#I just miss 01's cast so much

[toucansafari]

I feel like watching Digimon again

[katyahina]

Gwyn's family tree members references and genetics (! slight updates on 12/30/2024 and 02/01/2025)

(An ask reply to an anon)

(A graph for convenience)

Alright, I will go with what we can certainly make out of the family tree! ...almost. There are definitely some missing links! You don't have to accept all of my suggestions here and only focus on 100% confirmed ones, but I will explain why I added them! Let's start in order!

Gwyn, his mother, his uncle Lloyd and... sister? cousin? fifth known child?

Unfortunately, yes, we can't be sure of Gwyn's eyes color since it appears to be just reflection of fire, nor of his hair color as he looks pretty aged!

UPDATE 01/12/2025: There is a datamined image of Gwyn without facial hair by kingborehaha on Bluesky ( x ):

So, he had a really strong and square jaw XD Might or might not get inherited by Nameless King?

However, Lloyd is his uncle, as well as certain locations connected with the Way of White stuff (Sunlit Altar, altar in Undead Paris that Reah prays at, and altar in Catacombs where you find Darkmoon Seanse ring) all feature a statue of a woman in a crown, that holds an infant with a sword:

I do not believe it is mother of Nameless King at all, since 1) statues of his were destroyed, so why keep the infant one? 2) his trademark weapon is spear, not sword, but Gwyn's IS sword and 3) this statue appears to be some 'common' object connected with Way of White!

UPDATE 01/11/2025: Found this concept art, that also confirms this statue IS of a Goddess, and also shows it in better detail!

Now, I am going to do something I normally dread to do. I am going to..... *swallows nervously* quote the text of the items descriptions in this post, instead of posting screenshots. :s Okay this will be VERY trying, but I have to do it to fit within images limit per post!

WHITE SEANCE RING

A divine ring entrusted to the head bishop of the Way of White and apostle to Allfather Lloyd, uncle to Lord Gwyn. It grants additional attunement slots. The head bishop of the Way of White is the guardian of law and caste, and one of the great royals of Thorolund.

LLOYD'S SWORD RING

Ring given to knights of the Way of White. Depicts Allfather Lloyd's Sword of Law. Boosts attack power when HP is full. Much time has passed since the worship of Lloyd was common in the Way of White. The clerics of Carim had always strongly asserted that Lloyd was a derivative fraud, and that the Allfather title was self-proclaimed. (Japanese script has 'collateral relative' (傍系) rather than 'derivative fraud')

GOLD COIN

Coin made of gold, with Allfather Lloyd and his white halo shown on its face. (...)

Lloyd have been a very relevant figure amongst clerics, taking Gwyn's role after his death until Gwyndolin grew some backbone, and 'white halo' is basically a symbol of the Way of White! However, as an uncle, he'd have to be a brother of either Gwyn's mother or father (I choose mother), and Gwyn's parents are never mentioned... I assume they died earlier. Maybe, like the statue with Gwyn in infancy suggests, too early and Gwyn was basically raised by Lloyd!

We will get to Seath and Shira properly in due time, but in Japanese, Seath's description uses 外戚, which means in-law, related by marriage to a (female) relative of Gwyn! I don't think it is Gwynevere; she is only ever stated to marry Flann, besides, Yorshka calling Gwynevere a sister while also being child of Seath feels like a dealbreaker to me! I don't think it is Fillianore either, since she was given away to keep Pygmy away! But, Shira is a "daughter of the Duke", and also can use lightning that can be a gene if both Gwyn and NK owning it is of any indication!

The thing is... I am not sure who this mysterious relative of Gwyn is, specifically. Sister? Cousin? Unmentioned child? (if Gwyndolin and Filianore were never "showcased" unlike NK and Gwynevere, maybe someone else was dodging the spotlight? heh) Lloyd's element appears to be simply sheer, clear white light, in it's purest form, whereas Gwyn's element is sunlight and lightning, so I feel like this relative at least has to be of the same generation as Gwyn himself or below (like NK)! But, yes..... this family tree is really weird, right?

Nameless King / Faraam and... Izalith?

(This ( x ) video by Crest)

He is another character with whom I am not sure! It appears that he not always had his wonderful mane, but I am not certain whether his hair always was white or not! Unlike other known children of Gwyn, that appear to combine Gwyn's traits with second parent's, NK is also kind of just "Gwyn at home", having nothing much to stand out by his own...? Gwyn's hair is most likely grey from aging, and this could apply to NK as well since he lived for a very long time. He also looks like a husk now!

On the other hand, white/grey hair might be an actual gene running in the family that doesn't depend on age! Just write NK down, this is something that will be useful later! Remember about the jaw shape tho

+ I played around with the idea that Velka could have been his mother since crows are following him too until I got a better idea, but this would be just a fun headcanon! Here ( x ) is a short post if you want to read, but in simple words; Caffrey Goddess of Fortune might have been his mother, to which he owns the chance to rebuld as God of War Faraam instead after having lost everything, who is also a sister of Velka as someone connected to birds too with the wings!

UPDATE 02/01/2025: I actually ended up loving the idea that Nameless King might be a child of affair between Gwyn and Izalith! Like I said, his siblings all have unique traits to stand out for (Gwynevere's healing and "bounty", Filianore's connection with Darkness and Gwyndolin's Moonlight), but he is simply like Gwyn and just has his lightning! So, perhaps his second parent did not have a unique affinity to stand out for, ie was not a God (or a dragon, for that matter)! I think Izalith might fit into this scheme as someone who would still be a figure important enough to be a mother of someone accepted as a legitimate heir of Gwyn, when Fire/Chaos was not always something she'd just pass onto her children:

IZALITH STAFF

Ancient catalyst of the Witch of Izalith and her daughters, used long before the dawn of chaos and of pyromancy.(...)

Him not having any flame or chaos corruption might be simply because he was born before flame became part of Izalith's body! At the same time, him being God of War is thematically appropriate for such parenting! Even putting aside the fact that Izalith and her daughters, indeed, waged war against Gods in the end, Fromsoft consistently has at least one region per game inspired by East Asian places on our planet be torn apart by war or idealising it or both! Izalith (the place) takes inspirations from both Japan and Cambogia, so with their track record it'd be entirely possible if culture of Izalith was pushing heavily on war, and Nameless King inherited the mindset for the lack of better term! After all, Gwyn's sunlight is not just a weapon, yet Nameless King had a focus on this specifically!

Additional point towards this idea is that Queen of Venn (Lost Sinner) and King of Alken (Old Iron King) both had an affair that went nowhere if ended in disaster and inherited souls of Izalith and Gwyn respectively! Souls of the Old Ones resonate with ones with most similar fates and essense, so would not it work even better had Izalith and Gwyn had an affair as well? + a sillier possible """evidence""": Lion people of Forossa are to Nameless King what crow mutants are to Velka, and they are all either brown or dark yellow! Whereas Quelaag and Quelana have brown hair, datamining revealed another daughter, Grana, has dark blond hair ( x )! Who knows, what if that's her genes x)

We only see the appearances of four of Izalith's daughters, and whereas three have normal humans appearance (ignore the lower body mutations!!!), Fair Lady is a little off! Izalith, on the other hand, appears to have a grey skin and blue lips! And it isn't necessarily a result of Chaos corruption or illness or anything of the sort (like look at Queelag having regular human skin tone)! Whereas intended game's lighting makes Fair Lady look as though she has grey skin and pale yellow-ish hair, her textures reveal grey hair and also a normal human skin-tone albeit sickly pale, as well as her stated to be a "deformed" member of the family:

WHITE HAIR TAILSMAN:

...This lock of hair belonged to a deformed member of the chaos witches,mothers of the art of pyromancy. (...)

That clearly refers to how she was born rather than her current mutation, because by this logic Quelaag would be "deformed" too, and yet she isn't singled out like this! Yet some gene that effected Fair Lady independent of Chaos is within the family. What remaining three sisters are like is up to interpretation, but for all we know, the mysterious cold colored skin of Izalith could be inherited.. With the idea of her being the mother of Nameless king, there is a non-zero chance that he'd have grey skin even in his healthy state, independently of what he ended like! Or dark red eyes like Quelaag and Queelana. That'd make an interesting design I guess x)

Gwynevere and her mother Fina / Nehma

Thankfully, Gwynevere HAS decent references, and could even shed a light (ba dum tss) on some genetics!

Her eyes look rather orange, just like the sunlight associated with her healing miracles (Bountiful Sunlight and Soothing Sunlight), yet there is a little grey circle at the pupil! x) It might become relevant later! Fun fact: she has distinct moles on her body ( x )! Though you can observe from her textures too:

As for Fina, I really think she is a SUPER likely candidate for her mother!

Notice how her symbol is Estus Flask, and Gwynevere is strongly associated with healing! As for why Nehma = Fina:

NAME-ENGRAVED RING

A special ring that can be engraved with the name of a god. Becomes easier to connect to worlds of players who chose the same god. There are countless vestiges of long-lost gods in the ruins of Drangleic. Or perhaps they are the very same gods as ours, only known by different names.

Another case right here is Pharis being named Evlana in Drangleic! Similarly, Fina got another name, since she IS Goddess of Love!

EMBRACED ARMOR OF FAVOR

Armor of Lautrec the Embraced, representing the goddess Fina's love. The goddess's arms wrap around it, as if to embrace the wearer.

^ This line makes me wonder whether Fina was not a regular humanoid God, but had literally golden body! There is a nameless and faceless Blacksmith Deity in the setting whose death gave birth to Titanite Demons, so why not another atypical God like this? I can imagine her being mostly non-physical save for some... obvious places

ESTUS FLASK

The Undead treasure these dull green flasks. Fill with Estus at bonfire. Fills HP. The Estus Flasks are linked to the Fire Keepers. The Dark Tales also make reference: An emerald flask, from the Keeper's soul She lives to protect the flame, And dies to protect it further.

^ Lautrec kills Anastacia and takes her soul, and his next destination past that point is Anor Londo, but specifically the hall that leads to "Gwynevere's" chamber! He made Fina's love his whole guidance, Estus Flask is a symbol of Fina in Dark Souls 2 menu, Estus Flask is made of a Soul of a Fire Keeper, Gwynevere seems to be very much connected with love and healing too, and he goes to where "she" is! I would not put it past him that "Gwynevere" messed up his radar, he seems to act irrational in his delusion about being "loved by Fina", but you can see everything about this questline is thematically connected! ...there is also the fact that if Lautrec's armor is of any indication, Fina was wearing a crown! Gwyn was the king, so another one crowned would be his wife, right?

I think whereas Gwynevere didn't inherit Fina's (presumed) golden body and turned out a regular humanoid deity, the orange glint of her eyes might be Fina's gene, a color of healing (the liquid in Estus Flask)! Gwyn's eye color might actually be grey and only show in her eyes vaguely! (This is a surprise tool that will help us later). Brown hair might belong to either Fina, or to Gwyn when he was way younger! Or.. to Gwyn's parent? Put a pin on this!

Rosaria, Anri and Horace

I think Rosaria's line is the furthest diluted from the divine ancestry, since having children with a human resulted in JUST humans, not sort of Demigods! Also, Irithyllian preset does say these humans have "features of old gods"!

(Video by Bonfire VN ( x ))

Unfortunately, Rosaria doesn't have eye texture! Grey skin looks cool, but oh well. I suppose it is more fair to take the look from the final version, which is just normal, if only slightly less saturated!

Her hair appears to be not black but actually just dark grey, like Filianore's, however, Anri, Horace and average Irithyllian appear to have black hair!

(From this ( x ) page, without Hollowing filter)

dggsdfsfd Yeah I know, most of Dark Souls 3 face data is just bald, and their hair color data is just black, but! I think it is kind of "legit" since you can see their eyebrows, that are black too! Sorry for a cursed joke about Artorias though, he does have black hair and I just thought it was a funny idea that he did sleep with Gwynevere at some point- look, Gods were wery proud of his accomplishments against the Abyss and even gave him that medal ok? fsjjfd xD

Why Anri's Hollowing is "regular" and Horace's is green-ish that was introduced in Drangleic is another topic tbh. But, I think that Anri takes more after Rosaria, whereas Horace takes more after Aldrich! Anri's grey eyes are from Rosaria, and I think Aldrich would have blue eyes like Horace's! look it is thematically appropriate right?

Also an idea: maybe Anri's gender thing should be taken at a face value? Although basically just a human at this rate, they are still a kid of a mother of rebirth, so maybe they legitimately can have either biological gender for the purpose of being able to have children with any person? Just an ability inherited from Rosaria, because this is what Rosaria's power is about! What do you think?

Flann and Dancer of the Boreal Valley

Flann was a God of Fire, and Dancer is stated to be a direct descendant in the royal line!

RING OF THE SUN PRINCESS (DS1)

This ring is granted to those who enter a Covenant with Gwynevere, daughter of Lord Gwyn and the Princess of Sunlight. This slightly warm ring boosts the synergy of miracles. The Princess of Sunlight Gwynevere left Anor Londo along many other deities, and later became wife to Flame God Flann.

SUN PRINCESS RING (DS3)

(...) Gwynevere left her home with a great many other deities, and became a wife and a mother, raising several heavenly children.

I think that the place the Gods of Anor Londo left to was Heide in Drangleic, and even there we arrive long past its ruin! Not certain where they are now and how many generations of these children appeared, but at least some direct children or even descendants returned into Lordran continent! Aldia, Creighton and Gilligan travelled from Drangleic to Lordran continent, so why not some of these relatives too? (Considering how oddly nobody in Drangleic knows shit about Lordran continent despite it being literally there oversees, I take it as it got concealed for undefined time, and maybe these descendants of Gwynevere, along with some other Gods, opened the path back to it?)

SOUL OF THE DANCER

Soul of the dancer. One of the twisted souls, steeped in strength. Use to acquire many souls, or transpose to extract its true strength. The Pontiff Sulyvahn bestowed a double-slashing sword upon a distant daughter of the formal royal family, ordering her to serve first as a dancer, and then as an outrider knight, the equivalent to exile.

(In Japanese, 旧王家の末裔 - 'descendant of the Old Royal Family')

DANCER'S CROWN

Crown worn by the Dancer of the Boreal Valley. The mirage-like aurora veil is said to be an article of the old gods, permitted only for direct descendants of the old royal family.

Dancer can conjure fire in her hands, which the Pontiff and Fire Witches who use the Profaned Flame can't do, which might imply hers is all natural, and does this smoke-like thing when using her dark magic sword (which is, again, unlike the Pontiff's actual arsenal with HIS dark magic sword). Considering Flann is God of Flame, her capacity for using fire and ash "naturally" convinced me that she descends from Gwynevere and him!

Unfortunately, nothing to latch onto considering her or Flann's appearance, really.. But I'd suggest that if she takes his abilities more than Gwynevere's, whatever you imagine Flann looking like, she'd look more like him as well!

Queen of Lothric, Lothric, Lorian, Oceiros and Ocelotte

Well, first things first: I do not think Queen of Lothric IS Gwynevere! There are no damning evidences for this!

For one, Gwynevere's name is not forgotten or obscured by the events of Dark Souls 3, it is mentioned in descriptions and by Yorshka, so why would it be omitted under just 'Queen of Lothric'! Second, Gwynevere is still referred to as a princess consistently, she never queened-up! The only exception from this is illusion of Gwynevere calling herself a queen, and... well, it was needed, to support the legend. :p Third, Rosaria is also linked to items associated with Gwynevere, same as Queen of Lothric, so this is just descent, really!

But what truly cemented my opinion is that in Japanese script, Queen of Lothric is said to be compared with 'the' Goddess of Bounty and Grace! (Taken from this ( x ) document by Last Protagonist, it is for Bloodborne but it has a Dark Souls WIP folder). Why would Gwynevere be compared with herself? :p

(Upper image of the ribbon in statue by Lokey's Lore ( x )) The ribbons seem to miss in the concept art, but I feel like they got added to further hint at descent rather than to... well, add a plot hole...? x) Miyazaki initially wanted Gwynevere to have motherly vibe and the design we have now only exists because the guy who drew that concept liked it too much, so maybe his initial idea for her got a second chance in another character?

Like I said, the grey in the eyes WAS important, because, look! The brothers' eyes ARE grey! :p Their hair is actually very grey as well; with a very slight hint of blond for Lothric and slight hint of brown for Lorian, but you can tell game's lighting makes their hair look way more saturated than they actually are! Lothric's eyes are also blind of course, you can more clearly see from the texture that the pupil is ruined..

Notice that Oceiros is also lacking scales, but is growing fungi-like things that are otherwise found in Vagrants!

UPDATE 02/01/2025: Ocelotte's model is a cut content, but apparently the model does persist in finished game still, even if we cannot see it!

(From this ( x ) video)

In Dark Souls 2, essence of Seath lives on same as Gwyn's, Izalith's and Nito's but in a form of nearly an "element", and corrupts the Duke of Tseldora into madness, driving him to indulge in mad experiments and create weird beings! It is possible that this happens again in Dark Souls 3 when now the vessel of "Seath" becomes Oceiros instead and similar descent into madness repeats! Very ironically, Seath DID reach immortality if you think of it, but he no longer realises that he did fhdfhds As for Vagrants, I wonder whether it was intentional too, since Seath did experiment with marine life forms quite a lot (Pisacas, Giant Clams)...?

I think the grey eyes and hair is linked to Queen of Lothric; the orange hues must have weakened over generations, and it is not the last of grey hair you'll see x) Really have no idea what Oceiros would've passed onto them, though...? I imagine brown-ish hair from the side of Queen of Lothric (passed in a much greyer form to Lorian), and blond hair from the side of Oceiros (passed in a much greyer form to Lothric)!

Gundyr, Gertrude and their parents

GUNDYR'S HELM

Ancient helm of a set of cast iron armor, belonging to Champion Gundyr. Modeled after a former king. Gundyr, or the Belated Champion, was bested by an unknown warrior. He then became sheath to a coiled sword in the hopes that someday, the first flame would be linked once more.

古い王 - king from long ago, king from the past, etc

Gundyr doesn't appear to be one of Oceiros' children, but I've been thinking about it for a while.. I figured out what made the most sense for his story is being a collateral relative to the twin princes, considering he was sent out to replace Lothric (well, this is what he was told..) It will be a tangent to explain, so here ( x ) are my conclusions on what exactly happened with Gundyr!

Granted, I might end up making him more of a distant relation than her direct son from previous marriage- it'd be even better, to be honest! But, this is a base draft of the family tree. His helmet resembles his ancestor, that, again, would work better as someone several generations apart from him!

UPD 12/30/2024: I did decide it made more sence if "ancient king" was... well, ancient fdgfdsd And appeared to be ancestry of Oceiros instead, with Gundyr being collaterally related to Oceiros! I am not strong with familial terms so I am not sure what this relation is called now if I move him further than being half-brothers with the twins and Ocelotte :o Just thought it worked better!

BOUNTIFUL LIGHT

Miracle taught to knights of Gertrude, holy maiden to the Queen. Gradually restores a large amount of HP. The Heavenly Daughter is said to be the Queen's child.

DIVINE PILLARS OF LIGHT

Miracle of Gertrude, the Heavenly Daughter. Brings down multiple pillars of light in the vicinity. The Queen's holy maiden Gertrude was visited by an angel, who revealed this tale to her.(...)

The fact that her own daughter is simultaneously described as her servant of sorts gave me an impression of being the bastard child! I guess one thing Gwynevere certainly passes down to her descendants is sleeping around, except this is ACTUALLY Fina's fault hdhfshfgsdh

Seath, Gwyndolin, Filianore and Priscilla. How Caitha could fit into a family?

I think this is apparent that Gwyndolin is a child between Gwyn and Seath, as serpents in this lore are "imperfect dragons", and Seath himself is inherently connected to Moonlight element (Moonlight Butterflies he created, Moonlight Greatword being literally made from a part of his body)!

COVETOUS GOLD SERPENT RING

The serpent is an imperfect dragon and symbol of the Undead. Its habit of devouring prey even larger than itself has led to an association with gluttony. This gold ring, engraved with the serpent, boosts its wearer's item discovery, so that more items can be amassed.

MOONLIGHT GREATSWORD

This sword, one of the rare dragon weapons, came from the tail of Seath the Scaleless, the pale white dragon who betrayed his own. Seath is the grandfather of sorcery, and this sword is imbued with his magic, which shall be unleashed as a wave of moonlight.

And, yes, needless to mention that Gwyndolin is a sorcerer. Sorcery is THE Seath's thing!

I would actually take Aldrich's render with a grain of salt; right, we don't know what Gwyndolin's eyes were like in Dark Souls 1, but also Gwyndolin has white/greyish skin, when Aldrich using this body has a pretty much human skin tone! The hair on Aldrich also appears to be way more white (a trait of being corrupted by Dark, check Four Kings or Abyss Watchers), not grey like Gwyndolin's 🤔 I guess his look is more of an approximation than literally just using Gwyndolin's body! Though, pale eye color can still be used as a headcanon! Just maybe less dead looking..?

UPDATE 02/01/2025: I've been thinking about inconsistency of Gwyndolin's design a bit more, and here ( x ) is a separate post compiling those! (don't worry it IS actually short!) The gist of it is that white skin and even the snakes might even be a result of prolonged exposure to estrogen Moonlight Aura, so his parenting is up to more intepretation than I initially assumed! My interpretation lingers on the idea that relation between Gwyndolin, Priscilla and Yorshka is a biological one, not spiritual or adopted! Yet even then, who can tell if white skin (and snakes, and boobies) is NOT a trait that will just "wear out" without contstant nourishment by Moonlight aura? Aldrich's version of Gwyndolin's body honestly opens more questions than it answers, but I say remarkably grey hair of Gwyndolin IS his natural hair color and Aldrich's body's white hair is an alteration! I am bouncing off of these pointers.

Filianore also has this grey hair with a very slight hint of brown that might as well be neglected! Her eyes also appear to be corrupted by sort of wooden texture, and after time runs wild, she honestly reminds me of what Elana looks like...? Turning into wood is a common sign of devolution in this setting as everything that isn't a Dragon evolved from the trees! But... furthermore, connected with darkness.

It is Humanity when it is not running wild! Four Kings becoming very tree-like is the quickest example! The void-face type of Giants also turn into trees upon devolving and, interestingly enough, their particular souls have a spot of darkness within! Further clue towards Filianore having some Dark in her by nature is the very fact that she was sent away with Pygmy lords! Would not a God that actually has some Dark/Humanity in them be THE best candidate to keep them in check.... and the one most likely to remain safe there in Gwyn's eyes, you know?

Priscilla has a little scales and eyes, unlike Seath, despite being most likely his child! Seath being white-colored is accentuated, and so is her being "stark-white" crossbreed!

SOUL OF PRISCILLA

(...) Use the soul of this crossbreed bastard child and antithesis to all life to acquire a huge amount of souls, or to create a unique weapon.

LIFEHUNT SCYTHE

Scythe born from the soul of Priscilla, the stark white crossbreed trapped inside the Painted World of Ariamis. Even the Gods feared Priscilla's lifehunt ability, and in the hands of a mortal, its power will turn upon its wielder.

I think Priscilla and Yorshka have to have a shared second parent, since you can get a miracle version of Priscilla's Lifehunt Scythe when Aldrich dreams of Yorshka! At the same time, Gwyndolin is the lastborn of Gwyn yet Yorshka is their younger sister, nor Priscilla or Yorshka are recognised as Gods by the narrative! Basically.. Gwyn got cucked dfggffd I keep telling you all and you don't believe me!!

Okay, but what connects Priscilla to Darkness is definitely not from Seath's ancestry, as Dragons are beyond Light or Dark! I absolutely agree with the idea that Priscilla and Velka were connected; Velka's crow people and some clerics are in the Painted World of Ariamis, Occult Ember is here, Priscilla's Dagger has Occult affinity, in Dark Souls 3 the Crows worship Priscilla, there is a statue of mother holding a child... But, I think Velka rather adopted her than was her biological mother! Another thing is that Velka is a "heretical" deity, implying she made Darkness her own weapon rather than was naturally aligned with it or corrupted by it to the core! What Priscilla inherited though, had to be inherited directly, biologically, naturally and not learned, since her "ability" manifested since infancy:

PECULIAR DOLL

A strange doll in strange dress. There once was an abomination who had no place in this world. She clutched this doll tightly, and eventually was drawn into a cold and lonely painted world.

The Daughters of the Dark in Dark Souls 2 are fragments of Manus' own darkness, and their elements naturally oppose everything about Gods and their world! Nashandra's element is Death and Alsanna's element is Ice/Cold, both opposing Life and Fire respectively! Elana is the devolution into a tree life form, whereas Nadalia is ash - both oppose the concept of time as Age of Fire created it! Elana by devolution, Nadalia by exhaustion as ash is final result of burning, when nothing IS left to burn! And in every game, death more blatantly goes hand in hand with the darkness, too.

Priscilla embodies two of these: Ice and Death! She is even connected with invisibility, too! At the same time, since Gwyndolin's hair is AKTYALY grey, Yorshka's hair is brown and Shira's hair is brown also and was white only in the concept, her white hair might also be result of the Dark settling within, not same as her white fur!

As for who IS that mysterious parent that passed the 'Darkness gene' to Filianore, Priscilla and Yorshka...? Okay, here I will slide a theory about how Caitha of all people fits the role well ( x ) compiled very well by @val-of-the-north, if you want to read! It is too hard to just put all that here and deserves a separate post, as there are many clues towards this theory but.. let's say this takes more than five minutes to explain. It is her connection with Death that is here for Priscilla and Yorshka (since in DS3, Priscilla is not really "young" nor "in hiding"), Aldrich literally using exact copy of Nito's Blade, Church of the Deep formerly being Caitha's chapel and taken from her, Caitha being connected with the Dark without a doubt, Filianore's egg being too much like Vagrant's shell to be ignored, Nito's wife being hinted as water goddess, Vagrants being marine creatures, Seath himself being interested in researching weird marine creatures (that might even work as reason to work with Caitha a lot even before his insanity arc), Caitha's tears crystallizing when it is otherwise an effect of draconic curses (wear protection when you fuck a dragon, kids fsfds)....

Look it's a lot and. It fits into a separate post better. I really liked it and honestly think it fits within lore! Besides, Gwyn sure likes to flirt with the danger, as scared as he is. 🙄 He was enemy of the dragons but let Seath close and kept Midir alive, he feared humans but still trusted Four Kings... would not put it past him to look at someone aligned with the Darkness and go "I should not put my dick in it, however," fhsdhff

Shira and Yorshka

(Shira's face data from this ( x ) page)

Her hair is dark blond, in the final version? Her eyes are also green though, even if not as radiant in color as Priscilla's! Her name literally means 'white' though, and she is 'daughter of the Duke and descendant of the Gods'! You can also see the original intention for her was white hair! or..... is it grey hair? AGAIN? x)

SHIRA'S CROWN

Crown of Shira, knight in service to Filianore. Finely crafted with silver and fashioned with a pearl from a Man Eater Shell. (...)

SHIRA'S ARMOR

(...) apropos to both a handmaiden of the Princess and one whose veins coarse with royal blood.

I am not sure why she turned out to be so humanoid, not showing draconian features whatsoever! Perhaps how many features manifest is a random chance, and her mom's genes just turned out to be much stronger than Seath's, especially if she was one of the Gods on Gwyn's family! Or maybe whereas Gwyndolin was raised through Moon aura, Shira, on the other hand, had exposure to Sunlight aura? Whereas former possibly enhanches dragonic features, latter would suppress them by an effect?

This also makes me wonder if Seath's "intended" eye color is green, and that would be the color if he had eyes?

(Images by Moonlight Ruin on Twitter ( x ))

I think Yorshka has her mother's eyes, as they do not have draconian narrow pupil! (Well, if it was Caitha, she very likely has blue eye and red eye, and this is just the blue!)

