#I hope every single queer person can feel the love lesbians have for y’all too!! we’ll always support all of y’all n be there for you

[posi-pan]

I’ve been trying to avoid mspec discourse for awhile now because it made me depressed, and I wanted to do more fun stuff. But unfortunately, I’ve fallen back into it and now I have some stuff to say: 1) why is it that these bi-centered or “double moon” accounts are anti-mspec lesbian? 2) A lot of these accounts are currently talking about how the pan community doesn’t address the problems in their own community, I won’t argue that not being true to some extent, but this is hypocritical [1/?]

considering these same people won’t address the fact that some of the people they platform are either explicitly panphobic or have said questionable things about pan ppl. 3) This kind of a tricky statement, but why is there always this dilemma of pan ppl derailing bi positivity posts? Cuz I know everyone on either side of this is tired of that nonsense happening. 4) There’s also this complaining about “pan ppl say they’re separate, but always wanna be included in bi stuff”, guess that [2]

bi umbrella isn’t working out like y’all hoped huh? 5) Minor point: they also seem to hate hetero/homoflexible??? I don’t get it either. 6) It kinda irks me when these accounts say “the ONLY difference between the two labels is personal preference and anything other than that is just bi/transphobic”. I can’t put my finger on it, but for some reason I have mixed feelings about that. I don’t know why. Okay that’s all I can think of for now.

hey there.

1. idk about “double moon” accounts, if that’s a new symbol for exclusionists, i’m not up to date on it. but a lot of people don’t support mspec lesbians, so it doesn’t surprise me that you’d find a bunch like that. the hate stems from insecurity honestly. i was going to say lack of information, but even when those people are given the correct information, they ignore it. they’re too focused on hating queer people who are different than them and don’t follow what they think are the rules of queerness.

2. i wouldn’t say the pan community doesn’t address in our community. i see pan people talking about that shit all the time. panphobes only claim that because they want us to “admit” to whatever hateful, misinformation they’re pushing that week. but we don’t, because it’s fucking nonsense.

and yeah, it’s hypocritical as fuck. panphobes refuse to accept there has ever been certain issues in certain communities ever, even when they’re faced with unbiased historical proof and lived experiences to back it up. and honestly, i’ve never seen a single non-pan person address the severity of panphobia that’s been going on these past few years, so folks can spare me the outrage over pan people supposedly not addressing our community’s issues.

3. i’m not sure what you mean by “dilemma” of pan people derailing bi posts. as if pan people do that more than anyone else. (what about pan positivity posts being derailed with panphobia? what about that dilemma?) i’ve talked about the concept of “derailing” queer posts with more positivity or expressing how you relate to it too before and it’s not something i really agree is an issue. for me, derailing is something malicious to take away from what’s being discussed. not someone being like “and so and so, too!” or “i’m not x but i relate!” or trying to start a conversation of shared/similar experiences, ya know?

people say more labels creates divisiveness, but then act like it’s a rule that queer people aren’t allowed to interact with each other??? as if every queer group has their own space and venture out of it. it’s fucking weird. i remember a time on here when every queer post had a whole thread of comments adding positivity for more identities. and no one cared. but now, if you so much as say something like “oh hey i relate to this too” on a post that isn’t about your queer identity, you’re accused of being a queerphobe. it’s fucking ridiculous. (it reminds me of how people love to say “if you’re not x, don’t speak on x history/issues/etc” which is utter fucking bullshit.)

are there times when it might be better to just make your own post? sure. but positivity posts? come on. why does someone adding more queer positivity make you angry? bigger issues, y’all, bigger issues.

4. lmao yeah i love how panphobes (and sometimes people who claim are supportive of pan people) are now saying pan people want to be included in bi things and are forcing our way into bi spaces despite us being adamant we’re not bi. because it’s one of the most disingenuous things i’ve ever fucking heard. they were the ones telling us we’re bi and that we’re included in bi. and not to mention, we have historically always been in the bi community and included in bi things/spaces (it’s not that we “want to be included” in bi things it’s that we just are, like it’s a fact. bi orgs and activists include us. they can die mad about it). like, they forced this “understanding” of our identity on us, but when we utilize it (for visibility or inclusion or whatever), we’re the bad guys? they can fuck all the way off with that shit.

5. they hate any label they think is unnecessary or somehow “disrespecting” bi. but if someone feels heteroflexible or homoflexible is a better fit for them and how they feel about their attraction, they have every right to use those labels. fuck label policing.

