#I have pieces of fanart that I've drawn for this but still haven't finished so I might be posting them later

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #41 | 5.28.24 ๋࣭⭑

It's hot girl (/gender neutral) summer season

HAPPY MAY!!

Hope you're all doing well <3 We're already getting into summer, which is a little crazy to me. The year is flying by! Before I get into what we actually did this month, it wouldn't be a May devlog without our annual Mermay celebration!

Look at those locks. His Ariel/Rapunzel era fr

Since I already had updated Mermay pieces for the Alaris LIs, I decided to do one for our beloved Van this year ^^ Hope you all like it!

For writing this month, I spent a lot of it catching up on Etza edits. Being totally transparent, I wasn't Completely Happy with their route when their draft was finished. But now that I've started the editing process with Wudgey, I'm really excited to see how their route is shaping up!!! We've been fleshing a lot of little interactions out with their route, and I can already see Etza's character really starting to shine with these edits ^^

I've also been chipping away at Kuna'a's route! While it's nowhere near finished, I'm hopeful that this upcoming month will be the month of Kuna'a now that I don't have a bunch of releases I'm trying to balance. His route is also one of the ones whose outline is more fleshed out (Druk and Etza I would say were the least fleshed out, which might be why they also took a bit longer). So I'd love to see Kuna'a's first draft complete/almost complete by the next devlog!

This month, I had to dust off my art skills tbh LMFAOIJSDF. It's been.... a WHILE since I've made CGs since I've been in the writing and coding dungeon for so long. So most of this month's art updates are me getting tilted from redrawing an ugly sketch over and over.

I DID manage to get the Van Mermay piece out. And I also was able to sketch out Kayn's Tragic End CG; that leaves only one CG that has to be sketched out! Currently, six of their CGs are finished, two need to be rendered, and one needs to be drawn still.

And since Kayn's CGs are mostly done, I've started drawing Fenir's. I was actually able to finish one because I basically Locked In when I made it, so here is a sneak peek!

Kisses his little pink nose

You might notice there's not toooo many updates on this month's devlog. The reason for that is because this month, I spent a lot of it recovering both mentally and physically. April shenanigans and those back-to-back releases took a lot out of me, and after going full speed basically since this year started, I learned I REALLY needed a break. That coupled with the concussion I got made it so that most of this month was focused on recovering and then getting back into the groove of things.

Another thing I tried to focus on this month was finding a balance in my workflow. Going into this month, I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown almost every day, in large part because I have a lot of big things I'm trying to accomplish this year. Between finishing my dissertation, Alaris, and a personal big event that I have to plan, I have a lot on my plate this year, and it's made it easy to get overwhelmed as the months pass by. So I wanted to find a balance between all three that didn't make me feel like I was also falling into insanity. After talking to beloved Wudgey of @herotome fame, I've started adopting a schedule that gives me enough structure and flexibility to feel like I'm making progress without going crazy and getting lost in the sauce.

While it's still early in the process, I'm really happy with the balance I've hit, and I'm feeling much more like myself now compared to a month ago!

I caught up on quite a few things in my backlog this month, which made me happy ^^ I always like to learn from and support other devs, so finally being able to return to that helped with the recovery process <3

I don't have any actual fanart pieces, but there are a couple of games I'd like to highlight!

First of all, of course I must talk about our hot girl (/gender neutral) summer cross-promo. If you haven't checked out these games, I can't recommend them enough!!

Links to each game can be found on the Alaris Game page under the magic and mystery otome section!

Specifically, Save the Villainess, The Good People, and Thorn for the Villain are amazing games if you're into thriller/political games layered with mystery

The Silent Kingdom (which I played recently and is AMAZING) and Dual Chroma (Otojam 2023 ALLY) have added mechanics of RPG for exciting action-adventure fantasy stories

Lost in Limbo, Obscura, and Snow White Ashes are BEAUTIFUL dark fantasy games. I've played all three of these and they have some of the most beautiful writing and visuals... BIG FAN OF ALL OF THEM.

