#I remind myself that that is streaming service talk and I don't want to be like that thank you very much

[crystal-moon-101]

Today on stream I made a lil art challenge for myself. The challenge was for my chat to suggest a character, and I had to create them a love interest. This is from the mindset of if I was part of the behind the scenes for these shows, and given the writing task of making a love interest, which I think is a very interesting perspective to play around with, as you have to be aware of the character you are pairing them with, other characters that could interact with them, and how they tie themselves in the lore of the series. If anyone wants to give this challenge a go, please do! It's a lot of fun.

As for the two love interests I drew on stream, here's some details on them!

-Canwhir- The wife and right-hand woman of Vilgax's empire. Canwhir originally was one of his advisors, catching his attention when seeing how smart and competent she was. This eventually lead to marriage to strengthen the empire, though they do care for each other in their own ways, which many don't understand, given it is Vilgax. She is his other half, the balance in his life, as she is a no nonsense, patience, responsibility woman, who's not highly expressive compared to her loud husband. She takes care of things behind the scene for Vilgax, and watches over his empire when he goes off on missions. She's one of the few people that can talk to Vilgax in a straight forward manner, telling him what's what, often because he knows to listen to what she has to say.

She doesn't care much for Vilgax's obsession with Ben Tennyson, but doesn't stop him since she knows her husband well enough that there isn't really any point, so she's heard a lot of Vilgax's rants over dinner as she reminds him to eat his food before it gets cold. She's described as being taller than Vilgax in every way but psychically.

-Virgil Smith- Virgil is White Knight's ex, as the two use to date before the nanite event. They both worked at Providence in the early days, with Virgil being a doctor. However, after White Knight was put into lock down and became the leader of Providence, Virgil didn't enjoy who his partner was becoming, especially when learning he almost risked destroying the only known cure, given Virgil's own mother had been infected a while ago. He left Providence and formed his own group that rehabilitates people who have been cured, knowing their mental and physical conditions suffered from their mutations. His organization is partnered up with Providence, though aren't officially a part of them. While it's clear that White Knight agreed to work with them because they offered a good service, many think he also did so to try and make amends with his ex.

Virgil is a tired man, who spends countless hours helping others who were once EVOs. He has a kind heart, and shows it through soft ways. Rex joking how he's the ice to White Knight's fire. He also adopted a young girl named Heather, due to being unable to find her family after being cured, Virgil not feeling comfortable leaving her in the hands of someone else. Heather likes to tease him a lot about White Knight, as it's clear he still feels something for his ex, but the two are unsure if they can ever repair what they once had.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

It was an interview full of "right now" and "at this moment" from both Ryan and Tim. I'm genuinely wondering why the freak out from everyone? Interviews are always, ALWAYS, answered and arranged for the current episode/arc. People do know that right? No one, even the PR dorks that are Oliver and Ryan, are ever going to say "so yeah, Eddie is going to propose to his girlfriend but have a near death experience near the season finale that will change everything and he will shout his love for Buck." That interview is literally never going to happen. And honestly him proposing makes a ton of sense from a story standpoint. It's technically everything he claims he wants, so how does Eddie react when things still don't feel right? If the storyline is headed toward a relationship with Buck, and it genuinely does feel like that, Eddie seemingly getting everything he's ever wanted and still feeling off is the perfect introduction to that. I'm stupidly stunned every time by the unhinged break downs after every fucking interview.

To be fair, anxiety is a very real issue for a lot of people (me being one of them, it doesn’t take much to send me spiraling) and in fact i am a catastrophizer… i see something and immediately jump to the worst conclusions about it and only then do i sit back and put thought into it.

I don’t like to post when i’m catastrophizing because all it does is stirs even more panic and anxiety, but others find it easier to post their panic/spiraling so that hopefully others may he able to offer a different point of view to talk them down from their panic. mental health is one bicth of a human condition.

so while yes, it is definitely jarring to see people panicking, i try to remain gracious to those who are spiraling because i understand the panic that sets in and the urgency for someone to tell you that everything is okay.

as far as knowing the ins and outs of how television and pr works; unfortunately a lot of people are not educated on how things like this go because we live in an age where weekly episodic releases like this are becoming less and less common as binge culture has become the hot commodity, especially for streaming services. with that there comes a level of misunderstanding of how the industry works and has worked in the past, especially for a younger audience. so a lot of viewers are used to having the whole story handed to them all at once, rather than the intensive speculation and uncertainty that comes with network tv.

