#I fucking refuse to buy any kind of makeup from stores that lock that shit up lmao

[sippin-on-red-wine]

High Tide | Chapter 7: Please

Title: High Tide, Chapter 7 | Please Author: @sippin-on-red-wine Rating: NO SMUTS IN THIS CHAPTER SORRRYYYYY Characters: Ed Sheeran x Kendra (original female character) Word Count:  3,225 Author’s Note: Sorry in advance again?

I refused to cry, blinking back the hot tears as the taxi pulled away from the curb. I knew I shouldn't, but I looked back at Ed, standing there on the sidewalk, looking broken.

I'm the one that should look broken.

“Where to, miss?”

Shit. I don't know, Mr. Taxi Driver, can't you tell I've just been burned by my international superstar boyfriend and I'm in a country that's not my own and I have nowhere and no one to run to?

“Do you have any hotel recommendations?”

“Sure, plenty. Are you looking for something reasonable, or ritzy?”

“Ritzy, please.”

“Right away then, miss.”

My brain kicked into logistical-detail mode.

Okay, first step, check into a hotel. I have literally nothing with me apart from my little purse which thankfully has my wallet. No fucking way am I going back to Ed’s just to get a suitcase of clothing. I'll just buy some things to tide me over….. tide me over til when? Should I fly home?

The thought of leaving London like this made me shudder. The last few days had been crazy wonderful. How did it all fall to pieces so quickly? Stop.

My phone was vibrating in my little purse. I flipped it over to check -- Lauren was calling. I hit ignore. She called again - ignore. After rejecting her third call, I felt a bit guilty, she probably was worried. I tapped out a quick response:

*Lo, I'm OK, I just need some space. Please.

My phone immediately started buzzing again, and I just got pissed and turned the damn thing off.

I pushed all the worries and questions down, focusing on getting a room somewhere and checking in.

The driver pulled up to a large high-rise building and I handed him a bank note from my purse before spilling out in front of the hotel's main entrance.

I approached the reception desk, suddenly very aware that my dress was probably too tight and short for a place like this.

“Hello, how may I assist you?” The man was young, and dressed in a black suit.

“Do you have any rooms available tonight, please?”

“Sure ma’am. Will one bed suffice?”

I nodded my head. He went to work, clicking and typing in the hotel’s computer system.

“Ahh, we've got a lovely King-sized room with a view of the city. Would you like to reserve it?”

“Yes, please.” City view sounds nice. I mean, I'm in London for the first time, may as well wallow in my self pity in style -- “Wait. Do you have anything larger….. like a suite?”

It turns out, he did. Several options, actually. He pulled out a brochure that included a few photos and highlighted the amenities of each. Oh, and the price per night, which made my eyes bulge out of my head a bit.

I handed over my AmEx card, silently glossing over the dollar figure he had given me for the week’s stay. It didn't matter, really, but it was much more than I was used to paying. Fuck it.

And so he handed me a key card, and I walked unsteadily in my heels over to the Elevator, where they had an actual attendant stationed. He was dressed in a full bell-hop type uniform, an older gentleman with kind eyes.

“Hello, what floor, please?” He asked, ushering me into the lift.

“Penthouse, please.”

I handed him the special key I had gotten at reception, the attendant inserted it in the wall panel and I watched as the “P” button lit up, and we were on our way.

“My name is Thomas, I'm happy to assist you with any needs you may have during your stay.”

His laugh lines were deep-set in his face. I found myself picturing him at home, smiling and adoring his family, maybe bouncing a grandchild on his lap.

I felt my eyes welling up again. Lock it up, K.

“Is there anything I can help you with, miss?”

“Um… actually, yes? Maybe? I wasn't really anticipating my stay, and so I don't have any of my things… is there, by chance, someone who could run out and pick up a few necessities for me?”

“Oh, yes, miss. We've got a concierge service who can handle just about any request you could throw their way. Just give the front desk a ring and they will be happy to assist.”

I sighed a breath of relief. I desperately wanted some leggings and a soft t-shirt, and hadn't been looking forward to going out shopping, bright and early tomorrow morning, dressed in my club clothes.

“Thomas, thank you so much.”

The elevator Ping!'d and Thomas turned the key once more before removing and returning it to me.

“My pleasure, miss. Please do not hesitate to ask, should you be needing anything else. Have a lovely evening.”

I walked out of the elevator into the foyer of my new suite. It was… stunning. Opulent. Beautiful. I was at a loss for words.

It was a large and sprawling suite, with a full kitchen, living room, a balcony, and at least two bedrooms. There was a beautiful wrought iron spiral staircase over in the corner of the lounge area. I kicked off my stupid shoes and dropped my purse on the dining room table, below an ornate glass chandelier. My toes sunk into the cream colored carpeting as I wandered around the suite, peeking in doors. The master bedroom was grand, all done up in beiges and golds and rich accent colors. There was a desk in the master, with a phone that I used to ring the concierge as Thomas had suggested.

I requested a pair of black leggings, a black tee shirt, white sneakers, and a long trench-style lined coat, as well as a toothbrush and a charger cable for my cell phone. The nice lady on the phone assured me they could get all that to me very soon, and that the charges would just be added to my room. I thanked her and almost said goodbye before deciding to order three bottles of champagne, too.

I sighed as I placed the phone back into it's little receiver cradle. Now what.

I strode over to the En Suite, finding a rather plush bathrobe hung on the wall for the taking. I shucked out of my ensemble and slipped into the rich navy blue robe, feeling a bit more at ease. I washed the makeup from my face, wishing I had a hair tie handy. Should make a list of things to pick up tomorrow.

Or maybe you should just go home tomorrow.

The elevator rung out, alerting me that someone was arriving. The doors opened and a younger-looking girl stepped out with a shiny silver cart, with a large ice bucket holding the booze I had requested. I thanked her and she was gone just as quickly as she had came.

Need alcohol. I cut the foil and popped the cork on one of the bottles, plucking one of the flutes from the tray, the second glass staying put. 

I crept over to the large brocade sofa and plunked down right in the center reaching for the television remote. It was official, I was out of things to do. Which is precisely when my brain thought it would be a good idea to re-live the past couple of hours.

My eyes were hot and stinging with tears, but I pushed them back. I am not going to cry. I am fine. I am a grown ass woman. I'll be okay.

But goddamnit, why? I had found my station in life, content with being alone as long as that meant I would never be deceived by a loved one. And then, him.

I should have known. He had only recently broken up with her when he turned up next door. I thought back to the day that I had driven his friends to the airport, going over to Ed's the next afternoon to find him drinking and chain-smoking himself into oblivion. He was broken. And it wasn't your job to fix him so why did you even try?

Just then, I remembered that I had turned my phone off. I was sure there were texts or voicemails waiting for me, and so I gulped down the rest of my champagne and retrieved my cell from my little purse, powering it on.

The messages came in one after the next after the next. A whole slew of texts and missed calls from Lauren popped up:

- Missed Call

*Kendra, where are you??

- Missed Call - Missed Call - Missed Call

*Please answer

- Missed Call Voice Message (1:03) - Missed Call

*Ed is having a fit, Kenn, please, just hear him out

- Missed Call - Voice Message (1:16)

*Okay, I get it. Will you please call me tomorrow? I'm worried about you xx

I clicked on the first voice message, setting it to speakerphone. It was Lauren, rambling about what a “fucking idiot” Ed was and how “bloody worried” she was and offering her guest bed up for me and “PLEASE pick up, Kendra.” It was loud in the background, like she was still at the club, or standing right outside of it, the bass thumping through the phone.

The next voicemail had less chaos going on in the background. “Kendra -- please,” Lauren's voice was pleading on the other end. And then, the sound of Ed’s voice “Lauren, let me --” garble garble garble.

“Kenny, I fucked up, I’m so--”

His voice rang out through the speaker like a shot straight to my heart. I quickly ended the message, not wanting to hear him anymore. Hearing that silly nickname that was just for him and no one else, it was.. unbearable.

Just then my phone rang yet again - a number I didn’t have stored this time. I turned off the t.v., shut off my cell, and went and climbed in the huge bed, feeling utterly alone, and waited for sleep to take me.

Ed…….

I watched her, in the back of the cab, drive away. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. Every nerve, every CELL in my being told me to run after her, to scream, to fight, to not take ‘No’ for an answer. But I was just… stuck. Frozen. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

I kept my eyes trained on the taillights of that cab until it was impossible to see anymore. I heard my name, over and over again, but it sounded distant - like I was underwater and they were shouting from up on the diving board.

Lauren. It was Lauren. She was shaking my shoulders, trying to get me to snap to it. “Ed! Come ON, we have to get you back inside! Paps…”

Whothefuckcares--

But she gave me one good yank and I followed her back inside the club, all the blood rushing back to my head.

