#I just graduated college a few months back and started my first full time job

[mv1simp]

my constant thought about max is him and virgin reader where r is saving herself for marriage and for her husband but max convinces her that doing anal means she’ll stay a virgin <33

Anon YOU EVEN MADE ME BLUSHH 🤭🤭🤭 do u know how hard that is. got me kickin and gigglin an shit, here u go u filthy animal keep the requests coming 🫶

Low Life ♥️

Max Verstappen x Horner! Reader

I been on the molly and ‘em xans with your daughter, if she catch me cheatin’ I won’t ever tell her sorry

Mad Max is back in full force with the poor Redbull strategy this season - and his boss, Christian Horner, doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it. Guess Max will just have to find some other way to get his revenge and relieve his stress…starting with his boss’s precious, spoiled daughter.

Content includes: 18+ MDNI, smut, innocent virgin!reader, who’s also a spoiled brat lol, dark! Max, blackmail, coercion, filming, VERY dubcon, anal, size kink, dom/sub, bimbofication, religious themes, EVERYTIME I WRITE A DARK MAX FIC IT KEEPS GETTING MORE NASTY GODDAMN, 5.2k WC

To say Max was pent up with rage would be an understatement. After dedicating himself tirelessly and dominating the track since his debut, the Redbull team had disappointed him this season with their pisspoor car and even poorer strategy. And to top it off, his boss was now making comments to the media about how he needed to spend less time on the sim rig the night before a race, making Max scoff. As if Horner knew more about winning a race than a 3 time world champion, Max thought angrily, yanking off his helmet as he stormed straight to his boss's office to give him a piece of his mind after another disappointing P3 finish.

Horner was having none of it, though, telling Max some bullshit about how the team needed to have a united front blah blah blah. Max has already tuned him out, cause what the fuck does he mean the team - he was the one bringing home the results every weekend, and anyone who tried to say otherwise just needed to look at the track record of Max completely dominating his teammates in equal machinery. God, he hadn’t gotten this mad in a long time, so he excuses himself rudely as he can tell he’s about to wreck something if he has to hear another one of Horner’s excuses. He wrenches open the office door just to have you stumble straight into his firm chest as you try to enter it.

You, Christian’s Horner’s daughter from his first wedding, freshly graduated from some private all girls college. He’d met you 3 months ago while you were trotting about like the spoiled little brat you undoubtedly were. No job, just using your degree as decor while you used your daddy’s fame to find yourself a rich man to spread your legs for, he had speculated, knowing just your type.

And it irritated him to no end that you looked the picture of innocence, an angelic figure in your white minidress and kitten heels and wide doe eyes, with a matching purity ring and all - even though your pretty tits and fat ass were openly ogled by many a male staff member. Max himself had to readjust his pants a few times when he’d seen you bend over.

He’d assumed you’d try to sink your gold digging claws into him soon enough, wanting some of his multimillionaire status for yourself, but you’d surprised him by skittishly avoiding him, almost looking a little scared, which he found amusing. He supposed he did dwarf your 5 foot frame though, and you had all the aura of a sweet little lamb compared to the Dutch lion. You’d surprised him again last month, when you’d introduced your dad to your pick of a first boyfriend - Tim, a docile looking, short guy who was a lowly new hire in the F4 reserve category. Too far down in the rankings to do any real benefit to your status. Conveniently, though, Tim’s father happened to own a software development app that was currently in the process of a $3 million acquisition deal. Chump change to someone like Max, but like he said, he knew your type, didn’t he?

But he’d been most surprised when he’d overheard moaning one night when he’d stayed late in the garage - and had pervily gone to investigate down the abandoned hallway and into one of the empty rooms - only to get an instant hard on at the sight of you on your knees, dress pulled down to your waist and those delicious tits out on display. So entranced by the angelic vision, Max hadn’t even noticed your loser boyfriend - till a scowl appeared on your pretty face as Tim furiously jerked his tiny dick off in front of you. He was panting and whining, sweat running down his face as he pathetically begged please, please can i touch your boobs-

You were no scared little lamb now as you snapped at him viciously. No! I told you, only looking and no touching! I promised daddy I would stay pure for my husband- Eww! Oh my god, what is that?

You’d been cut off as your boyfriend came, his small, clear load weakly spurting past his fist so that only a couple of drops landed on your caramel skin. Max had thought you’d been lying about the purity bullshit, just wanting an excuse to avoid Tim’s touch - but his eyes narrowed at your look of disgust at your boyfriend’s dick, and the genuinely puzzled expression on your face as you tried to figure out what the clear fluid that landed on you was - making the impressive semi he still rocked twitch, despite your pathetic boyfriend ruining his show. Interesting, you were still a virgin, huh?

Sure, you’d piqued his interest then, but he ignored you now as you stumble back from his hard chest, wide brown doe eyes blinking up at him. He’s still furious with Horner and starts to move past you but your aggravating father perks up, asking if you could show Max where his new drivers' room was in the refurbished wing, so that he could cool down and destress in peace after today’s race. Of course, daddy, you responded sweetly, making Max’s cock stir. He eyed you doubtfully as you lead the way. You had to know what you were doing, a grown woman using that word, right? But then again, he’d seen you call Horner by that title in a team wide press conference, making GP choke on his water next to him - so maybe not.

His anger hadn’t dissipated one bit as you approached his room, in a much more secluded area of the new wing for him to “cool down” as Horner had passively aggressively suggested. Still clearly nervous in his presence, you accidentally dropped the key you’d fished out. As you bent over to collect them, your miniskirt rose up, revealing your juicy ass peeking past your white cotton panties. Oh, he’d found the perfect way to get back at his boss, Max thought devilishly.

As you unlocked the door, he stepped in behind you, giving you no choice but to stumble inside - and then he’d casually stopped in front of the door to block your exit. You nervously twirled your keycard in your fingers, shuffling side to side.

Why don’t you sit down, he offered, we should get to know each other, yeah? You still looked like you wanted to bolt any second, but at Max’s authoritative tone you gingerly sat down on the plush couch.

He started with some generic bullshit about how he’d seen you around, you were his boss’s daughter after all, and as Horner’s best driver he should be on good terms with you too, no?

You relaxed, now looking up to meet his eyes and smiling brightly, pleased that the great Max Verstappen had come to seek your favour. You start saying that it was nice to meet him too, you’d heard lots about him, he was such an incredible driver-

You hadn’t noticed Max discreetly locking the door behind him. Stepping forward, he responded neutrally to your excited questions as he casually strips off his top layer, leaving him shirtless.

You abruptly stop talking, going pink in the face, and he asks what’s wrong, I’m just getting changed, are you a virgin or something? His mocking tone makes it clear that he still didn’t quite believe you were one. When you don’t reply, he gently lifts your face up with his large hand. And as your eyes shyly rise up to meet his, desperately avoiding looking at his broad, toned abs, there’s no faking the genuine innocence in them. I am, you stutter out. A virgin, I mean. I made a promise to daddy to wait till marriage.

You twirl your promise ring around anxiously as you say it. Max didn’t know what kind of sick brainwashing Horner had been subjecting his daughter too, but he fully intended to use it to his advantage. Really? He says slyly. Does your daddy know you let your little boyfriend jerk off on your tits?

You gasp, then glare as you demanded to know how he knew that, had he been watching, that was soo creepy and gross -

There’s the bratty angel he knew had been hiding. He cuts you off, confirming that yes, he’d been watching - but you’d been the dirty girl who seduced her innocent boyfriend in the garage for just anyone to see, hadn’t you?

You’d look outraged at his statements, but he reminded you of the power he had when he nonchalantly mentioned that he hadn’t planned on telling your father, but now that he knew about the promise you had made - well, it was his duty to let Horner know what kind of naughty things you’d been doing behind his back, right?

That had wiped the bratty glare right off your face, instead making you wide eyed and tremble with fear at the thought of your daddy finding out. You begged Max to keep your secret. Please don’t tell him, he would die, you'd do anything to stop him knowing!

Jackpot. Smirking darkly, Max pretended to consider your option before saying that he supposed he could keep it to himself if you helped him destress and relax like your father had sent you here to do, okay?

You nodded eagerly, looking up at him with those innocent doe eyes as he stepped right in front of you, watching you predatorily. His thick fingers brush along your pink lips, and his eyes darken as you instinctively take them into your mouth, sucking sweetly. Oh, you were going to be such a sweet little angel for him, he just knew it.

Within seconds he had you dropping your dress down to your waist, exposing those lush, pretty tits of yours. You blushed when he stared hungrily and ordered you to play with them, and at first you obliged and gently squeezed them, but then stopped to brattily ask just how this was supposed to help destress him, was he just being pervy again?

Great point, he said, and sat down next to you to easily lift you into his lap, taking over and roughly palming your tits. N-no touching! You had squealed, desperately trying to escape his strong arms. Rolling his eyes, he forced you back against him, explaining that it was okay, you knew that it didn’t count if it was to help him destress, right? And besides, nothing would affect your promise to your daddy except a man’s cock actually entering your precious virgin hole-

Okay! You had said frantically to put a stop to his explicit words, face flushed. Okay, if you promise it doesn’t count, I’ll still be a virgin, right?

God, it was so cute how naive you were. You hadn’t even realised that if what Max was saying was true then there was nothing illicit with what you and Tim had done - and Max had nothing to hold over you. Right, Angel, Max promised, enjoying the dazed look you gave him at the nickname as he squeezed your tits, bending down to take a pretty nipple into his mouth. It doesn’t count.

And that was how Max had his boss’s innocent little daughter wrapped around his fingers, ready to do whatever he asked of her, as long as he kept your secret. It was such a rush, having his way with you right under your father’s nose, being able to punish you for his crimes and ruining you more and more each time Horner pissed him off - and oh, did he piss Max off constantly.

So the next race, he’d had you fully strip for him, and yes, even those cute panties, Angel, when you’d whined, embarrassed from his intense gaze. You’d bit your lip and slid them off, obediently spreading your legs and gently playing with yourself like he’d asked, using unfamiliar movements. Soon enough you’d become accustomed to Max’s hungry stares at your innocent parts and began thrusting your tiny fingers inside your virgin cunny, because it had started to feel sooo good and soo tingly down there, and you’d never felt like that before.

You’d become distracted, closing your eyes from the sensation and when you opened them you shrieked, because Max was now standing right above you, greedily looking down at your petite form as he stroked his own private parts - called a cock, he’d made you repeat. He’d also warned you never to scream again in his room, or he’d gag you next time and tell your dad about Tim. You pouted, nodding obediently, but whining that you got scared Maxie, why was it so big, so angry, was it going to hurt you?

Of course not, Angel he’d reassured at the next race again, this time making you sit next to him, naked except for your kitten heels and a lacy blue thong he’d had delivered to your house - your father as clueless as ever when he handed the package over to you. It won’t hurt you, he promised, but it's very hard from stress and needs you to help drain it, okay?

He’d guided you to his large cock, smirking evilly as you struggled to grip him even with two hands. He moved one large hand over both of yours, showing you how to jerk him off the way he liked. You’d picked it up very quickly, innocently asking him why Tim's cock was so much tinier that his. Cause, Angel, I'm just a better man than he is, he had said with a chuckle. Oh, you had said, then - I hope my husband is a good man then, and has a big cock like you.

Oh, Jesus. Max was definitely going to hell after this. Feeling his peak approaching, he ordered you onto your knees, making you hold your tits up - and then proceeded to cover them with his thick, creamy release, so much of it that it dripped down onto your stomach - and much more than the time you had seen Tim’s cock explode. You’d almost screamed again but bit your tongue at the last minute, remembering Max’s threat last time. But it didn’t stop you from glaring up at him, brattily asking what this gross stuff was, eww, you didn’t want it on you-

That’s fine, Max had said cooly. That’s fine, because next time he'd make you drink it all instead. Your eyes went wide at that, tears forming and you adamantly denied Max, saying you’d never do something like that, it sounded pervy and dirty.

But your reluctance meant nothing to Max, as he smirked at you from your fathers side the next day, whispering something in his ear that had your daddy looking over at you and an icy chill running down your back. You were petrified as you got a text from your father to come see him in his office now, walking in on the verge of tears only to have him smile delightedly at you because Max mentioned you’d been very supportive of his races lately, it’s been a big reason why he’s so much more of a team player these days, so proud of you for helping the team, sweetie!

You’d accepted his praise, blushing from the attention, and later had dutifully wandered back to Max’s room to greet him after the race. He smirked at finding you there, already naked except for a pink lacey thong and heels, on your knees for him, shyly thanking him for keeping your secret and saying such nice things to your daddy. Of course, Angel, he murmured, unzipping himself. You know just how to say thank you then, hmm? And you obediently nodded, jerking him off like he’d taught you, then licking and sucking on his cock when he asked, and then taking all of his length inside your eager throat at his command, gagging the whole way as he tutted disapprovingly at you, taking over and controlling the pace with his large hands. It had really hurt your tiny mouth, and you couldn’t speak properly afterwards, but seeing Maxie swear and tell you how good you were doing, how he never wanted to let you go, made that tingly feeling come back in between your legs again. Instead of ignoring it like you normally did, this time you couldn't resist fingering yourself, thong pushed the side as you shoved your fingers inside your wet cunny.

Maxie had gone breathless seeing that, and then he tensed before you felt his warm, sticky thick cum fill your mouth. You swallowed every drop, opening your mouth afterwords for him to inspect. Good girl, he said, patting your head. My sweet angel, you drained my stress so well. Oh, so that’s what it was, you say innocently. I’m glad I made you feel better, Maxie.

After that, there were no races for a whole month as the paddock went into summer break. You had thought you’d be glad for the relief from Maxie and his mean demands, but you found yourself texting him often, missing his loving kisses and touches after you helped relieve his stress, missing the tingly feeling you got when he looked predatorily at you spread open for him.

You’d been shocked when you opened your eyes as a shadow had blocked out the sun while you were sunbathing at your family’s St Tropez holiday home, only to find Max grinning down at you, saying your dad had invited him to come for the week. Had you been doing your homework? You nodded diligently, looking at the banana you’d been practising swallowing whole without gagging to copy the dirty video Max had texted you of a petite woman eagerly sucking a very big cock - he must be a good man, you’d thought, just like your Maxie.

Secretly, you were so glad he was here, shooting him looks over the dinner table as he sung praises about what a good friend you’d been to him, helping him get back to P1, making your daddy proudly pat your head. And after dinner when everyone had gone to bed, he joined you in the hot tub to unwind. You’d excitedly begun to tell him about what you had been upto on the break when you felt his thick fingers creeping up the inside of your thighs. You’d frozen instantly, because Maxie had never touched you there himself, but before you could say anything your father stepped out onto the veranda, asking you something about your plans for the next day.

Answer him, Max mouthed, smirking as you had no choice but to let him keep gliding up your legs and undoing your tiny bikini. And when your daddy had gone back inside, oblivious that the flush on your face wasn’t from the heat of the pool, you’d tried to shove Max’s hand away, brattily saying you didn’t want his hand near your private parts, that was just for your husband-

Doesn’t count, Angel, Max had cooed, easily overpowering you and sliding a finger in, much thicker and longer than yours and making you squeal as he started pumping it in and out of you. And he hadn’t stopped despite your half hearted protests, because you’d started to feel really good, really tingly, and Maxie, I feel funny, I think I’m going to pee-

After you had your first orgasm, he carried your tired figure back into the house, setting you down and licking your cum off his fingers. And then, through your half asleep state, you felt his tongue swirling around your nipples, leaving hickeys and then trailing down, and down before his warm breath gently blew over your puffy cunny. And then you felt his wide tongue licking your folds, making you gasp awake and squeal cause why was he kissing you down there, that’s so pervy-

But he’d easily bullied you back into quiet muffled moans again, your skimpy bikini bottoms shoved inside your mouth as he warned you that your father was going to wake up right next door and come investigate if you didn’t shut up. So you reluctantly let him continue his filthy kissing, spitting and licking on your most innocent parts until you felt you had to pee again. He grinned wickedly as you squirted a second time, completely ruining the sheets, before redressing your passed out figure in a comfy hoodie. You felt the ghost of a sweet kiss on your forehead before he walked away.

You avoided him the next few days, glaring when he would approach you, angry he’d kissed you somewhere only your husband should. He’d promised you were still a virgin, sure, but still! It was just too much, wasn’t it?

But you’d been unable to resist his advances any longer when he’d cornered you in the family study one day when everyone else had gone out to the markets. He’d sweetly apologised, presenting you with a new Dior bag he’d had speed delivered that morning, and you happily snatched it up, gasping with delight as you look inside to find a Cartier bracelet. You’ll forgive me, right, Angel? Max had said, slowly wrapping his arms around you from behind and rubbing his practically blue balls against your plush ass as you distractedly admire your new gifts. I just wanted to make you feel good, hmm?

You nodded breathlessly, agreeing that you supposed it had felt really good, you liked that tingly feeling in between your legs. Yeah? Max had grinned, kissing you and slipping his tongue inside and saying that he knew a way to make you feel even better, Angel, and you’d still be a virgin after it, he pinky promises, okay?

With the new Dior bag and diamond bracelet you’d become a lot more agreeable, and didn’t protest as he laid you back on your father’s study table, lifting your miniskirt over your hips and grinning wickedly when he found no panties - just your glistening pussy. Y-you always just rip them anyways, Maxie you pouted.

Oh, you secretly wanted this, didn’t you? Acting all bratty just cause you wanted to make him work for it, he was certain. Your sweet body was such a good plaything for him that he didn’t really mind, deciding not to punish you for avoiding him.

You curiously watch as he unzips himself, taking his thick cock out, then you squeal adamantly in protest when he brings it close to your innocent hole. Shh, Angel, it’s just on the outside, he’d promised, I won’t put it in, it’ll feel so good, trust me.

And it had felt sooo good, making you bite your lip and toss your head back as he dragged his warm length along your folds, slapping your clit a few times with his cockhead, making you spread your soft legs invitingly as you felt the addictive tingly feeling come back again.

He’d been unable to resist the temptation, sliding just the tip into your virgin cunny- but you’d immediately screamed in protest, twisting away and he had generously released you from his hold, tongue in cheek as you sashayed away with a backwards glare, Dior bag in hand. He’d had to leave the next day, and you didn’t see him the rest of the break.

After the break, you had seemed different to Max. You carried the brattiness openly in your eyes, confident now in your ability to seduce him as he has brought such expensive apology gifts just for a little taste of your virginity.

You had infuriatingly said no when he tried to rub himself against your cunny at the next race, and at the one after that, so here he was, stuck fingering you and sliding his tongue in and out of your folds for the 3rd time this week while his cock ached to be buried inside you - when the wicked idea came to him.

He’d made sure to have all the preparations ready for the next race, knowing you would be a brat and try to weasel your way out of it. Like he’d predicted, you make your way to his plush sofa, spreading your legs to show off your naked pussy and demanding he come kiss it how you liked.

Oh, his Angel had become quite the spoilt little bitch, hasn’t she? He’d have to make sure you learned your lesson about who was in charge around here. You smirk as he drags his tongue up and down your puffy folds, thinking you had the millionaire driver all wrapped around your fingers. His thick third and ring fingers join his tongue, making you moan and close your eyes as he pumps them into your pussy. And then, his thumb drops down, lower, to circle your other winking hole before sliding inside.

You’d jumped in shock, naively asking why he was touching your dirty hole, that’s so embarrassing, you don’t want him to touch that place!

Max cooes that he couldn’t care less, besides, he can clean it out for you, yeah? If he just slides his cock in, just a little bit, he can make sure it’s all clean for you.

Your eyes go impossibly wide at the thought of his big cock anywhere near your ass. You furiously close your legs, brattily telling him that you’d had enough, wasn’t he just being a pervert now, and you’d already broken up with Tim ages ago and since Max seemed to be very relaxed now given his P1s has resumed you didn’t think you needed to help him out anymore!

Time to pull out the big guns. Sitting back on the sofa now, Max palms his growing erection as he calls out to you, making you pause from where your hand rested on the doorknob.

You know, Angel, I’ve had a lot of creepy fans sneak onto the garage lately. Some even got into my room. I guess they just really wanted to see me shirtless, huh?

