#I just kept (almost) that entire scene bc it's the most relevant

[mushroompollution]

Chapter 42: the Sablier Arc Epilogue

chapters: 35 || 36 || 37 || 38 || 39 || 40 || 41

read the manga (r-slur tw//): imgur || mangaread (ad warning)

Back in the new capitol city of Reveil, a meeting is called at Pandora Headquarters, and Oz's uncle Oscar, the Duke Vessalius, is running late.

We cut to Xerxes Break, waking up as his friend Reim Lunettes walks into his room. Reim informs him that it's been three days since the events in Sablier, and that he's been taken to the Rainsworth estate. Hearing that he's awake, guests file in one by one.

Oz tells Break that there was a weird earthquake after Break had collapsed. After that, guards from Pandora had arrived. They informed Elliot that his father was waiting at the orphanage for him, and try to haul Oz back to the safety of their outpost. But before that, he breaks free when insulted by Elliot.

And so, we return to Break's bedroom, where everyone is gathered, as everyone sums up the main points of their experience. Except, when asked, Gilbert lies and claims that he saw absolutely nothing inside the crater. Reim and Sharon both immediately understand that something must have happened, however.

Oz asks why Break was in Sablier, to which the old clown says yep! he'd come especially to save them.☆ But only because he had expected the Baskervilles to chase Oz, and he had wanted to meet them. As he speaks he eats cakes from a tower of sweets, and something about his behavior as he takes one catches Oz's attention.

But Break kicks them all out of his room then, claiming that he needs more rest. Oz tries to linger, but Reim pushes him to the door. In the end, he's the only one who stays behind to ask Break a sensitive question.

We cut to the main trio, along with Sharon Rainsworth, out on a terrace. Sharon tells them that Sablier is brimming with power from Abyss, and Pandora has been conducting experiments on homeless citizens of the city using that power. Those experiments were what Break and Reim had been trying to hide from Oz when they tried to dissuade him from visiting Sablier.

Sharon explains that she didn't know, either. Break and Reim must have participated reluctantly, and didn't want her to know.

As Gilbert mulls over the thought of human experiments, he suddenly has a realization.

[winter-parrot]

went and saw the les mis nat tour. thought i maybe wouldn't cry so much this time, was wrong. having lots of thoughts and feelings. i'm gonna dump them here in whatever tangle they come out in because i want to document some of it while it is still Fresh.

act 1

did not expect the prologue (esp on parole) to hit me that hard. i almost cried and that was when i knew i was in for it tonight.

there were!! little brick moments esp in the prologue!!! that i really loved!!!

valjean stealing a coin from a kid. this has to be a petit gervais reference even it it came early during on parole instead of the brick-accurate what have i done

baptistine and mme. magloire were there with myriel!

fauchelevent got his leg wrecked by the cart and specifically had to be carried off, which doesn't feel like a detail i've seen often

the entire town coming out with pitchforks to see valjean arrested was A Lot.

they didn't do the parole slip rip-to-the-beat thing!! they just did one (1) at the end i miss it.

they gave?? most of the factory girls solo over to the foreman??? that was a weird choice

they made fantine's firing more personal for valjean, mainly by having her try to talk to him and be brushed aside during the factory fight. valjean also paused to look back before he walked offstage. i dislike this.

lovely ladies was so brutal. oh my god. i felt her degradation and despair in the lovely ladies descent a lot more viscerally than i usually do. and but god i wanted to punch bamatabois so bad. good work to the actor, but fuck that guy

tiny tiny nit but they kept saying monsieur mayor which was driving me nuts. pick a langaug dammit!

runaway cart continues to feel choppy bc of all the lines they cut out of it.

it's not by the face, it's not by the voice, no, it's by the lifting that you recognize a man. this will always be funny to me.

there was!! a french flag!!! flying over the courtroom scene!!! it had words on them but i couldn't see all of it. the middle looked like egalite as you'd expect, but the far right was justice?? fraternite seems like a weird one to replace with justice, so maybe the whole thing was different? I couldn't even see the left where liberte would go bc of the stage lights.

little cosette was so good. oh sweet child you desrve all the hugs.

surprisingly managed to mostly enjoy master of the house. hated the opening more than i ever have before, specifically watching the audience laugh at mme thenardier abusing cosette. i realize it's not entirely the audience's fault, the show is absolutely playing it for laughs, but the ick was high today.

i will never not find show me where you live funny

look down broke in while jvj and cosette were stil having their sweet moment. idk if it was intentional but it felt very ominous and it worked

oh god gavroche was so tiny. i've never seen a gavroche feel so viscerally young, with all the invincible courage and rashness and childness bravado. i almost cried when he first appeared just because he was so small and so young and i knew what was coming.

i did a lot of crying in not-technically-sad scenes because i knew what was coming. oh god.

gavroche seemed to have a bit of hero-worship of enjolras, a la his relationship to bahorel in the book. this did become relevant in the most painful way that i feared.

i love enjolras's red waistcoat in look down

on the topic of enjo's costuming, i make fun of him for being half naked a lot. but i realized today that all the students are fully dressed (buttoned up, waistcoat + cravat, jacket) in act 1 but end up at more-or-less enjo level of (un)dress on the barricade.

is?? state of (un)dress being used as a visual shorthand for revolutionary fervour???

i think??? enjo almost got arrested after the look down scene. i missed the actual onset but i looked back towards him to find an officer waving a truncheon menacingly in his face, so.

in my life felt very ick!! which is not what was expecting. mostly it's the staging where cosette is trapped inside the courtyard pushing out at the bars, valjean comes in, unlocks the door for himself, and then locks the two of them back in. it brought back beeblemis trauma honestly.

(obligatory???) acknowledgment that vlajean does kind of become cosette's jailor in the brick, but the musical doesn't really have the room for that kind of nuance. not when we see so little of them.

courf just?? randomly grabbed a gun at the from nowhere?? at the end of red and black???

enjolras then shouted to the streets! raising said gun right before do you hear the people sing. this isn't the baricades yet!! this is a demonstrably bad choice like one (musical) day before your planned rebellion. especially if he's already been almost arrested. boy, what are you thinking???

i miss the revolve. they had to do some weird snaky maneuvers to keep marching without walking off stage. it looked stupid honestly.

garoche & enjolras's deaths area also elevated by the revolve imho

also the barricade revolve is just cool

oh god how am i not at the end of act 1 yet.

the one day more overlapping medley at the end felt werid disjointed and i'm not sure why?

one day more also made me cry not bc the song itself is particualrly sad but i couldn't stop thinking in one day more most of you will be dead which was. heartbreaking.

okay now i'm done act 1

act 2

i have less to say about act 2 i mostly just cried a lot

the tragedy of on my own really struck me, i think bc eponine felt more defiant?? like more angry about her fate, less lovestruck.

i cried at now we pledge ourselves to hold this barricade. more anticipatory grief knowing what was coming.

enj felt like a very good leader which i always appreciate. i love him, my boy.

javert's uncovering felt so violent in a way that i'm not used to seeing on stage. they fought. several times. it was very physical and tense.

also gavroche was so fucking proud and i was so fucking proud of him too and so fucking sad.

the audience laughed at now hat i know that you love... me as well which was. weird??? is that normally a laugh spot???

a little fall of rain wrecked me, partly for eponine's death, but partly for gavroche showing up just in time to see her die. musical gave no indication of their relation but i know and i was sad.

the progression from they will see the people rise to the people too must rise to the people have not stirred. god!!! this is not new but it did strike me anew today!!

courfeyrac??? told valjean well done, sir and like banged his gun against the barricade as a gesture of respect/praise??? that was weird on so many levels. idk where that came from.

i started crying near the end of bring him home and basically did not stop for the rest of act 2. only lessened in intensity at times.

grantaire's verse in drink with me was very belligerent and enjo was not putting up with it. i'm used to seeing this as a moment for enjo to comfort/soothe r (at least in the last ~10 years of productions) but this enjo was not fucking having it. it was more hostile than comforting. gavroche ran off to comfort r after.

oh my god gavroche's death. sans revolve they obviously couldn't show him on the other side of the barricade. so we just hear some shots, and then he throws the ammo over, and then he gets to the top of the barricade -- and then he gets shot down, right into enjo's arms. he then gets passed to grantaire, who stands there holding him for the entire lead up to the final battle.

enjolras was?? the first to die??? he ran up to the top of the barricade not to shoot but to wave the red flag, and then was the first to get shot down. then the rest of the amis in the standard cross-beam of spotlights thing. and then, last of all, grantaire puts down gavroche, runs up to the peak where enjo died, and is shot.

i'm not exactly upset about grantaire getting that moment, but him getting it alone -- esp after enjolras was the first to die -- felt like a weird choice.

the oboe solo pause after the final battle continues to be my downfall

thenardier says [God's] as dead as the stiffs at my feet while standing over marius. i have yet to decide if this is an intentional staging choice as commentary on "God may look dead but he's alive, i promise" or just a coincidence

they dropped valjean's there is a life to save line, no idea why

javert was so unhinged during his suicide. he was waving a pistol around for the first half and i briefly but genuinely feared they were going to restage his suicide to be by gun. thankfully it was an unfounded fear.

the candles are still my undoing!!!! i knew exactly what was coming when they brought them out during turning and yet. and yet. the simultaneous blowing out made me bawl.

side note, ghost!grantaire and enjolras appeared flanking gavroche and my first thought was are they his parents now??

dear god please do not let them parent anybody. they're bad enough individually but as a pair??? unthinkable.

i almost laughed during valjean's confession bc all i could think was ahh yiss story time with papa. i was still crying but it did not stop me from snorting.

can we cut that weird opening to beggar at the feast. you know the one.

this one's a jew is more ick than usual given current events

tacking on i might try it too after this one's a queer does not, in fact, make it gay liberation!!! it just makes it gross!!!

you've already cut so many lines from this show, why is this bit still here

take it away and give me back the i remember eponine lines in the same damn song!!!!

i think that's all for act 2??? even if it it's itls fucking late and this post has exceeded 2k words so fuck it.

general notes

i can trace the 2012 movie influences in places, that was unexpected

splashing waves as the opening imagery of work song

were the msurm factory uniforms always that blue?

did fantine's death always have that white curtain?

fantine spitting on valjean was a hathaway thing, wasn't it?

gavroche gets to keep his this is the land that fought for liberty line! i'm torn about this bc i love those lines but also this is my school, my high society bit was good too

the harmony at the end of red and black!!!! it was like my favourite music change for the move i love that they kept it

entire master of the house scene staging felt very movie-ish, just in the ~vibes~ of it

nose boops!! valjean boops cosette like four times i'm p sure that's a movie popularization

actor / character interpretation thoughts

valjean was good! i liked him better in the first act 24601/madeleine side than on the act 2 fauchlevent side, but still good

fantine was angry and i liked that.

thenardiers were mostly good. weird that they made mme obviously lust over other people??

marius was fun! good balance of earnest lovable genuine and idiot himbo booby.

did not like cosette. this is the first time i've actively disliked a portrayal of cosette and it was a big pity. the musical does enough infantalizing of adult!cosette already, i really did not need the actress to play that up.

mixed opinions about javert. honestly i think he's a fine musical javert i just like my book javert too much. obsessed with jvj, openly defiant to madeleine, very Godly, that kind of thing. but his voice was good and his suicide was extremely unhinged in a good way.

i fucking adored enjolras. he felt older?? which is not exactly the right vibe but it came with the right vibe of authority and calm that i super super appreciated. also he sounded beautiful and his hair was a glorious mane of curls.

grantaire is a delightful garbage bastard man.

i've already talked about gavroche but god gavroche!!!

courfeyrac kept catching my eye in both good ways and bad. kind of felt like he became ami #3? (after enjo and marius, per the musical). very often on enjolras's left, the first to seize a gun, the first to praise jvj on "killing" valjean (that was weird, what was that), etc etc.

song list in playbill was not incorrect but kind of weird. notable mentions:

the entirety of prologue was just listed as prologue

both what have i done and javert's suicide were just listed as soliloquy (not even x's soliloquy)

confrontation wasn't listed at all?? i'd think it was folded into come to me, odd as that seems, except that just has fantine and valjean listed.

drink with me became drink with me to days gone by???

all the little bits and pieces of song missing was expected, but seeing none of the battles listed at all felt a little weird. not even the final battle.

the spotlights on stage were mostly yellow/warm white, except for when someone died/was near death, where they got bright cold white spotlights. except javert -- he got the cold white spotlight in stars, too, and in one day more.

was this an intentional choice to make a statement about javert??

was this just an accidental coincidence??

did other non-dying people get the white spotlight too and i just didn't notice??

