#I think she's in one of the movies? I'd watch it but 'Watching ENT for T'Pol Knowledge' is kind of next on my 'Do It For Her' list

[bumblingbabooshka]

thoughts on saavik?

I don't know anything about Saavik v_v I really love these two posts about her though! X and X I think about these posts often and whenever I do I feel like I want to draw!

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Established Steddie, they have been living together for over a decade, did their best to heal their wounds from the Upside Down and learn to enjoy life again. It's not easy but they do it.

When the Lord of the Rings movies come out, it's actually Steve who suggests watching them to Eddie. He really tries engaging with Eddie's passions, but his focus is not the greatest when it comes to books. That doesn't mean he doesn't listen to Eddie ramble about them though - he knows all about hobbits, second breakfasts, the culture of smoking in the Shire...Eddie admires a lot of characters from the books, but ever since experiencing the Upside Down fuckery, he actually admits that the hobbits had a point. Good food, even better company and good tobacco? What else does one need? It also inspires Steve a few years later to prepare a full day of hobbit-inspired meals for their trilogy marathon when the extended editions come out. But this is about their first time watching the movies.

They both go to the movie theater excited. Steve is familiar with most of the characters, including Eddie's self-admitted crush on Aragorn. And Steve can see why, he can see so much good in all the members of the fellowship. After the first movie, he's wiping his eyes because Boromir deserved better. Eddie has a lot to say about what was lost in adaptation, but Steve knows Eddie loves those movies and would cut off his only remaining nipple before missing the next ones.

The Two Towers have Steve rooting for the ents and he feels strangely touched about how everyone underestimates Pippin, yet it's him who gets the ents to march. He really can't pick a favorite character. He can't wait for the third movie.

They go to the premiere of the Return of the King with Eddie. They secretly hold hands in the last row, and Steve watches the ride of the Rohirrim with bated breath. He clenches his hand in Eddie's when Theoden gets gravely injured, but then Éowyn is there and...oh.

He is staring slack-jawed at the scene. Éowyn's large, terrified eyes, the towering frame of the Witch King. Her posture was fearful, crouched, but still she faced him. And something surfaces in his head, something he's long forgotten.

He's unusually queit when they come back home, he still loves the rest of the movie, almost cries at "my friends, you bow to no one,", then definitely cries at Frodo leaving the Middle Earth. But there is still that something and Eddie can sense it. When they're falling asleep together, Eddie finally asks him. And Steve's had enough time to process what he felt.

"When Éowyn faced the Witch King...it reminded me of what it felt like. I mean, for the first time. I know it's stupid because saw so much unnatural shit, but...it's the first time that I have hard time forgetting," he admits quietly. "She reminded me of me in 1983 so much. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I thought I'd do the right thing, but then I had a gun pointed at me, they both had blood on their hands...and then it appeared."

Eddie doesn't speak, he only holds Steve closer.

"It was so tall. I remember that petal-like mouth, those teeth, but mostly...I remember the crippling fear. I felt absolutely terrified. I couldn't move. There was even a moment when I thought of running away, but...I couldn't leave them there. Seeing someone go through something similar and being praised for being a hero...it makes me think. I used to be so ashamed for freezing in that moment. For even considering running away. But Éowyn...she was like me." There's awe in his voice and warmth, relief. "She had no idea what she was getting into. She froze. She didn't do everything perfectly and gracefully like Legolas or something, but when it mattered...she did what she had to."

He holds Eddie tighter and asks, almost shyly: "Will it offend you that I think she's my favorite character? Not Aragorn or Sam?"

Eddie just shakes his head and drops a kiss to Steve's hair. "Nah. She suits you well. And you're both amazing."

And if it becomes a silly endearment in their household, that Steve is sometimes called the Shieldmaiden of Hawkins? ("I'm not a maiden, Eddie!" "I'm not calling you a shieldboy or shieldbachelor, Steve!") Then Steve feels a hint of something that he thought he'd renounced, but now, for the first time he feels it's deserved - pride.

[land-of-holly]

Rings of Power Season 2 Episode 4 Liveblog

Title is Eldest...I wonder who that WAIT I KNOW

150 leagues? I'd have to check but I would have guessed it was farther than that

OMG galadriel and elrond trying to out-bitch each other!

Some nice scenery shots

Hmmm. Bridge is out

Continue to love the elf extras

Elrond's hair is so curly

I like his heralrdry of Gilgalad cloak pin

You're just gonna steal a branch from Tom's tree??