You turn around to look at him, confused, until your eyes slowly widen in horror as he points to the camera tucked in the corner. There’s no trace of sympathy on his handsome face as he starts lazily jerking himself off, telling you that it had been your fathers idea to set it up, for his safety, and he’d even kindly offered to go through all the footage later - he took any threats against his prized driver very seriously.

You panicked, already teary eyed at the thought of your father seeing you spreading your legs sluttily and demanding Max pleasure you. You immediately dropped to your knees, begging Max to keep the tape himself-

Now why would I do that, Angel? Max cooes, getting harder at the sight of you kneeling in front of him and crying for his help. After all, you’re the one who’s forcing him to kiss her pussy on that video, hmm?

He knows he has you right where he wants you as you beg him, offering up your precious pussy to slide against again if he wanted, just don’t go inside, okay?

That’s not the hole he wants, Angel, he told you darkly. No - he wanted your other hole, the dirty embarrassing one, and he wants to sink his entire cock inside it.

He watches you stutter and gasp, before you take a deep breath and naively ask My husband won’t be able to tell, right Maxie? I’ll still be a virgin?

Max smirks. Of course, Angel. You know he’d never break your precious promise. And with that, you’re ready to become his obedient pet again, blankly turning around and sticking your ass up in the air like he asks, spreading your cheeks for him to look at.

And oh, Max takes his sweet time looking, enjoying the twisted satisfaction of having completely broken you down like this. He generously douses you in lube, making you squeal at the chill, before he’s furiously pumping his thumb inside your impossibly tight back hole. You tremble as he lines his cock up, ordered you to relax or it’ll hurt, Angel. Slowly sinking inside, he moans as he finally finds his way into your heat, feeling like he’s reached heaven. Tears stream down your face as you wail once he begins meanly thrusting, wickedly taking your anal virginity all for himself and giving you his fingers to suckle on and keep quiet.

He doesn’t stop until he’s finished inside you, panting heavily and pushing his matted hair out of his eyes, pressing kisses down your spine to let you know you did so well for him.

He pulls out with a wet squelch, enjoying the sight of his cum dripping out of your poor, abused little hole. Sitting back comfortably on the sofa, legs spread, he gives you a cocky smirk as you turn around, still seated on the ground in front of him.

Now clean it up, he demands meanly. He can’t have your hole make his cock dirty now, can he? And you obediently responded, crawling forward with glazed eyes, licking him clean from balls to tip like he’s trained you to do.

After that night, Max had held you completely in the palm of his hand. You’d be the perfect angel for him, doing whatever he wanted wherever he wanted - except for entering your innocent pussy, of course. He’d let you keep it yours for now, finding the fantasy hot. He’d buy you a diamond ring one of these days, he mused, so that you’d beg him to finally claim your virginity.

But for now, he had a couple other tricks to try out. And if you’d try to refuse, he’ll pull up the video he has on his phone of your eyes rolling back as Max ate you out on your father’s work desk from summer break.

He’d taken you back to his hotel room to teach you those tricks, making you wail and scream his name without restriction, headboard banging against the wall. It was hilarious when Horner had come upto him at breakfast the next morning, patting his back and saying it sounded like he’d been celebrating his win very well last night, congratulations, he deserves it and sounded like the girl couldn’t get enough!

Max had to hold back his laughter, as your clueless father had no idea he was carrying an extra croissant up for the very same girl who couldn’t get enough - his precious little daughter, who still lay sleeping in his hotel bed, exhausted from his dirty activities all night.

You’d ended up missing your flight back, making some weak excuse to your daddy and had followed Max into his private jet, obediently spreading yourself open for him as he pulled you behind the privacy screen. The flight attendants had blushed as they heard your eager moans and the lewd sounds of Max greedily fucking your ass again.

And when you landed, greeting your waiting family, Max had to discreetly wipe the line of cum that trickled down your skirt. You didn’t have to worry, though, he’d already thoughtfully ordered another delivery of sexy underwear straight to your home 🖤

—————————————————————————

A/N: I actually gave myself post nut clarity writing this (post writing smut clarity?? Post smut conscience??) time to go outside and reconnect with nature. As always,,,lmk what u think 🤔

[lizzy06]

Takami Keigo(Hawks) x Reader Fic Recs!! (Tumblr/Ao3/Wattpad)

My Hero Academia Fic Rec Masterlist

lay low (take it slow) ✨by @andypantsx3/andypantsx3(college student! reader, hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual smut) What even was the right google search for this situation? How do I sew someone back together without passing out? How do I not barf on the pro hero I’m stitching up? Or, Hawks’ game of double agent lands him in the shaky hands of one (1) very unequipped English major.[COMPLETED]

Falling for You ✨by @flannel-cladpika (oneshot, soulmate au, fluff)Every year, on your birthdays, you two will switch quirks.[COMPLETED]

Golden ✨by @meganshinsou-tm (oneshot, soulmate au, fluff) When you touch yoursoulmate for the first time a thin gold line with be etched around your wrists.

Soul Chicken by @hitsuackerman (oneshot, soulmate au, fluff) Soulmate AU where the first words your soulmate says to you are written on your wrist and while Hawks has an absolutely unhelpful phrase written on them, y/n has something….unique.

Bird Hunting | Pt.2:Bird's Nest✨ by @a-n-conrad (oneshot, soulmate au)In a world where your soulmate was found through a symbol appearing on your left forearm, hinting at the quirk of your soulmate, you had to admit that you were lucky. You already knew who your soulmate was. The only issue was that there was really no way for you, an ordinary person, to get anywhere near the number 2 hero.

Petals and Feather✨ by @a-n-conrad(oneshot, hanahaki au, angst with happy ending) You’ve finally gotten a job as a sidekick after graduating from UA about a year before. But after working with Hawks for a few months it starts to get a bit hard to breathe. How are you supposed to fix a case of Hanahaki disease when you happened to fall in love with the most emotionally unavailable hero alive? [COMPLETED]

BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 4: Save Your Soul by @writing-freak (oneshot, soulmate au, fluff)part of soulmate au week; everyone has colorful marks on their skin where their soulmate touches them for the first time. you’re determined to hide your soulmarks: a pair of hands on your waist.[COMPLETED]

“you really have got nothing to do on a friday night”  by @bakugohoex (oneshot, fluff)in which your friend keigo invites you to a pro hero event as his plus one, the event leads to a lot more than you expected.[COMPLETED]

Little Moments by @bnhascribbles (oneshot, fluff)Just Hawk's early morning visit.[COMPLETED]

lavender latte✨ by luxdeoro (coffee shop au, fluff, mutual pinning)You serve Hawks a lavender, oat milk latte. Not only is he hooked on your drinks, but he's hooked on you as well.[ONGOING]

a spoonful of sugar✨✨ by Mossful (fluff, angst) In which the Reader bakes and Hawks eats.[COMPLETED]

Pocket Full of Feathers✨ by forthesanityof1 (fluff, humor) You are an investigative journalist starting at a new agency. A chance meeting brings you and Hawks together and starts some odd behaviors on his part. You dismiss it, but end up meeting the hero again and again over time. Slowly, you start to realize things are occurring both within and outside of your control.[COMPLETED]

(Quirk)y Days✨✨ by wotefokizbrunch(fluff, angst, hurt/comfort) In a world where 80% of the population has some wacky power, it is expected for strange shit to happen on accident, or even on purpose, like that one time a villain hit Hawks with a deaging quirk; he left that morning for work his grown ass self and then you had to pick his 5-year-old-self up from the agency.[COMPLETED]

and i've gotta crow ✨by dashielldeveron(enemies to lovers, ) “We’re engaged to be married.” No, you are not. After an accident that was that bastard Hawks’s fault, you decide to play along with your diagnosis of amnesia, among other things, because how far can you make your former bully bend over backwards for you?[COMPLETED]

Color Blind✨ by HeroAssociation(soulmate au, fluff, angst with happy ending) Takami Keigo, otherwise known as the Winged Hero Hawks, had one such mark. He never expected, nor looked for, the person that would change it. Then he found you by accident.[COMPLETED]

The Harpy by romanceisdeadbutimnot(enemies to lovers, fantasy au, fluff) Desperate for adventure you volunteer to check the monster traps protecting your small village. To your surprise you catch a wounded half bird half man, and decide to nurse him back to health.[COMPLETED]

What's Got Your Feathers In A Bunch? by darkenedniqhts(oneshot, fluff, humor)When Hawks saves you from a villain attack, you hit it off surprisingly well, considering the circumstances. Everything is going great, until he meets your roommate.[COMPLETED]

Compelling/tumblr by @bnhascribbles/ ScatteredScribbles(oneshot, hurt/comfort) Hey listen, I’ve got a lot of baggage when it comes to my quirk. Could you repeat the word “yes” if you’re here of your own free will? Oh, and since you’ll probably say that either way and since I’m an emotionally compromised freak, just know that I’ll never actually feel secure in our relationship. This’ll definitely be a recurring thing, and it’s probably gonna be the reason why we end terribly.[COMPLETED]

 Blush by @flannel-cladpika (oneshot, fluff)[COMPLETED]

Headlines✨ by @bnhascribbles(oneshot, fluff) Holding up the newspaper in plain view, you take steady, ominous steps towards his desk. “Any last words, birdbrain?”[COMPLETED]

Stuck In An Elavator With You by @yeahimaloser (oneshot, fluff)he hadn’t really dated anyone before (not seriously anyway), so when he began to develop feelings for a certain someone, he was surprised, to say the least.[COMPLETED]

The Sky is Everywhere by @dira333/Fogfire(oneshot, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending)Post-Break up is before the Break up…[COMPLETED]

Sometime Around Midnight✨ by 0weCrew(friends to lovers, fluff, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending) All you wanted to do was enjoy a quiet night looking up at the stars. But fate decided to mess with you instead, and Japan's favorite birdbrain crashed your pity party of one by scaring you shitless.[COMPLETED]

Preening✨ by royalwilds(oneshot, fluff)Hawks loves your hair, playing with it, brushing it, washing it. you realize that it comes from another instinctual nature of his. You try to figure out how to return the gesture.[COMPLETED]

Babybird by Pomenocti(oneshot, fluff)Just Hawks being a dad.[COMPLETED]

Crash✨ by ivan_glee(oneshot, fluff)In which Reader is sunbathing and gets an unexpected visit from the No. 2 hero.[COMPLETED]

A Lungful of Smoke✨ by UnluckyAmulet(oneshot, fluff) As if nearly dying today wasn't bad enough…now you have a crush, too. Damn it.[COMPLETED]

Little Bird by alaskasmonsters(oneshot, fluff) Hawks wasn’t just the charming number two pro-hero the world knew him as. No, he had other sides to him, sides only you, his roommate, had the privilege to uncover. Especially his more birdlike quirks. Like how much he relaxed when people took care of his wings…[COMPLETED]

crawl home to me✨ by Hawnks (supermintfluff)(oneshot, strangers to lovers, hurt/comfort) What is a hero besides determination and hunger? What is a lover if not a resting place?[COMPLETED]

Shiny Things by royalwilds(oneshot, fluff) Hawks has more bird-like tendencies than you initially thought. He likes to present you with odd items as gifts and finally you figure out why.[COMPLETED]

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery by galatiq(oneshot, fluff, humor. coffee shop au) When you put a coffee shop and a nasty storm together, apparently you get Big Bird from Sesame Street crashing into your window. [COMPLETED]

Flowers, Wings, Smirks and Quirks (Ingredients for Love) by ENDisI (oneshot, angst with happy ending, hanahaki disease au) Why was it when you joked about Hanahaki not being real, fate just slaps you awake and tells you "Oh, it's true. You didn't know?" [COMPLETED]

i am your salvation✨ by luxdeoro(oneshot, angst, hurt/comfort) Keigo loses his wings and most of himself, and you're around to try and pick up the pieces.[COMPLETED]

Balcony by RyeTarts(friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst, smut<18+>) After saving you from an office building fire, Hawks thinks that your paths were no longer intertwined. Oh how wrong he would be.[COMPLETED]

Birds Of A Feather by CheerieCherrie(fluff, explicit skippable chp.6) You move to Japan for a change of pace in your hectic life. It doesn't happen, thanks to one chaotic bird man.[COMPLETED]

[finnsbubblegum]

Where It All Starts (Joel Miller X Reader)

Pairing: no-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, sweet joel, domestic joel, rom-com

Summary: reader as Joel’s neighbor. Joel’s wife left him so Joel asked his neighbor for help in babysitting Sarah. 

Words count: 1.1k

A/N: I’m trying to make this as a rom-com, hope you like my new series! I have a lot of ideas to write about Joel Miller fanfiction and I haven’t finished writing them all. I only have a few days before I start working but I want to write as much as I can. I’m pretty nervous since it’s my first full-time job. Wish me luck! 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

“Please just let me go! I can’t do this anymore!” You heard a woman’s yell from outside your house while washing the dishes.

“Baby, please.. Just do this for Sarah. Please.” A man begged.

*baby cried*

“I’m sorry, Joel.” 

Curiosity ate you. You peeked through your window and saw your neighbor were having a fight. Assuming they were husband and wife with a newborn baby. The man was carrying the baby while the woman was trying to get inside the car.

“Get in that car and there’s no coming back!” The man raised his voice. 

You felt guilty for eavesdropping because that should be a private conversation but they fought in front of their house and you’re pretty sure everyone in the neighborhood heard them.

The next morning when you were preparing breakfast, you heard a knock. 

“Can I help you?” It was the man from last night.

“Ugh yes, I’m sorry to bother you early in the mornin’. I was wonderin’ if you could help me with somethin’.” He put his hand behind his neck.

“Yeah, sure? What can I help you with?” You opened your door wider and invited him in.

“I live next door…I just had a baby and somethin’ happened with her mom..and I have to go to work so no one is watchin’ my daughter. Uh..You look young, I’m assuming you’re still in college, maybe you could help me babysit my daughter? I’ll pay you of course.”

“Oh! Uhm..Well..I’m not in college actually. I’ve graduated.” You chuckled.

“But I’ll take that as a compliment, sir.” 

“Sorry.” Joel chuckled.

“Uhm..how old is your daughter?” 

“She’s just 3 months old.” 

“Oh!” Your eyes widened. You had never had a baby but you had always wanted one. But how could you possibly be able to babysit a newborn without experience? 

“Sure, I’d like to help.” You were blinded by the man’s puppy eyes.

“Really can you do that? How about your work? Because I don’t want to burden you.” 

“That’s not a problem, sir. I’m taking over my parents’ cafe nearby so I can take your daughter with me. If that’s okay.” 

“You’re the best. Thank you. I’m Joel by the way. Joel Miller” He extended his hand to shake yours.

“I’m (y/n) (y/l/n).” You shook his hand.

Joel invited you to his house and introduced his daughter to you. 

“This is Sarah.”

“Hi Sarah. You’re so cute.” You booped her on the nose.

“Do you know how to hold a baby?” Joel asked you. 

“I’ve held my nephew before but-” 

“Here. Support her head like this.” Joel instructed you.

“Like this?” 

“Yeah, just like that. Don’t worry, you’re doing good.” He placed his hand on your shoulder.

His touch made your heart beat faster. You know you shouldn’t be thinking about this since he just got into a fight with his wife last night. But you couldn’t help it. He could be a single dad any time in the future or probably now. And you admitted your neighbor was a hot young dad. 

“So this is the bag. It has everything in it. Diapers, baby formula, and other things. She eats every 2-3 hours. Here’s the house key.” 

“Got it.” You nodded. 

“Okay, I’m runnin’ late. Here’s my number. Just call me if you need anythin’.” He shoved you a paper written with his phone number.

“You goin’ to work now?” 

“Ugh-yes.” 

“Want me to drive you?” Joel offered to drive you since your hands were full.

“It’s okay. I’ll drive myself.” You refused his offer.

“Okay, well. At least let me help you get settled in your car then?” He carried the big baby bag to your car and helped you settle the baby car seat in your car. 

You put Sarah in the car seat and brought her to work. 

“When did you have a baby again?” You co-workers couldn’t stop staring at the baby you brought to work.

“It’s not mine. It’s my neighbor’s. He’s-” You sighed.

“He? Single dad?” Flo’s eyes widened. She was still in college and working part-time at your cafe. She had a thing for single dads that was why she was interested in your situation.

“I’m not sure. But I heard him fighting with his wife last night. It sounded bad.” You shrugged.

“This could be it. This could be it.” She shook your body excitedly.

“Could be what?” You stopped her.

“You know. I know you’re lonely. And you definitely need a man. Why don’t you try it with him? Is he hot?” She raised her eyebrows up and down.

“I don’t know, Flo. I mean I’m still not ready and I’m sure he isn’t too.”

“Is.he.hot?” Flo repeated.

“Well, kinda?” You shrugged.

“Want my advice boss? I’d say you should flirt with him.” She crossed her arms to her chest.

You rolled your eyes.

“Want my advice? Get back to work or I will cut your pay.” You squinted your eyes.

“Yes, boss.” 

Flo was right. Maybe this was your chance to start dating again. Since the last time you had your heart broken, you were too focused on helping your family’s business. But once you wanted to try dating again, you got a soon-to-be single hot dad? You always had a thing for dads. Just like Flo. Did you win the lottery? Probably. Let’s see.

Sarah wasn’t hard to babysit. You worked while babysitting her and your co-workers helped you so it wasn’t really hard work. You went home by dinner time and left your cafe to your employees to close the store. You put sleeping Sarah to her crib then went back to your car to get the bag. While you were closing the car door, Joel’s car parked on the driveway. You stopped and waited for him.

“Hi.” You put the bag strap to your shoulder.

“Hi. How was she? I hope she’s not taking your energy too much.” He walked closer to you and took the bag from you.

“She’s well-behaved actually.” You smiled and passed him the baby bag.

“Thank God.” Joel sighed.

“I put her to sleep.” You told Joel proudly.

“Thank you. I owe you a lot. I really appreciate it.” He placed his hand on your shoulder again.

“Did you eat dinner Mr. Miller?” You tried to flirt just as Flo told you.

“Not yet. Just call me Joel, please.” 

“Joel.” You hummed.

“Pizza?” Joel suggested.

“Sure.” 

Joel called for a pizza delivery and the two of you spent dinner together. You talked about college and work but not relationships. You were avoiding that topic and so did Joel.

“Thanks for dinner.” You thanked Joel as he walked you home which was just next to his house.

“Anytime.” He put his hands in his pocket.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow when I get Sarah?” 

“Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow. Have a good night.” He kissed your cheek awkwardly.

“Good night, Joel.”

To be continued...

[strangemaleswaps]

Strange Beach Body Swap 2

"Are you ready for this?"

"I sure hope so, I'm a little nervous to be honest."

"It's ok. I'll be there for you…just like 20 feet away or so."

I threw on a pair of khaki shorts, my sandals, and headed out the door. Luckily I lived in a condo right next to the beach so I didn't have to walk very far. It was nearly noon - the time we planned to meet up.

2 years ago, I was a college sophomore stuck in a fraternity with asshole frat brothers. That was until I met this weird old man at the beach. He swapped our bodies and I was thrust into his fat beach bod. It wasn't the worst thing ever, though. He was working on pumping his nipples and with how sensitive they were, I discovered what a nipple orgasm felt like. It was crazy good! Since then I continued what he started, and had been pumping my nipples every day. They're huge now! I go for that nipple orgasm all the time. I love it!

But I was still a fat old man for the next 2 years so that did a number on my self esteem at first. I had a whole six pack abs before, along with a perfect body, so nothing I did could compare to that. But I made a few changes that were more my style. I got my ear pierced and grew a goatee. Afterall, old guys really only look good with facial hair. I was balding too so I decided to shave my head entirely, as well as razor it so I could be fully bald.

The one thing I didn't account for was how fat this guy was. He was already pretty chubby when I initially swapped, but I was happy to be free of my strict diet plan. I know I wouldn't look as good as I did before no matter how much I exercised or ate right, so I just stuck with how I was. It wasn't until a month or so that I realized he must've been working out prior to the swap because I noticed an increased weight gain. I still didn't care though, and just let myself go. I went from borderline obese to full on obese. My man tits ended up hanging out a little more and my gut drooped a little lower. My overall body was wider and soon enough I found myself waddling instead of walking.

