#I haven't properly felt like myself in so long except for a handful of brief instances

[thethingything]

there's so much stuff lately where I've been realising how much progress we've made with dealing with certain stuff but then also being aware that I've been so dissociated for the last 8 months that I constantly struggle to actually feel like myself because every time I do manage to ground myself and be like "holy shit I actually feel like me" I get completely overwhelmed by the emotions from all the shit that happened last summer and our brain can't seem to handle it.

so then over the last few days we've had a bunch of huge panic attacks where those emotions have started coming to the surface because I guess our brain's decided it's time to deal with that, and sometimes that comes with feeling less depersonalised and I can't tell if it's just because our brain is absolutely fucked from the PMDD stuff too, but it seems like the minute I do feel less depersonalised a lot of stuff I used to struggle with but haven't really experienced in months suddenly comes back too and now I'm not sure how much of it was actual progress, and how much was just our brain blocking stuff out because it was too much to deal with on top of everything else