#I really love Aster's look and she deserves her time to shine

[brinehater]

not me missing Mint so much that even though I'm going to make that secondary save with Arisen Mint and Pawn Wildrose once I get back to Unmoored so I can easily make them some fashion to start with, I'm considering just skipping Aster and going back to Mint permanently on my main save.

[mm2305]

Radiance

Book : The Elementalists

Pairings : Beckett Harrington x f!MC (Celeste Russell)

Words/rating : 1.7 K / teen +

Warnings : mention of death, injuries

Genre : romance, little bit of angst

Description : Hurt : a series about Beckett's thoughts during the times MC was hurt. Added scenes (non-canon).

Pt 1 : Radiance

A/N : Hello everyone I'm back with another fic, this time in a new book and characters. I loved "the elementalists" and this is how I came up with the idea of writing a series about Beckett's feelings/thoughts when mc was hurt/fighting. In this part we're at bk 1, during/after the battle with Raife. This will be a 2 part series, if I manage to write another part, but no promises on when it'll be ready. No beta so all mistakes are mine.

Enjoy!

Masterlist

The battle against Raife and the shadow creatures was full on, all Pend Pals fighting with everything they got to cause damage to Raife, catch him off guard, buy the twins some time. Yet, as Beckett was using his magick against a monster, restraining it, he couldn't help but look at Celeste, worried as he was about her well-being. 

With a single glance though, he was gone.

She was majestic. There was no other word to describe her. He was in awe of her radiance every single time. She evidently was a capable woman, moving rapidly around the room, casting spells automatically, jumping over obstacles, hands stretched out to incapacitate anything and anyone approaching her. Using her sword to cut through the shadows, fire in her eyes, her powerful presence palpable in the room, silently supporting, encouraging everyone to just keep going. 

That was something that always emitted from her, her radiance, something you could see, you could sense in her. Some would think it’s because of her attunement but Beckett knew it was all because that’s who she is, attunement or not,always shining as bright as the sun itself. 

She never gave up, not once. She learned about a whole new world and a whole new version of herself. She didn’t  back down. Instead she fought hard to reach her full potential. She excelled in everything and everyone could see it. She was attacked multiple times by creatures as dark and dangerous as the night, yet she always kept her head up. She fought against a madman once and she came back to do it again. To save her new-found sister, her friends, the world.

She was fierce yet gentle. Loving, friendly, funny. Beautiful and dashing. Smart and brilliant. Sarcastic and passionate.

She was forgiving. She forgave him, when he couldn’t forgive himself for being the cause for her to get hurt. He hadn’t meant for it to happen, but it did. With a smile and a soft hand on his cheek, looking straight into his eyes, she forgave him.

Celeste Russell was everything. 

And he wouldn't lose her. 

In that moment their eyes met for a second. Two pairs of eyes locked in a blazing gaze, two hearts thundering as one and two small smiles on their faces. At that brief moment, it was like they were the only people in the world. 

They realized they had another thing to be fighting for. One another. They would make it out of there alive. There was no other acceptable way. 

Drawing strength from that single look, they turned back to their opponents, their efforts doubled in determination to not give up. 

After a while though, even when things seemed to be turning in their favor, each member of the group was falling down. Raife was strong. Extremely strong. 

Beckett was the only one left standing, his muscles strained painfully, teeth clenched, sweat starting to drip down his furrowed brow, trying to suppress the chains from crashing onto him. He couldn't afford to lose, Celeste needed all the help she could get, he repeated to himself like a mantra. Yet, despite his efforts, he was feeling his magick wavering and she could see that too. She pleaded with him to keep going, but before she could give him a boost, the chains fell on him, pinning him to the floor, knocking the air out of his lungs. 

Celeste let out a desperate scream of agony, swearing that she would make Raife pay for everything he had done. Beckett could notice that she seemed on the verge of tears yet the fire in her eyes was so intense, that if possible, would burn through anyone who dared to look at them.

Everything was starting to become more and more blurry. He tried to keep his eyes open, because he knew that if he did not, it would be very difficult for him to do so again. 

He was catching glimpses from the fight between the twins and Raife and he was glad to see they had been going well for a little while. But the next time he looked at them, they were both restrained to some kind of platform. He willed his muscles to come to life and go help them, do something, anything, but the only thing he achieved was to intensify the pain, a small groan escaping his lips. 

Celeste looked his way sorrowfully and he tried as hard as he could, to fight the darkness and the incredible urge to close his eyes. 

The last thing he remembers before darkness enveloped him, was softly whispering "I'm sorry" and a pair of warm  brown orbs burning deep into his heart. 

-\- 

When he came around, his chest and body felt lighter and breathing had become easier. He could still feel pain all over his exhausted form but darkness wasn't creeping in on him. He realized someone was softly stroking his cheek, occasionally threading their fingers through his hair, whispering to him. He tried to focus on the voice and with a sudden burst of energy, he opened his eyes upon recognizing the voice. 

"Beckett?", she breathed, tears running down her face. 

It was the first time he was seeing her cry. Was it because of him? Or was she finally breaking down after everything that happened? Whatever the case, he found himself wanting,needing to soothe her, comfort her. 

"C-celeste… are… you a-alright ?", he asked her, his voice a bit hoarse from the dust around the room, lifting his hand to wipe the tears off the side of her face. 

She chuckled, leaning into his touch, breathing deeply and closing her eyes for a brief moment, as though savoring this feeling. 

" You're the only person I know who would be worried about me, when you're the one who was under a ton of chains. How are you feeling? Are you in pain?", she carefully checked him over searching for any visible injuries. 

"I'm exhausted and to be honest yes, my body aches all over but I'm okay I promise"

"Okay. But I'm keeping an eye on you, so tell me if you feel any pain, alright?"

Nodding, Beckett allowed his eyes to wander around the room, noticing the destruction in it. The room was full of rubble, pieces of what once was the roof, scattered everywhere, having coated everything in dust. 

"I'm guessing everything went well while I was out?", he started sitting up, leaning against the wall. 

Celeste wordlessly helped him up before she answered, resting her forehead on his shoulder, taking a deep breath. 

"Yes. Professor Swan came to help and it turns out she is a Blood-Att too, but she was defeated. Me and Atlas were… close to the end-" 

"What?! You-you almost…", he couldn't even utter the words. "Oh God... you could have… died and I…wouldn't have been able to do anything to stop him, to -" 

"Beckett! Hey… I'm alright now see? I'm here with you and I don't intend to leave you anytime soon."she said gently to him, putting her hands on his cheeks, reassuring him.

A moment passed before she continued.

" So when me and Atlas touched our hands saying goodbye, we had a burst of refractionary magick. I… ended him Beckett. I did it myself. I don't regret it, but that makes me wonder... Does that make me a bad person? ", she looked up at him worried. 

He turned to her, his earnest gaze reaching deep into her soul. "Celeste. Look at me and listen carefully. You could never be a bad person. Honestly you are the most compassionate , brave and kind woman I have ever met. Please don't doubt yourself, ever. He deserved everything he got and more for all the things he did to you and so many other people."

"Really?"

"Really."

Celeste sighed in relief, nestling deeper into his side. "Thank you Beck. You always know what you say to make all my worries fade away."

Wrapping his arms around her, Beckett rested his cheek on her head, kissing her hair. "Anytime. How is everyone doing?" 

"They are going to be okay. When we finished with Raife we were unconscious for a bit. When I woke up, professor Kontos and Aster were here taking everyone through some kind of portals. They were all unconscious but fine. I… stayed with you for a bit trying to wake you up and I was going to call them because you weren't coming around but then you did so… "

"Ah thank goodness we're all fine.", he exclaimed, relieved, his head falling back onto the wall behind him. 

"I knew you were a softie for Pend Pals!"

They both laughed softly, glad to have survived this relatively well. 

"Beckett?", Celeste broke the comfortable silence that had settled over them. 

"Hmm?" 