But none of that mattered in the end because a couple of months after the swap, I met Chase. I decided to go to the bar one day, after finally gaining the confidence to do so. He approached and complimented me on my looks, which surprised me. I guess he had a thing for big guys. We talked a bit and I fell in love with him soon after that. When I told him who I actually was, he believed me right away. I guess with how quirky he is, he's the type that knows everything isn't what it seems.

Since the old man took over my life, I took over his. He was retired and didn't have much going for him, except this sweet condo right next to the beach. It had a king size bed, where Chase and I fucked for the first time. I'm gonna miss this place actually; it was nice. The old man called me a few days ago, scheduling the time for the swap back at noon today. I don't know how he did it originally so I asked Chase to spy on us from a short distance away to see what actually happens - and to make sure he doesn't bail!

We walked outside the condo and hugged one last time, his skinny frame being smothered by my flabby rolls.

"Good luck Ty! I love you!"

"Love you too!"

We split off and I stood around waiting for somebody that looked like me to appear. He said he would wear the same swimsuit he wore 2 years ago - the blue one. I couldn't wait to see how it all went. He thought he could do a better job at standing up to my fraternity brothers and giving me a better reputation so I hope he kept his word! It'll definitely be a weird feeling, returning back to my old life. But he would've graduated for me by now, so at least I don't have to see those idiot frat brothers anymore. And I had Chase of course! He said he would love me no matter what I looked like.

I was looking in the direction of the ocean when I spotted someone wearing the swimsuit I was looking for. I waddled closer to him, and realized that it was my old body. Something was different though - he gained weight! Alot of weight to be exact. My abs were completely gone! Sure he was far from obese, but his belly stuck out and the pecs I once had were soft and fleshy. It looked like he kept my basic appearance the same though, with the exception of a little chin beard. It was weird though, I recognized him for sure, but I didn't really feel like he used to be me. It'd been such a long time that I no longer associated his body with my identity.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself! How have you been?"

"I suppose it wasn't that bad. That nipple orgasm is something else."

"I can see that. You've been pumping them, haven't you?"

"Yep."

"Good. Good."

"So how did you gain weight that fast? The fraternity would've kicked you out with the slightest bit of fat, but you must've ditched them only a few months ago." His face dropped.

"Well…"

"Well?" No..don't tell me…

"I uh kinda got kicked out…2 years ago."

"What? What the fuck did you do?"

"I tried to be assertive and well, I guess I was more like aggressive. Got into a fight and they kicked me out. Geez, young people are so sensitive now!" I was in disbelief. He didn't improve my life at all, he ruined it!

"Did you…at least graduate?" Please say yes; oh my god.

"Er..no. I kinda just dropped out after that. College is hard!"

"What have you been doing the past 2 years then?!"

"Just getting by really - working, sleeping, jacking off. What I was really doing before. Well, actually I lost my job a few weeks ago."

I can't believe this. What am I going to do once I go back? I'm a college dropout, unemployed, and I can't even use my fit body to do modeling or anything! I didn't want him to know how upset I was in fear he wouldn't swap us back, so I swallowed my anger and changed the subject.

"Well, I guess we better swap then. How did you do it last time?"

"Simple spell. Just lay down and close your eyes." I slowly lowered myself and plopped down on my ass, all my rolls jiggling with the impact. I then lied down for a minute. When I opened my eyes, I was looking at the same fleshy mountain I was used to. What gives? I got up and found the old man talking with Chase.

"That's my boyfriend and you need to swap him back!"

"Boyfriend huh? How the hell did he score with that gross body? I hadn't gotten anyone looking like this!" They noticed me as I waddled up to them.

"Ty, he doesn't want to do it."

"What do you mean?! Swap me back! We had a deal!"

"Sorry, I have something else in mind now." He put his hands on Chase and a white light began pulsating from his hands. Chase didn't respond and looked like he was in a trance. Don't tell me he's trying to swap their bodies?!

"Hey get off of him!" I tried pulling his hands off, but it was as if they were glued to Chase's shoulders.

"Don't even try!" I may have ruined my chances with your body but I can start all over with his!"

"Oh no you don't!" It seemed impossible to pull his hands off, but I kept trying anyway. Suddenly the white light flashed everywhere and his hands were forced off of Chase, as well as mine. When I opened my eyes, I looked down and once again, saw the same saggy belly I'd woken up to for the past 2 years.

"Well, nothing happened…"

"Speak for yourself!" Chase spoke excitedly. He was looking at his hands and rubbing his flat stomach. Shit. That wasn't him. Chase, now in my original body, and the old man, now in Chase's body, looked at each other.

"So that's what I really look like to everyone else. Wow."

"Well I best be going then!" The old man started walking away until I grabbed him and pulled him into a neck hold.

"Not this time! You're going to swap us back for real."

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" I released my grip.

"The spell only works twice. First for a regular swap, and then second for a swap back. It doesn't account for interruptions from a third."

"No way…I…"

"Ty. It's ok." Chase put his hand on my shoulder. "I like you like this. And I think I'll be fine. I'm as flabby as you…almost!" He slapped his belly and shook it up and down, admiring the jiggles. I guess the weight gain is turning him on.

"Yeah. I guess it's fine." He kissed me on the cheek.

"Take care you guys." It was weird seeing Chase's original body walk away from me but I know the real Chase was right here with me, safe and sound. I wonder what it would be like to have sex with your old body…

[alwaysonthemend]

Ménage a Quatre

Author’s Note: Requested by @ignite-my-fire , this fic was an absolute delight to write. It’s way longer than I had initially planned so sorry for the delay. I think this is the fic that’s officially making me go to hell but I’d say it’s fucking worth it because damn was this fun to write. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Sorry for any typos/mistakes! Please note, there is no slash in this fic, as this is not Alabama. (I can make that joke because I was born there)

Summary: You’ve known the Kiszkas for practically their entire lives. Your friendship with them is a little unique given that you’ve slept with all three of them over the years, but you never made it official with any of them. You figure it’s just a matter of time before they find out the truth and  you know that once they do, you’ll probably never hear from any of them ever again. They're just about to finish up the last leg of tour and you discover that it’s actually quite the opposite. 

Content Warnings: Fem!reader, forgive me father for I have sinned. Foursome. Cussing, dirty talk, name calling, oral sex (male and female receiving), fingering, hand jobs, unprotected sex. Overall just very dirty. Needless to say, 18+ MINORS DNI (plz) 

Word Count: 5056

---------------------------------------------

These situations were rarely ever simple. And yours is extra complicated given that you’d been friends with the Kiszka brothers for most of their lives. You’d met them all the way back in middle school when you’d shared a class with Sam. He had invited you over to his house to hang out and, as the years passed, you became good friends with Jake and Josh as well. You had been with them for all of it – from their first few band practices in the garage to Greta Van Fleet becoming famous. And somehow, they still considered you family, despite their newfound rockstar status. 

It started, you suppose, with Sammy. Since you two are the same age, he’d always been the one that you considered yourself closest to. And sure, you couldn’t deny that you found him attractive, especially as he grew into the man he is now. And he’d always been the one that you figured you might have a shot with. He’d been your first kiss in the 8th grade, and he’d been the one to take your virginity after a drunken homecoming party your senior year. And though it had been incredible, and the two of you slept with each other a few more times that summer, you had never made it official. 

Things changed though when you were a sophomore in college and Josh had come alone to visit you. The thing about Josh is that he always comes across as a little flirty, and you had never paid it any mind. But during that particular visit, the banter back and forth between the two of you had been at an all time high. Little touches of his would linger, and you would often catch him staring at you as you passed. Inevitably, you fell into bed with him – just as you had with Sam years before. It was incredible. Josh is a giving lover (just as you always assumed he’d be) and your time together that night haunted your dreams for months after he left. You’d always had a little crush on Sam, but suddenly you found yourself looking at Josh in a brand new light. You felt terribly guilty and chalked it up to the Kiszka charm and did your best to push the both of them from your mind. 

And then came your graduation party. Josh, Jake, and Sam – along with all of your other friends and family were present. The night was full of excitement and catching up and plenty of alcohol to go around. You would blame that alcohol for a long time for what happened. Sleeping with the third Kiszka brother was, you insisted to yourself, merely a result of drinking way too much. Jake was nothing like Josh or Sam. He was dominant, commanding. And you loved every minute of it. His fingers were fucking magical, calloused and talented, and he had brought you to the edge so many times you had lost count. And as you laid there that night, head resting on his shoulder as he slept, you realized that you were completely, irrevocably, and utterly fucked. 

Sleeping with your childhood best friend was one thing, but fucking both of his older brothers was a whole other problem. The guilt ate away at you, consuming your thoughts and souring any moment you shared with them. And the worst part of it was, you couldn’t really make yourself regret any of it. All three of them had given you nights that you would never forget, and any other man you tried to sleep with paled in comparison. You couldn’t even pleasure yourself without your mind drifting to those nights – imagining the way Sam thrust into powerfully, or the way Josh ate you out like a man starved, or the way Jake had stared into your eyes has he edged you for what felt like the millionth time. You’d had a taste of the talented Kiszka brothers, and you were hungry for me – no matter how wrong it was. 

The years passed and, despite your best efforts, you slept with them all a handle of times each. And each and every time the guilt chipped away at you, eating away at your thoughts constantly. You never said a word to any of them about the whole situation, and as the years passed it got harder and harder to think of a way to bring it up to them. Eventually, you just accepted that one day they’d all find out and your friendship with the Kiszkas would be ruined forever and that there was nothing you could really do about it. The best you could do was enjoy each encounter as much as you could and be thankful while it lasted. 

But things would soon change for all four of you. The release of the Battle at Garden’s Gate and the beginning of the Dreams in Gold Tour changed your world completely. The first leg had been brutal as you hardly got to see the boys at all. On one of the few instances in which they were all at home, taking a break, Sam had approached you with an offer you couldn’t refuse. 

“Y/n,” He’d said one day whilst the two of you were sitting at the table eating a light lunch, “how would you feel about coming with us for this last leg of the tour?” 

Your eyes had grown comically large and you stared at him. 

“I mean, ya! I’d love to but… why?” You wrung your hands together, nervous. “I mean, I FaceTime you guys all the time. It’s not like we never get to talk when you’re on tour.”

“I know.” Sam had said, eyes staring at you intently. “But the truth is… I miss the way we used to be.” He glanced down, suddenly bashful. “I miss the nights we used to have together and I thought that maybe, if you were on tour with us, we could do it again.” 

The panic that washed over you had been unlike anything you’d ever felt before. The back of your neck grew hot as the guilt that you thought you had escaped reared its ugly head ten fold. The fear must have shown on your face because Sam was quick to backtrack. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to! I… I just thought I’d ask.” 

“It’s not that, Sammy. I want to. Of course I want to. It’s just…” You trailed off, desperately trying to come up with a reason other than the terrible truth. You couldn’t think of anything. 

“Sam, there’s no way for me to tell you this without sounding like the worst fucking person on the planet, and I hope we can still be at least sort of friends after I tell you… but I understand if you decide against ever talking to me ever again because-” 

“Y/n.” Sam silenced your rambling. “I know. We all know.” 

You stared, unbelieving. 

“Know what?” It couldn’t be true. 

“Do you really think three brothers aren’t going to brag to each other about sleeping with the hottest fucking girl we know?” He laughed and took a sip of his drink. “Granted, we didn’t immediately know we all were talking about the same one but… once we did, none of us really cared.” 

Your jaw fell open as you stared at him. Your brain was barely processing the words he was saying. They had known? All these years? And not one of them had thought to mention it to you… 

“And… you’re all, you know… okay with it?” You asked in a shaky voice. 

“Duh. I’m not the only one who wants you on tour with us. Josh and Jake both wholeheartedly want you there with us, too.” He watched your face morph from emotion to emotion – from panic, fear, confusion, and finally doubt. “I promise y/n. We’re all cool with it. I wouldn’t have asked you to come along with us if we all hadn’t talked about it first. So,” He spread his arms wide and grinned at you, “What'll it be, y/n?” 

And that’s how you found yourself traveling the world with Greta Van Fleet, spending your nights partying with them and sleeping with them whenever they pleased. It was weird at first, having sex with each of them whilst knowing that they all knew, but eventually the oddness faded. Sam, Jake, and Josh were the handsomest fuckers to ever walk the planet, and you were lucky enough to be able to have all three of them. And to be honest, you were having the time of your fucking life. 

As time passed, the whole situation began to feel a little less strange. Granted, your situation was anything but normal – but you found yourself and the Kiszkas enjoying life far more than you had been before. There was never any weirdness or animosity between you all – much to your relief. Even if one of them walked in on you with another, there were never any hard feelings. Usually just a smirk and an apology, often accompanied by a laugh as they exited the room. The life became normal – despite being so atypical, and time flew by. Before you all knew it, the tour was drawing to a close. 

It was the night of the last show. The boys had absolutely killed it out on stage (just like they always did) but there had been something particularly special about their performance this time. Sam had looked downright ethereal out on stage, effortlessly playing the best he had all tour. Josh’s vocals had been heavenly, and the raw emotion that he was feeling at the end of the tour had been evident – making his singing even more powerful than usual. And Jake’s last Weight of Dreams solo had been mesmerizing, his mannerisms becoming practically feral by the end as he basically fucked his guitar on stage. By the end, you excused yourself to your hotel room, completely wound up after the show. You needed some relief, and you didn’t care which of them it was. At this point, you just needed whoever showed up at your door first. They all had their own spare key, so you were sure it was a race of who could get here first.

It was Jake that made it first. You heard the door unlock and he strode across the room quickly, wrapping his arms around you and pressing a hot kiss to your neck. He was still sweaty and warm against you, and you could easily feel his cock through his stage pants. You turned in his grasp to face him, pressing your lips to his in a needy kiss. 

“You looked incredible out there tonight, Jakey.” You said between kisses. He chuckled as he detached himself from you to close the door behind himself. 

“Thank you, y/n. Got myself a little worked up.” He turned back around and gave you a pointed grin. 

“Oh?” You asked, walking slowly over to the bed. “Something I can help with?” 

Jake let out a growl deep in his chest as he wasted no time in stripping his stage clothes, tossing them to the floor in a heap. He walked confidently over to you, threading his fingers through your hair and pulling your head back to expose your throat. 

“You know exactly what I need, sweet girl.” He released you. “Strip.” He ordered, and you quickly complied, almost falling over in your haste to rid yourself of your own clothes. 

Once free of your clothes, you crawled onto the bed and leaned back, hair splayed out like a halo around your head. You let your legs fall apart, giving Jake a clear view of your glistening folds. 

“Well then,” You said, eyes hooded and heart racing, “come and take it.” 

Jake wasted no time before jumping onto the bed, the springs creaking as his weight settled. He dove between your thighs, licking a stripe up your pussy. You threw your head back and moaned loudly, uncaring if anyone heard you. Jake began to eat you out like he was a starving man given his first meal, and he quickly had you spewing curses and moans loudly. So loud, in fact, that neither of you heard the door to the room open and close. 

“God damn, she is a fucking sight to behold.” Your eyes snapped open at the sound of Josh’s voice. Jake detached himself from your dripping cunt, turning to give his twin a smirk. 

“Don’t stop on my account, brother.” Josh said grinning, eyes still trained on your pussy. “Do you mind if I join in on the fun? It is the last show and all…”

They both were looking at you now, and neither of their gazes were demanding. Truly, it was your choice, and you knew that you could say ‘no’ without either of them becoming upset. You thought for a moment, weighing the idea in your mind. Though you’d been sharing them the whole time, none of you had ever crossed the line of sharing at the same time. But you’d be a big fat liar if you said you hadn’t imagined it before – secret, dirty dreams in which you got to have all three of them at once. And well, two out of three ain’t bad. 

“I’d love for you to join.” You said, voice still a little shaky from Jake’s earlier attention. 

“You sure?” Jake asked, placing a warm palm on your thigh. “It’s okay if you say no.”

“No hard feelings at all, love. Promise.” Josh added, giving you a sweet smile. 

“I’m sure. Promise.” You echo Josh’s words and both of their smiles grow. 

“Perfect.” Josh said, already beginning to step out of his jumpsuit. He lets it pool around his feet before stepping out of it and you can’t help but moan at the sight of him. Jake brings his mouth back down on your throbbing cunt, and you clench your eyes shut and groan loudly. You feel the bed dip next to you as Josh climbs in, leaning down to press wet kisses to your tits. 

“Sammy’s gonna be so jealous that he’s missing out.” You sigh, fighting to keep your voice from cracking. 

“Mmm. Probably.” Josh agrees, before swirling his tongue around one of your hard nipples. You moan loudly as Jake suckles on your clit for a moment before sitting up. His face is wet with your juices and he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Do you want me to text him?” Jake asks quietly, and Josh sits up as well. “Only if you’re comfortable, of course.” Jake hastily adds. “Two is one thing. All three might be the death of you.” He grins and Josh scoffs at him. 

“There were probably a million better ways you could have phrased that.” You laugh at Josh’s comment and Jake gives you both a joking scowl. 

“Yeah, probably.”  You pause again, gathering your racing thoughts. This whole night is becoming a wet dream come true. “Text him, Jake.”

He nods and rises from the bed to extract his phone from the pile of clothes on the floor by the door. He taps his fingers quickly across the screen. 

“He was waiting just down in the lobby bar.” He says, clicking his phone off and lying it back on top of his clothes. “He was gonna wait for his turn.” He chuckles as he returns to the bed. 

It doesn’t take long for the door to open again, and Sam enters the room. His hair is framing his pretty face beautifully and you lick your lips at the sight of him. 

“Hey, Sammy.” You whisper, eyes dark and chest flushed with excitement. He’s only wearing his stage pants and you can see his cock straining beneath them.

“Hey, y/n.” He says, walking over to the side of the bed. 

The three brothers look to each other, eyes dancing back and forth amongst themselves, almost as if they’re carrying a conversation with each other. Knowing them and their close bonds, they probably are.  

“Well,” Josh finally says, voice horse and gruff, “a menage a quatre it is, then.” He grins and Sam and Jake do the same, before all of their eyes turn to you. You gulp. You feel like prey, being stalked through the woods by a pack of wild animals. And in a sense, you are. This whole experience with them has been eye opening, as you’ve learned more about yourself and what you like than ever before. Sam, Josh, and Jake have given you a freedom that you’ve never had before, and one that you probably won’t have again. 

‘Tonight, pretty girl,” Sammy whispers, “you’re ours.” He says, tracing a finger along the curve of your jaw. 

“All ours, my dear.” Josh murmurs as he leans down, ghosting his lips over your skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps. 

Jake roughly grips the meat of one of your ass cheeks and squeezes, calloused fingers digging into your flesh. 

“And you’re gonna fucking take it however we want it.” He says, eyes dark and sparkling. 

You swallow thickly and nod your head wordlessly, senses already overwhelmed and every nerve in your body on fire. Sam slides his pants down and off him, allowing his hard cock to spring free. He climbs onto the bed and settles onto his knees by your feet. You turn your head to watch him, entranced by the grace of his movements. In your peripheral you see Josh’s curly head descend upon your skin, leaving wet, hot kisses on your neck. He nips and bites as he goes, drawing breathy little moans from you. 

“So pretty like this, baby girl.” He says as he licks into your mouth, tongue plunging into you to explore. He swallows your moan as Sam takes over from Jake earlier, lapping between your folds and circling your clit with the tip of his tongue. 

“Oh, fuck.” You whine, tossing your head back as Josh brings his mouth back to your tits while one hand tweaks your other nipple. He wraps his free hand around his cock and begins to fuck into his own hand. 

“Such pretty noises.” He moans around your breast. 

“Such pretty lips, too.” Jake says, sinking to his knees above your head, looking down on you as his hair falls around his face. “Bet they’d look so nice wrapped around my cock.” 

“She’s a little slut for sucking cock, Jake.” Sam says, rising briefly from your cunt and your pussy clenches at the loss of stimulation.