Mask Beyond Lies and Sigh of the Abyss have that epic fantasy adventure appeal to them, in a way that I think is similar to Alaris! And Pearlglow Cafe (another Otojam 2023 ALLY) is a very lighthearted and charming game for those of you who like the comfy vibe that most of my stories have!!

Some other games that I played are Favor (@favorvn) by beloved @concreteparasite which is SOOOOO stylish. If you've played Binary Star Hero by Connie, you can expect that same stylish, dark, sultry vibe from Favor. If you haven't checked out either of those games by Connie, I can't recommend them enough, especially if you like yanderes. There is so much aesthetic and atmosphere to them!

I also played Where Winter Crows Go by @prikarin who is a VERY talented developer (and one I'm sure many are familiar with). I had a lot of fun romancing Crowe and both the MC and him have such strong personalities, it was so fun seeing their dynamic!!!! The CGs were also made by anta, who is the dev behind Thorn for the Villain, and they're BEAUTIFULLLLL. Each one has so much style and rly has a professional look to them. Can't recommend enough if you haven't played already ((heads up that it is another yandere game for those who can't do yandere!))

Okay I've yapped enough. If you've made it this far, you are god's strongest soldier LFMASLDIFJ. See you all next month with hopefully some exciting progress!

[lazar-codes]

01/02/2024 || Day 11 (dop)

TLDR:

🔸 added last class' ASL words to my program

🔸 worked on toggle for Frontend Mentor project

🔸 started and finished an illustration for fanart

🔸 started and nearly finished editing and rendering my recording of my illustration

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't believe I'm sick again. I've gotten sick for 3 out of the past 4 months, and I'm annoyed. Luckily this is the mildest illness compared to the other 2, but it's still not fun. All my symptoms have been spread out, so the past 3 days I've had one runny nostril, yesterday I was completely exhausted, this morning I lost my voice, and now the other nostril's runny.

Work

Frontend Mentor - I've been slowly chipping away at this project but now I gotta get my butt into gear because I wanted to finish this in January, and it's now February and I still have a lot left to do. Today I worked on the implementation of the toggle between the "monthly" and "yearly" plans, and I got it to work by changing the display to either the "monthly" or "yearly" cost to be either "none" or "block". This is basically what the HTML looks like, and below's the functionality for the toggle.

Basically, I get all the elements that have the term "plan_cost" as their class name and for each element, depending on what the toggle is on (i.e. monthly or yearly) I change their display property. I can fix the code to make it not repetitive, but for now it's fine. I've been doing this project using TypeScript and some of my errors are a little confusing, but Google is a good resource.

Anyways, here's what I have so far. It ain't much, but it's honest work;

Art

Ok, I'm gonna do a bit of a ramble here. I've been replaying The Last of Us Part 2 throughout all of January and I finished it last week. It's still an emotionally heavy game, but it did the trick and motivated me to want to draw some fanart. I've been sketching random stuff in my sketchbook almost every day (not lately now that I'm sick but whatever), but there's one idea that I had that I kept on coming back to, and today I had enough energy to sit down, open up Photoshop, and just draw it. And oh man, that felt really good! I haven't drawn in Photoshop in a while because I've been forcing myself to use Procreate, but it's just not the same. I feel like PS allows me to draw with more control of my lines and details and such, and my image just looks sharper than on Procreate. So I actually managed to pump out a piece that looks pretty much how I imagined it would look, and I didn't get frustrated like I would on Procreate. I also recorded my process and was working on making it a speedpaint, but nearly 4 hours of raw footage was rough on my PC and it's already super late at night, so I'll finish up that process tmr. I love making speedpaints and watching them afterwards. At least that'll count for my days of productivity tmr.

[aghhtdraws]

22!!

Thank you for this ask! What an interesting question :D

22. What's something you'd love to draw but haven't yet?

Hmm... I feel like of all things I haven't drawn, I'd definitely like to start on the ones I plan to draw! Like for one thing, all my unfinished and unstarted comics (both original and fancomics) but also, more generally, I'd like to draw more quiet scenes because I feel like those subtle and calm scenes can be really hard to do compared to action! I'm so used to practicing action that it would be interesting to practice more of the opposite as well haha :D

Also maybe talking scenes. Those are hard to picture for me in comics, but feel easier to imagine as animation (because of the one camera), so maybe I should practice more of those too.