[felassan]

Gamers For Groceries 2 event

A Twitch stream event from a few days ago. It can currently be re-watched here (it was fun & interesting, so I do recommend to check it out direct). This post contains some notes on things of particular interest & relevant timestamps, in case this is useful to anyone (for example bc of accessibility reasons).

First up is the All About Animating panel, a series of mini-interviews with game devs (animators) asking what they do, how they got there, and advice for anyone interested in getting into the industry. Some or all of the devs that were interviewed are currently working on DA4. They talked a bit about their day-to-day work and a lot about the craft of game dev animation in general. This segment runs from timestamp ~38 mins 40 secs to 1:07:50. Some notes:

[sounded like DA4] Right now the creature team are working on different creatures in a way which involves going through a lot of mocap data

At BioWare they have a pretty big technical animation team, to support their animators, so each tech animator has a different specialty. Tech anim involves animation support, character art support, and rigging the characters so that the animators can pose them

[not sure if re: DA4 work specifically, another project or a general comment on the craft] One of the featured animators’ area of specialty at the moment is faces and hair (building the control structure for face animations). First they had to decide how the face rig and its control structure would work. This involves a lot of performance capture of live actors for things like cinematics and gameplay animation, therefore the rigs for bodies and faces have to be able to accurately capture the full range of expressions and emotions that the actor is portraying. Right now the stage that this dev is working on most is setting up the heads that they’re getting through the pipeline from character art e.g. making adjustments based on feedback from the cinematics team. “Polish - just trying to get realism”

Hair tech has come quite a long way in the last few years [in the industry]

[not sure if re: DA4 work specifically, another project or a general comment on the craft] Hair is very complex to get right. “In the past most games have used card-based hair, which is basically like sheets of polygons with a texture on it that looks like hair, through layers of transparency. But real hair is strand-based, digital strands, so we’re starting to look into that kind of tech - try to get more realistic, more beautiful hair, but there’s always a performance cost to hair. Layers of transparent things are always an expense, they need to balance like, it looks good and moves well, but it doesn’t make your computer or console chug. [...] I guess we’re in the prototype stage but we’ve almost got a set pipeline. It’s always fun to experiment”

In Mass Effect 2 or 3, Miranda’s hair was as expensive as a whole character (!)

[on balancing hair costs/performance, general] It depends on things like character importance and how many characters are on-screen at the time. When you’re in gameplay fighting a bunch of monsters you’re not going to be giving full beautiful hair to all the characters and the monsters, as it will cost too much. (Having a helmet on is a convenient way to get rid of hair.) But if it’s a cinematic scene, with 2 characters talking to each other in a dramatic context, there’s a better budget for nice hair allocated

Some of the hair in Anthem was quite expensive in cinematics. They kept getting bugs from QA saying (for example) that a character’s hair was tripling the performance cost in the scene, so it would go back to character art so they could take away some of the hair cards. “Tough balance, quality versus cost”

“I wish all the characters could have beautiful strand hair”

For p-cap, a lot of the time they don’t want to be too prescriptive in terms of the direction that they’re giving the actors, as the actors know what they’re doing and have a lot of experience, so they give them vague instructions that they then riff off of

[sounded like DA4] They recently did a mocap shoot

[sounded like DA4] There’s a bit more productivity happening now in the pandemic situation; now that the animators are not all going to the capture lab in Vancouver in person for shoots, if it’s not their turn to direct a shot they can instead be working on something else on their computers (multi-tasking). ((Lead DA4 Producer Scylla Costa recently gave a talk at a games festival on the challenges of DA production during the pandemic. In part of this talk he talked about various benefits and drawbacks to the remote-working situation. He also talked about and showed some behind-the-scenes stuff for p-cap and mocap. Notes, images and link here))

[sounded like DA4] Special mocap suits were sent out that they can use with a laptop to go anywhere and shoot motion capture. It’s not as high fidelity as what comes out of the capture lab, but it’s really good for prototyping stuff. Before the pandemic they did some of this (going to a park and shooting some running around)

[sounded like DA4] In one of the shoots they had some actors who were really well-trained in dancing. They were trying to get them to do some combat stuff. This was a bit challenging in the pandemic situation as there’s only so much they can demonstrate/portray as an example to the actors from a distance on camera. “It’s hard to describe what a ‘dodge to attack’ is through the camera to somebody who has no idea what combat looks like in video games”

[not sure if re: DA4 work specifically, another project or a general comment on the craft] The pandemic has really affected performance capture for the face side of things badly, as in order to record, the actor gets dots painted on their face in specific locations by a makeup artist. They can’t do that right now because of social distancing/restrictions, so they haven’t been recording faces at the moment

The more detailed a face, the more joints it has, the more the cost to performance is

---

There was also the Writers’ Block panel, featuring DA writers Mary Kirby, Sheryl Chee and Patrick Weekes, and DA editor Karin Weekes. The timestamps for this segment are ~2:37:50 - 3:26:20. Some notes:

PW has never been weirder than when they were writing Cole on DAI

PW thinks that they accidentally wrote part of “Timber” by Kesha into Solas at one point and they were like “Well, okay, I have to stop listening to Kesha”

For Sheryl, after a while Blackwall’s VA always nailed doing his lines. She loved the quality of his voice and so after a while would always hear his voice while she was writing. This really worked out

^ Mary had this with Merrill. As soon as they cast Eve Myles she listened to several hours of her in Torchwood, and then just wrote to the way that she spoke as much as possible

^ PW had this with GDL as Solas and FPJ as Bull. As soon as they heard FPJ’s delivery, they were like “Oh, okay, I have to write some lines differently, because Bull is smarter than I realized”. With GDL they were like “Okay, he’s going to put poetry into anything I say, in the best way possible”. In early drafts of Solas lines there were parts where they [PW] wondered “Is this too melodramatic? Is this too tragically-angstful?” and then they would hear GDL and be like “Oh! [It’s fine] Game on!”

For localization, German words are often quite long so they often have to make sure that everything fits on the GUI

They think scenes like the romance scenes sound prettier in the Italian versions

Behind the curtain in creating the in-world languages: PW: “There are some awesome websites that have every elven word, like ‘Here are the translations and verb tenses and conjugations’ [etc], [...] and usually Mary and I get very sad slightly looking at those pages going like ‘Does that mean that we have to stick to that?’ [...] The rule is, if I’ve looked at the Wiki and the words, and I go ‘Here’s the correct grammatical way to do it’, and if that turns out to be too long or too many disconnected syllables and it just looks bad or sounds bad, then we shorten it to something simpler, because the key is we want to give the flavor of a foreign language, but we don’t have the world-building budget and capacity to make something that is going to be dictionary-real [in a way that] someone could go through and translate all the background things written on the old temple walls”. Part of the reason for this is the consideration for VAs, who already have to act while bearing lots of things in mind, like the cues in the script for each line

Mary: “For building a language, the first things that I started with for qunlat, elven and dwarven, was what words do we need to use the most? Greetings, farewells, words for friend and enemy, basic things that will come up easily in conversation. After that it’s ‘How difficult is this for other writers to use?’ Can they just pick it off the Wiki? Do they need just one word? Do they need to write whole sentences, and how does that work? Qunlat has almost no grammar to it because asking anyone to learn how to use Qunari grammar and conjugate verbs in a pretend language is impossible, and then once you’ve done that a human being has to be able to read it, while not knowing what any of it means”

PW: “One thing that I was really impressed with with Mary in particular doing, Mary was one of the big lore people across the entire DA series; I can look at a word and go like, ‘That has two A’s in a row, that’s definitely a Qunari word. That word is kind of long and maybe has some apostrophes and has a couple of flowy vowel sounds, that’s probably elven’, I think that’s what’s important. You want players to be able to look at a word, players want to feel smart, [like] ‘Oh I don’t know what that means but I totally know that’s a word from the Qunari people!’”. Mary: “Every language has its own set of phonemes, the sounds that they make, and the sort of word structure and spelling so that it gives a flavor to that language. Hopefully that is always chosen to be pronounceable, because again, very important that the words can be said by human beings :D”

Sheryl: “One of the fun things to do is to make up swear words in the fake languages [...] Recently Brianne wanted a word, I don’t know if she managed to find one”

The origin of bosh’tet in ME: it’s just saying “bastard” and slurring it

PW: “I feel like there are times when past writers kind of leave traps for future writers, where past writers will go ‘Okay, I’m going to write this detailed phrase in a codex entry but don’t worry, it doesn’t matter if it can never be said aloud, because it’ll never have to be voiced!’ and then, next game, guess what guys! Look what you have to make someone [a VA] say! And you’re like [facepalm], c’mon!”

Karin: “Now, four games in, we have pages and pages of all these examples, and I wanna say this, well that’s how we said something before, well that’s ridiculous, I don’t wanna say that, but now we’ve said it and it’s out there, so it’s like, how do we, y’know, how do we evolve, and sometimes we just go ‘Screw it! Languages are living languages! We’ll just say it like this now!’”

PW's favorite is the sarcastic Mythal’enaste, “Because it’s the sarcastic Mythal's blessing that basically means you’re getting screwed over somehow. I love it because Mythal nasty! Whoever wrote that clearly never thought that someone would have to say this out loud”

Sheryl wrote Bull’s joke icicles line. She also wrote Isabela’s big boats line - Jennifer took it out but then DG was like “No it has to come back”

They have a pun test, they get a few of them and have to allot them wisely so as not to oversaturate on the puns. “Is this good/bad enough to be one of the times that we pull the trigger? We did have one of those recently, I obviously can’t talk about it, but it was pronounced Okay to go ahead”

The ‘baby-est’ writer is Brianne, who’s been there 8 years

It makes PW sad that the players never get to see the writers’ temp-text [placeholder text when portions are a WIP]. “People have the best temp-text". Mary: “The number of conversations that I’ve temped in like ‘WELL. I hope nothing BAD happens HERE’”

Q. If you could bring in anybody from outside of gamedev, who would you like to work with and do a writer’s session with? PW: “I will say romance novelist Nora Roberts, she is really smart and also she knows how to write inside a genre, and do wonders within it. Her structure is so good. If you pick up one of her books, you know here’s when this is gonna happen, here’s when they’re gonna meet, here’s when this first moment will happen. We’re all experienced and I feel pretty good about that but I really like all of the things she does that way, and also I am a sucker for romance so I would love to bring a romance novelist in and just have them look at our scenes and go ‘Okay here, no, they should pull the tie so that the article of clothing comes open, we need a sense of how warm the skin is here’ - something like that. I’d wanna see what they could do with that”

“Luke writes the best worst lines”

“I’m always impressed with Mary getting away with lines. There are lines that I look at like, wow, you buried that one. [...] The only players who get that line, I feel like they earned it if they went that far into it. [...] And then Varric or Merrill says a ridiculous line in a one-time throwaway”

Karin: “The group dynamic, you’ll see conversations or snippets of a lunch chat or a thing we’ve been joking about and you’ll see it get pulled in, and how all of you [the writers] are able to take a normal kind of thing - as normal as we get as a group anyway - and then turn it into a moment, and use it to further the plot or use it to further a character. It’s just the cleverest thing and it happens in so many different ways. [...] The little snippet of life, then how you crafted it into this very cool thing”

Quartermaster Threnn was written by PW in half a day. “When I was writing Threnn, ‘Okay, this is a good-hearted [person], I was doing a little bit of Steel Magnolias, southern, no-nonsense, but like, blue collar Steel Magnolias’. This is someone accustomed to the ways of the world so she’s going to call a spade a spade. If you come up to her and you’re an elf she doesn’t recognize you and says ‘Buckets are over there’ because she thinks you’re there to clean, [but] ‘Anyone calls you a knife-ear you come to me I’ll take care of it’. It’s problematic but she’s trying - the good-hearted person rooted for the wrong group on every occasion. She was a proud Loghain supporter, she gets really exited if he comes to Skyhold.  That was a fun character for me to write because I had a viewpoint in my mind. I remember someone was like ‘Threnn is really important to me’. And you have to honor that, cause you’re like ‘Cool, it means so much to me that this connected with some part of you’”

---

Also of interest was the Mass Affection panel, in which BioWare devs looked back in over a decade of history to remaster a classic. It featured devs who worked on MELE. The timestamps for this segment are ~3:36:09 - 4:24:37. Some notes:

When the pandemic hit the MELE team were in a relatively awkward spot. They were really entering into what they consider full production and were on-boarding a bunch of teams, as well as training and on-boarding third-party external partner specialized teams worldwide. When the pandemic hit, BioWare and EA were super on top of it. They were tracking it weeks beforehand, getting everyone their computers ready, and getting everything encrypted. When the middle of March 2020 hit they were home rightaway. EA were nothing but supportive throughout the entire thing. They got money every quarter for stuff. It functionally ‘hit’ at 4-6 different times for them as the pandemic occurred in different places throughout the world at different times depending on each country’s response plan (and their external partners were in different countries). “So it was one of those things where it was just like, every day we’d come in like can we still work with this company anymore? Do we need to find someone else? Do we need to pull people in off the other projects at BioWare to fill gaps here and there?”

