#I practically had a breakdown and I wasn't even being punished

[tumblingxelian]

OK so it turns out I did not see this for some reason and that is tragic because this was AMAZING!

Of the cuff regarding some notes stuff:

Honestly that both makes sense and would make the story hilarious as the contrasting performances start to emerge. Like both Adrien & Chloe spend so much of their time performing, Chloe's life was basically a performance unless she was having a breakdown, so like, they can play the Chat 'Role' but distinctions are still gonna slip through. Chloe is more forward physically than Chat, while Chat's got more emotional intelligence, there will be differences but not necessarily enough to twig "That's a different person." Love it.

Also yeah Marinette finding out and being like "I guess they need to do it that way" or "Damn that would be so useful though, but rules are rules!" makes sense.

No worries on it getting away from you as said, amazing.

Honestly a big fan of the idea that they like, have enough time to discuss the idea before Adrien's first, or perhaps second, trip out as a hero during Origins. So when Chloe shows up next time & is just like, "Its Duchess today" Ladybug just rolls with it and only picks up on the switches on the third team up when its Duke again.

Also low key, Adrien and Chloe realizing some gender fluidity perhaps, Adrien He/Her, and Chloe she/they maybe?

Ah seems you beat me to it XD

On the Kwami thing, Oh I totally get it, I was not trying to vindicate, justify or defend the Order in anyway. My stance regarding the Kwami's was solely rooted in making the setting slightly less horrific but making the Kwami have a weird approach to existence. So while they aren't fond of the Order, they aren't suffering the same kind of horrific trauma and mental degradation that such an existence would inflict on a human. Its still not good, its just that they are alien enough that it doesn't have the same intensity of impact.

A friend I was discussing an older idea with described Sass's attitude to Nooro being missing as.

"Sass's perspective on time means they not only know but feel how this too will pass. That they will all be reunited again and that in the cosmic scale its a very small amount of time & so can be utterly unbothered. On the other hand, because of how Sass perceives time when a little sibling is missing they are missing 'forever' because regardless of how time works, Sass is existing in this one moment without them while having a sense of scale of time for the rest of existence."

Does that make sense?

Anyway onto the snippet!

"You guys are being pretty confrontational"

Mhm these examples work well, suddenly reminded of She-Ra and how in episode 1 Adora's like, "Well you do disrespect authority a lot" or something to that effect. & Catra is furious because of course Adora doesn't get it, Adora is the golden child, authority treats her kindly, while Catra realized sometime ago authority will only hurt her for fun so she doesn't try. Not consciously anyway.

"So, nice to have a body double, huh? Glad you got permission."

Gosh you can hear how scathing her anger is here, I love it.

I love Marinette's sheer explosion of righteous anger and shock, her intense belief in what is right can be very useful once it pivots to someone's side and this is conveyed very well here. The shock both at the defense and the sibling bit was great, took the wind right out of Chloe's sails XD

Also love how worried Marinette is over Kagami, Fu will have been stressing the danger this whole time so it makes sense it is more at the forefront of her mind.

I adore the distinct nicknames and also Chloe calling Adrien just like, "Fuck, I need someone with emotional skills and tact!"

Especially cause- god, I felt AWFUL for-"

I am very curious about this line, also love Marinette talking about how if she had a sibling she'd not want to do it alone, cos yeah she'd likely be looking at their situation with a lot of envy even with the fighting with Fu.

Also low key Adrien & Chloe being like, "We're family? We are now!"

Damn, Marinette clearly needed this vent session, I like how you do a good job of making her so sympathetic here, cos much of the stories framing would make that more challenging.

Ah the classic Marinette paranoia and Chloe copying Adrien's efforts to calm her down, nice!

Gosh mood Chloe on wanting your specific intent to be understood even mid breakdown, I totally get it girl, very autistic of you (Fist bump)

why does he keep threatening to make me-"

For the love of gods, someone wrap her in a blanket and get her a hug!

Gosh them reassuring her is so good, they are such disasters but so committed to the bit, I love them deeply.

Adrien Noir: "Duchess. No."

Duchess yes!

This isn’t ok. It isn't right."

So much growth, I love it, kudos, this was amazing!

I had the most hilarious Aware AU thoughts:

OK, so everything leading up to Origins is the same as discussed.

When Adrien stops to help Fu he's almost caught but Chloe was waiting outside & jumped in when Nathalie showed up and made a sufficient enough spectacle that Sabrina could grab Adrien and they bolt into the school.

Argument over seats ensues, Adrien & Nino making tentative friends.

Kagami is probably around but maybe not in this class. Gabriel is irritated but also figures that an Akuma attack is a good reason to force Adrien out of going to school & keeps Nathalie waiting. So he can't even head out to the arcade across the street.

This is all a big red flag to Nino when he hears & sees that yes, Adrien's bodyguard & his fathers assistant have basically parked outside the school to obsessively watch them all day.

Stuff happens, Ivan becomes an Akuma & in the chaos Adrien, Chloe & maybe Sabrina, grudgingly agree to go to the Agreste Mansion cos it is at least very heavily fortified. Minor argument with Nathalie but time is dead bodies with a giant rock monster around.

Anyway this means Adrien has company when he finds Plagg.

Fortunately the Kwami of Destruction is all in favor of teenage rebellion "Fuck yeah, stick it to the old people!" & has no issue ignoring that Chloe knows Adrien's identity, though they do work to cover it up a little bit when needed.

But, but, but, here's the fun part.

Chloe also becomes Chat Noir.

Not all the time but when its impractical for Adrien to do it she dons the ring. Both already having many aesthetic commonalities and a familiarity with each others personalities, the way the Glamour works & mild physical form changes when transforming and... No one notices, not even Fu!

Also both flirt with Ladybug, a lot.

This also helps keep a bit of a divide going once Fu is discovered, because Adrien shares details on the book with at least her, or potentially the entire "Shitty parents club". & this leads to knowing about Fu earlier and a more contentious relationship.

IE, he wants to take Plagg back, Plagg does not want to go back, they do not want Plagg to go back & they have enough information to make Fu's entire operation very fucking difficult.

Also the book may be found or stolen earlier.

Like Bubbler is a great time/excuse to trash the mansion for funsies ya know?

Obviously Marinette is not a fan of this whole... Everything, even if she doesn't get all the details or learn IDs, she respects authority figures and seniors, & though she might not want to lose Chat she doesn't think turning it into a contest of wills is the "Right" way to fix things.

Also I think Kagami might be Marinette's first pick for an extra ally which might happen sooner as Fu would want someone else more in line with his thinking on side.

This isn't a dig at Alya, but in Aware Marinette as technically known Kagami longer. Sees her as very respectful & dutiful, and has 100% seen her bravely try to throw down with Akuma to keep people safe.

Meanwhile the bee, or perhaps snake or tiger can still end up lost XD

Chat: Me, knowing the location of the Miraculous no one told me was missing? Its less likely than you think! Also Chat: Hey, new hero, we should definitely 100% accept this person & not question their identity!

One big difference between Fu & the other shitty adults, is that he's much more like Roger. IE, he is trying to do the right thing, genuinely does not want to bring anyone pain. He is just intensely paranoid & overly cautious tot he point where it can become harmful.

So, first of all, this is hilarious to me. Yes, absolutely, all of this.

second, I see your "Kagami is chosen by Marinette first", and raise you "As a body double". Like, I think part of why Alya gets picked to be the Fox was proximity - the Akuma was her little sisters, it was the middle of the night, she's already aware of the situation, Marinette trusts her and needs a teammate, boom, Alya gets to be the Fox. However, for Kagami, you're right, she does know her longer here, so probably trusts her more. So, I suggest learning about the "Cat Siblings" (this is Marinette's best guess, if she doesn’t have their identities, that the Chat Noir duo are siblings) gives Marinette ideas. Like, yes, Fu is clearly against it, but part of Marinette probably thinks "dammit, that’s such a good system, though!". How many times has she been screwed over because she had to be Ladybug, and completely fucked up her schedule? There being TWO people to be Cat Noir, while not ideal, is still better for Cat Noir in general. Not that Marinette would EVER do something like that, once the Guardian makes his stance clear! Oh no, absolutely not!

Which, uh, doesn’t mean she hasn’t THOUGHT about someone else to let borrow the earrings in an emergency, OR that she hasn’t thought about Kagami specifically, OR that she hasn’t quietly discussed it with Tikki (in hypotheticals) what to do if she's taken out! So (my best guess for what happens) when Marinette comes down with a particularly nasty flu, and can't even stand up without feeling dizzy, she actually doesn’t think that long before calling up Kagami, like, "uh, hey, weird question, do you think you could take over being Ladybug for me? I can taste colours, and not in the fun way."

Of course, Kagami does it, and because she's VERY different from Marinette (personality-wise) while the public is fooled thanks to the Glamour, Cat Noir is "uh, excuse me? Who are you???", and Kagami has to awkwardly explain that your regularly scheduled Ladybug currently has a fever of one hundred and four, and can't really leave the bathroom right now, so she's filling in. After it’s all over, she quickly leaves to give Marinette the earrings back (maybe drop off some medicine?), and Cat Noir(e) is left feeling, like, "ha, maybe the old man will get off our backs now, Ladybug clearly agrees with us!"

Which. Uh. Yeah, no, that doesn’t really happen. Maybe Ladybug's just better at explaining it, (or Fu is just a little prejudiced against the Cat in particular, I imagine the Order weren’t Plagg’s biggest fans, Fu probably internalized a lot of their shit), but he's . . . not OKAY with Ladybug sharing her ID and position with another person, but much more understanding. If Marinette was really that sick, then going out as Ladybug would have been seriously detrimental to both her and the fight against Hawk Moth. And there NEEDS to be a Ladybug in every fight, to purify the Akuma. Yes, Fu would rather she hadn’t done it, but it was clearly the right decision at the time, so Fu will trust Marinette on this. He still doesn’t recommend doing it too often, but a back up Ladybug is clearly a good idea.