These are old comics, but I'm reminded of these ancient fancomics from 2016. The sparring comic was fun to do (even if it looks old and unclear now) but in comparison, this talking-heads page from the same year feels more boring to look at, even if the planning was sorta the same (I was more focused on trying to figure out a good and easier way to letter and speechbubble the comic and left the layout really simple)

Maybe one thing I'd like to draw more, is just these looser and more energetic pages, like this newer comic from around 2020

more stuff like this, even if it's much sketchier, it feels more clear because the intention is stronger here than the older comics, where I often fumbled around with the lines a lot and redrew things as I kept looking for the "right line" instead of just going with the flow.

so i guess, lol, just more comics? more fancomics on day!!

uhhh, but these are all sorta things I've already tried drawing so.... of things I haven't drawn yet... yeah, maybe comics with non-human characters, like robots or aliens. or maybe something easier to draw, where the moments between the panels, the flow of the story become a bigger part than the drawings alone. that would be interesting to draw if I get there one day :P Maybe I should pick something more realistic haha! of general work, I'd definitely like to one day animate more animals. I actually have a dragon animation in the works right now that I'm still doodling along and thinking about.

of general fanart topics... I wanna draw Yamato from One Piece right now this past month!! I've been wanting draw him for a long time but just haven't found the moment to sit down yet, so I'm looking forward to it haha xD What a cool guy! I think he'll be fun to draw. I definitely put too many expectations on myself, even with fanart, so that's why I never finish or even start some drawings... I'm just imagining something bigger than I can draw at that moment!! but lol I'll definitely get over that hesitation now, I've been in the mood to draw much more as of late than before. I'll just think of the fun moments of drawing!!

What about you? you don't have to answer it, but I'm curious now xD

[queen-susans-revenge]

Writer 20 Questions

seen via @findswoman!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

58

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

177,314

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Dragon Age, fairy tale retellings, and one fic each for Sherlock Holmes and Batman

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

so Fade to Black and Fade to Black and Back, my two multi-chapter smut series for Star Wars Rebels, are I guess going to be my enduring fandom legacy lol. 637 kudos for the first and 452 for the second.

After that it's...more smut, but Talk About It is Dragon Age smut, and I guess my most popular stand-alone story at 399 kudos.

Then it's back to Star Wars Rebels, but Wedding Dance (377 kudos) is a gen fic, so that's my most popular non-smut piece. Braided at 320 kudos is another explicit one.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always mean to, but sometimes when a bunch come in at once I get overwhelmed. I try and go back and respond to unanswered comments every time I revisit an old fic. Just this week I answered a couple that were seven years old *wince*. It's never too late, right?

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That's Scenes From Rivendell, no question. I can still make myself cry re-reading that fic. Poor Celebcarch.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them have happy endings really, but I'll say the happiest is Marriage of Convenience, because it was written to provide a happy ending for Alistair and Anora--and that's a pairing that only arises out of some pretty grief-laden circumstances in Dragon Age: Origins. So that's the fic that takes something sad and makes it better.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

A couple times people have tried to chide me for writing smut, which is like ??? Did you not see ALL the warnings? My sister what were you even doing at the devil's sacrament?

9. Do you write smut?

I doooooo. Yes I do. I don't feel even a little bit bad about it, either.

Sex is important! It's one of the most intense, emotion-rich experiences in life! Especially in a love story--there is nothing that will tell you more about the dynamic between two people than showing how they have sex. And the smut is the part that's usually left out in mainstream media, so it's the big "missing piece" that I am often drawn to want to fill in, creatively.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't, but it would be a fun challenge.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes and it's the best feeling every time. Same for getting podfic made of my stories, or fanart. Just the best.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but from rp experiences, I think collabs are absolutely the way to go if possible. It just gets lonely writing on your own, and having a partner keeps the energy up.

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

Space pirate OCs. But excluding my own characters... man, I've had poor luck with my ships, honestly. Looking back through the characters I was really passionate about, canon screwed me one way or another on all of them. I loved Mulder/Scully, Xena/Gabrielle, and Kanan/Hera, and all of their shows went off the rails at the end, so I think about them all with a tinge of sadness now.