There was a bug on Virmire at the part when you’re coming into the STG camp. If the Mako had its new boosters on and you came hurtling in really fast, it cut to the cutscene, but the Mako hit a jump and when Ash was like “What do we do now?” the Mako ended up literally flying around in the background sideways and then crashing into the camp

Another bug: when they were re-tuning the guns, the physics force on some of the guns with Hammerhead rounds was so high that when you were fighting some of the Thorian Creepers, you could ragdoll them so hard that you could basically embed them in the roof. They’d be moving so fast that they’d penetrate all the walls with their legs dangling out. It was so easy to do and you could do it to everybody. You could launch a geth halfway across an Uncharted World

Another bug: with Shepard’s casual appearance in ME3, if you didn’t have it set up perfectly correctly it would default to Grunt for some reason. You’d be walking around as Grunt, going on dates as Grunt, and your face would be all scrunched up because it was all mapped to human bones still, so it was just, like, Nightmare Fuel of Grunt

Another bug: in ME2 on Illium when trying to recruit Samara, the Asari enemies just would not stop screaming - regardless of whether they were hit or not, it was endless screaming. Later one of the devs got an audio file of the scream, endless and looped, and now one of the devs has it on their phone and uses it for their morning alarm tone

“Shepard would come up to characters and they’d just be screaming”

---

There was also the Programming Variables panel, talking about what hurdles game programmers face. Some [or all?] of the devs that were part of this panel are currently working on DA4. They talked a bit about their day-to-day work and about the craft of game dev programming in general. The timestamps for this segment are ~ 4:24:46 - 5:06:02.

[source]

[insights/notes from Gamers For Groceries 1]

[☕ found this post or blog interesting or useful? my ko-fi is here if you feel inclined. thank you 🙏]

[stevenrogered]

Agents of SHIELD and The 100 both ended this year, with 7 seasons.

In the 7th season of The 100:

a lot of fans couldnt wait for it to be over to be freed from the 100 hell

nothing made sense. literally none of it. what even was the point?

the last war they were hyping up for the entire season lasted approximately 2 minutes long

kept the same villain from the previous season (even though they changed the actor) and for some reason refused to kill him until the very end? it was almost comical how many times he ALMOST died

the characters were miserable the entire time and the actors just seem completely checked out. not really their fault because...

terrible writing. its like they had no idea how to write for their own characters, or were just high the whole time. probably both.

wasted an entire episode on a backdoor pilot that most people wont even watch if it gets picked up. even brought the main character from the pilot on in the series finale just to really try to get people to watch it

two characters who had no scenes prior and no chemistry (hope and jordan) got randomly put together in like two episodes bc why tf not

one of the main leads (bob morley), a fan favorite who was around since the pilot, was unavailable for a huge chunk of the season. when he finally came back, he was written wildly out of character and joined a cult, was killed off before the end of the season by the other main lead, for a book she didnt even take (yes, this was exactly as stupid as it sounds). so he basically died for nothing. so did other fan favorite gabriel. fun times.

oh bellamy also died thinking everyone he loved hated him and never got to have a legit reunion with his sister, although his relationship with her was one of the main storylines from the very beginning of the show. but who cares about sibling relationships amirite? 

most of them kinda get to be happy in the end though so...i guess thats a plus? they’re together at least, i guess? they’re out of their misery and so are we now that this show is finally over

In the 7th season of AoS:

universally looked at as a great season by fans and critics who were all legitimately sad it was ending

storylines actually got wrapped up

they introduced time travel in a way that was fun and fresh, and made sense to the story

relevance in their stories to things currently going on in the world, even though they filmed it over a year ago

again, it was FUN. the characters went through hell but they were also allowed to have fun. you could tell the actors had a blast filming it. this transferred to screen- the acting was top notch by everyone the whole way through

a ton of throwbacks to previous storylines

brought back past characters, even a pretty popular one from another mcu show who got royally screwed over by the movies

a love interest (the aforementioned daniel sousa) got introduced for one of the main characters (daisy) in a way that was organic and made sense for both characters

one of the main leads (iain de caestecker), a fan favorite who was around since the pilot, was unavailable for almost the entire season. the writers used his absence as a legit plot point, and he returned at the end to be reunited with his love (for a happy ending with a kid!) and the rest of the team

a pretty well loved recurring guest star who was around for a couple of seasons died, but it was handled in such a beautiful way- his death had actual meaning (enoch sacrificed himself to save the team), and he got a wonderful sendoff (the actor even won TVLine’s Performer of the Week that week)

every series regular of season 7 made it to the finale (sure, deke didn’t make it to the VERY end but he got to be a hero and freakin director of shield in an alternate timeline! pretty great end to me!)

the creators wanted it to be a love letter to the fans. the best way they could do that? every series regular ended the show happy. every. single. one. 

[lizacstuff]

Merhaba friends - SCK episode 35 asks

(Fragman 36 ask at the end)

Apologies to those of you who sent asks for last week’s episode and I didn’t answer them. The week got away from me and then suddenly it was show day, the episode aired, and the asks were no longer relevant. Even if I didn’t answer I appreciate you reaching out!

Anonymous said: I’m dying to know what you thought.

While my ego would like to think that there are a variety of subjects that people might seek out my thoughts on, I’m going to guess you want to know what I thought of episode 35. 

I had a mixed reaction. I liked a lot of things, loved a lot of things, there were some things I found disappointing, and a few characters I wanted to strangle. So let’s explore from that perspective. 

Liked:

Romcom feel was back. It felt lighter and was easier to watch than a lot of eps in this arc.

Aydan, Ayfer and Seyfi working together to unite the kids. They were actually funny and trying to do the right thing, even if their methods were a bit morally gray. 

Serkan and Eda’s photo on outdoor advertising and on the cover of magazines. We’ll ignore how quick the turnaround was to get those photos up, it was just plain fun to watch Serkan see himself on his drive into work and be embarrassed and aggravated by the whole thing, while there was also a little spark of excitement from him in being linked to Eda like that. That was enjoyable.

Melo is always the best bestie and Ayfer didn’t suck as an aunt!

LOVED:

Most every individual Edser scene. 

Serkan out-of-his head with worry, planning to jump into the frigid sea, even though he wouldn’t have any shot of saving her that way. That’s my ride-or-die, protective romantic robot! 

Serkan making faces as Eda plans her wedding. Excellent work from Kerem here. 

Eda buttoning up Serkan’s shirt. That was hot. It was also hot that he just let her. 

Sekan buttoning up Eda’s dress (get a room kids and start going the other way... unbuttoning, UNBUTTON) This scene was emotional and the sexual tension! 

Serkan clutching his chest. The poor boy was about to have a panic attack right there. Follow through, writers, give him the full fledged panic attack!  

The hair caught in the button (There’s that button again!) sequence. it was funny and sexy and made Selin into a foolish, immature third wheel. I’m all for it. 

Serkan apologizing to Eda for Selin, that was big because up til now he hasn’t really recognized how awful Selin is in most situations. He has blinders when it comes to her, mostly because he doesn’t pay attention, so it was satisfying to see him acknowledge her bad behavior.

EVERY MOMENT AT THE BOLAT HOUSE. That was a great sequence, and IMO we mostly have Hande and Kerem to thank for it and not the writers. They brought it to life and obviously a lot of it was on them to just figure out what to do in the scene.  I loved that Serkan saw Eda amongst the flowers in that painting. Swoon!  their conversation about how they were both hungry was hilarious. Every moment with them fixing the sandwiches was gold and then it just got better from there. With him being willing to share food, to the throwback “mesala” conversation to her listening to his heart. All so... so... good. 

However, while we definitely deserved those nice, long, funny, heartwarming scenes, I must say the writers didn’t use them to their fullest potential. How did the night end? How did they part? Why was no progress made after spending the night that way?  If the writers were even half decent at their job they would have had Serkan confess some feelings while high, but not remember in the morning thus giving us the parallel with episode 11 when he was sick. Eda would have felt defeated when he didn’t remember, again, and it would have made more sense why she thought the fake wedding was her last shot at getting through to him. 

Characters I’m mad at:

Ceren knows the whole episode that Deniz loves Eda, she knows he’s being weird about it, she makes up with Eda, and stills says nothing? WTF?

Engin makes it to the wedding, he knows Serkan has his memories back and he doesn’t stop the wedding to let Eda know before she says yes? WTF?

Ferit allegedly has the photos and he thinks the wedding is real, but he doesn’t show Eda the photos so she has a better idea of what she’s getting into? WTF?      (though through that whole Ferit/Selin scene I wondered if Ferit was just playing along with Selin, trying to get info out of her and he’s not really the one who has the photos. Time will tell. )

Selin/Deniz- Obvious, psychos, I need them freaking gone. How Deniz can claim to love Eda, but sit there and watch her look devastated and cry her eyes out at the thought of fake marrying him, while knowing he’s about to pull a disgusting trick is unfathomable. He needs to be committed.

Disappointing:

To be clear, I no longer care, but I can’t believe how badly they flubbed this storyline. That? That was the payoff for the hell we’ve been put through for 7 weeks? Wow talk about not worth it and anti-climactic. I’m not going to go on about all the ways they failed, but I could. 

While I fully believe that Serkan fell back in love with Eda before he got his memories back (see this post) he should have confessed to Eda before he got them back. That was the whole point of this entire storyline and they carried that the entire time, but then fumbled the ball at the 1 yard line. Good grief, these writers are bad. 

Serkan gets his memories back, he knows time is of the essence, and he still is torn and has to think about it? WHAT? Just no. Ridiculous. I realize they did it for maximum suspense, but they shouldn’t have. They really shouldn’t have.

That was their reunion after all we’ve been through? Come on, writers, step it up. I realize we no longer have the writers that gave us his love declaration in 11 or Eda’s and Serkan’s proposals, or their make up scene in 28 or their goodbye scene in 28, but this was lackluster. 

So, in summation, there was a lot that I really enjoyed, I thought the episode flowed better than some of the others in this arc, and lots of great individual Edser moments, it’s just the way they flubbed the whole storyline. I’m just so glad the amnesia is over, that thankfully I don't really care.

Anonymous said: when pushed by engin and aydan multiple times in the episode he never denies he ISN'T in love with her and rather skirts around the issue and deflects with "she's marrying deniz!" which should be proof enough he fell in love with her especially considering in 29 he was telling eda that "there was no such thing as love" between them. it was almost reminiscent of eda in 10/11 where she doesn't tell him her feelings bc she believes he wants selin, this time in reverse bc he believes she's moved on.

