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youneedasoultraveller · 4 years ago

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Is the popular headcanon that Nicky was illiterate, stupid and barbaric fitting in the stereotypes about Southern Europeans / Mediterraneans ? I’m guessing it’s from the American part of the fandom that’s choosing to not respectfully write Nicky since he is white while being virulent towards anybody that doesn’t perfected and accurately write Joe because he is MENA.

Hello!

Mind you, I am neither a psychologist, a sociologist nor a historian, so of course be aware these are my own views on the whole drama.

But to answer your question, yes, I personally think so. It definitely comes from the American side, but I have seen Northern Europeans do that too, often just parroting the same type of discourse that Anglos whip out every other day.

There is an abysmal ignorance of Medieval history – even more so when it concerns countries that are not England: there is this common misconception that Europe in the Middle Ages was this cultural backwater full of semi-barbaric people that stems unfortunately not only from trying to (correctly) reframe colonialist approaches to the historiographies of non-European populations (that is, showing the Golden Age of Islamic culture, for instance, as opposed to what were indeed less culturally advanced neighbours), but also from distortions operated by European themselves from the Renaissance onwards, culminating in the 18th century Enlightenment philosophes categorising the Middle Ages as the Dark Ages.

Now this approach has been time and time again proven to be a made-up myth. I will not go into detail to disprove each and every single one misconception about the Medieval era because entire books have been written, but just to give you an example: there was no such a thing as a ius primae noctis/droit du seigneur; people were aware that the Earth was not flat (emperors, kings, saints, etc, they were depicted holding a globe in their hands); people were taking care of their hygiene, either through the Roman baths, or natural springs, or private tubs that the wealthier strata of the population (and especially the aristocracy) owned. The Church was not super happy about them not because it wanted people to remain dirty, but because often these baths were for both men and women, and it was not that in favour of them showing off their bodies to one another. Which, you know, we also don’t do now unless you go to nudist spas. It was only during the Black Death in the 14th century that baths were slowly abandoned because they became a place of contagion, and they went into disuse (or better, they changed purpose and became something like bordellos). And, lastly, there was certainly a big chunk of the population that was illiterate, but certainly it was not the clergy, which was THE erudite class of the time. It was in monasteries and abbeys that knowledge was passed and preserved (as well as lost unfortunately often, such as the case for the largest part of classical literature).

So what does this mean? According to canon, Nicolò was an ex priest who fought in the First Crusade. This arguably means that at the very least he was a cadet son of a minor noble family (or a wealthy merchant one) who was part of the clergy. As such, historically he could have been neither illiterate nor a dirty garbage cat in his daily life.

Let’s then talk geography. Southern Europe (and France) was far, far more advanced than the North at the time and Italy remained the cultural powerhouse of the continent until the mid-17th century. Al Andalus in the Iberian Peninsula, the Italian States, the Byzantine Empire (which called itself simply Roman Empire, whose population defined itself as Roman and cultural heirs of the Latin and Greek civilisations): these places have nothing to do with popular depictions of Medieval Europe that you mainly see from the Anglos. Like @lucyclairedelune rightfully pointed out: not everyone was England during the plague.

Also the Middle Ages lasted one thousand years. As a historical age, it’s way longer than anything we had after that. So of course habits varied, there was a clear collapse right after the fall of the Western Roman Empire, but then things develop, you know?

Anyway, back to the point in question. Everything I whipped up is not arcane knowledge: it’s simply having studied history at school and spending a few hours reading scientific articles on the internet which are not ��random post written by random Anglo on Tumblr who can hardly find Genoa on a map”.

Nicolò stems from that culture. The most advanced area in Europe, possibly a high social class, certainly educated, from Genoa, THE maritime superpower of the age (with…Venice). It makes absolutely no sense that he would not be able to speak anything past Ligurian: certainly Latin (the ecclesiastical one), maybe the koine Greek spoken in Constantinople, or Sabir, or even the several Arabic languages from the Med basin stretching from al Andalus to the Levant. Because Genoa was a port, and people travel, bring languages with them, use languages to barter.

And now I am back to your question. Does this obstinacy in writing him as an illiterate beast (basically) feed into stereotypes of Mediterranean people (either from the northern or the southern shore)? It does.

It is a typically Anglo-Germanic perspective that of describing Southern (Catholic) Europeans are hot-headed, illiterate bumpinks mindlessly driven by blind anger, lusts and passions, as opposed to the rational, law-abiding smart Northern Protestants. You see it on media. I see it in my own personal life, as a Southern Italian living in Northern Europe for 10 years.

Does it sound familiar? Yes, it’s the same harmful stereotype of Yusuf as the Angry Brown Man. But done to Nicolò as the Angry Italian Man (not to mention the fact that, depending on the time of day and the daily agenda of the Anglo SJW Tumblrite, Italians can be considered either white or non-white).

Now, the times where Nicolò is shown as feral are basically when he is fighting (either in a bloody war or against Merrick’s men) or when Yusuf is in danger. Because, guess what, the man he loves is being hurt. What a fucking surprise.

Nicolò is simply being reduced to a one dimensional stereotype of the dirty dumb angry Italian, and people are simply doing this because they do not seem to accept the fact that both he and Yusuf are two wonderfully complex, flawed, fully-fledged multidimensional characters.

So I am mainly concentrating on Nicolò here because as an Italian I feel more entitled to speak about the way I see the Anglo fandom treating him and using stereotypes on him that have been consistently applied to us by the Protestant Northerners. I keep adding the religious aspect because, although I am an atheist who got debaptised from the Catholic Church, a big part of the historical treatment towards Southern has to do with religion and the contempt towards Catholic rituals and traditions (considered, once again, a sign of cultural backwardness by the enlightened North).

I do not want to impose my view of Yusuf because there are wonderful Tumblr users from MENA countries who have already written wonderful metas of the way Yusuf is being depicted by non-MENA people (in particular Americans), especially (again) @lucyclairedelune and @nizarnizarblr.

However, I just want to underline that, by only ever writing Yusuf as essentially a monodimensional character without a single flaw, this takes away Yusuf’s canon multidimensionality, the right he has to feel both positive but also negative feelings (he was hurt and angry at Booker’s betrayal, allegedly his best friend, AND HE HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BE – and I say this as a Booker fan as well).

I have not been the first to say these things, it is nothing revolutionary, and it exactly complements what the MENA tumblr users in the TOG fandom have also been trying to say. Both of us as own voices people who finally have the chance to have two characters that are fully formed and honest representations of our own cultures, without stereotypes or Anglogermanic distortions.

And the frustration mounting among all of us comes from the fact that the Anglos are, once again, not listening to us, even telling us we are wrong about our own cultures (see what has happened to Lucy and Nazir).

What is even more frustrating is that everything in this cursed fandom – unless it was in the film or comics – is just a bloody headcanon. But these people are imposing their HCs as if it were the Word of God, and attacking others – including own voices MENA and Italians – for daring to think otherwise.

I honestly don’t expect this post will make any difference because this is just a small reflection of what Americans do in real life on grander scale, which is thinking they are the centre of the world and ignoring that the rest of the world even exists regardless of their own opinions on it.

But still, sorry for the length, hope I answered your question.

#i am also expecting to receive lots of shit for this but can't say i care #the old guard #tog discourse #nicolo di genova #the old guard meta

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johnroycomic · 5 years ago

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Free Comedy Class Week Four - Revised

Comedy Class Week Four

It's me again. You've spent a week making other people listen to you talk, so now It's my turn to do it to you.

Last week I had you watch videos by Patton Oswalt, Jay Larson, and Dan Mintz.

Patton Oswalt’s “KFC Bowls” clip was there to show you how you might play multiple characters in the same bit, yet make it clear who is speaking at all times. I wanted you to see just how many tactics you have to use to make each character have a clear, distincit, discernible emotional point of view. If you don’t do this effectively, really pounding in who is speaking at every moment, a bit like this will be impossible for the audience to follow. They won't know who is talking, and they'll lose track of what the conflict is.

The Jay Larson example is there to pound home the same lesson, now with multiple people talking and not just two.

The Dan Mintz video is there to show another dead-pan comedian, like Anthony Jeselnick last week. I wanted you to see that this approach doesn’t mean that Dan’s stage character doesn’t have any emotional point of view at all. He’s not a joke telling robot. Rather, Dan approaches each joke with a mixture of slight confusion and insecurity. It IS an emotional stance, just not one that changes depending on the sentence, as it does with Jay or Patton. I wanted you to see how this point of view is a careful choice for the act, not just a default “no emotion" setting.

I also wanted to show how some of the laughs Dan gets aren’t simply from the cleverness of his writing, but from the disconnect between what his character is saying, and the odd way he seems to feel about it.

Anyway, enough about comedians who aren't you. Let's talk about your progress. You've made it four weeks. A month of standup! Congratulations, you are almost to ten sets! This is a meaningless landmark that gets you nothing, but it’s cool, isn’t it? I hope your third week went as well as it possibly could, given the endless ever-changing obstacle course that is Open Mic comedy.

Hopefully, by now, at least one of your jokes has worked more than once.

Which of your jokes is working most consistently? Why do you think that is? Can you identify any elements detailed in the last three weeks’ lessons in your most consistently successful joke?

If none of your jokes has worked to your satisfaction yet, don’t worry. Keep going through the steps I laid out last week, and eventually you will shape a joke that hits more often than not.

