#I just want to like him because I love EVERYONE on fhe shows and books like armand lestat and claudia and louis is the only one i don't

[adamnablelittledevil]

Re-reading TVC, out of order again because I'm slowly buying physical copies of them and not all are available or have accessible prices right now... But I'll try to make something like Merrick or Blood Communion my last book so hopefully I start to care about Louis now. Reading IWTV for last the first time around didn't help at all lol, I actually liked everyone better than him on that book, including Lestat, even with Louis dragging him the entire time. That just backfired lmao.

[daniel-murrieta]

A Talk I Gave on Forgiveness

Talk – The Struggles of Forgiveness

Brothers and sisters, good afternoon.  It’s been about three years since I’ve given a talk; so, forgive me if I break.  I should let you know that we are moving soon.  We found a beautiful home in Sandy.  On the 18th, we’ll be leaving here; so, this will be my first and last talk in this ward.  Thank you for every bit of your kindness, your friendship, your diligence.  

I seem to have a bad habit for missing talent shows that I sign up for.  So, I’m going to share a little talent that I have here.  And I like to write poetry.  I plan on publishing a book and this one specifically, it’s called hatred.  It’s a little bit strong; so, forgive me there as well.  You see, it goes like this:  

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Poem - Hatred  

Before I was born     There was peace     The earth remained pure Everything was still

September 11, 2001, terror brought me life     December 7, 1941, the world saw my genocide     33ad, I wrought the crucifixion of Christ     Before Cain, I raged when angels fell from heaven    

In my wake, worlds will collapse     Mankind has already begun the process     For all who meld me to their hearts     Are chained to my relentless torment

Behold, your sentiments I will shackle in misery As rancor consumes your soul The mindless vengeance that you seek Is the animosity that keeps me burning

No mortal has lived without me living in them       Few have overcome my power For I live where love has died In many, I will live eternally        

Until there is love         There will be no rest         When I am gone         There will be peace        

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I’m really afraid of that hatred.  We all know that Satan fell from heaven and is miserable because of that hate.  But there was a time in my life where I feel to share where I felt consumed by that hatred.  

I have a really bad weakness.  I don’t know about you guys, but I have the weakness of regret.  If I miss something, if I don’t do something, and regret it, it just eats me up a lot of times.  And there was a time in my life where I seemed to recollect every single possible regret that I could think of.  And it kept eating me up.  It would be things from embarrassments, to things that I wished would have happened and didn’t happen; things I missed in life.  It would be times when people offended me, or it would even be times when I offended other people and I just felt like ‘what did I do?’  And I would battle it out with my own mind.  I would just try and try to say “no, it’s in the past.  It’s fine.  It’s ok.”  But I couldn’t get away.  I didn’t know what to do.  And it always felt like this dark presence was following me everywhere I went.  And one day, I had a Joseph Smith moment.  I prayed and I said “Heavenly Father, please, free me from this torment.”  And I went the entire day without a response, and by nighttime, I was just exhausted.  I was just drained.  And my wife, Geysi, she came out of nowhere and said, “let’s do FHE”.  And we’re pretty infrequent about our FHE; so, it came kind of unexpected.  And she said “let’s just do it real quick”.  And we went over there, and as she’s speaking, she speaks about forgiveness.  And I don’t remember what scripture she said, but it woke me up as if a man from his sickbed just jumping out.  And she went onto other things, but I knew that that was what God wanted me to hear.  And so, as we went on, I prayed in my mind and said, “Heavenly Father, I want a baptism of the mind.  I want to forgive everything and everyone in my life, of all wrong, of everything.”  After I prayed, I felt a clarity in the mind.  I felt this whirlwind just stop.  It felt like the enemy himself was silent: didn’t have any power over me.  And it felt that I could finally be happy again.  

I’m very thankful to Father in heaven for His mercy, for His kindness, for His love to provide answers to us in our deepest and darkest times.  