Well, this means that Back Up Cat is good too, right? Nope! Still salty about them, still thinks one of them should knock it off, still thinks he should take the Miraculous back!

Yeah, you can imagine how this is going down with the Cat Noir(e) Duo. ESPECIALLY because this is the Aware Kids. It’s every instance of favouritism, of "unexceptional", of "not good enough". Congrats Fu, you just got knocked into "Adults we DO NOT trust"! You already had a foothold, now you get a proper seat!

On the flip side, I see this as where Marinette starts questioning Fu a little more. Because for all her black and white mentality, all her naïveté, the double-standard is GLARING. She's spent the past few months watching the battle of Wills that is Cat Noir(e) Vs Fu. She was expecting a HELL of a talking to once she wasn't throwing up her stomach. Instead, she gets mild disappointment at the SITUATION, general understanding, and even gets COMMENDED for her reasoning and quick reaction to the situation. Which makes her go "waitwait,wait, wait, hold the FUCK up", because what? What the HELL? Why is it ok if SHE does the thing that Fu's been railing against, but not Cat Noir(e)? Good grief, shouldn’t it have been a worse decision? The Cat Noir(e) Duo at least started at roughly the same time. They've been training and getting better alongside her. Now that Marinette's no longer fever-fogged, she's thinking it honestly would have made more sense to have Tikki take the earrings, and go find one of the duo to be a replacement Ladybug. They would have at least had some idea what they were doing! But no, instead she sent a friend, who had barely any idea, to do the job. And that's . . . . fine? What? And DON'T say it’s cause Ladybug needs to be there to purify the Akuma, Marinette knows she NEEDS back up! If anything, the Cat Noir(e) Duo was always kind of a comfort to her, cause she knew she was always likely to have SOMEONE there to support her. Fu so clearly showing favouritism is a hit to Marinette's view of all authority figures being kind and reasonable, making her start questioning him a bit more. Which, ya know, is probably needed.

On Fu himself, yes, he is very much like Roger. I'm not sure on how the particulars work out, since we have no idea what Roger's home life was like as a kid, but I've been operating under the adage "nothing exists in a vacuum". Roger didn’t spring forth fully formed with his opinions on "serving the public (toxic)", he had to learn that somewhere. Someone taught him those views, which he's passing onto Sabrina. And we SEE, at least partially, Fu getting taught his paranoia - if not from the Order itself, from the incident that took the Order away, which Fu probably feels a lot of guilt for. Which, as far as I can tell, he's managing by doubling down on the few teachings he had. Don’t give out IDs. Always put the Miraculous back in the box, don’t let them out. Don’t let the Kwami know any secrets.

Unfortunately, much like Roger, I feel like Fu also needs to see his stubbornness blow up in his face before he realizes he's fucking up.

[feeblescholarmyass]

An Awful Apology

In which Osamu Dazai does an awful job at consoling you after he got hurt. Alternatively, you give Dazai a bath and it makes you cry.

tags: non-sexual nudity, injuries, bathing together, helping Dazai rewrap his bandages as a sign of affection, Dazai is bad at handling emotions, Dazai uses humor to try to lighten the mood (it doesn't work), scar mention, bittersweet undertones, not really fluff not really angst, angst with comfort maybe?, Dazai x reader

a/n: this originally was going to be multiple characters but then I changed my mind

masterlist

All of the jokes he'd made about seeing you without your clothes had simply been that: jokes. It had served as something to fill the silence that had long accompanied your shared moments of solitude, a way to search for your laughter and make you both forget what you were thinking about.

He would be lying if he told you he'd never thought of you that way, but he would never act in a way that would result in your beautiful humanity being shattered. The light that shined in your eyes was more precious to him than his own life, and he promised himself that he would never do anything to make it go out.

He had never imagined it would happen like this. It was his fault. He'd gotten reckless, even though he knew how you felt about it. He got the job done, and that was what mattered.

But he had gotten hurt. Yosano had wanted to heal him, but after you insisted he should go through the healing process as punishment and had practically threatened to hurt him again yourself if you had to, she relented. So technically it was your fault.

He'd fully expected to have to deal with his injuries himself, but when you followed him home and sat beside him in silence, he began to suspect that you wouldn't be leaving him alone for some time.

He let you sit and stare at him, as uncomfortable as it was. He had tried to tease you about it. "Afraid I'm going to disappear, darling?" He asked, grinning at you playfully.

You hadn't responded. Instead, your grip on your chair tightened and a shaky breath escaped your lips. Oh, he thought.

So he let the silence surround you, a weight that he would bear so you wouldn't cry. That would be the worst possible outcome.

"You smell really bad. You haven't showered in a long time, have you?" You finally spoke, still refusing to look him in the eyes.

He laughed. It sounded hollow, but he didn't know how else to respond.

"The hospital gave me instructions on how to change your bandages after they get wet." You looked away. You knew it was a sore subject. "If you would allow me," you added softly, that look in your eyes spearing through his heart.

"I suppose it might be difficult to do on my own," he said. Strangely, it didn't terrify him as much as he thought it would. Everyone had scars. You would see his. He hadn't expected for you to show him yours.

It wasn't awkward. You removed his clothes, and there were no heated touches or flushed cheeks. It was tender, so much so it almost hurt more that way. He would've preferred it if you had stumbled, showing some sort of hesitation. He would've had something to deflect with that way.

His eyes, as accustomed to wandering as they were, were glued to your hands. They shook with the emotions you wouldn't voice. Even as you gently raised your shirt above your head, it was your hands he noticed. They weren't delicate by any means, he knew that well, but they seemed fragile now. You seemed fragile.

Together, you were seconds away from shattering. You were suspended in mid air the moment before the crash, aware of the impending breakdown you would surely endure, but taking the moment of calm before the storm.

The water was warm, but you felt warmer. Your fingers running through his hair and the sound of your breathing was almost enough to lull him to sleep. The wonderful smell of your shampoo, stronger at the source, wrapped him in a blanket of comfort as you washed away blood and grime from his skin and hair.

"Don't you ever try that again," you whispered. Your voice shook as you spoke. It made him feel guilty.

"I'm sorry," he responded. You both knew he couldn't promise that.

So you took the apology. It wasn't the first time he'd done something so idiotic. For someone who was so intelligent, he made the stupidest mistakes. It definitely wouldn't be the last.

"For once, I get why you hoard bandages," you muttered as you followed the instructions Yosano had given you, along with Dazai's little comments on how tight it was, what felt strange, or how to layer the bandage properly so it didn't come off.

He'd made another joke after that. You had huffed out a little laugh, but it brightened his mood considerably. You were starting to feel better.

Instead of talking about his scars, he asked about yours. "That one on your shoulder, how did you get it? And the one on your arm, wasn't that from a job he'd been on with you? What about this, here?" He asked. It distracted him and got you talking. He cherished each word and listened to each story.

Finally, you finished reapplying his bandages, and he'd run out of questions to ask. You sat on your knees in front of him, and he realized he hadn't stopped your fall.

A tear fell down your cheek, then another. You bit your lip, trying to force the sobs back down. You shook, the force of your own emotions too strong to deny.

He hesitated to reach for you. You'd never cried in front of him before. Even with the years you'd spend at his side, he'd never seen what happened once you reached the safety of your bedroom and allowed yourself to not have to be strong.

His fingers brushed against your cheek. His arm wrapped around your shoulders. He pulled you close and buried his face into your hair. He wouldn't watch, he promised. He was here.

You choked out insult after insult, your words catching in your throat. They hardly stinged with the usual harshness you threw at him. They rolled off his back like water droplets as he hugged you tight.

"I'm sorry," he said again. This time it held more than the apology. You wrapped your arms around him in return. He let you cry until you had nothing left in you.

He accompanied you to your kitchen, where you downed a glass of water and fed him a meal. He'd always liked it when you cooked for him, but this felt more special than usual. There was more heart in it.

He laid beside you as you fell asleep. Your eyes were still puffy and your face still red, but something about you was irresistible. He meant it when he called you beautiful.

"I love you too," you whispered as exhaustion pulled you under. He hadn't said it explicitly, but you'd heard. He loved you for that.

by @feeblescholarmyass on tumblr

comments and reblogs are much appreciated!

[masschase]

16, 28, and 38 for the ask meme

Character building questions

16. How did your character react to the way their enemies (like Kia and Zinyak) reminded them of their past failures? Did their accusations bother them?

She's fucking Catholic 🤣

OK not "she's", more "she was raised" but it was funnier phrasing it that way. Point is, she gets extremely guilty when certain things are brought up. Having said that, I think it does depend what they decide to pick at because she has a skewed morality that never truly leaves her.

I feel like there are so many layers to Casey where it's like... it seems like she cares about very little on the surface, and under that is a layer of guilt that can be triggered with the slightest accusation, then under that is a layer that only really cares about the deaths of her friends and any innocent bystanders, and then deep, deep down... I think at first there wasn't anything beneath that. But eventually this deeper level of introspection kicks in that makes her... not so fond of killing anymore and thinks she deserves to be punished for all of it by that point.

I've not really talked about this before but I do think she had a slight breakdown when presented with the kill yourself/rescue Matt options. Not so much because of the choice itself but because of the screens everywhere. Like with the whole not in touch with her emotions thing she'd just kind of held it all together through the earth blowing up and you know how she kind of loses her composure at relatable movies/TV shows? I think that managed to awaken that, but ten times worse because this was the real deal. Another thing that deserves its own post some time, really.

I don't think she paused with the actual decision too long though. She didn't remotely trust Zinyak saying he'd free everyone if she killed herself. If she did... I think whatever part of her chose to climb aboard the fucking nuke 5 years previously might have activated. But she trusts her own dedication to her friends more than anyone else's. Besides, Casey isn't really ever truly suicidal. She doesn't really believe she deserves death. She believes she deserves pain, both emotional and physical.