"I'm… very glad you're okay. When you fell unconscious… I was worried you'd never wake up again…and then you weren't responding and… I can't lose you Beck, I just can't. Not you", Celeste let out an involuntary sob, her arms tightening around him. 

"Oh Celeste… it's okay, I'm okay… I'm here sweetheart…I'm not leaving you... ", he whispered in her ear, rubbing her back in soothing cycles, his heart breaking at the sight of her crying. 

She took a deep breath and looked at him with a vulnerability that he rarely saw in her. "Will you promise me something?" 

" Anything." 

"Don't scare me like that again. Ever. Please.", she said, her voice breaking again at the end, the sobs wreaking through her body. 

Beckett tightened his hold around her pressing soft kisses to her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks and finally on her lips,silently promising her to do anything she asked from him. 

The kiss started slow and gentle, but quickly turned passionate,both of them trying to pour all their emotions into the kiss. Celeste wrapped her arms around his neck pressing herself closer to him, deepening the kiss, almost desperate to feel that this was real, that he was okay. Beckett let her do as she pleased with him, happy and relieved to have her in his embrace,breathing in her natural vanilla smell, his hands roaming across her body, bringing her closer to him,losing himself in her.

They parted away from each other, giggling, upon hearing Aster's worried voice calling for them. 

"Celeste? Did Beckett wake up?" 

"Yes Aster we're here!" 

She kissed him again briefly, helping him get up and linked their hands together, her bright smile back on her face. 

"Let's go home, shall we?" 

Beckett grinning back at her, allowed her to lead him towards Aster, ready for the next chapter in their lives at Penderghast.

-/-

A/N : thank you for reading this! Every single like, comment and reblog is appreciated! ❤️

The elementalists taglist : @gryffindordaughterofathena @starryeyedrookie @theclassycandy @miss-smrxtiee @itsjustwinter @strangelycami

+ @choicesficwriterscreations

[twosidesofthesameidiot]

Fall

Word Count : (1735) Characters: Merlin; Gwen; Will; Lancelot Summary: A series of autumns in Merlin's life Warnings: angst A/N: Fill for a5 "campfires" for @merlinbingo AO3 link

“Come ooon,” a brown haired boy shuffled his feet as he stood outside his best friend’s home, resisting the temptation to go in and drag him out.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, I just need - hah!” a boy with black hair tumbled out of the hut with all of his usual grace and enthusiasm, which is to say, none and, in the first boy’s opinion, an unhealthy amount.

“What did you almost forget this time?”

“Doesn’t matter,” the shorter boy grinned, “I remembered it, and that’s what’s important.”

His friend rolled his eyes, “I swear you’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached to you,” he knocked his knuckles against his friend’s head.

“Oi, rude,” he stuck his tongue out in retaliation.

The brown haired boy just snickered.

The fallen leaves crunched underfoot as they made their way into the forest. The black haired boy kicked some at his companion who retaliated by throwing a hastily snatched handful back at him. Squirrels gathering last nuts into their hoards retreated to the safety of the trees as the boys rushed by stirring up the leaves. From above, the birds watched the forest floor spring to life in their wake. Leaves leaped and reached for the trees from where they had fallen, the mingling colours mimicking a fire like the one they sat near now.

The black haired boy’s eyes were wide, the light of their campfire making them appear a deep blue.

“... they’ll take your soul, the very warmth from your bones.” The brown haired boy paused, “ They say all that’s left is an icy corpse. Freaky, right?”

An icy wind cut through the otherwise still night and both boys start before moving closer to the fire.

“That’s creepy as heck, why’d anyone want t’go and do that for?”

“Dunno, don’t recon there’s anyone who would though, even if it could happen,” the taller boy shrugged.

“I thought campfires meant fun stories, not Samhain come early.”

“We ain’t little kids anymore, ‘sides you liked it,” he stuck his tongue out, recalling his friend’s childish tendency.

The boy just rolls his eyes before grinning and rummaging through his satchel, “Speaking of not being kids anymore - Happy birthday, Will!”

He holds out something carefully wrapped in a plain cloth.

“Merlin, I told you not to -”

“If you don’t accept it, ma’s gonna be upset,” Merlin cuts him off with a grin, “‘sides, you’re really gonna like it.”

“Insufferable, you are,” Will fakes a grimace before accepting the offering.

“Ooooh, big word there, maybe with age does come intelligence,” Merlin fakes wiping a tear away, “and here I had almost given up hope.”

Will ignores the comment, staring at the delicately shaped pendant in his hand. “Merlin, I,” his voice is thick, the words slow to come, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” his smile softens for a moment, “I told you you’d like it,”

“And the moment’s gone,” Will rolls his eyes even as he slips the cord over his head and tucks the pendant into his shirt, “just for that you get first watch.”

“No fair, i just gave you the best present ever, you should take first watch,” Merlin protests, completely forgetting the fact that they have never kept watch while camping.

“It’s my birthday though,” Will shrugs, biting back a laugh at the look on his best friend’s face.

================================================

“In hindsight, maybe I should have kept watch, when we got up the next morning the squirrels had gotten into our food,” Merlin grins, recalling the walk back to the village with Will chasing after every squirrel he found.

Lancelot laughed, “So, what I’m hearing is that we definitely should keep watch.”

“Can you imagine what Gauis would say if we went back without what he needs,” Merlin shuddered, “And I’d have to tell him what happened, too. I need to maintain some dignity, please.”

Lancelot only laughs harder and both men shift closer to their campfire as a cold wind cuts through the night. The flames flickered causing the shadows of the half bared tree limbs to shift eerily and the fallen leaves rustle softly welcoming their freshly fallen comrades.

Noticing his friend’s nervous scanning of the area, Lancelot nudges him gently, “You worried the blue ghosts are gonna pop up?”

Despite the teasing tone, Merlin can sense his concern and he shakes his head, “It’s fine, ‘s a bit stupid, but that story always freaked me out.”

Lancelot frowned as he draped his blanket over Merlin's boney shoulders, "It's not stupid. It is kinda freaky, but I don’t think they’re anywhere near this mortal plane, and even if they did somehow appear” he smiled reassuringly as Merlin glanced at him, “I’d fight them off.”

Merlin looks at him for a moment before a smile replaces the frown, “Really living up to the chivalrous code, aren’t you,” he lets out a small laugh, “gonna keep being my knight in shining armor?”

Lancelot grins at him, “Yes, and as such, I’ll even take first watch.”

“It’s fine,” Merlin protests, extracting himself from the blanket, “I can take it.”

“Merlin.”

“Seriously, Lance, you don’t have to - you’ve been training non-stop and I know how Arthur can be -”

“Merlin, go sleep, I’m taking first watch,” Lancelot rolls his eyes, “I’m used to this, and you deserve a break.”

================================================

“Merlin! The filling is for the pie not you,” Gwen laughs as she smacks his hand away from the bowl.

“I know that,” Merlin sniffs exaggeratedly, “ I am merely testing it, gotta make sure it’s safe for everyone to eat. And, you know,” he carefully snatches the bowl off the counter, “I really don’t think it is, I should prevent a disaster and eat it myself, spare everyone else.”

“How selfless of you, Merlin,” Gwen snickers, “But, I think everyone will be just fine, as long as you put that into the crust now.”

“Don’t say I didn’t try,” he sighs, complying with Gwen’s order.

-----------------------------------------------------

The sky was clear and the campfire crackled softly, sending up translucent streams of smoke that curled into the pale tree branches.

“This is amazing, Gwen”, Morgana’s soft voice tugged Merlin out of the brief reverie he had slipped into, “Next time, you should let me help you?”

Merlin could hear the smile in his friend’s voice, “I’m going to be making another one tomorrow, you’re more than welcome to come,” she giggled softly, “I’m sure today’s assistant could stand to learn some things from you.”

“I am a perfectly lovely assistant, thank you very much.”

“Of course you are, Merlin,” Gwen patted his arm consolingly, still giggling.

Merlin’s reply was cut off by the sudden sound of clattering armor.