i myself having worked in film and theatre have firsthand experience with PR and the media and how to keep things under wraps (i am by NO WAY an insider, i have worked on student/college/indie films and have had zero involvement in the commercial film industry) and i STILL sometimes struggle from that initial shock of reading something that seemingly doesn’t bode well for what you want to see from a television show.

so all of that to say is i understand it can be jarring and at times even annoying to see the catastrophizing and spiraling, but it helps me to step back and take a breath to remind myself to give some grace to people who may not have as much of an understanding of how things like this work as i do.

thank you for the ask anon!! Apologies for the long reply, i just wanted to discuss this bc i have a lot of my own thoughts on it! 💕

[stxrliasfics]

TW: MENTIONS OF SA; GROOMING. PLEASE SCROLL IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

I wanted to share my takes on the Pod Meets World ep and the new Quiet on Set documentary that is out. This is going to be a long-winded blog post. I'll put a keep reading divider up so that no one will be bombarded while scrolling through their dash. I'd like to have a civil, adult conversation about this so if you decide to join in, please keep it mature.

In light of recent events with the whole Pod Meets World episode and the Quiet on the Set documentary coming out, it really opened my eyes more. I think a lot of fans have parasocial relationships with these stars, holding them on a pedestal, and forgetting that they are still real human beings who are prone to doing shitty human things. This is a reminder for me too. This is something I definitely need to break out of. And I'm mentioning this because it really did hurt to hear Drake Bell's story and how he really didn't get an apology. If what he said was true about Will and Rider only coming out with their episode after being notified about the documentary, then they deserve all the heat that they get. At first, I commended them for telling their stories on that creep Brian Peck and discussing their feelings during the court case. But now it seems disingenuous. I haven't gotten to watch the documentary aside from tidbits because I don't have a streaming service that I could watch it on, unless it comes on cable. And I haven't gotten to see the full Pod Meets World episode apart from the clips of Will talking so I plan on catching up and educating myself as much as I can. The guys apparently weren't told what was going on in the case and were blindsided by this. In no way am I doubting that they were groomed as well. But Drake mentioned that they were told everything by Peck before they wrote the letters and still decided to write them. That's insane in itself. As a CSA survivor and someone who was groomed and sexually harassed by an older "friend", it was disheartening to hear that my favorite actors were pretty much complicit and trying to save themselves when they realized their dirty work was being unsealed. And I didn't want to believe it when I read more on the info last night but it served me a reminder that these were real people outside of the characters. Obviously I know that, but Boy Meets World is one of my comfort shows and obsessions so it hurt to hear that. Although I enjoy the characters, I have to keep reminding myself not to get attached to the actors and actresses who play them. I brought the parasocial relationship thing up because that's what it felt like was radiating from the BMW reddit forum as well. Some of the people there were up in arms to defend them, saying "It was a different time period. They were told that Drake was coming on to Peck." DOES THAT NOT SOUND INSANE?? I’m pretty sure that they were told Drake was underaged, I can't remember too much from the podcast clips. If they knew, how did they not question it more before coming to court and writing the letters?? Not to mention that other people were reached out to write a letter for Brian and many declined. Were they already told about the case?? Were they only given small details just like Will and Rider?? My guess is that they already sensed how weird Peck was and got a bad feeling from his request. I would've thought that Will and Rider would have more common sense in something like this. But again, I don't know these people personally. None of their fans do.

And I will repeat once again, I'm not invalidating the guys' experience with Peck either. I wouldn't put it past Hollywood that the cast of BMW were all groomed and violated when they were younger too. The adults could've even been violated just as easily as well. From the clips that I've seen of Will talking about Peck, he seemed very genuine and remorseful. I’m sure that they were regretful. It's just that after hearing what Drake said about them not apologizing and them making the episode after the doc announcement, it feels off. Will admitted that he would like to apologize to Drake personally and Drake apparently isn't interested in an apology. Who can blame him? Would I accept an apology from anyone who stood up for my abuser? I don't think so. And Will had time to reach out to Drake before. Was it embarrassment that stopped him? And Brian could’ve very well lied to them. My own groomer is still walking around lying and gaining support from others.

The best research I could do was from forums, comment sections, and small clips, so please bear with me. I will educate myself more on the matter. But I felt the pain of every child actor that was affected because it reminded me of my own experiences and I'm upset with this new knowledge. We, of course, know what Drake was convicted of. I'm not mentioning that to take away from his trauma nor side with what he's done. But I've seen some people bring up this point at the mention of his experience with Brian Peck, invalidating him being sexually assaulted by this man. Firstly, I think that's absurd. We can still feel sympathy for Drake even if he isn't a good person.

The fact that Dan Schneider and Brian Peck are able to walk free TO THIS FUCKING DAY MAKES ME SICK!!! How the fuck was Peck only given 16 months in jail?????? They would've both been a bag of fucking bones by now underneath the cement of the jail if they hurt my kid. My next question is, what do we do about the child stars who are apart of these companies now? The ones who are still getting deals with Disney and Nickelodeon?? Just because Schneider and Peck were called out doesn't mean that ALL of the pedos under these companies are gone. All of the children affected deserve justice.

[agatharioscoven]

Every time this happens I say Im not moarning a tv show and then (like yeah) I spend 2hrs sobbing like a child. My chest feels hollow.

I don’t want goodbyes from the cast. I don’t want to have to go through the emptiness again. Im so tired of dealing with this. Im tired of having to get my fix from fanfic (don’t get me wrong I love the fanfic).

Why can’t streaming services just keep things going.

Sorry rant over.

Don't apologise for the rant, you and anyone else are welcome to rant in my inbox any time you need!

I'm heartbroken that Willow was cancelled, I grew up on the movie, I loved it so so much as a child.

I wanted adventures like Madmartigan and Willow.

I can remember me and a friend actually 'playing Willow' as Mads and Sorsha raising Elora and it was amazing.

So when I learnt about the TV show (admittedly when there was already three episodes out) I was fucking ecstatic.

This was my childhood bought back to the screen.

I sat and watched the movie followed immediately by the three episodes I had to catch up with.

Was I sad there was no Madmartigan? Sure I was, he was my favourite.

But we got his daughter.

We got Kit. Kit who's a princess but doesn't want to be. Kit who's in love with her best friend who just happened to be a girl. Kit who is her father's daughter through and through.

I say I'm not mourning this show, because it will always be ours now.

Disney can cancel the show, but the can't take back their first lesbian princess.

I've lived through enough shows just shattering my heart with the rep I got.

Willow was the first show where it felt like they actually cared about the queer rep.

And they did.

Maybe Disney didn't care but Johnathan did with the writing.

Erin and Ruby both cared with the little things they gave the characters.

Like Erin said she never thought as a queer women she'd get to play a queer character for Disney.

That in itself is telling to how needed Willow and Kit and Jade were and still are.

I'm tired of having to fight for the right to see myself represented in shows. Of course I am.

But I will never ever be tired of actually getting to see myself in TV shows.

We have lost so much queer rep in the last couple of years and yeah it hurts.

But losing Willow hit differently and harder, for me at least.

This show reminded me of my childhood.

It reminded me of sitting on the sofa, snuggled with my dad watching the movie for the first time.

So yeah, if you need to mourn the show. If you need to cry over the loss, then cry, I know I have, but please please don't stop loving the series we got.

Keep rewatching it. Keep talking about it. Keep writing fanfics. Keep drawing fanart. Keep making fanvideos.

Show Disney that we care even if they don't. Show the cast what these characters mean to us.

You don't have to fight every fight to try and keep the show going.

We shouldn't be expected to have to fight for our shows.

Sometimes it works yeah, but sometimes we lose. Doesn't mean we have to give up these characters.

Their ours now.

This world is ours now.

We decide what happens to them.

We decide. It's ours. Their ours. Disney can't take that from us.

[hisgloriouslove4anintjfemale]

I had a very bizarre day today. Something great and amazing and great.. but it's not something I have ever had before and This is the first time I have ever witnessed anything like this.

I am trying to process with Him as I am hoping Holy Spirit would do ( as He always does).

Growing up, I have never had friends. I was always alone and loner. I was bullied. I was a loner and outcast. and i envy really had any friends.

I was far from in a popular crowd, homecoming queen, etc.

Since God brought me to this place, He has called me to befriend my pastor's wife. As quickly as the church has grown, God has grown our friendship. I tried to be faithful to Him by trying to serve Him in planting seeds of ministry ideas, bible study, talking about what He's done, etc.

A few weeks ago, I took her out for shopping because Holy Spirit said that she will be seen by God ( with a tight pastor's salary budget, she rarely gets to go shopping and be herself as she's grown up with).

So, I felt like I needed to take her out for shopping.

THEN she picked out a pair of shoes that are same as hers and made me buy them.

( I am 44 and she's 31. I just couldn't bear myself to dress like someone in her 20s or early 30s. I am a firm believer when it comes to dressing as one's own age. I don't believe 40s dressing like 15, 20s or even early 30s. per se.).

I was a little embarrassed. I thought it would be funny to wear the shoes on Sunday on my own and I told her that she needs to text me the day she's wearing those shoes because I am not wearing by myself like I am not gonna be in custom by myself.

( I ended up wearing it on my own not because I thought it was age appropriate but they are super comfortable).

Well-- today was the day. I thought she would forget and she remembered to text me to wear the same shoes togetehr.

It felt real bizarre. I have never had anyone, including my sister that would ask me to twin with me. ( I was embarrassed b/c I never want to dress like someone else. In my mind, it's for the follower, not the leader. I despise trendy things. I despise copying anything or anyone for that matter. I generally buy timeless design in anything and everything because it'll last long).

I was cracking up on the way to church. I bribed my kids with donuts so they'll come to early service with me to sit with her so we can sit right next to each other.

I took a picture after the service. I also didn't realize how many people are attending that church. And, how many people know of her and know her ( though I don' think she knows all of them).

I guess I was all confused. She all of sudden became the popular kid at church. and here I am showed up in the same shoes because she MADE me buy them.

I guess I am not sure what it is that He's trying to teach me.

He is reminded me of Psalm 126. and reminding me of the song, Bless God.

When the Lord restored the fortunes of[a] Zion,     we were like those who dreamed.[b] 2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,     our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations,     “The Lord has done great things for them.” 3 The Lord has done great things for us,     and we are filled with joy.

4 Restore our fortunes,[c] Lord,     like streams in the Negev. 5 Those who sow with tears     will reap with songs of joy. 6 Those who go out weeping,     carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy,     carrying sheaves with them.

------------------------------------------

Bless God when the weapon’s forming

Bless God when the walls are falling

Bless God cos He goes before me

Every chance I get I’ll bless Your Name

---------------------------------------

When I looked up why any woman would dress the same as another woman, it says it gives them sense of belonging, acceptance, social ease, or closeness for friendship.

I guess... she wants to be closer to me. I know it's because she wants to be closer to Him.

I am not sure what it all means to be used by God with all the things He's done esp. today ( and any other day), But I want God to use it all for His Glory.

-----------------------------

My daughter, ( she's 11) told me that any woman in my congregation will kill for my friendship with Morgan. But, that makes me feel like I am 12 and I feel like that is so stupid.

BUT GOD

But, As he's telling me that he's restoring me and He is reminding me of this song, I am realizing that I had a lot of walls around me when it comes to social life. I never liked any woman. I have always been afraid of rejection. I always have been an outcast and my presence NEVER mattered whether I am coming and going.

Then, as I am writing, I am wondering if He's bringing healing and restoration into my friendships with other women.

I know every women are important in His eyes but i really don't want to waste my energy and time with someone who really isn't gonna care about God. I kinda want to move forward because I am not ready to settle here. What would be the point of being popular or having so many friends or know so many people if it's not gonna get me anywhere? I know the point is ministry but I don't want to throw seed at the rock. ( though God is saying It's not up to me to decide whether a woman would live for Him or not.

-----------------------------------------------------------

But, I am asking God to use my skills to win the women over to lead them into deeper relationship with Him.

I want to be used by God.

If he's giving me a friendship with my pastor's wife, I want it to be used by God for His glory for the betterment of women in the congregation.

If He's giving me a status, I want God to use it all for His glory and power.

If He's giving me beauty ( I don't have it yet LOL), I want him to use it all for His glory.

I want God to use it all for HIs Glory.

I don't know what He has for my pastor's wife.

I want ot use it all for His Glory.

