#I impress even myself sometimes

[crookedfivefingers]

3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ

link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀

[hplonesomeart]

Hey!! So turns out a video I made between a certain “well beloved but highly sensitive/emotionally reactive T.V” and an “orange haired inkling-turned-human” has managed to sweep my YouTube channel and accumulate 100k VIEWS!! THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY?? My most widely viewed video EVER to exist in this moment in time?? AAAAA?? Not even mentioning the various comments and staggering increase in subs! It’s so much more then what I expected or even prepared for—might even be the most impactful thing to happen for me this year <3

…aside from graduating high school + the social connections I’ve been fortunate to make lol

BUT THE POINT IS I’d been closely monitoring the YouTube growth through the entirety of October. It’s make me smile like a dork, gawk in astonishment, dance frantically in my room from the energy boosts, and grow courage to stop being so selective/self-conscious with what I wish to share with the world! It’s kept my ambitions going!

I needed to find some way to celebrate the occasion and express my thanks—because I can’t NOT acknowledge this milestone jksjskp. Typically I try to avoid getting tunnel visioned focusing on the metrics/numbers. Mr. Puzzles had already demonstrated how much those things can mess with the minds of creatives. Caring too much about chasing views or placing your artistic value in attention seeking gets damaging. But at same time…it’s hard to deny the sense of pride the 100k achievement has filled me with. I understand that reaching 100k views doesn’t immediately make me any “better” or “worse” then I was before. I’m still just me! It only helps me feel seen by others—and that’s all I really needed. To hear some nice words & receive reminders that my ideas are cared about. So thank you SMG4 fandom for that, seriously thank you.

Please accept this Mr. Puzzle drawing as a way of sharing the happiness around. He’s so entertaining. Love him for simply existing. So glad we can all collectively be super attached to him (and the rest of the SMG4 cast of course). Can’t wait to see more incredible artworks from the fandom :)

Just incase anyone is confused by my vague description over which “animated video” I’m referring to here—hopefully this photo will help clarify lol. It’s this one!! Sorry about not outright stating the title at the start, I got carried away with writing!!

I’ve been in an odd place mentally when thinking about it. Wondering to myself if any of the attention is deserved considering it’s not even fully colored and could be dismissed as “low effort��� content (despite taking several days making it). It’s easy to get into a trap of comparing yourself to others and questioning how much of the videos success is based on your skills, sheer algorithm luck, or only because you used popular characters and catered to a specific fandom. And then judging yourself by looking at other peoples videos. I’ve seen several artists post higher quality works then my own but it somehow gets less views. So why did mine succeed when others (who should have gotten just as much attention if not more) didn’t? Sometimes you feel like you’ve unfairly robbed them of that chance to be seen. However I’ve realized that I can’t ever expect views to be consistent—and comparing is pointless. So why worry about it or feel inadequate? I mean it’s pretty common for funny cat videos to go viral, so who am I to question the system lol. “Popular” YouTube videos can range from a passion project which took 7+ artists…to a clip of Toad singing Chandelier or a nonsensical Vine sketch. Anything can happen when it’s the internet! And just-so-happened my video was chosen. I should stay glad about that and get rid of all the overanalyzing. So that’s what I’ve chosen to do :)

[shamebats]

I really feel like I lost the ability to give a shit somewhere mid-2020 and it still hasn't come back. I doubt that it ever will and honestly? I don't want it to.

Don't get me wrong, I lost my career ambition ages ago, and by "lost" I mean I trashed it when I realized it was only making me easy to exploit and miserable.

But now I'm entirely out of fucks to give. Paychecks used to motivate me. Not anymore. My only real goal in life used to be to buy an apartment (not even a house, I don't want a house) so my cats would have a stable home and save for retirement, but that's starting to look like a pipe dream.

The most surprising thing about all this is, to me, that I feel like this is actually a healthier outlook. I have nothing but cynicism left in me for anything related to work, consumerism and the system as a whole. But I see things for what they are now and I think that's a good thing.

My "work ethic" never benefitted me, only my employers. Fact is, my neurotypical and able-bodied coworkers were making just as much as me, despite putting in less effort.

I've accepted the fact that just holding down a job is an ambitious endeavor to me and I do feel proud of myself that I managed to do it for as long as I did. I don't want to be a good worker and luckily, I don't need to be. It doesn't really matter.

[archiveofyearning]

you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good

[wriokitty]

Honestly I’m usually impressed more with the way a reader is characterized than the character themselves

[pokeybananas]

I have been laying down for like 30 minutes AND I'm winded

[magentagalaxies]

1 & 2 :-p

thank you!!

"1. Song of the year" and "2. Album of the Year" are such a tossup for me bc there are so many songs i've listened to that have defined specific moments this year and also 2024 has been such a good year for new music??? like idk how so many of my favorite artists' album cycles somehow happened to sync but i'm genuinely considering making a post ranking every new release i listened to in 2024 bc i have a lot of thoughts. anyway all this to say in my attempt to choose one album and one song i accidentally chose 3 albums lmao enjoy

Song(s) of the year: "Midwest Indigo" and "Oldies Station" by twenty one pilots

i have a complicated relationship to the band twenty one pilots. they were THAT band for my angsty 13-year-old self and while i still feel a lot of nostalgia for their early work, i haven't considered anything they've done a "favorite of the year" since middle school. that is until their 2024 album "clancy"

the trouble with the angsty bands you attach to in middle school is sometimes as you grow up, the music doesn't grow along with you. but jfc if "blurryface" was the perfect album for me leaving behind my childhood and becoming a teenager, "clancy" feels tailor-made for all those complex emotions of a final semester of college.

