#I guess I have a comphet kink if that's even a thing?

[brutallyboned]

There was a time I was confused about my sexuality because as a gay man I like thinking of and writing fictional scenarios where gay men are either coerced or seduced into compulsary heterosexuality. But I'm not actually attracted to women at all in real life. I would never want to do what I fantasized about, I just liked thinking about it.

Still, I had these fantasies, so I must be bisexual, right? I even identified as bi for a while. It was very helpful for me to see, for example, asexual people who write smut or lesbians who write m/m smut to realize that fake fantasies in your head don't have anything to do with your sexual identity. And doubly reassuring was profic people reiterating that writing/drawing/thinking about fucked up scenarios doesn't mean you want or support that kind of thing in real life.

[bunnis-monsters]

Hello, I'm new here and I just wanna say I love your work. I have a question and I don't mean to be rude and you can ignore this if you want but, as a lesbian why do you write mostly (from what I've read so far) male monsters?

Yeah, I’m interested in fictional men but only women/non men irl. That’s because the men I write don’t exist and I enjoy writing for them

I do write for female monsters sometimes!! But if I’m being honest, most monsters are kind of inspired by male characters I like and are just kept neutral without any names so they reach a better audience ><

As a fat fem person I never got much attention from men and I don’t really want it now, but it’s soothing and safer to get it in a fictional setting. Lesbians sometimes want attention from men, sometimes it’s comphet. Sometimes it’s based in trauma or believing you have to have a man’s attention to be pretty or worth something. This is a way to feel like I’m getting the attention I want without putting myself in harms way. Coping!!

I like cocks and breeding in a fictional setting(for example), but I’m not even sure if I want to have sex with anyone ever. But it’s nice to explore in fiction! I like the idea and it makes me horny!

It’s like having a pregnancy kink but not wanting to have kids or be pregnant I guess.

Im not looking for advice or for people to say I am or am not a lesbian for the things I indulge in. It’s really no one’s business.

These are my own thoughts and experiences btw not apply this to all lesbians.

[seventeenlovesthree]

I know you like to spread positivity about all kinds of ships but I still wanted to ask if there are any digimon ships you really hate? Not meaning to be negative about it just curious.

Oh, that reminds me of that post I reblogged about how people can't openly "dislike" things on the internet anymore... And I would also maintain that I don't actually "hate" any ship, but that there are some dynamics that are simply not for me, whether it's the canon depiction or the fandom portrayal. I still enjoy playing my ship dynamics game, because it allows me to dive deeper into certain (potential) relationships. And I still think everyone should be able to ship whatever they like and lighthearted banter is also completely fine, as long as they don't harass others, vandalize art, write hatefic, start ship wars and so on. Believe me, I have seen people lose interest in fandom and pull back completely because of petty ship wars and it's just sad.

That being said, there might be a few dynamics I tend to avoid romantically, even if I enjoy most of these platonically (or at least in very specific contexts):

Taichi/Yamato: I recently wrote a huge analysis on how I perceive them and why I think they're rather tragic. I guess my inner child has always been kinda annoyed by their trope-y over-exposure ever since I had access to the internet and I simply am not enjoying "rival" ships (even though they still aren't even classic rivals in my book). Doujin portrayals are filled with angst or mainly physicality too and I don't like how those artists usually ignore that these two have OTHER PEOPLE in their lives too, which, again, makes it really tragic and sad and I really want them to HEAL for once, so... No, they're not for me.

Koushirou/Mimi: The fun part about them is that I actually liked them as a ship when I was a kid. And once again, I pointed out a lot of their good qualities before - but Tri really summarized everything I don't enjoy about their portrayal (and that doesn't even include certain fandom corners yet that go way too hard with their kinks on them, which make me just... Uncomfortable. The same/related corners also can make me have issues with very specific Taichi/Mimi fandom portrayals, but I will not go into further detail here, because it's just cruel). I absolutely adore them as friends, but there are just way too many things that make me believe they'd struggle to be compatible romantically with each other long-term.

Yamato/Mimi: I get that they are very popular in various fandom corners and I maintain, ship and let ship! As for me personally, I simply do not see them being compatible, mainly due to their lack of (positive) interactions, even though I did try to outline their potential before.

Yamato/Sora: Disclaimer, I do NOT hate them - in fact, I will probably always be one of those who will defend their parallels to one another AND them being mirrors to Taishirou (and in a lot of my AUs, you will find them as complementary ship to them after all). However... I mainly like their potential. What I don't like is their canon portrayal, because it simply doesn't give me enough to see them in a romantic context, especially long-term. Short term? Heck yeah, why not? But everything beyond that... We all know what I am referring to here, ahem. There was art out there that said they were each other's "comphet phase" and I will never get that out of my head. I also maintain that they both may just want Taichi. Which makes it even more tragic.