----------------

As I am reading this blog, maybe today wasn't about me or my own healing per se. but it's about her. she always wanted to have friends, a close friend. she loves to be belong to a community or a group.

But she has lots of friends so I am not sure why I am here. ( I want Him to move every time I speak I want Him to move).

I guess that's what it's as about.

I pray that God will grow her and bless her and open her heart to be changed and restored again.

[vampyre-rat]

Ok I NEED to talk about this!!! I read the books when I was a kid and genuinely they had such a profound impact on who I am today!! (btw they're written by the same guy who wrote the Spiderwick Chronicles which also fundamentally shaped me as a child <3 shout out Tony DiTerlizzi, massive artistic inspiration fr). So keep that intense level of bias and nostalgia in mind when it comes to my initial opinion on this show lol... but yeah I agree a 1000000% with everything you said!

I re-read the trilogy last December (btw it's such a beautifully compelling and captivating story!!! Everyone who likes sci-fi fantasy should give it a go, I get it's middle grade or whatever but that does not diminish its quality at ALL) and I spent months after thinking about how perfect it would be for an animated adaptation... but when I was picturing it I had more in a mind a sort of animated soup of stuff like the Dark Crystal, Nausicaa Valley of the Wind and Scavenger's Reign. Something really leaning into the alien landscape and cool creature design. I think that Wolfwalkers and the lotr animated movie like you mentioned too, are good examples of the right artistic vision as well, whimsical and fantastical!

What they've gone with for this show however... yeah it's just. too polished. It's too smooth, clean and has that stink of mass market appeal, leaving it missing all the grungy, wild, overgrown charm. I think the animation and art style looks great, don't get me wrong, but yeah I don't think it's the right fit for this story. To me the creative decisions taken when it comes to the animation (as far as I can tell just from the trailer) very much come across as 'playing it safe.' I feel like this is the perfect story to take creative leaps with and really delve into the weird, otherwordliness of it all. The trailer, in my opinion, is offering just your run of the mill, streaming service animated kids show. There's certainly nothing wrong with that but, I can't help feeling that it's drastically watering down the story :/

Because really the heart of the story is this young girl, Eva Nine, who has never met another human her whole life, raised and trained with the single goal of preparing her for life on the surface, only to emerge and find the Earth completely wild and unrecognisable in every single way. A totally alien planet that she has to learn to live in harmony with as she searches for answers to who she is, where she came from and what happened to all the other humans. And the new Earth is absolutely beautiful, yes, but it's also terrifying. Genuinely like half the animals and plants that she comes across attempt to eat her, plus she's being hunted by an alien bounty hunter who wants to turn her into taxidermy and display her in a museum... yikes.

As I was watching scavenger's reign last year, I found myself marveling at all these breathtaking animated landscapes and weird alien plants and critters and thinking "wow this reminds me so much of the search for wondla" (keeping in mind this was before I re-read the series and at that point it'd been a decade since I read the first book and it was still forever on my mind)

(freaky alien plants from Scavenger's Reign... one of the shows of all time btw...)

I think Scavenger's Reign and Nausicaa both perfectly capture that strange balance between the beauty and the terror of an alien world and it's genuinely a shame not to see this level of whimsical and unique visual storytelling in the art style of the WondLa show :( it just really does feel lackluster and unimaginative in a way that I feel really lets down the source material.

(Here are some stills from Nausicaa Valley of the Wind that I think capture that sense of eerie wonder! The Ohmu remind me so much of WondLa's water bears :3)

And here are some more illustrations from the books, I mean just look at how atmospheric (and at times unsettling) the world is!

I've also always been a super big fan of the 1950s-60s inspired aesthetics of all the futuristic human tech! I've been obsessed with this goldfish shaped hovercar ever since I picked up the first book <3

ALSO GIVE MUTHR BACK HER CREEPY LITTLE ARMS AND BIG SHINY EYES!!! And why does she have that generic siri voice man :/ In the book Eva describes her as having the voice of a 'beautiful woman from an old movie' which I always interpreted as like old Hollywood leading lady, smooth, elegant, mayhaps a transatlantic accent... that would tie in so much better with her warm, maternal character!

tldr: The Search for WondLa book trilogy has such a rich, creative and visually intriguing world and characters that is absolutely not done justice by smooth, overly polished cg animation, especially when all the interesting and unique design quirks of characters, objects and environments seem to have been buffed out, leaving cookie cutter sci-fi assets in their place :( Do I think the show is going to be bad because of this? Definitely not. BUT I do think it's somewhat wasted potential, at least based on what I've seen so far from the trailer...

