#I guess it's because you've chosen to give it a try willingly?

[anotheraccountonthisapp]

CW: vent in tags (I'm sorry idk Tumblr etiquette yet-)

unfortunately a lot of the corny self help advice turns out to be true but the thing is you have to come to those conclusions yourself otherwise it just sounds dismissive and dumb

[lostinspidey]

if you're still writing blurbs, could you write something where you're tom's co-star and you guys have to film an emotional scene, except you've never seen him cry before so you're like "wow such a good actor! :) wait no that's my baby :("

i’m pretty sure you wanted the reader and tom to be dating in this one, i’m sorry! asjdskjdh i hope this is still alright!!!

you agree to audition for a big budget romance film, not because you want to but because your agent heard through the grapevine that the director is “the next next greta gerwig” and you could use the exposure. of course, at the time, you hadn’t realized tom holland would be thrown into the mix.

meeting tom for the first time is exciting, sure, but only because you didn’t expect your character’s love interest to be so handsome. from the way he’s described in the script, it’s hard to picture the pretty boy in front of you - the one who has just called you “darling” and clumsily dropped his pen on the ground - as a gritty, no-nonsense cop.

not that you’re complaining. i mean, he called you “darling,” for god’s sake.

the thing is that tom has already been cast, and the line of girls waiting to read with him outside - prettier and taller and some with faces you recognize - have a better shot at landing this part than you do. so giving it your all during this chemistry read is your only option.

you glance around the room, at the dozen pairs of eyes staring back at you. as someone who typically works on smaller films, you can’t help but feel a bit nervous.

tom follows your line of sight, then leans in so no one else can hear him say, “i really like your shirt, you know.”

you tug on your oversized flannel - clearly chosen for comfort over style - and raise your eyebrows. “really? thank you.”

“maybe i can borrow it sometime,” he cracks, and you let out a surprised laugh.

“i hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but i’m pretty sure we’re not the same size.”

“i can’t tell if that’s a compliment or an insult.”

you shrug, still smiling. “me neither,” you say, and it’s him who laughs this time.

from the table at front of the room, the casting director clears her throat loudly enough to get everyone’s attention. “tom? y/n? are you two ready?”

“we are,” tom says, while you nod silently.

“i want to reiterate that, while our director couldn’t make it today, she is fine with improvising as long as you stick to the bones of the script,” the casting director continues, looking directly at you. “we’re looking for someone who is passionate enough about the project to understand their role well enough to go off script at times. so just have fun with it!”

tom, in all his boyish charm, shoots her a thumbs up. then, turning back to you, he winks - actually winks - and gives your shoulder a gentle pat. “good luck, y/n.”

you nod again, managing to get out a quiet, “thank you.”

one of the men in the room says action, and suddenly, tom’s hand is gripping your shoulder much harder than before.

“come with me,” he says urgently, voice low and slurring with the accent of a drunken new york cop. he leads you across the room, presses you against the wall with a convincingly angry look in his eye.

“what the hell was that?” he continues. his face is inches from yours, one arm leaning against the wall above you.

you furrow your eyebrows. “what the hell was what?”

“you get off on embarrassing me in front of my coworkers or somethin’?”

“uh, first of all, john was the one who asked me why you haven’t been coming in lately.” you stand up a bit straighter, trying to exude the confidence your character possesses. “if i didn’t tell him the truth, he was never going to hear it.”

“you have no idea what my truth is,” tom says bitterly.

“because you won’t tell me!” you shout in his face, causing him to back up, dropping his arm back down to his side. the script hadn’t called for you to be so angry, but it feels right to you, so you keep at it.

“you already have me lying to your parents, to our daughter, to our friends who always ask why you refuse to follow through with plans. you’re making me protect a secret i don’t even know. do you realize how much that hurts me?”

something shifts in tom’s eyes at your last line - one that you improvised - and his anger seems to dissipate. he tears his gaze away from you, shaking his head.

“i like to believe that if you had any idea, you wouldn’t be doing it,” you continue, your voice calmer, sadder. you’re way off script - tom’s character was supposed to have stormed out by now. “but… i don’t know. i don’t know anymore.”

“emily,” he mutters, reaching for your hand. “please don’t say what i think you’re about to say.”

you had interpreted tom’s character to be kind of an asshole due to his constant anger and spite. but with tom standing in front of you, vulnerability and pain etched into his soft features, you willingly interlace your fingers with his.

“then don’t make me say it,” you say. “tell me what’s going on with you, ben. tell me now.”

the tears in tom’s eyes - ones that you didn’t even notice were there until now - are starting to spill over one by one, trailing down his face slowly. at first, all you can do is stand there, helplessly watching the way his face crumbles. you’ve seen people cry at auditions before, but it’s never felt so… real.

it’s heartbreaking, and you aren’t even sure you’re in character when you reach up to cup his face, brushing at the wet spots on his cheeks with your thumbs. “ben, honey,” you whisper, because it’s all you can get out right now.

“‘m fine,” he grumbles, true to his character. he pushes your hands away, quickly wiping his eyes and nose with his sleeve. “‘m sorry i got mad, but i - i’m fine. i’m okay.”

“no, you’re not.” you shake your head, a sad smile on your lips. you reach for his face again, and tom - ben - lets you hold it. “you’re not okay.”

he stares so deeply into your eyes that you want to look away, but you will yourself not to. instead, you fixate your gaze on the tears that continue spilling down his cheeks. your chest aches more and more with each second that passes.

“cut!” the casting director finally yells. there’s a content smile on her face, but you’re still staring at tom, at the way he’s still partially in character and looks all too sad.

you realize your hands are still on his face, and you drop them instantly.  “sorry,” you mutter.

tom chuckles, eyes clearing up a bit. “don’t worry about it,” he tells you, back to his normal accent.

the casting director gets up and walks across the room to shake your hand, a promising edge to her tone when she says, “you’ll definitely be hearing from us at some point, y/n.” meanwhile, a production assistant races to tom, offering him a box of tissues.

he smiles politely, turning them down, and you wonder if you’re the only one who can still see tears in his eyes. it’s like he can’t shake it yet, you think.

the industry people in the room make their way back to their seats as tom walks you to the door. you pretend not to notice the way he’s still wiping at his face.

“you gonna do that for all the girls who come in here?” you ask, breaking a bit of an awkward silence. 

he laughs, but it sounds strained. you pretend not to notice that, either.

“yeah, to be honest, i don’t know what came over me. i think it was the way you improvised that one line. you sounded so… betrayed. so hurt.” he shrugs, averting his gaze to the floor. “i dunno. it really got to me, i guess.”

“it was great,” you encourage. “i mean, really depressing, but you sold it for sure.”

“i appreciate that, you know. you were pretty amazing yourself.”

the two of you smile warmly at each other, tom’s eyes clear of tears and your bodies taking up the small space in the doorway. he really is just so handsome, you realize for the tenth time today. even after he’s broken your heart.

“well, for what it’s worth, it was great meeting you,” you tell him, holding your hand out for him to shake.

he nods, hand wrapped around yours as he says, “i have a feeling we’ll be seeing each other again soon, y/n.”

you bite your lip sheepishly as tom gives your hand one final squeeze, and then the next girl from the line outside is squeezing her way between you two, more than eager to start her audition. 

you peer through the doorway on your way out, at a tom who is no longer crying, and think that if this is your last time seeing him, it’s a nice image to have.

(send me more soft peter/tom concepts and i’ll write a lil blurb!)