#I meant 12 years not 14 I don't know how to fucking add

[alex-turners-world]

So, I watched Taylor's live and it was quite fun to watch actually and very insightful I must say. So I thought I'd just write a summary of that live because she talked a bit about Alex, heartbreak, healing and, you know, just some bits about that time in her life.

1. Taylor said that she met Alexandra Savior through Alex. And that her favorite Alexandra song is "Shades". She's said multiple times that she loves Alexandra. ( Love their friendship) Also she said that she has common friends with the ex. People asked her about Miles and she didn't give any answers, which is fair. By the way she said that she hadn't listened to Miles's latest album.

2. People asked her why she shaved her head and she said that she had wanted to do it for a long time and that Alex supported her about it.

3. One of the questions was whether the line "I know what you're thinking" is about her and she replied that she doesn't know. (she listened to the album I think 👀)

4. Someone was bringing up Louise's cheap cosplays and I think Taylor saw the comment, but didn't read it out loud, but said it's pitiful (lol, I hope I heard it right and really said that because the audio was a bit bad at times. Queen anyways)

5. She said that she doesn't regret any of her tattoos 👀 (Owning it. I respect that very much)

6. She said that she regrets the way she reacted to the harassment comments. (I respect that too. And she actually apologized for it in her stories a while ago)

7. Someone asked "what are the red flags in men?" Taylor just answered that there are many forms of narcissisim. It's definitely about Alex. After the breakup she liked many posts on IG about narcissisim and emotional abuse, don't really remember what those posts were about, but you can check on @snarcticmonkeys they have literally everything. So I think it's safe to assume that Alex is actually a narcissist, which is pretty believable, considering his behavior. And most musicians/actors are narcissists so...

8. There's was a juicy question about whether she had received an explanation about the breakup and she said "no". I think we all suspected that, but now we have confirmation of that.( P.S. Alex is a fucking dickhead and a coward. And a cheater.)

9. She was asked if she wants to get married and have kids and she said "yes and no". (Her answer was really unsure. I found it interesting, given how much she wanted it while she was with Alex. She probably really loved him and wanted to build a family with him and it was not just a general goal in life, you know. )

10. She said she was an alcohol addict and that she was really struggling in 2018 and she made some mistakes back then

11. She also said a few times that the relationship just wasn't meant to be.

12. Taylor said that her favorite movie is Blade Runner, but I think it's quite obvious.

13. Oh someone said that she should tell about what Alex had done and sell it to some magazine or something along the lines. She said that she would never do that ( Shame though. She really should write some memoirs at some point)

14. Good things: she doesn't drink alcohol anymore and occasionally smokes cigarettes. (Good for her, honestly)

15. She said she's been single for 6 years, so no any boyfriend after Alex. She said she doesn't feel connection with anybody.

So that's all I could remember to be honest, if anyone has watched it and wants to add something or discuss it, you're very welcome. I personally found her live quite interesting and I'm actually looking forward to her next live cause she said she would do more.

Overall she seemed to have moved on from that relationship, she was quite chill talking about all those things. I'm actually surprised she even answered some questions about their relationship. Oh she also said that she's fine with people commenting under her posts about tlsp. She was really nice and calm, I think when she said she's "healed" and that she's "happy", she really meant it. Good for her.

Anyways I'm Team Taylor now apparently hahah. And Alex can fuck himself and his cheap groupie.

[bellabean24]

October.... the month full of freaks, weirdos and screams. Now you get add your own.

Note: This is my second kinktober but my last one was canceled due to personal reasons, but this year this will be finished, and I can't wait for you guys to see whats coming.

Do Not Enter: Beware that the reader will be afab and/or female in all fics and will be described as such, 18+ Only

Everything will be posted at 11:30 at night east coast

This is a mixture of JJk, OP, AOT, Chainsaw Man, MHA, Haikyuu & TokyoRev

All post will go there dedicated masterlist at the end of then month

-WEEK ONE-

(Oct. 1st-7th)

Day 1 : The Freak Panty Thief...Starring...Jean Kirstien

TAGS: Panties Thief, begging, slight sub!Jean, caught in the act, panty gag(Modern AU)

Synopsis : After finding out your panties have gone missing for the past 2 weeks you set a trap for someone you think it might be

Day 2 : You Must Be Stuffed...Starring...Zoro Roronoa

TAGS: Breeding kink, Manhandling, Drunk sex, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: After one to many drinks you and Zoro try something he wanted to try for a while

Day 3 : Don't Play With Knives...Starring...Geto Suguru

TAGS: Knife play, bit a blood play, (Modern AU)

Synopsis: Your weird but perfect boyfriend asks you to try a new kink with him

Day 4 : Let Me Feel You When You Rest...Starring... Aizawa Shouta

TAGS: Consensual Somno, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: After talking to your fiancé about how you always wanted to get woken up with sex you tell him to try it when you don’t expected it

Day 5 : You Look Better When You're Crying...Starring...Tsukishima Kei 

TAGS: Dacryphilia, Manhandling, overstim (ModernAU)

Synopsis:You and Tsukishima have been fucking for hours and you can't help but cry from pleasure

Day 6 : Hair Is Meant To Be Pulled...Starring...Rindo Haitani

TAGS: Hair Pulling, Degrading, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: While having a Friday the 13th marathon with your boyfriend you pick up on how he keeps lightly tugging your hair

Day 7 : One Hand Won't Work...Starring...Nico Robin

TAGS: Devil fruit power used, Hand Kink, praising

Synopsis: Having extra help when you and Robin have fun does come in handy, especially with her power

-WEEK TWO-

(Oct. 8th-14th)

Day 8 : Gag Him...Starring...Eren Yeager

TAGS: Ball Gag, Sub!Eren, Dom!Reader, Slight degrading, Edging, (ModenAU)

Synopsis: Your Boyfriend always been tough and "dominant" outside the bedroom and likes to tell his friends that he has you screaming, and when he tells his friends once again at an early halloween party you decide to leave early and gag him for being a very bad boy.

Day 9 : Your Hands Are So Soft....Starring....BlackLeg Sanji

TAGS: Handjob, Sub!Sanji, Praising, edging, Tip Torture, light bondage (ModernAU)

Synopsis: You always loved playing with your boyfriend especially playing with his cock

Day 10 : You Taste So Sweet...Starring...Gojo Satoru

TAGS: Cunnilingus, hair pulling, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: After a long and stressful day at work Gojo likes to calm down by resting his face in between your legs

Day 11 : Just Breathe...Starring...Dabi

TAGS: Breath play, Degrading, Manhandling, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: You and Dabi try out a kink of his that you been caution about but now seems like the perfect day to do it.

