#I feel like this is the first fic I've written that could use its own director's notes

[hirukochan]

Can I please request a snape smut fic? The reader and him have been friends since school and she is in love with him only he does not know it or realize his feelings till Sirius is flirting with her and it leads to a fight between them leading to them confessing to their feelings. Maybe some dirty talk biting and rough smut

Sooo...I got a bit carried away with this...definetly not the roughest smut I've written, but I hope you like it anyway.

Severus and his sunshine

Pairing: Severus Snape x fem!reader

warnings: Smut, loss of virginity

Wordcount: 7402 (oops...)

Read on Ao3 or below the cut:

“To the youngest Professor in the history of Hogwarts!” You cheer and raise your glass clumsily into the air, spilling half your drink down your arm. “Oops-” You giggle. 

It’s not the first drink of the evening and not the first time you toast to Severus’ new job - and certainly not the last. It bears repeating after all because how fucking awesome is this? You have always known that Severus is the most intelligent and brilliant and ingenious person you’d ever meet! It’s unfair - no, a bloody shame! - how many people never realised it just because Severus’ is a bit awkward and rude and- alright he’s a downright cunt sometimes but he has every bloody right to be with the road his life has taken so far! With a father like that and that awful Potter and his stupid goons!

“We need to cut you off.” He drawls, the corner of his lips curling, and tries to snatch your glass from you. You jump off the chair you're standing on and cradle your drink protectively to your chest, firewhiskey dripping down your arm.

“Try and I’ll bite your finger off!”

“You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not.” Severus shakes his head but doesn’t try to get your drink again, instead focusing on his own (the second of the evening - what a bore). The pub is crowded and loud, nobody pays any attention to the two of you sitting at a table in the corner.

You plop back down on your chair and take a sip of your drink. 

Severus’ eyes have gone distant again. That happens a lot lately. Like something is on his mind that he lacks the words to tell you. Social interactions aren’t his strong suit. You’re the ‘Severus-translator’ Lily used to joke when you three were still friends because you always knew what Severus wanted to say but couldn’t. You always made sure he was included in conversations, told others to shut up so he could speak or smooth over his rough edges whenever someone didn’t get Severus’ dry and dark sense of humour. 

One look at him from across the Great Hall during breakfast and you knew whether he was in a good or bad mood. You knew when he had a nightmare the night before and needed a gentler touch or when to bluntly tell him he’s being a cunt.

This you can’t seem to figure out. 

He smiles less these days. Even less than usual. The four years since you finished school have been hard, especially for him, especially with the war. 

Emotions are not Severus’ thing.

His long black hair falls into his face, hiding his grave expression from the world and you. His face has lost its boyish features. His jaw is more prominent, complementing his high cheekbones. His hooked nose suits him. It’s something about the proportions or symmetry of his face - you can’t quite put your finger on it. Most people seem to be put off by his appearance, but to you he has always held something uniquely beautiful.

He taps his finger against his glass repeatedly. His fingernails are still painted black…You made him let you paint them last time he was at your flat. It suits him.

You place your hand over his, stopping his fidgeting. You wish you’d know what’s going on in his head, clearly whatever it is puts him on edge, but you trust he’ll talk to you when he is ready. 

“You’ll be great.” You say. “I have no doubt. You’re a bloody genius, Severus! These kids are so lucky. They can learn so much from you!”

“I am certain they will share your attitude.” He says sardonically and you snort. Severus downs his drink and takes your empty glass to get another round (and probably a glass of water for you because he’s such a mum sometimes). You smirk as you watch him make his way through the crowd. 

He sticks out like a sore thumb in these new robes he got, but you think they too suit him. It’s probably the first time he isn’t wearing hand-me-downs. He’s wearing all black of course. The most colour you ever saw him wear was at Hogwarts in the form of his emerald green school tie. 

Severus looks intimidating. It makes him look older, stronger somehow. It’s such a stark difference to the beat up jeans, the The Cure bandshirt you gifted him one Christmas and the shabby leather jacket.

But not in a bad way.

He looks good. 

Maybe it’s the fact he has grown taller since graduation. He’s a head taller than he used to be and shed his bend over posture. Escaping both Hogwarts and his recently deceased father agrees with him. That and your continued effort of forcing him to eat three whole meals a day, every day.

His wide shoulders and dark hair disappear behind people and you rip your eyes from the spot you last saw him.

So much has changed in the last four years but that little flutter in your heart whenever you look at him has not changed. When it first started in your fourth year you didn’t even realise what it was about. You’d start stammering around him, earning you silent glares and raised eyebrows from Severus at which you’d blush. After an embarrassingly long time you finally accepted that you had developed a crush on your best friend. 

You’re too terrified of losing him as a friend to ever tell him though.

Severus isn’t good with feelings. They are too complicated. Too messy. He doesn’t need messy. His life is messy enough and so you swore to yourself to never tell him.

Your friendship was already a miracle. You are his polar opposite. You are outgoing and friendly, polite - too polite sometimes - bubbly and optimistic. Severus is - well Severus. He is grumpy and quiet and rude.

You decided to befriend him in your first year. You saw him during the sorting and something about him pulled you in. You really wanted to get to know him and when you heard him talk during your first potions class you made the decision to gain his friendship however long it would take.

You started by sitting at the table next to his in the library. You’d sit there everyday, quietly doing your homework and when he stopped shooting you irritated looks when he thought you weren’t looking, you moved to sitting at his table. You simply smiled at the befuddled Severus and did your work. 

You approached befriending Severus like one might approach gaining the trust of a wild animal. Over the year a truce-kind-of study group had formed between you.

Towards the end of term he asked for your help collecting some things from the forbidden forest - Lily would never break school rules, but you are certain Severus didn’t actually need help, he just didn’t know how to tell you he wanted to spend time with you.

During the summer you send him letters, even after not receiving any back from him and when you saw him by himself in the Hogwarts Express in September you sat down next to him and you’ve been friends since.

You know a romance is even less likely than your friendship was.

“Merlin! I almost didn’t fucking recognise you!” A familiar voice says and you throw up a little in your mouth.

“Black.” You say monotonous. As if he owns the place Black sits down opposite of you on Severus’ currently empty chair.

“You’re hot! How come we never snogged in school?”

“Because whenever I am forced to face the fact that you exist I want to smash my head against a wall.” You say with a honey-sweet tone of voice at which Black’s grin only grows. He doesn’t get the hint. 

“How come you’re drinking alone, gorgeous?” Black continues undeterred, a poised and arrogant grin on his lips.

“I’m not.” His grin wavers ever so slightly but Sirius Black has always believed himself so utterly irresistible that such small details don’t matter to him.

“I don’t see anyone.” He is wearing muggle clothes, trying just a tad too hard to look like a rockstar, but he talks and holds himself like a pureblood still. He might have run away from home but he is still living off of his family’s wealth and he hasn’t changed one bit since school.

Black is (as usual) utterly unaware that he isn’t welcome. Black’s eyes roam over your face and down to your chest like he is appraising you, determining how much effort you are worth putting into seducing you. 

“I think it’s fate we meet like this! You look-” He licks his lips and a shiver of disgust rushes over your arms. “So different. Bet you cut loose that tosser Snivellus. He was clearly dragging you under. A frown on such a pretty face should be considered a fucking crime.” You clench your fists under the table. You have your wand in your boot. It would be so easy to hex him-

“Someone as stunning as you- Oi! I was about to head to this club in Dublin that recently opened to meet Moony and Wormtail - You should join me!” He winks.

“As I said - I am here with someone.”

“But you could be with me!” He laughs as if he just made a joke but you know he is dead serious. He thinks you’d gladly ditched whomever you are here with for the chance of spending time with him. “Bring her too - the more the merrier.” There is a not so subtle suggestive tone to his words and he wiggles his eyebrows. “Come on gorgeous! Someone as sexy as you should not be so uptight! Let’s have some fun, let loose a little - it’ll be worthwhile to you, I swear.”

“What a compelling offer.” Sneers Severus and your heart drops. Great. “I wonder how many you made that promise to, Black, and how many you left disappointed.” Black’s grin falters for a split second.

That’s right.

Severus is different.

He stands taller. He’s fierce and strong and you aren’t at Hogwarts anymore where it’s four against one with the teachers turning a blind eye. You have no doubt Severus would pull out his nastiest curses on Black given the chance.

“Let’s leave, Sev.” 

“Come on, gorgeous!”

“That’s not her name, but one can hardly expect a simpleton like you to care for such fine details as names.”

“Sev.”

“No wonder she looked like somebody was fucking murdered in front of her eyes when I found her - how Lily could bear being close to you for so long I’ll never understand.” Black turns towards you. “Kick this dick to the curb - I’ll buy you a drink, gorgeous.”

“She does not need you for that-”

“I can buy my own drinks.” You hiss and when Severus still makes no move towards leaving, you grab your jacket and storm off. Let them duel like little children if they want, but you won’t get in the middle of that. 

The cold hair of the night hits you while you run down the street. Tears sting in your eyes and you feel so stupid and pathetic for crying. Nothing even happened. You don’t know what’s going on- that’s a lie. Severus sounded like he was about to suggest you’re with him and therefore don’t need Black to buy you drinks which…it’s not wrong. You were at the pub with Severus and you were going to make him pay (he’s a Professor now after all and from what Sev let on the pay isn’t bad) but it wasn’t a date. And Severus suggesting or intending to suggest that hurts. You want it to be a date goddamn! You’ve wanted it for over eight years!

Severus calls your name but you just wrap your arms tighter around yourself and continue down the empty street on the outskirts of London.

“Just wait!” He catches up to you. “What a fucking wanker.” He huffs.

“Mh.”

“What did he say to you? I should have hexed him! I knew it!”

“Drop it.”

“No, I will not drop it! He made you cry- come on tell me what he said and I’ll-”

“What?!” Abruptly you stop walking and spin around to face Severus. He looks at you perplexed, his cloak billowing behind him in the breeze. “You’ll go and start a duel? Why? I told you to drop it.”

“He’s a fucking cavemen! Just the way he looked at you-” Severus grimaces. A muscle in his jaw tenses and he flexes his wand hand.

“Why the fuck do you suddenly feel the need to defend my honour?! You just ignored me in there- nevermind. I’m tired. I want to go home.”

“Don’t let Black ruin our night-”

“You ruined our night! I asked you to leave, you ignored me. I ask you to drop it, you ignore me. I don’t want you to fight Black! We aren’t at school anymore - you’ll get arrested!” Something you have never before seen crosses through Severus’ eyes. Something dark. A cold shiver runs down your spine and you take an involuntary step back.

“I wouldn’t be arrested, Sunshine.” He says, voice low, rumbling like thunder, a muttered promise of destruction and ruin and heat pools in your belly. That he called you by his nickname for you which he uses very sparingly, if ever, doesn’t help the matter. Severus takes a step forward. The heat morphs into a twisting, curling mass that takes your breath away. Severus looms over you, shadows dancing over his pale skin, drawing his cheekbones into an even sharper contrast and you gulp.

“You think Luci is going to come and rescue you?”

“Lucius? I don’t need Lucius for that.”

“Do you even fucking hear yourself?!” Your voice echoes through the empty streets, thrown back off the house.

“He made you cry!”

“Why does it matter?!”

“Because-” He clenches his jaw, his fists shake with suppressed rage. His nostrils flare and for a split second a tingling sensation winds around your heart at the expression in his eyes - the softness in the middle of a raging storm. A lone, untouched, unbothered island in the midst of a roaring ocean. 

Severus exhales. Tension falls off his frame and the expression is gone.

“Fine.” He says quietly. “Let’s go then.” And he walks past you.

“No.” You can hear his steps stop behind you. Tears drip over your cheeks and you stubbornly wipe them away. “Say what you wanted to say.”

“I thought you’re tired.”

“Say it.”

“It’s- it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m not moving until you say it.” You cross your arms in front of your chest. Behind you Severus sighs and you can practically hear him pinch the bridge of his nose like he does whenever you annoy him.

“You sound like a spoiled child.”

“Good practice then. You’ll have to deal with a lot of those, Professor.”

“Are you- I have the feeling you’re angry with me.” You spin around and glare at Severus. He’s not good with emotions, sure - but now he’s just being dense.

“What made you think that?” You deadpan. He rolls his eyes and his disregard for your feelings drives you mad. 

“Black’s a bastard-”

“This is Warren all over again!”

“Yeah and I was fucking right about Warren wasn’t I?” A vein on his forehead pulses, but you don’t give a shit. Warren was your first boyfriend and Severus behaved absolutely rotten towards you.

“Warren was a huge mistake, yes - but he was my mistake to make! What- do you actually fucking think I would ever fucking touch Black? Just the thought gives me an STD!” The barest flicker of amusement flashes over Severus’ features. “I just- I don’t get why you overreact like this everytime I talk to a guy. And it’s not like I was engaging Black there! The fucknugget is just to stupid to get a hint!”

“I-”

“There it is again! You did it again! What is it that you can’t tell me? Come on Sev! You can tell me everything. When did you start having secrets from me?” It’s a hit to your ego as much as you don’t like admitting it. 

You have always been Severus’ safespace. 

He told you things he never even told Lily! Something you didn’t know until third year when Lily asked whether Severus’ parents are ‘fighting again’ when you knew Tobias dickward Snape beat Sev with his belt the day before the Hogwarts Express left for the new term. You fucking healed him in you compartment because his ribs were broken and she asked whether they were fighting. 

Why can’t he tell you this?

Another tear slips over your lower lid and slides down your check. Your bottom lip quivers. You suppress a sniffle and nod. 

You have never felt further away from him than you do at this precise moment. It feels like Severus is sand slipping through your fingers and the harder you try to hold onto him, to the way it was before, the faster he slips away. Maybe too much has changed. Maybe he’s too different. Maybe this unlikely friendship was doomed from the beginning.

You know you’re about to start bawling and that’s the last you want Severus to see.

“Alright…I see.” You whisper. “Life’s different now. We’re keeping secrets now…”

“Sunshine-”

“No- no, ‘tis fine-” You roughly wipe your eyes. “See you- see you sometime….congratulations again.” You turn around to find a quiet alleyway to disapparate to your flat and break down there like a pathetic little teen that got her pathetic little heart broken without ever even working up the courage to confess her pathetic feelings. 

Your steps sound horribly loud in the dark, cold night and with every step you take away from Severus you feel like you’re losing him more, every step is another crack, another break, another insurmountable obstacle between you. The cold wind cuts through your clothes with ease and you shiver. 

“I love you.”

You stop dead in your tracks. Your heart skips a beat or two or maybe it forgets how to work entirely. 

Severus’ voice is quiet, uncertain like it has not been since second year when he thought you didn’t want to be friends with him anymore after he lashed out at you.

“Sunshine- I knew Warren would only hurt you. That he’s not good enough for you. He bragged in the Slytherin common room that you showed him your boobs- He said all sorts of awful things and I- I just sat there. I should have said something, defended you, made him shut up but- Warren was two years above us and…” He takes a shuddering breath, dispelling old shame and insecurity from his voice. “Black’s just like that. He never cared for you before and now all of a sudden he is dying to go out with you? You don’t even realise it, Sunshine but- you- you are stunning. You have changed so much since school, you are- fuck I don’t know- words-” He sighs and rubs his hands over his face. 

You feel numb and like you’re on fire at the same time. Of course you knew Warren spread some shit about you around, it’s why you broke up and broke his nose in the process for good measure, earning three weeks detention with McGonagall, but you wished you would have known sooner... 

And- Severus loves you? No- that can’t be right- He’s in love with Lily- it’s always been Lily-

“You’re happier somehow- you- you’re radiant and beautiful and- you’ve grown up so much and- and- I love you. I’ve loved you for years- I want to protect you. I want to guard your happiness and yes I’d go back to knock out every single one of Black’s teeth for talking to you like that. You just have to say the word - sunshine - I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. And I know I’m not bloody good enough for you- I am rude and surly and miserable to be around - I don’t expect you to feel the same…I- fuck I don’t know-”

“You love me?”

“I love you.”

“I thought you love Lily.”

“Lily is- was- still is- I have no goddamn clue- she’s like a sister. I love her. And I think marrying Potter was a huge mistake and that she’ll divorce him in about three years - if she manages to stand him that long and when she does I hope- I hope we can mend our friendship…maybe- but- but I don’t love her like that. Not like I love you.”

Severus loves you.

Has loved you for years.

Severus loves you… You swirl around and before your anxiety can overpower your heart, screaming and aching and thrashing about in your chest you cup his face with your trembling hands and press your lips against his.

Severus stiffens. For a moment you just stand there, on your tiptoes to be able to reach him, holding onto him, feeling his heat against you, your lips exploding with electrifying tingling. Your stomach clenches and twists, flip flops and gives birth to a thousand erratic butterflies and all flutter around in a whirlwind of emotions that are too colourful, too many, too intense to ever find words worthy of describing the sensation.

Cautiously Severus puts his hands on your back and moves his lips against yours. You’re still crying, tears stream over your cheeks and run along the curves of your face to your lips. 

As if woken from an enchanted slumber, Severus drags you against his chest and kisses you fiercely. One arm wrapped around your back and clutching at your waist, and one hand cradling the back of your head, long slender fingers threading through your hair. You grab the front of his robes and cling to him. 

You both stumble a few steps and your back hits the brick wall of a house. Severus licks along the seam of your lips which you happily part for him. Your kiss grows sloppy and desperate. Your tongues meet gingerly at first but soon the slight air of discomfort and wariness at this development vanishes, flies away into the cool air of the night, gone and forgotten, as unimportant as your stupid fight.

Severus is kissing you. You are finally kissing Severus. He loves you. He has loved you for years.

Everything is good.

“Sev-” You whimper against his lips between two kisses. You try to break them, to wrench an inch of air between you but Severus is like a man dying of thirst that finally found a water source and is clenching his burning thirst. “Sev-” You push against his chest. Severus releases your lips, but doesn’t move away, doesn’t let go of you. 

He leans his forehead against yours and blinks back at you, his dark eyes seemingly trying to pervade yours, to find a direct path to your deepest thoughts, a link between you and him that is untouchable by anybody else, that runs deeper than any other connection between two people.

“Don’t you want to invite me back to your place?” You murmur and tug playfully at the button just above his throat. Severus’ eyes darken. A muscle in his jaw jumps. Your cunt clenches around nothing. Needy, desperate, wanting.

He clears his throat and steps back. How the fuck does he still look put together? How can he manage to reign in that storm in his eyes so expertly, so fast and clean while you’re a panting, sweaty, needy mess after just a few damn kisses?

“You won’t like what I’d do then.” He says, voice heavy with what he leaves unsaid. You push yourself off the wall and wrap your arms around his shoulders. You trail a few chaste kisses up the side of his jaw and flick the tip of your tongue over his earlobe. Severus inhales sharply and flexes his hands again.

“I don’t break easy, Sev.” You whisper and press a kiss to his ear. “You should know that.” He takes another shuddering breath and just when you think you’ll have to deal with the aftermath of his kiss on your own while picturing him nestled between your thighs (once again), he pulls you against his chest and holds you in a bone-breaking grip. You feel the familiar pull of side-along apparition and in the next moment you smell the even more familiar, dusty scent of Severus’ house. The smell of books is new, added after Severus renovated the house enough to evict his father’s influences and put his own touch to it - namely by adding a shittone of books.

Severus doesn’t give you time to catch your breath. He grabs your hand and pulls you up the stairs. You giggle and run to keep up with him. He practically kicks the door to his old room open (you know for a fact he has not even touched the door to his parents room since his father died) and crushes his lips against yours as soon as he pulls you over the threshold.

The burn marks from where Severus used to zap flies with his wand are still on the ceiling. The little pencil sketches you made near the baseboards are as well. He replaced his bed though. A brand new double which you are being steered towards now.

“Severus-” You moan against his lips and tear at the buttons of his new robes.

“Is this real?” He whispers back and leans his forehead against yours again, watching you struggle with his clothes. “I’ve pictured this so many times- thought about how I would feel to have you here- is this happening? Or am I sleeping?”

“It’s real.” You say, lips against his recently freed throat. “I’m here.”

“You’re here…”

“Severus-” You hesitate and pause your quest of revealing Severus’ body to your eyes. “I’ve never done this-” Suddenly you feel shaky and overwhelmed.

“Warren-?”

“Is full of shit. He lied- about all of it. Have you-” He nods, but there’s a distant expression in his eyes that tells you it’s not something he wants to talk about. Probably something he’s ashamed of. You know the kind of company Lucius, Mulciber, Rosier and the other’s like to keep and don’t pry further.

“I’ll trust you then.” You murmur and sit down on the bed, pulling Severus down with you.

“I’d never want to hurt you, Sunshine.” You kiss and between kisses scoot up the bed until your head is resting on the soft pillows and Severus’ lean body between your thighs. “I’ll take care of you.” He mutters against the corner of your mouth and kisses your cheek. “Such good care.” He trails down your jaw. “Like Black or Warren never fucking could.”

“I never wanted them.” You moan. Your body moves on its own, knowing precisely what you want and need even if your mind has yet to catch up. Your legs wrap around his hips, your back arches, pressing your breasts to his chest. You thread your fingers through his silky hair. “Only you.”

“Me?”

“Only you. Always you. Whenever I thought about it…when I pictured how it would feel while touching myself I only ever pictured you.”

“Oh sunshine-” He groans and rolls his hips against you.

“Sev-” Severus draws his wand and mutters a quick spell. Something curls in your stomach, it’s the weirdest sensation and for a second you are utterly confused, but then your gaze meets Severus’ and you understand. Contraception spell. You didn’t even think of that. Of course Severus did. You smile. 

He mutters another charm and your clothes vanish. You squeak, blush and hide your face behind your hands.

You can hear the clanking of wood hitting wood as Severus tosses his wand onto the nightstand.

“You- fuck…” Cautiously you peek between your fingers. A faint pink tinge has spread over Severus’ cheeks and nose, down to his now fully exposed neck. He looks cute. Adorable. You take a deep breath and drop your hands. This is Severus. Your Severus. There is nothing to be afraid of with him. “You put to shame all great beauties of the comprehensive history of this world.” His words brush over your skin like a tender caress and make you shiver and burn with embarrassed heat at the same time.

“Severus-”

“It’s true. The old greek masters wish they would have had a model like you sit for their marmour statues. Such beauty has to be preserved for the ages - but you…you are just mine.”

“Who are you and what have you done to my stammering, cute, insecure Severus?” You tease. Severus’ eyes are still pinned to your breasts. He visibly snaps out of his thoughts and looks up to you. There he is. Flashing through his impossibly dark eyes for the flicker of a second before they return to the heavy gaze, consumed by carnal desire that has been ignored for too long and has now broken free with demanding force.

“He knows he’s about to find out how you feel.”

“Come and find out then.” You shoot him a challenging grin. Severus kisses you in response. He kisses you and settles more of his weight on you. His very much hard cock presses against your exposed cunt. You gasp and clutch at Severus.

“Shit- Severus- that won’t fit!”

“It will.”

“You sure?” He chuckles, his eyes lighting up with amusement like they do so rarely and you relax.

“I’m sure.” You trust him. You love him. You want him. He’ll take care of you. 

You let him take control. Severus kisses you more. He seems determined to cover every inch of your body with all the confessions of his love he has missed out on. All the elapsed opportunities. All the kisses you could have shared if you both had had just a little more courage. But it doesn’t matter. You are here now. You are together in his bed, skin pressed against skin, breathing the same air, staring into each other’s eyes longingly while his hand slips between your thighs.

You’re soaked and whimper when his slender fingers gather your slickness, brushing your aching cunt with featherlight touches. He draws gentle, slow circles over your clit. Pressure and heat build in your belly and deep inside your cunt fast. You cling to his shoulders, digging your nails into his skin without even noticing.

“I wondered so many times how you’d look…” He murmurs. His lips brush over yours as he speaks. His breath dances across your cheeks.

“...in the throes of pleasure.” Severus’ voice is deeper than you’ve ever heard it. A smoky rumble that goes straight to your core.

He teases your entrance until you’re squirming and rolling your hips against his touch before finally plunging a finger inside you. “I wondered how you’d sound…how I would feel knowing it was me making you feel like that…” You give him the answer promptly. Moaning and whining, gasping for air.

“Sev!” You throw your head back and arch your back. The pressure keeps building and building, beyond anything you ever managed yourself. He adds a second finger and with it a delicious, stinging stretch. He curls his fingers and presses the heel of his palm to your clit. You squirm under Severus’ intense gaze that seems to look right through you, through your skin down to your very soul. He watches every flicker of pleasure and desperation he paints onto your face with utter, devoted, undisturbed attention to you and nothing else. Nothing else matters.

Severus knows you like no other. It feels right to share this with him as well.

He loves you.

You still can’t believe it. 

“Sev!”

“Cum for me, sunshine. Cum on my fingers. I want to know- I’m done wondering. I want to know.” You do. Crying out and panting his name, thrashing about beneath him as waves upon waves of intense pleasure run havoc over you, but it’s fine. You can let go with Severus.

“I need you Sev- please-” You gasp even before your orgasm has released you from its clutches. “Please please please- Sev-” He groans. 

“Fuck and I thought you sounded needy in my head.” Severus mutters and aligns himself with you. He takes his time, giving you time to adjust to his girth, slowly pushing deeper and deeper into your still spasming channel, forcing it to give way to him. He grunts and whispers praise, how tight you are, how good you feel for him, how well you’re taking him. You whimper and hold onto him, leaving red streaks across his back. Severus doesn’t even bat an eye at it.

He buries his head in the crook of your neck and savours your every sound, every twitch and throb of your cunt finally, finally gloved around him.

“Sunshine-”

“Severus…” More words aren’t needed. He rests there, deep inside you, his body pressed to your trembling smaller one, shielding you from the cold of his room and the world itself and you know there is a promise in there somewhere.

“I can’t believe it-” He murmurs and kisses your collarbone, down to your sternum. He kisses and licks, sucks, grazes your skin with his teeth. “You feel…incredible…you’re so good for me sunshine-” He kisses your breasts, flicks his tongue over your hardened nipples, licks broad strokes and teasingly closes his lips around them.

When Severus finally moves again he does so in slow, measured thrusts. He watches your expression with hidden wariness, watches your every reaction. He can’t hide from you though. He is waiting for you to regret this. To tell him to stop. He’s afraid of letting go, afraid of scaring you off, of losing you.

But he’ll never lose you.

You buck your hips and whine impatiently. “Come on Sev.” You whimper. “Fuck me like you really want to fuck me.”

“It’s your first time I will not-”

“It’s done, Sev. Bye bye virginity! That train of stupid little things society places far too much worth in has left the station indefinitely. Now fuck me.”

“Sun-”

“Severus Snape! Fuck. me. properly.” He groans. His eyes roll to the back of his head.

“Fine.” Severus grunts and a rush of excitement pulses through your stomach and drenches his throbbing cock in more fluids. “I warned you.”

The bed creaks dangerously under his thrusts. His hips slap against yours with a wet, fleshy sound that drives you crazy.

“Oh fuck yes- yes- just like that- that’s-” You babble more nonsense, moaning and shredding Severus’ back with your nails. He fucks you mercilessly into the mattress, spearing you open with his cock with each hard thrust. Your entire body trembles under his thorough attention. Your cunt yields to him in wet, fluttering excitement. It cherishes the promise of soreness his thrusts leave behind. 

Any attempt at grasping for and trying to hold onto one of the many thoughts rushing through your fuzzy, hazy mind is a fruitless endeavour.

“Fuck! Ahhh- so good…” Severus mutters against your collarbone and plunges his cock into your drenched cunt again before pulling out almost completely and driving back in with such force he knocks your head against the headboard. You both laugh.

“Sorry-”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You weave your fingers through his hair and pull him down into a sloppy, passionate kiss. You gasp and moan into the kiss and drink up the way Severus continues to lose the iron grip on his emotions he had cultivated since graduation, revealing more and more of the love-starved, unapologetic, fierce man you know him as. The man that feels so freely, so intensely, so deeply that it hurts him so much.

Every thrust, every kiss, every exploring hand gliding over your sweaty skin, squeezing your breasts in testing, careful motions is a testament to how deep his feelings for you run and have been running for so long. 

It breaks free of him in violent bursts and buries you beneath roaring pleasure. 

Severus is not good with words.

But he will be damned if he doesn’t show you what he can’t figure out how to say.

“Severus-” You moan, joining the creaking bed and his grunts, the symphony of your love. This would not be a pretty, romantic, fairytale like love. You are both messy and broken in your own ways. It will be hard. It will take work and compassion and will seem impossible at moments, especially in the midst of a war, but Severus is worth it.

To you he is worth it.

He always was and will always be.

You whine in protest when Severus pulls out of you but before you have a chance to voice it otherwise or even glare at him, Severus flips you over.

“Put your hands on the headboard.” He rasps in your ear. You are shaking and struggle to keep yourself upright, but Severus’ arms around your waist stabilise you. You hold onto the headboard so tight your knuckles turn white. Severus is kissing your neck, nibbling and sucking, painting his marks onto you as if to say ‘I was here’ or maybe ‘back off’. Maybe both. Maybe more.

He fills you up again, reaching much deeper than before and you gasp at the unfamiliar, intense feeling.

“Your cunt clutches me so hard-” He grunts and bottoms out. “Sucks me in- all soaked and desperate.”

“Sev-”

“Hmm…yes. I’m here…” He sucks the delicate skin on your neck into his mouth and bites down gently, at which a loud, wanton moan breaks free of you and he bites down harder. 

You meet his thrust with your hips, his cockhead hits a spot inside you it previously missed and you fall apart. His grip around your waist turns bruising and Severus pulls you back. Your grip around the headboard goes slack. You melt into his touch, twitching and shivering, whimpering, mind fuzzy with always new, higher, stronger, more intense levels of pleasure.

Severus holds you to his chest, your thighs on either side of his, useless, hands helplessly holding onto his arms, and moves your body up and down his hard shaft. Using you and the fluttering of your cunt as your orgasm continues to coarse through you. He grunts and bites your shoulder, harder than before and a particularly strong spasm shakes your body. You drop your head onto his shoulder, melting further against him.

“Again-” You rasp and present your neck to him. A grin flashes over Severus’ lips. Sweaty strands of hair stick to his forehead, his eyes are glazed over with hazy lust.

“My pleasure.” He coos, but instead of indulging you, he kisses you. One small, chaste peck after another. You squirm against his grip, claw at his arms, painting more red streaks on his pale skin.

“You never told me you got a tattoo-” You murmur. The sight of the jet black snake and skull on Severus’ left inner arm pulls your mind out of its haze and into a brief moment of clarity. Severus hesitates ever so slightly in his thorough, teasing attention he’s paying to your neck. Something about the tattoo unsettles you, though you can’t exactly decide why.

“Must have forgotten. It’s new.”

“Hmm…very metal.”

“I don’t like it.”

“Why’d you get it then?”

“I thought I would.” Severus sucks on your neck and that plummets you back into mind-numbing, all-consuming, ecstatic pleasure.

“Maybe we should go to Dublin after.” Severus purrs in your ear. “Show Black all your pretty marks.”

“Idiot.” You giggle.

“I’m going to cum-”

“Cum inside me.”

“I don’t have to.”

“Please, Sev! Cum in me.” Severus pushes you forward and you fall face first into the mattress with a tiny outrages squeal. Severus laughs at you and grips your hips, adjusting them to sit flush with his own. He fucks you roughly into the pillows. You clutch at the sheets. Severus loses more and more of what little composure he still had. He mutters things you can’t make out.

His thrusts are accompanied with lewd, wet noises and the headboard hitting the wall.

“Severus!”

“I’ll fill you up ahh- with my cum- leave you dripping-”

“Yesyesyes-” He moves your hips with each thrust, pulling you back into him as he buries his cock inside you. His balls hit your sensitive cunt. His fingers dig into your skin, sure to be leaving bruises. 

Severus cums with your name on his lips, tumbling over them in a low, reverent, lust-drenched prayer which you join with your own faint, desperate whimpers.

Feeling the hot spurts of cum hit your inner walls violently kicks you over the edge for the third time. Severus slumps above you, pressing his forehead to your back between your shoulder blades, panting and spent.

You stay like that for a while. Both of you trying to catch your breath, relishing in the buzzing glow of your aftershock and the feeling of each other’s love on your skin and warming you from the inside.

Gently Severus pulls his softening cock from you and lies down next to you, pulling you into a tight embrace.

“Sorry.” He murmurs in your hair and presses a tender kiss to the top of your head. “I hurt you.”

“I liked it.” You murmur back and place your hands against his chest, nuzzling your face to his neck. “Why did it take us so bloody long to finally do this?” He chuckles. He tugs a strand of messy hair behind your ear. You look up to meet his gaze. It’s heavy with emotions, a swirling storm of love and care and fear. You reach out to him in a futile attempt of soothing it. The pads of your fingers meet his cheek and he shudders under your touch, before leaning into it. His eyes fall closed and for a brief moment he looks at peace. Content. Home.

“I-” He opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again. His brows pull together into a frown, a deep crease forming between them. His lips go white as he presses them together into a thin line. His jaw tenses. “I’ve made a terrible mistake-” His voice is hoarse from unshed tears and the effort of suppressing them. He loses. One escapes from between his closed lids and slides down his cheek, meeting your fingers. You wipe it away, but more follow. 

“I’m trying to fix it- I am! But I-”

“It’s ok.” You whisper and press a tender kiss to his jaw. 

So he did it…You had your suspicions, of course you did, but a part of you refused to believe Severus capable of those horrible acts committed by the Death Eaters. And you were right. The pain, regret and self-loathing is so evident in his face. He can’t bear to look at you.

“We’ll fix it. Together. It’ll be fine.”

You are there when the Aurors storm his house to arrest him. You were sitting on the threadbare sofa in his arms as he read to you. 

You tell him not to resist, to not tell them anything.

You send an owl to Dumbledore.

You are at the trial, sitting on one of the benches. Severus looks miserable sitting in the middle of the courtroom, deep shadows under his eyes, a tremor in his wand hand. The chains of the chair are wrapped tightly around his arms. He avoids your eyes.

Dumbledore defends him passionately. Recounting Severus’ turning spy for him, reporting you-know-who’s steps to Dumbledore, how invaluable his intel had been. He recounts the dangers Severus was willing to face. He demands he is released. And he is. The Wizengamot clears him of all charges and you walk out of the Ministry with him, holding his still trembling hand in your own.

“Is this real?” He whispers and you bite the inside of your cheek to not start crying. You want to be strong for him.

“Yes.” You kiss his cheek and wrap your arms around his neck. “It’s real. You’re a free man. I’m here. I will always be here. We’ll figure this out.”

“Together?”

“Together. I love you, Severus.”

“I love you too, Sunshine.”

[barefoothighlander]

the river

summary: during popes attempt to find Lena, he runs into an old friend (set during the events of s3 ep10)

andrew 'pope' cody x f!reader

warnings: mdni (18+), insinuations of abuse, mentions of previous relationship, eludes to sexual content, foster system, angst?, kinda soft!pope, kissing, not proofread

quick fic for Pope cause I'm obsessed with him and I need him BAD, maybe ooc cause I've never written for him before, might make a part 2 where they freak it idk, feedback appreciated

"I need to see her, please just let me know, is she okay?"

Popes voice is brash, full of fear, an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time, he had waited in the front room of the child services building for hours, waiting for someone to call on him, for someone to help him find his niece.

Thoughts swirled his head, too many to count as he remembered what foster care was like for him, how alone and scared he had felt all those years ago, distanced from his family. He never wanted Lena to feel like that, to feel alone, unloved, he had done everything he could to keep her safe and happy, but they still took her away, some beaurocratic bullshit about her parents being gone and Pope not technically being a blood relative.

They had optioned him with adoption but with his record he knew he would never get the papers signed, he just had to know she was okay, wasn't in some shithole like he had been, ignored by his foster parents, residing in some awful house owned by people who abused the system just to get money. When he gets called back into the office, walking toward a cubicle he cant stop his heart from racing, hounding the worker with questions about his niece, where she was, how she was doing, every question answered with the same side stepping answer of "I cant tell you that Mr. Cody" it was crap, nobody here was willing to help him.

Admittidly he came on strong, he had a tendency to do that with people, cut through the shit and just say what he thought. In his peripheral he caught a glimpse of the woman who had been at the house the day Lena was taken, he calls out to her a finger pointed in the air.

"You took her, where is she, can I just see her"

His tone shifts to one of sadness, desperation, he pleads with the worker, stepping closer to her body as he steps back.

"Sir please, you need to relax"

Pope insists, pressing the worker as the security steps forward, his arms coming in front of himself as he moves to block Pope from the workers.

It's the shouting that drags your attention from your workload, not an unusual sound in the office but for some reason, the voice is what is different, its not angry, is desperate. You poke your head above your cubicle and your heart stops, you can only see his back, but that curly auburn hair, that same hair you had run your hands through 10 years prior, his body language so familiar.

"Andrew" Your voice comes out more stern than you intended, like you're scolding him rather than calling out, and everyone's heads turn to you.

Rarely do people use his first name, here it was Mr. Cody, to everyone else 'Pope', his eyes are wild as they lock with yours, his shoulders tensing as the gleam of recognitions passes through them.

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, now" The guard says to Pope, but he doesn't move, doesn't take his gaze of yours as his hands move to his side, his face falling to one of pleading.

"It's okay Tom, I'll assist him" You nod toward the guard who wearily allows Pope to walk past, his body moving toward you before settling a few feet in front of you. Your muscles tense as he stands before you, completely different but someone so familiar to the boy you knew so long ago.

"Come with me" You say, pushing your chair into your desk and turning on your heel toward the break room. You offer him a cup of coffee and he waves you off, his hands resting in his lap as he watches you sit down beside him.

"I didn't know you worked here" He says, his eyes glued to yours.

"I didn't know you were out of jail"

"Have been for a while"

You move to speak but he cuts in before the words can escape your lips,

"You said you can help me, get her back, get back Lena"

"I can try, mostly I said it so they wouldn't kick you out or arrest you"

"Can you help"

"Im not your case worker, but I can try"

Pope explains the situation to you, all the while the knowing look on his face persists, you feel for him, his brother gone, Cath gone.

"I have to get her back, I don't want her to go through what I- what we did"

You avert your gaze, eyes falling to the floor as memories of your past rush in, "Its not like that anymore you know, we vet people, we don't just send kids into shitholes"

"How do you know"

"Theres a system in place, home checks and everything" You take a beat "I would never let a child live in a house that was unfit"

"Unfit" Pope mimics, mockery lacing his tone

"You know what I mean, just jargin for shitty, awful, abusive"

"When did you get out?" The question catches you off guard,

"A month after Smurf got you back"

"How?"

"Lets just focus on Lena, as of right now there isn't much I can do, shes been processed and placed in a home, you'll have to petition the courts"

"I cant"

Realizaiton hits you, "Because of your past"

"Theyll never let me adopt her, they wont let her live with me, I don't know what to do"

He looks at you with pleading eyes, "Just help me, please"

"Andrew, I-"

"Please" He cuts you off, his eyes locked onto yours and suddenly you're young again, just a girl following a boy around like a lost puppy, looking to him for protection, for love.

"Okay" You nod, "I'll help you"

-

The warm water soothes your skin, running down your body before pooling at your feet. You turn the shower off, stepping out to dry and wrap a towel around your body, you're a few steps into your bedroom before you hear the knock, throwing on a t-shirt and shorts before padding across the floor to open it.

"Andrew"

His eyes are glued to you, Pope always had issues with eye contact and now was no exemption.

"Did you follow me home?" Your eyes glance outside, finding his truck parked outside your house.

"Yes"

Well at least he was honest,

"Theres nothing I can do for you from here, you'll have to come to the office-"

"You're lying"

"I can't file anything from here, you know that"

"But you know where she is"

"Andrew.."

"Please, I just want to know shes okay"

"I will lose my job" You sigh

"I wont do anything, I just want to see, please"

And against better judgement, against laws and rules, against the years you'd spent apart, you cant say no to him, you cant leave him outside alone.

"Give me a second" You leave the door open for him to walk in, his body making its way down the hallway as you close your bedroom door, changing into more suitable clothes.

"You live alone" Pope says, standing in front of the pictures you had hung on the wall, a few of family members, others of landscapes, none of a partner or children.

"Yeah, haven't settled down yet" The admission stings a little, but it was the truth, you hadn't found anyone to spend your life with, let alone live with. "Come on, I'll drive"

Its a short 30 minutes to reach the subdivision, parking the car across from a nice house in a cul-de-sac.

"She lives there, a married couple, they make good money, they have another foster kid, a girl, same age as Lena"

You can see some of the tension in his body release as he sets his eyes on the house, its not rundown or decrepit like the houses the two of you had spent your years together in.

