#I have so many thoughts about Jack Marston he's so special to me

[ghost-qwq]

my sad angry wet cat of a son forced to play dress up with his fathers clothes

[galadrieljones]

The Lily Farm - Chapter 49

AO3 | Masterpost

Pairing: Arthur x Mary Beth

Rating: M (Mature) - sexual content, violence, and adult themes

Summary: After Sean’s death, Mary Beth asks Arthur to take her on a hunting trip, somewhere far away. What takes place at first is a simple love story: full of trials and journeys that they must endure together, as a team. But over time, things complicate. The gang is in trouble, and as Arthur and Mary Beth aim to set out on their own one day, they must find a way to help those they love while eventually, finding escape. Their ultimate goal is to go north with the Marstons, to find the bucolic stretches of Wisconsin where, rumor has it, there are lily farms. Will they make it? How will they survive when all hope seems lost? This is their story.

Chapter 49: The Trelawny Special (by moonlight)

The sense of isolation had been strong for Charlotte, for many weeks now. The house had felt cold and still, even with Arthur and Mary Beth. Her memory of Cal felt separate from anything real. How their time together had been something special, like a blessing from god, which changed her life, but it was not actually her life anymore, just somebody else’s life she had read about in a book once.

Now the house was full. Lanterns lit in every room, the sights and sounds of people. She never could have imagined that somehow, she would have ended up here. When they had returned, Mary Beth helped her draw a bath for John. He was messed up, thought Charlotte, scarred and malnourished, but he stood very tall. He seemed resilient, and young. She couldn’t tell if he and Arthur were brothers or just friends. But they seemed to share a kind of mutual, childhood warmth between them. Arthur was concerned about John’s health. It had been Arthur who suggested the bath.

After John was squared away, she and Mary Beth prepared dinner—venison and root vegetables. Arthur sat with Sadie at the kitchen table. They seemed to be leaders among men, and they very well understood each other. They were drinking whiskey tea out of delicate, porcelain cups with saucers. Sadie seemed to have no idea what the hell was going on, and she looked rightly awkward as she drank from such a dainty mug, but Charlotte still thought she was one of the prettiest women she’d ever met. Something almost stately about her, chiseled and full of pride.

The letter Arthur had received was written in some sort of gibberish outlaw code, which only Arthur seemed to understand:

Dearest Cousin Arthur,

It was so good to hear from you last you wrote. How are the rutabagas? I hope this finds you well. I am writing today because the Fathers have decided, upon careful consideration, to finally perform the Trelawny Special (by moonlight). Yes! It is time! Though, you won’t be needed. Please, instead, take your wife and depart for Cumberland Falls. Arrive on the twenty-first of November. Dress for colder weather.

On your fair journey, do stop in Valentine to read the news on our state of affairs. Don’t fear the towns. Do you remember the old man from New York? You know the one. Lives in the space between Exodus and Numbers. Anyway, you don’t have to worry about him, or his guard dogs. For once! While you move west, they’ll move south, dear boy. And all will be fine in the way of nature.

We hope to see you there. Some sooner than others, of course. Give your loving wife our kindest regards. For her bright beauty and intelligence have been greatly missed in these dank and swampy hours. The two of you will be a sight for sore eyes indeed.

Yours impeccably. Today, tomorrow, and forever.

Cousin Ned

“Well, Josiah wrote that, for sure,” said Mary Beth, smiling while she flipped a couple cuts of meet onto the pan in the kitchen. Charlotte was beside her making rolls. “That answers our question about whether he survived the riverboat.”

“Sure. But what the hell is the Trelawny Special?” said Sadie. “Arthur?”

Arthur sat up in his chair, leaned forward with his elbows on the table. He was studying the letter. “It’s what we used to call an elaborate distraction,” said Arthur. “In the old days. Make the law look left, then we go right.”

“Like a magic trick,” said Mary Beth.

“What kind of distraction we talking?” said Sadie.

“Something big,” said Arthur. “Loud. A bank robbery, something like that.”

“A bank robbery as a distraction?” said Sadie.

“Sometimes,” said Arthur. “If you rig it up like so. Might not be a real bank robbery. Might be staged.”

“Staged?”

“An illusion,” said Arthur. He lit a cigarette. “And all this stuff here, about the man from New York, living in the space between Exodus and Numbers? That’s referring to Leviticus Cornwall. Trelawny’s talking about Pinkertons.”

John came out a moment later. He was dressed in some of Arthur’s things, which hung off him a little. Even before the near-starvation, he was a fair bit smaller than Arthur. Mary Beth greeted him with a cup of tea, which he drank graciously. “What’s going on?” he said.

Arthur gave him the letter. John lit a cigarette as he read it, sitting down at the table. He had trimmed his beard down but it was still growing in pretty full and very dark. When he finished he said, “Jesus goddam Christ.” He flipped it over, set it face down as if to punctuate the moment. “Is this from Trelawny?”

“Think so,” said Arthur.

“What do you think it means?”

“I think they’re moving,” said Arthur. “The gang. I think Hosea is gonna orchestrate an elaborate and nocturnal bank robbery, cause a mass distraction in St. Denis, draw the Pinkertons south whilst we move west.”

“Why a bank robbery?” said John.

“Hosea has been talking about robbing the city bank in St. Denis ever since the party at the Mayor’s house. That’s got to be it. That’s what I think.”

“A Trelawny Special,” said John, smoking. “Christ. They must be in a goddam bind if they’re doing this now.”

“Why?” said Mary Beth.

“Because we ain’t there,” said John.

“They’re prepared to move without us,” said Sadie, finally catching all this meaning. “But they’re supposed to wait for me and John, to make a move. They must be in some sort of trouble.”

“Could be Pinkertons, local law, Sisika, anything,” said John. “We are goddam oversaturated on this side of the map.”

“Don’t jump to conclusions,” said Arthur. “This time of year, the rains will flood the marsh. Could be environmental. It don’t have to be law.”

“Either way,” said John. “They’re right, Arthur. Dividing is the only way to escape this time, and the only way to draw the Pinkerton’s eye with assurance is to cause a distraction, and to make sure they know it’s Dutch.”

“Which means drama,” said Mary Beth.

“There are already a bunch of Pinkertons in St. Denis, after the riverboat job,” said Arthur, smoking. “After the Mayor let loose his goddam mouth, they’re already there, with more on the way. This is a sacrifice, to give the gang time to escape.”

“What do we do, Arthur?” said Sadie.

“They want us to be in Cumberland Falls on the 21st,” said Arthur. “That’s less than two weeks out. My guess is, they’ll hit the bank within the next week.”

“Shit,” said John. He looked at Sadie. He looked scared. “We gotta get back. I ain’t letting Abbie and Jack out on that open road, all the way out to goddam Cumberland Falls without me.”

“I hear you,” said Sadie, studying the tip of the wooden stake. It looked completed. She set it down on the table. “We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

“It’ll take days without horses,” said John. “The snow is good for slowing down the law, but we risk freezing, or worse.”

“Well, that’s the prize, Marston,” she said. “Next time don’t get yourself caught.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. He was punishing himself. “I ain’t seen her in—shit. It’s been such a goddam long time. I don't remember what it means to be a goddam man.”

“It’s okay,” said Arthur. “It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna make it.”

That is when Charlotte spoke up. She had been quiet for a while. She was standing in the kitchen, holding a tray full of unbaked rolls. She had been listening quietly. “Abbie and Jack,” she said. “Who are they?”

“That’s John’s wife, and their boy,” said Mary Beth.

“You have a family?” said Charlotte.

“Yeah,” said John. He was shaking his head now, looking down at his wretched, bruised hands.

Charlotte bent down to place the rolls in the kiln. She closed the door, and then she wiped her hands off on her apron. She said, “You can take my horses. There are two of them. That should help, right?”

Sadie was looking at her, her hair down around her cheeks, ratty from the wind and the snow. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, of course. I wouldn’t have offered if I weren’t sure.”

“Charlotte,” said Arthur. He looked upon her with concern. She was getting too involved. “You don’t have to do this. You’ve already done enough. And you need a horse to survive out here.”

“It’s okay,” said Charlotte. “I can afford to buy another horse when the time is right. But I just—I don’t need them anymore. Those are…old horses. I mean, they’re not old. They’re just from the past. They’re perfectly bred and handle well, both Dutch Warmbloods. Fillies, less than two years old. I don’t mind being rid of them.”

“Thank you,” said John. “Charlotte, thank you. For everything. I’ll pay you back.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, smiling. “And please. You owe me nothing.”

Arthur got up from the table, right away. He took the tea pot off the stove to refill his cup and John’s. As he passed Charlotte, she smiled. He looked at her, didn’t really know what to think. He said, “I’ll break you one. This week. I will.”

“Break me one what?” said Charlotte.

“A new filly,” he said. “A good girl, right from up in these hills.”

“Are there wild horses, in the Roanoke Valley?”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Arthur. He poured his tea, then John’s, then Sadie’s. “Real beauties, if you know where to look. I do. You won’t regret it.”

“Of course I won’t,” said Charlotte. She felt like she was living in a dream inside of a dream. It had used to be a nightmare, but now it was merely bizarre, the sights and sounds bright but muffled in the plasma of her subconscious. She was experiencing everything from the other side of a screen door. But it was okay. It was new. It was better than nothing.

After dinner, John and Sadie stayed out to help Charlotte clean up in the kitchen. She tried to discourage them but they insisted. Charlotte had put music on the gramophone, which livened up the atmosphere and made it feel like a whole different house. Everybody was a little warm in the chest from the booze that night.

Arthur and Mary Beth went back to their room meanwhile where they undressed in a kind of a rush to seize the moment. They had not had many chances, with the house so quiet and the world so sad from Charlotte’s terrible loss. But something about the day spent out of doors in the snow, meeting John and Sadie, and the letter from Josiah—it was like a slap across the face. It had hastened the pace and tipped the hourglass, and now there was laughter in the kitchen, and Arthur and Mary Beth were making love in the bed. When they finished, they leaned against the pillows, finishing their tea, and Mary Beth was reading a book in her nightgown and eating some of the chocolate Charlotte had bought for her so sweetly at the store that day. Arthur was trying to write in his journal, but he felt too close to the brink of his thoughts, like they needed to steep for a while longer. So he sketched instead, finished an old one of Mary Beth swimming and then started a new one, trying to capture John in his destitute physical state from all that had taken place at the penitentiary. It was rough going, but John was more or less the toughest asshole he had ever met. He had survived a near-hanging when he was twelve and a pack of wolves when he was twenty-six, and he’d survive this, too. Arthur hadn’t taken much time to think about it purely, but he did feel they had come closer to being brothers again, those days.

“I’m worried about Charlotte,” said Mary Beth, out of nowhere. She had placed her book on the windowsill and looked wistful. “She won’t survive here by herself. It’s only the beginning of winter. She’s come a long way, but it ain’t a good idea, Arthur. Leaving her here alone.”

“If it’s what she wants,” said Arthur, “we can’t interfere.”

“I know,” she said. “But maybe—maybe we could take her with us. We rescued Sadie, after her husband died.”

“Yeah,” said Arthur. He took a deep breath, closed his journal. “We did. Only Sadie, she was living rough even before all this. Charlotte—she’s as dainty as they come. You think she’d be able to handle life as an outlaw?”

“Maybe,” said Mary Beth. “Or, we could just take her with us up to Wisconsin, where we don’t plan to be outlaws no more. Or maybe we could convince her to go back to Philadelphia.”

“We’ll always be outlaws,” said Arthur. “One way, or another. Even when we’re living straight, we’ll have to lie. But why don’t you talk to her. See what she wants. We still got a little time before we have to be on the road.”

“I will,” said Mary Beth, reassured. “First thing in the morning.” She smoothed both her hands over his long, yellow hair. She kissed his eyes and his nose and his mouth. She said, “I love you.”

His eyes were blue, and his skin was rough. “I love you, too, pretty girl.”

When John went to bed, Sadie stayed up. She was a night owl. She liked to read in the evenings, or to practice throwing her knives. Staying up late was the only time that rendered her completely alone. The weather had whipped up into a full blown blizzard outside. She was banking on it subsiding by morning, but what did she know. She was interested in Charlotte. Charlotte was a stranger, seemed fancy, and yet, she was helping. Arthur and Mary Beth seemed to bring many allies with them. Wherever they went, they made friends in high places. Sadie knew it had to be Mary Beth. Arthur, cute as he was, and extremely effective in a bind, was dumbfounded by people in ways she had seen. He had good intentions, and he was a damn fine gunslinger, but he was not as quick with his tongue as he was with his heart. He usually ended up scaring people, or coming off aloof. For a while, he seemed headed for the deep end anyway. Like he was prone to depressed moods. She had been waiting for him to off Dutch for months, any goddam day before he finally knocked up Mary Beth and they got married. It was good for him, responsibility, goals. He was a man who needed a mission. Mary Beth, meanwhile, she was as charming as they came, like any good conwoman had to be, only with her, it seemed predicated on something genuine. Sadie had used to underestimate her, thought her just along for the ride, but she knew now that was bullshit. Mary Beth was young and pretty, but it was more than that. Sadie had been a wife and understood the stakes of loving a man. Mary Beth fulfilled the role with abandon.

After the cleaning was finished, Charlotte and Sadie were sitting in the living room, still listening to the music on the gramophone. Charlotte was embroidering a beautiful pattern upon a set of white curtains while Sadie read a book she found on the shelf by the window. It was filled with the journalism of Edgar Allan Poe, most of which Sadie deemed as frivolous. But it was something to do. After a time, she closed the book and could no longer stay quiet. She looked at the fire. “Charlotte,” she said.

“Yes,” said Charlotte. She did not look up from her work.

“I noticed you’re wearing a wedding ring,” she said, holding tightly to her own. “But your husband, he ain’t here.” Sadie looked at her, sadly. “Is he dead?”

Charlotte stopped what she was doing. She set down the curtains and the needle and thread in her lap and folded her hands on top of it. She looked down at her thumbs as if she had forgotten, up until now. “Yes.”

“How’d he die,” said Sadie, direct, unflinching.

“He was mauled by a bear,” said Charlotte.

“Mauled by a bear?” said Sadie. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” said Charlotte. “But it’s all right. I’m all right.”

“That’s why Arthur and Mary Beth are here,” said Sadie. “Helping you get back on your feet?”

“They stumbled upon me one day, weeping at Cal’s grave. They stayed. They’ve been here for almost a month.”

Sadie gazed at her, feeling crushed. She said, “They’re good at that, ain’t they?”

“What do you mean?”

“My husband died, not a year back,” said Sadie. “Killed by the scum of the earth. Turns out he’d borrowed money from a gang of outlaws, never told me. A couple of days after they killed him, they came back, for me. But Arthur was there, too. Killed them, helped me. Him and his gang took me in.”

Charlotte’s eyes were very large and wide open. She had frozen. “That’s…horrible,” she said. “About your husband. I’m so sorry.”

“It weren’t no bear,” said Sadie, “but yeah, it weren’t good neither.”

“So you just…you travel with them now? And their gang?”

“That’s right,” said Sadie. She took her gun from her holster, started shining it up with a blue handkerchief. “I had nothing left, and they offered me a second chance, which I took. Now, I don’t know what I am, but I ain’t alone. And that’s all I need.”

She felt Charlotte, watching, as she polished the gun. She became aware, suddenly, that this might not have been very ladylike, and therefore intimidating. She put the gun away. “You gonna come with us?” she said, tilting her head to try and take in the whole picture. “To Cumberland Falls?”