Seath is not only white, but also cyan/blue/purple/pink, and Yorshka displays these features! As well as taking after the mysterious parent with the 'Dark genetics', specifically with the ability manifesting as Death / Lifehunt shared with Priscilla:

LIFEHUNT SCYTHE (DS3)

Miracle of Aldrich, Devourer of Gods. Steals HP of foes using an illusory scythe. Aldrich dreamt as he slowly devoured the God of the Darkmoon. In this dream, he perceived the form of a young, pale girl in hiding.

All things considered, I feel like brown and dark blond hair gene comes from somewhere in Gwyn's family! However, the grey hair gene apparently suppresses it on every occasion! There is also a possibility that both Yorshka and Shira were born with white hair and either 1) this gene is weak and wears out on itself over time 2) this gene is connected with Seath's moonlight energy and wears out without nourishment or 3) white hair reacts on moonlight in general and is now darker color because moon is darker!

Dunnel and Painter

I just think Dunnel is a likely candidate for whoever was father of the Painter:

PYROMANCER'S PARTING FLAME

The pyromancy flame of Livid Pyromancer Dunnel that attracts the echoes of the death. When Dunnel lost his hideous spouse, he gave his own pyromancy flame as an offering, which transformed into a parting flame. Not long after, Dunnel became a mad spirit, cursed to wander the lands.

Priscilla is referred to as an abomination within the lore, and hideous spouse is not quite far off! It clearly refers to the context of what life itself fears rather than... well, like, her actual appearance. And Priscilla is connected with Death, whereas combining his flame with her changed it into something connected with Death as well! He also invades in a place that looks a lot like her arena in Dark Souls 1!

Bro just looks like old Patches -_-

(Video by BonfireVN ( x ))

Her skin is definitely more grey and dragon-ish, but I am not sure to which family member I could link orange eye color to :') Just the fact that she is meant to envision the Flame, I guess?

_________________________

Okay, thank you for giving me a reason to organise all this! I thought I'd just dump some references together, but it turned out to be sort of an analysis, and I figured some useful things for myself too! So, my conclusions are:

Grey hair gene is very real, it might even be natural hair color of Gwyn and Nameless King, not reliant on their age! Gwyndolin's hair is also grey, and Aldrich's version having white hair is reasonable since Darkness corruption seems to cause white hair!

Brown hair gene most likely appears from Gwyn's mother, or other relative of his

Descendants of Gwynevere tend to have grey hair and grey eyes, seems like the brightness of sunlight have worn out over time genetically in this family

Dancer is the only known 'apparent' descendant of Gwynevere and Flann, others appear to be either much more diluted or not having ties to Flann at all

There is a 'Darkness gene' running in the family in Filianore, Priscilla and Yorshka that manifests in different forms like it was with Daughters of Dark (ice and death with Priscilla, death with Yorshka, defiance of time with trees/ash with Filianore)

Mixing with a dragon genetically has very random results, from apparent to absolutely indiscernable

Someone GOT to inherit Gwyn's super square jaw shape at some point XD

Seath's "intended" eye color is most likely green, so it is one of the variants for what Gwyndolin's eye color might be!

[lunerenzo]

Next Lifetime, 01

Art cred(s); @wacuoms

☆ Pairing(s). Barista!Suguru geto x Nursing student! reader 

☆ Content. Swearing, mentions of self harm (not seriously though), conversations of college, fluff, talks of food, reader is intended to be black but anyone can read, please let me know if i missed anything :)

☆ Notes. Hi guys! First off, thank you so so so much for a hundred followers! I appreciate it so much and am so grateful! This is going to be a series so expect more pieces from me soon and yeah. That's all I got for right now.  Words in bold is reader.

☆ Word count. 997

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED, Enjoy!

Masterlist. | Next.

‘Fuck mornings.’ Is the mantra that repeats in Suguru’s mind as he turns on the cafe’s lights. Laying his hands on his face before inevitably dragging them down, shrugging his coat off and hanging it against the wall before making his way out the backroom. “Who the fuck is even up this early to get coffee? ‘S ridiculous.” He grumbles as he stumbles to the front of the establishment, flipping the sign that hangs on the door to ‘open’. 

The smell of coffee and soft music slowly wakes him up, heating up pastries and putting them in their respective places in the display glass, the usual. Suguru looks at the clock on his lockscreen, its only been fifteen minutes? He huffs, leaning against the counter as his arms are tucked under each other. He sits there staring blankly at the wall. He could read, or doddle, or-, the bell at the front door rings. Isn’t it like six o’clock in the morning? Why would somebody be out of the house this early? Geto sighs as he turns around. “Welcome and good morning. How can-” Everything stops. The music, the sounds of coffee brewing, the clock in the corner, everything. In Front of him sat a girl, roughly his age. She was beautiful, dewy skin glowing in the light of the rising sun. An elastic headband pushing some of her hair out her face. Brown tortoiseshell glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. “Um.” God, even her voice was amazing. 

“S-Sorry, um, howw can I help you?” Shit, how long has he been staring? His eyes cast down in embarrassment as he tusks a strand of hair behind his ear. He’s racking his brain to see if he’s remembered her from somewhere. A regular or something? No. Well, the school year just started and there’s a university not that far from here. That’s probably it….or maybe not. She's wearing scrubs, so maybe she has some type of early shift at a hospital. “Is the brown sugar espresso good?” “Uh, i mean yeah. I like it.” The girl nods, sitting there idly for a bit. “Yeah I’ll take that and aaa…creme brulee donut.” Suguru nods, tapping on the screen and logging in quickly. “Oat milk okay?” “Yeah, that’s fine.” He hums putting in the order before looking back up, hand reaching back to the nape of his neck twirl and pull his hair nervously. “Anything else?” She declines, shuffling through her purse and handing her card.

Geto damn near short circles when his hand brushes her. Busy swiping the card and doing whatever else, a slight aroma of peaches fills the air. He sniffed slightly, was that her? “Here you go.” He mumbles as he hands her back the card. The girl flashes him a smile as she takes the card back. When Geto turns around he mentally hypes himself up as he makes her drink, his face feeling like it was on fire as he prepares himself to engage in small talk. ‘Come on Suguru, you got this.’ He takes a deep as he puts ice in the metallic cup, “So, whats your name?” “[reader], you?” “Suguru, suguru geto.” “Oh, thats a nice name.” He might be dying, like actually. “T-Thanks. You got a morning shift? I mean we’re uh…pretty far from the hospital.” Did he just stutter? His palms begin to get clammy as he pours the syrup to the bottom of the cup. Why can’t a sinkhole just his size open up right under him? “Oh no, i’m not a nurse. Not yet at least, I'm going to the medical university not that far from here.” He could feel her eyes in the back of his head. Dear god, what is happening? He’s never been this nervous in his life. Okay, maybe once or twice, but to talk to a girl? Never. Her voice was so light and cheerful.

“That’s whats up. Umm…got anything that you like studying or something that interests you?” ‘Just focus on making the drink. Focus and everything will go smoothly.’ Geto thinks as he pour the espresso and oat milk into the cup. Shaking it quickly and a bit roughly before pouring it in a plastic to-go cup. “I enjoy the simulations, they have these extremely realistic robots, like i i was in a simulation lab with a friend, ya’know just practicing, and one just yelled out ‘i want my mommy’.” He chuckles softly. Putting on the cups top and he put it on the front counter. Towards the pickup side. “I’d honestly be terrified if i were you.” He mumbles as he grabs a small parchment paper bag. Squatting down and grabbing the tongs to put one of the huge brulee donuts inside. He stands back up, folding the top flap and putting a little sticker to keep it sealed. “Here.” Suguru mumbles with a small smile. His hand brushes against hers once more, her skin was so soft. “You smell like peaches.” He blurts out, and immediately regrets it. His entire face and ears flushed into a shade of red. Embarrassment eating him whole, he’s throwing himself off a building. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why i said that, i just-” [Reader] giggles, waving her hand dismissively. “You’re fine and thank you.” She says after a while. Full lips pulled into a graceful smile, his breathe hitched slightly. She was ethereal, like some type of painting you’d see from the renaissance era.

“N-No problem. Uh…s-see you around?” Geto stammers, looking at the girl across the counter. He felt like he was floating, is this what people mean when they talk about love at first sight? Cause he totally gets the hype. “Yeah. I’ll be around every now and then.” He nods frantically, “Yeah, okay.” [Reader] giggles one more time. Before grabbing her food and waving at him as she walks out the door. Him doing the same and waving a good bye as she leaves. ‘Shit.’

☆A/N. I don't really having anything else to say besides I'm working on the second chapter rn and if anyone want to be on the tag list let me know!

© 2023 lunerenzo, please don’t plagiarize or translate work.

[itwasrealtome]

BEST BELOVED

CHAPTER THREE — BENEFITS

⚠️ DO NOT READ IF THIS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU

Scarlett Johansson x fem!OC fic | Masterlist

Summary: Elle and Scarlett do something they shouldn't and Elle is late.

Content Warning : 18+ MDNI. Starts off with smut | Fingering (Elle receiving) | Friends with benefits kind of relationship (btw Elle and Scarlett) | Scarlett being a tease |

Navigation :

Chapter Two

Chapter Four

Don’t miss any more chapters or info by being tagged

TikTok

•••

LOS ANGELES — CALIFORNIA

DECEMBER 01, 2016

— You're gonna come for me, sweetheart?

If you asked Scarlett to name her favorite view, she'd likely choose her current one — though, in truth, she could never settle on just one. Seated in the front row, she had the perfect vantage point to watch the entire show unfold before her.

Eyes up, she could see the extraordinary view. A body swaying to the rhythm of rising pleasure, its skin flushed and glowing more intensely with each passing moment. Muscles rippled beneath glistening skin, every curve and line taut with the tension of approaching release. The sheen of sweat caught the light, bringing out the dips and swells as it moved, a mesmerizing display of physicality and passion.

The chest rose and fell rapidly, each breath a struggle to maintain composure against the onslaught of sensation. Fingers gripped the sheets tightly, knuckles white as if they were the only anchor in a storm of ecstasy. The abdomen quivered, muscles contracting involuntarily as the pleasure built, coiling tighter and tighter within the core.

— Please, Elle moans, her hands threading through Scarlett's hair. Don't stop... It feels s-so good.

Scarlett's grin grew even more cheeky, her eyes drifting lower to fully appreciate the scene before her. The legs were spread, quivering slightly, the thighs slick with the undeniable evidence of desire. Toes curled, and the back arched, as if the body were trying to escape the overwhelming intensity but finding no refuge.

Fingers sliding deeper, Scarlett felt Elle's hips begin to move, instinctively seeking more with each gentle roll. The rhythm was unspoken, a wordless dialogue between them as Elle's body arched toward Scarlett's touch, craving the fulfillment that was just out of reach. Every movement was a silent plea, a delicate dance of desire, as Elle's breath hitched and her grip on Scarlett's hair tightened, urging her to keep going, to push her further into the bliss she so desperately sought.

— I need your mouth.

A slow, wicked smile spread across the blonde's lips as she heard the plea, her chuckle low and almost predatory. The sound vibrated between them, teasing, promising. Scarlett leaned in closer, letting her breath ghost over Elle's skin, savoring the anticipation.

— Oh, darling, she murmured, her tone rich with amusement. You're gonna have to be patient. I'm just getting started.

***

As the sun beat down intensely on the windows, the young actress stirred, waking from a well-earned yet impromptu sleep. The warm light filtered through the glass, casting a golden glow across the room as she slowly sat up, blinking away the remnants of her slumber. She swallowed several times, her mouth dry and pasty, an unmistakable aftertaste lingering on her tongue from the earlier activities.

Beside her laid the woman whose smell and taste now felt intimately united with hers, one arm still thrown protectively around her. Elle reached out beyond herself, her fingertips running along the blonde's jawline. It felt almost familiar now. So much that it felt equally terrifying. Neither of them had intended this to happen, but it was fair to say that their little secret mutually benefited both of them.

Scarlett had recently become the mother of a little girl and had just divorced her husband, who lived on the other side of the Atlantic. In Elle, she found both carnal and emotional comfort, things she'd clearly been craving in recent months.

For Elle, it was different. She saw in the New Yorker a multitude of things. It started with what you might call a crush. She watched from a distance, trying to temper the red in her cheeks as soon as the woman spoke to her. But then, she got a taste and knew she would want more.

As her phone read 6:30 pm, Elle jumped to her feet, a series of complaints escaping her still sex-red lips. She hadn't planned to stay this late. In her haste, she let Scarlett's arm bounce back on the mattress, waking the actress in the process.

— El? What's going on? she mumbled, reaching for the sheet and pulling it up to her chest. Why are you running around naked in my room?

The brunette didn't stop, gradually picking up her clothes from the floor. Her jeans and underwear made it to the bedroom, but she's sure her T-shirt got lost on the way. She pulled on her socks, dancing on one foot and then the other. Scarlett said nothing, enjoying the view as Elle bent over again, looking for her panties.

— What have you done to my panties?

Scarlett's laugh was husky and drew a smile to the corner of Elle's lips despite her serious expression. The sheet slipped from her grasp and the fine breeze hit her nipples. From under the pillow, she removed the black lace underwear and dangled it from her index finger.

— Looking for this, pretty girl? her smirk gave Elle the urge to throw a pillow at her. Maybe you should come and see if you can get it back.

The lingerie spun around the index finger, wrapping around itself, until Scarlett slipped it under the sheets. Elle let out a grunt and watched the fabric disappear between her lover's thighs.

— I need it, Ley, whined Elle, climbing onto the bed. I'm already super late. Please.

Straddling the blonde, the younger woman's body, naked except for her socks, hovered above her. Her hand slid under the sheets in search of the highly coveted object. She lightly caressed a few curves, the path now hardly unfamiliar, until she hit her target.

— You're no fun.

Elle got to her feet and raised a scoffing eyebrow. She narrowly dodged Scarlett's wandering hand and slipped on her underwear and jeans. Now was no longer the time to play.

— Speaking of fun, the brunette sat back down on the edge of the bed. Since Carter will remain in my care, I've established a few rules with him. One of them is that he must have my permission to invite anyone to the house. And no lovers, even for me.

Words were just words to Scarlett as she watched her friend, still topless, stand so close to her. She'd never been a fan of rules and now was no exception. She leaned in, just enough to let her lips slide down Elle's shoulder, then into her neck.

— It's a good thing we're just... very special friends, then.

The young woman's scoff turned into a low moan as Scarlett's teeth nipped at her skin once more. If this were an interrogation technique, Elle would have told her everything by now. She ran her fingers through the blonde's short hair, keeping her face as close as possible.

— You make it hard to leave, gasped Elle, her right breast cupped in a gentle palm. I'm really behind...

— Do I get to see you tomorrow?

Scarlett showered Elle's face with kisses, working her way up to her lips. She couldn't contain herself, she wanted more. If their respective schedules allowed, Scarlett would take the young brunette hostage for several days in a row.

— Can't... I promised Carter I'd help him redecorate the room.

At the thought of her brother, Elle leaned back just enough to plant a kiss on her lover's lips. She unsettled Scarlett just long enough to get up and flee from temptation. She gathered up the last of her belongings before taking one last look at the bed.

— Don't think too much about me, Johansson!

•••

Taglist: @micaluvssoccer @rain-mikaelson @starbucks-06 @taylucky13 @womenlovingwomen-imagines @aqiia24 @youdontknowwhotfiamm @mmmmokdok @unexpected-character @iheartmilfies @taylucky13 @aqiia24 @natalia-quinzel @youdontknowwhotfiamm @mmmmokdok @electricboost @angeliqueh5331 @emskisworld @sami1642 @waltermis @imjai02 @enjoytheentireworld @marvelandotheruniversesloveradhd @jatrovyknedl @madamevirgo @canvasscoloredin @red1culous @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @butwhynothavesomwmore @lyak12 @hi-1-1 @anku1901 @ssaaggwwaa @g1u2y @greyslover3004

[booksbydlwhite]

Leave the Thrillers, Take the Romance: A Mid-January Update

Hey friends! Welcome to episode 107 of The Bookcast. I'm recording today with a bit of a cold, so I sound funny, but I'm here and that's all that matters.  I  had to come in and share a mid-month update on my latest reads, writing efforts and author wins with you. Also, it snowed in Atlanta, a thing that only happens every few years, so there's that.   

Book Report

I have read 14 of 100 books. I'm well ahead of my challenge and as per usual, I'll re-evaluate mid year. SO FAR it looks like I am going to be bumping up the goal much earlier. I just love reading. Here's what I've read so far this month- note I was on vacation for the first six days of the month.  I'm trying something new by tracking on both Goodreads and StoryGraph. I don't personally enjoy storygraph but I want to stick it out to see if I get good reporting at the end of the year. Goodreads is very social but not good at reporting. 

Track Her Down by Melinda Leigh (Bree Taggart #10)

A Winter Crest Christmas Reloaded: Mia and Zen by Cordae

One More to Die by Joy Ellis (Audible Original)

Tell Her Story by Margo Hunt (Audible Original)

The Family Lies by Angela Henry

The Setup by Falguni Kothari

Lacey James series by Chris Patchell

Shooting the Moon by Brenda Novak

Westmoreland Legacy series bundle by Brenda Jackson: 

The Rancher Returns

His Secret Son

An Honorable Seduction

The Secret Witness by Victor Methos

More Than Friends by Reese Ryan (Love and Music Suite #3)

Writing Updates:

Currently working on a Valentine's Day story titled Rules in Romance

Calculated Risk is with my editor and due end of February

Missing Persons is complete but needs editing

Still plugging away at my Berkeley Sisters trilogy

Writing fan fiction on my Substack (short fiction by dlwhite.substack.com)

I ended the episode asking how you all are planning to get through these interesting times ahead. Drop me a line - I'd love to hear from you!

Support the show

Support this show with a recurring gift at bookcast.buzzsprout.com. Follow my substack at authordlwhite.substack.com Buy books by DL White at https://payhip.com/booksbydlwhite Buy Merch by DLWhite at my spreadshop. Find the Bookcast on booksbydlwhite.com/bookcast or your fave podcast app: Apple Podcasts | Spotify |Overcast | Podlink| Youtube

TRANSCRIPT

DL White [00:00:14]:

Hello. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Happy Sunday or whatever day or time of day you might be listening to this podcast. Welcome back to the book cast. I am so glad you are here, boos and bros, book pals, fans of the written word. I'm a little bit loopy.

DL White [00:00:34]:

I know you can hear it in my voice. I got a lot of nasally things going on. I do have a cold. I think I am on the end of it, but I am very coffee, sneezy, sniffly, and I have not taken any cold meds because I'm weird. So I think after I record, I may actually take cold meds. So, anyhow, welcome back to the book cast. I am DL White, your host. I am an Atlanta based author of 15 published novels, 16 written ones that you'll hear about calculated risk later this year.

DL White [00:01:14]:

Actually, I think it's more than 16 because I have also finished missing persons. I don't know. I've lost count now is where I'm at. I know I'm not at 20 yet. Anyway, novels, short stories, fan fiction, I write them. I also read. I'm a reader first. So we begin with the book report as always, and then we talk about writing and topics of the day.

DL White [00:01:40]:

I no longer plan out this podcast, so that's why I'm rambling. And perhaps I should go back to planning out the podcast, but, honestly, I feel like it goes so much better when I'm just I get up. I look at the my my, book report information, my Goodreads challenge mainly, figure out where I'm at for the month so I can report, look at my sales to see, like, do I have anything to talk about? Yes? No? Maybe? Is it exciting, or is it meh? Look at my writing stats. How's that going? And, and then I I press record. And I was using Riverside, and I still have my my I still have, like, a login there, but it's just like an extra step. Like, all I need is Audacity. I just open Audacity, and I start recording. So I feel like it's going a little bit better, actually.

DL White [00:02:36]:

I don't have to script out every word I need to say. So, you know, we're gonna do what works until it doesn't work anymore. Anyway, I don't think this episode is going to be long, but who knows? Because I didn't script it out. So it could be 40 minutes of me yammering about books. Who knows? Anyhow, so let's get rolling. We're gonna have a little coffee break. And And then after the jump, we're gonna talk about books and writing. Today is Sunday, January 12th.

DL White [00:03:07]:

It is 8:11 AM. There is snow on the ground here in Atlanta, which I'm very surprised about. I actually figured it would be gone, like, by tomorrow, but it is cold outside. I took some garbage out this morning, and, it's it's it's chilly. Hopefully, we get above 40 degrees today and this stuff starts melting because Monday Friday are work from home days for us. But if this stuff is still on the ground on Tuesday, I ain't going nowhere. Nowhere. Anyhow, let's have some coffee and then come back to talk about books.

DL White [00:04:22]:

Okay. And we are back. Let us begin with the book report. Let me get to my tab because I didn't write any of this down because I'm smart. We are 12 days into the year, and I haven't done an update since January 1. So we are just gonna call this, like, for the year at, 14 books completed. I am 11 books ahead of schedule. My goal is, of course, set at 100 books as always.

DL White [00:04:55]:

I always set it at a 100 on January 1, and we see where we are by, you know, midyear, like the end of June, I'll evaluate. Maybe I will raise it to 150, 175. Last year, I ended up with 225 books. I had a lot that I needed to hide from, and, that worked out really well for me, actually. This year, I'm doing a little something different. I'm trying trying to duplicate my books on the StoryGraph because I wanna see, like, all the pretty graphs and whatever. There's a lot that goes into, tracking a book on StoryGraph, and I literally I just wanna track the book and the dates that I read them. I don't I don't wanna fill out all this extra information, so I'm really not doing all that.

DL White [00:05:51]:

So I don't know how pretty my charts are gonna look, but Goodreads doesn't do very good reporting to me. And I like numbers, and I like reports and graphs and pie charts and bar charts. So I am not actually a big fan of the story graph. It's too plain for me. Like, it it simultaneously does too much and not enough and, that I don't like the interface. I can't see what all my friends are reading. It's not very social. Goodreads is, like, very social.

DL White [00:06:24]:

I can see what everybody else is reading, what everybody else is reviewing, what everybody else is, you know, adding what, you know, what, what do they call them? What, shelves everybody's adding their books to? Like, Goodreads is very social to me, and I've been saying this for a long time. I'm not giving up anything that makes my life easier and enjoyable. I do not care what Jeff Bezos is doing. I don't. He owns 8% of Amazon. 8. If I'm not participating in Amazon stuff, like me not sending him 14 99 a month for Prime isn't going to make him less of a billionaire. So I'm not making my life harder to stand arm and arm with people who can't even get in the booth with me.

DL White [00:07:10]:

I don't I don't care. So that's my stance on it. I'm at Goodreads. I enjoy Goodreads. I'm duplicating at the story graph so I can participate in a couple of challenges that are hosted there and also just so I can see, you know, what my reading year is gonna look like graph wise. So I'm at 14 books for the year. A lot of that is audio, I'm pretty sure, and let's just take a look at, what I have been reading this year. Melinda Lee, track her down.

DL White [00:07:47]:

This is number 10 in the Bree Taggart series. Bree Taggart is a, like, of course, a female sheriff out in the northwest. I believe it's the, Oregon area. I love this series, and I've been gobbling them down. I need Melinda Lee and Kendra Elliott to write many, many books much faster. And then I, caught up a little bit on some holiday reading, A Winter Crest Christmas Reloaded, Mia and Zen by an author named Cordae. This was, I think this was like a, like, a urban urban romance is what they call it. It's one of those, like, you can tell by the cover, by the font, and how they're it's all, like, shiny and whatever.

DL White [00:08:34]:

One of those, there was a lot of sex in it, so there's that, if that's something that interests you. It's a thing that doesn't really interest me much anymore. Like, I like reading sex in a novel as much as the next guy, but after, like, the first two scenes, I get it. They like each other. I'm I'm good. Like, I I like that it's there. Like, if I wanna go back and read a sex scene, I know where to find it. But, I don't read books for the sex, so I wanna know how like, does the plot sizzle as much as those bedroom scenes sizzle? And sometimes, the plot don't be sizzling the plot don't be sizzling.

DL White [00:09:17]:

So, like, a lot of times when I I write, I write the story to make sure the story has legs, and I already know, like, this scene is gonna lead to sex. That scene's gonna be, like, suggestive, but I can close the door that one. But I already know which scenes are gonna have sex in them, but I leave that out. And then in draft 2 is when I go through front to back. I'm writing, I'm rewriting, I'm fluffing, I'm adding, and every time I go through that book, I am adding more to each scene so that it's full and it's fleshed out. That's how I do it and, like, you know, I know I am not one of them popular girls out here, but I feel like my books like, they work out it works out good for me. I wanna make sure that the the story is about the story and the sex is an added benefit. That's an obvious part of a modern adult relationship.

DL White [00:10:23]:

Anyway, I picked up 2 Audible originals, 1 More TO Die by Joy Ellis and Tell Her Story by Margo Hunt. I honestly don't remember what these books were about. They were short, like, 2 hours and whatever. I read those on the second or listened to those on the second. And then The Family Lies by Angela Henry, I believe publishes January 14th. So this coming up, so I had this as an arc. Like, this was really good until it was not. Angela Henry is a new to me author.

DL White [00:10:59]:

I think I started following her on TikTok around, like, 2023, and she had, it's not her first book, but the first book I know by her called The Perfect Ties or something like that. And that book was pretty good, but she gets to a point in her book where it kinda jumps off a cliff, and then it just becomes entirely too complicated, and I can't follow the story. This story, it was it was actually it was actually pretty good about a woman that gets a job managing, the, personal library of this very wealthy family. And there's just, like, a bunch of, like, not creepy, but, like, weird stuff that's happening in the house. Like, she has to live in the house. The dude that, owns the house and is, like, the patriarch of the family, I guess, that hires her. He's got, like, some weird stuff going on. It was, like, it was really good, and then, like, the last 4th of the book was just a lot of what? Wait.

DL White [00:12:07]:

What? What? So I think I gave it 3 stars. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't, like, the most amazing book I've I've ever read. The Family Lies by Angela Henry. And then I listened to The Setup by Falguni Kothari. This was pretty good. This was like it was an audible original about I believe they are a Daisy family and grandpa, I believe, or an uncle, I couldn't I I can't remember, is trying to set a young woman up with, a man so she can get married. And at first, they don't like each other, and then they start to grow on each other. It was really cute, and it was, you know, it's an audible original, so it was pretty short.

DL White [00:12:58]:

Then I stumbled upon this series, and I ate it all the way up. The Lacey James series by Chris Patchell. Lacey James is a I believe she's a young, investigator, detective. And, I found the first one, which I think is, find her, and it's been, I don't know, 10 days since I read this book, so I don't remember the exact, the, you know, the synopsis of the book. It's a police procedural, which is my absolute catnip. I ran through all 4 of the books in this series, in 2 days, which I'm want to do. Hello, Robert Dugoni, Kendra Elliott, Melinda Lee. I'm all over it.

DL White [00:13:52]:

So this series is really good. I really, really enjoyed it. All of these books, I believe, are available on Everand. If you are a member, I think they're also at Chirp if you wanna just buy them outright. I think I borrowed them not borrowed, but think I got them at Libro. I don't remember. Or maybe it was Everand. I don't know.

DL White [00:14:13]:

Can't remember. But Chris Patchell, really good series, and I think there is another coming out in that series in a few weeks, so I'm excited about that. And then I grabbed Brenda Novak shooting the moon from NetGalley. This is an audible, audio arc, and I take all the audio arcs I can get because I wanna keep getting more. This is a audio release of an old Brenda Novak book, and it showed it did not age well. It was rather uninteresting, but, it was a story about a guy who comes back to his hometown to claim the son that he, quote, unquote, left behind. The mother of his child died in a car accident, I believe, and his, mother's the the mother's the child's aunt has been raising him, and grandparents have, like, been taking over since the child's mother died. Like, way way back when they were dating, he was quote, unquote bad news from the other side of the tracks, and dad paid him to go away.

DL White [00:15:34]:

And he comes back like, hey. I need access to my son. And yeah. It's I mean oh, gosh. Yeah. White author's romance doesn't hit me at all anymore. It just doesn't it just doesn't do anything for me. But I listened to it.

