#I think part of the indulgence of fictional romance is the fantasy of 'what if it all worked out so cleanly'

[outeremissary]

It is kinda crazy though how scary relationships are. Not as like. A thing to be in, but as the competition at a certain age. Maybe it's just the environment I'm in irl all the time, but it's just so much like. When people's time becomes limited, it's going to be their partners and family every time. They don't want to live with other people anymore and you have to worry over housing. They don't have time for other things. The best way to connect would be a double date, but if you don't want to date...? It feels so isolating. And maybe it's just that I spend a lot of time with older people, but honestly somehow that makes it feel worse. Like sure, maybe there's a tiny bit of hope for you right now, but just wait a few more years and it'll all disappear, don't worry. Maybe it's too much to want to be so important to someone without being able to give them that. I don't know.

[the-summ0ning]

𓉸ྀི Linger 𓉸ྀི PART ONE

Roomie!Nick Folio x Fem!introvert!Bookworm!Reader

Word count: 5.1k

Awkwardly avoiding your hot roommate after him walking in on you listening to your guilty pleasure was easy enough, you thought, until it wasn't. Not when you had all the same friends, and you were all in a cabin in the woods for Noah's birthday, and Nick shows up looking like said guilty pleasure.

!!!THIS PIECE IS PURE FICTION ABOUT REAL PEOPLE, NOT YOUR THING TURN AWAY. BUT AGAIN IT'S JUST FICTION AND NOT HOW THESE PPL ARE IRL!!!

CONTENT WARNINGS: swearing, recreational drug and alcohol use, awkward romcom moments, fluff, yearning.

A/n: hahah spooky season is upon us and I wrote this after I had insomnia for over 24 hours after the wildest week of having the flu a few weeks ago, and have been sitting on it debating if I wanted to post this. This could be a totally considered self-indulgent, maybe cringe, but oh well it's my digital footprint & I have to live with. But welcome to my first fic on this blog, and my first piece posted at least for the BO guys in general, had to show the cinnamon roll Folio love first. thank yewwww and enjoy

⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 °⛧⛧°。 °⛧⛧°。 °⛧⛧°。°⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。

The universe had a painfully ironic sense of humor. Noah Sebastian and his friends, with their twisted embrace of clichés, unknowingly played right into its hands.

After years of running in the same circles, Noah had grown to resent sharing his birthday with Halloween—except for the rare occasions when he leaned into the theme completely. This year was one of those times. A slasher-themed party in a huge cabin in the woods for the weekend. Cute. Real fuckin’ cute.

If it weren’t for the fact that you’d promised months ago to make all the baked goods—long before you knew the party theme—and that his closest friend and bandmate happened to be your roommate, you would’ve bailed. But you were a good friend, one who loved your friends and kept your word. Even if it meant enduring the mortification of being around Folio, said roommate, fighting the urge to disappear into the woods every time he glanced or came in your direction.

Because Folio knew your dirty little secret.

One you hadn’t even shared with your closest girlfriends. A secret you’d intended to bury in the deepest corners of your feral little brain—until Folio, of all people, unearthed it. He’d come home early from a fishing trip because of a storm and found you in your natural state of debauchery: high, sprawled on the couch, blasting a dark romance smut audiobook through the living room’s soundbar to a concerning decibel. To make matters worse, it was during the most graphic part, and not just any audiobook—this one had sound effects. And masks. And filthy, filthy things.

You’d nearly combusted when you saw him standing in the doorway for who knows how long, looking bemused, at you giggling and quietly squealling into a throw pillow. You scrambled to pause the audio, but of course, the universe wasn’t on your side, and your phone took its sweet time. Long enough for him to hear everything. 

It’s not like you were about to do anything. You weren’t physically aroused, just mortified that he now knew what you listened to when he wasn’t around. Mortified as if his living room had been christened by your smut. Mortified he probably assumed you touched yourself to it when he wasn’t there—or worse, that it was some deep, dark fantasy of yours. No that totally wasn’t your guilty conscience projecting or anything.

You’d only lived with Nick for four months. Four months of being around him more than you ever had since meeting him through mutual friends years ago. Before this, you could count on both hands the number of times you’d been alone together. Not that there wasn’t any issues with him, you just considered the two of you as polar opposites to think he’d actually want to be around you or you’d have enough in common to pass the basis of ‘acquaintance’ or ‘mutual friend’.

He was funny, the kind of guy who made your cheeks hurt from laughing at his corny jokes. He was charming, with that Southern hospitality that always seemed to melt your insides, and his country twang made you melt just that much more. You hated how easily he could make your social anxiety melt away at parties, offering you a hit of his joint or a cigarette and small conversation when he noticed you hadn’t your usual friends you clung to. Confident, magnetic, always ready to be rowdy, a through and through extrovert, everything you were not.

You were an extroverted introvert–at best. A pessimistic optimist. An awkward rain shower on a sunny day. The house cat who only craved attention when it suited you, having zoomies when no one was watching.

That’s exactly what the embarrassing night felt like—your version of a cat caught in a burst of energy when it thought no one was looking. Except Folio was looking. And all he did was give you that dopey smile, the one with the gleam in his dark chocolate eyes, and made some smart-ass remark before disappearing into his room.

“So, this is what you do when I’m not around. Cute.”

As if he were the amused owner, catching his pet in the act.

He never brought it up again, but you both knew. And it gnawed at you. Maybe you were again projecting and he hadn’t thought much of it, but still!

And now, of all the costumes in the world, famous slashers, any other character from a horror movie, or crashed out and went with a basic t-shirt in the same vein of the theme of the party. No. He had chosen to wear a Ghostface mask. You, meanwhile, were dressed as a cheesy, slutty Casey Becker from Scream. It wasn’t planned. You’d done your best to avoid him the last two weeks, conveniently ever since the theme had been known to you. Quick hellos and goodbyes, or hasty exchanges with those days.

But tonight, at the party, there was no escaping him. Between leaving early before he even woke, helping with decorations, and playing the mom friend throughout the night for your own friends, you made yourself scarce. Dodging him became an art form. Until, of course, he cornered you.

You were about to refill Matt’s drink when Nick approached, his Ghostface mask pulled up. He tossed Matt’s empty cup, and handed you a cup of red jungle juice (with gummies shaped like body parts floating the mix of fruit of course), his hand casually settling on the small of your back, guiding you wordlessly toward the quieter part of the yard by the small shed by the brush of woods. The touch sent an unexpected chill through you, even though you tried to ignore it. You turned to protest, but he tapped his ear, signaling the blunt tucked behind it.

You rolled your eyes, laughing under your breath, and let him lead you to the shed. As much as you weren’t ready to talk to him, you hadn’t taken a break all night, and the excuse to get away from the crowd and babysit your friends was tempting. Your social battery ticking away faster than anticipated.

“Didn’t realize you were such a great party planner,” he said, leaning against the shed as he lit the blunt, his eyes catching under the faint glow of the solar lights.

You shrugged, struggling to keep your voice casual as your heart raced and cheeks warmed. His presence was overwhelming, making you hyper-aware of everything—the slight brush of his fingers when he passed you the blunt, the way his lips curled when he smiled. Even the music felt like it was conspiring against you, with Deftones' haunting melodies filling the background, stirring things inside you that you wished would stay buried.

“It was a group effort,” you mumbled, staring at your shoes to avoid his gaze. The warmth of his hand on your back lingered, leaving you unsettled in ways you weren’t prepared for. But when you glanced at him, his eyes were fixed on you, his brow furrowed like he was trying to figure something out.

“Nah, I didn’t do anything. I’m just here to boost morale and be the life of the party,” he chuckled, though the sound felt a little forced. As if he was trying just as hard as you to keep things light, keep things normal. 

He passed the blunt back, and you took a hit, trying to calm your racing thoughts. You couldn’t help but wonder if he thought about that night too. It had been weeks, but it still felt raw in the fiber of your being, especially now with the tension hanging between you.

“And I know half of these ideas were your asshole suggestions, after searching kid halloween party on Pinterest.” He added, smirking. “But they love it. Noah loves it.”

You smiled despite yourself, taking another hit quickly to hide it, the warmth of his compliment stirring something soft in your chest. “Glad to hear it. Sometimes I worry my trolling gets taken a little too seriously.”

“They thrive off it,” he said, his voice quieter now, more thoughtful. He gestured for you to keep the blunt, taking a swig of his drink instead. “All for you, bub. Roomie blunt.”

The nickname hit you harder than you wanted to admit, a surge of affection mixing with the ever-present tension. His voice, low and soft, carried a weight that made it feel more intimate than it should have. You swallowed, trying to push the feeling down. Deflect, deflect, deflect.

“Matching costumes and now roomie blunts?” You teased, though your voice sounded breathier than you intended. “Are we hitting new roommate milestones?”

He laughed, but it was quieter this time, almost shy. “Didn’t mean to steal your thunder.” He said almost apologetically, there was still an edge of smugness maybe arrogance. “I tried to wear a t-shirt with just Michael and Freddy on it, but Jolly told me to ‘piss off and I wasn’t wearing that to our best friend’s birthday party.’ Drove me to a Spirit before we picked Noah up, it was like the only thing left close to the theme.” He explained. “I didn’t even have a plain black shirt. Had to flip this inside out.”

“Oh Jolly said ‘fuck you thought’ for real.” You giggled, the effect of the cannabis hitting you as you rubbed the rough inseam on his shoulder that you failed to notice when he walked in tonight. It was comical and relieving to know this wasn't a jab at you now, and just a half-ass last minute idea--typical Folio fashion.

“Wait for it, wait for it,” he pointed a finger up. Balancing the cup rim between his teeth, his drink splashing on himself as he pulled his t-shirt up exposing his torso as he clumsily tugged his shirt toward you to see a print of Michael Myers and Freddy Krueger holding hands in a meadow.

Through puffs of smoke, you full out cackled, now holding his shoulder for support. “What? Did you think you were too tough to dress up for Nowah’s birthday party?” Mustering your best baby voice in between your wheezing, the tension breaking for a moment. But even as you laughed, your eyes lingered on him a second too long. On the sharp line of his jaw, the curve of his mouth, the way his dark ochre eyes seemed to trace your every movement, as if he were studying you, waiting for something. But then he pulled the mask down, breaking the easiness of the moment.

He smoothed his shirt down, mocking your laugh. “The fuck am I gonna do with this after?” 

Well…

Even with his shirt inside out, with alcohol spills staining it, and ash from your blunt speckling his clothes, the look did things to you--he looked good. The mask, the way he carried himself, all of it stirred something deeper. Your mind flashed back to that audiobook, to the night he caught you—and suddenly, the faceless man from the story wasn’t faceless anymore. It was Nick. It had always been Nick, lurking in the corners of your thoughts, even when you tried to deny it for several months before. You had buried the attraction you felt towards him well enough, denying that maybe your harmless crush was something more. Letting the term roommates be your boundary for him, not wanting to make an arrangement of living with an attractive acquaintance that you had festering feelings for even more awkward.