Day 12 : You Don't Always Need My C*ck...Starring...Kuroo Tetsurou

TAGS: Mutual Masturbation, Voyeurism, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: You didn't think that Kuroo would love watching you masturbate but you also didn't think he would join you

Day 13 : I Didn't Know You Would Scream...Starring...Kazutora Hanemiya

TAGS: Submissive Male, Praising, loss of v-card, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: At the age of 27 your boyfriend tells you he wants to lose his v-card to you and you where more shocked to find out how submissive he is

Day 14 : Come Help Me Relax...Starring...Aki

TAGS: Cockwarming, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: After a long day at work all Aki wants to do is relax with himself inside of you

-WEEK THREE-

(Oct. 15th-21st)

Day 15 : I Love You Like This...Starring...Reiner Bruan

TAGS: Face F*ck, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: Your man loved your throat and you love your man so why not like him fuck it

Day 16 : Pillow Princess...Starring...Nami

TAGS: Pillow Princess, Finger Fucking, Scissoring, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: Nami never liked to do work even in bed but you don’t mind you love spoiling your princess

Day 17 : Keep Screaming For Me...Starring...Choso Kamo

TAGS: Oversimaltion, Manhandling, Spanking, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: Your boyfriend can’t get enough of your wet cunt

Day 18 : Slap The Weirdo With Wings...Starring...Hawks

TAGS: Switch!Reader & Hawks, Impact Play, C*mshots, Squirting

Synopsis: While laying with your boyfriend you catch a glimpse of his phone and see porn and he tells you what he wants to try

Day 19 : The Man With A Candle...Starring...Sugawara Koshi

TAGS: Wax Play, FWB, Light Bondage, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: You and your Fuck Buddy try out a new kink together

Day 20 : This Way Is More Fun...Starring...Manjiro Sano(Mikey)

TAGS: Dry Thigh Humping, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: You want your mans attention but he is to busy doing work so you just pleasure your self on his thigh

Day 21 : Just Listen To Me Sweets...Starring...Kishibe

TAGS: Orgasm Control & 10 Year Age Gap, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: You didn't think fucking around with someone older than you would be so fun

-WEEK FOUR-

(Oct. 22nd-28th)

Day 22 : You Can Be So Mean...Starring...Erwin Smith

TAGS: Degrading Kink, Dom!Erwin, Sub&Brat!Reader, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: You pissed your soft husband off a bit to much today

Day 23 : I Want To See You. No...Starring...Trafalgar Law

TAGS: Sensory Deprivation, squirting, and cunnilingus (ModernAU)

Synopsis: Law decided to blind fold you to make you feel even better

Day 24 : I Didn't Want To Summon You...Starring...True Form Sukuna Ryomen

TAGS: Mosnter F*cking, Degrading, Impact play, Witch!Reader, Incubus!Sukuna

Synopsis: Feeling so needy you ended up summoning a sex demon, how weird can it be

Day 25 : I Feel More Sensitive...Starring...Mikasa Ackerman

TAGS: High Sex, Drug use(Weed), Bottom!Mikasa, Top!Reader, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: Mikasa Comes to you with an idea and a bit of weed and one thing leads to another

Day 26 : Take Your Seat...Starring...Toji Fushiguro

TAGS: Face Sitting, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: Your boyfriend wants you screaming as you sit on him

Day 27 : You Look Even Better Marked...Starring...Monkey D. Luffy

TAGS: Marking Kink & Biting, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: Luffy just can't stop biting and marking you as his own

Day 28 : You’re Electrifying...Starring...Iwaizumi Hajime

TAGS: Electrical play, Choking, a bit a breath play, praising, slight begging, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: After begging your boyfriend to use the new toy you brought he finally uses it to its potential

-LAST THREE DAYS-

(Oct. 29th-31st)

Day 29 : I Made Something For You...Starring...Eustass Kid

TAGS: Homemade sex toys, Degrading, Manhandling, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: You always knew your man was freak but not freaky enough to make your toys

Day 30 : No I Wanna Be In The Sequel...Starring...Ran Haitani

TAGS: Role-Playing Ghostface!Ran, victim!Reader, Manhandling, Overstim, Squirt, consensual recording, (ModernAU)

Synopsis:While watching the Scream franchise your boyfriend comes up with the idea to have your own scream movie.

Day 31 : Double The Trouble...Starring...Nanami Kento & Hiromi Higuruma

TAGS: Double Penetration, DadsNewBestFriends!Nanami & Hiromi, Manhandling, (ModernAU)

Synopsis: After Going away for college you come back for a small visit and meet your dads very hot best friends at his work Halloween party

©Bella2023

[rreeaahh]

p r o m p t s

these are meant to give a little  ✨spice ✨ to your requests. i’ll add more whenever i have a new idea.

personally, idc if the prompt was used before, i still can use them if you like some in particular. i’ll write (x) next to the ones that have been requested.

they are song lyrics, quotes or simple sentences made by me.

1. “Shut your mouth right now, or I’ll shut it for you.” (x)

2. “I just want to be seen! The real me!”

3. “Pinky promise?”

4. “I would prefer to talk to you when you’re sober.”

5. “And what if that’s who I really am? You won’t love me anymore?”

6. “It was only a kiss, don’t start to overthink it.” (x)

7. “You make me the happiest and the saddest human alive.”

8. “I can’t do this anymore, I need to tell you the truth.” (x)

9. “You need to talk if you want this to work, you know? I can’t carry this relationship by my own.”

10. “I have an idea or two.”

11. “Let’s pretend this never happened, ok?”

12. “I feel like everything’s my fault.”

13. “We are toxic for each other.”

14. “Maybe when you’ll act your age I’ll think about it.”

15. “I hate how much you can love me.”

16. “Baby, that’s all I do, don’t act like you didn’t know it.”

17. “So what if I don’t wanna deal with my problems? That’s my problem.”

18. “Keep yourself out of my business and we’ll be fine.”

19. “Can we cuddle and stop fighting for a moment?”

20. “I’d rather set myself on fire.”

21. “Maybe I have daddy issues, we’ll never know.”

22. “When I start drinking, my dick does all the thinking.”

23. “Calm down, it's just a hickey.”