Daisuke/Hikari: Again, disclaimer, I think fandom tends to portray them rather nicely and I do believe they have a lot of potential. And I don't hate them, I am just annoyed with how they tend to be depicted in canon, because it feels like an unnecessarily cruel running gag that doesn't let either of them shine in their best light.

Edit: Small shout-out to Ken/Miyako and I know it's cheap to dump on the canon ships like that, but I still feel like it's very one-sided in its portrayal (even if The Beginning made a bit progress in that regard, but I still feel like they should go poly with Daisuke, period). Again, don't hate it, just wish it was more visible.

[dorothyliker420]

huuhhoOh my GOD slrprfrsrfl(more lip licking noises)ooooh my GOd whoaoaohah. *huffing* a completeed chorus 2! HOLY SHIT oh my gohd

(silky made me this image as per request ily silky)

WELL HERE WE GO!!!!!!! A COMPLETED CHORUS CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!! CLOCKING IN AT 20,588 FUCKING WORDS AND 45 PAGES IN GOOGLE DOCS! lets see how many bs words I can add to that count am I right ladies

because of, I dont know, any italicization or bolding in the text itself was lost when I copy/pasted it to here so I guess the Experience isnt as Deep BUT ITS ALL GOOD ANYWAY because only I get to type in bold. thats how you know its me and not a rabble, but I also italicized lines that I really wanted to talk about

ill put all the Canon Real Text in an indent tho happy reading,

A Long Awaited Duet ---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

The new canon is that in between those dashes is a really terrible swear word that the author censored with asterisks. only he knows it and he’ll unleash it when you criticize his fic

Pacing quickly around her room in a long, frustrated circle, Lisette’s worries were quickly drawing to a boiling point.

lisette’s circles make me long and frustrated am I right fellow dudes

Typically, she was a very easy-going person, the kind of girl who’d shrug off most concerns and instead focus on keeping a positive outlook. However, after spending her entire morning going through the motions, feeling trapped in a listless, uneasy funk, even she couldn’t help but be affected. It was almost noon already and still she couldn’t move her thoughts past yesterday’s tea party, to the look she’d seen weathered across Alto’s face.

Lisette is right to be threatened and uneasy. this is like the scene in the opening where the village is getting crystallized and its too late for rosa and shes like SAVE YOURSELF except instead its sexification

She hadn’t had the courage to say anything at the time, but it had haunted her thoughts ever since. Making it worse, when she’d attempted to find her mother to ask her for her advice, she hadn’t been able to find her anywhere, so she’d wound up simply spending the previous night with Marie.

the ghosts of the last chapter vaguely implying alto is too horney to sleep in the same bed as marie have returned and im frightened

“He’s… he’s still on edge, isn’t he?”

It wasn’t right. The fighting was over and peace had been won, but even when he should have been relaxing with his friends, Alto was still wearing the same guarded, strained expression. It was the same heart-breaking look she’d seen from her friend all throughout their battles, at all the times she’d stood at his die, watching him make the most difficult decisions of his life.

STOOD AT HIS DIE

She didn’t think any of the others had noticed. Perhaps she was the only one that would even be able to recognise the difference, after all, she was the only one who’d known him before all this. Back in Mithra he hadn’t been anything like that, he’d smiled freely and his gaze had was always carefree, to the point of being cheeky. Their entire lives had changed ever since she became a Witch and he followed to become her Knight… but she’d always hoped all this time that it could still return to how it was when everything was finally over.

“No,” she corrected herself, her body sagging with a deep sigh. There wasn’t any point lying to herself about this, “I’m not that naïve, I always knew it wouldn’t be that easy…”

“gee” said lisette out loud to herself with no one else around, “I am lisette from the video game stella glow. I am five foot four and my blood type is

Because, she knew Alto. And she knew, for him, that it had never been about the battles. He didn’t fear fighting, he would recklessly throw himself into danger without even a second’s thought if it meant he could help someone. As she’d told him so many times, his overwhelming compassion was both his best and worst trait. He was courageous to the point of stupidity, all he cared about was protecting the people important to him, keeping the people he loved safe and happy, as best he could. That was all the fighting had ever meant to him. And that was why she’d always known it couldn’t possibly be that easy for him.

im giving this alto analysis a 2 alto is a liberal degenerate who really loves hunting and also u dont know anything about him jl “AWOOOGAA” davenport if u tell me about him again ill kill you

Crying out in annoyance, Lisette slumped across the room and threw herself onto her bed, sinking deep into the large, soft mattress as if to try let it absorb a fraction of her worries.

I cannot shake the feeling he was thinkin bout her tiddies when he wrote this

‘Alto’s still fighting, even now,’ she knew that. It was a truth she’d struggled to deal with for days now, ‘The war isn’t over for him yet, because he’s still pushing himself to try find a way to keep every one of us happy.’

fuckin dumb ass horny ass bitch. mediocre ass, pathetic ass, money grubbing, fucking stupid bitch ass you dont put apostrophes around thoughts its ugly as shit

It was a painful thought, the elephant in the room and something she hated thinking about. But somehow, not thinking about it, pretending to simply ignore had become even worse.

does lisette know what an elephant is. does that expression exist. this is third person limited so its kind of weird to use that kind of anachronism

After all, if Alto was still fighting, then she wanted to fight alongside him! She was his family, his comrade, his first Witch and even his (prospective) girlfriend,

I had to cut this off because it was next level dumbshit literally anyone is his prospective girlfriend with that state of their relationship. im his prospective girlfriend 

there wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to do anything less than to support him with all her might. He was a part of her soul. He was the man she loved and someone who she would never allow herself to be separated from, she’d known those feelings for absolute certainty ever since the moment she’d woken up from death’s door and travelled around the world to stand at his side. Just thinking about him wracking himself with worries and her not helping him was terrifying!

1. 

2. that last sentence is the worst written thing in, if not human existence, then the century

And, she spared a glance over at the mirror she’d been avoiding looking at all day, even aside from that, could she really say she was any different? Was she truly able to smile like before, only because their fighting was over?

hackles raised at the prospect of mirror kink

Lisette gave a dry laugh, reaching out and squeezing the small stuffed pig Popo had given her, pressing it against her considerable chest. 

1. the pig is kinda cute like maybe but who tf is vending these smutfic items. who is crawling around in the back alleys selling cursed objects that make people horny as fuck. did ewan make a deal with the devil to sell all his twilight-zone-monkey-paw shit from his brief sponsorship with baddragon

2. die

3. lisette’s chest is CONSIDERABLE all right. it makes me CONSIDER ending it all

For all their outward appearances, in this, at least, she doubted it was any different from any of the others, no doubt that was why everything had seemed so off lately, “We’re all just stuck in limbo, aren’t we?”

this is the longest string of indirect pronouns ever like whomst??? and what an eerie sentence to end a section on. though u kno what stay in limbo

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

those dashes are containing the massive power of the cuss word. if even one of them falters or breaks formation the sheer obscenity would vaporize us all

Unfortunately for Lisette, her self-examination came with no easy answers or steps forward. Even though she’d accepted that being stuck in place as they were was only making things worse for all of them and particularly for Alto, there was no obvious solution she could latch onto, to change things.

this literally picks up? exactly where the previous section ended? like. with information that flows from the previous paragraph. if youre going to make that fucking big then why is it functionally useless

However, now more than ever, she was a determined woman and slowly -as the time passed and the morning faded away into early afternoon- slowly, her resolve held out and she was able to fearlessly consider even the truths she’d previously tried so hard to avoid.

why is this the ugliest formatting ive ever seen have you ever heard of an em dash or, a comma. also im losing shit at Determination Resolve Holding Out Shes Never Done This wasnt this like the sole bad point of her tunings

She knew she loved Alto, that he was the only man who’d ever made her feel complete 

But, she also knew that the other Witches felt just the same, she forced herself to accept the fact that he was just as important to them as he was to her.

ok nvm im not done being pissed at The Only Man like yeah lisette its called comphet im rewriting this so that lisette realizes shes a lesbian and also that whole Complete Her thing is all of whats wrong with lisettes arc like all of it this is what men do

It was something they’d all consciously avoided discussing, something that none of them seemed to know how to deal with. Her companions, the other Witches, were all as close as family to her, she loved them all dearly… And yet, they were all competing, in their own way, for the same man.

alto is three years old

She was sure they must feel just as awkward about that as her, there was a reason why even the ever impulsive Popo or the harsh-blunt Sakuya 

tell u whats harshing my blunt........this fic ((takes a weed puff

had never said anything and why, no matter how much they talked and how much they shared, this single topic was never once addressed directly, they’d all been working on the same process as her- that it was too strange a situation and too difficult a conversation to deal with, that the best thing to do was simply wait till after the war when Alto would be able to reciprocate their feelings, and then there the problem would solve itself. Well… The war was over. And they were all still tiptoeing around each other’s hearts, all waiting for the same response from the same man. “We must all seem so silly.”

tf were they supposed to do to address it? like lets just accept the gross situation but was they supposed to so call everyone to a room lisette spins around in a big chair and says We’re Here To Discuss The Het or maybe this happens

She could just imagine how ridiculous this situation must appear from the outside; five best friends all in love with the same man, all waiting for him to respond to their feelings and all marooned in the same silent stand-off, walking on eggshells while pretending everything was fine. No doubt her mother found it hilarious.

thats the worst line ive ever seen in my life. oedipus rex has nothing on this bitch

that aside like accepting them all as comphets for the moment. literally never interacted on a regular basis with another boy their age. except hilda I guess but it doesnt matter this is so dumb! yall is a bunch of trauma victims you cant just jump directly into the boinking

“Grrr! This is all your fault Alto! Stupid! Since when did you get so popular anyway!? You weren’t like that in Mithra! You’re just… you’re just too dependable… You mean so much to all of us, we can’t help but love you…”

deadass u told me this was dialogue from the anime where the tiddies bounced when the girl blinked? id believe it

He was their conductor. They all loved him. They all wanted to be with him. They were all waiting for him to favour only them…

dont like how its treated that its an absolute that witches will just fall for their conductor thats like sayin no one is safe around bi ppl. reach perhaps but its the same dumbass ideas

Perhaps that was the worst part of all. The more she thought about it, the more she was starting to realise just what an impossible situation their feelings and expectations had put Alto into. She knew better than anyone just how much he cared for each of them, she’d healed the scars on his body time and again that showed just how far he’d go to protect any of them… And yet, without ever really thinking how, they were all still asking him to then choose between them, to decide which of his Witches he loved the most.

but also I just had the revelation that author does not know what romantic love is like, at all, and the smoke cleared I am enlightened and theres nothing I dont understand

And, she couldn’t help him at all, could barely even support him in what must be an incredibly painful choice for him. All she could do was leave it to him, and trust that when he did choose, that he felt the same way about her as she did about him and they would finally be together. As for the rest… She didn’t know… The thought of him choosing one of the others over her was almost too painful, to terrifying to consider, but the knowledge that her friends would have to go through that was no less terrible…

tired of u demonizing r*mantic love. fuck its th most exhilarating experience of my life. that and having a baby shark sit in my hands. dont give all these Oh No People Get Hurt to justify just fuckin whoever u want

That was the mire they were all stuck in. That was why Alto was still looking so stressed and why none of them had been able to move forwards. There wasn’t anything any of them could do and there was no way to make everyone happy. She frowned bitterly. ‘…Would… Would it even make us happy?’

me, who had never been as happy as I am prior to being in love: hell yeah bitch dis go hard as hell flocka

It was a strange thing to consider, something she’d never once thought before this very moment- she’d thought for so long she was waiting for Alto to return her feelings, she’d wanted so long to be with him and to be together forever. But, would she really be happy like that? Could she truly be happy being with the man she loved at the expense of watching the companions she held dear, the friends she’d bled and cried together with, becoming heartbroken? Mordi, Popo, Sakuya, and especially Hilda, after all they’d been through, after how important she knew Alto was to each of them… Her heart clenched in her chest just imagining it!

if this is a question then ur not in romantic love idiot! shut up

But… That was how it had to be, wasn’t it? They’d all been foolish enough to fall for the same man, there was only one Alto. No.

dumps the big ass mess of gl***ng pr**e poly edits here but im not saving it to my computer so u gotta imagine it

Lisette propped herself up on the bed, a previously unfathomable conclusion quickly becoming clear to her. No. She couldn’t accept that. And Alto surely wouldn’t accept that. He’d never accepted that they couldn’t stop the Eclipse. He hadn’t accepted that they couldn’t fight against God. And, at the end of everything, he’d refused to accept that Mother Qualia had to be their enemy. A solution that put the entire burden on Alto and led to all her friends being heartbroken? How could she ever accept that!? How could she ever have thought something like that would make her happy!? That wasn’t how they worked! They were the Tuning Knights, humans that had defeated God and saved Marie! They would never accept such a lukewarm compromise.

fucking................mormons..................................

‘Well now,’ she laughed, ‘If I really think about it, the solution is pretty obvious, isn’t it?’ It was reckless and crazy, nothing at all like anything she’d ever imagined herself doing… But then, didn’t that just make it the same as everything else they’d done?

this isnt even how polyamory works!!!!!!!! sorry im not being funny I just really value r*mant*c love and listen NO ONE would just sit down and think “yes clearly the healthiest thing for the person my heart is devoted to is to juggle 6 relationships”

“Yup! I’m not gonna accept anything like that!” ultimately, all that mattered was the same conclusion she’d come to, ever since she’d returned to life. She already knew what she wanted, she just had to make it happen, “Alto, I’m by your side. Always. I’ll support you!”

hi im lisette and this is my boyfriend alto! we’re queering heterosexuality by having him fuck a ton of girls at once! swipe right if you want to hop on that dick. no gays allowed

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

me: this is bad content

jldavenport: h*mg*n*n*l*b*ng*s*gl*m

me: vaporized in silhouette against the wall from the sheer power

Finishing off a long day of meetings, reports and training, clad in his usual attire (sans the armour,

oh shit its sans thearmour!!!! gonna have a bad time that being said makes sense that hes european the gross fuck

thankfully for him) and returning from the dormitory baths with a relieved sigh, Alto scarcely had time to close the door to his room behind him before he was suddenly jolted from his thoughts by an excited knocking. “Eh? Lisette?”

the phrase “dormitory baths” pisses me the fuck off where do you get off jldavenport. probably all over your keyboard but stop saying shit like that this isnt your canon bitch

A late-night visit from his orange haired friend wasn’t especially unusual, but to see her standing around in her Witches outfit 

epithets, especially those that refer to hair color, are awful and amateurish but because he still doesnt know this apparently: Redhead. Is. A. Fucking. Word. 

in her Witches outfit

that wasnt good enough to warrant that large of an image but like that movie fucked me up so bad lets see what scars me worse the mouse scene or this fic

at this time of night certainly was. And even stranger than that, she was wearing the original outfit, the one she’d worn since the first time she’d awakened to her powers in Mithra, rather than the more dazzling Goddess robes she’d gained after he’d finally tuned her heart, ‘I suppose it’s probably easier to sit around in this one?’ If he had to wear something as flashy as any of the dresses the girls wore, he was sure he’d spent half his time worrying about ripping it.

honestly content notwithstanding this reads like an instructional on what NOT to do when writing. you write like this? dont. its very entry level like I cant say that I necessarily write better but do what I say not what I do

throwing the goddess thing out there is like him saying LOOK!!!! A FACT i KNOW ABOUT THE ACTUAL CANON!!!!!! HAHA

Despite standing staring at him from the hallway, with her face flushed and eyes not quite meeting his, she still hadn’t said anything, “Er, Lisette? Is something wrong?”

knocking on someones door and forgetting why ur there is a neurodivergent feel lisette has adhd now and theres nothing you can do about it

“Ah!” she jumped before finally shaking herself off and responding with a slight anxiousness, anxiety. see me after class “No, no not really. I just… I’ve had a lot of mind and I thought it’d be better if we could talk a bit? Do… Do you mind if we spend the night together, again?”

lisette u were literally talking to urself five minutes ago abt havin him fuck everyone and now ur all anime blushus. bitch

He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. She wanted to share his bed again? Spend the night holding hands like back then? Stopping himself short of giving her an answer, Alto suddenly realised just how imploringly she was looking up at him.

they literally used this exact Mouth Suddenly Dry thing last chapter do ppl who enjoy this fic actually like that r smthn. they get wet 4 the dry

“Huh, it’s not like you to actually ask…” He teased softly. Usually Lisette was far more insistent about this sort of thing, he’d normally expect her to simply march into his room and seat herself on his bed. He only realised as she spoke that for her to act like this, for whatever reason she was acting like this, it must be important to her that he did accept her request 

ugly sentence. ugly, ugly sentence. ew. im actually so bored by this sentence im ceasing work on this for the night good bye

She didn’t want to force it on him. Still… He couldn’t help but hesitate. It was stupid, he knew, but he’d felt awkward spending time alone with any of the girls since after the war, lest any of them get the wrong idea.

“get the wrong idea” DONT FUCKING WRITE ALTO LIKE THIS I AM IMMORTAL MY SKIN IS ADAMANTINE YOU SHALL FALL BEFORE ME

A moment passed and still Lisette didn’t say anything; clenching her hands nervously below her wait -and unintentionally pushing her impressive bust out even further towards him- 

the commissioner, apparently upon seeing stella glow:

she silently awaited his response. Blushing a little under her low gaze, Alto realised it was getting harder and harder to remember the days when he’d seen her just like a sister.

this proves its inhuman and disgusting because it gave me visceral flashbacks to fire emblem fates so lemme post some of my fave incest quotes from that, starting with the ones it made me astral project into

2.

did that last one haunt u because for a split second you imagined a world where lisette said them? good bc that shit keeps me up at night. im tired of cropping these quotes out so like we’re done my point has been made

In the end though, he couldn’t possibly deny her. Not for no reason, and not when she looked at him like that, “Yeah, of course Lisette. That sounds fun.”

the begging thing from the last chapter hit me full force in memory and I honestly hope it comes back bc ive got a dynamite joke locked and loaded

Breaking out into a bright smile, the Water Witch sagged in relief, taking him by surprise as she reached out to take his hand in hers, letting her body fall soft and warm against him as she did so. Her breath tickled hot across his collar and Alto’s heart jumped in shock!

DONT EVER USE EXCLAMATION POINTS LIKE THIS im serious. it is about as ugly, 2007-fanfic-net-core you can get. 

Her hands felt smooth and gentle, wrapped warm around his… 

HIS WHAT

he’d felt that before, it was pleasant, although not anything new. But feeling her head falling lovingly to his shoulder like this and having her entire body now laying against his… His mouth went dry, 

Wet 4 The Dry Confirmed

he could even feel her breasts pushing large and heavy against his own chest! ‘Woah… S-So soft… They’re even bigger than Rosa’s, aren’t they?’

can you believe this was written completely unironically? like, people find this hot? if it didnt deplete the experience of reading this fic id replace every line referencing boobs with a comment from nicki minaj’s instagram

For just a split second, no matter how much of a gentleman he was, standing there like that, it was impossible for him not to compare the mother and daughter.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON

“Li-Lisette?” he choked out, desperately reigning in his thoughts before they rampaged down a dangerous direction. “Mmm, Alto, hehe, I’m glad,” she giggled happily, skipping back and beaming up at him as she tugged on his hands, leading him off, “Even just being like this with you, I feel better already!”

ok I have NO idea what movement theyre doing. shes like, skipping and then she comes back and takes his hands and idk probably his dick or something

Absolutely caught up in her rhythm, they were halfway down the hall before Alto finally realised she’d pulled him completely out of his room!

heres a coded message just for katt: e*****t w** d****** **m!the narration means he was aware she was pulling him so like where the fuck did he think he was going if not outside his room

“Uh, h-hey, Lisette? We’re going somewhere? I thought you wanted to go to sleep?” “That’s right,” she nodded simply, giving up and tugging him and instead falling into step beside him, “But your bed’s too small for it to be comfortable, so we’re gonna use my room instead!” Alto almost dug his heels in from sheer indignation! 

im sorry. im sorry I had to cut this up but come on. come the fuck on. indignation. like she made a point and alto is all “insolent female requesting things of me” have you not met alto. authot is from r/incels

She’d come all this way to see him, just to drag him back to her room!? How self-indulgent could she be!? And, it wasn’t as if his bed back in Mithra had been any larger and she’d never complained before. Eventually, he just sighed and followed her lead, it wasn’t worth getting worked up over. If it would make her happier, then that was fine. It might be nice to spend a night in someone else’s room for a change too.

Walking hand in hand through the halls like this was fairly embarrassing, thankfully it seemed that it was late enough that no-one else was around. He really, really didn’t want to suddenly run into Rusty like this, let alone Giselle, or Sakuya… Supressing a shudder, Alto hurried on.

“let alone giselle” wh???? I am so baffled by this. obviously rusty or sakuya would give him shit but whats giselle gonna do??? is alto being bullied by a robot?????? I want giselle to appear and smash alto’s frosting into the ground

“I won’t hesitate, bitch,” said Giselle, pointing her laser at altos dick and shattering it into one million individual pieces

Unlike the tiny spare room he’d been assigned so long ago now, Lisette, as a Witch, had been housed in the premium quarters on the other side of their dormitory. 

stop. stop saying dormitory. this is not a college

Luckily in this case, unlike the Palace, the building wasn’t overly large so it was only a short trip to her room. They arrived a few minutes later, just as his heart was beginning to settle down.

…

what happened to the long ass aterisks break. oh god the swear word is coming isnt it

Unfortunately, the moment Lisette opened the door and they stepped inside, Alto’s breath was one again caught violently in his throat, “H-Hilda!?” And indeed, kneeling serenely atop a small cushion in the middle of the large room, the Time Witch was sipping calmly from her usual green ceramic tea-cup, as if there was nothing strange about her presence here at all.

I dont like how shes sitting on a pillow in the center of the room that sounds ritualisitic

(bangs pink cup on the ground) She Sits On The Sacrificial Fuck Pillow ((group of hooded figures behind me start chanting “Fuck Pillow! Fuck Pillow!”

Watching as she settled the drink aside, perfectly in synch with the sound of Lisette locking the door behind her, Alto’s mouth went dry.

theres so much wrong with the syntax and shit but im pushing that all aside to say how fucking difficult it is to sync sound like that even on purpose so yeah theyre def doing a cult sacrifice to the original sex god, elcrest

A moment of silence reigned and somewhere in the back of his currently panicking mind, the bewildered Conductor couldn’t help but notice that Hilda too was wearing her standard Witches’ outfit, the same form fitting black dress 

“dress” very generous for mr boob grower

and wide sweeping hat she’d become associated with for so many years. However, in her case, this wasn’t much of a surprise. As far as he’d seen from the White-Haired woman, she didn’t seem to actually own any normal, casual attire and, while he knew she deeply adored he beautiful white dress she’d unlocked when he’d purified her lonely heart, he also knew that even she couldn’t help but feel rather self-conscious, wearing something that was practically a wedding dress as an everyday outfit, he hadn’t seen Hilda’s Goddess Robes since the end of the final battle.

I literally cannot read any part of this paragraph except the capitalization of White-Haired and Goddess Robes this was either written in the 1700s or modern day by me dissociating in a target bathroom this is so funny if the fic gets any funnier ill die

“Alto? I’m surprised. Isn’t it a bit late for you to be visiting a woman’s bedroom?”

horny dont got business hours babe

“Ah, H-Hilda! It’s, it’s not what you’re thinking, I, Lisette!? Wha-” “Relax Alto,” the Water Witch giggled softly as she stepped forward, taking his hand again, but this time wrapping herself around his arm, “She’s just teasing you.” “Wha… Abuh?”

this is harem anime/fire emblem dialogue right down to the “Abuh?” actually thats the defining thing you hear someone say that youre in a straight anime and you need to run for your fucking life

“My apologies,” Hilda nodded, offering him a small smile in recompense as she matched Lisette’s movements, taking hold of his other hand, her pale face burning bright red as her soft fingers entwined with his, “I just, got a little flustered seeing you so suddenly… I… I wasn’t sure what to say.”

ok first of all you cannot write hilda in any realm of possibility but also like this is yet another thing to not trust men for: emphasizing the whiteness of a womans skin. he is a racist, plain and simple

Her hand squeezed nervously around his and Alto realised just how easily he could feel her racing heart through the light fabric of her dress when she pulled his arm against herself. Not that Lisette was any different, he couldn’t possibly believe in the confidant front she was showing after knowing her as long as he had, not when he could feel her entire body trembling against him.

hilda is like two ft tall howd she even reach his arm. also like there isnt even any fabric boy u raw touchin her 

His mouth opened and closed, but he couldn’t think what to say, he wasn’t mentally prepared for any of this! He’d gone from expecting to go to sleep, to being visited by Lisette, to being dragged through the halls, and now he was being sprung with some surprise meeting!? And both of them were clinging to him like never before! 

this is in character alto not wanting to have a threesome so he can go nap

He couldn’t possibly keep up. Before he even realised it, he’d been pulled all the way over to Lisette’s bed and was sitting with a girl wrapped around either of his arms.

what a problem! what a terrible day for him! what are the odds of this happening!

“What… What’s going on?” “Something good.” Hilda answered in her own cryptic fashion, her voice almost breathless and her blazing red cheeks half hidden behind his cloak as she shyly slid in right next to him.

it is most certainly not good ma’am

“That’s right,” Lisette agreed, happily snuggling up against him as she squeezed herself around his other arm, “We’re gonna help you come to a decision!”

we’re gonna make u C*M...............to a decision ;)

Alto blinked, “Eh?”

petition for this to turn out like the friends episode where ross got kicked out of a threesome with his wife and another woman bc they were lesbians so he left and made a sandwich

conveniently the fic decides to break here anyway so thats all you get for now. I’ll finish the other parts later (im expecting like maybe five because of the gargantuan size of this travesty) and link them direct from here 

Part 2 here! (coming soon)

[miiiwu]

these r pretty common here but i love transmasc mike and vyvyan (i think mike would be more like stealth binary trans), transfemme genderfluid rick (tho transmasc rick is also fun), neil being like. plantgender/otherkin nonbinary and the secret fifth roommate being a complete agender enigma with no discernible agab are fun.

i tend to enjoy depictions that r more period + character/voice accurate though so i don't think they would use that exact terminology for it. but basically none of these bozos r cis

i love the idea of Vyv doing diyhrt and possibly his own top surgery (and maybe bottom surgery but he'd probably put like. dynamite in his penis or some shit so maybe he shouldn't be trusted w that kind of power lmao)

i feel like these r all pretty typical stuff other ppl have already said tho, so there's more original (and unhinged) stuff under the read more im so sorry lmao

uhmmmm ok more original stuff uhh i think rick has a brat taming kink/thing where he acts super annoying bc he subconsciously wants to get smacked around bc of some psychological shit about being a pampered upper middle class only child who nobody likes lol. maybe its actually a deep seated self loathing. he thought once he got to university ppl would like him and he'd become super popular, but it turns out he really is just annoying. its not that his peers from childhood were ignorant to his super deep intellectual ideas or whatever lol. i dunno im not a psychologist.