DL White [00:15:56]:

I got all the way through it. Gotta send my review off to NetGalley, and we're done with that. And that's that's just gonna be the last that we're gonna do of that. And then I got Brenda Jackson released the first three books in the Westmoreland legacy series, The Rancher Returns, His Secret Son, and An Honorable Seduction in 1 bundle. So this was like a long listen. This took me, like, a couple days to get through. I put this on Blue Sky. Whenever I think that I have put too much sex in a book, I am just going to refer to Brenda Jackson romance because I promise you once her characters start having sex, it's sex in every chapter.

DL White [00:16:48]:

But the thing that miss Jackson does is that story is tight. There is a beginning and there is a climax and there is an end. That story is tight. The sex isn't like, the book the this the story isn't the sex. The story is the story and the sex enhances. There just is a lot of it. So I just sometimes, like, I I'm reading and I'm like, again? Oh my goodness. Whoo.

DL White [00:17:17]:

Lord. So I'm to the point where I kinda skip through a lot of that, and I just I just wanna know what happens in the story. Thankfully, there's so much pleasure in reading the story itself. So those 3 I got through. I can't say I will ever listen to 3 audiobooks in one bundle at a time ever again, but Brenda Jackson is not a bad way to spend a couple of days. And then had a couple days off from reading because that was a lot that was a lot of reading in 9 days. And then yesterday, I, picked up on well, actually, Friday, I picked up, The Secret Witness by Victor Methos because I was want I wanted to read book 2 then realized I hadn't read book 1, which was the secret witness, so I picked that up. It wasn't the best book I ever read.

DL White [00:18:11]:

I like Victor Methos, and I see why I started this and then stopped reading it because it was a little bit boring. But I did wanna read book 1 before I read book 2, so now I'm gonna pick up book 2. I don't even remember what the name of book 2 is, but I got that out of the way. So I can pick up book 2 now. So I got that, and then I read yesterday. I I have been so deep in thriller, suspense, mystery since January 1. I needed some romance. I woke up yesterday like I need a romance immediately.

DL White [00:18:44]:

And Rhys Ryan just released book 3 in the Love and Music Suite series. I believe this is her 1st self published series, and she's doing such an amazing job with it. I'm like I am so pleased and proud of this work that Ries Ryan has been doing. More than Friends is this, friends to lovers romance. And it's a second chance because they dated in high school and decided that they would rather be friends, except one of them did not really want to stay friends. And hence, like, that's how friends to lovers always is, which kinda ticks me off. Like, one of them is always, like like, hanging out in the cut, hoping the situation will change. Meanwhile, I will just take your friendship as a consolation prize.

DL White [00:19:32]:

It's never that they're, like, actual, like, friends. And then one day, they look at each other and they're like, hey. So, why haven't we ever like, that's the Friends to Lovers I wanna read. That's a Friends to Lovers I would write. So I got that read yesterday. It was excellent. Excellent. Like, when I am reading and talking back to the book and highlighting things, it's a good, good read.

DL White [00:20:01]:

I really, really enjoyed it. It's fun. It's set in Atlanta, which I like, a lot, and, I just really enjoyed it. It's very good. More Than Friends, A Second Chance, Friends To Love is Romance by Rhys Ryan. Like, I love a Rhys Ryan book. She is like a Sunday afternoon snuggle down with a book kind of author for me. I have several of those, like, Synthia Williams, Delaney Diamond, Sharon c Cooper, Nia Forester.

DL White [00:20:27]:

Like, if I have a Sunday afternoon and I need to fill it with a book, I will dig through their catalog for something I haven't read. Turn on, like, the fire channel on YouTube, or lately, I've been listening to, like, this lo fi channel and grab me a snack, a beverage, and I'm out. I am out, and that is the best day for me. So that was the 14 books I've read so far in January. I am, of course, not done reading because come on. But it's been a good look so far. I've been I've been happy with my reading. So moving on super quickly to books.

DL White [00:21:07]:

Sales have dropped considerably since the holidays. Of course, things really slow down when the kids go back to school and the earth catches on fire and or freezes. There's been a lot going on, so sales have been a little slow. I'm not promoting as much. There's not there's not a whole lot going on, but it'll pick up hopefully toward, like, the second half of the month. My books are in a book funnel promo. It's an indie sales promo, which is gonna move a lot slower, I think, than a, like, a giveaway, but this is definitely, geared toward supporting indie author sales. So that's at BookFunnel.

DL White [00:21:49]:

I'll be talking about that in my newsletter this week. Also, in my newsletter, I will be talking about, I think I told you guys I wrote a newsletter magnet, like a little a short little story that you can only get in my newsletter. You can now also get it if you are a paid subscriber to my short fiction substack at short fiction dot substack short fiction by dlwhite.substack.com. That's also loaded up there. If you are a paid subscriber, you have automatic access to that as well as my weekly serial. Same time next week, which is actually almost done. I have maybe 4 chapters, which is, like, 2 days worth of posting. That's almost almost done.

DL White [00:22:33]:

So if you were waiting to subscribe until same time next week was already all loaded up, you might as well go and subscribe now. It's $5 a month. Short fiction by dlwhite.substack.com. Get into it, same time next week is a serial. It's a interracial I should actually say it's, yeah, it's a interracial rock star romance that I wrote. It was fan fiction, and then it was original fiction, and I unpublished it because it's interracial. And I'd be writing black on black Negro nosed romance. So, I brought it back as a serial because, it's already written, and I have been publishing it twice a week in theory on my short fiction substack.

DL White [00:23:17]:

It is, paid access only. I do have some free stuff on there. I also have a fan fiction story that I started writing. I actually started writing it in August and kinda lost the plot and stopped updating. And then I got a email from a reader that said they had started it and wondered if I was going to finish it. And I was like, what? So I went back to the archive. I was like, oh, yeah. I did start this, and then I started getting ideas.

DL White [00:23:46]:

And so I have been updating that, and so that's really fun. And that one is that is a fun one about a woman named Zoe Chapman. She is an aspiring songwriter, and, she gets a chance to attend a songwriter's retreat with, JC Chasez. And this is a thing that he does, except I think he usually does it in Nashville. The story is called Music on My Heart because it was the only song title I could think of, which is weird. I'm trying to bring it up so I can, so I can read the synopsis. When aspiring songwriter Zoe Chapman joins JC Chasez's exclusive mountain retreat, she's looking for a musical mentorship, not to fall for the man behind the legend. But as the late night studio sessions blur the lines between professional and personal, they discover their hearts might be writing a very different song.

DL White [00:24:44]:

So, I started writing this in August, and I picked it up in December. It's just like some fun fan fiction stuff if you have any interest in in single whatsoever. I, almost exclusively write JC. He's just a very interesting character to me, especially JC in his forties as opposed to JC in his teens and twenties. It's been very fun to watch him grow as an artist, as a writer, as a person. And so writing this older, more mature mentor type person who still is susceptible to meeting someone amazing that they should probably avoid but can't. I like it a lot. So that's going on my short fiction substack.

DL White [00:25:36]:

Fan fiction is always free, and I have a couple I do have some fan fiction stories that are written there. And, I also I have the serial that's there. I believe I have one serial that's free there on the short fiction substack. That is the story of Kate, which I really, really, really loved writing. And, like, writing that really helped me write missing persons because I needed to kinda turn I just needed to turn my brain toward something that isn't so, like, lovey dovey soft place to landy. So there's the story of Kate that's up there. I really enjoyed writing. The photograph is, up there.

DL White [00:26:17]:

That's a 4 part series that I wrote for the podcast last year. Really enjoyed writing that, and all of those really helped push me toward writing missing persons, which is done, but I do need to go through, like, edits and rewrites and fluffing and adding and verify things I just made up because it sounded good. So very exciting things going on on the substack, but I was talking about book sales. So I'm at 5446 for the year. Sales are spread across basically Amazon and Draft2Digital, then I have 21/21 sales through book funnel, which is direct sales. So 21 sales through my, channels. But a lot of those were free, copies of The Guy Next Door. I was giving that away in audio.

DL White [00:27:08]:

For some reason, I can't remember. So most of those are giveaways. The sales through Amazon and Draft2Digital are, sales that have actual royalties attached to them. Biggest sellers this month are Leslie's Curl and Die in audio, The Guy Next Door, an ebook Home for the Holidays, like, 11 I sold 11 copies of Home for the Holidays in January, which is darn good. A thin line dinner at Sam's, and then I have a couple of sales of pearl at Black Diamond Bay and Elysium Black Diamond Vacation Romance. Those are both part of the Black Diamond series. And then a couple of straggler orders for a second time around, the guy next door and the WANSA brunch. That's kind of how my sales are.

DL White [00:28:00]:

And then, like, a couple sales, I guess, for hay lovers. So that's kinda how my sales are breaking down for the month. Not too bad. I mean, not great, but, like, not too bad so far. I am it's before 15th. So, like, if I hit if I hit $50 before 15th, it bodes well for the rest of the month. So I'm at 54.46. I'm just honestly, I just try to make a $100 a month.

DL White [00:28:29]:

That covers a lot of the subscriptions that I'm paying for, although I subsidize a lot of that with my own money. And then I have a I have, like, my Substack subscriptions and my BuzzFeed subscriptions that helps also pay some costs. But a lot of the costs of being an author and running a podcast, I am paying for out of pocket. And so what what I'm getting in royalties and subscriptions is actually reimbursing me for stuff I've already paid for. That's neither here nor there. You know what I'm saying? Get out of my pocket. So that's what's going on with book sales. Writing wise, it's been kinda slow.

DL White [00:29:15]:

I have been trying to write this Valentine's Day piece for a minute, and it's kinda not coming together. And I'm a little upset about it. Like, I I keep keep keeping changing the title because I can't even decide what the title should be, but I I don't know. We'll see we'll see how it goes. It just is not it's not really coming together. It's kind of a jumbled mess. I'm on, like, chapter 3, and I just keep going back to chapters 1 and 2 and fixing things because if it doesn't start right, then I I set off again on the wrong foot. It's currently called Rules in Romance.

DL White [00:29:53]:

It is kind of an opposites attract grumpy sunshine kind of thing. It's set in Atlanta in the tech space, which I really enjoy writing because I just like writing smart people. And, my characters happen to meet in the cafe at the co working space where they both work at. Sterling has just relocated to Atlanta from New York, and Simone lives in Atlanta. And she works for a tech company, and it's her job to, put together this hiring platform that her company is, putting together, and they're gonna premiere it at this big gala. And, Simone is very much an introvert. Probably not as bad as Esme in the Neverlist, but as an introvert, I do find myself writing introverts because I know them very well. So it's like like, I I want to write it.

DL White [00:30:45]:

I want it to come together, but I also want it to be short. And it just in my mind, it just keeps I feel like when I write short, I leave so much out, but I also don't want to write a 75,000 word novel. You know? I just want this to be like a cute short that's gonna be out for Valentine's Day. I'm gonna take a look at it later. We'll see how it shakes out. I might just need to give it some time and, you know, hit it really hard, toward the end of January. I don't really have time. I don't have time.

DL White [00:31:19]:

I don't I don't have time really to get it to my editor. I needed to be reading writing this in November in order for her to have it in January, but here's where we are. So I don't know what I'm gonna do about that. I know she listens to the podcast. This is not any pressure. This is not, an editor Kai problem. This is a d l white problem. So I may not get it written in time.

DL White [00:31:46]:

It may be something I write and shoot out, and, y'all just have fun with all the typos in it. I'll I would never do that, maybe. I don't know. I I just wanna be I I wanna write more. I wanna publish more, and I just wanna be less rigid about how it has to come out. You know? Like, it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be edited to the nth degree. And editing is editing is not terribly expensive because I have a very good editor who is cognizant of how much indie authors have to put their own money into their writing.

DL White [00:32:25]:

This is not absolutely not sucking up to my editor. We have had this conversation. But, also, I wanna reserve those funds for my full length projects that desperately need an extra eye. So these things where it's gonna be 5 or 8 chapters, you know, and I'm gonna sell it for 99¢. I'm not gonna spend on editing it. I'm just I'm I'm just not. And, you know, sue me, but I'm just not. So that's kinda where that is.

DL White [00:32:58]:

It's currently called rules and romance. Maybe I'll switch the maybe I'll switch the order and it could be romance and rules, but I don't like that. The idea is that it's kind of an opposite to attract kinda thing, and so I wanna I wanna play on the two sides of this equation. Like, you know, it's a it's a very grumpy sunshine kind of thing. So I may change the name again. I I don't know. So there's there's there's that. The other thing I'm writing is the fan fiction story, and I just published chapter 7 on Friday.

DL White [00:33:35]:

I don't know that I have another chapter in me this weekend. I wanna think about what the next chapter entails. It's a little bit of a field trip, and I just need to I need to think about it and put it together. So I'm probably gonna think about that this week and probably write it Thursday and post it Friday. That's used to be my old, fan fiction publishing schedule. I usually write on the weekends, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, then I edit, think about what I'm gonna write post. So that way, readers always have a week to, like, read it, react to it, you know, offer comments and feedback, etcetera. Meanwhile, I'm thinking about and writing the next chapter.

DL White [00:34:21]:

And I kind of have adapted that also to writing my books and my commercial fiction. So there's that. What else do I have going on? Let me open up Dabble here and see what's popping. I do have, the Berkeley sisters, which is the sisters trilogy I've been yammering about for, like, 2 years now. Missing persons, which I still need to get into. Calculated risk is in here. That's with the editor. I have to turn that in at the end of February.

DL White [00:34:49]:

Again, that's part of a group project. Still I arise, I haven't touched. I did add, like I don't know. I tried to do some editing on it, and I, like, I feel like I added, like, half a chapter to that in the last year, but it's still on the docket. And, I also was trying to do an epilogue to the never list, and I can't even tell you the title because that would be a spoiler. But, I wanna dig back into that and see if I could just do a fun little 5 chapter update to that story because I just love Esme and Trey, and I have the perfect little update to that couple. I just gotta I just have to get it out of my brain. You know? So that's what's happening over here.

DL White [00:35:36]:

Ain't nothing going on with the rent is what my mama would say. Yeah. That's what's happening here at Books by DL White. I am reading a lot. I am writing a lot. I am you know, I'm just trying to make it. I'm just trying to make it over here. I feel like I'm doing better than I was in November December, but I am kind of dreading the back half of January.

DL White [00:36:02]:

I just know I'm gonna be digging hard into reading, into writing, working, getting the work done. I'm somewhat unmotivated. It could have a lot to do with this cold, but also, like, that vacation was long, and it was really, really needed, and I hated to come back. Even though I really like my job, I hated to come back and, like, dig back into work and meetings and scheduling things, and the emails were flying. I definitely just eased eased real slow, nice and slow back into the year. So it is Sunday. I have coffee. I went through my, my planner and all of my streaming channels, and I wrote down all of the things that I have saved in my watch later cues and wrote them all down.

DL White [00:36:56]:

So I have lists on lists on lists of things I can be watching besides the news, things I can be looking at besides doomscrolling on all the social media sites, things I can be reading, writing, or watching for this next however long. That's how I'm gonna be making it through. I am so very interested in your plan for the next few years, how you are going to be pulling yourself through what I feel are gonna be some very interesting, and by interesting, I mean terrible times. So feel free to shout me out a holler. This episode will be on my website at books by d l white dot bookcast.com/107. You can also hit this episode on my substack, or you can shoot me an email. It's author d l white at books by d l white dot com. I'm sorry.

DL White [00:37:54]:

It's author d l at books by d l white dot com. I welcome your comments, questions, feedback, what have you. That brings us to the end of today's show. So I will bid you adieu, but not before thanking you so much for joining me for today's chat. I really enjoy having you here. Again, I welcome any comments or feedback at books by dlwhite.com/bookcast/107. You'll find full show notes, links to all the things I talked about if they're relevant, and a transcript for today's show. Please share the podcast if you really enjoyed the sound of my voice as I appear to.

DL White [00:38:37]:

And if you listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Substack, give a girl a rating, a comment, a hand clap, a re a repost, restack. I really appreciate it. Do not forget, you can support this podcast with your book purchases at payhipdot com slash books by dlwhite by spreading the good word, like repost all my social media, what have you, by joining the newsletter or the substack. The links will be on my website at books by dlwhite.com/linkinbio. You can also buy you can also throw some coins in the hat at book cast.buzzprout.com. Thank you so much to my monthly supporters. Your gift covers my Buzzsprout subscription. I really appreciate the support and as a thank you, I have added you to comped users at short fiction by dlwhite.substack.com.

DL White [00:39:31]:

So people who support the pod people who support the podcast with their funds are automatically added to subscribers on the short fiction substack, so they get access to everything that is available to paid subscribers over there. I figured that would be a nice little perk. The broadcast is written, produced, and edited by me, d r White. Our theme music and any sound effects are provided by. I will be back next week. Until then, please enjoy your weekend. Have a superlative week, and we'll chat again soon. Bye bye.

[bloodmaarked]

the man who died twice // richard osman

first published: 2021 read: 01 july 2024 - 05 july 2024 pages: 423 format: paperback

genres: fiction; adult; mystery (cozy); crime; comedy favourite character(s): joyce, ibrahim, martin lomax and poppy. and kendrick! least favourite character(s): don't have one!

rating: 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌗 thoughts: once again i'm having the best time reading this series. with lots of laughs, lots of mystery, and lots of lovable characters, the man who died twice continued to deliver in much the same way as the thursday murder club. in fact i'd say this one was better in many ways!

i think the mystery was better written than that in the first book, and i could easily follow it from start to finish. i remember in the previous book towards the end i had to start rerunning through certain things in my mind to make sure i had properly grasp how everything unfolded. i think it was more convoluted than it needed to be. this one was still just as exciting to follow, but had a clearer direction which better served the narrative.

the cast is once again joyous and i got attached to poppy (and douglas) so quickly, which is a testament to how well richard writes his characters. my heart is so full of love for joyce and ibrahim lol. there are so many tender and genuine moments interspersed throughout all the mystery and the humour, and it's part of what makes this series so special.

each time i start getting closer to the end of these books i just get more and more excited to start reading the next one in the series! and so of course i've already ordered my copy of the bullet that missed and can't wait to get into it. i really adore this series!

[adamworu]

The Subtle Horror of Evangelion

What keeps us all hooked to Eva time and time again? You get through your initial, confused watch of either Evangelion endgame, probably sometime in your adolescence wondering what the hell it is you just watched. The original source material is suffused with unsettling imagery, and sometimes too-close-for-comfort shorts. It’s so much to process that one watch is never enough. The imagery isn’t enough, however, because the mid-to-late-90s series comes with things you’ll pick up the more you focus on certain characters’ struggles or the interesting world-building. They arise little by little with every re-watch, adding onto what interested you in Eva to begin with.

There’s always that little voice asking you “What it is that really draws me here?”

Oh. The horrors.

The tragedy of it all.  

These things never leave you the second you bear witness to them, whether you become aware of them or not. You’re disturbed over it, a tad worried, no doubt, but you’re strangely hooked.

Horror works better on limitation, it’s why found footage capturing pale, ghastly, monstrosities of the deep wood will always stand as exponentially terrifying. While most all of us have taken cracks at Eva’s budget at some point, that’s what really drives these terrors home. Its low budget nature made it work.

Evangelion has commentary which forces a viewer to reflect. Most no one enjoys that. It’s the fear, however, that has its audience come back. Evangelion’s reflection alone isn’t what gives Eva it’s charm decades after its run. It’s the little things, most everyone misses, the anxieties, the terrors, all of it. Most of those things, fly over a lot of fans’ heads.

Buckle up, there’s a lot to go through…. (warning for mentions of abuse, body horror, means of suicide, nudity, blood, and gore)

Table of Contents

I. Icebergs for Dummies

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji is the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XXI. Conclusion

I. Icebergs for Dummies

For those unaware, the iceberg image illustrates that things are much deeper than they appear, just like an actual iceberg. You’ve probably seen this selfsame iceberg--- separated by tiers--- a few times looking through late night internet rabbit holes (Putting it out in the open: I’m personally guilty of this!), fictional or non. It helps you understand why you’re so enticed to certain material, that you’d revisit them. The highest parts of the iceberg are the things in the material most everyone knows, the surface level stuff. The lower you go, however, the lesser known the parts of the material are. These are the things the person are aware of.

Eva has some iceberg illustrations if you look around, albeit they don’t go through the more saddening, sometimes graphic factors of Eva, only theories navigating through Eva’s universe. Evangelion is so deceptively packed with blink-and-you’ll-miss-it subtleties that if an iceberg were centered on that, the diagram would be packed. And I’m being generous as I write this.

A few ground rules, before we begin: The iceberg will deal with the more obscure and dark material as the tiers get higher rather than it only being relegated to obscure bits. The lower the tier, the higher the iceberg and the more subtler the anxieties which graduate into horrors the deeper you go.

Yes, Evangelion is occasionally horrifying. No, Evangelion is not lovecraftian. I think people use the term lovecraftian way too freely. It’s not enough to see something with (sometimes too many) limbs twisted in ungodly angles. Or legs where legs shouldn’t be. The same applies for creatures assuming forms we don’t entirely comprehend. Eva has never delved into the angels being incomprehensibly terrifying specifically because they come from a cosmic expanse.

Some of these actual horrors, big and small,  hit you after adolescence, something that makes you feel deeply for the characters’ dilemmas. It’s a feeling that grows and sometimes aches, rather than fades over time for many of us.

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji As the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

Evangelion has its hand in so many psychological and philosophical cookie jars, from Freud, to Maslow, Johari, as well as Dostoevsky. The very tip of the Subtle Horrors of Evangelion Iceberg is something viewers are introduced to in the fourth episode of the series. It is one of the many psychological concepts dotted throughout the original show. Out of all those psychological concepts, this is the most explicit and most recurring.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma describes the conundrum of two hedgehogs. The closer two hedgehogs become to one another, the more they harm each other with their spines. If you want to properly live, you need the closeness and intimacy of others. By allowing yourself to be close, however, you end up at great risk of being hurt. It’s the very reason what drives those who live to become guarded. Being perpetually apprehensive or building up walls isn’t a remedy for pains, however. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma isn’t just about why people become guarded after relationships ended on bad notes. It’s about the overall inevitability of pain.

Life is a continual push-pull of relationships, because we’re all creatures of comfort. We guard ourselves to varying degrees and sometimes even tell ourselves we won’t get close again, but personal comfort is one of our most ultimate drives.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma not only describes that harm happens to us anyway, but illustrates that because comfort is universal we seek companionship regardless.

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

The AT-Field is the most crucial rabbit hole in understanding the largest meta-narrative of Evangelion.

If Hedgehog’s Dilemma explains the what and the why people become more or less guarded, then AT-Fields explain the how. People build up walls around themselves all the time. You walk away from someone because they crack a smile at you... and it seems off.

Because you feel an anxious pang.

That’s an AT Field.

AT-Fields, or Absolute Terror Fields bear a few metaphors, one of which being boundaries. You see it as Shinji’s fear of becoming intimate, knowing the future implications or Asuka’s masculine protest (putting up a front). We can see an excellent example of the AT Field used by Asuka, her “Wall of Jericho” in episode 9.

You also see it manifested through the angels, the strange creatures in Eva who supposedly desire to merge with Adam, their mother. Seeing this in the angels makes you realize that the AT Field is actually a metaphor for boundaries which implicates us all. In episode 22, Arael, 15th angel, seeks to understand Asuka. The angel uses its AT-Field (a beam of light) no, its boundary, to breach Asuka’s boundaries. 

AT-Fields can be used to not only build up personal walls but to breach them as well. The irony of Arael’s action is that Arael’s AT-Field being erected while it floats just over Earth’s gravitational field makes it immensely similar to the Second Child; they’re both guarded.

The AT-Field is a funny sort of thing because it also sometimes explains how two people who are so alike can be guarded from one another. Sometimes you gain contempt for someone because they’re too much like your least favorable traits. You see this with Shinji and Asuka, both children without their mother desiring validation. Shinji calls Asuka a child midway into episode 9 and Asuka isn’t shy on voicing ideas of Shinji as dense or immature. They’re throwing stones in glass houses.

AT Fields are used to get the user out of dangers both physical and perceived. Sachiel, 3rd angel in the original series’ pilot episode, uses its AT-Field, in the form of flotation, to get itself from enemy fire. It never shows this until it is attacked first.

AT Fields are also responsible for one’s identity and physicality in Eva. Without the AT Field you don’t really exist. When Rei assumes the form of the person the character being cast into Instrumentality loved most in End of Evangelion, she’s causing the character to give up their AT Field. With that gone, they lose their physicality, turning into LCL (given the lovely term ‘tanged’ by fans). The ‘tanged’ individual suffers metaphorical death. Evangelion argues that in order for one to exist, others must perceive you and you must perceive you, a point best illustrated in episode 16. Since everyone is converted to LCL, no one really ‘exists.’ Rei describes this unnerving state as the inability of differentiating who you are and others, since everyone lacks a physical state without AT-Fields. Metaphorical death can be argued as worse than physical, since we all exist to make an impression of some sort. It’s what ties all the Eva cast together and the cause of their dilemmas. Validation. You can be living, yet very much forgotten or simply unknown.

There is living and there is “living.”

You can’t “die” unless someone knows you. You were never there. AT Fields are the thing that make us live, but as a drawback, prevents us from understanding each other fully. Kaworu states in episode 24 that AT Fields are the wall of the mind and the heart of the soul, an unapproachable piece of sanctuary. When all else is taken from us, all we have left is our place of respite.

I’d also like to pitch the saddening reality that the AT-Fields are what prevent us from understanding angels as a whole, our genetic siblings as scared of this world as we are. The psychological angels want to understand us, that much is true. The angels, however, use forms of communication at the expense of our boundaries. Because people greatly value boundaries it makes it hard for us to comprehend angels. The creatures are hardly malicious when you realize they wonder why we all do things that actually hurt us, as well as the fact that they do understand our minds. But, because they breach our boundaries, we become even more wary of the (mostly) unknown. Angels may be us, but the strange forms they take are something we aren’t familiar with. The feeling is mutual with angels, wondering why there are many of us, our forms and outward appearances so identical. It’s a truth as old as time that we all fear the unknown.

The anxiety of an AT Field means comprehending that there’s very little chance to 100% get others. Because we’re all wary in some degree, because we’re set in an idea or perception of someone, even if the someone in the past no longer applies. It’s not healthy for you to continue dwelling on relationships not meant to be, keeping yourself up at night asking why, because both of you have closed off each other for good. There’s always that chance the other can come back and if they do seek to understand despite past hardships, that’s good. If they don’t, all you can do is move on and accept it.

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

Kensuke is one of Shinji’s classmates, a supporting player in the series. He’s close with Toji Suzuhara, a boy who takes his anger on Shinji, after finding out that his sister has been injured during Shinji’s fight with 3rd angel Sachiel. As Suzuhara beats him down, Kensuke downplays the incident. Kensuke’s and Toji’s relationship is particularly interesting because the latter is affected to some degree by war (the war by humanity to prevent our destruction by angels). Kensuke glorifies the sentient, implicitly eldritch, multi-armored war-machines.

Kensuke can be best described as the ‘wow, cool robots’ drawing you’ve probably seen floating around. This is in relation to Gundam’s war commentary, but replace Gundam with Eva. Kensuke is enamored with the Evangelions and totally, willfully ignorant to the war horrors. Adolescents are forced to be the salvation of humanity, feeling every bit of damage to their own bodies whenever the Evangelion takes any hurt. Even after the war for humanity is long over, the pilots will be afflicted with traumas that will always hang over them.

Kensuke’s glorification is also what draws him to be Shinji’s friend. He uses Shinji’s status as a way of becoming a pilot himself by meeting up with Misato, putting himself at the cockpit of a strange creature magnificent machine.