There’s a few things that I feel to share, to clarify a little bit further upon forgiveness.  The primary motivator for forgiveness shouldn’t be, “K, this guy is pretty good here, but not, he’s just OK here.”  Or “you know what, I don’t like this guy very much, but whatever, it’s fine.”  The primary motivator of forgiveness should be charity.  And charity is the pure love of Christ.  And purity in it’s word means to be free from impurities.  Free from the impurity of pride, from selfishness.  Free from the impurity of dislike.  It’s supposed to be coupled with humility, with meekness, with longsuffering, with patience, understanding, and the belief that every person in this world has a possibility of returning to Heavenly Father to live forever in His presence.  And that’s why God sent His son.  He knew that as soon as Jesus Christ came to this earth; He knew that people would be spitting on Him.  He knew that He (Jesus) would preach to crowds that would just leave Him by the masses.  And that He would be rejected and nailed in six different places.  But He sent Him still because “He so loved the world, that He sent His only begotten Son, that” knowing that we imperfectly could still be saved by His grace, “that all who believe in Him might not perish, but have everlasting life.”  What reason did Heavenly Father have beyond love, beyond hope in our potential, that we could return?  I mean, yes He gets glory from this, but His glory is the love.  And surely, there are times, when I was a kid, I mean sometimes you see these kids with there iPads and their games.  I was that guy.  I was on my Gameboy all the time.  I would, in Primary, I would drive the teachers nuts.  I would hide in the car for an hour and a half before going to Primary.  I would hide the closets, in the cultural hall.  I would go anywhere, but Primary.  And now they let me teach it!

That entire time, I felt Heavenly Father’s hand with me.  Did I deserve it?  Did I seek it?  No, but it was there.  And I knew that small things in my life were gradually bringing me back to His fold, until I read the Book of Mormon and finally returned.  Is it not possible that those who hurt us, who offend us in our life, that God also has a plan for them in place, and that if we are willing we can be a part of that plan?  

Another motivator is that we should be obedient to our Heavenly Father.  I’m not going to take too much time on this, but read two scriptures here.  

It says, “I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.  I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:9-10).   

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you;  But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). 

There’s one last topic that really confuses me sometimes.  To what point do you forgive?  Jesus Christ said that you forgive ‘till seven times seventy.  Now, if you could think about yourself toward God, how many times do you sin daily?  I don’t know about you, but at least it’s more than one for me.  And so that number runs out pretty quick for some of us.  And the closer you are to somebody, the more annoying they can be sometimes.  The more you run into their problems.  The more you see their sins that Heavenly Father sees all the time already.  But you’re facing it sometimes more than seven times seventy.  What do you do?  

I’d like to remember this one thing that Christ said: “resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (quote).  “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 

“That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5: 44-45). 

Now those words don’t mean that we let evil live or go on forever.  It has to stop.  But by that same principle, Gandhi freed an entire nation from slavery, from oppression.  Martin Luther King Jr. was able to claim many of the rights for his people that they had been denied.  And I love this quote from Martin Luther King Jr.  The more you read into this man, the more you see how patient, how forgiving he was.  It’s incredible.  And he says, “darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

