#I need to go back and check if I've actually shared that cat pattern

[tj-crochets]

The options with the * are the ones I've already scanned, and all but the blorbo are sewing patterns (I've already shared the blorbo sewing pattern)

[coconutcordiale]

steady pt two (what if i'm the one, but you're not?)

pt one | pt two | pt three | masterlist | prequel

pairing- rooster x female bartender!reader (no y/n)

synopsis-

“He won’t ever make you feel like I do.”

Part of you wants to strangle him for being right, for highlighting every part of your soul that still believes it was made for him with nine little words.

“Maybe that’s the point.”

warnings- angst with a happy ending, austin tx slander because i'm still annoyed that glens a ut fan, one joke about doing drugs, one dark adjacent joke about murdering an annoying rooster, drinking as a coping mechanism, past infidelity (no current cheating!), this is slow burn, heartbreak/healing, friends to lovers, smut in next chapter

length- 5.4k

an- actually why is the wedding in tx, idk. mostly because i feel weird making fun of states i've never lived in (which only leaves tx & ca) but also i'm moving and i'm gonna miss tx so this is how i deal, by making vaguely insulting jokes. austin is actually a very nice place guys i'm sorry lol

also I did a lightning fast google search of the naval air station in key west so apologies if it's completely inaccurate that rooster could be teaching there but lets be real this story is like...barely about tgm and more about rooster's mustache

d a y 1 3 9

As far as Bradley is concerned, the problem with you is that you’re far too magnetic. He’s constantly fighting the pull of you, the urge to show up on your doorstep and share his vinyl with you.

Maybe it’s because he has more free time now, going from living with someone to spending his nights alone.

He tells himself it’s that. It’d be easier if it was only that.

It’s probably because you’re quick on your feet, sarcastic as hell, and your new favorite past times include insulting his favorite patterned shirt and the fact that he loves BBQ Chicken pizza and hates The Office. For some reason, he wants nothing more than to hear you tell him all his opinions are wrong. He always feels one step behind your wit, one beat too slow in your dancing banter.

Occasionally, he’ll celebrate getting in a good jab about your uncultured music taste.

It reminds him, sometimes, of a certain blonde pilot he flew with at TOPGUN. His good qualities, at least.  

It’s a good thing you’re a hell of a lot nicer than that guy.

He doesn’t know if it’s the pilot in him, the part of him that won’t quit, but he finds himself wanting to break down the walls you’ve spent so long building around your heart.

Wants to peel back those layers, wants you to know not everyone will hurt you like whoever it is that you’re running from.

Can’t help but try to take care of you. He doesn’t know why when you seem plenty capable of taking care of yourself.

Maybe that’s why he suspects you need it the most.

(It’s not his friendliest of instincts, but he can normally keep himself in check.)

He knows you deserve it, at the very least. Because for all your whining about BBQ chicken pizza not actually being pizza, but instead, a crime against nature, when you knock on his door with Pizza Joe’s in your hand, he’s certain he’ll open the box to see one half of it covered in BBQ sauce. And you won’t even make fun of him for it.

It doesn’t stop him from ribbing you for asking him to play something from this century, Jesus Christ Bradshaw, more Righteous Brothers, really?

He puts on The Beach Boys just to be a dick.

“You should expand your horizons,” he suggests, halfway through California Dreamin’, thoughtfully chewing his pizza. “There’s a lot to learn about music if you’re willing to broaden your tastes. We could start easy, with the Doors or something.”

You roll your eyes, stretching out on his rug like a cat. “I already like the Doors, you pretentious snob. Besides, music is more of a visceral thing for me. Not an intellectual learning experience.”

Bradley furrows his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“This is probably weird to you, because you’ve made it your life’s mission to learn every instrument on planet Earth, but for me, music is more instinctive. I like what I like because it makes me feel something.”

“Like what?”

You make a thoughtful humming noise like you’re really mulling it over.

There are more questions on the tip of his tongue, but something has been telling him since you started hanging out that the way to get you to talk is not going to be badgering you.

“How do you explain how music makes you feel? Isn’t the point that it’s indescribable? It’s a feeling, that moment when goose bumps shiver up your legs, something about two sounds coming together that gives you an unprecedented emotional reaction.”

“I’d say that was a pretty good description.”

“Jackass,” you snort, throwing a wadded-up napkin at his head.

He dodges it easily, because, hello fighter pilot, but your words stick with him. It’s uncanny to know someone who probably loves music as much as he does but in a distinctly different way.

You seem more reluctant to head to work than usual, and he tries not to let himself feel too proud about the fact that he might have something to do with that.

