#I mean I do too but I'll listen to other people
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This is my secret sideblog so I'm just gonna. Not do it as an ask game, I just want to talk about podcasts!
1.) what’s the first podcast you listened to?
Welcome to Nightvale <3
2.) what’s a podcast you’ve cried over?
So many, but recently, Unwell!
3.) Favorite podcast pet? (Idk if that’s worded weird but like if one of the characters has a cat or smth)
I'm honestly not the biggest fan of podcast pets but there is ONE EXCEPTION which is Dumptruck from Find us alive
4.) what podcast has the best soundtrack/music?
Aaah there are many I like... One some might have missed is Dreamboy, which have a couple of bangers, or In Strange Woods, which is a WHOLE MUSICAL and I listen to the songs frequently. But my go to soundtracks are Friends at the table (thank you Jack deQuit). Honorable mention to Wolf 359 and Hallowoods who I think uses their osts SO WELL, giving me VISCERAL reactions when I hear the music out of context.
5.) what’s a podcast that you really like but find it kinda hard to follow the plot?
I have tried to listen to What's the Frequence so many times, it seems so intriguing and interesting as a concept, but I still don't know what even the basic plot is. I think it starts with a murder?
6.) what characters from different podcasts do you think would be friends?
Maybe this is a weird combo but I do think Diggory would be great Friends with Kai and X from Girl in Space. It's something about identity and bodies and being made with a purpose, and somehow still ending up being a pretty chill person.
I also think the demons from Brimstone Valley Mall (especially the teens) would be best hatefriends with the Hrose camp polecule. They are opposite sides but same kind of mall kids. Maybe they wouldn't be friends maybe I just want to watch the world burn
7.) what characters from different podcasts do you think would hate each other?
hmmm. Elias TMA and Keppler Wolf359. They are boss middle managers who think very highly of their own competence, have VERY different ideological base and would kill each other with knives over a cornchip
8.) what’s a podcast where you mix up the characters voices?
I have had this problem with A LOT of podcasts in the beginning, it usually takes me a while unless they are very distinct. I remember it being a problem with Mabel (literally two characters and I couldnt tell them apart...) and Syntax with two of the women side-characters. It took me so long to understand what their personalities were supposed to be, since I couldnt tell who said what.
9.) what’s a podcast that you know the characters so well you can recognize their breathing?
oooh hmm. I mean, Nightvale. It's been like 11 years after all. And Deck the halls with Matrimony!
10.) what’s a podcast that you wish you could listen to again for the first time?
oooh maybe The Penumbra podcast, specifically Juno! I think I got a weird impression of it because I listened to the OG, much rougher version of arc 1, it was really confusing and I got a very different idea about the characters in my head. Now when it's finished, I think it would be a better listen to just go through all of it as a blank slate! I also liked the end, and I think it found what it is about during the journey.
11.) what’s a podcast you’ve listened to more than once?
Most... If I like it I'll listen AT LEAST twice. But I have listened to Deck the Halls SO MANY TIMES because it's short and wrapped.
12.) what’s a podcast you wish more people listened to?
Having many fans is a double edged sword, but right now, Hallowoods and Hymns for the road. I think both would be so visually inspiring for fanart and oc's.
13.) what do you like to do while listening to a podcast?
Draw! Always!
14.) who is a podcast character that you love?
Leon from Greater Boston!
Diggory Graves from Hallowoods!
Brnine from Friends at The Table!
15.) who is a podcast character you can’t stand?
Genuinely? I did not like Cassius from Syntax... sorry... I just think they are too stupid for me.
16.) what songs do you associate with a certain character/ podcast?
oh man, Hoziers Eat your young with Hallowoods, Moss by cosmo shelldrake (for obvious reasons) with Hymns for the road, Haunted House by sir babygirl with Friends at the Table
17.) what’s a podcast that you can’t stop thinking about?
Bluff city (friends at the table), Hallowoods, Greater Boston and The Silt Verses. It's something about imperfect communities
18.) are their any podcasts that you regret listening to?
Yes. We're alive. Zombie podcast. Was waiting for it to subverse all the boring and bad cliches it set up. It didn't. It was 100 eps a 40 min. I have never been more mad
19.) whose your favorite podcast couple?
In canon, of course Cecil and Carlos. The OG!
Shipping wise its Leon and Michael from Greater Boston, Harley and Lancaster and Love and Radager from Find us Alive, Brnine and Valence from Palisade, Heard and Hector from Bluff city.
I also ship Malik from World gone wrong with the alien replacement of his ex. I WANT TO BELIEVE.
20.) whose a podcast character that you think would dress really cool?
Actually cool? Probably Riot or Olivier from HFTH. Cool as in interesting/fascinating? Cecil WTNV again.
Podcast themed ask game cause I’m bored!
1.) what’s the first podcast you listened to?
2.) what’s a podcast you’ve cried over?
3.) Favorite podcast pet? (Idk if that’s worded weird but like if one of the characters has a cat or smth)
4.) what podcast has the best soundtrack/music?