Damn right youre not. Oh he got FULLY et by that tree

The girls!

It takes TALENT to roll that far down a hill

New friend!!

Fuck what did Poppy just say I missed it as I was once again stunned by this show's EGREGIOUS NAMING DECISIONS.

he seems like a nice guy tho

Oh she just introduced herself. Flirting already

Look when you accuse a guy of a crime don't be surprised when he runs!

Oh so there ARE Rhunians that are just normal folk. They're just halflings

They're Stoors!

T_T  Treat him nicer! poppy ilysm

Oops. Wrong thing to say. *gives nori a 'you tried' sticker*

Gentling the tree yadda yadda. SYNTHESIS. MY GOD. I mean all props for actually bringing Tom into this but maybe a lighter touch??

Is Stranger man just prophesying Goldberry?

I'm still not certain stars work the normal way here. Like moving throughout the night and year and not just hovering ovrr a place.

'The stars are newcomers' is a nice touch though

Wait. he's making too much sense. Make less sense, Tom.

That's better. Go gather lilies, my dude

The barrowdowns! I feel bad for the guy who doesn"t fear dead Men

O noe dead horers

Well go after him! Rescue him! If the black guy dies first in your horror movie episode I stg

Is this ghost fight gonna movd the plot forward or...? Like if they were being put to some use of exposition or characterization instead of just being shaken like a shiny toy in front of a baby...

I'm glad you're her to tell us these things Galadriel... :I

Aww a search party for Theo! T_T He's pushed Arondir away but Arondir hasn't given up on him!

God, Isildur is INCREDIBLY smooth

We're moving the Estrid plot along, I like it!

Okay who was here, ents or entwives wouldn't just go knocking trees down...

Oh shit Isildur and Arondir BOTH failed their survival checks??

Estrid coming in clutch!

Where were they even hiding a giant worm monster???

FINE I will accept The Suzat. That's a nice touch

YOUR REAL HOME'S IN YOUR CHEST NORI

Disfigurement as punishment, check

Okay but Tolkien CONSISTENTLY comes down on the side of the end not justifying the means, so Elrond"s got the high ground on this one

OMG SHE'S BEAUTIFUL

TREE WIFE

Oh I wholly love the Ent design

:( Arondir has to tame her like a wild animal that can't be reasoned with

Where are they???

The rings can do good! It's something!

Okay Galadriel being badass is pretty fun to watch

Who is going to warn Brimby tho? Wasn't that their plan in the first place?

I do think in this case Elrond isn't giving Galadriel enough credit.

Daddy!

[lemonflowercat]

it's complicated: ch.01

i got stuck in freeze mode today, and i think it's because yesterday was a "fail day". i don't think i know very well how to regulate emotions that are associated with failure. anyway, although i did none of the things on my 75 soft list, i did get other things done - meal prep, laundry, some chores. i also watched a decent movie. ate 2 decent meals and then, a fight with A + luteal phase exhaustion made me cave into fast food. the highlight of my day was, while waiting at the ENT for A, this lady who was there to get her daughter checked, turned to me and handed me her business card. she kindly informed me that she was a health and fitness coach who has a big group of women she conducts "online fitness classes" for on Zoom, and said i should definitely join because, i quote, "you will look beautiful if you lose weight." it was kinda sad but mostly funny. i couldn't even be angry because i feel like we're from different generations and different worlds altogether, i just felt sorry for her and all the women in her class for believing that their beauty/worth was tied to a number on a scale. --- which is still something i find myself believing in on my lowest days. <sigh>

on a tangent,

i've started this new thing of noting what triggers the i'm-not-in-control-around-food feelings and it's interesting. so far i've noted

sleep deprivation

restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze mode days

strong sadness or frustration

anger directed at myself

feeling like a failure

when relaxation kicks in after something exhausting

not eating enough filling stuff through the day

waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch

eating out

having foods that i like but typically come under "bad" around the house

for sure these are pretty run of the mill reasons, and you'd think i'd have been aware of them already - but i wasn't! actually noting down these triggers has made me realise that a good chunk of them are practical problems - which makes me feel like less of a crazy person. for instance,

sleep deprivation

not eating enough filling stuff through the day

waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch

some of them are emotional, and i think this comes from the unhealthy ways i learnt to regulate my emotions through childhood.

restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze mode days

strong sadness or frustration

anger directed at myself

feeling like a failure

when relaxation kicks in after something exhausting

and then there are some things that are a reflection of the way my parents have been about food

eating out

having foods that i like but typically come under "bad" around the house

noting down all of this makes it easier for me to find solutions - especially the practical reasons that drive my binge sessions. i can also empathize with myself now! - i can finally turn off that mean voice in my head that berates me and my "fat girl" food choices. kinda also makes me feel less like a victim, and more of just a person to whom life's happening, y'know?

next steps from here will be 1. continue noting triggers 2. work out solutions for the ones identified

step 2 is easy for the practical ones.

sleep deprivation: a. of course, try not to miss out on sleep too often in a week. like once a week should be good. b. if i haven't slept too late (like say before 2 am), wake up at 8 am latest because then my cycle doesn't get too fucked up, my brain isn't as groggy, and my day still feels almost normal. b. often i'm too exhausted to cook so maybe have easy filling meal ideas at hand? c. it's cool to just eat whatever i want anyway

not eating enough filling stuff through the day a. again something that only happens if i'm too exhausted to cook, so having easy filling meal ideas at hand is the way to go. b. literally, just order in something nice and filling and wholesome if i can't cook - i deserve it

waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch eat a fruit or a toast with something, can swap out afternoon tea for a no-milk one to maintain calorie count.

problem solving for the other categories are just...well, things i'm still learning about myself and reading about. there's lots of figuring out wise-lemonflowercat is still working her way through. two things that i might have something for though:

restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze-mode days now this one -is a hard one. and i have big days of this coming up since i've hit PMS season. here's a rule i'm making for myself this PMS season, and i'm hoping to stick with this whenever i go into freeze modes: no media consumption when PMSing/freeze mode-ing. i don't want to call this a "rule", it's more of advice wise-lemonflowercat has for everyday-lemonflowercat: media consumption/hanging out on the internet is a slippery slope for me when vulnerable (PMS, freeze mode), because i get too easily sucked into doomscrolling or binge watching - both of which leave me feeling drained, my brain feels disgusting and body feels like a potato. so i actively want to make sure to either read or self-express (write, make art) instead. one movie/day - preferrable in the night - is a-ok.

feeling like a failure - have multiple restart points through the day. the "failure-feeling" or "i'm-a-loser-feeling" is one that often greets me on 1. the morning after a typical "fail day" 2. as the day progresses and things don't go as planned 3. when i get stuck in freeze mode i'm in the process of getting better at self-talking myself through the morning ones, and by far it's the easiest because it's still the start of a new day. but the other 2 have been where i crash and burn, often zombie-ing through the day, waiting for it to be night time just so it can be morning - the only time my brain considers appropriate for a fresh start. i want to give myself more "fresh start" points through the day. it's going to look something like x -> fresh start, where x is an activity that really clears my mind. ideal times are, 1. around 11 am 2. around 4-4.30 pm and 'x' can be, 1. MOVEMENT like i am still always surprised at how it can really flip my mood around! cardio works best - walks, runs, or even just a 20min session of HIIT. sometimes these require more motivation than i have at hand, and i find yoga, pilates easier to do. but every . time. i finish a sesh and i feel like a brand new person again. 2. meditate+breathwork is a bit of a hit and miss. it has worked more times than not though, especially when coupled with 3. a good long shower. with scented candles, peppy music, maybe a pre-shower face/hair mask, moisturising after - basically, just really showering love on my body. 4. a science-y podcast: this works for me because i'm such a nerd, ig. i love weird facts, discussions really get my brain going and just listening to all the amazing things people are doing out there is a real motivator for me to get on and do my shit too! 5. journalling 6. watching "productivity guru" videos ahahaha, no but like really. i have a few go to people, and i just turn on the video in the background and it's like someone is giving me the talk i needed to hear. also a hit miss - honestly, a miss more often, because it's easy to get sucked into doomscrolling from here. i think this whole strategy works great to combat that all-or-nothing mindset of needing a day to be perfect top to bottom. it's really sad the amount of grief i give myself over a couple of wasted hours, and i really do hope i'm able to teach myself to turn a day around at any point.

i wonder if there are people to whom all of this seems blatantly obvious. i guess i'm just not a person these things come naturally to, and i have to actually teach myself to be this way. i think this is what self-love and self-parenting are about, really.