“You mean, back to your gang?”

“Yep.”

“Oh,” said Charlotte. She demurred. “I—I don’t know.”

“You should,” said Sadie, very serious. “You shouldn’t stay here by yourself, Charlotte. Nothing good can come of it, believe me. Stick with them. They’ll protect you. It’s what they did for me. I don’t like to think what would have become of me if Arthur had not…stumbled upon me that night. It took a long time, but I have come to find my reckoning now. The world took Jake, and I took a lot more from the world. It weren’t pretty, but it had to be done. Now, me and the world, we’re squre again. Or, mostly. But it’s enough so I can finally start over. You get what I mean?”

Outside, the wind and the snow were rustling through the trees. The wind was blowing down the chimney, whistling. The song played on the gramophone, something by Bach. “I think I do,” said Charlotte. She said she would sleep on it, but just like them all, except for John who was outright exhausted and had not slept in a proper bed for months, the storm kept them up for some time.

[redeadepression]

so, John has some real filthy kinks, which I love. but who else in the gang do you think is super kinky? surely some of these cowboys have got some depraved desires 👀

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Thanks for the question Anon! Anyone that hasn’t seen the Kinky John Headcanons Anon is referring to can read them here and here! NSFT (obviously).

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Van der Linde Gang | Kinky Members Headcanons | NSFT

Arthur - Public Masturbation - Voyeurism

Okay so not really public but I’m not sure what to call it. Arthur likes to jack off within view of other people WITHOUT being caught. That part is very important. It’s the thrill of getting off without anyone’s knowledge that has him so riled up. In the river while he’s bathing not far from camp (I have a oneshot about this coming soon), In his bedroll while he’s sleeping around the fire with others, touching himself under the water while the deluxe bath lady rubs his shoulders.

He will not hesitate to watch a couple if he comes across them going at it. You bet he’s eyed off the Marston’s through the hole in the wall at Shady Belle. He’s casually leaned against a wall in an ally way and watched a whore doing her job with a too drunk client. He’s most certainly touched himself while listening to people get it on in the next room of a hotel. 

Dutch - Dom/Sub - Biting - Slapping

Dutch likes to mark people. Whether with his mouth or his hand, doesn’t matter too much to him. He will slap your ass until his hand is stinging and your butt it’s black and blue. He will slap your face if you let him. He really gets off on being the dominant one in the encounter. He wants to push you around and have you be completely submissive. 

Javier - Choking

Javier likes to have hands wrapped around his neck during sex. When his partner caresses his scar it drives him wild. He’s not so much in to the act of choking his partner but would give it a go if it was requested. He has definitely spent the better part of many afternoons engaging in auto-erotic asphyxiation. 

Bill - Pegging

Bill wants to be pegged. On the outside he is a rough and tumble type of dude. Very macho but self-conscious of what other’s think. But in the bedroom he likes to let his partner take control. He gets very hot under the collar at the thought of being taken from behind while he’s down on all fours.

Abigail - Dom/Sub - Humiliation

Abigail gets off on humiliating her sexual partner. She spent so long working as a prostitute, a profession where it’s all about the man. When she fucks she wants to be in control. Control of herself, her partner and the entire situation. She has been known to take this too far on occasion and can be quite mean in the bedroom if her partner isn’t prepared for it.

Swanson - Pain

Swanson’s love for morphine had to come from somewhere right? He’s the sort of person that wants to be tied up and spanked with a riding crop. He loves hot candle wax and will 110% let you walk on his back in heeled boots. He’s definitely let you take it too far, one too many times and gotten genuinely hurt in the process.

Uncle - Literally Anything

As the subtitle says. Uncle will let you do just about anything to him as long as you’re both having a good time. You’re in to piss? Sure he’ll get pissed on. You want to cum on his face? He guesses that’s fine. Want to fuck in public? Why the hell not? As long as it results in an orgasm he is A OK.

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I’m sure all of the gang members have their super special kinks and I’m sure these lads and ladies probably have more than one or two kinks each but I only have so much time so I just picked the people that immediately stood out to me as kinky!

[jo-the-schmo]

Red, Dead, Reflections Ch.2

Chapter 1

A/N: Finally! Chapter 2! Remember how I kept saying I was trying to get to a certain part and that’s why it was taking so long? Well, I decided to keep that until the next chapter because it was taking so long and I was already pushing a hefty word count as is. Also, the writing in this chapter isn’t as good as chapter 1 and I’m sorry about that. I’ll do my best to make chapter 3 more enjoyable. I tried really hard with this one but it just didn’t stick. It happens to all of us. I hope you still like it, though! 

Word count: 9,150 (I’m so sorry)

Warnings: Blood, animal death, explicit language, mentions of racism (not expanded, I’m white, I don’t want to be disrespectful) 

Summary: At the age of 23, you and your pseudo-family perform a heist gone wrong, leading you into a dangerous position. Discover your own history, the story of those around you, and gain new relationships along the way in this (eventual) choose your own adventure. 

Tags!: @zoilalove213 @eccentricc-catt 

A/N pt.2: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO LIKED CHAPTER 1! Special thanks to those who wanted to be tagged and those who gave me nice reviews, I love you guys so much! I’m also super sorry that this chapter is mostly character introductions and being on the mountain. I promise you’ll get off this mountain soon! I refuse to have y’all still up there at any point during chapter 4. Hopefully that’ll make up for this gross writing. If the read more function still isn’t working, I’m gonna break Tumblr in half. 

Edit: Holy shit I’m a moron, I forgot to add the title omg I’m a fucking moron

Keep Your Eyes On The Prize

Warmth enraptured your being, wrapping around you. Your eyes fluttered open, the first thing you saw was a fire a few feet away from you. That and the pile of blankets on top of you would explain the all-consuming heat. Where am I now? You heard a light patter coming towards you. You threw the blankets off to ready yourself, worried it could be someone trying to get the upper hand on you. You were surprised to see a small figure with dark hair, who had frozen himself in place. It was a little boy. You raised your hand to surrender.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” You took a deep breath, you lowered your arms when he resumed his approach.

“Don’t worry, I’m not scared.” He hopped up to sit next to you. It just occurred to you that you had been laying on a cot. “Uncle Arthur says you’re a friend, so I wanted to watch out for you.” So that wasn’t a dream.

“Oh, well that’s very nice of you. What’s your name, buddy?” You took on a softer tone, it made you sound more feminine, but you weren’t worried about that.

“Jack Marston. My momma’s been helping to take care of you. Her and Uncle Hosea. They said your name was James?”

“Yes, sir.” You smiled. You thought it better to be safe and keep up the act.

“Uncle Dutch wants to say hi to you now that you’re awake. I can take you to him.” He jumped up, he seemed to be excited that someone new was around You conceded and pried yourself from the cot. Your chest ached. I’ll have to loosen this band again soon, no more sleeping in this thing. Your wig felt askew, so you quickly moved it back in place before the two of exited the room. You left the cabin with Jack, he led you to another one close by. You passed by a woman with long brunette hair who sent you a curious glance. Jack grabbed your hand and pulled you through the door, there was a parade of men all around.

“Ah, it seems our young gentle-friend has awoken from his slumber.” Dutch announced, everyone looked in your direction. No matter how tough you were, a group of this many people would intimidate you. You recognized Arthur and Micah on opposite sides of the room. Jack tugged on your arm again, prompting you to take a few cautious steps into the herd of questioning eyes.

“Is one of you Hosea by chance?” You asked, already slightly out of breath. You still felt exhausted, and your head was killing you. An older man with a stripped scarf stepped forward, a warm smile on his face.

“That would be me, young man.” You weakly gripped his shoulder, partly for a support and partly to show appreciation.

“Jack told me you were one of the people to take care of me, thank you.” His smile widened.

“Oh, it was no trouble, young man.” He looked over at Dutch. “You were right, Dutch. Boy’s got good manners.”

“I told ya you’d like him!” He bellowed humorously. “Young Jack, could you please help Mr. West over here by me?” Jack nodded, ushering you over to the man in the dense black coat. Dutch wrapped an arm around your shoulder to keep you steady, but it was also so that he could present you to the crowd of men in front of you. “Now, gentlemen. This here is James West. He’s a fellow from California who’ lost his way. But make no mistakes, Mr. Morgan and I have both seen the carnage this boy can cause with just his bare hands. We believe that he was captured by those nasty O’Driscolls and took quite the beating because of it. Unfortunately for both us and poor James here, it seems that the injuries he sustained have given him some memory loss.” Memory loss? “He couldn’t even believe what year it was. But he is coherent enough to remember his name and state of residence.” He looked over at you. “Now young man, we know this could be difficult, but you could you try and tell us the last thing you recall.”

These people were insane, or at least you thought they were. You wouldn’t know until you got off this mountain and found some other people, which was clearly not happening any time soon. For now, this was your situation. You were stuck on some mountain in the middle of who-knows-where with bunch of people who thought the year was 1899 and that you were some man who experienced enough blunt-force head trauma to get some mild amnesia. You were never one to bite the hand that feeds you, so you made an executive decision. Play along until you can get to safety.

“I was…with my friends.” These people were willing to kill, so there was no way crime bothered them any. “We were robbing a bank, it went wrong.” You recalled the image of Eli, Austin, and Miguel running away from the scene.  “I got hit…and that’s all I remember.” The only parts you were excluding were the fact that you were shot multiple times and that it was 2019.

“Robbing a bank, huh?” You peaked his interest. “So, you’re an outlaw then, Mr. West.”

“You could call me that, I suppose.”

“Can you shoot?” Micah chimed.

“Oh, I can more than shoot, pal.” This guy rubbed you the wrong way, and you could see a sort of look of approval from Arthur after you said that.

“Wonderful! That means you may repay us for our kindness. I don’t have all the details worked out yet, but I’ll call for you when the time comes. For now, I’d like for you to get situated among our presence. Go on now, introduce yourself to everyone.” Dutch gave a firm pat on the back, your chest tightened. Gasping for air, you checked around the room. There was a room with a door nearby, you stumbled inside, hearing the suspicious whispers of the men behind you hushed by the closing of the door. 

You pressed your back against the wood to keep it shut, stripping out of your jacket and shirt. Your ribs ached while you fumbled around. Eventually, you were able to unwind the band almost fully, the long appendages hanging loosely around your form with your left arm holding the rest of it in place. Your whole chest felt like it was on fire.

“This is what you get for leaving it on, idiot.” You whispered to yourself. You weren’t sure what you were going to do. There were a bunch of people out there waiting for you to come out and you were trapping yourself inside with your secret. “I just need a minute…shit, that hurts.”

You saw your reflection in the window across from you. Well, sort of. It was more like a clouded outline. But you could see the shift in color where the band had been wrapped. Your skin was raw. You could also see two bruises that blended into each other on your forehead, and a dark one on the bridge of your nose. That guy really got you. You pushed yourself off the door, already wincing from the anticipation of needing to bind your chest again. You readjusted and began to wrap. Not so tight this time. You would just be walking around today, there shouldn’t be an issue of it staying in place. You finally managed to get it mostly back together and went to pick up your shirt when you heard the door knob turning. You scrambled to the ground, throwing your jacket over your back. You were surprised to only see Hosea walk in and shut the door behind him. The look in his eyes was knowing and curious. You stood to your feet, arms invisible from underneath the jacket. He looked at your shirt on the ground.

“It seems my suspicions were correct. You aren’t being entirely honest with us, James.” His tone wasn’t worrying, but you thought you’d better explain yourself, fast.

“I’m so sorry, it wasn’t my intention to-“

“Don’t worry about it, son.” He interrupted, leaving you confused. You turned around, using your hand to clasp the jacket closed, hiding yourself from view.

“What?”

“I’ve met many folks in my life, young man. I won’t ask what your situation is, I don’t believe that’s my place yet. But I won’t speak a word of this, just a secret between us.” You breathed a sigh of relief, at least you knew now that one of these men was decent.

“Thank you, Hosea. I really appreciate this, you have no idea.”

“I think I can get some of the picture.” He smiled. “You’re an outlaw, sonny. An outlaw is whoever they want to be.” He turned back towards the door. “Now I’m supposed to be in here checking on you, making sure you aren’t up to anything.”

“That’s fair.” You chuckled.

“So, I have to stay in here with you until you’re ready, but I’ll give you your privacy, don’t worry.” You were thankful that one of these people may be able to keep you on everyone’s good side.

“That’s very kind of you, I can’t thank you enough for this.” You made sure to hurry up and get your shirt and jacket back on. You fixed two of the pins for your wig while you were at it. You were glad Hosea seemed smart enough, you wouldn’t take his kindness for granted, no matter how crazy these people seemed. But you had to be more careful. This wasn’t a time for everyone to be finding out you were not only lying, but the vast list of other things wrong with your situation. The further you could separate yourself from what you had gotten up to the better. These men were killers, but they weren’t you.

“Are you ready, James?” Hosea asked.

“Yes, is everyone still out there?”

“I believe only Dutch and Arthur stayed behind. Arthur and I are supposed to introduce you to everyone.” You nodded, he opened to door and you followed him out to where Dutch and Arthur were talking.

“Ah, thank goodness! What came over you, friend?” Dutch questioned.

“I believe we pushed him too far with the questions, Dutch. He lost his head for a moment.” Hosea excused.

“Yes, I’m sorry for that rude exit. Not sure what happened entirely.” You tried to reassure.

“I see, perhaps we should let the boy rest a bit longer.”

“Thank you, sir, but there’s no need. I don’t wanna be a bother, the least I could do is help around, be of some use.” Now was the time to suck up. You had to repay your debt to him and gain his trust. He liked your answer. He was clearly the leader of the group, and from the few interactions you’d had, you could tell they were tight knit. If you wanted to get off this mountain and not end up like those men at the cabin, you’d have to play into their hand.

“That’s a good man right there, I think we struck luck with this one!” He gestured between Arthur and Hosea. “Could you two show him around, we want him to get acquainted with everyone in camp before we get any further.” They agreed and led you back outside.

“Okay, Hosea, where should we start first?” Arthur asked, fixing his gloves.

“Well, I have some business to discuss with Miss Grimshaw, so I would prefer we find her first.”

“Will Jack’s mom be there? He said she was looking out for me too and I’d like to thank her personally for that.”

“She may be, but we are sure to run into her soon, so don’t fret.” Hosea said. Your group walked trudged through the snow to get to a wooden cabin. You saw mostly women inside, including the brunette who looked at you earlier and Mrs. Adler.

“Fine weather we’re having, ladies.” Arthur joked.

“Yeah, real funny.” A blonde woman rolled her eyes.

“It was. Anyhow, this here is James West. I know y’all have been real curious about him.” You followed their lead and walked over to the group of women. An older woman came forward with her hands on her hips.

“This here is Miss Grimshaw, James. You best respect her, Dutch may want to think we’re his people but we’re really hers.” Hosea’s eyes wrinkled at his own humor.

“Of course, thank you for showing me kindness, Miss Grimshaw.” You made sure to sound serious. You weren’t planning on disrespecting anyone, let alone someone who seemed so important. She cracked a grin and pinched your cheeks. You almost squeaked in surprise, but you managed to hold it in.

“Boy’s got a prettier face than you, Arthur! How old are ya?” She teased.

“23, Miss, that is if my memory serves.”

“Ah, we got ourselves a young one! He’ll be able to do some mighty fine work once he’s back in order. You be sure to repay our kindness, ya got that, young man?”