Morgana stiffened, then sighed, “I guess that’s my cue to return before I’m missed.” She stood, smoothing out her dress, royal mask sliding back into place, “Thank you for a lovely evening, I’ll see you tomorrow, Gwen. Goodnight, Merlin.”

“Goodnight, Morgana.”

As she slipped into the crisp autumn night, Merlin stared into the familiar flames, absently running his fingers over a pendant rubbed bright by continuous wear, reflecting the amber glow..

Gwen watched him for a moment before gently placing her hand on his shoulder. Turning slightly, Merlin rested his head against her shoulder, taking her smaller hand in his own.

A little ways off, at the end of a faint path a woodmouse happens upon a feast. Two slices of pie and two cups of apple cider, laid out side by side under a willow tree.

================================================

Lancelot feeds another log to the fire and the flames seem to burn a bit brighter for a moment. Their light makes the pendants hanging from Merlin’s neck glow, and the rings from Gwen’s glitter. The red of the fire makes the red of his cloak, draped over their shoulders, a deeper, warmer shade.

A wreath of Aster and Sedum lie under the willow tree with the woodmouse’s feast.

================================================

It’s not a campfire, not really, but it is a fire and it’s autumn and Lancelot recalls uttering these same words under similar, yet vastly different circumstances.

“Merlin, go sleep, I’m taking first watch,” Lancelot cannot mask the worry in his voice, “I’m used to this, and you deserve a break.”

Over the blanket Merlin has wrapped himself in, Lancelot has draped his cloak, but Merlin is too on edge to find his usual comfort in the gesture.

There is one bed in the little house they entered, and it is occupied by the frozen remains of its former owner. But the fire is warm, casting its protective glow to the corners of the room.

They are jerked out of a light sleep by the shrieking of a dorocha, Merlin immediately bringing the fire back to full flame before they run out of the house.

The dragon is a shock to Lancelot, but he takes it in stride, or at least he hopes he does.

After the immediate danger has passed, they feel lightheaded and Merlin starts to laugh.

Sensing Lancelot’s confused look, he manages to blurt out, “Will really was right after all.”

Confusion gives way to laughter, “On both counts, too. Should have kept a better watch.”

If had Kilgarrah cared to listen, he would have heard the hysteria laced through the sound.

================================================

For the first time in years, Merlin lights the campfire completely alone.

Gwen is safe in Ealdor and although he knows she probably has done it for herself, he still sets out her gifts under the willow tree.

The wind cuts through his thin clothes and Merlin shivers. He’d forgotten to bring a blanket and could not bear to touch Lancelot’s cloak. He cannot stop the tears that escape as he lays down the Sedum and Aster flowers he has gathered.

Tonight, the sound of happy harvesters cuts him more than the cold wind and he feels as lost as the yellow leaves it flings around.

================================================

The fire is warm, and a blue eyed man adjusts the camping kettle hanging over it. There is a soft clinking sound as he moves and for a moment something shines brightly as it reflects the flames, before it is covered again by his red scarf.

There is a container on the ground next to him with a slice of pie in it. On top of the container rests a heap of aster and sedum, which he is slowly braiding into a wreath and around him red and yellow leaves fall.

[oliveiraveiro]

My Utmost Desire

The Royal Masquerade, Male Kayden x MC (Julia Aster)

summary: Julia discusses her decision to surrender the crown with Kayden.

tags/warning: fluff, suggestive thought

word count: 1366 / ao3 link

note: this is three things: late, out of the blue, and self-indulgent 🤣 an expansion of that scene in chapter 17 because no way in hell MC would choose not to marry fabian to keep the crown and their LI is just “ok thanks. hey btw fabian could really use a conversation with you.” anyways :)))

“This is all so sudden, but how could I live with myself, knowing that I could have stopped a war?” Fabian Rhys, ever selfless, says, despite the frown still on his face.

“Believe me when I tell you, there is no other way.” Julia continues. And indeed, think about another way is all she has done for hours on end. “If I could keep the crown I earned, I would.”

She bothers not to hide her frown. She wishes she did not need to abdicate the throne, when she and her closest allies have worked so hard for her seat, but alas, this must be the way. If she is to save innocent lives, her people: the very people this all have been for-- she must serve not as queen.

Fabian tilts his head and looks thoughtful for a moment. “Maybe there is.”

“I promise, we have thought through every strategy. Cordonia will only remain united beneath a Rhys.”

“Then a Rhys they will have. Your Majesty, if it’s not too forward of me to suggest… We could marry.”

“Marry?” Julia gapes, and before Kayden could also react, her gaze meets his.

“What are you saying?” Kayden is as surprised as she was, but he is quick to school his features, and Julia could almost hear him chiding himself for forgetting himself.

“Cordonia may need my name, but that is not the same as my leadership. Queen Julia, marry me and take my name as yours.”

Then… Julia may be able to keep the crown, after all? All their hard work will not be in vain?

But… Kayden. She frowns almost imperceptibly as she glances again in his direction. The look of surprise still on her face, she looks at Fabian. “I am flattered but…”

“Please, don’t mistake my intent. This arrangement would have nothing to do with romance.” Fabian gives the Queen a knowing smile. “We would ask nothing of each other. Our relationship would be one born only of politics and a desire for peace. You could keep your crown and your kingdom. I would spend my days painting.”

“Excuse me for a moment?”

Fabian nods and steps away with Flora.

“I don’t know what you’re about to say, but you should know that I will stand behind anything you decide.” Kayden does not even hesitate.

“You would stand behind never marrying me?” Julia could already feel her heart aching.

He just smiles at her and takes her hands.

“I would abide anything, if it meant living in your heart.”

“We would be together, but in secret. Our love could never be known to anyone but our closest allies.” She continues, already dreading the possibility of that future.

Undeterred, he smiles again, confidently, gently massaging her knuckles. “There is no obstacle we could not overcome, if this is what your heart desires.”

Julia is not sure if she loves or hates it that he is so willing to stand by her side unconditionally. She wanted him to convince her to pick him over the crown, not the other way around. Emotions running high, she takes a deep shaky breath, taking a long moment to keep her wits with her.

If there is one important thing she learned through her journey to being queen, it is to always see reason. And that she tries, no matter the pain in her heart.

Looking up at Kayden, she swallows the lump in her throat, nodding a little. “Very well. Then, I believe I have decided.”

At her call, Fabian and Flora return to hear her answer.

“I have decided…” Julia swallows the lump in her throat. She keeps a poker face, but later fails, because soon enough she feels her eyes watering at the thought of not choosing her love for Kayden before anything else.

She takes a deep breath, composing herself, wiping the corner of her eyes with her handkerchief. Julia gives Kayden another glance, pondering how lucky she was to have someone to who will stand by her side through anything she desired. As if she was unaware to the fact, her mind is repeating just how much she deeply loves her Crown Shield. Another deep breath.

“I have decided not to marry Fabian and surrender my crown. I am honored by your willingness to sacrifice that part of your life so that I may continue to rule, but… I am afraid I am not. I cannot live that lie. I must follow my heart, even if it leads me beyond the palace.”

Julia refuses to meet Kayden’s eyes again so he would dare not to interject, but she should have known better.

“My queen… you must reconsider--”

“I have decided, Kayden. Fabian will be Cordonia’s King, alone.”

“Are you deciding for the people? For you? There is more to consider aside from… from myself, Your Majesty.”

“Flora, Fabian… we’ll meet you at the carriage.” They curtsy and bow before Julia before again giving the two time to discuss.

Julia frowns as she finally meets Kayden’s gaze. “What happened to standing behind anything I decide?”

“No, because you’re doing this just for me. Think more about this, Julia. The crown…the entire kingdom is yours for the taking. You will rightfully serve the people, noble and common alike. You could continue your legacy for a great number of years, and even pass on the throne to your future children. Do you not want any of that?”