This came in response to this ask, and yes I agree. I should have hit that point harder, that Engin and Aydan ask him and he never denies it. When this arc started he would have denied it in a flat second. 

He fell in love with her again, full stop. It’s just a shame that they didn’t make it the entire crux of his love confession, we deserved to see that. Just one of the many ways the writers dropped the ball with this storyline. 

Anonymous said: The whiplash we got going from 26-28 to the drag of 29-35 though. 🤦🏼‍♀️ and you really could cut out that entire storyline and you wouldn’t be missing anything because really nothing happened. They didn’t even have Serkan stopping Eda before he got his memories back to fulfill a basic assumed foreshadowing. Like....huh?

I don’t want to be negative, but it’s crazy to me that they sped through wedding prep at a lightning pace and then went through this painful amnesia storyline at a snail’s pace. They should have had at least 5 episodes of wedding prep, doing just one pre-wedding activity per episode, but kept Babaanne around to create the drama. I wanted at least one episode of them back together, but keeping it secret so they could work against her. We were robbed of that!

Anonymous said: I know we’ve been hating a lot on the new writers but the showrunner still has to sign off on these scenes right? And it’s been the same one this whole time. What has she been thinking? Maybe the writers didn’t do their homework but surely she can tell that scenes being very out of character wouldn’t make sense?

Bold of you to assume there’s a showrunner as we know them on a Hollywood show. I assume you’re talking about Asena, but I always think of her more of a cross between an EP and a network exec. A bit more removed than a showrunner.  I have no idea who the guiding light of this show is since Ayse left. The production timelines are so tight, I don’t think there’s time to review scripts and reject them. Sometime I think it’s a wonder anything makes sense at all. 

Anonymous said: I see you've giffed some of the edser "questionable positions" bookshelf scene. (Awesome gifs btw). Honestly, that entire scene was really funny, with the rest of the art life crew jumping in. Even Selin made me laugh when she came in there and said "how did her hair get stuck?!" and Serkan very sarcastically replied with something like "I wound it up in there, what do you think??" Not to mention all the very close face talking that was going on!

Great scene! Here’s the gif set you’re referring to.  I suppose the writers proved they could do fun, and romantically comedic scenes if they want to. More like this, please. 

Anonymous said:

With these past 5 (?) episodes with these last set of writers, I truly believe that they did not go back to watch SCK at all before writing. Any past references were probably given to them on a checklist or something. Like I don't know if they even watched episode 28 with how they ended up doing away with the memory loss. Its kind of astounding how much they dropped the ball. Hopefully the rumors of new writers are true and they get enough episodes to give us a good ending to this story!

This came in right after the episode, but unfortunately, we learned today that we are apparently not getting new writers, at least not for episode 36.I was fully convinced we were since Sefkat (the production company twitter admin) liked Yasin’s post when he said we’d be getting all new writers for 36. Normally I don’t believe anything Yasin says because he has lied so many times that any info he actually has just comes across as a clock being right twice a day.  However, when she liked it, I found that convincing.  Also the way they cancelled shooting on Saturday and H/K were in for a meeting on Friday. Seemed like it was all adding up. We’ll see, maybe there will be new ones for 37??

As for not watching what came before, it certainly feels like they only skimmed and watched certain scenes and didn’t do a deep dive on the series. Watching all the eps in full should be a requirement before they start the job. I always feel they are  just off with Serkan’s characterization, they don’t quite get him and they turn him a bit into a cardboard cutout of early Serkan. It’s like the character sketch outline of Serkan, but with no depth. 

Anonymous said: When I saw the character description of the new cast member added to the show I was like "great, another possible screen space filler in regards to Aydan" but after watching the episode, I was actually really intrigued by his character. I know there's a bunch of theories out there that Serkan is actually his son, which I don't really buy into right now, but nevertheless he was a real potential to be a father figure in Serkan's life... and maybe the only guest character to not be a villain lol.

I’ll tell you this, that casting makes it seem like they at least want us to think he’s Serkan’s father.  He’s way better looking that Alptekin and he just looks like he could genetically be responsible for the magnificence that is Serkan. 

We’ll see what they do. I think it could be interesting, just because until Serkan met Eda he was so invested in being “Serkan Bolat” that having his identity shaken like this would be seismic for him. It could create some really good drama for him in all his relationships without tearing apart Edser. Also, if Alptekin knew it would go along way in explaining that relationship. Alptekin always demanding perfection and the cold way he sent him away to boarding school. It would explain why he could never earn his father’s love or approval, and that knowledge might give him some peace. 

In addition, and a big plus, it would mean that his biological father was NOT responsible for the deaths of Eda’s parents. 

Anonymous said: 1/ everyone for weeks was waxing poetic and had super detailed headcannons of how serkan would remember in really specific ways when he realized he was in love, something that ayfer kinda poked fun of at the beginning of the ep talking about the fake wedding, but i was genuinely laughing out loud at serkan and engin accidently getting into a fight and him yelling throughout it that he remembers and engin pushing him in front going "can you give him one good hit?!" lmaoo

2/ getting a good hit to the end to unscramble your brain that is already giving you flashbacks is more actually more realistic than the usual fairytale way.. sure, less romantic, but definitely more realistic. the man was already in love with her, super confused on what to do since he genuinely thought she was marrying deniz, and was already having flashes, all he really needed was good hit in the head lol. maybe eda should've kept going when they were boxing 😂

I like your take on it.

Anonymous said: i think they saw the fandom complaining week after week that there was too much heaviness/drama in their romcom and said "so you guys want romcom? here i'll give you full on romcom" which is what i thought this episode was! and i really appreciated such a fun ep overall to watch to bring this otherwise really sad and emotion heavy memory loss plot to an end.

Yes, the episode was a lot more fun than most that had come before it. If only they could have tied it all together. 

Anonymous said: Something that just occurred to me that's so crazy in addition to wrapping an episode days before it airs, is that in Turkish television, a series has like 1 permanent director and a small writing team that writes ALL of the episodes. In US TV, that's pretty much unheard of - different writers rotate owning each episode and the same director will shoot maybe 2-3 episodes at most a season. The production turnaround time is so short that it's insane that we don't hear of more last-minute delays

I know, I think about this all the time. It’s crazy to me that there’s only one director. Which is why there’s not a lot of added layers to this show.  When a director just has one episode on their plate and they spend a couple of weeks prepping to direct, every shot, every angle, every bit of set dressing can be meaningful. This show doesn’t have that kind of visual depth.  On the other hand you do get a director that knows the actors and crew inside and out and they all have a short hand which allows them to get to what they want faster and easier. That can’t be replicated with directors who come in for one episode. 

Anonymous said: Over the past month or so, I’ve been seeing so many people cancel Serkan and wanting Eda to leave him forever and move away, but she really never gave up on him and she might finally get him back this week 😭 in fact, Eda and Melo are the only people we’ve seen who have tried to help get his memories back! Everyone who has been friendly to Selin can disinvite themselves to the Edser wedding

I’m glad I didn’t see a bunch of this nonsense myself.  But, honestly, anyone who wants Eda to leave and not end up with Serkan... why are they watching this show to begin with? Did they take a wrong turn somewhere? How did they last this long watching it? We’re 35 episode in and this entire show is their love story, beyond that story and it being a vehicle to showcase Hande and Kerem’s awesome chemistry, it really doesn’t offer many other reasons to watch. 

And yes to jettisoning anyone who was friendly with Selin. PIRIL I’M LOOKING AT YOU. I sure hope Piril finds out exactly how low Selin will sink. She needs to feel ashamed for welcoming her back without question. 

Anonymous said: That fragman for ep 36...part of me wants to hope that it will all be solved pretty soon, since we got edser separated for so long we deserved them together now. But part of me also knows these writers suck so I’m expecting the worst. I just wanted edser together again 😭

I know. When I saw the full fragman my initial reaction was to yell “WHY CAN’T WE HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!!!!”  But I’ve calmed down now. 

It seems to me that we have Serkan and Eda together and working together to figure this mess out, which is good. we have romantic walks on the pier, and Eda spending the night at his place and a sweet breakfast setting with Eda in jammies. All good.  

But then we also have Selin and Deniz refusing to quit.  Selin comes up with the plan that if Deniz doesn’t sign the papers in time, then they will have to get a divorce which means Eda can’t marry for 300 days. So then, what? Deniz steals Serkan’s car and goes on the run? 

What they hope to accomplish with this, I don’t know. Because even if they succeed and Serkan and Eda can’t get married right away, it’s not like they’ll just magically decide that they want to be with those two psychos instead.  I can see Selin doing it just for revenge so she can make them miserable, but what’s Deniz’ motivation? The further psycho he goes, the worse Eda will think of him. Bizarre. 

As for the pregnancy thing. It sounds like Eda must hear that from someone. My money is on Deniz. That’s his Hail Mary to try and drive a wedge between Serkan and Eda. Because seemingly when Eda brings it up, Selin asks where did you hear that. Also, phew, Eda says right away that if its true that Sekan deserves to know, which hopefully will clear things up (because the writers showed us over and over and over again that they weren’t sleeping in the same bed) and it will show Serkan just what kind of crazy he’s dealing with. 

Anonymous said: I was pretty excited after watching the fragman, but surprised when I went on twitter and saw that almost everyone was really upset by it. I’m sure most people know Selin isn’t actually pregnant, but they all still somehow hate the storyline (possibly bc they think it’ll drive edser apart?) idk am I crazy for thinking that we’ll still get good edser moments and them staying together and fighting together? I guess the show needs drama to continue but I’m not mad because I think good edser will outweigh bad/miscommunication edser.

I’m sure we’ll get good Edser moments, but I can’t really fault anyone for being extremely annoyed by this fragman. I think this little plot point will end up not being a big deal at all, however, I can see how it feels like a kick in the face after what we’ve been through the last 7 episodes. It’s like can we get one happy episode? Just one?

Also it’s just very uncomfortable. I’m in the camp that currently thinks it’s impossible for her to be pregnant because they haven’t slept together. He was too fragile and injured before they came back to Istanbul (sleeping on the couch with his PTSD) and after he was too confused and consumed by Eda and just uninterested in Selin. I have to believe they kept showing us them not spending the night in the same place for a reason. 

However, if they were to have had sex, it’s very unsettling because it’s a little too close to him not being able to give consent. It’s Rape by Deception. He had a brain injury, amnesia, was suffering a myriad of traumas and was not in his right mind. He did not have the full set of facts on where their relationship stood, but she did (she knew he wanted nothing to do with her and told her he never loved her and didn’t even want to be friends) and instead of being honest she abused him. She lied to him. She didn’t tell him the truth about what had happened. She isolated him from anyone who could tell him the truth and manipulated him into thinking that she was the only person in the world he could trust and the person he loved and trusted most was untrustworthy and an enemy. 

However, as the audience we know the things she’d done in the past to abuse his trust, and we know for certain if he remembered, he would never consent to sleep with her. Never. So even beyond the cheating and the romance it would rob us of if they did have sex, it’s ICKY and GROSS and none of us want to even think of it.  I don’t expect TV writers in Turkey to be on the forefront of thought when it comes to issues of consent, so I’d rather this door just not be opened at all. 

But here we are, they opened it. Now all we can do it hope that it is a device to hear Serkan say that it isn’t impossible and for Selin to be fully exposed as completely unbalanced and a lying, manipulator.

Anonymous said: the fandom by use of sheer will forced this selin plot line into existence LOL. i swear since the beginning of the memory plot in 29, the "selin will lie to eda she's pregnant" rumor has been constantly making rounds, and i guess it's time to cash in. i will say that i've seen ppl thinking know that somehow serkan and her were intimate even though she's clearly lying.. guys, if there was even a POSSIBILITY she would've used this way back before now and would have told everyone, including serkan.

I agree with this. If this was a card she could play with Serkan, she’d play it. She’s been getting more and more desperate. And in the fragman there she is coming up with ways for Deniz to run away so he can’t sign the papers. If there was something she could hold over Serkan, she would, She’s not because then the con would be up, we’ll just have to wait and see how big of a lie she’s willing to tell. 