“With pleasure, Miss. I always repay my debts.” That was certainly true in most cases.

“You also best be careful-“ She grabbed the edge of your jacket and yanked you closer. She lowered her voice in your ear. “Don’t try anything with my girls, ya hear? If I find out you’ve been disrespectful to any of them, my face will be the last thing you see.” She let go to gauge your reaction.

“Of course, Miss Grimshaw. I would never dream of overstepping my bounds. You have my word.” You bowed your head at her as a sign of honest intentions. Her smile returned.

“Fantastic!” She hooked her arm around yours  and lead you closer to the women. “I’ll introduce you then.” She pointed to the blonde with the whole body eyeroll. “The smart mouth is Karen Jones.”

“Howdy.” She waved. Next to her was a red head.

“That one’s Molly O’Shea.” Miss Grimshaw looked at the woman with warm, dark skin in a yellow skirt. “That’s Tilly Jackson, don’t let her sweet talk ya.”

“Hello.” Tilly said with energy in very voice. It suddenly dawned on you that these people were surprisingly less racist than to be expected out of anyone who thinks it’s 1899. You felt lucky for that one. It would tear you up to discover that anyone was being treated badly. These guys may have lost their minds, but intolerance wasn’t something that you tolerated. Especially after everything in your life.  

“That’s Mary-Beth.” She pointed out the brunette from outside, she smiled sweetly up at you.

“Nice to meet you.” She went back to writing after hitting you with that same glance from earlier. The last woman looked up from what she was doing, she was wearing a black hood over her head. “Abigail Marston, she’s my hardest worker.” You recognized the name.

“Are you Jack’s, mother?” You asked.

“Yes, I am.” You carefully stepped over and kneeled down to the level she was sitting at.

“He told me you were one of the people to take care of me while I was out, I wanted to thank you personally for your generosity.” You bowed your head and stood up. “Thank you, Mrs. Marston.”

“Well ain’t you just the definition of a gentleman.” Arthur was clearly trying to tease you, boys were usually like that.

“Don’t get anywhere in life without being kind to those who are kind to you.”

“Fair enough.” You were glad he agreed. You turned your attention back to the women.

“It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my name is James West, by the way. I know Arthur already said that, but I try my best to be polite.” Try is the operative word here. Karen whispered to Mary-Beth and Tilly.

“Arthur, take James over to meet the boys and make a good second-impression. I have to speak to Miss Grimshaw for a moment on matters of housing. I’ll meet you over there.” Hosea said as he pulled Miss Grimshaw aside. Arthur lazily waved you over and you made sure not to delay this. You looked back at the group as you walked.

“Thank you for your time, it was nice to meet all of you.” Arthur let you walk out first. The wind hit you like a truck. Arthur held your shoulder to keep you in place and make sure you wouldn’t blow away.

“Ya alright there, partner?” You steadied yourself, he released his grip.

“Yeah, I’m good. Not used to this kind of cold. Thanks for the help.”  

“Everyone went back to their cabin after your episode.” The two of you marched toward the cabin you had woken up in. There was muffled yet loud conversation happening inside. The second the door opened, everyone got quiet. “Hello again, gentlemen.” The room sounded with a few ‘hey Arthur’s before going back down again, everyone was locking eyes on you. It wasn’t a good idea to hide behind Arthur and let him do the talking, they’d prefer you explain yourself.

“Hello everyone.” You stepped around the bulky blue coat, throwing yourself into the spotlight. “My head was unwell back there, I apologize for that. My name is James West, I’d like to help you in anyway I can. I’d hate to mooch off of your hospitality.” They seemed to approve of your answers so far.

“Well don’t be shy, ya idiots, introduce yourself, shake the boy’s hand or somethin’.” Arthur really did have no filter, huh? The first person to approach you was a man wearing a giant black hat and an equally frightening mustache. He took your hand in an eager handshake, which surprised you to say the least.

“Reverend Swanson, Orville Swanson.” Ah, a holy man, a bit ironic for the situation, isn’t it? You coughed and got your voice back into place.

“Good to meet ya, Reverend.” You pushed past him and put yourself in the center of 3 men who were sitting near each other. The youngest one stood up first. He looked to be around your age but definitely younger, which made you kinda mad that everyone was acting like you were so young. That told you they were trying to prove a point.

“Lenny Summers, nice meeting ya.” You gave him a firm handshake. You felt surprisingly comfortable with him, since he was about your age, time to lighten the mood.

“Summers? Don’t’cha mean Winters?” You pointed at the window that was mostly boarded up but showed some of the snow outside through the cracks. He held in some kind of sound, only a little creak escaping. You considered that to be a win in Y/N’s a Comedy Master, Volume VI. The other two squinted there eyes, but you could tell they were hiding their amusement. Lenny sat down, the man with very interesting facial hair stood up. It didn’t look bad on him, you were just confused as to what you’d classify it as for a second. If anything, the hat was what threw you off the most. It suddenly dawned on you that a lot of these guys would look better without their hats. You paused that thought for a moment.

“Javier Escuella. Pleasure.” He smirked.

“It’s good to meet you, Javier.” His handshake was not as hesitant as Lenny’s was by comparison, but it was fairly quick. The last man in the semi-circle stood. And he was a giant. You had seen him earlier but for some reason his height and just overall existence didn’t hit you until that moment. He had the longest hair of anyone in the room. Maybe you’d be able to get out of wearing the wig over time. With some lying, obviously. You held your hand out to him first.

“James, it’s nice to meet you.” His handshake was unexpectedly gentle.

“Charles, Charles Smith.” His voice was also softer than you’d have predicted. You supposed he didn’t need to compensate for presence so there wasn’t a point in being loud. You could tell right off the bat that he was a quiet type, but you were used to that from Miguel, so it didn’t matter much. You turned away to face the 3 other men on the other side of the room. You already knew the blonde one.

“Micah, right?” You asked. You didn’t particularly want to get near him, but you conceded and held your hand out. He squeezed your hand just a little too hard, you did the same in return, and a little too much energy was put into it. He was still mad about your first encounter with him in the cabin. “Good to finally get a proper introduction.”

“Yeah, right.” You made the mental note that he was for sure an asshole and to watch out for him. A different man grabbed your attention, he didn’t seem pleased.

“My name is Simon Pearson, I’m the cook around here, and with you and that new woman hanging about, you better be helping enough to get your share.” You remember Arthur mentioning him. You shook his hand with both of yours to signify peacemaking.

“Of course, sir. I’ll do more than my share. I’m always willing to help.” You were aware that a lot of the things you were saying were repetitive, but that was usually how mass introductions went. A man with a very full beard was the last one at the moment. “Hello, I’m James West.”

“Bill.” He answered simply. Okay, not in the talking mood right now. Got it. You heard Arthur’s voice again.

“John’s out of commission at the moment, we won’t be worried about that dumbass.” You heard a familiar patter on the floor coming in your direction.

“James!” Jack rammed into your leg before you got a chance to react. He almost knocked you off balance.

“Woah, hey there, buddy.” You knelt down in front of him to get on his level. “What have you been up to? On patrol?” He seemed to be the only kid here, that’s gotta be stressful on him.

“Yeah! Been waiting outside Papa’s room since you’re awake now.” He informed.

“Wow, strong and vigilant? You’re a real power house there, little man.” You balled your hands into fists and lightly bopped him on the chest, one with each hand. “Pow, pow!” You exaggerated onomatopoeically. You could tell this was more interaction than he was used to. You were more than happy to brighten his mood.

“Uncle Dutch says you’re a good fighter.”

“Uncle Dutch would be right, gotta hit ’em with that one-two!” You hit him two more times, a wide smile on his face. He mimicked the way you blocked your face with your hands. His small fist gingerly punched your forearm. “Come on! You can do better than that, buddy!” You stood up, bouncing and shifting your weight between your feet. He tried to do the same, but it came out more as an awkward skip-in-place. “See? You’re a natural, little dude! A little practice and you could pin all of us.” He hit your knee a couple times, making little ‘psh’ sounds when he did.

“Will you teach me?” He was elated, you weren’t sure how long you’d be with them, but it seemed like you’d be up here for a while. Might as well, it also might win you bonus points with the others. But in all honesty, you weren’t thinking about that much.

“Sure thing, buddy.” He was really happy for that answer. “But…” He paused. You swooped down and picked him up, resting him on your shoulder in a fireman’s carry. “Lesson number one, never let your opponent take you off guard, or something unexpected might happen.” You were suddenly very aware that you weren’t alone in the room. You got so distracted by Jack that you forgot that you were in a room full of people. Jack squirmed around, laughing with the kind of energy you’d expect from a kid without child interaction and stuck on a recluse mountain with a bunch of sad-sack adults.

“Uncle Arthur! Javier!” He took a breath between fits of giggles. “You’re upside down!”

“Alright, little dude.” You made sure to be gentle as you set him back down to his feet. “I’ll teach some more later, okay?” You looked over, everyone was staring at you with varying looks about them Confusions, amusement, conjecture. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, how could any of you say no to this face?” You ruffled Jack’s hair. “That’s an objectively sweet face that you can’t say no to.”

“I don’t know ‘bout sweet, but he’s rambunctious that’s for sure.” Arthur commented with the knowing nods of several men as their response. You crossed your arms as Jack ran off to do something else.

“How long have you all been stuck up here?”

“A few days,” Charles started, “A few bad days at that.”

“We’re running low on supplies, food most importantly.” Pearson added. “I haven’t been able to do my job properly since we got up here, ever since Blackwater.” Blackwater? You wanted to ask, but the look on everyone’s faces told you you’d be overstepping your bounds. You decided to go a different direction.

“I know we’re in the middle of winter, but there’s gotta be animals, yeah?”

“Everyone I’ve sent out as come up empty-handed.”

“No, James is right. There’s game on this mountain, we just aren’t finding it.” Charles gestured to his wrapped hand. “And this certainly isn’t making me feel better about it. I’m going hunting.” He stood and walked over to a corner where some things were sitting.

“Yer hand’s burnt, you won’t be able to shoot.” Arthur’s accent slurred. Charles was about to say something, but you cut him off.

“Yeah, and? His hands don’t need to work for tracking. Just send someone else up there with him who can kill.”

“That’s a great idea! You and Arthur can go with him!” Pearson sassed, “That man’s been irritable with nothing to do.” Arthur grumbled in response.

“I’d be more than happy to help,” You really wanted to get back in your element. All this social work was more Austin and Gina’s speed. “but I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be.”

“You ever been hunting?” Charles went and handed a bow to Arthur.

“Something like that.”

“That’s better than nothing in my opinion. Come on, you can borrow one of the others’ horses.” Someone walked in.

“You can take mine. Silver Dollar should be pretty tame for you.” It was Hosea.

“Meet us there my ass, old man.” The blue-clad cowboy mocked.

“Apologies, got a bit held up with preparations. Charles, Arthur, bring back something good and make sure the kid gets the hang of things.” Hhhhhh, Hosea you’re really nice, but please don’t call me kid. Now wasn’t the time for corrections, you could do that later. They agreed and motioned for you to follow them outside.

The window was starting to slow down, which was more than welcome in your opinion. The snow crunched lightly, the way it does when multiple people have already walked on it. You missed California’s ridiculous heat. Despite the air being cold though, it was much easier to breathe than that smog. Your eyes burned from the sun reflecting off the plush snow. This is fucking blinding, how can any of you see ever? The three of you approached what was, basically to you, a herd of horses. They mounted their horses on silence, you approached a grey one.

“I’m going to assume this is Silver Dollar?” Arthur nodded to confirm your suspicions. You pulled yourself up and adjusted. Alright, just a group of guys going huntin’, just a couple of dudes, some good’ol’boys…how do I make this thing go? You looked up to try and learn through observation. Okay, I’ll just…give him a little- you lightly tapped your heel against the side of the horse, he came to a trot, following behind Charles. Don’t show any fear, they can sense it. Just be chill and respect the animal, and he’ll do the same for you. You at least would hope that for the time being.

Charles and Arthur picked up the pace, so you followed suit, not nearly as fast, but you were at least keeping up. There was a gaping silence that didn’t bother you. It finally gave you a chance to take in your surroundings. To say that the scenery was breathtaking would be an understatement. You weren’t sure if you had seen anything more beautiful in your entire life. Why had you never gone this far out? It seemed like a good a place as any to hide away, other than the blizzards. Charles broke that silence all too soon.

“What did you mean earlier? About hunting.” He clarified. You recalled your answer from earlier.

“Yeah, I was wonderin’ ‘bout that.” Arthur added. You tried to think of a way to phrase this without giving too much away.

“It wasn’t so much hunting as it was scavenging at that point. Can’t hunt something that’s already dead. Tracks and all.”

“Scavengin’?”

“Times were…desperate.” You decided to leave it at that for the time being.

“Have you ever tracked a deer?” Charles asked.

“Not a deer, but if you point some out to me, I should be able to find it pretty easily.”

“Good, we’ll need 2. You and Arthur get one each.” It wasn’t long before you passed through a stream and then came upon a clearing where Charles told you two to slow down. You followed in his example when he dismounted. “We’ll need to continue on foot from here.” He pointed at a trail of imprints in the ground. “Think you can find that?”

“Yeah, no problem.” You followed along it, just walking for a few steps to make an assessment. “She definitely isn’t far. The snow is deep, and the tracks are undisturbed.” You had never been out looking for food in the snow, but it seemed easier than dry ass California. You stopped to look ahead, listened closely. You could hear another part of the stream you passed earlier. Animals get thirsty too. “Alright, get down low, don’t wanna make too much noise.” Arthur seemed reluctant, but Charles was pleased with your competence. It was odd to slink around in broad daylight, but there was no helping it. You saw one in the distance.

“Arthur, ready yourself.” Charles took the lead now, inching the group a few feet closer. It was a buck. But there did seem to be a few others scattered about. If y’all were quick, this should only take a few more minutes.

“This is probably a good time to remind you both that I’ve never used a bow for hunting or anything like that, so maybe Arthur should handle this one.” You whispered.

“Don’t worry, they’ll scatter once Arthur shoots. We’ll have to track them a bit further. Shouldn’t take long, though.” You were crouched down in between the two of them, Arthur was lining up his shot. “Aim for the neck.” It was only a moment later that you a quick, air splitting sound. The buck fell to the ground. The rest of the deer, having heard him collapse, scattered themselves about just as Charles said they would. “Okay, go ahead and haul that one. James and I will keep going to save us a few minutes.”

“You got it.” He sighed, standing upright and walking over to the now dead animal after handing you the bow with a few arrows in its quiver. Now separated, you and Charles continued to skulk about. Most of them ran upstream, so that was your best guess on where to go. Luckily, Charles was still leading, and you were satisfied to see he took the same direction you were taking. A doe was in the distance, you could already see her heavy breathing from running when Charles had you stop.

“Okay, draw your bow.” You slid the arrow weakly into place. “Don’t over extend the string, but don’t be too free with it either.” You tried to do what he said, Your dominant hand held the arrow in place, the other gripped the wooden curve. You drew back. “A little more.”

“Like this?” You corrected yourself.

“Yes, but don’t fire yet.” His hand reached forward, grasping at the base of the bow just under where yours was located. You let him guide your aim to the side. He stopped moving but kept his position.

“Now?”

“Take a deep breath.” Inhale. “Release when you breathe out.” Exhale.

You let loose. The arrow flew through and made the doe squeal and fall to her side. The rest of the group fled. Leaving the body behind. You mentally high-fived yourself. Hell yeah!

“You did a good job. Come on, it’s time to collect.” Both of you stood, roaming towards the carcass.

“Thank you for your patience.” You replied with a smirk. You’d like to say the sight of something dead was what made you feel sick, but it was the blood. You chose to believe it was the way the color popped against the pure snow. The way it looked like cherry cough syrup or Kool-Aid left a terribly familiar taste at the back of your throat. But you decided not to show hesitation. Weakness will show more of you than any words people can claw from you. The words rang in your head. You pulled the arrow out of its windpipe.

“I’ll carry it back to horses.”

“But your hand-“

“I don’t need one hand to use the other’s arm.” His tone was more relaxed than it had been before, less formal. He hefted the body and carried it over his shoulder. “Come, Arthur’s bringing over the horses.” And he was. Arthur was a little over five yards away. You were surprised by how little time you all spent doing this. With both deer slumped on the back of Charles and Arthur’s horses, you started the ride back to camp. I’m kinda getting the hang of this. It’s kinda like driving a living motorcycle, but it can go slow without cruising.

It seems you spoke too soon, as a sudden howl in the distance caused Silver Dollar to buck you off. Your back hit the ground, Arthur hopped down. He held the reins of his horse to make sure they wouldn’t run off. You hurried to your feet.

“Arthur-“

“I know, I’ll handle it.”

“I’ll lead the horses a little a ways while you deal with them.” Charles took Arthur’s reins and then turned to look at you. “James, you-“ The barking was getting louder, grey spikes of fur were sprinting towards your group. You knew there was no way you could get back on and start moving in time.

“Go on ahead, I’ll be fine!” Besides, this was your field of expertise in one way. Hunting wasn’t your strong-suit, but defense sure as hell was. You darted off to the side, swinging your jacket off, raising the shoulders as far as your arms could reach while running. You let out a loud scream as one approached you, not out of fear, but to make it fear you. It still charged toward you with less ferocity. You managed to kick it in the side and ran, side-stepping your way to Arthur. A shot rang out, one of the three wolves fell over, dead. The other flanked and clamped its maw on Arthur’s arm. His gun fell to the ground. You rolled to grab it.

You pulled the hammer back and fired at the beast the second Arthur was able to force himself free. Pull back, turn. You used your opposite hand to grab your wrist and steady your arm. One last shot pounded just as the wolf you had kicked was about to pounce. Arthur clutched onto his right arm, bloody holes blotting through. You picked up your jacket and shook the snow off before sliding it back on.

“You’re a good shot, boy. I know who’s getting a gun as soon as we get off this damn mountain.” He laughed, ignoring the pain that should be in his arm.

“I make it a habit of having one, so yeah.” You flipped the revolver in your hand, handle facing Arthur. He took it and tipped his hat to you.

“Thank’ya, Mr. West.”

“It’s no trouble. You probably could’ve handled them, you aren’t the damsel type.” Charles trotted back over with Silver Dollar and whatever horse Arthur was riding trailing behind him.

“You two handled that quickly.”

“You mean James handled that quickly. All I went and did was get my arm bit.”

“One outta three ain’t bad.” You retorted.

“Y’know I knew someone who died from getting bit.”

“You’re not gonna die from a little wolf bite, Arthur.” Charles sighed.

“But you don’t know that!” Arthur was surprisingly funny for someone who looks so sad. Then again, it shouldn’t be that shocking to you. Charles snorted but did not give further response. You and Arthur got back on the saddles and began the journey to their camp.

“You’ll be fine as long as that thing didn’t have rabies. Just keep it clean and dry for the time being.”

“They call me Rabid Morgan.” Arthur stared into the distance.

“They say you can see his red eyes from a mile away.” Charles joined.

“Rabid Man Morgan, the shredder of limbs, no matter whomst they belong.” You let a chuckle slip.

“Dutch and Hosea are gonna think you’re dying if they hear all this talk.” His long hair shook in motion with his head.

“All the more reason to keep talkin’ if ya ask me.”

“Well, I’m calling you that from now on. I’m never going to explain what it means.” You warned.

“Perfect.” You had barely noticed how close to the camp you’d gotten. Good conversation makes for easy travel, you supposed. Pearson was the first to greet you at his station.

“Sounds like a bunch of gossiping milkmaids are invading the camp.”

“Never heard of laughter, Mr. Pearson?” You teased. You were aware you were acting a bit too comfortable, but this would give you a good idea of where to draw the line.

“Not that I recall. You bring anything useful for me?” You slid off the side and took initiative of hoisting the doe onto your shoulders. It was heavier than you expected, but you were able to get it into the open area Pearson directed you towards. Albeit, you didn’t do it as gracefully as Charles had or how Arthur was doing it now, but you did it, nonetheless.

“Ever skinned a de-“ Charles was interrupted,

“WEST YOU SACK OF SHIT!” by the obnoxious wailing of a blonde idiot. Micah was stomping his way through the snow, eyes burning into you. You squinted in distrust of the situation. By the time he was two feet from you, you’d expected him to slow down.

“What do you want Mi-“ But he didn’t. He shoved you back, making you hit a cleared part of Pearson’s desk. He pulled you forward by the collar of your jacket and the center of your shirt.

“I don’t know who the hell you think you are gettin’ special privileges around here, but ya best watch yerself and how you carry. I got my eye on you.” He was trying to assert his fragile dominance over you.

“I don’t know what you’re on about, dickhead. But if you don’t get your filthy paws off of me in the next two seconds, I’m gonna make sure we have matching bruises.” You wrinkled your nose.

“Micah, put the poor boy down right now!” You heard Dutch’s voice coming closer but didn’t break eye contact with Micah. He threw you further onto the table before turning away from you.

“You seriously trust this runt, Dutch? Look at him. Maggot’s got lies smeared all over his face.”

“And you’ve got brown smeared all over your nose, back up.” You practically vaulted off the table, using your forearm and pressure to Micah’s chest to force him back.

“The god damn kid get’s his own space but not any of the others who been here longer? Here I am having to-“

“Don’t call me kid, ever again. Unless you want a broken neck.” Nothing got to you more than that, especially when someone was using it the way he was. Your stare was enough to pierce skin. Arthur grabbed Micah’s shoulder.

“And I’d thank you kindly to not even try and finish that sentence. We already heard you whine earlier. The way I see it, yer at least two against one right now, and that ain’t even including everyone here that would beat you the first chance they got. I don’t care how tough you think you are, those aren’t good odds. So, I suggest you shut that trap of a mouth you have.” His voice was low, there seemed to be some history behind that response, but you couldn’t think about that too much right now. Micah shook away his touch, pushing past Dutch and Charles, he mumbled something to himself as he stormed off. You could feel the pressure of your jaw clenching and your nails digging into your palm.

You paced about, narrowly avoiding the deer corpses around you. Remember to breathe, Y/N. You can’t pass out again. Control yourself. You’re alright. No point in getting mad over the stupid, you’ll scream all day. You wanted to destroy something. You couldn’t stand people like him, it ripped at your gut like a beast starving for your insides. You took a few deep breaths before pacifying yourself enough to address the men around you.

“Forgive me, gentlemen. That situation was a bit too tense for me to bear.” You tried to resist the urge to pull at your hair, considering it wasn’t your hair.

“You reacted better than most people would, nothing to apologize for.” Arthur was steadfast in watching Micah leave. Dutch stepped forward and held you still with both hands just under the joint of your shoulder. He had to bend down a bit to get at eye level with you.

“He can be rough around the edges, but you’ll get used to him. I can see that fire in your eyes, boy. There ain’t nothing wrong with it, but I’d like you to hold that fire close for a few hours more.” He sounded like Austin, which was simultaneously comforting and nerve-wracking. He traded glances with the two men you had rode back with but staying in the same position. “While you boys were gone, I had some of the others ride out to scour the area, and we’ve struck gold.” He stood up straight, still holding onto you. “The O’Driscolls have a camp a little a ways from here. Mrs. Adler informed me of some of the talk that was happening in her house, and apparently there was word of a train.”

“A train?” You questioned.

“That’s right, young man. We need money.” Doesn’t everybody? “I only send my best men for these jobs, but I wanna see how good you really are, Mr. West.”

“Oh, he’s good. Even Arthur was impressed.” Charles elbowed Arthur’s arm.

“That true, son?”

“I saw him kill two wolves today. Only used a bullet for each. Hit ‘em both right here-“ He tapped the middle of his forehead with index finger. “-so, yeah, I’d wager he’s pretty good.” A grin stretched across Dutch’s face.

“Fantastic, let’s hope your as good at shootin’ O’Driscolls as you are at shootin’ wild animals.” He gave you an affirming pat on the bicep. “Ah hell, who am I kiddin’? They’re the same thing.” He turned to walk out, calling back to all of you before being out of earshot. “Ill see you gentlemen in the morning, we leave at 10 o’clock!” The excitement was clear in his speech.

This place was weird. These people were fucking weird. The more you stayed here, the more convincing these people seemed. What the hell was their deal? They acted like normal people, not like cultists or anything. How did they think it was 1899? It would make sense if they’d been on the mountain for years, but they just got here not too long ago. It gave you a headache just thinking about it. You needed to ask more questions without seeming eager to leave.

“Sorry about Micah, he’s like that with almost everyone.” Charles’s voice broke your thoughts.

“I’m fine. He’s lucky Dutch stepped in. I don’t let anyone push me around.” Anymore.

“You’re on edge. There’s not much to do up here but work. You can help Arthur skin the pelts. Might help distract you.” He suggested, pulling what looked like a hunting knife from his belt. You took it reluctantly, knowing you’d need something to do to keep yourself from losing it. You got down on one knee, waiting to follow Arthur’s lead. Time to talk.

“How far are we from Blackwater?” You pretended to know what that place was.

“Not far enough if you ask me.” Pearson complained. “Then again, we left a lot down there.”

“Like food?” Arthur muttered.

“A comedian as always, Mr. Morgan.” Pearson was not amused.

“What happened to you guys over there?” They were hushed by that question for a second.

“I don’t think any of us are entirely sure.” Charles contemplated for a moment. “But now we’re wanted. Every last one of us. We won’t be able to go back for some time.” His eyes met yours, halting the slide of the blade. “I hope that doesn’t interfere with you staying with us for the time being.” You were sad that you weren’t bothered by this, not in the slightest. People being hunted didn’t even phase you.

“I’d be a hypocrite if I let it.” You sighed, you let your guard slip. “I’ve been on the run since I was 19. This doesn’t change anything.” You immediately caught your mistake. Shit. No, it’s fine. They still don’t know who I am. I’m fine. But something suddenly struck you. How could these people be on the run from the law if they thought it was the 19th century?

“What got you?” Arthur asked. It floored you mentally, no one had ever asked you that question. Mostly because you never told anyone who didn’t already know. It wasn’t something you exactly go around flaunting. Him and Charles could see the alarm in your expression.

“Just…” How do you say it? “I made some bad choices.” You don’t. You hurried to finish the carving, wanting to get out of the conversation as fast as possible. You could tell they wanted to press but, lucky for you, decided against it. You rolled the fur up and hooked the cadaver onto a bare wall next to Arthur’s. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You kept your head down as you walked away.

This wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. You had to think of a way to get back to the others. Where would you go once you got off the mountain? What would even happen when the others got off? There was no way they could avoid cities. You could hardly believe their entire reality hadn’t broken already. Blackwater had to be a town or something. And they were running from the law. The more you heard and thought, the more it didn’t add up. You got lost in that pensive side of yourself.

Something hit your chest, well, someone. You saw the book fall before the girl. It was the brunette you met earlier, you thought Mary-Beth was her name. She was quiet when she fell initially, but as she leaned forward on her elbows, she let out a grunt of pain. You snapped out of your trance and quickly bent closer to her, holding out your hand.

“I’m so sorry, miss.” She took your hand, the back of hers facing up to the sky. You pulled her up halfway and used your other hand to press the space between her shoulder blades. You did this to avoid pulling her too hard as helped her back to her feet. Once she was balanced, you let go and snatched her book from the snow. Fortunately, it fell cover side down. “I should have been looking where I was going. Are you alright?”

“I’m alright, thank you, Mr. West.” She took the book as you presented it to her. “I should’ve been paying attention too.” Her eyes squinted, inspecting you closely, like she was trying to figure something out.

“Well, I’m still sorry.” Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. You took a step back and turned away.

“Wait!” She grabbed your wrist. “Hosea wanted us to let you know Miss Grimshaw set up a space for you.” You looked back at her.

“A space?”

“Yes! He told us about how common it is for people in your condition to episodes, especially in their sleep. So, he had us make something for privacy.” Seems a few of your questions were answered.

“Is that what Micah was upset about earlier?”

“Yes, I’m sorry about him. He doesn’t know when to keep himself in check most of the time.” She pulled you toward the cabin you had been placed in. When you walked in, Bill and Javier were the only ones in the main room. You attention immediately went to what looked like a make shift tent at the right end of the room. It looked like what would happen if you split a tent in half and let it rest against a wall. Or like something a few kids would make, not in terms of quality but rather conceptually. It was very well done by blanket fort standards.

“Wow, Mary-Beth, that looks really nice.” You did appreciate the effort genuinely. You reminded yourself to thank Hosea for saving you some trouble. “How many of you worked on this?”

“It was mostly Tilly, Karen, and I. I wasn’t sure if you were much or a writer, but I left an extra pencil and a few sheets of paper to keep yourself entertained.”

“Thank you so much, this is very nice of all of you to do for me.” You smiled at her. “Be sure to let me know if there’s anything you need, I’d feel bad if I didn’t repay you all in some way.” Your request tickled her fancy.

“You sound kinda like Arthur.”

“That a good thing?”

“Yes, I’d reckon so.” Her expression was tender and thoughtful. “I’ll let the girls know you appreciate our hard work. Hosea said you should rest to not create any more discomfort.” She pivoted back towards the door. “Oh! And be sure to eat something in the morning. No telling when the last time you ate was…Actually, I’ll see if I can drop any off to you when it’s ready.”

“You don’t need to do that, you all have done-“

“Nonsense! I’m surprised you were well enough to go out in the condition Dutch said you were in. ‘Sides, y’all are going out again tomorrow, right?”

“Well, yes, but-“

“But nothing! You go and rest right now, young man!” You couldn’t tell if she was older than you, but she sure didn’t look it. Regardless, you conceded.

“Yes, ma’am.” She left you to your own devices, Javier and Bill were focusing on their own activities. You took it upon yourself to crawl into the makeshift tent. It was wide enough for the cot you woke up on. The blanket making the fake wall and roof was high enough for you to sit on the cot but not much else. It was a good thing that’s all you’d need.

You sat down in the middle, letting the blanket curtain to hide you from everyone else. Taking off your coat and lifting up your shirt, you felt joy well up in your chest, joy mixed with a stiff pain. Even with it barely being able to stay up, it was still painful to keep the fabric wrapped around you. You could feel your skin rejoice as you removed it. Once the manila colored cloth was all unbound and sitting on your lap, you let your shirt fall back down. You decided to hide it under the cot for the time being. You were surprised to find a canteen and the items Mary-Beth had mentioned earlier. Thankfully, the contents of the canteen was water, which you happily swigged. You laid back on the cot. This was the first time you’d gotten conscious alone time.

Okay, time to figure this out. I was shot 6 times. I should be dead. But somehow, I ended up on a mountain in winter. I was trapped in a barn and rescued by these guys who think it’s 1899. What’s weird is that Mrs. Adler didn’t object to that, even though she was introduced to everyone the same night I was. None of this is adding up…

You massaged your temples.