When Toji becomes hospitalized after his battle in a hijacked Unit-03 vs. A Dummy System-controlled Unit-01, Kensuke expresses discontent at not being a pilot. He’s annoyed because “everyone” but him is a pilot.

Thing is, Kensuke isn’t heartless, just ignorant. Idealism is one of the uglier things that runs thick in the heart of Evangelion. His is one of many cases of unhealthy idealism in Eva, another example of making it difficult for those living to understand one another.

V. Shinji as the Audience Surrogate

Shinji as the audience surrogate isn’t always touched up on, but is sort of understood subconsciously by a lot of the viewers. Shinji’s character is specific, yet so generalized that him being a surrogate for the audience just… works. Don’t believe me? Shinji gets two psychological exploration-based episodes whereas Asuka and Rei each have one. Episodes 16 and 24 are both psychological angel episodes, albeit the latter is more in-series subversive. The 24th episode doesn’t involve a breach of subconscious boundary, but the pilot (Shinji) is in the hot-seat, being made aware of their issues. Leliel, 12th angel, contacts Shinji in the former of these. Both characters talk to one another, shown as a series of horizontal lines and vertical lines, sometimes intersecting. These lines are a strong reference to the Johari Window, a tool in psychology which helps someone become more aware of themselves. The Window’s quadrants are as follows

1. the part known to the self

2. the part known to others

3. the part known to the self and others

4. the part known to no one

Leliel also states that the self only exists of one perceives themselves as well as others. The angel also states that Shinji could better his reality, to which Shinji absolves himself of responsibility by arguing the horrible state of his reality. It’s a subtle pushing to Shinji and by extension the viewer into free will. Kaworu builds up on these concepts with Eva’s in-universe concept for boundaries. Free Will versus Determinism is brought up here, with the idea that AT-Fields are brought up because the living (again, not people – emotional complexities aren’t only human) will them into existence. By exercising free will, it means enduring pain, one of Shinji’s, and again the audience’s greatest fears. Any relationship has pains and conflicts. This is all a buildup of free will, determinism, self-awareness, and the Hedgehog’s Dilemma. Understanding all of these means swallowing the “pain is inevitable” pill. The problem with much of us is that we like the idea of relationships rather than being in one. We want to feel validated but without the conflict, even if the conflict can be solved. We’re all Shinji because we’re all aware to life’s hellish catch-22s, so we run. There’s times in our lives where we run as far as possible from these woes, these truths, but there’s pain in running too. It’s why escapism seems like such a viable action for some of us.

Pain is inevitable, but pain can be mitigated.

More damning evidence to Shinji being a viewer stand-in lies in either endgame of Evangelion (pun intended). In EoE, after the Komm Susser Tod sequence of everyone on Earth being tanged, we’re treated to a shot of EoE’s live audience.

We hear Shinji’s voice about his reality while he talks to Rei toward EoE’s end. There are shots of the city, of people going about their daily lives cementing that this is about us. End of Evangelion shows us a less favorable side of Shinji, a departure from the lauded end series “Congratulations” scene, in which he does understand free will rather than perpetually dwell on negatives. Shinji reacts unfavorably toward Asuka in EoE after his mother’s speech to the audience that ‘anywhere can be paradise’ and Shinji stating he doesn’t know where his happiness resides. Shinji (We) still has a ways to go if he wants to be a better person.

It’s probably why many of us are either inclined to champion Shinji or harangue him, and either reaction is fair. Many of us are aware of audience surrogates, but never to this extent. Shinji isn’t his best person, but he can be. Being his best means self-reflection. Droves of people who first were exposed to Evangelion were teens, and again many of Shinji’s woes are specific yet so generalized, hence our feelings of defense and possibly disgust.

No one likes scathing, yet accurate call-outs on their person, but they’re paramount for us to understand ourselves and others.

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

One of the worst things recurring in all of original Evangelion is a bevvy of abuses.

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and it’s many characters’ realities. Abuse happens not because the universe ‘wills it’ (determinism aka, ‘that’s just how people are’). Abuse, be it conscious emotional absence, actual neglect, among other ungodly acts fly though the cast.

Abuse is cyclical and a lot of those doing it often get away with murder because they have power.

Much of Eva is comprised of children being forced to sort through adults’ emotional baggage. Those children become adults and the cycle continues.

We all know a Gendo. Or even perhaps a Misato. Hell, even a Ritsuko.

Anno states that Gendo’s character is of a societal meta-text, which explains many viewers’ ire in relation to the character.  He’s responsible for many of the seedy goings-on in Evangelion be it the financial (see: Jet Alone’s orchestrated out-of-control nature to give NERV more funding) or abuses (see: Rei, Shinji, Ritsuko, and, Naoko). It’s for this reason why Gendo’s actions are a sore spot for a lot of fans.

Anno: I’m not sure that it’s a real father [that Gendo represents]. Well, not a father in the sense of a parent with a blood relation to his child, but more, I think, [in the sense of being] a representative of society or the system. That’s why he has that expression.

Takekuma: So, he’s kind of amorphous.

Anno: The angels are the same. I made them appear amorphous in that way because, for me, society is unclear, the enemy is unclear.

Takekuma: Gendo is [a representation of] the boundries or the pressure of society itself.

Anno: That might be it. Perhaps Gendo is [a representation of] society itself.

http://wiki.evageeks.org/Statements_by_Evangelion_Staff

After many re-watches of certain Eva episodes, it just hit me, as I’m writing this why I’m sometimes apprehensive on an adult-exclusive lens of the show. This happens a lot in adolescence and our struggles are made trivial because of the mishandled baggage. As children, you’re meant to be subservient to parental whims. You have this sort of obligation to solve their problems. Give them closure. It doesn’t even need to be parental baggage, but just from adults in general. You see the way the adults act not just with the children but with each other. You see the way Gendo justifies neglecting Shinji, objectifying Naoko and Ritsuko or Naoko’s emotional absences as a mother to her daughter (also manifested through the MAGI). It’s these immature excuses as to why they can’t extend empathy to those around them.

It’s always excuses.

Eva’s original series has always been a show about children.

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

The Elevator Scene is a sequence that sometimes gets glossed over due to Evangelion’s fleeting budget.  It took me years to realize the true gravity of the awkward silence of both the 22nd episode and its Director’s Cut version. The Director’s Cut version has Asuka abruptly jerking in the silence,  but that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment speaks volumes. Understanding the scene means understanding why Asuka quietly stews in her anger. Understanding why Asuka stews means understanding Asuka from her debut to her emotional breakdown.

Asuka’s appearance in the 8th episode, Asuka Strikes!, is marked by a bold persona that carries on until the end. She isn’t shy on imparting her prowess to Shinji, stating that Units 00 as well as 01 were the prototype and the test type, respectively. Her Evangelion, Unit-02 is the finished product. She even states that she graduated from university. Despite these impressive feats so early in adolescence, the only time in which they’re noted is when Asuka talks of them. Misato takes in both Shinji and Asuka, but only ever “dotes” on Shinji. Gendo pays attention to Shinji because he pilots Unit-01, and 01 contains the soul of his late wife. Rei is the clone of Gendo’s late wife, hence Gendo’s attention and overall creepy, selfish obsession with her. Asuka and Shinji’s relationship, with Misato as their caretaker strongly mimics a Golden Child and the Second Fiddle. The only difference is, Shinji gains more attention due to Gendo’s and Misato’s respective baggage. Again, Eva is a series where children are forced to handle the baggage (with no break in the cycle) and when the child doesn’t have anything the adult particularly can clue in on, they become neglected.

That’s Asuka’s dilemma.

It’s why Asuka forces herself to grow up.

It’s why Asuka is driven to be competitive to Shinji and Rei, later growing contemptible at both.

Asuka suffers a few curses, one of which being the youngest, the inevitability of being consciously sidelined dawns on her, leading to her selfsame breakdown toward series’ end. She aligns youth with trivialization, so naturally, she’d front with the opposite. She never gets help in relation to her period. Misato and Ritsuko realize something is up with Asuka but they never really offer her the support.

There’s also the flashback to her trauma in episode 22’s beginning. She’s replaced by her mother post-Contact Experiment (which led to a deterioration of her mental health) via a doll that looks like her, red hair in pigtails. It’s the leading factor to her feigned boldness, her ego. The way in which she is marginalized in the series brings it all back.

Rei breaks the silence with a few words of compassion and all Asuka can do is express disbelief. She mistakes compassion for contempt.

For pity.

The idea that anyone would extend kindness, especially now of all times, is unbelievable.

Asuka also experiences a dilemma here, a dilemma those like her face. She already knows what it means to be vulnerable and deeply hurt, but she needs to make herself vulnerable because now, more than ever, she needs the support. Being vulnerable will cause past traumas to flood back in full force, but by stewing she deprives herself of any support. Rei offers that support, but a few words of support in a wave of trivialization can’t help but feel a bit too strange.

Asuka’s greatest anxiety is realized in the twenty second episode. It’s of being and staying second fiddle, that she’s always been set up to fail. Even 2 episodes after the fact,  in which she actually starves herself does she realize once more how she’s permanently ‘below’ others.

Asuka’s curse finds itself in real life, and it’s for that reason why I believe some find themselves resonating with her. Asuka’s gradual descent into bitterness is something I find myself waking up some nights thinking about after 7 years going through Eva; hers is a cautionary tale on being emotionally distant to cries of a damaged youth. Casually imparted knowledge of past achievements, and the competitive attitude mixed with embitterment, some of which from a genuine place but also a product of neglect. We were forced to play second fiddle, we forced ourselves to grow up to feel more legitimate, forced to carry an ire that stews because it seems no one listens.

VIII. Naoko+Casper

The late Naoko Akagi is a woman of multitudes. Those multitudes are compartmentalized into the 3 MAGI. They are Balthasar, Melchior, and Casper.

Casper shows itself to be the most prominent aspect of Naoko’s personality, her as a woman. Ritsuko states that, after the defeat of Iruel, 11th angel, that Casper is the part of her mother which remained that way to the end.

Balthasar and Melchior have been bested, be it by rival MAGI, or Iruel’s assault. This calls back to the fact that Naoko’s other facets aren’t anywhere near as prominent. Naoko has cited her own emotional negligence, of only showing emotions should it ever benefit her.

Casper on 3 occasions fights tooth and nail, Iruel’s assault, an attack by multiple MAGI in End of Evangelion or the defiance of Ritsuko activating the self-destruct sequence. Ritsuko does this to seek vengeance against Gendo for coming to the immense realization that he never genuinely cared for her. Gendo has always used Ritsuko for her body. This would destroy NERV, meaning killing herself and Gendo.

Then you realize why Casper overrides the sequence.

Casper’s stubborn behavior wasn’t actually to defend NERV but to protect Gendo. Casper’s defiance aka Naoko’s emotional absence toward her daughter allowed Gendo to kill a bewildered, rightfully angered Ritsuko.

The saddest part of Casper’s, no, Naoko’s choice is that Naoko got away with murder. Evangelion is a story about children dealing with the selfishness of adults and the adults never receiving justice for their wrongdoings. The relationship between Ritsuko and Naoko is an excellent example that this doesn’t just implicate the young pilots. Ritsuko dies in End of Evangelion with the truth that her mother, as a woman, in the end chose the man who manipulated both of them.

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Some spend their whole lives trying to make a mark. Others can’t help but be known.

People get smart sometimes to get themselves out of a current situation. Kaworu and Rei’s existences are such that they’re deadlocked from living. Their existences are the product of an experiment, to be later heavily watched and raised as the Last Messenger. The latter is the result of Gendo’s obsession with his late wife.

Kaworu and Rei’s existential crises are opposite from the rest of the cast; while others do their damndest to become known, they cannot be unknown. Rei’s character centering more around her identity than other characters is also initially and sneakily alluded in the opening.

The Johari Window is a tool encouraging self-awareness in the person, alluded to twice in the show, with the second time being in the sixteenth episode. Both usages of that illustration, for Rei, and Shinji drive home crucial aspects of the meta-text.

This would also tie Rei to Shinji in End of Evangelion forcing Shinji to reflect on his own awareness and will. Rei is an astute, young girl whose arc is about her personal relationship with identity, something she is all too familiar with due to her objectified nature. Rei’s arc is even more so entrenched in identity than other characters that she is one of the characters imparting personal and universal realities.

Ayanami Rei’s existence from start to finish is inundated with the issues of others, causing her to internalize being always expendable. In Rei’s Poem in episode 14, it becomes clear that she sees herself based on usage. She likens herself to a field of flowers, which slyly alludes to the Dummy System’s “parts” 9 episodes later, other Reis.

  Rei is seen as malleable vessel which houses thoughts rather than her own person and she can’t do anything about it. So she resigns to her reality. Even if she does tell off Gendo in End of Evangelion for his objectifying, she’s not even out of the woods. She never will be.

I used to think Rei’s “slap” to the face to the man with the (most) baggage was empowering. Then I learned about abuse during adolescence, how kids who lack a support system act while away from their abusers. Even saying an emphatic “fuck you” to your abusers isn’t enough to be a happy ending. Rei is a girl who lacks a support system and she suffers from it. Start to finish.

Kaworu’s crises are much trickier to pinpoint because there’s so little to work with. He doesn’t get an episode dealing with personal, subconscious explorations. Getting his character means first getting how Evangelion re-contextualizes what “Ode to Joy” symbolizes. It also means understanding the AT-Field and most people won’t pick that up on an initial foray. Or maybe even a second. Most people don’t pick up that the AT Field implicates anything living and physical or its metaphor for boundaries and identity. There’s the common misconception that Evangelion is a “human” show.

Kaworu marks off his appearance humming “Ode to Joy” while Shinji wonders who to turn to. It’s a song generally known for its jovial nature, but most importantly, Ode to Joy is:

known also as the “Choral” Symphony. Its finale is a musical setting of Friedrich von Schiller ’s “Ode to Joy,” a hymn to the unity and freedom of humanity.

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ninth-symphony

The Choral Symphony assumes a more horrific context later on. Kaworu is the last messenger and what his action is would lead to the mass annihilation to lilin/human or angels. ‘Unity of man’ is changed in Eva’s context – it marks either unity of man or the death of man. It doesn’t matter who Kaworu allows unity to, because his hands would be stained with death anyway. Then you realize why Kaworu deploys his most powerful AT Field during his descent to Heaven’s Door.

This is his reality.

Kaworu’s status as the Angel of Free Will isn’t about him being the only complex angel, as a lot of people think. It’s about being the sole individual handing that freedom to others.

You realize his terrifying dilemma goes to the tune of being feared for his own existence as an angel (which he notes to Shinji) and not being able to properly live.

Sometimes you ”hurt” people by existing.

Sometimes people hate you for the simple act of existing.

Kaworu’s and Rei’s terror is the other end of existential horror, that you can’t help but forced to be known. Sometimes you have knowledge but aren’t allowed to do much with it.

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

Episode 18 is where anxieties graduate into horrors both implied and visceral. Unease hangs over the episode, with the mystery of Unit-04’s disappearance and tests being done on Unit-03. Misato tells Shinji that because tests would be done, there’d be a pilot there. Misato uneasily withholds this info from Shinji and Kensuke breaks the silence with his recurring desire of being a pilot, still ignorant of the war horrors. There’s a subtlety that Shinji picks up on with Toji but not enough to put two and two together: that the big-eater himself isn’t feeling so hot.

The continual chirp of cicadas and birds nor the peel of the school bell are enough to break the unease of the viewer or of Toji. Toji goes from indirectly being affected by war vs angels to being chosen, drafted even, a child at the first line of defense for the apocalypse. We get a flashback of him beating down Shinji, before it cuts back to present day Toji. He will be in Shinji’s shoes.

Toji balls a fist, a recurring theme in Eva, to the tune of “What is your hand for?” Toji is finally  about to take things into his own hands.

Asuka takes a few cracks at Shinji to Hikari that he hasn’t quite gotten the memo, but when Shinji asks her even she’s halted in words.

Then the day comes.

Tests are being done and suddenly Unit-03 goes  rogue with Toji in her (note the Evangelions have the souls of the pilots’ mothers, save for Rei). Unit-03’s’s strange behavior is revealed to be the work of the 13th angel, Bardiel. Shinji’s ignorance is made worse by Misato’s absence (with Misato telling Ritsuko she’d tell Shinji the pilot’s info after the tests). Units 00 through 02 are sent out for the new threat and Shinji sees this new threat. Anxiety rises.

The song “Marking Time Waiting for Death” accentuates the anxiety. Unit-03’s silhouette eerily contrasts with the sun, her body slightly hunched and approaching slowly.

Fear washes over Shinji when he deduces that with an Evangelion inside, there must be a pilot.

Yet he still doesn’t know.

The other pilots are aware, and show reluctance to the revelation. A hijacked Unit-03 sets herself on Asuka, Rei, and even strangling Shinji. Shinji allows the angel-hijacked-being to strangle him, because killing another human being is simply horrific.

 Eva has its hand in the war morals cookie jar here because Shinji stands at a conundrum, to other let this creature take his life or to murder flesh and blood. This dilemma goes double-time in war. Gendo asks why Shinji hasn’t dealt with the 13th yet, with a somewhat horrified Shinji pleading  about the pilot. Gendo commands for the unfinished Dummy System to override Shinji’s controls and then suddenly...silence….

The Dummy Controlled Unit-01 springs back and we’re treated to a close-up of Unit-03/Bardi3l being strangled. 

A nauseating crunch sounds and the unit goes limp. A controlled Unit-01 proceeds to raise hell on the incapacitated enemy, resulting in the unit’s blood and guts flowing through the streets. NERV’s personnel can’t do anything save for become fearful at the Dummy System’s capabilities. Terrible, visceral noises sound one by one as blows strike, as the unit’s severed limbs and blood splatters riddle the urban battlefield. Shinji hears every second, every squelch and splat.

Imagine the pain of 03’s pilot.

But the terrors don’t cease here. 

01 doesn’t stop at just raising hell on the incapacitated 03, and we’re treated to another close-up shot of 01 tightly holding onto 03’s entry plug, before crushing it.

Somewhere away, Misato receives news that Unit-03 has been dispatched as an angel. Shinji feels the weight of having actually killed someone, before Misato actually breaks the news that the pilot is not only alive but that the greatly injured pilot is his classmate.

It never really hit me until now how this scene holds another horrifying subtlety. Compare this to episode 3, where Toji’s first interaction with Shinji involved him punching him, the very scene playing at this episode’s beginning. The 18th episode ends now with ,Toji and Shinji are both joined in the same camp, of children emotionally and physically marred by war, not able to fully control their situations.

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Sequence

Shinji stands in a situation where he can no longer take the terrors aligned with the Evangelion. He’s gone from sustaining injuries great and small from combat with the eldritch angels, to indirectly harming a friend through it. He resigns from his position as a pilot, understandably running away even with the approach of the 14th angel.

After a talk with Kaji about how he can control his future and he only, Shinji once again puts himself at the forefront of further pains. He must once more thrust himself to the terrors that align with the war-machines whilst struggling with other traumas.

During his fight against Zeruel, his Evangelion dies out and it all floods back to him. Shinji once again finds himself at a position of no power, frantically pressing at his controls to no avail.

He can only hear blow after blow of the 14th’s onslaught. He and Unit-01 are at their most vulnerable.

Until Unit-01 springs back.

W hat follows is the famous Berserk sequence, a scene whose terror can be thanks to Evangelion’s low budget.

We see the Evangelion in all her terror and the sort of off-ness that carries in this scene.

Episode 19 has no problems on treating us to front-row tickets to terror.

Unit-01 snatches part of Zeruel’s appendage and adds it to her mass. A sickening squelch sounds and her new appendage contorts into place in an instant. 

She moves over to her incapacitated, angelic meal and doesn’t hesitate to chow down. The shots feel too personal yet nowhere near in the sense of the show’s meta-textual reflections. It’s almost like stumbling on a cryptid and when she shoots a look at the viewer, it feels as if she’s looking at us, like we’ve interrupted her dinner. Or perhaps she did finish the meal... and she’s in the mood for seconds? Perhaps even thirds?

The bizarre and eldritch nature of the Evangelions goes full force with this imagery. Episodes 2 and 16 laid the foundation of how off the Evangelion Unit-01 was with how she openly mutilates her targets. Or even the unsettling roar of Unit-01 that’s not entirely bestial. The sound is straddles a line between the blood-curdling bestial and the human. But here? Eva Unit-01’s position, from her hunched figure, to her more feral position as she feasts, feels far too organic...and far too human.

The Evas themselves aren’t human, but the souls housed within are. Eva’s souls are souls of the respective pilots’ mothers, an example of the mother and child symbolism omnipresent in Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Shinji’s mother is Yui and as we go through the series, we realize the s2 engine appliance was intentional. An s2 engine offers infinite stores of energy and this is needed for Instrumentality. With the s2 engine within her grasp and the fact that Evas don’t subsist on anything, this would make the consumption of 14th completely recreational.

It’s super tempting to frame this scene as containing some abomination that now stands unchained and indiscriminate in its targets, but it isn’t. It’s sort of understandable because Units 00 and 02 don’t come close to exhibiting this sort of behavior nor were they in this circumstance. Neither Unit-00 nor 02  have any desires in regard to Instrumentality. In the end, we should look to Yui and her own endgame, because Yui’s running the show here.

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

Ritsuko states the Dummy Plugs are machines which imitate pilot’s thinking. There’s a bit more than the possibility of this being 100% AI due to the apparatus Rei is in.

This very likely implies the respective person’s thought processes added with AI programmed in a way which best “describes” the pilot (basically how they are perceived). In episode 17, Rei is situated in this apparatus strongly resembling the central nervous system, the brain and the spinal cord.

{The central nervous system CNS is responsible for integrating sensory information and responding accordingly. It consists of two main components:

1. The spinal cord serves as a conduit for signals between the brain and the rest of the body. It also controls simple musculoskeletal reflexes without input from the brain.

2. The brain is responsible for integrating most sensory information and coordinating body function, both consciously and unconsciously. Complex functions such as thinking and feeling as well as regulation of homeostasis are attributable to different parts of the brain.

https://mcb.berkeley.edu/courses/mcb135e/central.html

Ritsuko imparts the unsettling revelation about Rei and by extension the Dummy Plant itself (after Misato coerced her into learning about Rei). The Reis are the core of the Dummy Plugs (and the System used to brutalize a hijacked Unit-03 and its trapped pilot). This scene adds more to the extent of Rei’s objectification, of her being replaced. It adds on to Rei III’s comment of being ‘the third.’

Rei isn’t savage by any means but the sheer brutality of Dummy System’d Unit-01 5 episodes prior may hint at her straightforward nature.

I’d like to pitch that Ritsuko’s approach to Rei’s Dummy Data was also the product of her subtle animosity toward Rei. When she refers to the Dummy Plug as a machine which mimics human thinking, she’s talking about Rei. She also refers to her similarly in episode 23 by referring to Rei as spare parts, as if Rei herself is some soulless machine whose parts can be switched out if need be. This could also call back to Rei’s poem, in which she calls herself a vessel which holds human thoughts.

Another question remains: how does Kaworu play into this?

The MPEs (the Mass Production Evangelion series) use Kaworu’s Dummy data, meaning that there are cloned Kaworus stored off somewhere, perhaps floating with soulless smiles the same as Rei has.

Treated as spare parts.

This also implies that Kaworu is more or less reduced to an object.

What’s more disturbing is the nature of the MPEs gratuitous method of ravaging and mutilating Unit-02 and by extension Asuka.

Kaworu hasn’t ever demonstrated any degree of malice, so this can’t really insinuate a ‘Kaworu is secretly evil’ narrative. But this can tie back to a recurring theme of humans fearing and despising angels. It’s because of this that the revelation of our genetically identical nature or the fact that they can comprehend our psychology is framed in-show as kind of shocking. It is because we’re so disturbed at the angels’ existence (or anything else we don’t comprehend) that we view them as inherently savage in nature. Kaworu’s quick-to-perceive personality most likely translated itself along with the AI. This would also rule in the somewhat strategic way in which the MPEs act against Asuka, exploiting her attack patterns through surprise attacks.

Some of Kaworu’s as well as Rei’s Dummy Data are the product of universal (Kaworu) and personal (Rei) contempt by people. Let that sink in.

XIII. Kaworu’s + Adam’s True Power

The bottom of the fridge horror portion of this iceberg is something that has subtly plagued me for years. We’ve only ever caught glimpses of Kaworu’s abilities in his debut episode. I picked up on it little by little with each re-watch of the episode, with every other time his abilities dawning on me. If I wasn’t focusing on how his character fits in the greater framework of Evangelion, I was cluing in on his abilities.

One of his abilities is being able to block out light, magnetism, and subatomic particles. Some of the forces which make up the universe. This witnessed by the viewer when he realizes the whole of humanity’s welfare hangs by a thread, due to the coexistence of angels and Adam.

Adam.

Adam’s soul lies within Kaworu. Adam. Who utilized an Anti-AT Field which caused Second Impact. An Anti-AT Field, which killed off much of the Katsuragi Crew in Antarctica.

This makes Kaworu the most powerful angel in the original Evangelion series.

Eva has shown that ownership of an angel’s soul (or partially, if you’re onboard the Rei I is in Unit-00 theory) allows the person to inherit the angel’s abilities through Rei. Rei blocks off Kaworu’s immensely powerful field with one of her own, canceling out both as a result. As we know, AT Fields for people are a figurative affair. People lack the physiology to exhibit a physical AT Field because they don’t have cores like angels do. Angels’ souls when possessed by humans have a sort of ability to circumvent parts of human physiology (if you’re looking for the whole package, you should eat angel’s flesh too). Rei also shows the ability to float, implied in episode 24 and shown explicitly in End of Evangelion.

But this raises a few questions about the last messenger is the ability to block out some of the forces of the universe Adam’s powers or Kaworu’s? Another ability that continues to plague me the more I think about it is Kaworu’s AT-Field usage on Heaven’s Door to bypass its lock.

We haven’t actually seen Adam’s other powers (if the angel has any) because the it’s anti-AT Field was halted via Lance of Longinus. Other than its ethereal appearance in flashbacks, we only see an incapacitated Adam in embryonic form. That’s it. We don’t know if Adam exhibits any other powers due to this impediment. If Adam does have more powers, this would add onto both the fridge horror factor of Adam and Kaworu.

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

There’s something that implicates the whole cast. Something that goes beyond the meaning of the AT-Field, and the all-too-known Hedgehog’s Dilemma.

Eva is filled to the very brim with psychological concepts, but there’s one thing which ties this all together. It goes much larger than the desire to become validated or cycles of abuse and unresolved issues to a newer generation.

Free Will Vs. Determinism ties the entire cast together and is disturbing in its own right. It not only ties the cast together but also contributes to Eva’s meta-narrative.

Episode 16’s sequence with Leliel, Shinji, and the Johari Window gives little breadcrumbs to this psychological dilemma.  Leliel teaches Shinji about his own identity as well as slowly ushering him to a sense of self-awareness. Leliel also attempts to usher Shinji out of filtering reality with only convenient parts. Shinji argues that he can’t really be held culpable for his actions, because the one and only reality is that reality is awful, bar none. Not his reality, but reality as a whole. This deterministic stance becomes ever more blatant 8 episodes later with the appearance of Nagisa Kaworu.

Kaworu’s designation is the angel of free will. The irony of this stands in the fact that Kaworu isn’t the only angel who can exhibit free will (with some of the angels before him taking the time to try comprehending people). Kaworu’s status comes from his identity as the last messenger, bringing about freedom for one species (humans/lilin or angels) at the expense of the other. Kaworu knows his reality well and in the end, seeks to better the reality of those around him. Eva doesn’t romanticize the prospect of free will, however, because Kaworu is so aware of his own person and how he can hurt those around him that it greatly bothers him.

The metatext doesn’t just position Shinji as being in the wrong, but also the audience. Remember the point I made before about Shinji being the audience substitute? It’s further hammered home from the series’ tail end and into End of Evangelion.

