#I hate EVERYTHING about the fucking 'time decay mechanics of friendship' argument.

[foxfinding]

I believe there is a second piece to it, though, which is that you must also willing to listen for a response on the other person's timeline.

Yes, it is so, so important to learn how to reach out.

You must also learn how to ask without expectation. (How to let people back in when they reach to you.)

When you message someone "hey let's meet up soon", and they don't respond for a few weeks, when that person DOES reply, you have to be ready to hear that without resenting the time it took them to respond.

Chances are good that they didn't reply for the same reasons you struggled to start the conversation.

There are so many reasons why a response might be slow that are in no way a reflection of how much someone may care for you.

(The concept of removing the expectations for time also applies to you as well.)

You *ARE* allowed to go back to that text from - even *months* ago, and reply to it.

You are not required to justify or perform penance.

Generally speaking? Your friends would much rather have your presence than your guilt from not replying.

(And! you can tell them all about what's been keeping you busy once the conversation has started up again.)

You are seeking connection with people you care about. Let it be that simple.

"I've been thinking of you! Are you still free to catch up sometime?"

i know it's hard. but i so firmly believe the strongest antidote to loneliness is reaching out first. and continuing to reach out. again and again and again. excise any scrap of shame you hold about being the person who texts first or pitches the plan or asks to get lunch. everyone is tired and busy and struggling. and afraid of feeling unwanted and unimportant. don't let the people you love feel that way. reach out first. don't be a ghost in your own life.