Jake grips your jaw with his hand and forces it open before sliding his hard length into your waiting mouth. You relax your tongue and swallow him down deep as you can go and hollow your cheeks. He fucks into your mouth and you can only watch as his eyes fall closed and he throws his head back in pleasure. 

Without warning, Sam plunges two fingers into you, stroking your walls with a ‘come here’ motion. You moan and almost choke around Jake’s cock, but you push through it and your eyes water with the effort. Your every sense is overwhelmed as Josh nips and bites at your tits. Jake’s moans and grunts as he fucks into your mouth are fucking pornographic and Sam’s fingers are quickly guiding you onto the edge. 

You reach your right hand out blindly, finding Josh’s hand where he’s stroking himself. You swat it away, relying only on your peripheral to see. You begin to pump his cock for him instead and he lets out a loud groan. 

“See that, Jake?” He says through clenched teeth. “Letting you fuck into her mouth and jacking me off at the same time… Such a talented little whore.” 

You moan at his words and the vibration makes Jake moan as well. He pulls his cock from you and a string of saliva falls from your lips. 

“Mmm.” He nods, brushing your sweaty hair from your forehead. “Such a good girl.” Jake observes you with dark eyes as you practically writhe on the bed. He can tell that you’re about to cum all over Sam’s fingers and yet you’re still giving Josh the handjob of his life. 

“Cum for me, y/n.” Sam demands, pumping his fingers in and out of you at a brutal pace. “Cum on my fingers.” And that’s all it takes for the coil in your belly to snap. Your hand drops from Josh’s dick as your mouth drops open and you let out a wail as you ride through the pleasure. 

“Fucking gorgeous.” Josh whispers, watching you fall apart. When you finally come down, you're met with all the Kiszkas looking at you like you’re the only girl in the whole world. And to them, you are. You’re struck again by the craziness of the situation you’ve found yourself in, surrounded by the three most attractive men you’ve ever met, all willing to share in your pleasure. 

“Get on your hands and knees.” Sam commands, snapping you back into the moment. 

You scramble up from your lying down position and do as you're told, sinking to your hands and knees in the middle of the bed. It creaks loudly as you let your weight settle, making sure to stick your ass up in the air to give them a show. 

“Always so fucking eager to please…” Jake mutters approvingly, giving your ass an appreciative squeeze before sliding underneath you on his back. In this position, his hard cock rests at attention between your breasts and his mouth is right beneath your dripping pussy. You rest your forearms on either side of his hips and lick his cock, swirling your tongue around the head. He hooks his arms around your thighs and pulls you down so that you're sitting on his face. He plunges his tongue into you, moving in and out slowly. 

Josh rises from his place by your side and scoots over so that he’s directly behind you. Sitting up on his knees, he fucks into his own hand lazily as he admires the sight of your ass up in the air. 

“You ready for my cock, baby?” He asks and you nod. 

He slides into you in one long thrust, moaning loudly as he bottoms out. 

“Shit!” You cry, the feeling of his cock stretching you coupled with Jake’s tongue is fucking overwhelming.

“Jesus, look at you.” Sam says, coming to rest at Jake’s feet. 

“Lemme suck you off, Sammy.” You moan, looking up at him with hooded eyes. 

“You guys hear that?” Sam says, chuckling darkly. “She wants to suck my cock.” 

“Fuck, y/n,” Josh says, thrusting in and out of you. “You’re a fucking sight to behold. Jesus.”

“Since you asked so nicely.” Sam sits up and you open your mouth and wrap your lips around him. You hollow your cheeks and bob your head as much as you can. The pleasure washing over you is so intense you can hardly focus and drool is falling from the corners of your lips, but you keep going. 

Jake suckles on your clit and you yelp around Sam’s cock, and Josh squeezes your ass cheeks as he pistons his hips in and out of you. Beneath you, Jake begins sliding his cock between your breasts, – never once letting up with his tongue, but still in desperate need for his own release. The sounds you’re making are making him feel fucking feral. 

Sam moans as you suck him off, and he tangles his fingers in your hair as he begins to fuck into your mouth in earnest. His cock hits the back of your throat and he groans loudly. You’re wound so tight you can hardly fucking stand it and your second orgasm is quickly overtaking you. You pull off Sam’s cock for a moment, wailing loudly. 

“I’m gonna fucking cum. Oh fuck.” The moan that falls from your mouth as you cum for the second time is high pitched and needy, and you’d probably be embarrassed if you weren’t so drunk on pleasure. Your mouth falls open in a perfect ‘o,’ and Sam takes the opportunity to thrust his cock back between your lips again. Your pussy clenches around Josh’s cock, pulling a loud moan from him and Jake laps at your release. You can feel his dick twitch between your breasts and he moans as he tastes you. 

“Fuck, y/n. You’re so fucking tight.” Josh says through clenched teeth, and his chest is flushed as he continues to fuck into you. Jake plunges his tongue back between your folds, mercilessly swirling your clit and you whine loudly, dancing on the edge between pain and pleasure. You’re so overstimulated and tears leak from your eyes, but none of them let up. You moan around Sam’s cock and he groans loudly. 

“You’re such a good whore for us, y/n. So fucking good.” You whine deep in your throat and clench your eyes shut. Between Josh’s cock and Jake’s tongue – not to mention the sounds that Sam is making, you feel like you could fucking explode. 

“So good.” Josh pants. “And all ours.” 

“Fuck I’m gonna cum!” Sam throws his head back and that’s all the warning you get before his release spills down your throat. You greedily swallow it all down and milk him for all he’s got. He pulls his cock from you with a pop and falls back against the headboard. 

The sound of his release sends you spiraling into a third orgasm, this one quick and sharp and without warning. You wail loudly as it crashes over you, and you clench hard around Josh. 

“Jesus, mama. Shit! So fucking tight. Gonna fucking cum. So fucking close.” His thrusts are sloppy and erratic, and it isn’t long before he reaches his own release, painting your walls with thick ropes of cum. The sound that falls from his lips is sinful, and your eyes roll back as Jake continues to eat you out. Jake is desperately rutting his dick up between your tits and you can tell he’s on the edge, but he’s not going to let himself fall off that crest without making you cum one more time. You need it so badly and your whole body feels like it’s on fucking fire. 

“Come on, y/n.” Sam encourages, voice silky smooth. “One more.”

“You can do it, pretty girl. Come on. Let us see you fall apart one more time.” Josh says between shaky breaths, pulling his soft cock from your pussy. 

You’re spewing profanities and whines and you're wailing their names as the coil in your belly somehow begins to tighten again. You have no idea what you’re saying and your vision is beginning to go black around the edges. With one last swirl of his tongue around your clit, Jake has you falling apart for the fourth time. Your eyes roll back in your head and you scream as you cum. You’re a babbling mess and the sight and sound of you makes Jake finally come apart himself. Ropes upon ropes of his cum paint your chest as he ruts his cock against your smooth skin and he moans your name loudly. 

“Fuck, y/n!” He cries as he finally comes down from his high. He slides out from under you and you collapse onto the bed, completely and utterly spent. 

Josh rises from the bed and hooks one arm beneath your knees and the other around your waist. He lifts you gently and Sam pulls the covers down to the foot of the bed. Josh lays you gingerly onto your back and wipes your hair from your face. You crack your eyes open at him. 

“Hey, mama.” He says with a sweet smile. “You okay?” 

You just hum and close your eyes again. Jake rises to grab a washcloth from the bathroom. He runs it under the warm water of the sink and brings it back over to the bed while Sam goes to grab you a glass of water. Jake cleans you up carefully, wiping the evidence of the night's activities from your skin. Josh helps you sit up and Sammy brings the glass to your lips and you take large, greedy gulps of it. When you’re finished, he places it on the nightstand. 

“You did so good for us, baby.” Jake says, voice almost a whisper. 

“So fucking good.” Josh murmurs as well, reaching down to grab his jumpsuit off the floor. He steps back into it and pulls it up, not bothering to zip it all the way. Jake does the same, pulling his pants on and grabbing his jacket and phone. 

“Get some rest.” He says. 

“Think I’m gonna sleep for a week.” You say tiredly, and the three of them laugh. “You were right, Jakey. All three of you was definitely the death of me.” 

“A valiant and noble death, m’lady.” Josh says with a dramatic bow. You giggle at his perpetual goofiness. 

“You guys have a good night.” Sam says, crawling into the bed and pulling the covers over you both. “I’ll take good care of her.” 

“You better.” Jake says and points a finger at him. “She needs some good rest.” 

“You kids be good.” Josh says, following Jake to the door to the hotel room. “I’ll have breakfast delivered to her in the morning.”

“What about me?” Sam said and you laughed at the indignation in his voice. 

“You’re a big kid, Sammy boy.” Josh laughs and Jake rolls his eyes at the both of them. “I’m sure you’ll manage.” 

The twins both give you soft, matching smiles before turning to open the door. 

“Thank you.” You tell them. 

Jake gives you a cheeky grin and a salute. 

“Any time.” And with that, he disappears out the door. 

“The pleasure was all mine, good lady.” Josh bowed once more and followed Jake, softly closing the door behind him. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sam says, extending his arm to turn off the light before settling back down. 

“You kidding me?” You ask, lying your head down and practically sinking into the bed. “That was a wet dream come true.”

Tags:

@blojaysimpson

[hotgirlbedtimescenarios]

The Beginning: Chapter 1

Javier Peña x f!reader / (2,849)

Summary: Fresh out of college, you just moved to Austin, Texas, and are starting fresh. It's Friday night, so you take yourself out to the bar for a quiet dinner and drink but end up blushing under the gaze of the gorgeous older man you meet.

Notes: This is my first ever fanfic, so go easy on me! Im not sure how long this series will be or the direction it will take, besides smutty ;). Please let me know what you guys are interested in or what you'd like to see so I can create the fantasies you girlies are dying to have come to life.

Disclaimers: This series is for adults over the age of 18.

It's your first Friday night after moving to Texas the week before. Your apartment is finally clear of cardboard boxes and miscellaneous piles of your belongings crammed into corners or atop every available bit of counter space.

The move was exciting and stressful following the whirlwind of a month you had prior. Graduating college, landing your first job hundreds of miles away, and saying goodbye to friends and family has kept you busy for so long. Now, you find yourself settled and alone in a new city which is why you decided to take yourself on a much-needed self-care date night.

You had been holed up in the apartment all week unpacking, ordering takeout, and wondering how the hell you were going to create a life here in Austin where you know a total of zero people.

Tonight, instead of feeling sorry for yourself you decided to explore your new city and act like the adult you are trying to become. You brush your hair and wear it down along with a light dusting of makeup. Just enough to make you feel like you got ready but nothing major. You throw on your favorite skirt and tank top combo then slide into some shoes and head out the door.

Summer in Austin is in full swing, even at 8 p.m. with the sun down and the breeze blowing, your skin is flush from walking a few blocks through downtown to the cozy dinner spot you scouted earlier in the week.

The restaurant is bathed in cozy dim lighting from the warm string lights overhead and Edison bulb fixtures found in every other trendy spot downtown. It's just the vibe you were going for, perfect for sitting alone at the bar with a book, a few apps, and a strong drink to ride out the night which is exactly what you do.

You cross the restaurant and reach the bar at the back wall, offering a smile to the bartender who greets you and tells you to sit wherever you like. You choose the left most barstool and sit down to empty the contents of your slouchy, knit tote bag you had slung across your shoulder. You place your book and cell phone onto the dark mahogany countertop and relax into the chair.

“What can I get for you tonight?” the bartender asks. “Dinner or drinks?”

“Espresso martini and a menu please”

“You got it”

Several minutes later with your drink placed before you and your order of garlic parmesan french-fries and sliders on the way, you take in your surroundings. It's dim, and cozy, and the restaurant is busy but it's mostly groups of what looks like college students who occupy big tables or couples out for date night. You don’t mind being here alone though, it will be nice to have a night to dive into your delicious romance novel in the corner with no one to bother you. Speaking of, you turn back to your book and crack it open as you take a sip of your martini. You aren’t sure how much time passes, but your food arrives and you thank the bartender who promises you a second martini is on the way before you even have to ask.

“You read my mind,” you say, and he chuckles as he walks away. You dig into your sliders which are greasy and indulgent, exactly what you wanted. You turn your attention to your fries and pick at them as you pick your book back up and focus on the story once again. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a figure moving towards the bar and when you look up you can't help but stare.

Walking in your direction is a tan-skinned man with dark hair sweeping to the side with a few stray stands falling down the front of his forehead towards his eyes. He walks slowly and swaggering, the sway of his hips telling you exactly how confident he is. Dressed in dark tight-fitting jeans, a blue button-up shirt, and a black leather jacket, the man looks a bit brooding and serious as he sits 4 barstools to your right.  Before you get caught staring you tear your eyes away from the man who, admittedly is very handsome despite being at least 20 years older than you.

You force your eyes back to your book, but you aren’t reading a word because you are too aware of the stranger sitting a couple of feet away from you. You hear him order a whiskey and you sneer, the last time you had whiskey was at your graduation party which ended up giving you the most outrageous hangover of your life.

“What’s wrong with whiskey?” you hear a gruff, deep voice ask in your direction.

You startle and look up at the stranger “Uh.. what?”

He turns his head in your direction “The look on your face. You seem offended by my drink of choice.” His eyes are big brown and dark but seem to sparkle despite the tension on his face. His jawline is strongly defined, and he has a masculine nose with a thick dark mustache perched atop full pouty lips.

Your face flushes when you snap back to reality and realize he is still staring straight at you waiting for a response. “Oh, you saw that?” you say embarrassingly, damn your inability to keep your facial expressions to yourself. “Whiskey reminds me of a few messy moments if I'm being honest”.

“Huh” he chuckles, “it seems to help me forget about mine.” His gruff words brought darkness to his eyes and creased lines into his forehead.

Before you have a chance to even think about that convoluted response the bartender returns with both your drink and the handsome stranger's whiskey on ice. “Any food for you tonight sir?”

“Are those any good?” he asks, turning to you and nodding towards the fries, catching you off guard yet again.

“Oh yeah, pretty fucking good” The words come out faster and easier than you thought they would. Under the weight of the man's gaze, you would usually be a bit shy, but your martinis have given you just enough liquid courage to set your anxieties aside.

“Some fries and another whiskey when they come out,” he orders and sits back in his chair. The waiter leaves and now it's just you and the stranger. “I’m Javier by the way.”

You tell him your name but after that, no other words pass between you. Eventually, you move your focus back to your book as the stranger drinks and picks at his fries that finally come.

By now, you are a couple of chapters deep, nursing your third espresso martini, and internally squealing at the sexual tension between the main characters in the book you're reading. You live for that tension and desire that frankly; you haven’t had in a long time. Dating in college consisted of a few flings here and there but nothing substantial and certainly nothing as delicious as what your favorite romance characters get to experience.

“That must be good,” Javier says to you with a smirk on his face. His eyes glanced from the blush on your cheeks to the book in your hands.

Your face goes red hot, and you meet his eyes. Your lips part, trying to come up with something to excuse your flustered look, but you know from the smirk on his face that you’ve been caught red-handed reading smut at the bar. You are about to drown in embarrassment but instead, you decide to feign unconcern and quip back, “A hell of a lot better than any real man has been.”

“Oh,” he says taken aback by your brazenness “, that’s a real shame. A pretty girl like you deserves the best.” His big brown eyes roam down your body and drink in the sight of you. He pauses ever so slightly at the hem of your skirt and when his eyes rise again to meet yours in challenge, they seem a bit darker than before.

Internally you are screaming, why the hell would you say that to a man you don’t even know? How do you even navigate this conversation when you are pretty sure has taken a very sharp turn into flirtatious territory?

Your brain is scrambling to come up with a solution to abort the mission but then you pause. You are an adult woman out in her new city, flirting with the hottest older man you’ve ever seen, and he seems interested in you. Why should you end things when you could pursue some romance of your own instead of living vicariously through your books? And hell, Austin is huge, you probably won't ever see this guy again after tonight so you might as well have a little fun.

You settle into your decision then meet his eyes with your own smirk and ask “And where can I find the best, Javier?”

The second his name leaves your mouth, you sense the change in mood, it's game on. The corner of his mouth turns up into a smile, and he rises from his barstool to stalk towards you. His eyes don’t leave yours as he takes the seat directly next to your and responds, “You’re looking at him.”

Your blood heats and nerves twist in your stomach. You’ve never met someone so straightforward but god it’s exciting. “You sound a bit cocky if you ask me.” You tease and lean forward, closing the distance between the two of you.

Before Javier can respond the bartender comes back and clears his throat, noticing the air around the two of you. You straighten up in an attempt to hide your flirting and look forward as the bartender lets you know that the restaurant is closing and he is about to bring the cheques.

“Add her to mine,” Javier says and hands the bartender his card before you have a chance to interject. The bartender rolls his eyes and lets out a huff but does as he is instructed. Weird, you think to yourself. Maybe he’s just annoyed because he has to redo the cheques. You don’t give it any more thought because your mind is a bit warm and fuzzy thanks to the handful of drinks you’ve had tonight.

Surprised, you thank Javier and excuse yourself to the bathroom while he waits to close out. When you return, Javier and the bartender are having an exchange that you can't quite hear. Whatever it is, both of their faces are plastered with scowls. When you reach the bar, Javier is staring down the bartender, his eyes dark and jaw clenched “None of your business” he says to the man and then he stalks outside to wait for you on the sidewalk.

You glance back at the bartender and ask, “What was that?”

“Nothing,” he says. “Just be careful.” He huffs, then walks away, leaving you alone.

Confused, you pack your things back into your totebag and make your way outside to meet Javier. When you step out and see him on the sidewalk, his brows are knit, and his fists are clenched. You even see a muscle tick in his jaw before he turns to look at you.

“What's wrong?” you ask, taking a worried step toward him.

He stands straight, keeping his distance, and says,” Apparently, I’m taking advantage of you” he spits out.

“Where the hell did you get that idea?” you balk.

He nods his head toward the restaurant. “I'm sorry if you feel that way.” Reaching up and running his hand through his hair, “I guess I got carried away.”

“Well, in case you didn’t notice, I'm old enough to make decisions for myself and everyone else can mind their own damn business.”

His eyes meet yours again, but you can see that the fire behind them is gone, and instead, they are empty. “Listen, sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, sweetheart. I enjoyed meeting you, though.”

Annoyed at the turn of events, you respond, “So that’s it? What happened to me deserving the best?”

He lets out a sigh “You do, but I’m far from it.” He says darkly.

You can feel the wall Javier is stacking up between the two of you. The flirtation is gone, and the night you were beginning to look forward to was slipping away. “Well, it was nice to meet you anyways, have a good night.” you clip and turn away to walk home.

Before you make it too far, you hear Javier walking behind you, so you stop and turn around. “You don’t want to talk to me anymore, but you’ll stalk me through the streets?” you slur at him a bit rudely.

He walks right up to you frowning and says, “I’ll at least walk a drunk girl home late at night. I might be an asshole, but I'm not stupid.”

“I’m not drunk,” you scoff, crossing your arms and starting to walk away again.

Like before, you hear him trailing behind  “Maybe not drunk, but definitely tipsy.”

You give up on trying to get rid of Javier and let him catch up to you. You spend the 15-minute walk home together mostly in silence, but he does ask a few questions. You tell him you're new to Austin, how you got there, and why. You try to ask him a few questions as well, but he is a lot less forthcoming with information. Eventually, you make it to the entrance to your apartment budling, and you stop mid-stride.

He pauses, “This is where you live?”

You nod, waiting for him to turn and leave, but he doesn’t. “Are you waiting for me to invite you up? I thought you weren’t interested anymore?” You say.

“Never said that,” he grumbles “But no, that’s not what I'm waiting for. I'm making sure you get inside, and then I'm gone,” he says coldly.

“I don’t need you to take care of me, you know. I can do that just fine myself. In fact, I was fine on my own tonight before you played hot and cold.”

You can't help but be annoyed with the blatant rejection from this man you just met tonight. You didn’t go out with hopes of meeting someone to bring home for the night, but when the handsome velvet-voiced man sat beside you, you were instantly captivated. Not to mention when he started flirting with you, which had your cheeks blushing and your stomach full of butterflies. It was almost embarrassing how quickly you'd decided to spend the night with him, but then he changed his mind at the drop of a hat.

