#I only knew him from schitt's creek before tbh

[setmeatopthepyre]

And all I see, failin' tomorrow Is these apologies, all of 'em hollow And when the Autumn leaves fall on Chicago You can follow me And I'll be Apollo I'll be Apollo

Stay, don't leave, 'cause I got a couple Old memories that float in a bubble And they've stayed with me through oceans and puddles So faithfully, just waitin' for trouble

'Cause all I see, fallin' tomorrow Is these apologies, all of 'em hollow And when the Autumn leaves fall on Toronto You can follow me Or you can fall on me

[prosopopeya]

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go?  food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s. 

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

[posi-pan]

ugh a little rant time. a few days ago i finished schitt's creek (and wow why didn't i watch it before?) so as one may do when they have a new found obsession i went into the tag on tumblr but,,, i was so disappointed to see so many people not taking david's pansexuality seriously. many just said he's queer (which ultimately is not necessarily an issue) but so many people were saying he's bi and it got me SOOO ANGRY because HE'S NOT!!!! (cont.)

it sucks that bi rep isn’t very common, but pan rep is even LESS common, so maybe stop “taking” characters away from us? i literally never saw a character legitimately id as pan in television, that’s IMPORTANT to me as a pansexual person. of course it is also important for bi people to see themselves represented, but instead of taking away actual canonical pan characters and labelling them as something they’re not, they’re supposed to support other canon bisexual characters. (cont.)

i’m not going around taking bi characters and saying “love my pan son” because that would be shitty and disrespectful, so i don’t understand why other people should be allowed to. that said this is not an attack on all bi people because i know of so many who are actually happy and supportive of this character and his pansexuality, but i just wish that side of people who don’t understand why there needs to be a differentiation between bi and pan (and other multisexual identities) (cont.)

…would at least respect us enough to not blatantly erase our sexuality through calling a canon pan man bisexual. anyways rant over, hope it wasn’t too harsh but i get easily annoyed at this type of stuff. shout out to david rose, pansexual icon and my son 💗💛💙

YES. MOOD. ALL OF THIS IS MY MOOD ALWAYS. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT BEING TOO HARSH. I FEEL ALL OF THIS IN MY BONES WITH ALL PAN CHARACTERS, BUT ESPECIALLY WITH DAVID ROSE.

BUCKLE UP BECAUSE THIS IS ABOUT TO BE A LOVE LETTER TO DAVID ROSE.

I really, really HATE seeing people call david bi, not because being bi is bad, but because david is so important to me as a pan person. there are canon pan characters that I love and enjoy, but david is probably the most important one to me because schitt’s creek is the first time I heard the word “pansexual” on screen. (off the top of my head, I can only think of one other show that used the word on screen, with a main character, and it came after schitt’s creek)

for schitt’s creek to be a sitcom, as well, makes this rep that much more awesome. sitcoms are usually the shows that take shots at queer people/identities/labels, but this little canadian sitcom not only gives us pan rep, but gives it to us in a main character (played/created by a queer man), uses the word on screen, doesn’t make it a point of angst or conflict, doesn’t make a big fuss about it - everyone in their little town accepts it without even a blink of the eye, and we also get a sweet, healthy m/m relationship.

along with all that, dan levy was the first actor/creator I heard being so vocal about pansexual rep, specifically. he created david with him being pan in mind. he had never seen pansexual representation on tv before, and knew there was a need for it, so he made his character pansexual. he talks in interviews about this rep and how important it is. he shared an interview he did about the importance of pan rep during pride month. he’s queer himself and he gets it. there is clearly so much love and care put into david and his pansexuality, it just means everything to me. it makes me feel so seen and validated and cared for. and it’s so disheartening and frustrating when people erase that.

I also talked about these things before in this post and this post (which also has quote from interviews dan levy has done about david being pansexual/pan rep)

I try to give people who call david bi the benefit of the doubt, because maybe they don’t know. but honestly, unless they’re only watching the later seasons of schitt’s creek for david’s m/m relationship, they would have seen this scene in season one:

[Image Description: A screenshot of Eugene Levy as Johnny Rose in the sitcom Schitt’s Creek, wearing a white suit jacket with a lei around his neck, eating ribs, with the text, “My son is pansexual.” along the bottom.]

(that screenshot makes for a wonderful reaction picture tbh. I say that exact quote every time there’s a canon male pan character or I headcanon a male character as pan.)

and if people have seen that scene, and they still call david bi, then they just blatantly are erasing pan rep. and that makes them assholes.

it reminds me of all the people who call even bech næsheim bi, when he’s clearly pan (he wears a pan flag pin and his gay boyfriend put pan colored hearts in their pride selfie) it’s just so ignorant and fucking awful to blatantly erase canon pan character by calling them bi. yes, we aren’t rolling in bi characters, but there’s more bi characters than pan characters, so no one has to be going around saying what canon pan rep we have is actually bi rep. it’s just fucking rude. and even if someone doesn’t know a character is canonically pan, and just assumes they’re bi, that’s not any better. bi is not the default multi identity and should not be treated as such. because, what do you know, that erases other multi identities and other multi rep.

in conclusion class, david rose is canonically pansexual. david rose played by a gay man, dany levy, who literally created him with him being pansexual in mind. dan levy talks at length about the importance of pansexual rep.

david rose is a fucking pansexual icon.

and david and I have one last thing to say to anyone who calls him bi:

[Image Description: A gif of Dan Levy as David Rose in the sitcom Schitt’s Creek, wearing a white shirt and black leather jacket, shaking with how aggressively he is saying “shut up”, which is in white text along the bottom of the gif.]