#I haven't eaten much today but I have had a lot of caffeine

[uldahstreetrat]

I wanna start recording my nerd ass creative shit for YouTube but I don't know where the fuck to start lmao

the ridiculous research on the history of receipts? a similar spiral about stamps and designing them for XIV? a culmination of my thoughts about bread tags and bagels within the game lore??

also I spent all day making personal databases on Minecraft redstone mechanics so my brain sure is doing something in here but I can't tell you what

[smokietaylor]

weekly tag wednesday! (I know it's not wednesday anymore but I just saw this tag now)

Thanks @nymacronfor tagging me 🥰

Name: SmokieTaylor or Taylor

Do you drink coffee? If so, what's your coffee order? I don't really drink coffee that much. If it an drinking coffee it is usually something like a pumpkin spice latte, really anything with a lot of sugar. If I really need the caffeine boost and there isn't a monster or redbull, I will go for either a double double or triple triple depending where the coffee is from

What's the best thing you ate today? Ummmm, it is currently 3pm and I haven't eaten yet 😬 I had taco bell last night though.

Tell us about your first pet (or if you haven't had a pet yet, what's your dream pet)? I only ever had 2 black cats growing up. Barney and Fred, they live until they were both about 19-20. They were anti-social as hell around new people to the point that people started to believe that we didn't cats because they never saw them, even the people who would come over to take care of them while we were out of town. They only reason they knew they can't were fine was because the food was eaten and the litter box was used. They were usually just hiding underneath my parents bed. They were super sweet and hilarious when they wanted to be though.

If your life was a book, what would you call the current chapter? Breaking free

What's something you did recently that you're proud of? Sticking with writing consistently (with my ADHD that can be a challenge) and writing over 160K words over the last year or so. Also getting a promotion at work (even though I still haven't started the new position yet, my transfer is taking forever😑)

What was your first dream job growing up? Is it anything like the job you have now? I don't really remember what my first dream job was because I don't remember a lot of my childhood. The first one that I can remember is that is in middle school I wanted to be a photographer.

Now, I run a photography business on the side from my day job that focuses on cosplay photography and I have shot the occasional wedding for friends and stuff. I've been doing photography now for 18 year now and professionally for 6 years

What's the name of the latest playlist you made? Spaced out🪐🛸👽

~

tagging @zoroslie, @lunaintheskyforever & @froggy-pposto (ignore if you have already been tagged! 🖤🖤🖤)

[patalipat-blog]

Indian spice whiff

Hi Tumblr, it's been a looooooooong while. Been meaning to go back to writing since a few weeks ago. I've had several epiphanies that I'd like to talk about, but the momentum always gets swamped by other "more important" tasks (i.e. sleeping, loljk). Anyway, today is Sunday. I was supposed to start my day early by attending the Holy Mass but my body seemed to be needing so much rest. I guess my body's finally savoring that one day of lack of caffeine supply. I then just decided to have breakfast and stroll by the nearby Sunday market to look for coffee. I forgot to take pictures, though. But I found them on Facebook:

(Photo courtesy of Elbi Community Market FB Page)

Yep, I'm in Elbi right now. Trying my luck and doing something really big for myself, finally for myself after giving much of my past few years to others. But perhaps that merits another post.

Going back, it didn't take long until I found a stall selling Kapeng Barako. And omfg the camera caught me pala! 🤣

(Photo courtesy of Elbi Community Market FB Page)

Halata naman yung nipis ko diba? Hindi maipagkakaila lolllll

The coffee tastes good. The small-sized cup costs P 35.00. Not bad. I really miss the times, though, back in Goa where we would brew our own coffee. Here, it took a while before I found a coffee shop that sells undiluted brewed coffee at a reasonable cost.

As I mixed creamer and sugar on my coffee (right photo), my nostrils caught a whiff of some Indian spices. My mind immediately floated and travelled back to the time when Bruce and I travelled to Nepal for a research competition in November 2017. It was there that I first tasted authentic Indian cuisine. But my senses caught up with my daydreaming; The cold weather, the hour of the day, the half-awake feeling, and the environment itself transported me forward to our time in Malaysia in October 2023. I attended a research conference with Kyna, Rem, Andrea, and Aaron. We were accompanied by Andrea's mother, Ma'am Miriam, and Andrea's cousin, Ma'am Nicole.

I just suddenly remembered that morning of our conference when we haven't eaten yet but the program was already starting.