24. “You never loved me, did you?”

25. “It’s a cruel world, baby, why are you trusting everything I say?”

26. “Your girlfriend was sucking my dick last night, so I think you’re the stupid one here.”

27. “I wear nothing underneath this sweater.”

28. “I’m not shy, I’ll say it: I’ve been picturing you naked.”

29. “I think your girlfriend really likes me.”

30. “Do want you want, just deal with it.”

31. “I’m so over you.”

32. “I hate you so much right now.”

33. “Don’t make me get violent.” (x)

34. “I don’t really feel like fighting.”

35. “How could I ever love someone else?”

36. “I still fucking love you.”

37. “But you said forever...”

38. “I love the way we hate each other.”

39. “I feel like I've known you for my whole life.”

40. “I’ll do whatever you say.”

41. “Just admit it already! You're in love with me!”

42. “We’ve been dating for nearly a year and I'm still amazed by you.”

43. “Pour me something to drink and hand me the smoke, I have too many problems.”

44. “I love you, but you don't.”

45. “When you treat me so wrong it feels so right.”

[lemon-ty]

While I have no time to draw I found that thing from twitter and I don't think it would be bad if I post at least anything till I'll be free to draw?? and let's say that's just one another post before I'll finally add some of It in my blog

I'll just answer all in one post let's go, guys

(Movies & mini series & book mixed)

1. Favorite female character

I don't think there're a lot of 'em lol. But

Patricia Uris

That's right, not Beverly. Patti has one(!) chapter and somehow I fell in love with her character while reading it. She's got her own story before Stan and she's got a very very very beautiful relationships with him.

(I'm so in love with Uris family I mean whyyyy can't I just have some Stan with his pretty wife and a CHILD THANK U VERY MUCH)

2. Favorite male character

RICHIE

I'm just in love with him he's perfect next

3. Worst character

Bill?

OK, let's talk about it. I was kinda neutral to everyone in the Loser club except Richie for a year or more. Then while being in fandom I fell in love with these guys like with everyone of 'em concluding Bill. But when I decided to actually read a book... why is he so stupid and careless and fjligvdsvfuklugxseggh

Moron.

I really tried not to be "of course u let kid go alone what will happen right??" but this.fucking.weather.this.fucking.fact.that.Georgie.told.him.he.was.about.to.go.to.the.closed.area.u.know.closed.bc.it.was.dangerous.to.go.there like BOY, u killed ur brother when he stepped out of the house HAVE U EVEN LOOKED TO THE WINDOW???? Was it ur plan how to get rid of him bc he was clever and better than u and everyone loved him more? Bc if it was, well, congratulations! it worked not like u expected but still worked!

I'm bullying Bill Denbro in my house I wish for the alternative version with George as a main character instead of him-

4. Favorite scene

Richie and Beverly dancing together

I LOVE their friendship they're like BEST BROTP EVER

I love all their interactions and I find it SO ADORABLE they danced together I always think about it ...about 'em

5. Favorite member of the Loser club

Well, again? Fine. RICHIE

6. Original or remake?

I'd say book? But if we're talking only about films when of course remake

I saw mini series some time ago and that was cute and had a lot from the book (and abult Eddie-) but it was so naive and looked kinda stupid (sorry everyone but I'm the new auditory and I can't get that seriously especially after new films) while new films... Weeelll...

Let's be honest, I saw It 2017 only bc of James McAvoy in the second chapter and I found it boring. And then the second part I found more like a comedy than horror. I didn't like films that time but I liked characters (Richie). Some weeks ago I rewathed both It 2017 and It 2019 and second one is still too long and a comedy but first I found interesting

So remake is great at least on the second time watching and that's enough

7. Reddie?

Reddie is always the answer it's never a question cuz the answer is YES all the answers YES

8. Ben of Bill?

Oh that's a question for me and my hate to Bill!

Ben OF COURSE

Not only bc I hate Bill, Ben is awesome himself. In films he was more leader for the Losers that Bill and Mike like together?? And have u seen that he did fo Henry in the book? Damn boy u're way too cool slow down

9. Best ship

Look question 7

10. Worst ship

OK it took a lot time to find the one bc I don't think there's any ship I would actually hate or smth but if thiiink Bill × Beverly

First, bc Bill?? Seriously?? Go and find someone better, my girl

Second, bc Ben and Bev have much more chemistry (god, Richie and Bev have more chemistry and this tells the person who would kill for reddie)

11. Book or movie?

Book

(and if u say the book is too big I swear I-)

12. Tim or Bill as Pennywise

Why do u need to ask such difficult questions?? I mean, I love every version of Pennywise no matter if it's book or 1990 or 2017-2019 they all are great in their own ways

So both Tim and Bill have an extreme charisma, different but equal in power

I like Tim's Penny bc he's simple and warm I mean c'mon I would definetly hug him or anything and die happy, I mean, he just got ur trust??? And I like how bad effects make him seams not like an awful monster who will eat u but like a friendly mischief (listen me up: he makes sink dirty right after Bev cleaned it up like phhhhhhhhahaha really u're a moron u know). Yeah, that's not that Pennywise is meant to be but that's adorable

And I love Bill's version bc he does look scary (in a some way, of course). Yeah yeah new effects are doing their work and the costume is less friendly than Tim's but the most important is Bill's acting. His mimic and expressions are perfect he fits this role way too good. And, damn, he's so funny like... Yeah, I'd spend my last minutes with him he's great, that would be the most hilarious death I could ever get

So... can I just say both??

13. Funniest character

Do u really see this as a question??

Richie. The funniest guy ever. I would go to his stand-up. I would buy his merch. I would buy hi- AHEMAHEM

Seriously, I found him irritating watching 1st movie first time but after 2d started I've changed my mind he's a diamond that makes films better like he's the only reason I didn't fall asleep while watching 2d part

14. Worst character fear

OK, let's say we don't count the book here. Bc, u know, the fears in the book was, well, like actually kid's fears. Like someone just saw a horror film great now they've got a deep emotional trauma that's like kids work.

So saying about movies...

Stan

Does anyone really got what's wrong with that painting?? I mean???? Just an art what's wrong with u, Stan, do u like... hate art???

I do not get it, plz, if u do, just explain me bc I have no fucking idea why should it be a normal fear that's stupid

15. Favorite actor from the film

James McAvoy

Like I said I went to this fandom ONLY bc of him

16. Favorite adult character

Do u think they grew up and anything changed? Hell no!

Richie

Forever Richie

17. Worst encounter with Pennywise

None? I really can't name u anything bc they all are great at leeeeast bc of Pennywise taking part in it. The scene with him can NOT be worst

(but still-

Eddie's such a stupid brave boy like WHY does he always need to go to scary deadly places I mean are u going to die of what????)

(in the book he just decided that was a great idea to actually try to get into the Neibolt house like ????????????????? U FUCKING BRAVE IDIO-)

18. Worst jump scare

I don't pay attention to any jump scares sorry

None

But I can name my fav! Mrs. Kersh. Not bc she's scary but SO FUNNY OMG

(and in mini series she IS scary, yeah...)

19. Favorite quote

Everything Richie says

20. Least favorite ship

Stanbro

This ship is really great: there're reasons why it's existing and the ship dynamic is good but... I hhhaaaateeee Biiilllllly. And that's the whole problem, yes. Blame me but I can't love otp if I don't like one of the characters

21. Favorite fan account

Don't follow any

22. Favorite Pennywise quote

Is he saying anything??

Alright-alright I know how it looks. "U say u love Penny but don't remember any of the words he's saying". Yes! All I remember is that everything he says is cool but, yeah, sorry, I have nothing in my head

23. Best friendship

RICHIE TOZIER

&

BEVERLY MARSH

24. Richie or Bill?

Who the fuck will choose Bill?????? Richie's the best

I mean, u want me to choose between my fav one and the one I hate most? really?

25. Eddie or Ben?

Not lying to u that's a difficult question. I like both of 'em so I needed a list with +s and -s of each one

Eddie:

+ Jack Dilan Grayser's face

+ the thing with hand

+ u can joke about his mom

+ s.h.o.r.t.s

+ he's mean I like ppl like that (I'm person like that)

+ can kill u with the knife just stuck in his cheek

+ healer

+ brave as hell

- he's SO loud

- non human speed of talking

- most of the time he's a wimp, let's be honest

- DEAD

- has scary tendencies of amputation everything

- not Riche's husband somehow

- mindlessly brave as hell

- FIVE

- PARAGRAPHS

- OF

- OBSCURE

- MEDICINE

- STUFF

in his very first chapter

Ben:

+ an architect (i concider all of 'em like gods)

+ punctual. If he said he'll be in ur bar on Saturday when he'll be doesn't matter he's in London right now

+ I tell u he's a hidden leader

+ can drink and stay sober

+ HE

+ PUNCHED

+ HENRY'S

+ BALLS

- wrote a haiku I don't like haiku

- minuses are ended

So Ben has less +s but less -s if u compare to his +s. So, sorry, Eds, but Ben

26. Funniest scene

Every with Richie

27. Least favorite male characters

I can't just say Bill again, right? Or I caaan???

Bill

28. Most underrated character

MIKE

I see ppl love every character even the once that has really small time (STAN) but I haven't seen so much ppl loving Mike. Everyone kinda... forgot about him?? What an irony

29. Favorite edit

Every with Richie

30. Is fack real?

No

Plz don't ship real ppl

[jaehyunjungsgf]

yes mommy pop my destiel cherry that grew back in the last five years omg i'm doing irl tiffany pollard bitch gif

BITCCH YES!!!!!!!!! it’s taken me like 10 years to finally ship destiel but uh better late then NEVER ���😎😎😎😎😎and I’m screamig when I say 10 years I’m not exaggerating at all like it’s literally been 10 years I’m HOLLERING

[phandomsecretvalentines]

(darling don't be afraid) i will love you

Happy late-vday-early-bday @ryn-exe (can’t tag?)!!! Hope u enjoy, soz if it’s not good but i’m not so amazing(phil)

This is 2.1k words. There’s a bit of dream-violence (not in detail) and a lot of anxiety and fear so if u don’t like that stuff!! Tell me!!!! And i’ll write something else for you, i don’t mind. (You didn’t say anything i wasn’t supposed to write but idk). I’d describe this as hurt/comfort i think lmaooo

Basic summery i wrote fo myself: Dan and Phil, and how they deal with each other’s 3am fears (2009 vs 2018, now)

From a pitch-hitter 💓💓

——

[Saturday; 10.26.09; 03:37]

——

Dan<33 (03:37): phil? :[

Phil (03:45): Yrha

Phil (03:47): Sorry!! Yeah**

Phil (03:47): Why are you up so early/late?? I barely woke up

Dan<33 (03:49): sorry i woke you :/

Dan<33 (03:50): my parents went away for a bit and i’m home alone and i cant turn off the lights cuz im too scared

Dan<33 (03:51): and i can’t sleep so bad even hugging pillow cant help mee :[[

Dan<33 (03:52): so im sitting in the hallway with every light im the house on alone in just my pants

Dan<33 (03:52): and i was a idiot and missed you so i woke you up at so late and now ur gonna hate me crap

Dan<33 (03:52): sorry

Phil (03:53): I’ll never ever hate you dan!!! <<33333333333333

Phil (03:53): I’m sorry ur so scared :[[ I wish I was there to be strong and protect u again

Dan<33 (03:54): i wish you were here too

Phil (03:54): :[ <3

Dan<33 (03:58): CDAP PHIL I THINK I HESRF A GHOST

Dan<33 (03:58): IR MONSTER

Dan<33 (03:58): FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Phil (03:59): Dan oh my gosh are you okay??

Dan<33 (04:00): yeah i think but

Dan<33 (04:00): i heard something phil

Dan<33 (04:01): im scared

Dan<33 (04:02): i can’t believe im 18 and i’m actually sobbing out of fear alone and naked in a hallway over a fucking noise

Dan<33 (04:02): to my boyfriend

Dan<33 (04:02): on skype

Dan<33 (04:03): fuck

Phil (04:03): Dan :[[ i’m so sorry

Dan<33 (04:04): it’s not your fault

Phil (04:04): Want me to call you??? (If u want)

Dan<33 (04:05): can we skype instead?

Dan<33 (04:05): i want to see your face plz <3

Dan<33 (04:05): if thats okay

Phil (04:06): That’s fine! One sec plz :]

——

[Phil would like to add Dan<33 to a call (02:33)]

[Accept] [Decline]

[Accepted]

——

When Dan answered the call, his face was red and puffed and wet. Even through the crap-pixel screen quality, Phil could see that.

“Hey,” Dan’s voice broke.

“Hi,”

Dan was shaking slightly.