5.) what’s a podcast that you really like but find it kinda hard to follow the plot?
6.) what characters from different podcasts do you think would be friends?
7.) what characters from different podcasts do you think would hate each other?
8.) what’s a podcast where you mix up the characters voices?
9.) what’s a podcast that you know the characters so well you can recognize their breathing?
10.) what’s a podcast that you wish you could listen to again for the first time?
11.) what’s a podcast you’ve listened to more than once?
12.) what’s a podcast you wish more people listened to?
13.) what do you like to do while listening to a podcast?
14.) who is a podcast character that you love?
15.) who is a podcast character you can’t stand?
16.) what songs do you associate with a certain character/ podcast?
17.) what’s a podcast that you can’t stop thinking about?
18.) are their any podcasts that you regret listening to?
19.) whose your favorite podcast couple?
20.) whose a podcast character that you think would dress really cool?
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Ever since I watched Tennelle Flower's video analyzing Chikai and Don't Think Twice a few months ago, my mind felt like an egg that had been cracked open, leaking yolk all over my writing and my daily life. I'd heard these two songs through my Utada rotation on Spotify over the years, thought they were pretty, never thought to look up the Japanese lyrics, etc. I think even if I had, without the context of being songs written specifically for Kingdom Hearts, I would have remained blissfully ignorant, never knowing just how much they could inflame the torch I carried for SoRiku in my heart.
Link to the video, for reference -
youtube
All my thoughts after watching this video were stuck between two, major and immoveable truths -- one, that I 100% agreed that Chikai was from Riku's point of view (on top of the perfect lyrics, it played first the first time during his reveal trailer, after all), and two, that as much as I wanted to agree with Tennelle, I couldn't think of Don't Think Twice being from Sora's pov with the same conviction. I thought it could make a neat inspiration for fanfic, being so full of longing and portraying an unfulfilled connection between two people. It clearly expresses a desire for closeness, a gratitude for being a part of this other person's life. But underlying all of it is a bittersweet frustration that their feelings aren't being returned, that even after making promises to change they are practically begging for any hint of affection from the other person. It made no sense to have two people, mutually declaring their love and a desire to stay together, being framed in one of the songs as having unrequited feelings.
So I sat on it, listened to it, sang it, watched more videos, and finally came to a different realization. Don't Think Twice is from Kairi's point of view.
And all the puzzle pieces fell nicely into place.
How did I live in a kingdom of thieves And people who say things they don't really mean - Kairi's early life in Radiant Garden
You're only everything I ever dreamed Ever dreamed of - Kairi's desire for Sora in her life, his steadfast companionship, is a balm to her lonely soul
I want you for a lifetime So if you're gonna think twice, baby I don't wanna know - Sora's initial rejection and hesitance over sharing a paopu fruit with her; she doesn't want to know the real reason, or how he feels, she just needs him to take it and give her peace of mind
If you want to take it to an even higher level All you gotta do is say the word, you know I'll follow - She's still waiting, hopeful for some word of affection, some sign that Sora is willing to give her a chance and take the next step in their friendship If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible All you gotta do is say the word, the walls will crumble If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible - Kairi's unrequited longing is so clear here, how desperate she is for a chance to be what Sora wants, even though he is still giving her no sign that it's going to happen.
This block of lyrics is really where I started to doubt that this song was from Sora's point of view. The line "nothing's impossible" and all the sentiment around it feels really naive, like a schoolgirl with her first unrequited crush. A relationship of mutual affection isn't built on breaking the laws of reality, on forcing something that's impossible to become real. This struck me too heavily with a feeling of, "I'll change, I'll be anything you want, just say the word and I'll be everything you need, I promise." But why should there be a need to change in the first place, unless they know deep down that their feelings aren't returned?
I won't go deeply into Chikai's lyrics, since I think it's a given that it's from Riku's perspective. But I do want to point out the contrast between the two songs and how difficult it is to think that they're being offered as the sentiment of two people that have the same feelings for each other. Chikai is all about the awe and wonder of discovering that their secret feelings are actually mutual, that their self-perception of unworthiness hasn't chased away the other person or gotten them rejected. And from that point onwards it's nothing but pure conviction, an outpouring of their deepest feelings, and a declaration to keep their lover close for the rest of their lives. It's a vow of everlasting love.
And who has always been at the center of the love triangle between the Destiny Islands trio? Sora, of course.
So it makes sense to me that both of these songs are being sung TO Sora. One, wishing for more but knowing deep down that their romantic feelings are unrequited. The other, expressing their disbelief that they were chosen, and then charging full-speed ahead without hesitation (I love you too, I want you in my arms forever, let's get married).
And there's my analysis. SoRiku is endgame.
