#I saw someone say ��ppl only voted for trump bc he’s a man and more economically popular’

[phantomsies]

my last time speaking on this bc I’m back to my smut and stupid shit afterwards (cause yk this is my safe space 🤪😜🫶🏾👍🏾) , but I’m genuinely scared, not just for this presidency but my local leadership too. Hence why I always make such an emphasis on it. I live in a small town and it’s very much class/racially divided. The sheriff (a white woman btw but a woman nonetheless) has been actively trying to harass and run everyone from my side of town. She pretty much wrote off this area as a bunch of drug addicts and says ‘she hopes we all just kill each other’. (My family has never done, sold or even been around drugs and yet her dumbass cops are convinced bc we’re black with nice vehicles, that we must sell). She’s also pushing for the gentrification of our area so all of her rich cohorts can come and tear down our houses and build a suburbia. Just the other day, a cop made me move my vehicle from in front of a store I park at all the time bc im disabled and even the closest parking spot is far on this leg and he did it just to be an asshole. I can’t even cry abt this presidency yet bc I’m now worried that my local leaders are going to make our lives hell. Not to mention, they voted no on abortions and gender affirming care as well. I hate it here so fucking bad.

[casworan]

❝ pride was fed to him from a silver spoon and now that he’s grown up, he’s grabbed the spoon and fed his ego some more. ❞ THOMAS HAYES? No, that’s actually CASWORAN ROWLE. Only EIGHTEEN years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as a PHILANTHROPIST and is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. HE identifies as A CIS MAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be SNOBBISH, ENTITLED, and CRUEL but also DISCIPLINED, METICULOUS and CHARISMATIC. 

LINKS: stats, pinboard, playlist. CHARACTER PARALLELS: schmidt (new girl), henry winter (the secret history), alistair ryle (the riot club), chad radwell (scream queens), chad charming (descendants) --- (how are two of these named chad wtf) HELLO uh just a heads up that i donut condone any of the behaviour this shithole throws into the world. yikes! also there’s some triggers in here for abuse and terminal illness, but they will be marked <3 

history

let’s get one thing straight --- emrick rowle and hemera rosier did not love each other when they married each other and they knew about it. they both agreed that their marriage was a good choice, a smart move, that it would benefit both and --- well, they both had ambition streaming through their veins, so the choice was made easily. they married, for political reasons, for money, but absolutely not for love. 

casworan was born a year into their marriage and was the perfect son. he wasn’t given a welsh name like so many rowles before him had, but a cornish one, celebrating hemera’s mother’s cornish ancestry. 

casworan means one who is powerful in battle, which emrick liked. he wanted a soldier, a pawn, a piece in his great chess match that was the world.

cas is a cousin to genie, wes and lo, and also to seren on his mother’s side.

and casworan’s parents might not love each other, they did love him. his mother’s love was doting and smothering, but genuine and unconditional.  his father’s was conditional, and based on expectations and constantly changing from hot to cold. emrick raised casworan to the perfect heir, the perfect son, the perfect pawn.

emrick rowle is a strategist, but also a coward. he uses his money and influence to pull strings behind the scenes, but is never the one to publicly call the shots. casworan is his son, but he’s also ... another piece in the game. he’s the person who’ll pick up where he left off, and emrick won’t leave everything to someone he does not trust and respect.

hemera is evan rosier’s daughter, by the way, and by no means a sweetheart, but a better parent. compared to emrick, the standard is quite low but still --- she is a better parent, and casworan is a complete momma’s boy. 

so casworan grows up --- spoiled dirty and loved by both parents. he learns languages (french and kernowek from his mother, latin and english grammar and such from a tutor), learns to play the violin, learns about his family’s history and legacy and how it intertwines with the rest of the history of the wizarding world, learns about blood purity and how one day he and his parents will rise above all the unworthy members of their society. he takes it all up and questions nothing, both because he has no reason to, and because his parents are convincing.