“I do, Kayden, but not without you by my side…”

“I will be--”

Julia shakes her head. “Not like this,” she gives him an earnest look that successfully stops him from interrupting. “It’s you, Kayden. It is you who my heart truly desires. A long, happy life full of love with you. No kingdom or royal legacy is worth more than marriage and a future family with you.”

Kayden takes a long moment to process all that Julia has said, his own eyes starting to shine at his queen’s declaration. She takes it as an invitation to continue.

“I know we have worked hard for me to be crowned queen, and this seems like I am simply throwing everything away. But all this has been is for the people of this kingdom, to make sure they will have a strong but kind and selfless leader who will bring prosperity to Cordonia. Renza and Cyrus are in no position to go after the throne, and Fabian will no doubt be the people’s servant. We have succeeded, Kayden. It’s… it’s time for us to be selfish this time. It’s time for us to focus on us.”

Kayden desperately wants to pull Julia into a passionate kiss, to express his similar feelings through actions instead of his words.

He would pull her waist against him and grab her hair as they kiss more and more urgently. He could probably make love to her here and then, give her the worshipping she deserves, and no magic would be able to barricade his intense love and desire for her.

But regrettably, despite everything his queen said, she is still the Queen. He offers his arm for her, knowing it was presently the only acceptable gesture for the Queen and her Crown Shield.

Julia smiles to herself as she takes his arm, and they start walking back to the carriage. It was rare to get Kayden speechless, especially in a debate of some kind. She will certainly revel in getting the last word.

“Don’t be so smug, my queen. When I’m finally allowed to, next time it will be me who will be professing my intense love for you in public. I will be down on one knee, and you will forget how to utter any word except for ‘yes’.”

“Mm, tell me more, my loyal subject. Perhaps it will happen at a certain royal masquerade?”

“Indeed. But we will no longer be wearing any masks. I’m afraid all I will be able to think about is Midnight Shadow.”

“No more hiding? Perfect. Because all I want is to exclaim how much I love you with all that I am and all that I have, Kayden Vescovi.”

“As I love you, Lady Julia Aster.”

[isweartoerenimnotjaeger]

Visiting Mana’s Grave

               (This just happened out of the blue. Warning it is sad. I visited my grandparent’s graves, so I got inspired to write this. It’s usually a thing in my family to go down during Memorial Day and go look at my relatives graves. I know it’s supposed to be for veterans that have passed, but we also used it as an excuse to visit my other relatives that have not served in the army. Well, perhaps it’s not really an excuse since my grandfather was a veteran, but we would also visit my cousin’s grave because she was in the same cemetery, or my grandmother. Today we visited my other grandmother. We haven’t visited her grave site in a couple years because usually we see my grandfather’s. Trigger warnings: very sad, implied child abuse and implied car accident).

               Today was Memorial Day. It was supposed to be a day to honor veterans that died, but some people also used the holiday to visit their loved one’s graves that were not even veterans. So, while the holiday was meant for veterans, Cross was using it as an excuse to drag his brat up to Mana’s grave. He felt guilty about it. He should really make the drive more often to let Allen visit Mana. It would probably be healthy for him, not to mention Mana didn’t have anyone looking after his grave site from what it seemed. Usually it was something that took an entire day. It wasn’t because the drive to get up there was long. It was quite short. They didn’t know what to do with Mana’s body when he passed because he never had a will. They ended up deciding to bury him in the town’s cemetery because many Noah family members lived in this area. He was also a childhood friend of Cross’s and even though Mana went under the name Walker, he was still apart of the Noah family. It’s just that Allen would crumble, and it took him awhile to pull himself back together whenever they did visit the grave. Cross had to be mentally and physically prepared to see Allen like that and he wanted to plan those visitations in such a way where Allen had time to grieve. He had time to express his emotions and time to pull himself together again.

               If Allen really wanted to (and could remember the way there), he could visit Mana whenever he wanted to. Cross preferred taking him up there himself though. You know, for moral support. Allen also had a tendency to freeze up and Cross was afraid that if no one was there the kid would sit there forever. In a way Cross thought Allen chose not to go alone because it hurt too much as it was. Maybe he was afraid of going alone.

               From his spot in the window Cross could see this time around that the sun was shining and there was a gentle spring breeze that shook the tree leaves outside. The other times Cross attempted to take Allen, it was always rainy or cold. It felt fitting. Mana always had a smile on his face. He was always bright and cheerful. He looked for the best in people. A sunny day was perfect kind of weather to go visit him.

               “You ready to go kid?” Cross asked, turning around to face the small, timid, little boy who swung his legs back and forth in the chair he sat in. His tone held a particular tenderness to it that he only uses on things pertaining Mana. Allen looked up slowly, as if coming out of a daze. This was quite natural for him and Cross learned to stay patient. The kid was hurting after all. He may not understand his feelings towards his adoptive father because his dad was a total asshole, but he lost people before. He knew how hard it was to adjust. Speaking of his dad. His father’s grave was also in the town’s cemetery. Right next to his mother’s. He never visited them though. He would visit his mother’s, but he really didn’t want to be near his father’s. He could give less of a fuck over what his grave site looked like.

               “You ready to go?” Cross asked again at the kid’s blank look, walking over to ruffle up his hair. That seemed to lift some of the daze and the child nodded back before scooting off of his chair and following Cross.

               As they approached the car Cross asked, “So, do you know what kind of flowers Mana liked? Or what his favorite color is?”

               Allen looked up at him in confusion. What did he mean by flowers and stuff?

               “Usually people leave flowers when they visit graves. It makes them look pretty. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Sometimes people will leave little animal statues or solar lights,” Cross explained with a shrug as they got into the car.

               “I don’t know,” Allen shrugged, feigning disinterest.

               Cross was about to just accept Allen’s word and drive to the cemetery, but he decided against it. Allen was in a vulnerable state right now and hiding his emotions. While Allen was feigning disinterest, he could be actually really wanting to put something on Mana’s grave, but not willing to admit it.

               “Well…we have time. I think we should check out and see what they have. Maybe something will jump out at you. Besides, you were his son and I doubt anyone else is putting anything nice on his grave,” Cross said as he started up the car and began to drive. He was being a hypocrite. He knew that. I mean it wasn’t like he was taking care of his own father’s grave so why the hell was he preaching to this kid? What right did he have? Mana was special though. He was a fucking nutcase, but he took care of Allen the best that he could. That’s saying a lot more than his own father ever did. Plus, he was a childhood friend of sorts, Cross felt it was his duty to make sure Mana got something. Or at least forced the kid into looking at putting something on his grave.

               “Okay,” was Allen’s response.

~

               Allen stared with deep concentration at the flower sheet, willing the complicated words to make sense. He could pick out familiar flower names like a Rose, Daisy, Lily, but there were a lot he couldn’t pronounce or remember what they were. Cross didn’t seem impatient though. He allowed Allen time to try and figure it out himself. Judging from the furrowed eyebrows and the way he looked like he was trying to mentally combust the paper he was looking at; he could see Allen was not getting very far.

               Cross knelt down to peer at the paper in Allen’s hand, “Got any you’re interested in?”

               “No…” Allen responded which he was technically being truthful. The ones he could read and understand were few and their meanings were even harder to understand. He didn’t know flowers had meanings to begin with. Well if that’s the case he didn’t want to choose the wrong one.

               “Well...what about this flower?” Cross asked, pointing to the word Aster. It was one Allen could read but didn’t know what it looked like.

               “It’s that bright purple flower with the yellow center,” Cross said, tapping Allen’s shoulder and pointing up at one of the flower vases, “It means patience, love, and wisdom. If I had to pick a flower for Mana, I think I would pick that one. We could also add some forget-me-nots which represent remembrance. It’s those little blue flowers up there. Maybe some zinnias, which are those colorful puffier flowers up there. It represents friendship, remembrance, and goodness.”

               “Can we have that one to?” Allen asked, pointing at a sunflower. He thought it was very sunny and happy looking like Mana.

               “Sure.”

               “What does it mean?” Allen asked, wanting to make sure it would still fit with the arrangement.