Apple tv is making a WondLa show and as a fan of the books, I have to say I feel a slight bit of dissapointment!

The art style is extremely clean and scifi, it's that smooth CG look and I think I just would have loved to see it in the dark Crystal, lotr animated movie, high fantasy style that I know!

And disclaimer let me make some things clear:

1. The art for the show is not BAD. It is not Wrong, artists also made that and I hope they were compensated well for work well done. This is me expressing a personal preference for a different art style.

2. My GOD this is not about Eva Nine redesign.

Just putting that in the appropriate sized font, but no yeah Eva was like synthetically made she can be any ethnicity. And those are the types of changes that should be made!

There's actually a whole plotline of Eva infiltrating this city and having to conform and all that, and I think it will hit way harder with a non-white protagonist.

But yes once again I would have loved to see a new 2024 Eva redesigned in that high fantasy style! This Eva with original Eva's braids and baggy, off shoulder comfy looking outfits that made me Feral as a kid I'd love to see it.

And yeah those are the choices I feel dissapointment about!

Eva's wand becoming a sci-fi bracelet?

Muthr robot losing all those crazy panels and mechanical pieces for a smooth floating Alexa looking design.

I know there is certainly very practical reasons they couldn't reproduce this but I feel like it's the mindset of making just a sci-fi show that is the issue!

WondLa is a sci fi story, TOLD like a fairytale of a girl leaving her wood home, straying from the forest. At first look it just really feels like they sacrificed all the fun tactile storybook stuff for this very clean aesthetic that is just different to what I love about WondLa.

I think something like how Wolfwalkers or Klaus was styled would be much more suitable! And appletv produced Wolfwalkers I think!

So once again there is no moral failing happening here, I'm just saying I'm a fan of the original art and would have Preferred if we leaned harder that direction.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I can definitively say that I have gotten an adequate amount of sleep for a change. I went out on Black Friday downtown to get my third shot of the Pfizer vaccine. Possibly just in time for David Bowie's Omikron virus or whatever is floating around. I felt more fatigued than usual so I napped a lot. I had enough leftovers from the Turkey breast I cooked to nurse myself back to health. I should have taken it out of the oven sooner. Like around 157F. But I have a digital thermometer for next time I decide to eat a five pound Turkey by myself. Ironically or not so much, I used to have issues with eating back in junior high. I was reminded of this just recently playing Magic Arena against a screen name called "IBEATANEREXIA." (It's spelled anorexia and yes, I was down to ninety pounds at one point and yes, you can check the last stream for proof.) Sort of how I stopped drinking alcohol and maybe was reminded by a service contract offer on LinkedIn for technical writing about alcohol abuse. An assignment I still have yet to see any check for and have since deemed as yet another possible catfish. For the record, it seems like I only have representatives from Xiaomi's newly formed EV division stalking my page and no real leads since. It's a great excuse to write about the things you've conquered. Debt might be another one. I know you aren't supposed to talk about that at thanksgiving dinner along with religion or politics. We obviously don't talk about the things Tim has conquered over the years either. The only thing I really register is that I have beat a virus and pandemic by getting vaccinated. It destroyed my life completely back in July of 2020. Way before I succumbed to too much alcohol, a bad diet or human rights work that gets totally ignored on my resume. People around here don't register that I've been a victim to a ton of shit. Have I conquered a lifetime of acne through dermatology and now should be ridiculed for it every time I go to pick up my medication from CVS? It happens. People around here know way too much about me historically but don't really know me in the present. They want so badly to get under my skin to remake me into something more compatible with the mediocrity here. Like a bunch of mini drill sergeants for the United States Army. Maybe so I don't make them feel bad from being so awesome. I'm sure writing about it doesn't help me. But I've always thought the narrative provides an element of context from the source. The source being me. The one everybody seems to want to teach some lesson to. To compare themselves to. Who is the bigger victim? Anorexia, Alcoholism, Reduction of Force from Covid-19, Forgotten C-List electronic musician, sexually harassed minor, and you know the list can go on. Now I'm just an Ethereum miner who writes from the cuff on a blog that nobody wants to recognize is run by a human being other than my audience. If I'm a victim of anything it's the fucking internet and the people who abuse the privacy and dignity of those who use it. And how do I deal with it? I don't fuck with any of it. Including the past that I've left behind that people want to rub salt into the wounds of years later. "You are just like us! Quit hiding your deeeeeeeemons!"