abuse tw (verbal and physical) // that’s not to say life was perfect. there was always a certain coldness at home. the lack of love between cas’ parents was clear to him from a young age, and it’s quite a strange thing, when your parents don’t seem to love each other but dont have any issue with it. there was no room for failure at home, no room for toeing the line. his father’s words could go from praising and prideful to harsh and cruel in seconds, his hands hard and unforgiving. casworan learned to keep his back straight and work harder and to swallow whatever anger he felt. he listened to every word that came from his father’s lips and took them in as truth and never questioned the way things were. end of tw

casworan went to hogwarts at age eleven ( he’d seen the castle before, of course --- he’d visited hogsmeade plenty of times before with his mother ) and was sorted into slytherin there. it was an easy sorting --- there were not many non-slytherin qualities the hat saw, besides maybe a sense of loyalty and a hunger for learning but cas’ cunning, shrewdness and ambition outweighed everything. 

hogwarts came easy to casworan. he was a good learner and knew plenty of people from his life before school -- people who ran in the same circles. to branch out wasn’t something he felt he needed to do, with a few exception here or there ( for either particularly skilled people or other purebloods he didn’t know yet ). casworan likes learning, values his education and was, well, a nerd. a hardworking student. was in a few clubs too, i’m sure --- i will get back on that when i have it figured out for plotting purposes! 

terminal illness tw // in casworan’s third year, his mother fell ill. it was a genetic disease, an incurable one, one that soon left her weakened and bedbound and tired. his father’s response wasn’t to stick to her side --- they didn’t love each other after all, and in all honesty, hemera didn’t want him on her side either --- but to flee in stead. his involvement in shady dealings grew and he retreated to the city more and more for work. casworan ... well, didn’t respond very well. 

abuse tw // he raged. he cried and raged and kicked against his father’s shins and demanded that he solved this because, well, the world had always given casworan exactly what he wanted, and when he got something he absolutely did not want, the one person he could blame was his father. he acted like a child because he was one, and his mother was going to die, and his father broke the news in such a cold way that he couldn’t help but rage. his tantrum was met with cold eyes and the same cruelty cas had felt before.

this was when a seed of hate for his father started to grow, something he’d never even dared to feel before. it’s still growing to this day. end of abuse tw //

a family friend moved in to help his mother, and they got a second house elf and life changed, thigns shifted. casworan learned what it was to feel out of control and well, he didn’t like it one bit. he’s entitled and spoiled and used to getting everything he wants and this situation is something he has absolutely no say in and it drives him mad. rather than give him some perspective, it just makes him act more entitled and controlling in the rest of his life. end of terminal illness tw //

so cas makes his way through hogwarts, acting like an entitled twat, hanging with his lads, having a laff here and there and earning a whole lot of NEWTs. he had no qualms sharing his world views or sharing his entitled nature, here and there showing a more violent and cruel streak. casworan is a bully, an elitist prick, someone who looks down on most people. 

when the war breaks out, well --- he’s quick to sign up. he believes in the cause, of course, and there’s no other option, really. he’s been prepped for this life. this is what he was made to do. he doesn’t even consider not joining. and so he joins and feels pride and power and a thirst to proof everyone around him that he’s the motherfucking shit. what an IDIOT.

besides his death eater life, cas is mostly focused on maintaining his image. like his father, he works hard on things like charity and philanthropy, so his name appears in the newspaper linked with good news almost exclusively. he’s picky, of course, about the causes he works for ----- things related to education, he genuinely works for, but there’s also some questionable things he donates to.

and then besides that, cas is mostly focused on enjoying life. getting drunk or high out of his mind, fucking shit up with the lads, having a good old time because guess what? the world is his to own and ruin, and he won’t stop at nothing. he’s entitled and obnoxious, but he always pays and tips well and sees absolutely no issues with his behaviour. he can’t wait for the world to become even more his as the war progresses. 

personality & tidbits

...... an asshole.

no literally he’s such an asshole. he’s so fucking used to the world catering to his ugly needs and getting everything he wants and he’s so entitled and such an ASSHOLE.