I do think it was a good job that the choice was between death and Matt. Not for shippy reasons (although... *silenced with duct tape*) or even because she'd made that promise to protect him, because that wasn't the case in the original timeline. But because he was one of the first areas where she felt she'd made a good choice, a step away from the instinct to follow her anger. Then that led into saving Shaundi and Viola rather than go after Killbane, acting selflessly when it came to the nuke, showing some mercy against the Washington gangs, and a general restraint from killing during her Presidency. Like obviously that was by far from the first good decision she made so I don't want to overplay it, but it played out that chain of memories in her head and reminded her that whatever Zinyak was saying, she had changed and grown as a person.

28. What does being a Saint mean to your character? Does that definition ever change for them during the series?

I always try and think about the fact that Casey was so young when she joined the Saints and how that shaped her view of the world. For Casey, being a Saint and friendship are just inexorably linked. Everything she practices across one spreads to the other; loyalty, protection, self-sacrifice.

I don't feel like that stuff ever truly changes, even as the nature of the Saints does as they find fame and so on. At times she does prioritise her own money and power and so on, but she sees that as something the Saints are doing rather than the nature of what they are. I think if she were to truly lose or alienate all her friends, she wouldn't feel like a Saint anymore. Luckily it doesn't ever get to that point.

38. Which restaurants in Stilwater did your character visit a lot? What did they usually order? I mean Freckle Bitch's is too obvious, right? But her favourite burger, her favourite lunch in fact, is honestly The Fist, only with bacon(it's colloquially known and ordered as "The Greased Up Fist"). She's also very partial to a boston creme donut and an iced caramel latte from Apollos too though(she usually grabs some donut holes to take with her too)! Cup'o Java has  better coffee objectively speaking if she's in the mood to chill somewhere for a while but Apollos is quicker and everywhere so she's more likely to grab something there.

Biscuits & Buns is usually her favourite for a proper sit down breakfast, but once a year, when Stacked has all you can eat she's there the entire month.

For dinner, she is rather partial to That Pasta Place, especially their chicken alfredo, but more than anything she frequents The Steakout, which is that restaurant she worked at in the few months between dropping out of high school and joining the Saints. That one manager who was really nice to her and got her moved from waiting tables to dishes (when she realised Casey's struggle with the former and speed with the latter) became the owner, so she tries to support the place whenever possible. They do her off-menu order which is a medium-rare ribeye with fries, broccoli and a TON of macaroni and cheese.

She insists on paying no matter how big the Saints get but after the bill is paid, there's always a little white polystyrene box brought out for the boss to take home, with "For *****" written on the box, since you know the owner is one of those people who knew her so long ago she actually knows her name. Inside, just like there every time that manager handed her an identical box at the end of every shift they worked together, is a piece of lemon meringue pie.

[janshu]

Inu!Bakugo...for @ultimate-astridwriting's Hybrid collab!

Summary: My part of the hybrid collab. I had so much fun writing an angry Pomeranian Bakugo. 10/10 would do again. I'm not completely happy with it but who ever is? I'm still proud of myself!

Word count: 2.2k.

Warnings: Fem!Reader, Bakugo being an ass, sexual content, somnophilia, collars, choking, humping, creampie, name calling (bitch, slut, whore etc.), use of the word cunt.

You sigh as you rummage around in your pocket to produce the key to your home. After a long day's work all you want to do is get some dinner, take a bath and go to bed but none of those things would be possible would they?

No, not after the spur of the moment decision to adopt a hybrid of all things. The week earlier was one of torrential downpours and near freezing temperatures, the roads making a slushy substance of half-melted ice and salt to prevent the very thing it was being mixed in with. People stayed indoors the best they could when they weren't at work but life had to shit on you and make your car breakdown in the parking garage. Umbrella rested on your shoulder, rain boots on your feet with your spare in your bag and you trudged through cold, mushy hell back home. The streets were barren as a Walmart on a weekday at 4am, no life passing by you until you crossed an alley between two businesses. A pathetic whimper had caught your attention and your gaze drifted down to a soaked cardboard box. What was in that box you weren't sure if you should curse or love. A hybrid.

Narrow red eyes stared at you in suspicion, fangs bared at you but the creature didn't make any attempts to nip at your fingers when they neared to ruffle the spikey head of hair. The hybrid had leaned into your touch before recoiling away as if you had smacked him. The black and orange collar had seen better days, the charm that dangled on the hollow of his neck read "Dynamite" but he didn't give any indication that was his name when you repeated it outloud. He was barely dressed in anything, a thin t-shirt, shorts with ragged Converse that had more holes than Swiss cheese. Truthfully he looked a few days away from starvation and how could you keep that on your conscience if you left him there? After laying your warm coat over his shoulders you somehow, someway, managed to get him back to your place. Everything went downhill from there in the blink of an eye.

The weak puppy persona was gone the moment warm food settled in his belly and within the hour he acted as if you had crowned him king of the house. Beginning his rambles of curses, demands and biting at your fingers. The worst of it happened when you tried to take his collar off for a new one, one that wasn't frayed and barely hanging on. "Katsuki" as he spat out his name with enough venom to put a Black Mamba to shame had flipped over a coffee table, ripped up every couch cushion and went so far to chew on the linoleum on the kitchen floor.

No doubt you'd be greeted with the same sight as always. Messy, dirty, unknown stains everywhere and dishes still in the sink waiting to be moved to the washer. Maybe if he wasn't such a loud ass you could train him but your frazzled nerves were at their wits end. You didn't know what to do, you were about to throw in the towel and put him up for adoption. Yep, you were disappointed to be proven right. Katsuki reclining on the couch lengthwise, remote in his hand with the most bored expression on his face while idly flipping through channels.

"Fucking finally, you're home! I've been waitin' for fucking hours for your ass to get back! I'm hungry, get your shitty ass in the kitchen and make dinner." He barked. Barely giving you any time to hang up your coat and slip off your shoes before his orders began.

"Katsuki...I can't, not tonight." Could your voice portray anymore pleading? Apparently not because he didn't seem to notice, or care.

The fluffy ear at the top of his head only flicked in response, the top lip curling into his signature snarl. "Then what the fuck are you good for? Get your fucking ass in that god damn kitchen and fucking make dinner already."

All that you were good for? All that you were good for? How dare he! He's been freeloading off you for a week now without so much as a thanks for saving him from the streets, feeding him, clothing him, keeping him warm and dealing with his bullshit and this is how he repays you?

"I've fucking had it with you!" Your voice rose higher than you meant to but at this point you didn't care, a line had been crossed. "You fucking sit there and ruin my shit and yet I'm the useless one? I have half a mind to kick you out! You can make your own fucking dinner, I've had it! I'm done! I can't take this anymore!"

Despite not having any clunky shoes on your feet still managed to resonate in the small living room while you stormed past the couch. You had expected anything, anything at all. A slap, a punch, a groan, literally anything but you were met with only silence and that somehow pissed out off even more. How could silence be so infuriating?! You didn't even notice the terror that washed over his face as you screamed at him or the way his chest heaved with the sob or how he trembled underneath your wrathful gaze as you walked away. The bedroom door slamming made short work of that.

"Fuck I'm such an ass.." You mused to yourself already regretting blowing up at him but what would an apology do that wasn't already broken? So better yet why not send yourself to bed without dinner as some kind of punishment? He'd linger at the doorway to the kitchen, staring at you with those intense eyes if you made dinner anyways so why let him win? He could his own shit for fucks sake!

After a quick shower to dethaw your bones and warm up what was left of your dead soul the softness of your pajamas helped ease the guilt gnawing away like a puppy on its first bone. Laying in bed until sleep eventually overcame you and when he knew it was safe to slip in and sneak over towards your bedside.

Rustling was what woke you. The rustling of clothes and the jingle of something metallic in the darkness of the bedroom. Whatever grogginess you normally suffered when waking up was vanishing the more details were dissected and understood by your half-asleep brain, a process that took an embarrassingly long time. Clothes rustling, the bedsheets moving, heavy pants and something incredibly warm nudging up against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. Naturally your brain assumed the worst and your eyelids flew open to show nothing; at first. As your eyes adjusted to the pitch black room they found the blazing stare of those vermillion eyes, the bared fangs that belonged to your hybrid.

What the hell was Katsuki doing on top of you?

Noticing that you were awake the snarl turned into a smirk as he huffed, his large chest expanding with each desperate pant. Why did your folds feel so good just as you were waking up?

"Feel that?" How could you not? The feel of a scorching cock bumping up your folds and sensitive clit, wet from the pre leaking from the tip. There was so much of it from what you could feel, too sticky to be your own. His hips had yet to cease moving, no word from your shocked form to still his rutting hips.

"W-what the hell are you doing?" Was the most logical question your brain could come up with in the moment.

"Humping...fucking dumbass." His warm breath created goosebumps on your cool skin, his head must've been so close to yours by the hair tickling your forehead. "Tryin'ta...help ya. Shitty woman.."

"Help? How the fuck is this helping?"

"You've been working so hard so I thought maybe...a good fuck would calm ya down, relax ya." Katsuki's voice was so desperate, so needy, the humping of his cock on your labia increasing.

He was trying to help? He was going to fuck the frustration out of you? Is that was he was offering? Having sex with a hybrid was common enough to not be considered taboo but you couldn't help but feel he was trying to worm his way into your good graces. Unless your words had struck some kind of cord with him. "Okay, alright, I'll let you help."

"Fuck yeah!"

With that the head of his cock nudged against your cunt, already spread and waiting for him. How long had he been doing this for? The burn of the stretch was delicious, he was just big enough to fill you up but not hurt. Settling right up to kiss the tip of your cervix when he bottomed out. His hands grip at your thigh and hip, pulling his back to slam his cock right back into you. Over and over, over and over, over and over. Practically using you as a fleshlight to get himself off but damn if it didn't feel good, him bouncing you on his cock so roughly each thrust was sending the headboard against the wall.

"Oh fuck...oh fuck, Katsuki!" Your hands pat around and eventually find his biceps and you cling on for dear life, your nails digging crescent shaped markings into his skin.