If I’m gonna start thinking crazy, I might as well go all out right now. I’m either dead or I traveled back in time. And either way, I can’t do anything about it. Death is inescapable and time isn’t tangible, it isn’t even real. I’ll have to take this one goal at a time… Damnit!

You wanted to cry. Not because you felt sorry for yourself, but for them. Miguel, Eli, what would they do without you? You knew Austin would be fine, and Gina would have the others for support. But Eli and Miguel relied on you to a certain extent. You were their glue. That’s one of the reasons you never left, even though you should have. You should have left a long time ago. There was no way to tell them you were okay, or at least as okay as you could be.

No! There’s no way that’s the answer. I can’t believe it…not yet. You didn’t allow yourself the indulgence of shedding tears. You had to be strong until you could get back to them. You just had to figure out what was happening. But there was no way you’d be learning anything new from these people. You couldn’t get out of this place without their help. You were a lot of things, but you weren’t a defeatist. Going out without a plan in this kind of temperature was a death sentence if you weren’t already dead. You didn’t want to be stupid and take that kind of risk.

If I play along, I might have a chance.

And that’s all I need.

[outlawnurse]

He Insists - Chapter II

A RDR2 Modern AU Written by: @ninja-nurse, Inspired by: @heart-of-gold-outlaw, and with special thanks to @ceruleanchillin

Warning: Language, Violence, Spoilers

Introduction | Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V

"Where's the other one?"  Arthur asked Sophia, coldly. She raised her eyebrows, "The other what?" "Marston sister?" "I have no idea."  Sophia shook her head, "The last time I saw her, I was going to bed, and she was drunk dancing with Sean by the fire." He nodded, remembering seeing the same thing. "Why are you looking for her?" He seemed confused by the question, "I don't...  I just wanted to make sure she was doing ok.  She was pretty drunk last night, and seemed ... sad." "She's literally like a hundred a fifty years younger than you."   "I thought she was thirty-seven?"  He scratched the back of his head.   She shook her head, taking her coffee back to her tent, "Keep your syphilis to yourself, cowboy." "What did I say?"  Arthur put his arms up, somewhat hurt, "I don't even have syphilis."  He turned to head back to his tent and saw the woman stumble out of the woods.  He walked over to her, "Are you ok?" She looked at him, fixing her skirt, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to pee with this skirt on?" "I can't say that I do."  He shook his head, trying to to laugh at the woman. "...and why are there so many layers to this thing.  What is even happening right now?" "Are you still drunk?" "No!"  She snorted out, finally looking up at him. He just looked at her. "Yes."  She let out a nasally giggle, as she walked toward the table, sitting down, "I think we stopped drinking like ... just when the sun came up." He snickered, "Would you like some coffee?" "I would love some coffee, Arthur Morgan.  Yes, I would."  She stretched her arms out across the table, laying her head down. He shook his head, walking away. "Is she ok?"  Hosea asked, seeing the woman laying across the table. Arthur shook his head, as he prepared the coffee, "She's still drunk from last night." "She's not the only one."  Abigail rolled her eyes, joining them. Arthur looked to see John passed out in his tent.  He shook his head. Hosea sighed, "They had quite a shocking couple of days.  I can't imagine that Caitlin would have ever imagined getting to meet her great great grandparents."   Abigail sighed, "I was talking a lot with Sophia last night.  She doesn't seem to know as much about us as Caitlin does, but they both seem like good girls." "I suppose she has a heavy burden to bear."  Arthur was intrigued by the woman, "She knows ... everything." "Could you ever imagine knowing what happens before it does, good or bad, not being able to do anything about it?"  Abigail shook her head. The two men looked over at the woman. "What does he want?"  Arthur grumbled, as Micah walked toward the woman. "Easy, son." "I don't like him, and more importantly I don't like how much she doesn't like him."  He gestured, "What does she know?" Hosea shrugged, "I don't...  I don't know, Arthur, but you need to try to at very least be civil with him." "Me?"  He gasped, almost childishly, "Tell him!" The man walked over to the table, seeing the woman lay there.  He ran his hand across her back, "Good morning, sunshine." She smiled to herself, opening her eyes, slowly, "Good morn...."  She gasped, seeing the man, trying to stand up, only to fall out of the chair with a thud. The man laughed, "You are a little drunken mess, aren't you?" "I can do it myself."  She snapped, slapping his hand away, as he tried to help her up. "I'm just trying to help you." "I don't need your help."  She held on to the table for balance, as she stood up. "What is your problem?" "I don't like you." "You don't even know me!" "I knew enough." "Someone tell Marston he better come and get his girl!"  Micah barked.

Arthur and Hosea looked up quickly, as did several of the others. "Why is he messing with her?  It's too damn early for his shit."  Arthur growled. Hosea looked at him.

"Fuck you."  She pushed him. Enraged, the man grabbed the girl by the throat. She put her hands on the man's wrist, scared for her life. "Not so tough now, are we, sweetheart?"  He laughed. "Cait!"  Sophia gasped, coming out of the tent to see what the commotion was. "Let her go."  Arthur clenched his teeth, aiming the gun at the man's head, as he walked toward them. He pushed the woman away from himself, causing her to fall to the ground. Arthur holstered his gun, punching the man in the face, "If you ever put your hands on her again, I will fucking kill you." Abigail helped Caitlin up, Sophia walked over, "Are you ok?" "I'm fine."  She was still angry.   "You're going to regret this, Morgan."  Micah sneered. "I doubt it."  He shook his head.

She took a step toward Micah, as the man walked away, only to have Arthur grab her arm. "No."  He looked at her. "He..." "No."  He pointed to her. "You should have let him hang in Strawberry!" "Yeah, well..." She tried to pry Arthur's fingers from her arm, as his grip, "Let me go!" He let go of her arm, "Are you done?" She nodded. "Caitlin, what was the one goddamn thing I told you to do?"  Sophia yelled at the woman. She looked up suddenly, "Uh oh!  Mom's mad!" "You're still drunk?" "You're still mothering me?" "I wouldn't mother you if you didn't need mothering."  She snapped, "You've been perpetually drunk since mom died." "I have not!" "You have.  You need to get your fucking shit together.  You're going to get yourself killed." "I'm fine!" "He literally almost just killed you!" "No, he didn't."  She waved her hand in the man's direction. "So... What... He was choking you for funsies?" "You know what, Sophia..." "Yeah... You're a Marston alright."  Arthur grabbed Caitlin's arm again, having enough of the girls' bickering, pulling her toward her tent, "Go sleep it off." "I..." "Go."  He lead her to the tent, gently pushing her inside, "You'll be fine, girl." "Arthur..."  She stood with her hands on her hips. "Good night."  He pulled the flaps closed.

"Is she always like that?"  Arthur asked, as the woman reminded her of John. "Hot headed and stubborn?"  Sophia rolled her eyes, "I mean, yes, but it has gotten worse since our mother died." They just looked at her. She nodded, "Our Grandpa Arthur died eight years ago and our father seven years ago ... I don't think she ever fully dealt with all that.  She was very close to them.  She's just always so... angry." "Grandpa Arthur, huh?"  Hosea smirked, looking at Arthur. She nodded, looking at Arthur, "Jack named his son after you." The man stood a little taller, smiling, puffing his chest out with pride. "I suppose he never really forgot about you." "Why would he forget me?"  Arthur asked, almost child-like, "Where would I go?" "I-I, uh... I should go... check on Cait..."  Sophia walked away. Arthur just watched her walk away, wondering what his future held for him. *One Month Later*

It has been a month since the girls appeared on the side of the road outside of Valentine.  They had both settled comfortably into camp, doing their part to help with chores, but tried their best not to interfere with their lives.

"Do you miss home?"  Mary-Beth asked. Caitlin shrugged, "I guess.  I don't know.  I mean...  My sister is all I have left, and I have her here with me, so...  I guess not." "You two are close?" "We always have been." "Less chat and more work, ladies."  Susan ordered, as the two women were doing laundry. They looked at each other, chuckling. "Will you miss this when you're gone?" "Doing laundry?"  She looked at the girl curiously, "You know we still have laundry in my time." The girl laughed, "No, I mean...  Living like this... Here... with all of us." "More than you know."  Caitlin said. Sophia walked by, dropping a pile of clothes on the ground, "Miss Grimshaw wanted me to give this to you." "Of course she did."  Caitlin rolled her eyes, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

*That Afternoon*

Abigail spoke with Susan, "I'm worried about the girls." She just looked at her. "Caitlin looks so sad all the time, and Sophia...  She misses home so much.  I know there's a trip into town today for supplies.  I thought maybe it would be a good idea for them to go... to get out of camp for a bit." "I think that's a great idea."  She nodded.

"Sophia!"  She called out, "Caitlin!" Arthur looked toward Susan, then at the girls, as he sat in his open tent, looking through his journal. John shook his head, eating a bowl of stew at the table, "No one escapes the wrath of Susan Grimshaw." "I did my chores, Susan!"  Caitlin pointed at her, "You're not gonna get me today!" Sophia laughed. Susan smiled, "I know you did, dear, and I also appreciate you helping Mr. Pearson with the food the last couple weeks.  I have to tell you that it's been tasting much better." "Thank you."  She smiled, "Which reminds me, we're running low on spices." "I've asked Arthur to pick some fresh ones while he's out." "Arthur Morgan," Caitlin joked, "outlaw, gunslinger, spice picker!  My hero!" They laughed at her. "Well, you're in a good mood today."  Arthur released his ever elusive smile. She looked back at him, "I am, Mr. Morgan.  Thanks for noticin'." He nodded, looking back at his cards. "Ladies, Mr. Williamson and I are going into Valentine for some supplies.  I thought you would like you join us." "Sure."  Sophia nodded, "It'll be nice to get out of here for a while." "Alright."  Susan nodded, "Mr. Williamson, are we ready?" "Yes, ma'am."  He said, as he finished hitching the horses to the wagon. "You two behave yourselves."  John called out. "Yes, Grandpa John."  Caitlin waved. Arthur let out a snort, as John smiled, "Grandpa John." "Shut up!"  He snapped, at his friend, his smiled turning into a sneer. Sophia snickered, "He's younger than us right now." "That's what makes it so funny!"  Caitlin laughed at herself.

The two girls looked around the general store, as Bill loaded the wagon. "I have a present for you girls."  Susan said. They looked at each other, then at her. "I know you've been stuck wearing those pieced together outfits for the past month.  I thought it would be nice if you each had a dress of your own." "You don't have to do that."  Sophia shook her head. "I know."  She said, "I want to.  You girls are so far from home, and are burdened with so much.  I thought it would cheer you up a bit." "Thank you!"  The girls said, together.

The two tried several dresses on, finally settling on ones they liked. Sophia held up the purple and white dress, whispering, "Do you think we can keep them when we go home?" "I hope so!"  Caitlin said, holding the blue dress up to herself, looking in the mirror. "Can I wrap those for you, ladies?"  The store keeper asked. "Yes."  Caitlin handed him her dress, "Thank you." "Thank you."  Sophia nodded, as the man took the dress from her.

Bill walked in as Susan paid for the dresses, "The wagon is all packed.  Should we head  back?" The woman nodded, "We'll be out in one minute." "Ok."  

"I know you ladies would probably like to go home, but it's been nice having you here."  Susan said, "I always appreciate the extra help with chores, and you two really carry your own weight." They both smiled, politely. "It's also been good for John.  I never thought that boy would grow up, but he's really starting to take his responsibilities seriously.  He's been spending more time with Abigail and Jack, and he's been keeping up on his chores.  It's good." Bill laughed, "I have to say, I'm impressed with you girls too.  You've been here this long and haven't run, screaming for the hills yet." "It's not so bad."  Caitlin shrugged. "Well, I don't know how long we've got ya for," Bill said, "but it's nice to have ya.  I'm gonna be sad to see ya go when the time comes." "Thank you, Mr. Williamson."  Sophia smiled, "We'll miss you too." Caitlin smiled politely, but it faded quickly, as she rolled her eyes. Sophia looked at her, questioningly, whispering, as Susan and Bill spoke in the front of the wagon, "Do you know something about him that I don't?" She nodded, not saying what she knew. Sophia sat up, "No wonder you're miserable.  You know too goddamn much." "You think?"

They arrived back at camp and immediately started unpacking the wagon.   "We've trained all our lives for this."  Sophia said, "All those times mommy and daddy went food shopping and made us carry in all the bags and put everything away." "Miss Marston," Pearson called to her, "There's no more room in my wagon, you'll have to put..." Caitlin put her hand up, "Worry not, Mr. Pearson.  I will tetris the shit out of your wagon.  It'll all fit." "Tetris?"  He repeated, "I don't... understand." "No, she's like the queen of getting things to fit in spaces they shouldn't." "That's what she said."  Caitlin chuckled to herself. Sophia laughed. "That's what who said?" "What?" "You said, 'that's what she said', but who said that?" "No, Mr. Pearson, it's...  No one said it."  She hopped down from his wagon, after some rearranging, "It's just a thing people say." "I don't think I understand this future world of yours." "Yeah."  Sophia shook her head, "We don't either."

As the girls walked back to their tent, Dutch called over to them. "Would you ladies care for a game of poker?" "I'm good."  Sophia shook her head, "I'm not much of a card player." "I'll play."  Caitlin shrugged, "I don't really have any money though." "I'll lend you a couple of dollars to start."  Dutch pat the chair beside him, "Come.  Sit."

She looked around the table, as Hosea and Micah turned in their cards from the last game. "I never met me a real lady that could beat me at poker."  Micah said. "Something tells me you've never spent much time around a real lady, Mr. Bell."  She retorted. "I had a woman once."  He sat a little taller. "Whores don't count."  She raised her eyebrow. "Hey!"  He stood up, banging his hand on the table, pointing at her, "She was a good woman!" Arthur looked toward the table, hearing the man's voice. Caitlin put her hands up, "My bad..." Dutch looked at the two, "Are we going to have a problem here?" Micah clenched his jaw, "No, Dutch.  Of course not." "I'll deal."  Hosea said.

They played a few hands.  Caitlin studied the men, looking for any sign of bluffing.  She decided to play the hand she was dealt.  She looked at the cards.  She held a two of diamonds and a seven of clubs. They all placed their bets before Hosea turned the first three cards over on the table.  It was the queen of hearts, the ten of spades, and the nine of hearts.  Her face remained unchanging.  They all bet again and the forth card was placed on the table.  It was the four of spades.  After one more round of betting, the final card was placed on the table. It was the two of hearts. "I fold."  Dutch dropped his cards on the table. "Fold."  Hosea shook his head. "Well, how about you future girl?" "I'll call and raise you a dollar." She dropped money into the pot. He grinned, "I'm all in, baby." She nodded, pushing the rest of her coins in. He grew nervous. Dutch and Hosea leaned in closer. "Ladies first." "A pair of twos."  She laid her cards down. "Oh, my..."  Hosea looked at her, "Caitie, dear, that's not...." "Son of a bitch!"  Micah threw his cards down. Dutch looked at them, "You went all in with nothing?" "I thought she was bluffing and would fold." "I was!"  She let out a squeal, "Ah ha ha!  I won!" "This is horse shit!"  Micah stormed away from the table. Caitlin sorted the money, "Here's what I borrowed from you, Mr. Van der Linde, and here is a bit of interest." "Thank you, my dear.  It's been a pleasure doing business with you." "...and also with you."  She bowed her head to him, stuffing the coins in her dress pocket. Lenny walked over to the table, "Have a good ride, Arthur!" "Yup."  He called back. He looked at the table, "Y'all got room for one more at this little party?" “Where’s he going?”  Cait watched Arthur tacking up his horse. “He’s going on a job for Strauss.”  Lenny said, as he took Micah's seat, “Apparently this man owes him money, and he wants Arthur to shake him down.” “What man?” “Downes I think?”  He shrugged, “I don’t know.” "Thomas Downes?" "That sounds about right."  Lenny looked up at the woman, "He's got a farm West of...  Valentine.  Where's she going?" Caitlin’s heart sank, “No!”  She took off running, before Lenny could finish his sentence. Sophia looked up, as she chat with Javier at the camp fire. “Arthur!  Wait!”  She yelled, as he mounted the stallion.