It's better to love your own characters, because then at least when you make awful things happen to them, it doesn't come as a surprise.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My only current WIP is a kid's book, and I hope I do finish it!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialog, and also there's a sort of lyrical register that I can shift into pretty easily (it's a trick I often use for endings).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh, self-indulgence. Things like writing about Kanan's seaglass eyes, or people "growling" their dialog. Cheese, basically. I don't rein myself in too much for fanfic, but in original writing I have to be strict with edits because if I don't force myself to stay spare and restrained, I'm probably getting cheesy with it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Tricksy, very tricksy! It's certainly not something you can just hand off to Google Translate. I personally wouldn't do it unless I had some first hand experience with the language, or could consult with native speakers.

Funny story on that, for the space pirate novel, I had a bit where I needed an automated warning looping in various languages. The English was "Warning! Please evacuate the building!"

I asked my Russian friend to give me a translation, and he said I'd need to do some cultural translation first, because the Russian "would be a lot more direct. And they wouldn't say 'please.'" So he gave me Vnimaniye! Vyhodi zdaniye! which apparently translates more directly to "Attention! Exit building."

That's the kind of thing Google Translate can't do for you.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

X-Files. This was Usenet days. Alt.tv.x-files. Many many memories. At one point there was a spinoff group so we could roleplay, but not roleplay being in the show, exactly. Just like all living in a town. It was almost a proto-Tumblr.

I miss Usenet.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

It might be The Last of the Rebel Angels: that one's not the best, I don't think, but it's the weirdest and most ambitious. I had something to say, and even if I only managed to sketch it out or gesture at it, there's still a really tender place in my heart for that fic.

Any fic writers who'd like to fill out the questions, please consider yourselves tagged!

[bonesandthebees]

27, 12, and & 23 for writers ask game!

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

Techno in clinic was SO stressful for me to write. I wrote clinic when I was still newish to writing dsmp fic, so I was still figuring out how to characterize everyone and I really had next to zero experience writing c!techno. as clinic got more popular I put so much pressure on myself to try and get my characterization at least somewhat accurate, so it was so stressful learning how to write techno as clinic blew up. I still get stressed writing techno, but I'm a lot more comfortable writing him than I was before

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

writing wishes?? uhh I'm not sure what exactly constitutes a writing wish but I guess I'd wish to be able to quickly and easily finish the stars og rewrite manuscript, and then I'd wish to get a great publishing deal for it, and then uh... I dunno I'd wish for through a glass divine to get the sirentwt treatment because I'd love to see more fanart lmao

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

well lately my writing environment has changed a lot because I'm in a very weird living situation?? I don't wanna go into detail explaining that mess so I'll just describe my desk in my room even though I haven't been able to write in there for over a month now lol

at night I'll often write at my desk, which is wood painted white with gold metal legs and a frame. my desk is right in front of a window that looks out onto a wide alley that a lot of people walk through, so on friday and saturday nights I can hear drunk groups of friends laughing and singing as they walk down below. I have an oversized computer monitor for a PC that doesn't work sitting next to me, along with a small TV screen that also doesn't work and we just haven't gotten around to getting rid of. The wall to my right is covered in orange and green sticky notes where I wrote a ton of worldbuilding details for the stars universe. I also have my books sitting below that, along anywhere between 6-10 rings that I just leave scattered on my desk so I can grab them when I'm going out. My bed is a bit behind me to my left, and I have a magnet board on the wall next to it covered in art prints I've gotten over years of going to cons and ordering art pieces online (including some fanart people have drawn for my fics!!). Also there's a fake plant sitting on my dresser which is also to the left of my desk, and it's melted a bit from sitting in my hot car in the dead of southern california summer for like a week straight but I love it anyway. also, my black and white great dane is almost always sleeping on the bed behind me. one time I got startled out of writing because he howled in his sleep and woke himself up

writing ask game!

