#I like how he wrote London to be annoying but you can't even be mad at them because technically they're not wrong

[cpt-in-el]

I couldn't stop thinking about A Man Called Ove after finishing it. So yesterday I read And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer, cried, and immediately started Anxious People.

I just really like how Frederik Backman writes people and his narrative style.

[kamosweasley]

Don’t let them see ... (Fred Weasley)

Description : I realized how personal it is as I wrote it. It's short but intense.

Warning : mental break down, idk it's sad

Lyrics from Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez are in italics.

Acting is a big part of your life, since your family cares most about his perfect image than your happiness. You tried many times to gain your freedom, by rebellion and bargaining, even simple discussion with your parents but it was talking to a wall. They don't understand you and your desires, and you know they don't try, for them you are a kid with whimsical ideas.

Maybe it's the reason you're feeling so sad, misunderstood and imprisoned in a beautiful display case that shows your "perfection". Maybe it's the reason why you started flirting with Fred Weasley. He has the perfect situation, he's fun and has the ability to make your parents mad, you can't dream of better.

With him you are in a better world, warm and comforting, where you would stay forever. Everything is easier with Fred.

He invited you to the Burrow, at his family's house. It seems early but you don't complain, every opportunity is good to escape your life in London. Fred is both a friend and a lover, he makes you feel good, he's like a getaway. The sky is a little less dark by his side, his kisses soothe your heart for a few seconds and above all, he gives you faith in the future. Everything is fine until he insists on talking about your family.

“We don't have to talk about them. They have no interest.” Playing with the grass of the plain seems to you the good way to avoid his glance and to succeed in moving on. He is clever, he will understand that he should not insist. “Wrong. They educated you and you still live with them, they must be important.” His mischievous smile doesn't soothe you anymore, if you could disappear you wouldn't hesitate for a second.

“I don’t think so. You don't want to know my parents and what they did.” He's close, too close to the sensitive point. You'd rather he didn't know, but you don't want to lie to him further. One more question and you'll blow up the dam. “What did they do ?”

You jump on your feet, take a few steps and figure out where to start. You who always complain internally, it's time to do it out loud.

"Got in your places ! Throw on your dress and put on your doll face. Everyone thinks that we're perfect. Please don't let them look through the curtain."

"Y/N …"

"Picture ! Smile for the picture, pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister ?" A laugh gets stuck in your throat, saying it with irony doesn't calm the pain. You face the evidence, you hate your life. If we can call it a life, you're just pretending. Your family is killing you, making you suffocate under the pressure and obsession of perfection.

"Do you think they would die if they stop faking it for a second ? Would they lose everything ? Their pretty clothes, their house, their pride ? They are juste losing their daughter actually !"

Eyes closed, tears rolling down your cheeks, each breath hurts as to remind you of the nightmare it is to be alive. You're so tired of pretending, it's not you, you aren't this pretty little girl without a failure.

Fred's hand tries to give you comfort but you escape, your brain is a mess. Who you are, where you go, what are you on, it doesn't matter. You're giving up.

"Oh and what about that ? Fred save me, I'm feeling so alone ! They don't understand me and don't even try to." Your smile faded as the words came out your mouth. His face reflects nothing but worries, and you hate this. It awakens anxiety from the depth of your being, usually nobody looks at you like this. Because you're perfect, why would they pity you ?

"Don't look at me like that. I forbid you.” The silence remains, he only looks at you. You’re breaking down, you've never opened up to anyone about how you feel. You have finally internalized this imperative from your parents, don't let anything show and everything will be fine. It doesn't matter if you fall apart.

“Do you have any idea how horrible it is to act almost all the time ?” He keeps staring at you, it's as if you've achieved the miracle of shutting him up. Now you’re starting to get annoyed, after sadness, anger, shame and confusion, now you are annoyed. You’re a mess. “Of course you don’t, Fred Weasley doesn’t have to pretend. How lucky you are to be you Fred. I wish I could wake up every day without wanting to die so much as it is unbearable to lie to everyone.” You sit next to him, his gaze on you doesn’t bother you anymore. You dropped the mask, what does it matter now ? “I don't even know who I am, I've had to lie all my life and by dint of hiding, I can't find myself. I'm 20 years old and I have no idea who I am.” You put your head on his shoulder, the view is magnificent. It's summer, the green and flowery countryside offers a soothing sight.

In fact you don't want him to talk, he can't say anything which changes anything. So it's better to stay in silence, real and without having to act.