6. yeah, the whole “the only difference is a label preference” pisses me off because it’s not true. it’s erasure of so many people’s experiences. and not even just pan people’s experiences, but bi people’s experiences as well. they really act like they’re helping their community, but they’re just throwing their own community under the bus to shit on another. and it’s pathetic.

sorry this response is so long. but honestly, i’d suggest staying away from “discourse”. it’s not necessary or helpful to check what people are saying. like, the only reasons that i know what panphobes or other exclusionists are saying anymore is because i sometimes come across stuff accidentally and sometimes people tell me. i have no desire to seek out this kind of stuff anymore. it isn’t healthy or helpful to my life. i know it can be tempting, but if it makes you depressed, try not to seek it out.

[gone-to-oregone]

So, for pride, I thought I’d share my story (that I promise relates to Starkid, so bear with me) (also I use qu**r as a “label” of sorts in here, just a warning?) (Also there’s a bit in here about homophobia and dysphoria, which I’ve starred, and I starred the part where I stop talking about it)

I was in middle school when I’d first dipped a toe into the world of being queer. A girl moved to our school system after being homeschooled prior, and she was the most beautiful human I’d ever laid eyes on. Her smile could light up the night sky, her hair was silky and shiny, and she was a dancer so calves. I realized, Holy shit, this isn’t like anything I’ve ever felt before. Later that year, I came out as a lesbian. Before that, however, while we were waiting on our club to be called, my two best friends and I (the cute one mentioned prior, and my best friend since kindergarten) were in the cafeteria with the other middle schoolers and we were just dicking around, as eleven year old middle schoolers do. Two girls, I believe they were eighth graders, looked at me with a sneer, and asked, “Are you bi?” Innocent eleven year-Old Tay had never heard of such a thing! Bi? What was that?!

Flash forward to eighth grade, when I started having feelings for a tall ginger we’ll call A. A was very handsome, still is, with nice freckles and a funny personality. He revealed he, too, had feelings for me, so we started dating. Huh, thirteen year old Tay thought. If I’m dating a guy, I have to be straight, right? We dated until February of our freshman year of high school.

Speaking of high school: freshman year was a wake-up call for young Tay. Fourteen years old, confused as all hell. Then, I laid eyes on another gorgeous girl, we’ll call her K. K was two years older than me, with adorable glasses, a warm smile, and a loud personality. She later became my big, and the girl I called my second mother. But that didn’t stop the feelings I had for her. So I realized, huh. Maybe I’m not straight, maybe I’m gay.

That year, a few of my friends had come out as bi. There was that word again, “bi”. I didn’t know what it meant, so I asked one of them, and she told me it was when you’re attracted to more than one gender. That was the biggest fucking wake-up call for fourteen year-old Tay. Finally, finally, my feelings had been put into words. I was bi.

The next year, when I was a sophomore, I joined the drama club at the request of K. She said I’d do really well, and I was already in my second year of the class the woman running the club taught, so I said hell with it, and I joined. I was nervous as hell when I auditioned, and I did so with a My Little Pony monologue. I kept staring down at my feet the whole time, but someone’s soft clap to the side made me look up. It was a boy, a senior, with long blonde hair, dashing wit, and a charming smile. He was all I (thought I) ever wanted, so we started dating. I went to his prom with him, and he was my first kiss. We broke up that summer, however, because we “didn’t talk very much”.

Junior year came, and I was still in the closet about my bisexuality. My friend, who’d become my best friend in eighth grade, had a few classes with me every day, we’ll call her A. I came out to a mutual friend, who told her, and she came to me and asked me why I didn’t tell her. I told her it was because I was nervous, and she came out to me as bi, too, and that she had feelings for me. She was dating a sleezeball at the time, but she wanted to break up with him to be with me. She brought him to homecoming, he pissed her off, and she started crying, so I danced with her. A few days later, she told me she’d broken up with him, and we started dating. Being in a small, conservative town, however, I was super nervous to be in a public relationship with a girl. We went to prom together, and she was my first wlw kiss, and my first time (and several more times after. Sorry, y’all)

A is very loud and proud, and I still love her dearly. We dated until around March of this year, and we were engaged, but some things fell through financially with me, not to mention my parents didn’t approve of our relationship (but I’ll get to that in a bit). Anyway, she’s doing well, she’s a nurse, and she’s dating a wonderful guy and they’re both very happy :)

In October of 2016, I came out to my parents, my gram, and my sister. My gram, conservative as she is, told me that it was okay and she still supported me in everything that I did. My parents, on the other hand...