[As an aside, I have to thank the existence of MDZS for even more firmly cementing Chikai being from Riku's pov. I think I would have fallen into that uncertainty that our fandom is often plagued with otherwise, because SoRiku is built on context clues rather than explicit narrative, and we deal with a fan-majority that is indifferent to or outright hates any mention of homosexuality in the game. But if I had been presented Chikai without knowing it was from KH, and been asked to think of a character it could have been written for, I would immediately pin it on Lan Wangji and his feelings for Wei Wuxian. The instant change from, "Wait... you feel the same as me?" to "I love you too, I will promise you forever, let's go get hitched," is too on-the-nose to ignore. I wonder if Utada is a secret MXTX fan...]
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ya'll feel free to message me if you want to ramble about your writing because I'm a good listener and i know yall just want to yap sometimes. Maybe I'll have advice maybe I won't that part is a gamble but I'll listen because sometimes 👏writers👏just👏want👏to👏ramble👏
Also I know it's weird to just message someone with an 'is it OK if I just tell you about my writing' but guys— I am happy to just sit and listen (or read I guess coz this is online but still)
#I mean I do too but I'll listen to other people#Just coz#I'm nice#And they want to talk too:)#writing#creative writing#writer#writers of tumblr#Writer side of tumblr#writing rambles#Writing rambling#Writers#Because I'm nice
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the whole "cats choose their owners" thing is really funny to me because ivy very much did NOT choose me. she was a slightly dim-witted and very rambunctious feral kitten, and that combination led to her getting herself stuck inside an old chipmunk nest halfway down the steep bank of the creek by my parents' house. from there she proceeded to scream her head off until both my mom and i came out to see what on earth was making all that racket, then we excavated her out of that hole like a sad little potato. she was grateful for the rescue, but definitely NOT grateful for the ensuing flea baths and conversion to indoor cat life at my apartment, which she reminds me of regularly. ivy i'm sorry for saving you from an early death due to predation/disease/cars, but can you stop biting me every day of my life please
#even every other day would be an improvement.#i do in fact take her out for leashed walks regularly when the weather is tolerable but it hasn't been possible for months and she's FED UP#however. i say all this but she routinely climbs into my lap for naps & greets me at the door purring & headbutting every time i come home#so clearly she's not that unhappy. her tolerance for regular cat-owner shenanigans however is essentially non-existent.#after 6 years though i can read her like a book. i know exactly how many head smooches i can get in before she gets too annoyed#and exactly how long she wants to be held when i come home before she wants to be put down#and exactly what she means when she 'gently' chews on my ankles ('play with me now or i'll bite harder')#but strangers on the other hand? guests in my home? my beloved human friends? they do not speak her language.#and the margin for error with her is razor thin. if you don't listen immediately when she says 'stop touching me' she will go from lovey#to SCRATCHING YOU BITING YOU HISSING HISSING HISSING almost immediately.#i have tried everything to convince her that's unnecessary but i think she is just SO sensitive she can't handle it#but i still love her so much. i understand her and she understands me. idk WHAT i'm gonna do when she eventually dies i'm gonna be a wreck.#in a lot of ways we are SUPER similar. i also lash out when i'm overstimulated & i also have a much lower threshold for that#than most people.#i get it.
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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hey, sorry if that makes you uncomfy, but are proshippers allowed to interact with you? if not, then that's fine ^^ but i just want to know (since you dont have a dni) thx in advance :)
hmm ok I'm gonna say this very truthfully. The terms "proship" and "antiship (or is it just anti?)" mean nothing to me, because I've seen WILDLY different explanations of what exactly they both are and no one seems to actually agree or give me a straight answer.
I myself block people who post or say things that I disagree with on a fundamental level (and sometimes just because I want to Cultivate The Dash). If I ever do sth similar, I hope you'll block me without hesitation too, that's why the button's there.
If you want to know my opinions on specific things, ya gotta just ask, man. I don't know your definitions nor can I go through every blog that follows me to block the bad apples
#Dni means very little to me too in that while *I* follow it for other people I am under no illusion that if I were to put sth like#'Dio fans / kira haters dni' that people would actually listen unequivocally#I've had my own experiences that really make me feel that these labels just. do not tell me anything I wanna know#Also once again I hope my art speaks for itself. I draw what I enjoy drawing and you can see pretty immediately what that is#Joejoeba Not art#ALSO ONCE AGAIN: if this ticks you off or makes you concerned or w/e. You can just ask me. I know what I'm about and I'll give it straight#Also if this is bait: re-read previous tag.
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Charlie was silent for a moment: I'll meet you at your place.
Lucifer pulled the phone away from his ear as his daughter hung up. He sighed and paid for their meal- that Adam didn't even eat.
He was not only embarrassed by everyone staring at him but also that his daughter would have to pick up the pieces. Again.
Lucifer teleported to his mansion. He needed to get everything he needed before Adam got home.
Charlie arrived thirty minutes later, and she basically barged in.
Charlie: Dad! What's going on?
Lucifer: Adam and I... we're doing a separation trail.
Charlie: What? Why? You said everything was going great!
Lucifer: I thought so, too! But Adam was saying that I don't care! I don't listen- I ignore him! Apparently, he had this whole concert thing planned for our anniversary- he never even told me!
Charlie: Wait- you didn't go to the concert?
Lucifer blinked: No?
Charlie: Dad! He told me about it! I told you the date AND location! He even texted it to you-! And you didn't go!?
Lucifer: I just... thought it was nothing- Charlie- I swear, I had no idea!
Charlie shook her head: Dad. Are you even ready for a relationship?
Lucifer: What? Charlie, I'm basically 15,000 years old. Of course I'm ready for a relationship!
Lucifer laughed and started to make them a cup of tea.
Charlie sighed: Just because you're old, doing mean you're emotionally mature enough for a relationship.
Lucifer: Look, Charlie. Adam has had a WAY worse dating history than me, okay? Remember how long I was married for? And it's my marriage to Adam that's going down the drain so quickly?
Charlie narrowed her eyes: What are you saying?
Lucifer: Nothing! I'm just saying that Adam's the one that's had relationship issues- I have a while for nearly 10,000 years, and he hasn't had a steady relationship... well, ever. Lilith didn't like him from the moment they met, Eve was... complicated. So... maybe I'm not the issue here. Ever think about that? Or is this "blame Lucifer" day?
Lucifer waved his hands around before laughing and leaning back against the counter.
Charlie was silent for a moment. She knew her dad could be an idiot but this was ridiculous.
Charlie: ...What colour are Avery's eyes?
Lucifer groaned: Aghh- not you too! Red. Their red.
Charlie: What colour are her cheek circles?
Lucifer: Red again. Obviously.
Charlie: Her eyes are gold and she doesn't have cheek circles- Dad! That's your daughter and you don't know what she looks like!
Lucifer: Of course I do!
Charlie: What color are Adam's horns?
Lucifer blinked: W-What?
Charlie: His horns. What colour are they?
Lucifer: ...I'm fucked, huh?
Charlie: ...Yeah. you're fucked.
Lucifer groaned and rubbed his face. How the fuck has he let it get this bad? He's the king! He can't make ONE marriage work!?
Charlie: But you don't have to be fucked.
Lucifer peaked through his fingers: Huh? I don't?
Charlie: Nope! You can work on yourself! At the hotel!
Lucifer laughed: Oh, Charlie. That's adorable! But I don't need redemption! I'm the Devil!
Charlie: It's not redemption, Dad. Think of it as a wellness center! You'll work on yourself, grow, and learn how to support Avery and Adam! And, you'll learn how to be present.
Lucifer thought about it for a moment. This idea is ridiculous. But he could work.
Lucifer: ...It'll look good, right? With Adam?
Charlie: Really good. That you're trying.
Lucifer: ...even if I don't think I'm 100% the issue?
Charlie: That's a fact, dad. Relationships need both or all people working together. Both you and Adam need to work on each other
Lucifer: ...okay. fuck it, I'll do it!
Separation Trial
@beef-brisket @things-arent-what-they-seem66
Adam tapped his fingers against the table in a distracted manner. He had been there at the restaurant for a while now. Waiting for his...waiting for Lucifer. He needed to talk with Lucifer, he wanted to talk to him at home about it, in private. However, when he asked about meeting him, Lucifer simply nodded his head and said they could meet at this restaurant.
He didn't even take Adam’s idea at eating at home into consideration. Although the place Adam sat currently was upscale and nice it wasn’t what he wanted to do. This wasn’t where he wanted to have…the conversation. He sighed to himself as he saw Lucifer approach. He barely even said hello before Lucifer kissed him on the cheek before seating himself.
Lucifer: Hello my dearest, what’s going on? Why’d you want to talk at a restaurant? You know we could have talked over the phone. You made it sound so urgent.
Adam took a moment to keep his anger in check. Once again Lucifer wasn’t listening.
Adam: What I wanted to talk to you about couldn’t be said over the phone. It had to be in person. Lucifer we have been married for three whole years now.
Lucifer: Yeah I know, last week was our anniversary. Don’t you remember Addie?
Adam felt his breath hitch and he struggled to not cry then and there. Their third anniversary had been a disaster, he didn’t want to go into it. But Adam had would forever hate that day. It was what made him bring this meeting with Lucifer.
Adam: I do remember, and so should you.
Lucifer: But I literally just said that I
Adam: No, I’m talking about what happened that day. Can you please tell me what happened?
Lucifer was nervous at his husband’s harsh tone but answered him.
Lucifer: Well, I do remember that both of us were so busy, I with handling a fortis problem, then Charlie called and she needed some help with the hotel, and I didn’t get back till late at night. Oh and you had that concert of yours, by the way how was it? I don’t think I asked before.
Adam felt his eye twitch.
Adam: It was not JUST a concert Lucifer.
Lucifer: …Did something happen at the concert?
Adam: More like what didn’t happen.
Lucifer: Did no one applaud you? Were they booing you? Honey don’t worry your a great singer, you’ll bounce back.
Adam: No, there were no applause nor cheers. Because my audience wasn’t there.
Lucifer: Oh, Adam I’m so sorry.
Adam: You weren’t there Lucifer.
Lucifer: What?