“That’s just the way things are.” is a common response to things in life we feel resigned on changing, because we don’t know how to change them. This quote is a parallel to Shinji’s “humans aren’t made to float!” in episode 16.

Shinji does know how to change much of his reality, but by doing so he’d be pushed into free will. Free Will is the solution and it means holding yourself accountable rather than believe that it’s everyone else with the problem. With the idea that you can change your reality, it offers you the opportunity to love yourself.

If you love yourself, then it becomes much easier to love others.

Eva’s free will and determinism metatext hammers home the extension of empathy.

Shinji/the viewer’s greatest problem is that because we don’t love ourselves it makes it difficult to extend the love to everyone else. Shinji’s love translates as idealism. Because of his unhealthy idealism, he is hindered from understanding people.

By ascribing your beliefs from determinism to free will, it opens your mind to an entire world of possibilities, but therein lies the terror. It is because of these possibilities that Shinji and by extension, the viewer, likely fears free will. Shinji finds ways make himself validated, but with free will, the argument could be made that it doesn’t matter. There’s the anxiety-crippling likelihood that none of it actually matters, because your existence doesn’t matter. If we’re going on this bent, acts of making an adequate impression on others are acts of personal denial. In the end, these are what they are, possibilities.

The greatest terror of it all is that we don’t know.

User power-chords makes an excellent point about the inherent darkness of an internal locus of control.

User power-chords posits the idea of existential absurdity for Shinji not as a certainty but a possibility. There’s always a likelihood that our desires to comprehend the world around us, to find ultimate understanding are in vain.

Cheesy as it sounds, people fear ambiguity because we seek a satisfying end. We don’t just seek answers. We want outside closure and inner peace, but we won’t always get it. It’s why we rationalize relationships that end on bad notes. Sometimes you worry about your falling-outs...and it hurts. You never got the answers your wanted so this pain carries, for months, sometimes even for years. Dwelling on the issue serves no purpose other than to keep that hurt with you. The best thing to do sometimes is to find your own closure, your own meaning.

No, Evangelion isn’t actually pro-nihilism, but it presents us with that likelihood. That’s what makes this aspect of the narrative so terrifying: The consideration that we find meaning in the meaningless.

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

The nature of injuries and having them in adds onto the innate horror --be it war or otherwise-- and themes of the Evangelion. The severity of the injury is based on how high the pilot’s sync ratio is. An average rate while sustaining damage will bring hurt to the actual pilot in the respective spot. Some examples:

Sachiel makes multiple headblows to Unit-01 and Shinji in episode 2, causing head trauma.

Ramiel’s, (5th angel), particle beam attack in episode 6, an attack so severe that Shinji needed medical care.

Unit-00 and Rei being infected by a Bardiel hijacked Unit-03 in episode 18. Toji’s condition in episode 18 stands as a large example of the innately disturbing nature of sustained injuries.

Toji’s condition becomes all the more nauseating when you see Evangelion parts and blood flow through Tokyo-3.

Toji could feel every last second of strangulation, body blow, and feel the unspeakable pain of his arm being severed.  Let that sink in.

Asuka receives the worst of these considering the nature of her sync rate being high. The higher the rate the more kept the damage is. The circumstances behind Asuka getting the worst of it goes back to the AT-Field. Asuka understood the meaning of the AT-Field, that the more you open yourself up to others, the more hurt you become. The realization dawns on Asuka as her mother from within the Evangelion shields her from the onslaught of JSSDF troops.

It’s then that Asuka finally comprehends what the Absolute Terror Field is. Despite her emotional needs being neglected, realizing she’s set up to fail, and going comatose she still goes on.

Asuka, despite everything, takes a chance and opens her heart knowing the double-edged nature of the AT Field. What happens next?

Asuka took a chance.

She opened her heart...

...and she got hurt all because she opened herself.

XVI. Unit 01+MPE Gorging Sequences

The brutality of both Unit-01 and the Mass Production Evas holds three layers: of visual horror, implied horror, and thematic horror. Unit-01, after taking Zeruel’s s2 engine into herself, proceeds to then brutalize the 14th angel by way of still gorging on it. The feeding was entirely recreational considering Evangelions don’t subsist on food to function. This was more about the sheer act of brutality for brutality’ sake.

The Mass Production Evas also fall under this category, the way in which they deal with Asuka after incapacitating her with a replicated Lance of Longinus is also sadistic and gratuitous. They also proceed to gorge on Asuka, her fate made worse through the simple fact that her sync rate is heightened.

The MPEs don’t even swiftly finish her off.  She is in a state of tremendous and unimaginable pain. They fly above her slowly, circling above her mangled Eva.

They are almost mocking her as she can do nothing, save for writhe. Asuka’s seething, repeated “I’ll kill you...I’ll kill you….” is then silenced by the MPEs spearing her down.

The brutality doesn’t end there, as we see much darker implications of the damage sustained toward the end of the first half of End of Evangelion.

Shinji bears witness to the implications after seeing the decimated remains of Unit-02 being carried off by some of the Mass Production Units. The sickening reality of it all dawns on him and he is once more exposed to the woes of war and the nightmarish aspect tied of the Evangelions.

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arqa

We’re ending the pre-abyssal end of the iceberg with Evangelion’s original proposal.

Eva’s proposal, a far cry to the show today, had a more sci-fi angle to it. Psychological concepts weren’t exactly pitched nor was it self-aware. The angels weren’t even referred to as the angels, but as the Apostolos. Instead of the 18 we were presented with in the original show and the movies, there were 28 Apostolos.

The Apostolos designs stand as testament to how far of a departure the proposal was to the final cut. They look far more menacing than the more amorphous, much softer defined, beady-eyed angels we’re used to. To top it all off, the Apostolos were the de facto villains of Evangelion’s prototype pitch. The Apostolos in the Proposal, toward the end, proceed their onslaught as a group rather than the series’ one by one. Toward the series’ end, the 12 strongest Apostolos begin their assault on North America, annihilating the continent in its entirety.

Only 12 of the creatures laid waste to a singular continent.

Episode 24: "Now, the Promised Time"

Rei breaks down. Her secrets are revealed. At last awakened, the twelve strongest Apostolos descend from the Moon. Both Eva Unit-06 and the American continent vanish completely. Humans acknowledge their helplessness in the face of the Apostolos' crushing power. The promised time, when people will return to nothing, approaches. A human drama in the depths of despair.

Episode 25: "Arqa, the Promised Land"

The laboratory holds the ancient ruins of Arqa, which have become key. In order to stop the twelve Apostolos, the United Nations' head members annul the Human Instrumentality Project and resolve to destroy the Apostolos. Shinji's father objects. Shinji and the others stay at the laboratory for Rei. A drama of people conflicting over incongruous objectives.

https://wiki.evageeks.org/Resources:Neon_Genesis_Evangelion_Proposal_(Translation)

The aforesaid creatures were so powerful in the original pitch that Human Instrumentality and the ancient ruins of Arqa would be the way of stopping the onslaught.

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

As the last and most explicit aspect of original Evangelion, it would only make sense that EoE specific content would take its place in Tier 5. End of Evangelion is a 90 + minute tour de force with disturbing imagery back-to-back. Split Second Misato Death refers to one of the most unsettling images sprinkled all throughout the movie. Here are a few of the many examples of EoE’s building up on Evangelion’s ugliest parts.

Everyone cites the infamous hospital scene not even 5 minutes into the film as the first proof, but user power-chords has pointed out, Shinji has actually attempted suicide (refer to the ‘Free Will v. Determinism’ part of the iceberg.)

After Misato is mortally wounded and sends Shinji off in an elevator not long after, the JSSDF blow up that part of NERV. A few people have pointed out the most disturbing facet of this scene: through freeze-framing that you can actually see Misato’s body during.

The JSSDF scene partway through End of Evangelion in which NERV personnel are summarily annihilated.

For those missing the small detail of Shinji’s attempted suicide ,Shinji’s depressed state is made more clear when the JSSDF locate him. When they do they attempt to kill him execution style. Shinji doesn’t move.

“I don’t want to die…!” during the JSSDF’s assault, Asuka is awoken from comatose state. She is protected by her mother via an AT-Field by Unit-02. She gains back her self-preservation after this realization, and multitude of images play. One of them is an extremely gruesome close-up of Asuka’s face. (extreme body horror warning, proceed with caution)

The Komm Susser Tod scene beginning with Shinji strangling Asuka in harsh coloring, Naoko’s same action toward Rei plays right after. A few disturbing child drawings follow after, predominantly featuring death. (seizure warning, body horror warning)

End of Evangelion’s flooring nature comes from the fact that it builds up on the subtly horrific and makes these terrors explicit. Whatever existed beyond closed doors becomes now available for us to see,

XVIII. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

At the penultimate point of the abyss lies a horror as old as much of time. Of the humane being more disgusting than the monsters.

That we can be monstrous.

This fact becomes known with the appearance of the JSSDF as dispatched by SEELE, methodically mowing down NERV personnel with little to no weaponry of their own. We’re treated to NERV’s personnel in their hallways, some forced with the moral dilemma of leaving their own to die while surviving or helping their own while both end up being gunned down. 

It becomes apparent that SEELE has been gradually, intentionally chipping away at NERV’s Defense Budget, getting rid of the (little) competition they have after the defeat of the Last Messenger.

There’s a degree of contempt and casual sadism that comes with how they kill the personnel. In one instance, a NERV worker surrenders to the JSSDF, before being killed off in execution style in the distance (one headshot plus two extra shots for good measure).

When you look back at it, this sort of sheer, unabashed brutality wasn’t felt about the angels. Human attitude about the angels is largely fearing, anxious. This attitude accentuated itself through a sometimes nervous soundscape. Of observing these weird, ghastly creatures as they creep and swim. And the feeling’s mutual. The problem is that we don’t know.

But here? We do know.

When the JSSDF move in, the anxiety of angels graduates to the full-force dread of creatures that have killed before. The greatest enemy to humanity has always been with them all along, forcing them to a catch-22. The dread falls on Maya because she understands this perfectly. NERV has only ever shot at targets rather than living flesh…

...and SEELE knows this.

SEELE’s slow, but sure suppression of NERV’s budget is kicking a man while he’s down, but the man in question is a child instead. The JSSDF have more than enough firepower, calling it overkill goes beyond an understatement.

The JSSDF demonstrate the lack of remorse further with the discovery of Third Child, Shinji Ikari. One of the members presses the barrel to Shinji’s head before Misato steps in and kills the members.

The JSSDF isn’t the only damning evidence of how ugly members of humanity can be, however.

Humanity’s on-occasion grossness shows itself in small ways throughout the series, in dislike and conscious emotional distance for individuals, or beliefs of the angels being unintelligent and/or savage. Other times it manifests fiscally, in orchestrating more ethical approaches to stopping certain destruction to go seemingly haywire in order for NERV to receive more funding. This all due to a rival company of NERV challenging the very idea for its usage of child soldiers.

The worst of this damning fact is that many of the morally repugnant members exist on a higher echelon of society. There are Gendos running around, doing as they so please and they’re the tip of their echelon iceberg.

XIX. The Ultimate Paradox of Evangelion

“Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live.”

We’re treated to these words as Shinji finds himself on shores surrounded by an isolate hellscape, with Asuka next to him. The strange and altogether horrific nature of End of Evangelion has gotten fans  believing on End of Evangelion’s endgame was in certain, nihilistic. But Eva dipping its hand in the likelihood of meaning in the existentially meaningless isn’t even the ultimate terror of Eva’s self-aware universe, nor is it the tendency for man to become contemptible towards itself.

Evangelion greatest terror is the paradoxical nature of free will.

Yui’s words to her son as she drifts off into the ever-expanding cosmos, her status as a deity realized, is that paradise is universal. EoE assumes this unconventionally positive approach to a whole series worth of characters’ woes. The issue is: finding paradise is ultimately conditional.

Free Will’s paradoxical nature is what gives credence to the ongoing Free Will vs. Determinism dilemma. People can use their free will to take away yours entirely and this is most evident with Rei. Her existence is the result of a man’s unhealthy attachment to his wife, her lack of self-preservation the result of being conditioned as a multi-purpose vessel; her desire to merge with Lilith to become an omnipresent mother-figure was not hers. The nature of disallowing free will exists on a spectrum, as people can use their free will not to take away the whole of others’ freedoms, but to disallow them proper emotional growth. The adults around Asuka weren’t around for her during the series, leading to her eventual downfall.

Unit-01, throughout much of the second part of EoE holds the power to give or deny people’s physicality due to her status of having both Fruits of Life (the s2 engine held by angels) and Wisdom (from the Lance of Longinus merged with the Eva earlier on). This gives Unit-01 her deity status and while within Lilith-Rei, Shinji realizes that not everyone would be there in his life, that he can’t be in the center of others’ lives. It’s for that reason why he denies people’s physicality (“They can all just die.”), which turns people into LCL.

Shinji gives allows people the ability to come back from Instrumentality after realization arises that without other people, there’s no way to tell if Shinji, himself exists or not. Kaworu and Rei also give him the reality that with people back, pain will become an inevitability once more. With all the souls gathered by Lilith-Rei, they are released after her death.

With the souls of those cast into Instrumentality dispersed, those turned into LCL now hold the ability to come back from Instrumentality if they so choose.

While the idea of anywhere being paradise rings true, it’s not entirely satisfying to say that EoE is unconventional in its uplifting message to the viewer. Evangelion is at its core a cautionary tale. It warns the viewer into extensions of empathy and openness that others would properly live. This goes double for those with power. Without that compassion, we’ll have Asukas, Misatos, Ristukos, as well as Reis, those in the world whose downfalls come from emotional absences, neglect, objectification, and forced baggage. We would have Shinjis, those wanting to be at the nexus of others’ importance because they were deprived while young.

Kindness is a powerful thing and the lack of compassion present in all of Eva implicates most everyone. It leads to yet more abusive cycles, with the only thing breaking that cycle being a hand for those in need.

XX. Conclusion

What more can be said over this juggernaut which is a host to a bevvy of darkness? Evangelion is testament that anxieties and horror don’t need to start out as blatantly shocking or visceral to make an impact years down the line. They also don’t need to be out in the open to initially hook you either. You pick up on a few anxieties as well as horrors and you realize deep down, there must be more, which drives many of us to engage in this often times unabashedly dark source material.

Some of us are doing it later in the throes of adolescences, others are doing so well into their 20s, possibly dipping into their 30s. Point is, it draws in a lot of us and for a lot of us, it doesn’t ever let go.

Some of its charm could be chalked to the visceral ways in which characters interact. Even after years of re-watches, I’m still learning new things about the child soldiers, and I’m quite sure there’s others finding small details. There’s also the possibility of Eva’s approach to terror. I think Evangelion “humanized” its horror. It didn’t make horror a universally human feeling, but made it so that the true big bads looking to cause apocalypse weren’t actually the eldritch. Many of the angels are more or less lost kids looking for their mother (I still think Ramiel’s “singing” in episode 5 was it calling for its mother!).

With those newer details after 20+ years, there will be more added to the iceberg. Hell, there should be more added to the iceberg. This iceberg is the tip of an even greater iceberg. I’m still learning about their adults and their desires as well, how cyclical their actions are. For others, the draw-in factor lies in its low budget. Personally, it’s all of these for me: the low budget helped cement these darker aspects of the series due to horror and the genre’s overall relationship with limitation. It works best on limitation and had Eva worked with a much higher budget, I don’t think the content would be as effective, or perhaps it’d be much more difficult to make it so.

Evangelion is such a well-done, deceptively compact series that each lens a fan assumes has its own interesting rabbit hole. Your circumstance shapes the experience, and this too involves how you navigate the series’ menagerie of terrors.

I’d also like to thank the reader for getting through the largest rabbit hole in Evangelion. I’d also like to thank you for getting through the whole of this meta from a fan who slowly began to resonate with the characters as the years went on!

[extremelyblackandwhite]

ascendance - 01

PAIRING: mob!bucky barnes x reader

WARNINGS: violence, dark themes, age gap (reader is 23, bucky is 37)

SUMMARY: she was at the wrong place at the wrong time and a misunderstanding dooms her to a life as an ascendance card under the watch of the executer.

A/N: i’m so excited to go back to my mob writing roots with this one. there’s a bit of a few twists and changes to the traditional mob writing i’ve done before and i am really excited to be sharing chapter one with you. hope you enjoy it xx

> NEXT CHAPTER 

The ambience was dark, badly lit by the yellow flickering lights in the halls with echoes of the buzzing of the hot old light bulbs. There was no sound but that buzz and the heavy sound of his boots hitting the rotting wood floor boards. The scent in the air was putrid, a mix of what seemed like life meeting its end stage, cheap cider and weed. It was definitely different and he didn’t trust it. 

At the end of the corridor there it was. 107. The 107th flat in purgatory with the door slightly opened. He pushed the door open, the smell getting more intense and his boots sticky with the liquor spilled on the floor. 

     - What did you do? - each word was punctuated with intense disbelief, as if this was all a nightmare. 

     - Bucky, help me!

PRESENT

The wind brushed and pulled her hair into different directions as she stepped off the train’s step. She rushed through the streets of New York, hair pin stuck in the middle of her teeth as she fought the winds to try and set her hair into an appropriate hair do while running down the street at the same time. The chattering people and the sun peaking through the clouds was hopeful as she grabbed her coffee from the same vendor off the side street as her eyes gazed upon the Metropolitan Opera House which had been gracing the New York landscape for longer than she had been on this earth and now she was part of it, she was a small speck in an almost 60 year long history. 

Her smiled widened as her sneakers hit the pavement, eyes gazing over the fountain and the flags of the production coming down from the opera house’s arches. The same production she was part off. Sure, she was a chorus girl but the mere thought of singing on that stage, of watching that public in those red velvet seats under the chandelier just made it all more exciting. She walked inside the theatre through the stage door, meeting the manager at the door. 

     - Hi. - she leaned her hands against the desk where the manager was surrounded by attendance and cast sheets as well as a big laptop shining a blue light onto her face. The woman didn’t even look up, instead putting up a board with the names of all people in the production in front of her. - Do you need to see my ID? 

     - Just sign in front of your name. 

Y/N giddily looked at the list of names, hers closer to the bottom but there, written in bold Arial font. She signed her name in front of her printed one with the barely working pen, before pinning it over the board and handing it over to the manager who pointed inside the opera theatre. She held onto her gym bag harshly, padding the sublime floors and looking around with such wonder one would believe she’d never been here. She’d been here before, she was here every month to watch a performance but now she was not guest, she was not just another person walking in with a ticket, she was part of it, she was part of the show. After years of doing community plays, workshops and failed auditions, she had gotten here and suddenly all those days spent in bed feeling miserable in bed after getting rejected yet again didn’t matter anymore she was here.

Her eyes glanced at every tiny little ornament in the opera house until she entered the theatre room. Her heart filled with joy and happy nostalgia as the red and golden tones of the room involved her. There wasn’t anyone in the theatre yet except for a few musicians from the instrumental pit and some cleaners so she was free to roam around. Her fingers traced the suede velvet of the red seats, finding a few missing binoculars on the grounds but not really caring. 

     - You! - she whipped her head towards the voice which came from a woman, probably in her mid 40s all dressed in black with a gold name tag slightly above her left breast. 

     - Hi. - Y/N smiled, extending her hand towards the woman. - I’m Y/N, I’m the new ...

    - I don’t care, we need silk ribbons, now. 

    - Oh, I ... I’m new, I don’t know where I’d get silk ribbons, m’am.

    - The costume room? Go, stop looking at me as if you were Bambi and go.

    - Oh, okay. 

She made her way hastily out of the theatre room wondering how she was going to find silk ribbons, where she was going to find them and why she had to find them. Maybe it was a hazing ritual for new people, after all, she had been into various hazings during her career, including downing a whole bottle of honey which she couldn’t even finish, only eating one fourth of it before becoming nauseous. 

She stopped in the middle of the hall, wondering where the costume room could be. It couldn’t be on the top floor, that was usually where the bars and common rooms were so if the building followed regular construction protocols for opera houses, it was probably on the underground section of the house where the dressing rooms used to be. Y/N ventured into the lift, pressing the lowest number on the number chart of the panel until she reached the underground floor. Y/N looked around, people running in and out yet no one stopped whenever she tried to question where the costume room was. She had managed to find the costume shop but no luck finding the costume room until she was pretty much pressed against a dark door with those exact words by the passing crowd. 

She twisted the knob of the costume room door, tumbling onto the dark room as a result. The room was filled to the brim with costumes on each side of the room, a plexiglass divider between the two sides which stopped every meter or so and also appeared to be divided onto female and male costumes with the ensemble costumes at the back. She padded across the concrete floors, looking through dresses and accessories for ribbons but no successful attempt. The ruffling from the other side of the room had her turning around, forehead furrowed as she walked towards the plexiglass divider. 

     - Hello? - she questioned, wondering if there was someone in this room who could help her find silk ribbons. Great, she had barely joined the company and was already screwing up. Great, Y/N. Way to go, Y/N. 

She saw someone all dressed in black just like the women before, yet there seemed to be something which didn’t match up; black jeans, black shirt and black leathe jacket as well as a pair of also black boots, scruffed and probably entirely too old to still be holding up together. Her eyes caught his which despite the low almost non existent light of the costume room, were light, a sort of greyish blue like the calm sea before of storm. His gaze pulled hers in, like gravity and she couldn’t help but clutch the jacket next to her as a bad feeling along with something she’d never felt before settled in her stomach. 

His hair was mostly pushed back yet the ones which framed his face fell like dominos. She moved along the side where she was to one of the plexiglass gaps and he did the same still maintaining eye contact with her, until the two reached the gap. She didn’t notice she was holding her breathe in until she breathed out.

    - Hi. - her own hand gripped her wrist, shoe grinding against the floors. - Uhm, I’m new here and this lady sent me down to find some silk ribbons but I can’t find any. Do you ...

    - I... uh ... I don’t know where they are. - he faltered for a few seconds before regaining his posture.

    - Oh, I thought since you were here, you might be one of the stage managers. 

    - I’m not. - his tone was monotonous, almost as if he had the answer to her question before she even made it. 

    - Oh ... - she rubbed her neck. - Are you also looking for silk ribbons?

    - I’m looking for the dressing rooms, actually.

    - They’re down the hall. -  she pointed at the door as if it was the “down the hall”. - Hum ... Are you new here too?

    - Yeah. Thanks. - he walked towards the door, opening it and stepping out before catching her gaze once again. 

Y/N remained in the middle of the room as if she were in a transe and maybe she was. It felt like she was falling yet she was firm on her feet and she did not like that feeling. She did not like that feeling of falling, it wasn’t feeling, it was hopeless falling and she wondered why looking at a man who looked like an 80′s glam rock reject made her feel like that, so lost. Maybe it was the respect he appeared to command by merely looking at her or maybe it was the nerves about being new and not being able to find some goddamn silk ribbons. Damn it. 

    - Call for 30 minutes before dress rehearsal. - the voice came from the intercom and immediately her mind dropped the idea of finding silk ribbons and moved to finding the ensemble dressing room and get dressed and ready. Damn it, this was going well. 

She rushed down the hall, bag almost slipping off her shoulder until she saw the door with the ensemble plaque on it. The young woman peaked inside the room where pretty much everyone with a role on the ensemble were already sat down. She shyly walked in the middle row until she found her own little corner, her name written on a sticker on the mirror along with photos of how the makeup should be done as well as how to get the costume in correctly. The same goofy smile returned as she sat down and saw her name above her. It was fine, she was here, she was part of a company.

    - Hey you’re new. - the girl next to her twirled her chair to face her. She already had her makeup on and hair pinned curled up and ready to put a wig cap on. - I’m Elliot but people call me Elle.

    - Y/N, I’m the new chorus girl. First day. 

    - Aw, welcome. - she had a bright smile, inviting and almost as exciting as the whole experience of being there. - Do you want help pincurling your hair? I can get it done while you do your makeup. 

    - Yes, please. - she pulled out a big box from her bag which had all her makeup and pins. 

Elle started pin curling her hair up while she put an inappropriate amount of blush on which was just appropriate to get on stage under the bright yellow lights. Turns out half the practice for opera is learning to do your makeup under bright yellow lights and then learning to sing. 10 minutes to rehearsal start, she was along with Elle going down and up to the main stage where most dancers were warming up. Elle left her to do so, leaving Y/N once again to just stand there, looking around like a little sheep in the middle of wolves. 

    - I’ve never seen you around. - her shoulders almost went up as he turned to see one of the principal sopranos, if not the principal soprano. She had seen all of her shows ever since she was a teenager and she had even wrote an essay for university on her for a module. Catherine Vargas, the best New York could offer, if not the best the world could offer. - I didn’t know they were still casting dancers.

    - Oh, I’m a chorus girl, Mrs Vargas. 

    - A chorus girl? - she furrowed her brows at her, looking her up and down. - What type?

    - The type who ... is in the back with the ensemble. - her voice lowered at least a few volumes down, back curved as if she were bowing. 

    - I know what chorus girls do. I asked what vocal type. 

    - Lyric soprano, m’am.

    - A lyric soprano in the chorus. Interesting. Where did you train?

    - Julliard, m’am.

    - Julliard? - she looked her up and down again. - That is a great school. What is a Julliard graduate doing in the chorus line?

    - Everyone starts somewhere. - she laughed nervously, scratching her arm as she did so.

    - Not a lyric soprano from Julliard. Composers sure do love an ingenue, don’t they? Don’t worry, a few months with me and you’ll be supporting. 

    - That’s ... that’s really kind, Mrs. Vargas. Thank you.

    - Don’t thank me. Could you get me some honey from my dressing room? I’m feeling a bit strained. 

    - It’s 5 minutes until rehearsal starts.

    - It’s okay, chorus normally doesn’t do much during rehearsal. Can you get it?

    - Yeah, I think so.

She straightened her crinkled skirt, looking behind her back before going down the stairs which led down to the dressing rooms. This was good, right? Getting into one of the main star’s good graces besides she was right, the chorus didn’t really get much attention during rehearsals, at least not as much as the main characters. It’s easier to get away with screwing up in the back than in the front, her teacher would tell her which would always earn a few laughs from her colleagues. Yet, Y/N hated to make any mistakes. She would stay up all night in front of a cheap piano she had bought from a charity shop, playing and singing the same 5 note progression until her flatmate yelled at her to shut up. For her, if it wasn’t perfect and if she didn’t get any criticism while performing it, she hadn’t done it right. It didn’t matter at the end of the day but what did matter was to climb up the ladder. She didn’t want to be a star, all she wanted was to be able to be on that stage forever with the spotlight shining on her and she knew there was only one way to climb up. Actually there were two, extreme luck and connections. Now, she didn’t have the best of luck so her major choice was to make connections and reach that status. 

She made her way into the principal dressing room. It was probably one of the biggest she had ever seen, with expensive decor and various flowers covering it. She wondered how many flowers she received on opening nights if that was the number she had on regular days. Y/N made her way to the desk, opening drawers and more drawers to find honey until she found it on the lowest drawn. She went down on her knees to grab it, mindless and careless to everything that was happening until she felt a sharp pain on the side of her her.

Then everything went dark. 

TAGLIST: @lookiamtrying @buckyswillows @blossomslibrary @juliesland @iloveshawnieboi @unmagically​ 

[lcksndkys]

Pairing: hobi x reader

Rating: NSFW

Genre: dancer!hobi x bff reader

Word count: ~4.1k

Warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected sex on a kitchen counter (bffs who trust each other, but still should wrap it before you tap it!!), brief masterbation, nipple play (cus duh, it’s me)

A/N: When I wrote Permission, I thought I’d leave it semi open ended, but there were a few people who wanted some closure ( @btsarmy9593​ @junghelioseok ) and I was happy to continue this story!! S/o to my people @jinpanman and @wwilloww for the song recs and the figurative pom poms!! If you liked it, feel free to talk to me about it!!

01, 02

The next few days had passed without word- carrier pigeon, smoke signal, or otherwise- from Hoseok. 