While we’re on the subject, here, in easy to copy bullet point form, is the Comedy Refinement Process I've been going on about, which we will further refine this week:

Write down the most consistently successful jokes from last week.

Ask yourself : Do any possible performance-based improvements jump out, like a body motion, facial expression, or change in vocal emphasis?

Would it benefit from cutting needless words in the set up? How about substituting more colorful language?

Is there room to clarify how you feel about what you are saying?

If none of these apply, put these jokes at the top of this week’s set list.

What less-consistent joke from last week do you have ideas on how to improve? Change it, keeping in mind these questions:

Is it clear what you are saying?

Is it clear how you feel about what you are saying?

Is there a clear expectation set up for the listener?

Is there a surprising fulfillment of that expectation?

After making all applicable adjustments, write that joke next on your list.

Fill the rest of your set with new ideas from this week. Form them into the best jokes you can, keeping in mind the above points.

Arrange these jokes into a Shit Sandwich, with the most successful two jokes at the top, another consistent joke to close, and the most untried material in the middle of your set. Do this until you have all the jokes you need to fill the amount of time you will be performing.

And that, in as few words as possible, is the Comedy Refinement Process. It is an always-dependable tool for the construction of a standup comedy act.

“WAIT!” you might want to yell at this point, “If I keep repeating last week’s jokes, eventually all the jokes will be successful, and then there won’t be any room in my set to work on new stuff!”

Good point. At some point you will need to “graduate” consistently successful jokes from the Process, and make room for new ones. It would be my fondest wish for you to not have to do that until you have five awesome minutes. I would love it if you got to take a week-long victory lap through the Open Mics where your set was “all killer no filler.” Unfortunately, and this may already be evident, when you do the same Open Mics over and over again, people hear your material over and over again too. It starts to lose power, as it is no longer surprising to most of the room. There is no hard and fast rule for when this has happened. You’ve got to feel it out. If a joke that once did very well starts to do poorly in the same rooms, and you look out and recognize some of the faces from other nights you've told the joke? It’s time to move it out of your Open Mic setlist. It will go into a new file that I will tell you about shortly. It’s also time to celebrate, because you now have your first solid bit! Your first go-to joke. The first piece of what will become your “showcase set.”

Assignment One

Create a computer file. Notepad will suffice, but you may want to use a better word processor as you're going to want to move these words around a lot. You could use an old-school paper and pen notebook for this task, but it will have to be revised constantly. I definitely recommend a physical notebook for day to day notes and setlists. It's compact, tactile, it doesn't run out of power, and the act of writing long-hand helps your thoughts stick in your long term memory. However, the document I'm about to describe is one area where digital is better. If you want to do this long hand, you better like rewriting things.

Call this file whatever you want. When I started, I called it the “Massive Bit List.” This was ironic at first, but I watched with pride as it slowly became accurate. Divide the file into three groups.

Write down “Group One” first. These are your best jokes. As always, character lines and story beats go here as well, if you are doing those on stage instead of standard jokes. Group One is the pool of material you would draw from to make a “showcase set.” This just means a set you would do for real audience members who are not comedians on a real comedy show. These are the jokes you would choose to perform in order to give yourself the best chance of doing well. A showcase show at a bar or an off-night at a comedy club is your next most likely venue. Performing at such a show is the first goal of a beginner comic.

Don’t write out each entire joke. Whatever one or two-word phrase you know that bit by will suffice. Make sure Group One really is just your best jokes. These are bits that don’t need to be done at Open Mics unless you really want to open or close strong. If you feel in your gut that a bit still needs work, or has a shaky part in it, don’t put it here. If a joke needs work but you feel you can’t do it at an Open Mic anymore because the other comics and patrons have heard it too much, just rest it for a month. Then bring it back. Don’t worry. They won’t remember it any more than you remember their shit from last month. You will have a fresh chance to fix whatever you felt it lacked.

However, just because a joke gets to Group One doesn’t mean it’s “finished.” Standup comedy is a living breathing medium. Bits are always yours to change or expand. As long as you still enjoy a joke, you can add things, find new lines, new act-outs, and new angles to explore. We are not writing a script. Never think of your old material as set in stone. Comedy is nothing but a series of moments that we inhabit, and any bit has the potential to grow and change with your overall act.

Now write down “Group Two.” In this space, write down whatever jokes you have that are getting laughs here and there, but still need some work at the Open Mic level before you would trust them on a showcase show.

Finally, write down “Group Three.” This is your “in the shop” file, where bits go when they aren’t working in their current form. These are bits you need to put aside for awhile until you gain a new insight that makes them work. I have had things in Group Three for years and then one new thought fixes them. Don’t throw anything away.

This bit file sticks with you your entire career. In addition to helping you remember all of the jokes you will write in the years you spend doing this, it’s a great way of seeing where you are in comedy at a glance. You can see what works; what doesn’t; what themes seem to resonate with audiences; what topics you may have difficulty with. So many insights can be gained just seeing your material laid out in one place. Watching it grow and watching Group One fill up with material is a rewarding way to see tangible evidence of your progress as a comedian.

Your goal at this point should be to fill up Group One until you have a solid five minutes of comedy. This is the smallest building block of a standup performance. It is the least amount of time you would ever be asked to perform on a show. It is the standard length of a guest set at a professional comedy club. It is also the approximate length of a standup set on a late night TV show. Five minutes is to a comedian what one song is to a musician. You need to get that first single ready to perform.

This can take a while. Don’t rush it. Let the Process work. Take time with each new joke and make sure it is ready. Make sure a Group One joke is one you are confident about doing in front of any crowd, with a reasonable expectation of success.

As you progress in comedy, you will often be asked by bookers of shows and clubs, “How much time you have?”

This does not mean, “If you performed every bit of material you have written in a row, how long would that take?”

This means “How many minutes of Group One jokes do you have?” You will be doing yourself and your reputation as a comedian a favor by being as hard on yourself as possible when answering this question. The booker is trying to judge how much of their show they can reliably entrust to you. Be honest and they will be pleased with the result and likely to book you again. Inflate that estimate, and you will look like a fraud, a rank amateur, or a crazy person. You want to cultivate the reputation of someone who does what they say they are going to do. A comic they don’t have to worry about. A comic who gets the job done.

Assignment Two

Make your set list for this week’s Open Mics, exactly as you have been doing. Get used to the Process until it becomes second nature.

Assignment Three.

Watch Kyle Kinane's World's Largest Pizza bit. You will find it on the following video, from the 4:30 second mark on. If this link is now dead, google “Kyle Kinane Big Mama's and Papa's Pizza,” or “Kyle Kinane Acme.”

http://youtu.be/WoeQybA7gqM

Then watch Jim Gaffigan break down Hot Pockets. You can find the bit here. If this link has died, Googling “Gaffigan Hot Pockets” will pull it up from somewhere.

http://youtu.be/N-i9GXbptog

I did not select these bits because they are both about food, but because they are both long sets about the same premise. Long chunks with tons of individual jokes in them. This may not be a coincidence. Food is a juicy comedy topic: you need it to live, yet you eat too much of the wrong food and you die. You eat food every day, and it fuels the entire world economy. Food is on people’s minds a lot. People feel strongly about it. Whenever those things are present in a topic, it has the potential for great bits.

After asking our good old “Giraldo Questions” from week one, ask yourself these:

How many individual jokes can you identify in Jim Gaffigan’s set?

How many individual jokes can you identify in Kyle Kinane’s?

Express each individual joke as a simple declarative sentence.

Express each comedian's entire piece as a simple declarative sentence.

How does Jim feel about Hot Pockets? How does Kyle feel about the giant pizza? How do they feel about each individual sub-topic under the larger premise? How do they communicate these feelings to the audience?

Do this, and don’t read ahead to the next paragraph until you have answered all of the questions.

Notice how there is an expectation that is set and a surprise delivered on each piece of the larger bit. Notice how each individual joke under the larger premises of “Hot Pockets are disgusting” and “this giant pizza is a ridiculous example of American excess” has its own individual premise, such as “Hot Pockets would be ludicrous on a menu” or “someone who wanted extra cheese even though it was thirty bucks would be a dick.”

Look at your own writing. Have you tried to tackle a large subject on which you had a lot to say? This is how you do it. Look at your joke and ask the exact same questions you just answered about the videos. What is the over-arching premise? What are the individual premises? How do I feel about each one? You have to begin, and then complete, each individual joke one after the other. You have to clearly state each point of what you are saying.

If you don’t do this exactly as carefully as Kyle and Jim did, the audience can get lost and confused and the bit can fail. Each point must also be funny in its own right or it should be cut from the piece. You are a comic. You do not have the luxury of making points that aren’t funny, even if they are part of a larger piece. If it is going to stay in the bit, find a way to get a laugh.

Perhaps, when you are an experienced comic, you will create a one-person show that contains stories or parts of stories that are serious, that are not expected to get laughs. That is a task for when you have mastered the basics of comedy writing and are ready to stretch the medium. Right now, assume that every component of your show must make the audience laugh or it has no place in your act.

Maybe, like Anthony Jeselnik and Dan Mintz from previous lessons, you don’t write in large chunks. If so, just use this week as further practice in identifying premises, expectations, surprises, and emotional angles. You can never do too much of this as you begin to write your own material.

If you do write or care to write large multi-joke bits, use these videos as a blueprint.

Ask yourself:

What is my main point?