"We cant stay" You say, breaking the tension and Pope nods, his eyes on yours but his mind elsewhere.

You begin to drive away, the street lights illuminating your path as the ocean waves crash into the sand outside the car.

"You ran away" Popes question shakes your attention from the road, your hands suddenly fidgeting on the wheel.

"Yes"

"Where"

You breath deeply, taking a glance at him, suddenly feeling nervous under his gaze. "The beach, I was old enough to work and I got a job at a shop"

"They didn't catch you?"

"I was already almost an adult, and I think they assumed I had just run after you"

"You didn't"

His response strikes you,

"You didn't run after me though, I never saw you again"

"Yeah well I couldnt exactly run to Smurf and ask her for to harbor me"

"Thats not what I meant. You never talked to me again"

You sigh, pulling the car into a parking lot and killing the engine before turning to him, the streetlights illuminating his face, fuller now than it used to be, more freckled and worn.

"What was I supposed to do, run after you? Chase you around? Continue making a fool of myself?"

"You were never a fool"

You scoff, "Wasnt I though? I Followed you around day after day, clinging to you, and the whole time you were in love with another girl"

"Cath"

The name feels like a stab to the chest.

"Yes, Cath"

"Shes gone, her and Baz"

Your anger wavers for a moment, melting into pity, "I'm sorry you lost them"

He nods. "You weren't a fool, I mean I followed you around too"

"Yeah to keep those assholes from touching me"

"I wanted to protect you"

"Well thank you, but it doesn't make me feel less shitty"

"I wanted to protect you because I liked you"

"I know you liked me Andrew, I figure we wouldn't have slept together if you had hated me"

"No, I mean I wanted to be around you. When you didn't visit me, or call, I was worried"

You glance at him, sincerity written across his face, "Well I'm sorry I didn't call but I didn't exactly have your number"

"I used to think about you all the time" He admits "About where you were, what you were doing, if you were okay"

"Well, I made it out okay, seems you did too"

He shakes his head, "Alot of stuff's happened since we were kids"

You look over and all you can see is that teenager you fell in love with, freckled and full of angst, ready to be at up anyone who came near you and your heart melts, your muscles falling lose.

"I don't know what to say Andrew"

"You don't have to say anything"

You nod, a breath escaping your lips.

"Do you remember it?" He asks

You nod, "Of course I do" Memories of your warm bodies colliding in the backseat of a stolen car flash in front of your eyes, both of you nervous as he peppers kisses across your collar bone, his rough hands squeezing at your flesh.

"I cant forget it" He admits, "Its all I think about anytime I with another woman"

"Andrew."

"Im serious, that night, it meant alot to me is what Im trying to say I guess"

"It meant alot to me too"

You lock eyes, tension swirling as your body tenses, "I should get home" You say, your hand moving to turn the car key before Pope grabs it, his hand holding yours at his gaze pins you. Your heart stutters under his touch, he takes a beat before his body is moving toward you, lips colliding with yours, his hand moving form yours to hold your cheek, resting on the side of your face as your digits move to grab his shirt. He devours you, tongue pressing into your mouth6 as your teeth sink into his lower lip, your bodies melting together as the tension seeps from your muscles. Pope pulls back, his hand remaining on your cheek.

"Dont run away again"

You nod your head, eyes glossed over, watching him, the breath from your lungs stolen.

He nods his head slightly, shifting back into his seat, "I did that because I wanted to, not because I wanted to help me"

"Okay" Is the only word you can seem to form

You start the car, begining the drive back to your house through the dark, your body warm and tingling under Popes gaze. You pull into your driveway and open the door, Pope mirroring your actions, "I'll let you know if anything happens with Lena"

He nods, not moving from his spot near you, and you cant help but miss him, his touch, his lips, admittedly he looks good, solid, your years apart he grew, stronger and somehow more handsome.

"Do you want to come in?" The question escapes before you can process it. "I live alone, and I figure maybe you don't want to go back to an empty house."

"Yeah, I'd like that." A small smile quirks his lips as he follows behind you.

[octaneink]

Could you do some dating willne headcannons or some willne smut but like in an established relationship? I’m obsessed with your fics, I swear I’ve read them so much I could recite them from memory 😭😭

Ahhh thank you so much for the kind words! I'm really happy that you like what I've written. I've never done headcannons or write smut lol so bear with me. I don't really know how to write smut ngl so I hope you like the spice (I think thats spicy? I don't know) at the end, I've never really written anything lke that before so I hope its...realistic?

Warning for some steamy stuff at the end!

Dating Will Lenney Headcanons

Playful Banter

In your relationship with Will, playful banter is the base of your dynamic, and he uses it to keep things light, fun, and endlessly entertaining. Whether you’re curled up on the couch, out for a walk, or in the middle of a mundane task, Will’s teasing is a constant—a reminder of how much he adores you.

He’s the kind of person who can’t resist poking fun at your quirks, but it’s always done with so much affection that it never feels mean-spirited. For example, if you’re watching one of your favourite romantic series for the hundredth time, he’ll lean over with a smirk and say, “Oh, this again? Let me guess—they’ll hate each other, then fall in love, and you’ll cry even though you know exactly how it ends.” But then he’ll stay right there beside you, secretly enjoying how much you love it—and secretly enjoying the series himself. He’d never admit it out loud, but he’s grown fond of the predictable charm of your go-to media.

Will’s teasing isn’t just one-sided, though. I think he’d love it if you gave as good as you get. If you catch him singing off-key in the shower, you’ll absolutely call him out on it. “Wow, I didn’t know cats could sing opera,” or something, and he’ll laugh so hard he almost slips. Or if he’s trying to fix something around the house, and it goes wrong, you’ll be there with a camera and a sarcastic comment like, “Handyman of the year, everyone.” He’ll pretend to be offended, but the twinkle in his eyes gives him away.

The best part is how his teasing always comes with an undercurrent of love. He’ll joke about your “weirdly specific and unnecessarily complex” coffee order, but he’ll still remember it perfectly and surprise you with it on a rough day. And if anyone else dares to tease you, he’s quick to jump to your defence, proving that his playful jabs are reserved for him alone.

Your banter becomes a language of its own—a way to say “I love you” without actually saying it. It’s in the way he grins when you roll your eyes at his jokes, the way he nudges you gently when you’re being stubborn. The way he always knows exactly how to make you laugh, even on your worst days. With Will, every day feels like a game, and you’re both winning.

Supportive Partner

In your relationship with Will, his unwavering support is one of the things you cherish most. He’s not just your partner—he’s your biggest cheerleader, your hype man, and your safe haven all rolled into one. No matter what you’re going through, whether it’s chasing a dream, tackling a new challenge, or just having a rough day, Will is always there to lift you up and remind you of your worth.

When you decide to try something new—whether it’s skating, learning an instrument, or even something as simple as baking a complicated recipe—Will will be the first to encourage you. He’ll sit with you while you practice, offering gentle advice when you ask for it and cheering you on even when you feel like giving up. “You’re a natural,” he’ll say, even if your first attempt at playing the guitar sounds more like a cat in distress. “Seriously, I’ve never heard anyone make that chord sound so… unique.” His teasing is always light-hearted, but it’s paired with genuine admiration for your willingness to try. And when you finally nail it? He’s beaming with pride, as if you’ve just won a Grammy. “Told you! I knew you could do it. Now play it again—I need this on video for when you’re famous.”

On tough days, Will’s support is a quiet, steady force. He has an uncanny ability to sense when you’re feeling down, even if you try to hide it. Without a word, he’ll wrap you in a hug, press a kiss to your forehead, and say, “Talk to me.” And when you do, he listens—actually listens. He doesn’t try to fix everything (unless you ask him to), but he’ll remind you of your strength and resilience. “You’ve got this,” he’ll say, his voice firm but gentle. “And even if you don’t feel like you do, I’ve got you. Always.”

Will’s encouragement isn’t just reserved for big moments, either. He celebrates the small victories with just as much enthusiasm. Did you survive a particularly gruelling day at work? He’ll show up with your favourite takeout and a movie, ready to pamper you. “You’re a rock star, and rock stars deserve the VIP treatment.”

But what makes Will’s support so special is how deeply personal it is. He pays attention to the little things—your favourite comfort foods, the way you light up when you talk about your passions. He knows when you need a pep talk, when you need a distraction, and when you just need someone to sit with you in silence. And he’s always there, without fail.

His belief in you is unshakeable. Even when you doubt yourself, he’s there to remind you of all the reasons you shouldn’t. “You’re brilliant, you’re kind, and you’re capable of anything you set your mind to,” he’ll say, his tone leaving no room for argument. “And if anyone says otherwise, they’ll have to deal with me.”

With Will by your side, you feel invincible. His support isn’t just words—it’s in the way he shows up for you, day after day, in big ways and small. He’s your partner, your teammate, and your biggest fan. And no matter what life throws your way, you know you’ll always have him in your corner, cheering you on every step of the way.

Car Rides

Car rides with Will are an experience in themselves. He’s always the one behind the wheel, and you’re perfectly content being his passenger princess. With you who's in control of the music, and you take full advantage of it. Whether you’re in the mood for girly pop, rock and roll, Afrobeats, jungle, reggae, or even a random playlist of your favourite guilty pleasures, Will never complains. He embraces it, turning every drive into a mini concert filled with laughter and the occasional side-eye from strangers at traffic lights.

You love how he lets you take charge of the aux, trusting your musical instincts even when your choices are… questionable. One day, you might blast upbeat pop anthems, singing at the top of your lungs as he chuckles beside you. “Okay, but why do I lowkey know all the words to this?” he’ll say, pretending to be embarrassed before joining in on the chorus. Another day, you might switch it up with some smooth reggae or high-energy Afrobeats, and he’ll bob his head along, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm. “You’ve got good taste, I’ll give you that,” he’ll tease, even if he’s secretly adding some of your songs to his own playlist.

The best moments are when you both get so into the music that you forget the world around you. You’ll be belting out a duet to some cheesy love song, completely off-key but having the time of your lives, when you catch people in the next car staring at you. Will, never one to back down from a bit of fun, will roll down the window and shout, “What? Never seen a Grammy-winning performance before?” before bursting into laughter and speeding off when the light turns green.

Long drives are your favourite. Whether it’s a road trip to somewhere new or just a leisurely cruise around town, the car becomes your little bubble of happiness. You’ll pack snacks, throw a blanket in the backseat just in case, and let the music set the mood. Will’s driving is smooth and confident, and you love how he occasionally reaches over to hold your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles as he focuses on the road. “You good over there, princess?” he’ll ask, glancing at you with a smile. And you’ll nod, feeling completely at ease because, with him, even the simplest moments feel special.

Sometimes, the drives are quiet, the music playing softly in the background as you both enjoy the comfortable silence. Other times, they’re filled with lively conversations, random debates, or Will’s hilarious commentary on whatever’s happening outside. “Did that guy just try to parallel park in one go? Bold move,” he’ll say, shaking his head in mock disbelief. Or, “That billboard says ‘World’s Best Coffee.’ Challenge accepted.” And just like that, you’re pulling into a random café to test their claim, laughing the entire time.

But no matter where you’re going or what you’re listening to, the car rides always feel like yours. It’s your space to be silly, to be serious, to be yourselves. And Will wouldn’t have it any other way.

Protective Side

Beneath Will’s laid-back, easygoing exterior I see lies a fiercely protective streak, especially when it comes to you. While he’s usually the type to brush things off with a joke or a sarcastic remark, the moment someone disrespects you or crosses a line, his playful demeanour is gone.

Will’s protectiveness isn’t the loud, over-the-top kind. It’s subtle but firm. He’s the type to notice things others might miss—a snide comment, a dismissive tone, or even a lingering look that makes you uncomfortable. And while he might not always call it out immediately (he prefers to gauge how you feel about it first), he’s always ready to step in at the moment you need him.

Like if someone makes a backhanded comment about you in a social setting, Will’s response is sharp but calculated. He’ll tilt his head, feigning confusion, and say something like, “Oh, I’m sorry—did you mean to say that out loud? Because it sounded like utter bullshit.” His tone is light, almost playful, but there’s an edge to it that makes it clear he’s not joking. And if the person tries to laugh it off or double down, he’ll hit them with a perfectly timed quip that leaves them speechless.

But it’s not just about witty comebacks. If someone genuinely hurts you—whether it’s a friend, a coworker, or even a stranger—he’s quick to reassure you that their behaviour says more about them than it does about you. “Anyone who can’t see how amazing you are doesn’t deserve a second of your time,” he’ll say, his voice soft but firm.

What makes Will’s protectiveness so endearing is how he balances it with respect for your independence. He never tries to fight your battles for you unless you ask him to. Instead, he understands that you can stand up for yourself and is often there offering quiet support and encouragement. “You don’t need me to defend you,” he’ll say with a grin. “You’re perfectly capable of putting people in their place. But just in case, I’ll be right here, ready to back you up.” (definitely would hold your earrings and purse if you were to scrap with someone)

And when it comes to physical safety, Will’s protective instincts kick into overdrive. If you’re walking home late at night, he’ll insist on accompanying you, even if it’s out of his way. If you’re feeling uneasy in a crowded place, he’ll subtly position himself between you and whatever—or whoever—is making you uncomfortable. And if anyone dares to threaten you, his calm, sarcastic facade drops entirely. He becomes a force to be reckoned with, his voice low and steady as he says, “You have one more chance to apologise and walk away before this gets ugly.”

With him by your side, you feel safe, cherished, and fiercely defended. And while you might not always need his protection, it’s comforting to know that, no matter what, Will will always have your back.

Surprise Dates

Between his busy schedule and the demands of everyday life, you make it a point to plan dates that are thoughtful, fun, and meaningful. You’ve made it a tradition to try something new at least once a month, while the other dates revolve around activities you both love. Whether it’s a spontaneous road trip, a nostalgic arcade night, or a fancy dinner at a place he’s been wanting to try, you always find ways to make him feel special—and he absolutely adores it.

You know how much Will appreciates surprises, so you’ve become a master at planning ahead. You keep a mental (or physical) list of things he mentions in passing—like a new restaurant he wants to check out, a movie he’s excited to see, or a place he’s always wanted to visit. Then, when the time is right, you spring the surprise on him. His face lights up every time, and the way he grins when he realises what you’ve planned is worth every bit of effort.

Another month, you might plan a random road trip to a nearby town neither of you has explored. You’ll pack a picnic, create a playlist of his favourite songs, and let him take the wheel. The excitement in his eyes when he realises where you’re headed is priceless. “You’re seriously the best,” he’ll say, squeezing your hand as he starts the car. Along the way, he’ll take detours to roadside attractions, insisting on stopping for silly photo ops and spontaneous adventures. “Look at this place!” he’ll exclaim, pulling over at a giant dinosaur statue or a retro diner. “We have to take a picture. This is peak road trip material.” And of course, you’ll oblige, laughing as he strikes ridiculous poses and insists on making the memories as over-the-top as possible (though he takes cute couple pictures as well).

And then there are the fancy dates—the ones where you pull out all the stops. You’ll book a table at that upscale restaurant he’s been talking about for weeks, or you’ll surprise him with tickets to a show or event he’s been dying to see. On those nights, you love seeing him dressed up, his usual casual vibe swapped for something more polished. “Look at you, all fancy,” you’ll tease, and he’ll shoot back with a smirk, “What can I say? I clean up nice. But not as nice as you.”

What makes these dates so special is how much thought you put into them. You know how busy Will’s schedule can be, so you always plan ahead to make sure the timing works. You’ll coordinate with his friends or coworkers if needed, and you’re not above bribing them with coffee or baked goods to keep the surprise under wraps. And when the day finally arrives, you love seeing the look on his face. “You planned all this for me?” he’ll ask, his voice soft with disbelief. “Of course I did,” you’ll reply, smiling. “You deserve it.”

But it’s not just about the big surprises. You also make time for the little things—like cosy movie nights at home, complete with his favourite snacks and a blanket fort, or lazy Sunday mornings where you cook breakfast together and spend hours talking and laughing. Those moments are just as important, and they remind you both why you fell in love in the first place.

With every date, whether big or small, you show Will how much he means to you. And in return, he makes sure you know how much he appreciates it. “You’re incredible, you know that?” he’ll say, pulling you close after a particularly memorable outing. ���I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m not letting you go.” And as you smile up at him, you know that these moments—these carefully planned, perfectly executed surprises—are what make your relationship so special.

Social Media PDA

I think Will is the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, and that extends to his social media presence. While he respects your desire to keep a low profile due to your job, he’s not shy about showing the world how much he adores you. His Instagram is a mix of his work, his hobbies, and, of course, glimpses of your relationship. He’s the type to post pictures of the two of you without a second thought, whether it’s a candid shot of you laughing at something he said or a cosy selfie from a date night. Or a goofy photo of you both making faces at the camera.

His captions are always playful and affectionate. “Caught this one mid-laugh. Guess I’m funnier than I thought” or “Date night with my favourite person. Don’t worry, I’ll bring her back in one piece.”. The comments are always flooded with fans gushing over how cute you two are together, and Will loves reading them, often showing you the funniest or sweetest ones with a proud grin. “Look, they’re saying we’re goals. Can’t argue with that.”

But it’s not just the photos. You occasionally pop up in the background of his videos, whether it’s a behind-the-scenes clip from one of his projects or a casual vlog. Sometimes it’s just your hand in the frame as you pass him a coffee, or your voice chiming in with a sarcastic comment that makes him burst out laughing. Fans have come to love these little moments, dubbing them “crumbs” and saying that they’re being “fed” whenever you make an appearance. “We see you back there!” they’ll comment, or “The way he looks at her when she talks… I can’t. 😭”

Will finds the whole thing hilarious and endearing. He loves how much his fans adore you, even though you’re not in the spotlight yourself. “They’re obsessed with you,” he’ll say, scrolling through the comments. “Can’t blame them, though. I’m obsessed with you too.” And while you prefer to stay out of the public eye, you can’t help but smile at the way he proudly includes you in his world, even if it’s just in small, subtle ways.

There are times when he’ll sneak in a little more PDA than usual, just to mess with you. Like the time he posted a video of the two of you cooking together, and he casually dropped a kiss on your forehead mid-sentence. The internet went wild, and you playfully scolded him for it later. “You’re such a show-off,” you said, and he just shrugged, grinning. “What can I say? I like showing the world how lucky I am.”

Despite his public displays of affection, Will is careful to respect your boundaries. He never shares anything too personal or invasive, and he always checks with you before posting something that features you prominently. “You good with this?” he’ll ask, showing you a photo or video before hitting post. And if you ever say no, he doesn’t hesitate to scrap it, no questions asked. “Your comfort comes first,” he’ll say, and it’s one of the many reasons you love him.

For Will, it’s simple: he’s proud of you, proud of your relationship, and he wants the world to know it. And even though you prefer to stay behind the scenes, you can’t help but feel a little flutter of happiness every time you see one of his posts and realise, all over again, just how much he loves you.

Spicy Headcanons

Rough or soft?

Will is the kind of partner who knows exactly what you need, even before you do. Whether it’s a night of tender affection or one where he pushes you to the edge, he always makes sure you feel safe, cherished, and utterly consumed by him.

Soft Moments

When the mood calls for softness, Will is all about making you feel adored. He’ll take his time, his touches gentle and deliberate, as if he’s memorising every inch of you. His kisses are slow and sweet, starting at your lips and trailing down your neck, your collarbone, and everywhere else he knows you love to be touched.

“You’re so beautiful,” he’ll murmur against your skin, his voice a low, soothing rumble that makes your heart swell. “I could spend forever like this, just you and me.” His hands will roam your body with reverence, tracing patterns that leave you shivering. He’ll whisper praise in your ear, telling you how perfect you are, how much he loves the way you respond to him, and how lucky he feels to have you in his arms.

These are the moments where he’s all about you—your pleasure, your comfort, your happiness. He’ll hold you close afterward, his fingers brushing through your hair as he presses soft kisses to your forehead. “You’re my everything,” he’ll say, and you’ll believe him, because in those moments, nothing else exists but the two of you.

Rough Moments

But then there are the nights when Will’s more dominant side takes over. It’s not about anger or frustration—it’s about trust, about pushing boundaries, and exploring the raw connection between you. On these nights, he’s in complete control, and he knows exactly how to make you unravel.

He’ll start slow, his touch firm but teasing, building you up until you’re trembling with need. But just when you’re about to tip over the edge, he’ll pull back, his grip tightening in your hair as he forces you to meet his gaze. “Not yet,” he’ll say, his commanding voice sending a thrill down your spine. “You don’t get to cum until I say so.”

He’ll edge you relentlessly, his hands and mouth working you to the brink over and over again until you’re a writhing, desperate mess. Tears might prick at the corners of your eyes, your breath coming in ragged gasps as you beg him for release. But he won’t give in—not until he’s sure you’ve reached your limit. “You can take it,” he’ll say, his tone equal parts challenge and reassurance. “I know you can.” Of course, you can; you haven’t said the safe word yet.

Foreplay

Will is the kind of man who takes his time, savouring every moment of intimacy with you. He’s not just interested in the end goal—he’s obsessed with the journey, with the way he can make you unravel under his touch. For Will, foreplay is an art form, and you are his masterpiece. He loves watching you moan, squirm, and barely hold onto yourself, knowing he’s the one driving you to the edge.

It starts with his hands, always so deliberate and sure. He’ll trace patterns along your skin, his fingertips leaving trails of fire in their wake. He loves the way you shiver under his touch, the way your breath hitches when he finds that one spot that makes you gasp. “You’re so sensitive,” he’ll murmur, the tone of his voice sends shivers down your spine. “I love how you react to me.”

His mouth. Damn his mouth. He’ll press kisses along your neck, your collarbone, your stomach—everywhere but where you want him most, just to tease you. “Will,” you’ll whine, your hands tangling in his hair, and he’ll chuckle against your skin, the vibration making you squirm. “Patience, love,” he’ll say, his lips curving into a smirk. “I’m not done with you yet.”

When he finally does give you what you want, it’s with a slow, deliberate intensity that leaves you breathless. He’ll watch you as he works, his eyes dark with desire, drinking in every moan, every whimper, every desperate plea for more. “You’re so beautiful like this,” he’ll say, his voice rough with need. “I could watch you fall apart all day.”

But Will isn’t just about physical touch—he’s a master of words, too. He’ll whisper filthily sweet nothings in your ear, his voice a mix of praise and promise. “You take me so well,” he’ll say, his breath hot against your skin. “I love how you sound, how you feel, how you’re all mine.” His words are like a drug, intoxicating and addictive, and they only make you want him more.

By the time he’s done with you, you’re a trembling, incoherent mess, barely able to form a sentence. But Will isn’t satisfied until he’s sure you’re completely undone. “Not yet,” he’ll say, his hands and mouth working in tandem to push you even further. “I want to hear you beg.”

I hope people don't mind that I only wrote two spicy scenes. Sorry, I kinda ran out of ideas lol. Anyways… how did people like the headcannons? These are headcannons right?

[wheels-of-despair]

Firsts Pairing: Sam (Warfare) x You Summary: Once upon a time, a girl met a boy... Contains: Best friends, questionable humor, family tragedies, fluff, subpar parenting, falling in love, and a lot of story packed into one fic. Words: 8k

Note: This is the starting point for The Sam Series. This covers the early years, and spans from 1989-1994. Future installations will probably come in the form of (much shorter) blurbs, and take place in a post-Warfare world. I have gone out of my way to make Fic Sam as different from The Real Guy as possible, and ask that if you know that real guy, you pretend that you never saw this. I solemnly swear that it's about that annoying little British twerp, just like every other dumb story I've written.

The First Encounter July 1989 / Age 13

Your heart jumped into your throat at the sound of something massive crashing through the underbrush.

It was coming right at you.

You dropped your battered paperback and flattened yourself against the rotting floor of the treehouse, hoping to go unnoticed.

What was it, you wondered? A herd of deer? A bear? Someone on the run from the law? It wouldn't hurt to sneak a little peek, would it? You were up high. You were safe… enough.

You inched closer to the edge in a careful army crawl, hoping your curiosity wouldn't leave you with splinters in your knees and elbows. The sound of cracking twigs and rustling bushes got closer. Louder. It was nearly on you.

And then, it stopped.

You held your breath, heart pounding, not daring to peek over the edge just yet.

More rustling. A crack. A whoosh. A thunk. A grunt? What the hell was going on down there?! You lifted your head slightly, but couldn't see anything over the edge. You inched forward, as silently as you could, and finally saw the source of all the noise:

A teenage boy, beating a tree with its own branch.

"COCK! SUCKING! DICKLESS! MOTHER! FUCKER!" the boy yells, punctuating each word with another hit to the tree trunk.

He's wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. It's a different color down his spine, where he's been sweating in the summer heat. His hair is close cropped and kind of… blonde, maybe? You'd guess he's around your age; probably thirteen or fourteen.

And then he turns to you, eyes ablaze, like he knew you'd been watching all this time.

"The fuck are you lookin' at?"

His voice is sharp, but for some reason, you're not afraid.

"A teenage boy throwing a tantrum," you answer.

His eyes narrow.

"I'd give it an eight out of ten," you smirk. He stares at you for a moment; calculating, but not cold.

"Only an eight?" he asks eventually, tossing the branch aside and crossing his arms. "Why only an eight?"

"There's a rust-bucket graveyard beyond the thicket," you point in its direction. "Probably a window or two left that you could've smashed."

"Damn," he says mournfully.

"Maybe next time," you grin.

The corner of his mouth twitches, like he wants to smile.

"What are you doing up there?" he asks.

"Reading," you answer. "Well, I was. What brings you to my neck of the woods?"

"Oh, this is yours?" he asks, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Don't tell the tax-man," you tease.

He laughs. You find yourself smiling at his goofy chuckle.

"I'm Sam," he says.

You introduce yourself, and he nods.

"You can come up if you want," you offer. "I think it'll hold both of us, if you're done tantrum-ing for the day."

"You sure?" he asks, eyeing the tree warily.

"Nope," you answer. "But if you're feeling brave, the stairs are around this way."

You gesture toward the side of the tree, and he walks there. He grunts, and a few seconds later, he's scaling the boards that someone nailed into the trunk long before you claimed this treehouse as your own.

"Treehouse" is a generous term for your little sanctuary. The floor is made of brittle boards that have seen much better days. You live in constant fear of having to ask someone to pick a splinter out of your ass. A sheet of metal that has grown into the surrounding branches serves as a roof. There are no sides or railings, unless you count the tree trunk and branches that support the structure. It's not very big; if you laid down in a starfish position and stretched, you could reach all four corners. But it's been here for so long, it blends into the scenery nicely. It's a great hiding place.

Not that anyone ever bothers to come looking for you.

The boy's head pops into view, and you're taken aback by how pretty he is. Big brown eyes, red cheeks, the most adorable nose, and a scar on his forehead.

"Are you part squirrel?" you ask.

"What?" he laughs.

"It took you like three seconds to get up here!"

"It was easy!"

You scoff and reach for your book, trying to find where you left off so you can dog-ear the page… and look away before you start blushing.

"So is this like… your hideout?" he asks.

"Yeah, top secret," you deadpan. "Very exclusive. It's why I had to put you on the wait list to get in."

He snorts.

"My house is… a lot," you explain, although you're not sure why. You just met the guy. "Grew up an only child, and then last year, my dad got remarried and now I have five siblings who are always screaming for one reason or another."

"Jeez," he says, blowing out a long breath. "And here I was, thinking that having to share a house with a hippie sucked."

"A hippie household could very well suck," you grin. He returns it.

"I usually live with my dad and my grandma," he says. "He's a SEAL."

"The clappy kind, or the Navy kind?" you ask.

Sam snorts.

"The Navy kind," he clarifies with a good-natured roll of his eyes. "Anyway, Mom divorced Dad and immediately married his complete opposite, AKA the biggest douchebag on the planet, and now I have to spend two weeks with them every summer. So… here I am."

"How long into your sentence are you?" you ask.

"I got here yesterday."

"Yesterday?"

"Yesterday."

"You got here yesterday, and you're already storming off into the woods to throw tantrums about this guy?!"

"Yeah," he sighs. "It's gonna be a long-ass two weeks."

"Well…" you begin, suddenly more nervous than when you first heard him crashing toward you. "I'm out here most of the time, if you ever want company. Or if you wanna to explore town, I could show you around. Even though there's not really much to see."

"Yeah?" he asks, a crooked smile on his face.

"Yeah," you confirm.

This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

The First Reunion July 1990 / Age 14

"Lucy, I'm hooome!"

You drop your book and scramble to the edge of the rickety treehouse to see Sam grinning in the clearing. He'd managed to sneak up on you this time, since he'd come through the dirt path like a civilized human instead of stomping through the brush like he did the first time you met him.

"Ugh, not again," you grin.

"Again!" he says enthusiastically, clamoring up the side of the tree and dropping down next to you.

"How've you been, Squirrel Boy?"

"Better, now that I'm not in a confined space with that ponytailed jackass," he says with a roll of his eyes. "Gonna chop that stupid thing off one of these days. And you, Bookworm? How's life?"

"Fine," you laugh, shoving your book back into your bag. Sam is just about the only person you'd pick over this one. "It rained all last week and I was stuck inside with them, so things are considerably better today. Outside! Sunshine! Silence! Except for that annoying boy from last summer, ugh."

"You adore me," he scoffs, leaning back against the tree trunk that serves as a wall and making himself comfortable.

"Hungry?" you ask, knowing he's right.

"Always."

You slide your little plastic cooler closer, undo the bungee cords that keep the critters out, and slide open the top.

"Ta-daaa!"

Sam leans over and plucks out an oatmeal pie.

"Love what you've done with the place," he grins, ripping into the plastic. "The kitchen is a nice touch. Did you win the lottery?"

"No," you grin, picking out a snack of your own. "But I do make a few bucks here and there by baby-sitting."

"Who'd let you watch their kids?!" he asks with a mouth full.

"Fuck you, I'm a great baby-sitter," you scoff.

Sam laughs.

"What are we gonna do this summer?"

"Let's see…" you ponder, tapping your chin thoughtfully. "We'll start by playing a few rounds with Muffy and Buffy at the golf course. Or maybe the tennis club! Then probably a dip in my new pool with the rest of our pals. Perhaps a tea party or an ice cream social in the afternoon, before our usual ballroom dancing?"

"Splendid, darling, simply splendid," he grins. There's a fleck of oatmeal on his bottom lip.

"Or we can hide out in the woods or hang at the lake all day and avoid our families," you shrug. "Up to you."

"Yeah, that sounds more like it," he chuckles. "Wanna learn some new survival skills?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I will absolutely not be drinking urine, no matter how purified it is?"

"Not that," Sam laughs, knocking your knee with his. "Building shelters and traps and weapons. Dad taught me some really cool stuff last time he was home."

"Okay," you grin.

You're always up for learning new things from Sam.

The First Hug August 1990 / Age 14

"Well, it's been fun, but uh… guess I better go."

You're standing in the clearing below the treehouse. Sam's getting on a bus in an hour and going back to his Grandma's house. He didn't have time to go up and hang out today. He just came to say goodbye.

"Yeah," you smile, missing him already.

"See ya," he says, giving you a slow-motion shoulder punch before turning to leave.

Now or never.

"Wait."

Sam turns around with a quirked eyebrow.

"Can I… uh…" Out with it, idiot. "Can I write to you?"

"What?"

"Can I write to you?" you ask, a little louder and a little clearer. "Kinda feel like we'd both get murdered if we tried calling long-distance, but I can spare a quarter for a stamp."

"You wanna write to me?" he asks, eyes sparkling and lips quirked into an amused smile. "Why do you wanna write to me?"

Because he's your only friend. Because you've been looking forward to these two weeks together for a year, and now they're over. Because you don't want to say goodbye to the only person who gets you. Because if he forgets about you, you'll die.

"Because I kinda miss your punk-ass when you're gone, alright?!" you huff.

His face splits into a grin.

"Awwwwww," he coos.

"Shut up."

"You loooooooove me."

"I take it back," you laugh.

"There's no take-backs!" he cackles, bounding toward you. You shy away and cover your burning face, but his arms wrap around you and hold you in an unwilling hug from the side. "You loooooove me, you miss me when I'm not here to annooooooy you, you want to wriiiiiiite to me!" he taunts, right in your ear.

"Not anymore, I don't!" you laugh, trying to wiggle away from him. He won't let you go.

"Gimme something to write on," he whispers, his voice hot in your ear.

You both still. You look up at him, and he loosens his grip on you.

You swallow hard and reach into your bag with a shaky hand for a tiny spiral-bound notebook and a pencil. You hand them to him.

Sam puts his hands on your shoulders and turns you around, pressing the pad to your back so he can write on it. It's a thick little book. He could've done this in the palm of his hand. But you appreciate this few extra seconds of contact nonetheless.

"You next," he orders, handing you the book and turning around.

You flip the page and press the notebook to his back, just like he'd done to you. You write down your address, tear out the page, and hand it to him.

"See you next summer?" you ask.

"See you next summer," he smiles.

"ELMER!" a shrill voice calls through the woods.

He flinches.

You raise an eyebrow, and before your mouth can turn into a smirk, he covers it with his hand.

"Don't."

"Don't what?" you ask, your voice muffled by his hand.

"I catch enough hell in school for it, I don't need to hear it from you too."

The desperation in his voice makes every tease and taunt you'd been planning to unleash upon him simply disappear. You're not like them, just like he's not like the bitches in school you have to deal with. You're better than that, both of you. You nod. He takes his hand away from your mouth and looks at you nervously.

"See you next summer, Sam," you whisper.

He looks relieved.

"See you next summer."

The First Invitation July 1991 / Age 15

Your ears perk up at the sound of footfalls.

You drop your book and rise from your seat on the stump across the clearing from your treehouse. He told you in his last letter what day he'd be arriving, and you'd started a Sam Countdown on the calendar hanging on your bedroom wall.

He's here. Sam's back.

You hadn't even bothered climbing into the treehouse, because you wanted to tackle him in a hug as soon as you saw him. Well, you hoped you'd have the metaphorical balls to do it, and you hoped he didn't resist.

Seconds later, he appears.

You stare at each other for a few seconds, taking in a year's worth of growth and changes. His hair's shorter than it was last time you saw him. He's taller. Broader.

But a smile starts working its way across his face, and when it reaches his eyes, you can't stand it anymore.

You both move at the same time, closing the distance and wrapping each other in a hug. It's been great sending letters back and forth throughout the year, but nothing compares to having him here in the flesh.

"Miss me?" he asks.

"Nope," you lie.

"Liar."

"Maybe," you grin, pulling back to look at him again.

"You've been looking forward to today all year," he says cockily.

"Have not," you scoff.

"Have too."

"And what if I have? What are you going to do about it?" you challenge.

Sam laughs and reaches for his belt, where he's tied a large plastic sack of cookies.

"Grandma told me to give these to you," he says, handing you the bag.

"Sam's Ass Cookies? I'm so honored," you gasp, holding the warm bag like you're showing off an Oscar.

"Adds flavor," he grins.

"Wanna go up?" you ask, nodding toward the treehouse.

"Ladies first," he says, bowing and gesturing for you to go ahead with a sweep of his arm.

"You just wanna stare at my ass," you grumble, putting the top of the bag between your teeth before beginning your climb.

Between the rustle of the plastic and the creak of the wooden "steps" nailed to the tree trunk, you could have imagined it. But you think you heard a "maybe" mumbled from below. You grin around the plastic, careful not to drop it.

Once settled next to each other, you sigh happily, grateful to be in your favorite place with your favorite person again. You open the bag of cookies and place it between you. Sam lets you take the first, then reaches for a cookie of his own.

"Mmmm," you moan when you first bite into it. "Chocolatey. Chippy. There's something else, though…"

"Love?" he suggests.

"The ass of a teenage boy," you grin.

"I'm telling my Grandma that you said her cookies taste like ass," he scoffs.

"You gonna say ass in front of her?" you grin.

Sam pales, quickly reconsiders, then stuffs the entire cookie in his mouth so he doesn't have to answer.

"How's she doing?" you ask.

"She's good," he answers, covering his mouth with the back of his hand to keep the crumbs from spraying out.

You lean forward and reach for the little cooler you keep up here, extracting a lukewarm can of Coke and popping the top. You hand it to him, and he washes his cookie down with it.

"Dad's been gone a long time," he explains, setting the can on the board between you. "And there's a lot to do at the house, but I'm doing the best I can. Been busting my ass for the last two weeks, trying to get everything fixed enough so it doesn't break before I get back."

You smile at him fondly.

"What?"

"It's sweet," you shrug.

"It needs to get done," he shrugs back. "Dad would swim home and beat both our asses if he found out I let Grandma get up on a ladder and clean out the gutters at her age."

You chuckle.

Sam grins.

"She wants to meet you, by the way," he says, reaching for another cookie. "If Dad's not home by Christmas, I might see if we can come here to visit."

"What would she think about Step-Dick's hippie food?" you grin.

Sam's Grandma is old-school; she grows and cans her own vegetables. She never visits a neighbor without bringing fresh-cut flowers or a basket of eggs, and even kills her own chickens when the time comes. Sam's step-father, on the other hand, drives an hour to an organic grocery store every week and enforces a strict no-animal-byproducts policy in his house. Sam avoids starvation by smuggling in Slim Jims and beef jerky and sneaking off for burgers with you.

"Oh my god, she'd lose it at the sight of tofurkey," Sam cackles. "Bless his heart," he says in an impersonation of the woman you've exchanged brief pleasantries with on the phone a grand total of twice. Damn those long distance rates. "No wonder that poor boy ain't right in the head, this food ain't fit for a hog!"

"I would pay big money to see that," you laugh.

"Oh, you're definitely coming," Sam grins. Your heart swells at the thought of getting to spend Christmas with him, and meet the Grandma he loves so much. "No payment required. Unless you wanna smuggle in a turkey."

"Well there's an image," you laugh. "Is that a turkey leg in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"

You both howl with laughter.

The First Breakdown November 1991 / Age 15

The sound of leaves crunching pulls you from the letter you're writing.

Your mind jumps to Sam.

Of course it does. He's the only one who ever comes to see you out here. He's also the one you're writing to. He's two letters behind in your bi-weekly correspondence, and if you find out he's ditched you for a girl, you're going to kill him, and then die of a broken heart.

But Sam only left three months ago. It'll be nine more before you see him again. Who's traipsing around in your woods, and what business do they have sounding like him?

You peek over the side of the treehouse, sturdier now that Sam has been learning the construction business with one of his dad's friends when he's not in school. A dark cloud in a denim jacket enters the clearing.

"Sam?"

He looks up.

But he looks different.

You drop your notebook and pen and climb down as quickly as you can.

He hasn't moved.

So you go to him, stopping an arm's length away.

His eyes and nose are red. His posture, defeated.

"Why are you here?" you breathe.

He crumbles.

You throw your arms around him, holding him tight while his body heaves and trembles. You've never seen him cry before.

You stand there, holding him, too afraid to move. His tears saturate your flannel shirt. His sobs echo through the woods. And you have no idea what's wrong, or how to make it better.

When his sobs subside and his grip on you loosens, you pull back to look at him. Your hands instinctively reach for his face. Your thumbs wipe away his tears, but another stream replaces them immediately.

"Dad died," he whispers.

"Oh, Sam," you breathe.

He buries his face in your neck, clinging to you again. You hold him through the next wave, and then lead him to a nearby stump. He stumbles; his eyes are too wet and swollen to see straight. You guide him down and sit next to him. Your arm finds its way around his back. You're afraid to let him go.

Sam leans forward, elbows on his knees. He takes a few deep, shuddering breaths, and starts speaking to the dead leaves littering the ground.

"Dad came home in a box," he says emotionlessly. "And the day we put him in the ground, Grandma had a stroke. They said there's not a lot of hope for a full recovery at her age. I wanted to take her home. It's where she would want to be. Grandpa built that house for her. It's where he's buried. She's lived there over fifty years. But Mom still has power of attorney, so she had Grandma put in a home. I could have done it," his voice wavers. "I could have taken care of her."

"I know," you whisper, resting your chin on his shoulder. "You've always taken good care of her, Sam."

"Tell that to them," he chokes out. "Now Grandma's in some old folks' home with a bunch of strangers, and I'm stuck here with these assholes 'til I turn 18."

Before you can react, he clarifies: "Not you."

"I know," you whisper, rubbing his back in what you hope is a comforting gesture. "It's not long now, though. You'll be out of here before you know it. And then you can take Grandma home and get her back in her rocking chair where she belongs."

Sam chokes out a sob, and you wrap both arms around him.

"It's gonna be okay," you tell him.