Anonymous said: I wonder if Selin was a spy when she was younger! That woman is always watching everything from her car! Even in the new trailer.

Ha! Let’s hope that in the end she’s not a very good spy and they finally get one over on her. Oh please oh please oh please let the stable boy be the one who has the photos and let him have more on her. I want there to be tons of photos of her in her car spying on them. That would be so humiliating for her. 

Seriously, though, who knows what happened to Selin to make her the way she is. Frankly, I don’t think my assessment of her has really changed (most of my old posts on her are tagged with “anti Selin”) She’s just a spoiled, selfish, entitled brat who thinks she should get anything and everything she wants. If she wants Serkan, she should have him, doesn’t matter what he wants or who she hurts, she’ll do whatever she has to do to make that happen. She was probably never told no as a child. So when she’s thwarted she thinks she’s entitled to whatever reaction she wants to have, if that’s ruining other people’s lives, so be it.  No one can be happy if she’s not. 

[meangirlsx]

I hope this isn’t too personal but as a bi/ace person, how did you realize you were bi? As an ace folk I feel like my perception of attraction is all f-ed up and I can’t figure out if I just think girls are pretty or if I’m actually into girls? It doesn’t really matter cause I’ll only ever really be able to date guys bc of my family but I want to know for me

No, not too personal at all! I’m actually really glad you asked because it’s something I struggled with a lot and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I just apologize in advance for the essay I’m writing to give you as much context and information as possible for how I figured it out. (Also I basically wrote an essay on the guys I’ve thought I loved, so it’s only right for me to write an essay like this.)

I’m totally with you, I feel like my perception of attraction is about as reliable as a broken clock: maybe right occasionally but otherwise not much help.

I never questioned whether or not I was interested in guys. It was expected and assumed. I never really understood things people would talk about or show in media, like people just not being able to control themselves or people getting excited over events like Broadway Bares, but I never doubted my interest in guys.

In that same vein, despite going to an alternative high school where we talked a lot about LGBTQIA+ topics and I had a lot of friends who were out, it never occurred to me that I could be interested in anyone other than guys. I can look back now at a lot of situations growing up and see the times I mistook interest in a girl for admiration or just thinking she was insanely cool.

The first time I ever questioned being straight, I think I was 14 and I was doing a Romeo and Juliet balcony scene project with a friend who actually was going to come out as a trans man the next year. (The only reason I’m sharing that is because I don’t want to misgender him now but it’s obviously relevant that I didn’t know yet that he’s a man.) When I was watching the footage back to edit, I caught a sweet gesture in his Romeo monologue to me that gave me total butterflies and I found myself watching it over and over. I decided by the end of the week that I wasn’t actually interested in him, and then proceeded to convince myself I was straight again until I was 21.

I was at a regional theatre convention with my college department and we’d seen one of the schools perform a show earlier in the day. The girl who played the lead was absolutely incredible. Later in the day, I was on a bus waiting to go back to the hotel, and I saw that school in line to also board the bus, including the girl. I thought I was just a little starstruck, but my head was spinning as they all got on and she made her way toward the back of the bus where I was to let people continue to get on. She asked if she could sit next to me and I thought my heart was going to explode it was beating so fast.

Normally, when people sit next to me who I don’t know, we both do things on our phones so we don’t have to talk to a stranger. I had absolutely no intention of picking up my phone if there was any chance she wanted to talk to me. And she did. And I truly about died. It turned out that she’d had a rehearsal during a class I attended that she’d wanted to go to, and I’d taken extreme notes, so I offered to send them to her and gave her my phone to give me her email, but I didn’t clarify that. She put in her number. I did not shut up about her for the last two days of the trip or the following week.

Being in a very liberal college theatre group, of course my friends were all super excited and supportive, and one of the adults on the trip with us is bisexual and she was actually a big help and encouragement as I settled into the realization that I wasn’t just starstruck by this girl.

I didn’t have my first full-on crush on a girl until a little later into the year with a new girl in the department. I don’t even remember realizing I liked her. Just all of a sudden, every time I was around her, all those reactions started happening again. And we were in the same friend group, so we were around each other a lot.

She would enter the same room as me and I would have trouble focusing. She would smile at me or laugh at a joke I made and I would almost short-circuit. I had to pin her into this weird top for a costume and I would get a little shaky every time. She would text the group chat and I would just stare at my phone. One time, she hugged me and kept her hands on my waist as we pulled back and she just met my eyes and smiled at me and I am genuinely not sure I have ever short-circuited so hard over a crush.

So that’s how I’ve learned to recognize the signs for myself. I had the same kind of reactions that I had with guys I liked. My head spun, my heart raced, my brain would either never shut up or totally shut down, I found myself going out of my way to spend time with her or just be in the same room as her. I’d see her and I’d get that cheesy warm, fuzzy feeling. I’d get really nervous in a way I never got around other friends. 

That being said, my feelings for the girl on the bus and my friend felt so different from what I’d felt before. With my friend, in particular, I’ve never been more sure of a crush. I felt everything more strongly. I’m a pro at finding reasons to stop liking someone so much, and I couldn’t find a single one with her. I could talk myself out of wanting to pursue any crush in college, but the only reasons I had for not telling her how I felt were that the thought completely terrifies me with anyone, I wasn’t sure how she felt and didn’t want to mess up the friendship, and I was about to graduate while she would still be in college for a long time. All outside things. Nothing to do with her.

And it did take me a while to understand it. I think I actually more typically get crushes on guys, so that made it even harder to figure out. Honestly, talking about it helped me a lot. It was easier to make sense of it when I had friends getting excited with me and freaking out over how they hadn’t seen me like that about a crush before.

Being on here helped me, too. I was still scared to talk to friends out loud, so it helped to see what people on here said and find things I could relate to. Actually, one of the first signs I just didn’t realize was that I was starting to read and even write female character x reader fics and trying to convince myself it was for curiosity and expanding my writing.

The one other thing I can think of that helped me was overthinking things the way I always do. It made me try to analyze my own feelings in a way I never had before. I tried to imagine dating this girl. The thought scared me, but because I was starting to realize that dating anyone intimidated me and was an entirely separate problem. Also, being ace does add a new layer of navigation. But when I was first really trying to figure out if I liked her, I imagined how I would feel if she liked me. I realized I would feel a kind of excitement I wasn’t sure I’d ever even felt before, and that was my answer.

It doesn’t have to be any of my business how your family feels, but if you want to talk about that, I’m here. I totally understand that it’s SUCH a difficult situation to be in, but if this is who you are, no one has the right to tell you otherwise or how to live your life. I know that’s a lot easier said than done. But you don’t have to live your whole life the way your family wants.

I can’t speak from experience not having a supportive family. I told my mom as soon as I got home from the theatre convention. But it’s been 3 years, now, and I haven’t told my brother or my dad. I know they’ll be incredibly supportive. I know it won’t cause problems. But the thought still scares me. The idea of anything having to change scares me. The thought of actually physically having the conversation terrifies me.

So I don’t mean to make it sound like I understand having an unsupportive family. I’m so sorry if that’s your situation. I do understand being scared, though, and feeling like you have to cut yourself off from pursuing something for the sake of not having to deal with it. I can’t preach about living as your most honest, authentic self when I’m not there yet, either. But I’m here with you if you want a friend while you navigate this potential new territory.

The last thing I’ll say is this: once I got over my initial shock and set aside other influences so that I could just focus on myself first, I felt so happy. I felt excited. And I felt free. It kind of felt like a rebirth. Things made sense that never had before. I felt like I’d just opened up a new world for myself. Obviously, we live in a world where it’s not simple and easy and automatically accepted by everyone. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find all the good there is.

[alexmanesairstream]

I've been seeing a lot of this nonsense that Carina spewed about Alex being at fault for not telling Maria of his and Michael's relationship also being perpetrated by Michael / Miluca stans and I just can't ignore it any longer. So a few things (Point 4 is the most important if you don't feel like reading the entire rant) :

Alex does not owe anyone an explanation of who he is in a relationship with under any circumstances. No one does. Literally no one ever is obligated to disclose their relationship status or person they're with to anyone- even your best friend or closest family member. So I really don't understand how Carina could be using this narrative as justification for anything. It's beyond absurd to suggest that anyone has to ever disclose their relationship/ partner to another person.

With Alex specifically, the above statement is even more relevant because not only is Alex's relationship with Michael heavily associated with what I'm willing to bet is Alex's most traumatic abusive encounter with his father but also throughout Alex's entire life his sexuality has been something he was taught to be ashamed of and keep hidden. It makes perfect sense that Alex never told anyone. In fact, I've always found it really hard to believe that he told Maria about museum guy at all. It doesn't make sense that he would tell her about him after the trauma from what Jesse did but for some reason he decided to do that. It's extremely evident that Alex was terrified of his father and what he was capable of; so his relationship with Michael was also specifically kept to himself because of fear. It's really not difficult to get to that conclusion people.

Throughout the missing decade, we don't know exactly what Malex's relationship was like. My best assumption is that it was brief encounters that lasted as long as Alex's leave in Roswell. Also, Alex was an airman in the military at a time when policies like DADT were in place and he presumably had to actively hide that part of himself from everyone around him. So it's ludicrous to expect Alex to have disclosed their relationship (which was likely undefined and them just sleeping together when he had leave in Roswell) to anyone when it could very much jeopardise his career, and more importantly his life (read up on DADT and the dangers to lgbt service members serving during that time).

Michael himself was still very much 'in the closet'. At no point is it made clear to us that Michael was openly bisexual. In fact, it's very clear in s1 that he would appear as straight to almost everyone in Roswell aside from maybe Max and Isobel (I'm also just going to ignore Max's comment about Michael being gay bc it made no sense in context whatsoever firstly for Max to be so ignorant and also bc Max and everyone else had specifically seen Michael with women. There is no indication whatsoever that he had been with men at all other than Alex). Also, Michael's reaction to Max knowing about Alex shows us that he too kept Malex as a secret and while I won't delve into the reasons for that, it is important to note that Michael also kept Alex as a secret. Lastly and most importantly, Carina stated that the scene outside the trailer with Max "it's just him you know. Screws me up" is Michael being ashamed of his sexuality. So if that was the case at the time according to Carina- the show runner and writer, how could she possibly suggest that Alex (who knew that he was the only guy Michael had been with) should have essentially outed Michael on his sexuality by telling Maria (someone who was not even friends with or had anything to do with Michael) about their relationship (that Michael also was not comfortable telling people about re: max!). Literally cannot make this shit up. It simply is absurd. If you're going to gaslight Alex due to your own failures in storytelling and writing, at least be consistent in the absurd narrative you're using to justify yourself.

Lastly, I want to end this by saying something I saw on here the other day about how clear it is that the people hating on Alex and defending Michael/ Maria are children who don't understand the prolonged effects of trauma and abuse and those defending Alex being adults who know better. It's so very clear to me seeing the type of responses from Michael/ Maria stans and how they're worded and their justifications that there is in fact a very large age gap in the fandom that exists (so I guess Netflix was right classifying this show as a teen show huh 👀)

[howtotrainyouragents]

Agent H’s Book Reactions

 Isle of Blood and Stone by Makiia Lucier

The sudden appearance of two maps unlocks the mystery behind the disappearance of the princes of Del Mar

-It seems mean of me to rant about the bad things about this book because I know it’s not hugely known, from a smaller publisher/author, it’s #ownvoices, and I believe in giving books like this a fair, even generous, chance. But that being said...I have a lot to complain about.

-How- HOW- is it possible to take a book with a such a gripping premise, and make it the most boring book ever? 

-Maybe this is just me, but I believe that the story should have started by the time you’re 100 pages in.

-Okay, I think there’s at least one major reason it’s so boring: the worldbuilding gets in the way of the story. This book is a great example of detailed attention to the everyday lives and society of the characters, but there’s just. too. much. of. it. You drop the worldbuilding essentials in the beginning and then you get going with the plot, only stopping to fill in worldbuilding when it’s relevant or when you need to create breathing room. This book drops in worldbuilding factoids literally so often that I started a (nonalcoholic bc I’m responsible) drinking game from it. Like, cool backstory but none of this random shit matters?? Tell me about the maps and the princes, I don’t really care about the society that much when it’s so irrelevant to the plot.