(Photo courtesy of Ma'am Miriam)

Fortunately, there was a Sunday Market just beside the conference hall. And so while they were participating in the Opening Program, I strolled around and bought food for them.

(Photos courtesy of Ma'am Miriam and me)

As always, I failed to take many photos haha. Buuuut the food options were really really good. And the smell, of course. The rich aroma of Indian spices pervaded the Sunday morning air. The expo included other cuisines, but my eyes were of course trained on the ones that were new to me.

The stall on the left photo served rice cakes wrapped in banana leaves. They seemed like our local suman or binanban in Lagonoy, but they tasted way creamier and more savory. The kids also liked them a lot, naubusan nga agad ako haha.

The stall on the right photo also had these rolled rice with fish at the center and wrapped with banana leaves. I think they're called "Pulut bakar," not really sure. Judging from the appearance, I thought they were similar to our tupig in Pangasinan or Ilocos Area, but I was so wrong haha. It was really more of a meal rather than a snack, probably because of the fish inside.

After feeding the kids, I was still so hungry so I went out and bought Nasi lemak with free brewed coffee. It really feels different (in a good way) eating authentic food from foreign cuisines. I definitely find it weird why they always include whole nuts and anchovies in their rice meal, but I guess it adds to the overall texture of the food.

(Photos courtesy of Ma'am Miriam)

But beyond the food items, I kinda miss the company. I miss the times spent with the group. The four kids were pasaway as always, they were makukulit and matagal kumilos (especially the girls)! But they were all persistent, and they're all thoughtful and caring.

We could have definitely done better, but I admit I had lapses in managing my schedule hence I wasn't able to always monitor them during their lab works. But they still did well for me. Their presentation was also highly commended. It's just that it wasn't a competition, but just a closing program of the year-long research internship that we participated in (Tsunagu Research Project). What was off for us, though, was that the said closing presentation was held in the same venue with the Science Castle Asia Competition. The Tsunagu presentation was therefore thrown on the sidelines, we were not given a really suitable venue. But these kids were indeed troopers, we still pushed through and again, their presentation was highly commended by the panelists and fellow participants.

The Tsunagu final presentation was also an opportunity to meet lots of like-minded people. The several days weren't really enough to strike in-depth conversations, especially since we were all so busy tending to our wards. But hopefully, in the future, we get to meet again and collaborate. It was just so sad, though, that there was no Tsunagu Research Project this year. But it's still fine because if there was, I wouldn't be able to participate anyway (I'm on study leave right now).

Ma'am Miriam and Ma'am Nicole were also so caring, helpful. During our practice nights, when we would already forget to go out and eat, they'd order food for us. Oh how I miss the packed fruits from the grocery store within our hotel building. The grapes, strawberries, the kiwi, all of them were so fresh and sweet. Throughout our stay, they'd suddenly knock on our doors asking if we ever need anything. Of course I feel so shy knowing that as the teacher chaperone, I should be taking care of much of our needs. But they were just so supportive of our endeavors. They were also soooooo generous. My goodness, they almost wanted to buy everything for us! I was surprised that they bought shoes for each of us. They even transferred us to Shangri La on our last night, and took us on a trip around the city.

I especially would like to appreciate Ma'am Miriam. Throughout the trip, we had several chikahans that opened my mind so much into how good and humble she is as a person. No wonder, Andrea is an intelligent, compassionate, and humble young lady. Ma'am Miriam is a lawyer. I'm not so certain but as far as I've read, she has served as Corporate Lawyer, Provincial Prosecutor, Estate Lawyer, and Municipal Legal Officer. Basta andami na hehe. Her husband naman is in the Energy Sector. And they also have lots of businesses, magugulat ka na lang. Kasi you wouldn't really notice it from them. They're so humble, so down to earth. Walang kaere ere sa katawan and they always mean well.

Throughout our trip, Ma'am Miriam would inadvertently share about her management style at work, about her experiences dealing with other people, about her parenting style. She's tough, practical, intelligent, and humble. Sobrang kengkoy din ni Ma'am to the point na Andrea would always cringe haha. Mas game pa si Ma'am Miriam about a lot of things. Also, kahit they are wealthy, they wouldn't really brag about it nor look down on other people. They're also so practical and frugal. They like surprises, or simple rewards, pero hindi sila into unnecessary splurging. Ma'am Miriam is also very supportive of the activities of her children, nakakatuwa. Talagang push lang siya nang push, go lang lagi basta gusto ng mga bata at worth it for them.

