#I hope you're doing very well lately ari <333 giving you n sevi a huge hug right now!!!

[alansmuse]

POINTS AT YOU. ⁉️

SCAMPERS AWAY!!!!! DON'T LOOK AT ME RIRI I'M A MESS!!!!!!

Putting the reveal beneath a read more because I am super emotional both over this particular new F/O and life in general lately so I'm rambly :,)

Prefacing this too I am capable of nuance and can recognize negative aspects of characters even when I love them ( obviously this has exceptions for objectively unforgivable qualities like bigotry ofc jfc ) , since a shocking amount of people in the community seem to think that is impossible jkghhgjf

Hi yes hello, it's Silco :,,,) For context, before I started watching recently I was chatting with my best friend about the show as he loves it a lot. We got on the topic of characters n whatnot, and he remarked that of the characters he could see me liking, Silco was his top pick for me - so I already came in with a bit of a curiosity towards him! What I wasn't expecting however was for him to be so correct practically immediately off the bat lol.

I cannot explain how or why, but the moment he came on screen for the first time I was captivated. Not just by his design, he checks off all my marks n more in that category, but his voice, his mannerisms, his presence, him as a whole being. I have mentioned in passing I am a scientist myself, and historically that's the troupe that draws me in the most ( Herbert West of Re-Animator has been one of my biggest kins for over a decade now lol ), but so rare is it that a spin on a mad scientist modernly is interesting to me, yet he had my full attention from the beginning <3

Learning of his history and motivations only solidified and deepened the affection I now am full of for him, our life stories and motives are almost identical, even my negative aspects - which isn't common for me to face so fowardly kjfghjghj. The feeling of belonging, of being understood, came flooding in stronger than ever before. With him, I wouldn't have to explain what's happened to me, why I am the way I am, why I do what I do, he'd get it - he knows, and that's so incredibly rare for me.

I know I cannot fix him, that is not my intention and I hope to the Gods it doesn't come off that way. I have had quite a bit of the story spoiled for me, given it's been out for years now lol, and I adore him at every stage of his story and beyond. It sounds so crazy to say right off the bat, but with him I am not only home, I can actually let my guard down, which I never even thought possible for myself at any point in my life. Yes, he is violent and doesn't care the collateral damage he causes, but in a deeper, secretive way that too is something I feel. With him, I wouldn't have to hide the darker bits of myself I am working on, I could be my whole self around him, and the same goes for him around me.

All of this sounds probably fucking insane, which to my credit I am still on multiple medications after my surgery earlier this week so I am not fully my usual self right now, but he has become so fucking close and important to me in the few days we have properly known each other, and it excites me to the point it also scares me lol :,) I really want to add him to my roster, he's without a doubt a main if not thee new Top Main[tm] to me, but I still have huge hang-ups over large fandoms and self shipping intersecting with it, and particularly how my possessive nature absolutely hates when anyone else perceives my closest f/os :,) but! yeah! that's what's going on in my life lately, mutuals feel free to execute me however you want after reading this, I know he's awful and mean and what not but he's so much more than that to me, and there is now a sense off wonder for our future that I desperately need right now in my life to keep going <3