"Yeah, yeah...you like this form of stress relief, don'tcha you dirty slut?" Undoing the collar around his neck the frayed cloth of the strap is tied around your neck, the buckle clamping down tightly to constrict your airflow while two fingers slip under it to pull and tug. "You're my dirty fucking slut! Mine...mine...mine...mine, fucking mine!"

Your fingers trailed down the tiny amount of space between your bodies down to the precious, neglected nub between your legs. Barely able to wiggle your index and middle finger down there from the rabid fucking you were receiving to circle the bundle of nerves and send yourself over the edge. Each clap of your thighs smacking against each other forcing your hate for his behavior ebbing away. If he was going to act like this all the time how could you kick him out?

"F-fuck! Gonna cum...fucking cum..cum for me. Cum with me!" Katsuki snarled as the pressure around your throat increased. Your hand was smacked away from your clit and was replaced with the large pad of his thumb, frantic circles sending your body into a writhing mess of flails and kicks.

The orgasm that had been steadily building from your ministrations had been ripped away and replaced with one quickly approaching to push you over the edge. The white hot pleasure-coil that formed underneath your belly button snapped and all of it coursed through your system in one go. Paralyzing your body for a split second as you squirted all over the hybrids cock, his still rubbing hand sending the liquid everywhere. Coating his thighs, your thighs and the bed underneath you.

"Fucking fuck! Such a whore, such a dirty girl for me! Oh my fucking g-god!" One last slam of his hips and his own body stilled, burying his cock deep inside your cunt to shoot his cum deep in your womb. He stuttered before his body collapsed on top of you, suffocating you in his sweaty muscles.

Bathing in the afterglow, coming down from your high you could've sworn you heard something. Mumbling, soft mumbling too indistinct to understand. Katsuki's head laying on your shoulder, his nose brushing along your collarbone and was he laying kisses here and there? No, you must've been seeing things. Still buried to the hilt he turned his head to speak, his fluffy ears perked and his tail gently swishing behind him. The sudden light from your phone illuminated the room, casting light on Katsuki's face and the sight made your breath hitch in your throat. Clearly he had been crying. Tear stains streaked down his cheeks, brows knitted together and the same lost look he had plastered on his face appeared again.

"Please, please don't kick me out. I'll do anything, please...please don't abandon me. Not again." His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer as he hid his face in your neck. Voice breaking, shoulders trembling, the verge of crying all over again quickly approaching.

Your heart broke and you returned the favor by hugging him around the shoulders, a hand carding through his hair to soothe him. Had he been abandoned? Did his previous owners not like him? Was all his aggressiveness some kind of defense mechanism? Was he giving you a reason to kick him out to keep himself from experiencing that kind of pain again? Oh, poor baby. "Never again...just don't destroy things anymore, okay? Help me around the place a little more will ya?"

"Yes." Katsuki snuggled on top of you. Finally believing he had a real home with you, a place where he could belong. "....Master."

[treesandtheirberries]

y/n's one-night stand PT.2

wc: 2.1 k, angst. harry and (y/n) talk ... they maaaybe end up in a fight

read part one here.

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After Harry had gotten (y/n) out of bed, he also convinced her to get dinner with him. So, as the two walked downtown together Harry tried setting a lighter tone, in comparison to the mood he walked into. It hurt him to see her in an intense internal conflict, and he wanted to alleviate it like she often did for him. He could tell that (y/n) was being reserved in her answers, and was withholding herself emotionally. Being her best friend for years, he knew her habits. She would tend to shut down during a depressive episode and be extremely vocal during a suspected manic one. He understood that the two were contrasting when it came to physical intimacy and thus the conversation about it would reflect that.

After their initial talk, he still felt guilty in a sense, that he couldn't be the one to provide a good experience. First experience. He should have known how emotionally driven she was, and he should have been the one to provide the best experience full of all the love and adoration she deserved. Every time these thoughts would enter his head, they would be accompanied by jealousy, fear, and even insecurity. Was it that he wasn't good enough for her? Why couldn't he be the first? He wasn't used to doubting himself as a person yet this one situation had thrown him off. He could get any person he wanted, that's never been an issue. But now he's pinning over the one person that didn't want him? He knew he was being irrational, so he would quickly end these thoughts by calling someone for a hook-up. Not the best way to cope with one's emotions, but it was helping, frankly.

What he didn't know though, was the (y/n) practically made an oath to herself regarding her emotions. She was going to 'mature up' and stop being a "little-whiny-bitch". Everyone her age is trying to have sex: some succeeding and others not. Why was it such a big deal for her then? The days she spent trapped in her room, she realized that the only thing making the situation worst was herself. Her expansive internal monologue was what was killing her. After banging her head on the wall over and over (her head is still tender) she realized it was all her fault. She hated herself in about every form, but having to live with her head was the biggest punishment of all because she couldn't escape it. This is where the oath came into play. She decided to ignore these feelings and to abandon the train of thought she possessed since the beginning of time. New (y/n) didn't share the feelings that gave any indication she was a loser. New (y/n) didn't care whether one-night stands wanted her or not. The new her wanted to get off like everyone else. She deserved to.

And sure, late at night, when she felt such an extreme burn in her chest, yearning for any sort of human connection, she couldn't find any way to get rid of it. Yet, she just decided she wasn't going to let that show in the day or influence her decisions. (y/n) accepted she wasn't an easy person to like, let alone love. She decided that if she tried hooking up with enough people, then she'd get used to it like Harry. It was a perfect balance: pleasure and feeling temporarily needed.

The two finally sat down at a small restaurant for sushi, their personal favorite. It was typically reserved for special events such as acing an exam or the last days of the semesters, but he thought a mental breakdown warranted the pricier dinner. After ordering their rolls, Harry was getting frustrated with her nonchalance.

"(y/n), please, just tell me what happened these past few days? I missed you."

Looking at him, she tilted her head giving him a smile. "What? I had a weird few days, you know. Whole chemical imbalance thing," she softly said, pointing at her head.

Harry isn't convinced. He knows her and he can tell she's brushing it off. You don't just mentally spiral just to pretend it didn't happen. "You're being dishonest," he said straightforwardly.

(y/n), still nonchalant, was unaffected by his stern tone. "Really Harry, it's nothing. I'm better now I just had a small episode. I'm doing really good now!"

"How? I came to your room after days of radio silence to you still in bed with swollen eyes. How the fuck is that better? Just tell me what happened, (y/n). Is it about our talk, is it something I said because-"

"Stop."

"It's okay that you're experimenting but maybe you could do it with someone you trust and-"

"Harry."

"I know it really hurt you to do that but it shouldn't because you should feel good-"

Feeling cornered and pressured, her voice finally rose to shut him up: "Harry!"

Immediately stopping his ranting that reflected his internal discussions, he looked up to see (y/n) in a stressed state.

"I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't want to shelter myself or have things affect me so greatly. I really am sorry for scaring you these past few days, I've just been gathering my thoughts. I know how to go about things now."

Looking at her confused, Harry asked, "what does that mean?"

Waving her hands to him, she said "Look at you! You're living an incredibly balanced life that includes sex. If you can do it so can I!" Her tone was lighthearted and determined, but anyone could see through her facade.

"But that's me. I've been doing it for a while now," his tone flat. He hoped his reminder didn't make him seem less worthy of her, although he doesn't see how she could ever view him as virtuous. "We're not the same."

"It's just because I'm behind, I need to start hooking up more so I can get used to it. I'm already talking to this guy who might come over tonight," she finished, as she went to look at her most recent text messages with the guy she found on tinder, proud.

At this point, the two have received their food and were slightly occupied with it, but that didn't stop Harry's emotions from reacting. "(y/n), what the fuck? Have you learned nothing from the last time?" He kept telling himself he was calling her out because of her reckless behavior, not because the thought of her hooking up with someone else was so devastating.

She looked at him offended as if he was saying something extreme and unwarranted. "Why are you treating me like a child? Why can you fuck a new person every night but when I want to it's a big fucking deal? I'm allowed to have fun too, y'know."

And the small burn he was feeling in his chest irrupted, both out of jealousy and insecurity. She was going to sleep with other men if he wanted to or not. There was no way he could control her behaviors or even guide her. And even then, she didn't want to fuck him. Of course not, she practically said he's been run through. "Yeah. Yeah, okay but we're fucking different. Are you just going to keep having hook-ups that you know will send you into another depressive episode for me to fix?"

Immediately turning her eyes to him, she glared. "I didn't ask you to come over."

"You practically were by begging for attention after purposefully not answering my messages." He didn't know where his anger was coming from, but he felt enraged from the previous days and he was finally taking it out. Only, it was all directed at her.

"I didn't ask for shit. You just can't fucking stand the idea of me being an actual adult and having fun."

In response, Harry laughed. It was sarcastic and dry, enough to portray his current mood. "Please, (y/n). You talk about wanting to be like me but you weren't made for it. You're the one with your head, don't you realize how fucking dramatic and needy you are? As if you could ever act like a normal person when hooking up. Why do you want to be a whore so bad?" As soon as the words left his lips his smirk disappeared, fading into one of sympathy.

Looking at her, he realized he really messed up this time.

"A whore? What, like you?"

And just like that, his worst fear was coming to fruition. And it was all his fault. "(y/n) no look I didn't-"

"Shut up, don't even try to act like you haven't been thinking of that since our talk. I get it, I understand how difficult I am. I never wanted to drag you into this because I already know how 'dramatic and needy' I am," she spat with a bitter tone. "You don't need to fucking remind me. I'm figuring it out. I don't need someone like you to make me feel shitty about my decisions or belittle my mental state. I'm not a child and I'm not going to let you walk over me like that." Shoving her hand into her bag she managed to pull out two twenty-dollar bills to leave at the table whilst she gathered her stuff.

Although his heart was burning to apologize, to hold her and wipe the tears that started to form in her eyes. To say he didn't mean it, that he was being selfish and insecure. But he couldn't do it. Although he had known this girl for years, he couldn't swallow his pride. Instead, he maintained his angry eyes set on her, rasping out "You need me."