Despite your best efforts, you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks. And even though your mind screamed at you to say something, to make a joke, you were too caught up in the moment—the way his presence pressed into yours, the unspoken tension crackling between you like static.

You handed the blunt back, your fingers brushing a second too long with his, the touch jolting something within you. “I’m sure you can find other uses for it, Bub,” you said, but the words came out softer than you intended, almost like a promise.

For a moment, neither of you moved. His hand lingered near yours, his dark eyes searching your face, as if he was waiting for something—waiting for you to break the silence. The air between you felt heavy, charged, like the moment could tip in any direction. Your heart hammered in your chest, your breath coming a little too fast. You were standing so close now, the night’s sounds fading into the background. 

Your lips parted, wanting to say something, anything—but the words caught in your throat. Maybe this was your chance. Maybe you could make sure things weren’t as weird as you imagined it to be. Or maybe you could take that small step forward, close the gap between you, and see where it led.

But instead, you took a step back. 

“Thanks for the morale boost! Gonna go beg Ruffilo to play something less whiny and horny now!”

The moment stretched, taut and unspoken, as you turned away, nerves rattling inside you. You felt him watching you as you sauntered off, the weight of his gaze burning into your back, the unspoken tension still thick in the air.

Deflect! Deflect! Deflect!

But as you walked away, your heart still pounding, you knew the moment between you wasn’t over. Not really. It lingered, hanging in the air like a storm cloud waiting to break. And you couldn’t help but wonder if next time, you’d have the courage to step into it.

。⋆༺♱༻⋆。

Nick let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding as he watched your denim skirt ride up slightly with each step you took away. He swallowed hard, the familiar pang of frustration settling in his chest. Admiring you from afar had become second nature to him, an unspoken routine he’d never quite managed to shake.

You perplexed him, right down to his core.

Every time he felt he was getting closer to understanding you, to unraveling the mystery of what made you so magnetic—you were gone. Slipping through his fingers just as quickly as you’d come into focus.

It had been that way since Matt and your friend first introduced you all those years ago. At first, he found your quietness cute—a stark contrast to the loud energy of your other friends. But as you started coming around more, he saw there was so much more beneath the surface. The dry wit, the easy charm you showed only to those closest to you, the way you seemed to light up in the right company. And then there was the obvious—he had been attracted to you from the moment he laid eyes on you.

But the more you intrigued him, the further away you seemed to drift, casting him aside without even realizing it. It gnawed at him, deeper than he liked to admit. Nick Folio wasn’t used to this—he could get anyone to open up, to be themselves around him with little effort. But you? You were a challenge he couldn’t crack, and it was driving him crazy.

It baffled him how Matt had convinced you to be roommates in the first place. Living together hadn’t helped his case at all—if anything, it made things worse. Since the moment he’d walked in on you listening to your smut audiobook, he could feel the shift, how you’d started shutting him out. He wasn’t oblivious to the way you avoided him now, keeping your distance, as though that moment had broken some invisible line between you.

But it hadn’t, not for him. If anything, he loved that glimpse of who you were outside the parties and hangouts. Seeing you comfortable, in your own space, high out of your mind, letting your guard down enough to geek out over something you clearly enjoyed.

Did you think it made him see you differently? Did you think that knowing your private little quirks would change how he felt?

If anything, it made perfect sense. A girl like you, attractive, smart, with a mind that clearly wandered far beyond the surface—you were bound to have something like that. Hell, now he understood why your nose was always buried in your Kindle. He’d probably be the same way if he had something that compelling.

He had hoped the blunt he’d offered earlier would serve as an olive branch, something to ease the tension between you. But now, watching you skitter away, retreating from him again, he wasn’t so sure.

“There’s the kingpin,” Noah grinned lazily, coming up beside him clapping him on the shoulder as Matt trailed behind.

Nick tried to muster a smile, but it was clear something was weighing on him, his usual carefree demeanor dulled by the conflict that tugged at him deep inside.

“What’s wrong Folio?” Matt was the first to ask.

“Nothing, just clearing my mind a bit.” He lied.

“Yeah, okay.” Noah snorted, trying to tug the mask on top of his head down. He was clearly tipsy, enjoying himself. “If you don’t want to talk about it, whatever—but I know what will really help clear your mind.” The lazy grin turned sinister.

The drummer merely raised his eyebrow waiting for an answer.

“Manhunt—slasher style.”

。⋆༺♱༻⋆。

Would it really be a slasher-themed birthday party if Noah hadn’t forced the remaining guests into a game of manhunt, despite how dark it was and how most people were borderline drunk? No, only Noah would think this was still a good idea. You didn’t mind, though. It distracted you from your exchange with Nick—finding hiding spots, giggling quietly, getting chased, and chasing your friends around. It felt cathartic, especially in your tipsy, cross-faded state.

Noah was too far gone to establish real ground rules anyway. The only rule was that nobody hid past the brush of the woods, and he was always the seeker. Brush, cabin, shed, backyard—fair game for your large group of friends. It was the third and final round now, and most of you were out of breath, legs aching, too close to rolling an ankle in the dark. The adrenaline was wearing thin, and the nostalgia for childhood games had run its course. You were all gonna feel the aftermath of this in the morning.

“Once you're found, head to the fire pit, pop a squat, and call it quits for the LOVE of god,” Matt groaned, hands on his hips, out of breath.

With all the cabin’s lights off, the vast space was hard to navigate. Maybe calling it a cabin was underselling it. This was a huge luxury lodge, a weekend splurge to comfortably fit the group with several bedrooms and rooms to hide in. You’d found a bedroom on the second floor at the end of the hall, away from everyone else, deciding to hide alone instead of pairing up like some of the others. You didn’t want to change your spot like you had the other two rounds you played outside. This was it, and you’d let whoever come to you to find you.

You weren’t sure who’d claimed the room earlier in the night when everyone arrived, but it didn’t matter now. The large bed in the center had ample space underneath for you to squeeze under. The bed skirt fell perfectly, hiding you completely as you curled up, knees pressed against your chest, mouth against the sleeve of your knitted sweater to stifle any sound.

Your heart pounded as you heard the seekers stomping clumsily through the halls, doors creaking open, followed by screeches of defeat from your friends as they were found. Finally, Noah and Davis's triumphant laughter echoed through the house, growing distant as they led the captured outside.

For a moment, you thought you were safe. You let out the breath you'd been holding, relaxing slightly. The steady thrum of your heartbeat began to slow, and you debated slipping out the back door to claim victory, imagining the disappointed faces of Noah, Davis, and the rest when you emerged triumphant telling them to suck it.

But then you heard it—a single set of footsteps at the end of the hall. You froze. Your pulse roared in your ears as a familiar laugh echoed down the corridor.

“You guys suck at this game!” Nick’s voice rang out, smug and teasing. Faint bickering followed from outside, Noah and Davis shouting back that they were done, ready to drink by the fire.

Nick scoffed. “Fuckin’ amateurs didn’t even check my room. There’s still people hiding!”

You tensed, silently praying, Please, don’t be in his room. Please, don’t let this be his room.

But your luck had run out. You heard the door handle turn with an agonizing slowness, the door creaking open.

“Bryan, I swear, if you’re making out with your girlfriend in my room instead of hiding—” Nick’s voice trailed off as he stepped inside. You could hear his confusion as he scanned the seemingly empty room. It was his room, of course. The one place you’d somehow ended up hiding.

You bit your lip, heart pounding in your chest as he walked around. His footsteps were soft, deliberate. The room was dark, but you could see the faint glow of his phone’s flashlight as he swept it around, peeking under the desk, inside drawers—absurd places no one could possibly fit.

You started to hope he might give up. His footsteps retreated toward the door, and you exhaled softly, relaxing ever so slightly, your body tense from being curled up so tightly.

But then you heard the closet door swing open with a creak. “Got you!” he shouted abruptly, his voice playful. You jumped, your head hitting the wall behind you with a soft thud. You bit down harder on your sleeve to stifle any sound, praying he hadn’t noticed.

The door closed again, and there was a long silence. Then his voice dropped lower, a teasing edge creeping into it.

“I knew there was a little mouse in here.”

Your eyes flew open in shock, blood rushing to your face. No way. Was it just coincidence? Or had he somehow found out—about the pet names in your books, about your... tastes? Did he find your Goodreads somehow?! You screwed your eyes shut tighter, wishing you could disappear.

Suddenly, a warm hand grabbed your ankle and yanked you out from under the bed. You shrieked as you tumbled out, blinking into the blinding light of Nick’s phone. He was doubled over, laughing, thankfully with no Ghostface mask on.

“Where the hell did you get that from?!” you demanded, fed up, voice hushed but furious.

He was still chuckling, genuinely confused. “Get what from?”

“‘Little mouse?’” you hissed, jabbing a finger into his bare chest since he discarded his shirt after the first round. “What the hell is that?”

He raised his hands in surrender, amusement dancing in his eyes. “I don’t know! It just seemed fitting.”

“You didn’t snoop through my bookshelf?” you accused, heart racing for entirely different reasons now.

His brow furrowed. “Why would I go through your bookshelf? Where’s this coming from?”

“You know where!”

“I don’t, though!” His voice softened, growing more serious. “You really think I would go through your stuff?”

You hesitated, caught off guard by the sincerity in his tone. “I don’t know... you caught me listening to my smut—”

Nick had the audacity to huff a laugh, and it sent your blood boiling all over again.

“It’s not funny, Nick!” You glared at him, horrified by how quickly this night was spiraling out of control. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go tonight.

“It’s not,” he agreed, but his grin remained. “But it kind of is. Because that just confirmed everything I thought.”

You crossed your arms, defensive. “What did you think?”

“That you got weird about me seeing you... be yourself.”

You scoffed. “I did not.” You did.

He said your name quietly, and it made you look at him, caught by the softness in his voice. “I don’t care that you were geeking out over some dirty audiobook. I thought it was cute.”

“I was not.” Your face burned. “And it’s not cute.”

“What would you call it then? Fangirling?”

You grimaced, crossing your arms tighter. “No.”

Nick exhaled, leaning against the desk. “Look, I’m not trying to make this a thing. Relax, okay?”

But relaxing was impossible with him standing there, shirtless, casual like he hadn’t just crawled into your head. He was so nonchalant, while you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something far more dangerous.

Finally, he turned on the lamp in the corner, casting a warm glow over the room. His eyes softened as they met yours, and he gestured to the bed. “Can we sit? I’m not trying to argue, and my legs are tired.”

You stared at him, defiant for a moment longer, before finally sitting on the edge of the bed. He rolled the desk chair up to you, knees nearly brushing, close enough that the warmth of his skin made the air between you thrum.

“You’re a brat, you know that?” he teased, his voice low.