As we waited for our flight back to the Philippines, kinausap ako ni Ma'am. Bakit daw ba hindi ko itry mag-apply ng scholarships abroad, sayang daw kasi. I told her, it's actually part of my plans. I really wanted to study and perhaps go out of the country, kaso I am limited by my financial and family concerns. In terms of scholarship, kahit paano feeling ko qualified naman ako, but I couldn't simply leave my family behind. Also, I couldn't simply leave my work behind, specifically my Research students. Feel ko kasi, walang ibang eeffort na gawin para sa kanila yung mga ginagawa ko for them. I'm not bragging, it's just that I pull so many strings for them because I'm passionate about helping them learn. Kaso what I've been doing so far are way too taxing for other teachers to do.

Pero ayun, Ma'am Miriam kept on encouraging me, saying na that's really the way it is. If you're concerned about family or about work, they're constantly in your life. They're not gonna go away or stop. You need to take the proactive step to really study if that's what you dream of. Lalo at tumatakbo ang oras, dumadagdag ang edad. Sayang daw ng potential ko.

Idk. I really didn't have a concrete answer then. Fast forward now, after many nights of contemplation, after many mountains of applications, paperworks, permits, financial struggles and everything, I'm here now. Yung mga what ifs ko about family and work, definitely mahirap pa rin ideal with. Pero I just keep pushing and pushing. Right now, finally, nagrant yung study leave ko. Almost a month na rin ako dito sa UPLB, taking my MS.

I can say na apart from my personal passion, apart from the needs of my students, Ma'am Miriam was really instrumental in my coming up with the decision to already apply for Graduate Studies regardless of the uncertainties. Talagang sige na, push na. Kahit nakakawindang, go na. And perhaps in the future also, I could encourage another unsure soul to pursue their dreams.

I wanted to message Ma'am Miriam and thank her at least, for making an impact in me. But perhaps kapag nakagraduate na lang ako haha. Parang nakakahiya naman to declare now tas mafind out ni Ma'am later on na nadelay ako etc. etc. But ayun, I really thank Ma'am for giving me the drive to do this for myself.

Ay napahaba na itong blog haha! Ang dami ko pang backlogs na gagawin! Dahil lang sa amoy ng Indian spices, naglakbay na ang aking isipan at kung saan-saan na napunta. I wouldn't read back before posting this blog. I want it to be as it is. Alam ko, sobrang random, sobrang patalon-talon ng thoughts, sobrang gulo nito. Maybe because that's really how my mind is doing right now. Kaya rin gusto kong magsulat nang magsulat nang magsulat uli, para matrain uli ang self ko na sumulat quickly and logically. It's been years kasi since I actively wrote for the sake of writing. For the past years, iba rin naman ang mga isinusulat ko sa work.

Ayun muna for now. Baboo!

[timeoverload]

I feel like an asshole. I shouldn't have said what I said. I suppose it was sort of a trauma response. Sometimes I just need some reassurance that won't happen to me again. Unfortunately healing isn't linear and sometimes I have bad moments like that. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I guess it scared me because it seems like you are more focused on one person more than anyone else and I don't understand that. I would like some clarification because it would make me feel better but I understand if you don't want to give me that. You can look at whatever you want as long as you aren't acting on anything... maybe I just don't want to know what you are looking at all the time. I shouldn't have looked. I don't really like it but I'm not really allowed to have an opinion on that. I am guilty of looking at things sometimes too but I don't want to share about that. I am sure you would have a similar reaction if the roles were reversed. It's normal. I can't expect you to agree with me on everything anyway. I am not trying to embarrass you but I know I did. I am sorry Maxwell. I wish that we could have conversations like this face to face. I would much rather deal with problems that way. I don't want everyone else reading about it. Sometimes I miss when you were the only person that looked at my blog because I felt like we had some privacy but now everything is out in the open. I don't think I would have blown up like that if we could talk things out. I don't like to argue. I will try harder to keep my bad feelings to myself. I hope you understand that I don't want to hurt you but I know I did. I understand if you are still upset with me. You are my whole world and I don't want to lose you. You are very special. I don't want to run away from you. Every time I try I get very sick. That hasn't happened with anyone else. I hate fighting with you. I love you.

