#I kinda struggled with that part of neil's characterisation in my au bc it's kind of like a balance of him being jaded and going along with

[unwillingtoreachout]

Helloooo darling I'm here to tell you about butcher!Neil 🤭 sorry it's so long omg—I completely understand it takes a while for you to respond dw ❤️ actually your don't even have to respond to it at all if you don't want, I won't be offended :)

So in this au, for whatever reason, Nathan was allowed to keep Nathaniel and train him up as a second butcher, which means that this Neil is a very different Neil to the one we get in canon. He knows his way around a knife. He is a fighter, not a runner, but neither is he the Exy prodigy he would have been if he'd gone to the Nest. His father banned him from playing Exy when it started getting in the way of his training.

He never knew Riko, but he did get know Ichirou very well. I have to say that this au is mostly based on two moments from canon. Number one:

This single throwaway line really struck me in my reread. ‘Your father was someone to me.’ Like oh my god. From most people this would be a nice, if perhaps bland, sentiment. From Ichirou Moriyama, this is a strange and unexpected vulnerability that (the way I see it) betrays something more than a professional relationship. I'm not saying that they were best buds who had sleepovers and confessed all their darkest secrets and crushes to each other but like. I think Ichirou admired Nathan at the very least, and clearly held just enough affection for him that he wanted to talk to Neil and made him more inclined to give him a chance. ‘Your father was someone to me.’ Did Nathan care for Ichirou how he never cared for his own son? Did Ichirou respect Nathan the way he never respected his own uncle? We'll never know, but I'm sure as hell going to think about it. Anyway so this got me thinking about how close Ichirou and Neil would have been if they grew up together, and one potential answer is: very. So that's where this comes from.

In this fic, their relationship is really fucked up, and I have to put a disclaimer before I start properly explaining that I don't condone any of this lmao, I'm just exploring a fictional concept. In this fic, their relationship lies somewhere between brothers, best friends, lovers, and a ‘master and his dog’ dynamic. It's not really any of those things, but it's a weird fucked up combination of elements of them. Nathaniel has been taught from a very young age that the power dynamics in this world are strict. He is better than most people, above them, and he has to know this. He carries himself with a swagger and an arrogance that comes with knowing ten ways to gut a man and the power to make it happen. But he's also hyperaware of anyone who's above him in the pecking order, and it's automatic for him to submit to them easily, never putting up a fight or speaking out of turn (okay he's still not perfected this one, this is Neil we're talking about, but he's more restrained than in canon). This means that, no matter how close he is with Ichirou, and how much Ichirou cares for him, they sre never going to be equals. Ichirou is always going to have power over him, even if that power exists solely in Nathaniel's mind—it's so drilled in, he's never going to get away from it. (Think of Jean and his submissiveness, his need for structure. It's just devastatingly ingrained in him by this point.)

It was always said that Nathaniel was going to be part of Ichirou's personal guard/squad, that's what he was trained for, and he finally took up that position when he was 14/15 and Ichirou was 18/19. For a couple years, he accompanied Ichirou everywhere, guarding him, protecting him, carrying out his dirty work. Falling slightly, obsessively, in love with him. He always knew that he would die for Ichirou without any hesitation. If Ichirou handed him a gun and told him to pull the trigger, he did it, no matter who was on the other end. He usually preferred knives, though. Ichirou accommodated this.

This is getting LONG omg sorry so I'm not gonna go too in depth on Ichirou's feelings for Nathaniel but basically he trusts and cares and worries about him, and he feels a sense of duty and responsibility for him that I think is natural in anyone who has a friend a few years younger than them, yk? But he's not a good person, and he knows that Nathaniel will do anything for him, and he isn't going to not use that to his advantage.

Now on to the actual plot lmao sorry. Here comes in the second canon moment that inspired this:

That got me thinking.........what if Neil actually was a mole?

The summer before Riko breaks Kevin's hand, when Nathaniel is 16, Ichirou grows worried about Riko, and it's partially concern for his brother, but mostly just concern for how his ways (and Tetsuji's) might affect their business. So, secretly, because he doesn't want Kengo to grow worried or angry, he decides to send Nathaniel into the Ravens, undercover, to spy on them. This starts with his year in Millport (though it might make more sense if it was a more well known highschool because this time the whole point is for him to be recruited...idk), where he gets to play Exy again for the first time in years. Here, he becomes Neil Josten. Despite himself, despite knowing that it's immature and he has more important things to worry about, that this is just a game, just a means to an end, Neil is absolutely thrilled. So fucking excited to be back, especially because this year he doesn't have anything to worry about except improving and getting recruited to the Ravens. It's basically everything he's ever wanted but couldn't have, and now he's being ordered to do it. Literally the dream.

Except, Kevin leaves the Ravens, and with him goes Neil's chances of being recruited. They'd counted on Kevin's unorthodox recruitment methods to get Neil on, knowing Riko wouldn't give a shit about a newbie unless Kevin convinced him to give him a chance. Now, they were fucked. They decided to wait out the rest of the season just in case, and were just about to give up on it all when Wymack approached Neil. This wasn't what Ichirou had planned at all, but he realised it was an opportunity he couldn't turn down. Neil wouldn't be up close and personal with Riko like he'd wanted, but this way he could at least keep an eye on Kevin and make sure he wasn't spilling all of their secrets, and it could prove to be useful in a whole host of other ways. So, Neil accepts.

I think the fic would have very similar events to the canon trilogy, but it would feature Neil being even more mysterious than canon (if that's possible lmao) and keeping Ichirou informed of all the goings on, and Andrew would definitely be even more suspicious of him and not let him off as easily, so they'd probably have a much stronger rivalry, but Neil still manages to work his way into the Foxes's hearts somehow. He's very resourceful.

Not entirely certain how I'd end this but I like the idea of Ichirou realising that Neil is much happier like this and (once he becomes the head of the empire) releasing him from his duties, instead allowing him to just spend his life playing Exy.

Jesus Christ, sorry that this is so long, I was certain it was going to be a short explanation but then I just kept going 😭😭😭 I hope it makes sense, at least!!

First of all, sorry if you sent this some time ago and I'm just now replying 😭

Second of all tho, AHHHHHH!!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING, I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!!

Okay so, the whole "your father was someone to me" I did not remember at all but that's really interesting because that could imply so many things, and it makes me wonder if Neil feels like he has to live up to Nathan's standard in a way in order to gain Ichirou's approval (idk this setting is kind of reminding me of how Riko is always trying to get Kengo and Ichirou's attention, so maybe Neil is willing to do anything for Ichirou because he thinks that's how Ichirou will pay attention to him??) maybe I'm reaching but even if that's not the case I'm still really intrigued by their dynamic

I love the idea of Neil actually being a mole and the only person who truly suspects anything is Andrew (and maybe Aaron a little bit), and also Neil trying to act like a normal person when he hasn't been normal a single second of his life. It makes me wonder if he'd fall for the stuff that Neil does in canon, like does he figure out the twins swapped places quicker? Does he suspect Andrew is trying to drug him and he goes along with it to not raise more suspicions?

Alsoooo, Neil getting back into exy and loving it??? I'm gonna cry because I always loved how it's pretty clear that Neil could have always ended up like his father or like Riko but instead he chose to obsessively play a sport with his found family instead of violence. And I feel like, in this case, it's similar in the sense that when he is given the choice he would still choose exy and still choose the foxes