“I’m not a brat,” you muttered, looking down at your lap, “I’m just... embarrassed.”

The silence stretched between you, heavy, until Nick broke it with a sigh. “I said the wrong thing. But I called it cute because... let’s face it, I know you, but I don’t *know* you.”

You glanced up at him through your lashes, his face softer now. The tension in his shoulders had eased, and his eyes held something you couldn’t quite name.

“I could say the same,” you admitted quietly.

“Yeah, but I’m a simple guy.” Chortling to himself. “Half my body shows almost all my special interests.” He gestured to his tattoos, the ones you’d seen countless times but never really looked at until now, trying to avoid finding yet another reason to be drawn to him. “You? You’re a mystery to me. I’ve known you for years, and lived with you for months, but I’ve never seen you just... let your guard down. Sure, in rare passing moments that I wished I could see more of, because I love seeing you light up when you talk.”

Your heart twisted at his words, warmth creeping up your chest, but before you could respond, he added, teasing, “Now I know you’re the quiet girl who secretly geeks out over porn—”

“Nick!” You groaned, immediately burying your face in your hands, the heat on your cheeks unbearable.

Nick laughed softly, tugging your hands away from your face, his grip warm and grounding as his thumbs traced gentle patterns over your knuckles. "Relax, relax, it's our secret," he murmured, his voice softening into something almost tender.

Your heart raced, pulse quickening as the air between you thickened with unspoken tension. His laughter faded into a quiet intensity, and for a moment, the space between you felt charged, like you were both standing at the edge of something neither of you had fully acknowledged yet.

"I like it... that we have a secret just between us," he confessed, his voice quiet and uncertain, as if he wasn't sure how you'd react.

His words hung in the air, and you froze for a beat, the weight of them sinking in and nearly taking your breath away. When you looked up at him, his brown eyes-usually playful-were filled with something deeper.

There was a warmth there, an affection that made your stomach flip as you watched him nervously lick his lips.

Your face felt hot, and you weren't used to being in such an intimate moment with him, your hands still held in his. But despite the closeness, you weren't uncomfortable. If anything, you realized how close the two of you actually were when his eyes dropped to your lips, and your pulse fluttered even faster.

When he started to lean in, your body moved instinctively, meeting him halfway. His lips brushed against yours-soft, tentative, and a little chapped from the night's activities, but sweeter than you could have imagined. The faint taste of jungle juice lingered on both your mouths, and his hands stayed gently on yours, as if he was afraid to push further.

Hesitant, like he thought you'd pull away any second.

But you didn't want to run this time.

The kiss, as surprising as it was, had a way of grounding you-settling the storm of thoughts and emotions swirling in your mind.

You found yourself pulling your hands free from his and sliding one up to the nape of his neck, your fingers grazing the buzzed part of his hair, while the other rested on his shoulder, gently tugging him closer. Your touch seemed to ease his hesitation, and he responded with a firmer grip on your waist, his hands warm against your skin as he deepened the kiss.

The tension of the past weeks, all the uncertainty and confusion, melted away in his touch. His lips fit perfectly against yours, and as he grew more confident, the kiss became less restrained, his hand gripping your waist tighter as he gently guided you back onto the mattress. You both smiled into the kiss, the weight of his body pressing down on you, though he propped an arm by your head to keep from crushing you entirely.

In that moment, with the world outside fading away, you were in a kind of bliss you hadn't felt in so long. The feel of his lips, his warmth, the way his tongue softly brushed against yours-it was all-consuming, and you could have stayed there all night, wrapped up in him.

"Did Y/N kill you, Nick?!" Noah's drunken laughter rang through the wooden door, followed by the sound of Davis and one of your friends giggling along with him. The sudden intrusion startled you both, and you froze, your breath catching as the door handle rattled.

Nick groaned quietly, reluctantly pulling away from you, the absence of his touch making you ache in a way you hadn't expected. You quickly sat up, trying to smooth your hair and fix your sweater, your cheeks still flushed as you glanced over at him. He, on the other hand, seemed unbothered, walking casually to the desk to grab the half-smoked blunt from earlier before making his way to the door.

"We were just deciding if we wanted to finish this," Nick said coolly, holding up the blunt as he opened the door, playing it off like the two of you hadn't been making out just moments ago. His calm demeanor caught you off guard, while you were sure guilt was written all over your face-your hair messy, your cheeks still warm, and your sweater slightly askew as much as you made yourself presentable.

Your friend peered over Nick's shoulder with a playful smirk, narrowing her eyes at you.

"Without us? How rude. You're now officially obligated to share-let's go."

Nick shot you a sheepish smile before offering his hand, extending it toward you as the others started to head back down the hall, unaware of what had just transpired between the two of you.

You hesitated for a second, your heart still racing, before taking his hand and letting him pull you to your feet. The moment might have been interrupted, but the charged energy between you was far from gone.

The universe did have a painfully sick sense of humor after all.

。⋆༺♱༻⋆。

A/n: pls lmk your thoughts as writing this I had so many ideas of how I wanted this to go, and the ending was weaker than intended but this is what I got after being up for over 24 hours 🤷🏼‍♀️ but I will be writing a part two 👹

[july-19th-club]

everybody in the goodreads one-stars dislikes outlander because it's got too much rape and dubcon in it, which is fair and is in fact what turned me off of the show in college. but many of them dont like the sex in this book in a puritanical way and they're WRONG it's not bad because it's sex! it's not even necessarily bad because it's sexualized violence. it's bad because it's poorly contextualized, not justified by the text enough to bear as much repetition as it gets, and neither fits nor deconstructs the genre it's trying to play around with.

like, the marriage/sex/punishment-by-force fantasy is clearly a fetish of gabaldon's, so the book bends over backwards to present opportunities for it whether they make story sense or not, and in so doing gives readers a skewed understanding of the period and location it's simultaneously attempting to do historical fiction in. WHICH WOULD BE FINE IF: this was georgette heyer we were talking about, por ejemplo, and the whole scene was established as the kind of pseudo-history fantasy realm such fetishes often take place in. after all, there's a particular brand of time-tested romance fiction where the whole conceit is a fluttery but undeniable "but you don't understand - i had no other choice!" which allows our heroine the chance to indulge sexually without being considered a slut (see dan lavery's piece on this subject). which i think is what gabaldon's trying to do with the plot contortions that require claire to get married, and then REQUIRE their marriage to be consummated With Witnesses, and then REQUIRE him to beat her in order to maintain standing...etc, etc, etc. a good british woman doesn't want to commit adultery, a good british woman doesn't like it rough, a good british woman doesn't get off on humiliation, etc. which, described that way, almost talks me back into the whole idea.

except the description i just gave is not how it reads in the book. in the book there's no indication that she's performing mental gymnastics to get past her hangups, or that there's some underlying Understanding between characters, author, and reader. it reads like she's married a budding young abuser who claims 'this is normal here' to get what he wants. WHICH brings us to the whole 'savage man-beast...but i WANT him...but he's so violent! but i can TAME him' trope. it's only this side of racist here because the scottish people in this book are white. this man can't be expected to have respectful attitudes, those are modern. and he's from a strong, manly culture! and there's no use looking around for some other kind of guy, because everybody's like that here, and that's history, man. there's a scene in this book where her tarzan in tartan believes that all sex is doggie style and is shocked to learn it isn't. this scene made it into the show.

what im trying to say is. she's both trying to write serious hist fic AND trying to have the protagonist get raped every other page so as to justify the amount of sex in the book. like...i feel insane saying she's doing it wrong when i read carey with gusto, but again, there we are in the 'context' issue. carey's context is that the protagonist is a) a professional sex worker and b) a confirmed masochist, so it's no shock to the reader when she goes to have sex with a patron and he lays into her with a flail. people who don't want BDSM aren't going to be reading Jacqueline Carey. she even has goddamn safewords, for chrissake. and while it absolutely can be argued that the absence of a declared scene in-text IS part of the fantasy for some readers - and must be for at least a few of the outlander fanbase, since people think these books are sexy - there's just too much failure to commit. either claire is into it or she's not, either this is a wish fulfillment kink book or it's hist fic. a better writer might be able to thread that needle in such a way as to keep it both sexy and consistent, but gabaldon's not that writer. her fetishes come off uncomfortably; her details are sometimes wrong enough that even not very historically minded readers point them out and find themselves jarred out of the story.

and...worst of all? she's not at all interested in the time travel aspect of her book, which may not seem like the worst sin here, but let me go out by tying this into its origins. she based the books on doctor who, a show about travel through time and space. rarely do her 1740s characters make it to the 1940s, where the story starts - she doesn't care about the nineteen forties, or later the sixties, after the time skip. they are where stodgy frank is from. they are where claire is exiled after she's torn away from her highland lover! she doesn't care about this timeline except insofar as they constitute a Modern place (but not too modern!) to act as a bland counterweight to the pull of those glorious days of old. the interplay of timelines is never really about culture shock or culture sharing, never really about what it would be like to survive culloden and then find out about the nineteen sixties. not in a funny, lighthearted way; not in a serious, all-implications-delved-into way. in diana gabaldon's time travel, the twentieth century is only there to get away from, to leave for some imagined romantic past where men are real men, women are real women, and small furry creatures from alpha centauri - except, wait. we don't know, do we, if the small furry creatures from alpha centauri are real small furry creatures from alpha centauri. in diana gabaldon's story, the scottish guy doesn't even go anywhere near alpha centaurai. truly there's no fixing this one.

[witsserviceablesubstitute]

If The Magicians taught me anything it's that two of their same sex leads could sleep with each other, spend a lifetime together raising a child, have one actively ask out the other, and it all still be largely interpreted as a bromance. I suppose it could be, but only with an admittance that the boundaries around love and sexuality are not as solidly defined as they're perceived to be. Which is not something you're typically going to get from either the text itself or those that deny the very possibility of two male friends being in sincere romantic love with each other.

In all honesty, a tv production playing around with homoeroticism is likely doing so without malice. It can be a writers room being intentionally flexible with gender and sexuality and coming up against industry standards and practices. Or, and more often, a developing conversation between a queer fandom that finds meaning within the text (and easier access to the writers and actors), and a production encountering queer theory through that fandom for the first time.

That is to say I've been watching Supernatural again because I don't have a good relationship with the series and maybe this is something I need to get over. Supernatural means a lot to people here and I dislike the trend I see of treating a popular queer interpretation with dismissal and disdain.

If Supernatural has taught me anything in the past few years it's that one part of the biggest ship in the last decade can say he's in love with the other part of that big ship (to his face), and it still be interpreted as a confession of platonic love. To me the confession is clear in intent. Castiel is canonically in love with Dean Winchester, and through falling in love with Dean falls in love with humanity. Castiel's confession is actually a rather inevitable and lovely realisation of his character trajectory, even if I don't believe Dean knew what he was asking when he asked a creature made for unconditional devotion to have faith in him instead of Heaven and God. What's more, a character being in love with their friend is not a failing, nor rare, it happens all the time in fiction, but I think Castiel could've passionately kissed Dean goodbye in that scene and it still be considered the culmination of a bromance. So stubborn is the dismissal and disdain.

