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ellana-ravenwood · 7 years ago

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#MyParentsAreLosers - Batmom x Batfam

I couldn’t bring myself to write a “depressed Batmom” story today, and I really wanna write it well and all so...here’s a silly thing for you, to “wait” for an actual story. Warning : it’s stupid and not greatly written, probably a bit of a mess (I wrote that in three days, with 5 minutes available each day to do it so yeah...messy) This was requested (anonymously), a story about the Batboys introducing Batmom and Bruce to Instagram and Snapchat, but I can’t find the original message anymore so...Here, if you read this anon’, I hope you’ll like it :-) (I hope all of you guys will like it) :

You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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It’s Alfred who discovered it.

He read it in the Gotham Daily (neither you nor Bruce ever had time to read any newspapers, besides, both of you were getting a bit tired about the fact that almost every “news” was about you and him...).

As he was reading the article, for the first time in years, Alfred let it go. Thanks God he was alone in the house that day, as he bursted out in a loud and ridiculous laughter !

It made him laugh for hours, in fact (Damian and Tim coming home from school ruining his fun), and oh he had to tell you guys but...his majordome ways kept him from plainly coming to you and outright telling you.

At first, he tried to leave the actual article in places you could see it.

On the kitchen counter, for example, while you took your breakfast...But you never paid attention to anything before your third cup of coffee, even if it was right there in front of you, and by then Bruce would have joined you and you and him would be too focused on each other to realize that this damn article was on the kitchen counter !! AND OH MY GOD COULD YOU STOP KISSING AND LOOK AT THIS DAMN PIECE OF PAPER RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ?! But it was too late, your kids were coming in and your focus would slightly shift from Bruce to them, the article would fall into the Oblivion as you just completely ignored it while doing your traditional conversation with your family. It was an old routine Alfred knew by heart.

He tried to put it in the bathroom, and found it soaked and teared...It was something, really, how you and Bruce could be so observant sometimes, and yet so blind some others.

He also tried the bed, laying it on your pillow where he’d be sure you’d find it...But the day he did that, Bruce came home early from patrol and you rushed upstairs rather fast and...Alfred found the sticky and...oh he’d rather not think about it, and just imagined that you guys were very sweaty when sleeping and...Let’s just never mention that episode ever again.

He put it on the computer in the Batcave, and found it, days later, under Bruce’s seat. How did it got there ? He had no idea, but what was sure is that the greatest detective in the World, the Goddamn Batman, didn’t notice that stupid piece of paper RIGHT ON HIS KEYBOARD !

His last resort was the library, where you spend most of your free times when the boys and Bruce weren’t around...He placarded it everywhere, putting it in every single books you were most likely to read that day and...What did you do ? Enter the damn library reading something already, so of course you didn’t pay attention to any of the articles, and you even used a few articles as bookmarks...Oh dear...

Alfred decided that it was time to stop trying to be subtle (though he could admit that his poor attempts at making you read this particular newspaper articles weren’t really “subtle”).

He gave up one morning, after three weeks of trying to make you guys read that damn article, and just shoved it in your face, right in front of the cup of coffee you were about to drink, so that you just HAD to read it.

“The children of the Wayne households post a series of pictures of their parents, and it goes viral” was the title of it.

What ?

It was early in the morning, and it took you a while before starting to understand what was happening.

To understand that your sons apparently kept posting pictures on the internet, of you and Bruce, with the caption (or “hashtag” as they called it) : #MyParentsAreLoosers, followed by the sentence “But I still love them”.

And oh the pictures they took...When did they even took those ?!

The articles only had three pictures to illustrate their words, and it was enough for you to feel overly embarrassed and mortified.

One picture was you and Bruce making out on the couch, clearly about to fall as the movements caught by the camera showed it rather well. The caption read : “#MyParentsAreLoosers but I still love them. They fell right after this picture, and thanks God stopped being gross when they spotted me.” with a little face vomiting at the end of it (later they’d tell you it’s called an “emoji”). It was apparently from Dick’s account and why would he take pictures of it if it was grossing him out ? You remember that day, that damn kid came in the living room super fast and scared you and Bruce, which propped the both of you to fall off the couch...Was it done on purpose ?!

The second picture was of some of your dance moves and...When the Hell did was this taken ? You remember when it was, after a charity happening at Wayne Manor, after they should have been ALL IN BED. You and Bruce, a bit inebriated, stayed behind and reenacted that Mia and Vincent Vega scene from Pulp Fiction...It showed Bruce in mid-movement as he was making some silly “boogie moves”, and you doing the famous “I’m diving” dance move and...oh God it looked utterly ridiculous. The caption read : “#MyParentsAreLosers, but I still love them. Staying past their bed times to dance like idiots...Yup, sounds about right”, and was posted by Tim.