His face suddenly flushed, “Oh shit, I forgot – I’m, uh, in only pants. In front of you. Crap.”

“It’s fine, I’ve seen you shirtless before.” Phil smiled what he hoped was reassuringly, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah — I mean, I am now. I guess.”

“Are you cold?”

“Kinda.” Dan admitted.

“Want to go to bed?”

“My room is too dark –”

“Well, I’ll be there, wont I? And I’ll protect you from everything bad in the dark.”

“You’re not really here.”

“Only ever a few hours away. And if worst comes to worst, I have the police line and the monster-killer line. So you’ll be super safe.”

Dan muffled a giggle, “Yeah, okay.”

He shuffled up off the floor, and made his way into his bedroom, clutching the laptop tightly.

“I dunno if I’m getting any sleep tonight, honestly.”

“You will! You can cuddle your pillow and I’ll tell you stories until the demons go away and you can sleep.”

“I’m not five, Phil.” There was no malice in his reply.

“You don’t need to be five for any of that to be true.” Phil said, serious tone.

“Okay,”

Minutes later, Dan was snuggled under his covers; hugging a pillow tightly as he listened to Phil go on about some guy at the market.

“Then, he pulled a hot dog out of his left pocket. Who keeps a single —”

“Phil?” Dan interrupted, his voice was dripping with sleep.

“Mm?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No.” Phil answered simply.

“I mean – for being so scared of such dumb stuff. Seven-year-olds are braver than me.”

“It’s okay to have fears, Dan. I bet you’re not the only adult with those fears either,”

“I’m scared of the dark. And ghosts and monsters and moths and demons and –”

“– and that’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“And it’s not annoying to deal with? I’m not?”

“You will never be annoying to ‘deal with’; I promise.”

Phil meant it.

——

[Monday; 12.07.09; 02:59]

——

Phil :]]]<333333 (02:59): Dan?

Dan (03:00): yeah??? <3

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:03): I’m scared

Dan (03:04): of what :[[

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): I dunno it’s just creaky downstairs and I’m alone for the night I guess

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): Nvm

Dan (03:05): no tell me i want to help u

Dan (03:05): plz

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:07): Well it’s just that

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): It’s really dark and windy

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): And there was a tree snapping against my window I thought our house might’ve blown down

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:09): And I thought i heard thunder which usually isn'tn too bad but right now its scaring me a bit

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): I don’t wanna be alone rn is all

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): But i am brave! So it’ll be okay i think

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): Don’t worry about me <33

Dan (03:11): i want to worry :[

Dan (03:11): you don’t always have to be brave <333 ily and i would give you the biggest hug if i were there

Dan (03:12): and tell the trees and thnder to fuck off and let you sleep

Dan (03:12): and then we would sleep all cuddled up togerher like we do sometimes and it would be warm and nice

Dan (03:14): i wish i were there with you

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): You will be someday so it’s okay now too :]

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): But plz tell the trees and thunder to fuck off it’s very loud :’[[[

Dan (03:16): if u call me i will????

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:17): Lol okay :p

——

[Incoming call from Dan]

[Accepted]

——

“Hi!” Dan really should be quieter; last time he called Phil at three in the morning his dad had yelled at him.

“Hi,” Phil’s sleep-laced voice answered.

A booming crack of thunder, and a whimper.

“Don’t worry – it… won’t hurt you.” Despite everything, Dan was sometimes still quite new to the role of 'comfort’ in their relationship.

“I know, just loud.”

Dan wished he was like Phil. He wished he could just pull out an intresting story, a funny idea.

“Sorry.”

He wasn’t like Phil, though.

“Want to play a game?”

“What game could we possibly play through a phone call?” Dan could practically hear Phil rolling his eyes.

Dan wracked his brain for quick ideas.

“Eye-Spy?”

“We’re… not in the same room Dan.”

“Yeah, true.”

Dan’s room suddenly felt rather empty and uninteresting.

Dan felt empty and uninteresting.

“What do you want me to do?” He finally muttered.

He held his breath.

“I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down. I like when you rant about things you love.”

Let it out.

“Oh. Well – want to hear my never-ending thoughts on WALL-E then?”

“Definitely.”

——

[Sunday; 02.04.18; 04:12]

——

“Phil?”

“Mhm?” He rolled over and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “What’re you doing up?”

“There was a moth.”

“A moth?”

“Yes!” Dan looked around the room nervously, rolling on his heels, “It’s in the lounge somewhere and I can’t sleep knowing it’s out there — lurking.”

Phil groaned.

“Fucking kill it! Or set it free, I dunno. I just need it gone.”

“You are truly the perfect mix of 'needy child’ and 'angry businessman’, Danny.”

“Fuck off.”

“Mm, lemme get a cup then.”

Phil shoved on his glasses and stumbled out of bed into the kitchen, Dan following closely behind.

“Where was it again?” He asked, grabbing a wine glass from the cupboard.

They hadn’t really drank much alcohol these past few years– since Dan had gone on antidepressents— but they still always kept the glasses, to drink Ribena and seem fancy.

“No! You’ll need a bigger cup, it’s huge.” He whined.

“Okay,” he grabbed another glass, “where is it?”

“In the lounge last I saw.”

“I’ll go look, you get a piece of paper.”

Genuine terror painted over Dan’s face, “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Christ’s sake Dan, it’s a moth, not an armed burglar. I think you’ll live.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Now, just go a minute.”

He then ventured into the lounge, still half-drowned by sleep, when he heard a shriek.

“Dan?”

“Phil! Fucking help!”

Anyone else might’ve thought Dan was being held at gunpoint from the panicked way he was yelling.

“Coming!”

He went into the hall; Dan was standing there, paralysed with fear, as a giant moth flew circles around him. He had tears threatening to fall.

“Oh dear,”

Phil went over to the closet and grabbed a broom, spent a few go’s waving it around– and almost hitting Dan in the process— before smacking it head on.

“Aw, now I feel bad for killing it,” He whispered.

Dan was on the floor now, shaking, tears stained down his cheeks. He was in only pants.

And Phil was there.

“Well, the moth’s gone now isn’t it?” He crouched down next to Dan, putting his hands gently on his shoulders.

“Mmm,” Dan had his head tucked in his knees.

“Are you okay?”

Silence.

“That’s fine. Want me to make you some tea?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

A few minutes later, in the kitchen, with dried cheeks; “I can’t believe how much of a wimp I am.”