"No, it's not," he sniffles, sitting up and shaking off your embrace. "Dad's gone. Grandma's as good as. Those people don't know how to take care of her. They don't know what she needs, and I can't do anything about it. Mom could, but doesn't give a fuck about anything but that douchebag. I've got nobody."

"You've got me," you whisper.

He looks at you, really looks at you for the first time since he entered the clearing, and your heart breaks. You've never seen him look so defeated. You didn't think anything could ever break your Sam.

Your Sam.

"I'm here," you say slowly, "And I know I don't have a whole lot to offer, other than snacks and the occasional sarcastic comment, but I'm here for you, Sam, no matter what. And I always will be."

"Why?"

It only hurts a little that he has to ask.

"Because you're the best friend I've ever had."

Sam stares into your eyes for a moment. You can feel the pain in them. If you could take it from him and make it yours, you would. You'd do anything for him.

He opens his arms, and you share another embrace. A little drier this time.

"You're my best friend, too," he whispers.

The First Sacrifice November 1992 / Age 16

"Sweetie? There's someone at the door who wants to speak to you."

You look around your bedroom, thinking that your step-mother must be talking to someone else. She's never called you sweetie before. And who the heck would be looking for you, other than Sam? He's never come to the front door. On the rare occasion that you weren't already in the woods that separate your house from his, he'd come into the back yard and throw a rock at your window to get your attention. Then you'd come out and meet him.

Maybe he tried, and you didn't hear the rock over the rain?

You close your history book and rise from the bed, padding quietly to the front door in your socks. A chill runs up your spine when you see who's waiting for you.

"Hello," Sam's mother smiles tensely, water dripping from her bright yellow raincoat onto the rug. "Have you seen Sam today?"

No, you haven't. Is that the correct answer? Does he need an alibi? Did he finally snap on that douchebag step-dad of his? Does she think he's hiding under your bed?

"No?"

She sighs.

"If you see him, will you please tell him to come home?"

"Did something happen?"

She purses her lips, like she's debating if it's worth telling you or not.

"He heard a message on our answering machine that he wasn't meant to hear," she says. "The nursing home called about his grandmother."

"Is she alright?" you ask. Pursed lips again.

"She's ill," she says nonchalantly. "As the elderly often are. There's nothing we can do from here but pray. She's surrounded by the best professional caregivers in the area. But of course, Sam overreacted, just like his father would have. He hit my husband for trying to calm him down, and then he stormed out. He didn't even take his coat. Do you know where he might be?"

Sam's trying to hop a bus or catch a train to see his Grandma, that's where he is.

"Probably the woods," you answer. "That's where he goes to calm down. He'll probably come home when he cools off."

"Even in this rain?"

"Yeah," you nod. "Sam's quite the outdoorsman. If he can't find shelter, he can make it."

"Alright," she sniffs. "We'll wait before contacting the police, then. Thank you for your help."

"Yes, ma'am."

She says goodbye to your step-mother, who's been lurking in the doorway behind you, and pulls up her hood and leaves. You watch out the window until her car disappears down the road.

And then you reach for your rain jacket.

"Where do you think you're going?" your step-monster asks.

"To find Sam and tell him to go home," you lie.

"Not until your homework is finished."

"It is."

"It didn't look like it, when I came to fetch you."

Fuck's sake.

"I was on the last question."

"I don't think so, young lady. Go finish your homework, and then maybe you can go out when it stops raining."

You put the jacket back on the hook, march to your bedroom, and shut the door.

Sam. You have to get to Sam. And Sam has to get to Grandma.

You open your window and look down into the muddy yard.

This would be easier with shoes and a jacket. You throw on a hoodie you stole from Sam. He didn't even take his coat, you remember. You put a denim jacket on over top of his hoodie, hoping to keep it from getting completely soaked before you can give it back to him. What else would he need for his daring escape?

When you're suited up and ready to go, you slide out the window and into the mud. Your bike, leaning against the side of the house, won't give you much of an advantage if he's actually running away instead of walking, but you hop on it and start pedaling anyway.

You keep your head down, feeling the raindrops pummel the back of your neck and drip down your front. Your jeans are soaked entirely, but that doesn't matter. Sam matters. You have to get to Sam.

Fifteen minutes later, the Greyhound station comes into view. You squint into the distance, hoping to spot him.

There he is. He leaning against the brick building with his arms crossed over his chest. No jacket, just like his mom said; just a soaked baseball tee. At least the rain has gone from a deafening downpour to a steady stream.

"Sam," you breathe, in a sigh of relief, speeding toward him. Your voice must carry on the cool breeze, because his head snaps up and his eyes lock on you. You hop off of your bike when you near the sidewalk, and rush to him without looking back to see where it landed.

You crash into each other, holding on desperately.

"Grandma's sick," he shivers. "I have to get down there. I have to see her."

"I know," you whisper, holding him tight and hoping to transfer the last of your warmth to him. "Your mom came to my house looking for you."

He tenses.

"I told her you were probably in the woods, and that you'd come home eventually."

"Yeah, so that son of a bitch can have me arrested," he grumbles. "Hope I broke his fucking nose. Said 'if it's her time, it's her time'."

"I hope you broke his fucking nose, too."

He pulls back to look at you, his brown eyes flooded with emotion. Your heart pounds. Your hands shake. Maybe from being cold and wet, maybe from fearing the fallout from what you're about to do.

A bus pulls into the station with a spray of filthy water, its brakes whooshing loudly. Sam glances to it, then back to the ticket window. The rain picks up again.

"I'm short," he says, loudly so you can hear him over the downpour. "I was so mad when I left, I didn't think to grab anything. All I have is what's in my wallet. I don't have enough for a ticket."

"Yeah, you do," you tell him, pulling a damp envelope from your pocket and pushing it to his chest. "Take this."

His hand closes around the package, and he looks down at it. His eyes flick to yours.

"This is your college fund."

"This is more important," you insist.

"You've been saving this for--"

"Take it."

"You can't--"

"I just did," you cut him off stubbornly.

Sam sighs and licks his lips as he contemplates. A few passengers shuffle off the bus and into the rain, and he exhales. His mind is made. He kisses your forehead and bounds to the ticket window to get ahead of the other passengers. You shed your heavy denim jacket and take off the hoodie. They're both soaked. You're attempting, in vain, to wring it out when he returns with a ticket in his hand, for the bus that's just arrived. It'll leave again as soon as it refuels. And then he'll be gone for… you don't know how long.

"Put this on," you order, holding the wet hoodie out so he can slide into it. At least it's not dripping like his shirt. He obeys, much to your surprise. He gives you an appreciative smile when his head emerges.

"Here," he offers, holding out the envelope. "I'll pay you back for the ticket."

"No," you argue, pushing it to his chest. "It's a long way. You gotta eat. We'll settle up after you start making the big bucks."

He nods and puts the envelope in his pocket. You stare at each other for half a second. Then, he strikes like a cobra, pulling you in for a tight hug.

"Love you," he mutters into your wet hair.

"Love you, too," you breathe, squeezing him tight and wishing you could stay together forever. But you can't. You know you can't. You pull back and look into his eyes, knowing it's time. "Now go."

Sam hesitates. But then, he reaches for your face and plants a kiss on your lips. Before you can even begin to process what just happened, he's disappeared up the steps of the Greyhound.

You hope the driver is kind enough to put on the heat for him.

The First (Real) Kiss September 1993 / Age 17

"Are we together?"

You stop chewing and turn your head slowly to Sam, mouth still full of burger, and stare. He's looking ahead, at the streetlights of the town below. The football stadium is lit too, because it's game night. Not that either of you cares. The crowd who does roars in the distance. But you and Sam? You're sitting on the tailgate of his rusty little pickup, eating burgers and fries like you do every Friday night.

"Like how?" you mumble, suddenly remembering that there's food in your mouth, and it needs to be chewed.

Sam rolls his neck toward you, giving you A Look.

"Don't make me say it."

"Don't make you say what?" you ask, finally swallowing. You drop the rest of your burger back to its wrapper and focus on him.

His eyes are pleading.

Are you together? You've often wondered this, too.

After his grandma died and his mom went down to take care of the funeral and drag him home, he wasn't the same. He was so quiet and broody, the year-long grounding his mom and step-dad settled on as punishment for running away was quickly forgotten. You suspect it's because they simply wanted his miserable ass out of their house. They finally let him get a job. They didn't object when he saved up enough to buy his own truck. They even let you come over to work on homework or watch movies sometimes.

But Sam wasn't that goofy kid you met in the woods anymore. You were able to coax the fun side of him out every once in a while, but he'd grown so serious in the last year. Now that he didn't have a grandmother to stick around and take care of, he'd decided to follow his childhood dream of becoming a Navy SEAL, just like his dad. (Much to the disdain of his hippie step-father.) When he wasn't in school, he spent most of his time lugging boxes and stocking shelves at the grocery store where you were a cashier, or training in the woods. You'd coordinated schedules so you could ride to and from work together. During training sessions, you were in charge of the stopwatch while he ran and did push-ups and tried to beat his own record of holding his breath underwater in the lake.

At least you were together.

Right. His question.

"Do you want to be together?" you ask.

Sam doesn't answer.

"Oookay," you say. "Let's try something easier: What brought this on?"

Sam glances at you, then takes a giant bite of burger to buy more time. You wait less than patiently as he chews.

"Today after bio," he says after swallowing, "Jennifer asked me if I had a date to the homecoming dance."

Your blood runs cold. Of course the biggest slut in your grade has set her sights on Sam now. She's already worked her way through everyone else. He's not going to fall for this, is he? He's not going to think with his dick like the rest of those idiots you go to school with?

"And what did you tell her?" you ask, afraid of the answer.

"The bell rang and I told her I'd talk to her later."

"And did you?"

Sam cuts his eyes at you and smirks, and you know the answer before he tells you: "Dodged her."

You fight a smile and reach for a fry… at the same time he does. Your hands brush, and you try to pretend like it didn't bother you at all. You stare at the lights in the distance and munch, knowing damn well you still have a question that needs answering.

"It would make sense," Sam says.

"Being together?" you ask quietly.

He nods. And then he sighs deeply.

"I just don't want things to change, y'know?"

"What has to change?"

"You don't treat your girlfriend the same way as your best friend."

"Says who?" you challenge.

"The world."

"What would change, then?" you ask.

You wouldn't mind a little bit of change, to be honest. You often find yourself aching for his touch. You don't play fight and push each other around like you used to. If you really were together…

"I just…" Sam sighs, bringing you back to reality. "You're like the only person I can count on. I don't want to fuck that up."

"What makes you think we're going to fuck it up?"

More silence. Lovely.

"Look," you sigh. "I love you. I always have, and I always will. And I'll always be there for you, just like I promised. No matter what. That cannot be fucked up. I just…" Dammit. What are you trying to say? That you want more? That you'll never love anyone else? That you've convinced yourself that if he was interested, he would have made a move already? "I don't know if you love me the way that I love you."

The air suddenly feels to heavy to breathe in.

"How do you love me?" he asks.

You see your entire relationship flash before your eyes, from the minute he came stomping into your neck of the woods, to the joy you felt every time you'd find a letter from him in the mailbox, to the time you panicked and dove into the water fully-clothed during a breath-holding test to drag his stubborn ass out… to tonight, when he picked you up and ordered your usual without even having to ask.

"Completely," you breathe.

Something changes in Sam's face. You hold your breath, not knowing what it means. And you are pretty damn good at knowing what his annoying little mood shifts mean. He leans forward. What is he…

Sam's lips meet yours, on the tailgate of his rusty little pickup, on a hill looking down at the town you reluctantly grew up in together, on a Friday night while everyone else your age screams about sports in the stadium below.

And suddenly, none of that matters in the slightest.

Sam pulls back a bit. Just enough to look into your eyes. You're not done yet. This time, you're the one who lurches forward, pulling him to you with a hand on his jaw. He moans into your mouth, and it reverberates through your whole body. You can't believe you've been missing out on this the whole time.

When you part again, pupils blown and cheeks flushed and breath shaky, you both chuckle.

"Guess we answered that question," he grins.

Your heart feels like it's going to burst.

And it's not because of all the grease you just ate.

The First Proposal April 1994 / Age 17

"Talked to the recruiter again today," Sam says casually.

"Yeah?" you ask, half-listening as you edit his English paper on the couch in his living room. His mom and step-dick won't be home for another hour. Which is when you usually decide to leave. You love Sam, but not enough to stick around for a dinner of mung beans, or whatever overpriced garbage they're obsessed with this week.

"Yeah," he repeats, pinching his fingers around the top of his essay and pulling it from you. You try grabbing it back, because you're not done, but you're not quick enough. "Jesus, did I do ANYTHING right? You're gonna run out of red ink if you keep this nitpicking up!"

"We all have our strengths, Sam," you smile, sitting sideways and patting his head condescendingly.

He lunges forward with a deadly attack hug, and you curl into a defensive ball and squeal like you always do. He gives you a squeeze and a nip on the shoulder before dropping back into his seat next to you.

"What about the recruiter?" you ask, coming out of your ball and nudging his thigh with your socked foot.

"Did you know the Navy pays for college?"

You nod.

"Not just for me, but like… if I had a kid… or a wife…"

Your stomach flips.

"We both know that life's not for me," he says, shifting so he's facing you. "But you… you're goin' places, kid."

You snort at his phrasing.

"I never forgot about what you did for me, you know…" his eyes soften. "You gave up your college fund for me."

"You paid me back," you remind him.

"I paid back the money," he says. "The gesture's a little harder."

"I was not aware that we were keeping score."

Sam sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" you ask.

"Do you wanna get hitched so you can get a full ride to college on Uncle Sam's dime?"

Your heart sinks. And then your blood boils. You suddenly feel the urge to kick him. You turn away and put your feet on the floor with such force, they sting. You'd have been better off kicking him.

"No."

"No?!"

"No," you repeat, angrily stuffing your things back into your backpack. Fuck his paper, fuck the math chapter he was supposed to walk you through tonight, and you know what? Fuck Sam, too.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving," you seethe. You stand, yank your backpack onto your shoulder, and march toward the door.

"What the hell?" Sam demands, right on your tail. He grabs your upper arm and spins you back to him. Your backpack falls and hits the floor. You clench your fists and glare at him, hoping he can feel his insides shrivel.

"What's your problem?" he asks.

You put your palms on his chest and shove. He doesn't move, except to grab both of your wrists. Bastard.

"What just happened?" he asks.

You don't answer.

"Because to me," he says with annoying calmness, lowering his head to make you stare into those big brown eyes of his, "I think I proposed a solution to a problem you've been worrying about since you learned how to read, and you got mad because…"

You feel your glare losing its power under his calming gaze.

No! Angry! Offended! Seconds away from ripping his throat out with your teeth!

"Because…?" he prompts.

How can he not see that this is quite possibly the worst thing he could have said to you? Does he think you only love him because you might get something out of it? Have you not been completely in love with him since you were 13 years old? Does he not know that he's your entire world? Where did you go wrong?

"I'm not gonna marry you for your benefits, Sam," you finally get out. It sounds awfully weak for a girl who was ready to commit murder a few seconds ago.

"Why not?"

Dammit. His eyes soften when he sees your eyes welling up. Not now, tears!

"Because if we get married," your voice wavers, "it's going to be because we love each other." You swallow. "We do love each other, right?"

"Of course we love each other," he scoffs, releasing your wrists. His brow furrows, and his hands cup your face. "You know I love you more than anyone. Of course that's why I want to marry you."

You're going to kill him.

"They why did you make it sound like a fucking transaction?!" you shout, pushing him again. This time, you catch him by surprise, and he rocks back on his heels and catches himself on the doorframe.

"I didn't!"

"You did!" You take an angry step toward him, and he backs away. You pursue him back into the living room, fists clenched and ready to throttle him. He keeps backing away, wide-eyed and maybe a little scared. "You made it sound like you were only thinking about marrying me so I could fuck off to college, and you'd have your imaginary debt cleared! We're not keeping score, idiot! This isn't a competition! We're in this because we fucking love each other!"

The backs of his knees hit the couch, and he falls onto it with an oof.

"Okay," he says, holding out his hands as a buffer between you. "Okay. When you put it like that, it sounds kinda bad."

"You think?!" you shriek.

Sam snorts. Your eyes narrow.

"I'm sorry!" he laughs, then tries to make his face appear serious. "I'm sorry. You're adorable when you get mad."

You close your eyes, lift your chin to the ceiling, and sigh deeply. His hand closes around yours and gives a tug.

"C'mere," he says.

You look down to find him leaning forward on the couch, his hand in yours. You let him pull you onto him, straddling his lap and wrapping your arms around him and resting your head on his shoulder.

"You exhaust me," you sigh.

"I know." You can hear the smirk in his voice. You nip that sensitive skin at the base of his neck in retaliation, and he jumps. You nuzzle back into him with a satisfied smile.

"So if I'd asked you to marry me, purely because I love you and adore you and want to spend my life with you, you'd have said yes?"

"Probably," you mumble.

"Even though you know I'm going to be gone a lot, doing dangerous shit that I can never tell you about?"

You sit up and look down into those beautiful eyes of his and nod.

"So can I ask now, or did I blow it for today?"

"Oh, you definitely blew it," you inform him. "You're gonna have to go all out now."

"Balls," he groans.

You laugh and bend back down to hold him tight.

"Love you," you whisper.

"Love you, too," he responds.

The First Grown-Up Goodbye September 1994 / Age 18

"Will you take care of this for me?" Sam asks, holding out his palm. A gold chain shimmers in the sunlight outside the bus station. His wedding ring is attached to it.

"Of course I will," you answer.

"Turn around," he whispers.

You do as he asks, and see the chain cross your field of vision as he puts it into position. He fumbles with the clasp for a moment, and then you feel him let go. The weight of his ring settles between your breasts. You try to turn back to him, but Sam hugs you from behind, trailing his nose up your neck and into your hair. You know what he's doing. You let him take his time.

Once he's had enough of your scent, his hand touches your shoulder and turns you back to him. He traces the chain down to his ring. It used to be his grandfather's. The matching one on your finger used to be his grandmother's. You'd exchanged them on a rainy Tuesday morning at the courthouse.

"You gonna be okay?" he asks.

His hands cup your face and tilt it upward to look at him. Concern clouds his eyes.

"Are you?" you whisper.

Your upcoming journey to college is nothing compared to what Sam's about to go through. You've read every piece of literature about Navy SEAL training you could get your hands on, and you have regrets. He's not going to be your Sam when he comes back to you. You know this. You saw the difference after a few weeks of basic. What would months upon months of the most intense military training in the world do to him?

"I'm gonna be fine," he smiles, brushing a strand of hair away from your face with his finger. "I was made for this, remember?"

You nod, remembering all the stories he'd told you about growing up with a SEAL dad. The Navy kind, not the clappy kind. You'd smile at the memory if your heart didn't ache so much.

"You gonna keep writing me letters?" he asks.

"Of course I am," you smile. "You're gonna be too tired to read 'em, but I'm gonna keep sending 'em anyway."

"Thank you," he breathes, eyes twinkling.

There's a clamor nearby as people start boarding the bus. You both look at them, then turn your eyes back to each other.

"You're gonna be fine," he whispers.

"So are you," you counter.

"I'll call you as soon as I can," he says.

You nod. His arms wrap around you and hold you tight. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, wanting one last whiff of him before he disappears for the better part of a year.

This is just like when you were kids, you try telling yourself. You saw each other for two weeks at a time and communicated by letters and the rare long-distance phone call for years, and still managed to fall in love. If all goes well, once he's out of training and assigned to a base, you'll transfer to a nearby school. Hell, you'll probably see him more then than you did in your early years.

And then, eventually, he'll get old and achy and retire and he can be yours forever. You'll have a degree and a kick-ass job, and he can relax and let you be the breadwinner for a while.

"Love you," he whispers, his breath warm in your hair.

"Love you too, Sam."

Mr. and Mrs. Sam will return in a few years!*

*It'll be years for them, but for us, it'll be more like days or weeks. All the future installations I currently have planned take place after the events of the movie, so we're jumping from 1994 to 2006. What did you miss, you might ask? Well, Sam's a SEAL. (The Navy kind, not the clappy kind.) Mrs. Sam has a degree and a job that keeps her busy when he's deployed. Which is a lot. Like, half their relationship a lot. Things are gonna get all shook up when he comes home, so let's not dwell on all the lonesome pining in between, eh? See you soon!

[0bunnyia]

현진 ─── Painted Canvas

Lost in the gray of everyday life, you find an unexpected connection with a stranger in an art gallery. As days pass, an unspoken bond forms—until one day, he disappears. Left with only memories and a blank page, you begin to write. But fate has one last masterpiece to show you.

Pair: Artist! Hyunjin x Writer! Reader

— this is the longest fic I've ever written HUHUU, I enjoyed writing this so please enjoy reading it too!!<33 and if you ever feel like you're struggling, please don't keep it to yourself!! Please reach out to your close one!! You will pass all of it, promised!! 🙇🏻‍♀️

⚠️ : Mentions of emotional exhaustion (reader is struggling), open ending if that counts. wc: 1,1k

Alexa, play an art gallery could never be as unique as you by mrld.

It wasn't always like this, you used to believed that life is worth dreaming of—something that you look forward to. But now? It's just days to pass, draining in your own energy, wondering if anyone's notice.

The world feels muted, it's like someone took away all the color, leaving it only gray. Each day gets harder to pass, like a book with fading ink, it's story slipping away before you can hold on to it.

The sun rises and sets, each day grows harder to pass. You wondered, is life really worth dreaming of?

Then, you saw him.

It was the usual day, you groan as the sun paid its visit to you, shining through the window. The sound of bird chirping can be heard, as if they were making fun of you.

You stayed still for a second. The world outside has already begun it's day, as if it has no choice but to keep moving, while you linger on the edges of it, unwelcome.

You get out of your bed eventually, getting ready just because you have to. Tho, you don't have much to do.

Sitting in the balcony, you stare at the blank paper in front of you, trying to write something, to make sense of something. But your mind was still making fun of you, indicating that you will not be able to write again.

You decided to take a walk, leaving the darkness of your house and touch some grass. Fate must have planned something for you because you found yourself in front of an art gallery.

You were never interested in painting, it was never something that captivated you. You never understand how a few stroke of brush can be so valuable to one. You should've left, there was nothing interesting inside, you thought. But your feet betrayed you.

Taking a step into the gallery, you walk through the entrance, the cold air brushing to your skin. It feels different, like it was waiting for you. The walls are full of painting, walking through each, you find yourself stopping at the painting across of you.

Your gaze locks onto the piece before you. The colors blends away in another, making you wonder where one stops. It strokes is hard to tell where it started and where it ends. A truly captivating painting that make you stop thinking for a second. “Loving you is my safe place“ you mumble under your breath.

Safe, that word felt foreign for a long time. You exhaled, observing the painting In front of you again when you've heard a voice behind you.

“I see you've found my favorite painting“ the voice was smooth, soothing and unhurried. You turned to the owner of the voice. There you see a man standing there. He had dark eyes and relaxed stances, you forget how to breathe for a moment, admiring the man behind you.

You blinked, grounding yourself before fully turning around, facing the mysterious man. “Oh—do you come here often?“ your voice feels lighter than before. “You could say that“ he tilted his head, before gazing back to the painting, you followed his gaze.

“It feels, safe? It gives you a feeling like home, sorta.“ you spoke “Then it did it's job well.“ “Is this your first time here?“ his gaze turning back at you, you found yourself staring at his eyes. You can't lie, he has the prettiest eyes you've ever seen.

You hesitate for a moment “Yes, it's my first time here. I've never been really interested in paintings to be honest“ you have no idea why you're saying it, maybe it's his calm demeanor that made your guard down.

“cool, let me show you around!“ the stranger grab your hand and takes you around the gallery. You don't remember the paintings he explained to you, all you remember was his loving gaze to the painting. Makes you wonder, will anyone ever look at you so lovingly?

You don't know why, but your steps keep coming back to the gallery, hoping to find the same stranger. And you did, he was always there, whether just sitting on the bench or looking at the paintings there.

Each day passes, you and the stranger get closer, growing a bond that cannot be explained in words. It's something simple, like the two of you sitting at the bench while he was doodling in a napkin, but you found yourself telling your worries to him.

One day he spoke, “Even the sky gets cloudy sometimes, but it always ends up clear again, right?“.

Maybe some part of you were healing just by talking to him. You found yourself looking forward to the next day, to go to the gallery and talk with the stranger.

Until one day, everything just disappears. It was the same like every other day, you get ready and went to the gallery, except there was no one there. The gallery was closed, and you don't find the stranger around there. That's when it hits you, you never knew the strangers name, nor do you have his contacts.

You turned around and returned home feeling devastated, he was only a stranger, but why do you feel so lost?

You pick up your pen and start writing, it was only random words at first, writing everything that comes to mind. Then you remembered what he once said to you.

“every piece has a story, even the messy one.“ Then you wondered, what is your story?

You write more and more, your hand moving nonstop, turning words into sentences, and something more. You don't think, you just want to remember him through words, to hold onto something.

And little did you know, you had changed.

Days pass, and writing becomes a habit again, you spends your afternoon sitting by the windows of different cafes, just lost in your own world. Your pen moving without hesitation, ink staining your fingertips, like a quick reminder that you're still here, still waiting.

It was just a random afternoon after writing session at your favorite cafe, the winds grew colder. And you found yourself again, back to the art gallery. It was open, you stared at the building for a moment before hesitantly stepping inside.

It was still the same, the cold air brushing your skin, you stare at the painting one by one.

Until your step stop at a huge painting, it was you.

It isn’t just a painting of you—it’s you through his eyes. Your silhouette is bathed in golden hues, as if kissed by sunlight, yet there are shadows carefully placed in the corners, a quiet understanding of the storms you’ve endured. Flowers bloom along the edges, creeping toward your figure, as if nature itself is drawn to you. And then, at the bottom, faint yet unmistakable, is a signature. His.

“I see you've found my favorite painting“

[flightfoot]

Could you recommend good written rarepair fics?

Sure! I don't know what you qualify as rarepair, so I'll use my old standby of "everything that isn't Lovesquare". I've got a lot of these to recommend, so I'll split it up by ship, unless there's only one fic in the pairing, in which case I'll dump it at the end.

I've split this up by pairing. If I have multiple fics to rec for a pairing, I'll give it its own category, if not, then it goes into the "one-offs" category at then end.

I have categories for Adrino, Marigami, MarcNath, Lukadrien, Julerose, Chlobrina, DJWifi, Alyanette, and FeLuka, in that order.

---

Adrino:

Within Your Heart by Inkyibis

It’s Valentine’s Day and Ladybug just wants to her superhero partner to find his love. And what she wants, the Lucky Charm will create. If only she could remember what it is she did last night.

Adrino fic here! Marinette’s drunk and feeling awful that her superhero partner is alone on Valentine’s (she’s in a loving and committed relationship with Alya), so she creates a Lucky Charm to help Chat find love! In this universe, Ladybug’s Lucky Charms have the power to create new rules for the universe to follow, such as making one that demands that if you have any magic in you, you have to tell the truth or else you’ll freeze. Or in Adrien’s case, that he has to wake up in the arms of his true love every day XD. It’s very sweet and I love both Adrien’s and Nino’s relationship, and the relationship between the rest of the Miracuteam members as well, even though that’s not the focus.

---

I’ll give myself a name (something stupid and pretentious) by @bbutterflies

Nino looked at the number and didn’t recognize it. Usually he wouldn’t answer, but he had nothing better to do – and could still really use a distraction – so he did. “Hello?”

“Hey, Nino.”

Nino stood up quickly, chest tightening. He knew that voice. He’d been waiting to hear it again for over two years. “Adrien?” he whispered.

“Yeah. It’s me."

-

When Monarch is defeated (and revealed to be Gabriel Agreste), Chat Noir immediately goes missing. Adrien disappears not long after. When Adrien finally shows up in Paris again, Nino would do anything to make sure he doesn't disappear again.

Ah this is lovely, Adrien’s been in a lot of emotional turmoil since Monarch’s defeat, convinced that everyone would hate him, SHOULD hate him, for not realizing that his father was the villain, and should hate him even more for disappearing like he does. But slowly Marinette and Nino get through to him, convince him that they just want him back. 

And also Adrien and Nino smooch. Multiple times. So that’s a bonus XD.

---

Would Trust You With Everything by @kasienda

Nino breaks off, tears streaking down his face. Adrien wishes he was here as himself instead of Chat so he could offer a hug.

“It’s not like I don’t think she deserved her privacy. It’s just it felt like I was her last priority. And if I knew why, then maybe we could overcome it. But when I don’t, I’m not willing to be her last thought. You know? I always put her first.”

“Yeah,” Chat agrees, able to relate too well. He always put Ladybug first too, and he’s not sure it has ever been the same for her. “I’m sorry you’ve been so alone through this."

“I haven’t been totally alone,” Nino disagrees, holding up his phone. “My best friend has been keeping me company virtually most of the day.”

“Yeah? It helped?”

“I don’t know if any of the stuff he sent helped, but like, given what I know he’s up to, he totally had to move heaven and earth to talk to me so much, and that really helped. You know, just knowing that someone was thinking of me.”

“I’m glad,” Chat Noir said. “I wish he could be there in person for you.”

Nino sighs. “Yeah, me too, but at least you’re here."

...

Season 4 au - canon divergent from Rocketear Rocketear led to DJWiFi breakup.

Ahh, Adrino my beloved XD. I love the identity shenanigans in this one with Adrien being around Nino as both Adrien and Chat Noir, and both of them vaguely describing their situations to each other. It takes Adrien a bit to figure out that he has a crush on Nino, but once he does...

---

The moment I knew (I’d no choice but to love you) by @bbutterflies

“He’s dating me,” Nino said, taking Adrien’s hand in his own.

Adrien could only stare back at him in shock.

“How dare you all force him to come out?” Nino continued, glaring at the reporters. “That was disgusting.” He pulled Adrien over to the car, guided him in, and shut the door behind them.

In the relative quiet and privacy of the backseat, Adrien finally processed what had just happened. “So… when were you going to tell me we were dating?”

This Adrino fic is delicious XD. Reporters keep hounding Adrien about his love life, so Nino finally gets them off Adrien’s back by fake-dating him. Problem is, Adrien’s actually been madly in love with Nino for years but has never been able to tell him. And now as they’re spending more time together, Nino’s beginning to find that he’s enjoying all these “couple” activities more than maybe he ought to if it’s entirely platonic...

If you want to see Adrien and Nino PINING for each other while “fake” dating (is it really fake if both parties want it to be real?) then you’ve come to the right fic!

---

Chemistry With Him by @bbutterflies

It kind of sucked Nino was taking chemistry, but classes had filled up fast and he needed to take something and his advisor had said the credits would, somehow, count towards his major. It really sucked he was taking it first thing on a Monday morning (and Wednesdays, and Fridays, unfortunately). But he could get through it. He knew he could.

So no more boys. No distractions. He could do this all on his own.

“Is anyone sitting here?”

Nino looked up to find the source of the voice. A blond, green-eyed, absolutely beautiful someone.

Okay. Maybe one distraction.

Ah, adorable Adrino. This is a universe where Adrien never went to public school, so while Chat Noir, Ladybug, Carapace, and Rena Rouge all know each other (and Marinette, Alya, and Nino all know each other’s identities) they’re unaware that they are all already friends with Adrien. I loved seeing Chat and Carapace excitedly tell each other about their awesome crush/boyfriend, not knowing they were talking about each other XD.

---

Awaken by InkyIbis

The previously white butterfly, now oozing black and purple as a conduit of the butterfly miraculous powers, flutters softly within the silvered-gloved hand.

It sits there for a long time.

"Go, my akuma," The soft sigh pushes the butterfly, the akuma, out towards the despair of a love not returned. The same ache within his chest. On a level so great that he's willing to sacrifice the city to mend it.

It's okay if he's the villain for now. He'll force the miraculous of creation and destruction to be revealed, and once he gets his hands on them, none of this pain, none of his loss, will ever happen.

This is essentially a canon rewrite for Miraculous (specifically seasons 1 and 2, with a bunch of the events mixed around) that focuses primarily on Adrien, with his relationship with Nino being the main driving relationship of the fic. (Don’t worry, Marinette’s still treated fine, she’s just not the focus). This is the best “rewrite Miraculous with more of a focus on Adrien” type fic I’ve seen, with it reworking the plots of the episodes so that they’re different enough to be their own distinct thing - it’s not trying to just rewrite the canon episodes but from Adrien’s POV, there’s a lot of lore changes going on as well, and things occur in different orders.

Like lorewise, Chat’s given a more important role in cleaning up the mess the akumas leave, with his power helping to cleanse akuma victims and he and Ladybug needing to use their powers in tandem in order to cast Miraculous Ladybug. There’s also no Miracle Box holding the kwamis. Instead, Chat sometimes surpasses his limits and ends up summoning kwamis, which is dangerous to him, but very useful.

What really makes this fic great though, is its focus on Adrien’s emotions. You really get a feel for Adrien’s insecurities, especially when it comes to not feeling like he’s good enough for Nino, with not wanting to bother him when he absolutely should, with feeling like he’s not a good enough friend to him, and then there’s dealing with all of Gabriel’s usual abuse on top of that.

Speaking of Nino, this is an Adrino fic (though several characters get crushes on Adrien, Nino’s the one who matters most for this), though a slowburn one. Nino’s clearly head-over-heels for Adrien, but Adrien has like, no context for what a romantic crush feels like and is basically viewing Nino the way he viewed Marinette in canon prior to season 5. He clearly cares for him a lot, including romantically, he just... doesn’t get it.

Anyway, if you want an interesting canon rewrite fic from Adrien’s perspective with Adrino as the main pairing, this is a good story to pick up!

---

If I hold you too close by @bbutterflies

Paris didn’t come to a screeching halt for akumas anymore. They were so commonplace, so frequent, no one stopped their lives unless they were in danger. They trusted the heroes to fix everything if something did go wrong, save them if they got hurt. Adrien was still fighting the urge to find Plagg and go running into battle. Plagg wasn’t here, though. --- Post-season 5 where Adrien got sent to London sooner and gave up his Miraculous to keep Paris safe.

If you know this author, then you've probably already guessed that this is an Adrino fic (seriously if you like Adrino, check out bbutterflies fics, though honestly if you ARE an Adrino fan, you probably already have).

So in this scenario, Adrien was sent to London and didn't get to return, so he gave Plagg the ring so he could find another Holder. In this case, Nino. After a few years, once he's an adult, Adrien manages to come back from London, but he's in ROUGH shape. He drinks a lot, he has a reputation for partying hard and causing disruptions, and is really depressed and hates himself, and hates Felinoir (Nino's Black Cat form) even more, for having what he lost.

But even while Adrien's pushing everyone away to protect himself, his old friends refuse to give up on him, even though he's given up on himself.

While Adrien's problems are the primary focus of the fic, they're not the entire focus. Nino gets a POV, and he has personal issues and insecurities of his own. He has trouble holding down relationships, he doesn't have a lot of close friends these days, and he's struggling to keep up in school with all the akumas he's had to fight. He and Ladybug are fine coworkers, but they aren't much more than that - they aren't friends like Chat Noir and Ladybug were.

Oh, also, Nino's a transman. That's also caused some issues in making and keeping friends.

It's a beautiful story of one person hitting rock-bottom and gradually being pulled back out of it again, until they can stand on their own and push themselves up the rest of the way, and of a friend who discovers their childhood best friend (and crush) has changed enormously since they last saw them, and not in good ways - only to find that their friend is, at their core, still there. They just need help seeing it themselves.

---

Marigami:

Plans Aren’t Everything by BeeRye

Feeling a bit fed up with constantly having her dates with Marinette cut short, Kagami sets aside some time in order to plan the perfect outing for the two of them. Despite being the holder of the Miraculous of the Black Cat, she believes one day of romance isn’t too much to ask for. As long as she treats it all like she does everything else in her life, the results she wants should come to pass. She doesn’t quite know what to do if that ends up not being the case.

This was adorable and captured Kagami’s mindset well, she decided, rather optimistically that she could just brute force the date into going well. Unfortunately, that’s not gonna stop Hawk Moth. Fortunately, Marinette has her own back-up plans…

---

Anchor by @liiinerle

“Marinette. Please take that sabre out of your neck.” “Right. Thanks. I forgot it was there.” She grabbed hold of the guard and pulled; the blade slid out like it had only been run through butter. After dropping it on the floor, she picked up one of the teacups and picked up a biscuit from a tin she’d brought in; she placed the biscuit on the saucer plate and handed the whole thing to Kagami, who could only really resign herself to accepting it. —– Marinette has raised Kagami from the dead, and also happens to be dead herself. It turns out some bad choices were made in the past. But that doesn’t mean they’ll lead to bad outcomes for them now.

I love this, Marinette’s incredibly blase about being a zombie - which makes sense, given how long she’s had to get used to the idea. And she’s waited so long, tried so hard to bring Kagami back as well, though if she didn’t WANT to be back, she’d accede to that request. Luckily, Kagami doesn’t seem to mind as long as she’s with Marinette XD.

---

Galaxy In Your Eyes by @liiinerle

Arriving in Paris, Kagami almost immediately finds herself assaulted by a dark, infectious butterfly. When she wakes up, a ladybug-themed superhero is standing over her, and her eyes are like holes into an empty, vast, and incredibly alluring universe… An AU where the two main Miraculous function differently from the norm.

Nice Marigami fic here! Or should I say, Ladygami - technically Marinette doesn’t exist, only Ladybug, who’s an immortal creation goddess, or something like that. But she still fights to protect Paris from Hawk Moth alongside Chat Noir, who is still a normal, squishy human underneath the suit.

Anyway, there’s a but of inspiration from Nimona here, with a lot of people being scared of Ladybug because she’s a bit… out there, especially when she shapeshifts to have like, 6 extra arms and a lobster tail. Kagami’s into it though XD

---

Accidents Are Also Miracles by @liiinerle

After a few turbulent days where four new people discover her secret identity, Marinette loses faith in her ability to keep the secret hidden. Wracked with doubts and insecurities, she pleads with Alya to take over as Scarabella, but she still can't let those worries go. Especially not once Monarch starts taking a particular, and personal, interest in her.

Along the way, she also starts to date Kagami, and has to deal with changing feelings about herself, Adrien, Alya, Kagami, and the idea of being Ladybug. At the same time, Alya works to uncover Monarch's secret identity, while Kagami struggles against a controlling parent, and a girlfriend who seems bent on destroying herself - with or without Monarch's involvement.

Fantastic Marigami fic here! You’ve got three major POVs in this fic: Marinette, Kagami, and to my delight, Alya. I loved getting to see Alya cope with taking over as Scarabella especially.

But of course, this fic centers more around Marinette and Kagami, with Marinette struggling with Monarch targeting her, and Kagami struggling against her abusive parent, as well as both of them trying to navigate their relationship together when they know that not everyone will approve. 

There’s also some other plots going on in here, like Sabrina breaking away from Chloe and becoming more independent (and closer to Adrien in fact), as well as a Lila takedown plot, though thankfully not one that involves demonizing other characters. While there are conversations about people believing Lila and siding with her, no one’s actually attacked for it except for Lila herself.

Oh yeah, and while this fic may not have much focus on Adrien, he’s still treated fairly and with respect, even when he messes up. He can make mistakes, but people understand where he’s coming from, and are still kind to him and want things to be okay, and to help him escape his abusive circumstances.

---

Marcnath:

Day 7: Book by Andromeda612

During one of his works, Marc comes across a rather interesting book.

MarcNath AU fic here! Basically Marc is a super powerful warlock, and is brought in to help with the case of a lying witch who apparently caused a lot of problems for people, using her magic to help fool everyone. She’s actually dead by the time the story starts, and everyone’s trying to go back through and figure out what she’s done and why memories surrounding her seem to be foggy. Meanwhile there’s a book she left behind which appears to be sentient, and which Marc’s taken a liking too...

---

don't you worry child by @mexicancat-girl

Marc and Nathaniel have a good life, married and living together in a cottage in the woods. But they consider having children at some point. Marc in particular really wants to start a family with his husband. He knows the fey are real, so he goes searching in the woods to find one to strike a deal. He may get a bit more than he bargained for in the process.

This is based on a tumblr post that’s been going around, which I think a lot of people will recognize as they continue going through the story. That post is credited at the end of the fic, so as not to spoil the plot.

---

Confession Plans of Questionable Sanity by yellow14

Nathanael Kurtzberg has a confession to make. He’s in love with his big classmate Ivan. With the help of Marc, Marinette, Adrien and Nino, he’s going to confess, using increasingly complicated schemes. Marc meanwhile, is busy coming up with even more complicated schemes to sabotage those schemes so he can confess HIS feelings for his redheaded friend. Nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with this, right? Written for the March 2023 gift exchange on the Miraculous Fanworks Discord forum for CassieTheweirdWolf.

