#I haven't done it myself in a long time bc I'd literally pass out after 3 minutes but boy do I remember

[undead-potatoes]

Sisyphean laundry this, Sisyphean cooking that, have you ever tried to keep your driveway clear of snow in a fucking blizzard

[justaspoonfulofnothing]

life's a fucking shitshow my family is fucking transphobic my mum initially told me she'd accept me yet there's a million fucking things she says and does that make me wanna kill myself on top of that my little brother fucking outed me to my grandma and her partner even though i told everyone enough fucking times to keep their goddamn mouths shut everyone knows i'm hella dependent on my mum to get shit done yet she's judging me for it and refuses to help me or make me feel good i watched endgame last night and haven't cried this much in idk ever and i feel like shit i almost passed out again but i didn't bc i fought it for hours i was grossly sobbing throughout the entire fucking thing the people next to me literally looked at me bc i was behaving so intensely i was not okay and still am not i want to say why and share it all but i'm not that asshole who spoils it for everyone not even chancing it i'm depressed as shit bc i forgot to take my meds like three days ago and that's how long it takes but also endgame and i took 5 instead of 3 pills and it's all natural and fine but like imagine how depressed you have to be for that much to not work anyways i haven't felt this bad in over a year and honestly the fact that i managed to eat today and carry on as best as i can says a lot about the amount of strength i've built over the years i miss them so fucking much i tried to send an e-mail to a tattoo shop but my gmail is synching apparently yet it's been 6 hours or so and nothing's happening i want to get the tattoo next month i want to get many others over the years once i got top surgery and shit i hate myself so much and i thought i'd grown out of those negative thought and behavioural patterns yet here we are just taking punch after punch after punch i wish i was so many things that i'm not and i wish i'd never seen endgame despite it being an absolutely incredible film infinity war can suck it but they did do some characters dirty and if i don't fucking forget i can't wait to rant about that shit but for now i can't even talk about the film and what happened at all bc i'd genuinely break down and that's the last thing i need last night was the first time since i was idk a fucking toddler that i cried in public i mean it was half past fucking three in the morning but that's how bad it was and IS and i just wish what happened didn't happen and i wish my family wasn't my family i just want to move to london but a bitch has fucking problems and can't deal with shit so we gon be stuck in this shithole forever people are the absolute worst my plants are dying nobody understands me i have never felt this alone and i miss the pupper but if i wanted to see him again i'd have to see my family as well and i don't know if i should bc they literally make me wanna kill myself anyways i touched up my tint tattoo for the third time bc this ink is shit and i might've overdone it bc trigger warning i guess i kinda wanted to hurt myself and just didn't realise when to stop but it's all good not infected or a fail or anything just idk i'm fighting a lot of shit right now and ignore this text i just have to vent somewhere i haven't edited in ages i know exactly who to edit but it's too fresh and i'm literally about to cry again i'm so tired of life and everything and idk i'm a fuck up i can't even make up my mind about what to study every time i decide on sth i just think something else would be so cool i'm almost 20 and stuck at my third job since graduation meanwhile i'm supposed to be some genius but my mental health just totally fucked it and idk anymore i'm just tired and hate my family fucking quiet transphobes and homophobes and biphobes i'm never sharing anything with them ever again they can choke on their own spit and burn in hell i don't even care anymore everything fucking sucks and i wish i wasn't alive as the person i am surrounded by these shitwanks in the world we live in i just hate everything