Partially because you’re clearly going to be late if you don’t get going soon, and mostly because he’s not done spending time with you yet, Bradley offers to head in with you, citing he could benefit from having to walk the couple miles back to the apartment having skipped his run this morning.

Bradley rarely visits you at work and he tries to tell himself it’s because you guys spend enough time at each other’s apartments, that he’s already skirting around crossing the friend line by always showing up at your front door as soon as he leaves base.

The real reason, however, is that Bradley is terrified of Beth.

“Look,” Beth starts, steely edge to her tone after you’ve walked to the back grumbling about stupid tourist bars and their garnishes to find maraschino cherries or drink umbrellas or whatever else you need. “Don’t you dare think about hurting her. If there’s even a chance of that, walk away now.”

Bradley holds his hands up, trying to seem like a nonthreat and she shoots him another look.

“We’re friends,” he defends. “Both still healing.”

She ignores him. “You weren’t around yet. When it was really bad. When I had to pick her up off the bathroom floor and force feed her because she wouldn’t eat. When she’d get drunk and cry until she could barely breathe. If you make her go through that again, I’ll make sure even the Navy can’t help you.”

He doesn’t doubt it.

“You haven’t been here much longer than Cali, have you?” Beth asks suddenly. You must be back from your tiny umbrella quest.

You come into his line of sight to flip her off at the nickname before tossing the umbrellas into their holder, a little more aggressively than he thinks the situation warrants.

Bradley bites back a laugh at your clear vendetta against cute, colorful drink décor. That earns a pointed look in his direction, but he just smiles amicably until you give into his warmth and he sees you fighting a smile back.

“I miss working in a dive bar where I could tell the customers to fuck off.” You joke, staring at the ceiling wistfully.

He rolls his eyes, biting back a chuckle, and turns back to Beth. “No, only been here a few months.”

“I take it your ex didn’t like Florida.”

You snort from where you’re setting up the garnish caddy, but Beth and Bradley ignore you. He knows you’ve heard this before, that your opinion on Lauren isn’t exactly fond.

“She didn’t seem to be a fan, no. That’s probably why she left so quickly.”

It’s not like he doesn’t miss Lauren. He does. In the way you miss having summers off when you were a kid or Saturday morning cartoons. He misses her because he spent so much time around her, because it was routine to miss her, but it’s no burden to live without her.

They were together for a long time, and the breakup did take him by surprise. But now that it’s done, he realizes she was right in leaving, that they were little more than roommates by the time they moved down here.

She’s like that missing space in your gums after getting a tooth pulled. You’re better off, having had the tooth pulled, but in the weeks after the operation, you run your tongue over the empty space, over and over again, trying to get used to its absence.

Eventually, you will, and it’ll be more right than things were before. He just hasn’t gotten there yet.

 “I like Florida, though,” he finds himself telling Beth. “And I’m enjoying teaching replacement pilots. It’s better than Lemoore or Fallon or wherever else they might send me, anyhow.”

“I mean look at this hideous shirt,” you chime in. “He was practically born to be here.”

“Excuse me?” Bradley gasps, hand going to his chest in mock offense. “I thought you liked my eclectic old man style.”

“Rooster, we’re friends, so I’m going to be brutally honest right now. Your style blew past eclectic years ago, it’s incoherent. That shirt has birds on it. Where do you even find these things?”

Bradley’s trying to keep the smile off his face, but he doesn’t think you realize this is the first time since he stumbled into your apartment a couple of months ago that you’ve used his callsign.

“What?” You ask finally.

“Nothing.” He grins, something like pride and unmistakable fondness budding in his chest as another layer peels back.

d a y 1 6 5

Just like last time, the phone call starts with your name. Your breath hitches, the world momentarily stops spinning on its axis. He doesn’t say sweetheart, doesn’t use his soft and honeyed voice to make you melt.

“I know I shouldn’t be calling,” you hear Jake say slowly as if he’s taking the time to enunciate each syllable.

“Have you been drinking?” You ask, chest tightening.

“Maybe.”

Your hands are already trembling. You don’t know why you can’t just hang up, block his number, do something, anything that doesn’t pry this wound open again.

“If you know you shouldn’t be calling then why are you?”

“M’drunk and I needed to hear your voice.”

“Jake—”

“How am I s'posed to let you go?” He asks, the crack in his voice corresponding with the break in your heart. “Don’t want to lose you.”

“You never really had me.”

That’s the thorn of it, isn’t it? You always considered yourself his, you were willing to give him all of you, but it was futile from the start. He couldn’t really have you since his plate was already full.

“Yeah, guess that’s true.” He exhales audibly. “Wish I had something else to say besides I’m sorry.”

“You are a lot of things, Jake. We both are. Sorry isn’t even ranked.”