What individual points am I making to illustrate this main point?

Is each one distinct enough to get their own joke?

Do I have a way to make each point funny with an expectation and a surprise?

Do I wrap up each bit in its own space within the larger piece, allowing the audience to keep up and digest each individual point?

That’s it for this week! Hit the mics! Kill ‘em! See you here next week.

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sea-changed · 5 years ago

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vermiculated replied to your post: vermiculated replied to your post...

I can't believe I missed this until now! wow! Here I am, here you are, there are books and words between us. wonderful. thank you.

<3 <3 <3

I have to tell you that I read Olivia Waite's new ff and it has exactly this problem. It is as though both heroines are mealy-mouthed and forgettable so that the reader won't be offended by reading a book about women. Their only flaws are caring too much, wanting appropriate twenty-first century style recognition (ahistoricism doesn't bother me but as I was reading it, I thought, @sea-changed is going to be livid) and accidentally misunderstanding one another...

also attempted financial abuse. which I mention separately because it added a note of the glass armonica to the music of the spheres. how is ff so inadequate to our desires?

Oh no, this is terribly disappointing to hear; I’d been holding out some amount of hope for this one, though that was probably folly on my part. Why, in a subgenre written by and wholly about women, can the seemingly fairly standard “women are people” concept continually fail to gain ground? I’ll still read this, as it’s waiting for me on my phone and the upcoming semester promises to require mindless stress-reading, but I’ll be extremely irate about it. (I always think I can be magnanimous about ahistoricism in romance novels, which is obviously a lie, but it is good to be known like this.)

re: re: 34, I love the sweeping romantic sentiment because they manage to meet in the middle only when they both understand themselves to be ludicrously devoted. It didn't quite feel like a romance novel, you are correct -- there's a bit of neither fish nor fowl here? I personally feel that the natural second-half plot ought to have been shoring up how Richard and David love one another despite their respective troubled backstories rather than ...

...advancing the political thriller from "A Seditious Affair" and developing a coherent moral world. Which is what novels are oriented toward: why do people do what they do, despite everything? In romance, they do it because they love one another (or they're supposed to) whereas I think more complicated motives such as you discuss are much rarer.

oh, novels!, I say, like I live inside Tony Trollope's vision. I think the book tries to have it both ways and ends up being slightly frustrating for all readers. just write two books, Kimberly! Kimberly is what I call her when I am trying to hector her from afar. dear Kimberly, please have Susan stab Templeton. xo.

“Just write two books” is honestly what it comes down to: it feels like two books, and while I get that the political thriller part allowed David to be David to to requisite degree, after how gracefully it was cleaved to the romance plot in Seditious Affair it felt a bit tacked-on here. And while I’m certainly not opposed to moral ambiguity in my ships, the genre formula seems to require that said ambiguity, if there is any to begin with, be neatly swept under the rug; it’s really the sweeping I have the problem with rather than the ambiguity itself. (Because like, should Richard be fucking his valet? No! That’s a pretty open-and-shut one. Which certainly doesn’t mean I’m opposed to watching it happen, but I’d like fewer bows on my endings, I guess. Did you know Gentleman’s Position was the first book of the series I read, because I thought it had the most interesting-sounding summary? In hindsight this amuses to no end.)

(The accusation that there are similar moral issues and rug-sweeping in Seditious Affair, and that I am simply too starry-eyed over it to complain about them, is potentially quite valid, though because of said stars in said eyes I’m not the one to judge.)

(dear Kimberly, please have Susan stab Templeton --The only way I can see this going down with zero hair torn out of my head, quite honestly.)

re: re: 39, @mysharkwillgoon made the unkind (but accurate) observation that this series is always available at our county library because no one likes it. I recognize that I am utterly alone in how much I enjoy this, and am really pleased that you picked it up and felt the requisite feelings. I know you're not a Victorianist by practice or nature, so it's impressive that you returned to this weird book.

HA, I’ve made this same observation (likely about the same library!), which I’ll admit is satisfying to the part of me that thinks everyone should have my taste, though dissatisfying to the equally clamorous part of me that wants to read Seditious Affair for the sixteenth time and has to wait for it on hold. Weird romance seems to be my favorite kind, so I too am glad I returned to it. Not a Victorianist by practice or nature may have to go on my office wall.

A general query: can literary fiction be experimental enough to reach the logical end-point of the genre or are we still pretending that felicity in art is enough? Why must there be meaning in the world? Perhaps I judge the Booker too harshly: it is only a literary competition, it is not an immurement by orange sticker -- yet every book I have wanted to love from the longlist has given me the same depth of emotion that I feel on regarding ...

...a tray of wrapped zucchini at the grocery store: why are we engaging in such resource-intensive craft! (this is not strictly true. I delighted in A Little Life, it was nothing like plastic on vegetables at all.) To continue, is the worst thing that happened to literary fiction the application of irony? I am no supporter of the genuine, the real, the unmanufactured, yet ironic distance can hardly support so much.

It's not a prerequisite. and it looks like smugness more often than it comes off as wit. I read someone recently saying that the problem in Jude the Obscure is "done because we are too menny" which struck me -- a biased Hardy fan -- as missing the point about art: the place where it happens is an artificial one, but it has greater force for that. it's not a bug, it's a feature!

"somewhat poisonous nostalgia" sick burn, I like it.

Speaking of sick burns, “the same depth of emotion that I feel on regarding a tray of wrapped zucchini at the grocery store” has the devastating combination of being both pithy and accurate. I do find myself regularly mystified about what criteria are used to long-list books in general (the Booker being, I think, a particularly frequent and egregious example): it leaves me to wonder whether a) people who judge these things find being left cold and unmoved a virtue in fiction or b) they are led to feel things about writing I find cold and unmoving. (I tend toward the first, though the fact that people have seemingly genuine emotions about Madeline Miller novels would argue strongly for the second.)

The pitting of irony and emotion against one another is, I agree, one of the central failings of the literary genre: Both! Both are good! As you say, being in a constructed hothouse universe is not to be derided (though certainly poked at), and it does not (or at least should not) lessen the emotional validity of the created world. Have faith in your own creations, you dimwits.

I have been thinking all morning about your observation that none of these books are experimental enough: I thought the French were meant to be good at this. Do you think it has to do with our late uneasiness around teenage sexuality, and that writing a sufficently-complicated teenager such that he is entitled to his own sexual preference means that authors no longer sound unique, ...

... but rather like a series of psychology textbooks. Which can be a pleasure (what's UP, Megan Abbott) yet tends to make these books extremely ... putdownable. Thank you for this, there's really nothing better than having a person with exquisite taste on whom one can rely to read books first.

I do think that there is an essential trouble with alienation in YA novels: so many read as false and/or patronizing, because they’re being written to teenagers rather than about teenagers. (Sometimes this is rectified when adult lit writes about teenagers, but mostly it is not, and certainly not in this case. Here again is a case of irony vs. emotion; if you’re not going to give me emotion, you’ve got to be a whole lot better at irony--or in this case more specifically narrative commentary--than this.)

(On the subject of complicated teenagers having sex convincingly, I was recently a fan of Patrick Ness’s Release, which the author describes it as a cross between Mrs. Dalloway and Judy Blume’s Forever; a comment I’ll let stand on its own sizable feet.)

And there is truly nothing better than having someone to dump your own particular long-winded exegeses on, so thank you for that in return.

ps I read Astray and it was so frail! "disappointingly pedestrian" indeed. If I could write like Emma Donoghue, I guess I would labor under the curse that afflicts her plotting.

For being a book that contained so much that I love--an entire collection of extremely specific and well-researched historical settings!--it was so flat. I know Donoghue can write better sentences, I’m at a loss why she chose to not put any in this collection.

#vermiculated #replies #books tag

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marginalgloss · 6 years ago

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toybox mentality

The thing about Milkman by Anna Burns, if it was described in the abstract, is that it might sound a bit dour. A bit unsettling. A bit difficult. This is a book about the Troubles, sometime in the late 1970s; it's written from the perspective of a woman who is being stalked by a man who may or may not be an intelligence agent; and the prose unfolds in long paragraphs dense with clauses. It is lucid, and sometimes exacting. Is it difficult? Kind of.

Certainly it was a surprising choice for winning the Booker Prize last year. 'Experimental' novels are sometimes nominated for that prize but frequently don't win. A Brief History of Seven Killings by Marlon James is perhaps the closest recent comparison – both are historical novels, both have a decidedly post-imperial slant, and both have a playful approach to their own textuality. But that's about where the similarities end. James’s novel was a comprehensive take on a very specific set of real events, shaped a great deal of the creative licence that we expect from historical fiction. It was a big, engrossing novel as they might have recognised it in the nineteenth century. Milkman is a very different beast. A more apt comparison might be with James Kelman's How Late it Was How Late, which won the Booker back in 1994. That, perhaps, was one of the last truly controversial prizewinners, with one of the judging committee threatening to resign if it won.

Bizarrely, wikipedia currently describes Kelman's book as belonging to the 'stream of consciousness' genre, which seems like a peculiar sort of inverse elitism. If we accept that description (though it is more or less meaningless) one might well file Milkman alongside Kelman’s book even though they are written in very different styles. What they do have in common is a certain way of thinking about life as it exists under a state of imperial power and near-constant conflict. The causes of said conflict are so far removed from the lives of ordinary people so as to be rendered incomprehensible to the reader. Clearly there is an occupation of some sorts but how it came about might as well be the stuff of legends. But for both authors, language becomes a refuge for the spirit of the individual, and a means of passive resistance.