“Christ, Ed, why didn’t you tell her Poppy was going to be here?”

“Call her.” It wasn't a question.

“What?”

“Call her!” I was practically shouting. I winced, realizing how I sounded. “Please, Lauren. Call her. I don't know where she's gone.”

Lauren pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts, til she found her name. She set it to speaker, we could barely hear over all the commotion in the club but when it went to voicemail, I wasn't surprised that she didn't answer.

Lauren tapped away furiously at her phone screen, texting her.

“Jesus fuck, Ed, what happened?”

“I fucked up, Lauren. Can you please ring her again?”

Lauren called her three more times. I kept willing her to pick up on the other end, but she didn't.

“She texted--” Lauren threw her phone to me and I quickly scrambled to open the message.

*Lo, I'm OK, I just need some space. Please.

The tears were back, hot and spilling out from my eyelids despite my valiant effort to keep them in. I clicked into the text, bringing up her Contact info and with it, a silly picture of her and Lauren from the day Kendra had taken us out whale watching. It had been the very end of Summer, then. Her skin was tanned, her face sprinkled with freckles. She was wearing a white linen top, and my aviators -- I offered them to her when her shades had fallen and been stepped on. That had been one of the best days I had had in weeks, months maybe.

Seeing her face in the photo, silly, with her tongue sticking out and a peace symbol thrown up next to her head -- it absolutely gutted me.

What have you done?

I clicked the little telephone icon, ringing her again. Straight to voicemail this time.

My stomach was hot and sour as I raced to type out a message to her: Please answer.

“Ed, she said she's okay. Why don't I take you home, c’mon, there's nothing you can do from here.” I couldn't meet her eyes, but I nodded and handed the phone back to her.

Lauren grabbed me by the hand and dragged me back through the club, toward the back exit where Kendra and I had come in. She pushed the doors open and the cool night air flooded my lungs.

I felt numb. My mind racing, where is she? Will she come back? Is she safe?

I thought back to the night when she had told me about her past, how she had just up & left everything, not even saying goodbye. Will she do that again?

I braced myself on the stone exterior wall of the club, both hands out as I retched onto the ground between my feet.

“Christ, Ed.” Lauren was there, patting my back as I emptied the contents of my stomach, which was mostly booze.

A few moments passed while I collected myself, and Lauren pulled me into the car that was waiting there for me.

The ride home felt like an eternity. Lauren sat in silence beside me, her hand resting lightly on my knee. The lamplights blurred together, the whir of London at night dulled by the knot in my chest.

“Ed,” she spoke softly. “You gotta clue me in here, what the hell happened?”

“I… she didn't know Poppy was going to be there.”

“And?” She pushed.

“I was stupid, I wanted to look… good, in front of her.”

“Okay, well that seems pretty normal?”

“I… didn't tell her that Poppy would likely be at the party. And I… kind of, got a little handsy with Kendra after I noticed she had gotten there. And her fucking dress, I pushed that dress on her even though she didn't seem comfortable in it, it just looked so goddamn good on her and…”

“Oh, Ed.”

“I came out of the bathroom and I just saw her from the back, stalking down the stairs like a bat out of hell. Did Poppy say something to her? Did you see?”

“No, no, I don't think so. I had just gotten there and your lovely Ex was staring daggers at Kendra, and I, um, mentioned her…. She was definitely taken aback.”

“She's going to hate me.”

“Ed, I'm sure it will be OK.”

“You didn't hear the things she said to me outside. I used her, Lauren, I'm fucking selfish and childish and I fucked it up.”

“Hey. Take a breath. We’ll get her, alright?”

“Will you call her again?”

She granted my request, though we both knew it was hopeless at this point. Her voicemail message rang out of the speaker phone as Lauren inhaled, mentally preparing some new desperate plea designed to get Kendra to pick up the phone.

Kendra -- please,” She started, but I just couldn't listen to her ask, no, beg, on my behalf again.

“Lauren, let me --” I reached out for the phone, pulling it up to my face. “Kenny, I fucked up, I’m so sorry. I don't deserve it but please, please, just call me. I can't.. I didn't..” I struggled for the right words. “This is real, US, everything - it's all real, it's not… you must think… fuck, just, PLEASE, answer? I need to know you're okay.”

Kendra……

I woke the next day, feeling surprised that I had slept so soundly. I wouldn't say well.

I hadn't had any actual dreams, per se, but I just had this haunting feeling like I had re-lived the previous night over and over, unable to wake, stuck in that reality.

I yawned and stretched out in the massive bed, safe under the cover of the fluffy white comforter.

But the safety of the comforter couldn't protect against my own thoughts.

Alright, Kendra. Time to get up and figure out what you're doing.

I threw the covers back and got up out of bed, re-tying the knot in my robe. That reminds me….

I walked out into the main living space of my Penthouse Fucking Suite and saw a neat little stack of packages near the door. It felt a little… odd, picturing a young concierge clerk running out to the shops and choosing the things from my list. But I was more than appreciative to not have to get back in my dress and heels.

I grabbed up the boxes and bags, setting them on the chic metal & glass dining table, extracting all the things I had asked for. I unraveled the cord of the cell phone charger and plugged my phone in to charge up. I pulled the tags off of the few basic clothing items, then dressed myself in the tight black leggings and v-neck tee.

I powered up my cellphone and watched another slew of missed calls register on the screen, the last one had been a little past 4AM, from the number I didn't have saved in my contacts.

And a single text from that same number.

*K, you deserve so much better than me. But I can't let you go. Please x

And suddenly, those tears I had been battling all broke loose, rushing fast and hot down the front of my cheeks.

Did I overreact? Okay, so he wanted to make his ex jealous, I'd be lying if I said I'd never tried especially hard to look good in front of an Ex.

I shrugged off the bathrobe and tugged on the tight black leggings. They were the size I asked for, but European sizes must be a bit less… generous, because man those suckers were tight. I struggled to pull them up over my ass… which only reminded me of Ed being grabby the night before. He was very affectionate, but this had been different. And now that I knew his Ex had been sat there, ten feet away and facing right toward us, all you could see was the smug smile on his face which I had, at the time, interpreted to be happiness or horniness or tipsiness. But now I knew, it wasn’t any of those. It was Look What I Got.

The tears dried up and I buckled down on my resolve. Be honest with yourself. This, plus him wanting to sell his gorgeous fucking house, because it reminds him of her?

He's not over her.

It was time to go home.

Thank you for reading !!!!!!! And not killing me !!!!!!!!!

[theoriginalspike]

for the weird ask thingy how about 1-98? so yes all of them please!

I’m gonna put this under a read more so that it’s not insanely long but thank you for allowing me to overshare because that’s literally all i want in life

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs, if i see one that i like, i usually buy it or think about it for a really long time. 

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy, i can’t stand the smell or taste of bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

on most of my report cards i was a pleasure to have in class but has trouble actually turning in homework

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

either soda bottles or glass cups

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

i love the aesthetic of formal but i prefer boho/preppy 

7. earbuds or headphones?

earbuds, headphones squish my head

8. movies or tv shows?

movies 

9. favorite smell in the summer?

honeysuckle

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

being goalie for handball

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

peanut butter crunch clif bar

12. name of your favorite playlist?

summertime

13. lanyard or key ring?

keyring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

watermelon jolly ranchers

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

fahrenheit 451

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

cross legged or leaning to the side with both feet tucked up next to me (only in a chair/on the couch though)

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

either birkenstocks or my bean boots

18. ideal weather?

slightly cloudy, breezy, and between 60 and 75 with a dew point under 55

19. sleeping position?

any position but on my back

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i like a notebook, my fingers try to type too fast for my brain so i make a lot of mistakes and i need lines otherwise it slants all over the page

21. obsession from childhood?

i used to collect guitar picks. i have too many

22. role model?

my friend kelsey. she never let anyone’s opinions of her shape who she was. she did what she wanted and was such a free spirit. 

23. strange habits?

left goes first. if it’s makeup, my left eyebrow, lashes, contour, blush, anything goes first. left shoe goes on first, left pant leg, left shirt/jacket sleeve. left first or it feels wrong. 

24. favorite crystal?

i love amethyst because it’s purple.

25. first song you remember hearing?

probably american pie by don mclean.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

swimming

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

honestly stargazing. getting all bundled up and lying in a bunch of blankets is great. there no humidity to make the stars hazy and on a really clear night it’s beautiful.

28. five songs to describe you?

perfect - anne marie, devil’s in the canyon - the strike, orpheus - sara bareilles, rainbow - kacey musgraves, vienna - billy joel

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about music, animals, what you find beautiful or peaceful.

30. places that you find sacred?

any mountain top, the chapel in the pines at camp, fields of wildflowers, any waterfall.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

my black dress with big red roses and my black and white stripe heels with roses. 

32. top five favorite vines?

oh shit the tampons one, the no yelling sock, the souls of the innocent, bagel boys, that was majestic

33. most used phrase in your phone?

i have wtf set to automatically replace with what the fuck and i probably use that daily

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

i always have the cropp metcalfe jingle stuck in my head

35. average time you fall asleep?

on a work night usually between 10:30 and 11:30 but weekends its closer to midnight

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

probably those creepy u mad? and sad face drawings.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

i prefer a suitcase but not a huge one

38. lemonade or tea?

it has to be sweet tea if it’s iced

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

lemon cake. lemon meringue pie is never the right sweet/tart ratio

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

my senior yaer they locked the boys and girls bathrooms in the science wing because the boys were setting off axe bombs and the girls were smoking cigarettes

41. last person you texted?

my friend corinne

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

yes

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

yes

44. favorite scent for soap?

citrus. it just smells cleaner

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i’m a sucker for fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

i have a couple of dresses that are stretchy but too short to be acceptable (imo) for public wear

47. favorite type of cheese?

i love mozarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i’d be a peach

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

it’s chaos, be kind

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

probably just weird shit from camp

51. current stresses?

mmmmmm job hunting, packing for camp, cleaning

52. favorite font?

i can’t remember the font name but it’s like old typewriter letters

53. what is the current state of your hands?

i need to paint my nails and cut them

54. what did you learn from your first job?

that people are really fucking dumb and don’t read the fine print on their coupons

55. favorite fairy tale?

the princess and the pea

56. favorite tradition?

we always do a big pancake dinner on mardi gras

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

dealing with my hair’s natural curl pattern, and i’m gonna have to get back to you on the other two

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

i can braid hair really well, i can cook without a recipe, i made the highest swim level as a camper in 6 weeks my last year as a camper, i’m really good at cat’s cradle

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“absolutely not”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

i don’t watch anime so i have no idea

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“war is war and hell is hell. and of the two, war is a lot worse”

62. seven characters you relate to?

radar o’reilly, arya stark, dumplin’, carol danvers, eleanor shellstrop, wayne and daryl from letterkenny.

63. five songs that would play in your club?

gas pedal - sage the gemini, gasolina - daddy yankee, despacito - luis fonsi, bitch better have my money - rihanna, and only nicki minaj’s verse from monster

64. favorite website from your childhood?

neopets or i think it was whitesheepblacksheep but there was a site that had a maze game that was set to the music Orpheus in the Underworld

65. any permanent scars?

my right foot from being born c-section, right shin from a staph infection, left wrist and left foot from ganglion cysts, and my chin from a golf club

66. favorite flower(s)?

all of them EXCEPT for the flowers from bradford pear trees. fuck those.

67. good luck charms?

not really

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

oh god there was a grape juice my friend brenda had me try and it was just so tart it tasted like it had gone past expiration.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i can tie and untie a hair tie with my fingers

70. left or right handed?

right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

i hate herringbone and houndstooth

72. worst subject?

the only math i breezed through was geometry

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i really like potato chips and grape jelly

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

like a 6 or 7. unless it’s mouth pain then like a 3 at most. 

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

probably 7 or 8? i can’t remember but i DO know that my mother kept all of mine and my siblings baby teeth

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

potato gratin is amazing

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

succulents

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

coffee from a gas station specifically sheetz

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

oh god my school photo. my license photo i look like i WILL kill the photographer

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

i use both interchangeably 

82. pc or console?

i play internet games which is as far as i got with gaming. although i do really want a game cube so i can play monkeyball

83. writing or drawing?

writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

i have 2 pollypockets still and i refuse to give them up

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cookies

87. your greatest fear?

i really don’t like the dark lmao

88. your greatest wish?

mmmm i’m honestly not sure

89. who would you put before everyone else?

barack obama

90. luckiest mistake?

not checking the weekend of my brother getting married and lucking out that i bought concert tickets for the weekend before

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights

93. nicknames?

libby, libs, libster, “ms. teaguerson” is one i’ve gotten from a couple of kids i’ve subbed for, any version of elizabeth at this point.

94. favorite season?

fall 

95. favorite app on your phone?

i just downloaded a crosswords app and it’s fantastic

96. desktop background?

the sky being absolutely BLACK during an afternoon storm right before a big event at camp

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

i think 8

98. favorite historical era?

i really love the clothes of the 40′s