[blackbird-brewster]

Friday Fic Recs

Okay, it's not actually Friday but the holidays really threw off my weekly routine and I'm doing my best. So we'll just pretend it's still Friday, yeah? I haven't read a lot lately due to an eye injury, but luckily that's healing now.

What I've Read:

Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily, WC: 5639+ (Ongoing WIP)

Authur: sunshineandguns (@cargopantsprentiss)

Why I Love It: I don't usually partake in a lot of fluffy Jemily fics, but these little glimpses at soft Jemily moments truly make me happy. The newest update 'fireworks' was so wholesome and was a beautiful fic to read to start off 2023! Perhaps, I will read more soft Jemily this year? We'll see!

What I'm Writing:

I started 2023 with a handful of ongoing projects that I'm hoping to work on/finish up in the coming months.

Criminal Minds, JJ/Tara, WC: 55,440+ (WIP)

Update: After somehow cranking out a whopping 13k+ chapter on New Year's Eve, this fic has surpassed 50k!? Wild, considering it's five chapters long so far. I know there's at least one more chapter, but depending on what happens in Ch 6, who knows how much will come after that. Either way, this is my main WIP currently and I really love it.

Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily, WC: 23,428+ (WIP)

Update: I know I announced back in October that I'd be updating and finishing TCAU (after seven years on hiatus) and I finally had the motivation to rewrite another chapter! So this is now re-written/updated through Ch 8!! Guess I better start planning how to finish this, since I only had 10 chapters originally posted from 2015! I'm really looking forward to giving readers an ending to this fic, I know SO many of you have stayed subscribed over all these years...so please know this is entirely for you!

ICYMI: New Fics and Updates

Criminal Minds, JJ/Tara/Emily, (Ongoing Series)

Update: This behind-the-scenes look at [Fooled Around (and Fell in Love)] just got upgraded to explicit with the addition of the non-censored version of a fanart commission drawn by the ever-so-talented @artcake! Check out this new piece of art inspired by the threesome at the end of [Part 2] as well as the rest of the extras in this series.

Criminal Minds, JJ/Tara, WC: 55,440+

Update: Chapter 5 is posted! Like mentioned above, this was the longest chapter to-date, due to how much needed to happen in it. Like Chapter 4, it's a bit emotional and since it's over 13k, I recommend taking breaks while reading it. Don't say I didn't warn you that it's full of feels!

Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily, WC: 11,830

Update: This holiday AU was SO much fun to write and I was absolutely flabbergasted when @cargopantsprentiss drew this incredible [Movie Poster] for it!! I've added the fanart to the fic (with permission). Please go show Rosie some love on the original post!!

Criminal Minds, JJ/Tara, Tara/Rebecca, WC: 4389+ (WIP)

Update: This is a new shorter multi-chap that I started recently! I think it'll be about three chapters and yes, there will be eventual smut. I just really loved the idea of weaving some Jara angst into the reveal that Tara has a gf in CME. Then before chapter one was even done, Rebecca ruined my plans! So I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes!

Other Recommendations:

Past Friday Fic Recs: [Friday Fic Recs - Tumblr] || [CM Fic Recs - AO3 Collection]

Rec Lists: [JJ/Emily] || [Tara/Emily] || [CM Femslash]

My Fics: [Jemily] || [Temily] || [All]

[gaybabything]

:0000 It DOES start with an A!!!

I'm just finishing up the colors and then I will post them. Unless, of course, you wanna keep the mystery for a while longer? I do have to warn you- I will almost certainly forget to hit the anonymous button one day, and ruin it. (one of the reasons I decided to reveal myself- I can feel that mistake coming very soon and I want the reveal to be cool and not lame XD) My day was good! Had nachos for lunch and got to talk to an old teacher of mine (my kindergarten teacher) it was really neat/weird seeing her again! Then I got to draw fun fanart for two shows I haven't drawn anything for! >:D

And my favorite drink is Arizona green tea!

Ever go ice skating? Its really fun! I've only gotten to do it once or twice. Any other sports you like? I'm not a huge sports fan myself (had asthma as a kid which made me very bad at all of them :( ) but I did enjoy vollyball a bit!

-🌻

I think I might know who you are then! But I won't say it yet, just to be sure >:)

I've been ice-skating like twice I think? I remember I was terrible at it the first time, but the second time was really fun! I haven't been in a few years tho. And I really like roller skating! We have an indoor roller skating rink in my town, and I love going to that! They haven't changed anything since the 90's so it's full of nostalgia :)

I don't play any sports now, but growing up I was a soccer kid! I played from age 4 to age 14, every spring and fall! Not like, for a school or anything tho, just the town rec league for fun :)))

Do you have a favorite band/artist, or a favorite song in general? And did your parents ever have a lazy meal they would feed you when they didn't feel like cooking? (For example, my dad would make my sister and I melted cheese sandwiches in the microwave. He'd just take a piece of white bread, slap some cheddar cheese on that bad boy, put it in the microwave for 45 seconds and bam, dinner! They turn out soggy as hell, but I still make em cause I think they're good)

You can reveal yourself whenever you're ready! I don't mind waiting if you want to try and keep it a secret for a bit longer! But I'm also excited to see your art, and as soon as I know who you are I'm gonna go on a mass liking/reblogging spree on your blog <3

[injvre]

i want to draw again but every time i even think about doing it i get really anxious about doing it. if i get as far as opening procreate or getting a piece of paper, i can't make anything happen

the most i've been able to do is piddle around with some brushes i downloaded and kinda glance at some bases i bought a couple years ago

i haven't drawn anything since i think february 2020, because i had to live off commissions while jobless, and i think that's part of it. i couldn't charge anything but peanuts and i was still struggling to get any sales, so it was just me & indy drawing all day to scrape together $15 so we could barely afford food. plus some of the people i had to interact with to (attempt to) make money were just awful to me. so maybe i just remember that and freeze up

i also in some ways. regret majoring in art in college. because i feel like the commissions + majoring in art killed whatever part of my brain gave me permission to sketch and doodle. i can't put pen to paper without feeling immense pressure? compulsion? to fuss over anatomy, composition, light, value, contrast, etc ... and make it a Complete Finished Piece. so it's really hard for me to do things such as "loosen up" and "have fun" and even "enjoy it"

and i'm like. do i enjoy art anymore??? can i even say that, having not done anything except scoot my personal sisyphus rock a couple feet & then give up again, for three years?

i'm also just frustrated because ... i have Art Skill. i know The Fundamentals. i know color theory and composition and light and value and shade. i have Won Awards (multiple!) and i have Sold Original Pieces (multiple!) i'm Good At It! but not at the kind of art i want to do. i have the fundamentals and i have worked hard and done well at ... really boring shit no one cares about. still life. still life. still life. another still life. no one cares about still life.

(i could devolve into my frustrations about how it feels that there is a hierarchy of art people care about / are interested in; ie, most people will say they love art and support artists but will always engage with fanart, only sometimes engage with original content, and very very rarely engage with fine art like still life, landscape, portrait, etc)

i also don't want to give the impression that part of my hangup here is that i'm saying i feel paralyzed by anxiety and unable to do art because i "won't get enough attention for it". i'm not wanting to "do it for the notes", and in fact the idea of getting the attention of more than like, 20 people at a time makes me more afraid than doing art ever could especially because even i must admit - i don't care about my still life. i did well at still life in school, i am proud of the work i did and it was cool that i sold those pieces. but i wouldn't say that i had fun. i wouldn't say that i enjoyed it. my art was good! but it wasn't art that got anyone excited. not even me.

but i feel that the type of art i am good at is not the type of art that i want to do.

i could sit down and put 20+ hrs into an 18x24 piece of paper and come out the other side with a near photographic rendering of some random objects, or animal bones, that would impress ... idk, someone who's not gone to art school and isn't also capable of producing similar things? whatever

but i sit down and try to draw something i'm passionate about, and have put a lot of thought and effort into already and .... nothing happens. i just get frustrated. i give up. immediately i feel like i have only a very basic, rudimentary skill. i feel like i draw like a child. it's repetitive and basic and samey. it's stiff because i'm so locked down with Following Rules that i don't know how to push them into things like "poses" or "expressions" or "style".

not that i even know what style i want to draw in, in the first place. i have no idea! i have tried to figure out what i might want, by saving a ton of images and names of artists where i think "wow i wish i could draw in that style", but there are so many and they are all so different that i ... still don't know the answer LMAO i feel like i've done nothing but shoot myself in the foot because now i have a collection of shit that makes me think "wow i can't fucking draw"

whatever every noise in the world started happening while i was writing this and i lost my train of thought :)

doesn't really matter where i was going with this. i have anxiety. i need help / advice but fundamentally i know the solution is "get over yourself and just do it and do it a lot and it'll happen naturally" but that's incredibly frustrating to hear when i've been doing this for years and it's not resulted in anything i'm happy with. i'm really questioning if i really want to do this / if i enjoy it at all. i know the truth is i DO, because i used to, i am just struggling to get that feeling back

[linktheacehero]

I love you too

Note: This is moslty based of the Ocarina of Time manga, than the actual game.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29780124

Fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13830916/1/I-love-you-too

As the light that surrounded him began to die down and his consciousness returned, Link realized that he was back inside the Temple of Time. The familiar lighting that came from the windows illuminated the chamber where he once pulled the Master Sword, and began his journey as the Hero of Time.

‘I’m back in the temple’  

‘I feel... different.’ 

‘More smaller, and lighter and was the shield always this heavy?’ 

He looks at his arms and sees that instead of his usual leather gauntlets,it’s the bare arms of a child. On his back, where the Master Sword was once strapped to his back, layed the Kokiri sword and his Hylian Shield. His tunic was now softer and lighter, just like the one he had when he lived in Kokiri Forest, or rather the same one he had before he grew up.

‘I really am a kid again’ 

He looks around to say something to Navi, but sees that she is not there. 

‘Navi?’ ‘Where are you?’ 

He looks around and searches for the familiar trail blue sparks, of his fairy friend. But is instead found with nothing

‘She’s probably back in Kokiri Forest.’ he muses.

He turned around to look back at the Master Sword, it’s dark blue hilt basking in the light of the day, illuminating its features, while the blade gave off an ethereal glow. It seemed to look at peace, asleep, knowing that it was no longer needed. Link took a deep breath and, let it out as he bowed to the sword of legend.

‘Thank you for helping me protect the ones I love’

“Food! We’ve got fresh food here! Come and get it!”

“Come one, come all! Come and see my wares. Each clothing here was made by hand, and each was crafted with care!”

“Come on you can’t catch me!”

Castle town was just as lively and vibrant as Link had remembered it to be. The people were all out and about, vendors here and there promoting their wares and the things they had to sell, couples holding hands and being affectionate while trying to not look so conspicuous, children laughing and playing around while their parents bought the necessities and catched up on whatever was the latest gossip. There were no monsters and no Evil Sorcerer King.

‘Everyone is just so happy and at peace’

‘Just like it’s supposed to be’ 

“You should be back in the forest… where you’ll be happy”

Link suddenly stopped at that memory, nearly making him crash into a nearby fruit stand.

“Hey watch it kid!” scolded the vendor “You nearly crashed into my stand!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Link apologized to the vendor.

He couldn’t help but begin to ponder on her words. Should he return to the forest? Is that what would make him happy? Or should he do something else instead? In the forest he could sleep in without any worries and wake up in a hurry because he’d miss a story from the Great Deku Tree. He could eat all the fruits that the trees had to offer, play games with all of his friends, talk with Saria about anything and maybe even patch things up with Mido. In the forest he can be safe, and live a life of peacefulness. 

But he wouldn’t be able to see her again...

Was it really that worth it? 

Sure, he might be safe. Sure he would live life where he could try to forget everything that he did, all the people he saved and met, the places he’d seen. He could try to forget her. Forget all about her,and just continue his life pretending that she was just another princess from a big kingdom that had nothing to do with him. Was him returning to that life really worth it? Worth forgetting her? 

‘No’

He shook his head

‘It’s not’ 

It didn’t matter if his life was no longer as safe and peaceful as it once was. Or if it was even possible for him to regain it. The only thing that he wanted was a life where could still be with her.