The entire camp looked up, hearing the urgency and desperation in the woman's voice. “Ssssssshit!”   Sophia stood up, mumbling under her breath. Arthur looked at the woman, almost amused by her urgency, “Hey, girl, what’s gotten into you?” She held the horse’s reins in one hand, putting the other hand on his leg, “You can’t go!” He felt her small fingers gripping his ankle tightly.  He grinned, but after seeing the look of terror on her face, the grin faded away. “Cait!”  Sophia called after her. “I won’t be gone long.”  He looked at her curiously, "A day or two at most." “Please.  I’m begging you.”  Her eyes filled with tears, “Don’t go.  Don’t go on this job.  Just let him be.  I’ll ... I’ll pay the debt.  I’ll do anything.  Please, just don't...” His brow furrowed, suddenly feeling uneasy.  

They all looked at her. Abigail looked at Tilly, grabbing her arm, "Get John." She nodded, rushing down the path, as the man was guarding the camp.  It was only a minute before the two came running back. John handed Abigail his rifle, "Keep the boy here.” She nodded.

“Caitlin!”  Sophia scowled, “What do you think you’re doing?” “I can’t let him...  He can’t go!” “You can’t interfere.”  She pushed the girl hard. She fell to the ground, “Just give me this one....  I promise I won’t get involved in anything else!” “What’s he to you anyway?”  She gestured toward the man. She shook her head, crying, unable to speak.

Arthur dismounted the horse, standing behind the arguing women as John came over, “Your girls are out of control, Marston.” John shook his head, "What the hell is going on?"

“Please... just.... let this happen, ok?”  Caitlin cried out, "I swear I won't interfere anymore.  I won't!  Please." Sophia threw her hands up, walking away, “Whatever.” “You don’t understand.”  Caitlin gasped out, calling after her, suddenly realizing everyone was staring at her, “I’m not crazy!” "No one thinks your crazy."  Arthur shook his head. "I mean, she's a little..."  Micah gestured to his own head, twirling his finger. "Piss off, Micah."  Charles snapped standing beside the man. John sighed, “Come here, Sweetheart.” She cried into his chest, as the man knelt in front of her. He smoothed her hair. She pulled away sniffling, “Mr. Morgan... Arthur, please promise me you will leave Thomas Downes alone.  You can’t go after him.  You can't go anywhere near him.  I will pay the debt.  I will figure out a way to make money and pay back Strauss myself.  Please, just...  Promise me?” John looked at Arthur. Arthur's gaze shifted from the woman, to John, to the rest of the camp, then back to Caitlin. She stood up, still crying, “Please?” “I won’t.”  He said, nervously, “I promise.” She flung herself into his arms, hugging him tightly, around his neck, clutching at his shirt, as if to bring him closer to her. He looked stunned, his arms out.  His whole body tensed, but relaxed as he wrapped his arms around her, “Sssh.  It’s ok.  You're alright.” Leopold looked worriedly toward Reverend Swanson, “What does that girl know?” “Everything.”  He said, calmly.

“What have you done?”  Sophia pushed her sister hard, again, after joining her in their tent. “I can’t let him go there!  It’s a death sentence.” “Caitlin, you’re changing too much of the past.” “I can’t let him die!” “We all have to die sometime."  Sophia put her arms out, "You saving him now doesn't change the fact that he won't be there when we go home." "...but maybe I can give him a better life." "A better life?"  Sophia shook her head, "Listen, I’m so sorry that you fell in love with him.  I truly am, but you need to stop interfering.” “They deserve better than what happened to them.” “They’re criminals.  They knew what they were getting themselves into.  Do you think they were sorry when they robbed that ferry in Blackwater?  Do you think Dutch was sorry when he killed that woman?  Do you think Arthur was sorry when he pointed his gun in your face the day we got here?" “Arthur was fourteen when Dutch took him in.  John was twelve.”  She said, “They were children.  They didn’t know any better.  You think Dutch is going to let them walk away?  That man is slowly losing his goddamn mind.” “...and you’re not too far behind him.”  Sophia stormed out.  She stopped suddenly, seeing John standing on the opposite side of the tent. “Are you ok?” She just walked by him, saying nothing. "Give them a little time, son."  Hosea said. John lowered his head, walking away.

*Late That Night*

Arthur tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking about the woman, and how desperate she was to keep him from going on that job.  He couldn't help but wonder what she was trying to protect him from today.  He looked out, seeing a figure standing near the cliff side.

Caitlin wrapped her arms around herself, as she stood, looking into the darkness.  She could hear coyotes in the distance. "There she is."   She closed her eyes, as she heard the voice behind her. "You ok?"  He asked, standing beside her. She nodded, slowly. "You wanna talk about it?" "I made a fool of myself today."  She said, "I had a complete meltdown in front of everyone." "No one thinks any less of you, darlin'." She was quiet, unable to look at the man. He couldn't stop looking at her, "Why didn't you want me to go on that job?" She looked at him, her cheeks streaked with tears, "I can't tell you." He sighed, feeling as though he knew the answer.  He cupped her jaw with his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.  His heart broke seeing the pain in her eyes.  There was something about this woman from the future, the great great granddaughter of his friend John Marston, that mesmorized him.  He kissed her on the cheek, still holding her face, "Thank you for saving me." She looked up at him, her heart pounding in her chest. He looked at her for a minute, before pressing his lips to hers. She looked up at him, before resting her head on his chest, as he hugged her, his arms wrapped tightly around her neck, as she put her arms around his waist.

To Be Continued…………

[useyourrwords]

January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

January was…A lot.

This past month has been crazy, to say the least. A lot of highs and a lot of lows but I’m getting through it so that’s something!

January contained so much in such a short time that I still can’t believe it’s over!

        January’s TBR

Guys, I completed not one, but two read-a-thon/challenges this month! For someone who hasn’t participated in any before I count that as a double win!

I participated in the Late-A-Thon hosted by Destiny @ Howling Libraries and JanJamJar from the Devour Your TBR Goodreads group!

  I was able to combine them both by using a TBR jar with the ARCs I wanted to catch up on in it.

So the books I put in my January TBR are all the books I put in the Jar.

I didn’t get all of them but I didn’t expect to.

│The Good Son│

│

│My Name is Victoria│

│

│Skylarks│

│

│Anger is a Gift│

│

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

│

│Rad Girls Can│

│

│The Boneless Mercies│

│

│What If It’s Us│

│

│Girls of Paper and Fire│

│

     Read

Emoji order – format-representation-challenges/readathons-reading status.

The TBR Jar really worked in my favour! And it was great catching up on so many ARCS!

Each book I pulled out came at the right time and I think I might continue with the Jar until I’ve caught up on the ARC’s I have left from 2018.

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

│

│

│

│★★│Read Jan 8│

This one was fairly disappointing. I wanted a whole lot more than it had to give.

│My Name is Victoria│Lucy Worsley│

│

│

│

│★★★│Read Jan 11│

I actually really liked the twist in this but god damn was most of it boring.

│The Good Son│You-Jeong Jeong│

│

│

│

│★★★│Read Jan 25│

I—this just wasn’t great and it mostly just made me angry. 

│Unbroken│Marieke Nijkamp│

│

│

│

I nearly finished this before the month was up but not quite.

│The Boneless Mercies│April Genevieve Tucholke│

│

│

│

│

This has been decent enough so far but I’m waiting for more.

Book of the Month

│Girls of Paper and Fire│Girls of Paper and Fire #1│Natasha Ngan│

│

│

│

│★★★★│Read Jan 21│

I loved it! It was so engaging for the most part!

│January Completed│ARC: 4│Owned: 0│Library Loans: 0│Reread: 0│Diversity: 4│Average Rating: 3★’s│

     Haul

│Vengeful│Villains│VE Schwab│

│

│

Nearly didn’t get this one because I accidentally sent it to the wrong address but I visited my neighbour and I got it!

This was a late Christmas present to myself!

│P.S. I Still Love You│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│

│Always and Forever, Lara Jean│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│

These were birthday presents to myself!

Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Book Review // Everything Leads To You – A Quite Love Story

 Book Review // The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo – What Do You Mean She’s Not a Real Person???

        Film & TV

I’ve really not watched much at all because I just don’t have time! Or money!

I decided that the season 1 watch I did of Charmed was enough to give me the hit of nostalgia that I needed so I won’t be continuing it again anytime soon! I do want to get around to watching the remake soon though!

January’s TBW

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│

│How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World│

│

│Ralph Breaks the Internet│

│

│Charmed│

│

     Watched

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│2018│

 Josie Rourke│

 Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie, Jack Lowden│★★★★★│ Fave Part: Literally all of it, it was so well done. And I loved that they portrayed Mary and Elizabeth as two women pitted against each other by the men around them. 

I won tickets to see this at my local cinema so me and mum went and it was fucking brilliant!

│Hannibal│Season 2│

│2013│

 Bryan Fuller│

 Hugh Dancy, Mads Mikkelsen, Caroline Dhavernas│★★★★│ Fave Part: The fact it’s gotten more and more homoerotic.  

I watched the same four episodes about four times each because I needed a fucking break but was being stubborn.

Also, my coworker had time to rewatch every episode in the time it took me to watch those four properly. She has work AND Uni. I have no idea how she has time to do it???

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4│

│2012│

 RuPaul│

RuPaul, Michelle Visage│★★★★│ Fave One-liner This Season: “Yeah, well some of us don’t have to force story-lines to get air time” -Farrah Moan.

Valentina has continued to live her full telenovela fantasy and it’s entertaining as fuck.

The judges need to stop sleeping on Naomi because the bitch is turning it out and they’re refusing to take notice… Except for maybe last week….But we don’t talk about that.

Manila is killing it as always and the period gown that she couldn’t wear on the show??? Iconic.

Also, I’m very excited to see Season 11!!!! So many queens that I’m looking forward to seeing!

│Jessica Jones│Season 1│

│2015│

Melissa Rosenberg│

Krysten Ritter, Rachael Taylor, Eka Darville│★★★★│ Fave character: Jessica obvs

I am struggling but only because the only time I have time to watch is when I’m fucking tired and ready for sleep. I’ll get there. 

│Dumplin’│

│2018│

Anne Fletcher│

Danielle Macdonald, Jennifer Aniston, Odeya Rush│★★★★★│ Fave part: The fact Bo didn’t like Will despite her being fat, he thought she was beautiful as is.

This so easily could have been terrible and you literally just have to look to last year to see just how easy it would have been but this was so good and special and respectful and I cried so much while watching it and fucking Ginger Minj was everything and this is everything I wanted Sierra Burgess is a Loser to be and I’m so glad I finally got it.

Also, I have a huge crush on Bex Taylor-Klaus. So there’s that.

│Derry Girls│Season 1│

│2017│

Lisa McGee│

Saoirse-Monica Jackson, Louisa Harland, Nicola Coughlan│★★★★│ Fave character: Orla

This show is so fucking funny. I was struggling not to laugh out loud while my mum was giving someone a massage.

│The Haunting of Hill House│Season 1│

│2018│

Mike Flanagan│

 Michiel Huisman, Carla Gugino, Henry Thomas│★★★★★│ Fave sibling: Theo

This show is brilliant like everyone talked about how good it was but I just didn’t have time and then I put it on one night and didn’t pay any attention to it at all. And then I put it on when I had a self-imposed mental health day and mum watched it with me and it was the best decision I’ve made in 2019 so far, to be honest.

I binged watched it in just three days which is huge for me because I haven’t been able to binge watch anything that isn’t just short 20 minute episodes in short season in months.

Oh, and I want Theo to top me.

     Youtube

I would say I need to stop watching YouTube because I watch so fucking much of it but I watch it while I’m doing other things like eating, doing housework, cooking and blogging. It’s the only way I can watch it without feeling guilty.

│VH1│Meet the Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 11│The Pit Stop: LaLaPaRUza w/ Katya│The Pit Stop: Jersey Justice ft. Kim Chi│

I am so ready for the new season!!!

Also, I love anything Katya and Trixie do.

And look at Kim Chi’s look, I die.

│Miz Cracker│Review With A Jew│

Review With A Jew has gotten PROFESSIONAL now and I just love Miz Cracker.

│Ladylike│Hot Takes—Jen Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion & Devin Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion│Kristen Goes to Montreal With No Clothes│

I am loving these hot takes because they’re just fun to watch and see the other ladies react as well!

I think the whole trip with no clothes challenge is a brilliant idea!!!

│Lily Marston│My Friends & I Read Your Assumptions About Me│15 Tools That Help My Neck & Back Pain│

I think the assumptions video trend is actually really a good idea because it allows creators to share a little bit more of themselves!

if you have chronic pain you’re gonna want to check out Lily’s video on the tools she uses to get relief!

│Buzzfeed Video│Mom In Progress—We Tried the 7-Day Vegan Challenge│

So in this video, they eat vegan cream cheese on toast with raspberries and it looked so delicious that I wanted to try it with other toppings. So now mum and I are obsessed with cream cheese and pepper smoked salmon on toast and I can’t stop.

Other toppings I’ve tried are;

 Mango and raspberry jam (because raspberries are pricey)

 Salami

 Tomatoes (with salt and loads of pepper)

 Shaved chicken (with salt and loads of pepper)

And next to try is peaches!

│Liza Koshy Too│The videos I never uploaded… until now│Why I took a break│

I love Liza and I love that she’s easing herself back into making videos again and so far I’ve loved them both!

│Chris Klemens│Telling Each Other What to Say to Strangers: Carly and Erin│

You need to watch this just to see Carly speak gibberish which honestly sounds like Simish and really did sound almost like another legit language.

│Sorted Food│Pass It On│

I will never not love this series. It’s YouTube whispers but cooking a meal.

│ElleOfTheMills│My Weight Loss│

I love anytime some talks openly about mental health and Elle is really delivering lately!

     Music

I’ve honestly barely listened to any music this month let alone any new music.

│Camila Cabello│Something’s Gotta Give│Inside Out│In the Dark│

│Madison Beer│Dead│

│The Greatest Showman Reimagined│Never Enough (Kelly Clarkson)│This Is Me (Kesha)│Rewrite the Stars (James Arthur & Anne-Marie)│

     Podcasts

│Race Chaser│

 Alaska Thunderfuck & Willam Belli│★★★★★│

│Sibling Rivalry│

 Bob The Drag Queen & Monet X Change│★★★★★│

│What The Tuck│

 Nicole Byers & Joel Kim Booster│★★★★★│

I don’t know how to not become obsessed with things and apparently, that means listening to all the podcasts to get the backstage Tea on All-Stars 4.