Adam: You were not at my concert Lucifer, You were supposed to be there. Because you were meant to be my audience. Because that concert was going to be dedicated to you! It was supposed to be my wedding anniversary present to you!
Lucifer: But, but, but it’s not my fault if you don’t tell me in advance!
Adam: Lucifer I told you weeks prior about it. And you always said that you’d be there. But of course you lied.
Lucifer: I didn’t lie! Shit came up Adam this isn’t my fault. If anything you should have told me before I left that day! On top of that what did you expect me to do? Not do my duty as king. Tell the goetia to handle it themselves!? Say no to my own daughter, your own daughter, I shouldn’t have helped her at all?! Geez you can be selfish sometimes.
Adam’s eyes widened at that statement. He was shocked to his seat still. Then slowly he nodded his head in understanding. He was an idiot for ever even considering giving Lucifer a second chance. Taking a deep breath, Adam looked directly into Lucifer’s yellow, red eyes and said,
Adam: Lucifer, I want a divorce
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If no one else has got me, I know the lady at Dunkin's got me
#it's a dunkin in a busy train station i'm so touched that she knows me by name#(does this mean i go to dunkin too much? don't worry about it.)#there was a guy this morning who couldn't find his stuff so he was blocking THE ENTIRE mobile order pickup area#but my friend saw me and passed my stuff over :')#listen there is a PROCEDURE to getting dunks during morning rush hour at a train station and this guy was not doing it correctly#no but seriously they must get hundreds of people a day but she knows me and a couple other regulars#and this is corny as heck but i just really like that?#something something human connections#someday i'm gonna order something different and i'll get there and she'lll be like YOU DIDNT GET A BAGEL AND HASH BROWNS HONEY ARE YOU OK??#loll
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fuck
#trigger warning for anti-queer legislation & transphobia further in the tags#it's just so. awful. and i forget sometimes cause i'm here on my tumblr bubble & i havent left the house in 3 months due to chronic illness#but i am very lucky to live where i live and get to do what i do and i cant even do that anymore. because of this illness#and while im away. theyre. hurting my kiddos. taking away their rights. 'for the children' they say. fuck off.#'leaves them with less choice as adults' what does that even fucking mean. nothing! it means nothing. its to scare you.#do i need to send a letter home to call a child by a nickname instead of their government birthname??#i'll let you all in on a secret: my government name is not char. but my teachers called me it. and my parents didnt need to be notified.#and the world didnt end!#i had a pride flag up in my room. and a kid asked me what it meant. and immediately i knew it was delicate.#hes like whats it for. and im like well. what does a flag mean to you? do you have a flag you connect with?#and the kid was like yeah. its like. community. and im like yeah! that's what this is for some people. it's also a show of support.#and the kid said 'oh i get it.' and then a pause. 'i like the colours' and i said me too!#and we talked about his country flag and other country flags and completely moved on#but he listened! and he learned! this kid hardly listens to me teach but he respects when i'm real.#auoghhh. so many kids affected. genuinely makes me ill. on top of everything.#i dont even know#c.text
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.
#ive tried multiple times to write down my thoughts on this but my brain is just too scattered and it comes out all jumbled#but here's another attempt i guess#so yeah ive read the medium article about rusty quill. i'm absolutely gutted.#i suppose it's not super surprising but still. i hadnt expected it to be this bad#ive never really cared about rq as a company tbh but i do care about tma! a lot!#its been my special interest for almost 2 years now and if you're not autistic#(or hell maybe even if you are autistic - everyone experiences autism differently ofc)#i dont think you understand what that means. its not just a show i like. its like a part of my identity#its helped me through some really tough times and i can't begin to describe how happy it made me#when a continuation was announced just as i was once again going through some bullshit#i really want to still be excited about tmp because it really is so important to me#and tbh i dont think there's anything wrong with still enjoying tma/tmp? you can like sth and still be critical of the company behind it#and tma was written and created by jonny and not alex so i do sorta see it as its own thing and not just sth made by rq#but i keep seeing people on here acting like you have to boycott tmp (or even tma) now and that just makes me really upset#ill cancel my patreon and withdraw my kickstarter pledge and all#because i dont want to financially support rq unless they make some significant changes and commit to them#but i still want to engage with my special interest! need to really because thats just the way my brain works#and sticking to fandom content wont work for me because a lot of tma fandom stuff just... isnt my cup of tea#i'll take it as an addition to canon but not as a replacement#maybe i should just stop listening to what other people say#but its really difficult to deal with all this negativity about sth that means so much to me#might take a break from tumblr for a while for the sake of my mental health#i feel silly for being so upset about this but it is what it is#sometimes i do wish i had a different brain#anyway sorry for the rant#if you read this far: i love you. have some flowers 🌼🌻🌺🌹🌸🌷💐
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sighs. okay tmi posting sorry guys
#lunar bunny chatter#my horniness has been fluctuating the last day or so and it's definitely because of my period. this morning was crazy#i went to some DMs to listen to an audio message i got and i just died again and thought about some stuff which led me back onto tumblr#and i just went to look at some text posts and now that i look back. dude i have such an atrocious daddy/mommy kink it's actually funny#i mean. i really like the idea of being an appealing figure and my criteria for who i call daddy is so specific. there's just two people#that fall into that category but i don't like the other person as much as the other one. hi sorry for being gay i need this off of my chest#also hanging out with some friends and im so bad at comebacks and all that. how the fuck am i gonna top without stuttering and fumbling#and forgetting words.... that's my biggest worry. it doesn't help that i get super chatty when nervous but maybe i can work it in my favor#i wanna try out the title stuff just to test the waters before going absolutely ham. maybe as a cute joke i'll go “oh sure w/e u say daddy”#“lol haha” but it just seems real fun. i think it's hot too but. yeah it's a lot to unpack ahaha.#i still have a lot of guilt for talking dirty and being more brave when talking but that's just because i always felt like i didn't have...#the right to explore that especially when a lot of people i knew back then thought of me as “pure and innocent girl” and like. yeah fuck no#this was a really meandering ramble but my point: “daddy hot mommy hot i wanna explore that and im also nervous about stuff”#i do genuinely enjoy when i get in the mood though especially with someone i trust and like. click with? i hope that isn't too much to say#but it feels very natural and i don't have to force or hide anything. i just need a bit more confidence ahaha#that's all the rambling i got in me im gonna listen to some classic music from latin artists because im silly and mildly sentimental rn.
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hold on. hold on im shifting into vocaloid mode. hold on
#sorry spent too long listening to music sung by japanese singer Lia#and one Lia led to an IA and i started thinking too much about like#Lia and Miriam Stockley being like the singers of my childhood (Tori no Uta and Perfect Day respectively)#and how they both were voice providers for a vocaloid at one point#and then about how their vocaloids sound so different from the singers#(miriams being honestly largely because of the limitations of vocaloid 1. i think if they made an updated bank with like a falsetto version)#(because miriam stockleys voice is interesting with those HIGH high notes but also these really rich midtones)#(i think she might be able to get more qualities from her voice provider)#(in IA's case its largely because most people use her higher range LOL you can really hear the resemblence to Lia in her lower ranges)#(although i do like how different she can sound in all the different ranges its neat)#and now im longing. to play with utau again#i havent had a change to use it since i got a new computer (messing with locale changes too much can like)#(mess up my computers OS or bios or something so I wanna be careful lol)#i still gotta see if i can fudge something with a virtual machine but im too lazy to set one up JHFDSJFDs#pray for me....someday i'll do it#you know its funny. ive played with other vsynth programs#(couldnt get deepvocal working)#(synthv is pretty awesome. that voice bank koharu with the automatic intonation stuff is INSANE)#(like when u use her mid and lower range she sounds like straight up a PERSON its nuts)#(and ahem. i have. played with the big boy. the big V. the voc of loid edit her. maybe through means of questionable legality. cough)#but i always wanna go back to utau for some ungodly reason JHFKLDSJFkds#LIKE its clunky and every other program is so much more versatile and smoother to use and everything#but like. utau is so like. solid#like its so tangible in a way i cant describe fjdsklfds#maybe i just like changing voice quality by typing in a bunch of random numbers and letters in the flag section
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i've been less shy lately so damn i realized how. idk how to say it. wait
#🌙.vents#bcs okay during my shift for my class' booth i rlly helped quite a lot w my classmates in my shift too n yeah others too#i helped the lower school kids that visited hehe n then even a parent n yeah n not to mention my classmates too in general. yh#n to my classmate i was like. 'hey btw i like your mcr shirt' n i said that for my twin as well n. wow. yeah. i really did that woah#n then for my friend apollo n i helped out w their booth too. n i helped like two people for my shift for our (optional) fair committee n#yeah the long one w the discrepancies damn n we even talked a bit while waiting n all n then said hi to a lot of my old friends from back i#middle school. thinking abt it makes me want to cry actually it makes me so happy right now bcs like#my longest friend ever we rarely see or even talk but we're friends n we spent like the whole evening together w other friends#n. personally it just. aghhh i don't know it makes me happy when i can be like.. a friend for others? someone you can hug n then#someone you can open up to someone you know will listen someone you know won't judge you someone you. yeah#n i really mean it i don't know how to put it any other way because i just can't not be sincere about how i love n it hurts bcs#i don't want to be sad. i hate feeling tired. n that's so human n everyone feels sad n tired but#i'm so torn between being kind to myself n dehumanizing myself at the same time. that helplessness like you know better but you just can't.#ah yeah. not only that longest friend but also my longest friend in my school who moved for this sy for. yeah#used to talk n see each other everyday at school n we're third cousins actually n knew years after we were friends.#oh i'm crying again.. no. no i'll push that out of my head wait.. aa sorry i'm sharing my life story 💀 n i know it's because i'm lonely n#you see i just. i just can't. i know i should reach out but i can't & i wouldn't because everyone else have their struggles too#but i can't do.. this on my own but i want to be the one to help others. i notice too much i just need to shut it out somehow#ah yeah wait. other friends too :^) n i often wonder what others think of me. what i mean to them. how they see me#we're all human we all think n not everyone is so self-aware or introspective but. i find it all interesting nonetheless#i would share my own thoughts freely if one would ask. & my own curiosity n willingness to listen is endless#ah but.. nah no i won't entertain that line of thought any further. not sure if i already wrote this to myself today but yk the#i think. when i can really be free n all. i'm good w vulnerable moments i'm good in social situations. i can read them well. n i know what#to do. technically at least. mostly. not always bcs anxiety rlly sucks too n goddamn on the other hand i'm honestly insecure if i'm too#serious at times? like i take life seriously honestly but not like. in a boring way or wtvr i just really value life#most of this is just idle musing i think i've been here in my seat for hours. oh how the time flies huh? midnight is nearing & the tears#in my eyes are drying up. n i just wish that in this moment that time would wait and stop.#sorry i'm not trying to be poetic okay with an unintentional rhyme i'm just writing my thoughts fuck#nah i thought about this earlier n now i'm at a loss for words again. it's sunday n i'm still to tired to reply to the rest of my friends#i'm so sleepy i think i'll write a bit n sleep soon. calmed down after writing that last tag. i'll rest n do more tomorrow.
