#I hope any of this is coherent btw I'm tired as hell it's been a rough few days

[stanliestduo]

I found your blog while looking for some old 2016 art and I gotta say as someone who doesn’t ship Stancest I can really appreciate your take on why you do. And I think you’ve made solid points on why they work as a ship that’s more than just “uwu incest”

I often feel like adding sex or romance to Stan and Fords dynamic cheapens it, generally because I enjoy platonic relationships over romantic ones, but also because the stancest stuff I have seen often disregards their characters to make it into a “uwu incest” ship without taking into account the chemistry the characters have in canon.

Also I think you’re right about people who don’t ship stancest depicting emotional incest on accident, because I see it man, like actually.

Hello! I'm sorry I didn't get to this sooner. I've had a lot going on. (I'm curious to know what art you were looking for...) Let me start by saying- thank you for this ask. I was having a shitty day and it's nice to get to reply to something like this. I actually really like that you use the word "cheapens" when describing how sex and romance can affect a bond or the perception of it... Because I've used that EXACT same word myself before! I actually do also enjoy purely platonic Stan and Ford, btw. Huge fan! Personally, I think a LOT of relationships can be ruined in writing by the random inclusion of romance or sex, ESPECIALLY sex, and I'll always want to see more platonic stuff. However, I think Stancest is a special case. While this rant is long enough and I don't want to bog it down with more bullshit. there is a lot of reasonings I have even beyond what you saw as to why I think Stan and Ford COULD (not should, not necessarily will, but COULD) be in a relationship. And the thing is, I know what you mean when you mention characters being put into ships with no regards for their chemistry. I've encountered this problem with literally every ship I've ever enjoyed. Thing is, sometimes it's hard not to have their chemistry ADJUSTED or in some ways influenced and changed by putting them in a ship. Let me ask you- have you ever been changed by a relationship? Have you ever had a partner that influenced you in small ways, large ways? Changed your habits or how you thought of yourself? I think one of the interesting things about ships is that it isn't just a tool for cute interactions or sexy stuff- although it can certainly be that as well!- but it is also a tool to explore new depths to characters that may previously have not been uncovered. My goal when I ship is not to maintain perfect harmony parallel to the canon, because otherwise I couldn't do any fandom work at all- it's to keep some ESSENCE of the character intact while also thinking about changes in them, progress both negative and positive in them as people if they were to end up in a relationship. I like to think that many other people aim for that goal too, because otherwise why ship these characters at all? Why did the brain latch onto THESE characters in particular? I have a lot I could say on the actual chemistry and characters of Stan and Ford in my version of Stancest, but that's for another rant.

Also if I may, I want to focus on this bit you said- I think you’re right about people who don’t ship stancest depicting emotional incest on accident, because I see it man, like actually.

You can't hear it, but I'm cracking my knuckles in delight. SO glad someone else sees it. If there's one thing I wish I could project into everyone's brains, is that there is a difference between friendships and QPR. That's a very specific thing, but as an aroace person, I think a lot of other aroace people in particular (and some non-aroace people) are not taught the differences between the two and so misunderstand what writing a friendship or a brotherhood vs writing what a QPR means. Because that's what I think is happening when people write emotional Stancest- they're writing the brothers in a QPR without realizing it. There's one artist in particular that is very popular right now- I won't name them; They've made it clear they don't see their stuff as Stancest and don't want to be involved with it so I'm going to respect that (and if you know who it is, please leave them alone!) who, to me, is an aroace person who, like many of us, who has never been taught that difference, that QPRs involve a type of fixation, bond, and chemistry that friendships do not. They WRITE the Stan twins as if they are in a QPR constantly, and so many people really emotionally feel attuned with their work. I myself too enjoy it so much, but looking at it, I'm always struck by just how much it resembles the strongest QPRs I've ever witnessed. They're not the only culprit by far, but there's a lot of people who I think would ship these two except that the very suggestion is poison to them, even while they're actively doing it. Something I'll admit to as well while I'm at it- There are a lot of people who ship the same things as I do that I actually don't want to interact with. I've made a joke before to people who know me that I more often than not start in a fandom's yard only to pack up my toys and go home, but that's been my fandom experience. There are other Stancest shippers who ship other things that make me uncomfortable. There are Stancest shippers who ship in WAYS that make me uncomfortable. This isn't me saying that my way of doing things is better or that I'm above them in any way, this is just about what lines I draw. I go through periods of sex revulsion that get aggressively agitated by how some people ship characters for sex. If sex follows chemistry that's one thing, I can participate in that forever, or if it's just a bit of sexual art that's nothing, I draw that too. ...But for that to be the FOCUS of a person's enjoyment of the characters or ship genuinely makes me sick to my stomach. I also have a dicey relationship with "physical attraction", depends on the day. So, a lot of stories that get written about the Stans where they have physical crushes on one another from their youth into adulthood make me feel strange inside in a way that full on smut written with them wouldn't. I know, it's weird. It's because of my weird relationship to all this stuff that I often end up with just me and a friend in a fandom- but with Stancest, I don't even have that. It's just me alone on this blog. So, it's really nice to have people like you who don't even like Stancest reach out to speak to me. I appreciate you 💟

[pos-syscourse]

no hate, but how do you guys stay so positive all the time? We’re just so upset all the time and our health/neurodivergency (Autism, ocd, (suspected) bpd, etc) dosent make it better. We’ve been trying to “form” a kinder alter for that reason. Feel free not to answer this btw! Have a nice day, and stay safe! /gen

Hey!! Thank you for the ask.

I'm going to be honest; I'm not positive all of the time. I just try to keep this specific blog positive.

I'm very upset, about a lot of things. My autism (level 2 more and more often now) leads to me biting myself, hitting myself, lashing out and melting down. My DID makes me forget a lot of important things. The trauma I've experiences has compromised my immune system, so I'm frequently sick. The depression makes everything that much harder. Hell -- today I haven't even left my bed, beyond to use the restroom and once to get myself a drink.

But that's a perfect example right there. I can absolutely sit and wallow in my misery, beating myself up for not getting out of bed. And trust me, I've been there. But I just... I got so tired of feeling that way. I am so tired of it, because my brain still has these mental pathways telling me I should beat myself up.

So instead, when I get that impulse, I treat the impulse like a pissy little 14 year old who is being abused -- just like I was. I treat the impulse like a child who wants to make sense of the hurt and suffering I've experienced, because that helps me realize I need to be kind to that child, I'm not an asshole, I'm not about to be mean to a kid.

And really, a large part of my brain is still running on those neuropathways; a lot of me is still stuck in that trauma, whether I can realize it or not.

So... dear brain: I am so, so proud of you for going and getting liquid. That was such a huge step, especially when you're struggling. I wish people in your life would've recognized that more. And what do you mean, you've done nothing? You've already written 10k words today (no lie!!!) That's incredible! You might say the words meant nothing, because it was all journalling, but I see a lot of value in it.

... I'm not going to pretend it's easy. It's hard to reframe my thinking that way. But when I'm particularly exhausted, and particularly upset with myself, I think about the people around me. Do they want to be around the shitty 14 year old? Do I want that? No. I want to help that 14 year old feel better so that I can be the 27 year old I am.

And thinking of it that way, and trying it out for a few years, I realized how much better it felt to love myself.

I'm not perfect. I'm still struggling a lot with positivity, and not falling too deep into being toxic with it. But a simple, daily post, where people all over tell me they really appreciate my posts? Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. :)

I hope any of that made sense. I've been on a writing kick today, rambling all over the place, so hopefully this was coherent!