               “It means adoration and loyalty.”

               “Mana liked to look at them a lot,” Allen stated. Cross nodded.

               “Alright then. Anything else?” Cross asked. Allen was so invested in understanding the flower chart he didn’t see what other things the flower/gardening shop had. They had a lot of colorful garden decorations. There were sculptures of bears, mushrooms, garden gnomes, crosses, color changing lights, wind chimes, cats, and dogs. The dogs are what caught Allen’s eye. Allen strode over to the decorations, looking at one particular statue of a dog that looked almost exactly like Allen the dog. Of course, the statue didn’t include his clown costume. Without the costume though, it would’ve definitely been an exact replica of Allen. Cross looked over at Allen who seemed absolutely fixated on one specific statue of a dog that was sleeping with it’s head resting on it’s paws. It looked peaceful.

               Allen wasn’t the type of kid to ask for stuff. Sometimes he’ll get ballsy and ask for something just to piss Cross off, but he never asked for much. It was mostly little things like candy or some shit. Bigger things like toys, the kid would stare a little bit too long, but move on.

               “You want it?” Cross asked nonchalantly, “Go ahead and get it.”

               Allen put his head down in shame, feeling guilty that Cross knew it. He couldn’t help it though. It felt like it was screaming at him to grab it. He knew Mana would love it.

               “Come on. Don’t worry about it. Grab it,” Cross responded, taking Allen out of his guilty thoughts as he ruffled up his hair again. With a moment of hesitation, the little boy grabbed the dog statue and carefully carried it towards the cash register. Cross shot off what kind of flower arrangement they wanted and in just a few minutes Allen had the dog statue in his lap with a bouquet of flowers. It was quite the arrangement. A little bit crazy, but colorful, just like Mana.

               “T-Thank you,” Allen stuttered out as Cross started up the car, petting the dog lightly with a fingertip.

               “Don’t worry about it kid. Besides, Mana deserves it,” Cross said as he drove to the cemetery. The rest of the drive was spent in silence and it seemed like the closer they got to the grave site, the heavier the atmosphere got.

When Cross finally pulled up near the spot Mana was buried, he sighed. “Alright kid. Let’s go see Mana, shall we?”

               Allen gave a slight nod, his body slouching as he got out of the car. Cross placed his hand against Allen’s back, pushing him gently forward as he guided the boy to Mana’s grave. It only took a couple minutes to find it and Cross was surprised with how well kept it was. The two stood awkwardly for a long time, staring down at the letters etched into the stone. Mana Walker.

               “Do you want me to leave you alone for a bit?” Cross asked. I mean, it was sort of a private moment and he wanted to give Allen the option to be alone with his grief. He wouldn’t stay away for long, of course, but sometimes people just needed to be alone for a bit.

               Allen nodded.

               “Alright. I won’t be gone long. If you need something send Tim after me,” Cross said, rubbing Allen’s head affectionately before he wandered off. Allen felt the huge weight in his chest slowly pull him down to the grass in front of Mana’s grave.

               “Hi Mana…I got you flowers…well Cross helped. He knows a lot about flowers. I forgot the name of some of them, but I got you a sunflower because we’d always see them on our travels. I also got you this dog. It looks like your dog. He doesn’t have a clown costume on though. I know you missed him a lot even though you wouldn’t admit it that day…that day we met,” Allen said softly as he placed each item against the gravestone, “I have…I have a lot of friends now. I also do dancing and singing. I’m pretty good at it…”

               Then the words trailed off. It seemed meaningless to describe to Mana his day and what’s been going on. Words were harder to come by when grief threatened to pull him down, wrapping it’s way around his body, around his neck, covering his eyes. All that he could choke out was.

               “I miss you…” and then he felt himself become sucked into the vortex. His mind blanked out.

~

               Without meaning to, Cross stumbled upon his parent’s graves. To be honest, he actually forgot where they were. It’s been so long. His mother died earlier than his dad, when he was still in high school. He couldn’t remember much of the funeral services, other than the fact that Neah stood beside him, while Mana stood at the other. There were a few mourners, but nothing much. His father passed when he just got out of high school. There was no Neah. There was no Mana. There were no mourners. It was just him standing there, making sure that fucking bastard was finally dead. Cross was utterly alone with the meager belongings his parent’s left him. Most of it was his father’s so he ended up selling his possessions. He kept the few things his mother had, but most of it was sold off to support his dad’s drug habit. Later on, he did the same with his father’s possession. An eye for an eye.

               Cross glowered down at his father’s grave for a good moment or two, his gaze softened a little bit when his eyes moved over to his mother’s.

               “Long time no see,” Cross sighed, keeping his eyes trained on his mother’s grave. He refused to make stupid conversation with his old man…even if he was dead and couldn’t talk back.

               “I managed to knock anyone up or die in a ditch. Though you’ve probably noticed that anyway. I also acquired a brat of my own. I think you would’ve liked him on your more lucid days. He taught me a lot. He’s also annoyed me a lot. He’s a weird little boy but very talented. Sorry Ma, I should stop by more. I haven’t been able to get over my shit with the old man yet. Still, that isn’t being fair to you. Maybe if the brat decides to want to see Mana a lot more, I’ll come by more. Introduce him to you.”

               “As for you, you smarmy ass bastard. You can forget about it. You should be thankful the city gives enough of a shit about you to keep the grass around your gravestone mowed,” Cross spat, his attention shifting to his father’s grave, “I hope that in whatever circle of hell you are in you are watching me do a better job than you ever had at being a father. I hope it tears you up inside. I am thankful that you’ll never get the chance to see Allen. You’ve already done enough damage to one kid. So, keep watching me. I’ll show you how a real man is supposed to be.”

               “See you Ma. Sorry you had to see that,” Cross growled as he finally stalked off to go check on his kid.

~

               When Cross approached Mana’s resting place, the kid was frozen in place, staring off into space. That’s what he thought might happen during their visit today. Cross sighed and walked over to kneel beside the child.

               “Allen? Hey kid? Kid?” Cross asked, smacking Allen’s face lightly. Allen jolted back in surprise and fear as he was brought back to reality. He blinked up at Cross, his eyes still looked dazed.

               “You doing okay?” Cross asked, reaching up to move some hair out of the younger’s face. Allen shrugged. He didn’t trust himself to speak in fear he would start crying. Cross hummed, not believing Allen for a single moment but deciding not to push him into talking.

               “Alright,” Cross said, deciding to shift himself so he was sitting behind Allen. He continued to run his fingers through his hair to hopefully keep Allen comforted. Even if the brat wasn’t outright sobbing, he was still going through a lot of pain. He just wished he would let himself feel the emotions he was experiencing instead of stuffing them. It’s not like he had any room to talk since he did the same exact thing, but he wanted the kid to feel better instead of worse. He was an adult where it was normal to stuff one’s emotions (even if it wasn’t healthy. Allen was a child; he shouldn’t have to stuff his emotions and hopefully his generation will learn to continue not to do so as they grew older.

               “You know it’s okay to cry,” Cross said after several moments of silence. Allen had his eyes closed, and had his head leaned back to enjoy Cross’s ministrations. He didn’t look content though. His eyebrows were furrowed, like he was seeing things behind his eyelids that he didn’t want to see. It was hard not to think of Mana or the tiny fragments that Allen could remember from the accident as he sat by his grave. It was harder to control the horrible memories that blossomed up behind his eyes without mercy. It was a struggle to try and keep his emotions in check

               Allen’s bottom lip trembled before putting his head down, “I don’t want to cry…”

               “Why? You may feel a little better once you do.”

               “Cuz it hurts…” Allen sniffled. He hated feeling his chest hurt or the headache afterwards. He hated spiraling down into such a hurtful kind of pain that made him feel like he was going to die from it. He hated Cross touching him. He hated being here. He hated seeing Mana’s dead corpse behind his eyes. He hated hearing the thunder in his head and see the painful flashes of lightning. He hated feeling so cold when it was a lovely, sunny, spring day out.