+

You toast Bradley with your whiskey bottle when he gets back from work, walking through your front door still in his flight suit. “I know Beth said you didn’t have to deal with me at my worst, so I thought I’d grace you with the lovely opportunity of finding me drunk on the floor.”

The best thing about Bradley is that he doesn’t even question it, just ambles over to you, settling in close with his back against the wall.

“It’s been six months. Look at you, all healed and moved on, while I’m still a wreck.”

He shrugs. “That probably just means I’m still in denial.”

You make a face at that, but you’re too emotionally wrecked to touch it right now.

“Did something happen?”

“He called me.”

The breath he takes in would be deafening even if he wasn’t mere inches away from you. “That’s pretty unfair of him.”

The truth spills from your lips, feeling odd and out of place after having spent so much time lying to yourself and everyone else about Jake. “Wasn’t the first time either.”

Bradley’s eyebrows raise in surprise at that. “You didn’t tell me. Or Beth, I’m guessing.”

You sigh. “I knew she would tell me to block his number.”

“Which you don’t want to do.”

It’s not a question.

It’s never a question with Bradley because he always knows.

You lean your head on his shoulder, nose crinkling a little in displeasure at the smell of his flight suit. “The first time he called to apologize. It was nice to hear, even if it doesn’t make up for everything.”

Bradley doesn’t answer, just takes the bottle from your hands so he can take a swig.

You wonder, absently, if he’s allowed to drink in uniform.

“He said a bunch of fucked up stuff to me the night before I left. That it was just sex, that our relationship was all in my head, basically. It was—he just wanted to hurt me.”

“He lied.”

You shrug. “I’d like to think so. But it doesn’t really matter, does it? He still said it. But since I’m working through the stages of grief, I’ve now rebounded to anger.”

“You can’t stay mad forever,” he reasons. “You have to forgive him eventually.”

“It’s either be mad or start doing drugs,” you say, shrugging one shoulder. “Being mad is cheaper.”

That earns a dry chuckle and even your alcohol-addled brain preens a little at your constant ability to make Bradley laugh.

“It’s easier,” you admit quietly. “When I’m mad at him. It’s easier not to wish things were different, not to wish we could’ve worked out.”

“You mean it’s easier to move on if he’s a piece of shit.”

“Yes.”

“Well, he is, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

The air is still heavy and serious between you, his face twisting as you watch him mull over his next words, choosing them carefully. “It’s not a good idea, to keep talking to him. To keep entertaining this.”

Logically you knew that, of course, but his words feel like a bucket of ice water being poured on you anyways.

You’re feeling defensive, and you know you’re not being fair to Bradley, know your anger at Jake is taking over this conversation, but you can’t stop yourself, words tumbling out harsher than you mean them to.

“I just want closure,” you say, words slicing through the air sharply.

You could kiss Bradley for how mildly he takes your tone, how easily he absorbs the edges in your words. “Only you can give yourself closure.”

You know he’s right.

“You have to stop answering,” he says firmly, probably unconsciously leaning into your thigh where it’s pressed next to his own on your kitchen floor.

You look down, staring at the green material of his flight suit, the muscle that hides beneath the baggy material, wondering how it’s strong enough to hold the pieces of you together.

+

Jake calls again three days later. You hand your phone to Bradley, who takes one look at the DO NOT ANSWER flashing on the screen, before sliding the phone into his pocket and dragging you outside to go to the beach.

That’s the problem with Bradley, you never have to ask, and he always does right by you. He always knows.

You feel like you should be doing more to return the favor. You know he’s going through shit of his own, even if he doesn’t say anything, even if he always shows up to be your rock.

“I want you to be happy, you know that right?”

He’s staring out at the horizon, refusing to look you in the eye. “I’m fine.”

You roll your eyes. “We both know that’s not the same thing.”

His lips press together in a hard line. It’s impressive, really, how much derision he manages to convey in one minuscule facial expression.

“Is this necessary? Do we need to ruin this peaceful moment on the beach talking about my emotions?”

Something you’ve begun to notice is that your hands are always steady around Rooster, even when he shuts down and annoys you enough to consider cold-blooded homicide.

“I’m sorry, all right? I wasn’t trying to make you mad. But I know what it’s like, to go through the motions, barely keeping your head above the surface. You have to find something to help pull you out of the water. Flying, your friends, me, Beth, your fucking plants, I don’t know. We need you. You’re not a burden because you need us back.”

He slots his fingers into yours, squeezing them in a silent understanding, a silent apology. Your heart hammers in your chest at the gesture, trying to ignore the intimacy of it.

The problem with Bradley is that the possibility of him is terrifying.

Friends you can do. Friends is easy, friends doesn’t threaten to shatter you irreparably and incite you to move across the country. As long as you can keep Bradley squarely in the friends box, there’s nothing to worry about.