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Blogosphere Highlights

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│ Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q1 2019!│

│Destiny @ Howling Libraries│BEST OF 2018: CONTEMPORARY!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│ANOTHER 2018 FAVE, FINALLY REVIEWED! SAWKILL GIRLS BY CLAIRE LEGRAND│

│May @ Forever And Everly│My Most Anticipated YA Books Releasing January through July ft. a Lot of Asian Fantasies and Diverse Books in General!│

│Ellyn @Allonsythornraxxbooks│ HOW TO GET ON TOP OF YOUR NETGALLEY FEEDBACK RATIO│

│Silvia @Silvia Reads Books│All I Learned About Audiobooks: A Guide│

│Avery @Red Rocket Panda│HOW TO HYPE YOUR FAVOURITE READS│

│Abbiee @Abbiee│WRITING TIPS Transform a Messy Story Idea Into a Strong Outline (in 3 simple steps!)│

│Ilsa @A Whisper of Ink│How the HECK does one receive a physical ARC because I want one?! (I hear your cries and answer all your questions) Welcome to How To Request + Recieve ARCs│

│Simone @Simone and Her Books│My Review Process and Why I Write Reviews│

│Swetlana @The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│16 Blog Post Ideas To Help You Get Through (AT LEAST) A Month Of Blogging│

│Melanie @Mel To The Any│The Top 12 Books I Must Read in 2019│

Past Month In Review

 Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

 Month in Review // November – I Already Hate Christmas

 Month in Review // July, August, September & October – New Post Series!

January’s Goals

 Increase my walk time and maybe go for walks 6 days a week?

 Start doing some floor exercises like crunches.

I need an exercise ball which I have but I don’t know where the pump is and I keep forgetting to ask mum where it is.

 Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Work out my new blogging schedule

 Start working on my WIP

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

 Fucking relax a bit

 Maybe finish editing all my past posts???

A Month of Mayhem

I spent my birthday out!!! My mum took me to get my hair cut, we did some shopping, she gave me a massage and some Reiki which I needed!!! And then we went to Fasta Pasta for dinner and it was delicious!!! Oh and I even took photos with mum and didn’t feel gross and have a new selfie I took with snapchat with the fox filter and I think it’s v cute!!!

The last few years I’ve always gotten books as presents for my birthday but mum told me I had too many unread books so I had to choose something else…So I chose things for my reading! Because of course.

I got a pair of noise-cancelling headphones so that I can continue to read or blog or write uninterrupted instead of getting distracted every time mum’s massage clients come and go. Except mum keeps forgetting to check if I have them on before she goes to have a full conversation with me. So when I realise she’s doing it I just turn and look at her and she notices the headphones. I’ve taken to moving one of the earphones off my ear when I notice she’s in the living room but I don’t always notice.

My mum also got me my first book sleeve from Etsy! I spent hours finding one I wanted that wasn’t super expensive but good quality! It’s spacey and I love it. It’s great timing since I’m going to be reading more of my owned physical books this year and I don’t want them to get damaged by the three drink bottles in my bag for work YES THREE!!! and two are 1-litre ones and my bag is heavy. I HAVE MY REASONS!!!

I also bought myself far too many animated movies, some books, a curler, some hair products so I can use the curler I have still not used any of it yet shhhh, and a fitbit!!!!

I mean the fitbit was definitely the most needed one for sure because now I can actually track how many steps I’m doing a day and I’ve been doing pretty good! I’m hitting 8000 steps most days and even hit my first 10000 steps on the 16th which was exciting!

I went and did my tax finally and now my tax debt thanks work for not taking the correct amount of tax out for several years! is down to a very manageable amount! So that’s a relief!

My sister brought my nephews around for a visit and nephew 3 nearly got bit by a spider but nephew 2 saved the day! Other than that the visit was good! I love them so much and Nephew 3 is starting to walk!!!

My mum treated me to get my nails done professionally for the first time ever and I love them. My nails look like bullets.

I discovered where I could buy cheap hazelnut syrup for my coffee and then when I went to buy it saw they also have dark chocolate syrup as well so basically I’m just drinking liquid Nutella.

And I have officially been on this blog for a year!!! I’m so thankful for this community and even just this blog being a lifeline and a thing to focus my attention on when things have been shit in my personal life. I’m so glad I can call myself a part of this community and I look forward to many more years being a part of it!

I lost my bank card while doing my food shopping which was not great and very inconvenient since a lot of the parking I pay for work is cheaper booking online! But whatever.

I had a few emotional moments throughout the month but it was mostly just me having a little cry and then moving on.

I visited my other sister which kind of didn’t go great, to begin with. There was a whole thing, I had an anxiety attack and suffered a bout of paranoia and cried a lot but it all worked out in the end.

Once I calmed down we went to get my phone upgraded (this was already the plan) because I am anxious, my mum is busy, and my sister knows a guy that works there so I got well looked after! But then I had to go back another day because they didn’t have the phone that I wanted in stock.

We came back to her house and played Overcooked on the PlayStation which is always fun for us and I was in much better spirits when I left!

Until the next day when I was a mess again.

Look, I’m really great at handling big life-changing things as they’re happening. It’s a trait I inherited from my mum. The whole world as we know it could end and it wouldn’t look like I even knew something had changed.

It’s like my brain will just put the BIG THING in a box and shove it under a few things until I’ve gotten through it and then it’ll bring it out and say “Remember this BIG THING??? Yeah, now you gotta process it. Have fun.” Which is great until there are several BIG THINGS waiting to be processed and then I get hit with them all at once, which happens most of the time.

So then I break down over seemingly small shit. Its very clearly SO MUCH FUN!!!

So basically I spent that whole day crying and anxious and paranoid and had to call my mum to help calm me down and then my new phone was ready to be picked up and I didn’t want to bother my sister to go with me and I knew I needed to do something on my own to prove to myself I’m not totally useless so I went and picked up my phone by myself! Thankfully the hard part was over I am an absolute pushover and will be talked into buying anything even if I don’t want it so I just had to go in, they transferred my stuff over to the new phone and I was done!

It went well, despite the fact that the guy was having difficulty transferring my stuff over but I think he was a little unnerved by how quiet I am in person and especially with people I don’t really know, and I hate being THAT customer so I tend to just sit patiently and try and get my brain to shut up.

He kept commenting on how quiet and patient I was and trying to get me to talk but I hate small talk because I never know what to say. When we were finished he said he hopes I’ll become a regular customer and if I have any problems to come in and he’ll help me out!

I also made an appointment that day to get my mental health plan done so I can go back to seeing my therapist which, clearly, I super need!!!

Oh, and I also even mentioned to someone I know from my last workplace that I’ve been wanting to learn how to play d&d but didn’t have anyone to teach me and she said that if a spot opened up on a campaign she’d let me know!!!!

At the end of the month, I took a mental health day with my mum. We stayed home all day and did the bare minimum and it was so good! I sat and watched the Derry Girls and then mum and I watched half of The Haunting of Hill House and we talked about what anxiety and depression and paranoia sound like in our head and talked a lot about mental health and it was just really lovely even though it was emotional and I cried.

I know it kind of sounds like this month was a bit of a downer but overall it really wasn’t and it also didn’t feel like that. For the most part, I was happy and motivated and got a good amount of reading done and was productive! I even cleaned out my car!

Sometimes it’s easy for me to focus on just the negatives but I have to remind myself that even though I had some downer moments I am nowhere near as consistently down as I was just a few months ago and that’s progress! I just have to keep focusing on my health, both physical and mental and talking to my mum when I’m sad and talking through my feelings. I say that like it’s the easiest thing in the world when I am in fact Queen Of Not Reaching Out.

Past Month Ahead

 Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

 Month Ahead // December – I Already Hate It

 Month Ahead // November – New Post Series

January is done and dusted, bring on February!

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│

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[skygatecreations]

*BURSTS IN FRESH FROM FINISHING STORY FOR RDR2* Well. That was a ride. lol Verdict? Still really like it, still glad I got ultimate edition (I LOVE that Thoroughbred) but it’s definitely not perfect. I (and I’m not the only one) are not particularly pleased with the retconning they did, and we officially consider RDR2 to be an AU. There’s just too many inconsistencies. But that said still fun. Spoilers and more rambling beneath the read-more - 

I was worried I wouldn’t like Arthur as much as I do John, but he ended up special in his own way, at least the way I played him (high honor). And like John, despite at least having an idea of what was likely going to happen and accepting it long in advance, he still made me cry at a particular point. Idk. I must be getting soft in my old age lol. But something about that last ride back to the camp, when you’re hearing the voices of a bunch of the people he helped, really got me. Dropped tears and sniffled like a bitch. Also I think part of it was the build up. They really make you feel for him. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt worse for simply playing as a game character. Like the whole time his condition was worsening, the last thing you want to do is push him through more missions, but you have to. And that last ride being made clear as said ‘last ride’ before shit goes down for him, there’s a lot of weight on it. You’re both sad for him but also weirdly, morbidly relieved. 8/ Gunplay took a LOT of getting used to, I’ve still got a lot of room for improvement and probably never will be that great, but that’s typical for me. I am uncannily terrible at games at the end of the day. I come by that honestly XD. They made my precious Bolt Action clumsier, but I ended up loving shotguns with slug ammo. Those things saved my ass so many times. *hugs sawed-off* :3 one thing that bugged me tho - Rockstar. Why. WHY did you keep forcing us into facing freaking Grizzly Bears with God damn revolvers?? You wanted us to focus on ‘being prepared’. That is not prepared. I had my damn Bolty out loaded with Express for a reason dammit. lol As far as fav characters in the gang aside from the obvious (Arthur and the Marstons), Tilly, Lenny, Charles, and kinda Sean. so...from that lineup you can see I’m pretty happy with the outcome, half of them lived...when I expected none of the nicer characters to do so. 50%’s pretty good for depressing stories like this I guess lol. Also found it kind of lowkey hilarious how Ross, true to nature, nasty-teases four-year-old Jack with not the slightest clue that that kid’s going to mag-dump his face with a high-powered pistol one day (well...at least...that’s how I tend to kill him. idk about you lol). XD ...Also that the kiddo almost ended up in the damn mafia. Idk, if no one had come for him, sure, they may have killed him or just dumped him somewhere...but they treated him so well when they didn’t really need to, that I almost feel like they would have thought nothing of raising him on the inside and making a goon out of him or something, and thought nothing of the expense to do so, what with all the money and power they apparently have. And last but not least, loved Abi taking out one of the big-bads. Saw her messing with those restraints and just sat there waiting for it with a grin the whole damn time. okay not totally last - I basically hate Sadie. Sorry, not sorry. Sure she helps and all that, but she feels like she was created from damn study group data or something and is about the most cliche bitch with a chip on her shoulder ��strong independent woman” you could think of. As such, she’s completely wooden and I couldn’t feel...anything for her. She was worse than the villians in that way - at least with guys I really hate like Dutch, I feel something, even if it’s negative. Her it’s just...meh. :/ She felt shoehorned in and unnecessary (what, the other women hustling with the gang weren’t 'strong’ or ‘cool’ enough??) and there were a lot of times I felt I would have enjoyed the story more if she wasn’t there. kay *now* I’m done. for now.

[outlawnurse]

He Insists - Chapter IV

A RDR2 Modern AU Written by: @ninja-nurse, Inspired by: @heart-of-gold-outlaw and with Special Thanks to: @ceruleanchillin @teumessianfox and @letsloveimagines

Warning: Language, Spoilers

Introduction | Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V

Dutch sat in the tent with Hosea and Arthur. "Those Pinkertons were looking for me.  They had my wanted poster.  How did they know where to find me, Dutch?"  Arthur asked, angrily. "I don't know."  He sighed. "Cait said they were going to offer me a deal." The two men looked at him. "Freedom for us," he hesitated, "if I gave him you." Dutch rubbed his forehead, "Would you have taken it?" "Of course not, Dutch."  His brow furrowed. Dutch sighed. Hosea shook his head, "What are we going to do, Dutch?  They're obviously on to us, and this little visit was a little too close for comfort." "We just need to lay low.  We can't have anymore attention brought down on us."

"I think there's a rat."  Arthur blurt out. "Arthur."  Hosea said with caution in his voice. "How else would they have known about the Blackwater job?  How would they have known where to find us all the way out here, huh?" "....and who do you think it is?"  Dutch asking, knowing the answer. "Micah has been nothing but...." "Son," Dutch started. "No."  Arthur snapped, "Don't 'son' me.  There is something about that man that is rotten, and if you don't trust me, trust Cait." He looked at the man. "She's terrified of him.  She doesn't trust him.  She jumps out of her skin if he so much as looks in her general direction."  Arthur kept his voice low, "The girl knows every goddamn thing that happens to us.  What does she know about him?" Dutch sighed, rubbing his forehead, "I don't know, Arthur, but..." "Can you just.... Can you at least keep a closer eye on him?"  Arthur asked, sounding exasperated.   Dutch nodded, sighing.

Arthur kept his eye on the woman, worried about her after the ordeal. "What are you doing?"  Abigail asked, walking over to the girls, who were working behind Pearson's wagon, "Where's Mr. Pearson?" "We're making dinner tonight."  Sophia looked up, "We're going to celebrate my sister's stupidity." "Stop."  Cait shook her head. Sophia laughed, "You got arrested for pulling a gun on a federal agent... in eighteen ninty nine...  Why don't you just try robbing a bank while you're at it?" Caitlin looked at her for a minute, before bursting into laughter, "Maybe tomorrow me and you can go hit a stage coach!" Abigail shook her head at the two, laughing, glad to see the two getting along again. Arthur smiled to himself, seeing the girl enjoying herself.  His smile faded, as he saw Micah lean on the table, as Sophia stepped away.

"How're you doing, jailbird?" Caitlin's eyes shifted up, meeting with Arthur's first, then looked to Micah, "What do you want, Mr. Bell?" "I want to know why you hate me so much." She didn't answer. "Your lovely sister doesn't hate me." "My sister doesn't know you like I do, Mr. Bell, and I'll thank you to stay away from her." "There has to be a reason." "There is." "...and what would it be?" She looked at him, holding the butcher's knife in her hand, tightly, "I can't tell you why, but I can tell you this...  Be fucking nicer.  Help out a little around here.  Would it kill you to maybe go hunting once and a while?  Do a couple of chores?  The horses could use a good grooming and feeding." "That's Kieran's job." "It's everyone's job." "I don't need to worry myself with chores, Miss Marston, I am a stone cold killer." "You, Mr. Bell," she leaned into him, "are not intimidating." He looked at her, standing tall, "I've been nothing but nice to you and Sophia." "You tried to choke me to death when I first got here." "...but I didn't." "Because Arthur threatened to shoot you!"  She gasped. "Why are you so protective of him?" "Because he deserves to be protected."  She grumbled, returning to her food preparations. "...and I don't." "No, Mr. Bell."  She slammed the knife down on to the table, "You do not.  You don't deserve to be protected.  You don't deserve to be liked.  You don't even deserve to be breathing the same air as the rest of this camp.  I know who you are.  I know what you've done, and I know what you're going to do.  You are not a good man, Mr. Bell." "Because your little lover boy, Arthur Morgan is?"  He scoffed, angrily, "He's robbed just as many banks and trains and stages as I have.  He's killed just as many men as I have.  He's got a mean streak in him that sends shivers down my spine.  You're precious cowboy isn't the saint you paint him to be." "I know who he is." "Well, what's he got that I don't?" "Besides my attention?"  She hissed, pointing the knife at him, "He's not a fucking rat.  I know what you did, Micah." He stared at her, not knowing what to say. "There is still time for redemption though."  She glared at him. He swallowed hard, clenching his teeth. "Stop feeding them information."   "How did you..." "How did I know?"  She scoffed, "I'm from the goddamn future, Micah.  I know everything." "How?" "Oh, my God.  I can't with you anymore.  Just stop being a fucking asshole all the time."  She yelled at him. He balled his hands in fists, walking away. Caitlin slammed the knife down on the piece of meat on the table in front of her, "God, I fucking hate him." Arthur smirked, proud of the girl, who seemed to be toughening up in her time with the group.