               “Yeah, but it hurts more to bury it. It just gets worse and worse” Cross advised, deciding to push Allen a little bit. I mean the kid was teetering on the edge and he’d rather him get it out of his system now than later on. Cross grabbed Allen, setting him on his lap as he began to rock slowly. Allen’s sniffling grew louder. Allen gave a long whine before trying to hide himself in Cross’s armpit to try and make the icky feelings go away. With a choked sob the dam broke and Allen became a quaking, wailing mess.

               “There we go,” Cross said, rubbing Allen’s back and adjusting him so he would stop trying to suffocate himself against his body. The way the kid was wailing made Cross’s eyes sting a little with unshed tears, but he was determined to hold himself together. God, when the kid cried, he could really cry sometimes. The wails sounded like they were coming from someplace deep inside and it wasn’t often Cross heard such pain coming from the little boy’s throat. It was the type of crying that the movies always tried to make painfully beautiful, but in reality, it was ugly and painful to watch. It was the type of crying that left you purple in the face, that sounded like someone was suffocating on the pain that threatened to drown them alive. It both terrified and hurt Cross to hear it because no child should have to wail like that. No parent liked to hear their kid wailing in pain, even if it did them good to get rid of that pain.

               “I know….I know….you’re okay…it’s okay,” Cross cooed, his own painful flashbacks trying to rear their ugly head. He remembered being a snot nosed brat and crying like this, but there wasn’t anybody there to hold him. There were only people there to hit him across the face, telling him to shut up before they gave him something to cry about. There was screaming that threatened to outmatch his own cries of rage and pain.

               It felt like eons until Allen began to calm down instead of choking on his own sobs. His eyes were swollen and his little cheeks were a bright angry red. His throat was raw, his face felt sticky and disgusting. It felt a lot easier to breathe though. Well, aside from the stuffy nose and the pounding headache, his chest felt lighter, which made it feel easier to breathe. Meanwhile Cross kept rocking him, whispering to him and easing him back from the stormy waters in his head to calmer seas. Allen whined when Cross pulled him away to grab his shirt to try and clean off his face. He was exhausted. All he wanted to do was to bury his face into Cross’s chest and fall asleep.

               “Do you feel better now that you got all that crap out of your system?” Cross asked after he cleaned up Allen’s face. Allen could only offer up a huge yawn in response as he leaned forward, back against Cross.

               “Alright. We’ll head home. You should say bye to Mana though.”

               Allen whined, not wanting to leave Mana. He was too tired to voice his thoughts though.

               “We’ll come back to see him another day, okay? I think he’d like you to rest at home for now. Besides, he has the dog keeping watch on his grave now, so he’ll be okay until we come back.”

               That made a little sense to Allen’s tired, child-like mind. He had Allen the dog to protect his grave now until Allen came back. Still, he was reluctant to say goodbye, managing a little wave and keeping his eyes open until he couldn’t see his grave anymore as Cross carried him back to the car.

(Hahaha…I didn’t cry like a little bitch at all while making this…not at all…haha…heh. Anyways, upcoming drabbles, I still got one that is currently almost done, another bit of Linkllen that needs a lot more editing, the amusement park draft that is currently not done but started. I also have Krory and Miranda’s date on the back burner, Cross chaperoning a field trip as one drabble idea, another one where Cross takes Allen to his first concert. If you all have anymore suggestions or ideas to add, feel free to comment them or message me!)

[huangfilms]

Florist!Donghyuck

summary: hi i really hate this person and i saw your sign that you make personal bouquets and i would like you to make one where it gives the message of how much i hate them if it isn’t too much to ask for 

requested by: a lovely anon!! thanks love❤️

(A/N) ajsdhgf okay so She Is Here!!! i don’t know what i wrote!! i always never know what i write cause when i write sometimes i just black out and suddenly its finished but i hope this is what you wanted you lovely anon!!! thank you for requesting <333

okay so you just recently went through a break up

that fool was the biggest asshole ever and you don’t even know w hy

so you broke up with them !!! good for u sis !! 

honestly they cheated on u with a close friend of yours and you just,,, didn’t care anymore

well you didnt care That Much Anymore

u still care to the point where u are 2day

and thats going to a florist to passive aggressively say how much u hate them in flowers

i mean u saw a sign that says ‘we make personalized bouquets!!’ so u hope they can just do this For You

so you walk in a lil angry 

and you have This Mad Face and the florist currently working thinks its the cutest thing

the florist is donghyuck

and he just sees you fuming and you look?? like a lil baby munchkin so adorable omg

and so hes just waiting for you to say something And Eventually You Do Say Something

he didnt expect this rant to come out of ur mouth

‘my s/o just cheated on me like a week ago and Yes i am still mad about it and i saw your sign about making personalized bouquets and i just wanted to ask if you can make the most Passive Aggressive bouquet so i can tell them that i hate them without actually telling them i hate them??’

and you say more but at the end of your little rant donghyuck is just trying to hold in his laughter because youre so adorable omg

and hes all like,, ‘sure sweets,,, also,,,,,,, do u need to talk about it? i can have it done by the end of the day and i could use sum company since ill b the only one on duty’

and u get shocked cause LMAOOO this cute ass florist really b out here! making ur heart beat fast! just by asking u to keep him company!

___ don’t fall for the first person to b nice to you since ur break up challenge [FAILED]

so ur like,,, ive got no plans so sure

and you just hang around and look through all of the flowers

and while youre looking around youre just asking him what each flower means

and some beautiful flowers have the most unpleasant meanings LMAOOO

and hyuck is just living for this cause you are just so adorable lkdfjha

it becomes like 5 PM so suddenly and you needa go home cause yo mama will b wondering where u been for the last few hours LMAO

so you tell him that hey,,, you gotta leave but youll come back tomorrow to pick up the flowers!!!

‘it was nice meeting you donghyuck ! im y/n’

and u see him melt from u saying his name

its the cutest sight omg

and so you just leave and hyuck is just in awe because wow ! youre adorable t h e

so he just spends the rest of his time making the bouquet of hatred

its not that much time, he closes the store at 7 since hes got a lot of stuff to do like hw since hes in his last year of highschool

but anywho

you come back the next day bright and early on saturday

and hyuck is there bright and early

and you just greet him with a big smile and then u remember why ur there and ur smile is g o ne 

so you asking him if the bouquet is done and how much it is and all that jazz

and he says that ur total comes out to an even $11 so u give him exact change and then u ask what kinda flowers he included

so he goes into detail about each of them (i know nothing of flowers just the most basic info like red roses mean a deep love or whatever LMAO)

then at the end of his explanation you just evilly grin and ask him to write on a card very nicely of the names of each flower he included

he does just that and then he gives you a big smile ! the actual sun? yes.

and you tip him some money and then you wave him goodbye! and then the actual sun is not shining anymore cause you left

when you give your ex s/o the bouquet, you tell them ‘here, search each flower that was written on this card and find out their meanings, have a nice life.’

and you just leave cause!! wooo frick them! u r free !

then u miss donghyuck even tho u met him like yesterday

smh

like he was real witty and funny when u guys talked

u just go home nd ur all like ‘SIGH’ and ur mom is just wondering if your okay LMAOO

but the next day u plan on seeing him just cause

but to make it not loo k like ur just trying to see him,,, u buy a SINGLE flower

when hyuck sees u walk in the shop he Lights Up omghhshs

The Actual Sun Im Telling You

‘hey hyuck!! how r u!!’ and he MELTS

YOURE SO DJSJJD AADORABLEKFJS

well anyway you guys chat for a while and you decide youre going to buy a carnation or something

‘just a single flower?’ and he shyly grins at u

you turn the cutest shade of pink abby uwus her way thru this headconnon pt three

then he chuckles a lil and you laugh a bit with him

while hes totaling up your single flower, you chat with him some more

‘here’s your flower, have a nice day!’ and he smiles His Smile u all know what im talking about

and youre Sad Again

this continues for weeks

you buying ONE flower, him being the sun, u guys pining talking

you guys get to know each other more and more over the weeks go by

and suddenly you have these???feelings??? for the sun??? yes.