Even if, sometimes, you wish there was something more to worry about.

You’ve been drifting at sea for so long, nothing to tether you, nothing to hold onto. Here, in Florida, away from almost everything you’ve ever known you want nothing more than to keep your feet firmly in the sand.

Bradley is like flying high above the clouds, miles away from the ground.

d a y 2 5 4

You hear a crash, a stream of expletives, a door slamming all the way from downstairs in your bathroom. You’re upstairs before you can think better of it, before you can consider that he might need space.

“Bradley?” You ask tentatively, knocking gently on his front door.

He looks wrecked when he opens it, face splotchy and red, hand at his side still clenched in anger.

“I’m sorry for being so loud,” he breathes. “Did I scare you?”

A little, but you can tell he feels bad, so you’re not super interested in being honest right now.

“I was just surprised,” you respond slowly, which is true. “Usually, it’s me that’s doing chaotic things.”

He smiles tightly and you edge your way in, gently pulling him to the couch with you.

“Nice change of pace. I like being the one with their shit together occasionally.” You knock your shoulders together gently and instantly feel him relax where your arms are touching. “Wanna talk about it?”

He scrubs a hand over his face. “There’s this wedding.”

You let out a breath. Sometimes your life really does feel like a cheesy rom-com. “Let me guess, you need a date.”

He nods. “Lauren was supposed to go with me, I already RSVP’d with a plus one.”

You don’t know what to say, so you take a page out of the Bradley playbook and stay silent, letting him ruminate.

“I had a shit day at work, then came home to a reminder about this dumb wedding. I know it’s stupid to be this upset. It’s not like I wish she was going with me…it’s just going alone, having to explain to everyone why she’s not there, I don’t know. It’s hard not to feel left out, being by yourself at stuff like this.”

“Feels like the whole world is set up to make you feel bad for being single.”

“Yeah, exactly,” he agrees, putting his face in his hands.

“I could go with you,” you suggest slowly. “I’m not going to pretend to be your girlfriend or anything, I mean I’m sure some people will assume, but whatever. At least then you don’t have to go alone.”

“It’s in Austin.”

Damn it.

“Texas,” you say flatly.

“I’ll buy your plane ticket, obviously,” he says quickly as if that’s the problem here.

“I can’t believe I offered to do this without asking where the wedding was,” you grumble, shaking your head. “I’m way too good of a friend.”

“Come on, Cali, it’ll be fun.” His mood has practically done a 180. “We can go line dancing, or whatever it is they do down there.”

“Nobody from California says Cali,” you protest for what seems like the thousandth time. “Are you sure you’re from there?”

He rolls his eyes but otherwise ignores your nickname slander.

You sigh. You already knew you were going to say yes.

d a y 2 7 5

“I’m gonna strangle Rooster when he gets back.”

Beth laughs.

“Austin is so much like California, you’ll love it,” you mimic. “I’ll fucking end him.”

“You Californians are such snobs,” she sniffs.

“Beth,” you whine into the phone. “It’s one billion degrees here and there isn’t an ocean in sight. Just some river full of bacteria that’ll give you hand foot and mouth disease. Or something.”

When you get out of the shower Bradley’s back and he’s already in his choker whites, so it’s pretty much impossible for you to be mad at him.

+

“About the wedding.”

You look at him expectantly. His tone tells you this can’t be good, but you’re pretty distracted by how tan he looks in his white uniform.

“It’s gonna be a lot of Navy people. I met Brandon way back in API. I haven’t seen him since before I went to TOPGUN, so I’m surprised I even got invited, to be honest.”

Somewhere in your mind alarms are going off, sirens blaring. “You were in TOPGUN?”

Rooster squints. “You know what TOPGUN is?”

“God, Bradley it’s a good thing you’re pretty. I literally told you I grew up in San Diego. Also, everyone has seen that stupid movie.”

“You hate Tom Cruise. He gives you hives to even think about,” he comments, as if that’s what’s relevant at this moment.

You can feel your eyes rolling of their own volition. “Hence why I called the movie stupid. Don’t change the subject. How has this not come up before?”

He shrugs. “You don’t seem to like military pilots that much, so I try not to remind you. I just thought you might want some warning. In case you didn’t realize what kind of wedding you were walking into.”

“And yet, you waited until we were almost there to mention it.”

 “I was scared you’d change your mind about coming. I wasn’t really sure—you’ve never told me why it is you hate pilots.” He makes a face, and you feel kind of bad for letting him think that you’d bail on him over this.

“Specifically, I’m from Coronado. Take a wild guess,” you tell him eventually, wanting to smack your forehead on the dash of the rental car.