There are a couple of mistakes it is easy to make with books of this nature. The first is the 'stream of consciousness' misconception – the idea that in scanning each line we are somehow plugged straight in to the narrator's thinking, talking, acting, being. Joyce has a good deal to answer for in this regard, but the blame oughtn't to be laid at his feet; the problem is more to do with what is done to Joyce than what he actually did, since there is a great deal more to Ulysses than Molly Bloom's chapter. Describing a thing as a 'stream of consciousness' is invariably reductive. It assumes that what we're reading is the sum total of an individual, more so perhaps than if they were telling us a story in a sort of campside voice. And it's a convenient way of treating language that might appear disorderly or unconventional as if it were a kind of aberration.

This leads us on to the second mistake one can make with a book like Milkman – mistaking the music of the text for a written recording of speech. Rather than looking at the words as words, if one takes this approach there's a tendency to become mired in concerns about historical and cultural accuracy. We start to make judgments line-by-line about accents, class, and status. Questions of meaning become sublimated to thoughts of whether or not what we read is accurate. And in most cases the only guide we have for this kind of accuracy is our own prejudice. Language is thus reduced to a signifier of authenticity.

Questions of authenticity sound throughout every page of Milkman. It begins with the title: the 'Milkman' himself is the aforementioned spy-stalker, and not really a milk-delivering-person at all; the narrator is careful to differentiate him from the 'real milkman', a totally different man who actually delivers the milk and maintains an active belligerence towards local partisan groups and, in fact, pretty much everyone in the community. Most of the other characters in the book aren't properly named, and are referred to only in relative terms – from 'maybe-boyfriend' to 'third brother-in-law' and all varieties of familial relations in between. The point is that in this community, naming names puts a person beyond the pale, or worse – but since gossip forms the metabolism of the community, talking about things without using their true names becomes an essential part of everyday life.

This creates a sort of puzzle for the reader. Part of the work necessary is in unpicking the narrator's oblique references to what has come before, and what will come after; we have to work a bit to decipher, to cross-reference. A family tree would have been helpful for the reader, if dangerous for the narrator: we get the impression that all this obscuring with name-confusion is part of the point. The impression is of a text that has been coded for safety. Yet it isn't coded in such a way as to truly anonymise everything. Ireland itself is never explicitly mentioned here, but it would be impossible to mistake this for a book about anywhere else.

This raises a question which I feel entirely unequipped to answer: does this process of un-naming render the book more equivocal than it would be otherwise? I found it hard to find much in the way of politics in Milkman. There's little here of the outright anti-imperialism we can find in James Kelman. Instead, the narrator maintains a sort of light contempt for both sides in the conflict. Their motivations are always obscure. History is expressed mainly in a record of tragedies, most of which seem more or less gruesome and inexplicable. The present conflict is a heap of local dogs with their throats cut by the state forces; it is the scurrilous rumours about a car part from a Bentley, which may or may not bear the British flag; it is the local agents threatening a group of second-wave feminists, before the local women calm them with a show of practical contempt for the ‘toybox mentality’ of the renouncers.

All of this seems horrible and absurd, all the more stark because it is stripped of much of the context that would enable an understanding of how the world came to be like it is. Everyone is about as bad as everyone else, except for the few who aren't. It is all only boys playing with their toys. Another unanswerable question: is the pursuit of this literary effect only a way of side-stepping awkward questions about cause and effect, or is it a sincere representation of how it felt to grow up in such a society? Milkman isn't exactly apolitical, but it doesn't seem especially invested, or interested, in any kind of ideology outside the survival of an individual consciousness.

Black comedy is very much the dominant tone here. At first something will happen that seems as though it's going to lead to disaster until (in most cases) the author slowly deflates the issue. There's a sort of tension between the constant aura of threat and the linguistic thicket thrown up by the narrator's incessant thinking and talking. Language becomes her only means of defense, and sometimes her means of attack. Absurdity is part of the comedy at play, but it's a very specific sort of absurdity. Flann O'Brien feels like a fair stylistic comparison: we have here the same relish in verbosity, that same arch, dilated, expansive use of language.

And yet for all the tension there is no quietude. The narrator is not actually threatened into silence. The overwhelming presence of the text is proof of that. There is no anxiety here – quite the opposite. In life we're given to understand the narrator is bookish and somewhat solitary but in her own story she is in absolute control. This is not a surreal novel in the way of O'Brien. The narrator here is always specific. Words are used to say precisely what they mean, but the narrative could be called a literal interpretation rather than a transcription. To put it another way: we are told exactly what the characters say, think and do, but we aren't told it in their own words. The question of reliability never seems to come up. We trust her, I suppose, because we must trust her. In a meaningful sense there isn't really anyone else in this novel.

Sometimes this feels suffocating. This is a long book: a tad under 350 close-set pages in paperback. It feels its length. I have sympathy for criticisms I've read that take aim at the narrator's tendency to repeat the same adjectives under slightly different names. This kind of repetition, recollection, raking-over (for that is what she does) isn’t the literary maximalism it could be mistaken for; I think it has more in common with a certain kind of minimalism, given the focus on a relatively small, specific quadrant of human experience.

It is exhausting to read because it attempts to be exhaustive. What we're left with is a book which tries obsessively to re-word, re-frame, re-cast a certain very specific sort of strange experience in a strange place in a strange time – a young powerless woman being followed obsessively by a powerful older man. Until eventually the sheer weight of the thing itself – the book – wrenches the situation around until this dynamic of power is neatly, effectively inverted. Would it work if the book weren't so weighty? I'm not sure.

#anna burns #milkman #booker prize #james kelman #marlon james

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retroreaderr · 7 years ago

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A Crash Course on Ship Requests, As Written By Your Local Fic-Writer...

Hi! Your friendly neighborhood writer here. Lately, we’ve been getting a LOT of ship requests, which is fine, but I’ve noticed a trend…

Here’s a typical ship request we get (this is not a real ask, simply something I’ve made up, however this is VERY similar to the ones we receive on a daily basis):

“Hi! May I please get a Marvel ship? I’m a straight female, 5′8″, long dark hair, bright blue eyes. I’m a Ravenclaw. I love writing and drawing, listening to music, and am shy. Thank you!”

You may be saying, “But Booker! What’s wrong with that?”

Well, at face value, nothing. But as a writer, let’s see what I have to work with…

1. This is a straight female, wanting a male Marvel ship. Alright, fine. This is the very basics of the ship. 2. This person likes writing and drawing. Alright, kind of vague, but it’s better than nothing, I suppose. 3. This person likes listening to music. Well, alright, but I don’t think I’ve met anyone that doesn’t like listening to music. 4. This person is shy. Alright, but in general? How are you around people you’re comfortable with? Crowds? Is it social anxiety, or do you just like being quiet? 5. This person is a Ravenclaw. I’m not really sure how this is even relevant unless you’re requesting a Harry Potter ship. Sure, Ravenclaws are typically “book-ish,” so I am to assume this person is as well but…So is every other Ravenclaw. It’s not unique. Once again, very vague. And even then, the Sorting hat makes mistakes…

Alright. That’s…Two hobbies and one personality trait, all of which are rather vague. Here’s the thing, guys: if you’re requesting a ship, there’s a high chance you read fanfiction as well. Which means you probably love to read. But so does everyone else in the community. It’s not a very unique hobby. Drawing is fine, but what do you like to draw? Still-life, people, fanart, ocs, abstract…the list is endless, and the more specific you get the easier it is for us, as writers, to read your personality. *An important thing to note, is that I as a writer do not factor in physical appearance to ships. I know many writers do, but I firmly believe personality is far more important, and therefore disregard anything having to do with appearance.

Overall, the example request is vague and short, which is the absolute worst kind of request to get as a writer.

So, what constitutes a good ship request?

Let me give an example (using myself).

“Hi! My name is Booker, I’m looking for a male Marvel ship. I love playing video games, collecting vinyls, and photography. My favorite genres are Synthwave Horror/Darkwave and Rock. I love the fall, Halloween, and horror in general! I’m often described as laid-back by my friends, and I love making them laugh (I have a sarcastic sense of humor), but my social anxiety bars me from enjoying large gatherings. I am in choir and band, play guitar, and love doing character design in my free time. I love taller guys, and someone willing to relax at home, and I generally take an interest in smarter, quieter men. Thanks!”

Wow. That’s a lot. But that’s good! Don’t be afraid to get detailed. It’s what we need to make sure the ship is accurate!

Now let’s look at it from a writer’s perspective…

We would much rather know about your personality than if you like to draw. In the example above, instead of drawing I said I enjoy character design. That right there tells me this person is creative, likes to draw, and has a rather vivid imagination! When I say I enjoy collecting vinyls, it tells me right there that this person likes listening to music and likes the vintage feel of records. Even better, I say what kind of music I like in the next sentence! Synthwave? Rock? Vinyls? Loves horror? Sounds very 80s to me. Why, this person must enjoy retro things! Social anxiety, you say? Hm, must enjoy rather quiet places.

Tall, smart guys? Sarcastic? Loves retro music? Looking for someone that lives somewhere quiet? Creative muse? Why, wouldn’t you know, that happens to mesh well with a certain Marvel character I know…

See how much easier it is to ship someone that gives interesting, detailed descriptions rather than bland, condensed ones? Giving unique traits is so important, which leads me to my next and final point…

I see many people simply giving traits they share with their favorite character in hopes we will recognize their similarity and ship them together.