I like Eric Kripke. There's something modernist about his themes— a deliberate breaking of the romance of the past. A reflection of dysfunction, of things falling apart. In Supernatural it's in his building the family unit only to destroy the family unit using Christian mythology. In The Boys it's in his satirizing of the American myth using an American power fantasy (superheroes). There's also a bit of Jack Kerouac and the Beat Generation about what he creates and how he creates it, a hectic homoerotic masculinity that both indulges in and is critical of the darker sides of human nature. It's therefore unsurprising that there's such a strong queer reading of his work and of Dean Winchester in particular. So while it's absolutely fine to say, 'i don't interpret the text or character this way', it's less fine to try and erase every possible queer interpretation of the text and characters.

US TV networks are concerned with alienating their conservative audience with overtly queer main characters, especially when it subverts hegemonic forms of masculinity. But it has always been something queer fandom is fixated on— that subversion of both toxic masculinity and heteronormativity. It's why I think Supernatural has, not only the most fanworks written for it on AO3, but a large body of academic articles about its relationship with gender, religion, and sexuality. A queer reading is definitely there and it doesn't deserve the disdain or dismissal.

[coffeenonsense]

I usually try to stay in my lane most of the time (mostly bc I am far too old for fandom drama) but what the hell, it's friday, let's put that lit degree to use:

the way people are playing morality politics with fiction is really starting to genuinely irk me and I think some of the responses to ascended astarion are a perfect example of why this type of thinking is actually hugely detrimental to one's ability to meaningfully engage with fiction and also to the future of art.

astarion is one of the most well-written complex characters I've seen in recent years bar none (and I'm clearly not alone given the explosion of his personal fandom lol) and he has a truly compelling, emotionally resonant character arc whether you ascend him or not

If you keep him a spawn, you get a deeply touching, realistic character's journey to healing and personal growth where he learns who he is after the experience of his trauma and depending on the player's choice, explores his relationship to sex, romance and intimacy

If you ascend astarion, you get an equally emotional and well-rounded character arc where he chooses the power that allows him to have the desperate freedom and safety he's wanted, but in the process eschews any hope of real healing or personal development, and again, depending on the player's choices, restarts the cycle of abuse by taking cazador's place.

These options offer vastly different paths for the character and experiences for the player, but while yes, ascended astarion is the evil ending, and yes, ascending astarion is a tragedy, and a fucking incredible one (not only do you have astarion reigniting a circle of abuse but you have the narrative weight of KNOWING he could have actually overcome his trauma...hats off to the bg3 team tbh) but that does not mean ascending astarion MAKES YOU AS THE PLAYER EVIL

Ascend astarion because you love tragic story arcs, ascend him because you want to indulge in a master/slave vampire fantasy, don't ascend him because you want a healing character journey, don't ascend him because you want a sweet romance; all of these choices carry the same moral weight for the player, which is to say, none, because they are an exploration of fiction.

I know I'm saying this to the villain fucker website but it bears repeating; just because someone wants to engage with evil, fucked up characters or content does not mean they support evil acts in their real life, and furthermore, exploring dark, taboo or tragic concepts safely is part of what fiction is for. It enables us to look at those things from a distance, work through difficult feelings and develop greater understanding of what makes our fellow humans tick — and before you get it twisted there's also no moral issue with exploring fucked up media bc you're horny or just, because. You can take it as seriously (or as sexily) as you want.

It's starting to really concern me how many people not only do not get, but are violently opposed to this concept, because equating what someone likes in fiction with their real life moral code and actions is an incredibly dangerous and let's be honest, immature way of thinking that not only stunts your ability to engage with fiction but ironically, hampers your ability to deal with complicated issues and emotions in real life.

I don't know what's driving this trend (though purity culture is certainly playing a role) but it's definitely something that's not just impacting individuals but contributing to the commercialization of art, where we get games and stories and tv shows and books that regurgitate the same safe, mass marketable plotlines and character archetypes over and over and over again so corporations can squeeze out as much profit as possible.

Anyway, remember kids: There's no such thing as thought crime, reaching for morally pure unproblematic media is directly contributing to the death of art, and this is why funding the humanities is important.

[badgalsasuke]

Fujoshis fetishize gay men?

So this is more of an opinion essay/think piece on the never ending discourse regarding whether fujoshis fetishize gay men or not.

TW: discussions of rape and other forms of sexual assault. Crude language too.

First things first, let's define what is a fujoshi. The word fujoshi, which literally means ‘rotten’ and connotes the presumed, perversions of women who fantasize about male-male eroticism (Pagliassotti, 2013) are also widely considered to be heterosexual women who seek erotic content of homosexual men to fulfill their own sexual fantasies through a different lense, one that by removing the female character found in heterosexual romances, allows women to indulge in "perverted" writing without feeling the urge to condemn the text that'd otherwise happen if it was a fictional woman going through these scenarios.

Think of the amount of BL works depicting rape, kidnapping, sexual acts with dubious consent, physical assault such as choking or slapping and other forms of violence. In BL works these acts tend to be presented as desirable. The bottom, who is usually the one subjected to this violence, will say no to these acts but the top will ignore the pleads because he knows deep down the bottom desires what is happening to him. There lies the fantasy.

Under patriarchy women have a deeply complicated relationship with sex. As a woman you can exist as either the whore or the madonna. Women who enjoy sex proudly and loudly are quickly labelled as whores and thus degraded by both men and other women, becoming outcasts of society; for women sexuality is shameful and must be hidden at all costs but this of course, doesn't stop women from having sexual desires and urges. This creates a very interesting phenomenon; you want to mantain your respectability as a woman because you're not like one of those sluts that actively seek to be degraded through sex and penetration (all sex is degrading when you're penetrated, that is the patriarchal view of sex), but you still desire to be touched and feel physical pleasure so women end up developing "taboo" sexual fantasies, acts that normally you would be disgusted at, except in the privacy of your mind.

Naturally, the erotic content aimed at women consists for the the most part of a woman forced or coerced into sexual acts that she deep downs know she enjoys and actually wants. You cannot be a slut this way, you did not open your legs for a man he did it! her forced you! you didn't want to do the things he made you do because you're so pure you could have not thought about them in the first place! but he still made you reach an orgasm, didn't he? Women become passive agents during sex to avoid the stigmatization of slutshaming.

This of course is a reproduction of rape culture in media and is the reason why so many women became detractors of heterosexual erotica. That's where BL comes into question; take the female character out of the equation and instead insert a male character with a preference for penetration and have him go through the same stuff, bonus points if he's very feminine looking. The character is still being assaulted and violated but by making him a man instead of a woman you distance him from the female audience thus minimazing the guilt and shame women'd get from reading such stories.

It's no surprise that these stories have become so popular among women, they have the erotic taboo elements so many fantasize about while making sure women don't see themselves directly in the abuse.

This is the issue that gay men in real life have with fujoshis and BL as a whole. And I get it.

It's understandable why gay men find unappealing the idea of being used as self-inserts put through grueling scenarios to fulfill somebody else's sexual fantasies and that somebody else being someone that will never have to go through the struggles of a gay person will, similar to lesbians not liking being objectified in porn by straight men for the pleasure of other straight men.

There's other cases of marginalized communities being used as some type of doll for sexual scenarios, for example black men who are often fetishized over their penises by white people to the point there's a whole porn category for it: "my wife tries a BBC in front of me", "Twink destroyed by a BBC", "Sucking a BBC for the first time", and many more titles likes that in every porn site you can find. Asian women are also fetishized by westerners, they're attributed naivety and innocence traits and are portrayed as naturally submissive to fulfill a borderline pedophilic fantasy. Latinos deal with fetishization too, as a Mexican myself I can attest that latinas and latinos have been painted as oversexual beings that always want to have sex and are always down to have sex with anyone available.

All this fetishization leads to dehumanization of the group you're protraying in your erotic works or media so of course it will have its detractors.

So yes, I can acknowledge the feelings of gay men regarding certain BL stories. Those certain stories definitely dominate the BL market but here's where I have to say those are not the only type of stories you can find in BL and that's not fully what the term fujoshi encompasses.

I mentioned at the beginning of this post that fujoshis are considered to be mostly straight women. I think that is an unfair generalization to make, there's also queer women and trans people, both men and women, that proclaim themselves as fujoshis who have found a safe space in BL fan communities to explore sexuality hand in hand with GL content and communities. After all BL is still queer content that can be and is enjoyed by queer people.

Aditionally, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with straight women enjoying queer content. In the same way queer people can enjoy media depicting heterosexual romance I believe straight people can also enjoy queer media. There's a difference between a someone who's fetishizing a group of people and someone who's engaging with gay media like they would for any other type of media. I do find it to be a dangerous path to act like it's wrong for heterosexual people to enjoy queer media and push them away from it, queer media should be consumed as much as straight media.

This aversion to straight women who enjoy mlm stories has led to shippers of mlm pairings from media that's not sold as BL (Naruto, JJK, etc.) to frantically trying to prove they're not a straight girl. Again, it defitnitely needs to be told that not everyone who ships mlm is a straight girl, these are still queer spaces occupied by queer people, however there's still nothing wrong if you're a straight girl that ships mlm because anyone can (or should be able to) notice queer subtext, which leads to my next point.

When it comes to online discourse surrounding fujoshis it's always presumed that mlm ships from non-bl works came to be because a silly horny straight girl saw two boys breathe next to each other and decided they would look hot together regardless of how they're actually written in their respective canon works, I'm sure there's definitely some mlm ships out there that abide by these standards but not all of them do. I've noticed that when it comes to mlm ships that aren't endgame but have actual homoromantic writing in their canon work homophobes tend to weaponize the term fujoshi against its shippers, hence the frantic need in so many mlm shippers to prove that they're not the stereotypical fujoshi.

I believe that is the harmful fujoshi stereotype here, not that straight girls like to ship boys with other boys but that the shipping is shallow. There is this assumption that no one takes homoromantic and homoerotic writing seriously and everybody is just here for the shits and giggles, which I find quite frankly offensive. It's anti-intellectualism to pretend there's no place for interpretations through queer lenses of any type of media.

As a SNS shipper I can guarantee everybody that's not in the Naruto fandom that shippers in this community take queer analyses and readings of the manga seriously here. Sure, some people joined because they thought both Naruto and Sasuke looked cute together or because they accidentally kissed and presumed that moment to be fujoshi fanservice but once they're in they start seeing all the queer writing in the actual manga. SNS isn't the only ship where this occurs.

SNS shippers care about the writing of the manga and its characters perhaps more than any other subfandom in the fandom, to the point several shippers were able to predict what was gonna happen in the manga years before it actually happened.