If you’re being honest with yourself, you’d admit that it appears neither of you are willing to revisit the events that had transpired in the small studio any time soon. You still can’t believe Hoseok kissed you as part of his audition routine. A year spent romanticizing what it would be like, and he ruined it so recklessly. 

You had heard from Seokjin, a mutual friend, that Hoseok nailed his audition and was offered a job at The Pied Piper. Bitterly, you wonder who he locked lips with during his routine, and immediately banish the thought from your mind. 

According to your sources (read: Jin), Hoseok has been rehearsing choreography with the rest of the cast over the last few weeks. Part of you knows that he’s busy, and the other part wonders if he’s just using his busy schedule as a means to avoid you. 

Either way, it doesn’t stop you from missing him. Conversations have been short with Hoseok replying with one worded responses and no attempts to keep conversation flowing.

Logically, you know that you could confront him. Half of you is dying to, but the petty side of you refuses to cave first. 

You’ve spent the past few weeks burying yourself in work and chores. You almost forget the feeling of his body grinding against you, his hand wrapped around your neck, his lips on yours. 

Your skin prickles at the memory. 

I wasn’t talking about you. 

What was that supposed to mean? Who was he talking about? 

Hope is a dangerous thing, and you refuse to believe what Hoseok was possibly implying. Because if his affections were surface level, it would crush you. 

You dive back into your work, taking on as many projects as possible to keep from dwelling on thoughts of Hoseok. 

At work the following morning, your phone vibrates with a notification breaking you from your muddled thoughts. 

You feel around your desk for your phone tapping the screen to see that Jin has texted you.

[11:21am] WWH: it’s friyay. 

[11:22am] WWH: We’re goin to The Pied Piper tonight!! Pick you up at 9 ;)

Groaning, you discreetly check your periphery noting that your colleagues appear to be too absorbed in their work to watch you try to decline a very insistent friend.

[11:24am] You: No, Jin… I don’t really feel well :(

Several minutes pass with no further pleading from Jin, but then your phone buzzes again.

[11:34am] Yoongi: If you don’t come to Hoseok’s opening night, he’ll be crushed.

[11:39am] Yoongi: Come with us. Please

You sigh. It’s not often that Yoongi begs, but you know he’s right. Although things between you and Hoseok have been tense lately, you know you can’t miss the opportunity to support your best friend. 

[11:41am] You: Fine.

[11:42am] Yoongi: Atta girl

The Pied Piper isn’t what you thought it would be. It’s less of a strip club and more of a small concert venue with tables and booths of various sizes surrounding a raised stage. You let Jin lead you towards your seats with Yoongi following close behind.

To your dismay, the small table you arrive at is frighteningly close to the front row where you’re sure Hoseok could see you. 

Taking your seat flanked by your two friends, you cross your legs in the attempt to tamp down the nervous bouncing of your foot.

To your right, Yoongi places a calming hand on your knee to stop your fidgeting. 

“It’s just Hoseok,” he reminds you. His knowing eyes stare deep into yours. 

You take a deep breath and let Yoongi’s words soothe you.

On your left, Jin is trying to talk over you to Yoongi about checking out the strippers on the other side of The Pied Piper after the show.

Just after 9:30pm, the lights begin to dim, setting your nerves alight.

Soft music starts as a dozen or so men saunter through the crowd to take the stage. 

You feel the swoosh of air behind you as one of the dancers passes by the back of your seat. Coming around to the front of your table, you’re mesmerized by the fluid way his body moves. Blond hair slicked back, he dances in front of your table for the remainder of the song and sends you a flirty wink. 

Mesmerized by him, you watch as he spreads his legs in a deep squat, arms crossed over his chest as he thrusts his hips to the beat. At the end of the song, he blows you a kiss with his full lips, turning to focus his attention to a different table of patrons.

You feel a pointy elbow nudge against your side and you turn sharply to your left to see Jin’s smug smile as he waggles his eyebrows suggestively at you. 

Rolling your eyes, you focus back on the show.

The men have gathered around on stage as the intro song fades. Once in formation, another song starts up. More upbeat, the men break out into the next part of the choreography, each following the routine to complement his own style. 

Some have started unbuttoning their shirts to show more skin.

Your eyes dart around, stalling on a particularly handsome dancer as he rakes back his long, dark hair with a heavily tattooed hand while swaying his hips to the music. Slowly unbuttoning his black shirt and swaying his hips and thick thighs, he flashes his doe eyes and muscles to the crowd, looking equal parts boyish and lethal. 

Your gaze follows his powerful body as he moves across stage, undressing his upper body to reveal the smooth, inked planes of his torso. He throws his shirt somewhere behind the audience (probably for staff to pick up) and you watch him until he passes by a familiar figure. 

Dressed in a white button down with sleeves rolled up his forearms, Hoseok catches your eyes with his dancing. Your breath stutters in your chest, skin heating in memory of his hips grinding against yours. 

Trying to focus on a different dancer, you settle on watching Blondie while he drops to his hands and knees humping the floor slowly and sensually to the beat of the song. You remember this move when Hoseok performed his audition piece for you, and you can’t help but recall the way desire had pooled deep and hot in your belly. Watching this beautiful man dance tonight, while pleasing, does not move your heart. 

As the night progresses, the dancers move seamlessly through the choreography jumping from one routine to the next. Most of the dancers are now topless, in nothing but fitted jeans with underwear bands peeking up over their beltlines.

You try to keep your eyes off Hoseok. 

Try.

Until the group breaks formation to disperse into the audience for a more close up look at their, ahem, dancing skills. Hoots and hollers fill the air as the men spread out and start giving lap dances to their audience. 

At your left, Jin cackles loudly at the sight of Tattoos straddling a middle aged woman against her chair. His prominent front teeth are on display as he smiles at her, leaning down to whisper in her ear over the booming music. Seconds later, you see her nod her consent enthusiastically while he presses her hands against his rippling pectorals. 

Hoseok has been watching you watch Tattoos with a frown. 

Distracted, you don’t see him rapidly approach your table until he stands before you. Of course Jin bought tickets in Hoseok’s section. 

You tense up and think about running, but Yoongi’s calming hand briefly returns to your knee, encouraging you to stay. It’s just Hoseok, you remind yourself. 

In front of your table, Hoseok locks eyes with you, slowly starting to undress his upper body. Leaving his shirt open, he pushes his sleeves further up his elbows revealing his sinewy forearms.  

Although the room is dark, you can feel the flush of blood creep up your neck and face at Hobi’s intense stare. You swallow down a whimper as he grips the back of your chair and spreads his thighs wide over yours, hovering several inches over you. There’s no contact between his body and yours, yet you can feel his warmth.

“May I give you a dance?” he asks huskily into your ear.

You shiver at the contact as your body betrays you. Feeling your nod of consent, Hoseok grins and slowly drops his weight onto your lap. 

Bare witness to my evolution

Violent moans, untamed contusions

We’re not really here it’s all Illusions

Vaguely you hear and feel Jin howling in delight at the sight unfolding next to him.

Holding you close, Hoseok pulls your hands off your lap to wrap around his waist while he grinds his hips against you. He tucks his face into your neck, dragging his perfectly sloped nose against the sensitive skin there. At this distance, you can’t see his face and pray that he can’t feel the bounding of your pulse.

You grab me there your fingers sink

We breathe, we tense, no time to think

I take you 'til you’re on the brink

Then we dive off the edge in sync

Sliding up and down your body, Hoseok encourages your hands to wander across his hips and lower back.

You bite your lip and allow your fingers to ghost their way under his open shirt, up along the ridges of his ribs and down to his ass, feeling the way the muscle contracts as he moves against you. 

Make love, fuck

Lick me up

Petals, pluck

Drive me, clutch

You feel the rumbling in his chest as your wandering hands explore his body. 

Hoseok eagerly rolls his hips against yours to the beat of the song. Goosebumps litter your neck as he pants into your ear.  

What’s your pleasure, what’s my name?

Blend and merge until we’re same

Nothing much of us remains

As the song winds down, Hoseok pulls back from you to stare into your eyes. He gently removes your hand from his waistline and presses your palm into his chest- left of center- over his thrumming heart. 

Your breath catches in your throat at the look he gives you. Hand still trapped against his chest, all you can focus on is the pounding underneath your fingertips and the burning in his hooded eyes.

In this moment, there’s no strip club, no Jin or Yoongi, no audience or dancers. Everything fades away and it’s just you and Hoseok.

Until the song changes yet again and Hoseok dismounts from you without a second glance, swiftly moving on to the bachelorette party next to you. 

You can still feel the heat of his body as you watch Hoseok dance around them, hips thrusting wildly as he artfully maneuvers his body to the bass. He smiles at the blushing bride-to-be and her entourage.

Hoseok picks up her hand as if to inspect her engagement ring before pressing a kiss to her knuckles with a wink. He’s clearly flirting with her, but with the noise of the club, there’s no way to tell what he’s saying. 

Teeth clenched tight, you remind yourself you have no right to be jealous. 

Your gut wrenches at the sight of him wrapped around another woman as his body undulates against her. He backs off slightly only to pick up her legs, spreading them to wind around his waist to better grind against her. Peals of laughter ring out higher than the music. An unpleasant weight settles deep in your stomach as you watch Hoseok basically dry hump her.

There’s a brief lull in the song, barely long enough for Yoongi to hear the pained gasp that leaves your lips when he moves on to one of her friends.

The comforting hand on your arm prompts you to drag your watering eyes off Hoseok. You meet Yoongi’s furrowed brow. 

“Wait. Do you- ” he looks from you to Hoseok, and back again. His eyes widen as he rapidly deduces the reason for your sudden mood.

You quickly glance at Jin who is still busy watching Hoseok entertain the table of bachelorettes. 

Biting your lip to hold in your sniffling, you nod once up and down in quiet confirmation.

“Holy shit,” he whispers. 

Instead of relief, it feels like your chest caves to the pressure of admitting your feelings. It was easy to lie to yourself, but you don’t think you keep up the act now that Yoongi knows. 

Suddenly the club becomes unbearably stuffy. 

You lean over to Jin, raising your voice over the music. “I’m gonna go get some air,” you shout and quickly make a beeline for the exit.

With your back turned, you don’t see the pair of longing eyes follow your figure as you leave.

Outside, the air is crisp as it nips at your exposed skin. You take a few deep breaths letting the sharp air soothe the ache in your heart. Deciding you can’t stay and watch the rest of the show, you sent a text to Jin and Yoongi to let them know you’ve called an Uber to go home. 

Freshly showered and lying in bed, you browse through your work emails to keep your mind busy. You’re determined to fall asleep without the memory of Hoseok grinding against random women tonight. 

As the minutes tick by, your eyes grow heavy with sleep and you roll over to put your phone on your bedside table. 

Thump, thump. Thump. A firm fist pounds on your door insistently, ridding you of any drowsiness as adrenaline floods your system.

Tapping your phone, you see it’s much too late for any decent social visits. There are no missed notifications; nothing to suggest you may have a visitor tonight.

At your hesitance, the rapping continues more adamantly. 

You cautiously approach the front door and peer through the peephole.

Hoseok. 

Relief washes over you, followed closely by frustration. Weeks of near-silence and he shows up unannounced at your door at 2am??

Throwing open your door, you’re ready to send him away.

The words die on your tongue at the sight before you. Eyes downcast, hair messy. 

“I know it’s late, but can I stay?” he asks quietly. 

Your heart lurches in your chest as you swing the door wider and step aside to allow him entry. From the smell of his lightly floral shampoo you can tell he must’ve showered after the show. 

Your eyebrows raise in alarm when you note a slight wobble in his gait as he makes his way to your kitchen. He's clearly been drinking.

He pulls a glass from the cabinet and pours himself a cup of water. Taking a small sip, he nervously passes the glass back and forth between his hands. 

“I- uh- I went out with Yoongi-hyung and Jin-hyung after the show,” he explains. 

Arms folded over your chest, you nod in understanding. 

“I’m sorry,” he croaks. “I’ve been an ass.”

There’s a tense moment as you both regard each other.

“Yeah it fucking sucks to have your best friend ignore your existence for weeks at a time” you retort.

He flinches at your harsh tone. “I just… I didn’t know how to be around you after… that.”

“After what? Your audition? Hobi, I don’t care that you want to dance in a strip show!” you lie easily through your teeth.

“It’s not the dancing,” he pauses to take a deep breath, steeling himself. “I meant… the kiss”

His adam’s apple bobs as he breaches the topic. “It wasn’t part of my audition routine. I kissed you because I wanted to. I want more” he whispers.

Eyes rounded in surprise, your mind is both loud and silent at the same time, short circuiting at his confession.

“And you kissed me back, but like, it didn’t seem like you were that into it and I just- I let you think it was part of the routine” he babbles on. 

“But- “

“I like you- really like you” he says earnestly. Fingers wrap tightly around his water, cutting to the chase.

“I had no idea,” you insist.

“I literally told you how I feel back when I practiced my audition piece for you” 

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t clear.” you bite back. 

“My kissing you wasn’t clear enough?” he shoots back with a quirked brow. 

You sputter. “I really thought it was part of your audition!” you exclaim.

“Forgive me for being old-fashioned, but I don’t often kiss women I’m not interested in,” he says, setting down his glass to take a few steps closer to you. 

Your head spins. “So, you’re still interested?” 

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m into you before you get it?” 

“Maybe one more time” you grin up at him suggestively.

Hands hovering over your waist, he smiles as he leans in, nose gently grazing yours as he breathes you in.

You tilt up chasing his lips when he suddenly pulls back.

“I need to know this isn’t just some fling for you. If we’re going to do this, it needs to be the real deal.” His eyes search yours and he must see what he’s looking for as he grins, dimples on full display.

Hand sliding up his chest and cupping his jaw, you hold him close. 

“I’ve liked you for months” you confess quickly. “It’s real, trust me” you say, pulling him back into you. You slot your lips against his, eager for another taste. Suckling gently on his lower lip, you feel his chest rumble with a growl as he presses into you with ardour.

Hoseok’s hands find their way around you, feverishly mapping out your body as he allows you to mold your mouths together. 

He immediately tilts his head, deepening the kiss. 

Your fingers pull at his dark strands and eagerly caress his neck. You feel the way his jaw moves as his mouth opens wider to send his tongue out to press into your mouth.  

His hands turn frantic, pawing at the curves he's been fantasizing about over the past couple of years. 

You let him push you up against the counter top as you continue kissing, his hips pinning you in place as his hands continue to greedily rub up and down your back and sides before slowly creeping up your front. 

"Can I?" he rasps, fingers staying below your ribs,waiting for your consent. 

"Please. I want you to touch me, Hobi" you beg. 

He growls at your enthusiasm and roughly cups your breasts. Even beneath the layers of clothing, he can feel the way your nipples pebble with desire. 

Pushing his hands aside, you reach down and pull your sweater and top up and over your head exposing your bare torso to him.

“Fuck,” he grunts, hands returning to roll and pinch at your sensitive buds.

You shiver with need as he plays with your tits, enjoying the way pleasure shoots down to your cunt. 

Hands leaving your breasts, he swats at your bottom. “Up,” Hoseok commands.

Obediently, you hop up onto the counter top, careful to avoid his barely touched glass of water. He spreads your thighs to slot his body against you. Legs pulling him in closer, you feel the evidence of his arousal at your center as he presses his erection against your quickly dampening panties.

His arms wrap around you bringing your chest to his face and suckles your nipple into his hot, wet mouth. Moaning, you send both hands into his hair as he continues his erotic assault on your body.

Hoseok grinds his hips against your core as he laves equally at both tits, leaving your nipples perked and shining in his saliva. 

“On or over the counter,” he rasps.

“I want whatever you want,” you pant, desperate to feel him against you.

“Fuck,” he huffs. “Can I take these off? I wanna see all of you” he pleads, tugging at the waistband of your sleep shorts.

Instead of responding, you push him back a step to slowly slide off your remaining clothing and scoot back on the counter top. You part your thighs giving him the perfect view of your glistening cunt. 

To entice him further, you slide a finger up and down your slick, swirling around your clit, and dipping into your sodden entrance.

“Holy shit, I want you so bad,” Hoseok groans with his eyes focused on the way you fuck yourself open with your fingers.

He allows himself a moment to enjoy the sight of you pleasuring yourself for him, studying the way you touch pussy. Having enough, Hoseok pulls your hand off yourself and wraps his lips around your digits, moaning at your taste. 

“Fuck me, Hobi, I’m ready,” you whimper.

Unable to hold back any longer, he growls, pulling you down from your perch and flipping you to face the countertop. With gentle pressure against your upper back, he encourages you down to your elbows, bending you forwards to present your cunt to him.

You hiss at the feeling of cold marble against your hardened nipples.

Distracted, you don’t hear the rustling of clothing as Hoseok tears himself free, eager to feel your skin against his. 

You gasp at the feeling of the blunt head of his cock sliding against your slit, bumping against your clit to send tingles of pleasure through you in waves. 

“Is this ok? I’m clean,” he promises.

You trust him.

“Me too. I’ve never had anyone bare,” you moan, pushing your hips back in the attempt to slide him into you.

“You want me, baby?” he asks one last time.

“Yes, Hobi, yes, just fuck me-” you whine, cut off when he takes his first stroke into your quivering walls, going slow so you feel every inch of him.

He thrusts gently a few times into your heat until he finally bottoms out inside you. 

Eager for more, you push your hips back against him to fuck yourself on his cock. “I like it rough,” you urge him.

Growling, Hoseok sets a brutal pace, desperately drilling his cock in and out of you.

You whimper in pleasure at his handling. Hoseok caresses at your back and hips and ass as if attempting to memorize the feel of your skin as he sinks into you over and over. Curling his fingers around your hips, he pulls you onto his length as he surges forwards, your breasts bouncing with the force of his trusts.  

Eyes clamped shut in pleasure, you feel your legs shake with your impending release.

“Hobi, I’m getting close,” you whimper. 

He grunts in approval, suddenly hoisting you up onto the counter so that your toes barely skim the floor. 

You squeal in surprise. In this position with your legs dangling, you wildly grasp at the smooth marble in the attempt to hold onto something. Hoseok pounds into you and you are unable to do anything but accept the pleasure he gives you. 

“Cum on my cock,” Hoseok urges. “I need to feel you cum first”

“So deep, ah- fuck! You feel so good, Hobi” you gasp as he continues to thrust into you. 

Your toes curl as his pace increases, desperate to get you off before he blows.

“Touch me, please, I’m so close,” you beg.

Sending his fingers between your legs, he rubs quick circles as you showed him earlier around your throbbing clit.

Your walls flutter wildly around him as you begin to unravel. 

“That’s my girl,” Hoseok grunts as he feels your walls tighten around him. 

You cum with a strangled moan of his name, puffing against the marbled surface as you clench rhythmically around his turgid length. 

Ears ringing in post orgasm haze, you feel Hoseok continue to thrust desperately into your wet heat. 

Panting he asks urgently, “Can I cum inside?”

“Fill me up,” you whimper, nodding enthusiastically. 

With your permission, Hoseok lets go. Draping his front against your back, he buries deep into your cunt and releases into your velvet heat with a loud, drawn out groan. 

Lying prone over the marble and still speared on his cock, Hoseok peppers sweet kisses along your nape and shoulders, gently suckling against your skin as you both revel in post-coital bliss.

“Mmm,” you keen at his attention as he presses one last lingering kiss behind your ear.

“You were serious earlier, right?” he asks softly. “You really want more, too?”

Craning to look back at him, you see a line of worry between his brows as he waits for your confirmation.

“I just wanna be yours, Hoseok,” you affirm with a shy smile.

He beams down at you, and like a flower to a sun, you can’t help but smile back.

[kinktae]

bitchin’ || pt. 8 (M)

The 80s were a time of choices. Which perm was right for you? What color neon would you wear next? None of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with Jeon Jungkook.

pairing: fratboy!jungkook x reader

word count: 4k

genre: 1980s au, eventual smut, e2l

warnings: sir kink, student/teacher roleplay, oral (f), fingering, hand job, overstimulation, another bussy slap, peepee in veevee, jk kind of uses y/n like a pocket pussy LMFAOOO, angst

A/N: This fic was inspired by To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Thank you to @junqkook for letting me use her likeness!

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10

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PART EIGHT 

“Mom told you I was coming down for Christmas, right?” You chirped into your phone’s earpiece, pressing it between your cheek and shoulder as you needed both hands to slip on your socks.

You had just finished brushing your teeth when your phone began to ring; you were surprised but delighted to hear your sister Rosa greet you from the other end. It felt like ages since you had spoken to either of your sisters. Sure, you gave your parents a ring every weekend, but your siblings had their own lives to worry about, you assumed.

“Not even! You know, Sammy broke up with his girlfriend last month, so he’s spending it with us for once.” Your elder sister replied.

You stretch your legs out in front of you, still stiff from sleep.

“All of us on one couch again, huh. That hasn’t happened since the final episode of M.A.S.H premiered on TV.”

“God, I’ve never seen Dad cry as much as he did that night.” Rosa reminisced, pulling a giggle from you as you replied the memory on your head. Your entire family with their noses pressed to the television’s screen, bidding farewell to a story and cast you had loved since you were seven.

“So when are you coming down then? Has winter break started for you guys yet?”

“Not yet,” you told her, “and I still have to ask Jungkook if he’d want to drive down together.”

“Jungkook?”

You froze, the fact that your family had no idea about your fake boyfriend completely slipping your mind.

“H-He’s a friend. We went to the same high school and… yeah…” You trailed off pathetically, feeling extremely vulnerable talking to Rosa about a boy.

The last she knew about your love life was the proposal… and your rather hasty return of the ring.

“A friend.” She repeated knowingly. “And will I be meeting said friend sometime this Christmas?”

Two knocks against the dorm door rang out suddenly, momentarily distracting you.

Jungkook? Meeting your family?

The idea should have made you snicker, easily dismissible, but sat in your small dorm room, on the very bed you and Jungkook often hung out on, you couldn’t help but picture yourself sat at your family’s dinner table, a Christmas dinner laid out in front of you.

You couldn’t deny how easy it was to picture him sitting beside you, chatting happily with everyone. Jungkook was important to you, in more ways than you cared to admit, and the idea of your family knowing that made your stomach flood with butterflies.

“Um… maybe, actually. Yeah.”

You hardly heard your sister’s noise of excitement as another series of knocks pulled you from your thoughts, these louder in volume.

Alright, alright.

You sighed, “Hey, I’m sorry, someone’s at the door. I’ve got to go, Rosa. Tell Lia I said hi?”

“You got it, dude.” Was your sister’s cheeky reply, a soft clang ringing out as you hurriedly placed the earpiece back onto the rotary phone.

You wondered who was at the door? It couldn’t be Yara as she had left for her first class not even ten minutes ago. Maybe it was your dorm floor’s RA?

Yanking the door open, you meet the eyes of an anxious-looking Jungkook, his hands shoved into his pockets.

“Well, you’re up early.” You quirked up an eyebrow.

“Can I come in?” He ignored. You frowned.

“Of course.”

Jungkook stepped forward in an instant, shutting the door behind him.

“What’s wrong—”

His mouth found yours suddenly, hands gripping your waist as he pulled you into him. You let out a soft gasp at his sudden motions but returned the kiss quickly, mewing as he pushed you up against the nearest wall.

Your head felt like it was spinning, it had all happened so quickly; his hand holding a leg of yours up and around his waist so that he could slip a thigh between yours.

He always smelled great in the morning, like body wash and his shampoo. You intertwined your fingers into his freshly dried hair, his tongue already pushing past your lips.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

“Where’s Yara?” He broke the kiss lazily, redirecting his mouth onto the skin where your jaw met your neck.

You let out a soft whine, enjoying the way he was nipping and licking at your sensitive skin.

“S-She just left for class.”

“Perfect.”

Head cloudy, you watched as the handsome boy sunk to his knees, sitting on the back on his heels as he began to press kisses on your still bare thighs on show thanks to your pajama shorts. You were utterly enthralled by the sight of him, his eyes dark and ravenous as he nipped at your flesh.

You were jerked back into reality, however, when one of your legs were thrown over his shoulder, his intentions suddenly hitting you.

“W-Wait!” You panicked.

Jungkook’s eyes met yours curiously, pressing a kiss again your clothed center as he raised an eyebrow as if to ask you what was wrong.

You let out a squeal at the sight of Jungkook’s mouth against your most intimate parts. Bringing both hands to cover your face, you spoke through your fingers.

“You, um, don’t have to—“

“I want to.” He replied bluntly, pressing more kisses against you, your hips jerking into him consequently.

Your reaction told him everything you couldn’t. Erik had never gone down on you. So Jungkook was going fucking to relish every second in being the first man who would ever have you like this.

“I’ll be gentle, nerd. I promise. I’ll take care of you.”

He ran his thumb up and down against your clothed slit as he contemplated just exactly how he wanted you.

His decision was made for him, however, as a hand of yours came down timidly, pulling at the tied knot which kept your shorts up.

Jungkook was preening as he watched you peel the clothes off your body, a shy look on your face. He was rock hard in his sweats, too eager at the prospect of eating you out to wait for you to take off your underwear, his tongue running flat against the wet patch of your panties.

“Fucking beautiful.” He cursed as your breath spiked, fingers coming back down to finger his hair.

You felt like you were losing your god damn mind. The sight alone of Jungkook running his tongue against you was enough to bring you to climax, but it was his tongue’s discovery of your clit that finally had you moaning out. He ran the hot muscle around it, the fabric of your cotton underwear rubbing against it with just enough pressure to have you bring your hips into him.

You had this dozed off look on your face, he noticed, your jaw slightly ajar as your brows furrowed with every little movement his mouth made.

Cute.

You let out a cry, heading tilting back into the wall as two of his fingers pushed past your damp underwear up into you, not bothering to tease your sopping entrance.

“That feel good, little girl?“

"Y-Yes, sir.”

He could see the way your little fists clenched at your sides, craving purchase but unsure of what to grip onto as the wall offer no grip. If his mouth wasn’t so preoccupied, he would have pleaded for you to dig them into his hair, tugging at his scalp as you lost yourself on the feeling of his mouth.

He flattened his tongue over your clothed slit, reeling at how wet you were for him, tasting you through the cotton; the little noises you were making only edged his actions further.

“You’re so wet.” Jungkook groaned.

An involuntary jerk of your hips was his cue to curl his fingers into deeper than he had been previously, pulling his mouth away from you to press a kiss onto your thigh. He watched with a smug grin as you unraveled in front of him, his fingers hitting a spot that had your toes curling.

”Fuck.“

The word slipped from you, tangled with broken whines as you finally climaxed.

You hadn’t even managed a minute to yourself when Jungkook’s mouth found yours again, guided by the desperate need to feel you again.

Somehow you found yourself back in your room, Jungkook hovering above you as he kissed you slowly and deeply, hips rocking into yours mercilessly. The fabric of your panties tugged against your most intimate parts, and Jungkook swallowed your whimpers greedily.

It didn’t take long for his slim digits wrap around the sides of your panties, tugging down the ruined garment, sitting back on his heels to get a proper look at your exposed glistening cunt.

"Ah, fuck me already.” Your impatience caught up with you, eyebrows furrowing. You had managed to lose all articles of clothes, yet there was Jungkook, fully dressed, not an inch of his skin exposed.

A cry let you as his hand came down onto your already swollen clit, tucking a lip between your teeth to suppress back the moan that threatened to come out.

“What an indecent student I have.” He scoffed, despite the way he rubbed at your clit gently.  "Maybe if you asked politely, you’d get what you want from me.“

You mewed, "Mm, I-I’m sorry, sir, please, need you inside of me. I can’t wait any longer.”

Jungkook abandoned your clit suddenly, tapping a finger against his chin as if pretending to contemplate your plea. You whimpered as he brought that same finger up to his mouth, wrapping his tongue around it decidedly.

“Hmm, I think I’ll take my time with you, actually.” He cooed once his fingers were well wet, pressing them back into you.