Something knowing is lighting up in Rooster’s chocolate eyes and you don’t like it one bit. “Wait, the dive you worked at before was the Hard Deck?”

“Yes, with Penny.”

He lights up at that. “She’s the best. That means you must know Mav…”

Bradley trails off as he watches you finally give in and put your head on the dash, shutting your eyes against this information.

You let out a sigh of frustration because what are the odds, and how did I not put this together before?

He furrows his brows, asking a silent question.

“Penny told me that Maverick knew someone when I moved. Wanted to give them my number, in case I needed anything. I said no because I needed a break from fighter pilots.”

His lips form an ‘o’ in realization under that stupid pornstache as he picks up what you’re putting down.

“Yet here we are,” you finish, hand flourishing in a gesture that hopefully gets your point across.

Rooster grins at that and it’s so endearing it makes you forget what a complete clusterfuck you’re in for a second. “It’s fate, baby.”

You snort. “It’s fate, seriously?”

Looking out the window, you think maybe you’ll get lucky. Bradley’s a few years older than Jake, they probably don’t even know each other. The Navy can’t be that small.

And even if it is, it’s fine, right? You’ve done some serious work these past nine months. You’ve cried, you’ve screamed, you’ve tried your best to stop being angry.

You’ve grown, you know that you have.

It doesn’t hurt, doesn’t wrench your chest, to think about Jake anymore, so if you have to see him, you can pretend like everything’s fine for a few hours. Right?

+

Wrong.

Unfortunately for you, imagining seeing Jake Seresin is nothing like seeing Jake Seresin.

The moment you do, panic rips through your chest. You’re glad you’re sitting in a pew already, certain if you were standing, you’d have crumpled to the ground the moment you clocked piercing green eyes and golden hair.

He looks gorgeous, because of course he does, because no one looks more like they should be in an ad for the Navy than Jake in his dress whites. People would be tripping over themselves to sign up if the Navy were smart enough to cash in on his arrogance and All-American good looks.

“Bradley, I can’t…I’m so sorry, I’m sure you hate me, we just got here, you don’t want to leave, obviously you don’t, but I have to…” You’re rambling, you know you are, but one second after seeing Jake you’re already trembling. You’re itching, to get up, run away, leave the state and never see anyone in this room ever again.

“Hey, hold on,” he says softly, putting a hand on your shoulder to keep you from getting up from your seat. “Take a breath. This’ll be easier if you’re not trying to have my part of the conversation too.”

Deep breaths. Stop freaking out before someone notices.

“I slept with him,” you admit, barely audible for fear of Bradley actually hearing you. You thank your lucky stars that no one seems to be near you to hear the admission of crimes you’ve been choking on for months now.

“Who?” He follows the way your eyes flit up to the blonde across the room and immediately back down, terrified. “Hangman?”

Rooster looks downright confused, clearly not fully understanding the situation.

“I knew he was married,” you whisper, unable to meet Bradley’s eyes.

You’re gripping his arms so hard that they must hurt, but he doesn’t say anything. You just hope you don’t have anything on your hands that’ll mar his pristine uniform.

“I knew he was married and had a child and I still slept with him, for months, and I thought that he loved me. I thought he’d leave her, even though he told me he wouldn’t. Because I’m an absolute moron.”

“Seresin,” he says slowly, not putting the pieces together as quickly as you’d like, but he’s getting there, “is your ex.”

“Yes,” you whisper.

Expression unreadable, Rooster takes a long look at you before standing, quickly pulling you to his side. You’re sure he can feel the constant, low vibrations running through your body with you this close, can practically taste the anxiety in your exhaled breaths.

“Let’s get some air.”

You go with him blindly, staring at the floor.

Right, left, right, left.

“I’m sorry,” he says when you’re outside in the sticky Texas air. “I’m dense, sometimes. Even after what we talked about in the car, I assumed your ex wouldn’t be here, because anyone here that graduated from TOPGUN probably did so years ago.”

“I could’ve mentioned it was Jake,” you respond delicately. “I was kind of holding onto hope that you didn’t know him.”

“Still.” He cups your cheeks in his large hands, warm eyes tracing over you. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you to come with me tonight, that was selfish.”

“You’re sorry?” You ask incredulously, finally registering that he’s apologized to you twice in the span of a minute. “I don’t—how can you stand to look at me?”

“We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.” He waves it off like it’s nothing. Like it’s not something that makes you nauseous every time you think about it. Like you don’t have nightmares about having to face Jake’s family. “We don’t have to stay.”

Here he is again, doing right by you without so much as a request. 

“No,” you say firmly, rolling your shoulders back, determination taking over. You can do this.

You know what it took, for Bradley to ask you to come with him, to admit that he didn’t want to do this alone. You won’t let Jake take that away from you, your unspoken pact to be each other’s support systems when it seems the rest of the world has left you to pick up the pieces of your broken hearts alone.

+

The night goes about as well as you can hope for, given the circumstances. You recognize a few people from the Hard Deck, but the large majority are people you don’t know.

Jake does a double take when he sees you with Bradley, but in classic Hangman fashion quickly recovers, placing that charming smile right back on his lips. You thank the powers that be that he seems to be alone, not sure what you’d do if he was here with Katelyn besides start praying that the ground opens to swallow you both whole.

You try your hardest not to look at him but you’re not sure you manage it. It doesn’t help that when you sneak looks at him, most of the time, he’s already glancing at you.

There’s a part of you that thinks it will always be connected to Jake, the part of you that knows you’re cut from the same cloth. It makes you feel off-kilter, still being drawn to someone you once loved more than you ever thought yourself capable of.

The anger must be radiating off your date in waves because Jake carefully avoids you two for most of the night.

Until the end, as you’re getting ready to leave, when you hear Jake’s voice from behind you, calling your name.

“Can I have a word?” Without him, his expression clearly requests.

“You’ve had plenty, I’d say,” Rooster grits out. He seems so large right now, anger allowing him to tower over Jake even though they’re nearly the same height.

“Rooster, it’s okay,” surprising yourself at how calm you feel and squeezing his arm, comforting. “I’ll meet you outside.”

His face goes through a wide range of awkward facial expressions before he nods curtly, turning his back to Hangman without another word.

It’s awkward, to say the least.

“You look beautiful,” Hangman says finally, soft like he always is with you, except when he’s drunk and plotting ways to make your chest split in two.

You nearly roll your eyes at him. “That’s what you want to talk about? How good I look in this dress?”

He clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably. “He’s why you stopped returning my calls.”

“You shouldn’t have been calling me in the first place,” you snap, irritation laced in every word.

You’re proud of yourself for your tone, having spent those last few weeks around him whiny and teary and broken, a fragmented version of your former self. Because by the time you and Jake were done putting each other through the wringer you didn’t even recognize yourself anymore, didn’t feel like you had yourself to fall back on.

You really are healing, a microscopic part of you dances with glee.

Jake pauses, he must know you’re right.

But you can see the jealousy written all over his face, have been pretending not to notice the hard line of his jaw every time he witnessed the easy way Bradley’s arm snaked around your waist. It’s pathetic, really, how well you can still read him after all this time.

You’re watching him carefully and you see the knife coming out unauthorized a second before you hear him.

“He won’t ever make you feel like I do.”

You suck in a sharp breath anyways.

Part of you wants to strangle him for being right, for highlighting every part of your soul that still believes it was made for him with nine little words.

“Maybe that’s the point.”

Clenching your fists briefly, you try to release your anger through your fingers, before moving to get up and get the hell away from whatever this is, because agreeing to this was clearly a mistake.

“I’ll wait as long as it takes,” Jake calls to your retreating back.

Even though you wouldn’t wait for me, you hear in the silence that follows.

You can’t help but stop dead in your tracks. You don’t say anything, though, and he takes it as a sign to continue.

“It’ll always be you,” he says, honeyed voice tingling your skin. He’s moved up behind you while you were busy listening to your pounding heartbeat and the blood rushing in your ears.

Jake’s fingers gently brush your hair over one shoulder, exposing your neck in an intimate gesture he has absolutely no right to, but sets your skin on fire anyways. It’d be easy for you to turn around and give into him, to give your broken heart the band-aid it’s been begging you for the better part of a year.

But your brain pleads with you to remember all the times you did give in, to gain that small reprieve from the pain, the fallout splintering your heart further and further each time.

The only way out is through.

“I’m in love with you,” Jake says finally, and somehow it shatters you even more than it did to hear him claim the opposite.

“That’s not enough,” you say, and you walk out the door.

What if I’m the one, but you’re not?

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

[the2travel]

* World Travel Tips : I Took An Adult Gap Year, I've Never Been Happier

Travel Tips -

Exactly one year ago, I found myself seriously facing the decision to either follow my newly-found passion for traveling, or pay rent. I couldn’t do both, because I literally only had enough money for one or the other. Since it had taken me twenty seven years to even discover this passion, and a full year after that to convince myself I could travel longer than two weeks, I ended up saying f**k it, and opting for Asia over my studio apartment in West Hollywood.

It was more than just my sudden wanderlust that fueled the decision though. At twenty eight years old, I found that I wasn’t nearly as fulfilled with life as I thought I would have been back in college. I didn’t have that token perfect relationship, and I was FAR from having a ring on my finger or dare I say, a child. I still felt like a child myself, and I knew part of that was because I never got the opportunity to travel when I was younger.