The kettle rang, and Phil took it off the stove carefully.

“No —”

“I know, I know, my therapist told me. 'It’s never weak to have fears’. But I cried over a fucking moth. In our hallway. It’s late and –”

“– and that’s okay.”

“It’s not okay Phil!”

“It’s fine in the moment, that’s what I mean.”

He grabbed a NASA mug, and poured the boiling water in a teapot.

“I must be exhausting.”

Phil dropped in a teabag.

He still remembered. It was a promise made at 4am; a promise over Skype to a more-than-slightly-terrified eighteen year old.

A promise made to a bunch of pixel’s with a name and a face and fear.

A promise his Dan probably didn’t even remember, honestly.

“No, I promised that much.”

“Mhm,”

He poured the tea.

“So, two sugars or three?”

“Two.”

——

[Friday; 02.16.18; 05:12]

——

Dan was on the sofa; snuggled up in blankets and watching the winter Olympics through his small Iphone screen. His eyes were heavy, he yawned.

Their bedroom door squeaked opened.

“Hey,” Phil spoke quietly.

“Up so late?”

“You’re up too.”

“Well — I’m watching the Olympics. You know it’s on late in the UK.”

“Alright.” Phil shuffled into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and leaving the cupboard door wide open.

“Why are you awake?”

“Just another nightmare, s'fine.”

“Then why did you come out here?”

His voice might’ve been read as upset – he was just tired. Half the time Dan honestly didn’t mean to come off so rude.

“Dunno,”

“What was it about?”

“Uh — I think my family was trapped, you included, and I was the only person who could save them. But I had to do something… I think, I had to open a lock to somewhere? But I was too nervous. I saw everyone die; I knew it was my fault. I saw – you know, blood. Not too much. But it’s fine.”

As he spoke, he went over to the sink and got a glass of water, adding iced-cubes; his tone was unnaturally cool and casual.

“But I heard your skull shatter –”

“What the fuck —”

“Sorry! You asked though.”

“No – I mean, that’s horrible. Jesus christ, are you okay?”

Phil shrugged, “It happens, it’s okay though. Just a dream.”

It was only at that moment Dan noticed Phil’s eyes were a little too redded, his words a little bit shaky.

Phil started back to their room.

“Are you going back to sleep?”

“Probably.” His reply was tired.

“Oh – uh, well, why don’t you stay with me and watch the Olympics? I know you’ve never really cared, not your thing, but still I think that —”

“Sure! I’ll stay, yeah.” Phil quickly answered.

“Okay.”

Phil put his glass of water back down on the counter, and walked over to the sofa. Dan opened up his blanket fort and invited Phil in.

“These are the men’s single runs.”

“Mhm,” Phil nuzzled his head into Dan’s neck, which usually would’ve bothered him, but he didn’t mind so much.

A few minutes pass, “So what’s that guy supposed to be doing? I need your commentary; you know.”

I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down.

“Well, that’s the Japanese lead skater, which means —”

[letopcoat]

Watch "Different Drum" on YouTube

I think about my Superman Michael when I listen to the song I've been listening to the songs since 1981 when I met him and we were in eighth grade together we were both 13 years old he had just turned 13 matter of fact I'm eight months older than him and we do march to beat of a different job but that doesn't change anything about the way I feel for him ! I can tell by the way he looks at me he cares very much for me but I married RJ and I got the 36 carat diamond from Lawrence Graff himself but what people don't know about me is if I have been with Michael but if he had loved me the way RJ loves me unconditionally and unselfishly Michael could have given me a ring from the cracker Jack box and it would have meant way more to me than I 16.8 million dollar square emerald shape D flawless type 2 a rare rare diamond cut from the rarest rough ever found in recorded history in Russia yes it is a blood diamond because in Russia the kimberlite process is not overseeing but they meet Lawrence Graff ; he's 75 years old now and hestarted Graff on new Bond Street in London so it went from London to Graff salon in Manhattan and then it was delivered to Long island by the man himself and I got to visit with him and he gave it to RJ and in front of everybody in front of 14 people RJ put that rock on my finger 2 years ago but I didn't legally marry RJ until October 2nd 2020 I said I'm going to shit is it really are you will run to the bathroom I said no I'm joking and everybody leftbut it's not the same exact thing is having 42 million dollar ( winning bid was 48.3 million USD all Blue 💙 diamonds natural no a radiation whatsoever Blue Diamond type 11b that was around 12 carats much much smaller but much much rare graded fancy vivid dark grayish blue the same color and tone as the 45.33 carat Hope DIAMOND that was graded by the GIA in Washington DC in the museum of Natural history and minerals where it sits on its necklace attached I keep thinking every time I see it when I'm in Washington DC about Marie Antoinette keeping up for three years the queen of France and how the day that the peasants stormed her castle Versailles and took her and her husband King Louie the 16th the prison and they lost their heads a couple of days later how The peasants stole that out of her hair !! she had it hidden inside her hair !! That big pompadour wig that they wore back in those days in the 17th century late 17th century and how scarce she was when they stole that out of her hair and then it ended up in London England it's got a long illustrious history but when I said that about wanting the Blue Diamond after I got pure diamond Heaven perfection for a white diamond on my finger people lifted me like I wasn't grateful and I was fucking grateful I just wished that I had had the blue diamond much much smaller that much much rarer !! Now the Blue Diamond was at the time 2 years ago it was at Christie's auction House no reserve in Hong Kong it was bought by a group of gentlemen from Hong Kong investors for 46.3 million USD add a choice between that one and a pink diamond that was 16 carats and I did not like the pink diamond I preferred The White square emerald shape

[barry429484077-blog]

mature and natural - I Don't Want To Spend This Much Time On Hot Nude Milfs. How About You?