On top of all that we have endless metas, masterposts, essays and manifestos that show SNS shippers having such deep understading of Kishimoto's writing and the characters he's created. SNS fanworks have dialogues that are exactly what the characters would actually say, in the case of By My Side even the panels are the same, you can read the full doujinshi here. For more examples of other doujinshi predicting manga chapters click here.

Fetishizers can't predict the writing of a piece of work because they wouldn't care about the writing in the first place, they're just here to see two guys suck each other off.

So when the term fujoshi is weaponized by het!shippers towards mlm shippers (not just SNS shippers) I find what they're actually trying to do is shut down any and every queer reading of media and to paint all shippers as shallow & mindlessly horny morons in an attempt to delegitimize us and our arguments. You know how it goes "why does everything have to be gay? why can't they just be friends? y'all always turn everything gay". In some cases they take it a step further and start accusing mlm shippers of supporting incest to the point they've even created the term "pseudo-incest" that supposedly represents two men with no blood relation but have such a close relationship they could be brothers (so basically, not incest). What is funny is that this term is exclusively reserved for mlm ships, you'll never hear anyone use it for a f/m ship where both characters have refered to each other as siblings even if they don't have blood relation. Textbook homophobia.

Queer and straight people can spot queer subtext (that sometimes isn't subtext but actual text), this does not make them fetishizers, to imply such to silence their analyses is homophobic.

So, if you're a straight girl who noticed the queer subtext of any media then don't be ashamed or scared of it because you liked it, don't let the homophobes corner you, *you* are the one who understood the text. And if you're a queer person then defend your stance even more proudly, don't be one of those pick-me gays that go "well, I'm gay/bi and I don't see it as gay" just because they want acceptance from the homophobes. Inquire, question the status quo, look deeper into the meaning of things, I promise you once you spot the first sign of gayness you will find more layers to it.

Finally, regarding the explicit sexual content in gay media:

Y'all have very weird opinions on bottoming. I already posted about it here. But basically y'all need to stop seeing the bottom as the girl of the relationship and need to stop seeing being penetrated as an act of humilliation. I know some people like when the traditional top/bottom dynamic is subverted (I do too!) y'know when they make the top shorter than the bottom, or the top is the feminine one or stuff like that but you gotta keep in mind that no matter how they look, they're still both men so it's still a gay ship, the bottom being a feminine man doesn't make him a girl, that's still a man.

Likewise, there's nothing wrong with explicit sexual content. Over the past couple years people have taken this weird almost puritanical stance on sex scenes not just of gay media but all media where they just want them to not be included at all and it's just bizarre, there's nothing wrong with sex (and no, you're not being oppressed or traumatized by a movie because it has sex scenes my god).

Personally, I will always defend sex scenes in gay media. Give me more The Handmaiden idgaf. Gay sex has been taboo, criminalized and hidden for decades, it should now be CELEBRATED and SHOWCASED as the act of love it is as much as straight sex. Furthermore, you don't have to choose one or the other when it comes to gay media that's sexual and the one that keeps its rating PG-13. You can have both, you should fight and demand to have both, you can have your Heartstopper and your Interview With The Vampire. I really don't like when some people go "finally a show where the gays aren't always f*cking" I sense sinister vibes...

This might be perhaps a hot take but I also don't think we should shy away from queer stories that depict sexual abuse either. I understand that they can be triggering for some people but this should not lead to censorship which can be quite arbitrary and cause the persecution of creatives that wish to explore sexulity beyond the confines of what's "proper" or "adequate".

Oh also, maybe we shouldn’t generalize the entire BL industry as an industry that only produces “problematic” stories, there’s a lot of variety out there and it’s actually really easy to find. But the problematic stories should still exist, again I'm not calling for censorship but rather a different aproach to our engagement with these stories.

In conclusion, some fujoshis definitely have weird behaviours towards actual gay men and the way they choose to depict them in their works but also the term fujoshi has been weaponized to silence queer readings of media and art by homophobes, the two can co-exist.

Reference:

Pagliassotti Dru., Boys’ Love manga special section, Journal of Graphic Novels and Comics (2013)

[the-blue-eyed-firebender]

Hi!

Have I ever told you this? (Probably! But I'll say it again, ha) It's been an absolute treat reading your Royai fics. Thank you for joining this fandom!

What are your inspirations? 😃 In terms of writing style, but also ideas, etc. Please indulge us all, and please do geek out about your writing process too!

I always love learning about how fan fic writers work and write!

Thank you, and I hope you have a lovely day~

Hey there!

You are so kind. It's hard to put into words how much it means to have had such a lovely reception from the FMA fandom. I used to write a lot when I was a kid, but eventually stopped due to some unfortunate and painful circumstances. Writing for this fandom over the last couple of months has been an incredible journey. It has healed some very intrinsic parts of me that I’d forgotten were wounded, and I have written more in the last few months than I have in 15+ years.

So, first and foremost, thank YOU.

Inspirations: I've always been a lover of fantasy and science fiction. My very first fandom was Star Wars, followed shortly thereafter by Avatar: The Last Airbender. Recently, I've become a huge Sarah J. Maas fan (I read ALL of her books in the year 2023 - minus the new one that came out in January). I've also enjoyed Suzanne Collins and Leigh Bardugo (particularly her Six of Crows duology).

But really, I just love stories. I love adventure, magic, and romance. I look for complex characters, vibrant worlds, strong magic systems, and rich backstories. My favorites always involve women who embody strength (mental, physical, and emotional), capable leadership, and femininity. Characters who are equal parts war-like and compassionate, fearsome yet soft.

But my very best inspiration comes from real-life: my sweet husband. It's going to sound silly, but I feel like I write about true love because I've experienced it. This guy was 100% written by a woman (lol). He's read everything I've written, and provides the most wonderful feedback and encouragement.

As far as style/process, I feel like I am still developing it? Haha! It's only been a minute since I got back into writing. But it usually starts with daydreaming to music (often songs without lyrics; Secession Studies is a favorite), typically while I'm in the car. With my first FMA fic, The Counteroffer, I was listening to "Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone on repeat. Something about the way he sings "Please stay / I want you, I need you, oh God" really set the tone for that story. That, combined with inspiration from the infamous Chapter 54 of A Court of Mist and Fury.

There's usually an moment or a line of dialogue that pops into my brain first (for The Counteroffer, it was Hawkeye lifting the discharge paperwork to find Mustang has also given her an unsigned marriage certificate). I write that bit, then the rest of the story sort of fills in around it. I write in disjointed fragments, adding chunks here and there and then connecting them together. Sometimes I shuffle things around, moving chunks to different locations in the story to see how it changes the flow.

Beginnings, endings, and titles are usually the hardest for me to come up with.

And here's a few of my own patterns that I've started to notice:

I love stories that read with a poetic beat to them (I think the best example of this in my own work is Hourglass).

I use line breaks for emphasis a lot.

I am intentional about keeping things concise but impactful. When it comes to word count, my personal rule is quality > quantity, always.

I try not to use "said/says" without other descriptive words.

If a portion of the story is dialogue driven, I'll read it aloud to make sure it actually flows like real conversation.

I often drop "and" from sentences when I feel like it messes with the poetic flow ("She became familiar with the space between heartbeats, the squeeze of the trigger, the wet sound of a bullet finding its mark." - Hourglass).

In the same vein, I use a sort of "rule of threes" quite a bit. I break sentences into three parts, offer three descriptions of a character's observation/sensation/emotion, repeat the same phrase three times, etc. (Oh look, I've done it again.)

I write in third person, present tense, always from the perspective of one character at a time. I feel like this puts myself and the reader right in the middle of the action, as it's happening. I dive deep into the primary character's thoughts and senses, both internal and external.

I re-read/re-watch the original content (i.e. FMAB, the manga) often, even if it's just in small parts. It keeps me grounded to who these characters are, and prevents me from going OOC. It's so easy to lose track of characterization if it's been too long since I watched an episode or read a chapter.

Hoo boy this got long. Thanks so much for the delightful ask! It was a lot of fun to dive into my own writing process and habits.

[altraviolet]

Jane Austin didn't know she was Jane Austin / writing encouragement

Cozy fantasy/romance author Lidiya Foxglove has a youtube video called "How to write a classic bestselling novel that everyone will read in 200 years," that's very interesting and inspiring. Here are some parts that really struck me, and that I think other creators will resonate with:

…Pride and Prejudice has been one of the most enduring novels of our time. It's very impressive to me that all of Jane Austin's novels are still widely read, and I'm quite sure that Jane did not write them thinking, “I bet people are still going to be reading my books in 200 years.” And then she died without ever knowing that she was Jane Austin, which I think about constantly … She sold some books, some of them sold decently well. A few prominent people read them, which I'm sure must have pleased her very much at the time. And then she died and then over the course of ages she became Jane Austin. … The point that I want to make … is that I think it's just really important to write the books that call to you. Maybe even just the books that you need to write to make money. I think it's really important to write the books that call to you, even if they feel a little self-indulgent or silly at times. If they don't feel like they're necessarily what you're capable of, but they're what you want to write because you don't really know where a powerful theme or a character that's going to resonate with people will emerge, and you also don't know where culture is going in the future, it could be that people of the future appreciate different things than we appreciate now, and that something that's only minorly successful now is going to be huge in the future.

Perhaps you really love literary fiction and you got a bachelor in English, and you got an MFA, and you genuinely love classic literature, and you love, like, really beautiful literary prose, but the work that you're working on is like a cute little romance about lesbians running an adoption agency for baby dragons. Something in your head is like, “That is what I'm capable of. That sounds kind of silly, but it's just something that I write because it's fun.”

I'm here to give you permission to write whatever calls to you, whether it is yet another broody vampire, or a horror novel that just reminds you of books you read under the covers when you were 12. Even if you want to write a literary novel about a sad man suffering, yeah, you know, if that's what calls to you, there's always room for another one. Don't feel bad about writing something that just feels like you, and don't get too in your head about whether it is a great work or not. If you're going to devote some of your time, your one precious life, to writing, then I think the last thing we should be worrying about is whether it's important or whether it will be a classic or a bestseller, much less both, which as we've established is extremely rare.

You have no idea what will resonate with people 50 or 100 years from now and you don't know what will resonate with people now. It might be that you die not knowing that you were Jane Austin, but aren't we so glad that Jane Austin just was Jane Austin without knowing she was Jane Austin?

And the other point I want to make is if you need to write something for money, as I have done, it doesn't mean that that book won't mean something to people as well. You really have no clue how long a book will last or what kind of long term relevance or popularity it will have, or whether it will just like hit someone a certain way at a certain time in their life. There are entire categories of creations like pulp science fiction or superhero comics that were kind of treated as throwaway amusements when they first came out, and now have a much more elevated place in our culture. So it's also possible that a Court of Thorns and Roses will in fact be more popular in 50 years and that people will be getting their Sarah J Maas books graded and encased in plastic. Like, I don't know. They are also books that never become classics in a broad sense but have a small group of people who love them, or there's books that really influence someone when they came out so, they might not have been known themselves, but some other great artist would never have been what they were without that work.