This fic’s just really funny. These kids love to make things waaaaay harder than they need to be. But hey, everything ends up working out in the end, even if it’s not the way they planned!

---

Evillustrator Reimagined by onewaywriteturn

A full, mostly-standalone rewrite of the episode "The Evillustrator".

Nathaniel never planned to tell anyone about his secret crush on his friend Marc, but his world changes when Chloe picks up his sketchbook and mocks his art in front of the whole class, inadvertently outing him as bisexual. Now as the Evillustrator, he has two objectives: to take vengeance on Chloe for what she did to him and to go on a date with Marc for his birthday.

At the same time, Marinette is already struggling to defend Sabrina from Chloe when she learns of the Evillustrator's crush on Marc, one of her good friends. And while getting Marc involved with an akuma fight is messy enough, the fact that Marc has secretly liked Nathaniel for a long time complicates the situation so much more.

If you ever wanted to see Evillustrator rewritten to focus around NathMarc, this is the fic for you! The two of them just PINE for each other so hard and are so convinced that the other person couldn’t possibly actually want to date them, even with Evillustrator making it uh. Exceedingly obvious XD.

---

I'd Do Anything For $20 (To Feel More In Control) by Shroomifyiy

Bee!Nathaniel AU one shot (because I think he's silly teehee) Nathaniel hated keeping secrets, especially from someone he cared about. But unfortunately, it's not up to him to decide that. Marc feels hurt from Nathaniel's actions. He just wants his boyfriend to be honest with him. Hawkmoth is a bitch ass motherfucker. Enough said.

Fun Nathmarc fic here! I love seeing Nathaniel's interactions with Pollen, and him cope with the strain on his relationship with needing to run off all the time to go fight akumas with only the flimsiest of excuses. He loves Marc deeply, as deeply as Marc loves him. But Marc's getting suspicious and wondering what's going on, and Nathaniel doesn't think he can tell him.

---

Handle With Care by @dragonchris

AU where soulmates can feel each other's emotions. But having a soulmate isn't always beautiful and romantic. Sometimes it's messy. Sometimes it hurts. Marc and Nath have to learn what that means for them.

This was cute, I loved seeing how Nathaniel and Marc both thought about their soulmate, and how they cope with the aftermath of Reverser in this AU. Helps that Alix is a platonic soulmate of Nathaniel's here (Nathaniel has two soulmates).

---

Lukadrien:

When feelings are too big for words by ClockworkCaptain

When Luka takes a gig playing for a drag show he's falls hard and fast for the drag queen Buttercup who uses her performances to work through her own emotions. Meanwhile Adrien's been using drag to work through his own emotions and thinks maybe Luka coming back into his life and showing interest might mean a second chance. Made for @mlsecretsanta 2022

One of the issues I tend to have with Luka shipfics, and with Lukadrien especially (though I think Lukanette actually has this problem worse) is how Luka tends to disappear within the fic and the pairing, feeling more like “The Love Interest” than his own person. Not so here! While most of the intrigue surrounds Adrien, I still got the sense of Luka being his own person, not just existing in the fic for Adrien.

I adored Adrien getting to display an aspect of himself through persona and performance - that does align well with how he approaches Chat Noir - and overall I just had a lot of fun with this fic!

---

forever (and a little bit) by @rainbow-arrow

Now the world was out of tune. It was messy and blurry and Luka could not fathom waking up tomorrow and accepting his new life. He had less than nothing. How could he care about anything when the better half of his melody was replaced with silence. --- see also: Luka's villain origin story

This is a tragedy, don't go into it expecting a happy ending. Adrien breaks up with Marinette because he's upset over her lying to him about his father's fate and not telling him he's a sentimonster, and gradually becomes closer to Luka instead, first as a friend and later as a lover. There are fragments of story from the future that let you know this love story isn't going to last...

It's rated M, though I think that's mostly because of Adrien's injuries. I can see why it's M rated, but I think most teens should be fine reading this.

---

Two is Company by Shadownoble

Adrien’s father wants him to play for an upcoming party. Only this time he won’t be doing it alone.

This Lukadrien fic's adorable! Luka's got selective mutism, which Adrien takes in stride. I love how their relationship develops, they're smitten with each other! Though of course while Gabriel brought the two of them together, he's an obstacle too. Because he's a dick.

---

Julerose:

How Could I Not? by SorryJustAnotherPerson

In fairy tale books, Princesses were saved by nights from ferocious dragons. Those books were not their story, but Rose was happy to flip over a new page with her Juleka every single day. Many years ago, she was put to this tower by her parents and her kingdom, along with a fire breathing dragon, so she could find her prince charming one day. How foolish for them to not calculate her falling in love with the dragon. I mean seriously. How could she not?

I love fairy tale type stories, especially fractured fairy tales. And Juleka being a dragon is awesome. This is just a fun and adorable story.

---

You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess by @mexicancat-girl

With Team Miraculous now full-time holders, Ladybug has them patrolling in pairs like her and Chat Noir. New partners Pigella and Purple Tigress get along phenomenally, their easy banter and similar wavelengths making working with each other a joy in and out of combat. But sometimes Tigress is surprised just how close she is with her partner. Sometimes she tries not to feel too guilty thinking about it.

There’s some nice Julerose here! I love them kinda getting into a lovesquare with each other, though it’s not as much of a problem as it is in canon since it’s reciprocal in every relationship and they’re both down for a poly. It’s fun, and I love the “Luka attempting to woo some of his love interests” plot going on in the background XD.

---

Chlobrina:

Tides of Time by JayJoy3000

Chloe, to her disdain, attends a prestigious university in London where she happens to run into her traitorous, ex-best friend who left Paris years ago without an explanation. But Sabrina is not the shy pushover she once was... Or, the one where Chloe Bourgeois absolutely does NOT spend months pining after Sabrina Raincomprix. No, that would be ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

I love how this fic handles Chloe, this is a Chloe who's realized her parents are crap and decided to try to be better, and made some real friends with Juleka and Luka (and seems to be on decently friendly terms with the rest of the class, but they don't come up much), but still has a ways to go, with not really understanding why Sabrina ghosted her, that Sabrina wasn't as happy as she thought.

Also at the beginning of the story Chloe still believes she's straight. Chloe is the ONLY one who believes Chloe is straight XD.

---

Hanahaki by @generalluxun

First fic: Late Bloomer

On what might very well be the last night of her life, Sabrina Raincomprix pulls out a very special scrapbook, pressed between the pages is the past, the past she has never shared with anyone. She relives how she got to this moment one page at a time, preparing herself for the end. A phone call interrupts her self-imposed exile and brings news that could change her life forever. Even if it does though the question looms... change it how?

I love this series, how it shows how both Sabrina and Chloe have changed, how bad Chloe's circumstances are, and how much she needs help. She's not in good shape when Sabrina reunites with her - she's got a pretty severe eating disorder, for one thing - and Sabrina can't just... leave things like they are.

I love the delving into of Chloe's and Sabrina's psychology and viewpoints, and them both growing as a result (this is solely from Sabrina's perspective, but Chloe's the focus of the plot, so you see a lot of her).

---

DJWifi:

Strangely Familiar by @sunfoxfic

Alya Césaire’s life is perfect. Indeed, between the success of the Ladyblog, how well she’s doing in school, and the fact that she’s a superhero who has never bore the weight of a crisis of epic proportions, her life almost couldn’t be better. Almost. But Alya has always been a go-getter, and so she’ll chase after that perfect life if it kills her. Which is how she ends up rushing to move out of her father’s apartment and in with Marinette, Adrien, and a complete stranger: Nino Lahiffe. And in fact, her life does seem perfect — she and Nino are fast friends. They spend a lot of time together and get to know each other really well. But in the end, fortunate situations will bear unfortunate truths, and she learns things about herself that aren’t quite comfortable. Like I said, though: Alya has always been a go-getter, and she won’t let new feelings deter her from chasing after her perfect life.

This is the single longest DJWifi-centric fic on AO3 (which is a travesty) and it is GLORIOUS. Alya and Nino are both well fleshed-out here, with their own problems and baggage they’re dealing with, but it’s easier together.

---

disconnected by just_an_ordinary_fan

Lady Wifi believes she might be the only one who does not want to obey Hawkmoth's orders. When she sees another akuma hesitate in the battle, she finds she might not be entirely alone.

I actually wrote my own fic, Nullius in Verba, based off of this one. It’s short but has an intriguing premise, with all the akumas being transported to this warehouse after the fight’s over, having been basically forced to do Hawkmoth’s bidding. The akumas also don’t seem to remember who they were before, or even that they WERE ordinary people before, which is an interesting twist.

---

Alyanette:

is it chill that you're in my head? by bringthestorm

Alya stared at the picture plastered across the homepage of every single tabloid and news site, whispering every curse she could think of under her breath. SHOCKING SECRET ROMANCE BETWEEN LADYBLOGGER AND PARISIAN SUPERVILLAIN REVEALED!!! the headline announced, casually shouting the words she had been dreading for all of Paris to read. --- Alya had always assumed that someday Paris would discover that she had secretly been kissing their most wanted vigilante, but she had never thought it would happen so soon. As the domino effects of her relationship with Ladybug go spiraling through her life, Alya turns her sights towards the one responsible: the elusive superhero Hawkmoth. AKA Someone outs Alya and her girlfriend so she retaliates by deciding to take down Hawkmoth 

I recommend this to anyone who either A. Loves Alya and wants to see more of her in a starring role, or B., wants to see an AU where Parisians could feasibly believe that Hawkmoth is the good guy, and that Ladybug and Chat Noir are, if not villains, at least reckless.

---

the best laid plans (of bugs and bakers) by @mexicancat-girl

Paris is buzzing with the appearance of a new ladybug-themed hero, Scarabella. Alya decides to use her second hero identity to help her best friend Marinette. A bit of her flirting with Marinette is bound to make Marinette’s crushes jealous and finally ask her out! Her plan is fool-proof…! Except when it’s not. Not enough people are talking about Scarabella flirting with Marinette. How can Alya properly help her best friend if the news can’t be bothered to cover Marinette’s budding romance with Scarabella and only posts things about Marinette with Chat Noir?! So Alya puts her all into her plan, upping up her flirting each time she appears as the newbie hero Scarabella. This totally does not backfire in any way.

I adore fics that center on Alya, I haven’t exactly been shy about that fact. This is a nice one for some Alyanette adorableness! (And some Scarabella and Chat banter, I really enjoyed reading that as well). “Fake” flirting to make crushes jealous tends to turn real very quickly, and this is no exception. It’s hilarious, Alya’s the last one to figure out that her romantic relationship with Marinette is very much real XD.

---

Feluka:

Boomer!Luka: FeLuka Ending series by @19thsentry-blog

In the Shadows (the first fic in the series) summary:

On one side is Luka, 140-year-old Snake Miraculous holder and keeper of the Guardian's secrets, on the other is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, a relatively newly minted hero of Paris and Guardian of the Miracle Box. Each is looking to fulfill their promises to their now gone mentors to reunite the Kwamis and keep them safe. Sounds simple--until you throw in a rocky start, the Atlantic Ocean, Félix Graham de Vanily, and a whole host of secrets…and suddenly simple becomes complicated (story of Marinette's life, right?).

So this is obviously way outside my normal wheelhouse. I don’t typically read Lukanette fics, even ones that turn into FeLuka later on in the series (though boy it becomes apparent quickly that the author’s fascinated with FeLuka’s dynamic.) But this one is really good, with the best Luka-centric fics I’ve ever read, and some of the best Felix-centric content as well. I love how Luka has his own baggage here, with all the pressure of wandering around for over a century, looking after the few Miraculous he found, trying to keep what’s left of the Order alive, unaware of Fu’s survival or of the Miraculous user’s re-emergence in Paris. There’s a lot of focus on Luka’s own feelings and thoughts and problems, not just on helping other people with them. 

The plot works even without the romantic aspect, so even if Lukanette isn’t a pairing that draws you in, I still recommend this fic, so long as you don’t actively dislike the pairing itself. And even though it’s a Lukanette fic, Adrien and Alya are treated fairly and with respect. Adrien may not end up with Marinette and is bummed about it, but the narrative is still kind to him overall, there’s clearly no ill well towards him, or Alya for that matter. (There are later fics in the series that focus more on Adrien just healing and coping and living after finding out that his father’s a villain and his mom’s been in the basement this whole time, and in the multiversal travel fic, Alya gets some standout appearances as Scarabella which are fun).

And FELIX - it’s clear that 19thsentry has this whole conception about Felix’s psychology. He’s wrapped in a ton of self-loathing until it started to consume him, made him lash out. Him being a sentimonster, wanting to get the Peacock Miraculous, actually gave him some direction for that at least. And he’s just in this pit of his own making, until he meets Luka, who can see through him when no one else can, who cares for him even though he doesn’t understand why, who’d been through so much over the years and yet kept himself kind. He’s attracted like a moth to a flame, infuriated that he cares, yet not able to stop himself from caring about this mysterious, infuriating musician. 

Yeah if you can’t tell this is the series that really sold me on FeLuka as a couple.

Oh yeah, one of the fics in here is M-rated, and it does earn the M rating for sexual content, though it’s nothing too major.

---

See This Chance by @19thsentry-blog

Luka died in 2016. Yep. Crushed by the Arc de Triumph when Mayura’s Robustus slammed into it. It was kind of a big deal, but once you’re dead, you’re dead—especially when there’s no Lucky Charm to bring you back. Luka’s been dealing with it in the typical ways. Written for FeLuka week 2023.

Yes, this is FeLuka. Not one of the typical ships I read, but I ain’t opposed to it, and this is a nice foray into the pairing. I love ghost AUs! Luka’s just fumbling around, unsure what to do with his incorporeal existence, until he starts haunting Felix. It’s an intriguing plot and I gotta admit, I wish it was longer so it could be fleshed out more, but what’s here is good.

---

One-offs:

Come Take My Hand by @carelisswriting

Luka heard his soulmate for the first time when he was ten. All he knows about her is that she likes fencing. It's just a coincidence that Kagami likes fencing, right? (Lukagami Soulmate AU, written for the Miraculous Ladybug Secret Santa Exchange!)

I’m a sucker for soulmate fics, and this had an interesting take on it, with your soulmate able to hear you thinking only about the thing you’re most passionate about. Loved Kagami’s way of showing Luka she’s his soulmate especially!

---

Attack of the Crystal Zombies by @trainsinanime

Kagami had spent more and more time hanging out with Zoé, talking about things like families, expectations and crushes on Marinette. It was only natural, probably, that she would help Zoé practice flirting. That was definitely a great idea. Granted, the deadly Akuma battle around them was a bit of an issue…

Quality Zoegami fic here! I loved how Kagami kept thinking she was bad at flirting, but it was sure working on Zoe XD. The akuma attack going on around them, interweaving with their conversation, added a bit of spice to the whole affair!

---

All Of Them? Every Single One? by @liiinerle

It turns out that Marinette loves a lot more people than she’d initially thought.

This is hilarious and adorable. Tikki lays out how Marinette has a crush on basically every girl she’s met - and even girls she doesn’t know are girls yet XD. 

---

Emotional Mountain Ranges by @liiinerle

After Zoé’s attempted romantic confession to Marinette is interrupted by an incensed Chloé and Audrey Bourgeois, she’s left distraught and adrift, a crying mess in an alleyway far from home. Ladybug saves her from the incoming akuma, and tries to help her back on her feet - and Zoé wonders what she could possibly have done to earn this much attention from a superhero…

Lovely Zoenette fic here! I especially like how Marinette talks to Zoe, reassures her that she’s good enough, that she (as Ladybug) isn’t as perfect and composed as she thinks, and just… tries to get Zoe to have more confidence in herself. It’s mostly from Zoe’s perspective too, which I like since there aren’t a lot of Zoe POV fics.

---

Swimming in Circles by @generalluxun

Life has moved on for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She’s not where she thought she would be seven years ago, but she’s still in a good place. Classes, hobbies, friends, her life is full despite the lingering shades of her faded yet sweet middle-school romance. Then just as quick at the first time, someone drops into her life and turns her into an absolute mess once more. Love and crushes might be her undoing, but she’s got a little more experience this time to weather the storm. This fateful stranger stirs memories as well as emotions inside of her, and with a forthrightness her old self would be jealous of, Marinette takes the plunge.

So this is a Trans fic, with Marinette’s new crush being a trans version of a certain classmate who she doesn’t recognize, who’s changed a lot, for the better. I like how it deals with the baggage she has with that person, has her think that through.

---

Three’s company by @torvalvt

Kagami has been doing her best for years to ignore her feelings for her friends. It doesn’t help that Adrien and Marinette insist on spending as much time as possible with her, even going so far as inviting her along on their dates together. If only the affection she felt for them wouldn’t get in the way of their relationship. Because it is growing harder and harder to tamp down her feelings with how close they are getting to her.

This is adorable. Adrien and Marinette really want Kagami to join their relationship and she just doesn’t dare hope for it. If you want some adorable Adrigaminette from Kagami’s perspective, I recommend checking this fic out!

---

Stone Streak by kingxuppu

Ladybug and Violet Tigress had been fighting the mysterious Duskwing for eight years now. Through the years, the two have grown stronger together and even gotten married, they are waiting until they finally beat Duskwing to start a family. At least, that was the plan. When Juleka gets confronted with the realization that her friends are starting families of their own, she realizes just how badly she wants to be a mother.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, Juleka and Marinette get the chance to adopt Juleka's young modeling friend Adrien.

Maybe they aren't quite a traditional family, but with magic, rockstars, and fame, normal was never an option.

Via Discovery: There are actually two terms of venery for tigers, depending on the makeup of the group. The first is a streak of tigers and this refers to a female tiger and her cubs.

Now this is a rare pairing, there’s not a lot of Julenette fics! Adrien and Rose actually have some ship tease going on, the whole kid group in canon got broken up into two groups here, one that remained around canon age (so like 13) which notably consists of Chloe, Rose, and Adrien, and then I think everyone else are adults in their mid-twenties. It’s weird seeing Adrien as Marinette’s and Juleka’s son, but hey it works! I love how Juleka really showed Adrien the ropes on modeling and became a Mama tiger for him, the fic’s mostly just very sweet, though with a surprisingly dark final act. 

---

In Direct Opposition by @generalluxun

Alya Cesaire is a brand new student to Francis Dupont, to Paris even. The first student she meets is one Chloé Bourgeois, and Alya is determined to make a friend. Things advance Chaotically. Her new 'friend' is definitely a handful, and suddenly Paris has a supervillain and two brand new superheroes! Alya finds herself balancing a lot of things, trying to live up to her ideals and those of her icons.

And then reality seems to contradict itself.

As time progresses it seems to happen more often. Becoming a hero, battling villains, staying alive, working through friendships. Something is lurking, tweaking events at times, changing them, and no one seems aware. Alya will need all her wits to get to the bottom of this. Her investigative mind can only get her so far though, and then she needs to rely on her friends. This is not a foe you can beat head on.

I betaed this entire fic, it’s really good! I adore the focus on Alya’s philosophy here, her determination to be a hero, to help people and defeat evil - and that defeating evil means trying to reform the people doing bad things when possible, to try to save EVERYONE, even the “villain”. I thought it was really clever the ways Alya would redirect Chloe and subtly encourage her to be a better person, while also trying to get the people around her to give her a second chance and keep an open mind. 

Also Alya and Chloe are an adorable sapphic couple XD.

---

Herbs And Steam by @liiinerle

Juleka le Flor Blef, nature witch from near the forest of Couffaine, arrives at Eiffel Castle so she can partake in the Queen's Trials - a contest to determine the strongest witch in all of France. She wants to prove the strength of her magic, but when she arrives, her attention is quickly distracted by two very interesting women: Kagami, the princess, who seems to act nothing like a princess should; and Marinette, the blacksmith, who has created a magic all her own through metal, steam, and ingenuity. Juleka is immediately besotted with both of them, and needs to work extra hard to focus on her magic. Juleka also soon becomes aware that there is stronger magic at Eiffel castle than she had expected. For one thing, there's a tree in the courtyard put there years ago by a witch whose powers seem to surpass hers; for another, there's Alya la Pluvie Versaunt, who must be the most powerful mage Juleka has ever met...

Unusual poly here, there aren't a lot of Juleka/Kagami/Marinette fics! I love the world here, getting to see all these different witches honing their craft, and Juleka making friends with many of them - though especially the nonwitches Kagami and Marinette, of course XD. If you like some femslash or a good fantasy AU, this fic should scratch that itch!

---

Graveyard Love Series by @liiinerle

A brief two-parter series which chronicles what happens after Lila dies suddenly, and Marinette finds out that she's the one saved as Lila's emergency contact on her phone. In part one, Marinette seeks answers with Alya's help - and what she finds ends up testing their friendship. In part two, Alya seeks to rebuild their relationship - and perhaps build it into something more.

First fic in series: Absent Soul

Just for a moment, Alya seemed speechless, her eyes as wide as the hallway was long. “You’re really going to start to believe her now?” Marinette sighed. “It’s not her I believe. I just… I don’t think she could manage all… this if it was fake. And besides… me, her emergency contact? That’s too bizarre to be a lie.” Even more than that, it was too bizarre to be true. So what could Lila possibly hope to achieve? “I’m not sure I agree with you,” said Alya. “But I’m not gonna let you go this alone. And I’m pulling you away if I smell anything cooking.” The thing was, Marinette wasn’t sure she agreed with herself. Nothing made sense. Even just knowing more would help settle the tumult in her brain, which felt like it had been speeding up almost imperceptibly for every door she’d passed through since the balcony. --- Marinette suddenly learns that she's saved as Lila's emergency contact on her phone... the same day she learns that Lila has been in a fatal accident. She is then pulled through a week of responsibilities and discoveries she never imagined having before, and a growing fondness for someone she once hated.

So this is fascinating, I love how it explored the insanity of whatever bizarre situation Lila has going on. Marinette's great here, she doesn't understand why Lila did the things she did, or what her background truly was, but if she had no one else, then at least she has Marinette to make sure her remains are taken care of properly. Though perhaps to a worrying extent. Thankfully, Alya's here as well to give support, and perhaps an intervention if things go too far. The second fic in the series focuses around Alya giving that intervention, of a sort.

---

And Mark Ronson Can Get Stuffed by @liiinerle

Marinette gets a call from Vivica, Jagged Stone's guitarist, with a proposition. She wants a producer - and she's heard Marinette's the best one for the job. At least, that's what Jagged says, and well, the only real competition is Bob Roth... ... but Marinette still isn't prepared for the whirlwind of feelings she'll get spinning through her brain whenever she sees Vivica play. Or for the realisations she'll make about herself as she sits engulfed in a type of music that feels like it gets her, and gazes up at the angel who's holding the guitar.

So this is a RARE rare pair, I've never seen Vivinette before! Man though, is this a great first fic for the pairing! I love seeing Marinette's efforts to be the best producer she can be for Vivica, not totally realizing at first why she's so nervous and determined to be the best she can be for her... and then becoming all too aware of her feelings XD. I especially adore how enamored Marinette becomes with Vivica's songs, being deeply affected by them but unable to put her feelings into words well enough to give feedback.

---

Stop Time by @liiinerle

— she put her hand on the page, blocking it so the words wouldn’t scream so loudly at her. They had screamed more than enough already. Gritting her teeth, she pulled her fingers together, crumpling the paper slightly — just enough that it didn’t look so pristine and mocking. It needed to be full of despair, in every possible way. “Marinette —” started Mullo. “No! Never again. Marinette is… gone, forever.” She let go of the paper. Now it lay alone in the light, as the last thing she could ever tell them. That she loved them, that she’d miss them, that she would never talk to them again. A suicide note. Of sorts. ----- Fu accidentally names Marinette as the new guardian, and not Ladybug. She's forced to fake her own death and go into hiding in order to get away from Hawk Moth. She finds a hiding spot in the Louvre, but there she's forced to face the effects of her going away by a very unexpected source: her friend Alix.

Definitely mind the tags on this one! But if it ain't triggering to you, then I highly recommend reading it. You can really feel Marinette's struggles here, with basically making herself homeless, unable to reach out to her friends and family, needing to steal just to feed herself and the kwamis, and then dealing with everyone in her life grieving... and then moving on. Except for a few people who don't...

It's just... it's really good, really heart-wrenching.

---

The Only Love We Keep by @nemaliwrites

Zoé is used to wanting things she can’t have — loving people who do not love her back. She’s made peace with that. But as soon as she meets Scarabella, she’s a goner. Or, five times Zoé’s love wasn’t reciprocated, and one time it was.

I love this analysis of Zoe and her circumstances, her mindset, her philosophy based on how she's grown up. How she yearns for her mom to actually love her, but she just... doesn't. And how she finds friends who actually care for her, and someone who actually wants her.

---

The Black Cat of the Family by Anonymous

To Felix, Chat Noir is freedom. Pure freedom, unhindered by anything (well, except perhaps a little too much dedication to Ladybug). He goes where he pleases when he pleases. He acts so ridiculous, like no one was ever watching, even when everyone was watching. He chafes at orders and authority, even when the orders are coming from Ladybug herself. He's free to be whoever he wants, in a way Felix only wishes he could be. So of course he starts flirting with the catboy. It also doesn't hurt that the superhero is easy on the eyes. Chat Noir, meanwhile, is simply trying to figure out how to reject his cousin without revealing his own secret identity. But when has anything in his love life ever worked out for him? Or, in other words: Somehow the Fathom-Graham de Vanily-Agreste family becomes even more dysfunctional in brand new ways.

This was fun, I liked the natural way Chat caught Felix's attention with his kindness, wit, and hidden depths. It makes sense why Felix would slowly develop a crush on him, while Chat just thinks that he's having fun with his cousin.

Also Chat's reaction when he realizes that Felix is, in fact, confessing his crush on him, is just priceless XD.

[wave2tyun]

cool hot sweet love | ☆

pairing: barista!beomgyu x fem!reader, surfer!yeonjun x fem!reader

genre: summer!au, lovetriangle!au, fluff, romance, a tiny bit of angst?

summary: embarking on a journey towards self-discovery, you didn’t expect to also have your heart tangled in an alluring summer romance. but, who’s gonna be the first to win your heart? the sweet barista, beomgyu, or the charming surfer boy, yeonjun? let the love games begin!

warnings : alcohol consumption, a few swear words, minor injury, (almost) drowning

word count: almost 10k + the endings are like 1k each

a/n: i've been feeling super nostalgic about this fic recently (it's one of the very first i've written!! :0), so here it is back again in all it's glory!!!! this is too long for me to search through for any mistakes i'm sorry asbjdha for all my summer enthusiasts, let's hang in there just a little bit more, this one goes out to y'all!!!!😼😼💞

☆ = repost from my old blog!!

at the end of your final year of high school, you found yourself chasing a dream, a dream that was never truly yours to begin with. competitions and grades never seemed to bring you any satisfaction anymore. your parents’ praises didn’t seem enthusiastic either, but rather an automatic response. you felt completely lost. the one thing that seemed to give you the drive to keep on going, suddenly lost its spark. you were living in a greyed out world, having the same exhausting routine over and over again. you wanted a break from it all. for once, you didn’t long for the pressure or the big goals, but simply for living life just as it was. you wanted an escape from the clutches of mundane life, which is why you chose to swallow your pride and opt for a gap year after graduation. you knew your parents well, and you weren’t expecting them to be happy about your decision. they didn’t want to let their “dream daughter” fall down from the top and watch as everybody else around her were working on their way to success. but what they failed to consider was that success is in no way linear, and that your break was in the end substantial for your wellness. you were very lucky to have a friend like yeji in your life though. she did have her own struggles with academic validation as well, yet she never had any pressure coming from her parents. she wanted to be there for you, and made her parents persuade yours about letting you have a gap year with her. to raise the ball even higher, her parents added one condition: should you have a gap year, you weren’t allowed to remain in the city. instead, you were going to stay at their vacation home, at least for the summer, to let you experience the thrill of the unknown, as well as to help you get a breath of fresh air.

you didn’t know what kind of black magic yeji’s family used, but whatever they did, somehow managed to convince your parents to agree to your proposal. finally, you felt like you had found some motivation to keep on pushing through, making your heart fill up with excitement.

as the number of days leading up to your departure shortened, you were meeting up more and more with yeji for your final preparations. your sleepovers consisted of the two of you giggling while packing and making lists, as well as making up scenarios deep into the night about things that could finally “bring some spice” into your lives. even though it was her own family’s house, yeji hasn’t been there in years. she was living under the impression that a holiday there would just be “a distraction from her studies” or “a waste of time”. however, now that you were both free from that brainwashing hell called school, you realised how much you’ve actually been missing out on.

“do you really think that this “project” will finally bring that change we want in our lives?” you asked yeji, breaking the silence after some long moments of tossing and turning in your bed. you found it almost impossible to fall asleep. it was the last night before you were going to leave behind everything in your life so far. the excitement was still there, but you couldn’t deny the fact that there were all sorts of worries and doubts clouding your mind, and you found yourself wondering more and more often whether you were truly making a good decision.

“y/n, are you letting your worries take over your mind again?” she let out a soft laugh, then turned around to face you “i understand though, i’ve been getting that too. but- are those thoughts really worth it? i mean- we’ll never know unless we try, so i think it’s definitely worth a shot.”

you sighed “still- i don’t think i’d be able to face my parents again if i fail this.”

“y/n...this is not a test. there’s nothing to fail here. personally, i would rather try and regret than live my whole life wondering “what if”.”

you hummed. yeji was right. you hugged her tightly, trying to show her how much you appreciated her comforting words. and just like this, you were finally able to let your body drift off into a deep slumber. it was now or never, and you weren’t just gonna sit there and wait forever.

───⋆☆─────────────

the ride to the vacation house turned out to be a challenge in itself. yeji was the only one with a driver’s license, so you had no choice but to stay in the passenger’s seat with both a gps and a map in hand. unfortunately for yeji, you had one flaw: you were absolutely terrible with directions, meaning that the trip that was supposed to be 6 hours long, ended up taking you 9 hours instead. you got lost in some strange forests twice; yeji pulled over the side of the road multiple times, trying to make sense of the directions you were telling her, occasionally getting out to buy a piece of fresh fruit whenever she spotted a merchant. she said that it was helping her brain think, and that she was also helping to keep a business going. you didn’t need any excuses for fresh fruit though. fresh fruit is good food after all.

when you somehow made it to the house, you felt your body refilling with energy, despite having that whole trip take 10 years off your lifespan. sitting right in front of you was a 2-story house with pale blue walls and a white wooden porch.

“i can’t believe we made it out alive” you said after getting out of the car. you weren’t sure how much more you could endure the constant buzzing of the air conditioner, and yeji’s one and only cd playing on replay.

“you can’t believe we made it? what about me, i was the one having to endure all those truck drivers swearing at me for taking wrong turns, because someone, not telling who, is incapable of using any kind of maps”

“whew- i wonder who that is.” you gasped dramatically “must be tough dealing with them. bet they are a lovely person though”

“they sure are” she giggled “now come on, let’s get our luggage out of the trunk before the heat melts everything away.”

“need a hand with that?” you heard an unfamiliar voice shouting from the distance. you turned around and saw a group of 3 young men coming your way. you and yeji looked at each other dumbfounded, unsure what to answer. you nudged her with your elbow.

“do you know them?”

“no idea who they are...” she whispered back.

“you must be yeji and y/n- right? i’m hueningkai, yeji’s parents let us know that you were coming today, so we stopped by to see if you needed any help” the boy with a brown mullet said. “that’s soobin and this is taehyun” he pointed at the other two, both of them giving you a warm smile and a small wave in return. you were almost too stunned to speak. luckily for you, yeji replied while you were busy staring at them with big eyes.

“i think i recall them mentioning you briefly before leaving. actually, weren’t there supposed to be two more people or am i not remembering well?”

“you must be talking about beomgyu and yeonjun.” soobin answered “their shifts haven’t ended yet so they’re still busy at the beach. we can go over there if you want to after you settle in.”

“sounds great.” you said picking up the first luggage.

“that looks heavy- let me handle that” taehyun replaced the luggage in your hand with a bag. “t-thanks.” you were taken aback by their kindness. boys at your school never even spare a glance in your direction, let alone help you carry something. if it weren’t for the boys, you and yeji would have probably passed out on the floor after moving everything inside.

───⋆☆─────────────

the house was only a 5-minute walk away from the beach, during which you got to learn a tiny bit more about each other. hueningkai told you that he’s the one in charge for making playlists and playing music; soobin worked along with beomgyu at the bar, meanwhile taehyun got a small job as a kitchen assistant because of his newly-found passion for cooking. they were all around your age and yet they seemed to have already found their passions, living life without much worry in mind. you wished you could live like that too, and maybe, just maybe, this was your chance to find that out.

“welcome-“ “-to paradise!” soobin exclaimed spreading his arms in the air.

“woah-” both you and yeji said in unison, making everybody else laugh.

“welcome to paradise indeed” you said, placing your feet on the warm golden sand. there was music playing around you, not too loud so that you could still hear the sound of the waves softly crashing against the shore. it was breath-taking.

“and you haven’t seen everything yet” taehyun chuckled, leading you towards the beach bar. “beomgyu- we’re here!” he shouted.

you squinted your eyes trying to see who this “beomgyu” was from afar, but your vision simply failed you. and when you got closer, you were simply not mentally prepared to face the person in front of you.

“guys i told you not to-“ he started off, seemingly irritated “oh- hi.” he scratched his neck, giving you a shy smile. at that very moment, you swore you felt your heart skip a beat.

“y/n, yeji- this is beomgyu. our one and only barista.”

“the best one in town!” beomgyu added cheerfully.

“ah- so humble too.” taehyun teased him, sighing dramatically.

“hey- what are you implying?” beomgyu sulked, but you couldn’t even pay attention to their bickering. your eyes were way too busy going over beomgyu’s features. ripe, cherry red locks of hair framed his eyes, those eyes that resembled two pearls of boba from a brown sugar milk tea, with long, beautiful eyelashes adoring them. you thought he looked just like a honey bear.

“i’m yeji- it’s nice to meet you” she shook his hand “this is y/n.”

beomgyu smiled and you reached your hand out for him to shake it. his soft hands enveloped yours, and you couldn’t help but notice how bigger they were than yours. you felt his hand lingering for just a few seconds more, and you were already missing his warm touch once he let go.

“so- want to have a look over our menu? it’s on the house” beomgyu offered.

“oh cool i’ll have the-“ soobin started talking, instantly getting cut off by beomgyu “not you- the girls!” he jokingly gave him a death stare “you’ve all been profiting too much off my generosity lately, you don’t deserve any free drinks today.”

you and yeji snickered, they all looked really close to each other, like brothers. it was like you were witnessing a petty fight between siblings.

“one strawberry lemonade for me please!” yeji said.

your eyes were still scanning the menu, hands continuously flipping the pages back and forth as you chewed on your bottom lip. beomgyu leaned over to you, the sweet scent of his citrus perfume invading your senses.

“want me to recommend anything?”

“ah- yes please. there are too many drinks here that sound good.” you replied “nothing with alcohol though, the trip here already gave me a headache.” you glared at yeji, who lifted one eyebrow at you.

he chuckled “people usually enjoy the peach smoothie, myself included. does that sound good?” his deep brown eyes peered into yours, never breaking eye contact- not even for one second. “sounds perfect.” you replied, almost completely absorbed by his gaze.

“until that’s done-” hueningkai chimed in “we should go ahead and meet up with yeonjun too.”

“don’t take too long though” beomgyu said “my shift is ending soon.”

“we’ll be fast- have you seen him around by chance?”

“last time i talked to him he was at the surfing board shop. maybe check that out first?” beomgyu replied, before going to the drinks station to get started on your orders.

“oh- i haven’t seen you around here before?”

you almost jumped out of your seat, startled by the new voice that interrupted your conversation.

“yeonjun! perfect timing.” hueningkai said “we were planning to go looking for you.”

“is that so?” he playfully asked, plopping down on the seat between you and yeji. his voice turned out to be much more attractive than you had anticipated, it was smooth, yet slightly husky and deep. you turned your head to look at him for the first time.

“i’m yeji- and this is...” her voice trailed down, expecting you to answer again. you were frozen, being too immersed to take in yeonjun’s appearance. you could notice his muscular form, not hidden away from the tight-fitted swimming shirt he was wearing. his sharp eyes game him a fox-like charm, making you feel inexplicably drawn to him. in contrast, his plump lips make him look adorable, like a sulky duck. what was a man like him even doing on a secluded beach-? yeji coughed, giving you a small nudge.

“y/n.” you managed to blurt out, a stupid smile plastered on your face.

“ah- huening, why didn’t you mention that such pretty girls were coming here today?” you almost dropped the drink’s coaster you had in your hand as he said that.

“it hasn’t even been 5 minutes and he’s already flirting” taehyun groaned, covering his face with his hands.

beomgyu rolled his eyes at his friend’s antics, setting down the drinks for you and yeji on the counter before finding a seat on the bar stools to join you.

“like i’ve said-“ hueningkai intervened “we were about to look for you. are you done with lessons for today?”

“yup. some kid had a sunstroke so i got off work early”

“what kind of lessons do you teach?” you asked curiosity taking over.

“i’m a surfing teacher for kids.” he answered “it’s a small job to make some money. for you, however- i could do it for free, since you’re cute” he winked at you, making your cheeks flush instantly.

“i’m sure y/n would love to try something new” yeji butted in, answering before you could open your mouth to speak. “that’s what we’re here for, after all. right?”

“right...” you squinted your eyes at her, giving her a light kick with your foot.

“it’s decided then.” he chuckled “i’ll be waiting.”

this is how all the conversations during the first day went like; your mind going blank, with yeji either saving you from embarrassment or only digging your hole deeper. still, you enjoyed it, you ended up staying at the beach long after the sun started to set. the chilly breeze coming from around the sea was made you get up from your seats, at long last.

───⋆☆─────────────

the next day, you found yourself back at the beach sometime in the afternoon. you did everything you could to wake up yeji, but to no avail. the drive here must have completely tired her out, as she was sleeping soundly as a rock. in the end, you let her continue to rest, choosing to go out by yourself.

“so, what’s it gonna be for today?” beomgyu asked, leaning his head on the palm of his head. “may i interest you in one of my signature cocktails, perhaps?”

“i’d love that” you smiled.

this time, you watched as beomgyu prepared your drink. he lifted the sleeves of his dress shirt up, revealing the way his forearm muscles tensed up as he picked up the glass bottles full of alcohol. his precise movements could tell you that he must have had plenty of experience as a barista. your eyes wandered off further, focusing on the way his long slender fingers, still slightly dripping with water from having washed fruits earlier, handled the knife with such skill and care. you remembered the moment you held his hands yesterday, how soft his skin was to your touch- you shook your head, trying to get that thought away.

“all done” beomgyu brought you a tall glass, ripe cherry sitting proudly on top, floating on the ice. “it’s a cherry daiquiri.”

you pushed the straw past your lips, a sweet yet tangy taste filling up your mouth. beomgyu looked at you, eyes gleaming with curiosity and anticipation. feeling a bit mischievous, you put on a serious expression.

“well uh-“ you paused, pursing your lips “this was quite-“

 beomgyu gulped, the content look on his face fading away.

“-quite possibly the best cocktail i’ve ever had” you couldn’t help but burst into laughter upon seeing the cute expression he had on his face. he closed his eyes, tilting his head back and breaking into a smile.

“you had me seriously questioning my bartender skills for a moment there”

“sorry- i had to” you giggled “i really mean it though, i’ve never had something that tasted this good before” beomgyu’s dimple appeared as he tried to conceal the big smile taking over his face.

“y/n!” yeji shouted, jogging to reach the bar.

“look who’s finally up”

“i slept through my alarm- sorry” she sighed, sitting down beside you.

‘not just through your alarm’

you hummed as you continued to sip on your drink, admiring the scenery in front of you. it was a peaceful atmosphere, the catchy beats of the music being sometimes interrupted by the squawking of the seagulls in the distance. right at the shore was a small group of kids, with yeonjun in the middle of them, standing on a surfing board. they all seemed to be bursting with energy, like bottles of soda that were about to explode. yeonjun knew how to match their energy well, while still keeping everything under control.

“instead of staring at him so intensely, why don’t you go and take up his offer?”

you snorted, crinkling your nose “me? surfing? no thanks- i’m saving myself from that embarrassment”

“and? if you only worry about embarrassing yourself then you won’t ever end up making a change with your life” yeji wrapped her arms around her body “-and this exactly what we’re here for, something new. don’t just let this opportunity go to waste.”

you frowned, chewing on your straw. even though your brain didn’t like to admit it, she was right. you were so caught up in your own comfort bubble, that it was holding you back.