(y/n) was known for her impulsions. She was known to ruin long-running relationships in her life due to a misunderstanding or falling out. They both knew it and they always did their best to communicate, although their pride stood in the way. The two stared at each other, realizing they both had gone too far in insulting one another.

Looking at him, she snapped. "I never needed you. In fact, fuck you. Asshole," she finished for good measure finally leaving.

Harry sat back in his seat comfortably, watching her walk away. From an outsider's perspective, he seemed unaffected. Almost as if he was waiting for her return. Inside though, he was yelling at his stupid fucking brain as a pain developed in his chest. It felt harder to inhale, and he clenched his hands due to their burning sensation. As tears began to collect in his eyes, he blank them quickly away. It didn't matter. It didn't matter that the best thing that's ever happened to him has walked away and likely would never approach him again. All is well.

━━━━━━━━━━

(y/n): wanna meet tonight?

Ryan: yeah. which dorms?

After leaving Harry, (y/n) felt an extreme urge to prove him wrong. She has the capacity to be like any other college student, and she didn't care if that made Harry's perception of her change any more. He used the biggest insecurity she had against her, and (y/n) simply could not fathom forgiving him. While in her room, she cursed him out and punched her pillow in sheer anger. How dare he? No amount of curse words could relieve her anger, but perhaps fucking a stranger might.

She got ready and tried shaking away her nerves, feeling fueled by the need to prove him wrong.

Hearing a knock at her door, she looked in the mirror one final time before going to open it.

"Hey," Ryan said, stepping in as (y/n) moved out of the way. "How're you today?"

With a soft laugh to hide her nervousness, (y/n) smiled. "We don't have to go through the formalities, you came over to fuck, no?" Her false confidence was soaring, making her appear experienced.

"Yeah, yeah." He smiled back, walking over to her bed, still facing her.

As the two stared at each other for a bit, he made the first move in leaning in for a kiss. With her heart racing (this was only the second person ever she's kissed now, it's still a big deal for her) she leaned in, wrapping both hands behind his neck. Sighing into the kiss, she melted at the way he was kissing her. Like he wanted her. She loved the feeling.

Pulling back, he kept a hand on the side of her face, observing her intently. "Let's get on the bed, make you comfortable."

Nodding and following along, she positioned herself to be on her back, Ryan getting on top to continue the kissing. As the kissing became more heated, (y/n) knew it was time to increase the intensity and reached a hand down to where she felt him growing on her thigh. Immediately, she received a grunt, making her feel proud of her actions.

"Got a condom?"

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(tag list: @rbforsmileycal )

part 2 ladies and gentlemen and enbyies!!!! let me know what you thought!

[aks3raao1]