I think all of these things are important and that art is just a big web and conversation and that you can drive yourself crazy trying to decide where you fit into it. So write what you love, write what you need to write to be able to keep on writing, and don't worry about tests of time or bestseller lists.

Be sure to check out the video, because she touches on so much more. And check out Lidiya's channel, The Cozy Creative!

[idrellegames]

You've probably gotten a few of these before but my turn for praise. Even as a person who's probably a hopeless romantic I dearly appreciate that Wayfarer doesn't make itself a romance first game. So many IF do that and it makes the game lose any sense of plot and in the worse cases, outright repetitive because the options fail to add any flavor to the rest of the game. Even worse are all the games that sort of 'forget' the other characters are there once you're in a romance.

But what makes Wayfarer even better is the fact you have ace/aro-spec representation that actually matters because people fall into the pitfall of making them a "hard to get/aloof/unaware of anything ever" romance option. Having the ability to make platonic bonds that influence the game just as much as romantic ones and don't diminish aro/ace characters is so nice and I appreciate it so much.

I think this is maybe a good opportunity to riff a little on genre conventions and expectations.

Romance games have their own conventions. They're fun, they're often self-indulgent--the point is to indulge in the fantasy that the MC (and therefor you, the player) is the centre of the universe. Everyone you come across is at least a little bit in love with you. You are special. You are loved. And this is really fun!

Of course, there are romance games that colour outside these lines, but the general expectation is that you will have your selection of ROs, their individual routes, and that the ROs are always going to put the MC first. Having individual routes for each RO usually means that the RO is the star of their route, and all other characters take a backseat because they are the star of their own route. The MC and the romance is the focus, everything else is secondary.

I do really want to stress that there is nothing wrong with this format. It's successful for a reason! The problem comes when you try to apply these conventions to all games, especially ones that do not fall within this genre.

When romance isn't the focal component of the game, the narrative can ring a little hollow if you try try to employ conventions like this. I think there needs to be room for IF games where the MC isn't special, where they are literally Just Some Guy, where the characters they interact with have a range of things going on with them that don't have anything to do with the MC at all. Characters having a life outside the MC is really important for creating deep bonds and meaningful relationships; it's part of having rounded, fleshed-out characters. There needs to be room for conflict and complications, because that's where character development lies.

There's a reason why Aeran doesn't spill all his secrets in Episode 2. If this were a romance game, he might--but it's not and he won't. He is in a significant amount of emotional distress in Velantis and it is not in character for him to break down and reveal everything at the MC's request. Relationships aren't easy, especially when both parties have a lot of growth and healing to do.

And I think, too, when it comes to early IF development it's very easy to want to rush right to the romances. Romances draw in an audience, they give folks something to look forward to. They're the thing you get asks about, which generates interest in your game, and helps you inspiration and drive afloat. But when the focus remains only on that, it's very easy to overlook other necessary narrative aspects. There needs to be balance.

With regards to aro/ace characters - it's easy to fall into tropes for them, even if you don't intend to. There are expectations about what a "good" and "satisfying" relationship looks like in fiction, and aro/ace characters often fall outside of that. To grasp being aro/ace, you have to question what sexual and romantic attraction actually is, which you don't necessarily have to grasp with other characters because the assumption is that it is there naturally.

And even then, aromanticism and asexuality is hard to communicate effectively in fiction without making it feel "lesser". Take for example, Aeran's intimacy scene in Episode 2. There's a difference between the allosexual option (where the MC sleeps with him and they are emotionally and physically intimate) and the asexual option (where they don't have sex, but the emotional intimacy is still there). Even though I was being as careful not to weigh one option over the other, in comparing the two the allosexual version is the more traditionally "satisfying" ending to that arc than the asexual one because it follows conventions. I am personally really happy with the asexual option, but it still feels like it lacks a certain… "oomf", for lack of a better term.

I think this is why it's really important to have substantial relationships outside of romance. When romance and sex aren't weighted as a signifier of the deepest bond you can have with a person, there's room to explore more diverse relationships and how they can take form.

[gillianthecat]

Books Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @littleragondin! I've actually been reading books again these past few weeks so I have answers now lol

hardcover or *paperback* (i am but a weak little woman and those hardcovers are heavy) // bookstore or *library* (probably I would usually say bookstore but I was going to many different libraries to study at towards the end of the semester) // standalone or *series* (really depends on my mood, but the most recent books were a series) // nonfiction or *fiction* (fiction is an indulgence, and while I'm interested in a lot of non-fiction, reading it usually feels more like work) // thriller or *fantasy* (I've never been into scary stuff) // under 300 pages or *over 300 pages* (otherwise it goes by too quickly!) // children's or *ya* (i have not connected with the YA I've read in recent years but at times I have devoured it) // friends to lovers or *enemies to lovers* (there are some amazing friends-to-lovers I adore, but I'm compelled by even mediocre enemies-to-lovers) // *read in bed* or read on the couch (either but recently it's been all in bed) // *read at night* or read in the morning (through the night and into the next morning) // *keep pristine* or markup (I don't try to actually keep books pristine, but I also never bother to mark up anything but textbooks) // *cracked spine* or dog ear (historically I read most books on one sitting, but if not I'd just search for the page again/use a random receipt as a bookmark)

Currently Reading:

I'm not in the middle of anything, but I've read more in recent weeks than I have in a long time. (Well, technically I'm in the middle of Solomon's Ransom by Corey Kerr, because I read the sample and now am waiting for the book to be released in a few weeks.)

Several months ago I got from the (physical!) library a (physical!) copy of She Who Became the Sun by Shelly Parker-Chan, and I finally finished after the semester ended, and then found an ebook of the sequel, He Who Drowned the World. (Compelling, though I think the ambitiousness of the project inevitably meant that parts of it didn't quite work.)

Then I read a bunch of romance ebooks, and even found a m/f one that I liked! Jodi McAlister's Not Here To Make Friends. (It was also the reality dating show romance I had been low-key hoping would exist.)

I also read RF Kuang's Babel: An Arcane History (which I appreciated and was provoked by, but didn't exactly love), and then read that she was inspired by/responding to Donna Tartt's The Secret History, so I reread that. (When I read it years ago my reaction was, I'm too old for this. It felt like a book you need to read in your teens or early twenties to get swept up into. My thoughts this go around were pretty much the same.) Then Kuang's Yellowface, which was also compelling.

Speaking of enemies to lovers, quite enjoyed The Sorcerer's Omega, also by Corey Kerr, which is why I'm awaiting her latest release. (The other two books in that world are also good, just not catnip for my tastes in the same way.)

And your post reminded me—I too read Love in the Big City, which was good and also unsettling in that way of most autobiographical novels about the authors fucked up twenties. Now I can go and unblock the tag and see all the fascinating discussions y'all had in your book club.

I have no idea how they'll manage to turn it into a BL (which is what I think I read is happening?). Although it's about relationships it's very much not a romance. Are they just pulling out some random plot points and building a whole new story around them? I hope they don't try to smush it into BL shape at all, and just tell the narrator's melancholy story as written.

(Oh, technically I'm in the middle of Mari Kondo's The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, but I'm not sure if I'll read any more. Other people's advice can be counterproductive at times.)

(Most most recently was a bunch of Untamed and Drarry fanfic, but I'm not counting that.)

I'm not sure who's done this already, but I'll tag @lelephantsnail, @petrichoraline and @tungtung-thanawat.

[memory-of-idle-musings]

Greetings friend! Have you stumbled here by accident, or wandered in with full intent? What's your name? I go by many, such as Spirit, Arti, Mira or mainly, Memory! I often feel I have been living in this universe forever, that my soul is as ancient as the first star that was born upon its blank canvas, gracing it with its divine light. By mortal years, however? I'm 21 years old! While this world may only be one of the countless in the vast emptiness of the night, it is the one I was born in and, therefore, have an unbreakable connection to. I long to see as much of it as I can one day, but for now I shall be content in one of its smaller pockets, where my home - Slovakia, resides. Oh? Have I made you curious? Fear not, this is not where the story ends!

Outside of writing, I engage in video editing, reading books/fanfiction, playing video games and struggling to do most basic human tasks. Since I have rather poor decision-making skills, I'm also currently still trying to decide what field I should pursue in my further studies. So I'm not an active student at the moment, but will most likely become one again pretty soon. I identify myself as a woman and use she/her pronouns, but I'm okay with they/them as well! 

As an avid, passionate self-shipper and a yumeshipper, it's been many years since I started writing for my own self-indulgence, but I would rarely ever post any of my work online until very recently. There are many reasons for this, the main one I suppose would be my deep shyness and reluctance, as well as my inexperience with social media. Both are still something I've been working on changing and, as such, I would still consider myself to be both a novice at writing and at engaging with people online, so please be patient with me! <3

I also harbor a huge interest in psychology! So I really enjoy dissecting and analyzing different characters, their personalities, traits, stories and anything related. Getting to explore and look into a characters mind, their emotions, the way they think, act and the different ways of how they perceive the world on a deeper level is a key part of writing which I find to be especially enjoyable. 

I also often tend to enjoy and prefer to both consume and create more dark, mature and often times even morally-questionable content and themes. I believe that fiction is the best, safest and most enjoyable way to explore such content without any major negative effects or consequences for anyone, since all the characters involved are all made-up. Of course, however, fiction is still fiction and I do not condone nor support acting out any of these actions in real life in any way whatsoever. With that being said, I still enjoy more wholesome and lighthearted topics just the same regardless. But if you are someone who does not tend to enjoy this type of content and prefers keeping away, then it would most likely benefit us both if you didn't interact with me. The same goes for people who tend to go truly deep into the extremes of this spectrum, since I still have some morals and boundaries which I refuse to cross no matter what.

I'm honestly just a shy hermit that wants to share the love I feel for the characters I enjoy with others through my writing! 

Some facts about me:

✦ I'm a Taurus

✦ Yumeshipper and self-shipper

✦ In love with nature, the moon and the night sky

✦ All things cozy

✦ Studio Ghibli enthusiast

✦ Huge lover of all things angst, hurt/comfort and fluff

✦ Purple, blue and black are my favorite colors

✦ I enjoy nearly every genre of music

✦ I have a wonderful partner who I am deeply in love with

✦ My favorite genres are: fantasy, high fantasy, dark fantasy, romance, tragedy, horror, thriller

✦ Animal lover

My interests/hobbies:

⟡ Gaming (rpg, mmorpg, rts, etc.)