Your words struck him somewhere deep “Listen honey, I’m sorry about that, but you don’t want this, you don’t want me.” He said with a pained but stern voice.

“And what if I do? Just for one night?” you say, looking up at him, pleading.

“Then you'd be wrong.” He says, then clenches his jaw and begins to walk away.

You watch him continue down the street for a few steps before turning to walk inside your apartment building's first floor and to the elevator.  You're still thinking about the gravel in his voice and the way it had you hanging on to every last word back at the bar when you finally make it to the door of your third-floor apartment.

You search for the keys in your tote bag and let out a sigh when you hear the door unlock and push inside. Kicking off your shoes and locking the door behind you, you shuffle through the living room and into the bedroom.

Glancing at the clock on your bedside table, you see that it’s just shy of 11. Now that you're home and the excitement of the night is disappointingly over, you can feel the tiredness creeping up on you. Before you change, you walk up to close the blinds on the window beside your bed.

You were actually so excited about the windows in your new apartment because you have a great view of downtown Austin from your living room. Unfortunately, though, your bedroom window points directly at a window in the neighboring building, so it's much less exciting, or so you thought.

Right before you close the blinds, you see the light in the room of that neighboring window flick on, and a pair of broad shoulders hidden inside a familiar black leather jacket stride into that bedroom. You let out a gasp and watch as Javier fully enters the bedroom and throws his jacket and keys onto the dresser across from his bed. As he turns to close the blinds precisely as you were about to do, he freezes, and his eyes meet yours.

Maybe he was right; you might be drunk. Or maybe you just want him to see what he’s missing out on. Right now, you don’t care which it is, so you give him a small smile and begin to undress under the weight of his stare.

*part 2 is out now*

[iwishpauldanowasreal]

Superstar - Greg Hirsch x Reader

1.3k - Author’s note: I love Greg, So I just had to write this. Also I might write a second one if this gets activity. :) enjoy

“Wait I have to piss first, wait for me outside” Tom slightly clapped his hands in front of Greg to scare him. Tom was satisfied enough when Greg slightly jumped in his chair and awkwardly laughed it off. “Of course! I see you out there then” Greg started to stand but Tom was already gone paying Greg no mind. 

Greg thanked the doorman then finding himself outside of the some 5 star restaurant that he couldn’t pronounce but Tom insisted they had the best steak or  lamb. To say the least Greg never ate lamb before and thought it was just fine. He began to look over to see Tom’s fancy limo about to step in trying to get away from outside. He heard your voice call to him. 

“Greg?” 

There you were standing in the middle of the street. Greg was going to avoid any person that called out his name, he learned that lesson from Roman. Never look in the way of people calling your name, they just want your attention or some lousy photo. But it was you. He could never forget your voice.

To be fair it has been a while since he heard it. Back in college when you two were best friends. Everyone knew you guys as close but never was told the secret kisses two of you would share. The little touches only he would get. To the simple eye, it was a shoulder touch but to him it was to meet you later to make out in a empty hallway. 

“Y/n!”

Greg quickly ran over to you. You saw his little run to you. He always carried himself a little differently being so tall. “Wow! I haven’t seen you in so long” You rolled your eyes playfully. “Yeah! What the hell, you avoided my texts and never replied” Greg forgot to mention that. After graduation Greg had a hard time finding a job while everyone else around him did. Even though he remembered how excited you were to start a job a few states away to become an editor. But he was embarrassed, practically living out of his car for a few months. He decided to avoid it all and just stopped talking to all his friends. Even you, which he didn’t think about until the moment you hit his shoulder. How did that affect you? Losing your best friend.

Greg’s face quickly went flat and you recognized that look from Greg being in his head. Quickly putting a stop to it. “Greg, Don’t worry. I’ve missed you” You took his shoulders and shook them a bit. Greg finally looked up at you and smiled. 

You couldn’t help but smile with him and laugh a bit. Same old Greg. You took a step back to get a full look at him with his outfit and shoes. “What’s up with you Mr Fancy. Your hair is so short. Oh My” You teased 

Greg always had his hair pretty shaggy and long. Now looking at him was a totally different person. The suit threw you off when you first spotted him. Greg would wear lame outfits and definitely go more comfort than fashion but now? He looked like a suitor who owns a huge company. “Yeah! It’s very cool! I have to put special stuff in my hair now, or else it won’t look right” He cheesed at you. He was clearly blushing, putting small piece hair behind his ear. 

“You look good Greg” He paused for a second. His heart was slightly beating faster and he let out another nervous laugh. “What about you! You’re editing, Why are you in New York. Wasn’t your job in.. “

He predicts to think about it hoping you cut him off. You wait for him to notice you aren’t taking his bullshit.

“Um”

 “Jersey”

“Jersey!!” He nodded his head. You couldn’t help but laugh at the cute way Greg got nervous. He was slightly rocking back and forth. “I quit that job one month in, I think. It was-“ There was suddenly a yell that came out behind Greg. “Greg!!” There stood another tall man in a suit just like Greg’s and waved a gesting wave to get in the car. Greg’s eyes widened which y/n noticed immediately.

“I’ve got to go. '' He deflated. You just couldn’t help but hug Greg. If there was one thing you missed about Greg it was most definitely his hugs, And boy did he deliver. He squeezes you tightly and slightly lifts you up in the most subtle and gentle way. You sighed softly as you pulled away. You debated in your head a little thinking of going headstrong with Greg. 

Before you fully pulled away you kissed his cheek before smiling at him sweetly. “Text me?” He stood there in disbelief. Just hugging you for that one second would have made his entire week. But also a light kiss? “Of course!” He nodded as you started to walk but in the coffee shop you were in earlier. He started to walk back but he couldn’t help himself but look back at you. 

“Who’s that?” Greg had hopped back into the limo and Tom quickly jumped on him with questions. “That hug looked intense. Tell me Greg who is she” Tom suddenly interested in Greg’s love life, or his life in general. “What are you talking about. She’s just a friend in college” Tom suddenly gasped and turned his whole attention towards Greg. “You dog!” 

Greg was red in the face and stuttered to say sometime to defend himself. “Did you guys sleep together?” Greg quickly shook his head. “No! I- No.” Tom suddenly did a read on Greg’s face and how it looked like a kicked puppy. “But you wanted to,” Greg just sighed heavily and looked away. “I mean, Yes. She’s beautiful” Tom leaned back suddenly getting bored, that wasn’t the reaction he wanted. 

“She is beautiful, I’ll give her that. But she isn’t anything” Tom just shrugged then suddenly pulled out his phone. “What do you mean?” Tom didn’t look up at Greg and was just texting who Greg assumed was Shiv. “She doesn't look rich or anything. That outfit“ Tom rolled his eyes and put his phone back into his suit pocket. “You can’t gain anything from her” 

-

Greg was pacing around his coffee table looking down at his phone. He just got off and was wondering if he should text her this late at night. “Shit” He yelped randomly and picked up his phone and began to text. “Hey. This is Greg, I was wondering if we can get coffee tomorrow morning at 9am” He quickly hit send and threw his phone.

Y/n just got out of the shower when you heard your phone go off. You smirked when you looked at your phone. It was an old photo of Greg. He was wearing a winter hat, and just looked perfect. One of his friends took the photo after you guys went out bar diving during winter break and decided at the last minute to have a snowball fight. 

Sitting down on your bed getting distracted by looking at old photos of Greg. He was your favorite. Everyone in the study group knew that you guys were stuck side by side. Your favorite part of the day is when class was over and you went to your dorm which Greg was always in. Luckily your roommate was gone most of the time, but the image of him passing out on your bed made you so soft. You would stare at him all day, you would either sneak photos or lean in super close and touch his hair and hear him breath. 

Luckily he never caught you, because explaining why you liked to watch him sleep was something you couldn’t do

[billionairebabes]

I'm Back!! Kinda...

I know it's been a while since I posted my own content or writing but I wrote this a few years back and never shared it but I know this would be helpful to a lot of you girlies now that the job market has once again taken a downturn. I originally wrote this after landing my first full-time job post-2020.

Like many, I graduated into a pandemic and found myself looking for my first job in the midst of a nationwide hiring freeze. The process was grueling but in failure, there are also many lessons learned and luckily, my search ended in success at one of the biggest tech companies in the world. In the past few years, I’ve worked at some of the biggest and best companies in the world making it past several rounds of interviews, impressing my future colleagues, managers, and even VPs so it’s safe to say I know a thing or two about landing a job. Here goes!

B's Guide to Landing Your DREAM JOB PART 1!

If you’re still in college there are a few things I would suggest a few things. 

Start interning as soon as possible. The sooner you start practicing interviewing at companies you’re interested in, the better. Also, a few internships on your resume prior to your graduation will help A LOT. Trust me. You’ll have experiences to speak about in all those behavioral interviews as well. 

Become friendly with the professors in your field. They can become a good reference for you later. Even if only one to three times a semester go to your professor’s office and chat. They can also put in a good word for you for programs. This brings me to my next point. 

In most industries, there are conferences each year that either offer discounts (or free tickets) to college students and/or are directly aimed at college students. If you’re a POC, find programs aimed at diversifying that industry. These conferences often have recruiting opportunities with large companies and most times the interview process won’t be as rigorous compared to an applicant who may have applied online. I would recommend compiling a list at the beginning of each school year with these program names as well as their application due dates. 

Don’t join clubs just to have them on your resume. Aim for leadership roles or redirect your time to other personal projects that interest you. It’ll make for a better conversation with your recruiters and hiring managers to say “I built XYZ because I was interested in ABC” rather than “I was just a member of that club and went to the meetings once a month.” 

This varies across industries but for the most part, your GPA isn’t all that important especially after you land your first job after college so breathe. 

Perfect your resume and this part couldn’t be more critical. In the age of ATS (Applicant Tracking Systems) and fierce competition, it’s become vital that your resume can stand out and communicate very clearly how you’re qualified for the job. Here are my resume tips: 

My favorite program to create resumes on is Canva. They have a ton of great templates and are super customizable and not to mention, it’s FREE. 

Use quantifiable measurements to show your results if possible. 

Use action verbs at the beginning of your bullet points. Personally, I believe each description should have at least 3-4 bullet points but never only 1. Here are some of the words on my resume: Constructed, Spearheaded, Managed, Collaborated, and Lead. All of your descriptions should state what you did, how you did it (programs used, methods, etc.), and the outcome.  

I personally think every resume should include your: Experience, Skills, Leadership/ Professional Development (for college students this could mean conferences attended, programs, boot camps, etc.), Projects (shows independence and initiative), Contact, and Education. Make sure your LinkedIn is included in your ‘Contact’ section. You should have a personalized LinkedIn link, that’s free. 

Your LinkedIn needs to be at 100% completion. This is a place where you can really show off because there are no space limits. This can showcase every job or internship you’ve ever had, every program or project you’ve had an impact on, etc. The better your LinkedIn, the better chance you have a recruiter finding you and inviting you to interview for a role they think would be a good fit. 

Your profile picture ideally is a professional one but if not possibly find time to take one in natural daylight with a quality camera and a plain background. I’ve also seen people using AI to now turn regular pics into professional ones. 

Interact with posts, comment, and share. This will help get your name and profile circulating. 

Announce that you’re looking for a job to your network. Include your resume and what you’re looking for in that post. You never know who might see it. 

Grow your network and the easiest place to start is with people you’ve gone to school with and current or previous coworkers. 

Put your resume on your LinkedIn profile (You can do this by attaching a media file) 

Know your elevator pitch and know it well because every single person you interview with will probably ask you this. My elevator pitch sounds something like this: 

I’m Britt and in  June, I graduated from Icy University with a degree in Math and a minor in Sociology. Throughout college, I completed a number of internships doing _______ and have developed skills in _______. When I was a senior I learned about (or developed an interest in) _____  and did _____ to grow my skills or learn more about it. Now that I’ve graduated I’m looking for a role in ______ where I can continue to ______. (My elevator pitch is now different now that I’ve had two full-time roles but you get the point)

Now we apply. 

LinkedIn is your friend here and my favorite job posting platform. Set up Job Alerts for companies you’re interested in so that you have a better chance of being an early applicant. 

As annoying as this is, you will have to edit your resume for almost every position you apply to. Use the words they use to describe your roles in your work history and remember to always save your resume as a PDF. This definitely will help you get past the ATS system. Remember to adjust the words used in your ‘Skills’ section too but don’t lie. These days, many companies with decent salaries are giving applicants take-home assignments. This applies to your cover letters as well. (I no longer write cover letters though, no one reads them).  I saved every version of my cover letter and could eventually just mix and match paragraphs according to the type of job I was applying to. Of course, you will still have to change some words to best match the position’s job posting. 

The LinkedIn stalking begins. Find someone at the company you’ve applied for and invite them to connect but ALWAYS include a note.  In this note, you will give a very brief introduction and your reason for messaging. Mine usually looked something like this: Hi ___, I’m Britt and I recently applied for the ____ position. I’d love to learn more about the department, the team, and the company. Would you have 15 minutes to chat sometime this week or next? Thanks in advance, Britt. 

My tip is that you find a manager on the team rather than a recruiter for the company. I find that they never accept invitations but managers usually will. 

On this call, you’ll discuss exactly what you mentioned in your opening note, and remember to have prepared questions for them. If you make a good impression, most managers will be willing to forward your resume to the recruiting team. 

Let me know if you all want a part 2 on how I prepare for my interviews. I’d say I have an interview success rate of about 90% in the past 2 years! 

[rugtopper]

A NEW BEN

by rugtopper

Ben had always been fasinated with hairpieces for as long as he could remember. His earliest recollection of this was when he was five years old. He could remember being in the dentist's chair and looking up to see the underventing of his dentist's toupee. As he got older, Ben never really thought much else about it until he started having strange nightmares in high school. At first, he could not remember the dreams. All he could remember was waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. By the time Ben was in college the dreams were occuring everynight; however, now he could remember them in total detail. In the dream he always saw himself enter a bedroom, cross to a full-length mirror, undress to reveal his boxer shorts, athletic undershirt, thick-n-thin socks, and garters. Afterwards, he would go to the bathroom and brush his teeth. At this point, his dream became like a slow-motioned action sequence. He would slowly move his hand to his forehead and gingerly begin to remove his toupee to reveal his perfectly-shaped MPB ring. This dream was a nightly part of Ben's sleep schedule. Eventually, the dreams stopped, Ben graduated from college, and found a great job as a low-level bookkeeper with a securities firm.

One day at work, Ben had some downtime so he decided to check his personal e-mail, and do a little surfing. About fifteen minutes later, he received an instant message from some guy. They started chatting about various things. The guy, Roger, sent his picture. He was wearing a rug! All of a sudden memories began to flood back that Ben hadn't thought about in nearly five years - the dreams, the dentist, and the guy he saw every morning in the elevator who works in Human Resources.

Roger and Ben continued to chat and exchange e-mails for three months. Ben revealed everything to Roger about his growing fetish. Eventually, Roger convinced Ben that now was the time to do something about his growing need to be a rug-ged man.

Ben did a little sleuthing and found a barber downtown who fitted toupees.  He ordered two toupees on-line and then contacted the barber, Phil. Ben was very nervous about setting up an appointment, but he knew he just had to do this. Phil was very understanding especially when Ben explained that he would have to remove some hair from the top of his head. 

"Just how much hair needs to be removed?" Phil asked.

"Well," Ben stammered, "I..."

"It's okay, we'll figure it out when you get here." Phil responded. Phil knew what Ben meant. He had seen this a few other times.

Ben arrived at the barbershop with his toupees still in the box. Phil was very nice. Ben still had a full head of hair. 

"Well, let's get started,"  Phil said. 

So, Ben sat in the chair as Phil began to transform him into the man he had always wanted to be. Phil got out the clippers and began by shaving the top and part of the sides of Ben's head. "That's the easy part, now comes the time consuming part." Phil got out the gel and the laser and methodically began removing the stubble from Ben's head. Ben's emotions were everywhere at this point. He was scared, nervous, excited, and a little shattered to be losing his hair.  Finally, after a very long time, Phil turned Ben around to look at himself in the mirror for the first time as a 28 year old man with male pattern baldness. Ben nearly started to cry and said, "I'm bald; Oh, God, my hair."  Phil quickly responded, "It's okay, Ben, your hair is right here." With that, Phil took the toupee off of the wig stand and applied tape to the tape tabs and placed it on Ben's head. Then Phil began cutting, shaping and blending the toupee into Ben's own fringe. He got a small handheld steamer to form Ben's new synthetic facsimile into the perfect businessman's style.  Again, after a while, Phil turned Ben around to the mirror to reveal the new Ben. It was perfect.  Well, it was hideous, but in Ben's estimation, it was perfect.  This flat brown piece of Dynel was taped to his denuded scalp.  There was just an eighth of an inch gap at the part to expose the mesh base foundation.  The style was off-the-forehead enough to allow anyone with rudimentary skills of observation to notice that it was not growing out of Ben's scalp.  At first glance, Ben couldn't believe his eyes, but his dick understood what was happening.  He could feel the throbbing down there. Ben didn't know how long he sat there just staring at his new hair, but eventually he did get up, pay Phil, and go home.

When he walked into the house, he immediately went to his bedroom.  He was about to see his dream come true.  Fantasy was finally reality. And it did.  As he stood there in front of his full-length mirror, he undressed to his undergarments.  He now looked like every middle aged man he had ever admired and always wanted to be.  As he slowly removed his toupee for the first time, he quickly grabbed his throbbing cock and proceeded to finish what he wanted to do at the barbershop.

The next morning, Ben got up earlier than normal to give himself some extra time with his new hair.  When he got to his office building, he took the elevator as usual only this time he paid closer attention to the guy from Human Resources.  It turned out to be Roger from the Internet.  Roger and Ben just stared at each other's reflection in the elevator's mirrors until finally Roger told Ben that he was happy that Ben finally got his new hair.  He told him he should be proud of his new hair. Throughout the work day, Ben got quite a few stares, a few giggles, and some double takes.  Ben made it a point to go to lunch with Roger that day.  As Ben had suspected, he and Roger had a wonderful common secret, and possibly even a future.

THE END

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Tomorrow's my big day. I quit my motel job on August 12th, moved clear across the state on September 1st, and I officially start my new job as a park groundskeeper tomorrow, December 11th, just one day shy of four full months without employment. This was scary; it really came down to the wire. I didn't expect it to take so long to find something. I bought a used car in April and spent all of spring and summer saving up for my move, and my savings ran out a few weeks ago. My parents have been able to help me coast, and I got $230 in food assistance from the state last month (I was supposed to get more this month, but a bureaucratic fuckup on their end put my case on hold indefinitely), but tomorrow is the start of a new chapter in my life. I have my own apartment, in two or three weeks I'll get my first paycheck and have full time income, I'll be able to pay all my bills and build back up my savings a little at a time, it's a huge step forward for me.

I've been listless for the last 5 years. I graduated from college in December 2018, and I have nothing to show for it. I attempted a life changing move in January 2021 but things didn't go as planned and I had to fall back to my parents' place by April, but this time is different. I'm not stuck scanning groceries, I'm not sitting behind a desk answering the phone, I can keep this job without having a mental breakdown, it's going to be good. I need this structure in my life. I need routine. I need a set schedule with concrete responsibilities so I don't while away the hours flipping between my phone and laptop all day long.

I'm nervous because I consider this my first "real" job. I spent 3 years at the motel, that's pretty real, but what I mean is it was never fulfilling and I hated every second of it because of the tourists I had to deal with, but this is a cushy city job with benefits and potential to move upwards; this could conceivably become a career, though I don't necessarily want it to be just yet. I'll have to see how things go tomorrow and how I feel about it going into 2024; if it turns out to suck then I'll look for something better, but if it's all it's cracked up to be then I'll stick around long term. Thing is, I REALLY need the money right now, so anything is better than nothing.

[braveclementine]

September

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Twilight characters or locations. I do own Davina Mikelson and Marcel. I also own the backstory for my OC. I do not condone any copying of this.

Davina P.O.V.