Your pussy welcomed his fingers greedily, velvety walls molding to the slender digits as they fucked into you, making a mess of you.

Frustration was pushed aside for a moment, eyes fluttering closed as you drowned yourself in the pleasure your pretend lover was giving you.

“Beautiful. So fucking gorgeous.” The dark-haired boy breathed, mostly to himself.

A surprised noise fell from him as one of your hands snuck it’s away over to his crotch, pulling down his sweats and wrapping itself around his hard cock.

“I want to make… you feel good, too.” You admitted through a hiccup, and if it weren’t for the feeling of your hand pumping his shaft, Jungkook would have leaned over and pressed a kiss to your nose.

He whined through his nose, jaw locked as he continued fingering you.

Pants filled the room, and you weren’t sure if you were groaning at the feeling of Jungkook’s hands on you or the noises he let out as you ran your thumb over the leaking red tip of his head. Probably a mixture of both.

He really was so irritating, even his sex noises were attractive.

Suddenly, his hand wrapped around yours, pulling it off his fat cock with a hiss. He pressed a kiss onto the top of your hands, breathing uneven.

“That’s enough, baby. You did so well for me.” He praised, earning a shy smile from you.

The smile was short-lived, however, as his insatiable mouth found your clit again, lapping at it as he sucked the bud into his mouth. A sob tumbled out, your thighs wrapping around his head as you were blinded by the stimulation.

You were so close, and you didn’t want to cum without having his cock inside you. The idea alone made you want to cry.

A desperate ramble of pleas for him to take you came rushing out of you, hand tugging at his hair to pull him away from you.

“Alright, alright.” Jungkook laughed, obliging you as he sat back up, hand leading his cock towards your dripping entrance. “God, you’re so fucking cute.”

Then something miraculous happened.

As his cock sunk into you, accompanied by the light circling of your clit, something inside you snapped, your orgasm hitting you hard and unexpectedly. Jungkook watched in awe as your back arched, your entire body shaking as you slowly came down.

“Baby, did you come?” He breathed incredulously once your eyes finally found him again.

“Yeah…” You whined, cheeks warm and chest rising sharply.

“Do you…” he swallowed, gripping the part of his cock that had yet to make its way inside you, “do you think you can come again for me?”

One of his hands was resting on your thigh, his palm burning against your skin. You flashed him a guilty look before shaking your head no.

Your body and head felt heavy and tired, and as much as you’d like to think you could spend forever intertwined with Jungkook, you had minimal experience with multiple orgasms.

Jungkook pressed a kiss to your mouth before nodding, moving to pull out of you, “That’s okay. I understand.”

“Jungkook.”

“Yeah?”

“…You don’t have to stop.” You muttered shyly.

“Hm? But I thought you—”

“It doesn’t matter, you can still… You can keep going. I don’t care if I don’t come.” You insisted. “You can use me until you get off. I don’t mind if it’s you.”

If it’s you.

Jungkook felt his ears grow red; you wanted him to use you to get himself off? And just like that, that familiar feeling rising in his chest. The feeling that everything was more than it was– that you were his, and he was yours.

You placed a hand onto of his, squeezing it. He blinked, thoughts vanishing the moment he saw your suggestive eyes.

A wolfish smirk crept onto his face.

“On your tummy, baby.”

A soft chirp fell from you, muffled slightly by the pillow your face was resting on as he slid into you from behind, this time bottoming out all the way like he wanted.

His grip on your hips tightened, a drawn-out groan sounding out.

“So tight for me.”

You held back your groans as he built up his rhythm, his cock hitting deep within you. Jungkook’s mouth was pressing kisses against your shoulder, his sharp breaths and soft groans flooding into your ears.

"You’re in so deep, fuck.” You gasped, burying your face into the pillow at a particularly hard thrust.

God, you were grateful that Yara wasn’t home, as there was no way she wouldn’t be able to hear how loud the two of you were being.

Sweat glistened where ever your bodies touched, leaving you feeling hot and overwhelmed, pussy on fire from waves of overstimulation.

Suddenly, Jungkook let out a low grunt, slowing down his thrusts, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, where do you want me to cum?”

With sluggish effort, you prompted yourself back up on your elbows, looking over your shoulder at him.

“Inside me.” You begged without hesitation. He let out a noise of regard, bitting down on the spot of your neck that he knew you were particularly fond of.

“Yeah? Want me to stuff you with it? Fill you up all nice?”

He couldn’t help himself. His hand found its way underneath you, fingertips brushing your clit lightly and in quick motions.

A broken wail accompanied your nod, head falling forward as your mind went blank beyond return.

“Hmph, y-yes, fuck, please!”

“Anything for my baby. Anything she wants. My pretty girl.” He cooed against your skin, panting and hips stilling.

You met your third and final climax alongside Jungkook, insides painted with layers of his hot cum. Jungkook worked himself through his orgasm, softly thrusting into your spazzing walls until he was milked entirely dry.

Pulling out of you, he flopped down beside you, hand coming up to run through his sweat-dampened hair. You rolled over with a huff, vision still spotty.

“How are you feeling?” Your meathead inquired.

“Radical. And you?”

“Bitchin’.” He grinned up at the ceiling.

He turned to face you suddenly, placing a hand on your cheek. For a second, you thought he was going to say something, but as he laid his head back down onto the pillow, you realized it was more a gesture of affection than a request for attention, his thumb rubbing against your cheekbone.

You ran your fingertips against his bicep, enjoying the way every trail of your touch left goosebumps against his skin.

The room was comfortably quiet, except for the ticking of that clock of yours– the one Jungkook told you time and time again that he hated.

“What are you doing for Christmas? Are you going home?” You asked suddenly, the question weighing on your mind for a while.

“Actually, my parents are out of town for Christmas.”

You felt disappointment crash over you, a small frown finding your lips.

“Oh. Bummer.”

Jungkook chuckled at your sour expression, leaning over suddenly to press a kiss against your pouting mouth.

“Nah, it’s okay. I still go down to visit friends and shit. I usually spend Christmas with one of them.” He reassured you, mouth finding your neck as he began to press kiss down it.

You let out a sigh, fingers gripping Jungkook’s shoulders.

Okay, it’s now or never. Spit it out already.

“Do you… What if you spend Christmas with me?” You finally managed to squeak out.

“You,” Jungkook pulled back from you, something indecipherable crossing his eyes, “want me to spend it with you?”

You turned away from his intense stare, heat creeping up your neck.

Part of you wondered if you should brush him off with a laugh, telling himself to check his ego before that big head of his exploded. That you only offered as an act of kindness.

“Yeah, I do.” Was your reply, however.

“Oh.”

His reply was immediate and disheartening. You brought your duvet up to cover your bare chest, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable.

“My mom’s Christmas pecan pie is kind of legendary, you know. And she always makes way too much. We have leftovers that last us the rest of the week.” You rambled awkwardly.

“Y/N–”

But it was too late. The nervous word vomit had already set in.

“You don’t have to, of course! I mean, that’s probably weird, right? Like, meeting the family, woah, intense! That’s something couples do and we’re… Anyway, I just thought maybe since we’re pretty close we could–”

“I have to tell you something.” He interrupted, sounding serious.

It wasn’t until then that you noticed the way his chest was rising irregularly, breaths shallow and ragged. He looked… uneasy.

“Okay. Tell me.” You replied gently, look at him inquisitively.

“Kiri came over last night.”

Your stomach dropped, “Oh?”

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

You blinked back the tears, refusing to let yourself cry over a boy you weren’t even dating.

“Yeah. We did.”

Silence fell over the room, the air swarming with uncomfortable tension. God, you didn’t want this. You didn’t want this at all. Things were so good just a second ago. You would do anything to go back to when Jungkook was on top of you and telling you how beautiful you were.

Clearing your throat, you rolled back over to face him.

“So tell me, meathead. How’d it go? We oughta go and buy champagne or something.“

Jungkook offered you a smile, and maybe it was you looking too far into it, but it certainly felt insincere.

"She came over to my room last night. Said she wanted to talk.”

“And what did she say?”

“Uh… not a lot, actually.”

“Huh? What did you guys do then?”

There was something guilty in the way Jungkook looked at you– something that had you feeling uneasy.

“…You slept with her.” You blinked.

Jungkook sat up in the bed, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck anxiously.

“She was saying how she missed me and then suddenly she was kissing me and I… I don’t know I kind of just reacted–"

“Wait.” You sat up straight, expression hard. “Let me get this straight. You fucked her last night. And this morning… you fucked me.”

You felt sick. To think that just a few hours ago, Jungkook’s dick was inside someone else. The mouth that was kissing you and telling you how much you meant to him, was doing the same for Kiri not even a full day ago.

So, what… were you just Jungkook’s to fuck around with whenever he wanted?

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

Fuck. What had he done?

Your mattress groaned as you slipped off the bed, beginning to hastily dress.

“You can go.” You continued, pulling your shirt over your head.

Jungkook’s heart sank, “What?”

“You got what you wanted from me, right? Mission accomplished.”

“Nerd, that’s not why—” His words were stopped by the impact of his shirt being thrown into his chest, your stare ice cold.

“Don’t fucking call—” You paused, attempting to calm yourself with a shaky breath. “I have class. Please just… go.”

Jungkook did nothing for a moment, staring at you with those guilty eyes that did nothing but hurt you further.

You were a smart girl. So how did you let someone like him make a complete fool out of you?

You wanted to scream, you wanted to cry, but you refused to let him see how small you felt right now. So you stood there unwaveringly as you faced the boy you had so stupidly let into your heart.

Jungkook could hear the way you struggled to steady your breaths as he dressed; he had never hated himself more than he did right now. There was so much he should be saying, yet he couldn’t find the words. Even as he was fully dressed and met your eyes one final time, he still remained voiceless, despite the way his insides screamed to say something that could take back what he had done. Something that would fix what he had just broken.

“Now.” You stated, tone void of emotion.

It was a front, of course, just a means of hiding the way you felt like you were crumbling. Even when Jungkook slipped past you wordlessly, you still held steady. And it wasn’t until you heard the click of the front door closing that you finally let yourself break, eyes wet as your lips parted, a small sob slipping past them.

[kuekyuuq]

Young Kara vs. Adult Kara ?

I am having a bit of a problem reconciling young Kara with the one we met in season 01.

Upfront, this is not to say the writers did anything wrong per se, or that I entirely disagree with the overall portrayal, but that I feel, I am missing something.

In particular, I am missing how this brash, stubborn and not at all shy girl turned into the lovable dork we met in the pilot.

Yes, parallels exist. Both definitely are of the “act first, think later” mind - but Pilot-Kara was also portrayed as a sort of wallflower, someone who had always had to hide herself and remained rather inexperienced, socially and emotionally, as a result. Both seem optimistic and want to help, but for young Kara that positivism seems to have more to do with her own (over-)confidence and like striving to make things better, where older early seasons Kara more often than not was this inherent innocent ray of sunshine, who took any passersby's frown as a personal affront and as a personal challenge to turn upside down... because rainbows are pretty🌈.

This young Kara does not give me the impression that in a few years time she'd end up with her foot in her mouth due to misunderstandings and culture clashing (being an alien / fish out of water).

I had some similar thoughts back then with the previous flashback'isodes: Compared to season 01 Kara, young Kara was / is more brazen, less stuttering,  less bouncing, a lot more frowning (yeah, she was on a mission to catch her best friend's killer, and also grieving – but only on Earth-38’s past!), borders on impolite, reckless, headstrong and at least to some degree participating in most earthly social and cultural exercises...

But there / then Kenny's death lead to the assumption, Kara would somewhat retreat socially again and live like a secluded farm-girl until she eventually moves to National City; where we got to see her impressionable and excitable and inexperienced in social situations.

And I am not shunning on young Kara’s overall portrayal, as many of these attributes can be found in adult Kara performing as Supergirl (act first, think later – Barry pretty much called her out on her lack of planning). With Kenny’s death (Jeremiah’s later, too) it made sense (to me) that she subconsciously pushed some of her more forward traits aside to better fit in, and eventually they came up and became part of her Supergirl persona. ...not that this divide was always impenetrable.

Now, we have a young Kara who doesn't even flinch at the sight of an enormous milkshake in front of her or the prospect of rushing out without secretly sipping at least half of it through the straw in one gulp – when season one Kara's every mood could be fixed by a doughnut, to the extent of getting reprimanded by Cat when she eyed hers. ((seriously, that chocolate shake scene threw me on so many levels))

Young Kara seems to stride around confidently, already secretly uses her powers in a bigger capacity, where season one Kara still always looked as if tucking her elbows in, afraid she might accidentally hurt someone or break something (and at times actually doing the latter, so for good reason too).

Is this because Crisis changed everything? (Apparently, yes. - But, how?)

Should or will this reflect on current Kara, too? (Alex remembered Kenny alive, but she... what, barely so much as shrugged at that? At having two different sets of past memories and probably differing sets of experience?)

I just hope, “Prom Again!” will shed some light on this. Because right now - to me - there's an unexplained gap in Kara's character development. It was there before Crisis, for a hot minute, but Kenny's death (ironically) gave reasonable basis for Kara becoming the dorky cinnamon roll we first met. However, “Prom Night!” and the vague “because Crisis” IMO opened a whole can of worms...

Does Kara now know and remember a whole separate and different past, where she learned to control her powers to help others (turn Midvale into the “luckiest town”) and had that as basis for her first ventures as Supergirl in this new reality’s past? (Which would mean, nothing we saw actually happened!)

If so, wouldn't those experiences impact her whole character development AND the events that had transpired up to Season 06?

Or did something happen to Kara that undid her outgoing’ness and confidence and returned her to the precious adorkable powerhouse of season one?

Can someone (the show) give us a better estimate whose memories are changed since Crisis and to what extent and how much that impacts past events and the status of this reality / Earth Prime?

Better yet, do we (I ...maybe it’s really just me?) have to reevaluate Kara and her portrayed characteristics from the early seasons?

That said, the casting is still great and I see no fault in Izabela Vidovic’s acting and performance. 

Thoughts, other interpretations and comments are very much welcome!

[merlinemrys]

I posted 758 times in 2021

19 posts created (3%)

739 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 38.9 posts.

I added 2,571 tags in 2021

#f: merlin - 728 posts

#t: gif - 552 posts

#queued - 444 posts

#p: merthur - 255 posts

#misc: edit - 168 posts

#c: merlin - 111 posts

#t: photo - 105 posts

#t: text - 75 posts

#s: s5 - 73 posts

#c: arthur pendragon - 60 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#throwback to that one fic that literally had every character under the sun.. gave major roles to minor characters but literally took out

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

my deepest condolences to anyone who watches merlin but isn’t a multishipper y’all are missing out

35 notes • Posted 2021-02-08 04:30:47 GMT

#4

i’m always weak for characters who are at their scariest/most powerful when a loved one is threatened so prompt idea:

arthur is hurt, or someone is going to hurt him, and merlin unleashes his power? 👀

this turned out longer than i thought! here’s 5k !!!

══════════════════

Druid elders used to tell stories of monsters in the dark. They’d let their fire dim, casting shadows over the lines of their faces. They’d whisper in hushed tones of creatures to be afraid of—a lesson in caution for the children. Powerful creatures, they’d say, would tear the land apart, would spill blood just as easily as the skies pour water. The children would gasp and shake as the elders’ words reached their ears.

Mordred was one of those children once.

But what he didn’t know was that Emrys would be the monster of this story.

read the rest on ao3

65 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 23:57:32 GMT

#3

ok but really as personal manservant to the king and the royal court physician’s apprentice how much is merlin getting paid

252 notes • Posted 2021-02-23 15:38:43 GMT

#2

quite sexy of him to look like this

253 notes • Posted 2021-02-17 03:05:11 GMT

#1

i just want more fics where everyone has a crush on merlin is that too much to ask

438 notes • Posted 2021-02-25 01:43:02 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[midnightactual]

Critical Analysis & Tactics II (CAT-2): The Central 46 Trial Breakout

How strong is Yoruichi? That’s actually a very involved question. I’ve decided to create a series of articles detailing my thoughts on the matter by looking at military incidents and confrontations involving her. This is the second, and you may consult the others at your leisure:

CAT-1: The Hollowfication Incident

CAT-3: Yoruichi vs. Byakuya

CAT-4A & B: Yoruichi vs. Soifon

CAT-5: Yoruichi & Soifon vs. Aizen

CAT-6: Yoruichi vs. Yammy

CAT-7: Yoruichi, Kisuke, & Isshin vs. Aizen

CAT-8: Yoruichi & Co. vs. Yhwach

CAT-9: Yoruichi vs. Askin

Having established in CAT-1′s sections (05), (06), and (07) that Yoruichi was the primary backup assault force for the Seireitei’s expedition during the Hollowfication Incident, and thus must have had very strong offensive abilities compared to that force as a whole, her role in the Central 46 Trial breakout bears some scrutiny.

01. Let’s start out 110 years ago, 9 years before the Hollowfication Incident and at the time of Kisuke’s promotion, to gather some establishing information before we move onto discussing the aftermath of the Hollowfication Incident. What’s important to understand here is that Kisuke is still very much viewed as Yoruichi’s subordinate. He was promoted at her suggestion:

The narration casts him in a subordinate role to her as well:

Hiyori regarded him not just as an outsider, not just from a den of murderers and thieves, but also even more disparagingly as a clown, as a nobody from 2nd Division:

Shinji calls attention to the fact that he doesn’t know how to conduct himself as a leader yet:

(Also: consider Shinji’s advice here from Yoruichi’s perspective, given Kisuke is her underling, and her statement that there’s, “No need to thank me,” after she rescues him and Tessai. Also note that in this same conversation, Shinji will reveal his suspicions of Aizen.)

Jumping ahead 9 years to the night of the Hollowfication Incident, we see that it’s Yoruichi who gets Kisuke to calm down, reaffirming her role as his de facto superior in front of everyone else (note the use of his given name here):

And this point will be reiterated indirectly by Tessai by their shared connection to her. (Also take special notice here that Tessai is seemingly the first person to see through Kisuke on this night. The second will be Aizen when he declares that, “I see. You’re... the man I expected you to be.” And the third, which was actually the true first, will be discussed later.)

In other words, during this whole sequence, it can be readily understood that Kisuke is not viewed by the other high-ranking personnel as being his own man. He’s still seen as Yoruichi’s underling, because he still largely functions as exactly that. It’s inconceivable that if anything were to come of Kisuke’s behavior and actions, that anyone would believe that such activity originated with him. It is well understood that Yoruichi is “behind” him. This is important for understanding what happens later.

02. Not only is Yoruichi “in charge” of Kisuke, she already largely knew about what was going to happen that night. As I mentioned, it’s established that Shinji was suspicious of Aizen from the very start of his tenure, as he proves to us as readers by revealing that Aizen is listening in on his conversation with Kisuke 110 years ago. He reasserts this during the Hollowfication Incident by telling Aizen, “I knew it. It was you.” But Shinji had already shared his suspicions with Yoruichi, and we know this because she tells us as much after admonishing Kisuke with, “Why didn’t you call for me last night?”

Several points can be made here. First, Yoruichi is still giving Kisuke orders (“Get to work”), and note her no-bullshit expression in doing so. Second, Shinji had revealed his suspicions about the missing people in Rukongai and Aizen’s involvement to Yoruichi. (Earlier, before 9th Division had set off to investigate, we see Shinji and Aizen talking about these with Kisuke. Presumably, Shinji also told Yoruichi this before or after too.) Third, Yoruichi knew about Kisuke’s research into Hollowfication, which is established by her curiosity regarding what he was doing with setting up the SRDI and pulling prisoners from the Maggot’s Nest 9 years earlier, and knew that Kisuke would be drawn into and blamed for these events (“... I knew the worst had happened...”). Fourth, Yoruichi knew that Kisuke possessed and would try and use the Hōgyoku (“... And what your best solution would be”).

Kisuke, notably, is smiling when he says, “So you had it all figured out. You’re very sneaky,” even though most of his face is covered by a speech bubble. This is thus the third time he’s sussed out that night, although in truth it was the first. Maybe he’s chagrined, maybe he’s glad Yoruichi saw it all too. Regardless, Yoruichi knew almost everything. She didn’t know what exactly would happen or who would be caught in the crossfire, but she knew Kisuke would be blamed for it. And it was inevitable that she be suspected as being the one truly behind it.

(As an aside, this scene is also notable for demonstrating Yoruichi’s raw physical strength.)

03. This point is established in some interesting ways. The most notable is that it seems strongly implied that Yoruichi had Kisuke’s Hōgyoku for a time. After a post by @mysteriousshopkeeper​ about Kisuke’s footwear, @sphaeraa​​ noted these panels where Kisuke is passed out, seeming to clutch at something, only to wake and realize there’s nothing in his hand. This is a highly unusual way to sleep:

It suggests he fell asleep holding the Hōgyoku. So where did it go? I would suggest to you that Yoruichi walked in and took it from him. Notably, Tessai seems to have been awake this whole time (somewhere behind Kisuke) so he presumably saw this happen. Possibly a bold claim. But note that the Hōgyoku was never found by anyone searching the SRDI’s premises. (There is also another reason I’ll get into later too.)

Indeed, they only found “traces” of Hollowfication experiments. It’s almost like somebody came in and cleaned up the scene while Kisuke was unconscious. Also, the guy who’s reporting to Central 46 here? He’s Onmitsukidō. Just like the guys who arrested Kisuke and Tessai to begin with:

Just like the guys guarding the Maggot’s Nest:

And just like the guys who report to Yoruichi:

Isn’t it convenient that they only showed up after Kisuke had woken up, the next morning? Almost like Yoruichi delayed the investigation until she could retrieve the Hōgyoku and clean the scene, using her power as the Supreme Commander of the Onmitsukidō.

04. It kind of goes without saying that Yoruichi disabled Central 46′s entire security force without issue or exertion, but that shouldn’t be a surprise at this point:

It is, however, surely notable that the Onmitsukidō guy who was there to testify was suddenly missing by the time Yoruichi showed up to rescue Kisuke and Tessai. Another interesting convenience.

05. I had mentioned there was another reason it seems apparent that the Hōgyoku was not at the SRDI. Consider all this from Aizen’s perspective. Aizen knew that Kisuke had a Hōgyoku. Aizen also had a Hōgyoku. Aizen had been trying to feed souls to his Hōgyoku to no avail, to include part of Rangiku’s soul, because Aizen assailing her was Gin’s motivation to join the Gotei 13 in the first place, and it’d been at least 10 years since then. Aizen was surely already starting to suspect that he would need Kisuke’s Hōgyoku to complete his own. Even if he wasn’t, it stands to reason that having a second one would only be to his benefit.

Aizen can conceal himself from ordinary Shinigami (think back on how he was eavesdropping on Kisuke and Shinji) and create alibis using illusions (consider Shunsui testifying that he saw him while the Hollowifcation Incident was happening). Why didn’t he just walk into the SRDI and take the Hōgyoku?

Because it wasn’t there anymore.

But there’s an even bigger picture to be looked at here. It is only to Aizen’s benefit that Kisuke indeed be depowered and Tessai locked away in Shugo, because then they can’t interfere with his plans. The idea that Aizen could foresee Kisuke’s involvement in exile down the line with, say, Ichigo, is absurd. (Note that Aizen treats Masaki and Isshin as an experiment—there was no advanced plan there. He can’t see the future.) Letting Kisuke escape and run around in the wild was only a loose end.

Even if Yoruichi had the Hōgyoku, she would be politically isolated after the trial of Kisuke and Tessai, because both of them were obviously tied to her. It would’ve looked like she had orchestrated the whole thing and they had acted on her orders. If irregularities regarding the Onmitsukidō’s investigation or the scene at the SRDI came to light, that would only look even worse for her. Admittedly, her status as a Clan Head of one of the Five Great Noble Clans gave her enormous protections (note the comparative slap on the wrist she received in absentia after directly assaulting Central 46′s compound) but everyone would have believed her to be behind it.

This makes it obvious why she acted: she had nothing to lose. She would be seen as the orchestrator of these events either way, so might as well save her friends and salvage what she could of the situation. (And possibly gain her freedom and independence as part of the bargain.) But it does not answer a different question: why did Aizen allow her to do that?

And the answer to that isn’t that he foresaw that having Yoruichi, Kisuke, and Tessai in exile might benefit him decades down the line (because it didn’t at all). It’s that he couldn’t stop her. If he could’ve stepped in and prevented her from making her way into Central 46, by all means he should’ve. He didn’t, either because he simply couldn’t, or he couldn’t do it while maintaining any degree of secrecy. (This strongly suggests she was also never exposed to Kyōka Suigetsu, which is explored further in CAT-7.) She was beyond his ability to counter, which in turn retroactively also adds credence to estimations of her capabilities in CAT-1.

The story of the aftermath of the Hollowfication Incident is essentially the story of Yoruichi outplaying Aizen when both Kisuke and Shinji had failed to do so (albeit admittedly with the latter’s information). In the leadup to it, she was also fully aware as to the shenanigans Kisuke was getting up to at the SRDI.

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

Film soundtrack: Camelot

I have not seen this film or listened to the album before, so here are my live thoughts as I listen for the 1st time.

NEVER HEARD BEFORE | want to listen to | the worst | BAD | whatever | not my thing | GOOD | great | favorite | masterpiece

01. "Prelude and Overture"

Something about how this begins - it feels like they cut an intro, it just starts and I feel out of the loop. Also, as is usual with Broadway-film adaptations of this era, the orchestrations are larger and a little bite'ier. Pretty strings. Got that 20th Century Fox string sound - but wait, this is a Warners movie -OOOHO WAIT IT'S Alfred Newman conducting [longtime head of the Fox music dept.] heheh so I *am* right. Pretty ballads - "If Ever I Would Leave You". OOH these strings on "If Ever I Would Leave You" are GORGEOUS. And tail out. Beautiful!

02. "I Wonder What The King Is Doing Tonight?"

Richard Harris is a lot friendlier than Richard Burton was in the role of King Arthur on Broadway - and I'm into it. Also, I dig the brighter tempo here - makes it feel like we are indeed on the eve of a momentous occasion (wedding). Okay I wish they'd play with dyamics more - especially on lines like "he's wishing he were in Scottland fishing tonight" or "he's searching high and low for someplace to hide". Missed opportunities for text-painting.

03. "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood"

I can't help compare Vanessa Redgrave to Julie Andrews. Redgrave doesn't have an unpleasant sound, but she's lacking personality. I dig the 'Bolero'y millitaristic snare drum. Much of the joy in Julie's performance is how she mixes surface-level sweetness, and conniving seduction (think Betty White as 'Sue Ann Nivens' on THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW). But Redgrave's performance doesn't seem to be all that thoughtful. Also, not a fan of that ending, it doesn't feel like an ending, "Oh, it's over! That was it?", but perhaps it makes more sense with picture.

04. "Camelot and the Wedding Ceremony"

Nice bassoon. ?harpsichord?? So far this arrangement is the closest to the Broadway. I wish the strings were legato/slurred on "by order Summer lingers through September". Maybe I am too mickey-mouse'y with the text painting I want, but I prefer specificity. I like the pulling back the tempo a bit there. Love these woodwind lines! Oooh love it again, we're pulling the tempo down, dynamics, and slurring. Love it. Build. Build back up! YES! Lovely! OOoh this little Medievel winds passage! And the chorus! Oh those woodwinds are gorgeous. I need to learn more about them - recorders??? At first the singers didn't sound especially English, more American. As I listen more, their pronunciation is pretty English. But perhaps the harmonies are very American - like what you'd hear in a Disney movie or Mancini score of the era - so even sung with appropriate pronunciation they sound American?

05. "C'est Moi"

Frano Nero. Never heard of him. He's fine, but feels like a step-down from Robert Goulet. He lacks that clear strong edge that Goulet has. He's not as commanding. When Goulet praises himself, I buy it. Like he has the confidence and strength to really sell what he's singing. This man isn't selling me. Maybe that's a choice - maybe they want us to see him as a phony who's over-selling himself. But I feel like I still have that with Goulet and it's better because you feel like you're reading beetween the lines a little more - like resisting an extremely good/slick car salesman.