⟡ Writing

⟡ Video editing

⟡ Books & fanfiction

⟡ Series

⟡ Manga

⟡ Xianxia & wuxia c-dramas

⟡ History

⟡ Occultism

⟡ Mythology

⟡ Art

⟡ Animals

⟡ Dinosaurs

⟡ Psychology

⟡ Researching my topics of interest

Favorite games/movies/series/books/manga:

✶ Final Fantasy series

✶ Baldur's Gate 3

✶ The Elder Scrolls

✶ The Sims

✶ Honkai Impact 3rd

✶ Genshin Impact

✶ Hades

✶ Stardew Valley

✶ Hunt: Showdown

✶ ARK: Survival

✶ OMORI

✶ Spyro series

✶ Tale of Immortal

✶ Amazing cultivation simulator

✶ Rimworld

✶ Fear and Hunger

✶ A Song of Ice and Fire

✶ Lord of the Rings

✶ Game of Thrones & House of the Dragon

✶ Spirited Away

✶ Grave of the Fireflies

✶ Arcane

✶ Blue eye samurai

✶ Till the end of the Moon

✶ Back from the Brink

✶ Berserk

✶ Vagabond

✶ Violet Evergarden

✶ And many more...

[lothli]

About Tumblr, My Writing, and Finding Home

This is a personal post unrelated to news about my writings, and as such, is quite possibly dreary and uninteresting. I do apologize. As a courtesy, I've included a Keep Reading.

I spent around a month on Tumblr, from the end of September to the start of October, and I've observed many interesting posts from many people. I've also learned new things, such as what a whump is and other such writblr-exclusive terms.

But in a way, the more I learn, the more I understand the differences between myself and the wider community.

Most of the time, I do not write romance, especially regarding shipping of existing characters. I understand that this is quite an important part of the Tumblr community, what with the "antis" and the "pro-shippers" all running amok. For the record, I still consider myself a pro-shipper; what other writers wish to write is none of my business. It's just something I find little interest in doing.

I am a queer writer, but I feel like my work is not "queer" in the same way as many other very talented queer writers have. This kind of leans into the lack of romance; for my original characters, you'll never know if they're gay or ace or bi or het, simply because it's just not something I ever have them think about.

I find myself lost, unable to find a real home for my original works. Tumblr and Ao3 are suitable places for An Unmaking to live, and I am glad that the folks here seem to enjoy them somewhat. However, long posts don't seem to be in vogue on Tumblr, which makes some sense. This is a blogging site, not a writing site.

My one-shots fit in alright, but I also have short stories that simply don't fit here. Serialization is something I find great difficulty with on Tumblr; it's why I've given up posting An Unmaking here.

Ao3 and FF.net are both fan-fiction-dominated pages. Sure, I could probably post original works on both, but it doesn't feel quite right. It's not a home.

I've looked into other websites, but Wattpad seems unappealing in general, and I've never heard anyone say good things about the site outside of nostalgia.

RoyalRoad makes sense, but the demographics feel strange as well. I am not a LitRPG or Portal Fantasy writer, and the works feel pretty skewed toward a straight male-leaning audience. This isn't criticism; it's simply that I am not straight or male. In the same way that I do not fit in Tumblr's shipping and romance, I do not fit in RoyalRoad's power fantasies.

I'm not someone who chases stats or engagement. I simply want a place where my original works feel at home, where it feels like my work is something that belongs, instead of a strange hanger-off that does not quite fit in with the rest.

For my Secret History readers, an analogy: A creature of Winter and Sky is looking to settle. But the first is a place that is too full of yearning, too dappled for it to truly rest. The next is warm and comforting but also sharp in a way it is not. From place to place, it flits, looking for somewhere to make its home but never truly finding it.

If you've read this far, thank you for indulging in a painfully conspicuous and inexperienced outsider in her ramblings. If you have any suggestions for where my works may roost, please let me know in all the myriad of ways that Tumblr lets you interact with me. Frankly, I've probably missed some. Maybe there's some tag that fits me that I'm unaware of, too.

None of this will affect An Unmaking, not that I've been consistent with its upload schedule. Thank you for reading.

-- Lothli

[mademoiselle-red]

Reading the Renault fandom dissertation, part 5: more Renault fandom analysis

An academic, Jui-an Chou, wrote about us, online fans of Mary Renault’s works, as part of her phd dissertation in 2018 at Duke University. As the subject of her research, I have a few thoughts.

(Here is part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4 and part 6 of my series of posts on this TC fandom study)

In part 5, we continue with Chou’s analysis of the online Renault fandom, with the focus now shifted to tumblr fan art. The dissertation does not credit the artist of the piece below, but the tumblr source link takes us to @februeruri, a popular fan artist for both TC and Renault’s Greek novels.

Here is what Chou has to say about the artwork above:

“In contrast to the previous artwork, this piece strips away the Greek setting, leaving two young male bodies at the center of the work, again engaging in suggestive gestures and looks. Both artworks incorporate Renault’s novel but strip away its references to Greek life, politics, and the historical specificity of Greek pederasty, extracting only the young male couple that embodies the ideal of romance and erotic tension in slash/BL aesthetics.”

I think Chou’s argument that the artwork strips away historical specificity in order to focus on idealized romance are unreasonable and slightly absurd. The art work above faithfully depicts a scene from The Last of the Wine where the two protagonists are on an isolated beach where they share an erotically charged moment. Since the scene takes place outside their familiar urban environment and away from the presence of other people, an artistic adaptation of it cannot be reasonably expected to depict Greek life, politics, and institutions. Just as no one would reasonably expect an artist drawing a modern greek couple skinny dipping on an isolated beach in 2023 to also portray contemporary Greek life, politics, and institutions in the same image.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Chou’s decision to focus on fan art for Renault’s works is not only flawed but also conveniently serves her argument that Renault’s online fans fail to engage with the “reality” of queer life. Unlike Japanese BL manga, which uses text alongside illustrations to convey its messages & storytelling, online fan art does not, as a genre, usually use text to flesh out the context of its subject matter and explore its ties to historical and present reality. Instead, historical specificity and analysis is more likely to be found in fan fiction and meta (fan analysis posts & discussions), where the primary medium is text.

“These fan artworks suggest a new way to read Renault’s male homoerotic historical novels. For slash/BL fans, history is but an excuse to indulge in a homoerotic narrative that is disengaged from modern gay politics due to its distance from the contemporary world.”

By choosing to focus her close analysis only on illustration (and completely ignoring fan fiction and fan essays), Chou sets up the online Renault fandom to fail her test of “historical specificity” and intellectual engagement with modern gay politics (not to mention that literature & fiction does not have an obligation to engage in politics. Why make art or write fiction in the first place when you can write a treatise?).

This flawed methodology enables her to then come to the to conclusion that:

“History, both of ancient Greece and Renault’s mid-twentieth century, serve as fantasy material for 21st-century fans. History promises a world in which beautiful boys are free to fall in love with each other without social persecution and without the need to “congregate” and to wave banners in the streets. In this sense, Renault’s relationship to politics is surprisingly closer to her 21st-century fans than to her gay readers in the 1950s to the 1970s.”

Chou once again makes a baseless assumption that we (the online fans of Renault’s works) all agree with Renault’s political views and don’t care about LGBTQ+ political rights. First of all, fandom spaces are not primarily spaces for political activism & organizing. I do care about my political rights, but fandom is a place for fun & socializing! I don’t want to devote every aspect of my life to politics. That’s exhausting! Besides, there are plenty of online spaces devoted to queer political work. Furthermore, because Chou chose to ignore the fan fiction and analysis produced by the online communities she studied, she was unable to see all the ways that many fan writers did engage with “real issues” such as internalized homophobia, trauma, persecution, conflicts within the queer community, the desire and struggle to find belonging and love.

As Ralph Lanyon would say, she’s working up queerness into a religion, rather than just something that one simply is.

Continued in part 6

[castlebyersafterdark]

a big part of the celebration of spicy byler is the mess and indulgence. what do you think about people who approach sex from an 'it's so messy' standpoint and attempt to keep things clean as possible in order to avoid faff of cleanup? for example, no facials only ever coming in mouth and swallowing. or condoms only. or trying to avoid getting things on bedclothes to avoid having to do more laundry, etc.

two very different ways of approaching sex with one being less concerned about the amount of effort you have to put into the admin around sex after the high is done lol!

The mess and realism and authenticity is my favorite part of writing this type of content, I've found - besides showcasing how sex and romance can can be portrayed together in fanfiction. The following can all ring true for reality and in fiction.

In fiction, I think there can be this interest in only exploring and indulging in the fantasy - so the messy parts of sex aren't really appealing. Pure entertainment. Hyper-realism isn't what some people are here for. And that's fine! There's an audience and a creative interest. I like that style too, sometimes, but sometimes too much of that is too samesies ya know? I personally find reality hotter than lofty erotica. Adding in the reality of what would physically be going on makes details appear, and details are where the uniqueness spills out. Spills, ha.

But yeah!! I think... and this is for both real sex and fictional sex - there might be a level of embarrassment? Human nature, to be embarrassed about the body. Society tells us that - hell, look at stupid commercials now telling people they need deodorant for the entire body every second of every day. There's a distinct confusion between what hygiene actually is and the standards of just - having and maintaining and existing in a body. Anyway. soapbox for another day!!

There can be comfort levels with what kills a mood, makes someone feel kinda, I don't know if shame is the correct term, but it's wrapped up in it. Often, some may not want to acknowledge what's actually happening in sex. Sex can be pretty gross, or awkward, or messy. It's a living body. You gotta reckon with it! Fluids and weird sounds and scents and what genitals actually look like. Embarrassing, if you get too in your head about it. But not necessarily. I think cum really grosses a lot of people out, to be frank. Same with anal sex. Maturity! Understanding the reality. It's all fine. As always, I'm not getting into the dirty details, but it's amiss to not acknowledge this part at least in passing.

But, these aspects are a part of sex for a lot of people! And many just don't want to deal with it or acknowledge it, especially the after effects of well, finishing. What happens after the pleasure and sensations of sex have concluded. Some say it's just a sensory issue and I'm not going to dive into that aspect, but I do think embarrassment fuels things a little. And I'm not saying everyone must love having someone come on their face haha - that's kind of a specific act and I equally agree that can be hot for some and over the line for others and I totally get that.

But in general, I don't know. I just think that with sex being what it is, sweaty bodies and parts going into parts, there's a maturity needed? Because real life isn't the sanitized, fantasy version and maybe that freaks people out. Still holding onto repression. I do think it takes a certain mindset to get to the point where you're unphased by the weirdness and not-so-pristine aspects of the human body. It is freeing to allow yourself to let go and lose the embarrassment. In reality - and even in writing!!

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Fiction, Adult, Romance, Contemporary

Rating: 4.5 out of 5

Content Warning: Sexual content, Grief, Death, Car Accident, Cancer, Toxic relationship         

Summary: All's faire in love and war for two sworn enemies who indulge in a harmless flirtation in a laugh-out-loud rom-com from debut author, Jen DeLuca.