I rushed into the hospital, specifically Carlisle Cullen's office. "So sorry I'm late Doctor." I said, dashing to the file cabinet so that I could grab the work I was supposed to be doing. "I had a timed test for one of my classes and I only just got it done."

Carlisle laughed, "It's not a problem Davina. You're only five minutes late."

"Five minutes and it's my first day." I pointed out, breathing hard as I sat down gently on the couch, trying not to flop down.

I had graduated from Forks High School last May and had applied to some online courses so that I didn't have to go in person to college. Carlisle thought it was him that was keeping me from having 'real life college experience', but it wasn't. I just didn't feel like leaving the small town that was like a whole world of its' own.

I had also started being a bit more than an intern at the hospital, but as I still wasn't a full fledged doctor, I was still considered an intern. But now, I was allowed to work with real patients- if it wasn't serious- and also learn more about medicines.

Not to mention I was also the mother of vampires and werewolves.

Yes, vampires and werewolves. None of them were actually my biological children- vampires being created by venom and werewolves having real parents- but regardless, I was the mother of both groups.

On the vampire side, it made sense. Carlisle was like the father of Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Edward and his sister Esme was like their Aunt. So, as I was dating Carlisle, it sort've made me the mother.

With the werewolves on the other hand- there were only three: Jared, Paul, and Sam. Sam was my brother and he was also the leader of the werewolf pack. But somehow, I had become a mother figure to Jared and Paul. They always came to me about problems- Paul had a lot of them- and so there was that.

Not that I minded. I really liked my position in the vampire and werewolf tribes, even if they weren't very traditionally. Dating a vampire. Being a werewolf's sister. . . even if we weren't related.

"How did the test go?" Carlisle asked, looking up from his work. Merlin he was so hot in his white coat and light blue shirt.

"Uh a 95.6%." I said with a slight frown, "They didn't tell me what I got wrong though so that was a little annoying."

"That's a good grade." Carlisle said. "Good job."

I tried not to beam with pride.

"Oh yeah, were you able to get Bella's birthday present?" I asked after a few minutes. I had forgotten what had been nagging me and this was it.

"Yes I did." Carlisle said with a smile.

"How much were the tickets?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Don't worry about it." Carlisle said.

I tsked, "Carlisle, it's not a present from both of us if I didn't help pay for it."

"Yes it is." Carlisle argued. "Besides, I don't mind."

I hesitated but didn't really feel like arguing if he truly was fine with taking the bulk of the payment for the airplane tickets. Plus, Alice gave me a $5000 dress as a gift so I supposed $828 dollar plane tickets was pocket change.

Alice also never let anyone wear anything twice in her family. So, I would take the mens' clothes, wash them several times before putting them in boxes in the attic. I planned to give them to Sam after a few months so that one, the vampire smell would be out of them after some time and two, Sam would be able to give them to any of the boys who started having no clothing due to wolfing out so much.

For Alice, Rosalie, and Esme's clothes- I kept the ones I liked and fit. The others I made money off of at the thrift store. The really pricey ones I sold on Amazon.

I finished my work quickly, filing it away before kissing Carlisle good-bye and headed back to the Cullen house.

Once home, I headed up to Carlisle and mine bedroom- well really more mine as Carlisle didn't sleep- and looked for something to wear tonight for Bella's birthday.

I wore a white, thin sleeved shirt with a pleated plaid skirt. I wore a cream coloured sweater over that along with similar coloured shoes with dark brown laces. I did my own makeup today, doing a light covering before curling my dark brown hair into the curls that Carlisle loved so much.

[Ignore basically anything that wasn't in above description]

It was late, Alice was decorating downstairs. Carlisle had come in at some point, leaning against the doorframe to watch me curl my hair. I ignored him so I didn't burn myself and only turned to acknowledge his presence once I'd unplugged the curling iron.

"Hey love." Carlisle said, holding out his arms and I eagerly walked forward into his embrace.

"Hey Ravenclaw." I grinned. I had made all of the Cullens take Pottermore tests and Carlisle- as expected- was a Ravenclaw. It was now my nickname for him.

"Alice is going slightly overboard." Carlisle said with a sigh. "I'm afraid Bella might have a stroke."

"Well, good thing there is a doctor at home." I said, standing up on my tip toes to press my lips to his. "I'll be downstairs in a moment, okay?"

"Yes." Carlisle said and he was gone without even the slightest ruffle of a breeze.

I grinned at myself in the mirror, wiping away some excess blush and then headed out of the bedroom.

I heard voices and I headed over to one of the other rooms where Edward and Bella were standing, gazing at one of the pictures I hadn't had a chance to look at yet.

". . .thing to royalty my world has." Edward was saying.

Bella looked at the picture and then asked with slight hesitation, "Is that Carlisle?"

I moved so that I could see the painting. It was rather large, taking up room almost floor to ceiling, though not wide.

It depicted a scene of three vampires looking out over a balcony, one leaning against a pillar standing a respectful distance back: two blonds, two black.

While the three wearing more extravagant clothes looked rather proper, tall, and proud, the one in the back looked uncomfortable and small, looking pained about the humans dying beneath him.

I knew the one in the front was Aro. The leader of sorts while the one standing to the back and left of him was Marcus, his hair longer and curlier. The blond was Caius and to me, he looked a bit like Lucius Malfoy, just with red eyes and not nearly as handsome.

And of course, the vampire leaning against the pillar was Carlisle. The love of my life. He wasn't wearing extravagant clothes, but he still looked more handsome than the others. His coat was brown, the white cravat around his neck, the shirt underneath a dull yellow that matched his pants. And of course, because of the time period this was painted, they had the knee high socks and black pilgrim shoes as I called them.

"Yeah. He lived with them for a few decades." Edward answered. "Described 'em as very refined. No respect for human life, of course. But a respect for the arts and the sciences, at least. And the law. Above all, the law."

"Vampires have laws?" Bella asked.

I continued to gaze at Carlisle's figure, almost as though it was moving, his head turning from the crowd below.

"Not very many." Edward replied. "And only one that's regularly enforced."

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"That we keep the existence of our kind a secret." Edward responded. "We don't make spectacles of ourselves. And we don't kill conspicuously. Unless of course, you want to die."

"You got to stop talking about that," Bella said, and I took that as my cue to leave.

I quickly hurried through the hallway, vaulting off the stairs. "Em Bear!"

Emmett was there in millisecond, catching me before I could crash on the floor. "You gotta keep doing that Mama bear. You're going to give Carlisle a heart attack."

"Don't you mean stop doing it?" I questioned with a laugh as Emmett set me down on the floor.

"Nope because I would love to see if vampires actually can get heart attacks." Emmett teased.

Emmett was wearing a gray shirt with a tight black vest over it and black dress pants. I looked him up and down and said, "I approve. Did Ali force you to dress that way or Rose?"

"Neither. I know how to dress myself for special occasions." Emmett protested.

I raised a skeptical eyebrow as Carlisle zoomed behind me, putting his arms around my waist.

"Alright, maybe Alice pushed me in the right direction." Emmett complained.

"Mmmm." Was all I said as Carlisle rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Please don't launch yourself from high places." Carlisle muttered in my ear.

"Aww." I said, turning around to press my forehead to his. "Don't worry Carlisle. I would've landed on my feet."

I felt a growl start up in Carlisle's chest and I pressed my lips to his quickly before pulling away.

Esme, Rose, Ali, and Jaz walked into the room at that moment.

Rosalie was wearing a simple black dress and a gold necklace, walking over rather dejectedly to stand beside Emmett who looked ecstatic to see her. I smiled. Alice meanwhile darted up the stairs to get Bella. Jasper stood by himself and Esme gradually came over to stand with me and her brother.

"You look beautiful Esme." I said, taking in her red hair and purple dress.

As everyone else was wearing dresses, I felt sort of out of place wearing the rather normal skirt and shirt. Oh well.

"So do you." Esme said, giving me a hug.

Alice led Bella down the stairs, Bella stopping at the top when she saw the living room.

It was a bit much in my opinion and I was so sincerely glad that I had never told Alice when my birthday was. Carlisle and I had gone out on a secret date instead.

There were candles on every desk along with these large bouquets of flowers. Carlisle looked at me with a knowing smile at Bella's face. I smirked back.

Carlisle and I approached Bella first and he said, "Sorry about all this. We tried to reign Alice in." He took her hands, squeezing them.

"As if that were even possible." Esme and I said together. Esme hugged her first, and then I did.

"Happy Birthday Bella!" Esme said.

"Thanks." Bella sounded so over her birthday already.

Everyone turned as there was a clicking noise and Alice said apologetically, "I found it in your bag. You mind?"

"Dating an older woman. Hot." Emmett said to Edward.

I snorted, "Em bear. . ."

Things got awkward quickly. It seemed only Alice had an enthusiasm for tonight, dancing around to get a present, pretty much forcing it into Rosalie's hand and saying, "You first Rosalie."

Rose quickly held it out to Bella and said, "It's a necklace. Alice picked it out."

"I want cake." I muttered quietly so that only the vampires can hear me, and Carlisle and Jasper chuckled.

"Thanks." Bella said.

Alice dragged Edward over to take a picture of the two of them together and I turned to Carlisle, putting my hands on his shoulders. I stared up at him with a small smile on his face, tuning out the world behind me.

Until Alice said, "Open Davina and Carlisle's."

I turned, coming to stand by Bella's side, bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet.

"Just a little something to brighten your day." Carlisle said softly.

"Yes, because you've been looking kind of. . . pale lately." I smirked. Emmett laughed behind me.

Bella had difficulty opening it up, and when she finally did, she let out a little 'ow', holding up her hand to show blood running down her finger. "Paper cut," was all she said before turning back to open up the airplane tickets.

I felt my body stiffen because there was now blood exposed. I turned to look at Jasper- because he was the one I was most worried about with bloodlust being an emotion- and saw that his eyes were slowly darkening.

Only Edward seemed to notice as I went to stand in front of Bella. He pushed, missing Bella, hitting me, sending me crashing into Bella, both of us slamming into the back wall. I was on my feet in an instant, ignoring the glass in my wounds. Edward slammed Jasper backwards so that he crashed into the piano, breaking it.

Carlisle went to grab him, missing, though Emmett managed to wrap one arm around Jasper's waist.

And then I was there, right in front of Jasper, holding his face in my hands. "Jasper." I said quietly. "Jasper look at me."

Jasper tried to focus his eyes on me. "Don't breathe." I whispered. "Close off that sense. Keep your eyes on me."

Blood steadily dripped from my arm from the glass, making Carlisle's eyes flicker a little.

"Jasper, look at me." I continued as Edward zoomed to Bella's side. "Emmett, slowly let go of Jasper."

Emmett did as I commanded and I started moving forwards, pushing Jasper a little until he was walking backwards on his own and we were out of the house.

Once we were out in the fresh air, the tension seemed to disappear and I pulled Jasper into a hug. "It's alright Jaz, you're okay."

Jasper let out a stuttering breath. "I am weak Mama."

"No, no you're not. You're new. Carlisle has had three hundred years of practice and everyone's blood tests someone differently. Carlisle almost lost it with my blood in there too. It's practice Jasper. Practice makes perfect. If it takes you ten years, twenty years, another century, it doesn't mean you're weak. You have your own difficulties to deal with. All the other vampires in there had to deal with the lust of Bella's blood too. It just heightens yours as well."

"You're bleeding." Jasper said softly.

"Yes, but I'll be alright. My blood only seems to tempt Carlisle. You don't want to drink it, do you?"

Jasper paused, giving a tentative sniff, before shaking his head, "It doesn't. . . it doesn't appeal the way it should."

"You okay?" Alice asked, coming to stand out as well. Rosalie, Esme, and Emmett disappeared out into the forest.

"I'm going to go see Carlisle, you can take things from here." I told Ali, kissing Jasper's cheek.

Edward came out too, looking dead inside. I went to touch his shoulder but he was gone in a flash, leaving me hurt and confused.

I made my way up the stairs as I heard small clinking sounds coming from Carlisle's office. I stopped outside the door, listening.

". . . been away from human blood as long as the rest of us." Carlisle explained softly.

"How do you do it?" Bella asked.

"Years and years of practice." Carlisle sighed.

"Did you ever think of just doing it the easy way?" Bella asked.

"No." Carlisle said simply.

I looked into the office and saw Bella gripping his shirt, her arm extended. He was busy stitching up her wound.

"I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people. Brings me happiness. Even if I am damned regardless."

He had never told me that. That he feared he was damned.

"Damned? Like hell?" Bella questioned.

Carlisle didn't answer.

"Carlisle you couldn't be damned. You couldn't. It's impossible."

"Thank you, Bella. You've always been very gracious about us." Carlisle said.

"So that's it?" Bella asked after a moment. "That's why he won't change me?"

"Imagine the situation in reverse." Carlisle touched her chin, making my heart clench in. . . was that jealousy? Surely not. . .

He moved away, grabbing a stick, lighting it on fire, and dipping it into the bowl of blood and gauze.

"If you believed as Edward does, could you take away his soul?"

I stepped away from the office, moving quietly down to the bedroom.

Carlisle P.O.V.

I knew Davina heard every word between us and when I touched Bella's chin, I heard her heart skip. I hoped she didn't think I didn't love her. I did. I loved Davina immensely.

Davina's footsteps moved away from the office, moving upstairs towards our bedroom.

Edward came back to drive Bella home and I went upstairs to the bedroom.

"Davina?" I asked, stepping into the room.

She looked up from her position on the floor. She was sitting near the footstool, a pair of tweezers in her hand, pulling the glass from her own wound, dropping it into a small bowl like the one I had used with Bella.

"Hey." She whispered softly, putting the tweezers down, running a wet cloth over the wound to clean it before she reached for a needle and some thread.

I was by her side in an instant, "I hope you weren't going to try and stitch it up yourself."

Normally she would make some sort of joke, give me a teasing smile. Instead, she simply shrugged, leaning her head back. That troubled me and I picked up the needle, starting to work gently on her arm.

I smelled something different, salt water, and I looked around for the source and saw Davina had tears running down her face.

"Davina!" I asked in alarm. "Are you alright? If the needle-"

"It's not the needle." Davina murmured, opening her dark eyes to meet mine. I finished off the stitches, lighting the blood and such on fire, feeling I could breathe easier now.

"What is it?" I asked as she climbed into my lap, wrapping her arms underneath mine, squeezing my hips with her legs, burying her head into my shoulder.

"Do you. . . do you think you are damned?"

"I believe that if I redeem myself, then no, I am not damned." I said softly.

"What could you possibly have to redeem yourself from!" Davina cried. "You're perfect. You've never killed a single person. You save people in hospitals. You try and help people! You do help people! If you think you're damned then I have no hope."

I was surprised by this outburst. I wanted to tell her that there was nothing she could've done in her life that would condemn her to hell- except becoming a vampire- but I knew I didn't know everything about her.

"Davina. . ." I said softly, stroking her hair back behind her ear.

"Carlisle." Another voice said and we both looked up to see Edward there. "We need to speak. As a family. Davina, you should go home."

Davina's face showed a little hurt and confusion. They all called her mom or equivalents. Never Davina- not after she accepted to be their mom anyways. This wasn't good.

I kissed her firmly and said, "I love you."

"I love you 3000." She said with a small smile.

"I actually got that one." I muttered, standing, helping her to her feet.

She grinned, "Marvel fan eh? Should've known. I'll see you at work tomorrow." She kissed me cheek, touched Edward's shoulder gently, her face dropping slightly when he didn't respond to her, and then walked down the stairs.

"Edward-" I started but he cut me off.

"We need to leave." Edward said.

"I'm not leaving Davina." I said sharply, vamping down to the living room where the rest of the family was waiting. Jasper was standing next to Alice, looking upset. Emmett and Rosalie had already packed. Esme looked torn.

"Carlisle, you know we have to leave." Edward said. "Bella and Davina will be better off if we leave."

"Whoa wait." Emmett said. "We're leaving Mama bear behind?"

"We have to Emmett." Edward said. "They'll be better off."

"Edwards right." I muttered. Everyone's heads spun to me.

"Wait, what?" Rose asked. "I don't like Bella, but mom-"

"We're leaving." I insisted.

'WHOA NO WE AREN'T!!' Lord shouted inside of me. 'WE'RE NOT LEAVIG OUR MATE!'

"Carlisle." Esme warned.

"What happened to Bella could've been Davina. In fact, it did happen to Davina and it would've been worse if Bella hadn't softened some of the blow. We're leaving tonight and we're doing it to protect both of them."

"I'll tell them at the same time." Edward said. "After school tomorrow."

I nod, "Tell her- Davina- that we'll keep in touch, I'm not breaking up with her. I have her phone number after all. And that I'll come and visit before spring break hits."

Without waiting to see if Edward would listen to me, I made my way up to the office so that I could cover my art pieces and furniture.

Davina P.O.V.

I didn't have work at the hospital and I got a text from Edward that said he wanted to meet me at Bella's house.

I frowned, but told Bella I'd follow her home. Upon arriving there, Edward was still in the clothes that he had been wearing at the party last night- a dark blue button up shirt with black dress pants and a black dress coat- and I realized that he wasn't here to deliver pleasant news.

"Hey." Bella said.

He wouldn't look at either us, shifting his head towards the forest and said, "Come take a walk with me."

Bella and I walked after him, deep into the forest, but not to far, just enough that we could just make out the path back towards the house.

Edward stopped walking finally, not looking at us still. After a few moments of awkward waiting he said, "We have to leave Forks."

Well, that was fine. I was doing online college so I could do my college while traveling. It might mean that I would have to reveal my secret before I was ready so that they understood the hate or the love I got from people but that was alright if it meant that I got to keep Carlisle. I didn't really have any other family besides Sam anyways so it didn't matter to much if I had to leave.

"Why?" Bella asked.

"Carlisle's supposed to be ten years older than he looks." Edward said, putting his hands in his pockets. I leaned against a tree, glad for the thick blue rain jacket I was wearing that protected my clothing from the moss. "And people are starting to notice."

Okay. That made sense. Was he really trying to pose as forty-three though? I don't know. He looked like he should've said he was twenty-five.

Edward was finally staring Bella in the face, completely avoiding me and I suddenly had a very bad feeling about this. . . why hadn't Carlisle come to say this to me? Why was Edward having to tell both Bella and I?

"Okay. . ." Bella sounded confused, but still steady. "I've got to think of something to say to Charlie."

When Edward didn't answer, it hit her and me both. "When you say 'we'. . ."

"I mean my family and myself." Edward finished Bella's statement.

"Edward, what happened with Jasper, it's nothing." Bella protested.

"You're right. It was nothing." Edward said, staring at a spot on the forest floor that was between her and me. "Nothing but what I always expected. And nothing compared to what could of happened." He finally glanced at me, "Carlisle agrees. You two just don't belong in our world."

I found I had nothing I could say but Bella did, "I belong with you."

"No. You don't." Edward continued.

I took a step back. That was why Carlisle hadn't come. Carlisle had never struck me as a coward. But he didn't even have the courage to tell me he no longer loved me to my face.

I could pretty much feel my heart breaking in two and now, I was certain of why I felt sick the way I had all day. Because Carlisle was gone and the soulmate bond knew it, even if I hadn't. And somehow, the knowledge of it seemed to hurt even more because of it.

"I'm coming." Bella gritted out.

"Bella leave it." I whispered out. Why would she go if he obviously didn't want her?

"Bella. . . I don't want you to come."

I wanted to leave, but my feet didn't seem to want to move.

"You don't want me?" Bella asked, trying to sound out the words.

"No."

"That changes things. A lot."

"But if it's not to much to ask. Can you just promise me something? Don't do anything reckless. For Charlies' sake. And I'll promise you both something in return- this will be the last time you see any of us. None of us will come back. And you can go on with your life without any interference from us. It will be like. . . we never existed. I promise."

Bella couldn't seem to accept it. But I had accepted it the moment we'd come into the forest. "If this is about my soul, take it. I don't want it without you!"

"Its not about your soul. You're just not good for me. And Davina terrible for Carlisle."

"Not good enough for you." Bella changed.

"I'm just sorry I let this go on for so long." Edward said.