This is NOT how ships work!

We aren’t one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes.

In my example ship, yes, there are many traits that the shipper shares with the person I chose to ship them with. Of course there are things that they’re going to have in common. There needs to be a common ground. But consider the artistic muse the requester has. Not what you think of when you think of Stephen Strange. You’re more likely to think he’s a man of science. Or, he used to be. But art and science are on complete opposites of the spectrum, and as the saying goes, opposites attract. “Oh but the point of the movie is that he learns there are things he can’t logically explain with science!” YES! Which is why it’s important he is with someone open to the idea! I would say that takes someone creative, with a vivid imagination. Which is what our requester happens to have.

*Also note: If a character canonically is with someone/has a type, it is more likely we will ship them with someone that has similar traits to the person they are canonically attracted to.

For example, say we get a request for a GOTHAM ship. This person enjoys science, forensics, cooking, and quiet dates. They’re described as a nerd, someone shy, someone who would much rather stay at home then go to a club on the weekends. They like guys that are the same.

As a writer, It is painfully obvious they want to be shipped with Ed Nygma. But I’m more likely to ship them with Oswald Cobblepot, as Oswald has canonically shown interest in someone with very similar traits.

tl;dr: It’s the little details that make the ship accurate and enjoyable to write! Complex characters are far more interesting than the vague minor characters we see in the background. Please don’t be afraid to get detailed! Tell us your favorite movie! Tell us what fills your sketchbook! Do you write fanfiction, or original stories? Do you love that eighties aesthetic? How would others describe your personality? Tell us! It’s what makes writing interesting!

I know this was a long post, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about since we opened ships. As a writer, it’s my goal to portray the characters I write as accurately as possible, and when doing ships, that translates to shipping them with someone I can really see them being with. I’m not calling out anyone specific with this post, I simply wanted to get this out there.

#announcement #mod widow rants #ship #ship request #writing tips #x reader

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grizzlefur · 7 years ago

Text

WWEm - Nobody Calls Dean McFly a Nerd

Transmission date: Monday 18/Tuesday 19 September 2017

Yeah, I said this would be 'punctual' and 'up a decent amount of time before the PPV', but hey

i was ill, and also you're not the boss of me

(unless you are)

(in which case my salary hasn't been coming in and we need to talk)

so without any further ado (just kidding, this is gonna be ado city right here) i present to you SATURDAY AFTERNOON RAW!

(yeah, you thought it was gonna be sunday, didn't you?)

(daniel did)

(he was super unprepared and is currently eating lunch in his booth)

(it looks delicious)

(bastard)

ahem

yes

wrestles?

opening on an in memoriam for bobby heenan

aww

we're in san jose

i should be able to make some kind of sport joke there but i can't find it

anyway, here's kurt

apparenrtly we have two matches at no mercy that are mania-worthy

casual shade at the rest of the card there

kurt says that's not all, and now here's the miz

with his bros, but not his wife

oh yeah, she's pregnant

that makes sense

boo for the next year or so when i don't get to steal her style ideas

miz, meanwhile, is wearing black trousers and a white jacket and growing a shitty beard

the single look doesn't suit you, mike

he's complaining that he doesn't have a match at mercy

kurt's like dude i was just saying that

jordan/elias/hardyz in a four-way tonight for a shot at him

miz complains that kurt puts his son in the match ahead of his super-qualified and totally legit hangers-on

kurt has had enough of your tone, young man

miz gives him a lecture about responsible fatherhood

see how kurt isn't beating the shit out of him, shane?

this is called being a responsible employer

miz fucked up his words at least twice while i was writing that last sentence

get it together, dude

anyway, here's jj to step to him

and defend his dad's honour

in a new magic eye singlet

i think he's secretly dressed as a tractor

jj asks kurt to put curtis and bo in the match so miz can shut the fuck up

never gonna work, dude

miz says one more thing about his father

gets fucked on, as promised

booker gives sage words about how jj needs to control his temper

dude, did you watch your entire fucking career

for example, jason has never dropped an n-bomb on air

later tonight we have brock and braun being interviewed (bad) and roman giving an address (worse)

but next, alexa/nia

brilliant shot of them walking backstage

alexa's expression of barely-restrained terror sells it

but first have this advert for cena/reigns

because god knows we haven't talked about it enough

back to jj backstage

as kurt storms in to tell him to calm down and focus

jason responds by ranting about what everyone thinks of him

dude, this is the opposite of calm and focus

kurt talks some fatherly shit at him, boils down to #hatersgonnahate

tells him to win the match

bet he never thought of that

but actually now, here's alexa

doing her best 'ignoring the proles but also lowkey bricking it' face

and also nia

bell rings, alexa runs away

like you thought it'd go any other way

eventually gets back in the ring, gets dicked on for a while before trying to talk nia down

and running away again

heads up the ramp, headed off by sasha

and then nia flattens her

(alexa, that is)

sasha's just lurking at ringside like oh hey there

alexa totally just hit a curbstomp on nia

i thought we banned that

alexa sets up on the top rope, goes for a crossbody, gets samoan dropped to death

sasha attacks nia after the pin, gets fucked on

and oh hey, bayley's back

somewhere, emma is just like yknow what i'm good

the three of them face off against nia and take her down

oh my god, i would watch the shit out of sasha, bayley and alexa as the shield

#extremefantasybooking

nia leaves, bayley extravagantly hugs everyone

they both raise alexa's arm, then remember who she is and bayley suplexes her into oblivion

i really should have seen this coming what with it being san jose

+10 hometown boost

cole recommends we go to wwenetworkrightnow.com

someone needs to learn how web addresses work

and also hypes kevin/shane in a cell

which...no

and gameplay ad for 2k18

ooh, it's got billie in

i'll probably play it, but not preorder this one

destiny 2 and injustice 2 exist, along with others

ad for total bellas, which looks less good

and a package of wrestling peeps eulogising heenan

apparently we're gonna get more of those throughout the show

cole tries to do heenan banter, corey shuts him the fuck down

and now, a video package about brock

god, i hate ppv setup shows

this is all footage from 2002

transition straight into mania 30 without a AND THEN HE BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK title card

and along came a strowman

okay, i will never not giggle at the announce table sandwich spot

paul claims that was the first time in brock's life he got carted off the battlefield

see above, re: BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK

this package has just reminded me of luke harper's existence

what happened to him?

internet says him and rowan are still signed, but little else

anyway, package is over, here comes cesaro

and also his best bro

i will never get over their fusion dance pose

actual fact

they're up against the good brothers, who are still jobbing wherever possible because we saw the shit that happens when they get to main even

ad for smackdown, which i am super unhyped for

the aftermath of vince 'blading is awful unless it's me' mcmahon

let's see how that trash fire goes later

sheamus wants to talk to us about nostalgia

and also about how he clearly doesn't understand the difference between sequels and remakes

conclusion: fuck nostalgia

and here come the kkb to fuck it for us

apparentliy seth and dean are both exploiting each other

cesaro responds to what chants by repeating the same phrase half a dozen times

which is kind of great

wait, sheamus has mtn dew and liverpool fc patches

now i need to study the rest of both of their jackets

anyway, they finish their usual proclamations, and now here are seth and dean

seth describes them as like if taxi driver and braveheart had a really ugly baby

seems legit

although i don't love the 'yeah but you look dumb' retort

they talk about brothers a bunch, gives anderson and gallows a perfect chance to cut in

and call seth and dean nerds

seth's like oh no dude you shouldn't have said that

dean is not happy

nobody calls dean mcfly a nerd

cue brawl

ending with seth and dean in the ring and everybody else outside like bwaaaaaahhhhh next time gadget

but fuck that shit, here's an ad for asuka

meanwhile, kurt has once again taken the path of least resistance and made this into a triple threat

expect spots, shenanigans, and a champion win

cesaro and sheamus 100% just kicked gallows in the dick

ref like whatevs i'll allow it

book talks about the good brothers not finding their footing in wwe, cole's like ummmmm dude they were tag champs

this match is primarily seth and dean and the kkb doing rapid tags and good wrestling and anderson and gallows being like yessir we are also here

oh hey, anderson tagged in

had to happen evetually, i guess

cole almost calls gallows 'the big dog', catches himself in time

accidental double hot tag takes us to seth/cesaro, and frankly the other four can go home

weird spot where seth goes for his turnbuckle bomb then has to redirect halfway through to not throw cesaro into anderson and gallows' corner

seth eats a magic killer, dean breaks the pin only to get thrown into a barricade by the kkb

someone in the ring just shouted "sports entertainment!" and i don't know in what context

sheamus and cesaro do their flapjack cutter, then both forget who's legal and roll out of the ring, then both run back in and go for the tag at the same time

with cesaro doing the pin and sheamus just holding seth's right calf

is this a fucking laurel and hardy movie

and then anderson forgets how to set up a superplex

-checks the headlines for an epidemic of fail ravaging san jose-

double double suicide dives from seth and dean

next up in 'spots that make not a single fucking lick of sense when you think about them'...