The third and last picture was taken by Damian with the caption : “#MyParentsAreLosers, but I still love them. #Goodmemories though I suck at selfies” and was a picture taken right at the right moment, while you and Bruce were laughing your asses off. A little part of your son’s head was in frame, right under your neck, and...Actually this one wasn’t that bad.

Still, reading this article made you blush more and more and when Bruce entered the kitchen, you shoved it in his face just like Alfred did, while the butler was looking at the both of you obviously very amused.

Bruce started to read the article automatically, without really registering what he was reading until...Wait ? What ? “The four Wayne boys, the most famous children in Gotham City, are trending in the World with their #MyParentsAreLosers ! In a matter of months they achieved an insane amount of followers and became the most subscribed instagram accounts ever ! Besides their hilarious post about their famous parents, they also post selfies of themselves that got also quite a lot of likes. And comments, often talking about...”

-WHAT ?!

Bruce’s reaction makes you jump but...you understand. What indeed ?

That’s when your sons enter the kitchen and, just by looking at the two of you, and at Alfred smirking face...They know they’re in trouble.

************

Because they added “but I still love them” to their ridiculous “#MyParentsAreLosers” thing, you forgave them faster. Bruce was a bit harder to, as he hated when paparazzis posted pictures of him and you without their consent so, his own sons ? He almost felt like it was a betrayal but you laughing at him for being so dramatic soothed him.

You were right. Besides, they did add “but I still love them” (even Jason and Damian, who really weren’t the cheesy type), and that was cute.

You “forced them” to show them their accounts and...after mocking them for posting pictures of their abs and muscles (”who’s the real loser uh ?”), you looked at all the pictures they posted that the article was talking about.

It really was a serie, as there were many MANY pictures. Some of them were adorable (you and Bruce asleep in each other’s arms for example), some others really embarrassing (you and Bruce asleep in each other’s arms...mouth open and drooling).

You glared at them as they were snickering at you and your husbands while you were scrolling through all the pictures. They knew you wouldn’t really do anything to them because in a way, you thought this was hilarious but...oh they were wrong.

You weren’t going to do anything bad, oh no. You were just going to attack them on one of their biggest flaw : their pride. You had a plan. And you knew Bruce would follow.

-So...Who started it ?

His three little brothers had no remorse ratting him out, and Dick looked at you with a very fake sorry look that made you smile.

-Alright then...Dickie, you’re the one that’s gonna show us how this instagram and snapchat things are working.

-...Wh...What ?

************

Teaching you and his father how to use instagram and snapchat wasn’t as bad as he thought it was gonna be. You both quickly understood, but really, he should have guessed...After all, you monitored the bat computer every night, and Bruce was a genius, of course you would get how silly photo apps would work ! Though there were a few...misunderstanding about Snapchat :

-Why would I want to send a picture only for a few seconds to someone ?

Bruce asked, a bit confused about how useful this thing really was. And when Dick explained :

-Well, it’s just to tell people how your day is going you know ? To show what you do and all.

Bruce became even more confused and call the app “completely pointless”, owing him a roll of the eyes from his son...who quickly stopped when he looked at you. Ok. He was showing you guys how things were working, and since he made a fool of you and your husband online, wasn’t allowed to roll his eyes at you. Alright. Gotcha.

But really, it took you just a few hours for you and him to get both applications down, and Dick left, carefree, thinking he got out of everything pretty easily. Thinking posting ridiculous pictures of his parents online was worth it and...Oh but he wasn’t ready for what you were about to do.

And so, as you learned how to use Instagram and Snapchat, phase one of your revenge plan started.

************

You observed what your sons were posting about, to see what was most liked and such...

Damian seemed to be the one that cared the least about his social media...Seemed only, as you saw him refresh pages of his insta regularly to see how many likes he got. He mainly posted about his animals, selfies with them, and his brothers that he would also #MyPets (oh that boy). His selfies were always very cute, with him half-smiling and all.

Tim would post about nerdy stuffs, talking about computers and all, showing off his gears, but he would also post “ingenue” pictures of himself. Like playing guitar or looking out a window...Thinking he was so damn cool. Pictures of his abs and all were both amusing and awkward to you, and reading people’s comments ? Oh my god.

Dick would post videos of himself doing flips and such. And selfies, oh so many selfies. Mirror pics of his abs too...What was with those boys and their muscles ? You were pretty sure if Bruce did it too, he would break Instagram (he was rather muscular...but also, his chest was littered with scars so probably he shouldn’t do that to the risk of people getting suspicious).