someone please punch him

anyway --- he likes Extra things. velvet and silk and rich fabrics and leather shoes and accessories with snake themes and polo shirts and ... he dresses like a frat boy, but then mixed with wizarding fashion

ugly. 

pretentious and snobbish to a fault. wants nothing but the best and is used to the best. would often complain about the house elves and their quality of food at hogwarts, because his house elves were much better cooks, they had been trained in france after all!!!

kind of hates his name and prefers to go by cas at all times, and i dont blame him

has daddy and mommy issues lmao !!! 

capitalist right wing scum, tbh. would have voted trump and brexit and all that shit if he was a real person. I HATE HIM SO MUUUUUCHHHHHHH.

“if youre poor, thats your own fault!”

he is literally the worst person

i hate-write this character its a load of fun

he loves his hair lmao

plays the violin and generally likes classical music? a snob, i told yall. also likes other music, let me figure it out pls thanks

okay let’s talk about some of his better sides because so far all ive done is drag this kid and thats reasonable, but ... he’s got some good things, i guess. 

he’s a good friend. like, if you’re his mate, you’re his mate for life (or until you turn your back, which is when he will feel hurt and will hurt u back yike!). he’ll be there for u Big Time. not good at emotional support, but good at sitting with a glass of wine/whiskey and talking/listening. will finance u if u need it (he doesnt like poor ppl but makes an exception for friends i guess?). will punch someone for u.

he ... does really value education? he would just like to see hogwarts change around bc there’s so much unnecessary shit (read: muggleborn students and subjects like muggle studies and divination). but yeah, he rly thinks that learning is important and that u have to ~broaden your mind ( but not too much ofc )

he is pretty family oriented, and rn he’s of course 18 so that’s not a big thing, but he’d be a ... proper dad? i think? he rly wants a big fam eventually

still a dick

good dueller and generally a pretty skilled wizard which is a bummer :/

loves partying and getting drunk out of his mind and then breaking stuff that isnt his, very riot club like

idk what else to say but HE IS AN ASSHOLE. 

[lazyphiladelphiareviews]

Old People Candy!

Hello. This isn’t a restaurant review. This is about candy. Don’t read it if you don’t want to I don’t care. I don’t get paid to do this it is basically to make myself laugh and to send to Paul because he can never remember what this website is called.

These are the candies that old people have / eat. And what I think of them.

Good N Plenty – inedible. Poisonous. This is what they give to kids in the hospital after they eat paint and they need to make you throw up so you don’t die. These should be called Bad N Few. At least be honest.

Speaking of puke on my walk to work today I saw a lady puke on the side of a building it was awesome.

Werthers Original – I don’t know why they have to call these the original. Nobody is copying them. Nobody has ever copied them. I don’t know what their flavor is but it’s not appealing. It’s like a poor man’s butter scotch which isn’t great either.

Strawberry Wrapped Strawberry Hard Candy – I love these. I love the packaging. It shows you what you’re gonna get. A strawberry wrapped strawberry hard candy. I also love the shit in the middle when you bite into it, that blast of moisture that gushes into your mouth. It’s like an angel jizzed or squirted into your mouth, whatever your sexual preference.

Nat said these come in hickory farms meat boxes which is outrageous and hilarious at the same time.

Purple Lavender Candies – I am not sure if this is even a real thing or just a thing I saw in a movie or in a dream one time. I think they are big in Europe which is like a whole different country. The thing about these purple candies is that they taste like perfume which is not something you want to be eating a lot of unless youre one of the drunks on that show Intervention. Love that show.

Green Spearmint Jellies – These are gross. You bite into them and it leaves that weird tooth mark? You know the ones. These are like what you eat after dinner in a restaurant to help your digestion. These are a decoration only.

Speaking of decorations.

Ribbon Candy – old people keep this in their fancy crystal dish and its just for décor youre not supposed to try to eat it, but that’s what kids do is try to eat stuff. One time when I was a kid I ate a Lego. The best is when you try to grab this stuff and it shatters all in your hands and all over your Christmas sweater. Ribbon candy is like weapons grade sharpness. Its like trying to eat shrapnel. I hate it. But god damn if I don’t respect it.