-Oh my goodness, the fact that there’s an entire sequence where Elias almost gets the plague and then doesn’t and the entire thing is not even important to the plot really capture my frustrations with the lost potential of this book. Like, someone ring Chekov, I think I found his gun unused. 

-I am so grateful that there were the spirits of Javelin and the sea serpent because otherwise I would have straight up murdered this book for being so boring.

-Maybe this is just my pet peeve, but she switches between using non-contractions for her characters to sound formal, and using contractions to make them sound natural and it’s just really inconsistently done. Please pick one and stick to it; it’ll be less jarring

-I do wish that the book had alternating POV between Elias, Mercedes, and Ulises rather than 95/5/1 split between Elias, Mercedes, and Ulises respectively (which by the way, probably another pet peeve, but that’s a terrible way to split POV. Either keep it to one character or split evenly don’t just randomly jump for like a quarter-chapter and then come back to the main narrator). Like they all had skin in the game and it could have been really interesting to see how this journey is affecting all of them. Elias was not compelling enough to be the main POV. Mercedes definitely was (I wouldn’t have minded if it was from all her POV). Ulises maybe not but he could have if he’d gotten some attention.

-I’m not even sure where to start with Elias. We had one great intro scene of him, and then the next scene he’s literally throwing a temper tantrum to all his friends/mentors/leaders. That got me way off on the wrong foot with him. He’s supposed to be a kind of a rogue and a troublemaker, but his personality is honestly just kinda bland and a little depressing. He’s like top of the game, so there’s no rooting for him. And then he doesn’t do the obvious, right thing by taking Reyna on as his apprentice but hands her off to someone else after there was so much build up. And then like, I know this quest was personal for him, but I feel like Mercedes and Ulises had much more interesting and bigger stakes at hand; I would much rather see them struggle with the implications of this quest then see Elias dance around this and not really struggle with it.

-Look, I get that Mercedes is actually totally an appropriate name for the regional/historical setting, but it’s also an incredibly famous modern name, and this right here is a great example of the Tiffany Problem= the name Tiffany was actually a common Medieval name but it can’t be used in fantasy because it’s too modern looking and would seem unrealistic to the audience. I mean, Lucier, good for you for going for it anyway but it did throw me for a loop (and that’s on me, I knowww)

-Oh cool, so the war against Mondrago was completely unjustified. That’s shitty. They can rebuild the nation, but they’ll never admit the truth and give the people justice. That’s super shitty.

-There’s so many things about this book that made me angry, but the fact that it tried to make me feel sympathetic for Mercedes because one (1) old woman spat at her (and missed her, mind you) is like way at the top. I think Mercedes being half-Mondragan is fascinating (although it’s mitigated by the fact she’s  royalty so it’s not like she was ever in danger of discrimination), but we never see her facing the dangers of her ethnicity. The one (1) incident we see is that a woman spat her, and then Elias and Ulises are all up in arms and they all spend the rest of the book being angry about it. Like, I get it, if someone I loved was spat at, I’d feel the same way. But as a reader, you have to make me care. You have to show me the injustice she faces because of her identity (she’s in danger, she can’t get work, she’s not safe outside, take your pick, it doesn’t have to be gritty,). I’m not saying this from a “POC facing racism shows realism” perspective, I’m saying this as a reader, we need her to have real, serious stakes in the game in order for her and FOR US to be invested in her journey. There needs to be some struggle so that there’s satisfaction when the truth is revealed and the Mondragans are innocent (although, see above point). Otherwise. It’s. Just. Boring.

-You can tell the author really really liked Reyna (especially since the second book is about her??), but I really really did not care about her at all. Like I thought she was a sweet kid, but she really did not need to have the plot/emotional/character signficance that she did when 1) it’s super weird having this mature-for-her-age 9 year old amongst all these young adults/adults  and 2) more time spent with her meant less time spent with characters who actually mattered, i.e. Mercedes, Ulises, Lord Silva

-I wanted way more of Ulises, but I will conceded that that’s because of my ultimate weakness for royal men.

-Also this book feels the compelling need to spell everything out. Which is annoying but fine except for the one time that it doesn’t spell it out and it should have:

-The reveal of the villain made no sense?? I was sitting in the bookstore cafe and I think everyone was giving me weird looks because I kept throwing my hands up and cursing. IT MADE NO SENSE. Those were the most tenuous clues put together ever, and then Elias doesn’t tell anyone or even the audience. He just decides to ride night and day only to stop at the edge of a cliff and not his actual destination. That idiot. The reveal of the villain helper ALSO MADE NO SENSE, just for the record

-At least the reveal of Elias’ father was obvious and kinda cathartic

-The mystery of the disappearance was also pretty well done and I’ll give her that. It was sad and complicated and I at least kinda understand why the characters made those choices? BUT, there was one thing that I refuse to accept: They expect us to believe that FIVE soldiers took out TWENTY royal guards and kidnapped multiple people??? Like, I get it, the wine was supposed to take everyone out, but if I were planning this kidnapping, I would not take the risk. I’d bring thirty guys just in case. I’m not frightened for the characters with less than half a dozen attackers; bring me the squad and make it a double and then we’ll talk. 

-I didn’t hate the romance of the story, which is rare for me and YA, so that’s something

-Despite what this may look like, I didn’t hate this book. I’d recc it to the right person. But I’d spent a long time hoping to read this book, and I think I’m just a little disappointed by the lost potential and super frustrated by the dullness

-Why is it called Isle of Blood and Stone?? Why is the series Tower of Winds??Am I just dumb? Bitch, I might be

[operationoverdrive]

power morphicon diary (2018)

twitter thread with pics and such ✨✨✨

now to recap the greatest weekend of my life:

brennan mejia (tyer, dino charge red)

the first ranger i met, his line was always really long i love my relevant king. i was shaking and speechless pearl had to speak for me, she told him i loved all latinx rangers and he said “good!”. he told us everyone got to keep 8 items from the set and he kept his energem, tyler’s boots, his dad’s bracelet, tyler’s red puffy vest (for me ofc), and other stuff idr because he was so beautiful i was physically unable to breathe. 

later kat was reminiscing and said “i can’t believe azim had a mental breakdown because of us” and we turned the corner and a voice said “azim had a mental breakdown” GUESS WHO IT WAS! we all screamed, kat ran back around the corner but we all did end up in the elevator together and he was very chill even tho we were all wrecks

selwyn ward (tj, turbo red/in space blue)

idr planning to get a pic with selwyn but he has a magnetic forcefield that draws people to him and no one was in his line so he talked to us for a while and asked if we preferred turbo or space and which episode was our fave and he actually remembered the plot of mine (the curve ball). he was tight-lipped when we asked if he was in the anniversary even tho we pointed out a pic of him and chrysti was posted (BY HIM), it was so adorable he was squirming so much. 

later we saw him while waiting for our car and we SCREAMED and he rushed right over and gave us all hugs and told us to make sure to come see him (he corrected himself when he saw pearl and remembered we’d already been)

brandon jay mclaren (jack, spd red)

i asked him to sign a marriage license and he almost died laughing, he was so happy. fyi he has never been proposed to by a fan before so @everyone in the world i need you to step it the fuck up

jorge vargas / adam tuominen (blake and hunter, ninja storm navy and crimson)

my first sighting of them was while we were waiting for our tickets and they were going to check in, as soon as i recognized jorge i screamed my lungs out and he was utterly bewildered but he waved while adam was living for it. everyone around me looked at me like we did NOT just see the actors of our generation and i chastised them all for failing at life. when they came back around jorge had his phone out to film the crowd and i screamed even louder and he waved really big and BLEW A KISS IN MY DIRECTION AND I ASCENDED TO HEAVEN

when i finally was able to meet them to take pics pearl had to drag me over and she immediately let jorge know i was his biggest fan and was the girl who shrieked every time she saw him. he came right around and gave me a big hug!!!! i couldn’t really talk to him for long nor do i remember what we talked about because i mean how do you hold yourself together in front of someone that means so much to you??? YOU DON’T THAT’S HOW!

it was easier to talk to adam bc i could actually remember how to breathe. he told us jorge was the second oldest in the cast even tho he was supposed to be hunter’s baby brother so it was a strange contradiction but he loved playing an older brother. he said he and jorge hung out just the two of them alot to strengthen their bond (i asked if they got drunk together and he laughed and said “well i wasn’t gonna say it but yes”. i told him hunter was a pink ranger and he laughed and said “Yea first male pink ranger!!!”

i saw them again when we were in line for the atm and this time they definitely recognized me and waved really big i love those thunder punks

megaforce panel

this was the only panel i went to bc pr fans don’t know how to act so they’re all boring or frustrating but thankfully the megacast is charming as hell and made every second entertaining and engaging

andrew and christina were late but when christina walked in i guess we screamed really loud because when she asked if we missed her john mark said “yes the christina masterson fan club is right there” and pointed to our group in the crowd

some fan asked them about the vrak is back two parter and the entire cast was like scrambling to remember if that was even an episode of their series, azim started talking about fight scenes and crates and confused vrak with vekar so i decided to yell that its the episode where robo knight dies and cameron was like “that must’ve been an episode my morpher was coincidentally turned off” and i was like “no you dummy you were kidnapped! orion was sleeping beauty!!” and he cracked up. john mark told me to calm down.

i asked christina if she prepared or studied anything about photography since emma is very passionate about it and she said her boyfriend at the time was a photographer and she was a model so she knew some basics and became a photographer herself

tracy lynn cruz (ashley, turbo/in space yellow)

even tho we were second in line we had to wait FOREVER bc some dude kept asking her about monsters. we ended up talking to her son who was helping with her booth and he was really nice! her husband was also there and wearing her merch it was so cute! i told tracy she needed to start a fashion line based on ashley’s wardrobe and when i almost forgot my debit card she told me “oh wait i can use this to start my fashion business”

davi santos (ivan, dino charge gold)

quite possible my favorite interaction of the entire con??? we approached him right as he arrived so we were the first to meet him! pearl and i were basically gushing as soon as we made it to the table and he was so confused bc we kept talking at the same time. i congratulated him on the new show and he said he hopes we all enjoy it. his booth was so cute, he was selling energems but the signs specifically said “zandarian energems” and his sign advertising his social media said “thine twitter, thine instagram, thine facebook” bc he’s a fucking NERD. he let me wear his jacket which was real and from the show, specifically from the episode sync or swim where they made a bunch of replica’s bc of the scene where they have to ruin it. he also kept his glasses on bc i asked him if we could be glasses twins and did ivan’s famed duck mouth selfie with me. then he hugged me and i died

azim rizk (jake, megaforce black/super mega green)

he recognized us as soon as we approached his booth and said he noticed our little “cluster” because we were so loud at the panel dkhgfmdg. he was literally the easiest person to talk to i could’ve spent all day talking about megaforce and how much i love it with just him. he was selling jake pins for FIVE DOLLARS and i told him to raise his prices bc he is hashtag worth it and also to make jake hoodies (he was wearing his one from the show!) and sell them and we would all be his investors. we were holding each other for the pic and he looked right at me and his face was really close so i screamed “omhy god don’t look at me” and he was like “oh sorry” so yea gia moran found dead in a ditch

the second time we saw him pearl recapped here

at one point when we were chilling behind his booth cameron was like ??? and i was like “we’re his security team please don’t look him directly in the eye” and he laughed. azim literally could not stop hugging us he was so cuddly and soft!!!!!!! he also told us he brought his spandex with him and if it would be Too Much if he put them on and were like no bitch that would be the best thing ever why is no one else doing it, but then i called him a nerd when he actually ended up wearing it just bc we told him too and he was like “Yes.”