“looks like he’s getting a break now” yeji muttered “come on- this is your chance!”

“alright- i’m going” you agreed at last, gulping down the rest of the drink before heading towards yeonjun’s spot. you walked with a determined look on your face- and shaky hands.

you tapped yeonjun on the shoulder, breath hitching in your throat. yeji watched your interaction from her seat, wishing she could be closer to hear it.

“who-” he turned around “y/n- everything good?”

“yeah.” you answered shortly, playing with your earrings. you weren’t particularly bad at small talk, but this time your mind went blank the moment he started facing you. you couldn’t even meet his eyes, which were staring back directly at you.

“actually- i’ve been thinking about it and, you know those surfing lessons you talked about? i kinda want to give that a shot” you trailed down, your voice becoming higher in pitch towards the end of your sentence.

yeonjun’s face instantly lit up, his smile reaching his eyes “really? when do you want to start then?”

“well, when is your schedule free?” you scratched your neck “i’ve heard you’re pretty busy, i wouldn’t want to be a burden.”

“don’t worry about it, i was the one who asked after all.” he chuckled “i can give you a text later on after checking.” you tilted your head in confusion

“but you don’t have my phone nu-“

oh. he was smooth.

“you got me.” he said sheepishly “i was hoping to get your phone number” there was a sharp constrast to the way he was behaving before. the cool and flirty persona he had been putting on was starting to crumble “if that’s okay with you as well i mean-“

“yeah i’m okay with that” you reassured him “maybe i wanted yours too” you mumbled, heart almost giving out after getting those words out. he laughed again, handing you his phone. you quickly typed your phone number in, saving the contact as “y/n :)”, then you handed him yours.

“i’ll make sure to let you know by tonight”

“great, i’ll be waiting then” you replied playfully, making your way back to the bar.

yeji kept on pressuring you to spill all the details, but you brushed her off, wanting to save the conversation in private. you didn’t even get a chance to breathe properly once you returned home. after locking the door, yeji dragged you by the arm and sat you down on the couch along with her, forcing you to let it all out.

“see? that wasn’t so bad, was it? i’m sure you’re gonna thank me later-“ yeji’s voice was interrupted by a notification coming from your phone. you sat there, frozen, a million thoughts rushing through your mind.

“are you gonna answer that?”

“i- i guess i should” you took your phone, a river bubbling through your veins and flushing your face at the sight of the new message:

(yeonjun<3)

[10:30 pm]: hi cutie ;) are you free tomorrow at 11 am for our first surfing lesson?

“what are you smiling at?”

“nothing” you giggled, hiding the screen of your phone with your hands.

“you’re definitely not giggling because of nothing- let me see.” yeji got on top of you, trying to pry the phone away from your hands. however, her attempt was unsuccessful, as your grip was way too strong.

“you’re leaving me with no choice” she whispered mischievously. you felt your whole life flash before your eyes. you had one great weakness- and yeji knew that. you couldn’t even stand 3 seconds of tickling, so she was going to use it against you. her fingers inched closer to your stomach and attacked you quickly.

“YEJI- stop please-“ you tried to shout between giggles “i surrender- i promise.” she stopped for a brief moment “you promise?” “yeah- now get off me and i’ll give you my phone.” she squinted her eyes, going back to her place on the couch reluctantly. her eyes widened in disbelief when you revealed the new message.

“no fucking way- after two days?? y/n. this guy’s definitely into you”

“i don’t want to jump to conclusions- what if that’s his way of being friendly?” you argued back, realising how foolish your reason sounded only after you finished your sentence.

“y/n- darling, there’s no way a guy who just wants to become friends would save his name with a heart symbol.” she shook you by the shoulders “he. is. into. you.”

“what if-“ you were about to argue again, but the sound of another notification made you stop midway through your sentence. you unlocked your phone, completely unprepared. you and yeji glanced at the screen, then looked back at each other in disbelief, struggling to contain the urge to scream your lungs out.

(unknown number)

[10:50 pm]: hi, y/n! this is beomgyu :)

[10:51 pm]: i got your phone number from yeonjun, hope you don’t mind ;)

───⋆☆─────────────

from the moment you woke up you could feel your heart hammering in your chest. it was hard to tell whether it was from excitement or anxiety. maybe it was a mix of both. still, you were proud of yourself for choosing to do something out of your comfort zone for once. yeji was probably even more excited than you were. she wasn’t a morning person, but she insisted on coming along to watch your lesson and to ‘check your chemistry’.

“which swimsuit should i take? i packed two with me.” you held up a black one-piece swimsuit and a pale blue two-piece one for yeji to see.

“get the two-piece. you look hotter in it.” she playfully winked at you. you reluctantly looked at the swimsuit she chose, cursing yourself in your head for asking. you opened your mouth to voice out your worries, but yeji got up from the bed and put a finger over your mouth “shush, i don’t want to hear any complaints. just trust me on this one- okay?” you silently put the black one back in the drawer and went to the bathroom to get changed, deciding to go with yeji’s pick. “yeonjun’s heart is gonna melt once he sees you.”

you tried to ignore her “let’s go, i don’t want to be late.”

“can’t leave yeonjun hanging?” yeji joked, faking a pout. you lightly slap her arm. “i’m gonna leave without you if you’re not ready.”

“you wouldn’t do that to me- you love me.”

“i sure do...” you tilted your head back, a laugh escaping your lips.

yeonjun was waiting for you at the exact same spot you watched him teach yesterday, nobody else around him this time. for some reason, the thought of being completely alone with him didn’t cross your mind. you could feel a rush of adrenaline flowing through your body, but it was way too late to back down now.

“ready for-“ yeonjun’s words stopped abruptly as soon as he looked at you. he seemed distressed, eyes rapidly going over between you and the warm sand beneath his feet, the tips of his ears flaming red. was this what yeji meant by his heart melting? he cleared his throat before speaking again “ready for our first lesson?”

“i’m a bit nervous” you admitted “but overall excited i think” you didn’t sound very sure of yourself.

“you’ll be fine with me” he flashed you a gentle smile.

yeonjun clasped his hands together “we’ll go over the basics first”

“you need to catch waves in order to start surfing, and how do you do that? you paddle.” yeonjun put down a surfing board onto the sand. “to paddle, you need to lie and balance on your surfboard. let me demonstrate it for you” yeonjun laid his body on the board, his back now facing you.

“when you do this, make sure that the angle of the board’s nose doesn’t change. it should remain the same as when you weren’t on top of the board, not higher, not lower.”

“got it.”

“you shouldn’t paddle with both arms simultaneously, as this won’t help you maintain a constant speed. alternate between both arms at a steady pace”

you were in awe at yeonjun’s professional aura, he explained things calmy, while still maintaining a firm voice.

“let’s get this board into the water so you can give that a try.”

you looked at yeonjun with wide eyes, your nerves had just started to settle down a bit and now they were going off like fireworks again.

he laughed lightly “no need to worry, i’ll be right beside you.” yeonjun pushed the board into the sea, not too far away from the shore so that the water level wouldn’t be too high. he held on to it so that you could get lie down with ease. “when paddling keep your chin up so that you can look around.”

you tried to do just as he said, mimicking his movements from earlier. you didn’t want to know how goofy you looked from another person’s point of view.

“just like that” yeonjun whispered “see? you’re a natural! i think we can move on to the next step- getting up. we won’t be riding any waves today, we need to make sure you get this technique right”

you turned your head towards his direction, a petrified look on your face.

“come on, i’ll help you” yeonjun held out his hand for you to take, moving the other on your waist to help you maintain your balance as you moved up with shaky feet. his touch made you feel flustered and you lost your focus, accidentally slipping on the board. luckily, yeonjun was there to catch you before you could face-plant into the water.

“easy does it. don’t worry, it’s tricky to get it right on the first try” he held you again, his grip on your hand tighter than the first time. you held your breath as you made your second attempt, this time ending successful.

“no way- i did it” you exclaimed.

yeji’s and beomgyu’s cheers could be heard all the way from the bar, making you burst into laughter. your cheeks turned rosy as you noticed your hand still holding yeonjun’s.

“you’re doing amazing, cutie” your face felt even hotter at the sound of the nickname.

“let’s try that a few more times”

and so you did. again, and again, and again. yeonjun didn’t let you go until you had at least 3 successful attempts in a row. the both of you settled down on a sunbed, munching on some ice cream as a reward for your success.

“do you like it here so far?” yeonjun asked.

“we haven’t had the chance to do much yet but- i think i do. the beach alone is enough for me to enjoy my time here.” you took a bite of the ice cream cone “by the way- i was wondering, how come you started surfing?”

“i fell in love with the beach after my uncle taught me how to surf.” you looked up to meet his eyes. you could see the way they lit up as he explained everything further. “the gentle breeze, the adrenaline, the warm sun touching my skin- i felt like i couldn’t get enough of it.” he tilted his head back and stretched out his arms “i tried to go back to the city, but i couldn’t resist being away from all of this, so now- i get to do exactly what i love.” he smiled.

you stared at the ice cream in your hand, watching it melt from the heat. his words tugged at your heart; in a way, you were feeling jealous of how content he seemed to be with his life.

“sounds really nice” you smiled back, biting your lips. you could almost feel your stomach turning, your previous worries were coming on at lightning speed. the sound of yeonjun’s voice out of it.

“i’m glad you took up on my offer, it’s nice to share something i enjoy with a lovely person like you.” your worries dissipated, being replaced by butterflies in your stomach instead.

───⋆☆─────────────

you continued your lessons with yeonjun up until the middle of the summer. it was clear by now that you were definitely not a surfing prodigy, but you didn’t want to stop. you didn’t know when it would be the next time you got to do something like this. besides, having yeonjun’s attention all on you was nice. or at least, until little kids started stealing him away from you.

“teacher yeonjun- can you help me find my rubber duck? i lost it in the water.” the kid sobbed, tugging on yeonjun’s swimming shorts. yeonjun looked at the kid then at you, conflicted.

“go on-“ you reassured him with a smile “i got it.”

“i’ll be quick.” yeonjun grabbed the kids hand, sprinting towards the area of the “lost duck”.

you lifted your body on the surfing board, closing your eyes for a brief moment and taking a deep breath of the cool beach air. you were all alone now. this was your chance to get away from your thoughts, your worries; to simply shift your focus on all your other senses. somehow, you were feeling nostalgic- nostalgic for a moment that hasn’t even fully passed yet. if only it was possible to keep those feelings locked away, so you could revisit them whenever you wanted to.

yet, your happiness was cut short. you let your guard down too much, and were completely unaware of the danger right in front of you. beomgyu’s shout snapped you out of it. you opened your eyes, only to see an enormous wave centimeters away from you. you froze, not knowing what to do. a million thoughts ran through your mind; before you could even make a decision, the wave crashed into you, sending your body flying down into the water, your head hitting the surfing board in the process. the glass that beomgyu was holding slipped from his hand, shattering to the ground. he swiftly jumped over the counter, then took his shirt off, his eyes frantically searching around the water for you. instead, he saw yeonjun diving in the water, already 2 steps ahead from him. it was childish to race with yeonjun to save you. beomgyu ran back to the bar, hands shaking as he searched for a first med kit and a towel.

you couldn’t keep your eyes open as the salty water gave you a burning sensation almost instantly. you flailed your arms around, in an attempt to save yourself, but the more you moved, the more it felt like you were sinking down. you were almost ready to stop when you felt a pair of arms wrapping around your waist, bringing you back up towards the surface.

“i got you, don’t worry” yeonjun breathed out, hooking one of his arms under your legs and holding your shoulders with the other. your hands hanged loosely around his neck, desperately coughing up the water that entered your system.

“try to stand on your side if you can”

yeonjun laid you down on the nearest sunbed, and you did just as he said, bringing your knees to your chest as your coughing fit continued. “don’t panic, just let it all out” he said softly as he rubbed his hands down your back to soothe you.

yeonjun called out yeji’s name, gesturing for the others to remain in their place for now, as a group of people surrounding you could have been overwhelming. still, beomgyu chose to trail down behind yeji as she walked towards you. he covered you with the towel he found and left a cold bottle of water on the ground next to you before going up to yeonjun.

“can we talk for a sec?” he said, grabbing yeonjun’s arm to bring him further down the beach, without waiting for an answer from him.

“hey- how are you feeling now?” yeji crouched down, holding your hand and gently rubbing her thumb against it.

“better, i think” you answered, trying to put on a smile for her, even though you were still shaken up from what happened earlier.

“where did the others go? i didn’t even get to thank yeonjun-” you raised your body a little bit, looking around the beach.

“don’t even worry about that right now.” yeji was quick to push your shoulders back down. yeji knew why beomgyu was so quick to take yeonjun away. she knew how angry he was with him for leaving you alone so carelessly, and she knew how he was also angry with himself for not acting faster earlier. witnessing them arguing wouldn’t have done you any good. “just rest a little bit more so we can go back home. i’m sure you’ll have another opportunity to thank him soon.”

you looked down. you felt guilty for what happened, even though what happened was outside of your control. you let out a groan and brought a hand to your head, a pounding ache taking over.

“does it hurt?“ yeji asked. you removed your head from its place, only to see a small trail of blood dripping down your fingers.

“everything okay?” you heard yeonjun shout, jogging towards you. he was out of breath, bringing his hands to rest on his knees, cheeks flushed a deep shade of red; it seemed like he ran all the way back. beomgyu, however, was nowhere in sight. “let me see” his eyebrows furrowed as he came closer. he moved your hair behind your ear to inspect your injury. “it’s nothing serious. it’s just a surface level wound, but we need to clean it up.”

“here, beomgyu gave this to me earlier” yeonjun took the med kit from yeji and placed it beside you on the sunbed.

“please tell me if it hurts”

you nodded and he grabbed your chin, then started to gently dab your head with a wet cloth. your eyes shily glanced over at his face. you didn’t realise until then just how close he was sitting next to you. his eyes were only focused on your wound and he was biting his lips in concentration. his hands were shaking a little bit, too afraid to cause you any type of pain. unknowingly, you were holding your breath, heart beating out of control. you couldn’t understand why it was that your body was reacting this way, even in a situation like this, how he still had you wrapped around his finger, melting under his feathery touches.

“this should make it heal faster” yeonjun said, putting some ointment on the wound before covering it with a bandaid. “-and this too” he whispered, leaving a small kiss on that same spot. “i’m so sorry y/n. you are still a beginner and i shouldn’t have left you all alone like that, it was stupid-“ you stopped his rambling by pulling him in for a hug. “hey- don’t blame yourself so harshly. what happened was outside of your control. if you were there maybe you would have gotten injured too.” you hugged him tighter “i wouldn’t have wanted to see you hurt either.”

“you’re right...” yeonjun sighed, combing his fingers through your hair “still- i’ll find a way to make it up to you, i promise.”

“hey- i know you’re having a sweet moment and all, but it’s getting late and we should really get going” yeji interrupted. you slowly moved away from yeonjun, whispering a ‘thank you’ against his ear before finally letting go and getting up.

once at home, you hopped into the shower to wash off the salt off your body. you changed into more comfortable clothes, slumping into your bed, your body melting into the mattress. you were mindlessly scrolling through social media, your eyes feeling heavier with each minute that passed. you were on the point of dozing off when you saw a notification appear on your screen.

(gyu :) )

[beomgyu, 9:17 pm] y/n! how are you feeling now? :(

[y/n, 9:17 pm] definitely better now, especially because of your help :)

[beomgyu, 9:17 pm] i’m glad

[beomgyu, 9:18 pm] are you busy rn?

[y/n, 9:18 pm] no, why?

[beomgyu, 9:18 pm] look outside the window ;)

confused, you got up from the bed and peeked through the window blinds, spotting a smiling beomgyu waving his hand at you from the sidewalk. you couldn’t help but return his smile as you looked at him, already in his pyjamas with a jacket over his shirt and a small basket in his hand. you opened the window and shouted “wait- i’ll be down in a sec.” stumbling as you rushed to climb down the stairs and put on your shoes. you quickly ran your fingers through your hair and took a deep breath to regain your composure. you were taken aback when you saw beomgyu right in front of you, hand raised up to knock on the door just as you opened it.

“hi.” he spoke softly.

“hi-” you breathed out “want to come in?”

“ah-“ he cleared his throat, his eyes meeting the floor instead of your face “i just wanted to bring you this.” he brought the hand holding the basket in front of you, its contents hidden away with the help of a pink wrapping paper. you pushed it to the side, careful so as not to rip it too much. your eyes widened once you discover small boxes with fresh assorted fruits like strawberries, cherries, grapes...and a tiny bear plush placed in the middle of everything.

“thought these might cheer you up a bit. i snuck those away from the bar once my shift ended. don’t tell on me though, soobin might kick my ass if he finds out”

“beomgyu-“ you stammered “thank you, but you didn’t have to-” you were pushing the basket back towards him, overwhelmed by his sweet gestures. he caught your wrists with his hands, moving them towards your chest.

“but i did have to” he leaned down, bringing his face to the same level as your own “if i saw you smile, then that means it was worth it, even if i do get in trouble” his words rolled off his tongue slowly, with a low rasp. you noticed the way beomgyu’s eyes moved away from yours to glance at your lips, then going back to the floor, stopping for a second, hesitating, before deciding to quickly steal away a kiss from your cheek.

“go back inside now, you should get some rest.”

without even realising it, you brought a hand up to your face, touching the same spot he just caressed with his lips. he tilted his head, chuckling after seeing your flustered expression. “good night, y/n” he put his hands in his pockets, turning his back to walk towards the alleyway.

what you weren’t aware of though, was just how loudly beomgyu’s heart was beating against his chest.

───⋆☆─────────────

the end of august, also known as the start of the party season at the beach. with tourists ending their trips and leaving soon, as well as with the weather on the cusp of changing, the workers at the beach started preparing for their annual series of events (which was actually more of an excuse to make people purchase more alcohol)

“we’re doing what tonight?” you asked yeji, resisting the urge to throw the pillow in your lap at her.

“listen- i know you’re finding out about this late, but-“

“but?” you pressed your lips together, lifting an eyebrow.

“but you would have declined the invitation right away-“ yeji sighed “now it’s too late to tell them that we’re not going. remember our promise? to take up on new opportunities?”

you remained silent, crossing your arms and glaring at yeji.

“come on, it’s the first party. if you don’t like it then i won’t pressure you to go to the rest. let’s just try it and see how it goes” yeji got on her knees, holding your hand and looking at you with pleading eyes.

“fine.” you gave in, yeji’s words managed to persuade you yet again. she squealed, capturing you in a tight hug. she wasted no time to drag you into her room and help you get ready. her face was basically radiating as she showed you all the makeup and outfit choices, there was just no way you could refuse her anymore. you just let her do her thing, putting all your trust into her tastes.

the more you walked towards the beach, the louder the music was becoming. you were tempted to do a full 180 and make a run for it, but your conscience didn’t allow you. plus, you truly believed that yeji would simply take her heels off to go after you and drag you back. you felt out of place in the big crowd of people, overwhelmed by the loud beats combining with people shouting in a poor attempt to communicate with each other. you were busy frantically scanning the area for a familiar figure, but you somehow missed yeonjun coming right in your direction. you were taken aback when you noticed him standing in front of you.

“hi, cutie. glad to see you here” yeonjun greeted you.

“hi-“ your eyes trailed down over his body. his white button-up shirt wasn’t closed all the way, giving you a peek at his exposed chest and the delicate silver necklace sitting on top of it. you bit your lip trying to shift your focus from the pretty man in front of you back to the conversation. he winked at you when you tried to make eye contact with him again. shit. your cheeks flushed a deep shade of red; he definitely noticed you staring at him. you quickly turned around and took a shot from the drinks table close to you. you grimaced as the alcohol sent a dash of fire down your throat, yet you still extended your hand for more.

yeji grabbed your arm “hey- hey, take it easy. we only just arrived.”

“and i’ve already embarrassed myself” you whispered back, covering your face with your hands.

“i’m sure whatever you did isn’t that bad. you’re gonna embarrass yourself more if you get wasted within the first hour anyway.”

you pressed your lips together. she was right- you just didn’t want to admit it out loud. “come on, i want to check out the dessert table. i heard soobin did a pretty good job with that” yeji said, grabbing your wrist and dragging you along with her.

yeji tested out almost every single dessert at the party. each time she took a bite of something new, she insisted that you tried it too because “this one was really the best”. you found it amusing but in some way, she was right, soobin really outdid himself this time. the cupcakes in particular were your favorite. the cake was so soft and moist, and the frosting was soft like velvet, immediately melting down on your tongue. they were seriously addicting. you were about to dive into another vanilla cupcake when you felt a tap on your shoulder. it was yeonjun who came up to you again.

“y/n- join me for a dance?”

your eyes glanced back at yeji, then at the cupcake in your hand. you were very tempted to say yes, but you didn’t want to leave her alone either. the idea of abandoning your cupcake didn’t sound that good either.

“go ahead” yeji said, snatching the cupcake you were holding. “i was about to go to hueningkai anyway- i wanted to have a look at his playlist. have fun you two” she sent a wink your way before quickly leaving, not even sparing you a chance to argue.

“shall we?” yeonjun stretched out his hand for you to take, which you nervously took. he led you to the middle of the dance floor, making you internally panic. having not gone to many parties in your lifetime, you weren’t confident in showing off your dance moves, especially right in front of yeonjun.

yeonjun must have sensed your worries, dipping down to whisper in your ear, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine. “just focus on me- don’t mind everyone else.” you were still holding his hand, so he took this chance to lift his arm up and playfully spin you around. you couldn’t help but giggle, slowly starting to ease up. you tried to ignore everyone else invading your vision, focusing on him and only him as you swayed your body along the rhythm of the music. you couldn’t help yourself but grab two more shots, one for you and one for yeonjun, when you saw one of the baristas coming down your way with a silver platter full of alcoholic drinks. ‘it’s for a little confidence boost’ you told yourself. for tonight, you were finally allowing yourself to be free from any worries, and to simply enjoy the moment.

you weren’t aware of how much time had passed since you stepped foot on the dance floor, and you were very tempted to take a break and let your legs rest for a while. but it seemed like the dj wasn’t going to let that happen anytime soon. the up-beat music that had been playing for the past hour was suddenly changed to a slow, jazzy song. you looked up at yeonjun with wide eyes, and he bit his lips, looking as surprised as you did. yet, he didn’t pull away. his hands dropped down from their position on your shoulders, trailing down your arms and then moving to your waist, leaving hot trails everywhere he touched your body. your body unconsciously moved closer to his, a bright red blush adoring your cheeks. your mind couldn’t focus on anything else but his hands on you. the sound of the music combining with your loud heartbeat made you feel light-headed.

“i want to kiss you” he whispered, resting his forehead on yours, his grip on your waist tightening “but if i do then i might not be able to contain myself.” he breathed out. your hand moved up to the nape of his neck, about to give in to the sweet temptation, when all of a sudden taehyun lightly tugged yeonjun by the collar of his shirt, creating distance between the two of you.

“loverboy, go check up on soobin, he’s having trouble setting up the fog machine”

“right now?”

“yes, now. come on” taehyun grabbed yeonjun, not letting him argue. ‘strange’ you remembered that the fog machine was already on when you arrived.

yeji and beomgyu appeared by your side just a few seconds later “where’s yeonjun?”

“ah- soobin was searching for him. guess i was kind of abandonded” you tried to laugh it off “can we go somewhere quieter?” the music is starting to mess with my brain.

“i’ll grab some drinks and i’ll meet you near the shore, there’s some log benches there.”

you nodded, holding onto yeji’s sleeve so as not to lose her. you felt like you could finally breathe again once you stepped foot on the sand. you couldn’t lie, parties did seem fun, but those where you’re almost completely surrounded by strangers? not so much. you held on until most people left, enjoying yeji’s and beomgyu’s company, cracking silly jokes as you kept on drinking. it was only after midnight when the rest of the boys joined you, with a few of the other people lingering around.

“anybody up for a few rounds of truth or dare?” yeji shouted.

“i’m in” beomgyu replied, raising his hand.

“i guess i’m in too” you sighed. truth or dare wasn’t really your cup of tea, but you didn’t want to ruin the other’s mood.

“everybody gather around the fire then” yeonjun said “and remember- no buts, no maybes” he snickered.

you noticed how beomgyu looked at you and opened his mouth, then closed it back again after yeonjun said down next to him. his body seemed to slump down after that; you wondered whether it was you who he wanted to sit close to.

“i’ll be the one to get this started” yeonjun stated, looking at every person over the hot flames of the fire, only for his eyes to land back on the person to his right. “beomgyu, truth or dare?”

beomgyu paused for a moment, then answered simply “truth.”

“you’re starting off easy?” he asked, the words rolling off his tongue with a playful, yet mischievous tone “well then- beomgyu, do you have a crush?”

“yes.” he answered shortly. beomgyu was sitting right across from you, and you could notice his body slowly tensing up as his arms hugged his waist tighter.

“and is your crush by any chance here with us?” yeonjun probed on further.

“that’s 2 questions” beomgyu frowned, looking at him.

“you didn’t let me finish.” yeonjun raised his hands defensively.

“yes- they are.” he answered then took a sip of his beer. however, what you failed to notice was him sneaking a glance in your direction as he said that.

everybody around you let out an “ooo” at beomgyu’s answer; people were giggling and nudging beomgyu, teasing him to reveal the name of the person. for some reason, the fact that he had a crush was tugging at your heartstrings. you were secretly hoping that the person he was talking about was you, but you weren’t ready to admit that to yourself.

“my turn now-“ beomgyu took another sip, his eyes scanned the room, then stopped on your figure. “y/n, truth or dare?”

you pondered for a moment. “truth.” you didn’t want to be the first one to try a dare, even if it was from beomgyu. he smiled “have you ever been in a relationship?” he asked, eyes sparkling from the light of the fire.

“no, actually.” you sighed “i was always too busy stressing over school- and look where that got me” you looked down and chuckled drily.

beomgyu nodded, seemingly getting a bit lost in thought. he wanted to continue, to talk to you more, but he restrained himself from doing so. he knew that this wasn’t the right moment to discuss your private life, not with everyone else around.

“let’s see- who should be the next victim?” you clicked your tongue “soobin- what do you prefer?”

───⋆☆─────────────

two hours of truth or dare later, soobin’s last shot was the one that tipped him off, and yeonjun offered to guide him back home before he had the chance to throw up on the beach. a few people stated that they were going to the bathroom, but in fact never returned; you didn’t want to know why. yeji was too tired to stay there any longer, so she left you behind. meaning, it was only you and beomgyu left on the now quiet beach. the fire was dying down, and beomgyu scooted closer to you, offering to share a blanket.

“how does one more round sound?” he asked you.

“i wouldn’t mind that” you laughed, feeling a bit nervous all of a sudden.

“truth or dare?” beomgyu whispered.

“dare.”

“dare, huh...?” he muttered “i dare you to dive into the water.” beomgyu smirked, playfully tilting his head to the side.

you were taken aback by his words, but your stubbornness didn’t allow you to back down.“okay.” you said, looking into his eyes. “turn around then. i don’t want my dress to get wet.”beomgyu’s eyes widened, clearly not expecting you to accept his dare. still, he did just like you asked.

you slid your dress off, then carefully placed it on one of the seats. you inhaled air deeply into your lungs as you approached the water, then jumped straight in, trying to get this over with as quickly as possible.

“truth or dare?” you shouted.

“dare.” beomgyu shouted back.

“i dare you to join me.”

beomgyu wasted no time taking off his shirt then quickly diving into the water, splashing you in the process. you immediately returned the favour when he got back up to the surface.

“hey- you’re gonna pay for that” he jokingly threatened you.

“make me.”

you both attacked each other with water, only the sound of your laughter filling up the quietness of the now peaceful night. “okay- i surrender.” beomgyu shouted again, catching your wrists with his hands to finally make you stop. he got closer to you, your laughter dying down as his close proximity made you feel nervous.

“you look so beautiful in the moonlight” he said as he hooked his finger around yours, guiding you around in the water. and you followed him mindlessly, as if you as if he’s got you right under his spell. his hands detached themselves from your own, moving to your waist. and you were so close to him, nose to nose, his breath combining his yours, his eyelashes tickling your lids- and yet, you still couldn’t allow yourself. you couldn’t allow yourself to be victim of your foolish desires.

you looked over your shoulder, worried that someone might have come back and noticed what was happening. what if someone saw you two? saw the two of you fooling around in the blue waves of the sea, what if someone saw his fingers trailing your back or how your own nested at his nape? your brain kept thinking of all the possible ways you might get in trouble, fighting to remain in power as his hot breath gathered itself at your neck, distracting yourself from any rational thoughts.

“y/n! are you still here?” you suddenly heard a voice shouting, which you recognised was yeji’s.

“yeah-“ you shouted back “don’t worry, i’ll be back soon no need to wait for me”

“send me a text when you leave!” she shouted again before walking away.

you looked at beomgyu with apologetic eyes.

“guess i can’t have you all for myself tonight.” he looked at you with a soft smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear “yeji’s stealing you away from me again.” he laughed.

“i’m sorry...” you whispered, lowering your head.

"there's no need to apologise", he said, a beat of heart and a pause following his words, "it's getting late anyway, you should rest, especially after such a night." the wind picked up your sigh before it could reach him, before it could whisper to him to come closer again, to take a step towards you, warm hands to envelop your waist and soft hair locks to tickle your skin again. you took a step back. "what an eventful night" you said under your breath. "what an eventful night", he picks up your words just as they roll off your tongue, giving you a smile. the air between you kept getting thicker and thicker, unspoken words and wishes weighing the both of you further into the soft shore. “wait just a second- i’ll be right back.” he rushed to get out of the water and sprinted to the bar. as he was coming back you could see him holding a small towel, which he handed to you.

“here, it’s nothing much, but i thought it might help you dry off- at least a little bit” he said rubbing the nape of his neck.

“it’s great” you smiled “thank you, beomgyu.”

he was also holding something behind his back, which he only revealed after you were done using the towel and putting your dress back on.

“have this too...” he looked away, the tips of his ears turning a pretty shade of pink. “i don’t want you to feel cold” he was holding out his white button up shirt for you to wear. you could feel your body reacting the same way as you thanked him and slided your arms into the sleeves. the faint scent of his cologne lingering on the soft material setting your heart on fire.

the walk back home was quiet, spent with the both of you sneaking a few shy glances at each other, his hand brushing against your ever so often, itching to hold yours again. for the first time during your stay you were disappointed that your house was so close to the beach, because it meant that you and beomgyu had to part ways so quickly.

“oh! your shirt- i almost forgot. let me take it off-“ 

his hands reacted fast, stopping you before you could do that “no- keep it, please. it looks good on you”

“o-oh. thank you” you stuttered. the both of you hesitated to part ways once again, too enticed by each other’s presence.

───⋆☆─────────────

beomgyu's ending | yeonjun's ending

taglist: @huekalover3000 @maybabe00 @sunoooism

[nose-rice]

Guys I NEED to rant about my thoughts on Nuru because i love her <3 ramblings ahead

Like I feel like in almost every fic i read, she's just like, a side character that's there to make whitty remarks to Hugo and be the levelheaded one. If she has an insecurity or problem it's usually pretty surface level and solved quickly, or only mentioned once or twice. I think there are SO many aspects of her character that are so cool.

Okay first, I think we sometimes forget that she's a nerd just like the rest of the gang. Yes, on the outside she's definetly the most 'normal' one, but I think we should concider the fact that she's the only girl in the group, and she's literal royalty. She was raised with a completely different set of standards than the other three. I don’t think I've really ever seen anyone cover that. I feel like she would get called "mature for her age" when she's only 15/16, and almost always gets critisism when she talks back with her own ideas (like her concerns about the meteor shows for example). I feel like out on her journey, she would finally get the freedom to just be herself, and be a kid and be able to rant on about her intrests with the rest of the group. It could be a struggle at first, but it would be awesome to see her getting more comfortable with the group the longer they spend together! Nerds encouraging nerdy rants lol

Since she is a kingdom figurehead, you could also argue that she always has a lot on her hands (especially since she's very proactive when it comes to science and solving problems). This could bring up a need to be productive, or always feeling like she needs to make the right decision, even for the littlest things.

I also feel like a lot of the time she's potrayed as the "right" one, who is 100% right when it comes to stuff like arguing with Hugo. Since they're opposites when it comes to class, they often are compared through that lense. I think it's cool just having Nuru tell Hugo off for judging a book by its cover, but I feel like they have a lot more in common than they realize. I think it would be interesting to see Nuru judging a book by its cover too. Maybe not to the degree that Hugo does, but I feel like calling out both their judging would not only call out character flaws, but it also enforces that even though they hate eachother and would never want to be like the other, they have a lot of the same flaws.

Also, being sheltered in a palace her whole life, I think she might think kind of black and white sometimes, and while she knows when people are just being mean as an act, she might struggle when it comes to people like reformed criminals.

Maybe she's able to be meaner to Hugo because she justifies it by telling herself he's criminal, and therefore bad, possibly glossing over the reasons he might be like that (maybe it crosses her mind, but she tells herself it's not a good enough reason, because stealing is still stealing, and he literally steals EVERYTHING. Even little trinkets and stuff he definitely doesn't need!). When they find out about Varian's criminal history, maybe she reexamines her views on morality and how she used to see people, because by her standards, Varian is a 'bad guy' who's caused harm to SO many people, but he's also the kind, caring, helpful friend that she's been traveling with who would never willingly hurt anyone.

Moving on to Amber x Nuru, I honestly never find myself liking the ship because Amber isn't developed enough which is fine. I don't think every character has to be a magnificent work of art. Side characters are side characters, but their romance is usually written like: "wow that girl is cute! I have a crush now!" Which is cool, but then that's about as far as it gets, then timeskip! Or offscreen they're a couple now. I know it's a side couple so it won't have as much devlopment as something like Varigo, but I never really see their dynamic play out in different situations. Like I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like they solely exist to be a couple? Amber sometimes just feels like an extention of Nuru, and their relationship feels surface level a lot of the time.

I feel like too often she's just watered down to the nice, smart, grounded friend, and I don't know I just think there’s so much more to explore with her. She’s not just some side character. She's literally part of the main cast! Even in fanart I feel like she doesn't really get a lot of stuff besides funny art and just like, pictures meant to look pretty. Unlike something you get a lot with characters like Varian or Hugo.

And honestly I get it. Some characters you just don't take an intrest in. I know I find Varian, Hugo, and Nuru more relatable than I find Yong, but I feel like part of that is developing their characters rather than just seeing them on a surface level. Ofc there are exceptions and there are some stories that dive deeper into Nuru's character out there! I just happen to see this A LOT.

Wow i said "surface level" a lot didn't I 😭😭

Anyway thank you for reading my rant i wanna know what you guys think!!

[mommycitas]

Teach me

summary; Your gym teacher is assigned to teach your class sex ed, you were left a little "confused" so you stayed after to ask some questions.

pairing; Teacher!Negan x Student!Reader

Pronouns/Name; She/Her , Y/N

AN; I wanted to do a song fic but I couldn't find a freaking song so here is porn w NO PLOT U NASTY FREAKS >:(((, jk love y'all pls enjoy <33 CXX First time I've written smut btw!! Hope its good XDD Also!! In the story it is mentioned that "ever since he saw you" I just want to clarify y/n was 18 at the time and there is no illegal business here!! CXX

Warning; Age gaps, 18 yo reader, Negan is 40ish. Sex, p in v, unprotected sex, oral m receiving, fingering, orgasm denial. NOT PROOF READ!!

Word count; 1.3k

!! MINORS DISCOURAGED !!

As your alarm goes off, shrug up in bed and turn it off. Getting up you checked the date and realized it was the sex ed day for your senior gym class. Cringing to yourself, as if any senior doesn't know what sex is. But suddenly you remembered who was teaching sex ed, internally grinning to yourself you threw on the shortest shorts you owned and a tank top that rested right above your belly button, displaying your navel piercing. With a zip up jacket so you don't get dress coded, you grabbed your bag and headed to the bus stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had gym last period, so you had to wait. Gaining many a stare from your classmates and teachers, not all good but not all bad. Before you knew it, it was already time to go to gym. You were always late to that class and today wasn't going to be any different. You sit in the bathroom brushing out your y/h/c hair and spritzing some perfume all over your body, suddenly you hear the bell ring and gather your belongings and make your way to the gym. You push open the door and see all your classmates gathered on the bleachers.

"Nice of you to join us" Negan chuckles looking you up and down "well you know me Mr. Smith." you say trying to brush off the attention on you. You take a seat in the front middle, your eyes boring into your teachers whenever he made eye contact. He noticed the way you bit your lip when he was talking about the male reproductive system, and the way you sucked gently on your middle finger when he was talking about the female reproductive system. He noticed how he was only talking about balls and fallopian tubes are you still rubbed and pressed your thighs tightly together. And he especially notice the way your eyes drifted down his body and lingered when he his shirt was tugged up ever so slightly and you could see his v line running into his grey sweatpants.

Negan was internally thanking the gods above when the bell rung, he couldn't take that class with you in it anymore. How midway through you asked to go to the bathroom and you were swaying your hips in just the perfect way to make his pants feel tighter. "Alright class, that's all for today, let me know if you have any questions." He was thankful when you left without a word, nervous you would have some weird question that would make him internally explode. He walked to his office before shutting it and sighing.

"Mr. Smith, I had a question." you say getting a visible reaction of surprise from him. He walks over to the desk you are sitting at "Holy shit Doll, don't go around spooking people like that." "Sorry Mr. Smith." adding a flirty lustful tone in your voice before grabbing a pencil and gently biting on the eraser. "What was your question?" "Well... I was just a little confused about the diagram you showed us." you walk over to to sit on the desk in front of him. "What confused you?" You can tell he's getting nervous as you bore into his eyes yet again.

You smile to yourself as you stand and start taking your shorts off, leaving you in a pink thong. "What are you-" you cut him off before he has the chance to get another word in "I was confused about the parts?" You sit up on the desk and spread your legs and move your underwear to the side. He stares you directly in the eyes not daring to look down "What's this part?" you play dumb as you point at your clit "I'm not doing this Y/N." you pucker your lip out "Teach me, please.." You whine. Leaning forward you grab his hand and move it towards your heat. "I just wanna know all about this pretty pink pussy, don't you wanna teach me?" You watch as he sighs and steps closer to you "Well doll.. that's your clitoris." He says as he slowly starts rubbing circles around you. You moan as you point to another spot "And this?" "That's your vaginal opening" He shifts down and sticks one finger in getting a rewarding loud moan in return.

You wrap your hands, that are quite small compared, around his as he quickens his pace and adds another finger. "Oh fuck! I'm gonna-" just as you're about to hit your peak he removes his fingers "There, now you know." just as he's about to reach for your pants and hand them back to you, you quickly shout "Wait! I had umm another question." he smirks as you plant your feet and cup his own area. "What's the male anatomy like?" You play dumb yet again before dropping to your knees and start pulling his sweats down "Doll, I could get into a lot of trouble for this." "Well you're already half way there, please finish it for me." He could never say no to you, ever since you walked into his class the second semester, he has dreamt of this very moment. You let out a little gasp as his manhood springs out of his boxers. It was so much bigger than you thought. You've definitely sucked dick before but, not any quite this big. Not to mention it was long AND thick

You bring a shaky hand to your mouth and spit on it, wrapping the spit covered fingers around as far as they would reach. You look up and give him a nervous look when you realize your hand doesn't even full wrap around it was that thick. You see him giving you a devilish smile, as if he was saying you never should have even came in his office. You gave him a few pumps before kitten licking his tip, gaining a guttural moan from him. Popping his tip into your mouth you continue to pump with your hand and now your mouth. Barely even making it half way down his dick, you feel his hands intertwine in your hair and push you as far down as he can, causing you to gag and cough. You feel him twitch in your mouth as he adds another hand to your hair and starts rocking his hips back and forth. Staring up at him you see him throw his head back and grunt before letting out a loud moan. You feel hot ribbons of cum coating the back of your throat. He carefully lets go of your hair before bringing you up to your feet and lifting you up on to the desk. He lifts your legs so your feet are wrapped around his neck, he rubs his manhood back and forth on your pussy before pushing it balls deep. Letting out a guttural moan, lifting his shirt to play with his happy trail. His thrusts getting harder and faster, working magic on your g-spot. As you feel your core tightening you throw your head back and plead with him not to stop, doing as you wish he continues with a quickened pace, feeling the knot in your core snap you scream out his name before his shoves his fingers down your throat “Shut up Doll, don’t want to get me in trouble do you?” he grinds his hips a few more times before you feel that same warmness all through your cunt. He pulls out and tucks himself back into his pants before handing you your own.

“Thanks for the lesson Mr. Smith” you say trailing your hands from the top of his abdomen to his waist. “Come back anytime you need another you.” he laughs “Oh i’ll be back for sure.” teasing him as you walk out of his office.

[thegirlwhowrites642]

Could you recommend us some of your favorite hinny fics? Love your work btw!

Thank you <3

I would tell you to look at my bookmarks on Ao3 but I'll give you some highlights (I'll keep wips out of this because I never know how to feel about recommending unfinished work):

Gone was any trace of you -- I'm pretty sure I've read this something like a billion times, I can quote it word by word

Come stay for the summer -- this is always such a light fun work to re-read, I'm a big fan of muggle hinny, I really have a soft spot for it

Altered -- the obsession I have for this one-shot, this to me is hinny in its purest form

A Weasley reunion -- some hardcore pining from Harry, and fake dating, what do you want more from life?

Time -- Harry realising he wants children, with Ginny. The specific way in which the realisation is written is something I adore

Summer rain -- this is great, what else there is to say really, it's just great

Sacred new beginnings -- I love how this somehow manages to be a retelling of sixth year despite being a muggle AU with young adults hinny

Orchards -- the author definitely has a higher opinion of the "golden trio" than I have but the way she writes dialogues between Harry and Ginny is perfect, she also does a thing I love which is to make Ginny actually funny. It's one of her main personality traits and yet it's forgotten so often, I think it happens due to some sort of unconscious bias about women not being funny (not native English speakers writers are forgiven though because being funny in a foreign language can be quite hard)

After the leaves have fallen -- this talks about what I call Harry and Ginny's never-ending argument and it's written so beautifully

Everything I am is yours -- I just noticed that on ao3 it's signed as the first chapter of two but it definitely can stand on its own and is a very well done muggle retelling of Harry and Ginny's story

take what I took and give it back to you -- a beautifully written soulmates marks au that doesn't really change Harry and Ginny's story but, as one of the comments says, seems to bring up an existing implied element of the canon one

Already here -- because Hannah's stories that I love the most (they are all great though) are wips, I'll put this one in the hopes that one day she'll decide to turn it into a multi-chapter story (@takearisk-ao3 think about it 👀)

The brilliant dance -- this is so fucking funny and entertaining while also being heartwarming. Fucked up but inevitable/obsessed with each other hinny spending their early 20s being a hot mess is my AU drug

Someone else's life -- finished reading this a few days ago, a very well developed brilliant idea

[I already know the second I post this I'll realise I've forgotten some brilliant work]

[lillaydee]

A New Life

Jackson! Joel Miller / OFC

Starting a new life with each other in Jackson seemed to be going well, until it didn't.

Word Count: 15,272

Just one more story that I am uploading for practice purposes - I have many, many completed stories to upload, but am not that used to Tumblr yet, so it will take time to upload all of them - I'm not sure I will actually upload all of them, even. Right now, I'm just uploading the shorter ones for practice - just until I get used to the site. I will continue uploading the two series I have started uploading every other day - using those to practice scheduling stuff on Tumblr.

This fic also contains the very first smut I've ever written. I'm notoriously bad at it - I blush when I type smut out, so I apologize in advance if the smut is not smutting.

Thank you for those who have chosen to read my little mind worms. I appreciate you so much - there are no words.

WARNINGS: Mentions of Sexual Assault, Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Communication Failure, Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Angst, Fluff, Non-Smutting Smut, Happy Ending.

They decided to tell Ellie the truth. To say she was infuriated was an understatement, remaining silent throughout the journey back to Jackson. When they walked into the now familiar house. Ellie ran straight upstairs, the aggressive slamming of the door rattling the house, maybe for real, or maybe Joel and Madeleine were too in their heads when it came to the teenager’s wrath at them. Maybe they even deserved it. The two looked at each other, resigned to the teenager’s inevitable mood for the foreseeable future.

“You want to take the master?” Joel asked.

“No, I’ll take the room down here”, Maddie replied.

With that, Joel and Maddie went their separate ways to their respective rooms, closing the doors behind them.

Maddie was bone tired. Funny how the fatigue just set in when your body realized you had finally arrived, safe and sound. She didn’t even bother showering before throwing herself onto the dusty bed. Fuck it, she thought. She slept in the dirt for months. A night or two on a dusty bed wouldn’t hurt her. It seemed Joel and Ellie had the same idea, no sounds of plumbing or running water to be heard. It was sundown, but they could all use the rest. Who cared if they slept for 12 hours? After what they had just been through, they deserved it.

But try as she might, Maddie couldn’t sleep. The room felt suffocating. After almost a year of sleeping out in the open, this felt claustrophobic. Like she was sleeping in a room-sized coffin, but a coffin, nonetheless. She also had gotten used to having Joel and Ellie next to her when sleeping. Now that she was alone, it just felt unsafe, despite the obvious opposite. She tossed and turned, trying to calm her mind enough for sleep to take hold, but her mind kept replaying what happened over the last few days.

How the whole thing didn’t make sense to her, even on the surface. The dilapidated hospital, the lack of staff and resources, the ambitious nature of it all despite the lack of proper procedure and expertise. How could one doctor and two nurses create a cure in these conditions? So, when the doctor confirmed her biggest fear, she reacted. And it seemed Joel found out too, considering he mowed through the entire hospital to get to them. By the time they got out of there, the only people left alive were the three medical professionals, locked in the threadbare operating theatre.

But Ellie couldn’t see it from their point of view, going on and on about how her life was now without purpose, how she could’ve died for something meaningful, how they took that choice away from her. Maddie and Joel kept quiet. They let her say her peace and hoped that one day she would understand how important she had become to them both.

A glance at the clock showed it was nearing midnight. This was getting ridiculous now. Her body was protesting its own indecisiveness. So tired, but too restless and her head too full to sleep. Deciding that rest was vital before she lost her mind, she picked up her pillow and blanket, and went into the living room. Maybe a bigger space will help her breathe easier, and hopefully sleep would claim her. Laying the blanket on the floor, she laid down, looking around the room in the dark. This would be home from now on. She just needed a few days to get used to it, she was sure of it.

Not that time ever made her feel like any place was home anyway. She had spent close to 15 years at the QZ working as a nurse at the FEDRA hospital. But she had never felt at home there, and the fact that she had never agreed with their policies didn’t help. She helped Tess and Joel whenever she could, getting them what they needed from the hospital, helping them make connections so that they could get out when they needed to, keeping a lookout for them, and in return, they helped protect her. But when she was found out, the officer wanted a bribe. Instead of turning her in, maybe he could turn a blind eye, if she would open her legs for him whenever he wanted. When she resisted, he assaulted her, the physical assaults leaving her face black and blue and bloody, eyes so swollen she couldn’t open them properly, the sexual assaults leaving her bleeding, unable to walk for days. She couldn’t leave her apartment for a whole week, and when Tess and Joel found her, they smuggled her out to live with Bill and Frank. For five years, she helped nurse Frank, before finding them in each other’s arms, a goodbye note and a set of instructions on the dining table.

When Joel and Ellie arrived, she decided to go with them, and the rest was history.

A small thud from a pillow thrown next to her own jolted her from her thoughts, Joel standing over her. It seemed he couldn’t sleep either. He laid down next to her, threw his blanket over them both, and now there were two of them unable to sleep instead of one. Their bodies so weary they couldn’t even find the energy to talk, but the unease in their hearts wouldn’t allow them to sleep. After about an hour of them just lying there staring at the ceiling, the stairs creaked. Ellie joined them, lying on Maddie’s other side. Maddie pulled her closer, and covered her with the blanket too, Joel shuffling closer to her on her right.

Within minutes, all three of them were sound asleep.

***

Madeleine spent the next week scrubbing the house top to bottom, Joel fixing whatever needed fixing. Ellie still hadn’t spoken to either of them, spending her time in the backyard cleaning it up. Maria had come by, setting the three of them up with basic needs to start their new life, and jobs for them to contribute. Maddie, obviously, would be helping Dr Marcus Adams at the big house in the center of town used as the clinic. Joel was set up with some constructing duties, as well as patrol, and Ellie was asked to help at the stable after school.

A couple weeks in, the three of them had somewhat settled into a routine. Although Ellie was still obviously extremely angry with the both of them, she stayed close, not knowing anyone in town apart from them. A month in, she had started to make friends, and her silence was replaced by some mumblings letting Joel or Maddie know where she was headed to before storming off, followed by the obligatory slamming of the door. At this point Joel or Maddie had gotten used to her tantrums, both silently agreeing that this was better than her lying dead on that operating table. Joel even made a joke that he should scavenge for new doors just in case she managed to shatter one with all the slamming.

And then there’s the two of them. Their day-to-day life, preparing meals together, doing household chores, dealing with Ellie’s tantrums, felt so right, so normal, that it wasn’t hard to convince herself the three of them were a family. They had breakfast together every day, Ellie storming off as soon as she finished. Joel and Maddie would then follow suit, walking a distance behind her, making sure she arrived at the school safely. Joel would then walk her to the clinic and go to work. After lunch at the mess hall, Maddie would watch from afar to make sure Ellie got to the stable alright, not wanting to suffocate the angry teenager. Joel would then pick her up from work in the evenings, and both of them would wait for Ellie to finish at the stable a distance away before following her home, again, from a distance.

As unconventional as their days as a family were, this was their new normal. They liked it, even Ellie, not that she would ever admit that. It was as if they were her parents. To Maddie, this new routine was as domestic as she had ever felt, and before she knew it, she was seeing Joel in a different light, wondering what it would be like if they were a couple, and if he felt the same for her. But Joel had never shown her any interest beyond the normal protective man that they knew him to be.

Just as he had given a sense of safety and familiarity to Maddie and Ellie, they were also those things to him. And he would be lying if he were to say that Maddie was just someone he had travelled with. But she was a victim of sexual assault, and he wasn’t willing to scare her off by telling her how he felt. So, he took what he could get, and lived his life with her, hoping that she felt the same way, and that they would be together one day. He was comfortable with her, she was familiar, he felt like he could be himself with her.

Things went this way for a while. Over time, Ellie’s anger seemed to dissipate slightly, and she was beginning to talk to Maddie and Joel when the need arose. But being a teenager, she began spending more time with her friends, and wanted her own space. Eventually, she stopped sleeping downstairs, leaving Joel and Maddie alone, both of them still needing the familiarity of each other’s company to rest.

About three months in, Maddie woke up to Joel spooning her, his arms wrapped around her. She sighed contentedly, feeling happier and more rested than she had ever felt. When Joel awoke, he seemed flustered, mumbling his apologies, covering his crotch with the blankets before going upstairs to get ready for the day. For the rest of that week, Joel and Maddie woke up in each other’s arms, but never took it further. Both of them were convinced that the cuddling was accidental, just an unconscious move one of them made in the night. But the domesticity between them increased, standing nearer to each other, letting their shoulders touch when cooking or walking next to each other, fingers brushing against one another, shy smiles exchanged all the time. Ellie noticed, her eyes rolling, but she smirked softly with approval every time the two made eye contact before looking away pink-cheeked and embarrassed.

That day, after dropping Ellie off, Joel asked Maddie if she would go to the Tipsy Bison for a drink with him that night, just the two of them. Joel’s smile was so wide his eyes disappeared, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, his heart close to bursting when she shyly said yes. They continued walking slowly towards the clinic, hands brushing against each other in the process. Joel was having a discussion with himself in his head on whether or not to kiss her on the cheek upon dropping her off at the clinic, when a group of men went running past them towards the clinic, carrying a very bloody man. Maddie looked at Joel, who nodded. She said a quick goodbye before running to the clinic to help.

The rest of that day went by with a blur. The patient had tried to fix his malfunctioning fridge when it shocked him, and his violently seizing body caused it to topple over and crush him. His injuries were severe, and Maddie and Marcus never left his side, staying at the clinic for the next three nights before he stabilized, taking turns sleeping for an hour each at the studio apartment above the clinic.

When Maddie went home days later, Joel was not in the living room sleeping. He had gone upstairs to his own room. Maddie slept in her own room for the first time that night, exhaustion taking her to dreamland within minutes. When she woke up the next day, having slept in later than she normally would, Joel had gone on patrol.

Dinner that night was quieter than usual, Joel exhausted from his long day, Maddie too. Ellie was just rushing through dinner to go to movie night. After they cleaned up, Joel put his jacket on and told Maddie he was going out for a drink before closing the door behind him. Maddie was dumbfounded. What happened to going to the Tipsy Bison together? Did he want her to go with him? Did he ask her, but she didn’t hear? She decided she was going anyway. It was weird to go this long without him.

When she got to the Bison, she searched the room for him or Tommy. She found him almost immediately, sitting at the bar, a drink in his hand, chatting with someone she couldn’t see, his back to her. She walked over, eager to join him, when the crowd parted. He was sitting next to a beautiful redhead, who was animatedly telling him a story. She looked young, probably in her mid-twenties. She was textbook beautiful, with her perfect face and her perfect body in a beautiful wrap dress. Maddie looked at her own reflection in the mirror behind the bar, feeling like she looked at least fifty, and not the mid-forties that she really was, her clothes plain and baggy, hiding her less than perfect body, full of scars from their long journey together. He laughed at her jokes, looking like he’s having a hell of a time. Maddie shook the shock away, walking forward again, when the redhead wrapped her arm around his free hand, and placed her head on his shoulder. Maddie got closer and called his name.

Joel and the redhead turned, Joel quickly pulling his hand away from her hold. The redhead looked her up and down and smiled.

“You must be Madeleine, you’re Joel’s roommate, right?” she asked, her charming smile making Maddie feel like a frumpy old lady.

Joel cleared his throat. “Maddie, this is Vanessa, my patrol partner.”

***

Maddie forced a smile on her face and said hi to Vanessa. Joel pulled the chair on his other side and asked her to join them. But Maddie felt like she was interrupting. She now felt sure that he did not in fact ask her to join him before he left the house. He wanted to be alone with her. And now he was inviting her to join them because he felt bad, or felt he had to. Maddie felt hot all of a sudden, her face flushed with embarrassment. She mumbled some incoherent half-assed excuse about needing to get up early and turned to go home. She heard Joel call after her, but she was too mortified with the realization that she had made up his affection for her in her head that she just bolted. She ran face first into Tommy who asked her to slow down, but she didn’t. She needed to get out of there as soon as she could.

Fuck. What was she thinking? Why the hell would he want to be with some middle-aged old maid such as herself when he could get a Vanessa? Young, beautiful, sexy, sex-on-a-leg Vanessa? Those perky boobs of hers that were close to spilling out of her dress probably didn’t even need bras. Maddie couldn’t get her own boobs to look that perky with the best push up available. He may be in his fifties, but Joel was a good-looking guy, and Maddie had not missed the way the ladies in Jackson giving him fuck-me eyes on the daily. He had always been oblivious to this phenomenon, and Maddie stupidly thought it was because he only cared for her attention, but clearly, she was wrong. Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT! How was she supposed to look him in the eyes again?

When she got home, she went straight to her room, not bothering to turn the lights on. Sleep evaded her, her heart hammering away, but the embarrassment she felt earlier was now replaced with something she could not identify. She had never felt like this before. Her heart felt… heavy. The weight of it pressing down on her as she laid on her bed. She turned sideways to ease it, it worked for a while, but returned a few minutes later. After what felt like hours, she heard the front door open, and Joel’s familiar heavy footsteps walked in, the sounds coming closer and closer before stopping at her door. She saw the shadows of his feet in the sliver of light under the door from her dark room. She could hear his hand touching the door handle, but after what felt like hours, she heard him huff a long breath before retreating and going up to his own room. Maddie let go of the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She turned one final time, letting the heaviness play with her mind until sleep took her.

The next morning, Maddie practically shoved food down Ellie’s throat in order to whisk her away to school as soon as possible, terrified of running into Joel. Ellie pushed her hand away, grumbling what her problem was. As they were leaving, she heard Joel’s door open. Maddie grabbed Ellie by the collar and pulled her out the door, literally jogging away from the door. She heard the door open, and Joel’s voice call for them, Ellie stopping to wait for Joel, but Maddie kept pulling.

“What is going on with you? Why are we running from Joel?” she asked.

Before Maddie could answer, Vanessa appeared out of nowhere, colliding with her, the force of it pushing both of them on the ground, Maddie literally eating dirt. Joel ran up, helping Vanessa up, checking she was alright before turning to Maddie, whose lips were now bleeding from her face plant. Joel looked concerned, hand coming up to her face, but before he could do anything, Vanessa piped up,

“I was just on my way to get you. We need to leave now. The patrol from last night didn’t return. I was going to go get Tommy next,” she said, her voice urgent.

Maddie wiped the blood on her lips while Ellie helped her up. Joel looked at her, her lips sans blood now. Maddie said something about being late for work and turned around, pulling Ellie with her. Ellie kept quiet after that, somehow reading that any comments on what just happened wouldn’t be welcomed, especially the fact that Joel helped Vanessa up before her. Maddie felt childish, as if she was reading too much into this. He had reached Vanessa first, so it made sense that he helped her first, right? Of course he would’ve helped her too. Of course he would’ve. He would’ve. He definitely would’ve.

When she got to the clinic, Marcus, who was fast becoming her best friend from all the time they spent alone at the clinic, was already there. He turned to greet her, only for his face to morph into concern at her swollen lips, now bleeding again. He forced her to take a seat, despite her protests, fussing with swabs and ointments to make sure she didn’t need stitches. He gently pried her lips open, looking at them with a small torch, dabbing lightly to see if the bleeding could stop on its own, his left hand holding her cheek.

Someone cleared their throat. The two looked up to see Joel standing in the doorway, his face like thunder. He said something about not knowing what time he would be home that day, and to make sure Ellie got home on time, before abruptly turning around and leaving, the door slammed harder than it should behind him. Marcus looked bewildered for a second, before declaring she didn’t need stitches, but dabbing some ointment on her lips anyway, just to be safe.

When both batches of patrol came back that evening, Maddie was relieved to see Joel unscathed, just tired looking, Vanessa riding next to him, looking like some badass chick coming home from a victorious battle, her red hair looking perfect as ever, an easy smile on her face, which was gazing adoringly at Joel. A few riders from last night’s patrol were injured, so Marcus called Maddie to give him a hand. She felt Joel’s eyes on her but did not dare look. She focused on cleaning the injuries and then preparing the trays and equipment to stitch up the wounds, her and Marcus working well together, fast and efficient.

After what felt like a thousand hours, Maddie was looking forward to going home, taking a shower, having a quick dinner and just sleeping the rest of the night away. She was walking towards the stables to get Ellie, stomach rumbling, when someone called her name. It was Vanessa, running slightly to catch up with her.

“Hey Maddie? I just wanted to say sorry for running into you like that this morning. I was in a hurry and didn’t see you. Are you alright?”

Maddie nodded, so not in the mood to feel inferior right now, and Vanessa just brought that out of her. Vanessa continued almost immediately after the nod,

“Hey, just wondering. You and Joel, you guys are not together, right? He said you were just roommates?”

Maddie felt like her heart was in her throat. She was convinced that if she opened her mouth to answer her heart would fall out. So instead, she shook her head. After all, that’s what she was. She was the woman living in the same house as he, in different rooms in fact. They were roommates. He was her roommate, one she was heavily crushing on, a one-sided imaginary feel-fest starring only her.

“Oh, good. So, you don’t mind that we’re seeing each other, right? It’s just, we spend so much time together and I think we both feel this connection you know? It was just a matter of time. We work well together. But I just thought I should talk to you about it, you know, woman to woman?” she said, her eyes dreamy.

“Isn’t he too old for you?” Maddie said before she could stop herself. Vanessa just scoffed.

“If that’s what old looks like, I guess I have a thing for older men. Plus, he’s not old where it counts, you know what I mean? That man can make me purr, let me tell you that!” she said, giving a cheeky wink before walking away.

Maddie stopped in front of the stable, her legs heavier than lead, her head full of what just happened. So, Joel had a girlfriend now? She couldn’t comprehend it, just a week ago he was flirting with her and asking her out for drinks, and cuddling with her, and now he had a girlfriend?

Maddie heard her name again, this time in Joel’s low tone. It seemed he had the same idea to walk Ellie home from the stable now that he was home earlier than expected.

“What did Vanessa want?” he asked her, his head low, eyes fixed on his feet.

“Nothing,” Maddie said, a little too quickly. “You can walk Ellie home, right? I think I’m gonna go home first.”

“Wait,” he said, his hand wrapped gently around her clenched hand. “I made dinner. Let’s have dinner together? Like we always did? I have something to talk to you about,” he said, his face hopeful.

Maddie so badly wanted to say yes, she had missed him. Missed having a good meal with him and Ellie. But Vanessa’s words were fresh in her mind, and if he was just going to tell her the same thing, she didn’t want to hear it. She got it. He had a girlfriend. All his affections were in her head.

“Actually Joel, I’m not hungry. I’m really tired. I’ll see you around,” she said instead, walking away, prying her hand from his gentle grasp, dying to get away from him before the grumbling in her tummy got loud enough to betray her.

Maddie went to bed with a piece of bread, lying in bed in the dark, willing herself not to cry. The heaviness in her chest was back. What was going on? What was this feeling? Shit. She just wanted it to go away.

After he and Ellie had dinner, Joel went to Maddie’s door, raising his hand to knock, desperate to talk to her. But he couldn’t pretend he didn’t hear her word choice – that she will see him ‘around’ instead of ‘at home'. Deciding not to bother her, he went upstairs and willed himself to sleep.

The next day, while she was mopping the floors in the clinic, Vanessa showed up. Maddie almost sighed out loud in exasperation. She kept popping up on her, like a Jack-in-a-Box, but a really annoyingly beautiful one. Instead, she composed herself and forced a fake smile on her face. Vanessa came up to her, a cheeky look on her face,

“Hey Maddie… so… Joel and I are going on a date tonight, and… well… I live with five other girls you know, and Ellie will be spending the night at Dina’s. I was wondering if you could do me a solid and make yourself scarce for the evening? So, we can have some alone time? Help a girl out?” she begged, a desperate look on her face.

Maddie just stared for a while. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn’t want to seem like a scorned woman, so she just smiled and nodded, before picking up the mop bucket and walking to the back room. She heard Vanessa’s delighted “thank you!” behind her, shut the door to the back room, sat down, and buried her face in her hands, the tears flowing freely.

As she laid in the twin bed in the studio apartment above the clinic that night, she couldn’t get the images of Joel and Vanessa together out of her imagination. She didn’t even go home for a change of clothes, worried that if she ran into him, she would turn to stone. She kept picturing them naked, their bodies entwined, their lips locked, their moans loud and echoey throughout the empty house. She hated the fact that she didn’t tell him how she felt earlier, and now it was too late. She cried herself to sleep that night, fully dressed.

The next morning, she was shaken awake by a worried Marcus, who had noticed that the apartment lights were on and went up there, thinking he forgot to switch them off. He asked her what happened, but she was too ashamed to tell him, choosing instead to tell him she was too tired to walk home. He obviously didn’t believe her but chose not to press further. Instead, he waited for her to wash her face, and asked her to go to the mess hall for some breakfast instead. He needed to open the clinic, but a hungry nurse won’t do him any good, he said, pinching her on the chin, making her laugh.

When they walked down together, Marcus’s comforting hand on her shoulder, they came face to face with Joel, who stopped walking, his face the picture of devastation at the sight he was seeing. Maddie wanted to be offended, clocking what he must have thought of the sight. How dare he, when he was the one going on dates and bringing the perfect specimen of a woman home. She was about to express her annoyance, but a very chirpy Vanessa came running, pulling him away, whispering in his ear, before turning around and smiling cheekily at Maddie, winking conspiratorially at her, giving her a thumbs up, as if doing her the biggest favor. Joel kept looking back at the two of them, his face disbelieving, looking crestfallen. Maddie felt her heart clench. She realized that instead of anger, his face just looked so sad. She wanted to go after him and ask him what was wrong, but a flustered looking mother came running to the clinic, her child in her arms who was obviously having difficulty breathing.

So, Maddie put her nurse game face on, and took the child from his mother, and brought him inside for treatment.

***

Joel didn’t sleep at home for almost a week after that day. He would walk Ellie home from the stable in the evenings, made sure she had dinner, and left as soon as Maddie got home. He got home before dawn broke, got ready for his day, and let Maddie handle Ellie in the mornings, preferring to leave for the stables without having to bump into her. Maddie made sure Ellie was never alone at night but chose to sleep at the apartment if Joel was home for the night, deciding that she would rather sew her own ears shut than hear Joel and Vanessa going at it, making sure she was out of the house before she came for the night. She got home a little earlier than expected one day and could hear his moans and groans upstairs and ran out of the house like her life depended on it before she could hear her too. Never again, she thought. Her heart couldn’t take it. Ellie was spending more and more weekends sleeping over at her friends’ places, so Maddie was the only obstacle for the happy couple’s privacy. Maddie did wonder where the two spent their nights when they were not at this house. Vanessa made it clear she had roommates, so they must have found some sort of a sex port somewhere.

Maria came to talk to her one day, asking her if she and Joel were having problems, considering they had not been seen together for a couple of weeks. They were virtually inseparable during the first three months in Jackson, and suddenly it was as if they were strangers. Maria told her she was shocked to hear that Joel was with Vanessa – she had always thought that he and Maddie would end up together. Even Tommy was shocked, but of course, no one dared say anything to the grumpy man, for he was even more stubborn than he was grumpy.

As much as Maddie wanted to own up to her feelings and frustrations, she didn’t want Maria and Tommy blabbing to Joel. If he was happy with Vanessa, then she would like to be happy for him, as much as it was killing her inside. So, Maddie tried to keep the peace. She and Joel simply coexisted, avoiding each other like a dance, while making sure Ellie was taken care of.

But Ellie, oh Ellie. That girl had completely become a typical teenager, always angry, always moody, not that she wasn’t already. Despite letting Joel and Maddie walk her to school and back home daily, she made it quite clear that she was still angry at them for what happened at the hospital, using that as an excuse as to why they didn’t have the right to tell her what she could and couldn’t do, since they had taken her choice away from her. She could sense the unease between the two parental figures, and she was acting out. Maddie caught her smoking once, and when she tried to tell her it was not good for her, she stomped off, yelling that she was not her mother so please fuck off! Joel wasn’t faring any better with her either. He caught her sneaking out late one night, and when confronted, she screamed that he was not her father, and it was not like he was such a good role model, he couldn’t even keep his family together.

So, Maddie and Joel had a sit down, and decided they needed to get their shit together, and work together for Ellie’s sake. They came to an agreement that they needed to stay together, just until Ellie fully settled, so that she didn’t feel alone or left out. Family meals were no longer negotiable, even if no one was talking. Also, no one would be having sleepovers, at home or otherwise for a while, just to get their bearings back. Ellie needed stability, and having every other parental figure out of the house every other night was not helping, neither was her sleeping in different places every weekend. And for Joel and Maddie – whatever they had going on outside of the three of them, stayed out of the house. So, Maddie made it a point to never mention Vanessa to him, and he did the same. They were civil to one another, keeping up appearances for her sake, but when Ellie went to bed, both of them quietly retreated to their own rooms, neither talking to each other, each missing longing looks they each gave the other.

Slowly but surely, their efforts started showing results. Ellie started calming down, making the effort to spend more time with Joel and Maddie, going to movie nights with them, even helping them prepare meals and tending the garden in the backyard, doing her chores, and although she still had her temper tantrums every now and again, she was generally more relaxed, and a lot more cooperative. Everything seemed to be going well. The three of them getting along, their school and work life going great.

Every time Maddie saw Vanessa around town, she was always surrounded by ladies her age – her roommates, Maddie assumed. Vanessa always gave her a sad smile, and her friends would stare at her, annoyance and disgust clear on their faces, before rubbing their hands on Vanessa’s back and walking away as a group. Joel had taken to glaring at Marcus whenever the doc was around, although for the life of her Maddie couldn’t figure out why. But they had agreed not to talk about anything non-related to the three of them, so she kept quiet.

About two months after the new arrangement began, Maddie was taking inventory at the clinic when Vanessa walked in, arms full of medical supplies they had found from that day’s scavenging trip. Maddie thanked her, and immediately began checking the items for leaks and expiry dates.

“So, how’s Ellie doing these days?” Vanessa asked.

“Joel didn’t tell you? She’s doing much better. It’s sweet of you to ask.”

“That’s so great! I am so happy for you guys,” she said. “So, now that Ellie’s doing much better, are you looking for other places to live?”

“Why would I be doing that?” Maddie asked back, genuinely confused at the question.

“Well, now that Ellie’s doing better, do you need to still be living with Joel? I mean, you guys are not together, and he’s with me, so why are you still living with him?” Vanessa questioned; a sweet smile still plastered on her gorgeous, perfect face.

Maddie was taken aback. She had been living there since they moved to Jackson. The three of them came in together, where else would she be living? Unless…

“Did Joel say something?”

“Oh, it’s not my place to say…”

“Vanessa,” Maddie’s voice was stern, looking at Vanessa with a serious face.

Vanessa gave an uncomfortable smile. “It’s just that Joel and I were planning to take our relationship to the next level you know? We completely understood the need for the two of us to slow down when Ellie was acting up, but now that she’s doing better, he mentioned that maybe it would be better if you found a place for yourself so that I can move in with him, maybe start a family of our own,” she said, her hands twisting together, head down, trying to avoid Maddie’s disbelieving eyes.

“I mean, technically I could just move in with you still living there, but we are very loud, and I think he just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable you know? Even when we haven’t been spending nights together, he found ways for us to have alone time - the man is insatiable - so imagine what it would be like if we were to actually live together…” she continued, a sly smile on her face.

“Plus, I think you living there would make him uncomfortable too. He wouldn’t even show me affection in public out of respect for you. People know the three of you came in together, and lots of people believe you guys are together, so he didn’t want to make you feel left out or anything, you know? So, it would be better for all of us if you have your own place.”

Marcus walked in at that moment, having heard what was said, a stern look on his face, and Vanessa excused herself, before turning around and begging Maddie not to say anything to Joel, for he had made her promise not to say anything. As soon as she was gone, Maddie told Marcus she would be right back, and ran home. She had to talk to Joel. Was this what he really wanted? She needed to hear him say it to believe it. When she got home, the door was open, and she can hear Tommy, Maria and Ellie’s voices clearly, along with Joel’s low one.

“Are you sure about this brother?” Tommy asked.

“Isn’t it too soon?” Maria added, “It’s only been a few months…”

“It’s not too soon,” Ellie’s voice interrupted.

Joel’s voice was clear now.

“We have to move on, things cannot stay like this forever. We will talk to Maddie, make her understand. This is good for her. To be independent. We will help her with anything she needs, of course, but she cannot depend on us forever, so, it would be better if she lives on her own. It’s not like she’ll be far, we’re right here,” he said, his voice steady.

There was a long silence.

“Alright, if you think that’s best,” Maria said.

Maddie had heard everything she needed to hear. She turned around and walked back to the clinic. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Sure, he had found someone, but it had only been a couple of months, ten weeks at the most. And just like that she was no longer needed? After everything?

When she got back to the clinic, she broke down. She told Marcus everything. She felt like he was the only person she could talk to about this, everyone else in her life seemed to be conspiring to rid Joel of her, and he seemed more than eager to make that happen too. Marcus held her tight, keeping silent and just being there for her. He offered his spare room, but Marcus didn’t live alone, and Maddie didn’t want to intrude. He then suggested she move into the apartment above the clinic – the apartment was part of the clinic, and staff were allowed to use it at the doctor’s discretion, especially when severely injured patients required 24/7 care, and he wanted her to have it. Plus, he said, it would be better for the town to have the nurse living directly above the clinic, especially for emergency cases at night.

Maddie promised to think about it, but when she got home that evening, she found that she couldn’t even look at Joel in the eyes anymore, knowing he didn’t want her there. She could feel his eyes on her at all times, and she kept bracing herself for him to tell her what she already knew – that he needed her to move out so he can live his happily ever after with Vanessa, Ellie, and however many devastatingly gorgeous children those two annoyingly good-looking people would inevitably have from their super active sex life. So, the next day while the house was empty, with Marcus’s help, she packed what little belonging she had, and moved out.

But she still had Ellie to think about. Ellie still needed stability. And as hurt as she was, she didn’t want to put her own needs before Ellie’s, but at the same time didn’t want Joel to have the satisfaction of knowing that she gave in to their demands – even if he hadn’t had the balls to talk to her about him wanting to move Vanessa in. So, she decided that while Ellie was still adjusting, she would sneak back home early in the mornings to make breakfast and have their morning routine together, go back there as usual for dinner, and sneak back out once Joel had gone up to bed. Anything for Ellie. All Maddie wanted was for the little girl to have as normal a life as she and Joel could give her.

More time passed. Vanessa had asked her again if she had found an alternate living arrangement, confirming to her that Joel had no clue she had moved out. She was a bit hurt by that. Really? He didn’t even notice she didn’t live here anymore? To be fair, she had been keeping up the façade of being there as if nothing had changed shockingly well, and Joel was much too gentlemanly to barge into her now very empty room without permission to discover her little act. But still, Maddie found herself to be annoyed most days now. Even after a whole month since she overheard that conversation, Joel still hadn’t confronted her with it. Still hadn’t told her he would prefer for her to move out. Ugh. Just man up and do it already!

Joel, on the other hand, was still walking around as the resident town grump, even all these months later. He went about his day as if someone was always hiding in the bushes about to attack him, shoulders stiff, a permanent scowl on his face. The only times he seemed a bit relaxed was when talking to Ellie, Maddie or Maria, even Tommy when the younger man wasn’t looking to annoy him. Nothing weird there, though. That’s how he had always been, and it took Maddie and Ellie nursing him back to health, their hands never leaving his during his recovery from that incident in Salt Lake City for him to soften for the two of them.

He walked into the clinic one Saturday, holding his left arm, the sleeve of his flannel soaked in blood. Maddie felt her head freeze at the sight, running to him and pulling him into the treatment room to take a closer look. He let her pull him with her, his face soft and at ease seeing her worried one.

“What the hell happened?” Maddie asked, carefully folding the sleeves up to take a closer look at his arm, internally chastising herself at how desperately worried she sounded. She hated how much she still cared and worried for him, but she couldn’t help herself.

There was a long, deep, jagged gash along his forearm, about four inches in length, and it was bleeding profusely.

“Caught it on some sharp zinc in the garage while clearing it today,” he explained, wincing slightly when Maddie applied saline solution to clean the wound.

“The hell were you doing clearing the garage?” she asked. “You need to learn to rest, old man, you work too much,” she said.

Joel chuckled, a smile on his face, despite the pain that he was in. Maddie continued cleaning the gash thoroughly, being careful not to hurt him too much. Her eyes slightly wet at the thought of him being hurt. Those couple of weeks in Salt Lake City were among the worst days of her life, she and Ellie so worried that he wouldn’t make it. Even if she was a nurse, it wasn’t like they had the supplies to treat him properly. She was glad they were in Jackson now, and she could help tend to his wound as needed.

Joel couldn’t help but stare at her as she worked, stitching his wound up, her face slightly scrunched up in concentration. His heart softened every time he looked at her. She was so close to him right now; he could smell her shampoo. He longed to bury his face in her hair, in her neck, so he could drown in her smell. It took everything in him not to, he shouldn’t. He didn’t have the right to do that. But he missed her smell, the way her body melted into his when they used to sleep in the living room, the way their bodies just magnetize towards each other no matter how they tried not to do that. He missed the talks they would have before they both fall asleep, and most of all, he missed waking up with his face buried in her hair, the back of her neck, or her face in the crook of his, her arm around his waist, and his around her body. But he couldn’t have that now, not anymore. So, he settled for just looking at her, taking in as much of her beautiful face as he could, hoping to God that was enough to help him sleep that night.

When Maddie looked up at him, she found him looking at her, his face so soft, his puppy dog eyes full of yearning. Their faces were so close together, she could see the flecks of amber in his beautiful brown eyes.

“Maddie,” he began, his voice so soft, so careful, his uninjured hand finding her arm, softly stroking it up and down. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

Her heart stopped. This was it. He was going to tell her he wanted her to move out.

“Joel!!! What happened???” Vanessa’s shrill voice piped in dramatically, her face full of concern.

Maddie wanted to roll her eyes. Where the heck had she come from? Honestly. They spend five days a week on patrol together, she couldn’t let her be alone with Joel for a few minutes? Sheesh. Instead, Maddie rubbed some antibacterial salve on the stitched wound, and began bandaging it, Vanessa fussing over him as if he was a child. Joel just looked a bit flustered, uncomfortable, even. The grump was back. Gone was the soft Joel. He kept saying he was alright, just a cut, nothing to worry about. He was about to ask Vanessa to give the two of them some privacy, when Marcus came in, wondering what the shrill ruckus was all about.

Joel’s face snapped shut even harder. So did Marcus’s when he saw Joel and Vanessa there. As soon as Maddie stood up, he wrapped his hand around Maddie’s shoulder protectively, concerned at what Maddie must be feeling with those two being there together in her presence. He had spent so much time listening to Maddie pour her heart out regarding those two, and he wasn’t about to allow them to hurt her in his presence.

Vanessa wrapped her arms around Joel’s uninjured arm to leave. Joel’s body resisting, but eventually gave in. But before they could leave, Vanessa turned.

“Are you two going to the Bison tonight? Some of the men are doing a live performance. It should be fun! Will we see the two of you there?” she asked, her arms still wrapped around Joel’s, whose face was unreadable, apart from the murdering of a doctor he was probably plotting in his head.

Maddie couldn’t speak, the lump in her throat getting bigger by the second.

“We’ll be there, wouldn’t miss it,” Marcus said, his arm tightening around Maddie’s shoulder. He didn’t miss the way Joel’s eyes flickered to his arm.

“Great! See you there!” Vanessa chirped, before pulling a reluctant Joel with her.

Maddie let out a shaky breath. Marcus let go of her shoulder, but took her face in his hands, checking to see if she was alright.

“Why did you say we would go tonight? I really don’t feel like going. The last thing I need was to see the two of them slow dancing,” she said with a slight tremble of her lips, her tears threatening to slip out.

“Nope. You are going little nurse lady. You are gonna get all dressed up, you are gonna have a few drinks, loosen up and have fun. I’m gonna make sure you leave the Bison smiling tonight if it’s the last thing I do. Fuck ‘em. We are going to have fun. Full stop. Understood?” he said, his face full of care and determination.

Maddie thought about it for a bit and nodded.

He was right. Fuck the two of them. She was going to have fun tonight.

***

Scissors. Where the fuck were the scissors? Ellie was running around the house, looking in every drawer in the common areas looking for scissors. The ‘new’ shirt she had put on for the live performance at the Bison tonight had an annoyingly long lose thread from the wash, and it was a twenty-year-old shirt to begin with despite it being new to her, so she didn’t want to risk pulling it in case it made the situation worse. Joel had left early, needing to help set up the Bison after promising profusely to be careful with his injured arm. Maddie said she would be going from the clinic. So, the mission to find the scissors was a solo one. She went into Joel’s room, hastily looking around for one, but couldn’t find any. Surely, they must have some scissors somewhere in the house, right? Maddie might have them. She ran downstairs, checking in the drawers in the living room and kitchen once more for good measure, before going into Maddie’s room, completely oblivious to what she was about to be greeted with.

***

Maddie spent the evening at Maria’s, looking for a dress to borrow for the night. She forced herself to only speak of everyday matters, and not about Joel or the fact that she was heartbroken that she was about to see Joel and Vanessa together in a public setting. Maria insisted that she put some make up on her, after all, as a beautiful single woman, she might meet someone at the concert, winking at her with a teasing smile.

“Oh, come on Maria. Who would want an old lady such as myself?” Maddie asked.

“Hey, we are about the same age, and 46 is NOT OLD!” Maria said defensively.

“Maybe it wasn’t old in the before, but nowadays? Fuck that is old,” Maddie’s hands covered her face at the thought.

“Hey, Joel is older, and he found someone. You will too,” Maria said.

“Yeah, a 25-year-old. Guys want younger models. They want a Vanessa. They don’t want a Maddie. I mean, Joel went for someone young enough to be his daughter, and he gets called a stud. If I go for someone young enough to be my son? Imagine the backlash!”