That’s what would make him happy

He redirected his view toward the castle. The grand marble building shimmered in the afternoon sun, its banners flowing in the wind with pride, and its path open and welcoming to all.

‘I know what I have to do’

After cautiously looking around to see if any of the guards had decided to go around the corner, Link began to climb the vines. He always found it a bit odd that no one seemed to do anything about it, considering that this was how he had managed to sneak into the castle without alerting any guards in the first place (he also suspected that this was how Zelda had managed to sneak out of the castle that day).

‘Darn it. I forgot how much of a struggle this was.’

*grunts*

‘This would be so much easier if I was a bit stronger’

‘Why couldn’t I keep my adult strength!’ 

*grunt*

“Yes!” 

Succeeding on climbing the vines, Link layed on the grass and looked up to the beautiful, blue sky. The breeze blew like a whisper, ruffling his hair and cap. The birds sang their songs, that sounded sweet and soft like a lullaby, making his mind wander into a sea of thoughts.

‘I wonder what she’s doing’

‘She’s probably thinking of a way to sneak out again, considering how well it went the last time’

‘Does she even remember me?’

‘The real me’

‘Probably not’

He sat up, shaking his head at the final thought.

“I really need to stop thinking like that.” he thought aloud “No matter what happens, she’s still your friend.” He directed his view toward the castle, sighing at his doubts and worries of what awaited in his path.

‘Well sitting here won’t give me any answers’

He stood up, dusted himself off and began his way to the courtyard.

The familiar entrance to the princess private courtyard, gave Link more anxiety than the first time he had first entered it. Of course before, he believed he was going to meet a very dignified, elegant and proud princess that only cared for herself, like the ones in fairytales, and not the cute, amazing and adorable girl he’d met in the marketplace and disappeared the day before. But now, he was going in, more mature than he had before, in hopes that she would remember him as he remembers her.

“Zelda”

Her ear twitched, her body seemed to stiff up after hearing the sound of his voice. “It can’t be” she whispered, she turned around, slowly, to face him and gasped at the sight of him, her hands covering her mouth and her eyes filled with tears of joy. Her hero, her Link, had returned.

“Link?”

They stood there, to what felt like forever before they ran and embraced one another with such a tight hold as if they were afraid that the other would disappear. Link couldn’t believe what had happened, his Zelda, his princess, remembered him. “I thought you wouldn’t want to see me again,” she murmured, Link felt her tremble in his grasp and began to rub circles on her back, hoping that it would comfort her, “after all the pain I made you go through, and everything I did, I…” she paused, her voice beginning to quiver “I thought you would hate me.”

Link didn’t know what to say. ‘Hate her?’ he thought. He never could, even if he tried. “Zelda…” he whispered softly. What could he say? Should he tell her how he felt? But what words could ever describe the feeling that rested in his heart for her. The hammering beat of his chest whenever she was near, the way her smile made him stumble on his words, the way her touch felt like he was being electrified, how he admired and loved the way her mind worked and how much he yearned to just be with her, care for her, protect her, and just… be happy with her.

‘Wait’ 

‘That was it’

‘That was the word he was looking for!’

He mentally prepared himself, and prayed to the goddesses for courage to say what he wanted to say. “Zelda,” he said again, with a much more affectionate and gentle tone, and put his hand on her cheek “ I don’t hate you, I honestly believe that I never could be capable of that because...”

‘Deep breaths’

‘This is your chance’

“I love you”

She looked up and met his eyes, giving a gentle, soft smile that made his heart soar with affection, and put her hand on top of his.

“I love you too”

A feeling of relief and peacefulness washed over the two, as they stood there, holding their loving gazes. One that they hope would last for eternity. 

___________________________________________________________

Authors note: Well what do you think? This is my very first time writing fanfiction and let me tell you what a ride this was to make. I’m honestly very proud of myself to be able to write this and I would like to thank @fatefulfaerie @raayllum @thosefiveadoraburrs @little-red-alchemist-of-doom @jellyjay and all of my favorite writers for inspiring me with all of your wonderful pieces of writing. Hope y'all have a good day and stay safe!