Sound seemed to stop working in my ears. The way that the sound had stopped when the bombs had gone off. Like my eardrums had ruptured.

Pure silence, pure bliss. There was a haze swimming in front of my eyes, a pain stabbing me in the stomach.

No.

I had sworn I would never let myself get hurt like this again! NOT AGAIN!

I looked up and saw both Edward and Bella were gone. Edward- my son, my youngest son- had left no footprints. But Bella's led deeper into the forest.

Looking up, I saw the sky had grown darker. Ah shit, I had been out of it for a long time.

I struggled to my feet. Alright, I would go and find Bella. I had to find Bella and bring her back before Charlie sent out a search party for her.

I struggled forward, my eyes glued to the prints of her rainboots. Thank Forks for constant mud even when there was no rain.

After some time though- I had no idea how long as the pain in my stomach made everything seem worse- the prints started to disappear and I looked around wildly. I was hopelessly lost.

"Shit." I cursed. I was so angry, I wanted to punch something. I was angry at Carlisle for leaving me. I was angry at Bella for trailing farther in. I was angry at Em, Rose, Jaz, Ali, and Eddie for leaving me- their supposed mother. I was mad at Esme for not convincing her brother to stay. I was mad at myself for falling in love.

I was mad at myself for not dying when I should've.

"Bella!" I called, trying to find her. It was starting to rain again, tears and water rushing down my face, obscuring my vision. I pulled the jacket around me tighter, tripping over a log and falling flat on my face.

Part of me just wanted to lie there, stay there, but I couldn't. I wiped mud from my face, anger spiking up inside of me. It felt hot. It felt like something, something animal-like, wanted to burst from my skin.

And then another spike of pain washed over me, making me cold again and I continued on.

Finally, I spotted her, curled up in a ball. Thank God she was wearing a yellow rain jacket.

I slid down the muddy bank. My shoes were totally ruined, my hair a mess, mud covering my entire front. I was so glad I hadn't worn anything nice today.

I heard growling and froze, pulling out my pocket knife like that would do anything, looking around wildly, inching closer to Bella.

The black wolf appeared and I let out a sigh of relief, putting the small blade back in my pocket as Sam morphed back. I looked upwards as he put his jeans on.

"Davina, are you alright?" Sam asked, looking my body up and down and the mess that I was in.

"No, not really." I said, trying not to cry. "Sam. . . Carlisle left."

I swallowed hard, taking in a shaking breath and wiped under my eyes. "And Edward came to tell the both of us and I think she chased after him."

"Davina, I'm sorry." Sam said softly.

I shook my head, "No. It's my fault. I should never have fallen for him in the first place. I swore I'd never fall for someone again and I did so it's my bloody fault."

Sam knelt down to scoop Bella up in his arms.

"Just follow me. Don't fall okay?" Sam asked.

I nodded, following him. He found a shorter route out of the forest, ending in front of Charlie's house were lots of people had gathered for a search party. Charlie ran over.

"She's all right." Sam said in an authoritative voice as Charlie tried taking Bella into his arms, "I've got her. Thank you Sam."

I stayed by Sam's side, watching as Harry Clearwater gave him the slightest of nods.

"Let's get you home." Sam muttered.

"My bikes in the driveway." I whispered.

I climbed on behind Sam and he drove towards my house. I now had a pounding headache too, along with the pain in my chest.

"Sam, pull over." I groaned. "SAM!"

He pulled over with a screeching halt and I fell off the bike, the pain exploding and I threw up several times.

"Davina!"

I held out a hand, testing to see if I was going to throw up anymore. "Sam. . . I don't. . . I don't feel good. The soulmate bond. . ."

"Soulmate bond?" Sam questioned, holding my face in his hands. "What soulmate bond?"

"Jasper. . . he said that Carlisle and I had something called a third tier soulmate bond. It's the. . . the strongest bond. And that a separation of great distance would cause the female and the male pain, but the female more. . . I don't remember everything exactly. But there is so much pain Sam." I started to cry.

Sam gathered me up in his arms, climbing back on the bike, zooming faster towards my house.

He parked the bike sloppily, opening the door and rushing me upstairs. I wasn't entirely sure what was happening until he sat me down on the edge of the tub, turning the water on, plugging the drain so that it would fill up.

"Do you want me to stay?" Sam asked.

"It's okay." I murmured, "We both know. . . yes please stay."

Sam pretty much had to undress me because I was slowly losing it. I wasn't sure why. I had never felt anything like this before. I mean, I had felt heart break but I hadn't reacted like this before. Last time had just been a lot of anger, feeling red hot- sometimes almost getting as hot as Sam felt- before another emotion quickly set in to make it go away.

"S-Sam?" I choked out as he slid me into the hot water.

"Yes?"

"When you. . . the first time you transformed, what did it feel like?"

Sam was quiet for a moment and then said, "I. . . I felt this pressure building up inside of me. I was scared, terrified. I had no idea what it was. I didn't know if it was hormones or what. And then I got angry and I turned. I spent three weeks as a wolf before I turned back. Though I'd gone crazy. Then the council leaders met with me, told me what had happened, why I had become what I am and that was because of vampires. If there's a vampire, you need a werewolf. To keep balance."

"I see." I responded, shivering despite the warm water. The headache was even worse now and I cried out, pressing my fingers to my temples on either side of my head like it would make the headache go away.

"Davina!"

"It hurts so badly Sam." I cried weakly. "How am I going to keep going? I've only felt like this for a few hours and I just want to fall asleep and not wake up! How can I go like this for weeks! For months! Will it be like this for the rest of my life?"

Sam's eyes were tortured, staring down at me. He smoothed my long hair back. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. I'm here."

I don't know if I fell asleep in the bath tub or if I passed out. Regardless, the next day I woke up in my bed, Sam asleep on the floor next to me. A week passed of pain, crying, screaming, and Sam's tortured eyes, trying to get me to eat and drink. I wanted to- but it was like I physically couldn't.

And then after a week- the pain stopped.

[blitzsicedcoffee]

I've been thinking a lot recently about my disability, the unknown autoimmune disease, and like what could have caused it.

And of course, it could have been spurred by Covid, or stress, or so many other things. But I am of the mind that it could have been caused by my obvious burnout from the above. From covid, stress, and college.

I took about eight years to finish my bachelor's degree. For many reasons. Financial, Needed a full time job and couldn't do both, couldn't figure out a solid major, etc. And once I restarted college at the university during Covid, since I had lost my job at Starbucks at the time, I wanted to go quick. I wanted it to be over with. I wanted to finally FINISH.

So I did full time school for a year, committed to a major and minor. And then my unemployment payments dried up after a year. So I had to do full time school AND a part time job. The job I chose wasn't that bad. I worked part time at a sex toy shop. Sure the company itself left little to be desired (playboy industries). But it was a cool job cause I got to "test out" the toys, (usually meaning like, on my hand, duh), and explain to customers how they could be used. And I felt like I was also actually using my degree during this. (Sexuality and Gender studies).

Then, my senior year I ALSO took on an internship at the Queer Resource Center on my University Campus. And that was an extra 16 hours a week. So effectively, I was juggling THREE JOBS. That, my part time job, and my senior coursework to culminate into a final research project.

You could say I was already within the throws of burnout, cause I was. But I was "keeping up with it". I was getting adequate sleep, I was still on socials, participating in hobbies, doing chores. I *thought* I was *fine*.

The biggest mistake I made, was when I graduated. I started applying to jobs AS SOON as I graduated. I felt this pressure to get more money, to live up to my degree, to contribute more to my household. Even though I was already paying my portion of rent and bills just fine with the part time job. And no one was asking me to do this. Not my parents, not my partner. Just myself.

After a few months, I did land a job. A state job. Applying my degree. It was exactly what I wanted. I quit my part time job. I Committed fully to the full time job (which was three months of mind numbing computer trainings first), and I was good at it.

Then six months in, I crashed.

I started having nightmares, waking up in cold sweats. I started having horrible joint pain. I couldn't think straight during the day and had horrible brain fog. And it only escalated from there. And being neurodivergent too, I was struggling to understand aspects of the in person office, and neurotypical people's attitudes and reactions. That didn't help.

Which brings us here. I'm on leave from the full time job on paid leave until the paid leave ends. And I don't know if I can even go back. From my constantly worsening disease, etc.

I don't really have advice to give, this was mostly a rant for myself. But I guess...if I had to give advice it would be SLOW DOWN.

Please for the love of the gods slow down. The grind mindset is fucking poison. You will hurt yourself. And if you think you won't, you're lying to yourself.

Another thing to add: Yes I acknowledge theres a lot of privilege steeped in this experience. This is just my experience and what I take from it in context of soul crushing capitalism.

[sfb123]

Hands Down

Chapter 1: "Dear No One"

Catch up here!

Pairing: Liam x Riley

All characters belong to Pixelberry

Summary: Can Liam and Riley still find their way to each other despite Riley turning down Maxwell's invitation to Cordonia?

Rating: G

Word Count: 2,591

Song Inspiration: Dear No One - Tori Kelly

A/N: We're officially off and running, thank you all so much for the warm reception of the prologue. Your excitement is making me even more excited to get this out to you!

A/N 2: Spoiler alert, there's no Liam in this chapter. But I promise it's still worth reading.

A/N 3: Thank you @txemrn for pre-reading.

Tags are below the cut/in the comments. If you'd like to be added or removed, please let me know!

Riley was on cloud nine as she walked the familiar path back to her apartment, making a mental checklist of everything she would need to do over the next month. She was excited and nervous, but this was everything she had ever wanted. 

Over the last few months, Riley had been focusing on school. It was her last year of college, where she majored in dance and minored in education. When she wasn’t studying, she was working. In addition to her job at the bar, she was assisting at the dance studio that she had attended as a child. 

The last month had been the busiest: finals, graduation, and the studio’s annual recital. Once all of that was finished, she jumped right into working the studio’s summer camp, all while spending her nights working at the bar. However, today was the day that made it all worth it. After the students had left for the day, the owner of the studio pulled Riley aside and offered her a full time teaching position when classes started up again in the fall.

This job was exactly what she had been working for. When she was growing up, the studio was her favorite place to be. The students and teachers were her friends, her extended family. When she was nine, she decided that she wanted to teach dance, and be what her teachers were to her for other kids who were trying to find their place in the world. She would have been happy teaching anywhere, but to be able to teach at her studio, her home, was the ultimate dream.

She entered her apartment, dropping her keys on the table by the door. She plopped down on the couch, her head falling back as she let out a wistful sigh. 

“Finally!” Her friend and roommate, Daniel said as he entered the living room. “I need your help,” he lifted his arms, each containing a dress shirt on a hanger. “Which one?” He held them up to his torso one at a time.

“Another date?” 

“You know it,” Daniel smirked. 

Riley rolled her eyes as she pointed to the green shirt. “That’s three dates this week.” 

“Four, you forgot about my double header Saturday,” He corrected her. “How was camp?” 

The corners of Riley’s mouth turned upwards, a wide grin slowly spreading across her face. “Pretty well, Christie offered me a full time teaching position when the season starts up in September.”

Daniel’s fingers froze in place on the button he was trying to secure. “Shut. Up.” Riley nodded her head, unable to contain her excitement. “Ri, this is amazing!” He rushed to the couch, she stood just in time for him to wrap her in a bear hug. “That’s my little Debbie Allen.” 

“So, now that I’m going to be teaching full time, I’m only going to need the one job.” She said tentatively as she pulled out of his embrace.

“Yeah, I kind of figured that was coming.” The moment was interrupted by the chime of Daniel’s phone. He pulled it from his pocket, and took a quick look at the screen. “Oh crap. Riley, you know I’d stay and celebrate, but I’ve gotta-” 

“No, totally. Get out of here.” She playfully punched him on the arm. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Oh please,” Daniel groaned. “If I did that, I wouldn’t be going out in the first place.” He leaned down, kissing her on the cheek before hurrying out of the apartment. 

Riley sat back down on the couch and picked up the remote, turning on the television and sighing to herself. Getting this job was the best news she had probably ever received, her dream was coming true. She should be celebrating, but she was sitting home alone, watching reruns. 

She understood; the world didn’t revolve around Riley Brooks. Her friends all had plans; she would never ask them to cancel for her. It was moments like this where she missed having someone to celebrate with. Since her last relationship ended, she had put dating on the back burner; she wanted to focus on her studies, but more than that, she felt she needed to take time to heal her heart. However, Riley had always been a hopeless romantic, waiting for Prince Charming to come sweep her off her feet. 

And when he finally did, she was too scared to pursue it. 

If she were being honest with herself, that was part of the reason she had kept so busy in her final semester. She was trying to ignore the nagging regret that had consumed her since she rejected the invitation to compete in the Cordonian social season. Not a day had gone by since her night on the town with Liam that she hadn’t thought about him. Missed him even. But she had blown her chance. The social season will be coming to an end soon. Liam was about to choose his bride. A woman that would probably make him forget all about her. Riley pushed past her thoughts of the man she could never have, and turned her focus back to the television.

***

A few days later, Riley was at her father’s house for a family dinner that had been put together both as a congratulatory gathering to celebrate her new position, and because her sister Danielle had an announcement to make. 

“Did you tell her to be here earlier than the rest of us?” Riley’s mother, Tina, asked her ex-husband as they sat in the living room of Riley’s childhood home. 

“I told her to be here thirty minutes earlier than I told you two,” Riley’s father responded. “She must have caught on.” 

As if on cue, the front door opened, and Danielle entered, followed by her girlfriend Sophie. They walked into the living room, unphased by their tardiness. “Hi everyone!” Danielle said to the annoyed and impatient faces of her family. “Jeeze, good to see you guys, too.” 

“It would have been better to see you forty five minutes ago, when you were supposed to be here,” Riley teased. “Can we eat now? I’m starving.” 

“No, not yet. We have an announcement!” Danielle said, raising her right hand to halt her family. “So as you already know, Sophie and I were out of town for the last couple of days. But what you don’t know is that it was to celebrate our engagement!” 

With that, she and Sophie each raised their left hands, showing off matching oval halo diamond rings. Tina sprung up from her seat, pulling Danielle and Sophie into a hug. 

“This is wonderful,” her grip tightened. “I’m finally going to be a mother of the bride!”

“Way to make it about you, Mom,” Danielle’s voice was muffled against her mother’s shoulder.

“Congrats, kiddo,” David said, prying the couple away from Tina. 

“Thanks, Daddy.” 

Riley approached them next, “Congratulations, Dani.” She pulled her sister into a hug before turning to Sophie. “My condolences.” She said to her future sister-in-law, who chuckled in response. “No, seriously. We’re stuck with her; you’re choosing to be with her.” Riley joked. 

“Ow!” She yelped when she felt a slap on her shoulder. Her head turned to the side to find her mother scowling at her. “Congratulations.” She muttered as she dramatically rubbed her arm. 

“Thank you,” Sophie replied. “Thank you all. You guys have always been so welcoming to me, and I’m really excited to become part of the family.” 

“Oh please,” David scoffed. “You’ve been a member of the family for years now. This just makes it official.” He patted Sophie on the shoulder. “Now let’s eat!” 

As everyone made their way to the dining room, Riley lingered behind. She was happy for her sister, she really was, and Sophie was perfect for her. A perfect addition to the family. It just served as another reminder that, despite her professional achievements, there was still something, or someone, missing. 

Throughout dinner, the conversation focused on Danielle and Sophie’s news. Everyone wanted to know how it happened, what Sophie’s family said, and if they had made any wedding plans. 

“We’re going to keep it pretty small,” Danielle explained. “Just close friends and family. It helps that Ri won’t need a plus one,” she joked. 

Tina and David chuckled while Riley narrowed her eyes at her sister. “I’ve been focusing on finishing school, and getting a job,” she protested. 

“We’re both still in school, and managed to get engaged,” Danielle shrugged. 

Riley crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah, but I was in my last year, and I have been working toward a very specific goal. You have switched majors three times, and you’re only in your second year!” 

“Alright,” Tina’s mother interrupted. “That’s enough. This is supposed to be a happy occasion. You both have major milestones to celebrate, and there isn’t one that is better or more important than the other. Your father and I are proud of both of you,” she assured them. “And who knows? A couple of years from now, we will probably be sitting around this table celebrating Dani’s new career, and Ri’s engagement.” 

Riley and Danielle mumbled their apologies as they typically did when they would get into arguments. As their attention moved back to the meal, David decided to redirect the conversation. “So Ri, how many classes do they have you in charge of?”

“I’m teaching ten of my own, and assisting five.” She replied, pushing her food around on her plate. 

As much as she appreciated her father trying to bring things back to her, she couldn’t help but feel like she had been overshadowed by her sister’s news. Once again, she felt that pang of loneliness in her heart. 

At the end of the night as everyone was saying their goodbyes, Tina pulled Riley aside. “Ri, are you alright?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” 

“You got quiet after your fight with your sister.” 

Riley sighed. “It’s just annoying. I came in here all excited about my news, and I just felt kind of overshadowed.” It was a half truth, she felt silly telling her mother the rest. 

“Riley, you have worked so hard to get where you are, and I couldn’t be prouder of you,” her mother assured her. “As for the other part,” Riley arched a brow, “I’m your mother. I know you better than you think.”  

“I know it’s hard to be alone, especially after having someone for a while. But you have been focusing on yourself, and that’s more important than anything else. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” 

Riley rolled her eyes. “Sure, Mom.”

“It’s a cliche for a reason. Besides, you and your sister are different people; you always have been. You’re the level headed one, the one who plans and worries. Your sister just,” she waived her hand back and forth, trying to come up with the right words. “She just goes with the flow. You’re doing everything right, and you’re going to get everything you want.”

“How do you know?” 

“Again, I’m your mother. I know things.” 

Riley chuckled and pulled her mother into a hug. “Thanks, mom.” 

***

The next night, Riley and Daniel entered the bar together for their shift. They were greeted by their manager Eli, his welcoming smile quickly morphed into a scowl when he realized that it was them, and not a customer. 

“It’s about time,” he hissed.

Daniel rolled his eyes while Riley took a deep breath. Eli was never in a good mood, so she knew there wasn’t going to be a right time to talk to him. She decided to rip the bandaid. “Eli, can I talk to you for a minute?” 

“You had better make it fast. We have customers that need to be taken care of.” Without another word, Eli stormed toward his office. Riley looked over to Daniel, who offered an encouraging smile. “Today, Miss Brooks!” Eli called from the back of the room, catching the attention of some of the patrons. Riley trotted in the direction of his voice.

Once she stepped inside, Eli closed the door behind her. “Let me save us both some time. The answer is no.” 

“The answer to what?” Riley asked, confused by the statement.

“I’m not a fool,” he began. “And despite what you and your friend think of me, I am not oblivious to the things going on around here. I know you just received a bachelor's degree, however I also know that it is not in a field that would benefit this establishment in any way. Therefore, your degree does not entitle you to a raise.” 

“Oh,” Riley replied in a surprised tone. “No, it’s not that. It’s about my graduation, but I’m not looking for a raise. I actually received a full time offer to teach, and it pays enough that I will only need the one source of income. So I… Well, this is my two week’s notice.” Riley had never quit a job before, and she hated confrontation, so the words spilled out of her at a rapid pace. “But I’ll have my regular availability, and I could probably do some extra hours if -”

Eli lifted his hand to halt her word vomit. “I don’t need your life story.” He said coldly. “Your resignation is accepted.” Riley let out a breath, she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. “That doesn’t mean you just coast for the next two weeks.” He reminded her curtly. 

“Oh no, of course not.” She replied quickly.

“Then get back to work!” 

Riley exited the manager's office, the sound of the door opening pulled Daniel’s attention away from the customer he was waiting on. He locked eyes with her. She gave him a shrug and a half smile as she made her way to her post behind the bar. He scribbled down the order and hurried to Riley.

“Well?” He asked, nudging her with his shoulder. 

Riley chuckled as she slid a pint of beer across the bar. “It’s done. I will only be a waitress for two more weeks.” 

Daniel gave her a questioning look as he passed his customer’s order to the kitchen. “Then why do you look like your dog just died?” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Riley, this is amazing! You’re starting your dream job, and in two weeks you’ll have your nights free, you’ll be able to have a social life again!”