💖💖💖

Since I don't really post pictures of myself, I decided that maybe I should share one since I feel like I owe you something. I don't know if it is going to make you happy or not but I'm going to do it anyway. I usually spend a long time getting ready if I'm planning on taking pictures but I didn't do that this time. I am too tired. This is what I look like right now. I didn't edit this at all. It's not the best picture but whatever. My hair is greasy and I'm not wearing make-up. Oh well, here ya go.

Anyway, I definitely needed to give myself time to calm down before I wrote this. The past couple days have been a nightmare. My moods have been shifting like crazy. I really haven't been in the best state of mind. The past month I have barely been eating and it's starting to catch up with me. It's getting worse and more painful. All I've eaten today is half a muffin because I was so nauseated all day. I have cut down on caffeine and it hasn't helped my appetite. I'm struggling a lot. I just don't want to eat anything because it's so uncomfortable. Solid food has been my enemy lately. I've been drinking boost in order to keep moving. My heart has been fluttering a lot. I'm feeling like I don't want to be alive because I am so miserable. I'm not going to hurt myself even though I have thought about it. Don't worry, I am not going to act on it. I just feel very alone and I am in pain most of the time. I know people are listening but I can't understand why nothing is changing. It is very confusing for me. It is probably my fault but I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing wrong because no one has communicated with me. I think maybe I have taken my emotions out on other people unintentionally. I don't know what is going on half the time. I forgot to take my lamotrigine over the weekend and it made me feel so bad which probably contributed to my episode. I haven't been sleeping well. I was so stressed out last night that I tossed and turned for hours. I couldn't get comfortable. I think I only slept an hour.

I had to leave 30 minutes early today because I felt like I was going to collapse on the floor. I stayed late last night anyway so it wasn't a big deal. I don't remember the drive home. I feel slightly better now that I'm sitting. I really think I should just check myself into the hospital sometime because I don't feel good but I am scared to try to get help. I don't know if it will do any good and it's expensive so I will probably avoid going as long as possible.

I am still very stressed about my mom. Everyone has been trying to contact her all week and no one has heard back from her. She hasn't been active on social media like she usually is. I don't think she has any idea what is going on. I did get a phone call from the hospital this afternoon and they told me she was there again but she was discharged this morning. I don't know when she went back and I'm not sure what sort of problems she is having right now. The lady I talked to couldn't give me a lot of information. It's good to know that she is alive but I don't know where she is now. I wish they would have contacted me while she was still there so that's frustrating. I want to talk to her myself. She texted me right after I typed that so that was really weird. She said she is alright so that's really good news. She hasn't said anything else even though I asked a bunch of questions. I am happy I heard something from her at least. I am going to try to convince her to give me permission to call her at the shelter. I'm not sure how that is going to go. I will just have to wait and see.

I suppose I should spend the rest of the night filling my queue back up. I will try to eat something. I still need to finish my muffin. I truly hope that the rest of the week is better. I apologize again for my erratic behavior. I will be better.

I hope that everyone has a great day tomorrow. :) Thank you for putting up with me. 💖💖💖

[yuugami-tan]

All Of Them

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Afterglow: any big regrets? yeah!!!

Aphrodite: have you ever been in love? are you currently in love? heheheheehehehehehehehehheheeh. yes and yes

Alcove: do you like going to the beach or do you prefer the pool? beach!!! as long as i am in the shade lol or if it's in the evening. long shore beaches are my favorite since there is lots of space to walk :DDD when it is cool enough that i can wear a sweater i think it is the best

BBQ: do you have big get togethers over summer? huhhhhh i wouldn't really call them big. usually just my friend group at someone's house to exist in each other's presence

Bubble Tea: do you like bubble tea? what’s your go-to order? YES although i rarely have it cuz caffeine's not good for me!!! i like to have just regular black or oolong milk tea with boba. when i can i just order brown sugar milk (NOT TEA) with boba!!!

Camping: are you ever been camping? do you like going? yes! and i don't really know because it has been a very long time!!!!! unless staying in a cabin counts as camping................................i am not a fan of tents

Collegiate: are you going to school right now? what are you studying? yes!!! studying studio arts + korean!!!!!!!!

Cottage: what’s your ideal weekend escape? i dunno..................the weekend is too short for an escape

Date Night: do you like anyone right now? do they know? yes and yes 😏

Desert: do you like desert terrain? I LOVE DESERTS i think they are very pretty!!! maybe cuz i live so nearby to them lol. it is best to visit the desert in cold weather!!!

