#I feel like a barely adequate employee and I'm afraid my boss will criticize me and that I disappoint her | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

isfjmel-phleg · 2 years ago

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It has not been a productive day, but I did get my homework done before tomorrow's session and didn't lose my composure while writing it (not that there would have been anyone here to see but still), so there's that.

#random personal stuff #there's creative stuff I wanted to write but didn't #and analysis stuff I wanted to do but didn't #my boss says that presenting papers at conventions like the one I'm going to at the end of the month looks good on a resume #and basically implied that I should continue doing it #but I've run out of papers from my grad school days and would have to write new ones #but what would I even write about?#everything I have Thoughts on isn't very academic #I've already presented on something literally no one cares about and that was utterly thankless so probably not a good idea again #if I don't get an award at convention it will be deeply embarrassing #(since there are only four papers including mine in the alumni category)#self-evaluations at work need to be done this week and I'm dreading it #I feel like a barely adequate employee and I'm afraid my boss will criticize me and that I disappoint her #and I have so much to read for looming book groups that I somehow got roped into #I feel like I'm forgetting something somewhere #why did I use to want to be an academic? I'm not even in class and my brain can't keep up #but it's the closest to the only thing I can sort of do #do you ever just...not know what you want to do or be #like at all?#there is literally nothing I want out of life #least of all what I want to be when I grow up #of course a lot of us don't know that yet #but I feel like I should by now #anyway wow sounds like I should probably sleep or something #will I do that? ...eventually?

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