Jason would post about his motorcycle, about trespassing in different parts of Gotham (uh) and selfies...And damn pictures of his abs. Flexing his muscle for the camera, looking all smug and all.

On all of their accounts, the pictures that seemed to have the more likes (except for the abs pics and the #MyParentsAreLosers serie) were their selfies...Interesting.

************

You didn’t tell Bruce what you were about to do, because you just KNEW he would ruin it. It wasn’t mean of you, it was just that...keeping a secret for him wasn’t always easy.

You’d think that being the Batman and keeping it secret for so long would make him a master at not saying anything about secrets right ? But no. Whenever it concerned you messing around with the boys, he would let it out somehow.

He would never actually downright tell your plans but...he’d smirk when they would be around, laughing to himself and staring at them and, eventually, your boys would guess that you and him would be up to something, and diffused your prank before you could even do it.

SO you didn’t tell anything to Bruce, and kept on with your revenge.

And oh they didn’t see it coming.

************

You definitely took them by surprise. How could they have guessed ?

They thought it was rather funny, how you would only post pictures of Wayne Manor’s garden, making comments about it like : “oh I love green” or some silly things like this. Or post super cheesy inspirational quote. You were such a mom. Posting about flowers and books and tea...They secretly loved it.

Bruce would post only about food and would fanboy over you, though he was far from being good at taking pictures. It was really REALLY cute really how often he posted things about you, obviously completely in love with you...Your sons particularly liked that time he posted a picture of your back, just your back, not even your neck, or arms or anything, and captioned it : “My wife is so beautiful #truebeauty”...It was so laughable and cheesy ! He only scoffed at them and said “but she is beautiful” when they pointed out that he posted only your back, and you ? Oh you could only kiss him passionately because it wasn’t often your Bruce was that cute. You knew he loved you, there wasn’t a doubt about this but...carefree moment where he could just show you and tell you he did were very rare.

You both quickly gained a lot of followers, Bruce having more than you because...Well, it was Bruce Wayne, and many people were so jealous of the fact he seemed to have eyes only for you, of the fact that it was clear he was just so damn in love with you (his most liked pictures was of you laying on him on the couch, asleep...he hash tagged it with the word “selfie” though technically it wasn’t one, as only the lower part of his body was in frame, and not an inch of his face...).

The local celebrities papers (and national too really) made articles about the famous Waynes opening Instagram and snapchats accounts too, and published ridiculous interviews of random people you didn’t even know about talking about how great it was that you were now on social medias, though it was a bit pretentious, like you were nourishing your “narcissist”...Uh. What narcissist side ? Neither of you ever posted pictures of yourselves.

Yes. People were thrilled you guys were posting but...after months of Bruce only posting about food he was getting in restaurants, or that were cooked by Alfred, and part of your body captioned “I love my wife”, and you only posting garden pictures and inspirational quotes...the hyped died down completely.

You still got a steady amount of likes but...it was nothing compared to your sons’ pictures, wether it was selfies of themselves (alone, together or with friends), of their damn abs, or those famous “#MyParentsAreLosers” pictures.

Until one day, you posted your very first selfie.

Both apps almost crashed at the amount of likes you got. It was more than all your sons’ combine ! You bragged about it a bit, but this was still fine. After your first selfie you stopped for a while and they still had more followers and all...Still, if their mom was getting more instagram famous than them ? Like, they didn’t really need to be instagram famous, they were already harassed enough when going out in the streets just for being Waynes (though wearing very casual clothes always helped being incognito), but they were all very VERY competitives, and they were having a little contest about who had the most followers for a while now, and who received the most snapchat reacting to their snaps. You couldn’t win ! Their pride was challenged.

They posted even more selfies and sneaky pictures of you and Bruce after that...and you let them think you stopped with the selfies for months before...before your big attack.

************

You launched #MyKidsAreAdorkable a Sunday afternoon, your children would remember this forever.

It made the headline of every celebrities magazine the next day.

After posting your usual garden pics and other inspirational quotes that only grandma liked...You dared to do it. To challenge your boys. Only, you won before they could retaliate.

You blew the number of likes. Set a new record.

And your partner in crime ? A picture of Bruce and your boys, a bundle of cuddle, asleep on the couch in front of “Singing in the rain”. Your husband was sitting in the middle of the couch, Damian was in his lap, cuddled up against him, Jason and Dick on each sides of him, and Tim was asleep across them all. It was the cutest picture ever, but also very embarrassing for your teenagers who kept posting manly pictures of their abs and stuffs.

And from that fateful Sunday and on, you kept going.