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Talking with Fabian and whooooooooo boy that was an conversation and a half...
#miranda talking shit#Uuuh i was kinda rightfully anxious? I told him about how i am a little freak and i basically am down to date 90% of my friends#But i got told by Oliver that it could be i act that way bc i dont want to be abandoned/left so im willing to compromise however they want#Me to... So talked about that with him and yep. We finally got into the whole... 'what are we' business. Or well kinda not directly#He said he didn't want to bring it up but we basically are on the subject so... And how hes worried that i will think too much about him#'i worry the more time we spend together the more your life will revolve around me and you'll value me so much more than i do you'#'it doesnt seem fair to you so ive occasionally not talked with you because i worry about that. You're a great friend but I know how much#You think about people. And im worried if you think about me too much you'll develop feelings or I'll mean more to you than before' i... He#Isnt wrong? Thats kinda how i work. The more people prioritize me the more ill value them and cherish them? But also... Idk if he understod#That i dont actively think about kissing or dating my friends? Its just a thing i know that if anyone asked I'd be down for it. But i dont#Daydream about it or anything. But then again he said some cryptic fabian shit like 'i dont have anyone else to compare with so i assume#What we have is normal. I sometimes want to cross the line to see where i still stand with you after doing it' like bro... Im so sorry i am#I am so far from 'normal' and him having me as his biggest both friend and female/woman in his life is probably such a mess i am crying#Me: ok then cross the line and see how you feel. 'but thats the problem. You dont have a line you're so open and down with everything you#Dont really react badly' I know i... Probably am making things hard for him sometimes but this was an holy shit moment /: hes worried to#Spend too much time with me bc of how i can potentially feel? Meanwhile I'm basically 80%+ of all his social interactions 😭 at one hand i#Appreciate him thinking of me and worry i guess but... Yeah. I told him: listen Fabian. My life does not revolve around you and youre not#The only one i think about. You are safe.' his and mine relationship is my favorite but also i definitely worry bc i know how much what we#Have or talk about or act is his... Only reference for girls basically. I mean outside his mom. He's not had any other girl friends and no#Actual girlfriend. So his reference to whats... Okay and appropriate is basically dictated by me and im seeing that very clear now im kinda#Afraid. Like... Im not normal on any level. If he's basing his view on women on me hes going to have an awful time truly... Idk if i should#Be offended or flattered that he thinks he's the center of my world 😭 like hes not completely wrong. I talk with him multiple times per#Week. But i can also say hes not all i think about at all waking hours lol. I obviously love him and care so much about him but im not#In love with him. Not as far as i know anyway. I dont think of him how i do people i have crushes on for example so yeaah. It bothers me#More that he couldn't just say 'im not into you' bc thats fine. He added the whole element of 'im not sure' like buddy now im going to be#Anxious about that in the future. I guess he have no reference to crushes so he cant tell but like... How do you want me to act so you can#Tell? I want an solid answer putting in an maybe is cruel even to me. This is funny bc tbh i dont even know if i would be able to date him#Even if he said he wanted to. Bc i know his biggest wish is to be a dad and i have nog fully embraced that idea even /: 'i can feel how ego#Centered i am. Assuming im the center of your world like that' at least youre self aware sweetie. Sounded like he was at peace with all we#Said and im here like... Binch there's so much to think about i wish i could read your mind i need more information to understand all this
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You're absolutely right. It's not the technology alone, but how toxic a lot of it has be come.
Use is important too. Are they chatting? Are they creating? Learning? Or are they just consuming endless slop feed by an addiction causing algorithm?
