#I know how normalized this gets when you're surrounded by toxic dismissive people all the time

[amalg-em]

Tbh I'd like to (politely) push back on the whole "people compare things to their personal experiences" bit. Maybe it's the ND in me, but I research shit for fun and also being an outlier has taught me that my experiences aren't universal. And while other people generally don't know as many facts about as many topics as I do, everyone has their areas of interest & are going to have more facts in that area beyond their personal experience. Meaning: if they've ever researched anything ever at all, they know how much information is out there, and should be able to extrapolate that they have a relatively tiny sliver of it. I. E., their personal experiences aren't divine, universal truth.

Even so, I think the fact that you can go on this website and have people straight up tell you "Hey no apples are not supposed to be spicy sweetie. That's an allergy or at minimum oral allergy syndrome, you should get tested" is evidence that people are capable of taking others' problems seriously. Without needing to be an information sponge like me. Like, that is equally as human a trait as being dismissive of anyone and anything Not Like Them.

Further, it takes very little effort to just... Listen to people, take what they're telling you in good faith, and try to understand where they're coming from. I've had multiple people who never even told me they were struggling with something - I just noticed they seemed Bad At It and I've learned that often Bad At It is actually Disabled and Struggling. And when I asked, it turned out they just thought it was normal to suck and have life suck. It took me pulling up medical articles for them to have the light bulb moment and think about seeking treatment for something they'd struggled with their whole life but never knew they had.

I'm not saying being everyone's medical investigator should be the default - but listen. I am a mess of a human being that only manages to keep it together by weaponizing my anxiety against my problems. If I can do the work to help OTHER people take themselves and their problems seriously, maybe the dismissive blankety-blanks you've dealt with have it in them to simply... Shut the fuck up when they're thinking of saying something deeply lacking in basic human compassion.

Like seriously. This does not need to be normal. You do not need to endure it. Not from strangers and certainly not from close friends or family members. You don't do yourself or the world any favors by teaching them that humans can be used as emotional punching bags. You deserve better because everyone deserves better.

More medical under the cut, I am using humor as a coping mechanism and I'm not terribly funny.

I'm having trouble getting over the size of it. Like I'd never had an ultrasound before so I wasn't sure what I was looking at. So when she did the exterior reading I thought maybe the big black hole I was looking at was my uterus and maybe it was just at a weird angle.

So when she pointed to the little white smudge at the bottom and said 'that's what we can see of your uterus' and measured out the 9cm of the big black hole and said 'that's the fibroid' I was like...

...I've picked up baseballs at the park of that size.

That's a newborn's head.

That's a christmas ornament.

That's a goose egg.

That's one of those little bottles of soy sauce they have at fancy chinese restaurants.

I have picked mushrooms smaller than that.

There's a wad of toilet paper stuck to the ceiling of my high school bathroom that size.

An orange. Like a navel orange, not those little clementines.

Trial size coffee samples.

I can go to a Michael's, rummage through the wooden balls they have there and find an appropriately sized one for somewhere between 6.99 and 10.99 and then use a 30% off coupon on it because those things never go on sale so it would be eligible for the single item discount.

Someone said it takes these things 4-5 years to get to 2cm.

... so times 4.

....so 20ish years.

...so I would have been 17.

I complained about heavy, painful periods as early as 13 and people told me that it was normal, that my body would grow into it.

"No guys, seriously. It hurts a lot and I don't think I'm supposed to bleed this much."

I'd get used to it. My hormones would even out. I was being dramatic. This was a beautiful time in my life.

Wow. 9 whole centimeters. I have a camera lens that size. Balls of yarn. Cosmetic sponges. That geode I found at my grandmama's house. Shot put balls. The roots on one of my monstera plants is forming a ball about that size.

That's kind of what it feels like, actually. It feels like digging roots into me and filling up the space.

I'm thinking about all the pairs of pants that I've ruined in 20 years. This is why I don't wear khakis.

[kitorin]

OUR SPRING

003. perfect

5:01 pm

"Fucking hell."

Normally, you'd have more shame, but given your current circumstances it was understandable for you to curse loudly in the middle of the hallway on your way home from the school library. All of this was so irritating, the rumours and all the attempted manipulation, both which, were from the exact same source; Kira Ryosuke.

It should be fine. That's what you've told yourself for a long time. But you've been corrected. Because rumour after rumour, it kept accumulating now it's consumed and become your school life, until your identity is once again established as one that only revolves around some guy who likes you.

"You better drop dead next time I see you."

"May I help you?" You pull yourself out of your livid trance, looking up from staring at your feet as you walk and realizing with horror that you say that right in front of someone else. What's even worse, is that you recognise who it was, possibly one of the worst people to unintentionally curse at. It's Chigiri Hyoma. Rising star of the jpop and jdrama industry, who also happens to be a member of one of your best friend's favourite band.

"I am so sorry. I swear it wasn't directed to you- A lot had been going on recently." You prayed, begging that he wasn't one of those celebrities who enjoyed tormenting regular people with their obsessive and toxic fanbases, or liked exploiting their fame to ruin others.

Despite being apprehensive of the social power he holds, Meguru was right every time he called Chigiri attractive. It was evident through photos, but they don't capture his beauty fully. There wasn't a blemish on his pale skin, his tied up hair seemed perfect, it was obvious people would die for his skin and hair care routine. Long eyelashes compliment soft features and his rose coloured eyes clouded with what seemed like concern.

Even though his features weren't inhumanely perfect or complied to the beauty standard to a T, everything just synergises together, curating his natural charm.

Visually, he embodies perfection.

"Ah I see. I understand." Just when you thought he couldn't look any better he smiles, teeth perfectly white and shiny, which were adorned with dimples. It made sense why he was an actor and idol, he pulls off school uniform and even makes it look fashionable, heck his school photo probably came out gorgeous too. "So, what happened?"

You were too busy admiring his visuals to realize you were going to reveal your current struggles to a total stranger. "Well it's just- wait, I don't even know you?"

"Neither do I. All the more better to open up to, no?"

He's kind of weird. No wonder why Meguru loves him so much.

Instead of addressing and responding to his statement, you take advantage of this opportunity, since he's always surrounded by fans. "Then, how do you deal with rumours? You're apart of that band egoism, right? You'd know a lot about this"

"Well. I'm not apart of the PR team, so I don't know the full details. But rumours don't have some sort of secret formula or trick to getting rid of them. Hence why most celebrities have a PR team."

If only you had one too.

"Are you the one everyone assumes is dating Kira? I'm guessing you're referring to all the gossip related to you too." Chigiri continues, seeming genuinely curious regarding your situation.

You nod, and barely process being dragged into a janitor's closet by him, the complete shock taking too long to register.

"Oi Chigiri, what're you doing?" Ending up in a janitor's closet with one of the most popular artists of your age was not expected.

"Dating rumours, you say?" He breaths out, dismissing your question, a chuckle soon rises in his throat. "We're not too different, no? I have the perfect solution for you."

"Which is?" Once again, he ignores your questions, slowly coming closer towards you, face close in proximity to yours.

"Date me."

TWO | FOUR | MASTERLIST

PAIRING. chigiri hyoma x reader

SYNOPSIS. school gets overwhelming with constant rumours and accusations, thankfully someone is willing to help. but what happens when this mutually beneficial agreement escalates into something more?

GENRE. social media au, fake dating, idol / actor au

TAGLIST. @izzylovestnbhd, @angelchigiri, @punkhazardlaw, @silly-ez, @y-sabell-a

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate