#I find it very sad though that it's a pattern for him to hurt himself

[midnight-mismanagement]

Yes which makes watching him so fascinating, entertaining, frustrating, and deeply upsetting! I love what you said about how he’s the one who is probably implausibly saved the most by chance, despite the fact that he is trying so hard to control his destiny. The more he tries to control, the more things fly out of his control. Despite his best efforts, he usually ends up making things worse for himself until chance saves his butt, and yet, he is deeply resentful of characters who he believes have had anything “handed” to them, who have been awarded by chance or good fortune, like Bates swooping in to be made valet when Thomas was anticipating the promotion, or Molesley being made valet for Matthew (he has a particular resentment against valets lol), Tom moving up into the upper classes through marriage, or O’Brien hoping to push for Alfred to move up the ranks despite him being new. He thinks he has to scheme to get anywhere, when arguably, scheming is what holds him back (but there have been times, as you mentioned, where him taking control over his fate has saved his life, which sort of reinforces his idea of the necessity), but even if he was perfectly nice, he would’ve still been passed up for Bates, and Molesley. Which makes him failing upwards so many times deeply ironic. He does work for things, but in ways that may hurt others or himself, and he does not usually achieve his original goal, but through circumstance, he may be given a reprieve, mercy, or reward in some other way (though it usually walks hand in hand with a healthy dose of karma, or the understanding that although he has had a good turn today, it will likely not last, case in point with attaining the Valet position when Bates was in prison. His future was uncertain if/when Bates got out. This of course, only reinforces his job insecurity.) 

He is also afraid of being ostracized, sacked, and isolated for something out of his control, so he pushes people away, both through his spite and resentment, and through his own fears that he would like to pretend he doesn’t have. He would like to pretend he is above wanting anyone’s approval, or friendship, and resents the parts of himself that still want to fit in, so instead he attempts to lash out in ways to assert he is above it all, and to protect himself from what he believes may be potential threats (and sometimes just cause he’s bored, I’ll call that season 1 Thomas). And sometimes because he is resentful of other people’s good relationships that he does not see as possible for himself, like Bates and Anna. This is a cyclical effect, in which people do not like him because of his behaviour, which causes him to push people away even more, until people usually don’t believe him when he does have good intentions, which only reinforces his confirmation bias. Andy is an example. People warn Andy of Thomas’ sexuality (something he has no control over) which is likely reinforced by his behaviour (people don’t really trust him to have honest friendship as a goal due to his standoffishness) which leads to Thomas’ isolation and thus, his continued resignation and resentment. When Jimmy left and he was once again alone and wanted to “fit in,” he tries to change his nature, not his behaviour (he tries to “choose his own path” and is told he can’t. Ouch.) 

He does not believe he can have an honest friendship with no strings attached and without losing the attachment in some way, without him exerting some form of control, and then finds himself in situations where he has none. With O’Brien, they both had teeth, and it was a matter of time until one won out over the other, which makes it so striking when he actually admits defeat, because, this is Thomas, he is always trying to control his fate, and yet she manages to break him. (I actually find it endlessly fascinating that Thomas, although he gave Bates the code phrase “her ladyship’s soap,” he doesn’t actually reveal to Bates what it means, even though it would make sense for him to do so at this point in time. It comes across to O’Brien as both an offensive and defensive move, but it remains defensive without her knowledge.) Jimmy meanwhile, was a huge disaster of miscommunication made worse by O’Brien’s manipulations, and Thomas had to get beat up for him for a friendship to form (for anyone to believe in his good intentions). 

Baxter is different. Thomas tries to use her as a tool to ensure his job security (whether it be imagined or from experience from always being on tenterhooks as a result of both outside factors and his own fuck ups), and he resents her friendship with Molesley, and views her standing up to him and taking his power away from her (which, coincidentally, almost got him sacked) as a betrayal to him. Then, after his awful treatment of her, she keeps...being nice to him??? What. Fake news. Must hide and ramp up the pushing away, clearly there is a defect or she’s just waiting to do something. And then she still helps him, even after he confesses to the letter thing (I saw that confession as like, one last check, she would have every right to abandon him, and yet he gives her the full knowledge of that for her to rightly make that choice and leave him at his most vulnerable, and she still doesn’t.) Then, full Barrow Loyalty UnlockedTM.  

I didn’t mean to dive into a whole character analysis or whatever this is, but just, yeah. Also, that picnic scene where he tries to turn over a new leaf right before he attempts to give up for good just hurts me. It’s like, he is finally trying to be nice and useful! To everyone! He brings the bottle Ms. Patmore forgot, he attempts to save Andy from embarrassment, he is constantly offering help, only to have the last of any of his purposes stripped away. Andy doesn’t need lessons from him anymore? Clearly that means they probably won’t be friends anymore since Thomas won’t be useful to him. No one needs his help? He should’ve seen that coming. He is gently rebuffed by everyone because they all are being polite, and it’s just a casual, well-meaning, “hey, you don’t have to inconvenience yourself, Thomas,” (and they’re probably a little confused at him even offering to help.) So what he hears is, you have no place, you have no use, you have no purpose (even though that wasn’t the intention of anyone at that picnic). 

HE IS NICE TO MR MOLESLEY. He hopes he will make more of his life than Thomas ever made of his own. He hopes he will have a purpose and a place, that Thomas no longer feels any hope for having himself, as a result of both outside factors, and his own behaviour and choices, and the constant interplay of all three. 

And Molesley remarks on how weird he is acting. 

And Baxter catches on. I think what makes me saddest about this, is, Baxter has seen the worst and the best of him, and she has not left. She is likely the one to have defied his fears and expectations the most, and he was going to leave without saying goodbye or anything at all because he knew she knew him the best and she would’ve noticed something and stopped him. AGH.

It’s just. He is such a lucky, unlucky, tragic, conflicting, frustrating, entertaining character who often just perpetuates his own misery. Maybe he would be better off if he tried to relax and stop trying to control everything, but he can’t fully let himself (”it’s being nice what got me into trouble,” etc,) and when he tries to let everything go and accept his situation, let Downton go, and try to turn over a new leaf in a new job, he is LONELY and miserable. And then it is, once again, through chance, that he replaces Carson. 

Just. What a guy. The universe is both conspiring for and against him.

(Also, if you couldn’t tell, Baxter is the real MVP.) 

Thomas Barrow is such a funny character, it’s like, man wants job security, proceeds to go about attempting to secure his job and land promotions in ways that will ensure his prompt termination. Somehow against all odds he continues to be rehired/accidentally promoted to everyone’s disbelief, including his own. Some suspect divine intervention is involved.

[joshfutturman]

ੈ♡˳ jhutch char love confessions gn!reader

summary: jhutch chars realising they're in love with you headcanons for josh futturman (future man), derek danforth (the beekeeper), mike schmidt (fnaf), billy (burn), clapton davis (detention) and peeta mellark (the hunger games). suggestive elements.

ੈ♡˳ josh futturman

♡ it hits him like a truck one day, the realisation that he loves you. he's not even with you in that moment, in his own bedroom, sitting up suddenly from bed. he repeats it over and over, testing how it feels on his tongue. . . oh god, he loves you. ♡ he's never felt like this before. sure he's had crushes and stuff, but nothing as strong as this. it knocks the wind from his lungs. he can't stop smiling. he has to tell you. ♡ your next date consists of him tripping over his words the whole time, not entirely out of character for futturman, but you can tell he's on edge. he skirts around the words the entire time, until you kiss. ♡ when your lips meet, slowly, tenderly - he can't help it. an 'i love you' slips out between breaths against your lips. his cheeks blaze, but they blaze even brighter when you tell him that you love him too.

ੈ♡˳ derek danforth

♡ he realises he loves you one day at a party, watching you mingle with guests. he watches how you expertly wrap them around your little finger, a sudden surge of jealousy flooding his mind. he doesn't want you being with anyone else, you're his. and - fuck, fuck, what? he loves you. ♡ fuck, derek panics. this can't happen. it's not supposed to happen. he doesn't do that romantic sappy shit. he's happy, happy with the way things are, right? how did you manage to get so close? how are you doing this to him? ♡ he realises he doesn't want those other partners, flings, whatever, he just wants you. and he holds it in for as long as he can, bursting at the seams with love for you. ♡ it's not until you're both on the verge of climax one night, when it slips out unexpectedly in a moment of vulnerable passion, his lips ghosting against yours. it's out before he's even realised he's said it. but he means it, fuck he means it with everything in him. and it comes naturally to you too, echoing it as you capture his lips in yours.

ੈ♡˳ mike schmidt

♡ mike schmidt doesn't believe he deserves love. so when he realises how hopelessly in love with you he's fallen, he curses himself. he shouldn't, he can't. it'll only end badly for him, it's a pattern in his life he's cursed to follow. ♡ he starts to avoid you, stops asking you out, stops calling as often. you're hurt. and he hates that he's hurting you, but it's better for both of you. maybe if he can slip away silently, he can pretend he doesn't cherish the ground you walk on, maybe he can pretend you're not the love of his life. ♡ you greet him angrily at his front door, you're not going to let him slip away from you. you're met with resistance, until the words tumble from his lips in an avalanche of pent up feelings. ♡ it makes you pause, noting the sadness in his eyes. you cup his cheeks, gently guiding his face towards yours. you admit your love too, kissing his lips softly, repeating it as the look on his face tells you he doesn't believe your words, can't believe your words. but you'll prove it to him, every day for the rest of your lives if you have to.

ੈ♡˳ billy

♡ billy will tell you that he doesn't do 'love'. it's cliche, it's sickening. it's all to hide the fact though, that he's so clearly falling deeply in love with you. ♡ it's a sinking feeling that makes him feel sick, how much he cares for you. he finds himself thinking about you on drives, aching to have your hand in his. and he feels stupid, because he's never felt like this before. all those sickening love songs suddenly start to make sense, and he finds himself humming them occasionally. ♡ but how can he tell you? how can he tell you he loves you when his stomach forms knots at the very thought? it's too much, his soul will be laid too bare for him to handle any kind of heartbreak after that. instead he keeps his feelings to himself, cold, quiet, hoping they die away. ♡ they don't though, they blossom when you tell him you love him one day. you explain that you know he doesn't 'do love', but that you can't help it, you love him, and that's that. billy can't help it, he grabs your stupid dumb lovable face and kisses you till you both can't breathe, mumbling an 'i love you too' under his breath.

ੈ♡˳ clapton davis

♡ he realises he loves you one day while skating, and does something he hasn't done in a long time. fall. his body connects with the ground and he lays there, staring up at the pale blue sky passing him by. his arm stings a little from the impact, but he doesn't care. a smile spreads across his face, he loves you. ♡ clapton loves you, a lot. it's like a curtain has been pulled in his mind, revealing what was there all along. he's smiling, chuckling to himself as he wonders how he didn't realise it sooner. you're like, the coolest person ever. of course he's in love with you. ♡ he spends two whole weeks listening to 'if it's love' by sting. he sings it in the shower, hums it while out skating, mumbles it under his breath during classes. 'if it's love, it has no season, if it's love, there is no cure, if it's love, it won't see reason, and of this you can be sure. . .' - man, sting just. . . gets him. he totally understands the feelings he feels for you. ♡ and that's how he tells you, in a mixtape titled to you. the first song is that same song, and as you place it in and hit play, clapton rambles on about how he's fell head over heels for you. it's the cutest thing you've ever heart, the cutest thing anyones ever done for you - and you don't think you've ever seen him smile as wide as he does when you tell him you love him too.

ੈ♡˳ peeta mellark

♡ peeta fell in love with you the day he met you. it wasn't hard to fall, not when you clicked the moment you both said hello. they say love at first sight isn't real, but peeta knows you're proof that belief is wrong. ♡ he shows his love without words through his baking, sweet treats left at your doorstep, leftovers from the bakery brought on dates, asking you to try his experimental new recipe. he tells you he loves you through actions, through his kindness and patience. the way he gently tucks your hair behind your ear, holds doors open for you, or just simply listens with those sweet, gentle eyes. ♡ and he knows it's silly, maybe, how in love with you he really is. but he knows all to well that life is too short to hold back. he'd kick himself if he never got the chance to tell you how he really felt about you. ♡ so it's not hard for him to find the words when the time is right. they leave his lips, firm and strong, proudly almost. because he's been telling you he loved you from the day he met, albeit silently. and he'll tell you forever, until he proves just how special you are to him.

[talktonytome]

if someone asked me at the end

bucktommy ft breaking up & making up + presumed dead

Buck knows he’s straight up wallowing, but he can’t muster an ounce of energy to do anything else. Eddie’s probably a day away from dragging him out, like he did when Buck couldn’t be at work, after his leg accident. He’s lying on the couch, tracing mindless patterns on one of the throw pillows, as a documentary plays on tv. He gave up watching it ten minutes in. He meant to watch it with Tommy.

He has his favorite Tommy hoodie on and he refuses to wash it, even though it’s been a week. He mostly sleeps with it, but he’s feeling especially sad today. Besides, the only stains that can be attributed are the tears he shed on it.

God, it had been such a senseless fight. In true Buck fashion, he can admit what he did was dangerous and reckless. Tommy hadn’t even begrudged him for doing his job. He only expressed concern about taking unnecessary risks and asked Buck to please take him into consideration, next time he thought about doing something so reckless.

In the heat of the moment, and very much in a fit of good old self sabotage, Buck turned venomous.

“I’m not sure you know me at all,” he’d spat at Tommy. “S-so maybe this is it for us.” He wanted to take the words back as soon as they left his mouth, but he stood frozen and watched in horror as Tommy’s heart shattered in real time. By the time he came back to his senses, Tommy had left with a sad and painful, “Okay, Evan.”

Buck isn’t totally clear if that counts as a break up, but it sure feels like one. He wants to reach out so badly, but he knows he hurt Tommy and he’s been trying to give him space.

He considers driving over to his place to talk it out, remembers how Tommy did that for him, right before he kissed him and upended his entire world. Fresh tears well at the memory.

He thinks maybe a good shower cry sounds like a solid idea, when his phone rings. He flips it over to see who’s calling and picks it up immediately when he sees it’s LA Gen. He’s memorized all the surrounding hospital numbers over the years, for obvious reasons, the 118 being frequent fliers being one of them.

“Hello?”

“Is this Evan Buckley?”

“Y- yes, that’s me,” his hearts races, but he tries to remain calm, bracing himself for the worst.

“This is Stacy, I’m a nurse at LA General, she explains calmly. “I’m calling about Thomas Kinard. You’re listed as his emergency contact and he-”

Suddenly, she’s cut off by the hospital intercom, distinctly alerting a code blue in the background. “Damn it, he’s coding again; grab the crash cart,” Stacy barks, her voice sounds far away from the phone- and that’s the last thing he hears before the call disconnects.

Tommy.

Buck is barely conscious of his actions, as he races to the hospital. He only stops long enough to shove his feet into mismatched slippers and nearly jerks his key holder from the wall, while frantically grabbing his car keys.

Aside from knowing all the hospital numbers, he’s also memorized the quickest routes to each one. Perks of being a firefighter, he thinks sarcastically. That, along with breaking a few traffic laws, lands him at LA Gen in record time.

He doesn’t remember and doesn’t care if he locked his car, by the time he’s stepping through the emergency room doors. For the first time since the phone call, he lets himself think, wondering what state Tommy’s in- if he’s alive. He has to be, he tells himself, like there simply cannot be another option.

He channels some of the sureness he’s grown into on the job, and tries not to shake too much as he walks to the information station, where a sweet-looking older lady is working. “Excuse me, I need to find my boyfriend’s room? A nurse, Stacy called me less than an hour ago a-and I think he coded. Please, I just need to see him,” he says as steady as he can.

The lady gives him a sympathetic nod and smiles at him. “Of course young man, what’s his name?”

“Thomas Kinard,” Buck supplies immediately.

“Hmm, yes, I see him in the system,” her eyes scan over the computer screen and Buck catches the moment her demeanor changes.

“Is everything okay?”

“Um, you know, this thing glitches sometimes,” she says nervously.

She’s stalling, and if she’s stalling then…

“Anyway, I’d better let Stacy update you. She’s at the nurse’s station on the third floor. I’ll call her and let her know you’re going up.”

She holds out a visitor pass and Buck takes it, nodding numbly. His body’s on autopilot as he reaches the elevator and rides up to the third floor. Luckily, the doors open right in front of the nurse’s station. A harried-looking middle-aged woman leans tiredly against the side and Buck guesses that must be Stacy.

His feet are heavy as he walks up to her and something in his expression must tip her off.

“You’re here for Thomas, right?”

Bucks nods weakly, palms sweating, dread sitting on his chest heavier than the fire truck had on his leg.

“I’m so sorry,” she starts.

“No. Don’t.”

“We did everything we could, but he coded twice and his heart was too weak to sustain the stress and damage.”

Buck grips the desk, like a life-line. It’s the only thing keeping him from crumbling to the ground. He feels like he’s under water, Stacy’s words drift further and further away.

“Sir,” Stacy grabs his shoulders gently. “Sir, breathe. Match my breaths,” she demonstrates long, deep breathes until Buck begins do to as she says. “That’s it, come on let’s sit down for a little while,” she guides them around the corner to sit on a bench by the first few hospital rooms on the left wing.

“Evan?”

Buck must be hallucinating, because Tommy, a very much alive-looking Tommy is standing in front of him. Maybe Buck went into shock and died.

But then Tommy’s coming closer into view, a bandage visible across his forehead and his face is flushed, which means blood’s coursing through his body, and that means…god, he’s alive??

“Evan, are you okay?” He asks in that deep, sure voice of his. Buck had missed it like a limb.

He hardly knows what he’s doing, before he’s launching himself into Tommy, body racking with sobs and gasping for breath, as he chants into his neck, “you’re alive, you’re alive, you’re alive.”

“Hey, hey Evan,” breathe for me,” Tommy pleads softly. “Shh, it’s okay, I’m very much alive, I’m okay.” Buck sobs harder and Tommy holds him closer, rubbing his back in soothing circles.

“I- I thought you were dead! I got a call and then she said-”

Tommy frowns, “I don’t know what they told you, but it’s just a concussion. I actually told them not to call you,” he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, you’re listed as my emergency contact and they wouldn’t let me leave the hospital alone.”

“I’m so sorry to interrupt.” Buck only just remembers Stacy’s still there and he would be furious- Hell, he is furious, but the relief of finding out Tommy’s alive surmounts his anger. He doesn’t let go of Tommy, only turns his body enough to look at her.

Stacy’s face is sheet white and unshed tears line her eyes “I- I can’t even begin to apologize for this. Sharon called and she said Thomas Kincaid. That’s the patient who coded. I didn’t realize you were here for Mr. Kinard. The names are so similar and both on the same floor, of all the things,” she’s crying now. “We’re short-staffed and I had to run off while I was on the phone with you. I know that’s no excuse and I understand if you need to report this. Again, I’m so, so sorry.”

Buck does feel for her. He’s very aware of the staff shortages all over and how overwhelmed the hospital staff has been, especially the nurses. He’s not going to report this. He’s angry, but he knows it was a genuine mistake. He’s learned that doing things out of rage isn’t a good thing, and all that matters is that Tommy is here, alive.

“Look, I won’t pretend like I’m not angry, but… I understand,” he assures her. “I’m not reporting you to anyone, just please don’t let this happen to anyone else. It’s the shittiest feeling in the world,” he chokes out. “And, I’m not trying to be rude when I say this, but can you please leave us alone?”

“Thank you,” she says voice barely above a whisper, her shoulders slump; Buck’s sure she must be relieved. She nods curtly and takes her exit.

Buck instantly turns back to face Tommy, not allowing more than a couple inches of space between them.

“Oh god, Evan, you thought I died- they told you I died. Well, who they thought- I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that felt like.” Buck can’t believe Tommy’s the one apologizing, of all people.

“I’ve never been happier about a mistake,” Buck proclaims with a watery laugh, a ghost of a thing. “You’re alive, sweetheart, you’re alive,” he repeats, assuring himself that this is real.

“I’m alive,” Tommy confirms, leaning in the rest of the way in to rest the uninjured side of his head to Buck’s forehead. Because he does, in fact, know Buck so well. Buck knows Tommy knows he needed to hear that from him.

“Tommy, I- I’m so incredibly sorry about that stupid fight,” Buck pulls back to look Tommy in the eye. “I was obstinate and dumb and I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Evan,” Tommy breathes.

“Please, let me finish,” Buck begs. “I wanted to take it back, as soon as I said it. You do know me. You know me better than anyone and I lashed out unfairly. You didn’t deserve it. It’s all on me and my insecurities, a- and I’ve been a complete mess since that night. This doesn’t erase that, but I missed you and I love you, and I want to be with you i- if you still want me.” There, he manages to get it all out and can only hope Tommy won’t turn him away.

Tommy lifts a hand and gently cups the side of Buck’s face. “Evan,” he starts, “first of all, I missed you too, terribly; god only knows how much, and, I love you too.” He rubs a calloused thumb across Buck’s cheek. “I won’t lie, what you said that night hurt like nothing I’ve felt before. I didn’t want us to be over. Turns out the sound of a heart breaking isn’t very loud at all,” he says, voice small and pained.

“Tommy-”

“Your turn to let me finish. Please?”

Buck nods, kicking himself mentally for interrupting.

“We- things won’t work if we retreat and withhold and jab. You have to talk to me, when your insecurities trip you up. We take care of each other, okay?”

Hope takes root in Buck’s heart for the first time in a week. Tommy smiles at him, tentative, yet tender.

“We’ll definitely talk more about what happened,” Tommy promised, “but of course I still want you, I’ll always want you, Evan,” he vows.

“Oh god, I promise,” Buck nods as a few tears run down his face. Tommy delicately wipes them away. “I called a therapist and made an appointment the day after,” Buck confesses.

“Really?”

“Mhm. I want to work on my issues- for us, but also for myself,” Buck asserts. “You’ve helped me grow and have shown me what healthy communication looks like, but I know I can’t put it all on you.”

“I’m so happy to hear that,” Tommy beams at him. “I think that will be great for you and I’m here for you, always.”

“Thank you, Tommy.”

“Of course.”

Buck rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet; He’s itching to kiss Tommy, but doesn’t want to push it. The ball should be in Tommy’s court he decides.

Tommy scans his face and must find what he’s looking for, because next thing Buck knows, he’s using the hand on Buck’s jaw to bring him in for a sweet, passionate kiss.

Tommy’s lips are chapped, from the hospital air, no doubt, but they’re the best thing Buck has ever felt. He sinks into the feeling, as they re-familiarize themselves with every ebb and flow. They go on for seconds or minutes, he can’t be sure, but at some point they taper off into gentle nips, until they’re parting, and Tommy pulls him in completely flush against his body so they’re holding each other again.

“God, I really missed you,” Buck exhales softly. “Love you. So much.”

“Love you, too, Ev,” Tommy says into his shoulder. “Let’s go home?” He pulls back, reluctant to leave Buck’s arms, but settles for intertwining their hands.

Buck’s never been more deliriously, insanely grateful. He sends a silent thank you out into the universe.

“Yeah,” he brings their tangled hands up to kiss Tommy’s knuckles.

“Yeah, baby, let’s go home."

[myluvmine]

Just Stay

Pairing: Bucky Barnes × gn!reader

Summary: You find yourself on Bucky’s doorstep one night when you’re hurting and desperately need some comfort. Bucky’s there to provide just that.

Word Count: 0.9k

Warnings: Mention of reader having wisps of hair, crying, reader is quite sad at the beginning but all is well at the end.

A/n: My very first posted fic! It’s not mentioned what exactly is troubling the reader. Here we go<33

💞reblogs and feedback are tremendously appreciated!!💞

The quiet that blanketed the apartment was something almost tangible.

Disturbed by nothing but the occasional sighs of discomfort that left it’s sole occupant— who had found himself curled up uncomfortably on the living room sofa. The coffee table clock read 00:32 in a bright red that slightly messed with Bucky's eyes when he stared at it for too long.

The knock at the door was subtle, light. Almost as if it did not want to be heard. Bucky thought it probably would not have been, if not for his super soldier hearing.

With a grunt, he got up from the sofa and grudgingly dragged his feet to the door. For just a fraction of a second the thought of who the hell it might be flitted across his mind.

“Um....hey Buck.”

He thought his brain might have stopped working for a moment. Maybe he was dreaming again.

“Hi.”

But when he clocked the way you kept picking at your nails as you tried to look anywhere but at him, it seemed to knock some sense into him.

“It’s late, doll. What’re you doin’ out at this time?”

You found yourself fiddling with the buttons of the coat you were wearing— it was Bucky’s. It still smelled like him.

Finally gathering the courage, you looked up at him. Trying your level best not to let the burning sensation behind your eyes win.

Bloodshot eyes met Bucky’s. Uncertainty and embarrassment swimming deep within. He felt his heart break into a thousand little pieces. Those eyes should never have known pain, it was unbearable to watch.

“Could I come in?” The words had made their way out of your mouth before you could bite them back.

With a fervent nod and a hand at your back which put a gentle pressure, Bucky led you inside.

Silently, he led you to the sofa where he sat down with you. The warmth from where he had spent the last few hours had not yet dissipated completely.

“Hey, hey.....look at me.” Bucky started softly as he tried to persuade your gaze to him.

You felt like you were about to break. An icy hand reached out from within you as it cruelly wrapped it’s palms around your heart and squeezed with all it’s might.

Tears raced down your cheeks, an unstoppable waterfall. Everything was blurry, even the baby blue eyes that seemed as though they were gazing right into your soul, filled with so much concern and pain at the same time that it made you wonder for just a moment how it was possible.

You gasped for breath as a chocked sob resounded within the room. Only after hearing the panicked ‘It’s okay doll, you're okay’s and ‘it’s okay, just breathe’s that seemed to last forever did you realise that the noise had come from you. You were crying. Sobbing so hard you were curling in on yourself.

And Bucky was pulling you towards his chest with an expression that suggested that maybe he'd been stabbed with a knife to his heart.

He rocked you back and forth for what seemed, at the same time, both like seconds and all of eternity, rubbing your back in what he hoped what a comforting pattern.

Once the small, panicked gasps had eventually died out, with the lightest pressure possible Bucky slowly pulled you back up to face him.

He greeted you with a quiet ‘Hey’ as he nudged the lone wisps of hair that had managed to fall over your face away with his fingers. “You wanna tell me what's on your mind?” Bucky proded lightly. Hoping, praying you would let him in on whatever it was that was bothering you because seeing you like this, so wounded and vulnerable— to say it broke his heart would be a dire understatement.

A broken ‘Buck—’ was all that could make it's way out before your voice broke, strained and your throat raw courtesy of your burst of emotion earlier.

This was all still very new to Bucky. Being on the other end of the line. The receiving end. It was you, who more often than not had the pleasure (or perhaps it was a displeasure, one that you never let show) of welcoming a teary eyed Bucky on the verge of a meltdown, into your apartment. And you would do whatever he needed to calm down and feel safe in that moment. Whether it was to just simply hold him or brew him a cup of the tea he loved and often associated with comfort, solely because it reminded him of you.

Now it was his turn to give. To hold you and whisper reassuring words into your temple as he offered to brew you a cup of the tea that had at this point in his life, become an unavoidable part of his it. Along with you.

You broke the silence that had settled over you both again, clearing your throat in an attempt to complete your sentence. “I’m sorry I—” But apologising turned out to be the wrong move, as Bucky immediately but firmly stopped you in your endeavour, dropping a barely-there kiss on your forehead. “You don’t need to apologise. Ever.”

“What can I do for you? Please, I want to help.” Bucky pleaded, desperate to find a solution, because now the universe was really screwing with him, messin’ with his girl like this.

“Just....stay with me.” Your answer came out muffled from where you had your face securely tucked into the curve of his neck.

His arms tightened around you, pulling you impossibly close to himself.

“I’ll stay for as long as you need, doll.”

[soul-eclectic]

Have you already shared your alonzostrap headcanons? Also do you have any fic recs with them?

i have not !!! lemme run through em rq ehehe

there will be a LOOTTT under the cut....so for everyones sake, here is this small doodle of them:D feel free to scroll past if you dont wanna read my rambling

i think that alonzo is a very heavy sleeper, and munkustrap is NOT. i feel like alonzo would toss and turn and snore real loud, and munkustrap is just curled into a ball snoozing quietly... when he wakes up, which is earlier than it should be, the only thing keeping him from getting up is alonzos dead weight. alonzo would totally sleep for 12 hours at a time, and munk would only get a solid 6 lolll ((it was also SUCH a learning curve for him to tune out alonzos snoring))

alonzo, whos usually always showing off or restraining his emotions to seem Cool, really allows himself to let all of that go with munk! he is very comfortable putting his bravado away for a time. he knows that munk doesnt see him as someone who needs protection, which makes him feel more sincerely confident:) one of alonzos words is "uncertain" so i play into that a loott for them

meanwhile, munkustrap feels very protected with lonz...i wouldnt say he sees him just as a shoulder to lean on, but where alonzo was a street cat who Knows His Stuff, munk kind of lets the reigns go. he does NOT usually like being taken care of by any means but he is comfortable letting alonzo do so! he still struggles to communicate his needs though, i think. the only reason alonzo can usually tell is just because being near eachother is second nature

though i think when they met, alonzo disliked munkustrap just as much as he disliked every other stranger cat he met on the streets. he could tolerate him being around, but he didnt really have friends so he was under the assumption that munk would tire of alonzos one word responses eventually, and leave. also, alonzo was and still is very much the "i dont need help" type lol

meanwhile munkustrap was absolutely ecstatic to find another cat his age that he didnt already know!! he reeeaally wanted to get to know alonzo, and maybe show him the junkyard one day for fun. sooo imagine munks suprise when alonzo shows up to the junkyard one day after a bad run in with macavity

he offers alonzo his own sort of guest den, but is even MORE shocked when alonzo asks to stay with him in his den.!!!!

long story short....they were roommates....unfortunately nothing happened for a very long time because alonzo didnt think munk liked him like that, and vise versa. it happened veeerry slowly, with more touchiness and words of affection...i think they had a "what are we" phase

uuuhhh heres a thing. first 2 panels are earlier in the timeline if it wasnt obvious by munks collarlessness !!! also gus. hiii gus

my fic recs...hmmm...im gonna have to go with

- Did It Hurt when You Fell From Heaven? by OnTheFritz

- Moments of Happiness by OnTheFritz (again)

- Sick Days by OnTheFritz (sorryy, they made a lottt of the alonzostrap stuff on the tag)

- A Pattern of Timeless Moments by Immasari

i cannot find my most favorite one for some reason...this is so sad idk where it went

[babyangelsky]

Color Moments in Two Worlds Episode 9

We out here experiencing the highest of highs and the lowest of lows this week. Almost everything was in dire straits this week including the colors. Sometimes the Thai BL gods really do give you everything you want and sometimes they give you everything you don't want but unfortunately saw coming.

My boy Kram may be on the brink of death from sex consumption (@slayerkitty I do love you for that one) but that doesn't mean the colors are gonna stop coloring. The green strap of his oxygen mask matches Tai's green shirt because his yellow + Tai's blue makes the green of love.

As a matter of fact, Tai spends the majority of this episode in some shade of green in his desperation to maintain his connection to Kram, who was given a very grim prognosis. This one is a more yellow green because Kram is the only thing on his mind.

My beloved clown son Jao may still be working through his feelings, but the little bit of yellow in his plaid matches the warm yellow wall in Kram's room, so we know he is here for Kram by making Tai eat and take care of himself.

Kram's mom goes to visit him and through the tears that someone put in my eyes, I noticed the tiny bit of green in the pattern of her blouse matches Kram's mask.

Tai is a good husband and he refuses to sit idly by while Kram wastes away, so he enlists Phupha to help him find literally any sort of information on Kram's illness so they can maybe cure him. They match because they're on the same side and working toward the same goal.

They learn that there's a special fruit that grows under very specific conditions in the jungle that can stop the spread of Lumana, so Tai sets off to find it with Jao in tow.

As they're getting ready to leave, Wayu makes sure Jao has everything he needs for this expedition, including an emergency firework. We returned to form last week so Wayu's blue shirt does match the blue in Jao's plaid...

...but the green in the plaid also matches Tai's green shirt.

And if I didn't recognize this particular plaid shirt with mounting excitement I would be so annoyed about that but PATIENCE!

As Tai and Jao make camp for the night, Tai looks at a photo of him and Kram on his phone. We get a little flashback to the day it was taken and the show offers us some comfort by giving us Kram dressed in his warm yellow and Tai's cool blue.

Tai can't sleep and neither can Jao, so Jao finally asks what I'm sure he's been wondering for weeks: why Kram? And as if I needed any more confirmation that Kram is Tai's warmth and his light, my boy says:

DAMN RIGHT HE IS! HE'S YOUR SUNRISE! I LOVE CLOWNING CORRECTLY!

In addition to being unbearably sweet and validating, hearing this serves as the final nail in the coffin of Jao's feelings for Tai.

Don't look so sad, mi cielo, glorious things await you.

Tai and Jao find the fruit and as they're making their way back, my clown son falls into a tiger trap and hurts his leg. He sets off the emergency firework he claimed he didn't need and Wayu comes to save him for the second time in as many episodes.

And when he does, this happens.

We're almost there.

Tai gives Kram the fruit and Kram finally wakes up, although I will be forever haunted by the cold empty grayish white of that hospital room and Tai matching it. It's such a contrast to the vibrant colorful scenes in the jungle.

This show never lets us forget things so even though Kram has woken up, his paleness is a stark reminder that he isn't cured.

And the fact that even Phupha matches this horrible goddamn room means we are not in the clear. I hate it here.

GOOD THING WE'RE IMMEDIATELY THROWN BACK INTO BEAUTIFUL RICH WARMTH WITH THESE TWO.

Jao asks Wayu if he gave him CPR when he fell into the river because Jao felt like someone had kissed him. Wayu admits that he did and shares that he's been in his feelings about it because Jao was the first person to ever make him cry.

We then learn that not only did Wayu and Jao know each other as tiny children, they've had feelings for each other since then, too. They were separated when Wayu's family had to move and parted on bad terms, and Wayu has been carrying a torch for Jao ever since.

AND THEY FINALLY FUCKING KISS ABOUT IT! @respectthepetty THEY FINALLY GOT THERE! WE DID IT!

What follows is another absolutely phenomenal, beautiful intimate love scene, no portion of which I can show you because Tumblr will immediately throw me in horny jail. BUT IT WAS SO WORTH THE WAIT!

Unfortunately we have to go back to the horrible hospital room, but it's made slightly less horrible by the fact that Kram's mom reveals that she knows who he is. She does match the room as she does so, but rather than matching the walls she matches the warmth illuminating the curtain.

We get devastating scenes of Kram's dad in World 1, wearing his son's warm yellow and setting out a plate for him, waiting.

Kram has decided to go back to his world and even though he agrees to Tai's proposal that they go back together, we know that's not going to happen. Kram, in that infernal cold white, has already made up his mind to go alone, which is why he doesn't match Tai's green or the green shining through the curtain behind him.

Earlier, mystical auntie Lhu called to tell Kram what time the water would be turning blue and he lied to Tai and said it would be at midnight when it was actually 11 o'clock. 11 was supposed to be the time Tai was going to come pick him up but by that point, it would already be too late.

Tai catches on and catches up to Kram but it doesn't matter. The preview already told us what happens.

[ghost-bxrd]

Howdy!

Hope you’re having a owl-some day!

For your Court of Owls Au, I was wondering at what point does everyone accept Tim as part of the flock?

I saw one post that said Bruce takes him under his wing as soon as he realizes his parents go south for the winter (and fall, and spring, and summer lol) without him

And another that said that Cobb wouldn’t view him as part of the parliament until Jason does

I feel like Cass would probably probably love her little owlet brother pretty quick? He joined the fray before her so she wouldn’t have known a time before so I think she would be less inclined to think of him as a cuckoo. Do you agree?

I’m curious at what point Dick would. Canon Dick was teaching Tim flying patterns pretty soon after he accepted Tim as a mentee but Talon Dick had a stronger connection to Jason so I wonder how that would impact their relationship

I’d love to know what makes Jason accept him as a bird of a feather instead of seeing his presence as fowl play

Also would Cobb immediately accept him after Jason says Tim is a part of his party or would he have to do something that proves his loyalty or be in some sort of danger that makes Cobb begrudgingly view him as part of the family?

I’m also curious, once they do accept him, how protective of Tim are they all? Do they keep him close to the nest or let him fly free with the expectation that he keeps them in the loop?

How would they react to him being in danger after they’ve claimed him as one of their own?

(Sorry for all the bird puns, I made one and then couldn’t help myself and had to make more lol)

Hi! So the Talon!Dick Au (Owl Song) is a different universe than the one where the entire batfam is part of the Court of Owls (Court Family Au).

But to answer your question: Cobb would really only accept Tim after Jason has warmed up to him.

Before that, Cobb would only ever see him as an imposter. A poor substitute for the son ward him and Bruce lost. Him threatening to gut Tim was a very serious threat, and also one Bruce had to put his foot down with and straight up order his (slightly deranged) Talon not to act on.

Tim’s attempt to help stabilize the Court (and Bruce) doesn’t help his case very much, because while it sure improves the over all dire situation Gotham’s found herself in after Jason’s death, Tim unwittingly had to take over a lot of the operations and projects that used to be Jason’s.

Cobb was… very protective of the “little street rat” turned “Heart of the Court”. Having someone else “bully” their way into their lives to insert himself into the achingly vacant place Jason left behind dialed his murderous instincts up to a million.

The only reason Cobb doesn’t ignore the command to not hurt Tim is because he can see that both Bruce and Dick take comfort in his presence. That’s it. The moment he thinks Tim is “obsolete”… well. Timbers should keep himself useful is what I’m saying. There’s a proverbial sword of Damocles hanging over him at every step and turn.

As for Cass, she wouldn’t have very many contact points with Tim. She rarely stays at the manor for long, usually opting to oversee Court operations from the Shadows to make sure there are no unnecessary deaths or civilian casualties happening. When she’s home she usually also stays hidden, choosing to observe the manor’s occupants. And sometimes, when Dick or Bruce look particularly sad, she curls up in the seat next to them and leans her head on their shoulders. That always seems to make them happy.

Once Bruce finds out about Tim’s parents being a no-show most of the time and he moves into the manor… well, I think Cass would be intrigued, but everyone’s body language is sending her a lot of mixed signals in regard to the newcomer’s presence.

Dick doesn’t have an issue with Tim. He’s… less than happy about it at first though. Especially when he thinks Tim really is supposed to be a replacement for Jason. But Bruce clears that one up very quickly.

Regardless, Cobb doesn’t agree (he rarely does)

Jason would eventually, and very grudgingly, realize that Tim is the personification of a sad wet cat and extend an olive branch to him in the form of just— existing with him in the same room without spitting vitriol.

Tim straight up thinks he’s going to be murdered. Right now. (Because he can totally see Cobb staring at him from the shadows, he’s got a sixth sense for that look by now)

It’s a slow going progress, but over time Jason’s animosity towards Tim morphs into a fierce kind of protectiveness

And Cobb doesn’t like it, not at all. But Jason’s claimed the kid as part of the parliament, so he’s bound to accept him into the flock as well now.

I’m not sure yet whether Cobb ever truly ends up becoming protective and fond of Tim, but there would definitely have to be another catalyst for it.

[mshroom1e]

Hello! I'm here to request for The Wanderer! Hope it's not too specific.

So Scara's been kinda doubting himself lately so his s/o tries to cheer him up by leaving him food with little notes telling him how much they love him.

Hello! Thank you so much for your request! To be honest, I wasn't really sure what to do with the story for this one, so I tried to just go for a single short and sweet type of fic. I hope you enjoy!!

To the Heart | Wanderer x GN! Reader

type: fanfic

Summary: they say that the fastest way to the heart is through the stomach. It appears that the same can be said for people like The Wanderer as well.

1.2k words

Warning(s): none

Saying that food was your speciality was a complete understatement. You were proud of your cooking and took great pride in it. You always found a way to share your cooking with others, and your beloved, The Wanderer, was no exception.

He was snarky and sometimes a little mean, but you knew that it was just his way of showing that he cared. He never overstepped boundaries and kept the playful teasing and remarks to a minimum. However, it was very rare when you saw him without some form of humour or smile on his lips as if the thought of doing something to tease you crossed his mind. You could read between the lines and knew exactly what made him tick, even though it may look like that he didn’t care. In reality, he was prone to self-doubt.

You also learned that he often had nightmares about past events that occurred in his previous home. That fact alone was enough to make you feel guilty every night since you knew that those incidents were caused by one single person, but that person was most definitely not you. It just hurt that you couldn’t do anything to change the past, so there wasn't much that you could do except help him get better.

Lately, for the past week, you haven't been able to find the time to spend it properly with The Wanderer. In the little moments that you were able to be together during the day, you noticed he seemed a little down. You wondered if it was because of your regular, untimely absence or just his mind catching up with him. It wasn't the same without his snarky remarks and teasing you that almost always backfired on him. He wasn't being himself and it didn't take long for you to notice.

The first thing that crossed your mind was food. You saw the way his eyes lit up and sparkled whenever trying the dishes that you made during your travels together. He always gave a curt reply, briefly telling you that he enjoyed the food while avoiding your eyes, but you could see right through him. You knew it meant that he appreciated it.

So, here you stood in the kitchen of the Inn you and The Wanderer were staying at for the next couple of weeks. You asked the owner for permission to use it for cooking (with a bribe of one of your best dishes, of course). You decided to go for a simple Inazuman-styled lunch, something that would remind him of his first home. You knew about his past and how much sadness and regret he felt when it was brought up, but the fond, faraway look in his eyes only proved to you that the feelings associated with his home weren't fully negative.

You hoped you could bring back a new, wonderful feeling with your food. Something that would make him smile softly as he ate it, while shyly trying his best to give a sincere compliment.

And off you went, cooking up a storm.

Kuni woke up with sunlight gently kissing his sleepy eyes. From the looks of the position of the sun in the sky, it was about midmorning, the usual time he woke up. The gentle, savoury scent of rice, meat and vegetables flowed through the air.

When he arrived at the kitchen which was the primary source of the delicious smell in the air, he saw that you were nowhere to be found. On a table that stood at the centre of the room, there was a light blue lunchbox. Strangely, the pattern of the box matched the motif of his outfit, that alone earning his curiosity. He raised an eyebrow, partially scowling, hoping he wasn't wanting his time.

"Might as well..." He muttered to himself and stomped towards the box. His scowl remained as he opened the lid, not fully convinced it was left with the intention of being for him, but the lunchbox's design said otherwise.

He let his guard down, soon realising the lunchbox was from you. His eyes grew the tiniest bit more eager, but he still had an annoyed expression painted on his face.

Then, he opened it.

He felt his eyebrow twitch and his frown deepen when the first layer of the lunchbox was unleashed to be viewed by his eyes. A note. In your handwriting.

'Eat well, cutie. Meow.'

He blinked. Then he blinked again.

A wave of heat travelled up his neck and invaded his entire face. Of course, the note was from you. You were the only one who had the guts (and stupidity) to call him dumb, cutesy names like that. It irked him, especially how you managed to call him things like that so casually. To be completely honest, he kinda liked it. But still!! It was so- ugh...

He felt the dark cloud that plagued his mind clear up after reading the note. Your usual ridiculousness easing his tense face into a smile when he couldn't conceal with his usual smirk or scowl. Anticipation built up in his chest as he got closer to see what you made for him this time.

It was a cute, simple dish. A portion of rice shaped like a cat, which made the 'meow' on the note slightly less weird, but The Wanderer still thought that you were ridiculous for that. The cutely shaped serving of rice was surrounded by various spiced vegetables in the shape of flowers and slices of meat cut into hearts. Some of the cutting was a little clumsy, but it was clear that you gave it your best when putting it together.

When he started to eat, the flavours melted in his mouth. Even someone without a heart could feel the emotions and flavours that were all packed into that first bite.

He took another bite. Then another. And another. The bursts of flavour felt exactly like home. Not the home that abandoned him, but the home that he found with you. His mind welled up with emotions that he wasn't even sure he was able to feel anymore. Eyes glossed over, tears glazing over them and giving them an iridescent sheen. Feelings of sadness and self-loathing loathing being washed away by just a single gesture. Little did you know about the overwhelming impact that your actions had on the young puppet.

He didn't even realise he was crying until a drop of water fell on the smooth paper, causing the affected area to become a shade darker.

Usually, when you left him a meal like this, it was because you were too busy to make something with him during the day. Your work usually meant that you'd be away from The Wanderer for a few days, or only be available at odd hours in the morning. When you weren't busy, you would make something for him and yourself, chatting about your week while he watched you with adoring eyes but a frown on his face to veil the joy he spent from spending time with you.

[legitalicat]

The Lives of Friends - A Gift

A companion piece for The Lives of Friends, a collab done with @foxyanon @thenameswinter99 @zaldritzosrose .

Series Masterlist here!

Summary: When Alisanne returns to their room, her and Aegon talk about the Viserys of it all.

CW: Talks of abuse, talks of neglect, talks of Aemma's death, anxiety, Viserys Targaryen

Pairings: Alisanne Stark (OC) x Aegon Targaryen ii

Word Count: 1.1k

Previous Part

Alisanne didn't look forward as she walked in, the door closing quietly behind her. Instead, her gaze was focused on her hands. Covered in a bit of dirt, fingertips pink and screaming from her anxious picking. Even knowing Aegon wanted her presence, she couldn't shake the anxiety.

Music danced through the air of the room. She recognized the song from Hozier, the one he played for her on their very first date. That was when she looked up, just to see him approaching her. There was a smile on his face, a visible relief in his body.

“Aeg,” she whispered.

“Shh,” he told her quietly, one hand wrapping around her waist while the other took her hands. He placed them over his chest and held them there as he began swaying to the music with her.

It was easy in these moments, when it was just the two of them as their dogs slept cuddled up beside each other. If Alisanne was honest, it was easy in most of their moments together. No longer was she begging the man she loved, or thought she loved, to change for her. No longer was she begging not to be hurt. Aegon wouldn't dare dream of hurting her. He would do anything and everything for her, she knew this.

He moved them around the room, holding her close, as the song spoke of finding love again. Of seeing the same patterns of love you held for someone else somehow interweaving themselves into the place of someone else. The love that heals the pain of your past while allowing its existence. At least, in her mind, that's what it was.

“You aren't his replacement,” she whispered to Aegon.

“You're sure?” he asked. His feet never wavered in their sured steps, but his hand tightened over hers and his eyes searched her face.

“You have made your own mark on my heart and laid your own claim on my soul. To think of you as a replacement is a disservice to the love I hold for you,” she told him. Her own body leaned into his, longing for him to feel the way she loved him.

“How do you do that?” he asked as he slowed their dance, the music beginning to fade.

“Do what?” Alisanne asked, her brows furrowing.

Aegon gave her a small smile, weighed down by the sadness he always felt when he thought of his life before Maegor stepped in. Alisanne had been so open with him when he asked, when he needed her to. And she had asked for so little from him in return, only wanting his love and patience.

“I mean, you know my parents weren't great,” he said to her.

She nodded softly, pulling him over to a couch so they could sit. “You've told me that much, yeah,” she said quietly.

“You know, Dae’s mum is my sister. Rhaenyra's mum died in childbirth, birthing a son that Viserys so desperately wanted, only for him to die too. He met my mum and married her within a year, and wasted no time in getting her pregnant,” he told her.

“Aeg, you don't have to tell me,” she insisted, squeezing his hands.

“I do. Because I can't keep reacting like this with you, it's not fair,” Aegon said softly. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead before pulling back. “I spent my entire childhood trying to get Viserys to love me. It wasn't until I was eight or so I realized I was to replace the son of his that died. He said to my face because he was pissed that I broke some stupid award he had gotten.”

A chasm formed in her chest. The gut wrenching pain of hearing how little Aegon thought of himself made her feel as though she needed to puke. How anyone on this earth could know Aegon and not love him is beyond her comprehension.

“I am my mother's trauma. My father's regret. And I am more often than not everyone's second choice,” he said quietly.

“Not mine,” Alisanne said quickly. “I don't remember ever thinking about a future with someone. But I think about our future all of the time. I think about growing with you and celebrating all those little milestones and I think about having a million and one chickens and watching your face as I bring home another cow. I think about us being old together and reflecting on our years together without any regrets or wondering because there never will be any for me.”

Aegon's sadness melted away as she spoke. He hadn't ever truly doubted her love for him, but the past made it hard sometimes to see what was right in front of him.

“You want that with me?” he asked her quietly.

“I want everything with you. Ideally over the course of a few lifetimes, but I’m willing to settle for the rest of this one,” she told him, leaning against him once more.

He kissed the top of her head and held her. His heart calmed for the first time since Helaena and Edward’s arrival. Alisanne had that sort of effect on him. Every fear was created and soothed because of her existence. The fear of losing her and never being enough for her bubbled up unlike any insecurities had before, but the way she felt against his body made him forget.

Aegon pulled away from her, meeting her worried gaze with a soft smile. He stood up, walking over to his chest of drawers, rummaging around in the top. Alisanne watched him carefully as he came back to her and handed her a book.

It was bound in a gorgeous black leather, embossed with golden paw prints going up the front. When she opened it to the first page, she saw it to be a planner. The pages themselves were embossed with the logo of her bakery, a tulip setting on top of a cupcake.

She noticed every weekday had an hour blocked out beginning at one pm. It was simply filled in as “lunch with Aegon”. Every Saturday was filled in as “date” and then every Sunday was “Aegon goes to work with you”.

Her fingers flipped through every page. Every single one was the same. Every date night, every plan they have made this far, neatly tucked away into the appropriate days. And eventually, the days faded away into journal pages. The first one covered in his scratchy attempts at fluid cursive letters.

I will make my life interweave into yours. I want your days, your thoughts, your dreams and your nightmares to be carried in these pages and in my heart. - Aegon

“I love it,” she whispered. “And I love you.”

“I love you,” he told her. “Now come on, I think Rhae wants us all in the sand and water.”

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

Ooh! Ghost and a 141 member (let’s say König) are already in a relationship and König knows Ghost’s been fucking around with Johnny cause he loves him.

König and Ghost aren’t in love they’re just friends with benefits type things while being actual, good friends. Anyway, Ghost panics when Johnny says he loves him, shuts down and treats Soap harsher than he ever wanted to.

Soap gets really hurt but resolves that maybe he’d gone too fast too soon and tries to go after Ghost in order to apologise. But when he finds Ghost and König locked together he assumes that Ghost’s been using him to cheat and the harsh words and actions earlier make perfect sense now.

Poor Soap’s done this song and dance one too many times and that was his last straw. He’s lost faith in ever being truly loved and just leaves.

Ghost asks König for help because he’s a fuckin idiot and the Austrian agrees cause he cares for Ghost and doesn’t wanna see him sad. What he doesn’t know is what exactly it was that Ghost had said and done.

So he finds Soap, alone in the mess hall, drinking something and sketching in his notebook. The man looks distraught and on the verge of tears so everyone’s giving him a wide berth at the moment.

König sits across from Soap and the Scot doesn’t even look at him, just keeps making mindless patterns in his book. When the Austrian tries to translate Ghost’s god awful lack of communication Soap merely scoffs, throwing his pencil down and glaring down at the table.

“He doesn’t love me. Made it abundantly clear when he went and fucked you a few minutes after he told me I was just a nice hole to fuck.” König feels like he could kill Ghost with the news, trying his hardest to amend the mistake even though he knows it’s useless.

“König look. I appreciate you trying to console me or whatever but it’s useless. I’m just not good enough o love and I’m fine with that, really. So could you just… not?”

And König swears he feels his heart break with the words. Soap was one of the easiest to love individuals in the 141. Who had hurt him so much in the past to make him think that?

Soap doesn’t stick around after that, and makes himself incredibly scarce whenever König tries to find him. He definitely has a very long and very serious talk with Ghost after that, trying his hardest not to yell but finding it hard to keep all his anger under wraps.

This is vaguely based on something but I can’t remember what it’s called for the life of me sorry.

[voidwritesstuff]

Long Way To The Truth

Cw:alcohol,discussions of therapy and grief.

Summary: Lucas finally reaches Washington and settled into Milton-Haven.

♡Chapter 8: Washington.

A/n: FINALLY DONE. Enjoy.

Soon he leaves the grand beaver state of Oregon, though its mountains and forest lines accompany him, hes greeted with small homes and rudementary brick Bridges.

Above him its a cool summer morning, a few clouds dappled here and there under the blue Sky. He taps his fingers on the steeringwheel just taking the Farmland in, and hes reminded of that cabin Rosemary had mentioned.

Lucas easily saw himself as a park ranger,he had grown up in Florida, explored the forests and knew how to survive in the wild. He hopes nobody has taken the job up until now, He'd be genuinely sad about it if so.

He lowers the sun visor,eyes catching sight of the picture hes got of him and Wheeler--Hey bud,see me as a park ranger?--He asked,mostly to humor himself while on the road.

And it makes him chuckle. "Yep,lost it" he thinks with a grin, just playing along to his boredom.

Eventually he does make it to Milton-Haven, the large entrance of almost this Greek looking style with two statues holding up this large wooden sign with faded colors.

The statues are of two greek gods,one is Morpheus god of dreams, and the other one is Psyche goddess of the soul.

His eyes quickly reads the wooden sign, "Welcome to Milton-Haven, The place that Will forever live in your mind" the faded pastel magentas, purples And blues swirl together in this oil spill pattern, beautiful but oddly...forboding.

People dont pay attention to his van as he drives into the town proper. Lucas feel relief wash over him, finally he had made it.

《It doesn't hurt me (yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna feel how it feels? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making? (Yeah, yeah, yo)》the radio plays, and he simply humms along. He loves this song.

He asks for directions to Elysium park and is quickly directed towards it. He drives over some Train tracks as he enters the greenery filled place, how does this small town have a train? For what purposes? Do they export something?

Or are they receiving something?

The van is left to be Parked outside the entrance of the place, before him is a large sign that reads "Elysium State Park". Its oddly charming,especially now that midday is coming up.

His eyes dont pay attention to the phone booth there either, he always saw them as very....ominous? Anyone could call one of them up and whoever picks it up could be subjected to one weird phonecall.

Lucas would rather not leave the van alone,but he cant drive into the park. So,he grabs his walkman and one of his mixtapes to listen as he walks, better to Keep his mind distracted.

And as he walks into the park, he simply takes the forest in,the crisp air and walks in silence. Few people at that hour of the day,at least for now

《You

It's you and me

And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

Be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

Be runnin' up that building

Say, if I only could, oh》

He walks down the beaten path,dirt crunching underneath his boot. His body feels...somewhat light, relieved.

Finally,he had arrived to the place that has been haunting him. He can let go of some the worry,of the guilty.

"I'm already here,Al' just you wait" he thinks before Spotting a big map of the park. Just what he needed,perfect.

Summer breeze blows past him,hair and his green flannel blowing in the wind. The sunlight is warm against his tan skin, he checks the route and finds a visitors center.

--Hell yeah-- He mutters with a smile, and hey look-! The ranger cabin is right on the way to the center.

Off he goes then, feeling like a Man on a mission.

As he walks,the people around him dont pay much attention to him. Its good to not feel so exposed,he blends in and allows himself to just fully admire the forest.

Sunlight spills its light past the boughs of the trees,the leaves move,Sway and fall with the gentle summer wind that caresses them and runs past the branches Freely.

People sit under the shade, eating their lunch and talking. Birds fly over him, looking for food to snatch- Hes sure he saw a pigeon steal a piece of bread from a nearby picnic basket.

It reminds him of home a little, he was a big Outdoors person-Him and his family would go out Hunting. He wonders if Milton-Haven gets deer and other hunting game, perhaps he can go out to hunt sometime soon. That would be fun,and he could practice his aim.

He walks past the broken down ranger cabin,chunks of the roof are missing,some of the wood is old and rotten,some Windows broken by teenagers probably.

Theres an odd carving on one of the walls. 《J&L were here》. Yep,this Is the work of teenagers-And poorly maintained infraestructure.

--Charlie Foxtrot--He mutters under his breath,that house was a clusterfuck indeed.

Eventually he makes it to the visitor's center. Its a large Wood and brick estructure, designed to look like a cozy cabin. The large Windows, the earthy colors- He gets that feeling of nostalgic 60s architecture and 90s modernism.

He steps in and stops the tape in the walkman,he takes off his headphones and goes to the main desk.

Before him a woman,short red hair,deep brown eyes with freckles. --'scuse me?

The woman looks up at him, eyes tired but welcoming--Hello, what can I help you with?

Okay,now hes got to talk. Not good at that one...

--Came- came here for the ranger job- I- I saw a broken down cabin on the uh...way here?--He stutters,not sure what to say or how to say it. Its not exactly a job interview...

She nodds and smiles a little,trying to reassure him--Ah yes! The groundskeeper job right? Ill go get Miss Witherspon,she works at the parks department, you see? She can help out

So off the girl leaves,he doesnt know her name or how Long itll take her. Perfect,now to stand there awkwardly until something happens.

He sits at one of the nearby Chairs,fidgeting with his dogtags and just....existing mostly. As much as he liked the great outdoors,places Like this kind of throw him off.

Luckily theres not Many people around to judge him or stare at him,which hes thankfull for because he wouldnt know how to handle it.

When the girl returns,Lucas is met with whom she guessed is Miss Witherspoon. He sees a black woman, eyes a dark grey with her brown hair in Jheri Curls,held Back with a black headband, she wears a comfy suit of a deep blue.

--This Man is here for the groundskeeper job--The girl that manned the desk said,gesturing at the ex soldier.

--Lucas Cole--He extended his hand and Miss Witherspoon shook it.

--Sally Witherspoon, nice to make your acquaintance-- The black woman answered with a polite smile-- Can I ask what interests you about the job?

Hes good at lying through his teeth, so he shrugs and gives her a coy smile.--well I like the great outdoors,the greenery- And judging by the state of the Cabin back there...it needs some love--He makes a pause--A lot.

The woman infront of him snickers--Hah,it does--She agreed-- We've been needing a groundskeeper for a while- You have experience with that kinda job?

Lucas nodds, seeing the red haired girl return the the main desk. --Yes,actually--He replied,sounding all friendly-- Im originally from Florida you see? My family used to go out hunting,camping, ive grown around forests. And im a veteran so I know a thing or two about security--He jingles his dogtags.

Sally looks impressed--Well, I mean if you can fix up that old cabin then the Jobs all yours

He blinks a little confused--That easy?

The woman scoffs--we're in need of a groundskeeper,and that cabin is an eye sore,so yes.

--Well,perfect. Ill take you up on that offer--He replied,not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

--Great,I'll talk with my sueperiors and get the materials needed. You're just going to have to..

--Do the hard work?--She nodds a little sheepish-- hah,dont worry ma'am im quite used to it

After that she hands him the number of the parks department for him to call if hes got questions. And off he goes back to his van, figuring he ought to explore the town a little better.

Though first,he better get something to eat. So,he stops at the parks dinner for some lunch-He digs the rustic vibes of the place. His ordee is taken by an older woman around his age, the tag on her shirt reads "Olive".

Milton-Haven is quite small town like-He realized as he Walked around the place post lunch. Theres safety in numbers and hes happy to blend in with the people around him, jusr admiring the simple quaintness of the place.

He makes notes of a few interesting places,restaurants, cafés,a record shop and a bar. "Dyonisus Bar" read the neon sign that shines even at this early hour of the afternoon.

Out of Curiosity and mild boredom he steps in, the place is quite rustic with fake grapevines tangling around the beanpoles and the walls. Its a mix of 90s architecture with its ornate details in the scaffolding,the decorations of the walls and that rustic feel that seems to be a trend around the town.

--Quite early for a drink huh?--A Man behins the bar asks to another costumer. The ex soldier turns to see a guy in his 20s manning the bar, dark brown hair with a cobalt blue underdye, greyish green eyes and tattoos all across his arms.

Lucas sits to see if he can strike up a conversation with the guy,get some more information on the place. He calls the attention of the barkeeper and smiles politely.

--You too huh? Its not even happy hour--the brown haired Man says with a smirk.

--Hah, kind of. Just here to ask about the town, im uh- New

--I'd say,havent seen you before--Theres a small hint of a hispanic accent to the Man, his way of speaking is sing-songy-- Whats your name,stranger?--He asked,polishing a glass.

--Lucas, n you are?-- he finds himself Charmed by the guy, a lot of charisma clearly.

--Lazaro, call me laz

--Nice to meetcha,Laz-- the radioman answers--What can you tell me about the town?

--We're small, honestly. Quite boring--He replied,setting down the polished glass--Before I say anything though, whats your poison?

He chuckled--Gotta pay for information?

The Man chuckled--All in a days work,mate. Dont wanna be greedy but you know-Gotta make a living

--Fair enough, just a beer Will do-- he replied, not minding getting hustled.

--cool, we've got Budlight,Corona,budwiser and uhhh--He thinks for a moment, turning to the small fridge behind the bar-- Heineken

--Corona 

Lazaro nodds and goes to Grab a bottle,hes quick to return and pocket the metal cap once the bottle is Open-- good choice,Its my sisters favorite--He pushes the beer up to the other man-- Actually,sorry to be so forward but youre exactly my sisters type

His face blooms with deep reds,he coughs a little- Jesus, hes not used to this-- uhm...thanks?

The barkeeper snorts-- ill make you a discount for the discomfort-- the soldier chuckles, easing into the conversation-- As I was saying, we're a small town. Quiet,cozy,easy going

Lucas nodds--Any interesting history to the place?

--Not sure- Theres the icarus point,the lighthouse- Oh the church of the blessed eyes, thats pretty--He lists off a few places until he adds--Oh right,it slipped my mind- Fort Sonder! Yeah the old bunker at Elysium Park!

--The whatnow?

--Yeah! Its an old world war II bunker, havent been used in ages-- Laz replied, tapping on the counter-- ive seen some people around It- security probably I mean im sure the state doesnt want kids to vandalize it

--Fair- Fair enough-- answered--Anything else?

He thinks for a brief moment,pursing his lips--Sadly no- But I guess I can ask my dad- hes ex military. Might know a thing or two

Lucas eyes widen,a little surprised--Theres veterans here?

--kinda! Me and my family moved here around...three years ago. Mostly world war two, like my dad!--He chirped-- Ah,hold on-Now you opened pandoras box I love talking about my family

--Kid, i got nuthin but time. Ramble away--He answers,seeing the younger guy pull out a photo and handing it to him.

On the picture theres obviously Laz,though hes covered in piercings and dressed like a goth. Beside him is his younger sister,brown eyes and a gold underdye, bright green eyes full of mirth, shes dressed like a punk.

His eyes turn to the taller figures behind them both, his gaze turns...puzzled-- before you say anything, we're adopted-- Laz says with a slight smile at the other Mans confusion.

--I- sorry

--Dont be

Lucas returns his gaze to the  Man behind the siblings,taller and well built,covered in scars and marks over his eye and cheek and a lot of freckles on his coppery skin. Beside him is an even taller woman, probably around his own height (6'10),she has beautiful dark brown skin,her afro covers her eyes and shes built on the bigger side, her lips have a warm grin.

--This is Raymond,my dad--Lazaro points at the Man with thay Cooper colored skin-- And this is Eryz,my mamma-- he gestures at the woman with the afro-- Aaaaand~ This is my sister --He points at the smaller woman beside his photo self. He grins at the soldier.

Its clear Laz is just messing with Lucas, he plays along because its just a 20 something being a teasing dipshit. Hes been there before,did the same dumb shit and he just decides to play along.

--nice family--Lucas answers with a smirk-- Gotta say your dad doesnt look his age-you said he was in world war two?

The barkeeper nodds--Good genes,hes like... sixty five?

He could relate to being "old" and spry, so he doesnt say anything other than--Fair --And then he remembers something, now that hes here he might as well ask about that therapist--A friend of mine June,says she knows a guy whose sister is a patient of uh..doctor Wales I believe?

--Oh no way you know June?-- Laz exclaims,happy to be reminded of his friend-- yeah,its my sister who is a patient of his

--The world really is small,huh?

--Hah! Yeah it is

Lucas chuckles a little flustered-- You dont happen to have his number do you?

--Ill ask my sister and give it to you Next time you come around--He replied, non-chalant. Not his bussiness to know why would the Man need it.

--Thats, thats really nice

He shrugs-- we all need help,come by tomorrow and I should have it- I promise you wont have to buy a beer for it

The soldier laughs loudly, nodding along with joy. Perhaps he can make a friend out of Lazaro, he could use the company--Hah, thanks for that- I dont exactly have money comin' out of my eyeballs here

Lazaro snorts at the metaphor, turning his head a little-- Pff! Fair enough!

After his beer,he pays and leaves the bar. Soon he returns to his van and decides to spend the rest of the day walking around The park, he does notice the bunker,though he keeps the visor of his cap well over his face just in case.

The bunker is old,overgrown and with a Giant radio antenna coming out of It. Theres a big chance thats where the experiments are taking place, so close yet so damn far.

He doesnt linget just in case,but he does stay nearby one of the small lakes there to Journal and relax.

"Log entry:

Finally at Milton Haven, its a relief to be here after everything. Been mingling with the locals, the town seems...quiet. I like it.

Made contact with the park people here and met a barkeeper, he told me about Fort Sonder. I suspect thats where the experiments are taking place, probably where that Dr.James is holed up.

Progress,baby steps..

Im closer and closer to finally set the record Straight."

He closes his Journal just as the sun starts to set, a sigh leaves him and he starts walking back to the van,making sure to avoid the bunker.

Luckily,he doesnt have to spend too much time living in his van. Soon enough Sally finds him and tells him he can start with the repairs.

Not a week into his little home renovation proyect,he meets Lazaro's dad,Raymond. He had offered to help him out on the repairs since its quite a lot- Lucas saw no danger in it and he accepted.

--What brings you to Milton-Haven?--Asked Raymond, helping him to set the insulation in the walls.

--Following up on an old friend--Its the best he can answer, nervously pushing back the stray hairs that dont care for being hold back by the red bandana on his head--Last I heard hes here

--Maybe i can help,whats his name?

He panicked and replied--Romeo-

--Dont know any Romeos,sadly--Ray answered,making sure to give the wall a good coat of spray foam.--havent been here long so maybe I just missed it

Okay,thank god hes not asked to elaborate--Maybe he moved,I honestly dont know

When the cabins all repaired,Raymond takes Lucas out for a beer at Dyonisus' Bar. They chat and slowly get into the talk about their service in the military.

Thats when Raymonds age start to show, he talks about world war two with a distant look in his eyes and bitter woe hid underneath his casualness.

Nothing Lucas hasnt seen before,he knows it first hand. So  return, he opens up about Vietnam,and a little bit about Wheeler.

《You don't wanna hurt me (yeah, yeah, yo)

But see how deep the bullet lies (yeah, yeah, yo)

Unaware I'm tearin' you asunder (yeah, yeah, yo)

Oh, there is thunder in our hearts (yeah, yeah, yo)

Is there so much hate for the ones we love? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Oh, tell me, we both matter, don't we? (Yeah, yeah, yo》

Music fills the silence that forms when hes done talking about Wheeler's death. Of course he doesnt tell the full story,but its good to Open up about it somewhat.

--That sounds...rough--Ray says leaning on the bar with this look of...fatherly pity in his eyes.--im so sorry, kid.

Its that damn petname that really makes his heart squeeze and churn and hurt like hell. Yet he nodds,holding Back the tears that threaten to form and expose him.

--Its- ive been dealing with it--He replied, taking a swig from his beer-- I got to talk about it with a friend we both knew, she gave me this,actually-- He gestures at the red bandana he has tied on his left wrist.

--Talking helps-- The older Man said, figuring he shouldnt pry. Though his gaze lingers on his companions bleary-- Crying too,no shame in crying

Lucas feels a little exposed- Did his eyes betray him somehow?. He clears his throat and avoids telling Ray he sounds quite a lot like Wheeler did.

After that night,Lucas moves into the place, at least the basics like his radio equipment and his cot. But he sleeps a little easier knowing he has a place to call home for a while, its a nice upgrade from living in a van crammed with Gear.

When he gets a phoneline, he calls up Dr.Wales. he had the whole thing rehearsed,he Hated calling.

--Hello?--Says a Man, of a somewhat deep but welcoming voice.

--Morning Mr.Wales --Lucas tries his best to Keep his tone steady--Im a friend of Lazaro's, his sister is a patient of yours.. I-- he makes a pause, knowing this is the first step towards recovery. He just needs to set one foot after the other-- I wanted to schedule an appointment

--Yes, of course--Dr.Wales answers,seeminly going through his schedule given the fact that the sound of flipping paper can be heard-- I think theres a space for you Next month, sounds good? Im kind of pretty busy until the end of this one

--Yes- its uh,no Biggie.

They talk for a bit,just bureocratic things like scheduling and fee discussion. After that,Lucas sits on the one person sofá hes got and rubs his eyes.

Maybe he should call up Jane and tell her the news,Surely she'd like to know hes getting help. So,he does- And admits he misses her already.

Now that hes got a "Base of operations" he tries to Catch that frequency again, now that hes close this should make it easier to eavesdrop. And he could confirm or deny his suspicion that the bunker in the park held the lab.

The few times he catches things they sound...oddly muffled. Perhaps this Dr.James had been moved to the bunker and thats why the transmission sounds so...weak?

It leads him to create what he called a "Radio Beacon",A modified walkie talkie.Now he could tune in on the frequency from the bunker, Its just a little clearer with this. And,it gives him a good side proyect to Keep his mind occupied when hes not working as a groundskeeper.

He figures that going from soldier to Park ranger is a good change of pace. He gets to be there in the great outdoors,helps people out and its mostly left to his own devices-Great cover for when hes walking around the Park late at night.

Lazaro was right, this town is quite calm and quiet. He really likes it.

One night, as he returns from his day as a firewatch(he covered sometimes for the actual firewatch guy,Eliott) he finds a cardbord envelope in his doorstep.

Hes careful to both Grab it and Open it, within it he finds a white paper that seems to be the personal Log of Doctor...Rosemary james. Taped to the page was a simple note.

"I wont tell if you dont. -Spider"

Lucas chuckles and proceeds to read the document, nursing a cup of coffee as the radio plays.

《And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

Be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

Be runnin' up that building (yo)

Say, if I only could, oh》

When hes done Reading,he goes to work on his board. He would like to think its not a conspiracy board but he can only lie to himself so much...

He finds humor in it though,and simply keeps working with what hes got. A few red threads here,some more notes over there...

In a sense,he finds pride in this work-In this mission he decided to embark on. A chance at vindication,right?

《Oh, come on, baby (yeah)

Oh, come on, darlin' (yo)

Let me steal this moment from you now

Oh, come on, angel

Come on, come on, darlin'

Let's exchange the experience (yo), oh, ooh, ooh》

--Lucas....Cole.... do you read?--Comes from his radio equipment. A garbled mess.

No,its not from the radio- its...

His head?

Lucas turns violently, seeing a woman behind him- or what he thinks is a woman. Shes covered in blue light and radio waves.

--Rosemary?--He asks,and just like that the visage is gone-- What the- no,cmon-- He runs to the equipment to try and tune into the frequency, though he finds no success in it.

To his credit,he really did try everything, even walking up near the bunker with his radio Beacon. But It seems that his luck had run out,for now at least.

《And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

I'd be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

With no problems》

And that night,as he sits on his cot journaling his eyes drift to the picture hes got with Alphonso. He smiles with nostalgia and returns his gaze to his Journal.

He sighs with that same bittersweet air--Finally here Man.-- he takes the picture and plays with one of the edges of it-- Im making things right

Lucas rips out a piece of paper and writes on it for a few minutes. Then,he sets it on his nightstand, taking a few moments to read it before heading to bed.

"I pray for you,Alphonso,

As I do every night

That your soul May be at peaceful rest.

That you watch over your brothers,here amongst the living

Where you should be

If it were not for dire mistakes

And unfortunate circumstances.

I beg for your forgiveness and your help,friend.

Give me strength

To overcome those who seek to enslave our minds.

To shine a light to those in darkness

To restore faith in those who are lost.

Amen"

Lucas Cole had finally reached Milton Haven.

And he would set the record Straight.

[raikkonenvettels]

There are a looot of good ones on the list. I can't choose only one so I'll list my faves and let you choose (or combine if you want to). 😊❤

being able to lay on them comfortably no matter the position.

being able to sit/work in a comfortable silence

that little panicked reach for them (ready to catch them at all costs) if they trip ever so slightly

massages whenever they seem stressed

hugs from behind and gentle kisses on the shoulder >>>

"i've got this, you go rest."

ok this is very late, but finally i have something!!! i am so so so sorry but school is kicking my ass so hard it’s not even funny lol

so uh basically this is the first of four prompt fics bc tbh this prompts are amazing (thank u so much v, your mind is >>>>>>>) so i want to write many stories but idk if i can do it in an acceptable amount of time so i’ll publish the first one lol (i could tag you in the next ones when they come out maybe?)

anyways, this is my omegaverse au with hurt/comfort (and also i tried to insert something about hearts bc i know you love them so yeah). i hope you enjoy!!!

being able to sit/work in a comfortable silence

It had become a habit of theirs, sitting in silence on the living room’s couch.

It all started when Kimi retired, which meant that Seb couldn’t see him as much as he wanted - at least not without looking desperate, and that was the last thing he wanted. But he still missed seeing him so much, his familiar and comforting presence never failing to make his anxiety and fears go away.

But the more times Seb came home to the pack house after races, the more he started to notice a pattern: Kimi spent an awful lot of time in the living room as of late, something he didn’t do much in the past, always preferring to keep to himself in his room.

Seb concluded that the quiet Alpha was trying to compensate for the time he didn’t spend with the pack on track by doing that, and the fact that he was trying to come out of his shell a bit more made Seb not only proud, but also extremely happy. After all, Kimi deserves only good things, and pack comfort is one of those.

On a special night though, something much different happened.

The race weekend had been tough on everyone, which meant that when everyone came back, they had all instantly gone to sleep, to recuperate both mentally and physically. Everyone, of course, except Seb.

The Omega had felt restless ever since he came home, like there was something extremely wrong with something - or someone? - but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. So after half an hour of tossing and turning around in his bed, he sat up and sighed.

He knew he wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon, not with the uneasy feeling in his mind, so got up, leaving his (well, technically Kimi’s) Lotus sweater behind, before changing out of his sleepwear and putting on some outside clothes. He then went out of his room to go downstairs and out of the house, in the beautiful rose-covered garden, where his makeshift swing was calling his name.

As he got to the bottom of the stairs though, he noticed someone sitting on the couch, silently staring at the wall in front of them. Seb instinctually went closer to the person, his curiosity taking the lead of his actions, and he was shocked to find Kimi there. So that’s why I felt weird before, my mate needed me…

(He’d never felt more grateful for the partial and incomplete bond they shared for making him actually get out of bed)

The Finn hadn’t noticed him approaching, seemingly still lost in the depth of his mind, a sad frown twisting his features. That expression alone made fear bubble in the German’s stomach: he’d never seen it on Kimi’s face, and he was getting increasingly worried about the reason it might be there.

So he did the only logical thing he could have: he silently sat on the couch and took the Alpha’s hands in his, squeezing them reassuringly, a silent “I am here for you” clear in his actions.

It was only then that Kimi snapped out of his daze, his teary eyes now looking into Seb’s, which made the desire to hug him bubble in his body, but assuming Kimi wouldn’t appreciate it from him, he just squeezed his hands harder. Kimi completely surprised him though, unexpectedly dragging Seb’s body towards himself and burying his head in the Omega’s chest near his heart, his arms tight around the other’s waist, and oh, Seb genuinely felt like crying of pure happiness.

It was evident from the Alpha’s reaction that he was really upset, even more than Seb could have imagined, and the fact that he was the one Kimi sought that comfort from made him emotional, but also incredibly happy. From the Finn’s position Seb could tell that the other was listening to his heart, probably to reassure himself that yes, Seb was still there, alive and well. Seb just squeezed the Alpha against himself, enjoying the feeling of his mate relaxing in his hold.

No words were exchanged, the comfortable silence eventually lulling them both to sleep, curled against each other. Tomorrow they’d talk, but in that moment it had all been perfect.

(And from then on, it became their thing: when one of them was alone on that couch, feeling sad or lonely, the other would come and sit with them in silence, holding the other’s hand and making them know they would always be there for each other.)

i just want everyone to imagine charles waking up and going to the living and seeing them cuddled up on the couch together. pretty sure his soul could have ascended to heaven tbh.

anyways, thank u so much v for your prompts bc they were perfect!!! hopefully this made you feel a bit better i know you’ve been having a rough time lately <33333

[mandy4ever69420]

in seasons 1-10 the only times mickey shows interest in topping (incomplete language - referring also to having sex with women) it's been an expression of psychological distress or being unsafe. this pattern emerged by coincidence mostly but fits pretty well also into mickey's casual tone leading people to not take him entirely seriously.

see: "my dad will kill me" - it sounds like hyperbole, because people say things like this as hyperbole, so ian assumes he must be at least slightly overreacting

especially when he refers to incarceration his casual tone laughs off "being somebody's bitch" and people don't tend to take prison, even child prison, as seriously as i think they should. mickey generally builds a pretty impressive defense mechanism against facing how scary things are by saying them straight up so people don't follow up. a lot of his plot involves the story asking you to take something seriously that he says as though it's a joke. this also has to do with the complicated maneuvers he has to do around the closet. when mandy says he only asks for "girl-on-girl porn" it did immediately occur to me that he'd found a non-gay way to ask for gay porn.

mickey's sleeping with women is another topic where he can mostly find it easy to look away from the hard parts of how it feels. technically speaking, none of the women he slept with did anything wrong. though it does feel relevant to note: we are introduced to the fact that mickey covers for himself by actually having sex with women (rather than implying it, or just bearding like ian and mandy) a literal single scene after he confronts a manipulative pedophile. in a similar piece of framing, we don't learn mickey is gay until after we've learned that his dad is a nazi

his deal with byron is kind of an outlier as the least outright sad occurrence of this, because he's not actively having THAT much of a meltdown. he is, however, making a very direct point, basically to ian's face. both ian and the viewer are made excruciatingly aware that this guy is not somebody mickey would ever seriously pursue. he does it to hammer home the point that he's never going to seriously want to pursue anybody BUT ian. mickey is immediately cognizant of the exact kind of self worth meltdown ian is having (because he's seen it before) and this time he's figured out the retrospectively obvious fact that the best way to get ian out of his own way is to just piss him off. when he tried making his devotion more obvious to reassure ian in s6 it just fed into ian's guilt complex about making mickey act like he loved him. byron is given the unfortunate hand of being picked out as a sort of a parody of everything mickey doesn't want in life. sorry dude.

i've said it before but to reiterate: the fact that mickey is making a strategic choice here doesn't negate that he's feeling vulnerable and hurt. he's just not one to linger on that sort of thing and prefers to move forward with gritted teeth. pragmatism in the most ridiculous dramatic way

i think there was a pretty good opportunity to tie all of this up^ with like a nice bow in 11.03 by either working with a "maybe the discomfort gained from a lifetime of being pressured into something i wasn't that into doesn't have to have power over me anymore even just once to prove my point with someone i do trust" angle OR by taking this from an potentially miss-able subtext into something more overt - if mickey's worrying about being the "man" is it an indication that something else is going on in his head that we need to worry about?

so it's just. infuriating to me that instead this episode is written like an intro to gay relationships. because we couldve been making points here people. nevermind that it barely sidestepped the slightly interesting "bottoming isn't womanly, and womanly isn't bad" there was much more potential there! well let's simply hope that framing mickey as making some sort of concession by regularly bottoming, whoever decided to write that isn't fucking anyone. because jesus christ

[dolphin1812]

It’s so sad to have exactly how much Cosette suffered reiterated here. Knowing that her clothes didn’t even become threadbare underscores how little time passed before she had to experience this kind of stress again; her childhood remains tumultuous, even now that she has Valjean to care for her. And it hurts to hear that she lost Catherine in all of this. The convent is against possessions in general, so she would have been separated from her as part of a broad policy, but there’s a big difference between nuns voluntarily giving up their material possessions and a child who’s only ever had one doll being made to do the same. I guess knowing that the convent would have taken Catherine away makes it slightly less sad that she lost her in their flight (since she would have lost her anyways), but it’s still devastating. The fact that she hints at her despair over this loss to Valjean highlights the depth of her trust in him, though. She’s too used to silence to say anything to most people, but she feels so safe around him that she can begin to express this, even if only indirectly.