If people could read, you know? How many fucking years have I typed here. I have literally made a field manual for the algorithms that tend to the history of time and space here in the net. I don't know how you could not understand just what makes me tick. And yet, people think it's my thing to be ignored, judged, and made to feel how it feels to be a victim. Like I'm supposed to cry uncle. I don't know anything other than how to survive in this mess. And it just keeps getting messier. I am of the mentality that you can't hide from anything. It's one big catwalk when I walk out the door every morning. Autumn Winter '22 of the streetwear fashion showcase slash thunder dome brawl. People don't communicate out here unless it's a game of chicken or aesthetic sparring match. You don't have an identity unless you can fit into a group. And most people out here group up by their weaknesses and not their strengths. People have a problem with recognizing strength. It puts them in a position of weakness at times. Every time I walk out my door it's a fucking Seinfeld show with no ending. I play a role for people and have to tiptoe around pure psychosis. It's mentally draining and aggravating at the same time. The only progress it seems I have is by putting the money I have to work in the right places. All this at a time of batshit volatility and instability. Somehow I can pay my bills just the same. But I live in a shithole with cracked floors and neighbors who can't seem to understand that I may have a point in being a little tired of this "we're all in this together shit." I'm tired of explaining the obvious. And yet there's people out here that read this that are going through the same emotions if not worse. Why don't I just cry uncle? Why don't I admit the problem is me? That I can't find a way to belong to a bunch of people hiding their shame and attacking me through projection. That I can't be the punching bag for a bunch of people who can't train to fight the real enemy. I see that enemy up close and personal every day. I don't walk around with a body guard. I don't have the luxury of feeling bad when the guy on the opposite end of the train platform flicks me off and smiles. I somehow deserve all of this because I'm privileged. I've left years worth of privileged information in the form of journaled writing that explains otherwise. I face my demons every day. They are other selfish human beings on the street. I'm not the kind of person who really enjoys surrounding myself with bad shit. I'm a little angel.

You'd think in America we could respect the fact that people turn out differently because of free will. I'm sure I could have wallowed in all of this a little worse. I can't seem to get anywhere other than staking my ETH on the second layer. Nobody talks to me unless it's to hint in an eerie fashion that they already know too much about me. My old job network pretends my life is going fine and never reaches out. The people who live around me are always up in your face expecting that you'll open up. But it feels vampiric. Like they're just waiting for an in to manipulate things again. The cat situation was not normal. How many situations have I written about that are just not normal? I guess that makes me the normal one. And how much of that do I have to prove to understand that nobody wants to embellish normality? You survive all this foul shit and maintain your aura of a good person and get nothing for it. You get persecuted. You get people using it as excuse to knock you down. To manipulate weaker people to fuck with your entire public facing life until you give into your demons. Knock you out of the running. Keep you from succeeding. Bury you in obscurity and constantly haze you and joke about it. These people out here are shit for what they've done to me. This I already know. It's why I'm alone on thanksgiving cooking a five pound turkey for myself and reminiscing of when I was anorexic. I wonder if my neighbors have their ear pressed up against the wall waiting for me to relapse. To relish in how Mr. Perfect has failed. Is this how people see me out here? Do you really want me to tell you how much damage I've survived compared to you? I have been broken in ways that would kill a normal person. Why do you think I talked about Daul Kim on this blog so much? I like everyone else has been faced with depression from all this horror in life. I struggle with it just the same. I have never come so close to ending it all. And there's cases in point that keep me from doing that like an angel over my shoulder. People who succumbed to society poking at our wounds. Questioning our freedom and identities. No more of this shit I say. Fuck all you people out there bullying us in your well meaning and fucked up way. Leave people alone. Deal with your own shit. Get off my dick. Get off my friend's backs. Look yourself in the mirror and own your demons. I have nothing to forgive when it comes to my debt to this piece of shit social experiment of a country called America. I owe your culturally bassackwards country nothing. America for the record, you owe me a fucking apology. <3 Tim

[kwibu]

Ohhh! Seeing AoE II reminded me about playing Heroes III for years I don't think I'll ever stop loving this game. I never played horror tbh but god I watched too many Amnesia, Outlast or FNAF gameplays. I'll check Overcooked though! I don't think I ever heard about it. My housemates only play Gothic and The Sims which is pretty weird combination lmao. I also always want to try The Witcher, mostly because I know a lot about the saga (although I can't bring myself to finally start reading it).