You come across lots of people in your life, and some you know instantly that you will be connected to them, always. It’s rarely clear what type of connection that will be. It can manifest as love, lust, fantasy- they can live forever as memory even if you only spent a moment with them. Of course, I would not dare to insult your intelligence, dear reader, by not implying the opposite of that spectrum also exists- be it obsession, sorrow, or hate. My dear friend Sissy was one of these connections. We had met at the tender ages of 15, and 14 respectively. We hit it off amazingly and became fast friends. Sissy was not particularly attractive. She weighed 250lbs or greater on a 5’8 frame. She had a round face and long brunette hair that she always pulled back into a pony tail. Sissy was gay, she knew it- but this was back in the early 90’s where it was somewhat accepted but rarely spoken of. Sissy is often the smartest person in the room, and she has a talent for writing and word-smithing. She honed this talent as we grew older, and began to sexually mature, She would weave grandiose tales of her many lovers- both men and women. She would go into such amazing details of her sexcapades, and my 17 year old mind gave no resistance suspending that disbelief. Although we constantly talked about sex, strategized how to hit on girls we liked and such, we never took the plunge with each other. I was moderately attractive, charming and smart- chasing skinny, pretty girls. I’ll admit, it was a shallow time of my life. I also was not particularly attracted to her. Around my sophomore year in college, she came to visit me. I was going to college about 2 hours from the city we grew up in. It was not the first time she visited me while i was away. Whenever Sissy came around, we would get absolutely wasted- there was always a party going on, and those parties always had beer, coke, acid, liquor, weed, pills,, whatever you liked., One night, after a few beer and a bong rip or two, we were sitting in my dorm, listening to music. The dorm had bunk-beds and she was hanging on the bottom. "I’m really horny, Max.", she said. It hadn’t really occurred to me that I could have sex with Sissy. To be honest, although i suspended my disbelief during her stories, I never did believe them. "Sissy, I don’t know what to say, I’m not all that attracted to you, you know?" "Max, I KNOW how much you like getting your dick sucked"- she was right. This was and is my absolute favorite sexual activity. If you have any questions relating to in which and how to use mature young, you can get hold of us at our web site. In school, I had a reputation for being an "oral guy". That meant a girl could come over and suck me off, I would reciprocate, and she would be on her way. I was a great fit for girls who didn’t want to have penetration sex yet, or with me, per se, but still wanted to fool around. "That’s true", I replied, "what are you asking?" "I suggest we make a trade- I’ll suck your dick, and you eat me out." I considered it for what felt like an eternity. Did I want to add this layer to our friendship, was I interested in her sexually, would I function properly if I wasn’t into it? I had never been with a supple girl before and wasn’t sure if I wanted to. In the end, my curiosity and sense of adventure guided me and I decided to go for it. I took down my pants, and underwear and revealed my cock. I hope, dear reader, that you not find me boastful when I say that I was blessed with a magnificent design- Long and thick, but not overly so, straight as an arrow at the base and the shaft has a slight curve upward toward the head, with a proportionate helmet. For me, the phrase "you have a nice dick", or , "you have a pretty dick" was miraculously commonplace. Attached to that beauty of a tool was a average height, average weight, white male with a moderately attractive face. She took my cock in her hand and pulled it toward her. She looked me in the eyes. She had a playful look about her. The moonlight shined through my dorm room window and all I could see was her face. When she put her mouth around me the first time, and when i felt her amazing warmth envelope me, the pleasure exploded from my toes to lymph nodes- i had an epiphany; This woman, my friend, was a knockout. She worked my dick expertly. She would get it extremely wet with spit, stroke it back and forth while simultaneously swirling her tongue around the tip. I could hardly take it- I pulled my cock out of her mouth, and began to undress her. I helped her remove her shirt and bra- revealing her enormous breasts- they were perfectly formed- and her brown nipples and areolas were perfecting centered. She stood up briefly to remove her pants and underwear. She faced away from me and gave me a perfect view of her amazing ass- large and muscular- apple shaped= and her glistening pussy was inviting me. I grabbed her ass, rubbing my dick between her ass cheeks. She smiled and said "that wasn’t the deal, Max". She turned around and took my dick back into her mouth. This time, she was not playing. She grabbed my balls, and took my as deep into her mouth as possible. She spit, gagged, choked, coughed, whimpered, moaned- all the while stroking my cock and massaging my balls. I don’t have to tell you, I’m sure, that up skirts mature after a few minutes of sexual eternity, my balls began to tighten- and 10 or 12 ropes of hot white cum came spurting out of me. It was, by far, one of the best orgasm’s of my life. After a moment of basking in the post orgasmic peace, I knew that I needed to complete the deal- and I couldn’t wait. "Sissy", I said, "That was incredible. I’m going to eat your pussy now" "Max", she said, "I know you are not into me. I really just wanted to blow you. Don’t worry about me". "Sissy, I am going to lick your pussy in about 10 seconds. If you don’t want that, get up and leave the room" I backed off and waited. At the count of 10, I dove face first into her pussy. It smelled incredible- warm and musky, like woman, like life. I kissed her tights, cupped her ass, and finally, touched the tip of my tongue to her swollen clit. She shivered and yelped. She grabbed my hair and ears. She was ready. It was time to get to work. I fucked her with my tongue, darting it in and out of her pussy, forceful, then soft. I kissed her lips, sucked on them, ran my tongue up her clit. I worked her clit softly, applied pressure, made circles- i used every method I had heard about and some I was improvising on the spot. She squealed and cried, moaned and laughed- i let her guide me and eventually, I got to her place. I took her clit in my mouth and began to suck it. The constant pressure and friction hit the right spot and she began to write underneath me. She was so powerful, I could hardly hold her down. I kept the pressure on and tickled the entry to her cunt with my fingers. She was extremely wet. I faintly heard her whisper "ok". I sank my fingers into her pussy- they took them in willingly and immediately. I began to finger fuck her slowly, while sucking her clit, and then I felt her pussy walls begin to spasm around me. The force was so strong I couldn’t pull my fingers out. Eventually she lifted my head from in between her legs and i removed my finger from her. She cupped my face, with content in her eyes and said, "Max, I love you, but I ain’t going to kiss you. We’re friends, that would be weird". We snuggled together, falling asleep, satiated and happy. Prologue: We only played one other time- a friend of mine fucked her while she sucked my dick. We have remained friends all these years. We have told the story to our wives and look back on it fondly /u/p0rnhound420

[thisismypersonalsanctuary]

12/14/16

G: Alex I've worked hard to think is over this past week. I love you and haven't ever felt this way but this is all too much. The next steps are something that I want but just not right now. We're in our early twentys because we care so much about each other it's gotten really serious. I'm just not ready for that. I'm sorry. You deserve someone who's 100 percent ready and not hesitating at all. This really is the hardest choice I've ever made. I might regret this for the rest of my life. I don't know. But I also know that I'd regret hurting you even more down the road. I can just see it. You're too special and I just have to be honest. I'm not happy like I was with you. Now it's more fear and nervousness. It's a lot harder now. I will never forget and always cherish this last year. I think you do but I just hope you can understand where I'm coming from.

