#I think I did a terrifying job at dipshit 'adapting' this for a US TV audience

[kef-meister]

Fuck it, this my blog. Time to re-write the cursed "adaptation" my brain came up with after the Halo television series appeared. Keep in mind that for as far as I know, the Halo TV series was made by dinguses VERY happy about the fact they didn't actually know a whole lot about the source material.

Metroid (Television Series 2022- )

We follow Samus Aran, a grown woman living by herself on Earth in the year 20xx. She has TV-series level PTSD from having gone through a space-war and now lives by herself with an adopted daughter. We learn this because of pictures on the wall.

Then, there's an alien invasion which catches Earth off-guard: they identify themselves as Space Pirates, and they're here to fuck shit up. Samus, just a regular-ass grown woman with a kid, gets into a fight with a dude identifying himself as Ripley. (this is not a typo)

Ripley manages to blind-side Samus and kills her adopted daughter, who was left entirely unnamed outside of the nickname 'baby' entirely for this reason. Also, her house is set on fire. Without her baby, Samus gets catapulted into depression. Meanwhile, the US Military (the US Department of Defense is funding this show, because propaganda) has begun to contact their veterans to participate in tactics against the Space Pirates, in an operation nicknamed 'CHOZO'. Samus signs up immediately. The CHOZO program turns out to be an elite squad of veterans which will test out the US Military's latest powered armor program This is where Samus' squad is introduced. The calls signs for Samus is 'Lady' - two others are Old Bird and Quiet Voice.

Because Samus is the main character, she gets the most-advanced but experimental powered armor suit. It's nicknamed the METROID class armor, a portmanteau of Metro + Android. It's never explained why.

[Intermission for unnecessary shower scenes. One of them in which Samus is, in fact, very depressed. We can tell because she's hugging her knees and having flashbacks. "My baby, my baby".]

PLOT TWIST: The CHOZO program has been using alien DNA left over from the space-war to enhance their soldiers in powered armor. That's why they wanted the veterans: nobody would miss them. The actual overseer is only seen in silhouette, nicknamed Mother Brain. There is an episode in which Samus, in her METROID armor, finally confronts Ripley. Tormenting her with his prior victory, Samus breaks down on the field of battle and guns down anything that moves. This includes Gray Voice and Old Bird. Ripley doesn't die. PLOT TWIST 2: The alien DNA is Space Pirate DNA, which Ripley has been selling to Mother Brain. The program is compromised. Dun dun dunnnnnn.

According to Mother Brain, Samus Aran has lost her baby, her house and gunned down her squad -- so she has nothing to lose. Mother Brain then declares Samus a "CHOZO ultimate warrior" in the Season Finale Cliffhanger.

__________

This hurt me a lot to write and if Netflix wants to pay me for this idea then they know where to find me. Meanwhile, the DoD gets another vessel to spout propaganda and I get to apologize profusely for having caused irreparable psychic damage across continents.

We all lose. Let's not adapt video games.

At one point I wrote a terrible 'pitch' or bullet-points for a Metroid TV series a la the Halo one and I'm debating whether I should share it here sometime. It's stripping the series of its identity because "adaptation" and as such it's omega-level cursed to me.