“Right,” Riley scoffed. “A social life, because I’m so good at those.” 

“That’s what you’ve got me for.” Daniel grinned. “I’m going to get you out and having fun. Maybe even get you on a date or two,” he winked. 

Riley rolled her eyes at her friend. “Yeah, sure.” 

“Listen,” Daniel started in a more serious tone. “Baby steps, I’m not going to force you to go to parties every night, or surprise you with random blind dates, but you deserve to be happy, Ri. Not just dream-job-college-graduate happy, you deserve to be everything happy.��� 

Riley smiled softly. “Thanks, Daniel. You’re the best.” She pulled him into a hug. 

Their tender moment was interrupted by the ringing of the kitchen bell, notifying them of an order that needed to be delivered to a customer’s table. “That’s me,” Daniel said as he pulled away and went to the kitchen to gather his order, promptly returning with a plate in each hand. “Let’s get you through the next two weeks first,” he encouraged. “After that, everything’s going to change.” 

Permatag:

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TRR:

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Hands Down:

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@choicesficwriterscreations 

[bottombillyapologist]

why i've been offline

This is mostly just to vent, tbh, bc I know I'm not really a large enough voice online for my absence to be noted. but I feel there's some weird deep level of irony in my writing where I project my worries, fear, or trauma and then those things self realize in my life.

tw for talks of abuse (?) and weight ment.

In summary, Ive had a gap of a few years between high school graduation and college. Nearing the end of summer I was like. scared but hopeful? there were a lot of changes happening at once, I was supposed to move out and start a higher paying job and ofc start going to college. and due to reasons, I have heavily discounted tuition but I can afford dorming or a meal plan. but Back In The Day of the 2008 housing crisis my parents were going to lose our house so we moved in with my grandparents, and then the mortgage was forgiven, so my dad still owns that house, it was just empty (or mostly empty) for like 15 years. it had (and has) problems, but the plan was for us to fix it up over the course of 9 months and I move in when the semester starts bc it's like 15 mins from my school, and a lot just... happened. I bought a car and it died four months later, my brother's car died, my partner bought a car that never drove and then his next car died, so he had to buy a third car. my brother had bought his car on refunded tuition that it turned out he wasn't supposed to get (every friend INCLUDING ME told him not to spend the money because the amount was wrong and he did anyway, he also bought the car without consulting my dad, a hobby mechanic and got screwed) and he had to leave school for a semester and my dad had to bail him out and pay it back. We didn't have the money to fix the house and he didn't tell me, a habit he picked up from not being able to tell my mom anything without her breaking down.

So I was pulling 16+ hour days. I would work 4am-noon, drive to the house in my mom's car and work there 1pm-9pm, then drive home. A few times I got interrupted by errands or had other plans and was out of the house until 1 or 2 in the morning. I didn't do it every day, but 2-3 days a week I would if I had the car. We just got closer and closer to our deadline of the start of semester and I was in too deep to back out, not to mention I didn't want to back out because I couldn't wrap my head around continuing to live with my mom, driving 40+ minutes to school, working, and doing homework. All of my partner and I's stuff was in the house. The last thing we had to finish was hammering a new drain pipe in and sealing the wall back up, and that was already on my first day of orientation for the semester. I had already quit my job and started a new one 2 minutes from the house.

In hammering the pipe in, the other old pipes cracked and water started running down the walls in the first floor. We had to shut all the water off and my partner and I packed backpacks to go back home. First the pipes would be fixed in a few weeks, then a month, then whenever my dad had the money, now it's nearing finals and the plumber is ostensibly starting work next week, but we have to replace all the pipes and tear out the entire bathroom.

I have lived in my empty bedroom out of a backpack since. My little brother was supposed to get my room so he's sleeping in my parents bedroom. This is already long so I can't possible cover all the details but a) my mom is mentally ill and physically disabled, she is fine on her own if absolutely nothing goes wrong but if anything does she is incapable of solving the problem on her own and i am the default caregiver when my dad isn't home. she is explosive and can get physical with people or our pets, but she is incredible sweet and kind when not triggered. b) my family/parents are kind of hoarders. not trash or like... living in filth but every available space is full of stuff.

I had to quit my new job. my partner's new job fell through, so I had been stretching my last paycheck for like a month before I started borrowing money from my dad because I knew any money I asked for would just take it away from my younger brother or fixing the house. in the midst of this my second partner also broke up with me, we'd been growing apart due to a lack of time or attention on my part, which is on me to a point. My partner got a job a couple months ago. I finally got a new job like three weeks ago, I've been dealing with classes well but for a while I was living off the food pantry and emergency funds from my school. thankfully I am still medicated, but due to an insurance issue I didn't have my adhd meds or antidepressants for the first week of the semester. I've lost like 30lbs and I don't recognize my face anymore. I'm still finding happiness in the small things but it's hard to find the time or energy for creativity when I'm trying to figure out what possessions I have that I could sell so I can buy groceries or get my partner a christmas gift bc neither of us could afford to do anything for his birthday. idk. part of this is just a vent? the other is me laughing at the deep irony of using fanfiction as cathartic escapism. and being unable to get to the Good Healing part of the story bc apparently I'm designed as a being to be karmically punished. I planned to get back to writing some after finals, but I now have two jobs and I'm still trying to get out of the hole of not having a job for months. my first paycheck is already gone to house supplies and I guess I have to find a way to buy a space heater too bc the heat is off while the plumber works.

Idk. I don't vent to anyone in my real life because I don't want a pity fest. I feel privileged that I still have food and a place to live and I can go to college, I'm just pushing more and more to the upper limit of what I can do. I thought about doing art or writing commissions but I don't think it'd be enough money to justify the time I could be working on homework or working on the house, and i'm not sure I'd even have time with the two jobs. any money I have immediately goes to house stuff or some menial gifts and I feel like I'm being crushed by Guilt Of Being Alive from every angle.

[bihansthot]

Can you write a story of how your OC first met Bi Han? I’m curious & most stories I’ve read about him always had a relationship already but not how it started. Thank you! Also your work is great!

Thank you so much for the request and the compliment lovely! I’ve danced around the story of how Bi-Han and I met and alluded to it here and there over the years but I suppose I’ve never really told the full story. It all started 15 years ago when I graduated college, obviously, this is a fictional story but it’s based on my actual background. There’s no warning for this story it’s purely an innocent first meeting, there’s a bit of fluff maybe. 🥰

The year is 2008 and I had just graduated from the University of Michigan with my dual bachelor’s of Arts in Asian Studies and Japanese. I was excited but scared at the same time, I had spent the last four years living out my dreams in a safe and happy environment away from my very emotionally abusive, narcissistic, alcohol-dependent mother and now I had to face her again. I wasn’t fortunate enough to find a job right out of college so I had to move to Florida, somewhere completely foreign to me as my parents had retired and moved during my Senior year. I was motivated and determined not to stay any longer than I had to so I began hunting for jobs right away. My Japanese teacher had always encouraged me to be an English teacher in Japan and after spending my Junior year abroad at Nagoya Gakuin University I was very eager to go back to Japan. I wanted to see my friends, to see my crush to maybe finally have the courage to confess my feelings to him which I had been too shy to do when I was there at school. As fate would have it though I would keep getting turned down over and over for teaching English in Japan ironically because I spoke Japanese too well and companies were worried I wouldn’t be a good enough English teacher when I could communicate with the students in their native language.

Months went by and things between my Mother and I got worse and worse, my eating disorder from high school resurfaced in a desperate attempt to gain my mother’s approval. Through very unhealthy eating habits and excessive working out, I dropped almost 110 pounds in the year I was stuck at home with my parents. I was working at a local grocery store while I kept applying to companies to live abroad, finally after months and months of waiting one got back to me. I was elated, but there was only one catch, they wanted me to teach English in a tiny rural village in China, Fengjian was the name, which meant nothing to me because I had certainly never heard of it. In a move that shocked even me I jumped at it, terrified of change or anything unknown little Sol emphatically agreed to the teaching position in a heartbeat. The company would cover my living expenses, school expenses, and food expenses plus pay me a stipend on top of all that just to teach adorable little Chinese middle schoolers English. It felt like the answer to my prayers, the only problem was leaving my Dad. As bad as things were with my Mother, I loved my Father dearly and the idea of being so far from him indefinitely scared me, especially since just a few years prior he had a heart attack. I gathered my courage though and decided for my sake I had to put myself first for once and get away from my awful home life.

My parents were of course surprised with my decision, they weren’t surprised I was moving abroad to teach English, but they were surprised I was going to China and not Japan. They tried to talk me out of it but my mind was made up and I couldn’t be swayed. The next few weeks were kind of a blur as I got rid of things and sold things and packed everything important to me into two big suitcases. My parents took me to the airport and I bid my mother a farewell and sobbed as I hugged my father and told him goodbye. The flight was insane and had so many different transfers, first I flew to my home away from home Detroit then Detroit to Narita, Narita to Guangzhou and then I had to take the bus through the picturesque countryside for what seemed like an eternity until I finally arrived in Fengjian. I had traveled well over 24 hours and was completely exhausted when I arrived but I couldn’t rest yet. I arrived in a beautiful little village made of picturesque wooden houses that looked like they hadn't been touched since the Ming dynasty. My heart lurches at the beauty as I’m reminded of watching Fushigi Yuugi countless times with my best friend when we were in high school. “Oh how proud my little Miaka would be of me,” I whisper to myself taking in the beautiful surroundings, breathing the fresh mountain air. I am suddenly unsure what to do, I have the school’s contact information and my landlady’s number but my phone doesn’t work here. Just as I’m about to panic though an individual introduces themselves to me in slightly broken English indicating they are from the company I work for. They actually sent a local to pick me up from the bus station and get me settled in. I was elated and followed them dragging my heavy suitcases behind me as we quietly wound our way through the lovely little village. We climbed up the bank of the beautiful riverfront to a quaint dwelling, I was immensely grateful for their help with my lovely landlady Mrs. Fong who spoke very little English but did have an adorable Pekingese. Once I was finally in my little apartment on the hillside, overlooking the beautiful, slow-moving river that ran through the little village I passed out despite my stomach’s angry protests.

The first few months were lonely and exhausting, everything seemed so overwhelming. I was in the middle of nowhere, in a village where no one had met a foreigner before, and was unable to speak the language. It made everything complicated, it was my day off and I decided to go to the marketplace and try and find my favorite snack for lunch. I had managed to pick up a few very basic phrases thanks to my fellow teachers and with the help of Mrs. Fong, I did feel a little guilty about not seeing Madame Bo but I promised I would visit her for dinner. She was always so kind to me and was one of the few people in town who could speak a fair amount of English. If it weren’t for Mrs. Fong and Madame Bo I probably would have given up and gone back to America but I persisted, even with the complexities of the long hours my job required of me and the language barrier it was still so much better than life in America. “Alright, Mrs. Fong told me there was an uncle in the market who sold the best char siu bao, and today’s the day I’m going to find him!” I give myself a pep talk before grabbing my keys and mini backpack and heading out the door.

I follow the beautiful river until I’m in the heart of the village and make my way toward the market, I have been there a handful of times but I usually only visited the butcher and the noodle lady, finding the prepared food was a new adventure. I weave in and out of the crowded streets and stalls, all too familiar with the shock and awe a tall, busty, platinum blonde causes in China. I look around everywhere for the food stalls before clumsily asking one of my fellow patrons, “char siu bao,” I ask and mime the action of eating one. The old man looks me up and down and just grins lecherously, thankfully for me though a kindly old woman had overheard my query and steers me away from him and points me in the right direction. I look around at the stall before I spy the one I’m looking for, I may not be able to speak Chinese but that doesn’t mean I can read a fair deal of it since Japanese borrows much of their written language from Chinese. I make my way over to the cart and hold two fingers up as I repeat my simplistic phrase before adding “qing” to it. The middle-aged man smiles and asks for 6 yuan and I open my purse to start to count out the coins

It’s not long before I hear what sounds like cursing and angry Chinese coming from the man behind me. Worried I was taking too long to count my change I turned around to mumble “duibuqi duibuqi,” to him what I was not expecting was to face to chest with this man. I’m startled, to say the least as I was around the same height as most men in the village, I look up and I’m certain my jaw hangs slack as I’m looking at the most handsome man I had ever seen in my life. His jet black hair wound back into a tight bun, his ethereal ice blue eyes staring down at me as he slams two yuan down on the stall and grabs my bao plus another two. He hastily forces mine into my hands as he stuffs one in his mouth and drags me away from the stall. “I, I wha? What’s happening?!” I exclaim struggling in his freezing cold grasp as he pulls me to the little plastic stools by the roadway.

“That asshole was charging you six times over just because you’re a clueless foreigner,” his gruff, deep voice all but snarls, as he bites off a large mouthful of the fluffy, sweet bao.

“I, what? For-for real? What a creep! Th-thank you,” I reply softly and I can feel my cheeks flushing with color as talk with this handsome stranger who shockingly spoke perfect English.

“You’re new around here, aren’t you? Name’s Sub-Zero, you must be the English teacher my brothers were talking about seeing at Madame Bo’s,” he deduces in the two minutes of talking to me.

“That obvious huh? Yup, that’s me. I’m Sol, I teach English at the middle school up the road. I go to Madame Bo’s pretty often but I think I would have remembered someone like you there before,” I mumble enjoying another bite of my bao, trying not to embarrass myself too much.

“Unfortunately I, mm work more than my brothers do and have little time for fraternizing at Madame Bo’s,” he chooses his words carefully as he answers, his eyes shifting slightly as he speaks.

“Oh? What do you do? Anything fun?” I ask innocently enough, enjoying having my first conversation since moving to China.

He just laughs, “that unfortunately is classified, if I told you, I’d have to kill you.” He smiles at me, his beautiful white teeth are dazzling.

I give him an odd look and turn my attention back to my bao not realizing I had managed to smear some of the delicious BBQ pork filling on my cheek.

Sub-Zero cocks his head to the side and gives me a very confident smirk before leaning in to press his bizarrely cold lips to mine. His cold tongue worked its way across my cheek, cleaning away the leftover bao before pulling away mischievously.

My eyes fly open wide and I blink rapidly before bringing my hand up to my lips. My heart feels like it’s pounding out of my chest as my breath comes out in condensed little puffs and I’m left shocked by my first kiss.

Sub-Zero shoots me a wink, “you’re a messy eater. See you around, Sol.”

Before I even have time to process what was happening I’m left completely alone. I look around frantically and see no signs of Sub-Zero and my heart drops. I munch slowly and quietly on my second bao in silence, already missing his deep voice and pleasant company, hoping this won’t be the last time I meet Sub-Zero.

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

A Guy

Dear Future Husband,

It's been several months since I've heard from CousinAR, who is freshly back from seminary and getting ready to start college, but on Thursday she messaged to say hey and also ask about my shidduch resume and what I'm looking for. And then she and her mom CousinES called me to discuss.

Because it's about a guy.

I'm pretty sure it's not you though, for quite a few reasons.

Reason #1:

I don't think our families would be compatible.

He's apparently from a yeshivish family with like ten kids, they all do impressive things for work, and they grew up in a very fancy place.

Me? Not so much. To pretty much all of the above.

I think I wouldn't fit in well at all with his siblings.

And I've been an oddball for so much of my life that if/when I get married I want it to be with a family that feels like family.

Or with someone who has literally nothing to do with their family so it's just the two of us in our own happy little bubble.

Either one.

Reason #2:

He has the exact same name as the father of the family that lived. next door to me pretty much my entire first 28 years of life.

MrNextDoor is a very nice, chashuv person. But he's also kind of overbearing and inserts himself into situations where he's not always welcome. I guess social cues are just not his forte.

I will admit that his pushiness has been a benefit on some occasions, as he's been able to accomplish some amazing things including setting up schools, getting neighborhood ordinances followed, and one of my non-frum grandparents actually got a proper burial because he not only insisted on coming to the levaya despite it being an hour away, but also brought proper shovels and stood there in the hot sun with my brother filling in the grave before the bobcat could come and finish the job.

But I'm a weirdo who just can not see past the name.

In a hypothetical situation where we dated and he actually liked me and I liked him and we ended up getting married, there would never be a day in my life where I couldn't say his name and not think of MrNextDoor and it makes me so uncomfortable to even think about.

It's just too ew for me, even if he is a nice guy.

(because I'm a mess of a human, obviously)

Reason #3:

He's 5 years younger than me.

And in case we haven't covered this ground yet, I'm an agist.

Whenever I hear about an age gap, my first thoughts go to what that time disparity represents.

For one thing, it means that I graduated high school the year he was bar mitzvahed. Which is weird.

For another, it means that he's still in his 20s and I'm so "middle aged" already. lol

And in a lot of ways he's still very young, while I'm just so decidedly not. Not physically, not emotionally.

And that also leads into

Reason #4:

He doesn't have a full time job yet.

He's bounced around a bit in terms of work, trying to find a community where he feels comfortable, and jobs have understandably come along with that kind of moving.

But that also means he's not a settled person. And he's young, he has that option in life. But I'm an old curmudgeon and although we may be compatible in a lot of ways, I need someone who is more settled than I am to be the rock in the relationship.

Reason #5:

He's studying to become a mashgiyach.

Not a yeshivah mashgiyach, but a food mashgiyach.

You may be wondering why that's a reason not to marry someone, and for some people, maybe even a lot of people, that's not a problem.

But I grew up in a household that was built on the instability of a family "supported" by a mashgiyach.

For the first 10 years of my life my father was hardly ever around. He worked odd, long hours out of town and constantly hopped from job to job.

I don't know if things are different now, but at the time mashgiyach work was more like gig work than it was a real job.

In those first 10 years my father worked at 17 different places, but the last two years he was at one location, so it was more like 16 jobs in 8 years.

That's not stability.

And I know we're in galus.

I know we're not supposed to be comfortable.

I know that just because someone has a steady job now doesn't mean they will tomorrow.

And I know that everything is in Hashem's hands.

But I also know that you have to do hishtadlus.

And if you're doing the work of a shoeshine man on the side of a road where nobody walks, you're not going to become a millionaire through your work.

Unless you're a gadol. I'm sure we've all heard those stories.

But for the beinoni - for those of us in the middle, we have to at least attempt steady, stable work at a certain pay grade for Hashem to provide that kind of sustenance.

And I don't see that happening for me with a mashgiyach.

Considering how much the average cost of living is today in the US, generally. And considering how much higher the average cost of living is today in the frum world... I don't see the paycheck of a mashgiyach cutting it to provide for a family, with or without whatever I'm making to contribute.

Reason #6:

I just don't know how to broach the whole "I don't think I can have kids" thing with my cousins.

On the one hand, I don't want to put a stumbling block before the blind by going out and forming relationships with young guys who believe that's a possibility with me.

On the other hand, I know that everything is in Hashem's hands and I know a woman who was told she'd never have kids and went on to have like 15, so just because I think I might not be able to doesn't mean I won't at all.

But having children is his chiyuv, not mine. It should be his decision whether or not to pursue a relationship like that.

So do I not tell CousinAR and her mom, the two people in this equation that I know and trust, about the whole kids thing?

Does even talking about it make it an ayin hara and less likely to happen for me?

Do I keep allowing CousinAR and her mom to make shidduch suggestions for me, all the while keeping this huge secret and finding reason after reason to shut down their suggestions?

Reason #7:

I don't really find him all that attractive.

I know, I know, it's the whole shallow conversation all over again, but it's true.

And again, that's such a hard thing to say to someone who is so excited to make the suggestion in the first place.

"He's so nice! And I was listening to what he was looking for and I just kept thinking you fit all those boxes!"

I've explained that even if I don't think I'm the right person, I'm more than happy to chat with someone even once to see if maybe I know someone else for them.

But

Reason #8:

I'm still a mess of a human. I think we know this. It's been established. We continue to go over this again and again.

And it's sweet that my cousins don't recognize that about me.

But that also means I'm hiding it really well. Which is a problem.

But I think we've covered all of that before...

And so, here we are again.

A nice suggestion, but me lost in the middle just so unsure of how to say "thank you, but no thank you."

I can't be the only one that struggles with this, right?

-LivelyHeart