"What was that all about?"  Sophia returned. Caitlin rolled her eyes, "Nothing." "You know...  He's not so bad once you get to know him?" "I'm sure Hitler had a good side too, but that doesn't mean I want to spend time with him." "You're being dramatic." Caitlin stepped closer to her sister, whispering, "He killed Arthur." Sophia just looked at her. "Yeah."  Caitlin turned back to the food in front of her, "You know, the deliciously angry looking cowboy standing against the tree that has the most gentle kisses.  The man who is the reason that we had a family to come from.  Him.  Micah is going to kill him." "What does that even mean?" "Arthur sacrificed everything to save John.  He is the reason John, Abigail, and Jack got away from Dutch when he lost his shit.  He is the reason they were able to have a life and a family." "I thought John was killed by Pinkertons." "He was, but... not until years from now, and Jack survived.  Jack did his thing and he started his family, and here we the fuck are, so maybe stop hating him for two minutes just because I fell for him, and thank him, but don't actually, because we shouldn't really tell him what the future is.  If you want to hate someone, hate Micah Bell.  He deserves to be hated." "Honestly, he's not really that bad." Caitlin just looked at her. "Wait, did you just say you kissed Arthur?" "No."  She turned back to preparing dinner. "Goddamn it, Caitlin."  Sophia rolled her eyes.

"Goddamn it, John Marston!"  Abigail yelled. The girls looked up, as the man stormed off, they looked at each other, then back at the man.

"You're just like him, do you know that?" Caitlin shrugged, "The apple doesn't fall that far, I suppose." "What's with you?"  Sophia glanced at her, before returning to making food, "You're... different." "Prison changes a person."  She said, dramatically. She laughed, "Oh, my God, you're so fucking weird."

***

"I need to get out of here for a while."  John looked at Arthur. "Do you want to go swimming?"  Arthur chuckled, "Oh, wait..." "You're not funny." "I am."  Arthur nodded, "Come on.  We can go fishing.  Do you want to bring Jack?" "No." "John." "Arthur, please.  Can't you just be a friend for once?" Arthur looked hurt. "I'm sorry.  I just..." "It's fine."  He pat the man on the back, "Come on."

***

They stood on the river back, "I just don't get Abigail.  Things have been really good between us, you know?  I mean, sure... It was a shock when those girls got here, but...  It's been good.  She's always got to find something to nit pick about." Arthur snickered, "Women." "Speaking of."  John looked at the man. "What?" "You've been getting a little cozy with my little Caitlin." "You're little Caitlin," Arthur laughed, "has eleven years on you, Marston." "She's like two hundred years younger than you!" "Two hundred..."  He shook his head, "John, relax." "I just want to know your intentions with her." "My intentions?" "Do you love her?" "John," Arthur shook his head, "stop.  She saved my life.  She's a good girl.  I'll admit, I'm keen on her, but a girl like her would never be with a man like me.  I'm not good enough for her." "No one is good enough for those girls."  John admitted, "I overheard Mary-Beth and Karen talking about the two of you.  They said they saw you kiss her." "I kissed her.”  He was honest, “I didn't...  it’s not like I..."  He cleared his throat, "You know what?  I'm not talking about this with you." "She's my blood, Arthur.  I have a responsibility to her... to keep her safe." "To keep her safe from me?" John looked at him, "That's not what I meant." "None of this matters anyhow.  We don't know how long she's going to be here.  It'll only hurt both of us if we..."  Arthur squirmed, "I don't like talking about this with you." "Yeah."  John sighed, "This was a bad idea.  I'm sorry." "Sure."  Arthur nodded, "That was a nice salmon you caught earlier.  Shame she got away." "Yeah."  John replied, "I want to bring something to Pearson so he gets off my back." Arthur let out a small chuckle. The two men spent the rest of their fishing trip in silence.

*Horseshoe Overlook, New Hanover*

Caitlin looked up, hearing the two argue. "He's an adult, Susan."  Dutch said, "He can make his own choices." "We all know what he's going to do." "You need to let him decide for himself."  Dutch said, suddenly getting quiet.  He smirked, "Besides, I think with your new... guest... I think he may surprise you." She shook her head, lifting the envelope for Dutch to see, "I hate this girl.  I've always hated her.  She breaks his heart over and over again and he keeps going back to for more." "The boy is loyal to a fault."

"Ain't that the truth." Caitlin grumbled to herself, suspecting she knew what they were talking about.

"I'm not giving it to him."  She shook her head. "You have to." "I don't have to do anything."  The woman turned, calling out, "Cait!" She looked at her, "Yes, Miss Grimshaw?" "Susan, leave the girl out of it.  She's got enough going on as it is."  Dutch sighed. She handed her the envelope. Caitlin tilt her head, "...but it's for Arthur." "Do what you will with it."  She said, "Give it to him.  Don't give it to him.  I don't care, but I will not." Caitlin shoved the letter into the pocket of her apron, "Where is he?" "He went fishing with John."  Dutch offered. She nodded, "Well, dinner will be ready shortly."

Susan knew what she was doing when she handed that girl the envelope.  She had a knack for reading people.  She knew Caitlin was in love with Arthur.  She knew Caitlin had to know about Mary, and the trouble she caused for the man.  She could tell Caitlin had a dark side to her.  She's already see the woman's loyalty and passion for protecting the family.  Moreover, she'd seen the girl's temper.  Susan smiled, knowing she had someone to do her dirty work for her.

***

The group celebrated Caitlin's return from her one night stint in prison in typical Van der Linde Gang fashion.  Food, alcohol, singing, and dancing were in abundance.

Arthur leaned against the tree, his arms crossed, as he watched the group. "You alright there, Arthur?"  Karen stood beside him. "Sure."  He answered, without looking at her. "You look sad." He looked at her, "I'm fine, Karen." She shrugged, watching as Caitlin danced with Sean, "You should ask her to dance." "I don't dance."  He said, firmly. "Not even for the woman you love." "I don't love her." "Do you want to know how I know you love her, Arthur?"  Karen put her hands on her hips, "I never told you who I was talking about.  You just knew." "Stop."  He shook his head. "Come on, you old mope."  She hit him playfully, "Dance with me, and show the love of your life that you are capable of having fun." He sighed, "Fine." She curtsied to him, as he put his hand out to her. He held her hand delicately, as she put her other hand on his shoulder.

Caitlin looked toward the man, as she danced with Sean.  Their eyes met, as he twirled Karen.  She smiled at him.  She felt her heart jump in her chest, as she watched the corners of his mouth turn up, and though it was too dark to see with the shadows of the fire dancing across his face, she knew his cheeks were red.  She lowered her head, blushing herself. "Why don't you go to him, love?"  Sean said, quietly. "Who?" "Arthur Morgan."  The Irishman chuckled, not too drunk to notice she'd been looking at him all night. "Why would I do that?" "...because you love him, so ya do."  He twirled her around, pulling her in close again. "I don't love him." "Oh, but you do, love."  He insisted, "I can see it in your eyes... The way you look at him... You've been in love with that man for a long time, eh?" Her brow furrowed, her step slowed. "It's alright, love."  He slowed to keep in step with her. "His journal was in my family since he..  I couldn't help reading it.  The pictures...  He's so talented, and handsome... It's strange, right?  That I would fall in love with a man who'd been dead for over a hundred years." "Love is a crazy thing."  Sean said, "I personally think that the two of you would do well together.  He needs someone that makes him happy, and I haven't seen the man smile that much since I've known him as he does when you're around." She lowered her head, smiling to herself.

The man had just enough alcohol running through his veins not to care about the consequences of his actions. "Ma'am," he gruff voice all but caught in his throat, "may I have this dance?" Sean smiled. She blushed, putting her hand in his outstretched hand, imitating a sweet southern belle accent, "Well, yes, you may, kind sir." "Well,"  he pulled her quickly, close to himself, his hand on her hip, "I don't know that I would call myself a kind sir, with the thoughts I'm having about you right now." "Arthur Morgan!"  She feigned shock, "Why whatever do you mean?" He swallowed, "Was that too much?" She cocked her head back, laughing, drunkenly, "Arthur, always the gentleman, even when you're trying to be naughty." He blushed. She rest her head on his chest, as Javier played a slower song on his guitar.  She felt him wrap his arm around her tighter, holding her close.   He smirked, feeling her sigh deeply against him, "Why would someone like you be interested in someone like me?" She looked up at him, "Really?" He just looked at her. "Arthur, you may have made some questionable life choices, but...  You really are a good man inside, and a fine looking one on the outside." He laughed. "Arthur, to be honest...  This is going to sound... weird, but..."  She hesitated, unable to look at him, "I fell in love with you years ago." "What do you mean?" She sighed, "Your journal..." "You read my journal?"  He sounded offended. "I mean, you were dead, so...  I didn't think you'd mind." He looked at her for a minute before laughing. She chuckled, resting her head against his chest again. "Well, no I suppose I wouldn't have." "The drawings...  They're wonderful." He grinned. "Where did you learn to be such an artist." "My mother."  He told her, "She taught me to read and to write and how to draw." "She sounds like a fine woman." "She was." The two danced quietly, for a few minutes. "What did you save me from?" "What?"  She looked up at him. "Why didn't you want me to collect that money for Strauss a while back?" She swallowed, finding no harm in telling him now, "Tuberculosis." "Tuberculosis?"  He repeated her words. "The man was sick...  He...  I don't know the details, but that's how you got it.  At least that's what you thought." "...in my journal." "...in your journal."  She sighed, "You were so sick...  There was no way you could have defended yourself when..." He looked at her. "I know you don't think much of yourself, Arthur, but I do." "I ain't a good man." "You are though.  You're a good man who did some bad things, but you've done some good ones too." He just looked at her. Caitlin's eyes shifted, as she caught a glimpse of her sister out of the corner of her eye. "What is she doing?" Arthur looked, sighing, "Micah." "She better not."  Caitlin snapped. "You really don't like him." "Neither do you." "I have a reason."  He looked at her, "I think even more so when I see how much you don't like him.  I'd love to know what you know about him." She just looked at him, sighing, "I don't want to ruin this moment talking about Micah Bell." "That's fair."  He sighed.

Arthur bowed awkwardly to the woman, as the song ended. She laughed, as she curtsied him. He smiled, thriving on the affection he got from the woman.

Micah stood beside the woman, as she stood watching her sister laugh with Arthur, "She's a little hot headed that one, isn't she?" "You have no idea."  Sophia rolled her eyes, "She always was." "I don't understand why she hates me so much."  He spoke softly to her, testing her to see what she knew, "I am not a bad person." "You're an outlaw." Sophie looked at him, "You're not really what I would call a good person, Mr. Bell." He shrugged, "Do you know?" "Know what?" "The things she does... about... all of us?" She shrugged, "Some.  I was never really into our past like she was.  She was closer with Grandpa Arthur and our dad...  I mean, Jesus, the more I get to know John, the more I realize that she's just like him, so it's no wonder." Micah snickered. "She would feed on all those old stories.  Who knows how many of them are even made up or exaggerated?" "Was I in any of them?"  He stood tall. She shook her head, lying, "Not that I know." "Oh."  He seemed disappointed, "I don't get what she sees in that sad cowboy anyway." Sophia looked at him, shrugging, "She sees him for his goodness, I suppose." "His goodness?"  The man laughed, "He's a vicious outlaw!" "That's what I tried to tell her!" "Eh, I wouldn't worry about it too much.  I imagine you girls will go back where you came from soon enough." "I hope so." "You know, if you ever want to get out of camp, I wouldn't mind riding into town with you.  We could get a couple drinks at the saloon and eat some real food... maybe sleep in a real bed?" "Thanks for the offer."  She nodded, only half disinterested. He smiled at her.

*The Next Morning*

"What's that?"  Sophia asked her sister. "It's a letter." "...because you've made so many friends in the last month we've spend in the old west?" "It's not for me."  She made a face at her sister, "It's for Arthur.  Miss Grimshaw gave it to me to give to him, and I forgot about it." She nodded, "I'm going to go see if Mr. Pearson needs any help with breakfast, are you coming?" Caitlin nodded, "I'll be right there."

She looked at the envelope, as she walked toward the lit lantern in the tent, "I'm sorry, Arthur."  She took the glass off, holding the envelope over the fire.  She looked at it for a few minute, the flame threatening to scorch the paper.  She pulled it back, cursing herself, "Damn it."  She blew out the flame, leaving the tent.

Arthur sat on the edge of his cot, slipping his boots on, "Miss Marston, how are we this morning?" "I'm well, Arthur, how are you?" "Is something wrong?"  He noted her tone. She held out the envelope to him, "Miss Grimshaw gave this to me to give to you yesterday, but... I forgot." "Thank you."  He looked at it, then up at the girl, as she turned to leave. "Yep."  Caitlin walked away, but stopped, sighing, looking up to the sky.. He looked at her, curiously, as she turned around, "Are... you ok?" "That's wasn't the truth."  She admitted, "I don't want to lie to you.  You..."  She sighed, "I have to keep enough from you, you deserve the truth when I can give it." He furrowed his brow. "It's from Mary."  She told him, "I wasn't going to give it to you.  I was going to burn it, but...  That's not fair to you." "I appreciate your honesty."  He nodded, looking at the envelope. She nodded, "I just ... I didn't want to see you get hurt." "She's not going to try to kill me, is she?"  He joked. "I suppose not, unless you can die of a broken heart." He didn't know what to say to her. Caitlin took a quick breath, "Well, there you are, so... I'd better get to work before..."

"Miss Marston, I think there are some dirty dishes and utensils over here with your name on them, and the chickens need to be fed.."

Caitlin still looked at Arthur, pointing to the woman, "...before that..." "She really is a great woman."  Arthur stated. "I don't doubt that."  Caitlin sighed, "I just don't know what's harder: quitting my job as a nurse to run the Marston Ranch by myself for the last few years or working for Miss Grimshaw." He let out a little chuckle, as the girl started to walk away, "Miss Marston." She looked back at him, digging her hands into the pockets of the white apron covering her blue skirt. "Caitlin."  He walked over to her, "I wanted you to know that...  Well, what I mean is..." She raised her eyebrows, curiously. "I care about you."  He gestured toward her, "I know you probably won't be here forever, but...  I wanted you to know that." "I care about you too, Arthur."  She felt herself blush, "I want nothing but the best for you, and know that if I'm gone tomorrow that..."  She looked up at him, feeling herself become emotional, "I just want you to know that you are good enough, Arthur.  You've done some bad things, but that doesn't make you a bad person.  You're a good man with a big, loving heart...  I know you love Mary, but...  I've been in relationships like that one, Arthur.  Don't let her continue to hurt you.  You deserve better, whether you think so or not, and I'm not saying that I'm better for you than her, but...  I love you without wanting to change you." He just watched her walk away.  He swallowed down a lump in his throat.  He looked at the envelope, "I'm sorry, Mary..."  He placed it carefully against the woman's picture that he kept by his bed.  He looked at it for a moment, before leaving his tent.

To Be Continued.......