christina The Main Event masterson (emma, megaforce/super mega pink)

my darling my angel my being of light the sweetest human to ever live, she was so kind and easygoing but the first time i met her i could not speak. the first time my brain turned to slime so i think all i told her was that emma was my favorite ranger of all time and i loved her so much and pearl brought up all the times emma kicked ass and i think i interjected with “the halloween baking episode!” and she said she didn’t like that episode bc emma didn’t get to dress up. pearl asked what emma would’ve been and she said a monarch butterfly we stan an intellectual

i took a second pic with her bc i am That Emma Stan aka i bought a child-sized megaforce pink t-shirt and squeezed into it just for the aesthetic. i was better about speaking this time and told her i loved her syfy movies truth or dare but how dare she make me watch her awful death scene, she told me her dad also hated that scene but we talked about how we loved that her character chose to take her destiny into her own hands. when i brought up zombie shark she cringed a little but i told her i thought it was a fun movie and she said she loved playing a shark. i asked if she got tips from john mark since he’s a shark ranger and she said “as if”, she and ciara had also commandeered all the boys’ helmets for some reason it was adorable. i told her the girls rightfully owned them anyway and she smiled. they were so many babies in line for the girls and they kept calling them by their character names it was the most heartwarming thing ever to hear a small child squeak out “hey gia!” I LVOE POWER RANGERS MEGAFROCE

hector david jr. (mike, samurai green)

first saw him at the valet and kat is the one who pointed him out like “He....” and we all started screaming and as he gains life from such activities he immediately rushed over and gave us all a huge group hug bc he is an angel sent from heaven

he was announced like one hour before the con so they literally just shoved him into najee’s booth it was so funny bc all the merch was blue ranger (i got a kevin t-shirt!) and hector’s one green ranger helmet. i told hector to sell me the shirt off his back and he said he’d think about it since it matched my outfit kdnhnkd. he kept doing flips and jumping over the table bc he’s part grasshopper i guess. when kat took her picture we had to wait while he did a flip and kat asked najee what was up with him and najee was like “thats just hector” lmao. i asked hector why he and brittany were the only rangers that didn’t get an intro scene where their helmets flashed and he said it all just boiled down to the writing but that we haven’t seen the last of mike and he wants to come as a villain so i’m like 👀🔍📝 noted. when we took our pic i l layed my head on his shoulder and he said “my prom date right here” and morphicon became little mix’s love me like you mv as he also agreed to be ben’s prom date i love hector david jr with all my heart. again SO MANY BABIES IN LINE FOR THE SAMURAI RANGERS!!! the kid ahead of us asked if the samurizer that najee had was real or was it a toy CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE

anna hutchison (lily, jungle fury yellow)

while in line for the atm we saw her entering and i screamed “we love you anna!” and she waved and smiled at us she’s so ethereal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kat and i were the first (paying) people in line, she had lily figurines all over her table i love jungle fury’s number one stan. she is literally the sweetest person ever and so engaging. kat told her it was an absolute power move that she wore red instead of yellow and anna said she did it so she could lead the morph for once, i told her that lily could absolutely lead in yellow just fine and she laughed and agreed. when we were taking our pic kat mentioned how i didn’t like how some of my previous pics had turned out and anna said she’d wait until i signed off on them and we could retake them if i didn’t like them QUEEN OF CHARITY!! her handler was...really bad and the pics came out all shaky as soon as we saw them she and i exchanged looks and anna was like “uh yeah let’s try again” i still didn’t like how they came out but i stayed quiet the second time bc i was grateful enough to be in the presence of a literal heavenly being. she asked what other parts of the convention we were looking forward too and i told her she was the main event because we had been waiting for her all day and she hugged me!!! blonde yellow rangers respect ur leader

andrew gray (troy, megaforce/super mega red)

this man printed out an article that explained why super megaforce was the strongest team in power rangers history and cited it during the panel fuck everyone else i RESPECT HIM. when we came up to his booth i picked up the article and said he should have it on display and he told me i could keep the paper copy because he had A PRESERVED DISPLAY COPY ANDREW LOVES MEGAFORCE MORE THAN ANYONE. he was also the epitome of beauty and has the most intense nature about him so it was hard to think of things to say. i just told him i loved troy and he said “that’s cool man”, a chill legend. when we did our photo op he kept trying to talk to us and asked to see how the pic turned out a few times but my mouth just could not form words around him, years of academy training wasted.

katrina browne / katrina devine (marah and kapri, ninja storm)

literally the most excited and affectionate ladies at the con they were so happy to talk to people i told them that marah and kapri were the greatest villainesses of all time. they were so adorable and didn’t know what i was talking about when i said “let’s do the charlie’s angels pose!” so i had to show them. it was their first con and i asked them to please come back and they said it was so much fun so they really wanted to!

jack guzman (danny, wild force black)

he made a Comment and had me like ..........................give me my money back, but i got a cool danny jacket and i love it and i love danny delgado what’s a jock gizmo

mike ginn / li ming hu (gem and gemma, rpm silver and gold)

APPARENTLY my snake friends told mike ginn about me and how much i loved gem and gemma and how excited i was to meet them but that i was really shy around my faves so when he came over to take the pic and i told him my name he was like “omg you’re shy tabby!” and i immediately died. he kept trying to tell me it was okay and i was just giggling so much and trying to fake run away and li ming told mike to stop embarrassing me it was so cute. he asked for a hug to calm me down and he was so gentle i love him.

later when kat and i walked past mike’s booth he yelled “hey there’s tabby!” I HATE HMI SO MCUH WHY IS HE LIEK THIS

karan ashley (aisha, mmpr yellow)

she was selling so much merch we stan an entrepreneurial queen. i told her that i stan all mexican rangers and she said “yes i love that!”. she hugged me and told me that she loved that i was Ready with my cute pose and i told her it’s bc she emits cuteness energy and i thrived off of it but she said it came from me so i guess you could say we’re dating

other sightings

mike chat (chad, lightspeed blue): was hanging out at the beast morphers unveiling and i saw him and was like....,,,,,.,.,.oh myog do........ITC HAD!!!!!!!! but he had like a ring of handlers around him and the panel was going on and he wasn’t there as an official guest (he trained those auditioning for beast morphers including the 3 cast!!) so i didn’t approach him but he was wearing an all blue suit so thank you for my life

cerina vincent (maya, lost galaxy yellow): saw her as she was walking to the con and she recognized us when she saw me and kat standing in another line she’s literally sunshine personified

kevin kleinberg (trip, time force green): a bunch of people got into the elevator and it got too full for us but i noticed one of the men looked familiar and then it hit me “OH MYGOD YOU’RE KEVIN KLEINBERG ITS KEVIN KLEINBERG!” he smiled real big and waved and told me he liked my shirt (megaforce) as the doors closed, then i reminded everyone it was trip from time force and no one but me is valid 

alycia purrott (syd, spd pink) +2: i talked to her while kat was getting her pic and asked why a full version of syd’s hit single was never released and she said she’d love to get hands on the original recording. i told her that it’d be the perfect SPD reunion if they all shot a music video together and she agreed. kat met all the spd rangers so i also spoke a bit to matt austin (bridge) and chris violette (sky) and matt said chris stole his poster design from greg and i said “that’s such a sky move” and he cracked up. i asked chris if he was having fun at the con and he said of course but i told him he didn’t have to lie and he gave me a look and said “i know right” and laughed, the spd cast is so funny

i also saw will shewfelt eating lunch, he was with his entire family which was adorable that they all came to see him at his power ranger event and his brother looks EXACTLY like him but tiny

anyway i love morphicon and power rangers and the hell clique and all you pr fans need to step it up and ask better questions at panels and be nicer to the actors and also do research and learn all their faces so ur not looking around wondering why i am screaming my head off because some lady passed by (IT WAS KARAN ASHLEY YOU UNGRATEFUL BRATS!!!!!)

can it be 2020 now?

[i-want-my-iwtv]

Lestat, Louis is a sad sack of a man and doesn’t really seem to be worth loving. Ok so he’s “beautiful” that’s not enough to make a relationship last. Why is Louis worth loving?

//ooc: This is another fairly old ask, from November, 2017. I think anon was trying to rile Lestat by calling Louis “a sad sack of a man and doesn’t really seem to be worth loving.” Limiting him to just being “beautiful.” And while it is fun to rile Lestat and see how he reacts, idk… I was kind of taken aback by this and I had too many thoughts about it to have Lestat respond flippantly, which he would have. I think Lestat either gets defensive about loving Louis, or just dismisses these kinds of comments, one less person for him to compete with for Louis’ attention, lol.

TL;DR: I think when ppl ask that, part of where they may be coming from is that THEY feel like a “sad sack” who’s maybe not worth being loved, especially by the main character in a series, a flashy glittery murder machine. They worry that even if they’re loved for being “beautiful” that that really isn’t enough for a relationship, and that’s absolutely true, if we’re defining beauty as superficial characteristics. The beauty of Louis, to me, is in his character, and the emotions of the scene. 

I’ve written a lot about what draws me, as a reader, to love Louis, probably the best stuff is in my #we appreciate and love louis in this house tag. But I’ll try not to go overboard and answer you here, anyway!

I think the deal with describing Louis as *~SO beautiful~* is partly that, hey, it’s fun to do, like having a favorite flower, and AR takes the opportunity to remind us of it, and put the camera on him in a scene, so we know he’s present. It also serves a purpose, we usually get at least a scrap of context about him and/or the scene:

“I glared at him, at the sharp graceful angles of his imperturbable face, […] his wide-set eyes, with their fine rich black lashes. How perfect the tender indentation of his upper lip.” -Lestat, The Tale of the Body Thief

^Let’s take this line and unpack it a little:

Lestat glares at Louis. –> Lestat is clearly pissed.

Louis’ imperturbable face –> Louis is not scared of Lestat being pissed.

And then Lestat lavishes this extra description on him, appreciatively. Attention on the lip area, now we’re picturing him pointedly staring there, which might precede a kiss, so we can infer that Lestat desperately wants to kiss him, probably. What I get from all that is the exquisite tension of Lestat wanting someone he can’t have, someone he treasures and wants even MORE bc of the difficulty. 

It’s the tension of Lestat and other characters pining for Louis that AR wrings every drop out for us, she’s showing us how helpless these other characters are that they can only try to capture Louis with descriptions since he defies being owned by anyone. Unrequited love is a powerful thing.

Bringing these back, in case anyone else missed them and want to indulge in some Louis praise/discussion:

The first anon in this series: Honestly I can’t believe how gay everyone was for Louis ask and my response

“Louis rant” anon here.

A recent Louis canon hair fanart and commentary

Reply to an anon re: “fanon has cast Louis as a beautiful, frail flower destined and carried by Lestat’s will”

Anon grateful for “that whole “gay for Louis” ask reminded me of how much I love Louis” and my invitation to anyone to send rants about loving Louis (or any VC character!)

Also somewhat relevant: thoughts on Louis having a living lineage.

So, re: Anon might be identifying with Louis: 

We can find ourselves slipping into the characters we love and identify with. Some ppl find Lestat relatable in his lust for life, self-centeredness, refusal to quit, constantly screwing up and berating himself in the narrative (but rarely being able to outright apologize to those he hurts)… a flawed character for sure but an inspiring one.

I think some ppl who relate to Louis and feel less flashy, less glamorous, there’s smtg very appealing about how such a character could be so idolized by the more flashy and glamorous one. What could such a *rockstar* like Lestat find attractive in Louis?? You said yourself Louis is a sad sack. And yes, beauty is not enough to keep a relationship going. But, as I mentioned above, Louis’ beauty is often described in a context that charges it with the emotions of the scene. At least to my reading, there’s more conveyed than just eye color.

Still, why wouldn’t Lestat demand someone who was more like himself?

But here’s the thing I think a lot of ppl miss when they’ve only seen movie!IWTV, or only read a few of the books. 

^Louis & Lestat by @garama​

I personally believe that Lestat sees in Louis a similarly wounded soul with a lust for life. At their core, neither really want to die. Louis kept getting into fights with ppl bc he couldn’t kill himself as a mortal. Lestat has stubbornly refused to die his entire life and has had plenty of reason to want death. They’ve both almost killed themselves and been brought back. There’s a similar torment in them dealing with their natures.

As an anon put it so eloquently: “I think ppl forget that Louis is just as passionate and vengeful as Lestat, it’s just that he isn’t as vocal or showy about it. He’s more intimate and intense.”