Still, the convent is a good place for her right now. She smiles! And she even laughs! It offers her security and love (from Valjean), and that’s what she needs most to recover from those years of abuse.

For Valjean, the convent is much more mixed. He’s happy, too, but Hugo very blatantly compares the convent to a prison (and the same thoughts are running through Valjean’s head here). In some respects, the convent is definitely better. This sums it up well:

“On the one hand, miasms; on the other, an ineffable perfume. On the one hand, a moral pest, guarded from sight, penned up under the range of cannon, and literally devouring its plague-stricken victims; on the other, the chaste flame of all souls on the same hearth. There, darkness; here, the shadow; but a shadow filled with gleams of light, and of gleams full of radiance.”

The convent has a “hearth,” like a home, while the prison is diseased, metaphorically and literally. However, it’s still a place of darkness, even if that darkness is a shadow, and the bits of sky that Valjean sees are limited.

The way he thinks about these two structures also underscores his punishment-centric mindset. Since the galleys (theoretically - we know this isn’t true because his punishment followed him) delivered punishment in the form of imprisonment and labor in return for the expiation of “sins” (crimes), he applies the same logic to the convent, only to find that the nuns suffer to redeem everyone, not themselves. On the one hand, their focus on all people allows him to think of humanity as a whole, which can be good in broadening his perspective. Hugo speculates that he may have become prideful without this, and it’s true that Valjean is bad at thinking of other people; Fauchelevent himself pointed this out. That being said, he doesn’t think of others as a form of connection because of the convent. He only thinks of them in the abstract, encouraging him to continue in his pattern of helping others and forgetting them. He does have another social tie with Fauchelevent now, but the convent doesn’t seem to be addressing the actual issues with his mindset: an obsession with punishment and difficulties in forming real relationships.

[wibble-wobbegong]

having hopper give the line “im not cursed. i am the curse,” in a season where the word curse is given narrative value and importance for the first time in the entire show is certainly a Choice.

hopper feels like a curse because he’s constantly losing or hurting the people around him. there are two really interesting ways to take this line because there are two parallels at play here; henry and mike.

henry’s is very obvious. he’s the most heavily associated with the word curse because of vecna’s curse being used to describe his process of hunting and eventually killing his victims. it feels very indicative of the fact that henry feels like a curse despite not actually being one in the same way he feels like he’s become the predator he was always born to be despite never having been fated to become anything. curses and fate aren’t things he can physically become, though he attempts to become them. he wants to influence the world around him through intense control, and as such he becomes this sort of theoretical — a looming potential without a physical body. no longer a man, but something greater.

i find that hopper’s inspiration for believing he’s the curse to be especially relevant because henry’s ability to ‘become’ the curse increases as he hurts others. both literally and on a more meta level. the literal version is obvious; he kills and hurts and absorbs to strengthen himself. that isnt the only pain he gains strength from though. he also gains strength from memories that make him sad and angry.

not only were we denied any perspective as to what this memory may be, but the parallel implies henry most likely wasn’t at fault for the harm he witnessed. hopper believes he’s a curse for what has happened to sarah, el, and joyce. he’s tried to save all of them and failed or succeeded, but he’s never been the direct cause of a lot of their pain. obviously, in present day, henry is the direct cause of pain for the people he hurts, but those aren’t the people he’d be ‘cursing’ in this parallel. that would be his family.

in hopper’s situation, he’s lost someone (sarah) because he was unable to save her, been led to believe he lost someone (el), and accidentally put someone in danger (joyce). this is directly reflected in the creel family at the night if the massacre. thanks to @/aemiron’s analyses, we learned that virginia most likely didn’t actually die that night, though henry thought he’d killed her. as such, virginia survives and it also seems like she may have been the one to kill alice. henry never harbored any malice towards alice (lol) and it seems like the reason he tried to kill virginia in the first place was a defensive reaction (from @/laozuspo analyses). victor didn’t die, but by angering virginia henry put him in danger.

henry thought he lost virginia, he did lose alice, and he put victor in danger.

this pattern isn’t limited to henry, though. we also see this pattern arise with mike in s4, which is where this all finally ties together!!

mike is already a pre-established parallel to hopper on levels like no other. they’re very similar in a lot of ways, including feeling guilt for hurting the people around them and needing to feel needed. in s5, mike’s most likely going to complete the pattern he’s set out for himself of destroying his relationships unintentionally by fucking up with dustin regarding eddie’s death. he will have pushed everyone far, far away due to his internal struggles. he didn’t want to push them away necessarily, but it was a product of his self destruction.

furthermore, we already see him holding this value that he’s a burden to other people. it’s most directly stated when he says that he’s just some nerd while el is a superhero and that his lack of ability to love her and be there for here is his downfall. he also calls these feelings stupid and apologized for opening up to will that way. in the book lucas on the line, both lucas and dustin are annoyed by his moody behavior. nancy is constantly annoyed with him and he almost makes them late. perhaps the only person he doesnt feel like a burden to is max

on top of all that, he fulfills this rule of three regarding loss. in s1, he thinks he’s lost will but he hasn’t. he puts el in danger by putting her on a superhero pedestal. in s4, the person he couldn’t save is (ironically) max. his failed monologue is directly tied to the fall of hawkins and max’s death.

“i’m not cursed. i am the curse.” is an oddly uniting line between three unexpected characters, and with the ties being built between hopper and mike, i wonder if they’ll end up working together against one of henry’s forces (im betting the shadow monster).

TLDR; henry 🤝 hopper 🤝 mike

emo mfs

[pbandjesse]

I am at the museum while the bull roast fundraiser winds down. My feet hurt and it's been a very long day. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow being a day off.

I had a good day though. I didn't sleep amazing and James was holding me when their alarm went off and they startled and squeezed me really hard. Which is in retrospect very funny but in the moment it scared me. I was able to to back to sleep though.

I slept until around 830. James said they made crescent rolls with cinnamon. I was kind of in a weird mood. But I shook it off pretty quickly.

I wanted to wear my frog pants but I had to tear through my storage clothes to find them and was sad about making a big mess. But James put everything back before I could even really complain about what I did. I got a good husband.

We would eat our crescent rolls at the kitchen island. And we kept saying how nice it is to eat at a table together. I can't wait until the living room is more finished and I can enjoy it even more.

James had already taken all my materials to the car but they also helped me carry Samson's tank. Which was super kind because it was raining so hard. Like it was horrible out and I was not wearing the correct coat. And poor Samson's tank would get all wet inside and it would also make it much colder which was not ideal. But as soon as I could I would dry it off and try and warm everything up.

I got over to creative alliance and it was still pouring and I struggled to find a parking space. I would find one down the alley and didn't have to walk far. But I was all set by the time I got to the door.

Someone was there to open the door for me though and I was able to get inside and get warm quickly. Mostly because the classroom was exceedingly warm.

I was able to sort of make it cooler and worked on setting up. I wiped off Samson's tank and put all my materials out. And waited.

I worked on my example and as I was walking around making my example I saw a family across the street looking confused. I waved at them and held up the turtle I was making and they were like. Oh excellent and came over.

In the end I would have 5 people. And it was fun!

A mom and her 5 year old son and a mom and dad with a 3 (?) year old. And it was great honestly. I talked all though my turtle facts. Asked questions. Tried to involve the little one as much as I could, the five year old answered most things but I still tried to get everyone involved.

I brought Samson out and we talked about what he is. Made some observations and guesses. And it was honestly a lot of fun and the dad said he was surprised how much he learned which was very gratifying. I felt very very smart.

We would make our turtle craft next. And I gave them options but they all decided to sew. And that was great. The mom would do the family's sewing. Which the dad cut things out and the toddler colored some of the turtles patterns I had printed which was just fine with me. I had printed extras.

The five year old was so proud of himself when he was able to sew. And the mom was great. Super encouraging and she was so nice to talk to.

We would talk and work for most of an hour. We would pet Samson. And trouble shoot the sewing. And everyone finished with an adorable little felt turtle. It was a wonderful day.

We would finish up right after 11. I had scheduled to 1130 but with such a small group it wouldnt take up the whole time. Once we were cleaned up I checked with the front desk and was able to leave pretty quick.

I headed to puhtok to take Samson back. And about 30 minutes into the drive I realized I never unplugged the hot glue guns. I was mortified. I used the talk to text on my car to contact Parker and ask him to call the front desk. He would get back to me within a half hour and said it was handled and to not worry. Bleh. Embarrassing.

I got Samson back to his enclosure and rearranged his dirt and made sure he was good before I left.

I wanted to make being out there worth it. I would head to a goodwill I hadn't been to before. It was still gross and raining but I had a nice time looking around.

I did not get anything but this goodwill actually had some good prices. It was kind of far from home but not any farther then work is. I would like to make an effort to look for new places to go.

I wanted to get something to eat. I wanted to go home. I started driving home and was like. I will stop and eat. But then I never passed anything. And by the time I thought I would stop I was shaking and needed to eat so quickly. Like I was struggling.

So then I decided I needed to just go straight home. And of course I got stuck behind so many people. And my phone kept losing service and I was very very close to crying.

But I made it back and immediately microwaved a pizza because I needed to inhale something.

I would get cozy on the couch and fell asleep eventually. It was probably not the best nap ever but I'm really glad I did it because I still had a long night ahead of me.

When I woke up I was not feeling amazing. I felt like my face was all puffy again and I felt ugly. I would redo my makeup and braided my hair and tried to feel better but man. I was not having a nice time.

It would improve. I went and got a sandwich. And that would help my mood. And once I got to the museum I was really happy to see James and that improved everything.

And this whole night was great. I got to do the wagon of cheer again and new Jesse found a microphone for me and I had entirely so much fun with that. I also was an innovator and made a lanyard for the raffle buckets so they could be handsfree. Which made everyone who had one much more comfortable.

It was a busy night. I sold $1500 in raffle tickets. And I talked to so many people and it was honestly just a lot of fun.

I would lose steam around 730 and was very grateful for our dinner break. I was paired with Johnathan who is one of the high ups husbands. And we switched dinners so I could eat with James.

Me and James would sit in the educator office and we were both very tired. They had gone to see Dune two with other Jesse this morning and it was just so nice to sit together even if we were both clearly not at our best.

I would accidentally knock James's cup of water everywhere and was embarrassed

But James kept saying it was fine and their fault and I'm like how exactly is me knocking over your water your fault? Silly behavior.

We had another hour of the raffle. "You could win all of this! Not the wagon but everything in the wagon! 1 for $10 or 3 for $20!" Basically over and over. Just being really silly. But it was a lot of fun.

At 9 they called the raffle. I counted all the money. And James pulled the ticket and it was very exciting. I would go to the desk and helped James hand out the golden ticket raffle ticket prizes. And it was fun to give people prizes. And since then everything has calmed down. I have been writing my post while everything calms down around me. People picked up their coats. Paula, the financial person at the museum who runs this event, had some panicked issues with the auction site but figured it out and everything was good. And now almost everyone is gone. And James is turning off the lights. And soon we will go home.

I am excited to sleep. And tomorrow I hope to have a good day. Mostly just resting. I want to go to home Depot and get some stuff for our projects. I am going to try and take care of myself. I hope you do too.

I love you all. Sleep well. Be safe. Goodnight!!