Cinnamon Dots and Butterscotchs – If you eat both of these at the same time, both hard candies, it forms what my dad calls a “hot setup” and the flavors are amazing. I used to eat them all the time but then my teeth started to like hurt randomly lol.

Ice Blue Menthol Hard Candies – Grandparents love these. Grand dads carried these with them in France when they were fighting the Axis powers. They are basically medicine. It’s like eating vicks vap o rub. Good for a cough. Bad for food.

Bit O Honey – I don’t even know what to say about these except that I am not eating it. I don’t even look at this like a food. It’s like all the people you pass on the street when youre walking to or from somewhere. You don’t even realize they are people. They are just obstacles. Bit O Honey is just an obstacle that gets in the way of you eating actual good candy.

Circus Peanuts – I don’t now where you would find these things, they just like, appear in old people’s parlors next to the couch with the plastic on it. Has anyone ever eaten one of these? I never have. I have no idea what these are like. They are like a movie prop, or like the punchline of a joke. 0/10

Orange Slices – Ok these are like the spearmint gummies, I used to LOVE these when I was like 13 I would get them at 7/11 when I wasn’t digging through their dumpster for discarded HUSTLER magazines. But I don’t think I could eat one of these things now. I would probably get diabetes instantly. Like this would be my body’s final straw.

Reisens – Ive never found one good reason to eat a Reisens.

Rolos – This is like, maybe not old people candy but it sucks in earnest anyways. What a shit candy. When was the last time you saw someone purchase a Rolos on purpose? How does that candy survive in this economy?

Atomic Warheads – I am including this one because it is the opposite of old people candy. This is young man candy. This is the snapchat of candy. Imagine trying to explain Warheads to your grandparents. “its not like, good, its pretty gross, it hurts, but yeah.” They would just shake their heads and go back to watching price is right and voting for trump.

Orange and Black wrapped peanut chew things – These are revolting. I cant imagine a reason to eat one of these things. They are always what’s left over after you go through all the good shit you got on Halloween. They are the Mr Irrelevant of candy. Final pick in every draft. I wouldn’t give these to my dog. And he likes peanut butter but he deserves better. He deserves better.

Here is me and my dog this Halloween we are lumberjacks.

Candy Cigarettes – These are awesome. IDK if you can find these anywhere anymore but they were great. I loved the bubble gum ones bc you could actually blow like what looked like smoke out of them. They don’t sell these anymore if you want to be cool like we used to back then you have to do other things like vape and eat laundry detergent pods.

Dots on paper – What is the point of these? What is the point of that paper? That is just a waste of paper. Also you always end up eating paper. Eating paper! This is the CVS receipt of candy. This is a good candy to eat if you hate the environment. This candy makes Greta Thunberg upset.

Those Little Wax Soda Bottles – Idk if these are old ppl candy but I wanted to mention them bc I used to like these as a kid. Lemme sip a little of that green syrup then seal that bottle up for later. Gonna sip a little more of that action later. Love these things. Love chewing wax. I could go for one of these right now.

Necco Wafers – This is just old candy, not necessarily old people, its just fucking old. I love it though! Nice and chalky. Chalk one up for me. Except not the chocolate ones those are bad. But I can get down with a Necco wafer.

Tootsie Rolls – These are worthless. Let me ask you a question. What the hell is the flavor of a tootsie roll. Is it chocolate? It’s like some discount rack chocolate taffy and its not good at all its just irritating and don’t get me started on the different color ones like the orange tootsie roll just stop. It’s the 90s now. It’s time to grow up Gossip Girl.

Ok that’s all that I can think of right now. Let me know if I forgot something that you hate. I love hearing about things that you hate. Good n Plenty sucks and now I am like visibly angry about it.

Share this article with your friends who like candy. It will distract them from the upcoming civil war. Thanks!