whatever the good brothers are good at, it's not selling when they take a suicide dive

sheamus blind tags off dean, dean hits dirty deeds on anderson, sheamus steals the pin

would you look at that, a champion victory on a ppv setup show

cole started a sentence with "The Bar claims...", i totally hear the barsgays

cesaro poses on the ramp, sheamus hobbles off backstage, seth and dean don't give a shit

but nowthe miz rallies his troops in the locker room

(if you know what i mean)

bo interrupts like dude i used to do motivational speeches can i criticise your technique

bo and curtis give their cvs, throw some casual shade on their boss

realistically, why is matt hardy in that match?

the others have at least been winning a bunch lately or have had their boss shouting at the gm

has kurt been hassled by seven deities

this video from mania 21 brought to you by pizza hut

ok, but...why?

yes, edge won the first mitb

why are you telling us this now

okay, nobody knows

cole does an awkward segue into cena/reigns

corey forgets how to speak english

don't worry dude, attempting to hype roman reigns matches does that to me too

and now enjoy this video package of the parallel histories of john cena and roman reigns

i remember when there was live wrestling on this show, not like 80% clip shows

(yup, turns out i still hate ppv setup shows)

(however much of a tire fire smackdown is, at least it won't be a ppv setup show)

i really don't get why they can say bitch on the live shows but then censor it out of the video packages

okay, even in retrospect this cena promo was fire

and straight from that into an advert for vince's totally legit head injury

back in the real world (ha), kurt is on the phone

he certainly spends a lot of time on that phone

which is...an accurate representation of management, i guess

kudos, dubby dubby wee

+0.01 reality points

(current score: -89887452.99)

pan over to goldust standing inches from a poster with his back to the room

and then he turns round without paint on

whaaaaaaat

and the bodysuit undone partly as well

he wants another shot against bray in his real face

which raises the question: if he wins, why was the paint there in the first place

some kind of anime power limiter?

leaves, then pops back in to snap in kurt's face as usual

but in the ring, it's curt hawkins

woo

he's closed the star factory

and replaced it with the curt hawkins history machine

huh?

he's going to make history by ending his 114-match loss streak

well, that makes sense i guess

at least he's aware of his failings

and here comes apollo crews

the apathy is just rolling in off the crowd in waves

titus is here too

corey is either listing the current roster of titus worldwide or naming random celebrities

hard to tell

apollo shows off all the athleticism and none of the charisma, as ever

curt actually gets a nearfall, which is good for him

ticker advertises raw next week for 'ontario, CA'

ok, a) CA is a real state abbreviation, and b) ontario is big

unless it's going to be on the road through ontario in some kind of epic monday night raw travelling roadshow

i'd watch it

anyway, while i was distracted by the ticker, apollo won

i love how his 115-match streak gets an onscreen graphic

up next, brock and braun talk

sigh

after a small dancing child with cancer

it's an ad, ftr

not dolph trying another new gimmick

great, here they are

complete with paul growing out of brock's left shoulder

long beat before paul remembers his client can't talk until at least halfway through the segment

got to pace himself

braun: "My actions speak for my words!"

...i got nothin

some next-level uplit glower coming from braun though

which i just read back as 'quilt glamour'

next big aesthetic of 2017

this lighting makes braun's tattoos look like absolute shit

i'd provide a pic, but then i'd have to keep looking at them as i tracked one down

just trust me

i think it's the combination of veins and scar tissue

the way this shot is arranged, brock looks like an uncomfortable child as his parents argue over his head

paul decides cole's interview displeases him, so he's writing his own

tbf, cole is entirely unnecessary in this situation

yay, brock's warmed up

leans into camera, and the scale difference makes him and paul look like an 80s album cover

oh hey, brock got to do a mild swear

quick, let's censor it out of all future broadcasts

and the segment's over

thank god

and next...roman delivers a message

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE

after these recaps of the women's title happenings

yeah, primarily making me double down on the fact that a women's trios competiton would be rad

and they've added bayley to the no mercy match?

for reasons

emma complains on twitter, and she's kind of right

but now (sigh) roman reigns

the presence of roman has made cole forget what time of year it is

he is just a well of negative thought

standard loooooooong-ass beat before he talks

opens by bigging up cena's talking skills

maybe a bad start

and then probably swears? the tape delay caught it

namechecks alex riley as the boring white version of himself

which is...fair, tbh

calls cena a bitch again, take a shot as you despair for the writers' lack of better material

rolls a vt from 20fucking12

of cena basically having the same problem with the rock as roman has with cena

the main difference being i don't want to punch past cena in the face rn

the real angle we want to see is cena v past cena

get on it, r&d

roman calls cena out for not being here today

is smug af

halfway decent promo, but tbh most of the good bits were shamelessly ripped from cena material

which, hey, steal from the best

in any case, he's gone

but now, renee interviews the hardyz

asks them how they're going to deal with fighting each other in the 6-pack

they're both like welp, it's kind of what we do

matt does the broken accent for one line, everyone pops

and wyatt cut

i like to think matt is still in full flow and just hasn't realised the cameras are off

but yeah, here's bray

and here's a total bellas ad

strong juxtaposition

and also an asuka ad

led with a quote from fucking sun tzu

excuse me while i sigh so hard my lungs collapse

they're on a big push in china

so someone must have realised it isn't the same country as japan

and yet

this summerslam recap slideshow is mostly a chance for bray's music to keep playing so we can here the full track

which is fucking great

and here's

dustin rhodes

the dramatic renaming is slightly let down by the fact that both his tron and the fucking clothes he's wearing say GOLDUST in big letters

could they not have just put him in some generic gear for this match

cole has clearly just ctrl+f'd his internal monologue, and now he's awkwardly calling dustin rhodes by his full name at every opportunity

but yeah, if you were trying to be the man behind the gimmick, why would you still be wearing the hey-look-at-my-junk bodysuit?

pins bray in the corner ropes, kicks him twice in the inner thigh (honestly officer), and then eats a sister abigail for the pin anyway

cue finn on the tron

dustin can't even have this loss to himself

finn is here to tell a story about his youth

in the form of the next big YA novel

i would totally read a novel series anbout a fictionalised finn bálor

finn points out that even the man behind the demon is a man who made himself a demon

so not exactly harmless

reason 1745 i love finn bálor: understanding of symbology

after this bobby heenan memorial, enzo will be here

so i kind of hope it lasts half an hour

and now the announce team awkwardly eulogise some more

and cut to a video package of his greatest moments

this is about 409000% better than enzo turning up

oh fuck, here he is

i am loving the number of boos he's getting

oh thank fuck here comes braun our lord and saviour to bodycheck him into the underworld

casually chucks him into the ring over the top rope from the floor

san jose loves him

spinebuster to death, then powerslam out the other side

walks off, neville turns up while he's halfway up the ramp

gives the angry giant a wide berth

and red arrows enzo for shits

demands a mic, does enzo's shuffle and how you doin', leaves

and san jose fucking loves him

beating up enzo is not good for your heel heat

oh wait, apparently he's sticking around for a fight

after this ad for smackdown

and this recap vt of enzo getting dunked on

cut to charly interviewing enzo in the trainer's room

he's like woe is me i am dead

but btw i'm still gonna win on sunday

but in any case, now it's neville v gran metalik

rip el rey de las cuerdas

neville tears his mask open

ooooooooooooh

-shocked silence-

metalik responds with a lovely step-up tope

neville intercepts a moonsault into the rings of saturn, successfully stands up to lucha rage

and now after beating enzo, he's painted a huge target on his back for every luchador in the company

but now a hispanic heritage month thing about jennifer lopez

for whatever reason

it's worth noting that we're halfway through september, and wwe hasn't mentioned it until they have time to fill on a ppv setup show

one ad for 205 later, here's elias to open the main event reunion tour

he is disappointed in san jose

but also in all his opponents, so there's that

threatens a child in the audience that he'll get them and their mother kicked out of san jose

do...do wrestlers have that power?

and here's a diss track about his opponents and also btw san jose

interrupted by the hardyz before he can get to their verse

ooh, jeff's gone back to his old pre-mermaid arms sleeves

in all their improbable glory

and curtis and bo don't even have their own entrance any more

oh, and they get their boss to come with them

well, i guess he'd be coming on announce or w/e anyway

ok, no, he's just gonna lurk

and commence huge brawl

someone's brought miz his studio chair for ringside

brief moment where it looks like the heels are all going to work together, then elias is like ohhhh wait i'm a huge dick -kicks bo in the kidneys-

incredibly slow tower of doom setup for the hardyz to suplex the miztourage superplexing jj

elias goes for the cheap pin, jeff breaks it

and then elias eats a poetry in motion for good measure

matt then immediately turns on his brother, side effect for a nearfall

jj deploys approximately 63% of the world's suplexes, miz throws him into the audience because no rules motherfuckers

matt twist of fates bo for a nearfall, broken by elias

who then hits drift away on matt, pin broken by jeff

crotch drops elias, swantons axel, miz breaks the pin

and jj hits kind of a meh neckbreaker for the cheap pin

insistent crowd member with an I PAID TO SEE DANA BROOKE sign

oh, honey

miz comes into the ring to sarcastically applaud jj

and then tries to punch him and gets suplexed to death

until curtis and bo come in to kick some shit out of him

and finale

and some post-beatdown smacktalk from the miz

calls him a bastard, which we can get away with when it's used in its technical sense

and fade on the twat triumphant

(my new feminist porn site)

...

that's the worst joke i've ever made on here

i am sorry

right, this is normally where i would roll on to smackdown

but, while i do have a weekly quota of sweaty men falling over, it's about to be filled by the new season of strictly

i have diverse interests

so until i get back, here's a line to tide you over

----------------------------------

damn, that was a good line

and if anyone was expecting another kind, you are seriously overestimating our budget here

so failing that, how about some SUNDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN?