Emily knew there would be strings attached when she relocated to the small town of Willow Creek, Maryland, for the summer to help her sister recover from an accident, but who could anticipate getting roped into volunteering for the local Renaissance Faire alongside her teenaged niece? Or that the irritating and inscrutable schoolteacher in charge of the volunteers would be so annoying that she finds it impossible to stop thinking about him?

The faire is Simon's family legacy and from the start he makes clear he doesn't have time for Emily's lighthearted approach to life, her oddball Shakespeare conspiracy theories, or her endless suggestions for new acts to shake things up. Yet on the faire grounds he becomes a different person, flirting freely with Emily when she's in her revealing wench's costume. But is this attraction real, or just part of the characters they're portraying?

This summer was only ever supposed to be a pit stop on the way to somewhere else for Emily, but soon she can't seem to shake the fantasy of establishing something more with Simon, or a permanent home of her own in Willow Creek.

*Opinions*

After reading and enjoying Well-Played I decided to go back and start with the first novel in the companion series. I remembered all the buzz around this when it first came out and all the love around it, so I figured I would have a good time. What I didn’t expect was the feeling of this novel to be so much different than that of Well-Played. I can see why some people have been a little disappointed with the books that followed this one because I was obsessed with it. 

Well-Met follows Emily Parker, who has moved in with her older sister and niece after a car accident shattered her sister’s leg. As Emily has recently been dumped by her long-time boyfriend and is practically homeless, she plans on spending the summer helping her family and attempting to figure out what to do next with her life. When her commitment to her family means she has to join the Willow Creek Renaissance Faire so that her niece can participate. This brings her face to face with Simon Graham, a man who seems to take an instant dislike to Emily, especially when he thinks that she isn’t taking the Faire seriously enough. Even with Simon’s grumpy personality, Emily starts to make friends in Willow Creek and dreads the end of the summer more and more. Then, Simon’s Faire persona starts flirting with Emily’s, things get very complicated and the lines between real and pretend get blurred. As the summer continues Emily isn’t sure what she is supposed to do or where she is supposed to be. 

I think Deluca did a good job of forming the atmosphere in this novel in regards to the Faire itself, but also all the work that goes into putting one on, even a smaller one. I would have liked to see more of Willow Creek, but the point of this story is the romance, which mostly takes place at the Faire, so it makes sense. As for the plot of this novel, it is all character work and around the romance so I really don’t have much to say about it. I do appreciate that it isn’t just about Emily and Simon, but she is made a well-rounded character with her anxieties with her past relationship, feeling set adrift, and a love of connecting with her sister and niece. 

I really liked Emily as a character and I saw a lot of myself in her, which added to my enjoyment of the story. She has been screwed over by her ex-boyfriend and now feels as if people only care about her when she can do something for them, not for who she is, which is very relatable to a lot of people. She also wants to do what’s best for her older sister, that she is just starting to have a relationship with, and her niece. The inner anxieties that we see Emily have, especially in regards to Simon and her place in his life, were ones I have had myself, but after a while, I got a little annoyed with her not saying anything to anyone. I understand how we get to the third-act breakup, but it also seemed a little ridiculous. I know it had everything to do with Emily’s insecurities, but it was a huge blow-up for a rather small issue, in my opinion. 

We get a lot less about Simon, which makes sense as it is all from Emily’s point of view. He is a man who is still struggling with grief and expectations that there have been all his life. While I enjoyed the bits of his personality that we did get to see, he is still a bit of an enigma by the end of the novel. Yet, it makes perfect sense that a younger brother living in his brother’s shadow is unsure how to manage now that there is no one casting the shadow any longer. Still, when he and Emily are on the page together I enjoy their chemistry a lot and I feel like they are a couple that you see staying together after the novel is over (and not just because I have read the next novel). I just wish I got more of her personality on the page. 

I have read some reviews that the characters and romance fell flat, but I really enjoyed both. I think that Emily and Simon have great chemistry, even when they are at odds with one another, and the steamy scenes were well-written. The one hiccup for me was the huge displays of affection, so when he pulled her up during the pub sing I felt as anxious as Emily. While she ended up enjoying it, I would have not been as amused. Still, I like Simon and Emily as a couple, especially when they are being vulnerable with one another.

Overall, this is a fun and fast romance. There is also something in this novel that wasn’t translated to Well-Played. This is a 4.5 read for me, with small squabbles rounding it down to a 4-star. It almost make me really want to do go to a Renaissance Faire finally. 

[h-pelessly]

July Reads

The Coworker by Freida Mcfadden (8/10) The beginning was slow. I'm not going to completely lie, but the book threw me for multiple loops. First off, I thought Natalie, FMC, was a good person, but turns out, she's a bully? Like who would've thunk. But then all her actions showed me that she might've killed Dawn, the other FMC, but like she didn't remember anything. So I was like eh, but bullying in a workplace. What are we-- 5? PLUS, it was painfully obvious that Dawn has autism and it sucked hearing about how people treat her. It was also weird that she had an unhealthy obsession with turtles. Like I get the similarities of how she feels vs turtles behave, but like gd girl this obsession is so weird. Then Natalie kept acting like Dawn's death had no significance so I was like though she doesn't remember, she suddenly did it. Then it turns out Dawn isn't dead. THEN, CALEB, NATALIE'S "BOYFRIEND" KISSED AND MADE LOVE TO DAWN. I was so confused like this honestly bumped the rating up. Jeez. Then Dawn wants to kill herself to get Natalie in jail. Like dude, that's intense. Anyway, the cliffhanger or the "peak" was that Dawn killed a friend of Natalie's from high school that aided in her best friend's suicide. I still don't think that part was realistic, but this book was pretty good.

Not a Peep by MT Addams (8/10) This was a dark bully romance. The first bully romance book I didn't like that much because the FMC was kinda annoying. But this one, I liked it because she was so much more mature. Like she wasn't stupid and didn't try fighting back knowing nothing will change. I didn't expect the MMM attraction/love story, but I liked it. It made sense as how the three guys were so close. Also, the guys were attractive unlike the ifrst one I read. Although, I would lowkey want to continue to read the other one. And it was HOT. Love it, but at the end, although it was a HFN, I didn't feel led on. The second book feels like a second story and not a continuation. I enjoyed this book more because for some odd reason, I was able to differentiate fantasy/fiction from reality, and when I did that, it made me enjoy the book more. So I'm glad I liked this book sm. I feel bad that I won't be indulging in the second book, but it is what it is. At least they all got engaged at the end.

Scoring the Player by Rebecca Jenshak (8/10) This book was cute and in my personal opinion, non-toxic. I love Rebecca Jenshak's books, and I love the fact that Dahlia is such a non-toxic, mellow girl. I didn't relate to her bc she was a golf girlie, but the fact that this is her first relationship and she doesn't know what to do but isn't freaking out or overthinking makes me want to hug her. Felix is such a sweetie for "taking Dahlia under his wing" to protect her. Along the way, they fell in love, and it was cute. When they "broke up", I was sad, but Dahlia made me realize what a strong woman is. I'm so excited to finish the series.

The Draft by Ana Shay (6.95/10) Lowkey disappointed at how this was. It had all my favorite tropes, but the FMC was actually insufferable. Like babygirl needs to be humbled. I get that she's young and excited to be in college and live the college life, but like why do you push yourself on people? Not only did she push herself on her brother's team, which is understandable honestly, she forced Dash to admit his feelings. And the whole time they were messing around, the misunderstanding was insane and how they both immediately went to extreme circumstances gave me the ick. When Madison misunderstood, she went to the extremes to make Dash jealous like girl grow up and keep your petty feelings to yourself. And Dash being called Dash sarcastically bc he's slow? Bro, that gave me the ick. Idk, there were some good parts though. They were cute together but a part, no. They will not last in the long term.

The Graham Effect (7/10) I enjoyed this one, but I don't think about it often. Gigi Graham is a GRAHAM so I thought I would be obsessed, but I was not. It's just weird seeing Garrett as a dad and just so not understanding, but also, Gigi being all grown up and needing a FWB. I get the connection, but I felt like it was just forced proximity and didn't feel the chemistry as strongly as I thought it would be. Maybe it's just because following up with Garrett and Hannah would be very hard. And how they got married???? I'm like... bro? Idk I didn't feel the connection as much which disappointed me.

Love, Within Reason by Everalda Ocampo (7.5/10) I got this as an ARC read a while ago and never got around to it. Though I'm glad I got to it now. I honestly thought this one was cute. I didn't like Mari, the FMC, at first, which is already a bad sign, but as the story progressed, I thought she was very understandable and her opinions were valid. I thought the close family dynamic was very fun and although very annoying at times, it gave a sense of closeness for me. I liked how fun Marcos, the MMC, was. He was a juxtaposition of Mari and I thought they were super cute together. This was a quick, cute read. Too bad it was very fast paced, but it made sense. It was a perfect in between book.

The Road Less Traveled By by Emily Tudor (8.5/10) I got this as an ARC and lemme tell you how proud I am of Emily and her writing. It seems like she grew into her writing and oh my god I love it. I don't know too much about Taylor Swift and how this book is an album or song or whatever, but this book was chef's kiss. It follows a social media influencer x bodyguard, and it opened my eyes to bodyguards, honestly. I didn't see the appeal in Vince, the MMC, but I am so in love with both of them together. I felt the love radiating from my screen and it made me melt. It was wholesome. I am in absolute love with Bree, the FMC. She had a stalker and now that he's out again, she needs a bodyguard with her. Vince has been her bodyguard before and he came back for her. Okay, first off, swoon. Just the way Bree slowly reclaims herself and Vince watching her proudly just makes me swoon. It's a slow burn, but the spice? JEEEZ. I love u Bree and Emily.

Hooked by Emily McIntire (6.6/10) This was my first step into a real dark romance and let me tell you, I was underwhelmed. Maybe it was just the book, but I was like.... That's it? I get it, it's forbidden and there's unaliving aspects and stuff, but I have read heavier shit. AND, it's also a Peter Pan/Captain Hook retelling so it's also my first in that. I don't know what to say. I was super underwhelmed and didn't care for any of the characters whatsoever. Like it wasn't bad, but it was cringy. And what do you mean she gets off by choking HERSELF? Okay... Anyways...

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren (9/10) This was one of my thrifted books so I went into this blindly. Based on the blurb, I was hooked, but I didn't fully know like the tropes and all that. Honestly, reading the back, it seemed like I was about to read The Hating Game over, which isn't bad, but it's just like a book I liked when I first started reading. I don't know if I'd fully love it now. But this one, oh my god. I HAD TO FINISH IT. There were some dumb parts like why Olive, the fmc, just didn't acknowledge her boss on the honeymoon like when they meet in the office, she could've been like 'oh, that was my twin sister.' I get that's why Ethan and Olive get together, but also like that part pissed me off how she was fired for lying off the job. I wanted Ethan to grovel more, but their love story was honestly so cute. I couldn't stop giggling and kicking my feet tbh.