but of course you dont Say Anything cause he might not like u like that and u would still like to talk to him even if its just as friends

but sis,,,, u have No Idea that donghyuck has been Pining Over You Since Forever

cause sometimes you ask him to pick your single flower for the day and its him confessing his feelings through flowers but you dont need to know that

the Cutest Shit I Know

but then he just sighs when you leave and he feels the hurt of unrequited love

hyuck bub,,, chill out sweetie

IF YALL WOULD JUST OPEN UR FUCKIN EARS THEN YALL WOULD BE TOGETHER BUT I MEAN I G U E S S

literally everyone is rooting for you guys,,,, i cant--

everyone sees The Eyes whenever you guys look at each other, but the other isnt looking at you

sometimes hyuck even turns Red just by looking at you, like you dont even catch him or anything he just turns red

but hyuck is just like,,,,, hnnngg maybe they like me,,,,,,,,, so he picks out an aster and tells u to search up the meaning for this one this time

(its a symbol of love/daintiness) 

and when u do your heart absolutely Soars

because!! he likes you too!!! what !!!

when you come back the next day you just find him and pull him into a hug and say ‘i like you too’ and hyuck turns pink and its dshalkadorablejdf

and so he asks you out on a date and its cute cause you say yes!

the day of the date he takes you to a flower field and he picks small flowers and sticks them in both your hair and his

ITS ! SO ! CUTE !

and many dates later hyuck finally asks you to be his! and u! yell ! yes!

saldkjhflakjsdh

OKAY BUT hycuk finding the most beautiful flowers to give you

like a red or white camellia !! (red means: youre a flame in my heart, white means: youre adorable!!)

and he just tells you the meanings cause you deserve to know and he wants u to hear it from him

ONE DAY HE GIVES YOU A BOUQUET OF DAISYS ! (innocence ! loyal love !) and hyuck is always shy when telling you the meanings

few months into your relationship, he gives you a red chrysanthemum,,,,, sister !

and you understand this one because you are IN LOVE with these flowers because they mean--

‘I love you.’

you then look up with a few tears in your eyes and you say--

‘i love you too, hyuck’ and you give him the biggest hug ever!!!

everything is soft everything is cute

im always soft whats new queens

but anyway!!! end!! hyuck as a florist would be so cute??? but him as ur bf AND a florist??? EVEN CUTER!

so! end!!! hyuck deserves the whole world omg

Masterlist

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Oscar Warrior: Analyzing the Ridiculously Overcrowded Lead Actress & Actor Fields

For whatever reason, I’ve been biding my time on doing any significant writing about the Oscar season, maybe because I took the early festival and awards seasons off and also, maybe because somewhere inside me, I hoped someone might actually pay me to write something again.

By now, I feel like I’ve seen every movie of any significance for awards season with only two movies still-to-screen (The Mule, Welcome to Marwen). The fact these two movies are not screening for BFCA members before the Critics Choice nominations (and possibly not the HFPA who vote for the Golden Globes) makes me think their respective studios would rather focus on stronger films.

What I’ve always found interesting is that sometimes voters, including critics, have a tough time distinguishing a great performance from a great script and even a great make-up job. There are a few cases every year where an actor’s transformative look and performance are hailed for awards, when much more credit needs to be given to the screenwriter and make-up departments. That’s also partially the case this year, but not entirely.

LEAD ACTRESS

The Top Contenders

So far there are only three actors I feel are definite Oscar nominees in this category, which leaves two slots for a LOT of other possibilities, as well as room for a few surprises.

Likely to be one of this year’s many first-time nominees with her amazing leading role in Bradley Cooper’s A Star is Born, pop superstar Lady Gaga already has such a huge fanbase from her music, concerts and videos. The fact she excels playing a role not to unfamiliar to herself – a songwriter-turned-pop-star--will make it easier for Oscar voters to accept her as an actor worthy of a nomination. If Gaga is nominated, it will be the first time an actor has been nominated for a role that’s previously been played by Liza Minelli and Judy Garland, and considering the film’s success at the box office (close to $200 million domestic) will make the movie and Gaga both very popular choices among voters.

With six Oscar nominations but no Oscar on her mantle yet, Glenn Close is the epitome of a well-deserving acting veteran respected by her peers. Her title role in the drama The Wife got many Oscar prognosticators excited that this might be her year to win an Oscar. The movie itself didn’t have the type of vocal fans that might get the movie into any other nominations, although it made almost $8 million, which is decent for Sony Pictures Classics, who also released Julianne Moore’s Oscar-winning film Still Alice.  Close is also fortunate that there have been quite a few recent winners in this category that didn’t necessarily appear in a Best Picture nominee with Moore being a good example as well as Meryl Streep in The Iron Ladyand Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine. It’s almost guaranteed that Close will win some of the precursors, such as the corresponding SAG category, but she has tough competition in Lady Gaga.

The third actor who has impressed critics and early voters is British actress Olivia Colman, star of Yorgos Lanthimos’ costume drama The Favourite. Colman has been acting mainly in England for decades, only getting to these shores with movies like Edgar Wright’s Hot Fuzz, The Iron Lady and a few others, and she’s scheduled to take over the role of Queen Elizabeth in the next season of Netflix’s The Crown. There’s a lot of people questioning whether her role really should be considered the film’s lead, as opposed to Emma Stone, but Fox Searchlight are wisely pushing the never-nominated Colman over the film’s two previous Oscar winners, Stone and Rachel Weisz, who may both get nominated in the supporting category.

The Strong Competitors

If we assume the three above are nominated, that leaves two more spots for somewhere between three and five possibilities.

One of the performances that got a lot of attention out of the September festivals is Melissa McCarthy playing Lee Israel in Marielle Heller’s Can You Ever Forgive Me?, and with an amazing 98% on RottenTomatoes, the critics certainly got behind her (even Rex Reed!).  It’s only grossed $6.6 million at the time of this writing although it never went particularly wide. Although McCarthy was previously nominated for Bridesmaids, people who see this movie are impressed by the way she downplays the role to create an even funnier character. That said, McCarthy’s appearances in other bad movies this year, such as The Happytime Murders, might hurt her chances to win an Oscar, at least this year. (I feel the film is still a comedy but for some reason, it’s being pushed to the Golden Globes as a drama.)

Arriving later in the game, Emily Blunt’s performance as the title character in Mary Poppins Returns follows in the footsteps of Julie Andrews, who won her only Oscar in 1965 for playing that role. Blunt is a joy to behold whether she’s singing and dancing or just teaching manners to the three kids in the movie. Shockingly, Blunt has yet to be nominated for an Oscar despite having five Golden Globe nominations (and one win) thanks to the HFPA’s “Comedy/Musical” category. It shouldn’t be too big a surprise if she wins that Golden Globe this year, especially with Lady Gaga (and maybe even McCarthy) shifted over to drama.  Blunt also impressed many with her “supporting” performance in hubby John Krasinski’s thriller A Quiet Place, but that performance might be too far into genre territory, as is the case with…

Previous nominee Toni Collette is pretty amazing in Ari Aster’s directorial debut, the chilling horror film Hereditary, and people have been raving about her performance since the movie debuted at Sundance. Even so, there’s still a stigma surrounding genre films, despite the fact Collette received her first nomination for M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense, and she should get a ton of support in the coming month from critics groups.

Viola Davis already won an Oscar for her role in Denzel Washington’s Fences, but she’s front and center for Steve McQueen’s star-studded heist film Widows, and she gives an amazing performance among an ensemble cast all giving great performances. The movie hasn’t really taken off at the box office, so one wonders if the Academy’s acting branch will accept it and Davis more than the moviegoing public has.