(yeah, no mercy starts in like nine and a half hours)

(this whole punctuality thing was never going to take)

so yes

do the show

oh god this is going to be the vince mcmahon drama hour, isn't it

now lasting two hours

raw was mostly bullshit, expect this to be bullshit for other reasons

oh hey, let's kick off with a recap of the whole angle

if you can't remember what happened, read this blog more carefully?

really can't help you with that

oh hey, i want to punch vince in the throat again

funny how quickly that comes back

they've put so much reverb and filters on this audio that kevin is basically unrecognisable

his name is legion

ok, yeah, i'll never not pop for vince getting the shit kicked out of him really

we're in oakland today, so [topical joke about the a's]

and opening with some shane

commence the dramening

whoever designed the graphics for hiac this year needs to calm the fuck down

HANDS AND SKULLS ALL HANDS AND SKULLS HANDS OPENING A SKULL HELL IN A CEEEEEEEEEEELL

apparently vince had three fractured ribs

and shane is now here to sing his praises and how much he loves him

one day they'll work out what they want the image of the mcmahon family to be

shane condemns kevin to hell in the cell [sic]

work out the name of your show, dude

HANDS AND SKULLS AND FIIIIIIIIIRE

okay, now i need to calm down

but later tonight in other angles, corbin/styles for the concept of an open challenge

but next, randy

come back shane, all is forgiven

well

most is forgiven

but first, have this ad for cena/reigns

again

i miss creepy cheerleader cult alexa

oh, and here's aiden english

guess we know what randy's here for

sweet lennon shades, dude

aiden provides his own dubiously-scanning version of randy's music

calls him a tool, gets a massive pop

keep the faith, oakland

shot of the announce table reminds me once more of the a+ announce team on here

and here's randy

oh look, still a tool

"this could be a well-laid plan by aiden english...or it could be a crucifixion"

byron saying what we're all thinking

my money's in column b

guy at the front of the round with a kane sign is either slightly ahead of events or significantly behind

we will see tonight

aiden takes a backbreaker on the barricade, then slams randy into the announce table anyway

nice to see him get some solid offence

still gonna lose, but

gets a thumb to randy's eye while he argues with the ref

adding randy to the calm the fuck down list

and then counters a top rope crossbody into a shoddy-ass rko

handy slowmo replay of the shittiness of that finisher

oh hey, here's rusev to defend the honour of musical theatre

or possibly to recover his honour in the eyes of the noble people of bulgaria

or to...rip randy's teeth out?

esoteric threat there

randy agrees to the match, then immediately gets momentarily distracted by aiden and kicked in the face for the pin

rusev then runs off up the ramp instead of getting down to tooth-ripping

i'm simultaneously disappointed and thankful

stands on the stage, rejoices at his reclaimed honour

oh, but tom has news

kevin will be here via satellite

from the next room

seems inefficient, but hey

tradition

also tonight, charlotte's back to talk about her dad

but now, here's jinder

walking backstage sharing smug stories with his crew

and he'll be here after this ad for kids with cancer

what's the opposite of an ad?

an avert?

but then it'd just be an a

appropriately for oakland i guess

BOOOOOOOM SPORTS JOKE

damn, i'm good

ad for total bellas, and now rusev is freaking out backstage

renee comes to interview him, has to immediately explain the word 'elated'

rusev is off back to bulgaria to be a hero again

but now, here are the singhs and their amazing alveolar trills

and also their boss

in a possibly ill-advised spotted shirt

or maybe i just spend too much time critiquing wrestlers' fashion choices

jinder is doubling down on mocking shinsuke's face

this is the most incisive and well-written angle

the singhs are continuing to find jinder's jokes more hilarious than is healthy

and now jinder's getting at the crowd for being racist against japanese people?

sure, dude

they've spun a really long mic spot out of one pic of shinsuke and a bunch of racism

oh, and there's the japanese people can't say /l/ joke

credit to oakland for all just going oooooooooh there

this is genuinely breathtakingly racist

crowd start a that's too far chant

p sure he crossed that line weeks back, but welcome to the party

we have whisky and non-discriminatory humour

does some ranting in punjabi to 3% of the people of his alleged country, end segment

the announcers are all like yeah, that was a bit much

let's move on and try to forget that

up next, corbin/styles

in the allegedly open title challenge

after this repeat of the video about j-lo off raw

remember last year when they did the whole month of different latinx people?

but sure

but now, renee interviews shinsuke

who's like yeah that jinder's a funny guy -lowkey furious-

and then leaves

and here's aj

and a replay of styles/dillinger last week

that was a good match

aj has thoughts about kevin/shane

he thinks kevin shouldn't be messing with the man who brought aj to the wwe and started smackdown live

remember mania?

but now to talk shit about "shortcut king" baron

and list his recent failures

(which are hilarious)

and here comes the dick himself

with his new intro i still don't quite get

corey is talking shit about baron for seeing the us belt as a trophy

which...it is?

gregg mentions aj's weight, and i get briefly distracted by the fact that he'd only need to cut a few pounds to be a cruiserweight and how good aj/cedric would be

anyway, while i thought about that, baron attacked aj before the bell, leading tye to run in and take the fight to him

refs have removed tye, but baron's selling a fucked leg

so aj puts him in the calf crusher as well, cos why wouldn't you

hit aj's music, guess the thing's over

with baron rolling around at ringside going OW MY LEG

we get it, dude

but up next, charlotte

after pizza hut gives us a random clip of the past

this time, it's mitb 2011

i have no fucking clue what rationale they pick these clips on

but hey, it's nice to watch bryan win things

and here's baron hobbling around backstage

renee comes to interview him, he screams about feeling violated

not sure that was where you wanted to go with that, dude

swears vengeance, end thing

and here's charlotte

in street clothes

and oh look, she and her dad have written a book and it's out today

such coincidence

remember when charlotte was meant to be her own thing distinct from her family?

she's here to thank everyone for their tweets and positive energy

or possibly thoughts and prayers

the former seems more likely these days

but ric is apparently going to be ok, so i can resume talking shit about him without feeling bad about it

one day he'll die and i'll feel momentarily bad for all the crap i've said about him before going on with my life

charlotte has learnt an important lesson about the fragility of life and shit

and here's nattie to be insensitive

she's like cool your dad's ok but let's talk about the important shit

nattie is hosting wwe's first ever celebration of women?

it's totally a thing they should do

but we have a heel doing it, so this is going to be shitty

okay, yeah, it's going to be celebrating all women by looking at nattie in particular

because we're all basically her

charlotte's just like yeah whatever i want a title shot

good shutdown

and here's becky to be sarcastic

in a really nice waistcoat

and also challenge for the title

oh, and here's naomi

who can imagine why

in an enormous white pimp robe

sure

i take it back

an enormous multicoloured pulsing pimp robe

she doesn't even get to say she wants a shot before tamina and lana cut in

lana's here to talk about how bitches ain't shit and her client deserves a shot

so nattie has a tantrum outside the ring about all these women overshadowing her celebration of women

here's noted non-woman daniel bryan to weigh in

making the main event a four-way for a title shot

remember when there was more than one angle in the division?

of course you don't

never happened

and up next, new day/hype bros

the building may explode with enthusiasm

after this ad for brock/braun, at least

back in the room, the bros are already here

and the usos are on announce

lovely shot of someone in the crowd joining in with the new day intro but forgetting how many times they've been champs

loving all the match card graphics, where big e is totally doing his best broken matt hardy

meanwhile in the match, mojo steals e's ab stretch spank thing

but yeah, they've announced new day/usos rematch at hiac

like anyone didn't know that was coming

e takes a broski boot, kofi shows he can fuck a team up on his own

zack tries for a rollup, eats a midnight hour for the pin

usos front, new day party, end thing

but now let's go back to the mcmahon drama

leading with a recap of vince getting beat on

and now here's kevin via satellite from what looks like a high school theatre supplies room

still life with canadian, spotlight and big red square, 2017

kevin is sorry for what he did, but it's all shane's fault for making him want to do it

claims to have nothing but respect for vince

he's also apologising in advance for the carnage at hiac

and maintaining that he's the good guy here

end thing

have a graphic for the women's four-way

and an ad for john cena's superhero body spray

which you should not attempt

and now here are the hype bros backstage

mojo is tired of losing all the time

proposes drastic action

but now here's dolph

presumably to complain about gimmicks

which he's made into its own gimmick, so it's only a matter of time before wrestling collapses in on itself

and then i'll have to watch scandinavian crime dramas for this blog or something

daniel's ears pricked up at that

i told you, no cable knit jumpers in my studio

in any case, dolph is now being hhh

"Was that fun? Can I run NXT now?"

and now he has more things

corey is filled with rage and despair

and now he's hbk

except modern hbk

hat and flares, no shades or weird bondage vest

oakland is united in wanting him to do cm punk

dolph ziggler, celebrity impressionist

dolph rants some more, goes back out

and now he's in dx

remember when we had cumbersome overlays as part of entrances

i kind of love it

the dx music is still great, too

dolph rails against dx trying to stay relevant, despite the fact that they haven't been since the late 90s

shouts at the crowd for not appreciating the craft

and he doesn't care about the crowd

cares enough to choreograph numerous elaborate entrances with costumes and props and shit, but hey

and then wanders off

is this going anywhere in particular, or is it just that we had some time to fill?