06. "The Lusty Month of May"

Nice opening. Pretty. I love the slower tempo for this - enhances the seductivness. Gorgeous strings. And we accel! Nice! Good ?harpsichord? Now I still don't like her as much as Julie, but Redgrave works better here than in "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood", staightforward lustiness is a little easier. This 3' section is nice, though I wish it were faster - a merry-go-round, but slightly unhinged.

07. "Follow Me and Children's Chorus"

Gorgeous, tinkly. Gorgeous chorus. They're stereo ping-ponging the choirs!!!! It's really effective. Oh and the childrens chorus is so sweet. This is a completely different approach than the OBC, but it works so well. Helps that this is an utterly divine song. Favorite track on the album so far, probably to remain so. HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS TRACK.

08. "How To Handle A Woman"

Oooh he's upset and we're fast! This works! Even if he's generally warmer than Burton, Harris can still do angry! And pull it back, sweet and intimate. Oooh this whisper'y smolder bit O.o and now we're past the intro. I kind of like Harris better than Burton - his warmth is really an asset for this character. Oh yikes that Merlin line is very sexist :/.

09. "Take Me To The Fair"

The tempo is - not sure if it's even slower, but it's looser, and I don't like that. The precisely on-the-beat phrasing of the OBC (both vocally and instrumentally) communicates that Guenevere has this all planned out, it's an act, it's a trap, she's manipulating these silly men. Oh, the transition from "well, Sir Sagramore" to "you may sit BY me at the ball" is awful - either she just keeps going through it (but in a weird way) or they did a pickup and spliced her in there so she's slightly overlapping. Sorry Alfred Newman, but this is not IT. Who cast Redgrave? Who thought casting a non-singing actress in a role originally played by a remarkably strong actress-singer? I like the little harpsichord section. Worst Redgrave number so far. An insult to the OBC. I promise this is a good song, got listen to the cast album

10. "If Ever I Would Leave You"

Oh, so we're right into it! Nero's lack of boldness as compared to Goulet kind of works here - sweeter and softer for this intimate love song. Lots of this arrangement is just imitative of the vocal - which is nice but can get a little tiresome when it's not really in-the-pocket. Still this man doesn't have the presence that Goulet does. He just doesn't command your attention. Like this string interlude. Different. Flute :) adding ?oboe? under it. Violins. Now violas? I like it. Oh and I think the violins are doing finger tremolos. Great! The new interludes on this album are gorgeous, when the film people really get to go off and do their own thing, it's great. And are we back to the vocal? Yes, this works. Oh these strings are GORGEOUS. I miss the ?timpani? hits of the original, but actually given that Nero is not as powerful a vocalist, letting the strings lead those hits is a good choice.

11. "What Do the Simple Folk Do?"

Oigg Redgrave. Like the harpsichord and very 'royal' woodwinds. And tambourine. Very medieval. Yay, we DO get a whistling section! This is adorable :) I like this. BOOO Vanessa!!! Oh, I like the "their own folk - throne folk" rhyme, don't remember that from the OBC. Oh and Harris can get big and bold too!!! I really love Richard Harris in this. HE HAS THE RANGE. Oh, is that Marni Nixon? Sounds like her. Did you know the film composer Bronislau Kaper gave her her first break? He needed someone to dub ?Virginia O'Brien?'s singing voice for some picture, and looked in vain until some paige at the studio recommended her fellow-paige, Nixon, and the rest is history! I like this ending! Harris really carries this song on his back.

12. "I Loved You Once In Silence"

The guitar is neat, very different from the OBC - though I confess I don't remember this song as much as the others. See this is something Redgrave can do. Her soft kind of weak voice works for something intimate and straightforward like this. Still, I don't like her voice and every once in a while something in her tone feels so amaeturish that it bugs me. Oh dear, only Redgrave and Nero together. :( they just both seem like space-cases. They're not compelling. Perhaps they have screen presence, but they don't have audio presence.

13. "Guenevere"

Oooh love these ?string harmonics?! Eerie. Like this! The studio chorus is great. Some of the strings are too loud - I suspect that's just a mix issue. Oh I love the tambourine on 2 and 4! I love how large this sounds! That ?horn line? kinda steps on the male vocalists there. Oh I really love every spot the tambourine is here, huh! OH YES! BUILD! GLORIOUS!!!! Oh and the bell.... let the bell toll....... yesesssssssssssss........ fade..... Second-favorite track!

14. "Finale Ultimo" [Camelot (Reprise)]

Aww, Dicky Harris is sad :'( but I love the harp here playing the brass/w.w. figures we heard in "Camelot". Nice clarinets. And the guitar. Nice snare rolls. And here's the big finale! Big chorus! Oooh these harmonies have such body. Love hearing them linger. Get soft. BIG AGAIN! BIG DISNEY MOVIE ENDING!!!!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------

Ultimately it's not as tight or well-cast as the original Broadway cast album. Vanessa Redgrave is not a good Guenevere - she lacks the spark, sacharine underhandedness, deliberateness, and vocal chops that Julie Andrews brought to the role; and she doesn't supply anything meaningful in their place. Franco Nero is a watered-down Lancelot and lacks the commanding presence and powerful voice that made Robert Goulet so effective [I did some research and it seems Lancelot's singing voice was dubbed by Gene Merlino]. -2 for them, but +1 for Richard Harris, who brings a warmth to King Arthur that Richard Burton lacks, and yet he is powerful, commanding, even angry when he needs to be. The studio chorus is GORGEOUS and truly one of this album's great strenths. The arrangements/orchestrations are very pretty, though don't always feel as thought-out as the OBC. It's likely a larger orchestra, so I understand that things might not be as tight and you might want to take tempos down for that reason, but it really waters down a few numbers. Ultimately this is an uneven album, the OBC is far better. But at the very least I recommend this version of "Follow Me".

[thebiasrekkers]

Shadow’s Birthright | MYG

Chapter 06: Convergence

Plot: Riding in on thunder and lightning, two princes are born. But a crown cannot be shared. It can only be worn by one and one alone. The hands of man have separated the brothers, allowing one to live in wealth and comfort inside the palace while the other grows up among commoners. But Fate cannot be destroyed by the hands of man. A shared destiny reunites the brothers; one to become a king who descends into madness and the other will rise as a dragon whose journey has only just begun in order to claim a crown he does not desire to have.

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: series | historical!au | fantasy!au | angst | romance | drama | tragedy

Pairing: Min Yoongi (Lee Yoon) x Female OC (Kalina Shuri)

Warnings: Historical setting, caste system, magic/sorcery, graphic violence, disturbing graphic images, religious tones, angst, slow burn, smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 01 02 03 04 05

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 4,065

Tag List: @luxekook, @pinkpjmin, @btsaudge, @flowerwrites06, @stillcopingxx, @taevkimchi, @aroseforyoongi, @vivpurple7, @happilystrongthroughthedark, @sw33tnight, @nikkitane, @mini-coop25, @shrimpmsg, @ggukkieland​

AN: Sorry this took me so long. Life decided it wanted to kick me in the face repeatedly. But I did warn everyone this was going to take a little time with the updates. Please be patient with me. I promise you that it will be worth the wait. If you would like to be added to the tag list, feel free to drop me a line!

P.S. Please bear in mind that while the historical accuracy will be mostly correct, I am setting this in a time period in Joseon history where there was no such thing as a king who had a twin brother. Obviously that’s where the fiction/creative freedom is going to come in. Everything else will be period accurate, trust and believe.

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

“Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.” - John F. Kennedy

Yoon greeted his parents with the Crown Princess at his side. They both bowed deeply as they heard the King and Queen laugh in delight. The Royal Consorts also received bows from the Crown Prince and Princess. Finally, they turned and were given bows from the princesses and princes of the Royal Court. The officials and guards, as well as the rest of the palace staff, were present for the opening ceremony to celebrate Crown Prince Yoon’s first international liaison. 

When they were finally dismissed, Yoon took his seat next to the Crown Princess, waiting for food and wine to be served. Various voices of praise and congratulations were given to Yoon, to which he simply nodded his head politely and smiled while returning his own charming forms of gratitude. He allowed the Crown Princess to serve him a cup of wine and he, in turn, also served her. Merriment and good cheer surrounded the palace.

It made Yoon sick to his stomach.

The conversation he had with his Father-In-Law still didn’t sit well with him. At his own behest, he politely reminded Minister Jang that he should keep his small-minded ambitions to himself. He didn’t need to drag the Crown Princess into his mess. Regardless of his own personal feelings, Yoon held a deep amount of respect for his Princess. Jang Chae-Ok had no ambitions or selfish desires for wanting to be Crown Princess. She was simply a childhood friend to Yoon who always remained faithfully at his side. 

The Crown Princess was not blind to his relationship with Kalina. But she also did not question it. It was from this show of her character alone that Yoon promised he would not take a Royal Consort when he became King. He owed her that much for her understanding.

“I wish that I could accompany you, Your Highness.” The Crown Princess’s voice was sad, matching her expression. 

He reached out to grasp her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It will be a long journey. It is no place for a Crown Princess.” Yoon smiled. “I will be back before you realize I’m gone.”

She sighed. “I will miss you greatly.” She placed her hand over his. “Do be careful.”

“I will, Crown Princess.”

A loud gong resounded, drawing everyone’s attention. All conversation hushed as the head of the Artisan school approached. He bowed deeply while the others waited with anticipation for his announcement. 

“Members of the Royal Court! We are here to celebrate the Crown Prince’s upcoming journey. We wish him great fortune but before he traverses out in the world, we want to be able to ease his worries and give him memories to hold on to as he travels to Ming. Things that he will be able to keep close to his heart and treasure if he should ever become homesick.” 

Yoon smiled, despite his own internal dark thoughts. He loved his country. He loved his people. The skills they mastered in order to have these small moments to showcase their talents were clearly battles within their own houses. Some performers and artists had better skills than others, hence why they were allowed to appear at the forefront. Others were still in training to be able to climb up in the ranks along the way. 

He secretly admired the drive that pushed these individuals along. Everyone had dreams, goals, and ambitions. People’s reasons for doing anything were threads that bonded everyone together to achieve common goals. No matter how small or big, they were to be appreciated. Even if one could not voice these appreciations aloud. 

The Chief Artisan gave a wide gesture, spinning on his heels as the performers made their way into the grand courtyard. “We hope that our performers, both within the palace walls, and those who have managed to make their ways from the streets, will be able to soothe your soul.”

Everyone applauded as Senior Artisan stepped away, allowing for the in house performers to showcase everything they’ve practiced for days. Curiously, Yoon hummed to himself at the mention of street performers entering the palace. If they were skilled enough to gain the court’s attention, there was a good chance they would be given slots to enter the performance schools within the palace halls. It would be a golden opportunity to change their livelihoods for the better.

He was keen to see just what they were made of.

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.”

Jimin clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth, silencing Taehyung’s whining. “Hyung-nim is filling in for Namjoon Hyung-nim.” His eyes narrowed. “Surely you don’t expect him to wear the dress, do you?”

Taehyung pouted. “No, but still!”

“Besides,” Hoseok cut in, patting Taehyung’s shoulders roughly, “we all memorized multiple parts in case something happens. We only had time for Hyung-nim to learn one. Stop being difficult.”

Yoongi smirked, shaking his head while readjusting the waistband to his costume. The large rosary that hung from his neck was heavy and the boots were a little bit cumbersome, but bearable. He would be able to switch his shoes out when it came time for the tightrope routine. Jungkook and Seokjin fawned over him, making sure he looked as proper as he could in performance gear. 

Namjoon appeared, holding out a red and black demon mask to him. “I gave it some new paint earlier so it should be dry now.”

Taking the mask from him, Yoongi cradled it in his hands. “Thank you, Namjoon-ah.” He scratched at the cloth headband. “What will you be doing during the performance?”

“I’ll be narrating and helping the musicians out. Percussion, mostly.” 

“I see.” Yoongi eyed the mask, taking note of the large white fangs protruding from the mouth carved into the wood. 

Because of the depth of the role, he wouldn’t be able to take his mask off during the entire performance. Beneficial for him, but he hated that Namjoon wouldn’t be getting any credit. Yoongi knew how hard they all must have been preparing for this particular performance. A small measure of guilt wormed its way into his heart, but Namjoon’s laugh brought him out of his thoughts. 

“Now I feel even more terrible, Hyung-nim.” Yoongi saw the concerned look on Namjoon’s face, even though he was smiling. “Seriously, you’re doing me a favor. I feel bad enough. If you keep looking like that, I’ll think I’m completely worthless.”

“I’m sorry, Namjoon-ah.” Clearing his throat, he nodded. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be feeling like this.”

“Thank the heavens you’re wearing a mask.” Taehyung pushed his headband up a little more. “Otherwise the audience is going to think you’re guilty of some crime.”

“It’s just nerves.” Jimin flashed Yoongi a reassuring smile. “Right, Hyung-nim?”

All he could do was give a small smile. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Hayan Geutop Troupe?” An unfamiliar voice pulled all of their attention. They saw someone dressed in official robes motioning toward them. “You’re up next.”

No one could hide their excitement. This was the first time any of them would be entering the palace. Each of them were given temporary passes to gain access. Once inside, they all made sure they were looking their best. The sound of joyful laughter and music rumbled through the courtyard, causing Yoongi’s heartbeat to elevate with excitement.

“Hyung-nim!” Jungkook gently nudged Yoongi’s back. “Your mask! Don’t forget to put it on!”

“Oh. Right.” Yoongi slid the large Demon mask over his head, making sure the cloth headwrap covered every part of his neck from view except the front. 

The sound of loud drums rang out through the courtyard. It was a little bit difficult to breathe with the mask on, but not impossible. If anything, Yoongi was more concerned with the mask falling off by accident. But Hoseok assured him that the bands were secured and redesigned to fit his head perfectly. It wouldn’t come off unless he pulled it off himself.

Admittedly, his nerves were a little frayed. Being around so many people at once, as well as so much noise, was teetering him toward sensory overload. But he continued to remind himself that he had a job to do. He just needed to get through the performance and then he could continue exploring the Crown City to his heart’s content. They were set to ride back out to the mountains at first light.

He hoped the shops would still be open before the lanterns were lit.

The large drum was hit, signaling for everyone to settle down. Yoongi took another breath, waiting for their group to be announced in front of the Royal Court. His vision was limited through the small holes in his mask - the rest of the world shadowed on either side of him. He could hear his own breath in his ears as he tried to peer out in front of him. But he wasn’t sure what he was even looking for. There was a strange pull at his heart; a feeling he couldn’t quite explain. 

Like someone was calling to him.

No. Like multiple people were calling to him.

“Members of the Royal Court! I present to you a troupe of young performers who hail from the outskirts of the Crown City!” The Chief Artisan looked in their direction as some of the students in the palace artisan school helped to set up their stage. “The White Tower Troupe!”

There was a round of polite applause from all the members of the royal court. The other troupe members were helping to set up the first scene for their skit. Yoongi waited patiently, even though he offered to help. Taehyung and Hoseok insisted that he stand back and focus on the performance. It wouldn’t take them long to get the set pieces ready. Once everything was put together, Namjoon walked gently forward and bowed deeply to the Royal family seated at the large banquet table.

“Please forgive our lack of eloquence, Your Majesties, as we attempt to regale you with a story. It is one I am sure you are all familiar with, but allow us to perform it for you just the same.” He flicked out the large fan in his hand, a picture of a blue sky and a green field painted on it. “We humbly present to you...the Tale of Green Pearl and the Demon!”

Yoon felt Chae-Ok grab his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He cast a sidelong glance in her direction, noting the soft pink flush that tinted her cheeks. He knew it wasn’t from the wine but more from her excitement. He smiled as she met his gaze.

“Oh, I love this story!” She looked back out toward the courtyard. “I’m interested to see how they will tell it.”

“As am I.”

The bass drum resounded through the large space just as the troupe finished setting up for the first scene. The narrator who spoke walked off to the sidelines and took a seat on a plush cushion that was provided for him. Silence draped over everyone present as the actors moved to their positions. 

“Many years ago, there was a humble man who lived a humble life. He had a humble trade and a humble wife. The wife bore him two children. A son named White Fang and a daughter named Green Pearl.”

Yoon watched as the narrator spoke about each character. One by one, they all appeared - their faces concealed with wooden masks painted in eloquent designs. Lingering off to the side was an actor clothed in black, red and gold garbs - a demon mask covering his face. Yoon felt his heart beating a little faster as he gazed at the person, unsure of why this strange sensation was lurching in his chest. 

The narrator slapped his stick against the small drum cradled in his lap. “As the seasons changed and the children grew older, the father became ill. The wife sent for what physicians they could afford and the old apothecary said that there was nothing he could do. The wife was distraught, unsure of what would become of her or her children should her husband leave this world for his journey to the afterlife.”

“Seobang-nim! You cannot leave us like this!” The wife sobbed beside the husband, cradling his hand between her palms. “What are we to do without you? How are we supposed to live?!”

“Don’t worry, Mother,” said White Fang as he placed his hand over his mother’s, “I will find a way to cure Father. I will travel across foreign lands until I can find the medicine that will save Father’s life!”

Again, the narrator struck the drum. “White Fang left to search for a cure for his ailing father, leaving his mother and sister behind.”

Yoon watched the person portraying Green Pearl moving toward the backdrop meant to pose as a wide open field. A lone tree stood off in the distance where she clasped her hands together and prayed. 

“Gods of Heaven, I beseech you! Please help my father. Please find a way to help him get better!” cried Green Pearl as she lowered her head, all but sobbing into her hands.

Heavy drums beat softly, signaling an ominous transition. Yoon watched as the actor portraying the demon slowly moved forward, until he was mere feet from the Royal Banquet table. The Demon whipped his head around to face the Royal family, causing everyone to lean back and gasp. 

All except Yoon.

Maybe it was the optical illusion of the mask, but he swore that the demon was looking directly at him. His heartbeat escalated, a soft thunder against his chest, and he waited for the demon to speak. There was a line here. Yoon remembered it. A line where the demon spoke to the audience of his wicked scheme.

But the demon said nothing. All he did was stare. Had the actor forgotten his lines?

“A demon heard Green Pearl’s cries, intrigued by her earnest wailings.”

The narrator cut through the silence. This seemed to wake the demon up, causing him to swiftly shuffle back a few steps as he threw his arm out in a dramatic flourish. 

“The sweet sound of sorrow nourishes my heart,” the Demon exclaimed, curling his shoulders forward. He pressed a hand against his face, fingers gliding over the white fangs on the mask. “It is the sound of easy prey. How I have longed to devour such a miserable soul!”

He heard the Crown Princess gasp as the Demon ran forward, leaping into the air and landing on the tightrope with amazing ease. Yoon quirked a brow, internally admiring the actor’s swiftness and balancing abilities. The Demon leaned forward, slinging his legs out until he was hanging upside down from the rope. 

Green Pearl took a sharp intake of breath, clutching at the front of her dress. “W-Who goes there?”

“A humble and curious Demon. But nevermind me, Sweet Child.” The Demon spoke in a cooing and sweet voice. “What seems to be ailing you? What causes you to mourn so?”

“My father is ill and there is no way to save him. My brother has left to travel in hopes of finding medicine to cure him.” Green Pearl turned away from the Demon, looking off in the distance. “I mourn for my family and what is to become of them should my father pass.”

The Demon laughed, swinging his body so that he was now sitting upright on the tightrope. He rested a hand on his knee and leaned forward, drawing Green Pearl’s attention once more. “This is a simple problem with a simple solution.”

“It is anything but simple!”

“Oh, but it is!” The Demon hopped onto the rope, bouncing up and down in a playful manner. “Because I know how to save your ailing father!”

Green Pearl stepped toward the tree, her hand reaching up toward the Demon but she was far out of his reach. “What do you know? Please, tell me how to save my father!”

The Demon bounced on the rope a few more times before dismounting, landing just a few feet away from her. He placed his hands behind his back and paced, not really bothering to stray too far from her but not coming too close. “There is a flower that grows in the western mountains. It is said that creating a potion from this flower can cure any illness.” He spun on his heels just as Green Pearl tried to approach him, causing her to halt in her steps. “But it is an arduous journey. Many have died trying to claim this flower.”

“Can you guide me to this mountain?” 

The Demon circled her, his steps slow and measured. “What will you give me if I decide to lend you my aid?”

“Whatever you wish to claim from me, Sir!” Green Pearl fell to her knees. “No boon is too great when it comes to saving the life of my father!”

The Demon knelt down before Green Pearl, lifting her face to meet his. “You will become my bride. That is the price you must pay if you wish to obtain my help.”

“If marrying a demon is the trade we are making, then I would marry you a thousand times.” 

The Demon pulled Green Pearl up onto her feet, a hearty laugh bursting from his chest. “Then come! Let us be off! The day grows shorter and the journey will be that much harder for you when the night comes.”

A gong and more heavy drums rang out as the Demon and Green Pearl exited the stage. Troupe members hurried to change the set backdrop to suit the next scene transition. 

“So Green Pearl and the Demon hurried toward the Western Mountains. The journey was, indeed, arduous. Many perils crossed their paths, but the Demon protected Green Pearl every step of the way. The harshest trek, however, was the path leading up toward the mountains. Wild animals impeded their path. Even the cold mountain winds attempted to blow the two off the krags so they would plummet to their deaths.”

With each scene change, a linen drape with a painted landscape was swapped. The serene music fit the pacing of each scene and the narrator’s strong voice pushed the actors to continue through the skit. Yoon knew this tale very well. Yet watching it unfold in this manner made the story seem brand new. He was particularly drawn to the Demon, unable to shake the tremors in his heart as the masked performer’s moves seemed fluid and natural.

“Finally, Green Pearl and the Demon reached the top of the mountain peaks. There was the mythical flower the Demon mentioned. It was a rich purple in pigment, the stem a soft green and nestled among a cluster of clovers. In the snow and cold temperature, there was no way that any vegetation should have flourished, let alone this single flower.”

Green Pearl reached for the flower, preparing to dig it up from the earth. Suddenly, she was stopped by the Demon’s harsh pull at her wrist. “W-What are you doing?!”

“Do not forget your promise to me, dear Child.” He pulled her flush against him. “You are to be my bride the moment your father is well. And not a minute later.”

“I haven’t forgotten our deal, Demon!” Green Pearl pushed away from him. “We must hurry back quickly!”

A soft bell tinkling sound issued from a row of wind chimes. The Demon laughed, grasping onto Green Pearl and jumping up toward the tightrope. Everyone watching sucked in their breaths as a stream of dark blue fabric followed after them. The Demon dragged Green Pearl behind him as the actors portrayed him using his powers to help them travel quickly. The two actors almost appeared to float across the thick line of rope.

“The Demon used his powers to transport Green Pearl and himself down the mountain. When they reached the foot of the mountain, they instantly moved through the fields. Within minutes, they were back in Green Pearl’s humble village. He safely brought her home and Green Pearl wasted no time preparing the flower into a medicinal tonic for her father.”

Green Pearl appeared next to her mother, holding out a wooden bowl. “This tonic will help Father. Please, we must hurry!”

The Wife started to feed the potion to the ailing Husband. In minutes, he started to rise up from his bed. He held his wife’s hands and she threw herself into his arms. 

“Husband! You are well!” she cried as her husband held her close. 

He laughed, stroking her back. “Yes, I am well, Pu-in. But tell me, what has helped me come back from the gates of the Underworld?”

“I traveled far to retrieve a flower that is said to cure any illness.” Green Pearl hugged her father’s neck.

“A flower?” He tilted his head to the side. “How did you come to learn of this flower?”

Green Pearl lowered her head. “A Demon told me. He guided me to the Western Mountains and I plucked the flower from the highest peak.”

Both the husband and wife looked at each other, clutching at their chests. The father reached out for his daughter’s hands. “You foolish girl! How could you make an agreement with a demon?!”

“Don’t you know that a deal with a demon only breeds disaster?!” The mother shook Green Pearl’s shoulders. “You have sold your soul to the Underworld!”

Green Pearl pulled herself away from her family. “I’m sorry!” She ran out of the house where the Demon was waiting for her. “We must hurry!”

The Demon grabbed her hand in his. “Let us leave this place!”

“Stop right there, you foul trickster!” The Father appeared, brandishing a wheat sickle. “Release my daughter, this instant!”

The Demon laughed. “The deal has been made, Human! You cannot break the contract!” 

The sound of a gong exploded over the courtyard, causing the Demon to gasp. When he looked down, there was a sword plunged through his stomach. As he turned, the assailant stepped forward to push the blade through his gut even further. The Demon reached out with a bloodied hand toward the one who attacked him. 

“B-Brother!”

White Fang ripped the sword from the Demon’s body, causing the Demon to fall to his knees. His head hung low and Green Pearl was instantly at the Demon’s side. He finally collapsed to the ground and Green Pearl clung to his shivering form. 

“What have you done?!” she screamed as the Demon continued to tremble in her arms. “Why did you strike him?!”

“It was a Demon, Green Pearl!” White Fang dropped the sword from his hand and the satchel from his back. “They only breed misfortune!”

“Y-You fool,” sputtered the Demon, “I would have given her a good life.” A trembling arm lifted as he pointed at White Fang. “Because of your actions, you have now condemned your sister to death.”

“What?!” White Fang dropped to his knees. The husband and wife hurried forward. “What lies do you speak, Demon?”

The Demon turned to look up at Green Pearl. “I will not be able to give you a life you deserve.” He touched the side of her face. “But I will be able to stay with you in the Afterlife. Always.”

“I am sorry for the cruel nature of man! Forgive me!” Green Pearl sobbed, burying her face in the Demon’s shoulder. “I will see you on the other side.”

And then the Demon’s hand fell limply to the ground. Seconds later, Green Pearl collapsed next to him.

Silence filled the courtyard. No one spoke. Hardly anyone took a moment to breathe, Yoon included. 

It was broken the minute that the King began to clap. The Queen soon followed until everyone at the Royal Banquet table rose from their seats and applauded. Yoon was still stunned, but he, too, clapped. The actors remained where they were - unmoving. However, the narrator stepped forward and bowed deeply to them. The tragic scene remained, but the story’s message still lingered in the air. 

Even a Demon was deserving of love and a person could see beyond the surface to one’s true heart.

But when promises were broken, a terrible fate would await. 

[cina-full-moon-xanadium]

the thing about saber is that theres too much plot and not enough camp. like personalities are kind of there but not too established. i still have friends who call ren kenzan and daishinji slash because they still can't remember their names but at the same time i don't blame them because you just don't get invested enough in them

i mean in all fairness on the last point, even if they were really good characters it’s still a LOT of characters and it’s easier to remember the rider name. I also just call them their rider names for fun

but yeah, I just. it’s a similar problem to a lot of 01′s cast i feel. the writers establish pretty strong starts for the characters, and know where they want them to go; but don’t really put in enough work to actually get them to that point and it’s missing a lot of key moments to really make you care about them. 

Like... I think a pretty good example is in this recent episode. Kento successfully seals all of Logos’ swords, but ultimately it doesn’t work and Logos’ plan goes forward all according to keikaku without a hitch. Now this is the direction the story needs to go in, of course; the type of arc they’re going with for Kento needs to have him fail in his methods, or have it lead to something bad or worse, or something like that so that it turns him around and has him embrace Touma’s friendship and ideals of challenging fate. But... the reason the sword sealing doesn’t actually work is not really clear? He does seal them, we do see the effect, but it just... doesn’t work? And there’s no scene of Logos gloating about it in big megalomaniac fashion, or of Kento being distraught at all his sacrifices being for nothing; it simply doesn’t work and that’s that. Saber is missing these key emotional moments all across the show (especially when it comes to upgrades) and it’s why this show just hasn’t been hitting for me. It hasn’t reached any super deep lows or many great heights, it’s... just kinda bland and forgettable and without anything that makes the emotional attachments work.