#I love Choro v v much he's my sweet anxious frog husband <3

[whumpmatsus]

hey could you do a comphet choro’s awakening?

tysm

I did my best, some lil headcanons!!

brief sidenote that I tackled this idea under, like, how comphet would affect someone who's bi/pan, because I headcanon Choro as probably bi but very female-leaning, I guess? that's just my personal headcanon, I hope I don't step on any toes there and I hope this is still along the lines of something you're looking for at least partially! <3

(other sidenote that I'm a bisexual woman myself, so I've struggled a little bit with this myself, probably not to the degree I imagine Choro grappling with it, but, hopefully it still makes sense and isn't all over the place lol)

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CHOROMATSU

The most likely moment for it to hit him is when maybe he’s hanging out with another guy who’s into idols. Maybe he met this guy at a concert, or online somewhere. It’s this guy’s smile, and the way he gives Choromatsu a parting hug when it’s time for both of them to go home, and the way his own heart races when he thinks about being so close to the other man.

Sure, it probably doesn’t last. It’s almost definitely a brief romantic fling, some kisses here and there, a few times holding hands, because Choromatsu is far too insecure about his feelings to let it go further or last longer. He has to figure himself out first before he has a kind of relationship with anyone. Even so… this guy took a lot of Choromatsu’s firsts, just not the one that seems to matter most to Choromatsu.

He struggles with this for a long time. The biggest worry he has is that he knows for a fact that he’s into women, so what does he call himself now that he’s sure he’s into men, too? Does he try to shove this all down and not talk about it? Can he even do that now that he’s come to a realization? He doesn’t have a good understanding of how to reconcile that attraction to women and attraction to men can both exist within him. He’s afraid that his attraction to one gender invalidates his attraction to the other, or that he has to ‘pick a side’… and if he has to do that, he wouldn’t know which side to pick.

It spikes his anxiety big time to think about it, but he knows he has to. He can’t go through life being lost in his own skin. He doesn’t like this feeling of being so confused when he thought he knew who he was. When he thinks about it, he feels like everyone expects him to only be into women, because that’s how he’s identified for most of his life. Thoughts of, Am I not supposed to be this way? and Am I sure I’m into guys or am I misinterpreting my feelings? only serve to frustrate him more, and it gets worse the longer he thinks about it while holding everything inside.

Things bubble over pretty quickly. Before he knows it, he’s sitting up at night, crying into Karamatsu’s shoulder with Totty rubbing his back, sobbing that he doesn’t trust himself, that he feels so lost and doesn’t know who he is anymore. Even though he tries to hide it at first, with his brothers encouraging him he knows he has to talk about what’s going on in his head. If he doesn’t talk about it, he knows he’ll never be truly comfortable with himself again.

Luckily, Karamatsu and Totty are the best ones to have for support, because they’ve both been there before. Totty came out as pansexual first, and Karamatsu in all his bisexual glory followed shortly after that, and Choromatsu finds it easier to talk to them about this than any of the others. Despite the fact that he knows all his brothers would understand and support him, it’s a big comfort to remember that these two at least know some of what he’s going through.

Eventually, he comes out shyly to the rest of his family, deciding to just say that he’s into men as well as women, and avoid labeling himself for now. Maybe he will later, when he’s a little more secure in how he feels. He knows there will probably be a lot of times that he doubts himself, and he’s still got a ways to go on a journey of self-discovery, but… at the moment, this is good. He can relax now that he’s come to terms with and accepted that, yes, he’s definitely into guys too.