Maria sighed. She could not understand why Joel would go for Vanessa. She and Tommy were shocked when they found out. Tommy spent the rest of that day going on and on about how out of character that was for Joel, to go for someone he hardly knew. Joel was a man of routine, of familiarity. And even though Joel had assured him that he and Maddie were just roommates, Tommy didn’t miss the way his brother looked at Maddie. Even Maria noticed, despite not knowing either of them before their second arrival to Jackson. The husband and wife were sure that Joel would finally step up and ask Maddie out. But when Vanessa told her she and Joel were together, Maria decided against talking to Joel about it, and made Tommy promise to do the same, citing it was none of their business. It wasn’t that hard to believe anyway. They spent all day on patrol together, and Vanessa was a beautiful young woman. Joel was just a man, with eyes and needs, so who were they to question it? She could see how Maddie was broken hearted by this revelation, though. But what could she do? The heart will always want what it wants.

They got ready together, Maddie finally relented to wearing a black and white body fitting Lycra dress that flared into a knee-length flowy skirt below the waist, and begrudgingly allowed Maria to lightly put 20-year-old make up on her face, her hair left to fall free around her shoulders. The two walked arm in arm to the Bison together, the town starting to walk over too. The doors to the Bison were left open, the band set up in the square. Maria found Tommy, who gushed at his wife’s beauty, before giving Maddie a low whistle and a once over. She never got all dressed up, and although feeling uncomfortable with all the attention, she enjoyed feeling like maybe, just MAYBE, she was a little bit beautiful tonight, even if only to herself.

When Joel saw Maddie for the first time that evening, he just about had a heart attack. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He had always thought she was beautiful, even in her simplicity and no muss no fuss attitude. He had always preferred natural beauty on his ladies, and Maddie just looked stunning tonight.

Joel wasn’t looking too bad himself, despite the wrapped forearm. Maddie’s heart literally skipped a beat when she saw him. Dark jeans, a dark green dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows, the top few buttons undone. Even his usually mussed curls were tamed tonight, he had styled it a little bit. Damn he looked good enough to eat.

Their eyes met across the room. They both smiled, hoping to convey what they were feeling to each other in those smiles. Someone tapped her on her shoulder. Maddie turned around, and came face to face with a stunning looking, perfectly styled Vanessa, her perfect body wrapped in a skintight red dress, her ample cleavage threatening to jump out and eat Maddie alive.

“Oh my God Maddie you came!!!” she said, giving her an exaggerated air kiss on each cheek. “You look beautiful!!” she exclaimed, giving Maddie a once over.

“Thanks Vanessa. You look good too,” Maddie said, slightly crestfallen. Even on her best dressed day, Vanessa managed to make her feel like an underdressed clown.

Joel came over, two drinks in his hands. He extended one of the drinks towards them, his eyes fixed on hers, but before Maddie could even think of taking the drink, it had disappeared from his hand.

“Why thank you handsome,” Vanessa cooed, the drink now in her hand, her free arm linking itself to Joel’s (was that a bit of annoyance on his face?). “You look good tonight,” she added, her easy smile turned very flirty. “Doesn’t Maddie look good too? You should dress up more often you know, you look really nice tonight,” she added, giving her another once over.

“Yeah, she looks beautiful,” Joel said, his eyes still on Maddie, who felt her face go red. “You really do look stunning tonight,” he said to her directly, his eyes soft and dark at the same time. “Would you…”

“There you are Marcus! Will you look at how beautiful Maddie looks tonight?” Vanessa interrupted, arms tightening around Joel’s bicep.

Maddie turned around to see Marcus looking her up and down, his mouth wide open in a big grinny disbelief, his hands wide open at the sight of her.

“Oh my God, you look amazing!” he said, his arms dropped, taking her hands in his. He twirled her around and bent a little to give her a lingering kiss on the cheek.

“Oh, stop it,” Maddie said, faking a shy smile, smacking him on his chest, but kissed him back. “Look at you! You clean up well Dr Adams!” she continued, fake batting her eyelashes at him.

The two laughed cheekily at each other. When they turned around, Maddie was met with Vanessa’s face grinning at the sight in front of her, while Joel… Joel looked like he was about to kill Marcus, the hand around his drink looking suspiciously white from his grip. Marcus ignored Joel’s murderous eyes and pulled Maddie’s hand into his.

“Come on little nurse lady, let’s get you a drink. And then, we are going to dance the night away,” he remarked.

“Bye you two!!!” Vanessa chirped happily, her arm still wrapped around Joel’s, before he pulled it away.

Maddie let herself be pulled away. She was going to have fun tonight, she thought. Nothing will ruin tonight for her, she had been through a hell of a year, a hell of twenty years, in fact, and she deserved to let loose and have fun. So, she had a few drinks, and danced with Marcus. Every now and again, she saw Joel standing somewhere in the room, leaning against a pole or a wall, his eyes always fixed on her, Vanessa right next to him, chatting merrily at whoever was closest to them. She and Maria changed partners for a song or two, Tommy being the goofy dance partner Maddie always thought he would be. But despite having so much fun, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to dance in Joel’s arms, him holding her close again, her face in the crook of his neck, surrounded by his heat and that very Joel smell that she missed so much.

She couldn’t get him alone though, Vanessa always beside him, even though she didn’t see them dance at all. Plus, what were the etiquettes here? Should she ask him to dance? Or wait for him to ask her? Was that an okay thing to do? To dance with the man she was desperately in love with when he had his stunning girlfriend clinging to him like a leech? Sheesh Vanessa, honestly. Was she capable of leaving his side for a second? We all got it, Vanessa, message received loud and clear. You were with Joel. No need to stay clamped to him like that all night. She resigned herself to the fact that she would not be dancing with him and pulled Maria to the bar for more drinks.

Joel couldn’t take his eyes off Maddie even for a second. His heart filled with longing to go over and ask Maddie for a dance, but she was always with Marcus, and even Tommy took a turn or two dancing with her (damn him, damn them both!). And Vanessa wouldn’t leave his side even for a second, and no matter how much she batted her eyelashes at him and begged him for a dance, he just didn’t feel like it. The woman he wanted to dance with was dancing with the annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor, not him, the resident town grump. The annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor whom she spent all her working days with. The annoyingly good-looking, charming town doctor whose hands saved lives, unlike his. The annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor who spent the evening expertly and effortlessly twirling her around the dance floor like he was some ballroom dancing expert, while Joel couldn’t even convince himself that he would be able to dance with her without looking at or stepping on his own feet, let alone hers.

When Vanessa finally left his side to go to the bathroom, Joel decided he needed to act and ask Maddie for a dance. But he would be a gentleman about it and ask Marcus for permission first. After all, Maddie was his friend first. They came to town together. They had been living together since they arrived here. They had all this history together. It shouldn’t be weird if they danced together, right? So, Joel made his way towards Marcus, determined to be polite and ask the annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor if he would mind letting him, the resident town grump Joel Miller, to ask his lady for a dance. He got to Marcus, who was chatting with Tommy, drink in hand, and gathered up the courage to ask him the dreaded question. But Marcus’s attention was suddenly distracted by a man who had just entered the pub, looking exhausted, obviously just in from patrol.

“Hey, you made it,” Marcus said, smiling happily before greeting the man with a hug and a sweet peck on the lips. “I don’t know if you two had met. Francis, this is Joel. Joel, this is my husband Francis,” he said.

Joel had seen Francis around before. He was the leader of one of the patrol teams, but since Joel led another team, they had never worked together. He took Francis’s outstretched hand and shook it, commenting that he had seen him around town…

…wait… HUSBAND?

“You’re gay?” Joel couldn’t stop himself from asking incredulously, while Tommy choked on his drink.

“Er… yeah… is that a problem?” Marcus hesitantly asked back.

Tommy and Francis stood there looking at the confused resident town grump and the perplexed, annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor.

“No, of course not, I just didn’t know. Wait… does Maddie know you’re gay?” Joel asked again, unable to hide the confusion on his face.

“Of course she does. She’s my best friend, I tell her everything,” Marcus said, almost laughingly.

“But I thought…” and Joel’s thoughts remained a mystery when a teenager’s carefully aimed shoe made contact with his head, jolting all four grown men out of the discussion that was not meant to be had at that exact time.

All four men spun around to look at the source of the well-aimed shoe, Joel rubbing his head, only to be met by an extremely angry and hostile looking Ellie.

“What the fuck did you do old man? What did you fucking say to her?” she screamed, launching herself at him, smacking him everywhere she could reach.

Despite the merry music playing, the bar went quiet, everyone staring at the newly unfolding drama.

“What are you talking about? What did I do? What did I say to whom?” Joel asked, fending off her smacks, before bending down to pick up her weapon of choice.

“Maddie! She’s moved out! Her room’s all empty! What did you say to her? Did you chase her out? How could you do that?” she raised her arm to smack him again, but Joel held her hand to stop her.

“Maddie moved out? When?” he asked. He turned around, saw Maddie and Maria, back from the bar with drinks in their hands.

“You moved out?” he asked her, his face disbelieving, hurt, betrayed.

“Okay let’s all calm down and take this outside, shall we?” Maria said calmly, her town mayor persona taking over, taking Maddie’s drink from her hand, passing both their glasses to someone before ushering a stunned Joel and a stone-faced Maddie outside. Tommy took Ellie by the shoulder, doing the same, and Marcus and Francis followed.

Once they were further away from the music, they all stood around awkwardly, before Joel piped up again.

“You moved out?” he asked Maddie again, genuinely unable to believe what he had just heard.

Maddie kept looking at the ground, unable to look him in the eyes. Marcus went to her side, holding her close to him. She nodded slowly, eyes still on the ground.

“Why?”

Maddie finally looked up, annoyed that he had the gall to ask that question.

“Isn’t that what you wanted? I overheard you, Joel. And Vanessa told me. I know all of it Joel. Just because you didn’t have the balls to tell me doesn’t mean I don’t know what is going on,” she said, her voice shaking slightly with anger.

“What are you talking about? What did you overhear? What did Vanessa tell you?”

Maddie scoffed. Unbelievable.

“I know you wanted me out of the house, Joel. I heard you two talking with Tommy and Maria,” she said, looking at Joel and Ellie, her face now contorted, tears threatening to spill out.

“Wait, what?” Maria spoke up. “He never told us he wanted you out,” she continued. Tommy, confusion on his face, also shook his head no. Even Ellie looked confused.

“I heard you guys. You wanted me out. It was good for me. I shouldn’t depend on you forever. I should be independent,” her tears falling now.

A flash of understanding came across the four faces in front of her.

“That was about me,” Ellie said. “I asked Joel if he and Tommy could fix the garage up for me, so I can live there by myself, have a space of my own. That way I don’t have to depend on you two forever,” she explained.

“I was clearing it out today, finally have some time to get started,” Joel added, showing her his bandaged arm, “I was gonna talk to you about it when we had some time alone.”

“Wait a minute,” Marcus interjected. “I was there. I heard Vanessa said you wanted Maddie to move out so that she can move in with you.”

“Why the fuck would I want my patrol partner to move in with me?” Joel looked at Marcus like he was speaking in some foreign language.

Now everyone in that group just looked extremely confused, looking at Joel like he had three heads. Why would Joel call his girlfriend his patrol partner? Sure, that’s who she was too, but that’s just weird. Joel now felt like he was the new kid in school, on his first day, where everyone knew something that he didn’t. Someone said Joel’s name amidst the confusing, uncomfortable silence. The group turned around, Vanessa approaching, a nervous smile on her face.

“What’s going on here? Are we moving the party to the back alley now?” she asked, her face filled with uncertainty, but still smiling, her arm snaking around Joel’s.

Joel snatched his arm away. He turned to face her fully, his face serious, her smile faltering.

“Vanessa, what the fuck have you been telling everyone?”

***

“What do you mean, Joel?” Vanessa asked sweetly, her face looking like she would rather be anywhere else but there at the moment, “I didn’t say anything to anyone…”

“Is anyone going to tell me what is going on? Why would I ask her to move in with me?” Joel turned around, asking the silent people around him instead.

Vanessa’s face turned chalk white. Shit, cat’s out of the bag. She couldn’t believe these people went behind her back. She kept telling them not to tell Joel. Sheesh. How hard was it to follow a simple request?

“Well, I don’t know what she told others, but she told me…” Ellie began.

“Ellie…” Vanessa interrupted, panic beginning to invade her voice.

“Shut up Vanessa,” Joel snapped. “Ellie?”

“She told me you and her are dating,” Ellie finished.

The rest of the group murmured a silent ‘yep’. Everyone apart from Maddie, who stayed quiet, eyes glued to her feet.

“You told them what?” Joel’s face was red now, his eyes snapping to Vanessa.

“No Joel, they must have misunderstood…” she began, but Maria cut her off.

“No Vanessa. You told me you and Joel were dating, exclusively.”

“No, I didn’t,” Vanessa starting to sound like a denial puppet now.

Maddie was still silent. Marcus couldn’t stay silent anymore, his memory of all the tears Maddie had shed resulting from this redhead’s poison just pushed the words out,

“I heard you told Maddie Joel wanted her out of the house so that you can move in with him, Vanessa. That you guys have a lot of very loud sex. In fact, I heard you said that you two were going ‘to start a family of your own’,” he added, complete with air quotes.

Joel’s eyes were shooting daggers at Vanessa now. His body so stiff the vein on his neck were practically popping open.

“Vanessa, why would you say that?” he asked, his voice strained from controlled anger.

Vanessa looked at everyone desperately, silently begging for someone to step up to her defense. No one did, in fact she was met with stone-faced people, all staring at her, waiting for her explanation, except for Maddie, who was still looking at her feet.

“Because I am in love with you, Joel! But all you could think about was her! I just thought, if I could just get her to pull away from you, or make you believe she wasn’t interested…”

“So, you told her we were together? That I wanted her to move out? That I wanted to start a family with you? To scare her away from me? That’s why you kept pushing the idea of her and Marcus at me? You wanted me to think she wasn’t interested in me?” her delusions were so vapid and over the top he couldn’t believe she thought she was going to get away with it all.

“Oh, come on Joel. Look at them. He can barely keep his hands off her. They spend all day together, how sure are you they are not just fucking their brains out when they’re alone at the clinic?” Vanessa spat out, pointing at the way Marcus had Maddie close in his arms.

“Erm… He’s been married to me for 8 years,” Francis piped up.

Vanessa spluttered. In all her scheming, she never thought Marcus might be gay, too self-important and vain to learn more about the people around her unless she was interested in them. She could not see a way out. All her carefully laid plan just burst out into the open. The romantic images of her and Joel riding off into the sunset together now a darkened fantasy.

“I just don’t see why we can’t be together Joel!” she pleaded, “We are perfect together. We work well together. We look good together! Why would you want some dried-up old maid when you can have me, Joel?” her face now wet with self-pitying tears, her hands reaching out to take his face in her hands. He slapped them away.

“Vanessa,” he said, his voice shaky and dangerously low. “I told you, many times, that I am not interested in you like that. We are patrol partners, in fact, after tonight, I wouldn’t even call us that, much less friends,” he continued, taking careful, deep breaths.

“Joel! Please Joel, give us a chance. I am so much better for you than she ever will be Joel, we could be so happy,” she pleaded, trying to take his hands. He took a step back, choosing his words carefully, fists clenched by his sides, trembling slightly.

“You will never speak to me again, you understand? Stay away from my family. You are going to tell everyone what you have done. If anyone still believed us to be couple by Monday, or if I hear you say anything bad about Maddie, or see you so much as look her way, so help me God, I will feed you to the clickers myself. Leave now Vanessa, before I forget myself and hurt you.”

Vanessa stood there like a stump. Her usually beautiful face looked exceptionally ugly under the dim lights behind the Tipsy Bison, tears streaking down her face. Unable to defend herself any longer, she turned and walked away defeatedly, her shoulders slumped.

Another uncomfortable silence surrounded the group.

“Does anyone feel stupid that we didn’t see this coming? I mean, if we had just asked Joel in the first place…” Tommy said, glaring at Maria, who was now regretting not doing just that.

A slew of uncomfortable looks and silent, awkward nods followed.

More silence.

“Well,” Francis said with a deep breath, “This was fun, but I would like to go back to the party and drink my achy bones away, perhaps have a dance or two with my husband,” he said.

Marcus looked at Maddie, a small smile on his face. He kissed her on the temple before letting her go, patting Joel on the shoulder, and walking hand in hand with Francis back to the party. Tommy cleared his throat.

“Yeah, well, I think I might join them. Baby?” he looked at Maria, holding his hand out for hers.

Maria reached out and gave Maddie a quick hug, before taking her husband’s hand and walking away with him. Ellie gave an exasperated sigh at her parental figures.

“Seriously people. You call yourselves my parents? Even I know to communicate, even if it’s just slamming doors. Sheesh,” she said, before starting to walk away. She stopped dead in her tracks, turned to the two of them and said, “By the way, I will be spending tonight at Dina’s. You two should be alone, and… erm… ‘talk’,” she said cheekily, before running off.

Alone at last, Joel and Maddie stayed silent for a while, both awkwardly shuffling their feet while looking at anything their eyes would land on but each other. Joel finally broke the tension, taking her hand, leading her to a bench in front of the clinic. Ellie was right, it’s time they finally talked. Sitting side by side, they shared what Vanessa had been doing as far as they knew.

***

Vanessa’s poison ran deep. She had always been friendly with everyone on the patrol team but set her eyes on Joel from the moment he arrived. She saw how closed up and private he was, so she spent the first couple of months being friendly to him, just a partner, patrolling together, idle chit chats while on duty. Eventually, she managed to get him to talk about Maddie and Ellie, and she saw how Maddie was her main competitor for his affection.

She got him to trust her, be his confidant, as much of a confidant as one can be for the very private Joel Miller. Encouraged him to tell Maddie about his feelings. She listened to him and acted all excited when he told her she had agreed to go out for drinks with him.

She took advantage of Maddie’s absence during her care for Mr. Crushed-by-his-Fridge. Be all buddy-buddy with him, all dressed up, while subtly becoming more and more physical with him. A touch here, a hug there, a head on the shoulder here, an arm around his there… friendly, but friendlier than usual.

She planted the idea of Maddie and Marcus in his head. Joel didn’t bite, so she changed tactics.

She planted the idea of her and Joel in Maddie’s head. She asked her to “do a girl a solid” and let the two of them have some “alone time”. She knew clinic staff stayed at the apartment above the clinic sometimes.

Vanessa ‘accidentally’ ran into him early in the morning the next day, Joel out of his mind with worry because he had just realized that Maddie did not come home that night. She told him she saw her going up to the apartment. She hit the jackpot when Marcus was there too. Now Joel was devastated, heartbroken that Maddie had found someone else.

Vanessa offered her couch, or even her bed for him to stay at, so Maddie and Marcus can have some alone time, they were a new couple after all. He was broken-hearted but decided to stay out of the house for a bit, but not at Vanessa’s. He chose the keeper’s room at the stable instead, sleeping there for almost a week, worried that he might react badly if Marcus came to the house.

Joel still refused her advances on him, insisting that they are only patrol partners. So, she upped her game plan. She subtly pushed the idea of her and Joel being together to Maria and Ellie. Maybe they will start saying her name more to him, be supportive of the idea, this would somehow push Joel into entertaining the idea of them being together.

The plan backfired. Instead of pushing Joel towards Vanessa, Ellie acted out, unhappy that her ‘parents’ were avoiding each other. Joel and Maddie stayed together for Ellie’s sake, rather than separating.

As a last-ditch effort, Vanessa concocted the delusional plan that she and Joel were planning to move in together, effectively planting the idea that Joel wanted her in, and Maddie out. The Ellie and the garage conversation was just an unplanned bonus, but the plan worked. Maddie was hurt enough to distance herself further from Joel, making him feel defeated. To Vanessa’s detriment, Joel still wouldn’t see her as more than a friend.

So, when she saw him injured at the clinic, she took the opportunity to give Joel some PDA to push in Maddie’s face, and Marcus coming in to protect Maddie helped convince Joel further that they really were together. But instead of being sad and finally giving in to Vanessa's advances, Joel chose to just be 'happy' for Maddie, just the way Maddie was for him. Even after all that, Joel stood firm - he was not interested in Vanessa like that. She had asked him to go to the Bison as her date, but he refused. She was determined to stick to Joel that night, never letting him go out of her sight, knowing he was too much of a gentleman to push her away in public. He had refused to dance with her at all, his eyes fixed on Maddie, who spent the entire night dancing merrily in Marcus’s arms. Vanessa kept mentioning what a lovely couple they were, Joel now obviously believing that Maddie and Marcus were indeed a couple. She was convinced that he will give in - just a little more time. All seemed to be going her way.

That was, until Francis walked in.

***

The two took deep breaths together, angry at themselves for letting themselves be fooled by this poisonous woman.

“We need to communicate better,” Joel said, shaking his head in disbelief, chuckling a little at the stupidity of it all.

Maddie could only nod in agreement, feeling drained and stupid for letting these lies cloud her judgments. But… something was missing. She looked at him questioningly,

“Wait, so if you were never with Vanessa, who were you with? I heard you having sex, Joel. I ran out so fast my feet almost caught fire.”

Joel frowned, searching his mind, trying to figure out what she was talking about. He hadn’t had se… oh no… God no… his face turned red at the realisation of what she heard. Words formed in his mind, trying to explain the situation she was referring to, one where he thought he was alone in the house for, but broken, disconnected words were all he managed to get out,

“Erm… sex? I haven’t had… not since… erm… I was not having sex… I was… erm… well… wait, you didn’t happen to hear your name too, did you?” his ears were now so red she could see the colour change even in the dim lighting of the sidewalk.

Realisation dawned on Maddie’s face, turning red on its own accord. Both of their faces now red hot from embarrassment, laughing softly. They continued sitting there, shoulders almost touching, their bodies swaying together to the faraway music from the square.

“So… you are not with Marcus?” Joel finally asked, a small smile on his blushing face.

Maddie smiled shyly, shaking her head slightly. “And you, you are not with Vanessa?” she asked him back.

“Never,” he said, shuffling closer to her. “I actually have a huge crush on my roommate,” he said, turning his body towards her, offering her his hands, “In fact, I am certain that I am in love with her.”

Maddie took his hands in hers, tears falling down on her cheeks. Joel kissed them away silently, putting his forehead on hers, whispering her name.

“Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry,” he said quietly, before taking her face in his hands, bringing her lips to his own, kissing her for the first time.

He held her tight, arms surrounding her, never wanting to let go. She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers caressing his curls, sighing contentedly into the kiss. He deepened the kiss, swallowing her moans as she melted into his body. He stopped himself before the kiss turned desperate, very much aware they were on a sidewalk in front of the clinic, in perfect view of the townsfolk who were still going to the Bison. He took her by the hand, interlacing his fingers with hers, and asked her if he could take her home.

“My apartment is just through that door,” she whispered in his ears, pointing to the door behind him.

Joel’s body tensed. Without saying another word, he lifted her up bridal style, earning a shriek from her, and carried her up the stairs to the small apartment. He kicked the door closed before placing her gently on the twin bed in the middle of the room. He joined her on the bed, hovering over her, not caring that the bed was far too small for the both of them.

“Joel, your arm, we shouldn’t,” Maddie began, but he silenced her with a long, deep kiss.

“So, I hear you are in love with your roommate,” Maddie said. Joel chuckled shyly, his nose rubbing against hers. “Well guess what?” she asked, as he raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m in love with my roommate too,” she told him. His face lit up, and he claimed her lips again.

Joel didn’t want to leave any room for Maddie to doubt his desire for her that night. He took her slowly, thoroughly, his lips and tongue covering every bit of skin he unraveled when undressing her, leaving her moaning, squirming and breathless before she was even naked. When he finally took her soaked underwear off, the growl he let out had her wondering if he was secretly some sort of an animal, and boy oh boy was he one. He devoured her like he was some famished man who had spent his days peeking longingly into the window of a high-class restaurant he couldn’t possibly afford, ravenous from the deprivation of the ultimate feast that seemed unreachable for him until that very moment - her. Joel’s name became a prayer, ranging from desperate whiny whispers all the way to full blown screams that became hoarser and hoarser as the night went on. Maddie swore she saw God at least three times before his shirt was even off, shocked that he still had a full head of those beautiful curls from how hard she was pulling at them, legs shaking, chest heaving, her entire body flushed from the pleasure he had given her.

When she had calmed down, she climbed atop him, slowly torturing him with soft kisses, kitten licks and caresses, taking her time exploring his body, beginning from his eyebrows, going further and further down until he was so hard his entire body was shaking uncontrollably, his brain deprived from all the blood it needed, his words slurred and mumbled. She was amazed by the power she had over him at that moment – Joel Miller, the resident town grump, the man who ran amok through an entire hospital to save his daughter, the heroic alpha who could slash his way through bands of clickers and raiders alike – reduced to babbling nonsensical mumbo jumbo that almost had her giggling from satisfaction. When she slowly lowered his boxers, she blew softly on his unraveled manhood, leaving him gasping for air, his trembling body suddenly stock still from the pleasure a simple puff of air provided. She wet her lips, her mouth watering at the sight, and lowered her head to finally, finally taste him. But before she could even touch him, his hands stopped her, his body flipping her onto her back. He placed his head on her chest, telling her in a strained voice with much certainty that if she were to touch him at that moment, he would spontaneously combust.

Slowly, with their lips locked together in a passionate kiss, he entered her, inch by impressive inch, pulling back slightly, going deeper with each tortuously slow thrust, until he stilled, whispering to her between kisses that he needed a moment, fully encased in her warmth, his thick tip nudging at a spot Maddie never knew existed until now. She forgot how to breathe, her entire body responding to this much welcomed and long overdue union, the coil in her belly bubbling hot just from this one initial nudge, her insides involuntarily clenching to find release. He almost screamed, before composing himself, taking deep breaths, shutting his eyes from her reaction. He begged her, pleaded with her not to move, not to clench, his entire body straining from trying not to burst, his arms holding her tight, his face, neck and chest red from the effort, his teeth gritted, his eyes shut tight, beads of sweat glistening all over his beautiful face. She in turn was begging him over and over to forgive her, her body wasn’t listening to his pleas. She’s sorry, she’s sorry, she’s so very sorry, she couldn’t help it. Despite him not moving at all, she was too close, too hungry, too desperate for release, her core continuously squeezing him so tightly, milking him for all he had to give her, pulsating around him again and again until her entire body shook with unmitigated pleasure, stars bursting behind her eyes, sending her to heaven and back, a silent scream releasing from her open mouth, her hands clutching at his back, her vision whitened, her ears ringing, taking him with her to nirvana.

When she could finally breathe again, the room was quiet, save for their quivering breaths. His body was slumped over hers, his head in the crook of her neck. She held him tight, her fingers absentmindedly drawing circles on his back, a satisfied smile on her face. The silence was finally broken by his muffled voice, mumbled into her neck, before he managed to muster the energy to lift his head, his face red from embarrassment, having finished so early, inciting giggles from her. He buried his face in her neck again, mortified by his body’s betrayal, while she kept assuring him between sweet kisses that he had nothing to be embarrassed about. After all, she said, there’s always the next time. Wiggling his eyebrows, he kissed her with a smile, and promised vehemently that he would make up for it.

And after a short rest, he did make up for it, again and again that night. He made up for it again on Sunday morning despite complaining that the small bed had fucked his back, again after breakfast, while packing, showering, once more before leaving that evening, and one more time for good measure when he finally took her home, to their now shared bedroom.

***

The very tired but glowing couple walked to the clinic Monday morning, fingers entwined with one another’s. Maddie was due to start her shift, and Joel’s back and arm needed looking at, his back extremely sore and some of his stitches ripped from… unplanned strenuous activities. They were greeted by a very annoyed looking Marcus, a bucket of cleaning supplies at his feet. He complained that the apartment smelt like sex, unable to hide the smile behind his faux annoyance. So, Maddie’s sole duty for the day was to sanitize that apartment top to bottom, so that Marcus could actually get his rest there when needed without having to worry about… contamination.

As delusional as Vanessa had been in her concoction of her torrid sexcapades with Joel, she was right about one thing. The man may be middle aged, but he was young where it counted. The man was insatiable. Ever since that Saturday night, he couldn’t leave Maddie alone, hands constantly on her. Whenever they were in the same room, a part of him must be touching her at all times. A hand on her thigh, his little finger hooked on hers, his chest on her back, his arm around her shoulder, his fingers interlaced with hers, his chin on her shoulder, his arms around her waist, and those were when there were others around. When alone, those ‘innocent’ (his words, not hers) touches were always accompanied by his lips on her person, his talented tongue joining in on the action not long after. And well, the rest… followed.

Ellie made sure to knock as loudly as she could before going into any room in the house now, even open areas like the corridor, the living room or the kitchen, using anything she could use to make as much noise as she could, eyes closed tight until Joel or Maddie responded, her mind still haunted by what she saw when she walked in on her parents going at it like rabbits on the couch, which she steadfastly refused to sit on now, even after they made a show of thoroughly cleaning it in front of her.

“It’s the mental image of it, guys, you’re gonna have to scrub my actual brain to get rid of that,” she exclaimed, “Can’t believe you mowed down an entire hospital to save me, and then let me go through THAT…” she mumbled under her breath, shaking her head. “Let’s erm… get the ‘me moving into the garage bit’ going yeah? So, I don’t fear for my mental health much longer?” The girl had been through literal and figurative hell and back, and walking in on her parents having sex was still the worst thing she had ever seen.

Their life and routines together flourished. As far as Jackson were concerned, they were a family. Sure, the ladies still ogled Joel like he was a popsicle on a hot day, but Maddie now knew for sure that he only had eyes for her.

Vanessa had been taken out of Joel’s patrol team and placed on wall duty, partnered with only women, most of whom acted like she wasn’t there unless needed. Life hadn’t been easy for her since that night. Word of her scheming had spread like wildfire, and the ladies of Jackson, even the single ones, avoided her like the plague, worried she would go after their men. Even the men avoided her - save for some shameless lecherous ones who only wanted one thing from her – worried that they would be trapped by her. Safe to say that any hopes for her to settle down and have a family was long gone.

She in turn, avoided the Millers as much as she could, turning around and going another direction whenever she saw them. She couldn’t avoid going to the clinic when she needed treatment, but she had no choice. Thankfully, Maddie and Marcus were much too classy to treat her like a leper, her shame was enough of a punishment without them having to add to it.

***

A year later, Ellie ran into the house in such a rush she didn’t have time to knock, running upstairs, barging into her parents’ room with her eyes closed tight, a hectic scrambling on the bed letting her know she had been right to do so.

“Guys, Tommy sent me, Maria’s in labour!” she yelled.

Maddie and Joel dressed quickly, Maddie telling Ellie to go get Marcus.

“Tommy already went to get him. And eww Maddie, wash your hands! God knows what part of Joel you just touched,” she squirmed, eyes still closed shut. She turned around to leave, muttering under her breath, “With all your canoodling I am shocked Maria’s having a baby and not you…”

Joel and Maddie looked at each other, a knowing smile on their faces.

[beeboos-creativecorner]

Just ... Jump - a Jacob Frye x reader one shot

Hello day 4 ! I wrote this in a single night back in June of 2021. Don't know what else to say. As a follow up, I wrote another one shot the night after dedicated to Evie, which will be posted during this event also. You know, all this was back when I could do crazy things like write a piece in a night instead of agonise over a piece for weeks lmao. It's not clever or elegantly written as other things I've done, but it's all right and it was enough to make it into the line-up :)

Fic under the cut x

London was somewhat serene at this time of night, less bustle about, but enough to know the city was buzzing with life. Microscopic oil lamps burned on the sides of the streets and other, fellow specs stumbled upon cobblestone, too intoxicated to find their way home. As cute as everything was, being miniature sized and all, it was an oddly terrifying experience. Your companion detected your prolonged silence and asked,

“Well?”

“When you said ‘fun’, I was expecting us to go to a fight club, or drink ourselves senseless, or even have sex on the train, but this? I’m beginning to think I don’t know you anymore,” you replied, too paralysed to even look in his direction. Your eyes were fixed on the wooden container many metres below you, overflowing with the brown, dying leaves of autumn.

“Come now, we can do all those things later,” he said, that witty tone dancing off his tongue in lighthearted spirits. You simply wished you shared his optimism. “Besides, Evie thinks you're ready - I think you're ready - to make the jump.” He was set on this notion of convincing you to take the opportunity, and unfortunately no amount of distracting could change that.

“Isn't the Leap of Faith a ceremonial thing first time ‘round? Can’t we just wait for Evie to be available, possibly Henry as well? I don’t think doing this in the dark is smart either, maybe we can come back tomorrow?” This was all to justify your cowardice. To be frank, the situation you were put in became a little too much to handle, and now you wanted down. You’d had enough of dwelling in your own existential thoughts for one night.

“You read too much and practice too little, love. Evie’s busy with her own work and when she gets back you can show her how good of a teacher I am.” He winked, jabbing your flank with an elbow. You flinched in panic, eyes still trained on the distant stack, heartbeat thumping, pulse accelerating. How could Evie, Jacob, and - dare you say - Henry do it so fearlessly? “Go on, why’re you dawdling?”

“Oh, you know, it’s just the whole ‘I-could-jump-off-wrong-and-break-every-bone-in-my-body’ thing.” Your expression was deadpan, concealing all you could about your current state.

“All you have to do is what I showed you, the rest will work out itself,” Jacob advised, clutching your hand in his gauntlet-clad one. You wanted that action to be the calm seas after a storm, you wanted that to alleviate your drumming heart and the swirling of your stomach. Alas, it did not. Infuriating you more, it gave you an edge, a side you hadn't really seen of yourself in Jacob’s company.

“Wise words, Jacob Frye. Keep it up and you’ll be Mentor in no time. Getting your students to jump off Big Ben first try.” The final part you muttered to yourself, hoping Jacob was getting the hint that you weren’t keen on leaping one bit. The sarcasm became your shield to hide behind.

“I know you can do it,” he reassured, squeezing your hand tighter in affirmation to his point. His speech flooded your tensed brain, his accent making the word ‘do’ sound more like the morning dew you’d find littered across the grass on a cold day. Normally that would send a wave of shivers to engulf your skin. You supposed this night in particular was an exception. “If it makes you feel better, I can go first. Prove how easy it is.” You nodded, swallowing a large lump that had made its home in the comfort of your throat.

Jacob, on the other hand, was clambering up to the uppermost spire of the elegant landmark, crouching there for a good while, surveying his surroundings. His breathing was audible, heavy, yet steady. The top hat he was wearing moments earlier had disappeared into the folds of his coat, hood drawn on his crown. Standing to his full height, the emotion in his eyes were unreadable, as if he had filtered out all his fears and bottled them to store them on a shelf. With a final, deep inhalation, Jacob sprung off the golden spire.

You observed in pure awe, as his back arched then straightened in flawless form as he descended at a rapid rate. Then, with impeccable timing, his body curled a good few seconds before hearing the satisfying whumph of his impact with the foliage. Scrambling out of the box a second subsequent, Jacob frantically waved at you from down below.

“See? Easy as pie. You should try it!” he called up to you, undaunted by the fact he could end up waking half of the borough in the process.

“I don't know about this, Jacob. Couldn’t we have begun with something... closer to the ground?”

“How else are you going to learn? Come on, if I can do it, you can.” You allowed that to settle with you, soaking it in before collecting yourself. With cold hands gripping freezing metal, you scurried up to where you saw Jacob pounce from. And you sat there endlessly, fully deterred by how unbalanced you were, along with bile rising from the pit of your stomach. Your legs wobbled as you made the attempt to stand, the fear pulling you down to reality and back to the safety of sitting. As much as you wanted desperately to do this, - for Jacob, for yourself - the sensation overwhelmed you and you couldn't. This everlasting ice and unbreakable chains prevented any hope from peeking through.

“I can’t- I can’t, Jacob! I’ll die if I do!” you confessed to him, voice varying in inflections as you wrestled to remain loud enough to hear. “I just don’t- I just don’t want to let you or Evie down. I’m sorry.”

“No! Don’t you be sorry. I’m coming back up, stay right where you are,” he claimed, valiance encasing his soul with verbal communication. He gave you the air of a hero from a melodrama theatre piece you went to see the other week. What burned that fire in your chest was establishing that you were the distressed damsel in need of saving. Atypical to the generally stoic and stubborn you, who never asked for anyone’s assistance. Unconsciously, your breathing turned erratic, tears forming in the corners of your eyes, defying your mental order telling you not to weep like a helpless baby.

“Don’t cry, love,” a familiar sound filled your ears and you couldn't resist the smile tugging your cheeks, feeling his arms wrap you up, his chin leaning on your shoulder. His radiating warmth healing you, reminding you that you weren’t alone, donating that sense of security to you that you never knew someone could give. You hadn’t noticed how time went by as you spaced out, as Jacob had reached you faster than anticipated. That, or blame the zipline strapped to his bracer. “You did great for what you managed to do tonight. I’m sorry for pressuring you like that. I promise we’ll start somewhere smaller, and in the daylight, and Evie will be there too. But that’s all for another day. Now, how about we get ourselves a drink?” That was the best suggestion Jacob had fabricated that evening.

“Oh god, I could really use one.”

[fategoflatass]

I used to be so against the slow burn trope. Not because I thought it was shit; it's just, I usually don't have the patience to wait whatever-amount-superior-to-three damn chapters for my dear ship to finally be able to look at each other without blushing and/or hold hands. Thus why you often times see me reading oneshots or fics with the "Established Relationship" tag on them.

So you can imagine just how surprised—or maybe not, maybe I just didn't think enough about it—I was when I realized my newest fixation's main pairing is—canonically—the embodiment of slow burn. Because holy shit they're taking their time.

Nothing against how Kusuriya develops its love story—quite the opposite, actually. The relationship between Jinshi and Maomao, two characters that are written as beautifully as their romance, is a rather realistic approach as to how the same or a similar dynamic would developed in real life. In such a complicated situation, with such complex feelings about emotions—both external and their own—and attachment, makes sense that it takes so long for the relationship to finally sail.

The problem is, I didn't know I was signing with the Devil the moment I decided to pick up the light novel. Ten volumes and nothing has happened. Nothing.

And you can say that technically things have happened, because they have. I mean, Jinshi is just so desperate for Maomao to give him the time of day, you know what I mean? And even that isn't enough anymore and thus he has committed some of the craziest shit I've seen in any romance. Which okay, I don't usually read these type of romances but still.

What I mean by "nothing" is just, their relationship hasn't changed status. I could also say that it seems to go nowhere, but that'd be lying. Since, you know, it has changed quite a lot—just not in the way my impatient ass wanted it to. Because he can be as honest with his feelings as he pleases, and those around them might be heavely conscious of the tension and thus constantly tease those lovebirds (as they should), but babygirl's not helping, you know?

And I get it, Maomao's not the best at expressing and understanding herself, and she's also way too busy worrying about going as unnoticed as possible (she should give up on that one already, tbh) while keeping her head where it should be. But like, I can't help feeling frustrated over it like ‼‼

GIRL, FUCK THE RULES. TAKE THAT PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN AND RUNAWAY SOMEWHERE NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY YOU. YOU THEN CARRY THAT BITCH BRIDESTYLE TO THE CLOSEST CHURCH AND MAKE HIM YOUR WIFE. PROCEED TO FROG AROUND, EXPERIMENT WITH YOUR UTERUS AS MUCH AS YOU'D LIKE, AND THEN TEACH THE PRODUCTS OF YOUR PRACTICES AS YOUR OWN GUINEA PIG THE WAYS OF HERBAL MEDICINE. AS EASY AS THAT.

But she won't. She'll take her sweet ass time being in denial about both Jinshi's and her own feelings, then maybe she'll proceed to analize herself and find out that maybe, just maybe, that affection that she'd been feeling for that loser became something else. Did said affection also become something more complicated? Absolutely. Does she know how to deal with it? Hell no, but fuck it. If I learned something from school is that you always leave the hardest parts for later.

Now you see why I was so against reading slow burn?

And you wanna know the worst part? I loved it—I loved every second of it, every word, every page. Every scene that seemed to help the relationship advance, only for Maomao to say nope and leave like she owns the place, which at this point she fucking might.

It feels like I, as the reader, am in the middle of a heatwave and some sadistic bastard won't stop teasing me with ice cream—they put it in front of my face, close enough that I can smell the cold. Then take a spoon and eat little by little while staring directly to my eyes. At times they seem to show mercy and feed me a spoon, only for it to be a rather small quantity of serving—serving that tastes so damn good at first, only for it to have such a bitter aftertaste. But if I gotta have something in common with Jinshi is that I'll never be able to beat the masochist allegations, so I'll wait patiently for the next spoon and its corresponding and seemingly enless teasing from that faceless being.

So yeah, I'm still against it, only that now I understand the appeal—even if I have yet to find out about the whereabouts of my sanity while still mananing with the little I've left.

[ttheggrimrreaper]

Hello!

kyotani x virgin!reader (fem) where Kyo knows only violence, painful sex, and fake relationships than she comes along and shows him different!