Me, to Luja: So tell me about yourself

Luja: No

Me: ...ma'am I need to write the story—

Luja: Good luck <3

[now that I do think of it, ALTERNATIVE's main duo that's established right at the beginning is literally a chiller but edgier Katsuki and way worse sUrViVe Nagito genderbends]

~~~~~~

Luja Sen, she/her

Anyways, Luja and Romila are friends from middle school (the story starts with the beginning of their high school at AoS (Academy of the Specialised) which was essentially founded by Nyx). Luja gains her Specialisation (Ferrokinesis: The Ability to bend metal) at the age of twelve, so she has it for a lesser time period than Romila.

Luja primarily wants to become a scientist. Her family is happy with that, because it's praised and everything, especially in our society.

She has a gifted child superiority complex. Being a gifted child + Specialised means that she hardly had many friends in school. Her family had tried to get her to socialize....which didn't go down too well.

She believes that most people are annoying because they waste too much time on useless things like gossiping and what not, which she never showed much interest in and doesn't like to be dragged into those nonsense.

She is friends with Romila since they do share the same taste in stuff and were the only Specialised ones in their class. And they kinda stuck together for most of middle school and went into high school.

She has a problem when it comes to seeing Romila since she tends to see her bad parts and is like, "It's a phase" considering that it's not necessarily affecting her. Romila doesn't get too cranky with her since she fascinates her, with her passion™ for science. Also because she isn't all self sacrifice UwU.

Luja cares for her own self above others (but tends to put Romila pretty close to that hierarchy, which is why she's one of the only two Romila trusts during the Mansion of Death (the other person is Kratanos)) however she also does want to keep what friends she has and is generally caring towards them.

She has a genuine love for science and loves to discover how things work and why, and her favourite facet is Physics. She does want to invent things and honestly just make stuff easier for the Specialised who face a LOT of issues, especially when it comes to amenities since the government is an ass about accomodations and they gained the Fundamental Rights like ten years or so ago in the ALTERNATIVE timeline. And they gain an additional right ("The body won't be harmed for science") when they graduate from school, after signing a contract that they dedicate themselves to helping the government when called upon. (The whole contract is stupid and basically oppresses them more especially the punishment for not abiding by it).

With her goal of becoming a scientist, she wants to use her talents to make accomodations specifically for them so that she could have done something.

The things she fears the most is failure. Failing as in being unable to accomplish her goals. She is afraid of it because it's an unknown variable that's constantly haunted her and she's working hard for it to never reach her.

I suppose there's a way for her to confront that fear during the Mid terms at AoS where she essentially "loses" in the practicals due to her......teamwork issues.

Everyone thinks of her as stuck up and isn't interested to listen to her much and since she views the others as annoying people with annoying habits, she tends to fail to regulate them, causing Romila to win instead (yes, it's THAT unfortunate of a situation) in their match, which causes her to review a LOT of things and she tries to see what caused her to lose after having a severe breakdown.

She develops an inferiority complex in respect to Romila and then spends a long time wondering where she went wrong.

Rena (who somehow clung to her) tries to cheer her up but gets turned back halfway, but she still stays on and Luja is like, "Wtf" until she sees Romila going entirely off the deep end (she presents an interesting contrast to how Koldin sees Romila as well, she sees Romila's behavior and considers it as a justification for her own self....she uses Romila to justify herself a lot (since if you asked Romila, Luja was more or less fine according to her since she wasn't being a doormat and stood up for herself) while Koldin sees Romila as the reason he should cling onto his own stuff) and realises that she could be on the path to destruction herself and accepts Rena's help and tries to be more open to others which leads to the Mid terms parallels in the Archenemy of Society arc where she "succeeds" instead and manages to get the class together enough to escape the situation.

However it doesn't mean that her fear of failure has entirely vanished into the blue, she just reviews the ways she can fail better now and works around it to avoid it and has more confidence in her own self. But she is still scared of failing and would love to avoid that more than anything. However she's chiller after that.

Her intelligence is more or less on par with both Romila and Kratanos, making them the three main strategists in the final battle against the bigots (which is basically a rerun of the Mansion of Death situation but way way worse and fucked up and has different leads to it).

....

The thing is that, no matter what I do, she winds up feeling like one dimensional/repetitive, which is something I am trying to amend about all the characters (I mean, I had to revamp a lot of characters so it will probably take me a long long time to actually get to writing.........sigh besides she stands up like a cardboard amongst people (I mean, you have Romila and Kratanos with extremely complicated storylines and then you have her. Just there))

So the main question is how to make her more interesting as a character and on par with the rest while still keeping her character flaws and personality?

I think the easiest way to go abt this is to view her as a sassy Bakugo. They have the main points in common. They're salty, don't like to socialise, feel inferior to a certain someone while still having some semblance of confidence and a terrible fear of failure

Now as much as I hate to compare your character to another one, it makes it a lot easier to have them become - as my English teacher would say - more. So I am sorry if this comes off as offensive-

For Bakugo, he became interesting by playing a big part in the mc's main story and we do get a few scenes where his vulnerability is shown. I assume it's the same with your character but...what rlly ties the knot for me when it comes to Katsuki is the fact that his problems...are more than just an inferiority/superiority complex. His whole thing stems from background especially (*cough* abusive mom *cough*) and the fact that he's not the main character (or rather that the story isn't being told in his perspective).

These facts make us over think and want more of him. The mystery draws us in which is why I think Luja's character is so perfect for someone in the background. She doesn't like to reveal things abt herself and is pretty dismissive to most things on top of that (plainly just salty). Her character rlly draws you in and the best way to portray those kinds of characters is through another character. Ofc, you'd have to get to their POV eventually but it's important to note that most of the details should come from someone else's POV (an observer, if you will) instead of info dumping and starting straight with hers. A character that's mysterious with a very simple yet relatable story attracts a LOT more attention and interest when seen from someone else's perspective than when you kickstart it from theirs.

Ofc, if u are planning (or already have) started the story from her POV, that would be a bit problematic in terms of interest. But not a train wreck. This is where my other point comes in. The point of making a character have more than one problem

Different ppl as well as characters have a main problem but also different ones, no matter what way you look at it. It seems that even you are confused with all ur character's ins and outs (dw, we've all been there... I am still there tbh) and a solution to that is backtracking a bit and looking at their life from the very beginning in HEAVY detail (like more than u already did). Think abt what other trauma could have been caused, what doubts and fears could have slowly crept it's way to her heart and head (I am a sucker for long-lasting doubts that develop over time) and anything you can even so much as GRASP on. If you look at it and see it as a possibility, try to fit that into her character and add it subtly in different places (as subtext or a creative pattern, wordplay, doesn't rlly matter as long as it's not openly stated bc, remember, the key thing to these types of characters is mystery).

For example, a fear of failure can stem into anxiety before the character has even lost smth later in their life. They probably get rlly anxious when evaluating smth but don't show it much or at all so no one notices. This adds even MORE to the character bc you can build it up after other events. Like once they have failed, they could probably get even more anxious and then develop a bad relationship with the person who beat them (double the points if it was a friend). You could build all that up and turn it super toxic instead of jumping right to the healing. It makes it more interesting, doesn't it? Plus, reevaluating almost everything including world views after 1 loss is...kind of hard to believe even with anxiety (no offense)

Adding a lot of little problems and thinking abt how Luja's behaviour can impact other characters helps a terrible lot if ur doing most of the story from her POV. Especially since she's probably the most relatable character (from what I've heard anyway). I have a certain saying... it goes like, "It's better to have a relatable and connecting character than one with a problem that is too big for normal people to fathom."

I like characters with heart-wrenching problems that I would never be able to relate to (take maybe Shigaraki as an example ig?) But my favourite are the ones that make me feel as tho I made a real connection

Also, I would like to say...if ur looking to progress her character even further, I would debate on whether it's the complete end to the novel or if there'll be a second part. If it's a second part, keep some of Luja's issues. Make her get better but not completely "YAY, I AM DONE BEING TORMENTED". If it's the end of the novel/series/etc., make it so that she's resolved most of most of her issues. They don't have to be completely gone but they have to be a lot better compared to how they started. And how i would work that out is a mind map but knowing ur a scatterbrain...lets talk it out where everything is all over the place

Luja's main thing is to gain confidence in herself and be finally ok with losing, right? If you ask me, that's a tough one but not impossible. I think to get her from point A to point B is to put up a bunch of events like:

Get her super anxious when doing smth

Lose to *insert person*

Have a breakdown and over think on what she could have done better (on the project or whatever she lost at)

Get even more anxious and totally mess up the next thing

Lose once again (double points if it's the same person as last time)

Overthinking abt how she's not good enough

F i g h t i n g f r i e n d s c o z d r a m a

"YoU'rE nEvEr GoNnA gEt BeTtEr If YoU kEeP tHiNkInG aBoUt YoUrSeLf"

Over think abt no. 8 bc out of options and ideas and ✨a n x i e t y✨

Try listening to others more and become b e t t e r

Win smth (bc creator forbid 3 losses in a row to start depression)

Lose again (there is gonna be a bit of back and forth but is necessary for development)

"I tHoUgHt I wAs FiNaLlY dOiNg SoMeThInG rIgHt AnD nOw LoOk"

"Losing is not th3 3nd of th3 fucking world, you lunatic"

"WELL, IT IS TO ME, BITCH"

*insert psychology somehow idk*

Another loss

"I'm angry...but I'm ok"

Note that idk where bullying would come in and these are only how I would think it to go-

A character like this isn't rlly my strong suit when it comes to them resolving their problems but they are fun to write and think abt-

................................did I just give you advice on how to traumatize? I-

[theravenclawlover]

Monster

Parings: James “Bucky” Barnes x Reader.

Warnings: +18 Mentions of torture, mature language, future smut, mentions of death, slight depression, mentions of kidnapping.  

Word Count: 2,066.

Summary: You are one of the youngest members of the Avengers, and you love it. Out of the blue an impossible mission is assigned to you alongside Natasha Romanoff, and it was sure to change your life. Lies, and betrayal from the closest people in your life; they never told you who you really were.

Chapter Number: 2.

Chapter Tittle: The Mission.

A/N: Hey! I’m back with another update for this series as you can see! I’ve been so busy with life, it’s a little tiring. Who would’ve thought that online courses could be so homework heavy... Nevertheless, I made some time to twink this thing up and some other chapter, so my prediction is that maybe later or tomorrow there’s going to be another chapter up! Thank you for being so patient with me, it means a lot! Now for those who read my Harry Potter fics, I know I still owe you lot a smutty Weasley Twins fic, and I promise I’ll post it by the end of the month or beginnigs of next, I haven’t been able to finish it for some reason. Also, I think I’ll try to start drafting chapters for my “Welcome to the Industry of Porn.” It’s been almost a year since I last updated that one. Okay, I’ll stop! Enjoy my fellow readers! 

After getting things ready, Nat and you found yourselves in her car; Natasha on the wheel. She kept on glancing at you, not real expression set but it was kind of annoying you. At first it didn't bother you and didn't really mind it, but it had been an hour since her eyeing had begun, so the annoyance was bound to sprout from you any minute.

"What?" you said a little snappy, it couldn't be ignored any longer. It was just rude to stare.

"What?" echoed Natasha with feigned confusion.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" You exclaimed while turning to face her as much as you could with the seatbelt on.

"Like what?" She didn't turn like you had, but you were able to see the change of her expression from your seat, she just gave you a confused look at your words.

"Nat, you haven't stop looking at me! It might sound crazy, but you've looked worried ever since Steve mentioned this "Bucky" person." You couldn't stop from raising your voice a little. She was agitating you and you knew you probably were overreacting at the whole situation.

She let out a sigh before answering, "Y/n, we have been sent to bring the Winter Soldier by no means of force. He has memory problems because HYDRA thought it was a great idea to mess with his brain. So, I'm sorry If I can't take my mind out of it! Also, I'm not looking at you with worry, I was just wondering why you seem so calm." At the last words she'd turned to face you, having reached a red light.

"I never thought that I would witness what I believe is a mini freak out from you. Also, I had my breakdown in my room when we were getting ready. He's scary for what I've read in his report. Remember Washington? Stupid question, of course you do. Dude, I cried when you and Steve were on the run. Trust me, I'm fucking scared, but I'm trying to stay calm. I have a theory that he can smell fear. So, I'm practicing my 'I'm cool with a brainwashed assassin in the room' face," you exclaimed with the tiniest grin on your face. Joking about the matter seem to help with your anxiousness, and the exasperation from before now gone.