A: Greg I don't want the next steps right now either. Just because we care so much about each other doesn't mean that we are going to have those next steps so soon. I'm not even thinking of the next steps, I'm just thinking of having a relationship with you. That's it.

A: All I want is to spend time with you and be like how we were this past year. It was the best year that I've had. Just getting dinners, going for a drink, watching movies. The simple things. I'm not thinking about any future steps. I'm just thinking about spending time with you and being together because we care about each other.

G: I want that too and love the past year we've had but it just makes me nervous and depressed because I just do what going to happen. I don't know what I want. You don't need that in your life. I just want to figure my life out. This stage of my life seems so complicated and I don't know what to do. I think this is for the best. I m sorry

A: I don't think it's for the best. You worry about something that you don't know will happen, and I don't think that it will. I want to be there to support you and help you through the tough times. I will be your biggest supporter and can understand that. We always come back to each other, and there's a reason that we do that.

G: It's just not that simple. I don't want help. I just feel like if I'm in something I should feel something different than I do right now. Idk how to explain it but I just am not ready.

A: I'm not ready for the other stuff either, Greg. I can't imagine being at that. But I also can't deny that we have something so special, we're compatible emotionally and sexually, and there's a reason that we come back to each other.

A: You have depression and anxiety, and I get that. And I know you'll push me away because of that, but I'm telling you that I'm not going to go away because of that. I love you even with those factors. It's who you are.

G: I can imagine it and I just feel like I should feel different. I love you too and have been crazy in love this past year but I just feel like my window is closing to have fun and be young and I'd hate to look back and hate myself for it. Even though you don't think so at this age relationships are so much pressure. They should be. This isn't care free dating anymore and it shouldn't be.

A: I'm not asking you to stay in and not have fun. You can have fun while you're in a relationship and I want you to do that, I want you to have fun with your friends and family and me. You're not gonna hate yourself for being in a relationship with someone that cares about you and loves you just like you care about them. You have someone that is willing to do anything for you and that's what I want. This past year wasn't a hard relationship for us. We had rough times obviously but it wasn't as hard as some people have it. I can't just let you go. You've told me before that you push away the people that you care about and that care about you and I can't let you push me away.

G: I'm sorry Alex. It's not your fault. I've been seemily no stop in a relationship. I just need time to figure my life out and I can't do that. I'm a bad bf and have a constant background of feeling pressure and then feeling like I'm a disappointment. This isn't Normal. I just feel like I can't breath. I just can't do this the right way right now. I'm just not happy.

A: You're the farthest from a bad boyfriend. You're all I could imagine in a boyfriend. I don't ever want to pressure you and I haven't ever felt disappointed in you. Just answer this. Do you love me?

G: I do but just can't keep doing this to both of us.

A: You're not doing anything. Not being with me does a lot more harm. Be with the person that loves you just as much as you love her. Take it slow and easy and the rest can be figured out. I never wanna take the fun out of your life.

A: Love can be easy and fun and carefree and that's what I want it to be with us. It's been like that and it can get back there.

G: I just need to figure myself and my life out first. I can't take all this on at once. The pressure is too high from everywhere. I'm sorry Alex. This is just all too much.

A: Greg I can't let you go.

A: What if we just keep doing what we've been doing and just take things slow? Spend time with each other but have no pressure. I can't not be in your life and being without you hurts me so bad.

G: That just drags out the pain. It hurts me too Alex. I hate this but it's the right thing to do.

A: I don't think it is.

A: I can't just let you go.

G: This is the toughest choice I've had to make.

A: Then don't make it. Let's try and see. I want to work on it. Don't let go of something so good that kills us both.

G: We've been trying. I'm so sorry.

A: No we haven't. We have something that neither of us can deny and it's gonna be hard but I can't let that go.

A: This hurts us so let's save us the hurt and try together.

G: We have been. I have. It just hasn't changed anything or how I've felt lately.

A: We've been going through a rough time. I know that we can be okay and work on it. Just spend time with each other and work on it.

G: It's not about that. I know we could work on things I just can't right now. It's all too much at one time.

A: Why can't we just spend time with each other like we have been? These past few months haven't been that bad. I wanna be with you.

A: Living a life without you in it kills me.

G: They haven't been great for me Alex. We both just stand at different spots.

G: These past few months have been the most stressful and thoughtful months so far.

A: I can't be without you.

A: How can you talk about taking me out for my birthday and then do this? All the places we've talked about going to together. All the things we've said we wanna do. How can you mention doing all of those things and then turn around and do this? Literally rip my heart out of my goddamed chest and just crumple it in your hands.

A: Being with you is all I've ever fucking wanted. Since I was a sophomore in high school.

A: And my grandpa is in the hospital for a stroke. Just add that to my day.

G: And it's all I've wanted and we tried it. I meant all those things but decided I need to make up my mind. It's not right to keep going with all these doubts. I'm just trying to be honest with what I want and how I feel. This isn't easy for me Alex.

G: Alex I'm so sorry! Is she okay?

G: Omg I'm so sorry Alex.

A: No. This isn't okay. None of it is.

G: Alex I'm so sorry. I really wish you all the best. Really

A: No. You really don't.

A: You literally couldn't give a single fuck about me.

A: How can I love you so much and it not be enough.

G: I do give a fuck. It's not your fault. It's not so black and white.

A: No you don't. If you cared then we would be together. Nothing is black and white, life isn't black and white. But when two people love each other, they be together. You push me away because I care about you and you don't think that you deserve that. For some reason in your head, when someone cares about you, you push them away and that's what you're doing to me.

G: Idk what to say Alex.

A: This is what you said to me in 2013, so it’s been over 3 years. You pushed me away and wanted to be alone. And you regretted it, you said that you can’t believe that you let me go. It took a while for me to fully forgive you and give you a chance, but I did and it was the best decision of my life. You feel in your head and heart that you don’t deserve the care and love that you get from people, even from me. But loving you is so easy. It’s as easy as breathing. I don’t have to think about it. Nothing in life easy and nothing is black and white. It’s hard but that’s life. When two people love each other, they are together because it’s worth it. Pushing people away, especially pushing me away, is doing nothing but destroying both of us. I know that you have depression and anxiety, and it makes you believe that you don’t deserve the care that you get from other people, but you do deserve it. Especially from me. It’s not easy and I understand that, but you deserve the love that you receive. You are soo easy to love.