"midwest indigo" is a song about anxiety and seasonal depression, sure, but it's told in such a mundane and relatable way (it's literally just that feeling of "FUCK it's so cold out here. FUCK why isn't my friend texting me back it's been 2 minutes. FUCK my therapist just rescheduled again." but none of these things are the end of the world, you just keep going.) also the instrumental is so tight and it's very fun to loudly sing along to in the car

"oldies station" on the other hand is the only time twenty one pilots has made me cry since i was a preteen. (or should i say "times" bc i swear i teared up the first like 20 times i heard this song). it's such a hopeful song about mental health but never in a way that feels like it's bullshitting you. it's not "everything is going to be fine and perfect forever", it's "yeah your mental illness might never go away but you learn to manage it even if your progress isn't always liner. and someday you'll be at a red light and your favorite song will be considered oldies and you'll have one of those moments like i'm so glad i stayed alive to see this" fuck i'm tearing up just writing about it lmao.

it just felt really special to see this band i kind of "outgrew" suddenly meet me exactly where i'm at, bc i've made a lot of progress on my mental health in the past 2 years and had plenty of "oldies station" moments, while also dealing with trying not to fall apart over "midwest indigo" type stress. i don't expect everyone to have the same emotional connection i do to these songs but they are some of my favorites of 2024

Album of the year: Stick Season by Noah Kahan

ok this section is gonna be shorter bc i'm being more general but basically even tho it didn't come out in 2024 i listened to stick season (specifically the "we'll all be here forever" version with the bonus tracks) in full for the first time on january 9th 2024 and i have been obsessed ever since. literally 21 of the top 22 songs on my wrapped are every track from this album. i went as "noah kahan" for my halloween costume. i went through a phase where i would sing along to the entire album at least once a day

stick season is actually pretty different than my usual music taste (i don't tend to like more acoustic production and there's a huge country influence in a lot of the songs) but its songs are each so well written, both with poetic lyrics and strong hooks, and even tho it's not a "concept album" with a specific story the whole album has such a cohesive theme and sense of place that by the end of the "we'll all be here forever" version it feels like you just watched a movie. highly recommend

also i find it very sweet that of my top 2 albums, "clancy" is an album i can bond over with my dad (he's honestly a bigger twenty one pilots fan than i am, he got into them when i was in middle school and he keeps up with their music much more than i do) and "stick season" is an album i bond over with my mom (she got into noah kahan a few months before i did and there were times when i'd call her while at college and we'd just go off on a tangent about how good the album is)

anyway honorable mention to MOUTH CONGRESS's "Valley of Song" i honestly wouldn't say it defined 2024 for me quite as much as 2023 bc so far most of my associations with it are seeing it come together before the release, but it's definitely among my top albums that released this year, give it a listen if you haven't already

anyway thank you for the ask!!

End of year ask prompt

[brontes]

heaven have mercy on me but I have been provoked into hypothetical podcast planning

[vigilskeep]

some parts of my brain are helpful and have things to say like “stop playing dragon age inquisition and go to bed so you can start it properly tomorrow”. other parts of my brain will offer things like “what if you got up again and started a new playthrough of dragon age 2 right now for no reason”. this is daily life in the mind of someone with mental illness

[wild-at-mind]

Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Do you ever read a post where someone is explaining a pokitical thing and from the way they're saying you know with absolute certainty 1) they got their info from a tumblr post and have never actually followed up on how feasible that information actually is to act upon (they may not even have checked if it was CORRECT, but when they do they have clearly not looked into how easy or hard it may be to follow those instructions with a positive outcome), and 2) you know WHICH tumblr post they're quoting because it is basically a copy/paste of it, and 3) it was YOUR goddamn post and the thing they are saying is entirely counter to the point you were making when you said it to the point that you genuinely wonder if they just like. Memory-holed the entire context once they saw that one itty bitty point.

It's like the motherfuckiny dating apps all over again. I do not want people to love my words if they are not actually willing to do the work of understanding them! Didn't your kindergarten ever make you play Telephone to teach you how heresay falls out????

[britneyshakespeare]

Man is saying weird things to me again

[mikonezz]

.

[feinstone]

Congratulations on graduating! That must be an amazing feeling.

thank youuuu <3

technically i won't be graduating until the end of the year because i finished past the cut off date for my uni's mid-year graduation ceremonies, but i'm happy to have finished regardless.

it's been a really difficult and long process, and i had to delay finishing my degree by 2 years due to a long string of Life Events (Not Fun) that got in the way of me completing the last 2 courses i had left in my degree as of mid-2022, so i'm glad i finally managed to get to the end of a semester without some random bullshit stopping me for the first time in several years lmao.

i dropped out of high school after i got sick, and i thought i was gonna have to drop out of uni too, despite all the work i've put in to pull my life together. it really means a lot to me that i managed to make it through to the end this time, even though it was tough to keep my head above water sometimes.

[emersonfreepress]

I feel like my ADHD is responsible for me not realizing that my psychiatrist already diagnosed with me ADHD a year ago LOL

[psychoticwillgraham]

stopping for the night, but I just accidentally started working on my first costume, an upcycle of an old size 4X colorful suit that I never even got to wear, so if I fuck up there’s no harm done. im gonna have to basically reconstruct the ENTIRE goddamn thing. like taking in the sides, chest, shoulders (still keeping the ridiculous shoulder pads tho), arms, and back. like, significantly. AND I’ve gotta cut off half of it to look like this reference that im trying to recreate: