#I hate capitalism and the fucked up lives we gotta live in jts hellscape
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#Hiw am I supposed to tell someobe that I love in the future that asking what I'm eating will make mw not eat fir a day#Because every time I'm asked that here Ibfeel like a burden#How about if I flinch to being touched unexpectedly? Even though I *crave* to be touched and loved#How do I get to feel loved when So Many Barbs have been implanted in my skin#Just so I can walk in this house with less pain#How can I sleep next to someone when my head is only calmed by a double dose of sleeping medicine or complete exhaustion#How can I be out and in the world when I can't even get past a semester of college without a breakdown#When can I stop climbing this 90° cliff. When does it stop#I can't hardly take care of myself#Who the hell wants that with me?#It's mostly just these damn. Mental blocks. Mental holdbacks#Yeah I can do work. Upkeep a house or whatever.#Care for pets and cook and take csre of myself thst way#But making a living?? In this economy? Fucking can't#Can't do it without my mental health tanking and it taking all my strength to not let it get too low#What am I even doing. Game Design? Art? I won't get mobey that way hahaha#I've heard that so many times from family so it MUST be true#I wanna stop crying. This never feels like me#Not this numb body. Tears stinging my eyes. Head hurts from sobbing depressed lump#I hate capitalism and the fucked up lives we gotta live in jts hellscape#I still so desperately need sleep. Please#ed mention#in the notes. Jic#Ranting again I'm sorry mutuals and friends#I don't thibj I'm okay rn#I just want a year I can sleep eat and play no worries#yknow?
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