I always kind of just expected that all of our lives would fall into the same routine pattern, so when mine didn’t, I started to wonder what on Earth I was supposed to do next. It made me feel like I had failed for some reason, and that feeling made me unhappy.

All I could really think of that I knew would make me happy, was to go out in the World and figure out what did. It wasn’t exactly considered “normal” for someone “my age” to just drop everything and go travel, but spoiler alert, one month turned into one year, and now I’m sitting on a white pebble beach in front of the crystal clear Adriatic Sea in Croatia, with nothing but my laptop and a random cat laying behind me, getting ready to tell you exactly what happened…

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on May 1, 2017 at 8:00am PDT

Cue the “Gap Year”. Well, in my case, and “Adult Gap Year”

What is a gap year? If you aren’t familiar with the term, it’s probably because the gap year doesn’t exist in the U.S. Actually, it only exists in Australia and a few places in Europe, but something like it is encouraged in many other countries as well.

A gap year is when students take the year off in between high school and college to travel on their own or with friends. It’s not to party or go crazy, like most of us do the second we leave home and get to college; it’s to find themselves, learn responsibility, and discover how many possibilities are in this world.

I definitely did not get that when I was younger, as I’m sure many of you didn’t as well. I didn’t even get to travel on vacation with my family because we were poor, but even so, it’s not like I was encouraged to do so in school.

So, feeling like I needed to really experience more of this world and in my life, I put my things in storage, made a plan, and left.

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on Dec 26, 2016 at 9:14am PST

Photo: During my Adult Gap Year I went to over 30 countries, mostly solo, and completed seeing all 7 World Wonders, and 6 Wonders of Nature.

Yes, it was Terrifying to take the Leap, then I Couldn’t Stop

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on Nov 17, 2016 at 6:46am PST

As I mentioned, I had to put all of my stuff in storage, something I’ve never done before since I’ve had my own apartment since I was seventeen. That being said, I was also technically “homeless” for the first time ever, which of course was beyond terrifying at first. I worried beyond belief that when I left I’d lose everything, that my friends would forget me, and that somehow, I’d miss something in LA.

But a month passed and I hadn’t had enough. I still had money left from what I had saved for months, and was making a steady income from online freelance work and being a digital nomad.

When the second month came near and I had to make the decision again, I opted for a month in India over paying for rent and a deposit on a place back home in LA (I’m originally from Florida but I call LA “home”). Since I was “in the area”, I figured why not make it Sri Lanka and the Maldives too? Both of which I did on an extreme budget.

I Opened Up to Opportunities, and they Came

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on Oct 16, 2016 at 6:13am PDT

I’ve always been what I like to call an “outgoing introvert”. I like to be around friends, but I also like to be alone, and get things done on my own, and was always convinced I didn’t need anyone else to help me.

Well, when you travel alone for so long, you start to open up to the thought of meeting people and letting them help you. The second I changed my mindset, was when I met someone who actually ended up traveling with me to four countries. (Yes it was a steamy foreign love affair, but I’ll get to that another time).

Aside from that little foreign fling, I also opened up to the opportunity of meeting locals in almost every country I traveled in. I wanted to learn as much as possible from their perspective, and from that I learned more than I’ve ever learned in school about people, cultures, religion, politics, history, and the world in general.

This new understanding, and these exciting experiences have changed the way I think of and interact with people. It has made me friendlier, kinder, and more empathetic. This change not only made me happier, but it immensely helped strengthen and broaden my career as a digital nomad as well.

I Got Used to a Minimalist Lifestyle

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on Aug 18, 2016 at 9:01am PDT

Throughout my entire Adult Gap Year, I traveled with a carry-on sized bag, and a tote bag. I never once got anything out of my storage unit (not that I’d have anywhere to put it), and would only shop once a month when I would switch out my wardrobe. The clothes I had been previously wearing all got donated to a local in whatever country I finally decide to go shopping in.

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos MyLifesAMovie (@alyssaramostravels) on May 25, 2017 at 2:50am PDT

I also got used to, and am very good at buying groceries at local markets; even if I have to take a few extra seconds to convert the price or translate what something is.

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos MyLifesAMovie (@alyssaramostravels) on May 27, 2017 at 6:31am PDT

This type of lifestyle also made me extremely healthy, and I can tell a clear difference than from when I wasn’t traveling full time. I never get sick when I travel because I make sure to eat right, and I’m more in shape because I choose to walk everywhere…even if that’s mostly to save money…

But Maintained my Adult Comfort

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on May 18, 2017 at 4:52am PDT

I won’t lie, there’s a 0% chance that I would sleep in a shared dorm in a hostel, or couch surf. I’m a grown ass woman who makes a good income on her own, so you better believe I’m going to travel with certain standards.