You destroyed them on the “follower part”, and once Bruce understood your plan, he started doing the same, posting selfies with you (a favorite of everyone, the two famous Waynes together, being all lovey dovey), or sneaky pictures of the boys.

Damian and Tim fighting (”#MyKidsAreAdorkable, Baby number 3 and 4 started to fight for the last cookie, without knowing I actually ate it hours ago”)

Jason falling asleep on his motorcycle, his helmet still on (”#MyKidsAreAdorkable. Today baby number 2 fell asleep in his helmet, and I’m too afraid to move him in fear of him being startled and head butting me with that thing”).

Dick just waking up and yawning (#MyKidsAreAdorkable, baby number one being oh so attractive...ladies, he’s single, look at that handsome face”) and of course, this picture was the worst ever.

Selfies with Alfred were also a public’s favorite, because they were always so hilarious...And after popular demand, Alfred opened his own Instagram account under the pseudo of : “BetterButler”...Uh.

You and Bruce quickly became the most followed account in the World, and constantly bragged about it to your kids, until you finally thought it was enough, that they “paid” enough, and that you dug in their pride enough.

Besides, you managed to take pictures of their grumpy faces and posted them and the comments and teasing they got after that was definitely enough haha.

So you posted less and less #MyKidsAreAdorkable pictures, and they posted less and less #MyParentsAreLosers ones and...all of your instagram accounts became a sort of family album. Pictures of you guys together, still the occasional embarrassing photos but mainly all of you loving each others and...Haha who were you kidding ? Of course your accounts were mostly filled with embarrassing pictures of each others !

You guys loved them, though you’d never admit it and acted like you were vexed by them (Bruce was particularly good at that, acting like he was genuinely bothered by the very unattractive pictures of him you would post sometimes...or was he serious ? But of course he wasn’t, and when he was starting to pout like a child, you knew it was just a joke).

You all couldn’t help yourself, and it was really a competition about “who would take the most embarrassing picture ever ?” ! But there were also lots of pictures of you being a happy family. Pictures of birthdays, of smiles, of tough days turned awesome because of the support you all gave each others...

Pictures of laughter, dancing, hugging, kissing...Pictures that perfectly represented the love you all had for each others.

But still, mainly pictures with funny, sarcastic and witty caption, of something one of you would have done that was just very embarrassing (a favorite of your sons would be the one they took of the kitchen after you tried to cook that one time...it was a mess, a war zone, so awful !).

************

In the end, this Instagram thing was actually pretty good. You quickly gave up Snapchat, not understanding the point either (though this dog filter ? Hilariously awesome).

It was funny, how Bruce would get jealous of the number of likes you’d get on your selfies...not because you were getting more than him, but because he didn’t like people saying you were “so damn beautiful”, only him was allowed too ! And oh how cute you thought his jealousy was (though he would always act like he wasn’t actually jealous, asking you discreetly who “that guy” was who said you were hot...as if you knew personally everyone who posted comments on your pictures...). Hell, he even tracked down a dude who once said that he would “tap that” talking about you, and hacked into his internet system, delating all his files...You thought it was very petty, but also quite cute. You always had your knight in a shining armor protecting you...Though you never needed him.

Whenever you had rude comments on your pictures, any of them, you’d just post a snarky remark back and humiliate them.

When you started to post pictures of Dick, Jason and Tim when they were younger...oh man their reactions were the best. So entertaining. Really, they started to regret ever starting that “#MyParentsAreLosers” thing, because if they never did, neither you nor Bruce (or Alfred) would be on Instagram....

************

Dick Grayson would forever regret the day he introduced his parents to social medias...but at the same time, not. He would never admit it, but he LOVED seeing pictures of him and his brothers being all together, or of his parents being in love, of his surrogate grandfather thinking he was cool and...of his family in general. Whenever he felt sad, he would go on those instagram account and recall all of those happy moments forever accessible on the Internet. It was a great comfort really, in difficult moments. For him, but not only. For Jason, too. And Tim. Damian as well. And when one of them would be badly injured, for you and Bruce too. And for Alfred, too. Those pictures would be forever there, for them to see when needed...And oh sometimes, sometimes they needed it.

Besides, years later, those now dead since a long time accounts would help them remind them of how you and Bruce looked like. Once you’ll be gone, those pictures on the internet, that you posted just to get your revenge, would help them remember their mom and dad, their smiles and their love...Yes, it seemed silly at first, this all Instagram thing, but in the end, it became overly important. To all of them.

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Sorry I haven’t posted any fics for a while and came back with such a shitty one. It’s so messy, going everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Sorry. Anyway. Hum. Yes. The End.

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