Also Worth Noting…

We’ll start with the other big newcomer to Oscar season, and that would be Mexican actor Yalitza Aparicio, who shines in the primary role of a pregnant maid in Alfonso Cuaron’s Roma. Some might feel she’s at a disadvantage not being a known name, but Aparicio has been out doing the rounds more than any other actor this season, and audiences/voters love her and the movie! I wouldn’t be surprised if the L.A. Film Critics pick her in this category and she sneaks into a few other nominations, but she has tough competition to get into the Oscar category. I’m thinking she’ll get a Critics Choice nomination in this category, but bolstering it with a SAG and/or Golden Globe nomination will help awards voters take her seriously.

Last year, Saoirse Ronan received her third Oscar nomination for Lady Bird, but she’s even more amazing in the title role ofMary, Queen of Scots, more of a traditional costume drama than The Favourite, but playing an amazing royal who has often been a mere footnote in other movies about British royalty.

Another previous Oscar winner getting a lot of attention for a new role is Nicole Kidman as the lead in Karyn Kusama’s crime-thriller Destroyer, playing an extremely glammed-down police detective trying to find a murderer. The Academy loves Nicole, but this is a tough film and role, and some might credit much of what impresses to the make-up artist.

There’s something to be said about Felicity Jones playing beloved Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in Mimi Leder’s On the Basis of Sex, yet another biopic, and Jones is past due for another nomination, but sadly, this might not be deemed as strong as some of the other performances.

The Outliers

Things aren’t looking good for a number of fantastic actors getting into the Oscar race when you already have eight of them vying for two possible slots in the category, and yet… there’s even more!!

Another previous winner, Julia Roberts gives a stirring performance as the mother of a drug addict in Peter Hedges’ Ben is Back, which is a much stronger drama on the subject than the recent Beautiful Boy. This premiered at the Toronto Film Festival where it received decent acclaim, but Roberts is getting more attention for her new show Homecoming, which might take away from her Oscar chances.

One of the most impressive performance of the year is Rosamund Pike’s take on war journalist Marie Colvin in Matthew Heimeman’s A Private War, and though many say she’s better in this than she was in her Oscar-nominated role in David Fincher’s Gone Girl, it feels as if the movie isn’t getting as much attention as some of the others above.

The same can be said for a few movies and performances that premiered at Sundance way back in January: Keira Knightley in Collette, Maggie Gyllenhaal in The Kindergarten Teacher and Kelly MacDonald in Puzzle, all great performances that received great notices out of Sundance but seem to have been forgotten in recent months. (Only The Kindergarten Teacherhas been getting a big awards push by Netflix, including screeners and even subway ads!)

Lastly, I loved Emma Thompson’s performance in the drama The Children Act, feeling like it’s one of her career bests, but the movie premiered at the Toronto Film Festival in 2017, and distributor A24 has been giving it a limited theatrical release focusing more on its DirecTV partnership. The exact same path was followed by Jessica Chastain’s Woman Walks Ahead, which didn’t get nearly as much attention in the year since its TIFF debut as it should have. Chastain is so overdue for an Oscar!

The Nominees: Gaga, Close, Colman, McCarthy and Blunt with possible spoilers from Davis and Collette.

LEAD ACTOR

This category is starting to become a little clearer as films are screened (or not screened) and a couple favorites come to the fore, so I guess this isn’t nearly as overcrowded as I once thought.

The Top Contenders

Until people had a chance to see Adam McKay’s political biopic Vice, there was some uncertainty whether Christian Bale’s transformation into former Vice President Dick Cheney would be worthy of awards. As the film was screened over Thanksgiving weekend, voters have been so blown away by his performance that he quickly moved into the frontrunner position. Sure, a lot of credit can be given to the make-up and McKay’s Oscar-worthy script – similar to last year’s winner Gary Oldman -- but Bale seems to get so lost into the role of the former VP that you almost forget you’re watching an actor.

Before Bale came along, people were wowed by Bradley Cooper’s performance in A Star is Born, opposite Lady Gaga, while also directing and performing music. Cooper is such a favorite among Oscar voters with three consecutive acting nominations between 2013 and 2015 that he’s guaranteed another nomination and could move closer to frontrunner status considering that he’s doing more schmoozing with press and voters than Bale has been doing.

Speaking of another performance that seems to make you forget it’s an actor and not the real person, there’s Rami Malek’s performance as Freddie Mercury in the Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody. The movie has been doing huge business despite mixed reviews, but even the negative reviews can’t deny the powerful performance given by Malek as he vanished into the role performing Queen songs. The only problem with Malek winning is that there’s a stigma to Bryan Singer getting the only directing credit despite being fired from the movie (on top of other allegations of wrongdoing), and that could hurt Malek’s chances among voters.

Another Academy favorite is two-time nominee Viggo Mortensen, whose performance as Italian-American bouncer Tonylip in Peter Farrelly’s Green Book has won over many fans. Mortensen let a N-word slip during a press conference which could hurt his chances, as could the backlash against the movie being a “white savior” story which will keep Mortensen from coming anywhere close to being a frontrunner, especially with the Academy’s recent push for diversity.

The Strong Competitors

It’s kind of crazy that the four actors above are almost guaranteed nominees, which means there’s only one place left for EVERYBODY ELSE!

Ethan Hawke has impressed the critics with his performance as a priest in Paul Schrader’s First Reformed, and there’s a good chance he might get his third Oscar nomination for the role, although it’s a movie that didn’t get as much attention as it deserved when it was first released and Hawke was busy promoting his own movie Blaze over this until fairly recently. Wins with the New York Film Critics Circle and at the Gotham Awards last week will get more people watching the movie, including Oscar voters. Watch for Hawke to win the Independent Spirit award the night before going to the Oscars, and he’ll continue to be the critical fave.

One of the performances that burst out of the gate with notices at Venice, Telluride and Toronto was Ryan Gosling’s portrayal of Neil Armstrong in Damien Chazelle’s First Man, but the movie has fallen out of favor in the months since, not doing particularly well in its theatrical release. Gosling’s performance is also fairly unemotional (deliberately so), so that might hurt his chances at getting a third nomination.

Willem Dafoe was nominated last year for his supporting role in The Florida Project, which he lost despite being the frontrunner for many months, but his performance as Vincent Van Gogh in Julien Schnabel’s At Eternity’s Gateis a much more impressive feat. Unfortunately, Schnabel’s gone for an artsier take on the biopic (more in the vein of Terrence Malick) which might turn off Oscar voters. It hasn’t really made waves in theaters either.

The Outliers

Previous supporting actor nominee Lucas Hedges (for Manchester by the Sea) gives two strong performances in dramas released this fall, Boy Erased and Ben is Back, and it’s clear Hedges is an actor who is going to continue to have an impressive career.

Another actor who has had an amazing career and will be retiring soon is Robert Redford, who starred in David Lowery’s The Old Man and the Gun and received some nice notices. If the Academy isn’t going to nominate him for All Is Lostfive years ago, it’s highly doubtful they’ll nominate him for a film that quickly got lost in the shuffle of festival season.

Another actor who had quite a breakout year was John David Washington, son of two-time Oscar winner Denzel Washington, who carried Spike Lee’s latest BlacKkKlansman but also gave a strong performance in the lesser-seen Monsters and Men. Again, I don’t think Washington got enough raves for his performance in Lee’s movie as much as the movie did itself.

Still Unseen (By Me, At Least)

Clint Eastwood’s The Mule was thought to put him back in the Oscar game, but Warner Bros. has decided it’s not an awards contender, and the same can be said for Universal, who don’t feel as strongly about Steve Carell’s performance in Robert Zemeckis’ Welcome to Marwen, which won’t be screened for awards groups before their deadlines.

The Nominees: Bale, Cooper, Malek, Mortensen, Hawke with Gosling as the possible spoiler.

Over the next couple weeks, we’ll be seeing the Golden Globe, Critics Choice and SAG nominees that might paint a clearer picture of which actors will be nominated at the Oscars. I probably will write one or two more features about this year’s Oscar race.