Dream: what’s your summer goal? to improve my korean by a lot!!!

Drive: do you like going on late night drives? i cannot answer that because i can't drive!!! but i don't like being outside at night so probably no!!!

Earth: do you ever like to unplug and disconnect for a while? yes. a little too much actually

Feather: what’s your favorite animal? my dogs and my birds :D

Fish: do you like fish and sea life? any favorites? YEAHHHHHHHH I LOVE SEA CREACHERS. i don't have a favorite but i like to pet rays at aquariums :DDD

Garden: do you like gardening? what’s your favorite thing to grow? i like gardening but i cannot grow anything......................except green onions which i am proud of. they used to live in a flower pot on my balcony but we have long since eaten them............................................

Habitual: any summer hobbies? i don't really know! i haven't ever had a free summer to build any hobbies cuz i always have school

Hades: do you like the hot temperatures? no.

Heat: ideal summer weather? cool nighttimes and zero humidity...................summers at the beach are very nice though because it is very cool

Hoist the Colors: do you like being on the open ocean? NO

Horizon: anyting in the upcoming future you’re looking forward to? studying abroad in gwangju :DDD

Hydrated: have you drank enough water today? i haven't had a headache yet today so i think so!!!

Iconic: do you have any summer traditions or something you do every summer? road trip with my family to somewhere after summer school is over :DDD

Jam: what’s your favorite type of ice cream or sweet treat? oh man...........the strawberry shortcake ice cream bars....................................oaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghghhghhghhh

Keeper: do you have a significant other? yes their names are simon blackquill and herlock sholmes perhaps you can answer this for me 😳

Lemon: where would you rather go - the Italian countryside or Greek sea? countryside!!!

Love Letter: quiet night in or night out? depends............usually a quiet night in unless i am going to a concert. in that case YELLING SCREAMING WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Menu: what’s one summer type dish you like? i don't know what that means!!!

Nada: this is not a question, just something to remind you that you are loved! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nooner: do you like to sleep in during summer break? no..............it causes me to miss meals and become very depressy. also summer school does not allow me to do that

Opportunist: what do you like to do to take advantage of the nice weather? go on a walk!!! when the weather is nice as i'm coming home from school I'll get off the bus a mile early and walk the rest of the way!!!

Pirate: do you like pirates? YES i think they're cool

Pool: do you like swimming? yeah! but i haven't in a while cuz i don't like being in the sun now lol.

Pottery: do you like crafting? hummm...............i don't really do crafts much but i think it's fun. i like to assemble little wooden/paper figures though :DDD

Pride: are you part of the lgbtq+ community? yeah!!!

Quiet: how you relax after a long day? i usually watch videos/listen music and continue study lol. until it's late at night then i'll play my silly little mobile games

Rhapsody: do you like going to concerts? what’s the last concert you went to? YES YES I LOVE GOING TO CONCERTS. my favorite adrenaline rush. last one was bts in la with YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

S’mores: do you like campfires and making s’mores? i've never made smores but campfires are neat! i like to roast marshmallows though

Series: anything you’re planning on binge-watching this summer? bleach!!!

Strawberries: favorite fruit? bananas and strawberries

Swimsuit: what’s your go to style of swimsuit? shirt (long sleeve if possible) and shorts

Tea: you like gossip? or to keep to yourself? i don't like to gossip!!!

Unicorn: what’s your favorite mythical creature? the sexy humanoid ones

Unreal: what’s something you’d never thought you would accomplish but you did? getting this scholarship. i think i'm still in denial

Vacation: do you have any vacation plans this summer? no!!! but i will be doing very exciting schoolwork :DDD

Volunteer: do you like to volunteer or do charity work? it's nice, i used to do it a lot during high school

Weekend: describe your ideal weekend. museum trip!!!

Wonder: what’s something you love about summer? many characters' birthdays are in the summer!!!

Younger: do you listen to your inner child? yes it's a nice song. in all honesty though YES. how else am i supposed to live

Zoo: do you collect anything? keychains and pins and stickers and manga and various figures/other merchandise. i have many but not enough. OH also art books!!! i'd like to thank my dad for that cuz he dumped all of HIS art books on me (nge, aardman, calvin & hobbes, etc.)

ZZZ: what’s your go-to sleeping position? on my back with my hands on my stomach like a corpse