announce team move swiftly on to hyping no mercy

but next, main event

i'm not optimistic for the chances of the one heel in this match

especially because it's tamina, and she doesn't get to win things

after this ad for 2k18, in any case

back in the ring, becky's already here

but fuck that, let's have an ad for 205

oh, and tamina's already here too

becky at least got music

and here's naomi

showing us that enormous fur robes are actually really hard to dance in

i do like her mismatched eyeshadow though

charlotte's back in one of her dad's robes, which makes a certain amount of sense

i still miss peacock queen charlotte

oh, and lana's lurking at ringside

hadn't noticed

match starts, immediately go to a roman/cena ad

because why bother actually watching the main event

all three faces briefly team up to dunk on tamina, because why wouldn't you

naomi springboard crossbodies charlotte and becky simultaneously, cos she's great

pan out to nattie watching the match and looking smug

naomi gets her submission on charlotte, becky breaks it up so she can disarmher naomi

because submission wrestling goes so well in a four-way

charlotte spears tamina, it's pretty great

and then moonsaults her and naomi simultaneously

i talk a lot of shit about charlotte, but it's good to have her back

becky breaks a figure eight with a leg drop, which seems dangerous as fuck

everyone is dead

becky takes a samoan drop and then a splash from tamina, naomi breaks up the pin in a really cool way, lana pulls her out and gets fucked on, and then something i didn't quite catch put tamina down for a pin by charlotte

oh right

superkicked naomi, then took a big boot from charlotte

she does do a very big boot indeed

so yeah, charlotte/nattie at hiac

feel like we've seen this before

but hey, who am i to expect variation and originality in wrestling

and we fade on charlotte being like fuck yeah my dad isn't dead also something about a match

right, hopefully this'll get posted before no mercy

if it does, hmu on twitter @waruce if you don't already

but for now, i'm off to watch the rest of the week's wrestling before i run out of week

#WWE #WWE Raw #wwe smackdown #wre

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 6 years ago

Text

The hearing's over, but people still aren't buying Kavanaugh's discredited argument

Brett Kavanaugh's seemingly tenuous relationship with the truth is still haunting those who watched him testify on Thursday.

At times, the prospective Supreme Court justice abandoned composure to shed tears and scream, but at his most jarring he straight-up refused to answer questions directly, was unwilling to request an FBI investigation, and, as further research revealed, apparently lied under oath.

In the days since the hearing, people have replayed his testimony in their minds and on their screens. They've turned Kavanaugh's words around over and over again to really let them simmer. And it seems the more thought that's given to his responses, the more discussions about his dishonesty rage on social media.

SEE ALSO: No matter what happens now, history's judgment on Kavanaugh is already clear

One of the major, most general causes of concern about Kavanaugh's testimony is the simple fact that a federal judge, who quite literally navigates the law for a living, refused to answer so many key questions.

call your senators and tell them to vote no for Kavanaugh - the future of our country deserves more than a privileged white boy who’s Spent his whole life over-drinking and can’t answer a simple question without acting more immature about it than a 4 year old.

— Emma González (@Emma4Change) September 28, 2018

Following the hearing and testimonies of both Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford — who accused Kavanaugh of sexual assault in an incident that occurred more than 30 years ago, when the two were in high school — Vox created a visually striking chart to compare the times Ford and Kavanaugh each answered or dodged a question.

Ford's portion is covered in blue, which signifies she did her best to answer each question presented to her in her testimony, while Kavanaugh's chart is sprinkled with pink lines, a representation of the numerous times he dodged questions.

Both Ford and Kavanaugh fielded questions from lawmakers and prosecutor Rachel Mitchell. But only Ford made an effort to actually answer every question. https://t.co/2XqtspgekR #KavanaughConfirmation pic.twitter.com/jhUVqpu1NJ

— Vox (@voxdotcom) September 28, 2018

When Kavanaugh did make an effort to answer basic questions, like those pertaining to his controversial senior yearbook writeup and personal calendar, it wasn't satisfactory. Again and again he wholeheartedly failed to provide accurate explanations and definitions for terms like "Devil’s Triangle," "boof," "ralph," and more — terms that any person with access to the internet could look up for themselves and fact check. And you'd better believe they did.

During the Whitehouse questions about the yearbook, he's literally almost sneering with contempt while launching into a series of wildly implausible explanations on ralphing, devil's triangle, Renate Dolphin, "boofed", etc.https://t.co/lAowwKhkcz https://t.co/Hj6VmMbufS

— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) September 29, 2018

Keep going back this morning to Kavanaugh lying to the committee about “Ralphing” and other yearbook items. With a straight face. Spicy food? Come on.

— Nick Confessore (@nickconfessore) September 28, 2018

I need help understanding something. Why would Kavanaugh lie about such inconsequential things as the definition of ralphing, booting, devil’s triangle- things so easily disproved. Why risk it?

— Jill (@jhgurf) September 29, 2018

Kavanaugh also stated that 18-year-olds could legally drink in Maryland in 1982, which was true if you turned 18 before July 1. However, a simple search reveals Kavanaugh didn't turn 18 until Feb. 12, 1983 which means he wasn't legally allowed to drink until age 21 in Maryland. C'mon, dude.

Legal drinking age in Maryland changed to 21 when Brett Kavanaugh was 17 years old: pic.twitter.com/0MDUGrZ9CX

— Alice Crites (@alice_crites) September 25, 2018

And then, of course, beyond questions surrounding whether it was legal for him to drink at all, there's his deep, deep love of beer itself.

Kavanaugh sounded like a broken record throughout his testimony, passionately declaring his love for beer whenever the opportunity presented itself. Yet, at the same time, the man giving beer such rave reviews also wanted the world to believe the following:

He never drank on weekdays, despite his beloved teenage calendar — an argued symbol of absolute truth — implying otherwise.

He never drank in excess to the point of blacking out, despite saying "sometimes I had too many beers," in his opening statement; embarrassingly refusing to answer a question about drinking in excess; and that questionable section from his pal Mark Judge’s memoir, Wasted: Tales of a GenX Drunk, that describes a character Bart O’Kavanaugh "vomiting on someone’s car during Beach Week and then passing out."

He has a "weak stomach with beer or with spicy food or anything."

With all the conflicting beer-related information presented that day, it's no wonder people are still left with some serious questions and concerns. Some are even gathering evidence from trustworthy sources to create Twitter threads that prove Kavanaugh was far more than a light drinker in the past.

For a guy who has never been blackout drunk in his life, man he loves his beer and drinking stories.

— Bryan Wood (@itsWoodrow) September 27, 2018

Kavanaugh says being president of the Ralph Club is cause he had a weak stomach — why he likes ketchup on spaghetti — Whitehouse says: so the vomiting had to do with alcohol? K refuses to answer reciting his sports and academic record.

— Philip Gourevitch (@PGourevitch) September 27, 2018

For those of you who haven't listened to Kavanaugh's testamony I'm going to sum it up: "Man I love beer. I drink it all the time. Never got black out drunk though. I keep a diary of all of my movements all the time and it says I wasn't there, don't get the FBI involved. Bye."

— Danny Muir (@DannyDocileASMR) September 28, 2018

Lastly, because I’m tired...Kavanaugh was asked by Corey Booker if he: A) drank beer on the weekdays B) If skis meant brewskis What stands out is that Kavanaugh cause this “rare” to drink on the weekday but he literally had it scheduled... pic.twitter.com/vvdVqpnuvT

— Kava-hell-f*ck-naugh (@julian_moffit) September 28, 2018

One of the most widely called out points Kavanaugh used to strengthen his own argument was that the possible witnesses Ford mentioned in her testimony — including Mark Judge, Patrick "P.J." Smyth, Leland Ingraham Keyser, and another unnamed boy — all denied the sexual assault ever took place.

Kavanaugh leaned on the argument several times on Thursday, prompting many — including Senator Richard Blumenthal — to note that the claim was completely inaccurate. Blumenthal even took the time to publicly state that a person having "no recollection" of the event or not knowing the answer to a question is not the same as denying the event took place.

Blumenthal, like Booker, is pointing out that Kavanaugh yesterday had said that four witnesses had denied Dr. Ford's account, where what they actually have said is that they do not remember / do not know.

— Nicky Woolf (@NickyWoolf) September 28, 2018

On Friday, after pleas from Democratic senators and support from outside parties like the American Bar Association and Dean of Yale Law School, Kavanaugh's Senate confirmation vote was delayed to accommodate a requested week-long FBI investigation.

President Trump granted a short investigation that will remain limited in scope, and while it's unclear exactly how the FBI will approach Ford's accusations or examine the claims of other Kavanaugh accusers Julie Swetnick and Deborah Ramirez, here's hoping the country gains some additional sense of clarity on Ford's accusations and Kavanaugh's high school years beyond the vague, often confusing statements he made to the Senate Judiciary Committee.

WATCH: Sonita Alizadeh performs a powerful rap at Social Good Summit

#_uuid:016b2695-27ed-342a-a980-0ae4fa09d6fb #_category:yct:001000002 #_author:Nicole Gallucci #_lmsid:a0Vd000000DTrEpEAL #_revsp:news.mashable

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