also i think he is both intimidated by and attracted to vyv (not projecting At All)

vyvyan grew up poor without a father figure (that we know of) and with a spiteful alcoholic mother so seeing rick take his parents + other privileges for granted makes him want to kick his ass. i love the idea that vyv and mike r childhood friends also, and mike sort of Was like a father in some ways despite being (presumably?) the same age as vyv. it explains why he’s the only flatmate vyv doesn’t physically hurt and makes it kinda cute when he calls him michael. 2 me

also i think vyv and rick have autism but their specific brands of autism clash with each other (one needs quiet, the other needs constant noise,, that sort of thing) and it drives them both crazy

and i think all 4 of them have some form of ADHD or other disorder that effects executive function bc that's the only way i can see them letting the house get that dirty 💀💀💀

also i think vyv absolutely gets off on humiliating rick but i don’t think he even realizes he’s getting off on it if u know what i mean (he'd never admit it to himself, bc that's 'girly' and gay!!!). like with the virgin sign (and presumably making him wear a t-shirt later too), its meant as typical vyv torment but also um. that whole incident was just gay sex. what do you mean you two shook the bed so hard it fell thru the ceiling um hello???

also i think all four flatmates of some flavor of gay/bi but have comphet/pretend to like girls way more than they rlly do. their masculinity (and by extension heterosexuality) is a performance. especially mike’s. tho tbf everything about mike is a performance. the cool person persona is fake as hell. obvs some of it is related to the implication that he’s somewhat involved in shady dealings (where tf did he get that gun, why was he the one to suggest robbing the bank, he literally tried to sell a nuke, paying off the dean of the college etc). And you know what? I'm starting to suspect Michael “Mike” The Cool Person isn't even his real name.

(also i think the fakeness of his cool guy persona is super interesting from a trans perspective)

neil is treated as the overworked unappreciated housewife/mother, while mikes the father everyone seeks the approval of, with vyv being the violent brother and rick being the socially conscious sister whose pigtails he tugs on (the bart and lisa of the flat lol) they’re basically the Nuclear Family in the form of 4 university students which i guess isn’t even headcanons anymore im just stating the actual intent of the show but im in too deep now and the gender politics of the young ones is interesting 2 me. despite featuring very few women characters i think lise mayer gave the scripts some Sauce.

neil consistently is forced into the traditional/stereotypical role of a woman in a lot of ways (including vyv oggling him in ricks dress) and as a result of this treatment (as well as probably an actual case of major depressive disorder imo) he repeatedly attempts suicide and/or threatens to do so as a cry for help. some of his attempts are so poorly executed it rlly does seem more like an ignored cry for help.

he's passive aggressive as hell, believes ridiculous stuff causes cancer and absolutely would fall for a pyramid scheme. just like a real mum! (feels so weird to type mum when you're american 😭 i feel like those ppl in 2012 who were like weebs for britain. teaboos💀)

neil to me is that one thing moms/mums sometimes do where they r all "omg I'm the only person who does anything in this house" while doing dishes and when u ask if they want help they say no but r like. sighing and sad about it. like perhaps they would like help but don't want to admit it or realize they could have asked this whole time but didn't and now feel embarrassed or ashamed by not realizing this sooner (not that the other guys would ever willingly help with cleaning). honestly i think neil likes wallowing in misery a little. idk

the line where he says he might as well be their mums and they reply that they at least *like* their mums, i don't buy that shit. Vyv has a strained relationship w his at best and you cannot convince me rick doesn't yell at his mum constantly. and mike for all we know could've been created in a government lab for all we know about his family+upbringing. i think they likely all love their mothers but i don't think they 'like' or respect them, and for this, neil really is the mum of the group no matter what the other 3 say >:3

there's probably more gender role stuff a way smarter and more qualified person could go into but that's all i have on that lol

ok back to regularly scheduled horny rivyan psychoanalysis

i think vyvyan's desire to become a doctor is partially rooted in his enjoyment of torturing small rodents (ie. SPG), and to him people are like. Big Rodents. and part of why he targets rick so often is because he reminds him of one (he is my precious rat boy). I've said this before somewhere but rick is like a prey animal to me.

uhmmm also i think if vyv came out as trans to rick he'd be super ignorant but outwardly go “oh yea transsexuality is so anarchic, right on! I dabble in a bit of transvesticism myself…” but he just really really really wants 2 know whats in vyvs pants 😭

and just wait until he does some reading and finds out about tdick and bottom surgery options. he'd probably keep avoiding eye contact but doing his gay little coquette shimmy every time they r in the same room and try to """subtly""" bring it up to him when he thinks mike and neil aren't listening lol

like “gulps is that your p-p-p-p-pussy vyvyan….” behavior.

i think some of vyv's aggression towards rick is just like. why dont i have a penis right now. i need 2 jackhammer this obnoxious twink somehow (oh no i'm projecting onto vyvyan i need to stop before this gets out of hand)

uh ok ok this isn't a headcanon but I'm obsessed with that one scene in Flood where they r all holding down neil to kill and eat him and he asks for a last cigarette and mike gets one for himself and rick instinctively lights it for him. Also in Cash when Mike and Vyv use Rick as a sofa um anyways um uhhh vyv phalloplasty/penis star tattoos/piercings goodnight everypony

what’re your favourite the young ones headcanons ? i need moreeeee