There's a such a big difference between mindless scrolling, and acually engaging, commenting and thinking about the stuff you're seeing.
im so done with seeing articles about kids and screen time that doesnt mention parent behaviors even once. “kids are always on their phones” so are the parents! which the kids look to for how they should behave! ipad babies didn’t chose to only play on their ipads, thats what their parents gave them!
an anecdotal example: when i was a kid, all my parents would do in their minimal free time was watch tv and then they would be surprised when in my sister and i’s minimal free time we would also only watch tv/play video games. they scolded us for not reading books, but they never read books. they scolded us for not going outside but they never went outside.
“kids are always on their damn phones” my mom is in her 60s and opens up candy crush anytime she’s sitting — it isnt just the kids
#my mum makes crafts sews and listens and cooks cakes and does so much around the house often with radio or tv or audio on in the background#in the evenings she'll often relax on the iPad doing puzzles paint by numbers or words with friends#they are involved in so many different activities (Honestly almost too many i don't get how they do it)#dad would often work late and would just watch the football or cricket or play computer card games#but on the weekend he's gardening and barbecuing. he was quite involved in church things when i was young captaining the boys brigade#or helping out with the lego robots.#even these days#I'll watch a bit of YouTube (you gotta turn the brain of sometimes) but my internet activity of choice is Tumblr rambles or#or being an active twitch chatter.#There's a family i know quite well and their pre teens are sometimes on iPad or a switch after church#but they're also running around outside of their own voltion engaging with crafts and conversing with each other and the adults#their parents aren't perfect people by any means but i have massive respect for them for the great kids they're turned out
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I don't know, those gifs of Andrew Garfield saying how to him the most terrifying thing is certainty... they resonate with me
The way people go around so damn sure that they're right about things, frankly I think there's very few things more dangerous than not even allowing for the possibility that you're wrong
Like you've just decided that you 100% know best, and from now on any evidence to the contrary is just something to be pushed aside because it's clearly wrong. The harm you'll do isn't real because obviously you wouldn't be doing it if there was harm. You're just right. That's the end of it
No, I agree with Andrew Garfield, I'd much rather stop and reassess over and over, as many times as I need to, to make sure that I'm still doing the right thing
I'll never be anything cause it just doesn't interest me, but if I was going to join a religion I know I'd become Jewish
Thought that since I was little with all the Jewish friends I had at school, and what's more it just seems to fit me best, all the elements of questioning. Hell... it even sounds like if I said "you know, I don't really believe in god", that there's a chance the rabbi might say "funny thing, me neither" (I've heard some don't), but if not that at least "eh, that's fine, why don't you come discuss why with us"
It's just funny the number of times I've related to something someone's saying, and then you find out their Jewish and this ties into that sense of questioning things, and that interview is an example
I agree with him, nothing scarier than being 100% sure you're correct... you can do a lot of bad things once you know for a fact you're right to be doing them
#I frankly worry quite a lot seeing some people who I like very much and the things they've been saying lately#worry a lot about extremism... and you might say left or right extremism? and my answer would be... both#you just gotta pick which of the people I worry about for me to tell you which is all; you know?#good people; kind people; you have to understand that the stuff that's worrying me is them coming from a place of caring#seeing harm and cruelty in the world and wanting to do something about it#and I worry... I worry; and I don't think my words mean anything even when I try and offer a nudge with a reason behind it#but then again.. I don't know if they've ever really listened to me about anything ever to be honest... I don't know why they keep me aroun#like I believe them when they say they like me cause I trust them#but... most of the time they don't even acknowledge what I say; so...#not sure if it's a communication miss match; or not being able to think how to respond; or... what...#but... when that's the case; I mean... why would they listen to me about serious stuff if they don't about the little stuff?#very smart; very caring; just an all around wonderful person#but... some of this stuff... like sometimes I worry they'll wind up full on accelertationist#and... I feel like their understanding of geopolitics ends up being too fed by... well... other people on tumblr#like I'm sorry but... I don't think you really grasp quite who those people actually are#and maybe some rando on here... they might just perhaps be... dismissing and ignoring inconvenient and bad stuff#like oy vey; I don't want to say specifics but like... how in the world can someone as smart as you wind up with such heavy blinders on?#...I just see it too much these days; too many people; too sure they're right#some folks it's religion; they have a little too much faith and... are willing to permit a lot of pain#some folks it's social justice; where they're kinda getting a list of acceptable targets#mhh... there's just this stuff building up in bad ways and... I don't know#one of em; I'll be blunt; I like them to much to ever stop following them... not following in the the tumblr sense#following after them like a dog; they're someone I could never quit.. doesn't mean I'd agree or support it.. but I'd never break off contac#right or wrong that's just the truth of it#guess what I'm saying here is don't go some place I can't follow#...it all comes from a place of caring; but man... it's a real bad direction#...it frankly eats at me... if you look through the stuff I say you might pick up a trend of this eating at me#fuck I wish they respected anything I said#or maybe they do and it just doesn't feel like it and they never seem to acknowledge a word I say unless it's a topic they like#but I wish they'd listen to me and just... just course correct such a tiny tiny tiny amount
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