The way they communicate/express themselves, and the way they practice self-care is vastly different. Lestat builds up his beautiful shell with retail therapy, redecorating and refurbishing his dwellings, and attending all kinds of shows and making elaborate plans with his kills, just spoiling himself silly. Always down for indulging his senses. He’s chasing new experiences, learning the new slang, trying to keep himself in the latest fashions. Novelty.

Louis prefers his nights at home, low-drama, in his own creature comforts, with his books and poetry to escape into. We don’t know much of what he’s read but he seems to want to spend eternity reading. What is reading? Even if it’s nonfiction, it’s learning, being told a story, being more informed. It’s novelty, too. Escapism through the imagination.

And their personalities seem to complement each other. Lestat’s lust for adventure spices up Louis’ otherwise too-calm existence. Louis’ calm and dignified manner brings Lestat back down to earth when he gets too untethered. Their bickering is bc they care for each other, can see beneath each other’s disguises. Louis sees the frightened boy inside the frustration that makes Lestat lash out and attack first. Lestat sees the potential in Louis of someone who, if he could get over his inhibitions, could experience so much more in his life.

When AR was kind of RPing as Lestat in her #Fan Questions for Lestat series, she was asked smtg similar:

“…but if I did have to choose, the companion would be Louis. My longest most enduring friendship and love affair in this world was with Louis. And though his limitations can be maddening, they can also be as inspiring to me as his virtues… the best choices we make are not always the wise choices. Sometimes they are intensely emotional choices. And I’ve always had a deep Romantic respect for emotion. My love for Louis transcends wisdom. And I may need the pain as much as the consolation that an eternal relationship with Louis would involve.“

^This is one of those moments I talk about where I feel like she recaptures the old magic, taps into the vein (pun intended) that got us all addicted to this series in the first place. Why I can’t just discard the crackier later books. She’s not all that specific here, but it’s believable. At least, to me. Lestat admits that Louis’ limitations (and this can be so many things, things Lestat disagrees with him about as well as things Louis refuses to do) can be maddening, and inspiring. 

And he admits that his love for Louis transcends wisdom. That may be a cop-out answer, but I’ve felt that kind of love in my life. Inexplicably bound to someone, despite the math of the personalities not seeming to mesh. 

Love works in mysterious ways. Even for beautiful sad sacks and the arrogant bastards who love them

[gaarfielf]

my list of lupin movies ive watched for the sake of keeping track and making sure i dont rewatch some

Castle of Cagliostro (10)

favourite Lupin movie of all time. Fantastic art, cast, plot, everything.

Blood Seal: Eternal Mermaid (8.5)

Really good animation and really interesting plot. Another ‘Lupin has to babysit’ movie but it was treated in such a way that set it apart from other ones. He gives her a lot of good advice and overall I really enjoyed this one even if it’s kind of underrated.

Burning Memory - Tokyo Crisis (8.5)

Surprisingly good like I wasn’t expecting a 90′s Lupin movie to come for me like this but the animation is really solid and the movie itself was really funny. I also liked that Maria and Zenigata weren’t a thing like that cleared my pores.

The Bloodspray of Ishikawa Goemon (8)

The animation is fucking stellar but there were odd gaps in the movie that were really inactive. I liked the two subplots going on though like they were both interesting.

Bye Bye Lady Liberty (8)

The classic convoluted subplots worked well here tbh and the Goemon romance stuff was gunshot noise gunshot noise cash register noise. The animation had this weird glow to it but it was (almost) the 90s lol

Hemingway Papers (8)

They really got me with Goemon and Jigen going against each other and Lupin being in a relationship with someone aside from Fujiko (a relationship that was genuinely romantic) was actually pretty well done. That whole bit at the end with the karaoke machine? Amazing

Return the Treasure (7)

Another one that was really close to being perfect. The only loose ends was that the “treasure” wasn’t really explained very well (but i mean, the lead up to it was very good) and i could’ve done with more scenes with the whole gang (it seemed like there was a lot of times where it was lupin jigen and fujiko or lupin goemon and fujiko, but not enough of all of them together)

From Siberia With Love (7) 

The usual amount of humour and action from a Lupin III film and the art is pretty standard. Goemon got a few nice quotes in and Fujiko talked to a woman. Could’ve done without Rasputin but thats just me.

Elusiveness of the Fog (7)

Lupin offering Goemon to the princess was kinda funny and I actually really liked OG Mamo (not the short freak) being revitilized bc his episode in the original series was really entertaining. The history of where they were was a little wonky but I’ll give it to them this time.

Pilot Film (7)

That shit was wild i liked how jigen was introduced as the gunman and then beat the shit out of 3 police officers with his bare hands. also goemon i guess dedicates his life to killing lupin so thats fun, like he’s on zenigata’s side i guess. could’ve done with fujiko making an expression at any given time but yknow what? it was funny and it was only 12 minutes long

Another Page (7)

Surprisingly not that bad. To summarize the film as a whole I’d say: it could have been worse. The plot made sense which is more than i can say about most lupin movies and they stuck to two subplots that were both interesting and meshed pretty good by the end. And the two lady characters that got introduced didn’t betray anybody AND didn’t die.

Farewell to Nostradamus (6.5)

The animation was pretty good and I liked the whole ‘we gotta protect this kid’ thing but I always mix up this one and Bye Bye Liberty Crisis like this movie is it’s less interesting twin. Both of them have kids they need to protect but Bye Bye Liberty Crisis was just better. I feel like this one had a really good ending but aside from that the movie wasn’t that memorable for me.

Fuma Conspiracy (6.5)

i liked Goemon being in a relationship bc it was really sweet, i just wish there wouldve been a better balance of romance to plot. Also terrible voice actors but that just affected my enjoyment not really the plot or anything relevant.

Sweet Lost Night (6)

I like time shenanigans and my only two critiques are the inconsistent art quality and they seemed really hesitant to embrace time skipping. Like “he’s limited to twice before he becomes brain dead” was a little bit of a small window. If anything they missed out on a good opportunity for a classic lupin montage of him time skipping way too often. Maybe if they changed it to “you skip time every 12 hours, to every 6 hours, to every 3 hours, etc” until he stops existing?? like that seems more in line with a lupin plot not to mention a little more suspenseful.

Dead or Alive (6)

The new art style is kind of neat and didn’t really affect the personality of the characters like I thought it would. The plot itself was complicated and hard to follow but I mean, it wasn’t awful. Nothing I really hated and nothing I loved.

Jigen Daisuke’s Gravestone (6)

Handsome Jigen was cool but tcm i’m begging you to drink your Respect Women Juice. Also Goemon wasn’t in this one what the fuck was up with that. Lupin looked like a crispy toenail in the new art style but again the animation is gucci so I can’t really complain on that front.

Napoleon's Dictionary (6)

Reminded me a lot of Mamo except with more respect in women. Just kidding Fujiko was kind of a crapshoot in the end and the ending was more or less just. cut off?? like they crashed into the ocean after lupin ruined zenigatas marriage and the credits started rolling. it was weird bc it had a lot going but i guess they ran out of time for a proper ending?

Mystery of Mamo (6)

Respect Women Juice needed and also why was Goemon purple. The pros to this movie was the overall aesthetic being really attractive BUT the plot was sketchy and didn’t make a lot of sense. The only remarkable scene I remember is Jigen shooting the can by Lupin’s feet like I wish that emotion would’ve carried through the film and not ended there.

Red vs Green (5)

Really good animation, no fucking idea what happened in this film.

Walther P-38: Island of Assassins (5)

They missed an opportunity to be a little more psychological and the lady of the week dying was meh but I will say the plot stayed on course like they didnt try to do too much at once like they tend to do. I wish they would’ve delved more into lupin’s past with the doctor because that seemed kind of random but the more lethal, edgy plot was handled decently. I’ll probably forget this one in a week tbh.

Dragon of Doom (5)

I like learning more about Goemon but his girlfriend was really distracting and uneccessary. Like, if you want to introduce Goemon’s childhood friend sure its whatever but she only showed up to either threaten lupin or flirt with Goemon. And it was very obvious she was going to betray him so all her build up was pointless. I will say though, the plot was pretty cool which was surprising.

Voyage to Danger (4)

tcm I’m begging you to let Jigen talk to a woman and not have it be like ‘this is Jigens girlfriend now’. Sometimes women be talking and they aren’t thirsting for a man triple their age. It just be like that sometimes. Thats literally all I remember about this film.

First Contact (4)

I remember being excited for this like ‘oh wow their first ever meeting’ and i s2g this film was boring. And also a giant plothole. With no real redeeming qualities. I don’t even remember the animation being that good.

Columbus Files (4)

This film was at least funny bad but my hand to god I’d never watch it again. This is the first time I’ve ever watched a movie and had to watch the dub bc the sub was boring me to death. It was just... so bad... Especially when you’ve seen Wings of Death like this ain’t the Fujiko I know please leave.

Seven Days Rhapsody (3)

The comedy in this one was so weirdly incorporated and featured another really good ‘here’s Jigen’s dead girlfriend’ that i just could not care less about and then finished off with this what like 13 year old girl asking to be Lupin’s girlfriend? fuck outta here. The ONLY good part was Goemon slapping Lupin across the face.

Alcatraz Connection (2.5)

Really, really boring. The content wasn’t necessarily bad but they had 4 subplots going on that were equally uninteresting and some scenes went on for so so so long. It deadass took me 5 hours to watch this movie bc i kept pausing to do literally anything else. The art was unpleasant and by the time they got the treasure i didn’t really care anymore. Not to mention the plot was way too complicated and tin-foil hat for my liking.

Missed by a Dollar (2.5)

Made very little sense and in general was really annoying. Between Goemon being a born again Christian and the plot briefly derailing so Lupin could establish an oil company it was like can we pick something to focus on? By the end of the movie I was like wait when did they get the broach? What does the broach do again? And then he gives it to someone random and its like??

Gold of Babylon (2)

This one if the definition of being cursed and Pink Jacket deserved so much better than this nonsense. Like Lupin III isn’t known for its coherence, sure, but this movie had absolutely no structure. Upon finishing the film I was trying to remember anything that just happened and my brain refused. It kept the good cartoonish animation but god at what cost.

Angel Tactics (2)

TCM PLEASE DRINK YOUR RESPECT WOMEN JUICE. The art was just. Stunningly bad. Bad to the degree where about a minute thirty in I already regretted starting it. Not to mention the classic “we don’t actually wanna draw this part so we’re gonna jam cgi in here”. Also the most awkward use of “hey heres 3 women hey heres 3 men lets shove them together”.

Harimao’s Treasure (2)

nazis and transphobia which was extremely unfortunate considering the opening was actually one of the stronger ones I’ve seen from Lupin but immediately after the villain was introduced the quality of the film dropped about 90% and i wanted to die for the entire last half of the film. if they had changed the villain it would’ve solved 90 of their problems.

Twilight Gemini (2)

this was one of the only films in the entire lupin series where i was rooting for lupin to fucking perish. not only was goemon only in this film for 26 seconds, jigen was there for about 30 seconds and im not entirely sure if fujiko was there at all. not to be that guy but when they make lupin to be the most intolerable piece of shit in the world for this movie, don’t give him all the screen time. having to stare at this asshole for an hour and a half was exhausting.

Princess of the Breeze (2)

How a movie where Jigen has to carry a baby around in one of those funny baby-carriers turned out this fucking goddawful I have no explanation for. This movie was like an AU where all these other characters no one cares about happen to exist in the same universe as lupin. and when lupin does show up, i want him dead. Just horrifically boring and lazy art mixed with bad cgi. The only upside is that it isn’t Return of the Magician.

Return of the Magician (1)

I’m giving it a 1 on the principle that this wasn’t even a movie. It was a little less than an hour long and my god i’ve never seen a film so full of pad-time that if i can be so bold, there was more pad time than plot. What little plot they had made absolutely no sense and the art used cgi in the most bizarre and ugly ways. i’m pretty sure the credits played twice at the end. if there was a world record for lowest budget in a film, Return of the Magician would win hands down.