** warning, this may be triggering to some of you, and I’m definitely crying writing it **

My mom says she still loves me, but in that stereotypical “I love you but I don’t love that you’re gay” kind of way. My dad’s worse about it. He hated A, and a bunch of shit went down I’d rather not talk about on the internet. Anyway, he sat me down one day and asked if I loved A. I said yes. He asked if I wanted kids with her, if I wanted to have a life with her. I said yes. He looked me dead in the eye and told me that it would never be the same, it wouldn’t be like what he and my mom have. No matter how hard A and I tried, we wouldn’t be a real family. And he told me that if A and I had kids, he wanted no part of them. I cried for hours that night, and had a full-blown panic attack because of it. He’s the backbone behind my dysphoria.

** now I’m back to talking about Starkid here we go **

When I finally started coming to terms with the fact that I was bi, I found Firebringer. Suddenly, there was this whole show with two WLW characters, bisexual ones at that, who were doing just fine. They ended up together, and got married, and ruled their dumb tribe together, and it was beautiful. And it gave me hope. It gave me hope that I could be happy as a bisexual woman in a relationship, with a man or with a woman. I could be happy. That was the main thing.

Jemilla is my absolute favorite Starkid Character. I resonate with her so much, with my dislike for change, and my stuffiness, and my bossiness, as my sister so fondly calls it. But most importantly, because she’s bi. She’s so shamelessly bi, and polyamorous. But her being bi isn’t the focal point of the story, and that’s why Firebringer, strange and full of plot holes, is the single greatest gift that Starkid could have ever given us.

Alright, I wanna be done crying now (which I honestly didn’t expect to do oof) so I’ll end this here, on a lighter note.

My name is Tay. I’m bisexual. I am here, and I am not ashamed.

Happy pride, everyone, I love each and every one of you very much. If you ever need anyone to talk to, about anything at all, and you feel there’s no one to turn to, you can always come to me. My asks and messages are always open (speaking of, I’ve fixed my messages, thank you Elle for telling me they were broken) and I will never turn anyone away.

I love you, and keep being totally awesome 🤙

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

To the anon I received two asks from in a row: thank you for offering me your guidance, but in an attempt to answer your asks I just realized that I don’t owe you an explanation. And this is the last way that I thought I would respond to/acknowledge your asks, honestly, because I do think your asks were sent with good intent. But you made assumptions about me that, frankly, I’m disappointed that a queer person would make about another queer person. Come on, pal, we’re better than that.

I KNOW in my post I made it sound like maybe I’m dissatisfied with being bisexual because of men or something, but in my post I specified that I was disappointed in/with cishet men; I didn’t mention bi men or gay men, so the fact that you assumed I meant men only in a cishet romantic way (like I’m forcing myself to feel romantic/sexual attraction toward men) was kind of inconsiderate. And when I said in the tags of that post that I’m glad “bisexual” applies to more than just women, I was of course not (at that point) referring to cishet men, but by my tag “good thing being bi means I can like people besides just women” WAS inherently referring to/meaning to include bi men and trans men (and trans folks in general, of course) as well as nonbinary folks. But, you see, I’m annoyed that I even had to provide that much of an explanation. It would have just done me so much more good if you hadn’t made assumptions about my queerness. Thank you. 💗

You know what, I’m tired of always putting this shit in the tags, omg, HERE:

Lesbians, I do love and respect y’all so fucking much, but it doesn’t help to make assumptions about other queer people. Yes I know what comp-het is, as well as demisexuality. Just because I don’t name them specifically doesn’t mean I’m not aware of them! Just...it feels like there’s some expectation here that I examine my sexuality for comp-het or demisexuality, when like...sorry to be a #Taurus, but I’m not going to publicly share every single thing about my queer journey just because strangers expect me to. ESPECIALLY DURING PRIDE MONTH WHAT THE FUCK? HELLO???????? Just because I don’t talk about it doesn’t mean I don’t know what it is/understand it or am trying to figure it out for myself! When I ask for help or make a vent post or something, then you’ll see/know (although just because I make a vent post doesn’t mean I’m automatically asking for advice...). So until then...leave me be, please. And others, too, I’d hope. And by that, I mean, at least don’t assume things about us.