#I have a sketch for a proper summer illustration somewhere too maybe I'll finish that soon it depends

[coolsvilleprincess]

Today's warm up, the lads. Tomorrow??? Who really is to say.

[patbwaifs]

it's tuesday my dudes

i forgot to take my meds last night and this morning, so i had a headache all day, but it went away as soon as I took my meds tonight. hahhh. Just finished working out a bit too.

this is what my desktop pretty much looks like all the time (sans legal documents)

I am so so serious about creating a consistent art style so I can make visual novels. My "main goal" right now is to "rewrite" Detroit via visual novel to practice branching gameplay and also rewrite a few scenes and story lines (like Kara and Alice.) Obviously, to recreate the entire game would be nuts. The main thing is to learn how to make visual novels in general, so I'm gonna start with specific scenes and then kinda go out from there.

I also want to write a fanfiction for D:BH. I started drafting it out. The first time is never perfect but I gotta start somewhere with storytelling, and for now, I'm borrowing these characters...

But my art style is pretty obviously going in a certain direction. Ghost in the shell was one of the first anime movies I ever saw (along with Adolescence of Utena. That was definitely an experience) And while I want each of my portraits to look like they "match" I also need to remember that I can still change and vary things up. That's kinda the main reason Markus and North are not 100% complete. The point wasn't to draw a finished portrait of them but to explore and practice a style. I like to think I'll go back once I gain more skill and draw finished portraits of the main D:BH cast.

One thing I really like about using D:BH to practice my art is that there are a variety of different characters to draw, from race to age and beyond.

This styles similarities to realism do throw me off though. I keep wanting to steer into realistic proportions but since it's not my intention from the outset, things get weird fast. Thankfully, I'm a lot better about starting over, reworking sketches and concepts, than I used to be. Before, I would have been tortured to even think about starting over on Amelia's portrait, but now? I want to make a proper portrait of her, in oil pastel. Not in procreate with my illustration tools. (I haven't shown yall my oil pastel rizz yet, hee hee)

On an unrelated note

I talked a bit with my best friend about my headspace around the Decharts' streams (and positive spaces in general) but i was still in oof ouch head hurty mode so I didn't get much out, but she was like "yeah. positivity vibe exposure therapy." I did catch their stream today but it was right when I had to go to the mechanic/dealership.

and boy, is my car a piece of work. I always done knew it too!!! But I need to be more assertive about taking care of it instead of feeling like my Abba is the only one who can decide when things get replaced and when. But i need new tires last week :/

He's throwing a route tonight too. I hope it's all boring and safe.

Gah, i had something else I wanted to talk about but it's escaped me.

Doing things in general has been easier.

I worry about when school starts. I have this gnawing feeling that I need to take a full course load but I know, consciously, that if I do it will end badly.

Although I'm trying to build better self-care habits over the summer so I don't get completely blindsided again. It's just, when I get drowned in a project, it can be hard to pull myself up and do the things I know help me. Like I can't work on my project as well if I don't take the moment to take my medication. gahhhh. but in each moment is eternity, so why would i take an eternity to do something else?

I guess that's my default way of thinking. Maybe that's why things are so intense so often unless I dislodge my brain from the world.

There's something about the Decharts' streams and other thing similar that makes it hard for me to zone out/dissociate/focus on something else/some variation of that. I can't ignore it. And then it's just sensory overload. I think when i feel emotions it's sensory overload first. and then whatever the emotion is second.

I've been trying to let myself feel things about silly android game. As long as it's not guilt. I am trying not feel guilty for liking this game so much. Like what's the use in feeling weird and bad about listening to the soundtrack. gahh the blood is draining from my fingers again.

Speech therapy today went well too.

goodnight yall.