#I had to add paragraphs into anne's wall of text because tumblr wouldn't let me post it

[amphibious-thing]

I wish I realised how heavily edited Helena Whitbread's version of the diaries of Anne Lister was before I bought both volumes. Take for example Anne's entry for the 13th of November 1816.

This is Whitbread's version:

She asked if I thought the thing wrong - if it was forbidden in the bible & said she felt quere [sic] when she heard Sir Thomas Horton mentioned. I dexterously parried all these points - said Sir T.H.'s case was quite a different thing. That was positively forbidden & signally punished in the bible - that the other was certainly not named. Besides, Sir T.H.was proved to be a perfect man by his having a child & it was infamous to be connected with both sexes - but that [there] were beings who were so unfortunate as to be not quite so perfect &, supposing they kept to one side [of] the question, was there no excuse for them. It would be hard to deny them all gratification of this kind. I urged in my own defence the strength of natural feeling & instinct, for so I might call it, as I had always had the same turn from infancy. That it had been made known to me, as it were, by inclination. That I had never varied & no effort on my part had been able to counteract it. That the girls liked me & had always liked me. That I had never been refused by anyone & that, without attempting to account for the thing, I hoped it might under such circumstances be excused.

This is the full transcript:

Made a trial for a kiss last night and did not succeed had a good one on a second trial very soon after had a long conversation on the nature of kisses Anne said she sometimes felt odd when I looked at her but that when I was so very near her that is when I was getting a kiss it was rather pain than pleasure but that she knew when I was happy and said my feelings were very warm she asked if I thought the thing wrong and if it was forbidden in the bible and said she felt quere when she heard Sir Thomas Horton mentioned I dexterously parried all these points said Sir THs [Sir Thomas Horton’s] case was quite a different thing that was positively forbidden and signally punished in the bible that the other was certainly not named besides Sir THs [Sir Thomas Horton] was proved to be a perfect man by his having a child and it was infamous to be connected with both sexes but that were beings who were so unfortunate as to be not quite so perfect and supposing they kept to one side the question was there no excuse for them as it would be hard to deny them all gratification of this kind I urged in my own defence the strength of natural feeling and instinct for so I might call it as I had always had the same turn from infancy that it had been made known to me as it were by intuition that I had never varied and no effort on my part had been able to counteract it that the girls liked me and had always liked me that I had never been refused by anyone and that without attempting to account for the thing I hoped it might under such circumstances be excused I mentioned the wickedness said to be practised by girls at schools but explained how this was quite different such as making use of instruments named the girl in Dublin who was obliged to have a surgeon to extract a stick from her (Jane Duffins story to Eliza Raine) secret and solitary vice in all which I had never any concern that in fact ther[e] would have given me no pleasure and that I abhorred them all in naming my peculiar detestation of solitary vice Anne suddenly exclaimed surely you don’t suspect me of that in a tone and manner that at once convinced me she had been a culprit however she seemed quite satisfied with my logic I told her I thought the sin was in my violating my engagement said I was doubtful about this point and asked what she thought she waved this part of the subject and we fell asleep

Took a lit[tle] walk on the terrace bef[ore] din[ner]. Told Anne π [Mariana] made me promise not to kiss her that I did promise had broken my promise and should be obliged to tell a lie as π [Mariana] was certain to ask this I said made me unhappy as I was sure if π [Mariana] knew she would never forgive me Anne turned pale and complained of feeling very sick when I told her of π’s [Mariana] making me promise she asked me how such a thing could be how it could enter her head I explained this away by proving that nothing was more natural as I had all along frankly told π [Mariana] every circumstance every folly of my life that she was the only real judicious friend I had and always advised me properly I said I loved her because she kept me in order and strange to say because she was the only woman whose conduct to me had been at all times what it ought to be thus was the rising suspicion at once quashed in Anne’s mind and π [Mariana] is literally the last being in the world whose affections in this sense of the word she could believe it possible for me to gain -

a note from Mrs Edw[ar]ds, Pye Nest to ask Nantz and me to dine there tomorrow and stay all night – Last night very stormy – rain and boisterous wind – today the same – aft[er] tea r[ea]d al[ou]d fr[om] p[age] 201 to 319 of Humboldt’s Researches – aft[er] Anne and I came upst[ai]rs to bed we had a good deal of conversat[io]n about C[harles] and M[ariana] I show[e]d Nantz C[harles]’s note of the 19 M[ar]ch 1816 and also r[ea]d her the copy of the story I wrote to M[ariana] ab[ou]t the pass[in]g thro[ugh] H[alifa]x. It appear[e]d how[eve]r th[a]t M[ariana] had been beforehand w[i]th me and had told both Mrs Steph and Nantz how I abus[e]d C[harles] what the peop[le] of H[alifa]x – s[ai]d of him etc etc L mention[e]d the remarks I had sent her – I partic[ularl]y desir[e]d her not giving as a reason the impropriety of my being known to make such communications to π [Mariana] besides I told her I had kept a copy of the story and should send it verbatim to Anne when I wrote tho I afterwards changed my mind and told her so I read Nantz my journ[al] of the 18 and 19 of M[a]rch 1816 and some previous passages that of surely no other wife would deny her husband putting his hand up his wifes petticoats and feeling her cunt astonished and disgusted her not a little she had not believed him quite so brutal -