Now, there does come an exception eventually.  Nephi and his family are perfect examples.  Nephi was a righteous young man who just wanted to follow God and keep His commandments.  And throughout his entire life, his brothers were the opposite.  They loved the world and they just wanted to do whatever they could.  And so in this process of going back for plates and going back and forth, you know Laman and Lemuel, they laid the rod.  They smacked him with a stick.  And there appeared an angel, and they stopped.  And later on as they go back to get wives and they come back, they’re like “you know, we still want to go back to the city.”  And Nephi says, “No, no way dude.  We got to stay here.  We got to go where the Lord guides us.”  And they again tied him to a tree to be left to die to the beasts.  And Nephi prays.  The strength of the Lord comes to him that the bands are loosed, and he speaks to them again.  As they’re about to lay their hands on him to kill him, the wives, or the ladies plead, and the brothers stop.  And they begged for his forgiveness.  And Nephi said, “I did frankly forgive them all that they did.”  And Nephi had a very quick spirit to forgive, but they continued.  Later on, as he was commanded to build a boat, they mocked him again.  As he preached to them another time, they tried to lay hands on him to throw him into the sea.  And as they were on that same boat, that same boat that he built by the instruction of God, they again tied him to the ship, as if to kill him.  And they only let him loose as soon as the power of God came.  And when finally, Lehi died, the father who had spoken with such tender love to his children, they again tried to kill him, and for what?  Because they wanted to be the teachers, the rulers of the people.  They didn’t want anyone above them.  They did it for pride.  And Nephi, at this time, after turning his cheek time after time, after being forgiving, after loving them more and more, as much as he could, was finally commanded to flee.  And the commandment wasn’t any longer to turn the cheek.  The commandment was now to defend your children, your families, even to bloodshed.  Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t have somebody chasing me to death yet; so, I’m still in the commandment to forgive and love as much as I can.  And I feel to say I love you guys.  I feel to say thank you again for everything you guys do, for everything you’ve done for me.  And I know as we follow the example of Nephi and forgiving others and doing everything we can to reconcile ourselves with our brothers and sisters, we will turn alright.  Maybe, maybe it’s possible that we won’t have the miracle that Gandhi, or that we won’t have the miracle that Martin Luther King had, but we will have the miracle of changing ourselves, of being ready to see our Heavenly Father for forgiving our brothers and sisters.  And I pray that charity can live with each of us.  

Do I have more time?  OK!  I’ve got another poem.  This one I’ve shared previously, but not in this ward; so, I’m going to share another time.  I’m actually going to share this one here [instead].  So, I’d like to remind everyone that Jesus Christ is the ultimate source of all forgiveness.  We don’t necessarily deserve to be forgiven.  We’re forgiven because of love.  And this one is called “At the Auction House”.  

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Poem - At the Auction House      

At the auction house,       men and women, youthful         and full of age,         gather to buy treasures,           pleasures, and delicacies,         all at the cost           of their souls.        

Pounding the gavel,   the auctioneer           grins with black teeth         and eyes burning red.           Lucifer has commenced   the bidding.        

All at once, they scramble   for their lusts   and extend their hands   anxiously to receive           as he chains their feet.           Most don't even last long   before he drags them           mercilessly into the dark.        

I, too, looked to his gifts   with envy       and sold my soul for a craving.       Only when I opened my eyes           did I realize I was so blind.        

Then, my cries had pierced the dark,         "God, have mercy on me!"           And I wept all alone   in the bitter night           until I was called back   to the auction room.          

Slamming the pulpit, Satan     roared and wailed aloud, crying   "What price will be paid           for the wretch that           sold himself     to me!"        

A Man, shining in white,         stood up amidst the sinners.           Showing nothing save scars in His hands,           He said, "The price           has already been paid."          

At His word, the chains were loosed           and Satan's roars grew deaf.           Tears of remorse       dried from my cheeks       as the Man reached down           and I heard His voice.          

“Oh, child of heaven,         does thou not recall           that even if a man   should gain the whole world,       what would it profit him       if he lost his soul?       Learn ye this day,   thy soul is of greater worth       than all the world         combined.      

"And because nothing   in this world         can equal the   worth of thy soul,       the cost of thy redemption   could not come   by worldly things;       rather, it has come         by the precious blood           that I've given for thee.          

“Rise up           and follow me.”          

Taken by His hand           to rise from the     gulf of misery,           within my broken heart,       I find these words to say:      

No longer will I labor           as a slave in darkness;   rather, I will be   a child of the Light.        

Eternally indebted to   His grace, the payment I now give is to preach   the miracle of life,   of redemption,   of everlasting joy,   that are renewed   by Him who ransomed me.   And I shall ever pay it joyfully.  

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Brothers and sisters, thank you for this time.  I’m really happy to be a part of this Church.  I’m really happy to learn from souls that are not taught channel CW or anywhere else.  I love God, and I love you all.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.