There's no streamer I really like I think, but if u have ur favourites I'm ready for recommendations! Studio Ghibli is really out of this world when it comes to creating that calm lovely mood. Kiki is really nice! I watched it not so long ago so at least I remember. I also made totoro cookies once... came out quite well except that totoro was blue instead of grey because somehow my black color turned out to be really dark blue lmao. I can say Spirited Away is great so I'm sure you'll like it too

I think I'll try Laputa soon, for some reason I'm in a mood to watch it! And right, Vision! God I really forgot the fact that he wasn't in Endgame. I guess they went for love story with him and Wanda a little too much lmao but it's not like I'm surprised, it always happens in movies... I'm actually very curious about Wandavision show Marvel announced so I hope they'll make something interesting this time.

The only thing I can say about Pratchett and his Disc World is that there's no need to read his books in order. There's also no need to read all of them lmao they're not always connected anyway. But actually I can recommed The Colour of Magic, it's the very first one and it's great. Mort too! I'm actually looking for something new to read so thank u! I saved all the titles and maybe I'll try to read something soon after like a year...

I had my motives though, everything I read last year was connected to my thesis that's why I was too tired later to read for fun haha. Murakami's books are strange in overall. I kinda liked his "Trilogy of the Rat" too but it's... kinda ridiculous. Not like Tsukuru isn't but the last one from the series is really wild. I understand what u mean about Cloud Atlas though, it can be tiring, but the ability to write a book like that still amazes me.

I only keep thinking about what kind of flower I want because too many to choose haha. The more I think the more I want it actually which is pretty fun because I wasn't sure like two days ago. And oh my god I was thinking about your tattoo, sorry! But u got me, I kinda want to do something nice instead of revealing myself in dms so just wait! 💎 (I also enjoy talking to you a lot, I don't enjoy this poor character limit though)

If you mean Heroes of Might & Magic then I’ve heard of the game but never played it, otherwise I don’t know what game you’re talking about lol. Some of those older games just ... Never get old. Ever. I want to play The Witcher too! I tried the first game but it was a bit boring because it’s very outdated, I yet have to try the second one, and I really want to play the third one and I own it but neither my pc nor my laptop can run it properly rip. Maybe in a few months of working I’ll have saved some money for a better pc!

I actually don’t watch game streams, it gives me sensory overload real fast because the screen moves in every direction but you never know which one because you’re not the one controlling it. My sister watches a lot of streamers but I never keep up.

Haha, blue Totoro is valid too! I’m currently embroidering him, it’s fun. I did Jiji from Kiki’s Delivery Service before and in the same design I’m now doing Totoro. I have to take it easy though or my hands’ll start to cramp. Did you watch Laputa yet? 

Wanda and Vision are the best couple in the comics imo and I’m sad there was very little of them in the movies, but at least it was in the movies at all, you know. A scarlet vision show?? Really?? I have not heard of this!

I’ll put The Colour Of Magic and Mort on the list! It’s good to have an idea of where to start, haha. And yeah, I know the feeling. I read a lot as a child and then in high school I completely stopped reading for fun because I already had to read so much for school. The past month I just haven’t had the focus to read, probably because of the heat. It was 40C here a few days ago, rip. I fled to my parents, who live near the sea where it’s about 5 degrees cooler than here and have a house that’s a lot better isolated than the lil student house where I live. Was it doable where you live?

Understandable, all flowers are pretty how to choose?? I looked up the meaning of certain flowers once but I already forgot everything oops. Maybe it’ll  help you make a choice?

Oh that’s what you meant! Oh thank god. My brain panicked for a moment because I couldn’t find anything about having to make something for your assigned Carat and I was like help!! I’ll try and make you a moodboard later this week too! Should be fun!

And yeah, the character limit, rip. I remember in the good old days where there was no character limit, haha. But the gif limit back then was 300kb so I guess at least something’s improved, haha.