can differ in theme, romance novels have a general theme—‘the taming of a man.’ And finally, romance novels usually have happy endings while love stories are not bound by this requirement. Love stories usually end tragically or, at best, on a bittersweet note.” I’m sorry, no disrespect intended, but if you’ve written a story in which the romantic relationship between two characters is the focus, you’ve written a romance novel, Mr. Sparks. The rest is just splitting hairs and can probably be construed as you protesting a bit too much. Throwing in a depressing ending doesn’t completely excuse you from the genre. Sorry. So, let’s take a look at the most common romance complaints and see if there’s actually anything to them: Romance novels are badly written I don’t know if y’all picked up on the implied “all” in that sentence, but I sure did. I don’t know of any genre outside of romance where people feel comfortable saying “all” of it is badly written. Are there some stinkers in the bunch? Absolutely. But I’ve also read plenty of stinkers in the sci fi, horror and mystery genres. I suppose my response to critics who say romance novels are badly written would be: have you read all romance novels? No? Well…there you go. And further...if they’re so badly written, why are they selling so well? Romance novels are formulaic I suppose this might depend on how broadly you define “formula”. For example: 1 person + 1 person = love and happiness Is that how a formula is defined? Because if that’s the definition, it could be argued that romance novels are formulaic. It is a somewhat unspoken “rule” that romance novels end with a HEA (happily ever after). But in my opinion, there’s A LOT that can happen in the middle of that particular formula, and there’s about a gazillion ways that particular equation can be worked out. I’ve read romance novels about everyday people with typical problems, and I’ve read romance novels about vampires and witches and angels. All the lovely variations in which the “formula” can be worked out and twisted about sure can make for some entertaining reading. Romance novels are predictable Again with the implied “all”. Sigh. I’m pretty hard to surprise. I knew that Darth Vadar was Luke’s father well before Luke did. I knew that one of the dead people Haley Joel Osment was seeing was Bruce Willis way before Bruce Willis knew. I knew what was going on at The Red Wedding well before Talisa took that knife to the gut. But I can honestly say that more than a few romance authors have managed to throw me for a loop with their plot gymnastics. (I’m looking at you, J.A. Redmerski!) So, are there some predictable romances out there? Sure. Can it be argued that the HEA is predictable? Absolutely. But to those still arguing this point, I have to ask: is your enjoyment of a book dependent on your inability to predict the story’s ultimate direction? Even if you know where the story will end up, can you not just enjoy the ebb and flow of the story, the writer’s word choices, the snap of the dialog and crackling chemistry between characters? If not...well, that’s kind of sad! Why bother reading at all if that’s the case?     There’s no plot; it’s all just about sex This is another one of those all-inclusive statements that should just be ignored. Are there some romance novels that are all about sex? Sure. And there are plenty of others that are intricately plotted (author Tarryn Fisher comes immediately to mind here) and meticulously researched. Beyond that, there’s even an entire subcategory of sweet and clean romances (even some Amish romances) that don’t contain any sex at all. Lesson to be learned here: As a rule, “all” and “never” statements are crap. “Real” writers don’t write romance Who gets to define what a “real” writer is? Was there some kind of specially appointed task force for this that I wasn’t aware of? As it turns out, writing is an art. So, just like any other art form, opinions on what is “good” and what is “real” will tend to vary greatly. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and there are no wrong answers. And just for the record, Jane Austen wrote romance novels. Anyone care to tell her—and her legions of rabid fans—that she wasn’t a real writer? No? Didn’t think so. Romance novels are unrealistic The “unrealistic” criticism usually exists in a couple of different forms: 1. The heroes and heroines are all perfect looking It’s true that as a society, we like pretty stuff. For that reason, you will find an abundance of pretty, seemingly perfect people in romance novels (especially on the covers). But, you’ll also find plenty of people who don’t fit into a perfect Barbie-and-Ken mold. I’ve read romances about a paraplegic hero, a heroine with CP, and a heroine so unattractive the hero is uncomfortable around her until he gets to know and love her.   2. HEAs don’t happen in real life You know who doesn’t believe in HEAs? Unhappy people. It’s true that no one is happy all the time, but to assume that no one ever gets a HEA is insane. There’s plenty of happiness out there for those who are willing to reach for it. And on a less philosophical note, I think romance readers generally understand that “HEA” is just a phrase. No one assumes that the main couple in the story continued to live out their lives without ever having another care in the world. The HEA is just where the story ends. Romance novels are just “bodice rippers” This one stems from a trend in the 70s and 80s that had innocent virgins (mostly in historical novels) on book covers being accosted by burly, half-dressed dudes (often Fabio) who were pretty much forcing themselves on them. Much like clothing and hairstyles, romance novel trends have also changed quite a bit since the 70s and 80s. For anyone who believes that all romance novels are “bodice rippers”, I encourage you to change out of your velour leisure suit, shut off your 8-track player and lava lamp, and venture to your local bookstore’s romance section. You’re in for a big surprise.   Romance novels promote abusive relationships I’ll let you in on a little secret, folks. (Come closer…wouldn’t want this one getting out to just anyone) Women sometimes fantasize about being overpowered by a man. It’s a pretty standard fantasy, actually. Some dude (who looks like Thor or Wolverine) overcomes all of her good-girl protests and better judgement with nothing more than the raw animal power of his overwhelming manly hotness. No consequences, no one gets hurt. Does reading about such a fantasy make women prone to asking their husband/partner/lover to abuse and overpower them on a regular basis? No more so than reading To Kill a Mockingbird makes people prone to becoming lawyers, or reading The Bourne Identity makes people prone to amnesia. Typically, readers are capable of distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Critics who spew drivel about romance novels promoting abuse against women seem to think otherwise, though. And further, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve read a lot of romance novels. A. Lot. The portion of those novels that featured a man overpowering a woman amounts to maybe 2% of the total. It’s hardly fair to assume that all romance novels—or even a majority of romance novels, for that matter--promote that kind of relationship.   It’s just “mommy porn”       Sorry, but it’s just not statistically possible that all of the billions of dollars’ worth of romances sold each year were read by mommies. Women and men (yes, men read romance, too) of all ages enjoy romances. This statement is just a desperate attempt by critics to shame readers into buying the types of books theythink everyone should be reading. It’s like trying to convince people they should be watching PBS all the time. PBS is a great channel, but sometimes, you need a little HBO. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just an egocentric bully trying to promote his/her own agenda. Romance novels are silly fluff     I’m not going to argue that romance novels are doing their part to cure cancer or end world hunger. (And truthfully, neither are any novels) Some romances are about light subject matter, and others cover much deeper topics such as the grief of losing a spouse, kidnapping and child abuse, murder and even survival in a post-apocalyptic world. And those are just a few examples of the not-so-silly-fluffy topics you can find in romance novels today. There’s plenty more where those came from. Long-story-short, it would appear that nothing is wrong with the romance genre that isn’t also a problem for any other genre, other than what ignorant critics think of it. So, what can romance lovers do to help crush the romance stigma once and for all? Well, the first step is to admit, out loud and to anyone who asks, that you love romance novels. No more sheepishness. No more hiding your romance novels in speculative fiction dust jackets. No more refusing to let anyone see your Amazon browsing history or your Kindle’s contents. Be PROUD of what you read. The second step is to promote the books you read that help crush these myths. That’s what we’ll be doing here at Romance Rehab. What about all of you proud romance readers out there? What other romance misconceptions piss you off? Let’s talk.