"To be honest with you, I'm rather impressed that you look better than I do right now," she said after stopping the car in front of a big old building that looked like it was about to fall, "we're here."

"Shit." It was really happening. All you had to do was peacefully bring a brainwashed dude with you back to the base. Should be easy. Piece of cake, right?

"Let's do this, " said Nat getting out of the car, her façade of tough—not really a façade, she was tough—assassin had 'activated' once more.

You both stepped through the rough looking doors, according to the last report on him, he was in last the floor going up. You were shaking a little when you had finally made your way up. Nat made her way toward the door with quiet steps. Once the two of you were in front of the room neither of you knew what to do next. Do we just knock, or we burst in like the badass women we fucking are? you thought to yourself, a little grin trying to break on your face. You didn't get to dwell on it for too long because Nat had knocked on the door, her face showed the clear regret of that action. She had just acted without thinking of the consequences of her actions—how odd.

There was a noise coming from inside, you could hear hesitant footsteps coming towards the door, you knew he was going to open the door anytime soon, but you didn't know what to do so you just stood there. The movements from inside suddenly stopped, you saw the shadow of someone right in front of the door from its order side. A second later, that someone opened the door, and lord did the sight made you blush.

The door opened to show a shirtless man, long hair covering his face. He looked as if he had just taken a shower, he hadn't been expecting anyone—I mean, who would? The building was mostly empty, except for the homeless that looked for shelter. You knew you were staring but you couldn't remove you gaze from his massive, muscular form, and that glistening arm.

"Good afternoon," said Natasha, breaking the silence. He didn't say anything he just kept looking at both of you trying to figure out who you two were, and most likely wondering why you had disturbed his peace and quiet. After her words, more silence came—awkward silence.

"We are here to help you out, we know who you are," Natasha proceeded to say without introductions. Wrong move. The calm face he'd had was now replace with a cold expression. Before either of you could muster words out, he'd closed the door and hurried back inside.

"Shit! Shouldn't have done that!" Natasha grabbed her gun kicking the door trying to stop him. You did the same thing, grabbed your gun and try to stop him before he disappeared once again. You knew it had been hard to get a hold on a ghost like the Winter Soldier, so you couldn't afford to mess the mission up.

Once inside, he had put out on a shirt and was ready to jump from the window. Nat shouted a 'stop' but he didn't listen, he jumped from the window. You ran to the window to see him landing flawlessly on the ground. Before running off, he turned his head, and you swore he winked your way. Without another glance, he ran and vanished from your view when he took the first turn to the left.

"Crap! The fucker ran away again! He was ready," said an angered Natasha, now standing by your side.

"That was so fast. Who gets dressed that fast?, and that bag must've been packed already," you said looking around for any type of intel you could find. You needed to know where he has heading next, that could help with the foul mood Fury was surely going to be in.

"I don't know, but what I do know is that we are in big trouble when we get back," said Natasha with a sigh escaping her lips. With one quick look around, you gave up and headed back to the car, your murder by your boss awaiting you.

                                                        °°°°°

"Sir, he just ran back inside and jumped from the window and disappeared." For the umpteenth time you told what had happened to Fury. When the two of you got to the new secret facility of S.H.I.E.L.D.—or what was left of it—you were to give your mission report to Fury. Steve was there, listening on how bad the mission had gone; he looked worried, but you had a feeling that it was because his friend was in the world off the radar rather than worried about either Nat or you being yelled at by Fury. You felt guilty, Natasha and you had messed up the chance for him to see this 'Bucky,' but at the same time you were slightly annoyed at his uncharacteristic coldness at your failure.

Fury was mad that you two had failed the mission, but he had known that someone like him was no easy target, but that doesn't mean that he let you off without some type of punishment. You knew that S.H.I.E.L.D wasn't the same organization that once was, now it was just a little group left since the incident with HYDRA. Fury told you after he had—somewhat—calm down that Natasha and you were to be in the tracking team. Meaning that you were to sit down in front of a computer until you got wind of him.

You got back to your room but not before spending the rest of the afternoon working for the new coordinates of where he could have run to hide. You opened the door to your room; once in, you kicked your shoes off and walked towards where your bed was, putting your gun and badge on the nightstand. You were exhausted to even remain awake while walking around to get things done. You went to the bathroom to take the most relaxing shower. The warm water felt so good against your tired body and your thoughts ran wild, with no care. At first it was just how bad you had mess up the mission and the guilt that came with that, but then you could only focus on him. Those piercing blue eyes that seem to take you away from reality... You shook your head trying to forget about those eyes, but you found yourself going back to them. They seem to bring you a sense of comfort that you couldn't explain. You quickly finished your shower, trying to rid yourself from thoughts of him. Once out, you grabbed your panties and the biggest, baggiest t-shirt you owned, and with no trouble you fell asleep.

                                                         °°°°°

You were in a room that seem too familiar for some reason, there was a glass window in front of you. You walked towards it; it showed another room. Your eyes landed in the person that was in the middle of the room, it was him. He was shirtless inside a capsule, he looked troubled while he slept. There were people waking him up, and when they did, they sat him on a chair not far from the capsule he had been. There were doctors around him with clipboards, and big machines were being situated around the blue-eyed man. You looked around, besides the doctors there were people in green outfits—officers. Then you looked to your other side and saw one of the doctors coming to the room you were in, he walked towards to what looked like a control panel. You saw him pressing some buttons, and the big machines in the other room started moving.

Your eyes moved to find his, he was already staring right at you; he couldn't see you, though, the glass didn't allow it. One of the doctors near him grabbed something and put it in his mouth, him never questioning what. He kept looking straight ahead, you felt as if he could really see you through the glass, it made you shiver unconsciously. One of the doctors now gave a signal towards the glass, and so, the man on your side of the glass pressed one button and the machine got closer to the man sitting on the chair. Before you could guess what was going on, he was screaming. You didn't want to see, your heart ached at the way his eyes shut abruptly, how his knuckles were now white from gripping the chair. You couldn't look away and you weren't even able to flinch at his screams. You didn't know how long it went like that, but all the screaming was soon replaced with a shrilling silence. As soon as he was still, dead-looking, some officers were now helping him up and taking him somewhere else. Everyone started to leave, doctors and officers alike—loud-ish chatter amongst them. There was one person who didn't move, and he was looking at you. The man smiled and made his way towards you, he seemed familiar and nice.

"What you just saw, Y/n, was how we made our best weapon stay emotionless, and strong. That is why he is valuable to us; he doesn't show emotions towards his victims." The man was now kneeling in front of you, "now, honey, we better get you to your room. Tomorrow is going to be another day full of training."

"Yes, sir," you said. Your voice sounded so young, probably less than ten years old. He picked you up, and you wrapped your tiny arms around his neck. It took forever to get to what you guessed was your room. Once inside and you were changed into your pajamas, he helped you get in bed, tucking you in.

"Have sweet dreams, my little princess," said the man that was looking at you with loving eyes.

You gave him a soft, sleepy smile before yawning while muttering softly, "goodnight, papa."  

Tag list:

@boredtotearz100 @john-benderr @cnco-ravenclaw-46

[yaboymercury]

Ripping 9 to 5 - Butler

Jeremy had enjoyed his first term at university but was looking forward to getting home for the break. Especially becuase he would get to see Adrian again.

Jeremy was really hoping to finally make progress with some guys at Uni but he was still held back by his massive crush on Adrian. It had been holding him back pretty much since he moved in.

The short of it is that Jeremy's family is rich, and Adrian's family went broke when he was a teenager. Being friends with Adrian's father, Jeremy's mother offered to let Adrian live with them. And being the good person he is when he turned 16, a couple years before Jeremy, he offered to be a butler for the family not wanting to be a freeloader. Resistant at first, Jeremy's parents insisted against it, but not wanting to be a freeloader Adrian was adamant.

Jeremy didn't mind as long as it meant that he could still spend time with Adrian. But it did change things. Jeremy found Adrian being more private with him, being more formal, more professional. Jeremy still harboured a crush on him and he still got warm energy from him, but their relationship had changed.

Going away to Uni was his first time not living with Adrian for a while and he missed him. Which is why he decided that when he came back for break he would make an active effort to reconnect with him. And now they were both fully adults he wouldn't have any restrictions.

Walking back into his large family house he said a brief greeting to his parents and had to pry them off him to get to his room for some privacy. Lugging his suitcases up the stairs he could call Adrian to help but he wanted to surprise him.

Getting back to his room for the first time in ages Jeremy felt happy to be back in his element, everything was the same except for the fact that the window was wide open leaving a cold breeze chilling the room, so he quickly closed it. He began to clean himself up in preparation for his reunion with Adrian.

About to leave the room satisfied by his lathering of deodorant and combed hair, Adrian walked towards the door. But before he could arrive he could hear pounding footsteps getting louder from outside. Getting closer to the door so he could get a better hear of it, the door was swiftly pulled open from the other side.

There was Adrian in his typical butler uniform, in those same tight trousers which contributed highly to Jeremy's sexual awakening and that same glowing face. But something was different. He was sweating on his forehead, squirming uncomfortably and had a hand on his stomach, and a shocked expression on his face obviously not expecting the sight of Jeremy.

But Jeremy didn't mind and if he had the element of surprise he could easily reconnect with him. He leaped forward and gave him a tight hug which was responded to with a grunt. Again he didn't care bring so close to him again was contorting. He pulled himself off the butler and gave him a proper look over grinning.

"You miss me?"

Finally breaking a warm but formal smile (yet still looking physically uncomfortable) he replied:

"Yes Master Jeremy very much so."

Putting on am exaggerated frown Jeremy punched him in the arm saying:

"God how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that, it's just Jeremy," Pausing a moment he looked back again at Adrian winking "or whatever you want it to be." With a giggle.

Ignoring Jeremy's advances he walked into the room still looking restless "So um, Jeremy, why are you home early?" He couldn't really make eye contact but he sat down on the bed rubbing his stomach.

"Oh yeah sorry, I gave you the wrong date, thought I'd surprise you" Still smiling Jeremy was happy he was finally seeing a more human side of Adrian.

His butler pondered this for a moment gulping and then looked back to Jeremy with a desperate look. "Jeremy please do me a favour, could you please vacate this room?" It was said with urgency, but obviously not more urgency as Jeremy had to reconnect with Adrian.

"Oh trying to kick me out of my room now? Gosh did you develop an attitude when I was gone?" It was all said playfully and Jeremy wanting to make some contact gave Adrian a weak shove on his side as he sat next to him on the bed as a mock punishment.

But obviously the push caught Adrian off guard and he fell onto his side onto the bed away from Jeremy and grunted what sounded like 'Crap not now'. Surprised by the relatively bad language from the man he didn't hear the rumbling from him, but he certainly heard what came next.

PHRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTT

Never in his years of knowing Adrian had he ever imagined him farting. And now all of a sudden Jeremy's nose was being assaulted by a rancid stink exiting his asshole. Adrian was a red panting wreck on the bed after letting the fart out.

"Master Jeremy, I'm so sorry I never meant for you to see that..."

Jeremy wasn't exactly enjoying the smell gagging on it a little, he was surprised that Adrian could produce something so stinky. But seeing him with his guard so down for the first time in years overjoyed him, so he thought he could take advantage of it.

Putting a hand on one of Adrian's he leaned towards him. "Don't worry I still like my Butler, even if he does have a smelly ass." Jeremy joked but it seemed to only make Adrian blush harder.

Adrian leaned up and stood up from the bed pulling his hand out from under Jeremy's and used it to attempt to waft away the lingering smell of his expulsion. "Again Jeremy I'm sorry you had to experience that I really am, and I'm glad to see you are home safe, but I have things to do so I'll see you soon."

Jeremy couldn't have this, Adrian being his same old cold butler self. Especially after ripping the worst fart Jeremy had ever smelt. As Adrian began to exit the room Jeremy grabbed his hand holding him back, making Adrian give Jeremy a sad look back.

"Adrian what changed with you?" Getting serious for a moment Jeremy was able to grab his attention. Adrian took a deep breath sighing and closing the door in front of him. He turned back to give Jeremy and earnest look.