It doesn't Hurt

Kyotani x Fem! reader

Sorry it took so long, been really busy as of recently.

NSFW: MINORS this is your warning

Aged up

Tw: mentions of bleeding, squealing, very awkward first time for reader and kinda kyotani. This was kinda hard, first time I've written for this character. Every single thing other fic I read about him he's so aggressive and rough so I had a hard time staying in character with this (I don't even know if I did)

Kyotani knew two things about girls. two, anything else he was clueless. he knew they liked it rough in bed, and if they are ever nice to you, it's to manipulate you.

So what was the first thing he did when he was assigned as your lab partner? He refused to talk to you. The prettier the face, the meaner the words. it was as cut and dry as that. But you kept pushing, pushing yourself forward and his seat kept him from leaning back.

It was a long battle for you, yet seeing how his eyes would fill up with gratitude from your compliments, and his lips would turn into a frown as he looked away trying to understand the foreign feelings.

Even after dating, and teaching this poor boy how to love, you hadn't even touched the topic of sex. You may have proven that women can be nice, but you never proved that sex could be gentle.

It was even longer battle. And after months of waiting on him, giving him gentle reminders that it was possible for sex to be gentle, and he could choose to start it up at any time.

The only issue that really lay intact was the fact that you were a virgin. Your hymen could still be intact, and you might bleed. It wasn't that you had an issue with that, but blood is often associated with violence. The point of waiting so long for kyotani, was so that he would it's gentle. So in a way, this would be kyotanis first time too.

"tonight." He muttered into your shoulder, holding you in his lap.

"tonight?" You asked, what does.. tonight even mean?

"can we do...........it, tonight?" He was so nervous, calling sex 'it' as though it did anything to soothe his or your own nerves.

"we can do 'it' now." You hummed, pressing a kind kiss to his cheek. Kyotani looked away with a slight pout. "But its my first time so be nice okay?" You added, you weren't going to shy away from your virginity. What was the point of doing that anyway. kyotani looked back to you, the slightest blush crawled across his cheeks.

He was aware enough to have picked you up and moved you to the bed. Gently setting you on the fuzzy blankets you kept around your room. One thing kyotani did know, was that everyone needed prepping. But, he knew how to do it one singular way, simply just, pull everything off. He started with your pants, fingers hooking around the waist band but you grabbed his wrist to stop him. Sitting up and looking to him.

"slow down" it was for both you to calm down, and for him to learn. Wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. It was slow, gently guiding your pants down, not tugging. He felt you shiver in his grasp when he pulled your panties down aswell, his brow furrowed, but you continue to kiss him. That was all the go ahead he needed. He used one hand, the other behind your head keeping your lips on his, to spread your legs.

You groaned when his finger rubbed a soft circle on your mound, thighs tensing up from the new feeling. As much as you wanted to be confident and brave in this new venture, you looked away from your embarrassment. What if you weren't good enough? Pretty enough? Tasted good enough, heck you didn't even know if guys really cared about that.

Your gaze snapped back to Kyotani as his middle finger pushed up to the knuckle inside of you, causing you to cry out slightly. This point, with every other girl was pretty much the same. They just wanted to cum, wanted to be pleased. He didn't have a problem with it, he would get his own pleasure later.. most of the time. He shushed you with a soft kiss, keeping your attention focused on him as he pushed his finger in further. "That's it pretty girl" he hummed softly, keeping it gentle and sweet. A stark difference from what was usually asked of him.

He continued, and once you started to moan rather than gasp at each pump of his finger, he pushed his ring finger in as well. Thumb working wonders on your clit. He made the smallest little circles, no. Hearts. If you managed to clear your mind enough, you could catch the shape he was tracing onto you. Small hearts. Unfortunate that you missed it. Head spinning with all of these new feelings. You felt wet, sticky, and exposed.

Then the squelching sound stops, right as you start to feel a little weird, a tingling feeling in your belly. You whined, you thought this so called climax would be worth the hype everyone claimed it to be. You looked to Kyotani, trying to mask your disappointment as he opened up a condom, which had appeared out of fucking no where. "You really think I wouldn't be prepared?" He seemed to notice your wonder. That was your boyfriend. If he had priorities, like tonight he did, he would be prepared.

"Kyo, that's not gonna fit." You stated blankly. His pants forgotten on the ground, boxers soon to follow. Instinctively you tried to cover yourself with the end of your shirt. "I've already finished, I can give you head or something" you offered. He rolled the condom onto himself. You didn't really know what 'big' was in dick terms or whatever, but you didn't need to. Just looking at kyotani was enough to confirm that he was huge to say the least. You're not new to toys, or masturbation. The dildos always looked to intimidating due to their size, yet here kyotani stood, with a dick bigger than any dildo you cared to even look at.

"No, I want your first time on my cock, not my fingers." He stated. Well too late for that, you thought. Climaxes weren't all they were wrapped up to be. Right now though, you were focused on Kyotani trying to hold your legs open and push up your shirt, he paused when you resisted him. "Baby..... Do you not want this?" He asked, softly. Voice like honey. You looked away.

"I- it's not that.... Its just.... Everybody made it sound like a climax was so... Good." You mumbled. Biting the inside of your cheek. Kyotani could have laughed. He truly could have, but he chose to spare you. Leaning forward and cupping your cheeks to give you a kiss, forehead against yours.

"Baby, but you haven't climaxed yet." Kyotani had enough experience with women, to know that a climax either strong or subtle will cause some kind of pleasure that would make a difference in how they reacted. Either that's toes curling or clenching around him, back arching or suddenly loss of breath. "But, if you want, let me bring you one okay?" He asked, you nodded slightly, still biting the inside of your cheek.

You didn't resist this time, letting him push your sticky thighs apart as he lined himself up. You swallowed down nothing as you felt his tip pressing against you. "Just say the word... Lamp, if you want to stop okay?" You nodded. Lamp. Safe word, alright then. His hands found your hips, gently massaging circles into them. He slowly pushed himself in, groaning as he did so. You whimpered. It was such a ridiculous stretch. "S-so tight" he spoke though gritted teeth, it wasn't that it hurt, it was just how hard it was to restrain from burying himself inside of you. And with past experience, he knew that's what everyone wanted, and he did as such, you cried out, hands digging into his shoulders.

"slow d-down" you whined, the words foreign to his ears, it was always, harder. Faster, rougher. But you wanted it soft, gentle, sweet even. You didn't want to fuck, you simply wanted to make love, with the person you loved the most. He muttered a sorry, pressing a gentle kiss to your collar bone, he gave you time to adjust to him, before he slowly pulled the slightest bit of his cock out, and rocked his hips to push it back in. Having you shudder as the feeling. It was odd. He found a different sort of pleasure from this. It was ego boost of sorts, from being your first to being able to give you so much pleasure from something so... Docile. His nickname Mad dog didn't come from being gentle, but after this, he might need it to change to something more gentle sounding.

Despite how soft and gentle he was, it wasn't long before you felt something bubbling up, "f-feels weird" you mumbled between you soft moans and gasps.

"I know, just let it happen." He comforted you, pressing another kiss to his cheek before he himself shuddered, a particular squeeze of your walls around him sending a jolt of pleasure up his spine. You whined again, lashes fluttering. It felt so weird, and then a surge of pleasure washed over you, causing you to cry out and your toes to curl and velvet walls squeezing him in. You heard Kyotani groan into your ears, hips snapping up to meet yours. "T-there we go pretty" he said between pants. He shuddered as his own climax came, a new record for him, so quick compared to other people and times.

Not wanting to fuck up what he started doing so well, he was quick to pull out, throw off the condom and attempt to crawl out of bed to grab you something to clean up, the only thing stopping him was your iron grip on his arm. "Stay.., please" you whispered, Kyotani obliged, letting you pull him back down. He cupped your face, your skin so soft and smooth against his finger tips. His soft and gentle girl, just the girl he needed.

[yellowocaballero]

a while back you mentioned having written ~40k of a steven moon knight fic as well as some of a frenchie fic? i was just wondering if those would ever be posted/shared or if they will stay in google docs superhell forever (also love your work!! your star wars swap au i particularly enjoyed as well as the tma evilcon + associated fics) best of days to you !!

Look at this evilcon fan over here. Deep fucking cut.

Ah, yes I have. The 40k fic was written for Marvel Trumps Hate, and I didn't post it due to some vaguely complicated but not altogether important reasons. The Frenchie fic was the unfortunate victim towards me very abruptly falling out of MK, lmfao. I think all of my fandoms have The One Abandoned Fic that I was working on when I just Got Over the fandom (Human Relations sequel, so cruelly abandoned....).

Kind of a shame, since the Frenchie fic was not bad and just got kinda roadblocked at the end. I've tossed around maybe finishing it when MKS2 comes out and I inevitably get sucked back in. I don't want to post the MTH fic on AO3 right now (maybe in the future when MKS2 comes out and I get sucked back in etc) but there's honestly no reason not to show you...I think...looking back over this, I think I may have decided that the fic's sense of humor was just too insane. It's very.......uh.....

Uh, ok, just between you and me and other people reading this then. It's a fic about a normal guy who thinks that schizophrenia makes you immortal and autism gives you superpowers.

I'll put it in a follow-up post. In the meantime here's the first few scenes from the Frenchie fic. I really do wanna finish this one day....

“A phone call?”

The jackal barked in elderly confusion.

Steven leaned back in his chair, scratching his stubble. Jake was insisting that they experiment with facial hair and it was best to let him have these little victories. “Well, under the human American law each citizen is entitled to a phone call if they get arrested. That’s probably what he means.” The jackal barked dismissively. “Have you tried telling him that?” The jackal barked again, aggravated. “I see. Quite a pickle. Well, I don’t see any harm in giving him the call. We’d have to warn him that this is a faux legal system and that he’s not entitled to any lawyers, but perhaps he could tell his wife he won’t be home for dinner? That would be nice.”

The jackal growled. 

“We could be nice,” Steven said reproachfully. 

The jackal barked again.

“If you really think about it, nothing’s stopping us. Masters of our own fates and whatnot, right? Well - yes, yes, I know the gods are the masters of our fates, that’s not quite - look, sir, there’s no point in worrying a man’s wife unnecessarily, is there? How would your wife feel if you disappeared off the mortal plane?” The jackal hung its head, and Steven sighed as he stood up. “I’ll lend him my mobile.” The courthouse only had landlines, and even then that was iffy. Magical ancient Egyptian constructs still struggled with 4G. “But if he messes about with my Twitter then we’re adding another thousand years onto his sentence.”

Situations like this were why Steven still showed up to work. This zoo often struggled at little things like this without him. The place had gone to the jackals while he was gone - literally, they had taken over many administrative positions - and it would take months just to clean up the wreckage. Steven didn’t mind - nothing made him happier than a good little routine. Ten to two, that was his preference. Downright inhumane to make a man work any longer than four hours a day. He had even scheduled a deli or restaurant to visit for lunch each day of the week. And Marc and Jake were not allowed. Steven only zone. A man’s office was his castle. Besides - if they knew what he got up to all day they might complain about it. 

The two were deeply asleep - Jake because he found Steven’s entire life dull as dirt and Marc because all of the mandated socialization they were doing lately really took it out of him. Steven found it delightful. Jake’s friends were really nice once you got to know them, and you could reliably get a pained expression out of any of them once you told them so. Marc found their whole thing exhausting and if Jake wasn’t entertained he wanted to die, so around noon the two slept like Alexander the Great’s mummy. Might as well build them little tombs. That was cute. Steven knew exactly what his own tomb would look like. He was practically a pharaoh and everything - maybe Khonshu would make sure he got one? No, Khonshu didn’t care about them nearly that much. Boy, but wouldn’t that be nice.

He gave the Bast statue guarding the elevator its usual nose pat, he smiled and waved at the lumbering shabtis, and he stopped and said his usual ‘hello how are you how’s Nephthys Osiris talking to you again yet’ to the Set statue as the jackal gave him the stink eye for holding them up. Kindness was key, Mr. Jackal. Steven believed in positive Steven-god relations. He lived in hope that the other gods would model good behavior for Khonshu and eventually sway him into becoming less of a dick. 

The ibis perched adorably in a little booth checked his identity as it picked up a little visitor’s badge with his beak and dropped it into Steven’s outstretched hand. It pecked at the computer keyboard a few times, accomplishing nothing other than mangling the G and H keys, and a series of papers ground out of the ancient fax machine. Steven cautiously reached over and fetched the papers, scanning them. They were details of the prisoner’s case, which made Steven feel a bit like one of the Forbidden Lawyers. The jackal led him down the winding paths of the jail as Steven fumbled in his pocket for his glasses, squinting down at the pages. 

“Well, this doesn’t seem too nasty,” Steven announced. “I’m sure we can get this sorted out. Certainly not a problem for our Jake, eh?” He looked at the jackal out of the corner of his eye. “Eh?” The jackal did not respond. “Right?”

Steven made the executive decision that this was a bureaucratic issue and therefore not a Marc or Jake issue. They’d just over-involve themselves and pretend they knew anything about the fake legal system. Marc and Jake were like baby brothers playing video games with you on an unplugged controller. They needed to feel like they were doing something or they’d throw a hissy fit. 

The jackal didn’t have to stop and point out the prisoner. Steven could hear him from all the way down the hall: empathetic, pointed, and incessant French patter. The man sounded like he was arguing against a parking ticket, which displayed a disappointing lack of cognizance as to the severity of his situation and the high likelihood that he was about to experience extrajudicial horrors beyond his imagining. 

Poor guy. Imagine being from France. 

For the first time in Steven’s life his shaky French that he could not actually remember learning but that Marc and Jake did not know actually came in handy. As he got closer he could more or less puzzle out what the fast talking man was saying to the two unamused and unswayed jackals. Could the jackals speak French? It had to be some magic thing. The only animals around here who could actually talk to the humans and explain to them what was happening were the baboons, and they were never polite about it.

“ - one little call! That is it! I will never darken your doorstep again, I swear it. One phone call - and, maybe, letting me go! We can talk about it, let’s talk about it! You and I, we are reasonable men - jackal, I am a reasonable man and you are a reasonable jackal - unless you are a woman? Are you a woman? You are still a jackal at any rate. You are a very reasonable gendered jackal, and I am innocent of all crimes - and even if you are a nongendered jackal, I do not judge, I have friends of all kinds - if you give me one phone call I may call one of my friends and he can help, I am certain he is friends with very many of you people -”

The man cut off the second Steven walked into view of his cell. The cells were very basic, with only a cot and a toilet and one wall of metal bars. He was standing up against the bars, fighting with the two unamused jackals standing against the cement wall in the hallway. The man’s head jolted away from the jackals and fixed on Steven, forgetting his captive audience entirely. His slicked back hair was frayed and mussed, gelled strands sticking up every which way, and his blonde mustache twitching in surprise as his eyes widened.

Steven was sympathetic. Human prisoners were always shocked to find a real bloke around the place. 

He waved a bit awkwardly, his reading glasses flopping in the air. In shaky and awkward French, he said, “Bonjour! My name is Steven Grant. And you are…” He shoved his glasses on, squinting down at the intake form. “Jean-Paul Duchamp?” He pronounced it ‘Jean Paul Dew-Champ’, and judging from the man’s twitch he had mangled it. Oh well. “Right. Do not worry, everything will be fine. You wanted a phone call? I have a phone for you.”

The man stared at him. Steven silently suffered this. He knew he was attractive. 

Finally, the man said in accented but thankfully perfect English, “I have changed my mind. May I speak with you in private, Monsieur Grant?”

The three jackals barked simultaneously. Steven rolled his eyes. Honestly! He knew he was the Avatar of Khonshu now, they didn’t need to be like that! “I don’t think that’s allowed. For security reasons and all. Not that there’s anything you could possibly do to me.” A grizzled jackal with one eye barked. “Emotional - hey! I would have you know that my Myers Briggs said I was the resilient type!” Steven considered the matter for a second. “Oh, but I did have a bad horoscope today. Maybe you’re onto something. Do we have any augurers on staff?”

“Excuse me,” Jean-Paul butted in, increasingly wild eyed, “Do you care to explain what is going on, Monsieur Grant? Because the only explanation I’ve received so far was from paperwork on papyrus and a rude baboon.”

Why was he saying his name like that? The French were so weird.  Steven leaned down slightly to whisper in the nearest jackal’s ear. “And he must have been really bad if a French guy is calling him rude.” The jackals cackled. Jean-Paul’s eye twitched. “Never fear, Mr. Duchamp. I’m sure we can get this whole thing sorted out before supper. Let’s review the details of your case, shall we?” 

“What case?”

“Oh, you’re in an ancient Egyptian courthouse for ancient Egyptian crimes,” Steven said vaguely, sliding on his reading glasses and flipping through the pages again. “Yes, the Egyptian gods are real, no they are not aliens, you better believe in ghost stories Ms. Swan you’re in one, etcetera. Alright, alright…I see…ah! There we are! Charged as accessory to one count of tomb raiding…oh, just a little asterisk here, let’s see what that’s all about…you stole from a children’s hospital!?”

“I did not know that is what we were doing!” Jean-Paul cried. “Someone tells me to fly a medical helicopter, I do not ask questions! If I made a habit of interrogating every one of my clients I would not have a great deal of clients, monsieur!”

“Organs from a -”

“It is called professionalism!” 

“It’s called evil!” Steven said, appalled. The jackals barked in agreement. “I have to say, Mr. Duchamp -”

“It’s doo-shamp. And John-Paul. Mon frere.”

Oh wow, oh no, sorry for the French microaggression. Honestly. “If it wasn’t for the fact that you betrayed your clients the second you discovered what they were stealing and refused to pilot them away you would be facing the same punishment they are. It’s quite karmic. Do you  know what Egyptian canopic jars are used for?” Jean-Paul looked a little queasy. “Exactly. Do you still want that phone call, Mr. Duchamp? You’ll receive your sentence from Thoth with or without it.”

“Then why give it to me?” Jean-Paul asked waspishly.

Steven shrugged. “I wouldn’t want your husband to worry.”

“Rest assured, I am quite single.” Jean-Paul stuck his hand out through the bars. “Give it here.”

Steven pulled up the phone function on his mobile and passed it to Jean-Paul, ignoring his thoughtful expression. He tried to convey ‘mess with my phone and I’ll mess with you’ through rigorous eyebrow tilting, but he knew he was very bad at it. 

Jean-Paul stepped back, swiping on the mobile. It did not look like he was punching in a number. Steven abruptly became anxious that he was snooping on Steven’s mobile. He had remembered to delete his text history with Layla, right? Right?!

He typed something on it before looking up, holding it up oddly to show Steven the screen before passing it back to him. “I changed my mind. No need for a call. Thank you for lending me your phone, monsieur, but it was unnecessary.”

The screen was open to the notes app. Steven abruptly felt like they were passing notes in class. Except not quite, because Steven was the Avatar of an Egyptian god and the other party was in jail for magic crimes. The note read -

marc what is the plan

Oh. Oh!

Steven looked up, and now he could clearly read the man’s irritated ‘why are you looking surprised, this is a matter of utmost secrecy’ eyebrow twitch. “Goodness, I’m so sorry. The egg is really on my face here, I’m so embarrassed.” He looked down at the jackal next to him, who twitched its ears attentively. “I think there’s been a misunderstanding. It seems -”

Steven stopped short. 

This man knew Marc. He now knew Steven. Marc really, really, really hated it when this happened.

Marc had spent the vast majority of his life masking. His family had been big believers in the ‘never talk about it and pretend it doesn’t exist’ school of mental illness, which had resulted in a great deal of very terrible problems. Marc did not learn from any of these problems and continued to hide the DID from everybody he had ever met up to and including his own wife for a depressing yet impressive length of time. Steven hadn’t really agreed with the wife decision, because it was a slightly huge aspect of their lives that was very much Layla’s business, but Marc believed in privacy. Steven couldn’t fault him for that. 

It wasn’t anybody’s business if Marc didn’t want it to be their business and they were not Marc’s actual wife. Jake spouted off about shame and internalized ableism, which was undoubtedly true, but nobody was really entitled to his health information. He had the right to self-disclose when he wanted and to who he wanted. Steven only wished that this reasonable desire did not lead to sitcom-esque hijinks as they all switched mustaches and pretended to be each other. Sometimes literally. Jake had his whims.

Marc wouldn’t want this random pilot knowing personal stuff about him. He was probably just some colleague he had worked with one time and never saw again. And Steven was very dedicated to helping Marc and making his life easier, just like Marc was dedicated to helping Steven and making his life harder. Jake was dedicated to being a bully. 

Being involuntarily outed was traumatic for Marc. The last time it happened he fell asleep for four weeks and plunged Steven into a Jake induced nightmare. What if he went back to sleep? What if he never woke up this time? What if he left Steven alone with Jake forever? He couldn’t take that chance.

Marc didn’t have to find out about any of this. No point in stressing him out over nothing. 

In a stunning show of cunning, cleverness, and subtlety, Steven looked down at the jackal next to him. “Actually, can I talk with Mr. Duchamp in private? There’s some things we need to discuss.” The jackal asked what. “Human things.” The jackal asked why it had to be private. “They’re private human things.” Steven paused a beat. “Like periods. We’re going to talk about our periods.”

The jackals knew enough about humans to know that periods were private human things and not enough to know that cisgender men did not get periods. They gave him dubious looks anyway, but when Steven mimed yanking a crescent knife from his chest they obligingly filed out. The grizzled one-eyed jackal turned around and gave John-Paul a gimlet ‘I’m watching you’ eye, but John-Paul just sniffed and looked above it all. French people sure were good at looking snooty.

The second the jackals turned the corner and disappeared from sight Steven took a deep breath and changed. 

He straightened, folding his expression into a deep scowl. He tilted his head forward in Marc’s faux intimidating fashion and affected Marc’s terrible Chicago accent - which was just as fake as Steven’s very real to him British accent, thank you very much! Jean-Paul straightened too, eyes widening again.

“What the hell?” Steven demanded. Ugh. It was hell on the throat to talk like this. “How did you even get yourself into this mess?”

“Me? I am the one in the mess?” Jean-Paul stabbed a finger at Steven, who scowled deeper. “What was that? What is this? Why are you working for an ancient Egyptian courthouse under a false identity?”

“It’s a long story,” Steven snapped. It was really easy to avoid questions as Marc. You just had to be mean. “And it’s none of your business.”

“At this point I think it is very much my business! Jesus, Marc!” Jean-Paul exhaled deeply, rubbing his forehead in a forcible attempt at zen. “What is this, some sort of op? Are you undercover?”

“I said it was none of your business!”

“This is why you don’t run the ops,” Jean-Paul said. Steven was offended on Marc’s behalf. “I am impressed at your acting skills but not at your subtlety.”

“The usual, then,” Steven said wryly. “I’m impressed with your talent at getting arrested.”

“I get it, I get it. Marc Spector twenty, Jean-Paul fifteen. I swear, Marc, only you would get yourself in these predicaments.”

“You’re the one in the predicament. I’m doing fine.”

“My predicament is your predicament.” Why would that be true? He said it so casually, as if it was a given fact. Quite presumptuous of him, in Steven’s opinion. “At least now I don’t have to waste a hope and a prayer that you would pick up your phone this time. How are you going to get me out of this one? They have a giant baboon! Have you seen the baboon!”

“The baboon’s very understanding about my medical needs, so watch it.” Wait - had he wanted to spend his one phone call on Marc? Why? They were talented, cool, and altruistic, but… “Look, I’ll do what I can. But the gods aren’t exactly easy to argue with. I’ve tried to get them to overturn a sentence before and it failed miserably.”

“That’s the first time I’ve heard my friend try to do things the legal way.” Jean-Paul folded his arms. “Just bust me out. Isn’t that more your style?”

What a suck-up. Marc didn’t have friends. Steven smiled anyway, brittle and thin. “Don’t worry, Jean-Paul. I’ll do everything I can to help you. Just please try and understand the position I’m in.”

Jean-Paul stared at him. Steven forced himself to look the other man in the eyes even though it made him uncomfortable. Marc always stared down people he didn’t trust. 

“So, uh,” Steven said, “I better call the jackals back -”

“Please admit you do not know who I am.”

Steven froze. He opened his mouth, then closed it.

Jean-Paul sighed. He kneaded his forehead again, shoulders slumped, but something about the gesture had changed. My predicament is your predicament - what did that mean? “Why didn’t you say - non, non, you would have no reason. Marc, please listen to me.” He looked solidly at Steven, and Steven found himself looking away. “It’s Frenchie. I’m your friend. We met in Afghanistan and we’ve worked together ever since. You’re having another amnesiac episode. This happens to you sometimes and it is nothing to worry about. Do you believe me about this?”

Steven opened his mouth. He closed it.

He couldn’t help it - he hunched his shoulders, clutching at his sleeve and drawing away. “I don’t have friends. You’re lying.”

“Call up Layla and ask,” Jean-Paul said. His voice was even and steady, and it struck Steven oddly. The man was literally in a jail cell about to be Egyptian tortured and he was comforting Steven? Looking out for him in a mental health episode? Did the world contain two Lukes? “Do you know Layla? Your wife? Now there’s a thief for you. I am but a humble pilot in comparison.”

That cinched it. Marc would never tell anybody he didn’t trust about Layla. Much less about what Layla really did for a living.

But Marc didn’t trust anybody. Marc wasn’t supposed to trust anybody. That was Marc’s whole thing. He only trusted Steven and Layla. He only trusted Steven and Layla and - Frenchie? What kind of nickname was that? That was so stupid.

Marc was really bad at naming things. Movie poster, pilfered ID. Frenchie. Jeez.

Steven put it down. He let his shoulders hunch back into their natural slouch, bent his voice back towards its natural tilt, and dropped the mean expression. Despite himself, he groaned. 

“Marc’s going to kill me!” Steven wailed. “He’s going to go to sleep again and leave me with Jake!”

Jean-Paul recoiled, surprise turning into shock. Wow, wow, big surprise. Marc or Jake’s friends freaking out over Steven. Stop the presses.

“He’s gonna blame me for this, you know,” Steven cried. Not whined. Nope. “This is why he doesn’t trust me with anything. As if it’s my fault that his friends keep getting arrested? Maybe I should get a little more recognition for being the only one without delinquent friends. Honestly, I don’t know why we can’t keep better company sometimes. A book club? A Dungeons and Dragons group? Anybody who doesn’t punch people for a living? Is that too much to ask?”

“Hm,” Jean-Paul said. “Your dissociative episodes have grown stranger.”

“What were they like in the military?” Steven asked, morbidly curious. “Marc didn’t even mention amnesia episodes. He can be right frustrating, you know.”

Slowly and carefully, Jean-Paul said, “Do you remember the manic episodes?”

“We’re bipolar?” Steven asked blankly.

“That is what I thought. I do not think I was correct.”

Wait. “Did you think Jake was a manic episode?”

“Jake?”

“The other one,” Steven said helpfully.

“Ah. Yes, I think so.” Jean-Paul paused - not as if he was uncertain, but as if he wasn’t sure how the words would be received. “I understand DID is a very difficult disorder.”

Something tugged at the back of Steven’s mind, then yanked. Steven felt himself fall backwards, and something else surged in him -

*

Frenchie stood in front of Marc, right in every way, wrong only in the eyes - only in the way he was looking at Marc - 

Cautiously, he said, “Steven? You look dazed.”

Dazed. That was what he’d always call it. Whenever Marc zoned out and left his body, whenever Frenchie caught him wandering listlessly around camp with no memory of having even left bed - you look dazed, Marc -

“Do you ever get tired of your front row seat?” Marc asked hoarsely.

But Frenchie just smiled - a little cockily, a little kindly. “The view is quite good.”

Marc couldn’t do this. He never could, he could never do anything - but he couldn’t do this. Humiliation crushed him, Frenchie’s affection and acceptance its strange shadow. The shadow was worse than the weight. It was the shadow he couldn’t handle. He couldn’t handle this. 

He turned on his heel and left, leaving Frenchie alone in the cell with no promise of rescue and no aid given, and he found himself walking faster until he turned the corner. The jackals were still huddled like a football team growling thoughtfully at each other, and they perked up when they recognized Marc. He ignored them, walking through the crowd until they leapt away.

Marc’s walk turned into a run. A drum beat rocked his head, pushing hard at his heart. The beat threw him forward, turning his run into a sprint down the winding cement halls. His desperation reached out and thought of a word, and once he thought it he just couldn’t stop.

Jake. Jake. Jake! Jake, I can’t do it again - Jake - !

*

Marc woke up face first in Jessica Jones’ hair clutching a bottle of Jack.

He yelped, jerking away automatically and falling off the couch with a heavy jolt. The bottle jumped out of its hands, landing on the stained wood coffee table with a heavy thump and rolling against a bulwark of beer bottles. 

Marc bolted upright, ignoring his pounding head to take inventory of his surroundings. He relaxed the second he registered where he was. Heroes For Hire apartment. Morning. Luke Cage was passed out in an armchair, sawing wood. Colleen’s bra was draped across the back of a couch. Did these people do anything other than party?

Jessica flopped over, squinting blearily at him in the morning light. Cars honked outside and traffic blared, the sound cutting harshly into his throbbing head. Jessica waved a hand limply at him. She mumbled something that Marc could somehow translate into ‘what’s your problem?’. 

Nothing. No problem. Not right now, not here. Marc climbed back onto the couch, pushing Jessica aside to reclaim his spot. Amazingly, they were barely even cuddling - their couch was one of those IKEA types that you could just keep adding onto, it was fucking ginormous. He left the bottle of Jack on the table, whiskey slowly sloshing in the glass. Jessica went back to sleep immediately, her warm breaths pressed against his back.

The sunlight faded into night, then nothing. 

*

“ - and that’s why I wouldn’t fuck Mr. Fantastic unless Sue Storm was watching.”

Marc bolted upright.

“I left Frenchie in prison!” Marc cried. 

“Man, what kind of weird dreams are you having?” Danny asked. Marc could hear his voice from behind the couch, accompanied by the rattle of silverware and the hefty scent of bacon. “I can interpret it for you if you want. The prison’s probably a metaphor for -”

“Your psyche,” Colleen intoned. 

“That’s a bit on the nose, don’t you think?” Luke said.

Marc rolled off the couch again, slouching his way to the breakfast table and collapsing in his chair. Somebody put a bowl of cereal in front of him and began shoving it in his mouth. Everybody went back to ignoring him and resumed their conversation about the most fuckable superheroes. 

“Monica Rambeau at the top,” Misty said, for what sounded like the five hundredth time. “Very top. Except my girlfriend.”

“I’m the last heir of a samurai clan, not a superhero.”

“Very top. Monica Rambeau.”

“Do you think the Avengers have these conversations about us?” Danny asked Luke. “Like, they have to, right? I don’t think they’re above it.”

“They have mimosa brunches. Man, you know they do. I don’t want to know what the hell they say about me.”

“One time Hawkeye flirted with me and I snapped his bow over my knee,” Jessica reported. “It’s about controlling the narrative, Luke.” Marc’s hand reached out and swiped bacon off her plate, cramming it into his mouth. “Watch it, asshole!”

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Luke told him, half-amused. “Who do we got today?” Marc glared at him balefully, but he held up the ASL finger sign ‘M’ anyway. “Good to see you, Marc. You’re the early bird, huh?”

“Jake was complaining about you yesterday,” Jessica told him gleefully, as if she was snitching on her classmate to the teacher for saying the b word. “He told us all about your intimacy issues. Is it true that you yearn for acceptance, yet are terrified of receiving it?”

“And why,” Marc gritted out between clenched teeth, holding his spoon at a vicious angle, “is Jake always telling you my goddamn business?”

“He likes to vent.”

“Then tell him to shut up next time.”

Misty scraped up eggs with her knife primly. “Five times a day seven days a week. Never listens.”

“Five people live in this apartment, there is no such thing as your own business,” Colleen said, dead-eyed. “I haven’t had privacy in a year.”

“It’s not that different from the monastery,” Danny said philosophically. “Smaller, though.”

“Drunker?” Misty asked.

“Not really.”

“Damn. Guess you had to do something without television.”

Marc’s grip on his spoon tightened so hard that his bones creaked. “Then you can just go tell Jake -”

Tell me yourself. 

“Shut up, Jake! You can all tell Jake that next time he decides to overshare -” Hissy fit ten minutes after waking up, new record. “I wouldn’t throw a hissy fit if you stopped doing shit just to piss me off!” You are an egomaniac. “That is so rich.”

“Still weird,” Misty decreed. 

“Yeah, still weird,” Colleen said.

Luke cut into his hash brown. “I’m just glad that they’re all talking again.”

“Totally glad that Jake’s back to his healthy, regular state of talking to himself,” Colleen said. “Maybe soon he’ll become normal and only serial kill on weekends.”

“I know none of you care about my personal drama,” Jake said flatly, “but would a little respect be so outta line for youse?” Jessica mumbled something around her egg. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, woman, have some self-respect.”

“Steven and I were talking about going to the zoo and looking at the sloths,” Danny said brightly. “Do you still want to do that? I want to see them so bad. All we have back home are sloth bears but I don’t think they’re the same animal.”

“Sloth bears?” Misty asked.

“They mostly eat termites and ants, really,” Steven told her, “not nearly as scary as you’re imagining. Quite adorable. But nothing really beats sloths on the cuteness factor.”

“Steven! Good to catch you. When do you want to go to the zoo?”

“Oh, boy, maybe Sunday? Do we have anything on Sunday?”

I was going to get drunk.

Same. 

“Looks like Sunday’s free!” Steven paused a beat, a smile fixed on his face. “You know, fellas, I can’t help but feel as if we’ve forgotten something.”

We forget stuff incessantly, Marc said, tired. Frenchie was always dragging me out of bars I didn’t remember walking inside. 

There’s an alternate explanation for that one.

See, that’s what I thought, but Frenchie never thought so.

“Frenchie!” Steven cried. He jerked onto his feet, sending his plate rattling. “We left Frenchie in prison!”

Danny reached out and patted Steven on the forearm. “It’s okay, Steven. It was just a dream. The French can’t hurt you.”

“Not if they’re in prison, anyway,” Misty said.

Luke, the only one who ever remotely was on topic, put down his fork and looked at Steven. “Who’s Frenchie? Since when do you know other people?”

“He’s my best friend,” Marc said. He scrambled away from the table, faintly registering that he was wearing Jake’s outfit. He and Steven had their own changes of clothes in the guest bedroom, he’d have to take a minute and change. They hated wearing each other’s clothing. It felt so invasive. Jake hated polyester, Marc hated wool, and Steven hated layers in non-freezing temperatures. “Damn it, what kind of friend am I!”

Jessica squinted at him, sipping her orange juice. “Wait, you have other friends? I thought we were your only friends.”

“He’s my friend, not Jake’s. You’re Jake’s friends.”

“I’m not Jake’s friend,” Misty said.

“Jake’s my friend but I don’t like him,” Colleen said. 

“Jake’s my friend and I like him,” Danny said eagerly.

“No comment,” Luke said.

But Jessica just continued squinting at him - as if she could read something between their three faces, unremarkable individually but painting a clear picture together. “This is what stressed you out so bad yesterday, yeah?” Marc shoved the chair back into the table, averting his eyes. “Why don’t I come with you? Like, buffer zone?”

A part of Marc did want her to come. He didn’t know if that part was Jake or Steven or himself. He never knew where to put himself anymore, how to partition out his life into the good and bad. How to fit together Jake and Layla, how to give Steven the reins on the courthouse work, how to fit into the Heroes For Hire in a space carved for Jake yet welcoming of anybody. 

It was so easy. It scared Marc. 

“I can handle my own army buddy,” Marc said gruffly. He bent down and kissed Jessica on the cheek. “I’ll call.”

Marc swept out the door, ignoring Jessica calling “You better!” behind him.

[goshen-applecrumbledore]

20 fanfic author questions

tagged by @runawaydr3amerao3 to do this, excited as always to talk about myself, let's gooooooo

1. How many works on AO3?

52 and I can only ballpark how many have been orphaned. probably about 12.

2. Total AO3 word count?

953,146. Jesus christ

3. Top 5 fics by kudos?

all of these are old as hell which is why they're top. they are not all good.

transposition ciphers (9,010) fma, roy/ed

the hang of being alive again (3,600) the raven cycle, adam/ronan

not funny (3,573) check please (eugh), holster/ransom

awful wonderful (3,564) naruto, kakagai

hard reset (3,162) fma, roy/ed

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, technically, just spn, the bear, true detective and house md. but fma is never far from my mind. my otp no matter how much time passes...

5. Do you respond to comments?

Up until very recently I never did because it never occurred to me. I wasn't trying to be a dick, I just didn't know I was supposed to. then I went through a period during spn after learning that where I felt bad and replied to everything. Now I reply to comments that ask me a question or are thought-provoking. I want to answer and to applaud. people leave comments that are more beautiful than the actual fic, you people are very smart and insightful.

6. Angstiest ending?

I'm not good at writing sad endings!! I believe in love! but, for this audience, worthless cartography. sam and dean hook up for the first time right before ahbl pt 2 and then sam dies, so dean thinks it's his fault in a divine retribution kind of way, so when sam is alive again, dean rebuffs him. I always meant to write a second part, but without it, it's pretty sad.

7. Fic with the happiest ending?

I was going to say pine sweat but I remembered it takes place in S5 so sam is dead within a fortnight lmao. it's definitely hard reset, an fma roy/ed fic. it's 15 years post-canon and after a lot of yearning and trying to make it work, they make it work. very blue skies everybody wins.

8. Do you get hate?

Not much these days, but I used to. mostly for writing roy/ed, with a big age/power gap, and for my novel with the same. for writing hockey rpf ships people didn't like, someone threatened to call my office and tell my bosses I was a pedophile. also when I was 13 I wrote a very OOC house/wilson fic and someone said it sucked and I got so mad I started writing original works out of spite (because nobody could tell me they were ooc)

9. Do you write smut?

Very much so, as a treat/reward/resolution to a story, much like sex is irl, lol. I rarely write smut on its own (blood sacrifice sex magic type of thing would be the closest, or middle name) not because I have anything against it but because in my own work I wanna feel very much like it's THE characters, whoever they are, and plot is the easiest way to do that. if I wanna just crank my hog I can do that on my own time.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nosiree, I'm boring. no crossovers or AUs. barry tells me I will want to write an spn/x files crossover though, and because he's the one that got me into spn I've learned not to tell him he's wrong.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Yes actually, someone put huge swaths of one of my yakuza fics into a majima/reader fic. I opened a ticket with AO3 but they said it wasn't clear cut enough. I didn't pursue because I don't care.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, this is my favourite thing!!! such a compliment and a beautiful reminder, in english speaking internet and under the shadow of the US, that there are other folks online. several of my spn fics have been translated into mandarin and 2 of my expanse fics have been translated into russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Once, in hockey fandom, with someone I didn't like very much. she wasn't a good writer and it was a disaster. I don't remember what happened to it. I wouldn't do it again lol.

14. All time favourite ship?

If I'm honest it's gotta be roy/ed from fma. what if this very annoying kid sauntered into your life but then he grows up and he's brilliant and noble and beautiful and haunted and also the specialist boy in the world, but you're a decorated military official in a corrupt dictatorship and the kid hates your guts and you will never be able to forgive yourself for your past war crimes so why should this beautiful genius like you anyway?? anyway. im over that now

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

A wincest john finds out kind of full-house-of-wincest type situation. somebody with a fundraiser fic should email me and tell me to swap their fic to that one. who said that

16. Writing strengths?

Dialogue and canon-complianticity

17. Writing weaknesses?

Nobody tells me what I suck at so I don't FULLY know, but. Speed. Grammar. Flexibility. everything I write sounds like everything else I write and I reuse the same words and idioms, like same song syndrome but for writing. a greatest hits album.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

Only thing I've done in my fics is kind of a crossed-out written words in an epistolary fic. I've maybe had a few french lines in a fic but I don't think so because it was referencing subtitles. haven't read much either, so, no opinions. but I will say it's shit to do a weird patois in your English language dialogue

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto baybeeeee. when I was 11 my sister found my scanned fan art of naruto and sasuke kissing on deviantart. I didn't even think she was on deviantart. 

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Hangdog, easily, but I think that's only because true detective s1 is remarkably rich and good so I'm really just drafting off marty and rust's coattails. but also probably Matryoshka dolls for spn, because it feels very well considered and tied together and intentional and satisfying, to me. but it deserves merit because as any spn fan knows, you gotta have a rich inner universe in order to truly play in their space. cw gets no credit.

EDIT: or, actually, my venture bros fic, lol. there was something very lovely about writing fic for a show that in no way makes me horny. Just a show I love very much.

No tags because I don't know anyone anymore but tag me if you do it because of me and I'll read it!