Most of the time I do a really good job at finding last minute deals online for decent and even really nice hotels…even if some times they’re all sold out and I have to opt for a scary place.

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos MyLifesAMovie (@alyssaramostravels) on May 24, 2017 at 5:10am PDT

I’ll also treat myself to a nice lunch or dinner now and then. I don’t think I should have to miss out on the luxuries of nice dining just because I don’t have anyone to take me out! I’m actually super proud of how confident I’ve gotten with eating out alone…”Just one?” “You’re damn right just one!” Although it’s hard to really stay alone once people realize you are…if you know what I mean.

I Was Never Afraid to say No...or Yes

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on Feb 9, 2017 at 5:56am PST

Part of being comfortable as an adult is knowing exactly when you do and don’t want to do something. I’ve learned to easily say no to peddlers, promoters, all-too-charming men, etc., which has really helped in my normal life, especially with decisions I want to say yes to, but I know I really should say no to…that mostly applies to men, business, and dessert.

On the flip side, this Adult Gap Year has also taught me to easily say ‘Yes’ to a lot of things I probably wouldn’t have before. I don’t think twice about how long it will take me to get somewhere, especially if it’s a hike to a waterfall, and there’s literally nothing I think I can’t do.

This mentality change has not only made me a stronger, happier person, but a successful entrepreneur with a constant stream of dreams and ideas that turn to realities.

I Learned How to Adapt to Any Surrounding

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on Feb 16, 2017 at 5:00am PST

One thing I can distinctly notice after my Adult Gap Year, is that no one can ever guess where I’m from. That’s because when I travel, I immediately adapt to the culture, customs, and local life, mostly because it just makes everything easier. As I said, it’s important to try to make your life as “normal” as possible when you know it’s not normal at all.

Before I took my Adult Gap Year, I worried non-stop about what it was going to be like in another country, and so far away from home. Now I show up and assume chameleon mode, which also makes things a lot more interesting.

I Checked off a Bucketlist I Never Knew I Had

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on Feb 9, 2016 at 4:34am PST

The bucket list I do have basically just includes “travel the world” and “get to Antarctica”. But during my Adult Gap Year I found myself constantly thinking, “I’ve always wanted to do that”, then doing it, and then adding it to my bucketlist just so I could check it off.

Aside from traveling to almost 40 countries in a year, which I was NOT expecting to do at all (remember, I was only supposed to be gone one month), I had a lot of other firsts as well. Most of them were things I thought were too late to do since I was already almost thirty and an adult, but low and behold, I did them anyway, and couldn’t be more satisfied.

I got scuba certified and dove in five different countries including Egypt, the Maldives, Indonesia, French Polynesia, and the Bahamas. I learned to drive on the opposite side of the road in New Zealand, and live out of a camper van.

I learned “Hello, how are you, please, and thank you” in about ten different languages. I bungee jumped, and also cliff jumped…way too many times to count. I climbed to the top of a tree in the Amazon rainforest, after swimming in the Amazon river with pink dolphins. I swam with Manta Rays in the wild in Indonesia, and also hung my feet over a volcanic crater lake. I chased so many damn waterfalls that people are starting to ask me when I’m going to make a coffee table book with all of the photos.

I completed my list of visiting all of the new 7 World Wonders, a huge achievement for me; and perfected the art of getting a photo in front of each one with absolutely no people in them. I also made it to 6 of the 7 Wonders of Nature...and continents...both of which I intend to get to the 7th of this year.

I became inspired, encouraged, and ambitious to see more, do more, and be more, not just for me, but for the people I show my new lifestyle to.

I Now Have a Solid List of Big Goals

A post shared by Alyssa Ramos ✈️ Travel Blogger (@mylifesatravelmovie) on May 30, 2017 at 9:32am PDT

After accidentally traveling full time for a year, mostly solo (AKA an Adult Gap Year) and achieving as much as I did, my list of life goals has not gotten shorter. It has basically grown from being the size of a lizard to the size of a dinosaur, with the aggressive behavior to match.

Thanks to this adult Gap Year, I truly feel like I can do anything now, from traveling the world, to starting my own business. I may have risked a lot; a home, a relationship, friends, family, MY DOG, but through the clarity I’ve found, I know that there’s time for that, and everything will happen when it’s supposed to. And that applies to everyone.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

World Travel Tips : Find cheap flights, hotels and car rentals. Plan your trip with travel guides, personalized recommendations, articles, deals and more. When you travel, you want your bags to travel with you. Follow these tips from travel professionals on how not to lose your luggage.