"Back when I was sixteen a lot of changes began happening, with me especially," this time she sat voluntarily close to Jeremy "I became you're family's butler as you know and I've always been in debt to your family..." He took a deep breath "Which is why I knew that when I developed feelings for you I could not follow through on them in case of being unprofessional." Jeremy's heart was pounding not knowing what to say so letting him continue. "Also around the same time as all this was when I started developing my gas problems, in fear of being even more unprofessional I isolated myself from you even more so neither you nor your parents would discover this. I also took the opportunity of your unused room when you went to university as a room to relieve myself, I'm sorry if that sounds crude and I'm sorry if you feel violated but there is no point lying about anything anymore. Feel free to tell your parents as much as you want I'm sure I can find another job..."

Jeremy had enough of Adrian's negativity so he made sure to cut him off with: "You're not going to have to quit!" Which gave Adrian an excuse to smile weakly. "And why didn't you tell me you liked me did you never suspect that I liked you as well?" All Adrian could do was look down in shame. "And why didn't you tell me about your gas problem it really wouldn't bother me it can't be that bad?!" With that last statement Adrian cringed in response.

"Believe me Jeremy it can, and I'm desperately sorry but could I please relieve myself outside or in the hallway I would never want to subject you to that again." He began to try and leave the room again but once again Jeremy pulled him back. Seeing Adrian uncomfortable hurt him so he decided that he would fully accept that side of him.

"Adrian I really don't mind, please don't leave"

Adrian just looked at him then covered his face with one hand embaressed and leaned over a little.

PRRRRRRRRRRRRFT

I did stink, it was disgusting, it reeked. Jeremy wasn't going to pretend it didn't. Maybe he even played up his reaction to play with the mortified Adrian even more but just so he could surprise him more afterwards. After suitably gagging on the rotten stench filling the room, Adrian looked like he was on the verge of a breakdown.

"Jeremy I'm really sorry, I know how much I stink, I really can't help it."

Right as he finished the sentence Jeremy decided it was time to strike. He practically tackled Adrian to the ground and gave him a moment to reject him and then followed with a kiss. It was a great moment for Jeremy lifting a weight from him but he knew he had to explain himself to Adrian.

Pulling himself off Adrian's mouth he ran his hands along the body underneath him.

"Adrian I think I can put up with your stink, especially for you, I tried to forget about you at university but I couldn't so I know I can put up with a little gas."

Adrian looked shocked but happy "Thanks Jeremy, I'm not sure where we can go from here with all these crazy bloody circumstances," Jeremy was happy to hear that he accepted that they could go somewhere "but believe me when I say it's more than 'a little gas', how can you be sure you can put up with it?"

Jeremy didn't exactly expect the conversation to be going this way but he wasn't exactly willing to give up. "Test me, give me the worst you've got! And if it let's me get more well acquainted with that bum of yours then I'll be more than happy!"

Shocked at the crudeness of Jeremy's offer Adrian managed to break a smile but was still worried on Jeremy's behalf. "Are you really sure I don't want to hurt you?"

The warning only made Jeremy laugh. "Dude it's only a few more farts how bad can it be?" All Adrian could do was respond with a sigh knowing he wouldn't be able to get Jeremy to give up.

Adrian just stood up in front of Jeremy arching his back a little, feeling a little happy he's finally able to show off his ass which he is so secretly proud of, knowing the complimentary his tight trousers have on it. Jeremy wasn't complaining having to resist full on spanking the man choosing to only lightly rub the cheeks.

PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPT

It hit hard, surprising Jeremy even though he expected it. The rotten winds blowing out of the butler's ass blew back his hair and made his nostrils flare. The fart seemed like it would never end and it seemed like Adrian was making no effort to stop it spreading his cheeks out with his hands.

The gas finally subsided and Jeremy tried to catch a breath of fresh air but the oxygen around him was fully tainted. Looking back at him Adrian asked:

"Do you see what I mean now?" He looked at the pitiful sight of Jeremy sitting agape his eyes watering from the stink. It was sad for Adrian knowing that man he loved couldn't put up with his gas. "I'm really sorry Jeremy..."

But of course despite the stench intoxicating Jeremy's brain he still had his priorities straight. He grabbed Adrian and pulled him down into another surprise kiss making them both smile again, but Adrian still had doubts.

"Okay so maybe it's a little bit worse than i expected but do you really think that will put me off you?"

Finally giving Jeremy one last serious look, "If you can put up with this one, you can have whatever you want okay?"

Jeremy nodded in response gulping but ready for any challenge. Adrian stood in front of him again but this time he slid down his trousers and underwear displaying his bulbous shining cheeks spilling out his trousers. In spite of their beauty they did come with a natural stink but Jeremy could handle that but it reminded him of what was to come. But mainly Jeremy was focused on finally getting a good view of Adrian's uncovered ass, he was practically drooling. He was so distracted that he barely registered Adrian say:

"I'm sorry for this Jeremy..." And without warning he pulled Jeremy's head into his ass fully smothering him. Jeremy would resist but the cool sensation of being inside Adrian's cheeks was amazing. With a grunt and a rumble inside his rectum, Adrian let loose.

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPT

Jeremy could hear Adrian moan in relief letting that one out. A shitty odour attacked Jeremy's nostrils unfiltered by any clothing, this would have repulsed him more if he wasn't in such a heavenly ass. It hurt him to smell but the feeling of Adrian's hole winking on his nose actaully aroused Jeremy which surprised him. He could tell Adrian was about to apologize for his stench again so Jeremy thought he would surprise him, maybe even punish him for forcing his head in his ass.

Adrian began to feel the orgasmic sensation of an explorative tongue invading his hole. The sensation was amazing making him buckle over more, he was certainly beyond the realm of unprofessionalism so he couldn't exactly ask his master to stop. The pleasure on his hole was getting so good that it began to tempt more gas out of his ass.

PHHHHHHHHHRT

PRRRRRRRRRRTTTTT

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

Rancid farts began further stinking up Jeremy's engulfed face, but Jeremy had gotten to a point of the smell of Adrian's anal pheremones was beginning to turn him on. Still rimming the butler he decided to put his hands to use using one to unbuckle his trousers and begin rubbing himself and the other to rub Adrian giving him a hint of where this is going. Adrian noticed the shift in atmosphere and smirked realising just how kinky his master is. He unzipped his own trousers giving Jeremy's spare hand more freedom to explore.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRAPPPPP

RRRRRRRRRPPPT

PRAAAAAAAAAFFFFFT

The smell only got more intense filling the room with a scent of ass stink. By this point both of them needed release, their dicks throbbing. Jeremy pushed himself out of Adrian's ass gasping for breath.

"Adrian!" He pulled the man down to face him by his tie in a less serious but still commanding tone he said: "I demand that you put your flatulence to good use and release those winds on my member!"

With a sadistic grin Adrian gave him a quick kiss and said with a more sadistic smile "As you wish..."

He slid his body down resting Jeremy's shaft in-between his cheeks and letting his own push up against Jeremy's chest.

PHRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH

The gas began deep and rumbling, blasting hot gas vibrating against Jeremy but also the gas which escaped managed to instantly cloud both of them filling their nostrils with the rancid cheesy stink making them both moan as it overwhelmed their senses. When the fart reached a crescendo Jeremy thrusted against Adrian stimulating both their dicks enough to prompt climax shooting ropes onto eachother leaving Jeremy's chest and head and Adrian's ass soaked, and the room reeking. Jeremy knew the room was old but he didn't remember the paint peeling off the walls before.

Both men fell into eachother giggling over the insanity of their sexual experience but also in relief that they can finally be with eachother.

In that moment Jeremy was hoping that Adrian's new butler services would extend to putting him to sleep with his ass gas every night, but he was sure that he could persuade the gassy butler somehow.

[soryualeksi]

We had a university teacher from the US (German here) and she regularly went nuclear about this bullshit, too. Once after the lecture was over, she had me come to the front of the damn lecture theater, 300 people in there, and made me SHOW her my notes to prove I wasn't "surfing" in her class (actually my ADHD ass obviously did both but ffffffffffff I just closed the browser).

Once there was a girl in class, again 300 people, with TWO broken arms. Both in casts. She was able to shakily hold a camera up to take pictures of the slides since, DUH, she was OBVIOUSLY unable to write or type. The teacher had her come to her after class and made her delete every single picture off the camera in front of her watchful eyes, while also scolding her like a fucking toddler. Said it was "violating her copyright" to take pictures of the slides and that the girl would just have to copy a classmate's written notes once her arms had healed enough for her to hold a pen again. (Like, ma'am, 90% of what you've got on those slides is quotes and sources from OTHER people, for obvious reasons, so do you think you putting together a quick PowerPoint presentation with that is SUCH an immense work of art you have to be careful of people stealing the incredible fruits of your labour??? It's not even in a custom layout!!)

Like. If *I* had two broken arms, no way in hell would I make myself attend some class, ANY class. That girl had that discipline and then she was punished for trying to participate. That teacher was BONKERS.

She also would blow up at us for not attending class on individual days for any reason, we "got" two sick days with sick note, even though in Germany you actually cannot force people to physically attend university (well, apart from for exams or when a practical exercise is required for passing and stuff, also you obviously have to hand in your homework and everything before the deadlines). She once caught me in the hallway and towered over me DEMANDING to know why I hadn't attended her class the week before - although back then I was in such a "Fuck it" mental state (hello complete mental breakdown at that time) it thankfully didn't impress me at all and I just truthfully and pretty flatly stated that I was attending a funeral within my immediate family and that I had TOLD her I would be doing that beforehand, even though I wasn't formally required to inform her. She would have known had she bothered to remember. (And since there was absolutely no legal ground for her to stand on, it also ended with that useless flailing and posturing then and there, since she obviously couldn't enforce SHIT against me and she knew that. *shrug*)

That lady was so full of herself and didn't consider AT ALL that maybe people have STUFF going on in their lives that made never missing a class and when attending ONLY staring at her glorious person through the entire lecture, never getting distracted ever - she'd notice if you were distracted and angrily call you out in front of everyone - and never taking ANY notes except with a pen on a piece of paper or MAYBE a laptop if you could "prove it", very, uhm... not fucking easy. Or POSSIBLE at all.

And yet we're still deserving of that damn education.

(I still rank her above the other US American teacher I had, btw, another very charming middle-aged lady, who made us go through the "pro and con" arguments of the "rightfulness" of Trayvon Martin's murder (contra being that murdering an unarmed teen was a bit gruesome, of course, and probably?? a bit excessive, "pro" being that Zimmerman must have felt sooo so threatened and it's GOOD and AMERICAN to use lethal force via gun in that case) and had us listen to the tape. That was some seriously fucked up shit. /tangent)

Talk about a serious case of "I'm the fucking totalitarian ruler of this classroom and you have no rights ALSO I cannot FATHOM that people other than able-bodied neurotypicals exist"-itis.

(Note that I'm not trying to say that the issue doesn't exist in Germany - because OH BOY YES IT DOES IT DOOOOOES - actually we just have a somewhat more secure legal ground to enforce our rights, or that all American teachers are like this. I was just reminded that this particular American teacher was ESPECIALLY intolerant since the original post was about the US education system I assume, what with paying lots of money and all, and I wonder whether she got it from growing up and probably studying under exactly that system PLUS the fact that she was just a plain asshole and felt validated as hell by that shitty, elitist attitude.)

I’m just gonna say it…

Professors should not be allowed to ban laptops in class. Professors should not be allowed to ban recorders in class. Professors should not be able to ban students from taking pictures of the whiteboard at the end of lectures. Professors should not be allowed to ban ANYTHING that will make the class more accessible for ALL students. I don’t care what the excuse is.

“They might not even be taking notes on their laptop, they’re probably playing games!” So that’s on the student and they’ll have to live with those grades. They’re paying thousands of dollars to be there, if they want to fuck off and waste their money that’s on them.

“I’m uncomfortable with my lectures being recorded!” What EXACTLY are you saying in your lectures that makes you worried about being recorded, hmm?

“I just don’t like the idea of being on camera/recorded at work. How would YOU feel being recorded at work?” Buddy, I work in retail. I’m always being watched. Suck it the fuck up.

And before anyone says “but you can just bypass this by getting permission from accessibility services!” 1. Not all students with disabilities have up-to-date diagnosis to qualify, 2. Not all students with disabilities have had it confirmed by a professional yet and won’t be able to access those services, 3. Not all students who need these accommodations even have a disability! Some people just learn differently and lecture-style learning actually doesn’t work for a lot of people! and 4. This often puts a student on the spot to all their classmates and can make them feel very uncomfortable. 

Students should not have to jump through hoops to get an education that they’re paying for. That’s not accessibility.